“A journey is best measured in friends rather than miles.”

So declared travel writer Tim Cahill in his 1991 book, Road Fever, describing a 15,000-mile, 23½-day trip from the southernmost region of South America to Prudhoe Bay in Alaska. He believed that being with others one cares about and meeting new people can make any experience of travel richer and more memorable.

But what if getting to know someone better is a rewarding journey in itself? Isn’t that non-travel activity an effective way to expand one’s horizons, too?

It isn’t farfetched to speak about relationships in geographical terms. After all, how many of us are like islands unto ourselves, having limited our own social circle to a very small number of people who are roughly the same age as we are?

A Segregated Population

Janet Oh, senior director of innovation and programs at CoGenerate, a San Francisco–based nonprofit organization enabling older and younger generations to collaborate to “solve the problems that no generation can solve alone,” describes the social situation: “We talk about the concept of ‘age apartheid’—that our society divides us by age, with youngsters in school, middle-aged people at work, and elders marginalized or in retirement communities.” 

Especially since the pandemic, Americans have been finding that inhibiting social relationships has created another epidemic, which former U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy in a 2023 report identified as one of social isolation and loneliness.

Younger and older adults are especially and equally likely to experience significant social isolation and loneliness.

As stated by the Newport Institute, a nationwide group of evidence-based healing centers, “A 2025 Healthy Minds study found that about half of college students (52 percent) report high levels of loneliness. And a report from Harvard and Making Caring Common found that 1 in every 3 young adults (ages 18–25) feels lonely.”

The University of Michigan’s 2023 National Poll on Healthy Aging states: “In 2023, one in three adults age 50–80 (34%) reported feeling isolated from others (29% some of the time, 5% often) in the past year.”

Harmful Effects

While we may feel that social isolation and loneliness are conditions that certainly make life less pleasurable, we may not realize the more serious harm they do to our health, economy, and the social fabric.

The Surgeon General’s report asserted that social isolation and loneliness can lead to an increased risk of heart disease, stroke, anxiety, depression, and dementia, and a 26% to 29% greater risk of premature death. They can negatively affect young students’ attendance, grades, and ultimate achievements. Moreover, they increase adult workers’ stress levels and rates of burnout, as well as work-related injuries and illnesses, all of which affect a company’s productivity and profits.

These effects are grave enough, but there’s an even more insidious social problem made worse by generational segregation: ageism, discrimination based on a person’s chronological age.

Research has shown that children as young as age 3 can begin to absorb negative feelings about old people. Another study reveals that more people have negative attitudes about young people than they do old people. Both effects can lead people whom ageism targets to develop their own internalized ageism, that is, harboring negative stereotype views of themselves as incompetent and/or unworthy of respect. Separating groups of people according to their generational ages simply adds fuel to the fire of social harm.

As clinical psychologist Derenda Schubert, PhD, explains, “By limiting interaction to one generation, there is a risk of developing stereotypes or negative assumptions about other age groups. This may increase generational divides and hinder the development of inclusive communities.”

Easily Available Solutions

Fortunately, innovative ways to mingle people of different ages are springing up everywhere.

Schubert is the chief executive officer of Bridge Meadows, an award-winning Oregon nonprofit that operates intergenerational housing, bringing together families raising children who have been impacted by the foster care system with adults ages 55 and older.

“Embracing a more intergenerational approach,” she says, “can enrich one’s life with varied insights, opportunities for growth, and broader social connections.”

Elly Katz would agree. She is the founder of the California-based nonprofit Sages & Seekers, which pairs an older adult (“Sage”) with a high-school or college student (“Seeker”) in a 7- or 8-week series of online or in-person conversations “to develop empathy, combat social isolation, and dissolve age-related segregation within our communities….”

According to Katz, the main ingredient necessary in intergenerational friendships is “Curiosity! I also believe they must have respect and empathy, and enter into the relationship knowing they each have something to receive from the other.”

What makes the Sages & Seekers program so successful is one basic rule. “My biggest advice,” explains Katz, “is to never call an intergenerational program a mentoring program, as that sets the stage for one person to have power over the other. Only when both generations enter the relationship as equals, can they learn and grow from each other — a win-win situation.”

Established programs run by organizations such as CoGenerate, Bridge Meadows, and Sages & Seekers are only a part of the solution to loneliness, social isolation, and ageism. Everyone should feel encouraged by the fact that it can be very easy to incorporate intergenerational experiences into their everyday lives.

“I’m a big fan of third spaces that bring together people of all ages, places like public libraries, dog parks, farmers markets,” Oh says. “The problem is that to form a relationship, especially a meaningful relationship, we need more than one-off encounters, more than pleasantries. We need interdependence, we need to need each other.”

Adds Schubert: “Schools and senior centers can intentionally incorporate and implement programs that bring together young people and elders for mentorship, volunteer work, and shared activities.” 

For older adults who are seeking new adventures that can expand the horizons of their lives, is there any journey more readily available to embark on than to create a relationship with someone younger or older also looking to explore life through another’s experience?

“Intergenerational relationships between older and younger people are win-win opportunities,” Schubert concludes. “Children can never have too many people believe in them, and older adults can never have too many reasons to live with meaning and purpose.”

10 Ways to Form Intergenerational Friendships

While embarking on an adventure to meet and perhaps form relationships with folks of different generations may sound a little intimidating, there are surprisingly simple ways to take the first steps.

Schubert offers these tips: 

Be open to conversations by initiating respectful chats with people of all ages in everyday situations.

Build relationships through shared interests that focus on hobbies (e.g., reading, hiking, cooking).

Join intergenerational groups participating in community events, clubs, or mentorship programs.

Attend workshops, classes, book clubs, or seminars that engage in cross-generational learning.

Connect on social media by following the accounts and joining intergenerational online forums of younger and older people.

