Autistic masking is the incredible (after all, it can help keep us safe and help us fit in), but exhausting, act of camouflaging our authentic selves to fit into a neurotypical world. Masking is the scripts we pre-plan and mentally rehearse, the stims we suppress, the eye contact we force, and any and all other mental gymnastics we do to appear "normal."

And let me tell you, you are absolutely, 100%, not alone. So many of us carry the weight of masking, often without even realising the impact it has on our energy, our sense of self and even our mental health. It's a huge part of the autistic experience that often contributes to burnout and the feeling of not knowing who you really are.

But what if we could start to understand it better? What if we could explore what it means to unmask?

That's exactly what we'll be diving into in our upcoming themed session on Autistic Masking & Unmasking. We'll have an open chat, discussing:

• What masking feels like for different people.

• What the hardest and scariest part of unmasking is.

• Ways people might actively start to unmask.

• How people deal with the reactions of others when unmasking.

• Differentiating between masking as a healthy coping strategy and masking that drains your energy.

Join the Masking & Unmasking Group

New to our groups? Use code NEWBIE for 50% off your first one – making your first time £3.50, about the price of a cup of coffee!

Themed groups

These groups focus on one specific theme and have pre-set questions that guide the discussion and sharing of experiences. Best for if you’re anxious about joining a group or want to learn more about a specific autistic experience.

🎭 Masking & Unmasking: Wed 2nd Sept - 7pm

😅 Overstimulation & Regulation: Wed 16th Sept - 7pm

🚫Demand Avoidance / Drive for Autonomy: Wed 23rd Sept - 7pm

Discussion groups

These groups do not have pre-set questions, allowing us to chat about a larger variety of topics. The facilitator asks questions based on a check-in section where everyone has a chance to say what they are struggling with or would like to talk about. Best for if you want to connect with other autistic people or gain insights to more niche aspects of autism.

🟣 Mon 7th Sept - 5:30pm

🟣 Wed 9th Sept - 7:00pm

🟣 Mon 14th Sept - 5:30pm

🟣 Mon 21st Sept - 5:30pm

As always, we keep group small with a 10 space limit per group so everyone has breathing room and a chance to get involved with chat. Times listed are BST / UK.

Just a quick heads-up about our group schedule for August. For now, the groups listed below are the only ones planned for the month.

As some of you might know, I’m currently putting a lot of heart and energy into a big campaign for better autism support! To make sure I have enough time to rest, recharge, and step away from the screen over the next month, I’ve decided to scale back our groups just a bit for August.

If some extra time opens up, I’d love to add a few more groups, though since that would be super last-minute, it’s best to assume this is our full schedule for now.

I’ve listed the remaining spots for each August group below, so if you’d like to join us, be sure to grab your spot soon!

Thanks so much for your understanding and support as always!

Themed Groups

In these groups we chat about one specific topic - full agenda in each group link.

🗣️ Communication Group - Wednesday 5th August - 7pm BST - 4 spaces

❤️ Relationships Group - Wednesday 12th August - 7pm BST - 10 spaces

Open Chat Groups

In these groups we chat about a larger variety of topics based on what people are struggling with most - full agenda in each group link.

🟣 Monday 3rd August - 5:30pm UK / 12:30pm EDT - 1 space

🟣 Monday 10th August - 5:30pm BST / 12:30pm EDT - 9 spaces

🟣 Monday 24th August - 5:30pm BST / 12:30pm EDT - 9 spaces

As always, we’re keeping things small and sweet with a 10 space limit per group so everyone has breathing room and a chance to get involved with chat.

🎭 Masking & Unmasking Group - tonight 7pm - 1 space remaining

🗣️Communication Group - Wednesday 5th August 7pm - NEW - 10 spaces

🟣 Open Agenda Groups - In these groups we chat about a larger variety of topics.

Wednesday 29th July - 7pm BST / 2pm EDT - 7 spaces

Monday 3rd August - 5:30pm BST / 12:30 EDT - NEW - 10 spaces

As always, we’re keeping things small and sweet with a 10 space limit per group so everyone has breathing room and a chance to get involved with chat.

Sometimes, bullying and discrimination occur after disclosing your diagnosis or requesting reasonable adjustments. So what can you do?

