महाविद्या महामाया महामेधा महास्मृतिः ।
महामोहा च भवती महादेवी महासुरी ॥६॥

mahāvidyā mahāmāyā mahāmedhā mahāsmṛtiḥ
mahāmohā ca bhavatī mahādevī mahāsurī ..6..

You are Mahavidya (the great secret knowledge beyond the mind), you are Mahamaya (the knowledge which enchants the mind), you are Mahamedha (the great intelligence beyond the mind) and you are Mahasmriti (the universal memory which knows everything), you are Mahamoha (the knowledge which confounds the limited mind); you are Mahadevi, the worshipful great goddess and Mahasuri, the great demonness.

‘Sorry, I’m so sorry’

Said my exasperated client when I arrived two minutes late for the reading and I was so perplexed… these are my lines, why is she apologizing?

We continued speaking, I prayed and then began facilitating a boardroom meeting with her stars. I think within the first fifteen minutes of the meeting, my beloved and overwhelmed client had apologized at least seven times and I had to take a pause and ask her about it.

‘What’s going on, why do you keep apologizing?’

‘Oh! I’m so sorry, I just always feel like I’m wrong.’

Phew, what a tiring way to live? To be in fight or flight like a deer in the jungle instead of having fun and frolicking. To be in a perpetual state of guilt, like you’re on the verge of committing a crime when you take your next breath. This type of constant worrying is actually more common than we think.

I’ve seen this a lot, especially in sensitive young women of my generation that they’re eternally apologetic for taking up space. If they got a penny for every apology, they’d be compared to the likes of Jeff Bezos and Co. But of course Jeff Bezos doesn’t apologize.

Many people in fact, treat apologies as a precious jewel to be given away only at times of great trouble. I think there’s an audacity and clarity in the way they’re okay with being themselves, which is why these people are so magnetic. With their nervous system regulated and them just living like it’s game. I truly believe that we, as spiritual people and especially women, should be grounded in reality while striving towards the betterment of humanity. Which is why you should be an aggressive young woman. An insensitive young woman. A woman who is okay with upsetting more than a few people.

Another Guru-sister of mine with the same name as me is scolded by our Guru for being a such a softie at heart all the time and I keep teasing her about it. I never understood how behaving like this will be of any benefit to me or my health because I grew up in a household seeing this behaviour never rewarded but always looked at as a sign of weakness.

I didn’t think I would ever be a pushover until I started my business. I was giving away free readings, advice, spending so much of expertise on people who would take it all in and never respond. I think it was definitely a lesson from Kali that every time someone messaged me with their sad story of their life and I would be willing to help them… they’d end up ghosting me, vanishing into thin air and leaving me with all the love and care with no one to give it to.

It’s okay, we live, love and learn.

Being an insensitive young woman is not for the easy, swayed, uncentered. It’s not for the people who render other people’s validation as the highest form of grace. And it’s certainly not for the ones who internalize the gaze of others and let it ferment their brains. Being an insensitive young woman definitely takes courage to woman up and own your pleasure and your flaws and hold yourself accountable when you stray from your center. The infantalization and ‘girlie-fication’ of modern women is very alarming to see because it really cannot be done in a vacuum away from patriarchal society. Your softness is just as political as everything else because it’s always going to be a response to what is outside of you.

Your wild nature and belonging only to yourself (and the Goddess) is never going to be something they can relish taking from you.

I love the imagery of the emaciated Chamunda or ‘Kankali’ as they call Her in Kali Sahasranama over and over again. She’s skin and bones, not soft and fleshy to please the eye or be a landing spot for your issues. Her imagery discards excessive vanity, people pleasing and inhibitions and doesn’t care to be approved by society at all. Kankali means skeletal because they’re terrifying, deeply uncomfortable and also the thing that is the strongest in our bodies. Chamunda strips away the fluff and leaves you with raw power and strength. Her mantra is representative of this power as well as She embodies all three gunas (Sattwa, Rajas and Tamas) in one.