Volunteer in multigenerational settings such as those involving mentoring young people or providing care to elders that involve different age groups.

Attend social get-togethers and professional networking events that often take place at conferences and through meetups or interest-based groups.

Work across generations on workplace initiatives, or seek internships and volunteer roles at nonprofit organizations.

Start, join, or lead an intergenerational project, such as a neighborhood improvement or community garden, or create family activities that encourage multi-age interaction.

Create or participate in digital experiences such as online pen-pal programs or virtual events.

Let’s not wait for vacation times to explore new horizons. Around us everywhere are people of all ages who can present us with opportunities to expand our experiences and gain new perspectives.

Cahill is right. “A journey is best measured in friends rather than miles.”

* * * * * * * * * *

I am a social gerontologist, community educator, public speaker, and author of AGING SIDEWAYS: Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older. Learn more about me on my website, jeanetteleardi.com.

(A version of this article originally appeared in 3^rd Act Magazine.)

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

In the 4th century BCE, the Greek philosopher Plato wrote these words spoken by his teacher, Socrates, in a work called “The Apology.” In it, the 70-year-old Socrates, having been condemned to death by Athenian officials for corrupting the city’s youth with his philosophy, justifies his beliefs and values and his decision to share them with others as a teacher. In short, he was leaving a legacy by making a public statement about his authentic self.

Socrates’ lofty impulse is actually one that many of us can relate to as we age. More often we may find ourselves reflecting on our own lives, the choices we’ve made, and the lessons we’ve learned –– and wanting to share them with our family and others we love in the hope that they might benefit from our insights.

One way we can do this is through the creation of an Ethical Will (EW). While not a legal document requiring witnesses or notarization, an EW can be as powerful and meaningful as a Last Will and Testament in clarifying our wishes for others’ lives.

A Centuries-Old Tradition

The concept of an EW goes back centuries and spans civilizations. The Ancient Greek tradition of writing an Apology, or explanation, of one’s life was later adopted by the Romans and continued throughout Medieval Europe. At the same time, Islamic culture promoted the idea of the Spiritual Will to record personal principles for determining how best to disperse one’s money for charitable purposes. In modern times in Japan, with the rise of a very large elder population, some older adults are writing Ending Notes as a way of leaving a moral legacy for their descendants.

The most notable and sustained EW tradition can be found among the Jewish culture of speaking to one’s children or writing them Legacy Letters detailing the best way to live a life. Such examples are found in the Hebrew Bible and throughout Jewish literature.

What all these traditions have in common is the impulse for self-examination and self-evaluation of one’s experiences for the ultimate benefit of others.

Some Elements of an EW

What ideas might you include in this precious document? The answer: Anything that you hold dear.

For example, you can describe your memories, secrets, regrets, funny stories, accomplishments, and mistakes. You can offer to others advice, encouragement, acceptance, and forgiveness. You can summarize your core beliefs, express your gratitude, and challenge others to achieve their potential.

To accommodate such a variety of possibilities, an EW can take many forms and include such elements as lists, drawings, photos, and even scrapbook mementos. Moreover, it doesn’t even have to be a written document but can be audio- or videotaped.

And, most important of all, legacy writing needn’t be shared only after its creator is gone — it can be handed down right now.

The “Forever Letter”

That last point is the focus of the work of Rabbi Elana Zaiman, author of The Forever Letter: Writing to Deepen, Heal, and Uplift. She describes this form of Jewish Legacy Letter as one “that is meant to deepen, heal, or uplift our relationships.”

What makes her approach so original is that a Forever Letter (FL) doesn’t limit the interaction being strictly generational but rather can be intergenerational.

As Zaiman explains, it’s “a letter anyone can write to anyone. Parents to children. Children to parents. Grandparents to grandchildren. Grandchildren to grandparents. Mentees to their mentors. Mentors to their mentees. Students to their teachers and teachers to students. Siblings and spouses to one another.”

Because an FL’s nature is fluid, its value lies in acknowledging the present moment rather than some future, post-mortem discovery.

“A Forever Letter is meant to be shared now,” Zaiman says. “Anyone can write an FL at any time, for any occasion and for no occasion. . . . [It] is about connecting deeply with the people we love more than it is about passing on what we deem we need to pass on.

“It’s important to say what we want to say before it is too late. No matter how old or young we are. It’s not just an elder that can die suddenly. It is any of us. And why wait to share how we feel about the people we love and care about? Why wait to repair what is broken? We must act now. We never know how much time we have.”

Imagine surprising a recipient with your Ethical Will, Legacy Letter, or Forever Letter. Or choosing to share it on an important occasion such as a birthday, graduation, or wedding and creating a ritual around presenting or reading it. The act itself can emotionally impact everyone involved.

“Why not be in the relationship now?” Zaiman asks. “Why leave important words that we want to share for after we die?”

That being said, she believes that we needn’t be intimidated and stymied at the thought of such important personal sharing.

“I encourage people to be themselves,” she says. “To not expect themselves to be Shakespeare. To write the way they write, in their own voices. To talk about themselves, the person they are writing to, and their relationship with the person they are writing to, to be honest and real and present.”

Some Important Caveats

No matter what language we use, Zaiman cautions us to think not only about what we share but also about our motivations for doing so.

“We must be careful as we write legacy letters. To not command from the grave. And to not write a letter essentially asking that others live the lives we never did. We must remember that the people we are writing to are their own people with their own lives and interests and they must live their own lives, not the lives we had hoped to live and never succeeded at living, not even the lives we succeeded at living.”

Want to Get Started?

At first, the thought of writing a Living Will or Legacy Letter might seem daunting, but actually, you can start anywhere by asking yourself some questions that explore your experiences, values, goals, and lessons learned.

For example, consider these:

What was the most wonderful moment in your life?

What was your most difficult moment and how did you deal with it?

Who has/have been your greatest teacher(s)?

