I will live by the school calendar until I’m six feet under - I loved being a student and was the daughter of an incredible teacher. Back to School season is like the starting gun for my favorite time of year - early-fall through Christmas. Consequently, putting together a list of things to embrace in September is like falling off a log.

Whether you have school-age kids under your roof or not, I hope your days are filled with the simple pleasures of fall that feel as good as boxes of fresh new crayons felt on the first day of second grade.

Here’s what I’m planning for September:

1. Cutting some of my hydrangeas to dry and use indoors this winter

2. Planning my daughter’s Sweet Sixteen celebration

3. Puppy yoga

4. Reading Exit Party by Emily St. John Mandel. I will read anything by the author of Station Eleven (book and TV adaptation are both incredible, btw).

5. Mulling some cider and plopping down in front of NFL RedZone every Sunday.

6. Hosting my sister and brother-in-law for a weekend visit. They’re finally back in the states after four years abroad!

7. Watching Mobland Season 2

8. Looking for ways to simplify my life and eliminate digital clutter (will be taking a hard look at app subscriptions, Substack subscriptions, unsubscribing from email lists, etc.)

9. Making Smitten Kitchen’s Chocolate Chip Sour Cream Coffee Cake

10. Seeing Harry Styles at MSG!

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Life Lately

1 Central Park 2 You meet the most interesting people on the subway 🏀 3 Love sunflowers 4 Federer night at the US Open

Please press the ❤️button if you enjoyed this column. It helps to get my work in front of more readers.

XOXO,

Jamie

It’s been a great week spending time with my daughter in the waning days of summer. Now that I’m back in my own kitchen, I made a treasured family recipe to share with you. But first - a roundup of links to enjoy.*

August Links

I pay attention to book dedications (and I’ve been pondering the dedication for my upcoming novel). This is a great compilation of interesting book dedications.

If you haven’t watched Widow’s Bay yet, add it to your list stat! The perfect horror-comedy

This unauthorized building tour and architectural review of 270 Park Ave - a new tower looming over midtown - is a great read. I promise.

If you’re not following poet Lucas Jones on Instagram, what are you even doing on that app?

Jia Tolentino (one of my favorite culture commentators) on our plastic surgery nightmare.

If you ever see this ice cream out in the wild, BUY IT!

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This week’s recipe - Caramel Brownies - is a family favorite from way back. My mom picked it up from a fellow school mom back in the 80s and it’s been in heavy rotation since. It was a staple in her ever-more-elaborate tailgates before Army football games while my sister, Meredith, was a cadet.

The best story about these brownies is that when Meredith made them for her now-husband in Ranger school, he ignored the requirement to empty his rucksack of uneaten food and jumped out of an airplane with them. They’re that good!

Caramel Brownies

14 ozs. Caramels

⅔ cup Evaporated Milk

⅔ cup Butter (melted)

1 box Chocolate Cake Mix

12 ozs. Chocolate Chips

Melt caramels in a double boiler with ⅓ cup of the evaporated milk. Allow this mixture to cool slightly.

Combine cake mix with melted butter and the other ⅓ cup evaporated milk. Spread half of the brownie mixture in the bottom of a 9x13 pan. Bake at 375 degrees for 6-8 minutes, or until set. Allow this to cool slightly before continuing.

Pour caramel mixture over the top. Sprinkle with chocolate chips. Drop the remaining brownie mixture in small clumps on top. Bake for 18 minutes.

Allow to cool before cutting. If you don’t cool them first, they’ll still taste great - but they’ll be super messy!

*I figured it makes sense to share links in the monthly recipe post since not everyone is a cook or baker and now there’s still something for everyone!

XOXO,

Jamie

I’m starting with the ending this week and letting you know I don’t have a clue how to wrap up this column with a tidy bow. I’m a big believer in providing you information that is useful or inspiring. I believe in solutions. But the topic we’re about to jump into has no clear or easy answers.

I wanted to get that out of the way up front - both to set expectations for you and, frankly, it was a way for me to get out of some pre-writing paralysis. So….mission accomplished?

Regardless, I believe there is value in understanding a problem as a first step towards finding a solution, so that’s what we’re doing today.

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During my decade-plus in public service on Capitol Hill, the Justice Department, and the White House, most of the work we did went unnoticed by the general public.

Why was that? Well, Fox News and MSNBC were founded my second year on the hill, the internet was just getting warmed up (my senate work email was my very first email!), and the introduction of smart phones and social media were years down the road.

In other words, we were still living in the old, established media environment. Major events were reported by the papers of record and covered in the nightly network news. More detailed information about a hearing or bill was something you had to proactively search for in the library or on C-Span.

Things began to change rapidly in the mid-2000s. The year I left the White House, Facebook opened up to the general public. The iPhone was introduced the next year. The year after that, the Obama era began, bringing a level of excitement and interest in politics that was unprecedented. The stars were all aligned - exciting and inspiring “content” and the new platforms and technology that desperately needed that content arrived at the same time.

One result of that congruence is that the kinds of DC events and information that would have been unobserved and unreported in earlier political eras were now blasted across the internet. Government colleagues gathering to fete a coworker with birthday cupcakes would make Politico Playbook. A White House speechwriter playing ping pong shirtless in a Georgetown bar became a major story.

And we all know how things have snowballed from there. Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube and countless other platforms have created a limitless, voracious arena for content; with politics being a major pillar.

TMZ has set up camp in the nation’s capital, staking out public officials as they leave restaurants, as if they were actors or pop stars. Daily Show clips of politicians doing dumb things are a staple of the American media diet.

Over the past decade or so, as I’d chat with friends and family who live outside the beltway, I became increasingly amazed at the kind of arcane DC minutiae that was making its way into the national entertainment bloodstream. They’d ask if I’d seen what Senator Y did the other day in a Budget Committee hearing or about a viral moment from an agency press conference.

Here was my typical thought bubble in moments like that: “Why, yes, I saw that. But it’s my job to see that. Why do you know about that? Why is this taking up any of your bandwidth when you live in Peoria and work in insurance?”

Just compare and contrast two similar moments decades apart. A couple years ago there was a huge hullabaloo (how’s that for an old-timey word?!) when two congresswomen exchanged catty comments about their appearances. There are millions and millions of views of this moment. It was clipped and memed and discussed ad nauseum. I bet if you asked three friends about it, at least one would know what you’re talking about.

Back in 2002, something similar happened in a hearing when a senior senator and the Treasury Secretary got into a 15-minute heated personal exchange about, basically, who grew up more poor. It was the talk of the town in DC for a moment. I found an article or two about it, but I literally couldn’t find a single clip of the exchange other than the original content in the C-Span library. That’s the impact of the internet on politics.

I suppose I should get to the point. Politics has become a subcategory of entertainment, and that is not without a cost. You could make the case that things are as messed up as they are right now because the voting public began to think about politics as little more than entertainment content. This led too many people to make choices in the voting booth for the wrong reasons.* Political candidates are simply content on their screen, undifferentiated from a clip of a fight between two Real Housewives or an AI-generated reel of The Game of Thrones but with cats.

Amusing Ourselves to Death

Amusing Ourselves to Death, by Neil Postman, was published in 1985 and focuses on the negative changes in our country as a result of the transition from the written word to a television culture. While we are forty years down the road and several steps beyond the TV-dominated days he studied, his scholarship and analysis are still deeply relevant to understanding our current self-inflicted decline.

Postman’s main argument is that the tools of conversation dictate the substance of the conversation. What was communicated in print in the first 150 or so years of our history was “generally coherent, serious and rational” and was very different from what is communicated on a television (or - nowadays - any screen), a medium dominated by images and brevity.

The author takes the point of view that our bigger threat is a Huxleyan threat, as opposed to an Orwellian threat. This excerpt from the Foreword is worth reading in full:

“But we had forgotten that alongside Orwell’s dark vision, there was another—slightly older, slightly less well known, equally chilling: Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World. Contrary to common belief even among the educated, Huxley and Orwell did not prophesy the same thing. Orwell warns that we will be overcome by an externally imposed oppression. But in Huxley’s vision, no Big Brother is required to deprive people of their autonomy, maturity and history. As he saw it, people will come to love their oppression, to adore the technologies that undo their capacities to think. What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one. Orwell feared those who would deprive us of information. Huxley feared those who would give us so much that we would be reduced to passivity and egoism. Orwell feared that the truth would be concealed from us. Huxley feared the truth would be drowned in a sea of irrelevance. (emphasis mine) Orwell feared we would become a captive culture. Huxley feared we would become a trivial culture,... As Huxley remarked in Brave New World Revisited, the civil libertarians and rationalists who are ever on the alert to oppose tyranny ‘failed to take into account man’s almost infinite appetite for distractions.’ In 1984, Huxley added, people are controlled by inflicting pain. In Brave New World, they are controlled by inflicting pleasure. In short, Orwell feared that what we hate will ruin us. Huxley feared that what we love will ruin us. This book is about the possibility that Huxley, not Orwell, was right.”