She’s also hard to access and break, and makes her devotee unbreakable too. When you have no flesh, there’s nothing left to wound or use against you. When there’s no strong ego-identity revolving around looks, conventional beauty and being pleasurable to the outer world, the inner world begins to shine with the light of a thousand lightening bolts.

Your responsibility is to remain true to yourself and true to your path to freedom, even if it doesn’t make people fawn over you. The Goddess is the veil of delusion Herself and you have to let people wear their veils around you. It’s okay to be misunderstood, it’s worth the ego-death. And if nothing, it’s worth the freedom of being true to yourself.

As for my client and all of you, I hope you stop apologizing for your existence. It’s not a mistake but a beautiful representation of the Goddess.

Jai Kali.

Life is a mystery

Everyone must stand alone…

Madonna’s angelic voice crooned in my ears on a post-meal walk as I heard my phone ping with a notification from my best friend. The message? A link to the encyclical letter of Pope Leo XIV about a return to the magnificence of humanity in the age of AI.

Although bookmarked on my phone to be read properly when I had the time to indulge myself with the Pope’s words, I sat down to read it immediately only because I love my best friend’s beautiful mind (She has a fashion sustainability Substack, you can read it here!) and we keep discussing a myriad of topics from brainrot to God to reality all the time. One thing that brings us close together is our love for the environment and our disdain for modern neo-feudalistic, techno-fascism. The disdain is also a source of fascination and inspiration because it forces us to think in a solution-oriented way that can be applied to help our family (the world that is, being the altruistic women we are).

I’ve been wanting to discuss this AI ‘issue’ for a hot minute now; as a writer, astrologer and spiritual guide who is constantly being fed the very laughable narrative of AI replacing my work on social media platforms, I have many thoughts around what it means for the collective to be dependent on LLMs and what is this new reality trying to communicate with us.

Because our reality is always communicating with us, reaching for us to hold its hands and evolve together.

The Collective Shadow

‘Only in the mystery of the Word made flesh that the mystery of humanity truly becomes clear’

The very first paragraph of the encyclical suggests the presence of the collective unconscious or the shadow as this mysterious aspect of life that has a connection to the divine. Just like God is known yet never completely comprehended, so are humans. Our shadow is the liminal space between the personality we project on to the world and our true nature abiding in God; Sat-Chit-Ananda (truth, consciousness and bliss).

The shadow is what is repressed in the unconscious when one is conditioned to believe that it is inherently sinful, evil and the desires we have are unacceptable.

The collective unconscious is the deep evolutionary wellspring of human cognition and how it interacts with contemporary society. You, me and our ancestors long gone, share this magnificent quality of human-ness that cannot be condensed to data or replicated by anyone or anything. It’s the sweet resonance of life, of knowing that we are made of the same flesh, blood and bones and that death will unite us all.

There has been a shift in the collective unconscious since technological advancements have taken place at such a rapid pace. What once was considered as the ‘Age of Information’ and was supposed to ‘connect people worldwide’ has lead to disorientation, propaganda and more alienation with the very people we live with. This itself spoke of the power of humanity and its complexity because there has been great strides in the way we function and move in optimum way. I mean, you wouldn’t be reading this or interacting with me in anyway if we didn’t have the internet.

However, like the Pope said, (and the environmentalists have been saying for a very long time) unregulated AI usage is destructing our natural ecosystems and the dependence on it is keeping us disconnected from the heart of God (our creativity, our connection with fellow beings and love itself). The loneliness epidemic, literacy crises, dependence on AI and addiction to social media speaks only of our fear of one thing: the unknown.

The Gift

I was first introduced to the story of Cassandra of Troy in a Jyotish class while discussing Pushya nakshatra and the power of word and speech. If you don’t know, in the Greek myth, Cassandra’s beauty enamours Apollo (Solar God) to a point where in order to court her, the deity gives her the boon of being able to deliver accurate prophecies. However, she accepts the gift and rejects him which enrages him and he curses her (typical man) that although the prophecies will be correct, nobody will believe her. This leads to the Trojan war and many other tragedies as Cassandra is viewed as a mad woman saying things nobody believes or wants to hear.