What quality do you most value in a relationship?

How would you describe “meaningful work”?

What is the most important lesson you’ve learned so far?

What would you want to be remembered for?

Living Your Legacy, Too

There’s one additional value in recording your moral legacy, and in a way it can be the most important one of all. As Zaiman puts it, the act can be “a transformational experience, taking us to our ultimate truth, our authentic self.”

In other words, this formal process of reviewing and explaining our lives can be the catalyst for revealing who we have been and who we are, not only to others but also to ourselves. And this revelation can inspire us to make some changes in the goals we pursue and the ways in which we spend our time pursuing them.

In other words, as Socrates might agree, the examined life is worth living . . . especially if it’s also shared.

* * * * * * * * * *

I am a social gerontologist, community educator, public speaker, and author of AGING SIDEWAYS: Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older. Learn more about me on my website, jeanetteleardi.com.

(A version of this article originally appeared in 3^rd Act Magazine.)

In a 2025 New York Times opinion piece called “10 Tips for Being Happily 85 Years Old (Like Me),“ writer Roger Rosenblatt listed ten pieces of “advice for growing very, very old.” And while I’m not quite at that stage of life, I do think that having reached 74 might qualify me to share some lessons of my own.

1. Sing as often as possible.

And I mean anywhere. In the shower. Chopping veggies. Driving to do errands. And yes, you can assume I’m saying that performing for others isn’t the point.

Singing, whether done poorly or well, can help lower your blood pressure and stress levels; boost your lung capacity, immunity to disease, and mood; and improve your posture and muscle tone. Your body is an entire tuning fork that responds to countless frequencies. It’s the only audience you ever really need.

2. Question your limits.

If you decide a limitation is worth living with, fine. But be open to the possibility that it’s not, and do something about it.

When I was in middle school, the taunting of some classmates made me so self-conscious about public speaking that my hands would shake and my voice quiver. The anxiety lasted until my college senior year when, having decided that I wanted to be a teacher, I sought out opportunities to team-teach with my professors, and the students’ very positive feedback slowly dissolved my fears and reduced my reactions. Today, I enthusiastically give presentations, workshops, and keynotes.

3. Each day, be reckless with 30 minutes of your time.

For that duration, do anything that feels liberating . . . as long as it’s not dangerous to others or harmful to yourself.

What’s “reckless” or “liberating” for you? It could be as innocuous as stepping away from your routine schedule or performing an everyday task in a different way. Aside from good blood oxygenation, healthy nutrition, adequate sleep, and social interaction, our brains thrive on two mental conditions: variety and challenge. The first involves content; the second involves intensity.

For example, when it comes to variety, if you love doing puzzles, instead of limiting yourself to one type, such as a crossword, try solving another kind (sudoku, word search, etc.). If you enjoy cooking one type of ethnic food, try tackling a recipe from a different culture.

As for intensity, rather than solve a crossword puzzle, work on creating one of your own, which someone else might then solve. Or make up a recipe using an unfamiliar combination of ingredients.

4. Seek out wisdom from unexpected sources.

I’m talking about picking up the book that’s been in your bookcase for years and that you’ve never read. Or having a conversation with someone considerably younger or older than you. Or learning from an expert in a field very foreign to your experience. You might be amazed at how the information you glean may apply to relevant aspects of your life.

5. Keep a journal of meaningful quotes (see #4).

After collecting them for a long time, reread them. What struck you as important or interesting back then may later strike you as important or interesting in a different way. Twice the bang for your buck.

6. Bounce a ball from time to time.

Any kind or size will do, as long as it’s elastic. (So for instance, not a bowling ball.)

Maybe because I’m a native New Yorker, my favorite is a pink Spalding, what we neighborhood kids –– and “The West Wing” character Toby Ziegler –– called a Spal-DEEN, which we used for stickball and stoopball.

Bounce your ball outside, in your apartment or house, anywhere. Bounce it to music, bounce it under one leg or between both. It might help you touch base with the kid that you used to be.

7. When you’re working on something and find yourself getting stuck for an idea, leave that task and do something “mindless.”

Daydreaming, going for a walk, cuddling with your pet, even taking a shower are a few ways to put your brain in “incubation” mode, where creative ideas are allowed to germinate.

Another way to jump-start your brain is to do anything using your nondominant hand, such as writing, stirring a pot, buttoning your shirt. (Mind you, don’t do anything that could cause injury, so no knife-handling.) These two activities put the judgmental part of your brain to sleep and free your ready-to-act creative brain.

8. Connect or reconnect with someone you care about who is having a difficult time.

Have no agenda except to let that person know you’re thinking about them. Then let the conversation go wherever it will.

9. If you’ve made a promise that you haven’t yet acted on but still could, do it.

Now.

10. Make a piece of art that reflects the real you.

Often in our busy lives, when we’re concentrating on other people and external situations, we may lose track of who we are or how we see ourselves. Doing a creative act that involves looking inward and taking stock can bring us back into emotional and spiritual balance.

An example of one such activity is the illustration you see at the top of this post: an “illuminated letter.” It’s a journaling technique I teach others that resembles the kind of art Medieval scribes employed to introduce an important scriptural passage. In this case, it’s meant to stimulate genuine self-expression. Simply use the first letter of your first name (as I did) and include symbols reflecting your passions and goals.

And finally . . .

11. Come up with your own list of 10 (or 11 or more) Ways to Be a Happy [Your Age]-Year-Old . . . and then share it.

I mean, why wait until you’re any further along in years? No matter your age, reviewing your life in this way can be a kind of mental house-cleaning that helps you get back in touch with your values and priorities.

And sharing what you write can be a real gift to others.

For my part, I’d love to see others’ lists. After all, wouldn’t it be great to read the advice of people from vastly different generations? I’m wise enough to know that I would benefit from a wide variety of lessons, including those of people whose ages I surpassed long ago. (Personally, I’d love to see what teenagers come up with.)