1. Leverage Legal Protections

Learn about your legal rights

• In the UK, autism is protected under the Equality Act 2010 as a disability. This covers protection from all forms of discrimination and gives you the legal right to request reasonable adjustments.

• The Flexible Working Act covers all requests for any type of flexible work schedule; including reducing hours and working from home. You can request flexible working as part of this act or as a reasonable adjustment for disability. Flexible working can be everything from reduced hours, remote working and adapting your start/end times.

Make it formal

• Formally request reasonable adjustments (RAs): This action is a legal step that employers shouldn’t ignore. If you are bullied after requesting RAs, or your request is ignored and dragged out, it creates a strong tribunal case.

  • Open an email with: ‘Hi [Manager/HR], I’d like formally request the following reasonable adjustments…’

  • Note: You don’t have to reference the equality act or your autism diagnosis. However, if you’re employer is unaware that you are autistic, you will likely, at the very least, need to disclose it to HR.

• Make a formal complaint: Your first complaint can be an informal one, meaning it doesn’t have to follow specific protocols. However, if you have complained about bullying previously, making a formal complaint triggers a legal process that has to be followed and an official record of the complaint is made.

  • Open an email with: ‘Hi [HR Manager], I’d like to make a formal complaint about discriminatory comments that are being made about my disability by [name]. Here’s a list of comments, dates and times they were made, along with people who were witness to the comments.

Some tips

• Make your requests or complaints in writing: Follow up all verbal conversations about reasonable adjustments or bullying with an email to evidence they happened. Include details of what was discussed, agreed and requires action.

• Remember, HR serve the company: No matter how nice a HR employee is, their primary job is to solve employee related issues in a way that protects the company from legal risks. This means the interests of the company come first, the interests of employees come second.

• Always include HR: Despite HR not necessarily having your best interests at the forefront of their agenda, they do tend to have more training and knowledge of employment law than a general manager. This means HR tend to (but not always) navigate requests and complaints more tactfully and quickly than managers. While each business operates differently, usually reasonable adjustment requests and bullying complaints are within the operational remit of HR, rather than managers, so it’s best to get them involved early rather than relying on your manager to loop them in on your behalf.

• Should you include your manager?: It’s down to personal choice on whether you include your manager in requests and complaints. This may depend on your relationship with them and if you can rely on them for support.

2. Document Everything

Making an early paper trail is critical. If you end up going to tribunal your documentation counts as evidence. If you don’t go to tribunal it will, at the very least, help you to remember the timeline, details, dates and quotes clearly.

Create an incident log

Immediately after any incident, record the details so you’re not relying on memory. Take note of...

• What: The specific harmful action or statement: “Jane rolled her eyes and sighed loudly when I asked her to clarify the instructions”

• Who: Names and job titles of the person/people involved, plus any witnesses.

• When & Where: Date, time, and location: “10:30 AM in the communal kitchen”

• Impact: Describe your response: “I immediately felt belittled and left to go to the bathroom for 15 minutes until I felt calm again.”

Keep Communications in Writing

The aim is to make sure there is evidence so that it’s not your word against theirs.

• Follow up with an email: If someone delivers a discriminatory comment verbally or makes a verbal agreement to a reasonable adjustment, follow up immediately via email to create a documented record of their language or agreement. “Hi John, following our chat just now, I want to confirm that you stated I am ‘too rigid’ for this team. Could you clarify what specific behaviour you are referring to so I can address it?”

• Make recordings: Managers and HR often want to discuss things via phone call or zoom. Let them know upfront that you are recording so you can remember what’s said. If they are resistant recording, you can choose to do it covertly (without them knowing). You may not be able to use this as evidence in future, but you can use it to remember key quotes accurately and to send a follow up email with key points to make a paper record: “Hi Sarah, following our video call, here’s a list of the reasonable adjustments that were agreed and the adjustment requests still outstanding. Further more, I’d like to highlight this comment that was made as it made me uncomfortable. Can we create a second meeting to address the comment and outstanding adjustment requests?“

• Save All Evidence: Keep copies of emails, performance reviews, chat messages, and meeting notes outside of the company network, on a personal cloud or USB stick.

3. The Grievance Procedure

If a company fails to address bullying or implement reasonable adjustments, especially without explaining their decision or trying to find alternative ways to support, this could be a form of discrimination, which can be cited in a grievance.

