Camila is Colombian. She’s been studying Dharma for four years. She works in marketing for a kombucha company, cooks on meditation retreats, and teaches yoga to friends, though she doesn’t quite call herself a teacher yet. By her own admission, she wears “a lot of hats.”

She also grew up with two names.

At home, speaking Spanish with her parents, she was Cami: the only child who would line up her mom’s friends in the living room to perform dance routines, not because she wanted attention, but because she wanted to make people smile.

At school, speaking English, she became Maria.

“Maria became this outer shell,” she tells me. “She was careful. A little serious. A little depressed. Always calculating what she needed to do to fit in.”

Cami stayed joyful.

Maria carried the fear.

Now 28, somewhere between four years of Dharma practice at Three Jewels and a six-day silent retreat in Mallorca, she started asking people to call her Cami again.

“I’m not depressed anymore,” she says. “That’s huge for me to say. It’s not perfect. Life isn’t perfect. But I don’t feel the way I used to.”

We spent the next two hours talking about fruit, fear, Accutane, perfume, and the particular joy of butter.

How would you describe your lifestyle?

I’m always asking myself the same question:

How can I live a simple, but full life in New York City?

Taking care of people is such a big love language for me. If I’m making food for myself, can I make enough for someone else? Can I buy a stranger lunch instead of handing them cash?

I’ve been trying to find more joy in my day-to-day because I come from such a depressed place. I really had to practice becoming joyful.

If I could live in one room forever, it would be the kitchen.

Afflictions disappear the second I start cooking. I chop an onion, start thinking about what I’m going to make, and the coin flips immediately.

What’s your aesthetic?

Costeñita core.

There’s this saying in Spanish. It’s someone who belongs on the coast.

I’m not Caribbean, but that’s how I feel inside.

If you made a Pinterest board of my life, it would be water, hibiscus flowers, seashells, bees, honey, and bowls of tropical fruit.

Favorite fruit?

This question is impossible.

The peaches I had in Spain were unlike anything I’d ever eaten. I’m actually a little allergic to stone fruit, but they were dripping down my arms and I genuinely didn’t care.

If I had to choose one, though, it’s tropical fruit.

Pineapple. Papaya. Starfruit.

They remind me of my dad.

I’m an only child, and I’d spend hours playing alone in my room. He’d quietly walk in with a bowl of fruit and hand it to me. No announcement. No conversation.

Now every bowl of fruit reminds me of unconditional love.

How do we get this from the earth?

Sweet. Beautiful. Vibrant.

Sometimes I think,

God really said, “Here. Enjoy.”

Walk me through a day of eating.

Ever since cooking on retreat in Mallorca, breakfast has become my favorite meal.

Not one thing on a plate.

A little spread. Olives. Eggs. Cheese. Fruit. Toast.

Whatever’s in the fridge.

Definitely pan con tomate, which is funny because I used to hate tomatoes.

Growing up Colombian, dinner was always the biggest meal. My stomach has been sensitive forever, so now I eat a bigger lunch and have dinner earlier.

I love soup, even in the summer.

Fish. Rice. Quinoa. Chicken with capers.

Dates with peanut butter.

Dates with sharp cheddar.

Homemade pickled onions because my dad always had pickled onions in the fridge and a pot of bone broth on the stove.

I’m not someone who needs recipes.

I just throw beautiful things together.

Oh, Celtic salt! I like to add it to my water for extra hydration. Also not a big water person so always sipping on tea.

Your beauty routine?

I’m on Accutane, which I never thought I’d do.

I tried everything first, but eventually it became too painful.

Two things have absolutely saved me.

Aquaphor.

And Pond’s blue cream.

It’s less than six dollars.

Your grandma was right.

I also make my own scalp oil with rosemary, peppermint, and cedarwood.

We barely think about our scalps.

You have to take care of them.

What do you smell like?

Glossier You layered with Miu Miu Fleur de Lait.

Juicy mango.Creamy coconut milk. Osmanthus.

I don’t like heavy perfume.

I want someone to walk past me and think,

Whoa. Not,That’s overpowering.

Before bed I put palo santo oil on my skin because I love the smell.

Tell me about your spiritual practice.

I’ve been studying Dharma for four years at .

The question underneath everything is:

How can I live better so I can better help the world?

I meditate every day.

On my last retreat we practiced purification using Vajrasattva.

The biggest thing I left with was this:

If there’s fear, on the other side of that same coin, there’s fun.

What I’m terrified of...

Someone else probably thinks is exciting.

That changes everything.

I also spent a lot of time thinking about my mom.

She lives with so much fear, and I realized how much fear keeps us from living.

If my world comes from the way I think, then I have autonomy.

I can decide.

Even when it looks like I can’t.

If you suddenly had five extra hours today?

Spa.

Without hesitation.

I’d put a sauna in my apartment.

Joy List

Current obsession: Beautiful breakfasts.

Favorite flower: Hibiscus.

Always in the fridge: Pickled onions.

Current scent: Glossier You + Miu Miu Fleur de Lait.

One ingredient that makes everything better: Butter.

A room you could live in forever: The kitchen.

What is joy?

“I’ve had to practice becoming joyful.”

FOLLOW MARIA CAMILA ON IG

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Now the hunger is back.

I finished my first book of the year — Children of Paradise: The Struggle for the Soul of Iran. A dense one. Political, philosophical, layered. The kind of book you read in fragments, then reread, then carry around like a weight. I kept finding myself by the Flatiron, reading in the triangular wind tunnel where the city briefly pauses. The geometry there seems to absorb complexity. I didn’t choose the spot. The book did.

What are you reading? And more importantly: WHERE?

Winter pushed me out of running. New York cold has a way of making even discipline feel theatrical. I traded miles for immersion like swimming laps, then sitting in heat, then doing it again. A rotation between and CUL DE SAC pop-ups. Sweating while sitting is still sweating.

I’ve been swimming with an underwater headset, listening to the new James Blake album from start to finish, no skipping. The sound arrives differently underwater — less sharp, more enveloping — like being inside the song instead of adjacent to it. It’s strangely clarifying.