And if I’m lucky, maybe I’ll write another (different?) list . . . when I’M 85.

Stay tuned.

* * * * * * * * * *

I’m a social gerontologist, community educator, public speaker, and author of AGING SIDEWAYS: Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older. Learn more about me at my website, jeanetteleardi.com.

(A version of this article originally appeared in Next Avenue.)

Celebrating a birthday, graduating from school, getting married, or holding a funeral — we’ve all witnessed or participated in special festivities or services that recognize the transition from one stage of life to another. Whether they are religious or secular, public or private, elaborate or simple, all rite-of-passage occasions have one thing in common: They help to create meaning for those of us who take part in them.

Basically, a rite of passage says three things about someone’s life: 1) They have achieved certain skills and qualities (the past) that entitle their move to a new stage of existence; 2) They are in the process of taking on a new identity (the present); and 3) They will now have one or more new roles to play in relationship to others (the future).

It’s easy to see how these three realities apply in different stages from Childhood through Adulthood, and even at the last day of life.

All stages, that is, except one: Moving from Adulthood to our later years, known as Elderhood. Somehow, modern Western culture as a whole hasn’t created a formal recognition, or ritual, for that period of development. And sadly, there’s a reason for this.

How Ageism Denies Elderhood

If we think about our lifespan as a one-directional path we take through various doors at different times in our lives, we can certainly remember a long, nebulous time of adolescence when we felt we were stepping through the doorway between Childhood and Adulthood. However, the ageism that’s ever-present in our culture tells us that there are no more doorways to enter until that very last one, called death.

According to Ron Pevny, director of the Center for Conscious Eldering and author of Conscious Living, Conscious Aging, “Modern society knows little about the stages of growth of the human psyche, and even less about the stage called Elderhood with its potential for growth, fulfillment, and service. So ageism is pervasive along with a lack of any kinds of acknowledgement of the contributions of older adults, largely because the cultural norm is that upon retirement, our time of meaningful contribution is mostly over.”

Psychotherapist Connie Zweig, Ph.D., author of The Inner Work of Age: Shifting from Role to Soul, would agree. “Because we live in an ageist society,” she explains, “we tend to believe that young is good, old is bad; strong is good, weak is bad; independent is good, dependent is bad; and quick is good, slow is bad. As a consequence, we don’t acknowledge the profound value and contributions of older adults.”

Unfortunately, older adults may internalize this feeling of uselessness to the extent that after passing through the Adulthood doorway, their pessimistic attitudes about aging can affect their behavior and even their health.

Research studies done by Yale psychologist Dr. Becca Levy and her team, described in her book, Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Determine How Long and Well You Live, have shown that older adults who hold negative views about aging may increase by 50% their likelihood of developing dementia and even cut their lifespan by an average of 7.5 years.

And that’s not good for body, mind, OR spirit.

A Community of Witnesses

Just as graduation and marriage ceremonies provide a sense of legitimacy for these life stages, shouldn’t arriving at Elderhood have its own social form of recognition for such an achievement? In fact, shouldn’t Elderhood itself be something all of us should aspire to rather than dread?

It’s one thing for a life passage to be meaningful to ourselves alone, but its meaning is intensified when a ritual that marks its occurrence is shared with others. The process of exchanging a former identity with a new one can be challenging for us because it can be hard to predict what awaits us on the other side of the aging “door.”

Recognizing our vulnerability by doing so in the supportive presence of others is a plus. Zweig explains that “it helps to be witnessed in this process, so that our new identity is valued and confirmed.”

Being present during a rite-of-passage ritual can transform the witnesses, too.

Imagine a beautiful ceremony during which children, young adults, and middle-agers watch their grandparent or parent being honored by the rest of the family for that person’s accomplishments, values, and future goals. Instead of thinking it’s a bad thing to be old, those members might actually look forward to that stage of life. Now imagine families everywhere holding Elderhood ceremonies — and in the process, ridding our culture of the ageism and discrimination that pervade it.

A Three-Step Ritual

For a rite of passage to be meaningful, it needs to address what a person is experiencing.

“Change is always happening,” says Zweig. “How can we allow change to change us? By taking the three steps of a rite of passage: letting go of an outworn pattern, stepping into uncertainty, and emerging renewed.”

Think about the fact that in order to become a butterfly, the creature has to cast off the characteristics of a caterpillar, enclose itself for a period of time in a cocoon, from which it emerges with a new body — including wings. Or, as Pevny puts it, “A rite of passage at any life stage helps people shed old skins that no longer fit, as snakes do when they grow out of their old skins.”

And in between the shedding of the old skin and the growing of a new one, there’s a time of pause to reflect on exactly what it all means. Acknowledging this pause is the purpose of ritual.

There are many forms an Elderhood ceremony can take. What’s important is that the more it reflects the individual being honored, the more significant it will be.

Should you decide to hold such a ceremony, Pevny offers a structure that can be adapted and personalized:

1. Invoking the presence of the Sacred (however the Elder’s community names it).

2. The Elder speaking of what they want to heal or let go and then doing a symbolic act, such as placing some symbol of their letting-go in a fire.

3. The Elder speaking of the strengths and positive qualities they have exhibited up to now that they feel are important to take into the future.

4. The Elder sharing a vision for what a fulfilled Elderhood can look like for them.

5. The community acknowledging the Elder’s strengths and potential for thriving and serving in the community.

6. The community welcoming them as a new Elder, and offering them some symbol of Elderhood, such as a special shawl.

Pevny also suggests including inspiring readings and music/songs throughout the course of the ceremony.

The Right to a Rite

In the end, we should realize that, as average life expectancy increases, Adulthood can be followed by decades of living in a stage that fosters a different kind of wisdom borne from years of experience, and with it come newer social roles to assume and ways to contribute.