A grievance is a mandatory first step before taking legal action. The ACAS grievance procedure can help you understand the process but some quick tips include:

Reference the law

• Clearly state that you believe you are being treated unfairly/bullied/discriminated against due to your disability, invoking the Equality Act 2010.

State your ideal outcome

Clearly state what you want to happen.

• “I request mediation via ACAS”

• “I request formal disciplinary action against X”

• “I request a transfer to a different team”

4. Self-Advocacy & Protection

These strategies can help you remain calm and assert your boundaries while in the process of dealing with reasonable adjustments or bullying.

Use scripts to manage interactions

If you struggle to respond under pressure, use rehearsed, neutral scripts that buy you time to process and move the conversation to a documented format.

• If criticized unfairly: “Thank you for the feedback. I will need to take time to process this and will follow up with you in writing tomorrow.”

• If interrupted or dismissed: “Please allow me to finish my point, which relates directly to X on the agenda.”

Connect with external support

• Unions: If you are a member of a trade union, contact them immediately. They are experts in workplace disputes and provide legal support. You may want to consider joining a union as an individual if your work isn’t unionised as it still gives you access to representation and legal support, although some may request you wait a few months after joining before you can contact them. To find a union that suits you, type your sector/industry and the word ‘union’ into google.

• ACAS (Advisory, Conciliation & Arbitration Service): The UK’s resource for employment law. They offer free, impartial advice and guidance on grievance procedures and work related issues. It’s a very good resource for understanding your rights and how employers should behave in line with law.

• Occupational Health: You can get an occupational health (OH) assessment at any time with most GP surgery’s. Just call them up and request an appointment with a occupational health professional. OH will ask what you think you need, as well as help you explore options if you’re unsure. They will then write a letter of recommendation. If you’re struggling to get reasonable adjustments at work, this letter could be more evidence and support for your needs.

• Prioritise rest & boundaries: Bullying and fighting for the adjustments you need is severely dysregulating and can lead you to burnout. Re-examine your rest needs and try to protect them as much as possible.

Request proof

• Some companies will try to put workers on a performance plan as it’s an easy way for them to dismiss an employee. If they claim you’re not performing correctly, ask for concrete examples and specific data to back up their claims.

• If you can’t reach the standards they are setting without adjustments or additional equipment, state that in writing, detailing what would help you achieve their expectations.

• Likewise, if a company has made a decision to decline reasonable adjustments or handle bullying, request an explanation, details and any evidence they had to support their decision.

Navigating distressing work situations can be incredibly draining so it’s essential to prioritise your well-being.

Remember, you don’t have to face these challenges alone.

We often discuss workplace issues, self-advocacy, and managing stress in The Autism Support Group. If you’re looking for a safe space to share your experiences, gain insights from others and feel understood, we’d love to welcome you.

You can find details and book your spot for upcoming groups here.

Here’s a peek of what’s coming up:

🎭 Masking & Unmasking Group - July 22nd - 7pm - Fully booked at the moment, but any cancellations and open spots will be announced on instagram stories.

🟣 Open Agenda Groups - In these groups we chat about a larger variety of topics.

Monday 27th July - 5:30pm BST / 12:30 EDT

Wednesday 29th July - 7pm BST / 2pm EDT

As always, we’re keeping things small and sweet with a 10 space limit per group so everyone has breathing room and a chance to get involved with chat.

Here’s a sneak peek of what’s coming up:

🟣 3 of our usual Monday groups

🔥 Burnout Group (Back by popular demand!)

🎉 Two brand-new themed groups

As always, we’re keeping things small and sweet with a 10 space limit per group so everyone has breathing room and a chance to get involved with chat.

• Monday 22nd June - 5:30pm

• Wednesday 24th June - 7:00pm - Masking & Unmasking

• Monday 29th June - 5:30pm

• Wednesday 1st July - 7:00pm - Burnout

• Monday 6th July - 5:30pm

• Wednesday 8th July - 7:00pm - Shutdowns & Meltdowns

Join a support group

If you’re really struggling with your shutdowns or meltdowns, here are some self-care strategies that can be helpful, sourced from other autistic people who have found them useful.

Is it a meltdown or a shutdown?

Shutdowns tend to be internal reactions, whereas meltdowns tend to be external. I like to describe them like an outward explosion versus a battery that’s run empty. Both are a response to becoming overwhelmed, dysregulated and/or stressed.

