The thinking for this post began when I was having my unwinding time watching none other than the influencer’s influencer, Tamara Kalinic. Tamara, in addition to being one of my biggest inspirations in regards to content and work ethic in this industry, is also someone who has incredible taste. Her closet and inflow of pieces are a dream. And don’t even get me started on her jewelry collection! The double-headed Cartier Panther ring worn casually as a daytime piece? Epic.

And while I was watching her shop, I was reminded that I need to get some new pieces for fall, but looked at my own closet and thought:

But where the f*ck am I supposed to shop?

A fun fact about me that may be surprising is I actually hate shopping. I often say, “I hate shopping, I just like buying things.” By that I mean that I will typically have my eyes on a particular item I see on the runway or online and then think, “I need that!” Those items are often a bajillion dollars, so I save my coins and purchase.

I often find I sit in the weird in-between. I am not a budget fashion shopper. I work in the industry, I love fashion, and I have the resources and access to shop. But I also don’t want to spend an endless amount of time scrolling or looking for pieces. I don’t want shopping to be my hobby. I want to see something that piques my interest, decide it’s worth my money, and buy it.

But what does it say when someone like me, who’s life and career revolve around fashion, is lost on where to go shopping? That feels like an industry issue.

Let me be clear, there are a lot of amazing small boutiques and shops globally, and BoF actually just did a great roundup of them HERE. But there are hundreds of miles between these shops. The days of a Barneys or department-store-level retailer with a strong buy feel like a thing of the past.

There is no shortage of places to buy clothes. There is a shortage of places I actually want to shop. Places where I trust the edit and POV.

To me, a “good” place to shop, first and foremost, has a mix of things I probably wouldn’t have found on my own. It doesn’t feel like I’m being asked to sift through 10,000 SKUs to find the three things worth buying. Basically, I want someone to have already done some of the work for me. It’s a question of curation and discernment, because there is an enormous difference between having access to everything and having access to the right things.

And this brings me back to Tamara. I love watching her shop because, frankly, I love fashion. I love seeing beautiful things. I love seeing how someone with incredible taste puts a wardrobe together. I love the fantasy of it. But I also understand that her consumption is part of the job as an influencer. It’s inspiration, not replication, because a constant influx of Mytheresa isn’t realistic for everyone.

And this is where I think fashion has a particularly interesting problem right now: the aspirational middle. I recently did a #StrategistReadsTheRoom episode about this and how fashion’s biggest problem is this consumer segment.

There are plenty of people who don’t want fast fashion and aren’t interested in buying a $30 polyester version of a runway look. But they also aren’t casually dropping $3,000 every time they need a new sweater. There is a huge group of consumers in between. People who want good design, good materials, and things that feel special. People who are willing to spend $200, $400, $600, maybe $1,000 on something they really love, but who still want to feel like they’re getting value for their money.

I am perfectly willing to save for the right designer piece. My Rick Owens boots weren’t a casual purchase. My Balenciaga shield glasses weren’t either. When I really love something, I would rather save up and buy the actual thing than buy five cheaper versions that don’t scratch the same itch. But I also need socks, T-shirts, and pants for days in the office.

How are we constantly surrounded by product, but there is less consensus around what is actually worth buying? So I’ve been thinking about how I personally want to shop going forward. Not necessarily “where can I buy clothes?” but “where can I trust the edit?” Because we need better places to discover. Places that make us think, “Oh, I didn’t know I needed that.”

So, in the spirit of figuring this out together, here is my current JCT-Approved Online Shopping Map and where I will be shopping for my fall wardrobe.

Mythersa and Luisaviaroma: For when you want designer, but a tight edit

In a landscape of struggling online retailers, Mytheresa is one of the winners. The assortment generally feels intentional, and it is particularly good for finding pieces from established houses alongside brands that are slightly less obvious. The menswear can be a bit more conservative, but for someone like me who has a lot of range in their style, they’re definitely a tab that is open when shopping.

Luisaviaroma is the cooler younger sister to Mytheresa, with many of the same brands but a selection that feels a bit more “downtown.”

SSENSE & H.Lorenzo: For “Capital F” Fashion

Even though you could be scrolling forever, you’ll certainly discover a new brand or item when on SSENSE and H.Lorenzo. There’s a clear POV on both of these sites, and if you’re in LA, check out H.Lorenzo’s physical space. Full of goodies from established designers and newer independent brands.

W Concepts: For discovering something you haven’t seen 47 times already

Based in Seoul, W Concept is particularly good for contemporary and emerging designers, and I often find myself going down a rabbit hole here. The price points are also amazing while still having fantastic design and cuts that feel designer.

COS and Uniqlo: For the things that don’t need to be designer

There are certain wardrobe categories where I genuinely don’t need a designer logo, and COS and Uniqlo can be very good at filling that space. Sometimes you just need a $60 sweater.

And then there’s resale, which is its own beast. The resale and vintage landscape has exploded in recent years and is the preferred way to shop for a lot of people. Me, I only find myself getting something from these places when I stumble into stores on a random weekend in Williamsburg or Soho.

To be honest, I’m like Morgan Stewart when she infamously said “I hate vintage…” on The Cutting Room Floor Podcast. My personal dislike for this avenue of shopping is the hunt aspect of it. I know that’s exactly why some people like it, but I’m tired. I don’t want to be hunting. But that said, places like The RealReal, Vestiaire Collective, Grailed, eBay, and select vintage dealers are a great addition to the shopping ecosystem and can round out a wardrobe.