Wow. That doesn’t read like a dusty old treatise of years gone by, does it? It feels as relevant as ever. My one modest quibble would be to observe that the Huxley v. Orwell threat isn’t necessarily an either-or dynamic. You could argue we’re facing Huxleyan AND Orwellian threats. Oh, goody.

I also want to state the obvious (because on the internet, if you don’t state the obvious, someone will state it for you in the comments section in ALL CAPS). The internet era has also ushered in some very good things in the political space. It’s a good thing for citizens to have access to more information about what Congress is doing. It’s a good thing to have more transparency about what elected officials say and whether they make stock trades based on information they pick up in their job. It’s a good thing to more easily express your needs and wishes to your member of congress.

What has been damaging is when the trivial or irrelevant is dressed up as “news” because it gets more eyeballs; and people think they’ve been informed - when they’ve really just been entertained.

One more excerpt on that very point:

“In the Huxleyan prophecy, Big Brother does not watch us, by his choice. We watch him, by ours. There is no need for wardens or gates or Ministries of Truth. When a population becomes distracted by trivia, when cultural life is redefined as a perpetual round of entertainments, when serious public conversation becomes a form of baby-talk, when, in short, a people become an audience and their public business a vaudeville act, then a nation finds itself at risk; culture-death is a clear possibility.”

I’m not sharing this to be a curmudgeon and make you feel bad about laughing at SNL’s Weekend Update. That shit is funny. I enjoy it, too.

But it’s important to understand the difference between news and entertainment. Yes, watch Jon Stewart and share all the memes. But also read a newspaper. (I know you know that. You’re on Substack - you’re smart and literate! This is for people you know.)

Now what?

Postman makes an admittedly feeble attempt at offering solutions - landing mostly on increased media literacy education. That’s why I had a moment of dread right before I started writing this column - I don’t have a good answer, either.

Sometimes just having a better understanding of why something is so f*cked is slightly empowering. And perhaps the most constructive next step is to simply accept the communication ecosystem as it is and figure out how to harness it for the greater good. Two can play at this game. Just ask Orwell and Huxley.

*I’m not saying all voters are making choices through an entertainment filter, but it’s undoubtedly a significant contributing factor.

Please press the ❤️ button if you appreciated this column. It helps to get my work in front of more readers.

XOXO,

Jamie

I’ve just finished up five weeks of using the Upper East Side as a home base. Before I began this adventure, I promised you I would let you know if the UES is truly where the cool kids are hanging out these days, as the Wall Street Journal proclaimed.

My dear friends, this is not true. 😂 I think the Journal was trying to “make fetch happen” with that article. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot to enjoy on the UES. If you’re going to the city to stay in a luxurious hotel and drop barrels of cash on luxury goods, that’s your place. And, for me, walking Bear and Cozmo in Central Park several times a day was easily the sweetest part of the entire experience. But this is not a neighborhood where the city feels alive - especially after dark.

I’m even more certain of my opinion because I had the advantage of immediately comparing and contrasting this part of town with life down on Washington Square Park, where I stayed for a week right before the UES residency. And let me tell you, I loved being downtown. That park and the neighborhoods nearby on all sides - Greenwich Village, the West Village, Soho, Union Square - feel like the beating heart of the city. Every walk around the area presented an endless parade of the human condition - artistry, celebration, desperation, indulgence, kindness, lust, hustle, beauty, wit. It’s all there, and it’s intoxicating.

Even though the UES failed to meet my WSJ-misguided expectations, I’m grateful I had this opportunity, and for the things I learned and experienced. And for all the fun. That’s why we travel.

And, of course, this stay gave me the chance to find some new spots to share with you. First, here’s the list I made earlier this year:

And, now, some new discoveries:

FOOD AND DRINK

Bar Pisellino - A prototypical West Village spot to sit al fresco and people watch. If it’s morning, the coffee drinks are first rate. Once it’s “five o’clock somewhere” the switch to drinks is a no-brainer. I’m not usually a frozen drink gal, but the Sgroppino, made with vodka, lemon sorbet, and prosecco hand-mixed in a copper bowl, is absolutely delicious.

Milady’s - A Soho bar with a long history, a classic dive bar feel, and a cocktail program that landed them on the North America’s 50 Best Bars list.

Marcel - This buzzy new restaurant inside Sotheby’s headquarter’s building is worthy of the hype. The food and drinks are impeccable. But what sets it apart is the vibe. The room - designed by Roman and Williams - feels great to be in, and the people-watching does not disappoint. It’s basically The Grill but Democrats (instead of finance bros).

The Eighty Six - I loved this restaurant so much. And I really wish I didn’t, because it took me months of trying to finally get a reservation. The space is iconic - site of the former Chumley’s restaurant where Hemingway and Fitzgerald would while away the night. The room has only ten tables and is the epitome of art deco speakeasy perfection - with perfect food and drink to match.

What if that was the only time I’ll ever get a table there?!? That possibility depresses me.

OTHER STUFF

Mercer Labs - This immersive art-tech experience is a delight, especially after a couple cocktails!

Lisa Eldridge - The British makeup artist with the best lipsticks around currently has a pop-up in Soho.

Guli Nails - I’ve become a Russian manicure evangelist. My nails have never looked better or been healthier, and the cuticle work is unparalleled. I’d highly encourage you to find a salon near you that does Russian manicures. And if you’re in NYC, book an appointment with one of the very best in the biz.

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Now it’s back to normal life in the DMV. I missed my home and my routines, and am finding even more pleasure in the daily after some time away.

Whether you’re currently on vacation or simply experiencing a routine summer Saturday like me, I hope you find the joy in it. It should ALL be joy.

XOXO,

Jamie

I’ve been on a culinary rampage through New York City with friends and family for most of the past six weeks. It’s been absolutely wonderful, but my wallet and my waistline are both telling me it’s time to head home. So in a few days I’ll go back to the DMV to spend the month making responsible choices and getting ready for my favorite time of year.

Here’s what I’m getting into for August:

1. One last great New York City dinner at Family Meal

2. Catching Oh, Mary! with Meg Stalter in the lead role

3. Doing a wellness reset (after my decadent July) with a 5 day Kroma fast

4. Taking everything more slowly. Rushing around in my house a few weeks ago, I tripped over an electrical cord and sprained my hand breaking the fall. It was a good reminder to take things down a notch.

5. Shopping at the Falls Church Farmers Market for lettuce that doesn’t incapacitate me

6. Making an unhurried visit to a local independent bookstore

7. Driving to King of Prussia, Pennsylvania to see The Odyssey in 70mm IMAX. (Someone online said it’s harder to get tickets to the 70mm IMAX screening of The Odyssey at Lincoln Center than it was to get tickets to the Knicks Finals, and they’re not wrong!)

8. Back to school shopping with my rising sophomore

9. Prepping a new Ivy + Ink content pillar for the fall. I’m excited to share it with you!

10. Watching the new season of Ted Lasso

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Life Lately

1 A trip to urgent care wasn’t on my bingo card 2 Cozmo loves walking in Central Park 3 I’m not usually a breakfast eater, but made an exception for this delicious Lobster Benedict 4 Midweek boozy lunch at Balthazar with girlfriends for the win!

Please press the ❤️ button if you enjoyed this column. It helps to get my work in front of more readers.

XOXO,

Jamie

I was at the beach in Rhode Island this week with my daughter, mostly lying on my neck-bone under a beach umbrella reading an excellent novel. On Wednesday, while dreamily looking at the surf and eating a very expensive lobster roll, it suddenly felt like my daughter had dropped her plate on me. I looked down to see an enormous seagull on my lap taking a bite of said lobster roll. That’s just rude.

Since this was a true vacation (plus we have a lot of newer Ivy + Ink readers), it felt like a good time to re-share a post I did two years ago on my favorite books of the 21st century. If you’re looking for a summer read, you can’t go wrong pulling from this list. Enjoy

My favorite books of the 21st Century

Last week, a lot of you probably saw the New York Times published a list of the “Best” books of the 21st Century, based on the feedback of “hundreds of literary luminaries.” I’ve read 10 of them (should I feel bad that my number is so low?), had a few more already on my nightstand waiting to be read, and ordered even more (that number is classified!) as I made my way through the list.

With my mind focused on books even more than usual, I thought it would be fun to come up with my own book list. This isn’t a “best” list - I don’t have that kind of hubris. These are my favorites, so far, of the 21st Century. They’re listed chronologically rather than by some kind of favorites ranking - which would be an utterly torturous exercise to put myself through. I hope you find something here you decide to read and then love. Keep me posted!

