That fear is understandable.

Following your Inner Guru may take you beyond what is familiar—and beyond what other people expect of you.

But learning to trust it can make your life easier, more satisfying, and more authentically yours.

No one can define the Inner Guru with certainty.

I experience it as a deeper dimension of consciousness—a source of wisdom within us that sees beyond our habitual fears and expectations.

I have spent years finding the courage to take chances and follow my Inner Guru. The rewards have been many.

The question is: Are you willing to move through your fear of change and discover what choices are available to you now?

Will you make choices that appear to be mistakes? Of course. But even choices that don’t work out can help you discover what is—and is not—true for you.

Why It’s Natural to Be Afraid

Human beings want to belong and feel loved, accepted, and safe. When you sense that following your Inner Guru might threaten those connections, you may decide—often without realizing it—not to speak your truth.

Perhaps you discovered that life was easier when you stayed quiet, took care of everyone else, or became whatever the people around you needed or expected you to be.

Those choices may have helped you feel safer at the time. They weren’t mistakes. They were logical responses to what you experienced.

But a pattern that protected you earlier in life can restrict you now.

You may hesitate to speak up, remain in situations that no longer suit you, or wait for someone else to give you permission to pursue what you want.

After a while, this can create a quiet inner tension. Your outer life may look perfectly acceptable while something inside you keeps whispering, “This isn’t really who I want to be or how I want to live.”

At 85, I’ve learned that not everybody is going to like who I am or how I behave. But people often tell me they trust and respect me because they know I’ll tell them the truth as I see it.

That matters more to me than being liked by everyone.

You Don’t Need to Invent a New Self

You may simply need to notice the layers of habit, fear, and expectation that have covered up your natural expression.

“Simply” does not necessarily mean “easily.”

Sometimes there’s a longing you can’t explain.

Sometimes an idea keeps returning. You may feel a sense of expansion when you imagine making a particular choice—or a feeling of heaviness when you agree to something you don’t really want.

Your body and emotions often tell the truth before your thinking mind is ready to admit it. This is why it helps to become quiet enough to listen.

As I often say, “Sit on the couch and wait for instructions.”

Meditation, journaling, walking, or simply sitting without distraction can give your Inner Guru room to speak.

Its guidance may arrive as a gentle sense of yes, a persistent nudge, or the realization that you can no longer continue in the same way.

You Can’t Please Everyone

When you change, the people around you may feel uncomfortable because they are accustomed to the role you have played in their lives.

If you have always been agreeable, your first honest “no” may seem selfish—to them and to you.

You can care about other people without handing them authority over your life. You can listen to their opinions without allowing those opinions to drown out your inner guidance.

Speaking your truth does not mean ignoring other people’s needs or saying everything that comes into your mind. It means that your choices come from honesty rather than fear—and that the life you create reflects what matters to you.

Courage Grows Through Small Choices

You don’t have to overturn your entire life tomorrow. Being honest about who you are is usually built through small, everyday decisions.

You might begin by asking yourself:

• Where am I saying yes when I really mean no?

• What would I choose if I weren’t worried about being judged?

• Whose approval am I still trying to earn?

Then take one small step that honors your answer.

Say what you genuinely think. Spend guilt-free time on the project that keeps calling to you. Rest when your body asks for rest. Stop explaining a choice that doesn’t require anyone else’s permission.

Each honest choice teaches your brain and nervous system that it is safe to be more fully yourself.

The World Needs Your Particular Expression

No one else has your exact combination of experiences, perceptions, gifts, and understanding.

When you hide who you are, you don’t just deprive yourself—you withhold something from the rest of us.

You may never know who is encouraged because you had the courage to speak honestly, take an unconventional path, or live according to your values.

Your willingness to be yourself gives others permission to do the same.

You don’t need universal approval, and you don’t need to be fearless.

Courage means that something within you has become more important than your fear.

Listening to your Inner Guru doesn’t guarantee that every choice will be easy or that every outcome will be what you hoped for. The advantage is that you stop using so much energy fighting yourself.

Decisions become clearer, inner conflict lessens, and your life begins to reflect who you really are.

The more you listen to your Inner Guru, the clearer your direction becomes. The more you honor what you know, the more you can relax into your own life.

You don’t have to become someone new.

You can simply become more of who you already are.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

A question for you: Is there a part of yourself you have been reluctant to express? What is one small way you could honor that part of you this week?

In an upcoming post, I’ll share real-life stories about how listening to the Inner Guru—and having the courage to act on its guidance—has benefited both me and others.

The one thing that has kept me going is understanding that there’s no such thing as good or bad, there only is what is.

What matters is how I adapt to what is.

I have choices as to how I do this.

Acceptance as a path to serenity

Many years ago, while attending a Twelve Step meeting, I heard the Serenity Prayer for the first time.

It’s a simple prayer:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

That final part, the wisdom to know the difference, is often the hardest.

It seems to be human nature to want to change whatever we do not understand, agree with, or like. Yet much of our suffering comes from fighting against what already is.

Over the years, I have come to see acceptance as an art with three essential parts:

• Accepting ourselves

• Accepting other people as they are

• Accepting what is happening

Each one requires practice.

Accepting Yourself

In the early 1970s, I attended a group where we looked into another person’s eyes and said:

“I unconditionally love and support you just the way you are.”

We also practiced saying it to ourselves.

I remember standing in front of a mirror, looking into my own eyes, and saying:

“Joan, I unconditionally love and support you exactly as you are.”

The first time I did that, I cried for days whenever I thought about that moment.

I did not remember anyone saying those words to me. Like many people, I grew up often hearing correction instead:

• Your slip is showing.

• You need to do this differently.

• We are only telling you this because we love you.

I took the underlying message to be that I was not quite right as I was. (This is how I took it, not necessarily what they meant.)

Today, one of the most important things I tell clients and myself is:

There is nothing wrong with you that needs fixing.

You may have made decisions that did not work out. You may have behaved in ways you later regretted. But that does not mean there is something fundamentally wrong with you.

Many of us carry a voice in our heads that says:

• You should have done better.

• You should be different.

• You ought to know better by now.

I consider should, ought, and must dangerous words when we use them against ourselves.

Self-acceptance does not mean we stop growing. It means we stop treating ourselves as defective.

Growth becomes much easier when it begins with kindness instead of criticism.

Accepting Other People

Accepting others can be just as difficult.