Chlorine and sauna cycles have been rough on my hair, so I’ve leaned into prevention. Sauna hat. Hair mask before heat. RŌZ hair milk after. I’m nearly through my third bottle. It’s the sort of product that quietly becomes infrastructure. They’re doing 20% off sitewide through March 26, which feels worth noting if your hair has also entered its spa era.

Body-wise, I’ve been reaching for GEO oil — jasmine-heavy, thick, warm, a little excessive in the best way. The scent lingers. Something that stays close to the skin and then quietly fills the room.

Between wet floors, wooden decks, and cold concrete, I’ve defaulted to Crocs. They’re practical to the point of aesthetic. Easy on, easy off, waterproof, vaguely absurd, completely effective. lowercase utilitarian.

My cramps have been intense lately, and a friend gifted me a Burberry hot water bottle I’d been quietly coveting. It’s become part of the rotation along with some good floor time.

Lately, joy has looked like this: reading in odd urban pockets, swimming underwater to full albums, sitting in improvised saunas, oiling skin, wearing Crocs without irony, letting appetite return.

And writing again.

SOUND /// GILLY AT CUL DE SAC
A set I missed at our last CUL DE SAC sauna residency I last produced with . I was sidelined by menstrual nausea and a little burnout, the kind that makes you step back instead of push through. So now I’m listening while “working,” letting it stretch the afternoon. Consider this your invitation to do the same.

MYSORE YOGA /// 3J with
Mysore is a traditional way of learning yoga where you build your physical practice step by step in collaboration with the instructor in real time. You'll learn the first few poses of the Ashtanga Primary Series, and over time you'll be given new postures, gradually building a solid foundation and advancing based on your skill and physical abilities.

LYMPHATIC /// Nutrifaye Aesthetics
I can’t wait to go back and get a treatment. stat.

FOOD /// COLBO NEXT DOOR
Always a fun pop up happening, if you want to try new things and have some fun, meet people. Go!

Enough for now.

you may or may not know me.

i’m caroline — one half of CUL DE SAC.

i’m writing to tell you about two things happening very soon.

but first, a little context.

i have to be many things in life. most of us do, whether we’re aware of it or not.

so when gabe and I started CUL DE SAC, we wanted CUL DE SAC to contain multitudes, just like people. wellness isn’t just sleep and supplements and drinking eight glasses of water.

sometimes it’s dancing at a rave with friends.

sometimes it’s sweating in a sauna with strangers who become friends.

sometimes it’s a warm cup of tea and nourishing food after a long day.

or sometimes it’s calling someone you love.

we like to think of CUL DE SAC as circular in both name and reference, just like wellness. movement, heat, cold, music, food, conversation: they’re all tools to help us live well.

before this project, my medium was hospitality. after leaving a capital-H hospitality group a few years ago, i started hanging around with a group of slightly feral chefs. they didn’t have restaurants, but they had kitchens.

soon I found myself producing dinners in places that were never meant to be dining rooms.

one of the first was in an old horse carriage house in clinton hill that’s now a townhouse. we turned the ground floor into a dining room for 4 weekends.

everything on the menu was foraged and hand-delivered.

chicken of the woods. wild sumac. pine. scallops driven down from maine that morning. unripe strawberries for smoked chicken with fermented honey glaze.

the lines between kitchen, dining room, and third space blurred.

now those same chefs cook everywhere. upstate farms, open flames, brand events, long tables for forty people in the woods, and the community sauna.

nourishing food, warm company, novel places — a world created for just a night. that kind of nimble hospitality where the conditions for living well are created for just a moment, is what i love most.

which brings me to this week...

we’re trying something new with our friends at colbo next door, a small wine bar on orchard street.

from 5pm until late, vinyl sounds by extra meesh for deep listening. and i’ll be behind the bar preparing bites to nibble on while you sip fizzy tea and natural wine.

open doors, warm food, analog sounds, and you: the CUL DE SAC community. one night only.

✩ RSVP HERE ✩

and then…

march 14 + 15. we’re back in our favorite community garden with something big. 4x bigger, to be specific.

we’ll share more on that soon. for now, come join us on saturday for sounds + bites.

the conditions for living well are more available to us than we often know.

with love ~

team CDS <3

Skyting /// MONDAYS

Skyting just got more energetic then ever there is a new Step Up class at 1:45pm with Kate Posch every monday after her incredible yoga class. I will be going Nov 10th, it looks like a blast from the few moves Posch shared on socials.

Class Description:

An athletic cardio class built around the dynamic power of the step! Expect precise, rhythmic sequences designed to elevate your heart rate, strengthen your lower body, and sharpen coordination.

FREE PEOPLE RUN /// SATURDAY 11.8

Caitlyn Kreutz is leading a Free People NYC RUN Nov 8th part of a nationwide event raising funds for girls inc., the nonprofit helping girls grow up strong, smart, and bold. choose the 5k or 10k route — both start at the fp movement store in soho. all runners receive a run together tee (first come, first served) and post-run refreshments.

583 Broadway

New York, NY 10012

United States

3322304161

events@fpmovement.com

SWEAT JOY /// SATURDAY 11.8

Cul De Sac— a name that evokes the feeling of safety you get gathering in the middle of a neighborhood roundabout — is something new for nyc. it’s communal, elemental, and a little bit scandi: a sauna + cold plunge pop-up bringing denmark-style wellness into the city’s rhythm.

sauna in the park runs from noon to 6 pm at la plaza community garden. all the slots are full, but walk-ins are welcome — come for the music, stay for the warmth, the cold, and the collective pulse of it all.

// i’m the co-founder //

it’s wild to see this idea come to life — what started as a sketch in the notes app is now steam, bodies, laughter, and breath in the park. come by, sweat a little, hang out, and see what we’re building.

location:
la plaza community garden, east village
@culdesac.culdesac

ALTERNATIVE JOY ///

after the sweat and movement, find stillness. rooted refuge in Ridgewood offers community-style acupuncture that feels both grounding and ceremonial. it’s run by a collective of practitioners offering affordable, quality care rooted in the lineage of chinese medicine.

about:
we are an acupuncture and chinese medicine collective. the rooted refuge is a group of practitioners who have come together to provide affordable, experienced care to the community.

why go:
the space is soft and simple — warm lighting, quiet breath, needles like whispers. it’s not about fixing something; it’s about coming home to your body after a long week of movement. go here to slow down, recalibrate, and let your nervous system exhale.