“Throughout history,” says Pevny, “it is the Elders who have been the conscience of the community, reminding the younger generations of the importance of honoring, valuing, and protecting all in the community now, and leaving a healthy world for generations to come.”

As Zweig explains, “We celebrate Medicare birthdays. But a senior is not an Elder. Elder is a stage, not an age.… And a new stage requires a rite of passage.”

Older adults have a right to passage.

Isn’t it about time we create rituals that honor it?

* * * * * * * * * *

Jeanette Leardi is a social gerontologist, community educator, public speaker, and author of AGING SIDEWAYS: Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older. Learn more about her at her website, jeanetteleardi.com.

(This article originally appeared in 3^rd Act Magazine.)

I’m not someone who handles others’ apathy or ineptitude well, especially when there’s a job to be done.

Case in point:

Years ago, as a member of the religious services committee of my congregation, I was frustrated by an interminable discussion of a “problem” at hand: whether we should replace the shallow plastic plates that were used to collect Sunday offerings because the bills and coins would often spill over the edges and onto people’s laps or the floor as the plates were passed from person to person. It disrupted the money-gathering process as well as folks’ concentration on the worship service.

Absurdly enough, this trivial issue dragged out over time because, after all, a revered member had donated the plates years ago when the congregation was very small, and anyway, shouldn’t people just be a little more careful as they passed them down the rows?

Yeah, I know.

One day, I decided to take action without telling anyone. I went to a local home goods store and bought deeper wicker baskets and some attractive brocaded material and spent time cutting and sewing the material into each basket as a lining.

Then, on the day before the next Sunday service, I removed the plastic plates from the storage room where they were kept and put the baskets in their place. The next day, when the ushers couldn’t find the plates but saw the baskets, they quickly had to make the decision to use them. No one objected, and the baskets have been used ever since.

While I’ve performed similar actions throughout my life, I never knew until recently that there’s a term for what I did: creative transgression. AI describes it as “rule-breaking that respects people while challenging category norms” for the purposes of paradigm shifting and growth. A creative transgression isn’t illegal or harmful. It’s proactive and upgrading.

When it comes to how well –– or not –– we age, we can use all the proactivity and upgrading we can get, because our culture desperately requires paradigm shifting and growth.

Think about it: How many situations do we encounter or know about in which people of all ages, especially older adults, are misjudged, denied opportunities, or even harmed by judgments and actions based mainly on how long they’ve lived? If we simply look for ageism, we’ll soon realize that it’s everywhere.

Example #1: Retirement Communities

Take, for example, the many independent and assisted living retirement communities whose mission is to “serve” their residents. While it may seem fine on the surface, having a one-way sense of providing necessities and amenities does just that: It fulfills 50% of what people may be looking for in their later years. What about their potential to be productive, to serve not only their residential community but the greater community in which it’s located? To overlook this aspect of later life by simply viewing elders as needy is to be ageist and ableist.

What’s called for are creative transgressions that can challenge the norms and shift the paradigm of what retirement living is all about.

Consider these:

• Residents and staff can form a design/administrative council in which they work together to plan meals and in-house activities, launch special projects, and make hiring decisions.

• Retirement communities can expand their “walls” for greater interaction with the neighborhoods around them, offering local individuals and families free or paid admission to on-site programs (e.g., community cafés, live music, art shows).

• Retirement communities can provide college students with free or reduced rent in exchange for volunteering their time and tech or other skills to help residents, and the valuable opportunity to be mentored by those older folks.

Example #2: Health Care

Often the needs of and services appropriate to older adults are misjudged or overlooked by healthcare systems that minimize the difference between old and young or middle-aged adults.

A major cause of this situation is the widespread lack of appropriate geriatric training of medical students and the resulting dearth of board-certified geriatricians on staff at internal and family medicine clinics.

Another reason is that sometimes providers don’t focus enough effort on timely counseling their patients on ways to prevent illness/injury, or they prioritize drugs or procedures over patients’ changes in lifestyle behaviors.

Still another reason is the tendency of some non-geriatric personnel to exhibit “compassionate ageism” when interacting with old patients. They kindly want to help but do so in unhelpful ways by talking down to them, not allowing them enough time to explain their concerns, and attributing their conditions solely to being old.

So what are some creative transgressions for changing the medical paradigm for older adults?

• Every medical school can allow or require students to spend one rotation shadowing geriatricians in whatever environments they practice.

• Practitioners can work with patients to help them set their own daily routines and care schedules instead of imposing a rigid timetable when it’s not necessary.

• Medical practices should base their success on patients’ improved levels of joy, personal agency, sense of life purpose, and creative behavior –– which should be considered as important as their rates of clinical compliance and number of hospital readmissions or fall incidents.

• Doctors’ prescriptions should include structured time and activities that expose patients regularly to socializing, nature, and the arts (e.g., museum tours, group hikes, community choirs, hobby/book clubs, painting/writing/pottery/gardening workshops).

Here’s the good news about creatively transgressing: Not only do imaginative solutions help the targets of those ideas but they also help the systems that allow those solutions to happen. Retirement communities become more sustainable as businesses by transforming into places people actually look forward to living in. Hospitals and medical practices consequently deliver more efficient, cost-effective care to increasingly satisfied –– and thus compliant –– patients.

Acts of creative transgression can be performed for any environment or discipline that affects older adult lives: housing, transportation, journalism, advertising, civic engagement, urban planning, the environment, and many more.

When dealing with a problematic situation perpetuated by an unfair or outdated norm, let’s ask ourselves, “What can I do about this?” Working alone or with others, we can find imaginative, ingenious ways to “break the rules,” shift that paradigm, and allow growth to happen.

Take it from me: Going from plastic plates to wicker baskets is a small thing.