Our brains are naturally alert to differences. At one time, noticing who belonged to our tribe and who did not helped keep us safe. But that instinct can turn into judgment.

I remember seeing a woman wearing a plaid skirt with a striped blouse. In my world at the time, those patterns simply did not go together.

My immediate thought was, “What was she thinking?”

Then I heard an inner message:

There is a gift in every moment.

I understood that the gift was not in deciding whether I approved of her clothing. The gift was in noticing how quickly I judged someone for failing to fit my expectations.

How often do we expect people to behave the way we would behave?

• We expect them to understand us.

• We expect them to treat us a certain way.

• We expect them to return our kindness in the form we prefer.

But when I am attached to what I expect you to give me, I may miss what you are actually here to give.

We often ask people, “What do you do?” before asking anything that reveals who they are.

I am much more interested in who a person is than what they do.

• What do they feel?

• What have they lived through?

• What do they long for?

• What kind of love are they still hoping to receive?

My philosophy is that somewhere inside, nearly everyone still wants Mommy or Daddy to say, “You are a good boy,” or “You are a good girl.”

We want to know that we are lovable.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer another person is to see beyond their behavior and recognize the love they are craving.

Accepting What Is

The third part is accepting what is happening.

This does not mean approving of everything. It does not mean becoming passive or refusing to act.

It means seeing clearly before deciding how to respond.

I no longer divide every experience into good or bad. Much of life is simply what is happening. My judgment about it comes from what I think it means.

It all depends on how we look at it.

Aging has value, and it has discomforts. Illness can be frightening and limiting. Political and social events may be disturbing. People may behave in ways we strongly oppose.

Acceptance asks:

• What is true right now?

• What can I change?

• What can I not change?

• How do I want to respond?

Complaining is not the same as taking action.

If something can be changed, acceptance gives us a stable place from which to act. If something cannot be changed, acceptance frees the energy we were using to fight reality.

I have lived through many physical challenges. I have spent more time in hospitals than I would have preferred. Yet even in the hospital, I have found beauty.

I have seen it in the nurses who offered care and kindness despite the pressure they work under. I have found moments of humor, connection, gratitude, and love in places I would never have chosen to be.

There is always something to learn.

Shortly before my father died, I asked him whether he had any regrets.

He said, “There was so much more to learn.”

Every moment provides us with the opportunity to learn.

The question is not only, “Why is this happening?”

A more useful question may be:

If I accept that this is what is happening, how can I grow from it?

Acceptance is not surrendering your power.

It is ending the argument with reality.

From there, you can choose what to do, what to say, what to release, and where to find love.

No matter what life places in front of us, there is almost always a place where love, meaning, beauty, or even joy can be found.

Be open to seeing life through loving eyes.

I’ve been pecking at my shell, which is the apartment I moved into 14 months ago. It’s been a long gestation period as I go through many life changes.

When I moved in here, my goal was to create a new persona and to know what I’m supposed to do now – at age 85.

I had no idea it was going to take so long to turn my life inside out and move forward again. I think I’m ready this time.

Part of the process has required going through a fallow period during which both my body and mind were on pause. It’s a long story, and at some time in the future, I’ll share the details of my search for an escape from what can be called a medical mystery.

Fortunately, I’ve learned to accept whatever’s happening and to have faith that what I need will show up at the right time.

Fast forward to now

What’s happening now is that Dr.Timothy Lopez, a talented oncologist/hematologist I’ve known for over 20 years, identified the main problem (not cancer) for which I’m now being treated. Because of my age and the genetic issues I deal with, the problem was difficult to diagnose.

Obviously, I needed this time in my cave to dig down deep inside and learn everything I’ve learned in the last year. Although I haven’t been doing much externally, it’s been a fruitful internal journey.

I knew when I moved in here that I wanted to, in effect, reinvent myself, although I had no idea what that really meant. I don’t know what my new persona will become as the story unfolds.

I do know that I don’t want to do what I was doing before the pause or even be who I was externally.

Ideas have been bubbling up, and I’m putting the pieces in place. I hope that in another month or two I can tell you what I have in mind.

Dealing with time

Something happens in your mid-80s that puts things in perspective. In earlier years, I knew that there was an end, but the when of it was unknown and seemed far away.

At this age, it’s clear there is an end, and the when is still vague and unknown, but clearly, it’s closer than any time in the past.

At times, it’s difficult to be patient and let things unfold at the right time. I know that hurrying can slow things down and is not a good idea.

Slowly but surely, my energy and creativity are coming back. I know it will never be what it was before because I am smack dab in the middle of the aging process.

I’m so grateful that I had the foresight 53 years ago to give up sugar, alcohol, and processed foods, and develop a healthy attitude and approach to life.

As a result, I have no pain, just a little stiffness. I have learned not to worry about anything, and my mind is still active.

I am doing my best to avoid becoming the old lady sitting in a wheelchair wearing a party hat watching life go by.

I appreciate that so many of you have stuck with me this long and hope to bring you some interesting things in the future. I’m excited about doing this.

In the meantime, I believe the current chaos is going to lead to a positive outcome. Unfortunately, this may take longer than any of us want it to.

So, the trick now is to adapt to what is and not be afraid of what’s coming next. We are all more powerful than we realize.

Thanks for being here.

Joan Sotkin

https://ProsperityPlace.com/

I had no idea what I was doing.

A short time earlier, Dr. Harold Harper, a pioneering endocrinologist, had told me that if I gave up sugar and followed his nutritional advice, I would no longer be depressed. I had been depressed for 15 years, was addicted to doctor-prescribed Valium and other psychotropics, and would try anything to feel better.

He handed me a single sheet of paper:

“No peas, no beans, no corn, no rice, no potatoes, no bread. No grapes, no bananas, or watermelon. No sugar, no alcohol, no caffeine.”

At the time, I was a serious chocoholic and was using over a pound of honey a week.

By my standards today, everything I was eating was wrong.

But something inside me knew I had to follow his advice.

I went home and threw out almost everything in my kitchen.

That didn’t leave much.

So I went to the health food store and began experimenting. I would take a breath, hold a food against my solar plexus, and silently ask, “Do I need this?”

Sometimes my head would drop back — yes.
Sometimes it would drop forward — no.

“Wow,” I thought. “My body seems to know what it needs.”

Although I had been attracted to mysticism for many years, I was desperate. And I was listening.

