I’m not a short-order cook.

One meal for the whole family.

These are some of the familiar phrases that shape how we think family dinner is supposed to work: one person makes the meal, and everyone else eats it.

And there is something reasonable underneath that expectation. Making dinner is already a considerable task. Making several different dinners to satisfy every preference at the table is simply not realistic.

But as a parent trying to feed a family with different tastes, appetites, and ideas about what sounds good, I’ve found that “one meal for the whole family” isn’t always as straightforward as it sounds.

A recent conversation with a client made me think about the other side of this.

She was describing how meals work in her home. Her husband does most of the shopping and cooking, and she has noticed that she tends to eat around his preferences. She enjoys a wider variety of vegetables and other foods than he does, but because he is doing the work of getting dinner on the table, she feels as though she should simply go along with whatever he wants.

As we talked, she wondered aloud whether this might go all the way back to childhood. Her parents’ approach was essentially, This is what we’re eating. There wasn’t much room for her to have a preference, or at least to express one.

And I thought: Well, yes. In many ways, that’s exactly what we were taught family meals were supposed to look like.

The quieter rule we’ve held onto…

The intention made sense. But the rigidity didn’t always serve families well.

Most families today probably aren’t sitting down to dinner saying, This is what I made. Eat it or go hungry. If anything, many parents are doing the opposite, thinking constantly about what everyone will eat and sometimes bending over backward to make it happen.

Still, a quieter version of that old rule may remain: A successful family meal is one where everyone eats the same thing.

And when that doesn’t happen, a little guilt can creep in.

Am I catering too much?
Am I making my child picky?
Should I just tell them this is what’s for dinner?

This may be where the old advice deserves a little flexibility.

No one needs to make four separate dinners. And exposing kids to a wide variety of foods still matters. They don’t have to eat those foods, or even take one bite, for the exposure to count. Seeing foods repeatedly and watching other people enjoy them are also part of learning to eat.

But exposure doesn’t require everyone to eat the same thing.

Maybe family dinner can have a shared structure without requiring a shared plate.

A shared structure, not a shared plate

My middle son helped me understand this when he was younger. If there wasn’t something on the table he felt he could eat, he would become incredibly frustrated. And this is a child who has never shied away from letting me know what’s up.

I understand that frustration much better now.

How many times have you been really hungry, looked at the available options, and thought, There is nothing here I want, or feel able, to eat?

That’s a hard place from which to approach a meal, whether you’re a child or an adult.

That doesn’t mean we have to continually remove unfamiliar foods or build every meal around the most selective eater. If we do that, we may unintentionally make their world of food smaller.

There’s still tremendous value in putting different foods on the table without requiring kids to eat them.

One of the principles I learned from pediatric feeding expert Ellyn Satter was to include something familiar at the meal.

So maybe tonight’s dinner is chicken curry, naan, fruit and vegetables. Your child can’t quite wrap their head around the curry yet, but they love the naan and fruit. They eat those and ask, Can I get a cheese stick too?

Sure.

The meal doesn’t have to become a battleground, and you don’t have to go back into the kitchen and cook another dinner.

Maybe another night everyone is eating pasta with meat sauce. One child wants plain noodles. Someone else adds parmesan but no sauce. Another person wants more vegetables. Maybe somebody grabs a yogurt to go with what they’re eating.

We’re still having dinner together.

And perhaps that’s the part we’ve confused a little over the years: family dinner doesn’t necessarily mean everyone eating exactly the same food.

One table, with room for everyone

Of course, one of the best ways to help kids become more interested in food is to involve them in the process. Let them choose something at the store. Ask what vegetable sounds good this week. Invite them to make something with you.

And as a mother, I also know that have your kids help you cook! can quickly become one more thing we should be doing.

So maybe it’s just an invitation when there’s time. A Saturday afternoon instead of a Tuesday at 5:45 pm.

Over time, those small invitations may expand what everyone eats and make the mythical one family meal a little easier to pull off.

The original advice wasn’t entirely wrong. Parents don’t need to become short-order cooks. Kids benefit from being around foods they wouldn’t necessarily choose themselves. And sometimes accommodating every preference can become exhausting for everyone involved.

But maybe we don’t need to turn those ideas into another rigid rule about what dinner is supposed to look like.

Maybe the goal was never really one meal, no exceptions.

Maybe it was one table, with room for everyone at it.

Menu for the Week of September 7-11th

Monday

High Protein Green Pasta with Peas (this was actually way easier than I thought and very tasty!)

Tuesday

One Pot Chicken Sausage, Spinach & Rice

Wednesday

Blackened Cod over Coconut Rice

Thursday

Spinach, Black Bean & Chipotle Quesadilla

Friday

Good Morning Coffee Smoothie

XO - Stay Cool, friends. Fall must be on the way soon?

How many times have you heard this? Or some related version?

If you’re a parent or caregiver, probably more times than you can count. And now that my oldest son has started high school, the frequency seems to have picked up.

Just wait until he starts driving.

You’ll never see him.

Soak it all up.

It goes by so fast.

I know these things are said with love. Usually by people who have already lived through this particular season.

But what, exactly, am I supposed to do with this information?

Should I keep a picture of my son in front of me and stare at it periodically so I can properly remember what it feels like to be his mom right now?

Should I scroll through old photos to remind myself how quickly we got here?

Should I attend every school event so I don’t “miss a thing”?

Should I be very, very present - while simultaneously checking to make sure I’m being present enough?

How does one accomplish this task everyone keeps encouraging us to do?

Because sometimes, if I’m not careful, make the most of it starts to feel less like an invitation and more like a weight on my chest.

Read more

I even remember taking a course about why chores are so valuable for kids and how to help them not hate doing them. But again, nothing lasted. Nothing was consistent.

Why? Maybe it was too hard to keep up with. Maybe there were too many moving parts. Maybe something about it didn’t feel right, even if I couldn’t quite explain why. Whatever the reason, it didn’t continue.

And then, of course, I would add guilt to the whole thing: It’s so important to be consistent with kids, and I don’t seem to be able to do that.

The Most Important Thing? Be Consistent!

And we hear about the importance of consistency everywhere else, too.

It’s not about how hard you work out; it’s about continuing to show up. It’s not about cooking the perfect meal; it’s about lowering the bar enough that you can still eat at home instead of relying on takeout. It’s not about how long you meditate; it’s about making space for even a little mental quiet each day.

Again and again, we’re told that what we do matters less than whether we can keep doing it.

All of this makes sense, and I agree with it. I can certainly see how it works in my own life. When I don’t feel like working out, modifying the workout so that I do a little something instead of nothing helps me move beyond the all-or-nothing thinking that so often gets in the way of our goals.

But there’s still something about the way we talk about consistency that I question.

Consistency assumes that life is relatively consistent. And it isn’t.

School starts. Someone gets sick. Work explodes. You travel. A child needs more from you. Your body changes. You’re grieving. It’s winter. It’s summer. The amount of time, energy, money, interest, and support available to us is constantly shifting.

So why would the healthiest response to an inconsistent life necessarily be consistent behavior?

“Consistency, not perfection” was probably intended to soften perfectionism. But sometimes consistency simply becomes perfectionism in friendlier clothes.

Did I work out enough this week?

I was doing so well.

I fell off.

I need to get back on track.

Without realizing it, we’ve created another imaginary line against which to judge ourselves.

We also begin telling stories about who we are based on the behaviors we maintain: I’m someone who exercises five days a week. I meal plan. I meditate every morning.

Then Tuesday arrives and none of those things happen.

Instead of Tuesday simply being Tuesday, it becomes evidence that something has happened to us: I was doing so well. What happened?

But maybe nothing happened. Maybe something simply fell away because the conditions changed.

Maybe you cooked regularly for three months, and then school started and you picked up takeout four nights in one week. Wellness culture might describe that as falling off track. But perhaps takeout was actually the most intelligent response to the conditions of that particular week.

Responsiveness Vs. Consistency

This is where I wonder whether responsiveness might be more useful than consistency.

What if health isn’t primarily about maintaining the same behaviors, but about responding to what is here?

Sometimes the responsive choice is a run. Sometimes it’s walking for twenty minutes instead of running for an hour. Sometimes it’s sleep. Sometimes dinner is homemade salmon and vegetables. Sometimes it’s Chipotle.

The ability to adjust may be a more valuable skill than the ability to remain consistent.

Of course, our habits and choices matter. But consistency can subtly carry the promise that if we establish the right routines and stick with them, we can produce the outcomes we want. Bodies and lives don’t always cooperate with that equation. Aging, hormones, genetics, injury, illness, relationships, schedules, and plain randomness don’t necessarily follow our plans.

Maybe what we’re actually looking for is not consistency, but rhythm.

Perhaps, Rhythm?

Rhythm allows for a change in tempo. It can pause and begin again. It can respond to different seasons. There can be an underlying pattern without demanding uninterrupted continuation.

Movement might be part of someone’s life for twenty years. But within those twenty years, there may be months of running, periods of walking, weeks of doing almost nothing, stretches of strength training, vacations, pregnancies, injuries, caregiving, enthusiasm, and boredom.