But moving from minor transgression to major transformation? Well, that’s a whole other story.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jeanette Leardi is a social gerontologist, community educator, public speaker, and author of AGING SIDEWAYS: Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older. Learn more about her at her website, jeanetteleardi.com.

Have you ever played a board game with rules that include spinning a wheel or rolling the dice in order to make a move and spaces you land on that instruct you to move ahead, backwards, go again, or miss a turn?

Really, when you think about it, a game like that is a lot like life.

Our years are filled with unexpected or planned opportunities that take on consequences of their own, propelling us forward or in reverse, or temporarily stalling us until we get another chance at wheel spinning or dice rolling.

Because I’m a 74-year-old gerontologist, the process of aging is more than a game to me. Professionally and personally, I understand the factors that seriously affect how long and well we live: our genes, race, gender, health, social engagement, living environment, financial stability, level of education, and residential location.

But there’s another factor, an insidious one, with treacherous rules of its own.

Let’s imagine a board game called Ageism. Any number of people can –– and do –– play on a daily basis. And while we may consider ourselves observers and above the action, most of us in fact participate quite often.

Unlike other board games in which players try to reach a final goal of treasure, success, or reward, the point of Ageism is never to arrive at the end: a place called Old Age, characterized by perceived deterioration, uselessness, and decline. So players actually hope to land on spaces that tell them to move backwards and miss turns.

For example:

You lie about your age: Go back 1 space.

A prospective employer doesn’t hire you because you’re “over-qualified.” Move ahead 5 spaces.

Your Botox treatment works! Go back 3 spaces.

You decide you’re too old to learn a foreign language. Take another turn.

People ask you when you’re going to retire. Move ahead 1 space.

You describe yourself as “[xx] years young.” Go back 2 spaces.

A doctor attributes your back pain solely to your age. Move ahead 4 spaces.

You enjoy giving and receiving Over-the-Hill birthday cards. Skip a turn.

Get the picture?

Yet there’s a much more rewarding pastime worth your efforts, a different game called Elderhood. Yes, the goal is still Old Age, but you actually want to get there because it’s a place of continued engagement, productivity, and personal growth.

What actions keep you moving forward along the board?

You not only admit how old you are, you declare it.

You have friends of different generations.

You push back on comments that stereotype older or younger people.

You keep challenging yourself to learn new things.

You have no use for “anti-aging” products.

You find ways to adapt to your changing body in order to stay engaged.

You view getting older as a continual process of acquiring experience, skills, and wisdom.

Since time is a limited quantity, and it’s quality of life that you seek, ask yourself which game you are currently playing, and is it one that you enjoy?

In other words, it’s your turn.

What’s your next move?

* * * * * * *

Jeanette Leardi is a social gerontologist, community educator, public speaker, and author of AGING SIDEWAYS: Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older. Learn more about her at her website, jeanetteleardi.com.

As the author of AGING SIDEWAYS, Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older, I’m all about finding unexpected, quirky, offhanded-but-accurate ways of understanding the aging process from a social point of view.

But I’ll be the first to declare that sometimes taking a direct approach to getting an anti-ageist, pro-aging idea across to others is not only preferable but vital.

A prime example of what I mean is when you’ve read an online/print newspaper/magazine article about an aging-related issue and you want to let the publication’s editor and readers know exactly how you feel. That calls for writing a Letter to the Editor.

But how? Where should you start?

Consider four factors: STRATEGY, STRUCTURE, STYLE, and SHARING.

STRATEGY

• Think about where you’d like to see your letter appear, and study that publication’s Letters to the Editor section.

• Look for a website Submissions page. It usually mentions 1) a word count (usually 150 to 200 words), 2) the possible content of the response –– to a general issue, a recent event, or a published article –– and 3) the format of your submission (e.g., an email with a specific Subject line and that includes your name and contact information).

• Strike while the iron is hot. Newspaper letters relating to an event or publication that happened within the last 24 to 48 hours have the best chance of acceptance. Magazine letters sections appear less often and are therefore best suited for comments about the articles in the most recent issue.

• Consider co-writing a letter with a colleague or getting a few friends/coworkers to submit similar letters at the same time. The quantity of responses can influence the editor’s decision of whether or not to run them.

STRUCTURE

• Limit your letter to one situation/problem.

• Get to the point immediately. When editors need to trim letters for space, they usually cut from the bottom up. Think of it as a mini newspaper article: In your first sentence or two, identify the problem by stating the who, what, when, where, and/or how.

• If appropriate, include an anecdote that illustrates the problem.

• Focus the rest of your letter on the why by directly linking your opinion to its relevance to your community: Why are you writing this? Why should readers care? Connect a positive shared community value to the reason why a change is needed.

• End in upbeat terms with a specific solution or call to action.

STYLE

• Write for the average reader. Avoid jargon and spell out any generally unknown acronyms.

• Include any relevant credentials you have that can bolster your authority on the issue you address.

• Be respectful; criticize without being nasty, which can turn off editors and readers alike.

SHARING

• If your letter is published (congrats!), you can increase its impact by spreading the word in your organization/association, email lists, and social media (making sure to tag your member of Congress; governor; and/or state, county, and/or city representatives).

• Send a photo of your published letter directly to the offices of your public officials. Submit it as proof that it’s a viable and important community/social issue.

• Ask others to share and amplify your message.

Here’s an example of a Letter to the Editor that incorporates these tips:

Dear Editor,

Your recent article on hiring trends [“Who Gets the Job?”, July 29, 2026] makes one fact hard to ignore: Older workers are still being pushed aside in today’s job market. In my occupation as a social worker, I know of several skilled, reliable employees with decades of experience overlooked simply because they were seen as “too old” to adapt, even when they were the most qualified candidates.

This is not just unfair to individuals; it hurts our entire community. When employers dismiss experienced workers, they lose knowledge, stability, and mentorship that can strengthen workplaces. Age discrimination also sends a damaging message to anyone in our area hoping to build a long career.