Within days, my depression began to lift.

That was 53 years ago. I haven’t knowingly eaten sugar since.

Why do people make unhealthy choices?

Over the past 50+ years, I’ve explored this question deeply.

There is no single answer that applies to everyone.

No teacher or expert has THE answer for you — not even me.

People make unhealthy choices for many reasons.

Sometimes they don’t know what they truly need.

Sometimes they resist change because change is uncertain.

And sometimes — this is harder to see — staying unwell serves a purpose.

Being sick can keep a familiar identity in place.
It can create connection.
It can ensure care, attention, or relief from responsibility.

If getting help makes you feel heard or connected, some part of you may not want to give that up.

These patterns are rarely conscious.

A decision is the first step

To change, you have to risk something.

You have to tolerate the discomfort of not knowing how it will turn out.

You also have to face the fear of making a mistake.

If I make this change, I’m not going to die. I may be uncomfortable, but I’ll find out what doesn’t work for me.

Finding out what doesn’t work is just as important as discovering what does.

That’s not failure.

That’s data.

You can also ask your Inner Guru:
“Is it okay for me to try this?”

Take a small risk. See what happens.

Trust is built by taking small risks and surviving them.

Learning to communicate with your Inner Guru

Your Inner Guru won’t necessarily speak in words.

It might feel like:

• a quiet knowing

• a subtle body sensation

• relief or expansion

• contraction or resistance

• a sudden clarity

For me, it’s often an internal voice answering my question.

It’s not quick. It’s not dramatic.

It’s built through attention and practice.

The goal isn’t perfection.

The goal is to build trust in yourself.

I’ll be writing more about this.

Leave a comment

If you have questions, use the comment button above or click here to send me an email.

With love,
Joan

It certainly seems like the familiar has become unfamiliar, and things we used to count on no longer exist or seem impossible.

As an optimist, I tend to see glimmers of light in the midst of the darkness.

Like many of you, I have cut back on or limited how much news I watch or listen to. Still, as a business person, I think it’s important to have some awareness of what’s happening locally and around the world so I can better assess the marketplace and make better business decisions.

A different way of looking at what’s going on

I also think it’s important to see the situation from a broader point of view. Doing this allows me to limit the potential stress from what’s happening that can harm my health and well-being.

I have come to believe that there is no good or bad, and whatever is happening is just what’s happening.

How I respond to what’s happening is my choice.

I can choose to complain and give in to fear, confusion, and feelings of powerlessness. I can blame the politicians, members of my family, “the other”, or anyone else I think is responsible for making me uncomfortable.

Or I can choose to take responsibility for my own feelings.

That’s not what most of us are taught to do.

No one else is making you uncomfortable

This may be difficult to understand, especially if you’re already feeling overwhelmed…

The reason you’re having the response you are to the chaos is because of the habitual emotional reactions you developed early in life or throughout your lifetime in response to the trauma, stress, or discomforts you experienced.

You also inherited feeling habits from your parents, your culture, and the time and place in which you were raised.

Once you begin to recognize those habitual responses, you can start to rewire your brain and deal with what’s happening more effectively.

Is this easy to do? No.

And it takes time, commitment to yourself, and persistence.

It takes discipline, determination, and a burning desire to have your life move in a new direction.

That’s why so few people are willing to go through this process.

Start with a decision

I could share many techniques I’ve used over the years to rewire my brain and move from chronic depression and physical challenges to the deep satisfaction I experience now. And some day I may.

But those would be my methods. What’s more important is that you find a way that works for you.

The starting point is the same for everyone: a decision.

Once you decide you are willing to make the necessary changes, you will be led to possible solutions and effective actions that fit your particular needs.

That may seem odd, but if you’re willing to be open to change, you can test it out.

Deal with the process of change

Once you make the decision, ask yourself if you are willing to go through the possible discomforts of change as you face your own resistance.

That resistance is not your ego or self-sabotage. It’s not something you’re doing wrong.

It’s a normal brain function of the amygdala that warns you to be afraid when the outcome is uncertain.

But, no matter what your age or your circumstances, you have the power to rewire your brain – if you’re willing.

Are you ready to get started with the process of brain rewiring?

My course, Rewire Your Brain for Prosperity & Financial Freedom, can get you started.

If you don’t want to watch it, the last section is an audio download of the whole course.

Included is the course Financial Freedom Formula – A Holistic Blueprint for Success.

Check it out!

Coping with the Chaos is a series about staying emotionally steady, spiritually grounded, and human in a changing world.

With Love,

Joan

www.ProsperityPlace.com/

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When I first stepped onto the internet in May 1995, I knew immediately it was the future and learned everything I could about how to use the Net for business.

Even back then, I liked sharing what I was learning, so I put together a little booklet called Internet 123 and was invited to do a TV interview about it on a local Los Angeles channel.

Some things have remained the same, but the entire infrastructure has changed, and everything has expanded, including e-commerce.

Take a walk down memory lane with me and watch this video.

I would love to read your comments.

In the late 1960s, protests in the United States against the Vietnam War began to build. At the time, I was living in Los Angeles and became a fervent activist against the war. I often organized demonstrations and managed to get press coverage for what we were doing.

Those were chaotic times, much like the ones we’re living in now.

That was 60 years ago. Today, I’m older — and a little less able to take to the streets to make my views known.

And yet, like many of you, I feel a deep concern about what’s happening in our country.

I can’t just stand by and do nothing.

So I asked myself a simple question:
What can I do, within my own range of abilities, that feels honest and authentic?

The answer for me is to speak and to write — not in anger, but from love and care for the people of this country and for what it has meant in my life.

Don’t be attached to the effect of your actions

None of us, by ourselves, can change the world. That’s not our job.

Our job is to listen to our inner guidance and trust it.

Even small actions, when they come from care and integrity, add to the energy of the whole.

When you are internally peaceful, that is the energy you contribute. And when many people do this, outcomes shift — often in ways we cannot see.

When millions protested on No Kings Day, others noticed. Some were willing, even quietly, to reconsider what they believed.

Holding the possibility of positive change is healthier — for you and for everyone you touch — than living in fear or anger.

It also opens your mind to small actions you can take that may make a difference, even if only for one person.

A suggestion

One of the things I often suggest is very simple:

Sit on the couch.
And wait for instructions.