The Fundamentals of Play (Caitlin Macy)(2000) - Of course I have to start off this list with a novel about a group of young Ivy Leaguers in 1980’s New York City. The characters are beautifully drawn and Macy’s wit is infused throughout this entertaining story.

A Massive Swelling: Celebrity Re-Examined as a Grotesque, Crippling Disease and Other Cultural Revelations (Cintra Wilson)(2000) - This group of cultural commentary essays about fame and celebrity at the turn of the century is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Wilson’s prose is brutal and her insights devastating. I’ve bought several copies of this for friends because I am a spreader of joy.

Bel Canto (Ann Patchett)(2001) - This story about a group of international diplomats and other elites taken hostage was truly one of the most sublime reads of my life. The words dance on the page.

Atonement (Ian McEwan)(2001) - As well-done as the movie was, the book is ten times better. (Let’s just stipulate that all books are better than the movies based on them. Change my mind.)

Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln (Doris Kearns Goodwin)(2005) - Doris Kearns Goodwin is as much a storyteller as a historian, and this is the definitive Lincoln biography. Wish I could put No Ordinary Time, her FDR biography, on this list; but it was published in 1994.

Prep (Curtis Sittenfeld)(2005) - The protagonist in Sittenfeld’s debut novel is an Indiana fish out of water at a New England boarding school. This book was so fantastic that I now read everything Sittenfeld writes, no questions asked.

Colin Cowie Chic: The Guide to Life As It Should Be (Colin Cowie)(2007) - It’s a little embarrassing how many lifestyle books written by tastemakers and celebrities are in my library, but at least that means I’m a (self-declared) authority on which ones are good. And this one, my friends, is the creme de la creme of aspirational tastemaker porn.

Rules of Civility (Amor Towles)(2011) - Towles’ subsequent novel, A Gentleman in Moscow, seems to have gotten more attention, but this is my favorite. Set in 1930s New York, it deals with class, ambition, and manners. If you enjoy Whit Stillman movies, smash that Amazon Buy Now button on this one.

Life After Life (Kate Atkinson)(2013) - The premise of this spellbinding story is a World War II-era protagonist who keeps coming back to live her life over and over again, pushing further along and being given the opportunity to do things differently each time - potentially impacting world history. I’m currently at work writing a novel with a similar Sliding Doors-style premise set in the political arena, and this book was one of the inspirations for my current project.

This Town: Two Parties and a Funeral – Plus Plenty of Valet Parking! – in America’s Gilded Capital (Mark Leibovich)(2013) - One of the best books pulling back the curtain on what the DC political scene is really like. He skewers worthy targets and drops insights and observations that had me constantly shouting “Yes!!” in my head as I devoured his writing.

The Underground Railroad (Colson Whitehead)(2016) - The tale of Cora, an enslaved girl making her escape from the antebellum South, is as gripping as they come. I accidentally left it on my beach chair to get completely soaked when the tide came in, and the three days I had to wait for the pages to dry out were utter agony!

Educated: A Memoir (Tara Westover)(2018) - Westover was raised in rural Idaho by survivalist parents who barely gave her an education, and yet improbably managed to make it to Harvard and Cambridge. Since I spent my childhood in a fundamentalist Baptist community, there were aspects of her story that felt extremely relatable to me.

Lake Success (Gary Shteyngart)(2018) - I raved about this book in an earlier post.

Fleishman Is in Trouble (Taffy Brodesser-Akner)(2019) - I devoured this book - a divorce novel set in NYC and stuffed with one hilarious cultural observation after another. Brodesser-Akner wrote a NYT profile of Gwyneth Paltrow that made me a fan (of TBA) for life, and she brings that same insight and ability to use her pen as a weapon to her literary debut.

The Guest Book (Sarah Blake)(2019) - Multigenerational stories set in New England family beach houses are one of my erogenous zones.

Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion (Jia Tolentino)(2020) - I was blown away by the talent, candor and insight Tolentino, a New Yorker cultural critic, reveals in these essays about life in our time.

American Dirt (Jeanine Cummins)(2020) - If one of the purposes of reading is to expand your understanding of the world and other people’s experiences in it, this book is a smashing success. This story of Lydia and her young son Luca fleeing their homeland for the promise of America will open your mind and heart to a perspective most of us are fortunate enough to never personally experience.

Great Circle (Maggie Shipstead)(2021) - The intertwining stories of an early 20th century female aviator and the 21st century actress who is set to play her in a movie is so beautifully written it left me stunned. Truly one of those books where you’re sad to reach the last page.

The Paper Palace (Miranda Cowley Heller)(2021) - Another supremely entertaining read in my aforementioned literary erogenous zone.

To Paradise (Hanya Yanagihara)(2022) - This tour de force tells the story of a family and a Greenwich Village townhouse in an alternate version of America set in three different time periods - 1893, 1993, and 2093. It’s super long, but you’ll be glad to spend so much time with this story and these characters.

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See you next week!

XOXO,

Jamie

Last weekend, I attended a writer’s retreat led by one of my favorite writers, Brianna Wiest, author of beautiful books such as The Pivot Year, The Mountain is You, and The Life That’s Waiting. I first discovered her writing on Instagram, where I was constantly screenshotting excerpts from her work that the algorithm was serving up. (Hurray - sometimes tech is our friend!) Her writing gave me a sense of optimism and the courage to fully embrace a bigger version of myself during some of the biggest obstacles I’ve ever faced.

So when I saw she was leading a retreat in-person in upstate New York, there was no question about whether I was going. The description for the gathering: “Sacred Pages: Writing as a Path to Knowing” left me wondering how much of this would be about writing technique versus doing internal work. It didn’t matter - I wanted the chance to spend time in person with a writer who is almost otherworldly in her insights and the way she expresses them. I know I’m fan-girling here - I do not apologize.

I asked my dear friend, Christina (who is a powerful writer) to join me, and she was game. Thank goodness. Because besides Wiest and Christina, everything else about the experience was going to be way outside of my comfort zone.

For starters, the gathering was held at a holistic education retreat center. When I walked onto campus the first night, I felt like Mad Men’s Don Draper at the Big Sur spiritual retreat in the final episode. “First time here?” would be a question asked of me only out of politeness.

Full disclosure - Christina and I didn’t stay on campus. We opted to register as commuters and found very cute accommodations in Kingston. My first foray into holistic retreat life was going to stay safely contained between the hours of 9am and 5pm. I would still start and end my days in my air-conditioned room and private bathroom. I mean, let’s not get too carried away here.

Once the first session with Brianna began, so did my utter enjoyment. The basic cadence of the sessions was for Bri to talk for a bit, give us a writing prompt and time to complete it, and then a few people would share their writing.

During the Saturday morning session, one prompt she gave was to write about the people we’re jealous of, and my immediate thought was that I wasn’t jealous of anybody. I love my life and wouldn’t trade lives with anyone. I figured this was a good time for me to take a bathroom break and not bother doing this particular prompt.

As I was out of the room, I thought more about how Brianna had just described jealousy. It’s not simply about admiring and wanting what someone has. There is also an element of that person that bothers you in some way.

Thinking of jealousy in those terms did bring a couple people to mind. They both started out in my former line of work alongside me and have achieved success and visibility a few rungs higher than I have, but have done so in ways that I very firmly believe required severe moral compromises. There it was. That was the formula Bri had described.

When I got back into the room, there was still time left, so I begrudgingly wrote down their names and what it was that bothered me about them.

The very next writing prompt asked us to consider how the things that bothered us about the targets of our jealousy could be the very desires we have for ourselves that we have suppressed. Could this jealousy be directing me towards the key that unlocks the bigger life I crave?

The minute she finished explaining the prompt, my hands flew to my cheeks Kevin-in-Home-Alone-style. Brianna spotted it and laughed. I had just been struck by a lightning bolt of realization about what I want and what else I’m supposed to be doing with my life.

Once there was another opportunity to share our writing, I knew what I had to do. I raised my hand and opened up to a room full of strangers about who triggered me and what I had learned about myself as a result. I told them what my version of a big life looked like and what I knew I had to do next. I read the words I’d just written:

“This desire isn’t in my heart for ego. I’ve tried to run from it. It was put there for a reason. It’s time.”

There was something about saying those words out loud in a room full of supportive strangers that mattered. It alchemized my realizations. I felt myself change in that room, and I still feel different a week later.

What did I realize? You’ll see in due time. I’m a big believer in showing instead of telling.

Then why did I bother to share all this? First, I believe those questions she asked us to consider were instructive. You might want to try this exercise for yourself if you’re struggling with your life’s direction.

Zooming out a bit, the main point I wanted to make is that I almost missed this life-changing moment. I took the time to register for a course, drive two hours, pay for a fancy hotel, sit on the floor in an under-air conditioned room and write for three days, and I still almost skipped writing the words that led to my biggest breakthrough.