So back to the original question that started this piece: where the f*ck are we supposed to be shopping?

I don’t know if I have the definitive answer yet. And maybe that’s the point. I don’t think the problem is that there aren’t any good stores anymore. There are. The problem is that shopping has become so fragmented that finding the good stuff has itself become a skill. And increasingly, you need someone to help you filter the noise. With that said, stay tuned for my “Edit” Substack posts, where I’ll help you do just that. Because I don’t want to tell you what you should buy. I want to tell you what I think is worth buying. Consider this the first draft.

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Anyone who knows me in real life knows I am one of the most forward-thinking people on the planet. I really live my life like Edna Mode: “Never look back, darling. It distracts from the now!” My mind is always on what’s next, what’s new, what’s happening. It’s one of my best qualities, but it can also be a liability when I intellectualize something that really needs to be emotionally processed. The reality is that who we were and who we are have to be held at the same time.

And this brings me to John Galliano, a large topic of discussion once again in the zeitgeist as he is being honored as the subject of this year’s Met Gala and Costume institute exhibit. Many people have asked for my reaction to this news, which I am very excited about and think is incredibly deserved. But to really get into my thoughts and feelings about Galliano would require context and personal information that, frankly, I haven’t wanted to divulge publicly. And my personal history with substance abuse has fundamentally changed the way I think about addiction, accountability, and the possibility of becoming someone different from the person you once were. But now, I have a paywalled Substack to talk about these things, so here we go!

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So if you’re new here, I’m Jay. I come from an interracial household with a white dad and black mom (breakdown in my first ever viral video HERE). I’m also currently dating a guy who’s amazing and happens to be… white. We often have very nuanced conversations about pretty much everything, and because he’s a PhD in anthropology and I’m a strategist, we are basically a match made in heaven for yapping.

I can’t quite remember how the conversation of interracial dating came up, but it did and it got us talking. I mentioned how I often think about power balances in all kinds of relationships and there’s this interesting component to interracial relationships where no matter how much money, success, or status the minority partner has, there is a level of social capital the white partner brings simply because of the color of their skin. Even though I am the partner who makes more money, has a director-level position, and is heavily public facing through my work as an “influencer” (for lack of a better word), my partner has a level of social power inaccessible to me simply because of how he is perceived when he walks in a room. This reality creates a different kind of power balance than a similar situation in a relationship with two minorities. What interested me wasn’t whether this dynamic was “good” or “bad.” It is a power dynamic that clearly exists, yet it is not talked about within the discourse of interracial relationships. I’m not saying it’s right; it is a social construct rooted in racism and white supremacy.

I left our conversation thinking about how this could be an interesting video to make. To test the waters, I shared a post on Threads and many people agreed, even asking for me to make the video. After a few days of figuring out the best way in, I made it.

What followed was a discourse that expanded the bounds of my platforms. Millions of eyeballs, dozens of TikTok think-pieces, and a level of cyber bullying I was really not expecting from what seemed like a very clear analysis of racial dynamics in America.

Watch Video 1

I won’t get into all the details of the original video or the two follow up videos I made, but they are still on my pages for you to watch (Video 1 HERE, Video 2 HERE, Video 3 HERE). What I did want to speak to was how interesting it was to see my words turned into interpretations, which were then manipulated into inaccurate facts that were shared, retweeted, and amplified. Most of the backlash wasn’t even worth responding to because they conveyed points that simply were not true or were blatant misreadings of much broader points. It also went further than me: suddenly there were multiple 6+ minute think-pieces analyzing my family photos and dynamics, simply from scrubbing past content.

What really stuck out to me was the gap in responses, which read like both a gap in literacy and emotional regulation. There were thousands of people who immediately understood what I was saying, no question. I received private DMs, amazing comments, and someone even came up to me in the street thanking me for my content because it made her feel like she was not crazy. But on the complete other side of that were groups of people determined to misunderstand. They were not listening for meaning; they were listening to react… negatively. I wasn’t just being disagreed with. I was being argued with through a version of myself that didn’t exist with words I didn’t even say.

But what should I expect, this is the internet after all. We turn observations into positions, positions into full identities, and identities into reasons to dismiss someone entirely. A person’s own lived experience is internalized by the viewer as a definitive worldview. And before you know it, you’re no longer debating an idea, opinion, or POV. You’re breaking down someone’s innermost intentions and whether they are good or bad from very little information. Because explaining that a white person can bring a social power to a relational dynamic is not the same as concluding “Jay only chose his white partner to gain social power.” That is a clear logic leap (one that is also untrue).

This is where the thinking of this Substack came to be. Because actually, there’s more.

While I love short-form to get across sometimes dense ideas in a concise way, the format is also inherently limiting since there is so much more that can’t be said. This Substack will be the landing pad for points I can’t fit into those shorter videos or personal points I want to make that feel a bit more private. Through sharp explorations of culture, fashion, taste, identity, and the invisible forces that shape how we see each other and ourselves, these essays are where all my thoughts, opinions, and recommendations coexist. Join me as we unpack what’s really happening underneath the conversations everyone’s having online and in real life.

Basically… come inside my head.

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