This isn’t easy when the mind is busy. But even a few minutes a day gently trains your brain to settle.

As you sit, just watch your thoughts pass by. Don’t judge them. Don’t stop them. Just notice.

There is nothing you have to do or accomplish.

Either in that quiet moment or later in the day, you may simply know what you need to do.

That’s enough.

Don’t judge what’s happening. Don’t rush the process.
Trust that whatever is unfolding is exactly right for you.

With Love,

Joan

Coping with the Chaos is a series about staying emotionally steady, spiritually grounded, and human in a changing world.

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Many years ago, I read an article about people with what was then called Multiple Personality Disorder (now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder). When they switched personalities, their entire body chemistry changed. Someone with diabetes or high blood pressure might not have those conditions in another personality.

That idea changed my life.

At the time, I was sick physically and emotionally, and my life was a mess. I had little hope for my future. In that moment, I realized that I needed to create a new persona—or perhaps more accurately, grow into a truer version of myself. I couldn’t do it as quickly as someone with that disorder could, but I could begin.

That realization became a turning point. For years, the idea of becoming someone new stayed with me. Slowly, through small changes, my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors shifted. Over time, not only did I change, but my life did too.

A plan for the future

Almost eight months ago, when I moved from the house I had lived in for 25 years into an apartment, I set a clear intention: to create a new persona for this stage of my life.

Selling the house put me in a much more comfortable financial position, which it did. But I also knew I had to change many long-standing habits of thinking and feeling.

I’m only a few days away from turning 85, and I have no idea how many years I have left. What has become clear is that living the way I’d like to live requires that I generate some income. And it also requires a different relationship with effort, control, and timing.

To support this shift, I’ve made a few commitments to myself:

• I’m not trying to force my business back to what it was or make things happen. I’m allowing the new version of the business to unfold in its own time.

• I’ll continue practicing something I’ve worked on for years: not letting money determine how I feel.

• For a long time, I’ve said that if you get yourself into the right place, you’ll get what you need. It has taken me a while to truly understand what being “in the right place” means.

• I’ve also learned that what I need isn’t always comfortable. Whatever shows up can teach me more about who I am—and who I’m not.

• I’m no longer forcing myself to post frequently on Substack or anywhere else. I’ll write when inspiration arrives.

The wisdom that comes with aging

It’s taken me a while to admit that I’m aging, though the physical reminders make that harder to ignore as time goes on.

I’m now willing to step into the role of Wise Elder—to focus on sharing what I’ve learned over a long lifetime, while letting go of my need to be understood or accepted.

I’ve noticed that the more I let go, the easier and more fulfilling my life becomes.

One of the most important things I’ve learned is that I don’t have answers—only questions. And as I move through this last chapter of my life, those questions feel like an invitation. An invitation to release old ideas about the world, about others, and about who I’ve been so far.

I’m willing to simply be and watch what life has in store.

At times, this feels like stepping into an abyss. But each time I let go of the fear of emptiness, my life fills with unexpected and deeply satisfying surprises.

I’m sure the coming year will bring its own challenges and opportunities. I’m looking forward to sharing this journey with you, and I hope something in it brings you a bit of illumination—something that makes your own life feel easier or more fulfilling.

I’m also looking forward to learning more about you and the path you’re on.

As what I’ll be doing becomes clearer to me, I’ll share what I hope we can explore together.

In the meantime, I wish you a wonderful holiday.

Joan Sotkin

https://ProsperityPlace.com/

When I moved into my new dwelling seven months ago, I decided not to try to make things happen but to allow them to happen.

This meant letting go of the idea that I knew what I needed next and trying to make it happen.

I had to be willing to trust my inner guidance and wait until I had a strong urge to restart and restructure my business. I didn’t want to duplicate what I had been doing before.

I also didn’t want to be exactly who I was before. This required a lot of inner work as I strived to make my life comfortable physically, emotionally, and as stress-free as possible.

Someone reminded me that moving is one of the 10 most stressful things you can do in life, and I was doing it at age 84, by myself.

Fortunately, I had a lot of help from friends.

Because I moved into an empty apartment, I had the choice of furnishing it exactly as I wanted without spending a lot of time driving around looking at things or thoughtlessly spending money.

Because I was in a very new and different position physically, emotionally, and financially, I had to develop new habits and ways of perceiving myself and my environment.

My new financial position

All my life, I have experienced financial ups and downs. It was true growing up with my family and during my two marriages, both of which ended, by choice, after seven years.

As an entrepreneur, there were years when money flowed freely, and others when I found myself on the edge. I even experienced a bankruptcy when my beloved crystal business fell apart.

One of my long-term goals has been to never let my money determine how I feel. I have known too many people who worry about money, even people who have millions.

Deep inside, I knew that whatever I was going through was what I needed to become who I was becoming, although I didn’t know what that was.

I have worked diligently for many years, teaching my brain not to worry while I developed new responses to familiar stimuli, such as watching my bank balance dwindle precipitously.

After I bought a house in 1999, I had a sense that, if things got too difficult, I could sell the house and I’d be okay. In the middle of last year, after 25 years in the house, it became clear that the time had come to sell it.

It sold quickly and left me in a very new financial position.

Dealing with the moving stupid’s

In my book, Build Your Money Muscles, I introduced the idea of the moving stupids, which are feelings that often come with unfamiliar experiences. It takes your brain a while to adapt to a new environment and activities.

This often leads to feelings of disorientation and confusion, plus difficulty making decisions. I’m glad I knew what to expect.

During the last 6 months, a lot has changed for me – physically, emotionally, and certainly financially. I thought I could adapt in 3 months, but it’s taken much longer.

I had no idea how difficult it would be to quickly develop new skills, especially financially. Having your financial wishes come true takes an effort to adapt.

I had to be willing to keep moving forward until it felt like the time to start the new chapter of my life.

That time has arrived.

Building on the theme of Prosper from the Inside Out

There’s so much I want to share with you about what I’ve learned in the last year or so.

All of what I’ve been going through has helped me solidify the idea that our inner world is the creative force behind our outer world.

I hope that you find the idea as fascinating as I do. The journey to success and stability becomes much easier when you change your focus from the outside to the inside.

Everything you need is already inside of you. Finding your strength within is the key.

Thanks to all of you who have stayed with me during my long hiatus and to those of you who have connected in the last few months.

You all have given me strength.