I believe when we’re getting super close to these life-altering changes, a part of our subconscious reaches out and grabs us, desperately trying to keep us where we are - whether out of fear of change or fear of embarrassment or just to keep us safe. That part of me almost won last weekend.

I’m sharing this because when a moment like that comes for you, I hope you remember this story and keep going.

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I shared some of this on Saturday in this video.

XOXO,

Jamie

Between my sophomore and junior years of college, I transferred from a small Christian college in the midwest to a large state university in Florida. After a lifetime in parochial schools with lengthy lists of behavioral rules, it was my first time with practically no external guardrails.

Without seeking it out, I managed to make the perfect friend for that period of my life. Phil Yost became my sherpa for living a life of non-conformity.

Phil and I were in a political science class together and started chatting during breaks. He looked like Brad Pitt and dressed like a preppy. Little did I know that just a few years prior, Phil was a full-blown punk - mohawk, leather moto jacket covered in metal studs, Doc Martens, the whole deal.

Just because Phil was sporting polo shirts and khaki shorts when I met him doesn’t mean he wasn’t still a punk. Punk is a state of mind:

• refusing to just accept what you’re told without rigorously thinking it through for yourself

• embracing what you find beautiful and interesting in art and music and clothing regardless of the taste of the crowd

• and speaking your mind even if it makes things uncomfortable.

Phil embodies all of that, and he does it with a smile and tons of laughter, because he’s also one of the most warm-hearted, generous, and funny human beings I’ve ever known.

After our carefree college days galavanting around Ybor City, we had a long period of time where our friendship lay fallow because of the demands of building careers and raising kids. We’re now almost on the other side of that, and one of the best aspects of later life has been the opportunity to spend more time with Phil and his bad-ass wife, Valerie. Phil still has punk DNA, and it’s helped him to create a life beyond most people’s dreams. Read about it for yourself.

I have a lot to be grateful for when it comes to my friendship with Phil. He came into my life at exactly the moment when I had the ability to make more choices for myself, and I saw what life could be like with a dash more independent thinking and contrarianism.

Our friendship activated this mindset in me, and it’s been supported along the way by some other great role models and great books. One of my favorites of the genre is The Art of Non-Conformity: Set Your Own Rules, Live the Life You Want, and Change the World by Chris Guillebeau. I read it when it was released in 2010, and I wanted to share it with you.

The main thesis of the book is: “You don’t have to live your life the way other people expect you to.”

I’ll say at the outset, this book (and this approach to life) isn’t necessarily for everyone; and that’s perfectly fine. (After all, doesn’t the idea of non-conformity require some conformity in the environment in order to exist?)

But if this idea intrigues you and you feel that tiny spark of excitement deep inside when you think about living even slightly more boldly, this book can help you think through the concept and the questions - both big and small. It’s both a treatise on why forging your own path is so rewarding and a practical guide for how to pull it off in your career and lifestyle.

Guillebeau lays out four prerequisites to pursue your own path:

• Being open to new ideas

• Being dissatisfied with the status quo

• Being willing to take personal responsibility

• Being willing to work hard

The first section of the book makes the case for charting a path for yourself and addresses the big obstacles standing in the way - fear (fear of success, fear of failure, and fear of change) and the gatekeepers and critics.

The second section, Reclaiming Work, gets into the nuts and bolts of professional independence. Competence is your security, and can be applied either working for yourself or becoming a professional rockstar who can dictate terms by being indispensable to an employer. He also addresses the important question of money - how much you need and how you can get it.

The third section, The Power of Convergence, is a bigger conversation about life, work, and legacy. One of my favorite portions is a discussion on the importance of thoughtfully excluding things from our lives. He takes particular aim at unnecessary meetings, which are one of my personal pet peeves.

Not everything in the book will apply to everyone or interest everyone. But the larger ideas he addresses provide food for thought, and the later chapters are full of ideas to help implement a life of true personal freedom.

I read this book in 2010, and went on to found my own government relations consulting business (which I ran successfully for ten years), start a fashion accessory business on a lark (turns out that world wasn’t for me!), self-publish a memoir, and found Ivy + Ink.

I didn’t ask anyone’s permission to do any of this. Guess what - you don’t need to. If you want to do something, make a decision and take the first step. And then another. You get to decide.

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Please press the ❤️ button if you enjoyed this column. It helps to get my work in front of more readers.

XOXO,

Jamie

I needed to come on here and vent real quick.

Tomorrow I have to go to my friend Aimee’s birthday party, and I’m kind of dreading it. I wish I could skip this one, but it’s a milestone birthday - so I’m stuck.

Just a little backstory. Aimee and I have been friends our entire lives. When we were little kids, she was the life of the party - fun, spunky, super smart, and always encouraging us to do our best. Unfortunately, she also had a tendency to be nicer to the boys than she was to the girls; and she was pretty mean to the kids who didn’t look like her, like the Jones twins.

By the time we got to high school, she’d undergone some real character growth. She stopped being such a pick-me and was nicer to the other girls in the class. She was even treating the Jones twins with a little kindness - not perfect, but improving. We had some amazingly fun times, and her friendship made my life better in every way.

Unfortunately, a lot of that progress and growth has disappeared lately. I hate to say it, but the change began when she started dating the guy she’s with now.

He’s so awful. He wooed her by throwing money around, wearing a fancy watch, and driving a flashy sports car. Turns out, the watch was a dupe and the car was his dad’s. But by the time she’d figured all this out, she was already hooked (and I think a little embarrassed to admit she chose poorly). Now he makes her pay for everything. He’s absolutely draining her dry.

Aimee has gotten kind of mean. She’s bad-mouthing the Jones twins again, inexplicably blaming them for things going wrong in her life. It’s hard to see her be so heartless, because I’ve seen her at her best. That was a beautiful thing, and I hope she gets back to being that woman again soon.

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So this party is gonna be a doozy. Her boyfriend has made it all about himself. His name is in the biggest font on the invitation. He chose the absolute tackiest party decorations, including a bunch of poster-size photos of himself with Aimee. (Whose birthday is it again?) And he’s serving McDonald’s. I’m so embarrassed for her.

Yeah, I’m mad at Aimee. I’m disappointed in her. But it’s her birthday. So I’ll hold my nose and go, hoping for happier celebrations down the road.

Anyway, this isn’t a post about a girl named Aimee.

XOXO,

Jamie

I’ve been really fortunate to be able to spend the bulk of the past eight summers at the Delaware shore. The beach is my favorite place in the world, and I treasured the pace of those summers. The walks on the beach, the piles of fiction voraciously consumed, the hours spent sitting under an umbrella surfside staring out at the limitless horizon. I’m forever grateful for it, and hope for another chapter in my life like that down the road.

But this year, I’m switching things up; and that includes spending most of July in New York City! I’ll be staying in an Airbnb in a part of town I’ve only ever visited for shopping - the Upper East Side. I’ve been informed that the cool kids are there now, and I’m curious to see if that’s the case. No, I’m not a cool kid. (I like to think I’m cool and I’m entitled to my opinion on that - but I’m not entitled to my own math, so “kid” is far in the rear view mirror.) But even if you’re not a cool kid - the cool kid vibe is better to be around than the vibe one traditionally thinks of when thinking Upper East Side - antiques, pulled faces on Chanel-wearing octogenarians, monograms and silver service. You get the drift.

At any rate, I’m excited to be a short term resident and will report back on what it’s like on the UES these days. I’ll let my teenager decide if any of it is cool.

TEN THINGS FOR JULY

1. Walking our dogs in Central Park every day. Our Airbnb is on the block next to the park, and I plan to take full advantage.

2. Watching Independence Day fireworks from a skyscraper with panoramic views

3. Reading the newest Ann Patchett novel. Her earlier work, Bel Canto, is one of the most exquisitely written books I’ve ever read.

4. Spending a few days at Ocean House in Watch Hill, Rhode Island. No, this is not a Swiftie pilgrimage. Ocean House has been on my bucket list forever. I’m excited that Sift Bake Shop is a short walk from the hotel.

5. Using the Met cafes as my writing spot. What a great place to wander around when I need a writing break.

6. Attending a writing retreat with Brianna Wiest. Her beautiful writing has had an enormous impact on my life, and I can’t wait to spend some time with her in person.

7. Dinner at Vinyl Steakhouse - looks like such a cool spot!

8. Spending time with my extended family in Connecticut

9. Trying old school calisthenics while I’m away from home and my Tonal

10. Eating a soft-serve dipped in melted butter from Papa d’Amour. I mean….come on.

LIFE LATELY

1 I highly recommend puppy yoga 2 I almost wore this sweater to watch Game 5, but then remembered I had worn it to MSG to watch the Knicks blow a game against the Pacers in last year’s conference finals. Crisis averted! 3 Bar Pisellino in the West Village is a good hang 4 Knicks in Five, but make it flowers

XOXO,

Jamie

I’ve got the TV on while I write - not my normal practice - because the Knicks victory parade is happening!