If you want to learn more about shutdowns and meltdowns and spotting the signs of each, read this post.

Self Care During Meltdowns and Shutdowns

Shutdowns and meltdowns can be incredibly distressing, which is why the immediate focus is on reducing the intensity of the distress by reducing input and giving yourself time to rest and recover.

• Safe and Quiet Space: Retreat to a place where you feel safe and are unlikely to be disturbed. This could be a bedroom, a tent or even under a blanket.

• Reduce Sensory Input: Minimise overwhelming stimuli.

  • Dim or turn off lights, close curtains/blinds or wear an eye mask

  • Reduce noise by using earplugs, noise-canceling headphones or finding a quiet area

  • Remove strong smells

  • Wear comfortable, non-restrictive clothing

  • Reduce smells

• Gentle Sensory Input (if desired): Some people find very mild, predictable sensory input comforting:

  • Soft, familiar textures, like holding a plushie or soft blanket

  • Stimming, gentle rocking or swaying

  • Low volume, calming music

  • Dim lighting, lava lamps or glitter lamps

• Unstructured Time: Avoid demands or expectations. Allow yourself to simply be without needing to do anything.

• Hydration and Gentle Nourishment (if able): If you have the capacity, sip on water or a comforting drink - I like a cup of tea! Familiar snacks or meals might help you regulate.

• Communicate Needs (if possible): If you live with others, having a pre-arranged signal or phrase to indicate what you need can be helpful. My partner and I communicate by text.

• Allow Stimming: Allow stimming to happen if it helps regulate the intensity. Don't try to suppress it (as long as it’s safe). Rocking, humming, or repeating a calming phrase might provide some vocal stimming and regulation.

• Redirect Harm: Self-harm and harmful stims are a common experience. Pain stims can help redirect these urges. Other alternatives to try include: ripping paper or card, squeezing ice, eating a lemon, flattening cans, hitting a punching bag and hitting a wall with a stick or pillow.

• Grounding Techniques (if tolerable): Some people find gentle grounding techniques helpful.

  • Deep, slow breaths

  • Squeezing a stress ball or something textured

  • Feeling the weight of a heavy blanket

  • Guided meditations

• Avoid Demands: Your capacity to process and respond to demands is significantly reduced. Avoid questions, trying to reason or using brain power to process things. Outsource as much as you can to a loved one or pre ordered services. Something like deciding what to have for dinner causes added stress as it is a demand.

• Non-Judgmental Presence: Some people might find the quiet presence of a trusted person comforting, while others prefer to be alone. Explore which is most helpful for you.

Self-Care After a Meltdown or Shutdown

Afterward the intensity has reduced, you might feel exhausted and emotionally vulnerable. The goal now is to continue resting but also find ways to re-regulate.

Dysregulation can show up in different ways. In your emotions - finding it difficult to return to baseline. In your behaviours - impulsivity and harmful actions. In your cognition - stuck in rumination, rigid thinking or disassociation. In your physical system - difficulty coming out of fight/flight/freeze response.

• Rest and Recovery: Allow yourself ample time to rest and recover. This might involve napping or simply engaging in quiet, low-demand activities for a while afterwards. I usually watch TV, have an early night, followed by a reduction in demands the following day.

• Hydration and Nourishment: Replenish your body with water and easy foods. I usually have cereal or toast. I find it easy to get caught up in ideas of what I should be eating, but try to remind myself that being fed (eating literally anything) is better than being hungry because eating for me is very regulating, versus hunger, which is dysregulating!

• Gentle Sensory Input: Gradually reintroduce sensory input at a comfortable level. I won’t turn the big light on and I’ll watch tv on my laptop at a reduced volume with a dim screen.

• Process and Reflect (if and when ready): When you feel more regulated, you might want to reflect on what might have triggered or lead to the shutdown/meltdown. Was it one thing or lots of things building up? Was it sudden or had it been brewing for a few days? Are there major changes going on in our life? Are your hormones impacting you? Have you been sleeping/eating/regulating poorly for a while? Knowing the answers can help with future prevention strategies.

• Self-Compassion: Be kind and gentle with yourself. Meltdowns and shutdowns are not a sign of failure, but a response to overwhelming circumstances.