Joan
www.ProsperityPlace.com/

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Or perhaps you think money will allow you to live your dream and have whatever you want.

Money, by itself, can’t do any of this for you.

Feeling successful, safe, secure, and satisfied, and living your dream is not the result of anything external. They are emotions and happen due to the habitual thoughts, beliefs, and emotions (TBEs) you’ve developed over the years.

By learning to recognize your ingrained habits and developing new ones, you’ll understand why you’re in the position you’re in, and you’ll be able to experience new life outcomes, including financial outcomes.

Let me explain.

Your money does not exist outside of you. It’s an extension of you.

Your financial position is the result of your unique combination of habitual thoughts, beliefs, and emotions, and, most importantly, the resulting decisions you make.

And, it’s a fact that every decision has an emotional component.

Emotions are the bridge between your internal world and external expression.

Also included in the mix are your unique combination of brain chemicals, biochemistry, and how you respond to the world around you.

Yes, it seems complicated.

However, if you understand some basic principles and learn some easy-to-apply techniques, it’s quite simple.

Embrace your emotions

In many cultures, including in the United States, people aren’t taught how to talk about and openly share what they’re feeling.

Yet, understanding and embracing your emotions can be the key to improving your financial condition.

Suppose, for example, you rarely reach your financial goals. You do everything you think you’re supposed to do, such as networking, marketing, or keeping financial records.

Perhaps you meditate, pray, and do endless affirmations or visualizations, but you’re still stuck in the same financial position.

Even if your financial position outwardly changes temporarily, you still inwardly feel the same.

Perhaps the question you might be asking yourself is, “Why is this happening to me?”

You may think the reason you’re not reaching your financial goals, no matter what they are, is that there’s something wrong with you or you’re doing something wrong.

Instead, I suggest you ask yourself, Why do I need this?

The answer might surprise you

Remember, I said that every decision has an emotional component, and your life outcomes are the result of the decisions you make.

And the emotions that our part of your decisions are the habitual emotions you learned in early childhood (or before).

You learned them from various sources, including your parents, your ancestors, and the culture you were brought up in.

The emotions are neither positive nor negative; they just are.

So why do you need this?

You need to be in this position to express the habitual emotions that are part of your core decision-making process.

Your habitual financial position is part of your identity, i.e. your self-concept.

The key here is the word habitual. Once you recognize the habits, you can change them.

In this series, I’m going to teach you a simple technique for changing your habitual emotions so you can move your life and finances in a new direction.

Hundreds of people have learned this technique and have been able to successfully create a new financial identity and healthier cash flow.

Learning the technique will allow you to:

• Stop thinking there's something wrong with you that needs fixing

• Understand why you do what you do with your money

• Know why you sometimes make decisions that don't serve you well.

In the next post, I will explain how many of the decisions you make are not done consciously, and I’ll give examples of how your subconscious decisions affect your life and financial outcomes.

Actions for today

In the meantime, I'd like to suggest you ask yourself these questions:

1. When I look at my bank balance, do I feel expanded or contracted?

2. Do you feel ashamed of your financial position?

3. How much money do I need to feel safe, secure, and satisfied?

Make a note of your answers, and as this series progresses, you’ll understand why each of these questions is important.

If you have any comments or questions for me, put them in the comment section.

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At the time, the information was considered innovative because the book included information and discussion about emotions and money, along with other aspects of money that were rarely discussed in popular books about money and finances.

To a large extent, that’s still true.

Over the years, as I’ve gone through my process of healing and growth, I have refined and expanded the ideas presented in Build Your Money Muscles. In the upcoming series, You & Your Money, I’ll combine some of the original ideas found in my book with those I’ve developed more recently.

The basic premise

Your money is not separate from you. It’s an extension of your habitual thoughts, beliefs, and, especially, your emotions, plus other aspects of your lifestyle and inner world.

Comfortably changing your financial position requires that you approach the process from the inside out.

Even developing superior skills in managing your money does not guarantee you’ll be comfortable with your financial position.

The goal is to help you to be comfortable financially, no matter how much money you have – or don’t have.

I’ve learned how to do this and will share what I’ve learned with you.

Some upcoming topics

Here are some of the ideas I have for articles in the You & Your Money Series (in no particular order):

• An updated definition of what money is

• Money as a symbol of relationship

• Fixing your finances from the inside out

• How to comfortably talk about money

• Assessing your current relationship with money

• Emotions as the creative force behind your financial situation

• Your money discomforts are never about money

• The unexpected discomfort of moving from less-than-enough to more-than-enough

• Why it’s hard to change your habitual financial position

• Making peace with numbers

• How to stop money from controlling how you feel

• Money as a tool for personal growth

• The emotions you may be acting out through your money

I’m sure there’s more.

Prosper from the Inside Out

All of this fits in with the theme of Prosper from the Inside Out.

I firmly believe that when you get yourself in the right place internally, you will draw in whatever you need to live a comfortable life. The definitions of “the right place” and “comfortable life” will be different for everyone. Finding the right place for you is the journey.

When you are at peace with yourself, your relationships, and the world around you, you have the opportunity to feel truly satisfied.

It’s taken me over 84 years to reach that place. My goal is to help you accomplish this a bit sooner in your life.

As always, I welcome your feedback and suggestions.

Leave a comment

Joan

www.ProsperityPlace.com/

I first started thinking about selling my house and moving about five years ago and began getting rid of what I knew I wouldn’t take with me. After a long pause, by this past March, it was time to put the house up for sale.

By April, all the prep was finished. The realtor was engaged, and the listing published. Four days later(!), the house was sold.

Although time-consuming, this was the easy part. I knew I couldn’t handle the packing and unpacking by myself, and friends volunteered to help – a much-appreciated blessing.

Moving day was May 6^th

Here it is, only 6 weeks after I moved in, and everything has found a comfortable place to be for now while I recreate my life – one day at a time.

My goal during this new chapter of my life is not to try to make things happen, but to allow them to happen. Although many ideas have been flowing through my mind, I knew it was important to deal with the stress of the move and just to let things sit for a while.

I’ve been yearning to write posts and notes on Substack, but each time I sit down to write, additional details need attention. Hopefully, that’s mostly over for now.

I could not have imagined how complicated this whole process would be. Moving is considered to be one of the top 10 stressful life changes. I can attest to that.