Share

/////

Join my next guided mediation for free live via zoom: Monday Nov 3. 8am Est

Sign up: 30 mins Purify Practice

/////

JOY GULTTON SILENT RUN

Join me on Monday Nov 3. 7am set for a 30 min run starting at Flatiron in NYC for a silent run (Comment for the starting point address) if you come I will buy you a coffee.

Follow me on STRAVA

The Six Perfections: A Path That Builds Itself

Buddhism condenses the entire path of becoming a wiser, kinder, more joyful human into six trainable qualities. They’re called the Six Perfections. Not because we already embody them perfectly — but because practicing them shapes us into who we’re meant to be.

And the beautiful part:
each perfection naturally gives rise to the next.

1 // Generosity

We begin by giving.
Not just things — attention, care, patience, presence.
Generosity dissolves the tightness that says “I have to protect myself.”
It reminds us there is enough, and we are enough.

From that openness…

2 // Ethics

When we act in alignment with our values,
our mind becomes a place we can trust.
Honesty, restraint, restoring harm where we caused it —
these choices give us peace with ourselves.

Read more

It’s been a minute. I’ve been inconsistent with posting, not on purpose—just swept up in life, in work, in trying to keep up. But I remembered. And maybe you’re remembering something too—your practice, your joy, your breath.

If you’re in New York, there’s an opportunity to practice with me in person.

Summer of Love: Effortless Joy is Possible but it Takes Effort
Friday, July 25th at Three Jewels
8:00-9:00 PM with a hang after.
By donation

We’ll begin by building a collective fruit and flower mandala—each person brings one small offering. A plum, a petal, a sprig of mint. This isn’t decoration—it’s a mental training. A way to turn attention into devotion, to train the mind in TAR TUK, the Buddhist practice of rejoicing as a shared, lived experience.

Then we drop in.

Bliss Meditation is not about escaping. It’s about rewiring the mind to make joy so natural, so obvious, even your deepest patterns can’t drown it out. You’ll leave feeling lit up and clear—like joy isn’t just possible, it’s something you build.

Stay after. We’ll sip mocktails and eat snacks and be together.

Bring a piece of fruit or a flower. Bring a friend. Bring your whole self.

These donation-based Summer Fridays support scholarships for our Meditation Teacher Training cohort. It’s how we keep the lineage alive and pass the joy forward.

I hope to see you there.
xo
Caroline

True peace is not about tying everything neatly together.
True peace is standing barefoot in the middle of uncertainty,
heart bruised but still open,
and whispering:

“This, too, is holy. This, too, belongs.”

There are moments in life when certainty slips out of reach.
When you cannot explain yourself fully.
When you cannot fix what has unfolded.
When you are asked to sit inside the rawness, the delusions, the mistakes, the misunderstandings, the missed timing — and simply stay.

We went over this last time, didn’t we?
It’s never actually too late.
The pain is just fuel for our practice.

Without my mistake, I wouldn’t have had these shifts — even if they are just by one degree.
And even the smallest shift is a promise:
A promise that I am loving my faith.
A promise that the destination is truly a moving target.

Where can I let myself feel good even when I’m overwhelmed with embarrassment?
The key is kindness —
seeing my goodness even in moments of disappearance.

I know my intentions are pure,
but maybe my execution is still tangled in unspeakable patterns.

And that's okay.

I’m remembering all the times I’ve helped friends step out of their delusions —
and this time, the medicine had to be my own.
I called GB in tears,
having just swallowed a spoonful of my own poison.

His words didn’t land at first — they needed three hours to marinate.
But eventually, they clicked.

I realized:

"I’m mad because I’m scared.
I’m ashamed because I leaned into my delusion.
I messed up, yes — but I am awake to it.
And that awareness itself is the portal to change."

I’m so grateful for my little anger,
my little sense of betrayal surfacing now —
giving me a chance to address them, to purify them, to find the joy of coming back to myself.

I’m practicing this now:
The art of staying when nothing is certain.

Not forcing resolution.
Not chasing closure.
Not making myself wrong for being human.

Just staying.
Breathing.
Softening.

There is still a part of me that wants to sprint toward safety —
to say the perfect thing,
to undo the moments when fear spoke louder than love.

But I’m learning that true growth isn’t found in scrambling for a redo.
True growth is found in breathing into the exact place where things went wrong —
where the madness rose, where the hands cramped, where the hot oil spilled.

I once heard you should never spill when holding a Japanese sushi knife —
and guess what I did?
I spilled.

I let my delusions tighten my grip until everything slipped.

And now, I am learning to love myself even there.

A few days ago, I guided a bliss meditation.
I didn’t know at the time that it was also the roadmap my own heart would need.

We started by recalling a memory of effortless joy —
something pure and small, from childhood or the last 48 hours.
We brought that memory into our chest, letting it expand like a tiny sugar crystal dissolving into light.

We let the feeling grow until it filled our whole bodies.
We remembered how kindness flows naturally when we feel good —
how, when we are full, we spill sweetness almost without trying.

We imagined a life where bliss wasn’t something we chased,
but something we allowed to stream through us —
constant and clean.

In that practice, I realized:

Even now, when life feels uncertain.
Even now, when parts of me wish for a different ending.
Bliss is not lost.
It is waiting to be chosen.

Not because everything is perfect.
But because bliss is a quality of presence, not perfection.

So today, I stay.
I breathe.
I forgive myself for the ways I stumbled.
I bless the sweetness I still have to give.
I trust the invisible work happening beneath the surface of things.

I trust that not-knowing is also a kind of knowing.
I trust that standing still is sometimes the bravest movement of all.

And most of all —
I trust that pure bliss,
the real kind,
was never waiting outside of me.

It was always here.
It was always home.

It’s something I keep returning to especially in moments where I feel stuck or small or unsure of my path. Buddhism teaches that we’re not passive recipients of the world around us. We’re co-creators. Our mind is giving meaning, flavor, form. It’s not that things are a certain way, it’s that we see them a certain way, and that seeing changes what they become.

And if we’re the ones creating meaning, then we’re also the ones who can shift it. Reframe it. Soften it. Grow from it.