• Comforting Activities: Engage in low-demand activities you find soothing and enjoyable. This can include:

  • Listening to familiar, calming audiobooks or podcasts

  • Colouring or paint by numbers

  • Reading

  • Watching a comfort movie or show

  • Doomscrolling on social media

  • Stroking a pet

  • Simply resting or napping

• Communicate Needs: Let trusted individuals know what kind of support you need during your recovery.

Important Considerations:

• Individual Differences: What works for one autistic person may not work for another. Experiment and pay attention to what helps you.

• Fluctuating Needs: Your needs during a shutdown or meltdown might vary depending on the intensity and the circumstances. What is needed afterwards might also vary too.

• What Works Isn’t Static: Some strategies will always work for you. Some could help you one day, one week, one month or one season, but not the next - so save this list so you can keep coming back to it!

• Trust Your Instincts: Listen to your body and mind. If something feels wrong or overwhelming, stop.

If you have a partner, send them this post ⬇️

Ready to connect and share your experiences?

Navigating the world as an autistic individual can be incredibly rewarding, but it also comes with unique challenges. That’s why having a supportive community is so valuable.

If you’re looking for a place to connect with others who understand, share insights, and find solidarity, we warmly invite you to join an autism support group.

A quick heads up: We host special sessions dedicated entirely to navigating shutdowns and meltdowns. Keep an eye on your inbox for the next date or browse our upcoming groups.

Browse upcoming support groups

As a reminder, if you’re looking for a space to build autistic community, make friends, feel understood, or to simply learn more about your autism… you’re in the right place.

We know predictability can be a comfort, so here is a quick refresher on the 5 things you should know about how The Autism Support Group runs:

• 💻 Fully Digital: Anyone can join from anywhere! We host our groups online to make them as accessible as possible, so you can join from the comfort of home.

• 👥 Open to Adults (18+): Anyone over the age of 18 can join. We’re proud to say we have a variety of ages and genders attending our sessions.

• 🚪 Drop-In Friendly: There is no long-term commitment. You don’t need to come every week—just book a spot in a group for the date you fancy joining.

• 🛑 Capped at 10 People: Each session is strictly limited to 10 participants. This helps give the group a good balance of experiences to learn from, while keeping the space from becoming overwhelming.

• 📷 Camera & Mic Optional: You do not need to turn your microphone or camera on. If you prefer to leave them off, you can use the chat box, and the facilitator will read your submissions out loud so the group can respond to you.

We’d love to have you join us whenever you’re able to make it so here’s the schedule for our upcoming support group sessions:

Burnout Support Group: Wednesday 27th May - 7:00pm - A burnout focused group where all chat and support will be focused on what causes burnout and what helps burnout recovery. Check out the agenda to see what we’ll discuss.

Autism Support Groups - Our regular groups follow the exact same format every single time, so there are zero surprises. Icebreaker Question ➡️ The Check-In ➡️ The Group Chat. During the check-in, you can share whatever is on your mind or ask for support. Then, we use those exact topics to steer our group chat. It’s entirely shaped by you! Click on the date of a group for a detailed meeting agenda.

Monday 1st June - 5:30pm

Monday 8th June - 5:30pm

Wednesday 10th June - 7:00pm

Note all times are in BST/UK timezone.

Looking forward to catching up and supporting each other. Take care of yourselves!

Why your anxiety might be high as an autistic person

Anxiety is a natural response to stress, which manifests as excessive fear and worry. If you’ve ever done CBT, you might have been told that your anxiety is just your brain tricking you into generating worst case scenarios that are disproportionate to reality.

This can be the case for some anxiety you experience. However, you might also experience anxiety that feels reasonable, because you’ve had similar ‘worst case’ scenarios happen multiple times in real life. In this case, it’s not a fear of the unreasonable, it’s anxiety built on real experiences.

On top of this, since we can struggle to filter stimuli (like light and sound) out, autistic brains often process more information. When there’s more information available, there’s more stress on your brain, which can trigger your nervous system. You might be in a near constant state of high alert. Yikes!

Here are some ways being autistic can contribute to anxiety…

• Sensory Overload: Lots of competing stimuli, like noises or a flickering light, might trigger your fight, flight, freeze response.

• Predictability and Change: Autistic brains often crave sameness to feel safe. Unexpected changes to your routine might trigger anxiety because your sense of safety has been disrupted.

• Masking: Constantly monitoring your behaviour to fit in is exhausting and can create frequent social anxiety from the fear of being found out or not accepted.