Our community –– as well as our public officials –– should care about getting rid of workplace ageism because fair hiring benefits families, businesses, and the local economy.

I urge local employers to review hiring practices, train managers to recognize age bias, and judge applicants by their ability and performance, not their age.

And I urge our government representatives to make abolishing age discrimination at work and elsewhere a priority in their legislative agendas.

Let’s make our workplaces thriving environments where experience is valued, not pushed aside.

Sincerely,

Jane Smith

Merryville, Oregon

Try these strategies the next time you want to give feedback about an aging (or any other) topic in the news.

And in case you’re wondering whether or not writing a Letter to the Editor makes any difference at all, consider this: It can inspire others ––– including businesspeople and politicians ––– to change their minds about an issue and work for change.

Your voice is important!

Jeanette Leardi is a social gerontologist, community educator, public speaker, and author of AGING SIDEWAYS: Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older. Learn more about her at her website, jeanetteleardi.com

When I give presentations to my older adult peers on how to be smarter patients advocating for themselves in healthcare situations, I promote the effective strategy of asking their doctors about their conditions as well as about any prescribed medications or treatments. Examples I suggest are “What could be causing my problem?”, “What are the possible side effects of this medicine?”, “What’s the purpose of this procedure?”, “What could happen if I choose not to take this drug?” and “How necessary is it for me to have this surgery done right now?”

Ironically, some older patients shy away from asking such questions because they don’t want to “make waves” by appearing confrontational and thus alienating their doctor. But asking questions is vital to receiving optimal medical care by making good decisions and taking responsible actions. The best healthcare providers want to address their patients’ confusion and allay their concerns in order to arrive at effective ways to ease and hopefully eliminate their physical conditions.

Our society is likewise experiencing the throes of a serious condition that harms our collective health: ageism. It is widespread and insidious, threatening the livelihood, health, and relationships of people of all ages. And as with all life-threatening illnesses, it’s important to make sense of why this form of prejudice and discrimination exists in order to figure out how to end it.

So I say we should apply the same strategy of asking questions.

Where or when have I seen this discrimination happen before? It’s not surprising that the marginalization, neglect, and abuse directed at many older adults are somewhat akin to assaults toward other groups based on their race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, class, or religion. The benefit of this question is to call our attention to adopting a rights-based approach to aging –– that is, using historically effective civil rights strategies such as organizing, protesting, lobbying, and boycotting.

Who benefits from this negative situation or condition? This question is particularly powerful when directed toward the multibillion-dollar “anti-aging” industries of cosmetics, plastic surgery, unproven nutritional supplements, and other businesses that are wildly profiting by keeping us afraid to age naturally. Once we realize that we’re lining others’ pockets at the expense of our empowerment and peace of mind, we can stop supporting these parasitic ventures.

Does what I’m witnessing or experiencing have to do with age, or is it about something else? Like all other discriminatory “isms,” ageism is based on lazy thinking that refuses to view people as individuals and instead creates false, harmful stereotypes. A common example of this is the ageist assertion that there are too many old people running our government –– with old being synonymous with out of touch, physically/mentally weak, and entrenched. As I’ve written before on the issue of gerontocracy, it’s not age that should determine a person’s value but rather competence, the ability to do a job. And the “something else” in question that drives accusers’ skepticism and rebuke isn’t gerontocracy but rather autocracy, kleptocracy, plutocracy, and/or theocracy.

What if this ageist situation or condition didn’t exist? Consider this fact: A sizable proportion of older adults are regularly excluded from medical clinical trials because they are considered too risky or beyond the norm, despite the fact that many illnesses such as cancer, heart disease, and diabetes are more likely to emerge in later life. As a result, doctors don’t know the effective dose of medication or the appropriate treatment to prescribe, which can differ considerably from what is ordered for a young or midlife adult.

Why is this belief or behavior considered acceptable? Whether it’s comedians and commercials making fun of old people, employers hinting to older workers about the joys of retirement, or elders being spoken to in dismissive ways or treated as pathetic or needy, many of us tolerate and fail to challenge ageist comments, insinuations, and suggestions about the way to live one’s later years. Needless to say, that’s not acceptable, and we should be demanding more humane, dignified, and respectful treatment toward people of all ages.

What can I and others do to manage or change this situation or condition? This is the most important question of all. All progress starts with awareness. Just as smart patients are aware of how their own bodies act and react, all of us at any age can become aware of how ageism affects the quality of our lives.

That awareness comes from asking the right questions.

And then demanding answers.

Jeanette Leardi is a social gerontologist, community educator, public speaker, and author of AGING SIDEWAYS: Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older. Learn more about her at her website, jeanetteleardi.com

______________________________________________________________________

This post originally appeared in the American Society on Aging’s “Generations Now” blog.

.

During the past year, I’ve attended several conferences around the country, giving a keynote address based on my book, AGING SIDEWAYS: Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older. Those trips were challenging, mostly because air travel these days is far from a picnic and more like having root canal without anesthetic. I imagine many of you would agree.

That being said, speaking at such venues to very enthusiastic audiences about my passion for aging in positive, practical, and proactive ways has more than made up for the challenging experiences of getting there and back.

I’ve always loved visiting new places, and at age 74, I plan to continue doing so for as long as I can. That’s because I consider traveling –– the farther the better –– as a phenomenal educational tool that has taught me as much about myself as about other people and cultures.

I come by that urge honestly…and genetically. My frugal working-class parents were fortunate enough to travel extensively once my older brother and I were on our own. But the nomadic DNA goes back a bit further, to my maternal grandmother, Giovina Simone Modè, who was most influential in teaching me what getting older is about.

Born in Italy to a very poor family, she realized that her best hope of survival was to leave her native land in 1920 at age 18 to live with the immigrant uncle in New York City who sponsored her passage.