Zoom out far enough and there may be a kind of continuity. But it probably doesn’t look anything like the wellness-calendar version of consistency.

And perhaps returning is more interesting than consistency, too.

Instead of saying:

I haven’t worked out in three weeks. I’ve become so inconsistent.

What if it were simply:

I feel like moving today.

There is no debt to the previous three weeks. Nothing to compensate for. No identity to restore or streak to resurrect. There is simply an opportunity to respond to what feels supportive now.

So perhaps the question isn’t:

How can I stay consistent when life gets busy?

Maybe it’s simply:

What makes sense now?

And now is forever anew.

Menu for the Week of August 31-September 4th

Monday

Vegan Jambalaya

Tuesday

Veggie Packed Meat Sauce

Wednesday

Southwest Chicken Skillet

Thursday

Fish Taco Bowl

Friday

No Bake Vanilla Cake Bites

In loving memory of Dolly Parton, Happy Fall, Y’all!

Partly because I didn’t have to make it for anyone else.

The entire meal could be centered around exactly what I wanted to eat. Of course I eat foods I enjoy at home, too, but there was a different kind of permission when there was absolutely no one else to consider. I would make my dinner, sit outside, and have a little dessert afterward.

And then sometimes, when it was over, I would notice this small feeling of disappointment.

Oh. That’s over.

There was nothing particularly wrong. I wasn’t still hungry. I had enjoyed the meal.

I just wasn’t quite ready for that part of the day to be finished.

I was talking about this recently with a client, an older woman who lives alone. She was telling me that she often continues eating in the evening even when she doesn’t feel physically hungry. And, like so many people, she had interpreted this as something she should probably get better at controlling.

But as we talked, we landed somewhere else: What if sometimes she just doesn’t want the day to be over?

There was an immediate recognition.

Yes. That’s it.

Read more

A quick retreat update: I’ve lowered the cost of the September 10–13 Silent Retreat to $999 and added a beautiful sound bath experience with a new practitioner. We’ll also have forest bathing, mindful movement, and nourishing Mediterranean-inspired meals prepared by our cook, who is also a therapist and will be present throughout the retreat. There will be plenty of time in nature and- most importantly- lots of spacious silence, with opportunities to talk ;) about how the experience is unfolding. A few spots remain, and registration closes September 1.

It’s back-to-school time, and a conversation I’ve been having with many of my clients, especially my student athletes, is how to make the transition from summer to school while continuing to eat enough to support mental and physical performance.

Because school presents a lot of barriers to eating enough.

Kids need fuel to think in school and to perform at practice afterward or maybe even at an early-morning practice. And this certainly doesn’t just apply to athletes. Kids are growing. They’re learning. Their brains and bodies require a lot of energy, and we all know hungry bellies don’t make it any easier to pay attention.

The problem is that the school day isn’t particularly well designed for eating.

Kids may not be allowed to eat in the classroom, or they simply don’t feel comfortable doing it. Who wants to be the one eating some loud, crunchy snack while everyone else is either A) wishing they had the same thing or B) annoyed by the mouth noises?

It’s always easier to eat when everyone else is eating.

Then there’s lunch. Kids might get 20–30 minutes, and that’s assuming they brought lunch and have that entire time available. Add a cafeteria line, socializing and the desire to actually spend time with friends, and the eating window gets even smaller.

Rather than being unrealistic about when a kid might be able to eat during the school day, I like to focus on making the most of the opportunities they do have. I think of these as fuel opportunities.

Fuel Opportunity #1: Breakfast

I often remind my athletes that you can train your stomach just like you train your muscles and heart for performance: whether your performance is cross-country, lacrosse, soccer, theater or chess.

If you don’t eat much in the morning now, you don’t have to suddenly start eating a huge breakfast tomorrow. With time, your stomach can become more comfortable tolerating more food earlier in the day.

This can be especially helpful at the beginning of the school year or during periods of higher stress, when nausea can be a real barrier. Sometimes a kid simply isn’t going to sit down and be able to stomach a big bowl of oatmeal at 6:30 in the morning.

So we work with what feels doable.

Quick breakfasts for kids who aren’t very hungry:

• Smoothie packs: milk + frozen fruit + banana + Greek yogurt + peanut or sunflower seed butter + oats (make ahead of time, freeze, add to blender with milk of choice, blend)

  

• Muffin breakfast: muffin + peanut butter + banana + drinkable yogurt (love these blender muffins that come together in minutes…)

  

• Bagel egg sandwich: pre-made egg bites or sheet-pan eggs tucked into a bagel + chocolate milk

• Toast to go: peanut butter toast + banana + drinkable yogurt or milk

• Waffle sandwich: two frozen (can buy the higher protein ones, like Kodiak) waffles with peanut or sunflower seed butter + fruit

• Cereal that counts: a generous bowl of cereal with milk + banana + nuts or a side of yogurt

And yes, drinking breakfast in the car still counts.

Breakfast is a huge fuel opportunity. We’ve gone all night without taking in energy, and now we’re asking the brain to learn for several hours, and for some kids, asking the body to train later that day.

If “this will help you concentrate in algebra” isn’t particularly motivating to your teenager, perhaps “this might help your legs feel better at practice” will be. :)

Fuel Opportunity #2: The Stealth School Snack

For kids who have a late lunch, even a small snack between classes can make a difference.

Of course, this depends on school rules. But if they’re able to eat something quickly at their locker or between classes, we’re not necessarily looking for a full snack. Sometimes 100–200 calories is enough to take the edge off and bridge the gap until lunch.

Think small, quiet and easy:

• Mini Larabar or KIND bar

• Applesauce pouch

• Soft granola or fig bar

• Small packet of dried fruit

• A few energy bites

• Banana

The goal isn’t to replace lunch. It’s simply to prevent arriving at lunch absolutely ravenous; especially when lunch itself may be rushed.

Fuel Opportunity #3: Right After School

This is one of my favorites.

When I pick my son up after high school, I love seeing kids come out of the building already eating. Instead of immediately pulling out their phones, they’re pulling snacks out of their backpacks before cross-country practice.

I want to hand them gold stars out my window, but my freshman would absolutely die, so I restrain myself.

If practice starts shortly after school, this isn’t necessarily the time for a giant snack. We want easy-to-digest carbohydrate, with the amount depending largely on how much time they have before activity.

And this is where I think we’ve gotten a little confused by the cultural obsession with protein. Yes, growing kids and athletes need protein.

But right before practice, carbohydrate is the priority.

A beef stick, mozzarella stick or low-carbohydrate protein bar might contain plenty of protein, but it isn’t providing much quick fuel for working muscles. Closer to activity, think mostly carbohydrate, with smaller amounts of protein and fat depending on tolerance and how much time they have.

If practice is about 30 minutes away:

• Banana + sports drink

• Fig bars

• Applesauce pouch + pretzels

• Animal crackers

• Goldfish crackers

• Graham crackers + banana

If practice is 1–2 hours away:

• Half or whole PB&J + fruit

• Banana + nut butter packet

• Pretzel peanut butter bites + fruit

• CLIF Bar + water or sports drink

• Bagel with peanut or sunflower seed butter

• Granola + drinkable yogurt

And yes, sports drinks can absolutely have a place here, particularly during hot-weather practices.

They provide carbohydrate, sodium and fluid at the same time. Not every kid needs one for every practice, but they aren’t something we need to fear, either. Sometimes sugar is doing exactly the job we want it to do: providing quickly available energy for a body that’s about to work.

If practice isn’t until later in the evening, think bigger.

A 6:30 or 7:00 p.m. practice may actually create an opportunity for an early dinner:

• Rice bowl with chicken or tofu, vegetables and sauce

• Pasta with marinara, meatballs or lentils + fruit

• Bean and cheese burrito + rice + fruit

• Turkey or hummus sandwich + soup + fruit

• Quesadilla + beans + fruit

Then after practice, something simple like chocolate milk + cereal, yogurt and granola, a smoothie or toast with peanut butter can help finish out the day. Or yes, ice cream.

Make It an Experiment

The key to all of this is thinking ahead a little, having these conversations with our kids and figuring out what actually motivates them.

Maybe they don’t care about “optimal sports nutrition.”

Fair enough.

But do they care about not being starving during sixth period? Having more energy at practice? Not getting a headache after school? Not feeling like their legs are dead halfway through practice?

Instead of telling kids what they should eat, I love presenting fueling as an experiment.

Try something - not just once, but a few times- and pay attention.

How do your legs feel?
Athletes sometimes describe being underfueled on carbohydrate as having “dead legs.” Does eating more beforehand change that?

How does your brain feel?
Do you feel sharper in those last few classes when you’ve had something to eat?

How do you feel after practice?
Do you come home hungry, but not completely depleted?

Helping kids notice these connections gives them something much more useful than another nutrition rule.

It teaches them how to pay attention to their own bodies.

And again, this isn’t just for athletes.

All kids deserve enough fuel to learn, grow, move and feel good throughout their day.

Here’s to finding a few more fuel opportunities, and wishing all of our kids a wonderful start to the school year.