I remember when the US Men’s Hockey team won Olympic gold in 1980. That moment felt bigger than sports. I was only a kid, but there was a palpable feeling that something had shifted in the national mood.

This Knicks victory feels like that to me. I know I’m biased here, but even if they’re not your team, the impact of a collective quantum leap into unbridled joy in our biggest and best city will have an undeniable ripple effect on our national mood. Maybe this is part prediction and part hope - but that’s my take.

The Ivy + Ink Gift Guide

I’m excited to share my tried and true resources for gift giving. First, though, I thought I’d talk a little about my philosophy of giving.

Buying gifts for people should be fun. My goal is to feel excited for someone to receive what I’ve selected for them. It’s not always possible to achieve that, but if that’s the goal at the outset, you’ll do a better job than if you approach the task with a sense of dread or duty.

Here’s my paradoxical approach to gift giving:

Give them something you would buy for yourself and give them something they’ll want.

Hold up, JB. How exactly do those two things work together in practice? Great question.

Let’s take the first part - something you’d buy for yourself. It’s essentially the golden rule, but for gifts. What I mean by that is you should spend for someone else at the level you spend for yourself. If you eat Godiva chocolate, don’t downgrade to Hershey’s for a gift. If you drink Guinness, don’t show up at someone’s house with Bud Light. Gift giving is meant to be done with a spirit of generosity. If you have the money to spend and cut corners just to save a buck, I think it puts some bad juju on the gift.

The second part - give them something they want - is self-explanatory. You want to get something you know will excite the recipient, even if it doesn’t necessarily excite you.

Let me give you an example to explain how these rules work together. Suppose you love Hermes blankets and have a couple at home in your favorite shade of blue. You decide to buy your sister a blanket for her fiftieth birthday. Under this approach, you would buy your sister an Hermes blanket (because that’s your price point for yourself), but in her favorite color, orange (even if you can’t stand the color orange).

Another thing I like to do with gifting is to buy people super elevated versions of everyday items. Most people don’t want to splurge on a $46 bar of homemade soap, but everybody uses soap and would probably enjoy the upgrade for an activity they do multiple times a day.

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Without further ado, here’s a collection of resources I use time and again for finding extremely well-received gifts:

Last Crumb - This is the epitome of an everyday item elevated. The simple cookie taken to its most insanely delicious, pimped-out ideal - which is why the price per cookie is a little eye-watering. The packaging is also next level, as one would expect.

Leon and George - High quality plants in beautiful pots that come with a plant doctor for ongoing green thumb support.

East Fork Pottery - This Certified-B small business based in Asheville, North Carolina (with a Georgetown store coming soon!) makes beautiful dishes that are a tactile pleasure to use. A set of mugs or coupes (my favorite dish style for pasta) make a great gift.

Le Labo Candles - Yes, I know scented candles are often mocked as the most generic of gifts - not when it’s a quadruple-wick Santal 26 in a concrete container. A splurge, to be sure.

Flamingo Estate - I’ve written about this LA-based brand before. One of my favorite items to give is their excellent olive oil with a personalized label. The garlic-infused EVOO is also amazing.

Lingua Franca - Custom-embroidered cashmere sweaters? Yes, please!!! I ordered one when my memoir came out, and plan to do another for my upcoming novel. There are so many creative options - nicknames, quotes, political statements. I gave my daughter one with the title of her favorite Taylor Swift song for Christmas.

Lachaume - Sending flowers can be tricky if you’re not familiar with the reputation of the florists near your recipient. How about sending an impeccably arranged cluster of dried wheat stalks from an elegant little shop in Paris? If they were good enough for Karl Lagerfeld, they’ll work for you. (Plus, they’ll last far longer than fresh flowers.)

Goldbelly - Goldbelly is an amazing one-stop shop to order some of the best food in the country. Give your uncle in California the New Haven-style pizza he misses. Send your sister in Georgia some authentic New York crumbcake. OK, I’m getting hungry. I’ll stop now.

Underwater Weaving Studio - Gorgeous homemade baskets from this mother-daughter small business are useful works of art. Or you can order one of their kits to make your own!

Bernard Maisner - We can’t forget the greeting cards. Bernard Maisner is one of the most talented calligraphists in the country, and his cards are showstoppers.

Experiences - Now that my friends and I are on the back nine of life, most of us have all the “stuff” we need. You’ll notice several of the above items are either consumable or elevated versions of everyday items - which are ways to give a gift to the person who seems to have everything. Something else I’ve been doing with more regularity is gifting experiences - things like special dinners out or concerts. Perhaps that’s a topic for another column, but I wanted to at least plant the flag for this category. More later.

I hope this has given you some good ideas for future gifting. I’d love to hear about your gifting go-tos in the comments.

And, as always, please press the ❤️ button if you enjoyed this column. It helps to get my work in front of more readers.

Happy Father’s Day weekend to all the dads out there!

XOXO,

Jamie

Before we get to the main thing, some links to share with you:

• Hey Chuck, Ernie, and Shaq - Jamie Foxx has your number.

• Always read Sally Jenkins. Especially when she’s writing about the role of sports in America’s origin story.

• Here’s to late bloomers

• A fascinating interview with “Silicon Valley’s favorite prophet”

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Father’s Day is a week from tomorrow, which feels like a good time to share a beloved recipe that will absolutely start dad’s day off well - Chocolate Chip Scones.

I know, I know. You hear “scones” and think of a dry, crumbly rock of bread that’s only edible smothered with jam and clotted cream. Forget all that. This recipe (originally from an out of print Williams Sonoma cookbook) will change how you feel about scones, all because of one hero ingredient - heavy cream.

Enjoy.

Chocolate Chip Scones

2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for working

1 tablespoon baking powder

½ teaspoon salt

¼ cup sugar, plus 2-3 tablespoons

¾ cup semisweet chocolate chips

1 ¼ cups heavy cream

3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

Position a rack in the middle of an oven and preheat to 425 F.

In a medium bowl, toss together with a fork the flour, baking powder, salt, and the ¼ cup sugar. Mix in the chocolate chips. Pour in the cream and mix with the fork until the mixture holds together. The dough will be fairly sticky.

Transfer the dough to a lightly-floured work surface and sprinkle lightly with flour. Knead the dough 10 times, pushing it away from you with the heel of your hand, folding it back over itself and giving it a quarter-turn each time. Pat into a 9-inch disk. Brush with the melted butter and then sprinkle with the 2-3 tablespoons of sugar.

Cut the dough into 12 pie-shaped wedges and transfer them to a baking sheet, leaving 1-inch spaces between the wedges.

Bake until the tops are golden brown, 15-17 minutes. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Makes 12 scones. They’re best consumed the day they’re baked.

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Congratulations to Berta V., the winner of our Augustinus Bader giveaway!

And a big thank you to my daughter, Emma, for the video production.

If you enjoyed this piece, please consider hitting the ❤️ button at the top or bottom. It helps get my writing in front of more people. I’d be incredibly grateful.

Recently, I was walking one of my dogs on the trail across from my home, thinking about how much I enjoy the ritual, and decided we should delve into it here at Ivy + Ink.

As a perpetual self-improvement junkie, let me share one of the things I love most about taking a walk. My windows of free time used to feel like a forced choice between improving my mind and improving my body. Walking eliminates the need to choose.

Most of my ideas for column topics (including, as I just mentioned, this one!) come to me on my walks. I know it has something to do with the fact that my phone, with its constant alerts and distractions, is tucked away in my pocket for the duration, and I’m free to let my thoughts wander uninterrupted. That’s probably why I also tend to work through problems more easily on a walk.

Rather than spend a lot of time on the health benefits of walking (something I suspect we’ve all read plenty about), I want to jump to the next step. You agree that walking is great. Now, how do you make it a part of your life in a way that’s enjoyable and impactful?

52 Ways to Walk: The Surprising Science of Walking for Wellness and Joy, One Week at a Time by Annabel Abbs-Streets is a user-friendly guide for adding more and varied walks to your life. The book is divided into 52 chapters - one for each week of the year - with each chapter recommending a different type of walk or enhancement to walking, supported by easily-digestible explanations of the science behind the suggestion.

Rather than run through all 52 ideas at a cursory level, I thought I’d tell you about my ten favorites. If you like what you read, you can check out the book for a deeper, more expansive dive.

Walk in the Rain This is one of my favorite kinds of walks when the weather is warm. It’s best saved for a day when you don’t have anywhere else to be afterwards, as you’re likely to get soaked in the process. Or maybe a commitment to do some rain walks is a good excuse to spring for waterproof clothes and boots. (I’m Jedi Master level at finding excuses to buy stuff!)