But that kind of responsibility? It’s a lot. It's liberating, but it can also feel like pressure.

That’s where the Inner Guide practice comes in. It reminds me that even though I’m the one generating my reality, I’m not doing it alone. That the strength and wisdom I admire in others their clarity, their calm, their kindness isn’t separate from me. It’s a mirror. A projection. And if I can see it, I already have it in me.

So when I get lost, I don’t wait to be saved.
I sit down and merge with the version of me who already remembers.

And lately, these are the 8 things I’ve been noticing patterns I’m gently trying to unlearn as I walk into a “come back”.

1. Thinking you’re behind
This one’s sneaky. It tells you you’re late. That everyone else is miles ahead.
But you’re not behind you’re right on time. Your time was not “wasted”, everything leading up to this moment, is the reason why you are on this path and even aware.
The you that’s panicking might actually be standing at the threshold of something big.

2. Being apologetic about what you want
There’s nothing shameful about wanting more.
Desire isn’t selfish, it’s a signal.
You don’t have to earn it. You don’t have to explain it.
Just honor it.

3. Underestimating your subconscious mind
You can be doing all the right things and still feel stuck.
That’s not failure. That’s your inner system asking for a deeper kind of care.
Sit with the part of you that doesn’t feel safe yet. Teach it how to trust. Be careful how you speak of yourself, and try to minimize your beauty because you want to shelter others.

4. Focusing only on your how instead of your why
The how gets overwhelming.
The why is what brings you back to earth.
It doesn’t have to make perfect sense. It just has to mean something to you. So why, do you meditate? or why do you want xyz? “he who has a why, wills a how”

5. Undermining the power of small changes
Not everything has to be revolutionary. A plane to LA just needs to shift one degree to end up in D.C.
Sometimes the quietest shifts carry the most weight.
One small change, repeated often, can change your whole story.

6. Focusing on what you can’t control
You can’t micromanage the universe.
But you can choose how you move.
What you say. What you give your energy to.
That’s where your power lives.

7. Waiting until you’re ready to start
Readiness is a myth.
The version of you who’s “ready” only shows up after you begin.
Start from exactly where you are. That’s the bravest way forward.

8. Using self-hate as fuel
Being hard on yourself might feel like motivation—but it’s just exhaustion in disguise.
Growth that’s rooted in shame doesn’t last.
Try tenderness. Try kindness.
Let your future be built on love, not punishment.

None of this is about being perfect. It’s about being honest.

Sometimes I sit with my inner guide and ask: What am I not seeing?
Sometimes I don’t like the answer.
But every time, I feel closer to the version of me that’s not scared of the truth.

So if you’re reading this and feeling like you’ve stalled just know:
You’re not stuck.
You’re crossing the bridge.
And who you’re becoming?
That person is already proud of you.

More soon,
Caroline

Mercury is conjunct Neptune in Aries, which makes things feel a little dreamy, a little foggy. It’s not the time for hard logic. It’s a week for intuition—for trusting what you already know deep down. Mars just entered Leo, which adds boldness and a spark. And the Moon opposite Jupiter might stretch your emotions or bring up contrast between what feels expansive and what feels safe.

It’s a strange mix of clarity and cloudiness. But either way, the message is this: tune in. Trust the voice that lives underneath the noise.

This is why we’re working with the Inner Guide this week.

It’s a practice based in the preliminaries of Tibetan Buddhism—where you visualize a teacher or mentor, someone whose wisdom you admire. But that guide can also be you. Your future self. The version of you who’s already come through what you’re walking through now. The one who already knows what’s important.

And sometimes, that connection doesn’t show up during meditation.
Sometimes it shows up while folding laundry.

I have this detergent I love—orange blossom, overly fancy, I won’t name it because it’s borderline embarrassing how much I associate it with happiness. But when I catch a whiff of it on clean sheets, it feels like everything’s okay. Like I finally arrived. Like peace.

And then it fades. And I remember: the scent isn’t the source. The magic wasn’t in the detergent. It was in the act of caring. The way I paused to do something kind for my space, for my future self.

That’s where the Inner Guide lives—not in some grand vision, but in the way we handle the small, ordinary things with presence. With love. With attention.

The Sagittarius Full Moon is just ahead. But for now, we’re here. Mid-cycle. Still becoming.

So the question is: can you listen to the version of you who’s already clear?
The one who’s not chasing answers, but living from them.
The one who folds the laundry like it matters. Because it does.

Join me live
Saturday, 8 AM EST DM me for the zoom link or follow dailymeditationchalleneg on instagram.

We’ll be practicing the Pure Bliss meditation together—grounding, visualizing, and listening inward. All are welcome.

See you on the mat,
xo
Caroline

This week, I was supposed to be somewhere else — doing more, pushing forward, leading from the front.
Instead, I found myself doing less, lying low, and sitting inside some unexpected delays.

And of course, at first, I labeled it:
A slowdown. A disappointment. A pause I didn’t ask for.

But when I got quiet — when I sat, breathed, and dropped below the language of productivity —
I realized: this was a moment of bliss in camouflage.
A chance to meet myself without the noise.
To ask:
Can I still feel good, even here? Even now?

We’re so trained to value momentum — the climb, the hustle, the breakthrough.
But sometimes it’s the stillness that’s the real work.
Sometimes the lesson isn’t in pushing through —
but in being asked to stop, to sit, and to stay with ourselves
long enough to hear what’s underneath the grind.

And while I was in that quiet, another question surfaced — one I wasn’t expecting:
What is love, really?

Can it still be love if we name exactly what it is we love about someone?
Or does naming it make it conditional?
I’m starting to believe that real love — the wild kind, the barefoot kind — takes a little madness.
It asks for trust. For faith. For the willingness to feel joy without needing to measure it.

Maybe love isn’t something we can explain.
Maybe it’s not a checklist or a highlight reel.
Maybe it’s just a frequency — a current we allow ourselves to be carried by, without knowing where it’s taking us.

And that joy we say we want from love?
It might just be the joy of not needing to define it.
Of letting it be big, and messy, and wordless.
Of trusting that when you stop trying to hold it, it holds you.