Menu for the Week of August 24-28th

Monday

Ginger Chicken Peanut Noodles

Tuesday

Turkey Picadillo

Wednesday

Coconut Curry Shrimp Ramen Bowl

Thursday

Chia Banana Energy Bites

Friday

Peanut Butter Strawberry Banana Smoothie

Happy fueling, friends! XO Jen

A quick retreat update: I’ve lowered the cost of the September 10–13 Silent Retreat to $999 and added a beautiful sound bath experience with a new practitioner. We’ll also have forest bathing, mindful movement, and nourishing Mediterranean-inspired meals prepared by our cook, who is also a therapist and will be present throughout the retreat. There will be plenty of time in nature and- most importantly- lots of spacious silence, with opportunities to talk ;) about how the experience is unfolding. A few spots remain, and registration closes September 1.

Our family came to the decision to try medication for ADHD for one of my kiddos.

This decision has not come lightly.

I have heard many wonderful stories about how helpful these medications can be for kids with ADHD. But I’m also making this decision from the outside. I don’t actually know what it feels like to have ADHD.

I am certainly someone who can focus with pretty good intention. I experience the scattered attention that seems to come with becoming a mother: lots of voices demanding different things at different times; combined with the culture we’re all swimming in, constantly pulling our attention in a million directions…

But that isn’t ADHD. And I don’t know what it is like to live in my son’s body. I don’t know what school feels like through his eyes. I don’t know how hard he is working to direct his attention or filter out everything competing for it.

And that matters.

One of the reasons we ultimately came to this decision, in collaboration with his doctor and his dyslexia tutor, is that school is getting a little more demanding, and middle school isn’t too far away. It seemed like there might be value in trying this before another layer of academic and organizational demands falls upon him.

I also appreciate that ADHD medications don’t have to represent some enormous forever-decision. We can try something, pay attention, work with his doctor, and decide whether it is helping.

But how do you know if it’s helping?

Before starting, we talked with his doctor about some of the things we should pay attention to.

How hungry is he?

Does he feel focused?

Does he feel like himself?

Is he more irritable as the medication wears off?

Does he feel tired or wired at bedtime?

These sound like relatively simple questions. And I trust that my son knows his own body better than anyone else. I just wanted to give him a simple way to pause and notice what he was experiencing and give us a way to look at those experiences together over time.

So I started thinking about how we could make some of this a little easier to notice.

Not just for me. For him.

I created a simple check-in sheet that we’re going to use for a few days before he starts medication and then continue once he begins. My hope is that having something visual will help us see patterns that might otherwise get lost in casual conversations or in my own recollection of how the day went.

Because memory is messy.

“I don’t think you ate much today.”

“You seemed really irritable after school.”

“Were you hungry at lunch yesterday?”

Those observations might be useful, but they’re also filtered through me.

I’d rather give him some language and a little practice noticing for himself.

Read more

It was with a new mama who had spent much of the past year doing what new moms do: caring for someone else. Between breastfeeding, disrupted schedules, and the sheer energy required to care for a baby, she had unintentionally lost more weight than she preferred. Part of our work together was figuring out how to replenish her own needs while this 20-pounder of joy required so much of her.

As we talked through her typical day, she mentioned that she was pretty good at planning dinner for her husband and kiddos.

But the rest of the day? That was where she felt more scrambled…grabbing whatever was available, eating nibbles off someone else’s plate, or even skipping a meal altogether.

It made me realize how common this is: we put most of our meal-planning energy into the question, What’s for dinner? and then fly by the seat of our pants for the other 2–4 meals and snacks we might eat throughout the day.

What would I actually like and look forward to eating?

And I can say from experience: it is so nice not to have to answer that question in the heat of the hunger moment.

Feeding ourselves is necessary, of course. But it can also be a moment in the day we genuinely look forward to…maybe even a chance to slow down and enjoy something.

That might look like making a smoothie with ingredients I really love and a protein powder that’s a little pricier but that I genuinely like. It might be a oat muffin slathered with almond butter and a banana, or homemade granola that makes breakfast something I actually look forward to.

Lunch might be a hearty Mediterranean quinoa salad that gets even better after a day in the refrigerator. Or a bowl with rice, roasted vegetables, and canned beans tossed in a flavorful sauce.

The meals don’t have to be fancy, but they might include one thoughtful ingredient that makes them feel a little more special. I picked up some flavored olive oils and vinegars on my trip to Washington State this summer, and I love using them in my meals. A drizzle of an olive oil I love can turn a pretty basic bowl into something I’m genuinely excited to eat.

Summer to School Season

As the school year starts again and calendars begin filling up (even more), maybe meal planning doesn’t have to mean adding another layer of work to our lives. Maybe it’s simply about widening the lens a little.

If you’re already sitting down to think about what everyone will eat for dinner this week, take another minute and ask:

What would make breakfast feel good this week?

What lunch would I genuinely look forward to eating a few days in a row?

What are a couple of snacks I could have around that I actually enjoy?

We spend an awful lot of time making sure the people we love have something good to eat.

There’s nothing wrong with putting ourselves into the meal plan, too.

Menu for the Week of August 17-21

I thought I’d share a few lunch ideas for this week’s menu, plus one breakfast/snack option.

Happy back-to-school to those of you heading back, and for those still holding onto summer, there are a few summer-inspired recipe ideas for you, too! ☀️

Monday

White Bean Balsamic Pasta Salad

Tuesday

Greek Yogurt Chicken Salad

Wednesday

Lemon-Chili Shrimp Quinoa Bowls

Thursday

Turkey & Hummus Wrap

Friday

Banana Almond Butter Muffins

XO Jen

I remember working really hard on it. And I also remember my mom working pretty hard on it too. ;)

We collaborated. I understood everything that was in the paper, and I actually loved the process of learning and writing it alongside her.

When I got the paper back, though, there was a note from my teacher at the top in red pen. I can’t remember the exact words anymore, but it was something along the lines of:

This isn’t your work. Your mom must have helped you.

I remember feeling embarrassed. I also remember my mom being pretty irritated.

Looking back, I can understand my teacher’s skepticism. If that paper looked significantly different from the rest of my third-grade work, she probably wanted to make sure I was actually doing my own work.

I’ve been thinking about that acid rain paper lately because of the conversations happening around AI and writing.

So I thought I would tell you exactly how things get written here at Here & Human Wellness.

As I’m writing this, the sun is starting to come up. It’s 5:45 a.m., and I’m walking.

For whatever reason, walking seems to open up my brain. It’s where nearly everything I write begins. In fact, I don’t think I’ve written much of anything for this Substack sitting at a desk. Apparently I need an open sky, crickets chirping, trees swaying in the morning breeze, and somewhere to walk in order to think.

So I walk and write. Sometimes I type into my Notes app. Sometimes I talk into my phone. I get the story, the ideas, the questions, and what I’m trying to say out of my head.

And then I bring it to AI.

I have a ChatGPT space specifically for Here & Human Wellness, and that’s where the second part of my writing process happens. I upload what I’ve written, and then ChatGPT and I work on it together.

We smooth things out. Move things around. Notice where something isn’t quite tracking. I might ask whether a section is necessary or whether I’m repeating myself. Sometimes it suggests language and I say, Nope, I would never say that. Sometimes it helps me find a clearer way to say something I’ve been circling around for three paragraphs.

And I go back and forth with it, often for a couple of hours spread throughout the week, until the piece feels right.

That last part matters.

I’m pretty protective of what and how thing are said. I don’t want AI deciding what I think, putting words in my mouth, or turning something personal into something polished or generic. I want the stories, observations, questions, and conclusions here to actually be what came from here.

This process reminds me of that acid rain paper. The process with my mom was collaborative. The difference is that now I’m 48; my mom isn’t sitting next to me helping clean up my sentences. :)

Before AI, I wrote blogs as a faculty member at Saint Louis University and later for my nutrition practice. I did essentially the same process: write, reread, rearrange, rewrite, cut, reread again…but it took me significantly longer.

AI has shortened that part of the process tremendously.

And that matters because most of what I write here is free. Yes, there is a $5/month paid option for this Substack, which I deeply appreciate, but it certainly doesn’t cover the hours that go into writing these pieces.

AI has made it possible for me to take something I think about on a morning walk and turn it into something I can actually share. And doing that in a timely fashion helps it feel alive and relevant.

So I wanted to be transparent about that.

The experiences, ideas and questions are mine. The first messy collection of words is mine. The final decision about every word you read is mine.

And AI is part of the editing room.

Maybe that’s something we writers need to talk about, not simply whether AI was involved, but how it was involved.

Because there’s a pretty big difference between asking a machine to write something for you and using a tool to help you more clearly express something you already wanted to say.

I learned something about that distinction in third grade.

Although, to be fair, my acid rain paper probably was suspiciously good.

Sorry, Mrs. Riveria. My mom definitely helped! ;)

When my middle son saw it sitting on my bed, he couldn’t resist.

“Mom… aren’t those for old people?”

I’ve reached the stage of life where sleeping slightly propped up has become something I do, sometimes. Now to sleep I apparently need my Ozlo sleep buds (AMAZING), mouth tape (I hate dry mouth), my Nod Pod for my eyes, and yes a wedge pillow.