Rain activates scents that are normally dormant, including one of my all time favorites - petrichor - the smell of soil after rain. Flamingo Estate has figured out how to get this scent into a bar of soap they release every January; and I’m obsessed with it.

Walk with a Dog Most of my walks are with a dog, as I suspect is the case for all the dog owners reading this. Scientific studies demonstrate that long-time dog owners visit the doctor less frequently and are in better health - partly as a result of the increased walking. (The elevated oxytocin levels and decreased cortisol levels associated with dog ownership likely also play a part.)

Take a City Smell Walk Focus on scent as you traverse a city - notice the changing smells as you move through neighborhoods and encounter bakeries, parks, factories, and beauty salons. You’ll certainly get a whiff of things you’d never want to turn into a scented candle, but that’s part of the fun. The stinky smells make the lovely smells even more splendid.

Walk After Eating Just a ten minute walk after a meal - especially dinner - will do wonders for your blood glucose levels and aid digestion. It’s one of the biggest weight management hacks around.

Walk with Others Walking with a friend provides social benefits in addition to the physical benefits of the walk itself. The author is a big fan of walking groups and the fleeting sociability they provide:

“When we walk in company, we drift freely between individuals and conversations, shifting when we change direction or turn a corner, sometimes talking but sometimes walking in silent synchronicity. It’s a very special mode of being in company and utterly unlike most social occasions.”

Walk with a Picnic Ditch the weighted vest and fill a backpack with snacks and drinks to enjoy at the midpoint of your journey.

Walk with Your Ears Numerous scientific studies show that listening to natural soundscapes reduces stress, slows our heart rate, and helps us perform better on tasks that require our attention.

A study commissioned by the UK’s National Trust found that the following sounds bring us the greatest pleasure:

birdsong

a running stream

wind rustling tree leaves

silence

twigs snapping underfoot

animal noises

wind whistling through trees

rain falling on leaves

acorns hitting the ground

squelching mud

I object to the absence of a baby laughing on this list! Regardless, an outdoor walk can provide countless opportunities to experience pleasurable sounds.

I know there’s a huge push in our culture to always be multi-tasking - and that very much includes listening to books or podcasts while doing things like walking. Be an iconoclast - reject the multitasking culture and immerse yourself in what you’re doing. Presence is a powerful choice.

Walk Beside the Sea This is my very favorite kind of walk because the beach is my happy place. This chapter, like the others, includes all sorts of scientific support for the benefits of a walk by the ocean. I don’t even care. All I know is that when I walk along the shore and look out at the endless expanse of water, I’m reminded how small and insignificant my biggest worries are.

Pick Up Litter as You Walk Litter picking is a whole thing. It’s obviously good for the environment, helps protect animals, and is good for you in the process - providing an immediate sense of purpose and accomplishment. Prince Charles took Wills and Harry litter picking when they were kids. If it’s good enough for the young princelings….

Seek out the Sublime Walking in nature can produce unexpected moments of awe, which is upstream of greater happiness, altruism, and curiosity. Stay present and observant. From a vast golden sky at sunset down to the tiniest caterpillar moving across a sea of moss, we live in a world with an endless ability to bring us back to what matters, if we just let it.

I’d like to add my own suggestion to the 52 magnificent ideas in this book. Take a Gratitude Walk, something I wrote about in my Thanksgiving post. The very best time for one of these is when you’re feeling anything but grateful. It is, I promise you, a walk that will create a small dose of magic.

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It’s my last chance to remind you to enter our $500 Augustinus Bader giveaway! (Link below)

I don’t think I’ve ever been more ready for a summer break to start. With no travel anytime soon, I’m looking forward to a month of slow, quiet daily progress and relaxing evenings unwinding with books and the sound of crickets in my backyard. Here’s what’s on tap this month:

TEN THINGS FOR JUNE

1. Finding some indulgent treats to send as Father’s Day gifts

2. Making a Pavlova with fresh strawberries

3. Swimming - after TEN years on the waitlist, we’re finally members at the neighborhood pool. Am I summer body ready? Yes, because it’s summer and I have a body.

4. Watching In the Hand of Dante. This cast is insane.

5. Getting an acupuncture facial. Started these a few months ago, and it’s a game changer.

6. Rooting for the Knicks in the NBA Finals. Go New York, Go New York, Go!

7. Welcoming my sister and brother-in-law back to the states after four years living abroad. Excited to be one short flight away from my first friend!

8. Making a Pisco Sour to remind me of my magical trip to Peru last year

9. Ordering personalized stationary. Reading The Correspondent inspired me to up my letter-writing game. It feels like a lot of people are taking small steps towards a more analog life.

10. Visiting the 250th birthday exhibit at the briefly-reopening Smithsonian castle. Harriet Tubman’s hymnal, Sally Ride’s space suit, and Thomas Jefferson’s lap desk are among the items on display.

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LIFE LATELY

1 Bear enjoys a good binge watch as much as I do 2 Merch on the way soon! 3 Chelsea Hotel lobby hang 4 Yesteryear was unputdownable

There’s still time to enter the Augustinus Bader giveaway!

Before we get to the main thing, some quick links to share with you:

• I never thought I’d get excited about travel containers. Then I tried Cadence. Beautiful and well-designed.

• For me, Black Friday isn’t Black Friday. It’s my own personal Email Unsubscribe Day - free, cathartic activity on a day when it feels like every single company you’ve ever done business with is sending you an email. I just added a mid-year purge after seeing this reel that demonstrates a super efficient way to very quickly and easily see what you’re subscribed to and unsubscribe where you’d like. I tried it, and it works.

• One of my daily must-reads is Feed Me by Emily Sundberg. I had the pleasure of chatting with Emily when Punchbowl hosted her on Capitol Hill recently. If you want to know what’s around the corner in media, culture, the New York scene and other fun things, this is your source.

• For the past year, I’ve been doing my weight training at home on a Tonal machine. When you don’t have to schlep to the gym and back, you feel less compelled to add “filler moves” to a routine just to make the trek worth your time. That’s why I was pleased to see this piece with the latest thinking on just doing the minimum effective dose. I suspect more people would exercise more regularly if it didn’t have to be a whole thing. As it turns out, it probably doesn’t.

Regular readers of Ivy + Ink know I like to throw parties. When I moved into my home - a modern, light-filled space with a below-ground basement - I instinctually decided to surrender to the inherently dark nature of the basement and build it out as a moody library/speakeasy. The contrast between the light and modern main floor and the clubby, gothic space that greets you when you descend the stairs is always a big surprise to first time guests. A number of people have compared it to being in a New York City club - a compliment I will take any day of the week.

I’ve settled into a basic formula for my parties. The evening begins on the main floor with some drinks and appetizers. Once a critical mass has arrived and conversations are flowing, we head downstairs where there’s a full bar, a DJ, and more food (usually desserts). The rest of the night revolves around dancing, drinking, and small groups chatting in one of the various seating areas near the dance floor.

I’m too old for the clubs. So I decided to bring the club to my friends and me. It’s one of my favorite things about living in this house.

Earlier this month, my speakeasy was the sight of an 80s dance party. I spent less and put less planning into this dance party compared to past events, and I think it was just as fun. It’s safe to say that the guests, the energy, and the enthusiasm that go into a gathering are more important than whether there are mini lobster rolls and truffle-topped mac and cheese bites being passed by waiters.*

I knew it was going to be a fun night even before the day arrived because I was hearing more from my guests excited about putting together outfits for the occasion. They did not disappoint.

So I’d highly recommend you throw an 80’s party. My main elements were:

• Pac Man, Rubik’s Cube, and other 80s-themed decorations (easily found online)

• Calla lilies (classic 80s) and some flowers in wildly unnatural neon colors from the floral wholesaler near me

• Low brow 80s food everyone loves - Twinkies, Devil Dogs, Cheese Balls, Reese’s Pieces, Pigs in a Blanket, etc.

• Killer 80s music courtesy of DJAS1

• Guests who showed up turned out in their 80s best

There’s a lot going on in the world. It was pretty great spending a few hours in my basement with people I adore, dancing with a smile on my face, a champagne glass in my hand, and a heart that was full.

One last note - our Augustinus Bader giveaway is going strong. (Welcome to all the new Ivy + Ink subscribers!) The drawing is June 12th. Details to enter are here.

*Bookmarking this for myself when making future party planning decisions.

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So that’s what we’re doing today - plus launching our first giveaway! For those of you who don’t know me in real life and are maybe wondering why I feel qualified to make skincare product recommendations, all I can tell you is that I’m one of those go-to women in my circle of friends. I should caveat this and say other women in my circle except for my own daughter. Any time I’ve tried to give her product advice, I get a very polite “Mom, thank you, but I’ve done the research. I know what works for me.” I suppose I could let that hurt my feelings. But it really just makes me proud.