So I’m not rushing this moment.
I’m letting the slowness speak.
I’m trusting that even this — especially this — is part of the path.

Not a setback.
Just a softer way through.

—

Thank you for reading. If this moved you, share it with someone who needs softness right now. This was part of a 30 day meditation challenge follow us on instagram or leave a comment — I always love hearing what lands.

With tenderness,

Caroline

Read more

A splash of vinegar — a sharp inhale of clarity. Cabbage unfurls into the simmering broth, deep reds and purples twisting in the steam. Potatoes dissolve into silk, thickening the liquid, making it substantial, making it home. A whisper of fresh dill—a final, vibrant exhale, a reminder that even the deepest roots stretch toward the sun.

This is the borscht I will serve at Three Jewels on the 15th, a dish passed down to me by Jutta, my neighbor in Los Angeles, who infused every pot with warmth and wisdom. This soup is not my heritage, but it reminds me of love—the kind that lingers long after the bowl is empty. Maybe, with this pop-up, I’m not just serving soup. Maybe I’m creating a new tradition—one rooted in connection over lineage, in presence over history, in the act of sharing something made with care.

I decided to be honest with myself after a dream I barely remember. A feeling remained—something raw, something true. For months, my heart had been stretched between longing for Zurich and the illusion of love waiting there. But life intervened. I lost my Green Card. Missed my flight. Found it again, but by then, our voice notes had faded into the past. So I spoke my truth: "I love you, and I wish you the best."

Maybe this is a pattern, but now is not the time for dissection. Courage is action, not overanalysis. So, I let go.

Since January 1st, I’ve been meditating daily and plunging into ice baths. The harder things in life feel easier. Not effortless, but no longer paralyzing. I still procrastinate, but my mood flows like water—fluid, adaptable. There is peace in knowing my habits shape resilience. Sitting with myself feels natural. When you align with your values, when you choose kindness—to others, to yourself—the weight lifts.

At Othership, I’ve found the coldest ice plunge in the city. Twenty minutes in the sauna, then two minutes in freezing water. The shock is instant, but so is the clarity. Cold plunging surges norepinephrine through the body, sharpening focus, boosting mood, reinforcing resilience. It dials down inflammation, amps up circulation, strengthens immunity. But beyond the science, it’s a reset—an exercise in surrender. The mind panics, begs for escape, but the body holds steady, the breath anchors you. And in that stillness, something shifts. Strength isn't in resistance—it’s in the surrender, letting the heat and the cold be your bones, you know? And it's knowing that this too shall pass.

I started listening to my body. It craved citrus, so I gave it oranges until their sweetness turned sharp. Peeling, tearing, tasting—savoring the micro shifts in flavor, the subtle variations between bites. Later, I learned this practice had a name: mono meals. For two weeks in January, I leaned in. Four cucumbers for lunch. A baked sweet potato for dinner. Stripping away variety made me tune in—to hunger, to satisfaction, to the quiet intelligence of my own body.

There’s something radical about simplifying. About trusting instinct, discipline, surrender. Maybe, at its core, that’s what courage really is.

I’m teaching a meditation on Monday, February 10th at 8 AM EST. Join the WhatsApp group, step into the community. I’d love to see you there.

And on the 15th, I’ll be at Three Jewels, ladling out bowls of my famous Borscht Soup—nourishment, ritual, intention in every spoonful.

Meditation, like ice baths and mono meals, is a way of meeting yourself fully—without escape, without distraction. It’s courage, in its quietest form. Join me. Sit in stillness. Breathe into the raw, unfiltered experience of being. Because in that space, transformation begins.

a recorded version will be posted for my paid subscribers (thank you for your support)

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I couldn’t help but wonder—can 15 minutes a day really change your life?

Under the cosmic dance of retrogrades and alignments, the stars whisper their messages of reflection, growth, and new beginnings. Mars retrograde in Leo slows us down, asking us to reconsider what truly drives us, while Venus in Aquarius nudges us to connect with freedom and authenticity. The Sun in Sagittarius, ever bold, dares us to explore new horizons within and beyond ourselves.

Sitting cross-legged on my newly acquired, perfectly plush meditation cushion—a cushion that feels like it was designed to hold the secrets of the universe—I’ve been reflecting on what 2025 could bring. This year, instead of chasing resolutions that fade by February, I’m committing to something simple but deeply impactful: meditating for 15 minutes every single day.

Here’s the challenge: just 15 minutes. No excuses, no restarts, no do-overs. If I miss a day, I don’t get a gold star on my calendar. But that’s okay—it’s not about perfection. It’s about showing up, even when life feels chaotic.

These final weeks of 2024 are my warm-up, what I’m calling my "conditioning period." Think of it as easing into the rhythm, preparing for the year ahead. And let me tell you, having the right tools makes all the difference. My new cushion has upgraded this journey from coach to first class—same destination, but infinitely more

comfortable.

The stars, too, are aligning to encourage this practice. Mercury retrograde asks us to slow down and recalibrate, while the Moon’s union with Chiron highlights our need for healing and self-care. This feels like the perfect moment to start something meaningful—a commitment to ourselves.

And here’s where you come in. What if you joined me? What if you dedicated 15 minutes each day to just sit, breathe, and be? Not to chase enlightenment or silence the mind, but to notice, to feel, and to grow. Imagine the clarity, the calm, and the connection we could create—not just with ourselves but as a collective.

So here’s to 2025: a year of stillness, discipline, and discovery. Let’s embark on this journey together. One day, one sit, one breath at a time. Are you in?

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No class this Sunday, but instead, enjoy a free recorded guided meditation based on the Four Forces of Purification. This practice helps you release limiting thoughts and reset your mindset for greater peace and clarity.

“In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun.” — Mary Poppins.

Life has been full of uncertainty recently. I’m between homes, not sure where I’ll sleep tonight or what the future holds. I’ve struggled financially, faced roadblocks in my career, and found myself overwhelmed by everything I can't control. But through it all, I’ve learned something unexpected: that the people in my life—the friends who’ve opened their homes to me—have been my greatest teachers.