The “knowings” that kept me going

For years, I’ve been sharing what I might call my Rules for Living. These include:

• Whatever is happening is not good or bad, it’s just what’s happening. It’s how I deal with what’s happening that matters.

• There’s no need to ever hurry, except in an emergency.

• Everything happens at the right moment.

• There are no mistakes. Everything may not work out the way I thought it would, but that doesn’t matter.

Whenever I thought I was having a tough time, I thought about people around the world and all the many challenges they're facing. Like a friend of mine in Haifa Israel, whose apartment had been hit by a bomb from Lebanon and is now dealing with the attacks from Iran. She lives with much more chaos than I could ever imagine.

It’s time to start sharing again

I can’t be sure of the exact direction my writing is going to take or what new products I’m going to create. I’d like to get back to sharing on Substack and doing audios, such as my podcast and information products.

The overall topic of Prosper from the Inside Out still appeals to me, and I’m curious to see how it evolves.

My goal of starting a membership program is very much on my mind, and I’m speaking to several people who are interested in getting involved with that.

There’s a lot of chaos in the United States right now, and it’s probably going to get worse. This is not a time to try to do things alone.

One of the biggest lessons I learned from moving is how to ask for help. It’s amazing how many people genuinely want to help.

It feels like it’s getting to be time for me to put together a group event. I’ll do that as soon as it feels right.

I’d love to hear from you, especially those of you who are familiar with my work and may want me to answer questions, or just to say hello. Just email me or reach out via Substack.

Thank you for being here. I wish you inner peace in the midst of the chaos.

Joan
Joan@ProsperityPlace.com

I was wrong.

By Thursday, a buyer stepped forward and made a wonderful offer that was accepted by Saturday.

That’s as good as it gets!

I’m so glad I didn’t spend time worrying.

Yes, a whole lot is happening in the outside world that often makes little sense and feels uncomfortable.

That doesn’t mean we have to worry about it or not take any action.

We have choices.

Although I was preoccupied with the tedious tasks of getting the house ready to sell and preparing to move to a new home, I chose to be aware of what was going on around the country and the world.

I also chose to view it all as if each day I was watching a new soap opera episode.

Moving is considered one of the top ten causes of stress and I now understand why. There are thousands of choices and decisions to make and none of them can be stuffed away in a junk drawer.

What matters is how we choose to deal with the stress. We do have choices about both what we can do and how we choose to feel.

Although it’s not always easy, we are free to choose.

People are rising up

I see hope in the fact that large crowds are rising up and complaining. There really is power in the people.

I probably mentioned that during the Vietnam War, I was an activist and helped to organize demonstrations that were interesting enough to get covered by the press.

The protests and demonstrations mattered and forced politicians to make decisions that eventually ended the war.

Taking action also gave me a sense of purpose and I felt I was doing something rather than just sitting and watching what was going on.

I can no longer get out there and demonstrate, so instead I do my part by doing the free Group Gatherings and providing a safe place where you can express yourself and tap into the power of the group.

The next Group Gathering is on April 4 at 11 AM EST, 10 AM Pacific, 6 PM GMT

Click here to read more about it and register.
(If you registered for any past meeting and you haven’t unsubscribed, you are registered for the next one.)

I promise a safe and confidential environment.

If you can’t attend live, you can email me a question or something you’d like to share, and I'll share it during the Gathering.

There will be a replay for those who are registered to attend.

Joan

I’ve been preparing my house for sale and deciding where to move next. This has turned out to be hugely time-consuming.

The last time I sold a house was in 1975 — 50 years ago! The whole process was a lot simpler back then.

Just like life.

The benefit of being preoccupied with the sale is that it diverts my attention, at least temporarily, from what’s happening in the outside world. And a lot is going on that makes no sense.

A new kind of chaos

In my 84 years, I’ve been through chaotic times before, but I’ve never experienced anything like what we’re going through now.

During lunch yesterday, I took a chance and listened to the news. Historian Jon Meacham said that we have never been through anything like this.

It’s as if everything we thought we could count on from those in charge is being destroyed, and nothing proposed to take its place is the least bit comforting.

The good news is that Americans are pissed. Very pissed.

And many who are paying attention to what's going on are taking to the streets to protest or confronting their congressional representatives.

Will it help? Hopefully.

In the meantime, what can you do to cope with the chaos?

For me, taking some action is the answer, which is why I’m doing the free Coping with the Chaos Gatherings.

It helps to talk things out without fear of being criticized or ridiculed. Not to complain or share worries, but to acknowledge the problem and discover and share personal solutions.

That’s the space I hope to provide. A space where you can safely express yourself and tap into the power of the group.

The next Group Gathering is on April 4 at 11 AM EST, 10 AM Pacific, 6 PM GMT

Click here to read more about it and register.
(If you registered for any past meeting and you haven’t unsubscribed, you are registered for the next one.)

I promise a safe and confidential environment.

If you can’t attend live, you can email Joan@ProsperityPlace.com with a question or something you’d like to share, and I'll share it during the Gathering.

There will be a replay for those who are registered to attend. So register now!

Joan

Subscribe now

Those are just a few of the “symptoms” of what I call the moving stupids.

What are the moving stupids?

When people move to a new house, they often become really stupid. They might lose a wallet or keys, bump into walls, or feel disoriented because they don’t know where things are or what to do next.

Some people who move into a new home close to where they’ve lived for a long time will drive from work to the previous house.

A common problem

I first noticed the moving stupids many years ago when I was changing my financial habits. I was a habitual debtor and had a strong desire to shift from being a debtor to a saver.

I would put some money aside and, before I knew it, there was a good reason – or so I thought – to use what I had “saved.” That put me right back where I started.

Why, I wondered, was I doing this?

Then, I noticed that my coaching clients were often chiding themselves for resisting what they knew they needed to do or backsliding after they started making changes.

It’s your brain!

Your brain is wired to avoid change and warn you whenever you do something with an uncertain outcome.

This is your brain’s attempt to keep you safe.

It warns you to stay safe by doing what you’ve always done, even if the outcome was uncomfortable. By doing something familiar, you can predict the outcome.

If the outcome is uncertain, your brain will signal you to be afraid.

The extent to which this happens can vary from person to person. Some people are risk-averse; others aren’t. Those who aren’t often take more chances in life, financially, and in business.

That’s why some people thrive during uncertain, chaotic times.