• Communication differences: When being misunderstood is a common occurrence it might lead to rejection sensitivity, feeling different or feeling nervous about future interactions.

• Alexithymia: Struggles with identifying, understanding and managing emotions might trigger anxiety, especially if it leads to negative social experiences.

• Interception: If you struggle to notice your bodies signals, like hunger, toileting, tiredness (and even anxiety!), you might develop anxiety related to specific needs you struggles to meet or over specific changes that happen in your body.

  For example, feeling poorly and worrying you might be seriously ill, but later processing you actually have a cold.

Alexithymia and Anxiety

If you experience alexithymia, you may find it difficult to identify emotions, including anxiety, so noticing the physical signs of anxiety might be easier for you to spot.

• A sudden upset stomach or nausea

• Increased stimming

• A sudden shutting down or inability to speak

• A fast, thumping or irregular heartbeat

• Sweating or feeling hot

• Problems falling and staying asleep

Tip: Start tracking physical sensations instead of emotional labels. If your heart is racing ask ‘what might be doing this to my body?’ or ‘what is my body reacting to?’.

Interoception and anxiety

If you experience poor interoception, you may find it difficult to identify bodily sensations, like those listed above, and you may find the emotional signs of anxiety easier to spot.

• Persistent worry or fear about specific things or worst case scenarios

• Irritability, feeling on edge or snapping at others

• Feeling overwhelmed

• A sense of danger, dread or doom

• Feeling uneasy and in need of reassurance

• Feeling avoidant of people, places or situations

Tip: Journalling your feelings can help you identify people, places and situations that make you feel anxious.

Impact of anxiety

High anxiety can leave you in a state of constant hyper vigilance and stress, which is draining. The more exhausted you are the more likely you are to experience shutdowns, meltdowns and burnout, which can impact your quality of life.

Tools for Managing Anxiety

Understanding Anxiety

• Spot Patterns: If you don’t know you’re triggers and biggest causes of anxiety are, journalling or keeping a diary to help you figure them out could be essential.

• Sensory Audit: Instead of pushing through discomfort, identify potential sensory triggers that could be contributing to your anxiety and then find potential ways to accommodate them.

  For example: If you get anxious walking to the shop and you notice this may be due to the noise from traffic, you could try a different route, wearing noise cancelling headphones or listening to a podcast to alleviate the sensory input.

• How We Feel App: There are lots of apps dedicated to identifying emotions. How We Feel is one that organises feelings into categories. It’s a useful tool if you’re unsure how you’re feeling, enabling you to pick out the emotions that resonate in a given moment.

Reducing and Preventing Anxiety

• Accommodate, Don’t Just Cope: Give yourself permission to accommodate your anxiety. Leave social events early, avoid stressful situations or ask others for help. If there’s something you think could reduce anxiety, give yourself permission to try it and allow your nervous system to de-stress.

• Regulate, Regulate, Regulate: Dysregulation can make anxiety worse. Working out how to be as regulated as possible, especially before an experience you typically feel anxious about, could help manage some of your anxiety.

  Regulation incudes being well rested, fed and hydrated. It could also wearing comfortable clothes that don’t overstimulate you, taking part in enjoyable activities and having time for sensory and social deprevation.

• Use Sensory Aids: Use sensory aids, such as noise-canceling headphones, dim lights or sunglasses, to regulate and avoid sensory overwhelm.

• Visual Schedules: Digital or physical planners can help you visualise your day to reduce some uncertainty.

• Reasonable Adjustments: Request reasonable adjustments at work or in education to help accommodate some of your struggles. When things feel easier, you anxiety might be reduced.

• Make A Sensory Bag: Put together a small bag of items that help you through most situations.

  For example, my bag contains; ear plugs, hand sanitiser, a stim toy, sunglasses and a snack. I take it with me everywhere.

Managing Anxiety

• Challenge Worries: Despite some anxiety potentially being based on real negative experiences, if you find yourself thinking of worst case scenarios, try to also think about more neutral and positive experiences to disrupt the thoughts and help de-activate your stress response.

• Journal After Anxiety: Keeping a record of when things didn’t go as bad as you expected can be a powerful way of reminding your brain it might be ok.