Like many women in perimenopause, I’ve noticed a handful of symptoms that aren’t dramatic enough to feel like a medical crisis, but noticeable enough to affect how I feel. For me, one of those has been what I can only describe as a “sour stomach” that seems to show up more often around the luteal phase of my cycle. Sometimes it’s a little reflux. Sometimes it’s just enough discomfort that lying flat isn’t particularly enjoyable.

The wedge pillow has helped.

Around the same time, a friend mentioned she’d been hearing about women taking Pepcid (famotidine) and Zyrtec (cetirizine) together to help with symptoms like hot flashes, poor sleep, brain fog, and reflux during perimenopause.

Curious, I started researching to see:

What does the evidence say?

Although research in women’s health continues to grow, especially in this area, many of the questions we ask simply haven’t been studied very well (or at all).

That leaves us in an interesting place when we hear about something from a friend, a podcast, or social media that sounds intriguing. Sometimes those ideas fade away once they’re studied. Other times they eventually become part of mainstream care.

Conversations are an invitation to ask good questions, understand the biology, look at the evidence we do have, and have thoughtful conversations with our healthcare team.

Why does perimenopause seem to affect so much more than our periods?

One of the biggest surprises for many women is realizing that perimenopause isn’t just about hot flashes or irregular cycles.

Estrogen receptors are found throughout the body: including the brain, blood vessels, bones, bladder, skin, and digestive tract. As estrogen and progesterone begin fluctuating rather than following their previous predictable rhythm, many women notice changes that extend well beyond their reproductive system.

The digestive system is one of those places.

Some women experience more bloating, nausea, constipation, diarrhea, or reflux during certain phases of their cycle or throughout the menopause transition. Researchers believe several factors may contribute, including changes in how quickly the stomach empties, the function of the lower esophageal sphincter (the muscle that helps keep stomach contents where they belong), increased sensitivity of the digestive tract, and the interaction between fluctuating hormones and histamine.

Which brings us to the Pepcid and Zyrtec conversation.

Why are people talking about histamine?

Histamine is probably best known for its role in allergies, but it does much more than make us sneeze in the spring.

It also helps regulate stomach acid production, plays a role in wakefulness, and interacts with estrogen in ways researchers are still trying to understand.

Pepcid and Zyrtec actually work on two different histamine receptors.

• Zyrtec blocks H1 receptors, which are involved primarily in allergy symptoms.

• Pepcid blocks H2 receptors, which reduce stomach acid production.

Researchers also know that estrogen can stimulate mast cells: the immune cells that release histamine. During perimenopause, when estrogen levels fluctuate rather than following a predictable monthly pattern, it’s possible that histamine signaling changes as well.

This has led researchers to wonder whether histamine could contribute to symptoms like flushing, headaches, sleep disruption, allergies, or perhaps even reflux in some women.

Biologically, it’s an interesting hypothesis.

Here’s what we know & what we don’t

As interesting as the biology is, we don’t yet have good clinical studies showing that taking Pepcid and Zyrtec improves hot flashes, brain fog, poor sleep, or other symptoms of perimenopause.

That doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t help. It means we simply don’t know yet.

Sometimes biology predicts what later research confirms.

Other times it doesn’t.

That’s why it’s important to separate “this makes biological sense” from “this has been shown to work.”

Building a nighttime toolkit

If your nights have become a little more difficult, medications aren’t the only tools we have.

Sometimes the simplest strategies can make a meaningful difference.

For nighttime reflux or that “sour stomach” feeling, that might include:

• Sleeping with the head of the bed elevated (my wedge pillow has officially earned its place.)

• Avoiding large meals within a couple of hours of bedtime.

• Paying attention to whether alcohol seems to make symptoms worse.

• Noticing whether specific foods are triggers.

• Giving yourself a little time upright after dinner before lying down.

None of these are glamorous. But they’re supported by evidence, carry very little risk, and for some people they may be enough.

Where do over-the-counter medications fit?

If symptoms continue despite lifestyle changes, over-the-counter medications may be reasonable options to discuss with your physician.

Here’s a quick overview of the ones I found myself looking into.

Tums (calcium carbonate)

May be helpful for:

• Occasional heartburn or reflux

• Quick relief (often within minutes)

• Neutralizing acid that’s already in the stomach

Things to know:

• Doesn’t prevent your stomach from making more acid

• Can be constipating for some people

• If you’re relying on it frequently, it’s worth talking with your healthcare provider about why

Pepcid (famotidine)

May be helpful for:

• Intermittent reflux

• Nighttime acid symptoms

• Reducing stomach acid production for several hours

Things to know:

• Generally has a reassuring safety profile when used appropriately.

• Unlike stronger acid suppressors called proton pump inhibitors (PPIs), Pepcid doesn’t appear to carry the same degree of concern regarding long-term nutrient absorption or certain other long-term risks.

• It still isn’t intended to be a forever solution without discussing persistent symptoms with your physician.

• People with significant kidney disease may require dose adjustments.

Zyrtec (cetirizine)

May be helpful for:

• Seasonal allergies or hives

• Women whose physicians feel a short histamine trial is reasonable

Things to know:

• We don’t yet have good evidence that it improves menopause symptoms.

• Some people feel sleepy taking it, while others notice a little grogginess the following morning.

• If it helps sleep, it may be because it’s improving another symptom rather than acting as a sleep medication itself.

When is it time to check in with your physician?

While occasional reflux is common, there are times when it’s important not to simply keep experimenting on your own.

Talk with your healthcare provider if you have:

• Reflux occurring more than twice a week for several weeks.

• Symptoms that continue despite treatment.

• Difficulty swallowing.

• Unexplained weight loss.

• Vomiting blood or black stools.

• Chest pain.

• Nighttime symptoms that repeatedly wake you from sleep.

These symptoms deserve a closer look.

So…where do Pepcid and Zyrtec fit?

For me, this combination falls into the category of interesting but not yet well studied.

Both medications have long safety records when used appropriately, and for some women, a physician may feel a short trial is reasonable.

But I also think it’s important not to expect any medication to compensate for habits we already know contribute to symptoms. If alcohol, large evening meals, or other triggers are playing a significant role, addressing those factors is likely to have a much bigger impact than adding a pill.

The goal isn’t simply to collect remedies. It’s to understand what’s driving the symptoms in the first place.

My takeaway

I found myself looking into Pepcid and Zyrtec because I wasn’t looking for another medication, I was looking for another tool.

What I came away with was this:

The biology is interesting.

The evidence isn’t there yet.

The medications themselves have fairly reassuring safety profiles when used appropriately.

And perhaps most importantly, it’s worth asking whether there’s something contributing to your symptoms before assuming another pill is the answer.

Perimenopause seems to turn many of us into detectives.

We notice new symptoms.

We hear about new ideas.

We wonder whether they’re worth trying.

Sometimes the answer is surprisingly simple, like sleeping on a wedge pillow.

Sometimes it’s a conversation with your physician about whether an over-the-counter medication is worth a short trial.

And sometimes it’s simply recognizing that quality of life matters. We don’t have to wait until symptoms become debilitating before looking for ways to feel better.

It’s important to stay curious, to advocate for ourselves, and to SLEEP!

Menu for the Week of August 10-14th

Monday

Crispy Tofu Bowls with Carrot Ginger Dressing

Tuesday

Seared Tuna with Soba Noodles & Sesame Roasted Broccoli

Wednesday

Instant Pot Pulled Pork

Thursday

Shrimp & Creamed Corn

Friday

Mango Turmeric Ginger Smoothie

Well, summer is officially over for one of my kids... ☀️📚

Happy summer (for those still soaking it up!) and happy back-to-school to everyone beginning a new year.

XO,
Jen

But RV life?

For some reason, it has never called to me. There’s just...so much stuff.

So much troubleshooting. So many buttons. So many compartments.

So many systems that everyone else seems to instinctively understand.

Water systems. Sewer systems. Electrical systems. Propane systems.

Pumps. Hookups. Hoses.

It felt like every ten minutes I asked him, “Is it working yet?”

And maybe most of all, when I go into the wilderness, I like the feeling of being alone with it. There’s something about being tucked into an RV park where everyone can watch your husband pull into the parking spot…back up…pull forward…back up again…that doesn’t exactly match the image I have in my head of peaceful nature.

We watched this clip after he finally got the RV parked. It was laughter therapy after the stressful moment. :)

As the weekend unfolded, I found myself riding quite the emotional roller coaster.

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Right now, one topic seems to come up more than almost anything else:

Muscle.

Women of all ages, from their twenties through their seventies, are asking questions like:

• Am I eating enough protein?

• Should I be taking creatine?

• Am I lifting heavy enough?

• Is it too late to build muscle?

  

I appreciate how much this conversation has evolved. Eight or ten years ago, body composition discussions mostly centered on becoming smaller. Today, more women are curious about becoming stronger, supporting their healthspan, and aging well.

At the same time, it is hard not to notice the subtle pressure woven into this wellness culture. The sense that there is always more we should be doing.

More muscle we should be building. More protein we should be eating.