How to thrive during The Chaos

Once you realize what’s happening in your brain, there are steps you can take to minimize your discomfort.

The first step is to recognize and express your discomfort. This is not the time to hold in your discomfort or compensate by overeating, overspending, or other self-defeating behaviors.

The next step is to take either internal or external action. What to do is your personal choice.

I realize this is pretty vague, but there are no clear choices that work for everyone.

During the next Group Gathering, I will offer actionable solutions to help you thrive during these difficult times.

You will have a chance to share your solutions and concerns and ask questions.

The next Group Gathering is on March 7 at 11 AM EST, 10 AM Pacific, 6 PM GMT

Click here to read more about it and register.

(If you registered for any past meeting and you haven’t unsubscribed, you are registered for the next one.)

I promise a safe and confidential environment.

Joan
www.ProsperityPlace.com

Sometimes it’s little things, like when I plan on buying something like eggs, and then there’s an egg shortage and I have to create a strategy just to get a dozen eggs.

Other times, it’s something much bigger, like having a medical emergency or something major that I’ve counted on using breaks down. Like a furnace or hard drive.

Just one of these things can negatively affect my nervous system. Usually, it doesn’t take much to get myself back to a calmer place.

However, a series of major unexpected events have confused my brain, and I often feel that I want to just sit and do nothing. Yet I know that action is required.

I have a feeling that I’m not the only one feeling the stress of the chaos that’s happening currently.

The feeling of overwhelm

I’m not accustomed to feeling overwhelmed. Over the years, I’ve learned to adapt to change and take it in stride. But recently, I said to someone, “I think I’m feeling overwhelmed.”

She pointed out that I am in the midst of moving from a house I’ve been in for 25 years and moving is one of the 10 most stressful life events.

That plus the death of my furnace and hard drive, both of which had to be replaced, plus dealing with the side effects of a mini stroke in October would be enough to push anyone into overwhelm.

I don’t mean to minimize the effect that the general chaos is having on many people by focusing on what’s going on in my life, but the problem has become so vast that it’s difficult to define.

I can only imagine the overwhelm that many government employees are probably experiencing as they’re being summarily dismissed from their jobs without warning.

Or how many of your plans for your business and your life are being disrupted by the unexpected changes to previously relatively stable systems, like the weather, grocery prices, and our government.

Just about everyone, no matter what their circumstance is being affected by the current chaos that appears to be totally out of our control.

Dealing with the chaos

Although we can’t change what’s going on in the outer world, we have the option of changing what’s going on inside of us and how we’re dealing with what’s happening all around us.

Finding solutions to difficult situations is not always easy, especially when we’re under stress and wise decisions are difficult to make.

Once I realized how much stress I was under, I knew what to do to change and improve my inner state of being.

I intuited the chaos many years ago and knew I had to get ready for it. As a result, I have developed techniques for moving from one state of being to another.

I know that a lot of you have been on the path to Inner Peace and have also developed your own techniques that could benefit others.

It’s time for us to share what we’ve learned.

The value of connection

Former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy declared a loneliness epidemic in the U.S. in 2023. He considered loneliness a serious public health risk that affects physical, mental, and societal health.

For years, I’ve been fascinated by how feelings of aloneness contribute to uncomfortable financial outcomes, so it hasn’t been a foreign concept for me.

Learning how to develop and experience a sense of connection is what I see as a necessary component of any kind of healing process.

Which is why I have created the free monthly Coping with the Chaos Group Gathering.

The goal is to provide a safe place for conversation and sharing of ideas and techniques for Coping with the Chaos.

The next Group Gathering is March 7 at 11 AM EST, 10 AM Pacific, 6 PM GMT

Click here to read more about it and register.

I hope you’ll join us.

Joan

PS. If you registered for a past meeting and have not unsubscribed, you’re automatically registered for the next Gathering and will receive reminder emails.

At the same time, many people seem fearful and anxious because it appears that there’s nothing much we can do to stop the political shenanigans we are witnessing.

It’s been hard to imagine that our individual lives won’t be negatively affected in one way or another.

The protests

I watch a lot of news because I’m interested in tracking the chaos.

Doing this helps me practice detachment and teach my brain to have a calm response as I watch the chaos unfold.

In the last few days, news stories started appearing about political protests taking place around the United States – and, in some cases, around the world.

If you search for political protests in the news, you’ll find many stories and videos.

The Ray of Hope is that people are paying attention and making their views made clear to reticent politicians who are acting out of fear.

Protests can be effective

During the Vietnam War, I became a vocal activist and helped to organize protests in Los Angeles that enjoyed great news coverage. Hundreds of people would turn out for these protests.

The protests had a positive effect and were one of the reasons the war was brought to an eventual end.

The protests are a clear example of the Power of the People.

We are The Power. We are the hope for a positive future.

You don’t have to march in the streets to make your views known. But there’s something you can do to stimulate hope rather than fear.

The benefits of Hope

Hope is an emotion that will positively affect your health and well-being.

Hope stimulates the neurotransmitters oxytocin and serotonin both of which lead to pleasant emotions and better health.

On the other hand, fear and anxiety stimulate the release of cortisol, which is called the stress hormone and often causes discomfort and dis-ease.

Hope lies not with one or two leaders who pretend that they can fix what’s wrong with the world.

Hope lies within us.

We have the power to join together and use our joint energies to move towards peace and comfort.

The Free Coping with the Chaos Group Gathering

The next Free Coping with the Chaos Group Gathering on Zoom is tomorrow, Friday, February 7 at 10 AM Pacific, 1 PM Eastern and 6 PM London.

Let’s gather together and unite our individual talents and figure out how to use them as a force for peace.

Let’s say no to fear, anger, and anxiety and own our own power!

Click here to register, if you feel the urge to join us

Joan

P.S. There will be a replay. Register to either attend the live meeting or download the replay.

On top of their minds is financial fear, and it doesn’t matter what their income level might be.

I could list a whole bunch of things that are fear-producing, especially now, but I don’t want to add to the general feelings of fear. You probably know what they are.

Money feelings are never about money

Money feelings are a reflection of hidden, unexpressed emotions that you’re acting out through your finances.

For example, if you feel shame about your income or how you handle your money, that has nothing to do with the money. It has to do with the habitual shame that you are carrying from childhood.

If you are afraid of losing what you have, it’s probably because you have experienced some kind of emotionally painful abandonment or loss in the past.