Imagine this experience from her own perspective: a young, basically uneducated teen who spoke no English and had never ventured farther than the next village having to brave –– by herself –– a 10- to 14-day journey on a ship from Naples and the subsequent processing at Ellis Island, all the while frantically hoping that her beloved zio would be there to meet her when the ordeal was over.

That was the experience that forged her courage and desire to explore new environments. By the time I came along, Giovina, long a widow, was always at the ready to visit any of her six children when they invited her to spend time with their families in various parts of the United States.

In fact, so prepared was she that under her bed she kept a small, well-worn, belt-tied suitcase, fully packed and ready to be pulled out at a moment’s notice. Upon her arrival back home, those clothes were immediately washed, pressed, folded, and returned to their place, awaiting their next journey.

Of all the lessons I learned from that wise woman, one of the most important ones was to be emotionally prepared for that next journey, no matter the form it might take. It needn’t be a geographical one. It could be learning a new skill, seeking a different job, coping with an unexpected health challenge, forming another friendship, or moving a relationship to a deeper level of intimacy.

Too often as we get older, many of us find ourselves in stasis, either by circumstance, limitation, or personal choice. And that stasis can slowly erode our sense of curiosity, our desire for adventure, or even a comfort with our own self. Giovina refused to give up journeying through life, even as her body deteriorated. She was always ready and eager to hear the next story –– or better yet, become a character in one.

How we travel into our later years depends on our willingness to remain inquisitive, courageous, and engaged, our suitcases packed with experience and wisdom, always at the ready to be picked up and carried over the threshold.

Jeanette Leardi is a social gerontologist, community educator, public speaker, and author of AGING SIDEWAYS: Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older (https://www.jeanetteleardi.com/aging-sideways-book). Learn more about her at her website, jeanetteleardi.com.

As a writer and educator on aging issues, I tend to get insightful ideas from everyday images, which I then share with others. This usually happens when I’m doing everyday things, such as taking a walk.

A case in point: In the wet, temperate winters where I live, it’s common to see moss growing everywhere: on tree trunks, between sidewalk cracks, and along the lower parts of concrete buildings. One of my favorite walking routes takes me past a range of stone walls haphazardly lined with cascading green. Recently for some reason, that familiar scene caught my eye in a different way. Cue insight.

I’m not alone in this behavior. No matter who we are, where we live, and whatever culture we come from, we are born with an instinctive need to make sense of anything we experience. We’re hardwired to do so. As historian John Dominic Crossan says, “Humans are meaning-seeking animals. We pursue meaning the way heat-seeking missiles hunt exhaust.”

That pursuit is obvious when we communicate using music, dance, visual art, and words –– especially words in the form of storytelling, since stories permeate many of our daily interactions.

Think about it: How many stories do you hear and tell in the course of a day? You might listen to the news as you get ready for work; go over the day’s plans with your family at the breakfast table; trade comments with friends, neighbors, and coworkers about last night’s game or latest episode of the dramatic series you’ve been watching; and review the day’s events with your family at dinnertime. Depending on circumstances, you and others explain injuries to doctors, testify in court, convince people to buy products, and reveal concerns to therapists. Oh, and at night you dream. That’s storytelling, too.

There’s another thing all of us humans do: We age. And true to our nature, we’re compelled to tell stories about that as well. But what kinds are we telling?

Here’s the basic storyline in our culture: “Aging is a process solely of deterioration and decline.” We think that’s the whole tale, but it’s not. In fact, deterioration and decline make up at most only a part of what it means to live into our later years. There’s plenty of growth involved, if we’re open to it.

There’s a reason why many of us are blind to the positive aspects of getting older: We live in a society that doesn’t support, let alone highlight, them. Our culture neatly categorizes the process of aging as bad and labels its negative image as “reality.”

Which brings me to the question of categorizing. That behavior in itself isn’t a bad thing; in fact, you might say it’s one of those heat-seeking missiles of meaning that make us human. It’s an effective cognitive skill we use all the time.

For example, suppose we see two particular animals playing together. Our brains’ analytical left hemisphere tells us, “That’s a cocker spaniel and a bulldog.” Our brains’ integrative right hemisphere says, “Those are two dogs.” Clearly both ways of categorizing help us understand and communicate our experience of reality.

Where we go wrong is when we falsely categorize something, and in doing so, turn it into a stereotype, which then becomes a character in our stories. Such false categorization involves committing two types of errors:

We make an error of quantity when we assume the extremes about how often something is done or how many people are doing it. For example, behind the age-based statements “Young people are self-absorbed” and “Old people can’t handle technology” is an assumption of all or none. To disprove either assertion, we only have to find one exception. The contradiction gets even stronger, the more exceptions we find.

The second type of error is just as important: the error of intent. Why would anyone need to stereotype generations at all? Instead of classifying for accuracy, might there be another motive? Someone –– whether young or old –– who believes in the cultural deteriorate-and-decline aging story might not want to self-identify as old. And stereotyping is a handy way to create an “us vs. them” tribal paradigm. We build barriers that hold us back from appreciating our own organic potential and that of others.

Here’s the real irony about stereotyping others who are younger or older: Chances are great that we all know people who are exceptions to any behavioral category we may assume is the norm. And if we know exceptions, many, many others do as well. Those exceptions multiply until “all” and “none” become meaningless terms.

Only when we recognize this absurdity will we be able to communicate more authentically, grow and thrive more completely as individuals, and tell truer stories with greater confidence. We would become like the moss that insistently breaks through, cascading beyond the cracks of walls that divide us.

And that was the insight I got during my walk. My heat-seeking missile of meaning.

Jeanette Leardi is a social gerontologist, community educator, public speaker, and author of AGING SIDEWAYS: Changing Our Perspectives on Getting Older (https://www.jeanetteleardi.com/aging-sideways-book). Learn more about her at her website, jeanetteleardi.com.