Over the past months, I’ve stayed with some incredible people who have taught me how to navigate these challenges with grace. Muriel reminded me to focus on gratitude and the power of my thoughts. Tiny encouraged me to stop limiting myself and to see each day as a gift. And Mayan, with her beautiful routine and commitment to wellness, has shown me that even in the toughest times, there is space for joy, self-care, and growth.

These friendships have been a living, breathing example of what it means to open your heart and let life guide you rather than trying to control it. The new moon in Sagittarius has been a reminder that I don't need to have everything figured out. I don’t need to force things to happen. Instead, I can trust that what’s meant for me will come when the time is right, and I don’t have to navigate this journey alone.

“You can’t go against the wind, you know. But you can always go with it.” — Mary Poppins.

Recently, Mayan and I watched Mary Poppins, and it brought everything I’ve been learning into sharp focus. While Mary Poppins may be the title character, the true transformation happens with Mr. Banks. He starts off rigid and detached, but through a series of challenges, he learns to let go of control, embrace the joy around him, and allow life to unfold. His redemption doesn’t come from striving harder but from surrendering to the process and choosing a lighter, more open way of living.

This story is a perfect metaphor for my journey. I’ve spent so much time resisting the winds of change, trying to force things to go according to my plan. But now, thanks to the wisdom of my friends and the guidance of the universe, I’m beginning to see that redemption comes when you let go of the need to control everything and simply trust that life will carry you where you need to go.

“Anything can happen if you let it.” — Mary Poppins.

I’m realizing that the transformation I’ve been waiting for doesn’t happen through force. It happens through surrender, trust, and the willingness to open myself to the goodness that’s already within me and the world around me. My friends' lessons have been an anchor in this process, teaching me to stay grounded in gratitude, embrace life as it comes, and always choose love over fear.

Even though the past 400 days have felt heavy at times, I’m trusting that my efforts, the kindness I share, and the lightness I choose to bring into the world will eventually return to me. It’s not too late for things to change, for the circle to close in, and for everything to come together in its own time.

Focus: Love (30 mins)

Zoom Link for Medi

There are people with this rare and beautiful ability to hold space—they let you feel, they listen deeply. They aren’t afraid to have an opinion or to command the room, yet they do so with tact and grace. Unobtrusively, with a quiet strength and a hint of sacredness.

I had the privilege of being a fly on the wall while Maya spoke about her meditation practice. For her, even working in a corporate job becomes a meditation. While her coworkers feel stressed and complain, she remains untouched. No need to vent or falter; she transforms pressure, load, and annoyance into bliss. I admire her deeply for that. Even typing this, I feel her stoic nature rubbing off on me. Practice; the teaching will come. It always does.

I’ve often heard that to receive more teachings, one must teach what they know.

So, I wondered if I could offer help to anyone who might need it. I texted Abrahms about the upcoming afters Three Jewels wants to throw. One of the managers posted an idea: Cheers on Ice, fun bites, a non-alcoholic champagne tower. “I can do that in my sleep,” I thought. But the event is on Thursday, and tomorrow I’m booked for a private event. I’m also in the midst of moving sublets. Yet, I’m filled with love for everyone I’m doing this for. The pressure is bliss.

I’ve decided not to stay in NYC for the holidays. Instead, I’m going to Zurich. I’m not sure I can call it home, but I will try. There is tension, yes—I wonder if I’m making a mistake. You see, I have another motive. My heart yearns for the cold river and the quiet, “boring” streets. The last trip filled me with hope for my future and my practice. The fountains remind me to drink, to play. Even the once unfriendly faces now smile at me. Oh, the Swiss, like coconuts—hard on the outside, soft within.

Limmat, I can’t wait to immerse myself in you.

Focus: Love (30 mins)

SUNDAY MEDITATION

I haven’t been very nice lately. I haven’t even been able to smile. Life isn’t easy—but when is it ever? It’s so easy to get sucked into the downward spiral. Yesterday, I was crying my eyes out in the car, feeling broken and hopeless, stuck in traffic with the weight of the world pressing down. A bus driver saw me, and for a moment, his heart met mine. He smiled, and I felt the smallest flicker of hope—a glimmer of solace that carried me through the day.

The spiral didn’t stop there. Old wounds resurfaced, a parking ticket, a fever, unclear instructions from a producer—frustration rising. My mom’s upset, and I reacted poorly, a moment I deeply regret. So here I am, confessing it all on the internet. I haven’t been kind, and life has been serving me a spoonful of my own medicine. But I can turn it around. I can sit in silence, close my eyes, and practice giving love, paying better attention, cultivating warmth. Maybe I don’t need to burden friends with my fears—I can share my dreams instead.

That’s why I’m reviving this Substack—to hold space for love together. To cultivate it through meditation. Love for everyone, even the darkest parts of kin and ourselves. For every sentient being. Just for a moment, to see and feel what’s possible. Maybe then, those closest to us, who deserve our best, will get our true best.

Oh, and hey—are you drinking enough water?

Please let’s take care of ourselves, together.

c

I am delighted to share that you have reached the final stage of this month's celestial voyage, the Hero's Journey, which began three weeks ago with the arrival of the Gemini New Moon. Currently, we find ourselves navigating the Last Quarter Moon phase. This period invites you to reflect on past events and the lessons learned.

It is an opportunity to gracefully release what no longer serves you before embarking on a new adventure next week. This phase represents closure and letting go, as one door closes, another opens to a fresh start at the upcoming New Moon. Take this moment to integrate the wisdom, power, and insights acquired this month into your life moving forward.

This phase emphasizes integration, urging you to assess your growth since the start of the cycle. Reflect on your intentions set at the New Moon without judgment, acknowledging your progress. Embrace this moment of pause with respect for your journey and release anything no longer needed. Welcome the new cycle with a lighter spirit and embrace the fresh start at the upcoming New Moon in Cancer.

At this Last Quarter Moon in Aries, take a moment to relax and reflect. Look back to appreciate how much you've evolved and overcome this month. Reflect on your journey and consider how it has impacted you personally.

Aries, symbolizing commitment to one's mission, is the sign of this moon phase. Check your natal chart for personal planets in Aries for a resonant experience. Embrace the journey, letting go of the past and focusing on personal growth.

Reflect on the month's story: opening your mind at the Gemini New Moon, living with integrity at the Virgo First Quarter Moon, and embracing what you've learned. Recognize any shadow behaviors, become aware and embrace change.