  For example: I experience health anxiety and every time I get sick my body feels different and I panic about worst case scenarios. I have a list in my phone notes of all the times this has happened and the outcomes (which were usually minor illness, like a cold). I look at this list when I panic about being ill to remind myself in the past I have been ok and my anxiety might be wrong.

• Low Demand Days: Schedule recovery time after high stress events. If you have a big meeting or social event, follow this up with a low social and sensory time.

• Mindful, Low Effort Activities: Activities like paint by numbers, colouring and computer games can help create moments of calm where you might be able to switch off and de-stress.

• Medication and Therapy: Professional medical help can be an important tool in managing anxiety. It’s important to work with professionals who have a good awareness of autism so they can help find what works best for you.

• Anxiety Apps: Molehill Mountain is an anxiety app developed by Autistica, specially to help autistic people manage anxiety.

• Calm Harm App: Calm Harm is an app designed to help manage self-harm. Additionally, pain stim toys are now available to help reduce self harm and body focused stimming that may be harmful.

Ready to connect and share your experiences?

Navigating the world as an autistic individual can be incredibly rewarding, but it also comes with unique challenges. That’s why having a supportive community is so valuable.

If you’re looking for a place to connect with others who understand, share insights, and find solidarity, we warmly invite you to join an autism support group.

Sign up to a support group

Monday 11th May

Monday 18th May - MIC OFF GROUP. Participation in this group is done via the chat box.

Monday Evenings - 5:30pm to 6:30pm

Monday 11th May

Monday 18th May

Wednesday Evenings - 7pm to 8pm

Wednesday 13th May

Wednesday 20th May

Note all times are in BST/UK timezone.

It’s really common struggle to communicate pain because a simple 1-10 scale is so subjective. Here are specific ways autistic people might struggle with this👇

Sensory Processing: We can feel everything (hypersensitivity) or our brains ignore the signal so much we don’t even notice (hyposensitivity). This can make us have high or low sensitivity to pain.

Interoception: Interoception is like an internal monitor that helps us identify things going on in the body. Autistic people can struggle with interoception, missing the body’s cues for hunger, thirst and even pain. We might know we feel unwell, but struggle to describe or pinpoint the pain.

Communication: Autistic communication differences may lead to our pain being misunderstood. This can include verbal communication, but also differences in body language too.

Overload: Pain equals sensory overload. Too much sensory overload equals panic, shutdown or meltdown. Reactions that are perceived as over the top or too intense may lead to labels like dramatic or anxious.

The result of these autistic difference is our pain being overlooked, misdiagnosed or totally dismissed.

This is where to the Mankoski Pain Scale could help, a tool created by Andrea Mankoski in the 90’s. Although originally created for endometriosis pain, it’s still applicable to many chronic illnesses and general pain.

Instead of a subjective 1-10 scale Mankoski breaks down the scale into function impact and medication… Can you ignore the pain? Does it stop you doing tasks? Does medication remove the pain?

SAVE THIS for your next pain appointment.

If you’re looking for a place to connect with other autistic people and talk about autistic shared experiences check out our autism support groups.

Monday 20th April - MIC OFF GROUP. Participation in this group is done via the chat box only.

Monday 27th April

Monday Evenings - 5:30pm to 6:30pm

Monday 13th April

Monday 20th April

Monday 27th April

Wednesday Evenings - 7:00pm to 8:00pm

Wednesday 15th April

Wednesday 22nd April

Wednesday 29th April

Note all times are in BST/UK timezone.

All groups are mic optional, except the MIC OFF group.

While we may want others to better understand us an individuals and autism more generally, it’s incredibly tiring for us to always do the heavy lifting.

So, I’ve put together a Free Mini Autism Education Resource that does the talking for you.

Whether you want to send it to a curious family member, a manager or teacher who needs to be clued in or even if you’re a newly discovered autistic who wants to better understand autism… this resource is for you.

Feel free to forward this email or the resource link to anyone who needs to see it.

Sending dopamine and sensory rest,

Chelsea

Ps. the slides took literal hours for me to make! If you’d like to make a donation to me for their use, you can do that on Buy Me A Coffee.

If you’re looking for a place to connect with other autistic people and talk about autistic shared experiences stayed tuned to hear more about our autism support groups.

Book here: Monday 30th March - 5:30pm BST/UK

Another group will run in a trial slot on Wednesday.