This feels especially true for women in midlife. Preserving muscle has become one of the central health messages of perimenopause.

As I listened to clients, and felt some of that pressure myself, I wondered:

How much muscle does a woman really need to live well?

What is clear: muscle matters

The evidence is quite consistent on one point: having too little muscle, strength, and physical function is associated with poorer health outcomes.

When researchers talk about sarcopenia, they are not referring to the normal changes that happen with age or wishing your arms looked more toned.

Sarcopenia is a clinical condition characterized by a meaningful loss of muscle strength and physical function, often accompanied by low muscle mass. It is associated with frailty, falls, disability, hospitalization, loss of independence, and earlier mortality.

A large 2023 systematic review and meta-analysis pooled 49 prospective studies involving more than 878,000 adults. Across several definitions of muscle wasting, people with low muscle mass, sarcopenia, and related conditions had a higher risk of death from any cause.

That is a compelling reason to care about preserving muscle as we age.

The research gives us a fairly clear floor.

• Becoming weak matters.

• Losing physical function matters.

• Losing the ability to move through daily life independently matters.

But more muscle isn’t always better. And that’s where this question gets interesting.

The research gives us a floor, not a ceiling

One of the more interesting findings in this area of research is that muscle function appears to matter more than muscle quantity alone.

Several large studies have found that measures such as grip strength, walking speed, and lower-body function are often stronger predictors of longevity than the amount of muscle a person carries.

In other words, how well your body works may matter more than how much lean tissue it contains.

That does not mean muscle mass is irrelevant. Muscle provides the foundation for strength and movement. But simply possessing more lean tissue is not necessarily the same as being stronger, moving better, or becoming more physically capable.

Research on resistance training points in a similar direction.

Resistance training can improve strength, balance, walking ability, coordination, and physical performance even when the increase in measured muscle mass is modest.

That may be one of the most reassuring findings in this entire conversation.

The work is not wasted simply because our muscles do not become dramatically larger.

Our bodies can still become stronger.

More coordinated.

More stable.

More capable of producing force, carrying weight, recovering from a misstep, or sustaining a demanding activity.

The research gives us important guidance, but it doesn’t give us a target.

It tells us that very low muscle mass, poor strength, and impaired physical function are associated with worse health outcomes.

It tells us that resistance training improves strength, physical function, and quality of life.

It tells us that strength matters.

But it does not tell us how much muscle every woman should be trying to build.

There is no scientifically established amount of muscle that guarantees a longer or healthier life.

It gives us a floor. It does not give us a clear ceiling.

Resistance training remains one of the best tools we have for preserving strength, bone health, physical function, and independence as we age, and I’ll happily continue lifting weights for as long as it feels good in my body.

So, in short, enough muscle for what?

Maybe the question is not: How much muscle should I have?

Maybe it is: What do I want my body to help me keep doing?

• Do you want to run marathons?

• Get your luggage in the overhead bin?

• Lift heavy bags of soil without waiting for someone else to help?

• Get down on the floor and back up again with kids?

• Go on long adventurous hikes, climbing and scrambling?

The physical abilities that matter most to you will naturally shape how you train.

For one person, maintaining health and independence may be the primary goal.

For another, the goal may be performance, competition, adventure, confidence, or the simple joy of seeing what her body can do.

All of those goals are legitimate. But they are not interchangeable, and they may not require the same amount of muscle, training time, or sacrifice.

More than one way to age well

I think about my grandmother. She lived to be 101 and traveled (internationally) well into her nineties. She wasn't tracking macros or trying to hit a protein target at breakfast.

Sweet (and Spicy) Gramma Sept 2011

Today’s science has taught us a great deal about preserving muscle through resistance training and adequate protein intake. Those are valuable advances.

But my grandmother also reminds me that living well has never depended on optimizing a single health metric.

What do you want strength to support?

I set out looking for an answer to a simple question:

How much muscle should every woman have to live a long, healthy life?

What I found was that there doesn’t appear to be a scientifically established answer.

Instead, the research gave us something else.

It gave us a floor. Not a ceiling.

Maybe the better question is:

What do you want your body to help you keep doing?

• What kind of movement brings you joy?

• What physical abilities matter most to your independence?

• What would you still love to be able to say yes to at 70, 80, or 90?

Maybe healthy aging is not about maximizing one variable.

Maybe it is about building enough strength, resilience, connection, curiosity, and joy that life keeps getting bigger, not smaller.

Not enough muscle to impress someone else.

Enough to keep living the life that matters to you.

Menu for the Week of August 3-7th

Monday

Walnut Burgers

Tuesday

Air Fryer Greek Chicken

Wednesday

Tomato, Peach & Burrata Salad

Thursday

Summer Peach Pork Chops

Friday

Pecan Pie Energy Bites

XO - Jen

What happened here was different, so I'm simply sharing what unfolded for me, recognizing it won't apply to everyone.

My relationship with alcohol has evolved quite a bit over the past three and a half years. Early on, there was an adjustment as I learned to live without it. Over time, not drinking stopped feeling like something I had to work on and eased into how I did life.

Over the past six months, though, I noticed something I hadn't expected. The label I’d worn for three and a half years no longer felt particularly important. There wasn’t a pull toward alcohol. There was simply a growing sense that I didn’t need to keep saying “no” simply because I’d been saying “no.”

Every now and then, a quiet curiosity would drift through:

I wonder what it might be like to have a glass of wine with girlfriends again

What would it be like to have a cocktail with my husband on a date night.

There wasn’t a plan to drink, nor was there an effort to protect an identity that no longer seemed necessary. It simply felt as though the all-or-nothing relationship I’d once had with alcohol had softened, making room for the possibility that life might unfold differently one day…or it might not. Either way felt okay.

A few nights ago, my husband and I went out for dinner. We hadn’t seen each other in about ten days after overlapping trips, and with all three boys away at camp, we finally had an evening to catch up.

Read more

Scroll for a few minutes and you’ll hear one person claiming chia seeds can “cleanse” your digestive system. (Side note: clean food is one of my biggest nutrition pet peeves.) Then another creator warns that seeds are inflammatory. Another says to avoid flaxseed because it contains phytoestrogens.

It’s remarkable how much controversy we’ve managed to create around a handful of seeds.

The truth? Seeds aren’t magic, and they aren’t something to fear. They’re simply foods, each with its own unique nutritional strengths that can contribute to an overall healthy eating pattern.

Let’s separate a few myths from what the research actually tells us:

Myth #1: Chia seeds detox your body.

One of the biggest gut health trends online is what’s often called the “internal shower.” A mixture of chia seeds, water, and lemon juice is promoted as a way to cleanse your gut and flush toxins from your body.

I understand why this idea is appealing.

Research continues to show that our gut influences many aspects of health: from cholesterol and blood sugar to immune function and even certain aspects of mental well-being. It’s tempting to believe that if the gut is this important, one drink might somehow “reset” everything.

But our bodies don’t need detox drinks.

Your liver, kidneys, lungs, skin, and digestive system are already working around the clock to process and eliminate waste products.

What chia seeds do offer is something much less flashy and much more supported by research.

Just two tablespoons provide about 10 grams of fiber, including soluble fiber that absorbs water and forms a gel-like texture, helping soften stool, and insoluble fiber that adds bulk and helps move food through the digestive tract.

So if you’ve found that chia seeds help you stay regular, that doesn’t mean they’re washing toxins out of your body.

It probably means you’re consistently eating more fiber and drinking more water.

That’s not a gimmick, it’s physiology.

And here’s the best part! You don’t have to force yourself to drink a glass of gelatinous chia water if you don’t enjoy it. Sprinkle them into yogurt, oatmeal, smoothies, soups, or bake them into muffins. The power of seeds isn't in a cleanse or a cure. It's in consistently making them one small part of an overall healthy eating pattern.

Myth #2: Seed oils are harmful to your health.

Few nutrition topics have generated as much confusion as seed oils.

Social media often blames them for everything from inflammation to heart disease. But when researchers look at the totality of the evidence, they find the opposite. Replacing saturated fats (like butter) with unsaturated fats, including many seed oils, is associated with improved heart health and lower LDL cholesterol.

Like all cooking oils, seed oils can break down when they’re repeatedly heated to very high temperatures, such as in commercial deep fryers where the same oil is used over and over again. That’s a very different situation than using an appropriate oil for everyday home cooking.

For most people, the evidence supports including seed oils as part of an overall heart-healthy eating pattern, not avoiding them.

Bottom line: The science doesn’t support fearing seed oils. In fact, they can be part of a healthy dietary pattern.

Myth #3: Flaxseed is dangerous because of phytoestrogens.

“Should I avoid flaxseed because it contains estrogen?”

No. Flaxseed contains compounds called lignans, which belong to a broader group of plant compounds known as phytoestrogens.

The name can be misleading because it contains the word estrogen. But phytoestrogens aren’t the same as the estrogen your body produces.

Instead, they’re plant compounds that interact only weakly with estrogen receptors. Depending on what’s happening in the body, they may have mild estrogen-like effects in some tissues and anti-estrogen effects in others. In other words, they don’t simply “increase estrogen.”