Let go of old patterns, fears, and insecurities. Find freedom in setting boundaries and evolving. Embrace change and growth, releasing what no longer serves you, and commit to your true self.

Now, additionally, Saturn, the planet of limits, boundaries, discipline, is going to station retrograde right after the Last Quarter Moon. So this is a shift that everyone will likely feel a little bit, and it's going to try and slow things down and encourage you to go inward and make sure that spiritually, you're aligned. It's reinforcing all the themes we've shared with you throughout this month.

So if the previous three weeks were challenging, you know, or it felt like you missed an opportunity, don't worry because you always have another chance. Don't be hard on yourself. Just let it go. This is an incredible opportunity to practice being kind to yourself and to realize that everything you worked on over this lunar cycle, whether or not it has provided the results you expected, is ultimately helping move you forward, even if the journey isn't turning out the way you plan.

These monthly journeys we're going on together, these are all chances to remove anything that's slowing down your progress, your evolution, that's holding you back. Because everything is going to continue moving very fast. The world is chaotic, and it's not giving you any room to stay stuck in your old ways.

All this pressure you're feeling is here to break you free of things that are outdated, and it's here to heal the deepest wounds, familial traumas. Lineages of pain can be healed right now through your process, through you. And that's how you make your greatest contribution - by being your most authentic self, tending to your heart, to your soul, to your energy, because that's the energy that you're giving to the world, that you're sharing.

There's no greater contribution you can make than sharing energy that's supportive. And we're at the phase where you have one more week to reflect and ideally share your wisdom, share it with your community and your friends, before we start the new cycle next week. So it's important to share experiences because they help us all learn and grow.

And it may even be months from now that you realize how important this time was and how significant the changes you made were. And this is leading up to this next phase, the next Hero's Journey, the next New Moon, which will be in Cancer. And Cancer is all about giving and receiving love and being in your heart and family.

This is sort of a transition time, letting the last cycle end and making way for the new one to begin. So we're sending you so much love at this Last Quarter Moon. It's been so incredible for us this entire month, and we love your feedback. And we hope that it's been fulfilling and illuminating for each and every one of you.

And we're hoping that you've been able to take away some wisdom. And feel like you've gotten to know yourself just a little bit better. And we will see you again in a week when we start our next journey together, with the Cancer New Moon.

The Sun's light is reflecting off of the Moon, which is directly opposite, and this is the culmination point for the intentions you set around the New Moon in Gemini. But the light is also shining on the themes of the Full Moon archetype. So it's a bit of a blend.

This full Moon is in the dependable, hardworking, responsible archetype of Capricorn.

Capricorn is an earth sign. It's realistic, it's practical, and it's grounded. It has almost a heroic strength to carry the burden, stay strong, and move mountains.

Capricorn is the answer man, and it wants to have all the information and be the one providing the knowledge. Capricorn's kind of like the adult, the grandmother. It's the parent archetype, it's the one who holds the weight of the world on its shoulders, and it's kind of traditional.

It believes in top-down management, hierarchy, and sacrificing itself in order to reach its goals. So it's an energy that's trying to build something substantial and get measurable results.

By contrast, Gemini is the child. Gemini is not relying on logic and being reasonable. It believes that the mind doesn't have the answer. In its highest expression, it sees beyond duality and it's comfortable with not knowing everything. So if Capricorn has its expertise, Gemini is that beginner mind.

If you think back to the intentions you set two weeks ago at the New Moon in Gemini, that was about being curious, being open, and not being attached to the outcome. Life is about possibilities and having an adventure and Gemini is about finding your own relationship with the child within you - the magic, the innocence that you once had in life.

Ideally, you set intentions around these themes two weeks ago, and now they're coming to a head at the Capricorn Full Moon. This is very much about building a new world for yourself, a new future and a new vision. And just one day before the Full Moon on June 20th is the Solstice. That means it's our longest and most sun-filled day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere, and the darkest in the Southern.

We've been making our way around the Sun, and we're at that halfway point, which is a very potent moment. It's that shift into a new phase, and it's an opportunity again for a new beginning. So what's this next chapter going to be about for you?

Authentically Motivated

Full Moon times often have a reputation for being intense or even extreme. So whatever your relationship is with these archetypal themes of imagination, innocence, creativity, versus responsibility and duty - that is likely going to determine how you feel during this Full Moon and what eventually comes up for you.

That's only because these are moments of expansion and magnified perception. The intention of the Full Moon is to help you become aware of how you're handling these themes. It's trying to shine a light on places where you may have fallen into shadow behaviors; whatever you've kept hidden unconsciously will likely surface during a Full Moon so you can confront it and you can let it go.

This is that peak stage of growth that's going to help you to move through this month and transform. The shadows that might come up could be from the archetype of the New Moon, Gemini, or the Full Moon, Capricorn. Or quite possibly there's a conflicting dynamic.

If the qualities of Capricorn are very present in your personality, meaning you're somebody who's always trying to do the right thing, and hold things together for others at the expense of your own needs - then during this Full Moon, you might feel burnt out.

It's like you can't concentrate or produce the results in the way you're used to. So pay attention to that. Because it's trying to point out where you're overdoing your Capricorn. And it's really trying to get you to stop and to slow down and reconnect to that Gemini energy that's not working very hard.

It's all intuition. It's all being guided by spirit. Capricorn's the patriarchy. It's the old. And this moment is about creating the new Capricorn, the Capricorn of the future. Because the world is changing. And you might be noticing that certain things no longer work for you.

You might have to cut ties and change direction. And this might even be within your own mind. The way you criticize yourself the way you talk to yourself. If you're of the belief that you're being trapped - that's an old way of thinking. That's a shadow of Capricorn, that you're trapped by the limitations of society.

If you believe that you're not enough and you criticize yourself and feel like you're not living up to some standard, that's the experience you will have in your day-to-day life. That's not sustainable in this new world.

So it starts with you and your choices and working with this energy within you, because that is what is going to allow you to change your circumstances and bring in different experiences.

Now on the other end of the spectrum, if the archetype of Gemini is more animated in your personality, meaning if you're somebody who is afraid of responsibility or your energy is scattered during this Full Moon, you might feel a bit overwhelmed.