I’m not giving you my entire routine. Frankly, I’m scared to put all that in writing in one place. Years ago, Emily Weiss, the founder of Glossier, shared her full wedding-prep beauty regimen and the internet had a field day with it. I’m going to learn from her experience and maintain a smidgen of mystery.

So this is my Skincare Hall of Fame - the tried and true items that I’ve used for years or know I will use for years (in the case of the newer items on the list). I do not do affiliate links or make any money from sharing this. I’m doing it because it’s fun and my girlfriends have asked for it. And, as always, I would very much like to hear about your own Hall of Fame products in the comments. We don’t gatekeep here at Ivy + Ink!

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IVY + INK SKINCARE HALL OF FAME

The two most important products virtually everyone should use for the long-term quality of your skin are sunscreen and a retinoid. These are my go-tos:

ReVive Soleil Superieur Broad Spectrum SPF 50 Sunscreen - The best sunscreen is the one you’ll actually use. ReVive’s is cosmetically elegant and goes on nicely under makeup. La Mer also makes a great sunscreen product with the same qualities. Wear it every single day. Even when it’s overcast.

Agency Retinoid - Agency is an online prescription service that will customize your retinoid for you. They also offer a retinoid eye cream. I like that the formula is tweaked for my specific needs and priorities, and it doesn’t hurt that the packaging is more aesthetically pleasing than a pharmaceutical ointment tube.

When it comes to lotions and creams for the face and body, my favorite brand is Augustinus Bader. The Bader line is based on his proprietary TFC8 - a blend of vitamins, lipids and peptides that works like magic. I’ve got six different AB products in my rotation at the moment. These are my Hall of Famers:

Augustinus Bader Rich Cream - This is the one that started the Bader craze. I use it on my face morning and night. It provides immediate, lasting moisture; and consistent usage will make your skin clear, smooth, and glowy. The creme de la creme. No pun intended

Augustinus Bader Rich Eye Cream - This is a newer product tailored specifically for the eye area, and is just the nicest thing I do for my own eyes. It works well under eye makeup, too.

Augustinus Bader Body Cream - This is a super emollient and luxurious body cream that leaves skin super soft and smooth while also making long-term improvements to texture. To take it next-level in the dry winter months, mix it with the Augustinus Bader Body Oil.

Eve Lom Cleanser - I’ve been using this cleanser almost continuously since 2000, when I had an unforgettable Eve Lom facial at the Sanderson Hotel in London. It’s an oil-based cleanser with a beautiful scent. I cheated on it once with another cleanser, but quickly found my way back - probably forever.

Noble Panacea Nourishing Lift Oil - These single-dose packets of luxurious oil are fantastic when my skin is a bit dry. I like to use one at the start of a long flight and again after I land to counteract the drying effects of air travel.

Lyma Lasers - The Lyma at-home cold lasers are a game-changer. Yes, they’re expensive. But if you’re someone who spends a pretty penny on dermatologist visits for fraxel and IPL and all the rest (like I used to), you won’t have to do that anymore. The smaller version of the laser is perfect if you’re focused on your face. If you’d like to also do body work - targeting crepey skin, for example - the larger version is a big time saver. Another huge selling point - it’s painless and there’s no down time for recovery.

If you have questions about any of these products and would prefer not to ask in the comments, don’t hesitate to message me.

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OUR FIRST GIVEAWAY

It seems only fitting to give away some of these Hall of Fame products. One lucky winner will receive full-sized Augustinus Bader Rich Cream and Body Cream. That’s $515 worth of product!

How to Enter:

1. Subscribe to Ivy + Ink and

2. Like this post and

3. Leave a comment sharing your favorite Ivy + Ink post or topic

Bonus Entry:

1. Share your favorite Ivy + Ink post to your Instagram stories and tag me so I can see it (@jebellabrown) and

2. Restack this post

A winner will be chosen June 12th. Good luck!

When my daughter was born, I was certain that by now we’d have fully self-driving cars and that when she finally started driving, my stress level over that concept would be severely reduced. And yet, here we are. This week, she got her learners permit; and, for me, the next several years will be a battle between enjoying my freedom from chauffeur services and suppressing my fear of having my little girl out there driving in the big, bad world. Thoughts and prayers, please.

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TEN THINGS FOR MAY

May in DC is gorgeous. I know most people think of DC and their thoughts go to cherry blossoms. But the cherry blossoms are here for about a millisecond, and at a time when it’s still chilly more days than not. Late April and early May bring an explosion of azaleas, and the blossoms hang around for weeks.

If you’re thinking of a visit to DC sometime, my advice is to skip the cherry blossoms and come in May.

In addition to the azaleas, here’s what’s on tap for me this month:

1. Watch the Met Gala red carpet live feed on Monday the 4th. When it comes to capital-f Fashion, no other red carpet comes close.

2. Organize family photos I’m putting the physical photos from the olden days (ie before the invention of the iPhone) into archival-level storage boxes and streamlining all the digital photos. I don’t need the random Uber screenshots from 2013 anymore.

3. Throw an 80s dance party this weekend Photos to come!

4. Bake my favorite chocolate cake with the “$300 Frosting” recipe handed down from my Nana. I’ll share the recipe in a future column.

5. Clean my house I’ve been fortunate to be able to use a cleaning service for a long time, but recently decided to start doing this myself. Of course, me being me, I’m going to treat myself to some beautiful, high-quality cleaning tools - like an old-school feather duster - from Manse.

6. Enjoy Mother’s Day brunch with my daughter on the Georgetown waterfront at Fiola Mare. The lobster ravioli really is all that.

7. Read Yesteryear A tradwife influencer who wakes up to find herself living in the harsh reality of 1855? Yes, please.

8. Buy some linen pants Perhaps in my favorite Shon style from Nili Lotan?

9. Create my Summer playlist on Spotify Suggestions welcome

10. See The Devil Wears Prada 2 I’m not expecting an Oscar-worthy flick. As long as it’s better than Sex and the City 2, I’ll be happy.

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LIFE LATELY

1 Trouble x 2 2 April in DC can still be sweata weatha 3 Super happy with the new wallpapers in my bathroom 4 My grocery store finally had tulips 5 Can you tell I’m shopping for an 80s party?

If you enjoyed this piece, please consider hitting the ❤️ button at the top or bottom. It helps get my writing in front of more people. I’d be incredibly grateful.

OK, I’ve gotta run. I’ve got a house to clean!

It was created by Brooklyn-based watercolor artist Happy Menocal. Happy also created a personal emblem for me that goes very nicely with the Ivy + Ink logo. You’ll see that one down at the bottom of the column.

As is my wont, I wasted no time ordering some branded swag. Be on the lookout for a giveaway in the not-too-distant future.

I thought I’d start today with a handful of links, something I’ll pop into my column on occasion. The best way to describe these roundups is that they’re the things I text to my besties - articles to read, shows to watch, things to eat and buy. Here’s what’s floating my boat this week:

• There’s a reason I keep seeing links to Caity Weaver’s tour de force on the best free restaurant bread in America. To say her article is about bread is like saying Jurassic Park is about prepping for an amusement park opening. Just read it.

• If you’re in New York City and looking for a Broadway show, check out Dog Day Afternoon with Jon Bernthal and Ebon Moss-Bachrach from The Bear. I was in the audience for the first night of previews and absolutely loved it.

• This Ben Sasse interview will stay with you. Powerful and poignant

• Start sending show notes after your get-togethers. (Item #6)

• A Little House reboot? Yes, please!!

• If you’re trying to get all your protein in but love your cereal, try Magic Spoon. A Chocolate Chip/Cocoa mix is my go-to.

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It’s time for another Ivy + Ink Book Report. I read Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin when it was first released in 2012. Rubin’s story intrigued me. She’s an Ivy League-educated lawyer who clerked for a Supreme Court justice and then pivoted to life as a full-time writer. You see the lawyer-to-writer pipeline all the time ( ✋), but not usually from lawyers at the very top of the legal food chain. I find that intriguing and admire her for taking what must have been a bold step at the time to walk away from her legal career for something that presumably felt more aligned.

Happier at Home is a follow-up to her bestseller The Happiness Project (2009) and focuses on ways to be happier inside your home and as part of a family. The book provides a roadmap that can be tailored to each reader’s situation. Rubin’s methodology was to identify those things that brought her joy and the things that made her feel guilty or bored. She then created a list of resolutions to address these positive and negative feelings and set about trying to keep them. She describes it as “an approach to the practice of everyday life.”

Rubin makes it clear her happiness project will be different from a happiness project you or I would undertake, because the things that make each of us happy or annoyed are going to be different. Fair enough.