Researchers have studied flaxseed and lignans for decades for their potential effects on heart health, breast health, and menopause. While soy has the strongest evidence for easing menopausal hot flashes, the overall body of research suggests that phytoestrogen-rich foods like flaxseed are safe for most people and may even offer health benefits.

So, rather than fearing flaxseed because it contains phytoestrogens, think of it for what it is: a nutritious seed rich in fiber, plant omega-3 fats, and lignans that can be part of a healthy eating pattern.

Bottom line: The presence of phytoestrogens isn’t a reason to avoid flaxseed. If anything, it’s one of the reasons researchers continue to study it for its potential health benefits.

What These Five Seeds Bring to the Table

People often ask me: “Which seed is the healthiest?”

My answer a mix! They all bring something to the table. :)

Hemp Hearts: The Protein Powerhouse

If protein is your goal, hemp hearts stand out.

Among these five seeds, they provide the most protein and are one of the few plant foods considered a complete protein, meaning they contain all nine essential amino acids.

They also have a soft texture and mild flavor, making them one of the easiest seeds to sprinkle onto yogurt, oatmeal, roasted vegetables, grain bowls, or salads.

Ground Flaxseed: The Omega-3 Champion

Flaxseed is one of the richest plant sources of alpha-linolenic acid (ALA), an omega-3 fat.

It’s also packed with fiber and contains those unique lignans we just talked about: plant compounds that continue to be widely studied for their potential health benefits.

One tip: choose ground flaxseed whenever possible. Our bodies absorb its nutrients much better than whole flaxseed, which often passes through the digestive tract largely intact.

Chia Seeds: The Fiber Superstar

If fiber had a champion, chia seeds would certainly be in the running.

Their combination of soluble and insoluble fiber supports digestive health, helps increase fullness after meals, and contributes to healthy cholesterol and blood sugar levels.

They also provide plant omega-3 fats and absorb liquid beautifully, making them perfect for overnight oats, chia pudding, smoothies, or simply stirred into yogurt.

Pumpkin Seeds: The Mineral MVP

Pumpkin seeds may not get as much attention, but they quietly deliver an impressive nutrition package.

They’re especially rich in magnesium and zinc, two minerals involved in hundreds of processes throughout the body, from muscle and nerve function to immune health.

They also contribute plant protein and add a satisfying crunch to salads, soups, roasted vegetables, and homemade trail mix.

Sunflower Seeds: The Vitamin E Winner

Sunflower seeds are one of the richest food sources of vitamin E, an antioxidant that helps protect cells from oxidative damage.

They also provide heart-healthy unsaturated fats and fit almost anywhere, from salads and grain bowls to snacks and homemade granola.

Maybe the healthiest seed...isn’t one seed.

One of the things I appreciate most about nutrition is that it rarely asks us to find the one best food.

Instead, it invites us to build variety.

• Hemp hearts bring protein.

• Flaxseed brings omega-3 fats and lignans.

• Chia seeds bring fiber.

• Pumpkin seeds bring minerals like magnesium and zinc.

• Sunflower seeds bring vitamin E.

Each one contributes something a little different.

Maybe that’s the lesson.

The healthiest choice isn’t finding the perfect seed.

It’s making room for a variety of them.

Because nutrition isn’t built on one “superfood.” It’s built on the small choices we make over and over again.

Small foods. Mighty nutrition. Even better together.

Menu for the Week of July 27-31st

Monday

Curried Tofu Salad

Tuesday

Air Fryer Coconut Shrimp

Wednesday

15-Minute Frittata with Tomatoes and Arugula

Thursday

Salmon Bowls with Crispy Rice & Fresh Veggies

Friday

Vinegar Sparkling Water

Had to explain this one... 😄

While I was in Washington this past week, I sampled some incredible flavored vinegars, and it reminded me how much I love adding a splash to sparkling water. It’s such a refreshing (and surprisingly delicious) way to mix things up.

Have you ever tried it?

XO Jen

As you might expect, when they’re gone, there’s a sense of freedom. My husband and I usually look at each other and ask, “So...what should we do?”

Last summer, we explored Mount Rainier, and on our final day, a few fellow hikers insisted we had to come back someday to explore a part of the Cascade Mountains called the Enchantments. It was too far to fit into that trip, so this summer I made it my goal.

I was craving a solo adventure.

My Camry hybrid rental car had a sunroof!

I’ve learned that traveling alone fills a bucket in me that no other kind of vacation seems to reach. There is something deeply restorative about spending several days without caring for anyone but yourself. No schedules to negotiate. No asking where someone else wants to eat. No coordinating plans. Just waking up each morning and asking one simple question:

What sounds good today?

So I rented a tiny Airbnb just outside Leavenworth, WA, packed my hiking shoes, and decided to spend five days exploring as much of Washington’s Cascade Mountains as my legs would allow.

Today's post is part travel guide, part reflection. If you've ever wanted to explore this corner of Washington, I'll share some of my favorite hikes along with a few lessons that found me over the past six days :)

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The vending machine offered every possible snack option, but my youngest son chose a bottle of lemonade (he would drink most meals and snacks if he could). And my oldest son picked out a Twix bar.

Of course, as soon as the purchases were made, they were already asking each other,

“Can I have some of yours?”

I looked at my youngest and offered, “You’re weclome to get a Twix, too, if that’s what you really wanted?”

He answered without hesitation: “No, I don’t want to eat the whole thing.”

“Well,” I replied, “you don’t have to eat the whole thing. You can save half for later.”

He looked at me and said,

“No. I’ll eat the whole thing. I can’t stop at half.”

Two thoughts immediately crossed my mind. First, how cool that he knows himself so well. Second, why couldn’t he stop at half?

Another thing I'd been noticing is how fast he eats. We’ll all go out for ice cream, and he’s almost always the first one finished. Compared to my other boys, because let's be honest, what parent doesn't compare a little when trying to make sense of things? He also seems to have a greater affinity for sweeter foods.

This kiddo was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago. And with any diagnosis, learning continues. So I also wondered, how much do eating patterns such as these have to do with the way the brain is wired?

Some of the Current Evidence: What We Know About ADHD and Eating

One of the things researchers have consistently found is that ADHD isn’t simply about attention. It also affects executive functioning: the collection of skills that help us pause, plan, inhibit impulses, and shift our attention.

Reward Processing

Researchers have also found differences in reward processing. Immediate rewards often carry more weight for people with ADHD than delayed ones. That doesn’t mean food is uniquely rewarding for every child with ADHD, nor does it mean children with ADHD are destined to struggle with overeating. But it may help explain why pausing in the middle of something enjoyable can sometimes feel more difficult.

Studies have also found that children and adults with ADHD have higher rates of dysregulated eating and binge eating than the general population. But association is not destiny. Many people with ADHD never struggle with food, and many people who struggle with food do not have ADHD.

Some studies have found that children with ADHD consume more added sugar or more ultra-processed foods than their peers, while others have found that the relationship becomes much weaker after accounting for family routines, sleep, medication use, and other factors. Researchers think differences in reward processing may partly explain why sweet foods feel especially rewarding for some individuals with ADHD, but the evidence doesn't suggest that ADHD automatically creates a sweet tooth.

Interoception

Another area that has caught researchers’ attention is something called interoception: our ability to notice internal signals like hunger, fullness, thirst, or even a racing heart. Some emerging research suggests that people with more ADHD symptoms may have more difficulty accurately detecting or responding to these internal cues. It’s an intriguing area of study, although the science is still developing and certainly doesn’t apply equally to every child.

Like so much ADHD research, it gives us another place to be curious, not another conclusion to jump to.

That distinction matters. Science can help us become more curious. It shouldn’t convince us we’ve already written our child’s future.

A Conversation Reframe

I have learned so much about what evidence says on how we talk about food with our kids. And I have evolved in a good way. But I've absolutely commented on how fast he eats and how slowly my oldest eats. I wasn't judging what they chose to eat, but I was still sending the message that they weren't doing it quite right. Thinking…this is different. I am not judging their food choices, but I am still sending the message they aren’t doing something right.

And I know what this feels like.

I can still remember sitting around my grandmother’s dining room table when I was a little girl. Across the table, in front of several generations of family, she announced that I was eating too fast like my much larger cousin Chris.

I was humiliated.

I left the table and hid in a bedroom.

The tone of that interaction was very different from anything I have ever said to my own children. But the memory reminds me that even comments about how we eat can quietly become part of the story we tell ourselves about food.

So...still learning. Instead of statements, I’m going to try a few questions and come from a curious versus judgemental place.

Instead of,

“Why are you eating so fast?”

“Even though you’re done, can you hang at the table with us? Were you really hungry today?”

“How does your stomach feel? Is it still hungry or is it full?”

I also think it’s worth paying attention to when he last ate. If it’s been awhile, it can help explain the pace. Eating regular meals at predictable meal times seems to help all us with hunger management.

Kids love snacks, and I have sort of given up trying to manage this, but when they graze throughout the day may make it harder to recognize what hunger and fullness actually feel like. Summer is a very tricky time. The school year tends to offer an easier time of year to set this goal. :) But regular meals and snacks create opportunities to practice noticing those internal cues.