It's trying to shine a light on places where it's time to grow up and it's time to mature. The shadow of Gemini is somebody who's immature and doesn't want to be held accountable, because they don't want to be overly weighed down.

This time period depends on your personal experience and where you are in your life journey. If you've been irresponsible, if you're partying too much, if you've lost your integrity, the Full Moon is going to bring that to your attention. So this is having you take a hard look at what end of the spectrum are you falling on, because it's all about finding that balance.

Accepting Change is Key

Now we are not trying to say that the Full Moon is going to be an overwhelming time. For those that feel motivated by what you're working on right now and lit up by their life, this can be an incredible moment because that's just an indication you're on an authentic path. And so often you're filled with joy and you almost can't sleep, you have so much energy.

So if that's what's happening for you, enjoy it, revel in it. That's an incredible feeling to be encouraged. But if you're noticing shadow behaviors right now, there's nothing to fear. If that's what's coming up for you during this Full Moon, know that it's your soul trying to communicate with you. It's trying to get you to change direction.

This might be a moment of confronting your own belief systems. And of letting go of the old ways of thinking that are holding you down, and opening your mind up to the possibilities. Full Moons are often culmination points where you can truly let go and possibly find closure with something that has been burdening you.

There's no right or wrong during this time. And that's the beauty of Gemini. It's not black and white. Everything that's happening, every experience is all part of the plan, the divine plan.

If you can just trust more deeply and allow things to be what they're going to be, you open yourself up to magic, because all of us get caught in thinking we're in control. And it's a very Capricorn theme.

This moment is about opening yourself up to the fact that you're not in control, and letting yourself fly and just allow life to happen through you.

This moment is trying to align you with your soul's journey, and not your ego's journey. The shadow of Capricorn is very tied up with the ego, the concept of who you are externally - basically your personality in the world and those benchmarks of success. Whereas the enlightened expression of Gemini doesn't care about those things.

Gemini is asking you to break free of old thinking and envision a new world. Understand that everything is being generated from this energy within you. You have a choice in every moment to determine and create your life.

It doesn't believe in the old outdated rules and structures. It understands that everything is energy, and your energy is your power. How you use it and distribute it is ultimately your barometer for success.

It's really an alchemical Full Moon, because you're dealing with polar opposites, so it can be very powerful. Now that we're at the Solstice, the energy that is being supported right now is about simplicity and stillness within yourself, and creating from the unseen, the invisible.

The soul is this invisible thing - and the intention is for your soul to drive your life. So this moment is that moment to become aware of who and what is really driving your life experience. This time is really about nourishing that soul energy within you, because this is how you're going to be able to manifest in this new world.

It's about letting go of the hustle in the world, and instead working with the internal energy - finding joy in the little things, and understanding that that is abundance, that is success.

Envision a New World

And as we move into this new world, Pluto just entered Aquarius. It's a whole new generation, and it's gonna be a world we can't even fathom right now. Pluto has just left Capricorn, where it's been since 2008. It was all about top-down power structures - and dominating, intimidating, conquering, owning, and controlling with authority. All that's going away.

That's the old shadow side of Capricorn - all that energy that's about the hustle, and how much work you can do until you exhaust yourself. That's not going to bring you the results you expect anymore. And we need to let go of all of that.

The emphasis is on being your own person, embracing what makes you unique, and not letting yourself get wrapped up in an energy or frequency that's not aligned with you. It's about being authentic and not basing who you are on who somebody else is.

So how do you do that? How do you allow yourself to be and create boundaries to go out into the world, so that you don't feel completely overwhelmed? How do you allow yourself to build a future that's not going to get corrupted or tainted by energy that's toxic? That's the question.

This moment is about learning how to find that higher frequency within you, that place you can go to inside of yourself that's your church - where it's fortified, where it's strong, it's autonomous, and it's not bending its will to the environment that it's in.

If you're not centered and you're lost in the chaos of the world, it means you probably can't hear your intuition. You can't hear that voice and that whisper, you can't hear your heart. And then anxiety comes in, depression and pain because you're bifurcated, you're disconnected from your truth.

Ideally at this Full Moon, that voice is getting really loud and it's speaking to you. Even if it's sharing a truth that you don't want to hear, that's the intention. The Full Moon is going to shine a light on things maybe you were afraid to look at before. Things that you've hidden from yourself, but perhaps now it's time to actually hear it.

It's about holding you accountable so that you can mature most authentically.

Let Go of Fear

While Full Moon times can be ones of closure, they can also bring in new possibilities, opportunities, and adventures in your life. And that's one of the lessons of Gemini, it knows that it's always possible to start again.

Try and take this moment to be honest with yourself. Capricorn is asking you to be accountable and to commit to your truth. Know that by facing your shadows - whether that's a side of you that struggles letting your guard down and just having fun, or a side of you that runs from responsibilities - right now this is a moment where you can free yourself and make rapid progress.

Often, holding on to things that we're used to just slows us down. It's that quote, "If the path before you is clear, you're probably on somebody else's." It's not always about mimicking what somebody else is doing or the old ways of doing things. Stop dragging your heels or letting others decide things for you out of fear.

Once you let that fear go, you can launch yourself into your future. Often, taking a new approach or facing the truth can be overwhelming at first, because it's like you're becoming a beginner again. But over time that will subside, and you will become a master at being yourself. Or being involved in something that's meaningful for you, that fires you up and makes you feel alive.

This is a critical time to follow your inner joy and trust in the possibilities. Growth is an essential part of being alive and growth happens when you actually challenge what you know. You explore new paths and you free your mind and spirit.

Next week we're going to check in with you again at the last phase, which is the Last Quarter Moon in Aries. By then you'll likely have had some time to process a bit and understand how you've grown and how your life has changed during this phase of the lunar cycle. Ideally, there's some wisdom and you're going to be able to share it.

We're wishing you an incredible Full Moon. Be kind and gentle to yourself. We hope it's filled with enthusiasm and truth and new possibilities and at the very least there's something that's been revealed. It's helping you realign and recalibrate in whatever way is necessary.

We'll see you next week. Hang in there, and we're sending all our love.