She focused on a different resolution every month during the course of her project - possessions, marriage, parenthood, interior design, time, body, family, neighborhood, and presence.

Why did I choose this book? Because there were some ideas I picked up on my first read in 2012 that stayed with me - things that I implemented in my own home (to varying degrees of success) and am glad that I did. To me, that made it worth a re-read and a quick share with you all. Specifically, I want to flag my favorite ideas from the dozens and dozens of worthy suggestions in Happier at Home.

Cultivate a shrine - Rubin has a thoughtful discussion about the relationship between happiness and possessions and ultimately concluded “I wanted to love my possessions and yet not be mastered by them.” That meant not just organizing, eliminating and accumulating - it was a matter of engagement. When she engaged with her possessions she felt enlivened by them; when she felt disengaged from them, she felt burdened.

What is engagement? It comes in two forms - use and response. Items you use. Items you love. Ideally, each item is both used and loved.

The end stage of this process for her was to create shrines - areas in her home that enshrined her passions, interests, and values. For her, that meant gallery walls of family photos and arrangements of children’s literature into displayed collections.

The ideas for possible shrines are limitless - beautiful displays of jewelry, artful arrangements of garage tools, an aesthetically-pleasing coffee station on the kitchen counter. The key is to acknowledge and celebrate one of your own passions and make it a focal point. It’s the kind of detail that makes a house a home.

Read the manual - Who hasn’t done this - you get a pretty new kitchen appliance and, in the excitement to use it, give the owner’s manual the most cursory of glances. The “Quick Start” page gives you all you need for a first use and, somehow, the manual never gets a fuller read. Which means you never really master how to use the appliance. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Think about how much more expanded, smart usage you can get out of your things if you spend thirty minutes with the manuals when they’re brand new. When I say “you” here, I really mean “me.”

Give warm greetings and farewells - Rubin’s family agreed that whenever anyone in the family arrived home or was leaving home, the rest of them stopped what they were doing to greet them or say goodbye (hugs and kisses even better). What a great way to feel loved and valued.

Celebrate holiday breakfasts - This one is especially great for families with small children - make breakfast a big deal on the minor holidays. Decorate with red and pink confetti and serve strawberry and whipped cream-topped pancakes on Valentine’s Day. Serve green eggs on St. Patrick’s Day. Surround the table with balloons and crepe paper on birthdays.

Remember how exciting holidays were as a kid? Lean into that with your young ones when they’re still wildly excited about donuts with red, white and blue sprinkles. You’ll give them fond memories of childhood, and someday when they’re too cool to don a glittery green plastic leprechaun hat at the table, you’ll be grateful you took full advantage of those early years.

These are just a very small taste of what Happier at Home covers. Rubin is as thoughtful, thorough and smart as one would expect from a former Supreme Court clerk who decided to train her smarts on quality living.

The great Samuel Johnson said “To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition, the end to which every enterprise and labour tends.” Surely it’s worth spending a little time thinking about the quality of our home life and the ways in which it’s within our power to make it better.

Part of the appeal of this scenario is, of course, the fantasy setting. But I’m as equally drawn to the concept of spending a big chunk of time with people I adore all under one roof.

For that reason, I love a weekend house party. Give me a couple days cohabitating with some funny, treasured, interesting friends. We’ll cook at least one memorable dinner and one extensive, highly-caloric brunch. And we’ll leave plenty of unscheduled time to relax, laugh, debate, drink, and play.

The weekends like this that I’ve experienced are some of my most treasured memories. And while I started this article with the sort of pinnacle dream scenario of a house party at a palatial estate, I want to make it very clear that this form of entertaining and the elements that make it enjoyable are extremely accessible.

In fact, the very most important element - enjoyable company - is available at every socioeconomic level. Because, let’s be real - if the Duke and Duchess of Chumdumshart (our imaginary Cotswolds hosts) and their other invited houseguests are terrible, boring people, you’ll be counting the minutes until your departure, no matter how breathtaking your surroundings.

So think about that friend with whom you’re overdue for a good hang. Invite them to visit. Invite another mutual friend. Look at you - you’ve got the makings of a weekend house party.

There are three main aspects to consider as you prepare - menus, activities, and guest quarters. Menus and activities are topics we deal with all the time because we always have to eat and find things to do, regardless of whether we have company. So let’s talk about that third element - guest quarters.

You absolutely do not have to have a dedicated guest bedroom to host an overnight guest. It’s great if you do, but it’s not necessary. It’s entirely possible to host company on a futon or a pull-out couch in your home office. What matters is that you put care and preparation into the setup.

I’ve put together a list of ideas for setting up guest quarters that will make things feel elevated. Going the extra mile here is a way to show your guest you’re truly grateful to be enjoying their company.

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GUEST BEDROOM

Comfortable bedding The only non-negotiable step for the bedroom is to spend at least one night yourself on your guest bed to ensure the mattress, sheets, pillows and blankets are comfortable and supportive of a good night’s sleep. Offer both down and hypoallergenic pillow options.

Matching bed linens A matching set of sheets, pillowcases, and comforter feel considered. Even better, take them to your dry cleaner for professional laundering so they’re crisp and wrinkle-free.

Extra blanket and small fan Meets the needs of too-cold and too-hot guests

Flowers A small vase of fresh flowers on the bedside table - nothing too fragrant

Water Bottle of water on the bedside table

Snacks A mini bar of snacks for the midnight munchies

Phone charger Set up on the bedside table

Robe Make it clear this is for your guest’s use, perhaps with a cute hanging tag

Luggage rack Keeps the suitcase off the bed and the floor

Closet and drawer space Even if you can’t keep these entirely empty, make sure your guest knows there’s closet space and an empty drawer for their use.

Comfortable chair It’s always good to have a spot to sit and relax in private.

WiFi Log-In Keep it posted somewhere for guests to easily access

Scent Many people are justifiably uncomfortable putting candles in guest bedrooms. Diffusers are a safe way to maintain a lovely scent in the room.

Welcome note A few handwritten lines on the bedside table or propped on a pillow are next level. Let your guest know how much you’ve been looking forward to their visit.

TOP-TIER HOSTESS MOVE - Framed photo Put a framed photo of you and your friend on the bedside table and give it to them as a memento to take home.

GUEST BATHROOM

Ideally you’d provide your guest with their own private bathroom to use during their stay, but - again - that’s not necessary.

If you have at least two full bathrooms and members of your household would typically use the bathroom that is designated for your guest, think about having all of your family members use one bathroom so your guest can have the other bathroom for their exclusive use. If that’s not possible and your guest is sharing a bathroom with you, be fanatical about clearing the countertops and surfaces of personal toiletries and wiping everything down after every use.

Regardless of the setup, it’s nice to have some toiletries on hand for your guest:

Shampoo and conditioner

Body wash or a new bar of soap

Toothbrushes and new travel-sized toothpaste

Aspirin

5x magnifying mirror

I hope you’re feeling inspired and equipped to do some next-level hosting. PLEASE do not leave with the impression that you have to do each and every one of these things for your guests - or that I do them for mine. This is a menu of options and ideas. I haven’t even done the personalized picture frame thing…yet.

If you enjoyed this piece, please consider hitting the ❤️ button at the top or bottom. It helps get my writing in front of more people. I’d be incredibly grateful.

I’m starting yet another new recurring feature - a preview of the month ahead and how I plan to enjoy the opportunities each new month and the changing seasons bring. Our daily routines are meant to be enjoyed, and the present moment is all we have. Don’t miss it.

1. Watching every possible minute of Final Four action (Go Huskies!)

2. Buying a bouquet of tulips and breaking up the bunch into smaller arrangements to place where I spend time (like my bathroom counter)

3. Finishing shopping for my daughter’s Easter basket - I’ve been reliably informed that high schoolers are not too old for such things

4. Planting herbs in my Click and Grow - by next month, I’ll be enjoying fresh chives on my omelettes

5. Listening to Vivaldi’s “Four Seasons Spring” on a particularly picturesque drive

6. Freshening up my bathroom with new wallpaper and vanity mirrors

7. Filling up the bird feeder

8. Making this potato gratin for Easter dinner

9. Taking dark showers before bed (Thanks for the recommendation, Christina!)

10. Reading The Correspondent for book club

11. Getting a vanilla french manicure

12. Replacing the fresh eucalyptus in my shower

13. Taking a gratitude walk on Easter Sunday

14. Meeting with a new doctor to evaluate and optimize my current peptide stack

15. Drinking my morning coffee outside on my porch

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LIFE LATELY

1 Bear in repose 2 My new time-saving makeup routine is just a bare face with a bold lip color 3 This tree was the first thing to bloom in my yard 4 Obsessed with this color combo 5 Not all vending machine purchases are a disappointment