All of this is about helping children become more connected to their own bodies.

The Story My Mind Starting Writing

The most interesting part of the candy bar story wasn’t really my son’s answer. It was watching how quickly my own mind turned one observation into a prediction about his future.

One comment about a candy bar quietly became a story about how he might struggle with food someday. Nothing had actually happened.

He simply knew himself well enough to say, “If I buy it, I’ll eat it.”

The rest was my mind filling in the blanks. The more I parent, the more I notice how often this happens.

One behavior becomes a prediction.

One moment becomes a pattern.

Science has helped me become more curious about my son’s ADHD. But the research can’t tell me who he is.

That part still happens one conversation, one observation, and one shared meal at a time.

Menu for the Week of July 14-20th

Our kitchen remodel is officially underway. While I’m grateful for the upgrade, our cooking setup is a bit...creative at the moment. So if you notice a few more air fryer, Instant Pot, and grill recipes over the next couple of months, now you know why. 😊

Monday

Crispy Balsamic Tofu Quinoa Bowls

Tuesday

Air Fryer Twice Baked Potato with Black Beans

Wednesday

Air Fryer Pork Chops

Thursday

Grilled Flank Steak Salad

Friday

High Protein Vanilla Chia Seed Smoothie

Happy Grilling, friends! XO Jen

The moment you read those two words, you probably knew exactly what I’m talking about.

Maybe it happened with the new mom you met on the playground. Or over dinner with your partner when the conversation unexpectedly stalled. Or during the drive home from practice with your kiddo.

No one says anything.

Everyone waits for someone else to fill the space.

Almost immediately, you mind gets super chatty…

Should I say something?

This is getting weird.

Come on…someone speak so I don’t have to!

It’s remarkable how quickly the body can respond to the absence of words, too. A tightening in the chest. A quicker heartbeat. The body senses the subtle pressure to rescue the moment.

And when someone finally speaks? Whew! Relief.

We move on as though silence itself had been the problem.

I think many of us spend our lives learning to become good at filling space.

We admire the people who can tell stories effortlessly. The ones who always seem to know exactly what to say. The people who can stand in front of a room, command attention, answer questions without hesitation, and never appear uncomfortable.

I have certainly admired those people.

In many ways, I tried to become one of them.

As a spokesperson for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics many years ago, I was taught how to communicate clearly in interviews, deliver memorable sound bites, and open and close with statements people would remember.

There wasn’t much room for pauses, for considering or simply thinking.

Three-minute television segments don’t reward silence. In fact, silence would have been a nightmare.

Long before that, though, I remember sitting in a therapist’s office in my late twenties, hoping to become less socially awkward.

Wouldn’t it be nice to always know what to say? To always know how to say it?

For years, I quietly assumed confidence looked like never running out of words.

I’m not sure I have a new goal of seeking out silence in conversations. But I am becoming much more curious about why it feels so uncomfortable.

And I’m beginning to question whether my instinct to fill every quiet moment has caused me to miss something I couldn’t hear while I was busy talking. ';)

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Who knows if I’ll remember to do this every year, but at the current moment…I’m thinking it could become an annual tradition.

There are so many stories about perimenopause, and no two seem to be exactly alike. Maybe these yearly notes will help me notice patterns over time. And maybe they’ll reassure another woman that there isn’t one “right” way to move through this transition.

At the time of this year’s visit, I’m 48 and 1/2.

Wouldn’t you agree that it can be surprisingly difficult to know:

Is this perimenopause-related?

Or is this just the gift of simply getting older?

Thankfully, women today have access to far more information than previous generations ever did. Along with growing research has come greater awareness, and I think that’s a wonderful thing. More women are asking thoughtful questions and taking an active role in understanding their health.

At the same time, with more information comes the temptation to attribute every new ache, mood shift, or frustrating day to perimenopause.

Sometimes that’s true.

Sometimes it isn’t.

That’s one reason I jot down “symptom” notes in my phone. By the time my annual appointment rolls around, I tend to forget half the things I meant to mention. Whether it’s white coat syndrome or simply the pace of life, having a running list makes conversations with my physician much more productive.

What has mostly shown up as a symptom is MOOD.

I love roller coasters…just the mood swings they sometimes look and feel like.

Before I get there, here’s where things currently stand.

I’m sleeping well, which I know plays a significant role in emotional well-being. I’m not experiencing regular hot flashes or night sweats. My menstrual cycles are also still regular, suggesting my ovaries are continuing to produce estrogen consistently.

Heart health also came up.

Because I have a strong family history of cardiovascular disease, and elevated lipoprotein(a), it’s something I pay close attention to. I currently take 20 mg of Crestor. While statins don’t lower lipoprotein(a), they do reduce LDL cholesterol, which becomes increasingly important for someone with elevated cardiovascular risk.

As estrogen declines during menopause, LDL cholesterol often rises as well. That doesn’t automatically mean hormone therapy is necessary, but it does mean these conversations become more individualized. Since my cycles remain regular and I’m not experiencing symptoms that suggest I’m further along in the menopausal transition, this wasn’t the time for us to consider that discussion.

A couple of years ago, around age 46, I also had a baseline DEXA scan. As estrogen declines, bone loss accelerates, making this an important time to focus on the things we can influence: eating enough, consuming adequate protein, getting enough calcium and vitamin D, and continuing resistance training to support bone health.

Fortunately, my scan looked good, and for now we don’t plan to repeat it for another year.

Now, back to the mood...

What I notice most consistently is that around ovulation, and even more so during the few days before my period, my emotional resilience seems to shrink.

It’s more than simply feeling irritable.

Things that would normally roll off my back can suddenly feel much bigger. I find myself wanting more space from my family. Small disappointments can unexpectedly bring me to tears. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by emotions that, a week earlier, I would have moved through fairly easily. And occasionally, I simply don’t feel like doing the ordinary things I’d normally enjoy.

If I had to rate these symptoms on a scale from 0 to 10, I’d rate them at about a 5 or 6.

P.S. I find that using a simple numerical scale like this can make it easier to notice subtle changes in how you're feeling over time.

Whether these mood shifts represent the earliest hormonal changes associated with perimenopause, longstanding PMS that I’m simply noticing more, or something else entirely is difficult to know. That’s exactly why I think tracking symptoms over time can be so valuable.

The reason I don’t rate them higher is that they’re usually short-lived, and over the years I’ve found things that genuinely help: protecting my sleep, going for my daily walks, and keeping the habits that help my nervous system feel steady.

But something else has shifted too: I’ve stopped expecting myself to have the same capacity every day of the month.

There are times, particularly when I’m very tired or in those few days before my period, when life simply feels more raw. My emotions are closer to the surface, and I notice I have less capacity to keep everything feeling organized inside. Thoughts feel louder. Emotions move through me more intensely. The version of me that usually keeps everything running fairly smoothly just isn’t as available.

Years ago, I would have worked really hard to get back to feeling like “myself” as quickly as possible. When that extra capacity isn’t there, I can’t manage my experience in quite the same way. I can’t smooth over every feeling or convince myself that I should be okay. And strangely, I’m not sure that’s entirely a bad thing.

It doesn’t necessarily feel peaceful. Sometimes it feels incredibly vulnerable. But it also feels more honest. More immediate. It’s as if there are fewer layers between what’s happening and my attempt to manage what’s happening.

Perhaps this is one of the quieter invitations of perimenopause. Not simply to notice changing hormones, but to notice how much energy I’ve spent trying to keep myself together. And maybe, every once in a while, to discover that it’s okay when I can’t.

What the Doc Said

For the past two years, I’ve brought these mood changes up with my physician. Both years she mentioned an option I hadn’t previously considered: using an SSRI antidepressant (such as fluoxetine/Prozac or sertraline/Zoloft) only during the portion of the menstrual cycle when symptoms are most disruptive.

After our visit, I looked more closely at the evidence. Interestingly, research supports this approach for some women with moderate to severe premenstrual symptoms or PMDD. Unlike treating depression, where SSRIs often take several weeks to work, these medications appear to reduce PMS and PMDD symptoms much more quickly. Some women take them every day, while others take them only during the luteal phase, the approximately two weeks before their period, or beginning when symptoms start each month.

For me, because my symptoms are moderate and relatively brief, I’ve chosen to continue relying on lifestyle strategies for now. But I appreciated knowing this is an evidence-based option should my symptoms become more disruptive in the future.

What I’m taking away from this year’s visit

This stage of life feels like an invitation to pay attention, not with fear, but with curiosity.

I’ll plan on keeping a running list in the Notes app on my phone to bring these observations to my annual appointment.

Things worth jotting down before your annual visit

• Changes in cycle length or bleeding

• Mood patterns

• Sleep quality

• Hot flashes or night sweats

• Energy levels

• Brain fog or concentration

• Joint aches

• Vaginal or urinary symptoms

• Libido

• Exercise recovery

• Questions that come up throughout the year

I’m looking forward to seeing what 49 looks like, not because I’m hoping for any particular outcome, but because every season has something to teach us.