Financial fear can also be about the fear of being alone or even of death. Your brain is wired to stimulate fear when you don’t perceive reasonable solutions to your current situation.

A way to minimize financial fear

Years ago, I decided to train myself to never let my money determine how I feel. I knew a lot of celebrities and wealthy people who had just as much fear as people with lower incomes.

It took many years for me to finally get to the point where my bank account balance did not stimulate fear, no matter how low that balance might be.

And I noticed that when I had a minimum amount of financial fear, it was easier to generate what I needed.

The process wasn’t easy, but it worked.

It’s hard to talk about money

For most people, honestly talking about their financial situation with others is difficult to impossible. However, there is a way to do it without it being too revealing.

And when you can do this, without shame, it’s easier to find solutions to your financial worries and situation.

At the next Coping with the Chaos Group Gathering, let’s talk about how to effectively deal with financial fear.

I’ll share what I’ve learned and help you express what’s really bothering you financially.

Remember, it’s never about money.

Join me on Friday, February 7 at 10 AM Pacific, 1 PM Eastern, 6 PM London time for the next Group Gathering. It’s Free.

Click here to register for either the live Zoom meeting or replay.

I look forward to interacting with you on the 7^th.

Joan

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If you are, you’re certainly not alone. External events are causing dismay because a lot of what’s happening is unfamiliar and the outcomes are unpredictable.

The discomfort is especially noticeable economically as the administration makes decrees that can affect you financially. There is no way of knowing what’s coming next.

The uncertainty can be overwhelming.

One thing that your brain dislikes is uncertainty. Keep in mind that your brain is wired to tell you to be afraid when you don’t know the outcome.

Because I’ve been alive for so many years, I’ve seen this country — and the world — go through many episodes of conflict, confusion, and uncertainty. And no matter how difficult times may seem, eventually, there is a shift that often leads to some level of peace.

It may take a while, but even seemingly insurmountable problems can eventually find resolution.

The Big Questions

If you’re feeling the discomfort of the chaos, the questions that you might ask yourself include:

• What can I do for myself to minimize my discomfort?

• Are there proven techniques I can use to calm myself so I can make better decisions?

• How can I effectively deal with the financial fear that I often experience?

Finding the right answers to these and other questions that might be on your mind can be difficult to answer by yourself.

It helps to share your concerns and ideas with others who are dealing with the same fears and concerns you are.

A Friendly, Supportive Gathering

Over the years, I have seen firsthand the value that groups provide the participants. It’s almost as if something magical happens when we hear others share their ideas and experiences.

Connecting with others on this level allows us to feel more connected and less alone, which leads to better decision-making and the courage to move forward.

That’s why I decided to do free monthly group gatherings to provide participants with an opportunity to grow and learn with others.

During this time of chaos and extreme uncertainty, we all can benefit from what groups provide.

I need this as much as anyone else. I just want to facilitate the experience.

The next group gathering is on February 7, 2025, at 10 am Pacific, 1 pm Eastern, and 6 pm London time.

Click here to register for the next group gathering

I hope you’ll give the session a try to see if it’s a fit for you.

Joan

P.S. There will be a replay. Register to attend live or access the replay.

Subscribe now

I often hear statements like:

• I’m not very good with numbers

• I’d rather have a bookkeeper manage my money

• I know I’m capable of earning more than I do now

• I often make stupid financial decisions

No matter how much I earn, it seems like it’s not enough

The reasons can vary from person to person, but there are usually some basic principles at work, both internal and external.

Internal principles, such as thoughts, beliefs, family history, and emotions, can be complicated. I talk and write about these often.

The external reasons are more obvious.

One of my favorite sayings is, “Money goes to people who love and take care of it, just like people. And the thing that money likes best is to be counted.”

If you have a strong desire to be financially comfortable and free of financial fear, learning how to manage your money is essential. Not doing this, is a sure-fire way to fail.

Even if you have a bookkeeper, you need to learn the language of money and to be able to assess what the bookkeeper is doing.

I learned this the hard way.

When I had my crystal business in the 1980s, I made a lot of money. The last year in business, I grossed close to $80,000 a month in today’s money.

I had a bookkeeper who came in three times a week and took care of the books. I kept good records of my sales and expenses with a system I created using a basic database because major software such as QuickBooks didn’t exist.

The bookkeeper did what he was supposed to do. What he didn’t do was tell me that I was making bad mistakes and buying too many crystals and other products. For that, I would have needed a controller.

About 6 months after I started making large sums of money, my father died. This took a large toll on me emotionally. At the same time, although I was the first one to market crystals and minerals for healing and meditation nationwide, suddenly many people and businesses were doing the same thing. I didn’t know how to deal with the competition.

I clearly remember going to the bank and saying, “I have reached my level of incompetence.” The banker smiled and offered to lend me more money. That was not what I needed. I needed advice.

The result: After 10 years in business, I had to close the business and declare bankruptcy, a painful process.

Upon reflection, I came to understand that along with the emotional issues I didn’t know how to manage cash flow. I didn’t even know what cash flow was.

That’s when I started learning about money management.

Cashflow management basics are simple

Do the following for healthier cash flow:

• Keep track of what you bring in from a paycheck or income you realistically anticipate coming as a business owner, practitioner, or freelancer.

• Be clear about your monthly obligations.

• Make decisions based on the data, not what you want or hope to have happen.

For entrepreneurs, it’s the money coming in data that can be difficult to assess.

To help you make these decisions, I have created what has been called Joan’s Ugly Spreadsheet, named by one of my friends who is fussier than me about what a spreadsheet looks like. Download the spreadsheet and watch the video instructions.

I have had clients tell me that the spreadsheet made a big difference in how they deal with their finances. It has even helped couples who had a hard time talking about money before using the spreadsheet.

The spreadsheet can help you eliminate what I call Financial Vagueness Syndrome. If you don’t know your numbers, you are bound to make bad decisions. This is especially true if you tend to be an overspender or consider yourself an underearner.

You don’t have to be good with numbers to use the spreadsheet. You only need to know the numbers to put into the spreadsheet.

Step one is to make the decision to do a better job of managing your cashflow so you can succeed financially. Once you do that, you can deal with the emotions that come up that might cause you to avoid doing this.

Download the spreadsheet and watch the video

Listen to The Prosperity Show Podcast episode, You and Your Relationship with Money.