Book here: Wednesday 1st April - 7:00pm BST/UK

Monday 2nd March - 12:30pm GMT/UK

Use discount

‘‘Nice to start recognising familiar faces and feeling like a real safe space to share and get insight from others lived experience.’ - 9th February Support Group Attendee

I know this is a frustrating answer. It’s not exactly a black and white magic fix. So, let me share the ways my partner supports in ways that genuinely help me. Just in case they help you.

Learn more about shutdowns and meltdowns.

He doesn’t try to stop it from happening

We both know when a shutdown or meltdown happens there no quick fix. He doesn’t touch me without asking. He stays calm and allows me to react however I need until I’ve calmed down. He stays close by to monitor.

He offers a deep pressure hug

I struggle more with touch when in a shutdown so he won’t just go in for a hug. He asks first, either verbally or by text, so I can decide. This lets me opt in rather than push him away. There’s no pressure to accept as hugs don’t always help. Sometimes they’re too overstimulating. I still find it helpful for him to offer, so we can try it and see if it provides some calm.

He makes sure I’m in a sensory regulating space

I can usually take myself to bed, which is where I regulate. He will come up to check the blinds are closed so the room is dark and that I have my noise cancelling headphones. He will also make sure I have my phone so I can text him if I want to, since I can’t talk for a while afterwards.

He helps me regulate with food and drink

He leaves water by the bed so I can hydrate, helpful as sometimes I can’t stop crying and get intense headaches. He brings a cup of tea, since caffeine helps the headaches and has recently started leaving safe food too. Food and drink help me regulate, but I get intense demand avoidance. Having food and drink readily available without asking is a massive help.

He uses text to communicate

I can’t talk verbally in a shutdown, but I can text. He regularly checks in via text to offer anything I might need and check in with how I’m feeling. There’s no pressure for me to respond, but knowing I can in a way that doesn’t force me to speak verbally really helps.

He will be extra quiet around the house

To recover from a shutdown, I need quiet, so he will avoid things that can be noisy. This includes avoiding loud activities like playing guitar or listening to music without headphones. It also includes delaying chores like washing up to avoid the sound of clanking pans.

He leaves me alone unless I want company

I recover fastest when I am in social and sensory deprivation. So, other than texting, he leaves me alone in bed. After a few hours, he offers to come up for a hug or try watching a comfort show and, if I think I can handle it, he will join me. If I find it too overwhelming or overstimulating I just text him to say so and he leaves again.

He doesn’t pressure me to move or talk

There’s absolutely no pressure for me to get up or talk, since I find both so difficult. He knows I will recover in my own time and he has the patience for that. Sometimes, I can manage to get out of bed, but still can’t talk verbally. He will either continue to text or talk verbally and wait for me to respond by text.

Hi, I’m Chelsea. I run The Autism Support Group; a safe space for autistic people to unmask, seek advice & feel understood.

If you found this email helpful then you’ll probably find our support groups helpful too!

Join an Autism Support Group

Sign up to one of our next support group sessions 🎉

Monday 16th February - 12:30pm Please note this is a mic off session. All communication from attendees will be done via the chat box. This a trial as some people have expressed interest in this to help with nerves and anxiety of joining a group :)

Monday 2nd March - 12:30pm

Monday 2nd March - 5:30pm

Monday 9th March - 12:30pm

Monday 9th March - 5:30pm

**All time in GMT (UK timezone)

‘‘Nice to start recognising familiar faces and feeling like a real safe space to share and get insight from others lived experience.’ - 9th February Support Group Attendee

Sign up to one of our next support group sessions 🎉

Monday 9th February - 12:30pm - 1 space

Monday 16th February - 12:30pm - 8 spaces - Please note this is a mic off session. All communication from attendees will be done via the chat box. It’s a trial as some people have expressed interest in this to help with nerves and anxiety of joining a group :)

All time in GMT (UK timezone)

‘Even when I’m feeling anxious and dysregulated the group always helps me’ - 2nd February Support Group Attendee

‘Found my people!!!’ - 2nd February Support Group Attendee

Monday 19th January - 12:30pm

Monday 26th January - 12:30pm

Monday 26th January - 5:30pm

All time in GMT (UK timezone)

‘Really grateful for everyone’s support. I really feel able to be myself in this group.’ - 12th January Support Group Attendee

‘Feeling better (and less alone) than this morning, thank your for today’ - 12th January Support Group Attendee