Perhaps that’s the real value of paying attention: noticing patterns, asking better questions, and partnering more thoughtfully in our own care.

Menu for the week of July 13-17th

Monday

Spicy Black Bean Burgers with Chipotle

Tuesday

Pork Chops with Fresh Peaches and Basil

Wednesday

Grilled Shrimp Salad with Feta Vinaigrette

Thursday

Crispy Bang Bang Salmon Bite Bowls

Friday

Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana Bark

Happy Summer! XO Jen

My usual workout spot is a corner of our finished basement, so getting to use a gym full of different equipment always feels like a treat. As I settled into a set of rope pulldowns, I heard it: a loud grunt, followed by an exasperated sigh coming from the machine behind me.

I turned around to see my 15-year-old son giving every ounce of effort he had, trying to curl the weight on the leg curl machine.

Without even thinking, I rushed over.

“What are you doing? You’re going to hurt yourself!”

Almost immediately, the female trainer working beside an older gentleman chimed in:

“Oh yes…when I was younger, I tore my patellar tendon. Trust me, you don’t want to injure that. It’ll bother you for the rest of your life.”

In that moment, two well-meaning women had unintentionally swooped in to tell a teenage boy he was doing it wrong.

The look on his face told me everything. Once that awkward moment had moved on, we talked about it. Later, somewhere in the conversation, he casually said: “Well…if you can walk the next day, you didn’t really do leg day.”

I asked where he’d learned that.

“My friends.”

While we used to work out together regularly, I’ve officially been replaced by his friends. As I should be.

What I realized, though, is that I wasn’t really questioning whether he should be learning from others. I was questioning who those others were and what messages they were passing along.

Along with his friends, he’s undoubtedly getting advice in the locker room, from ESPN highlights, professional athletes, YouTube videos, and strength influencers. Some of it is excellent. Some of it…not so much.

Whether we like it or not, our kids eventually begin learning what it means to be strong from somewhere else.

That moment in the gym got me thinking not just about my own son, but about the culture many young boys are stepping into.

For years, many of us heard that children shouldn’t lift weights until they were fully grown because it would damage their growth plates or stunt their growth.

That advice has changed.

The American Academy of Pediatrics now states that appropriately designed resistance training is both safe and beneficial for children and adolescents when it is supervised, technique-focused, and progressed appropriately. Research has shown improvements in strength, athletic performance, bone health, injury prevention, and confidence. Just as importantly, there is no evidence that properly supervised resistance training stunts growth.

But there's an important nuance that sometimes gets lost in the conversation.

The goal isn’t simply to lift heavier and heavier weights.

The Academy emphasizes learning movement patterns first, developing proper technique, progressing gradually, and matching training to a young person’s physical and emotional maturity, not simply their age.

For beginners, that often means lighter loads, controlled movements, and stopping short of complete muscular failure while technique is still developing.

That wasn’t exactly the message my son was hearing.

And honestly, I don’t think it’s unique to him.

Curious whether my instinct was right, I reached out to three experts whose careers have been dedicated to helping athletes and everyday people train, perform, and stay healthy: Brett Bartholomew MS.Ed., CSCS*D, RSCC*D, Chris Mohr, PhD, RD and Jim White, RDN, ACSM-EP, CPT.

Although each approached the question from a slightly different angle, they all came back to the same message:

Strength training isn’t the problem. Rushing the process is.

Brett Bartholomew, founder of Art of Coaching™, said it best:

“Kids don’t get hurt because they’re lifting weights. They get hurt because they’re progressing faster than their tissues and technique can handle.”

He also challenged something many of us celebrate without thinking.

“Parents celebrate visible progress, more weight on the bar, bigger muscles, but they rarely celebrate what matters more: better movement quality, patience, consistency, and sound decision-making.”

His advice was refreshingly simple:

Play the long game.

Chris Mohr, who has spent decades in sports nutrition and exercise physiology, echoed that same idea while offering reassurance that many parents still need to hear.

“Weight training is not only perfectly safe, but strongly encouraged. It’s significantly better than doing nothing. Of course, there should be quality instruction and guidance on form and what’s appropriate.”

He also reminded me that the strongest foundation isn’t always the flashiest one.

“Bodyweight movements like push-ups, pull-ups, and squats often provide an excellent place for young athletes to learn movement before chasing heavier loads. After all, our own body is a form of resistance.”

Jim White, who coaches athletes and everyday exercisers alike, sees many of the same mistakes repeated.

“Most injuries aren’t because teenagers are lifting weights. They’re because they’re trying to outdo one another.”

He encouraged parents to pay attention to the things that often get overlooked:

• learning proper technique before adding weight

• slowing down each repetition instead of rushing through sets

• using a spotter when appropriate

• eating before training instead of relying on pre-workout supplements

• remembering to breathe rather than holding their breath through heavy lifts

Despite different backgrounds, all three experts emphasized the same themes: patience, quality movement, consistency, and playing the long game.

Reading their responses left me thinking about a few things I can get curious about as a parent, too.

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Lately I’ve been working with more clients who are trying to heal their relationship with food. Somewhere along the line, many of them learned that eating a certain way and exercising a certain way were necessary in order to feel okay.

One of the tools that often enters the picture is food journaling.

Journaling itself isn’t inherently helpful or harmful. As with most things, it depends on the intention behind it.

Sometimes people are tracking out of curiosity. They’re wondering whether they’re getting enough protein or fiber. Maybe they’re documenting a few days of eating so we can better understand patterns that are difficult to remember later. Sometimes they’re trying to connect the dots between food, fullness, satisfaction, emotions, energy, or digestion.

In fact, I often tell clients that the most valuable part of any food journal isn’t what they ate.

It’s what was happening while they were eating.

How did it feel?

What were they needing?

What were they hoping food would do for them?

But food journals can also become something else.

Instead of curiosity, they become control.

Instead of information, they become reassurance.

One client and I had been exploring this recently. She had been tracking her food for almost a year.

As we talked about it, a question began to emerge:

What does the journal actually provide?

Eventually she landed on something important.

“If I don’t journal, I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing.”

And underneath that:

“If I know what I’m doing, then everything will be okay.”

That’s a very different job description than tracking protein or fiber. Nutrition tools work best when they help us learn. They become burdensome when we start asking them to make us feel safe.

A few weeks later she had a day where for whatever reason…she didn’t journal.

Not intentionally. Life simply happened.

She spent the day playing sports with her boyfriend. She went to her grandmother’s house. She ate cherry pie. She laughed. She lived.

And when she described the day, I noticed something immediately.

There was an expansiveness to it. Not because of what she ate or how she moved. Not because she still followed “a plan.”

There was simply less attention on food. Less hyperfocus. More room. More participation in what was right in front of her.

The interesting thing is that most of us know this feeling.

We know what it’s like when the lens narrows and all of our attention gets pulled toward one corner of life. Food. Exercise. Productivity. Parenting. Work. Health. Money.

The specifics change.

The contraction feels remarkably similar.

And we also know those moments when the lens opens back up.

When we’re so engaged in living that we temporarily forget to monitor ourselves.

I don’t think expansiveness is something we should chase. Trying to force ourselves into being “free” of it all can feel like another form of control.

But I do think it’s worth noticing.

What does contraction feel like in the body?

What does openness feel like?

What activities seem to invite one versus the other?

Years ago, I understood my own food primarily through numbers and records, too. I can speak about all of this because I have been there. Very narrow. Very controlled. Very…I must do this to feel ok.

With time, that habit fell away. Not because I became more disciplined or tried harder, but because I could finally see that it wasn't serving me anymore. I think many of these habits, the ones that start to feel like little cages, change in much the same way.

And how, sometimes, all it takes is a day of pickleball, volleyball, cherry pie, and being fully absorbed in life to remind us that the door was never locked in the first place.

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Menu for the Week of July 6-10th

This week's menu is a collection of summer-inspired recipes, inspired by conversations with clients and a delicious meal shared with a friend.

Monday

Summer Corn Soup with Fresh Herbs

Tuesday

10-Minute BBQ Chicken Wrap

Wednesday

Baked Dijon Salmon

Thursday

Buffalo Chickpea Salad

Friday

Gluten-Free Almond Cookies

Lovely to be here with you - XO - Jen

Not really.

I’ll probably still check the weather.

But lately I’ve become interested in why I am checking it.

This summer has felt like an exercise in trying not to drop the ball.

Camp schedules.

Drop-off times.

Pick-up locations.

Check-in codes.

Screen time.

Kids staying up later.

Trying to remember who needs to be where and when.

I can feel my nervous system becoming hypervigilant, as though there is someone here whose job it is to make sure nothing goes wrong.

When that feeling shows up, my instinct is almost always the same: gather more information. Check one more thing. Figure it out before it happens.

Years ago, that instinct sent me somewhere else.

I remember typing a question into Google:

“How do I stop overpreparing?”

At the time, I was getting ready for a presentation. I believed that if I prepared enough, I’d finally feel confident.

What I didn’t realize then was that confidence wasn’t actually what I was seeking.

I was looking for relief from needing things to go a certain way…and from believing it was my job to make sure they did.

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