These archetypes are interesting when applied to the modern digital landscape. Modern hubris drowns out the voices of well-meaning people who warn others of the dangers of rapid technological change. Like the Pope asked, ‘Where are we going? Toward what goal do we wish to orient ourselves? What direction should we choose as a people and as a human community?’

I like to believe that everything in life and that my reality itself is the prasad or gift of Devi. This fruit; bitter or sweet is for me to consume and see what effects it can have on me. The spiritual disconnect, alienation and need for immediate gratification people feel due to our fear of uncertainty is leading to the increasing division in society and selfishness. Our ultimate downfall is to become numb to the problems until they begin interrupting our lives.

Apollo’s curse is actually a gift in many ways. Despite having all the data, we continue to behave in selfish ways. Especially those who are privileged and educated enough to not use AI rampantly, afford therapy and build connections with other people. Our ineptitude to court the unknown, relish and enjoy the challenge of not immediately gratifying ourselves with information (information, not knowledge through gnosis) speaks of a spiritually depleted society with a weak Muladhara chakra.

Kali is the unknown, in the Kalikashtakam it is repeatedly said that Her nature cannot be comprehended or fully understood, this is exactly what keeps Her young (nityayauvana) and playful (lalite) forever. Our reality is just Kali, we are Kali. When we learn to court the unknown, enjoy it and the pleasures of being able to sit with our desires, we become playful too.

This is why Ganapati, the ruler of the Muladhara chakra and the king of material reality is so close to the Goddess. I’ve taught two classes about Ganapati at this point of time (you can access them here) and I’ve said repeatedly: When we ignore our relationship with our physical realities, we ignore God. For the Goddess, hides in the physical world, in this very body and in this moment. Heaven is not some place outside of this world but the very harmony we build here in this life and cultivate love amongst all beings.

What’s happening right now is that heaven is accessible only to a wealthy few who have gatekept resources and kept society distracted with futile entertainment. Instead of questioning the ones in power, we self-cannibalize and aspire to hoard, snatch and exploit just like them. The new Gods are just the Bezos and Ambanis of the world that many people defend like they are going to save us. All of this is known.

We will only know of reality as much as we know of ourselves. Cultivating love for ourselves through ritual, prayer and connecting with the self will reflect in our reality. When we court the unknown, we enjoy it, we do rituals and take actions to help circulate our stagnant feelings and emotions so we can better understand them. Ganapati is the lord of obstacles and also the remover of obstacles for this reason because the obstacle itself forces us to change, get stronger and remove the obstacle. Large scale systemic change also begins like this; at home with ourselves and developing discernment in choosing the drivers of reality.

What will we choose?

Jai Maa, victory to Kali within all of us.

A few months ago on Twitter, I had expressed my love for fierce goddesses like Kali, Chinnamastha and Bhairavi because they represent the yang feminine psyche that needs to be awakened at all times so we can liberate from not just the patriarchy but also our thought constructs about the world. True liberation is actually just the latter and the Mahavidyas teach us that from their imagery, their fierceness to move beyond roles thrust upon us and they do it all while looking extremely stunning!

But there was a very ‘well-meaning gentleman’ (you know I wanted to say something else) who decided to take up the position of my Guru and scold me for worshipping fierce Goddesses. He said I should stick to Lalita and Lakshmi because nobody would pick me for ‘marriage’ and that men like women who are soft and feminine and worshipping these Goddesses will make me an angry ball of flame just combusting at any given moment.

All of this is damn hilarious to me for I grew up and still do worship very sattvic ‘feminine’ deities every single day but still I carry with me an incorrigible thirst for the ‘other’ types of femininity (Besides, who even defines all of this? God? Society? Uncles on social media who sexualize young women?). I was obviously appalled not just at the theological misconception but also the audacity of some random on the internet telling me what to do.

The thing is, I was never like this, it took a long time to accept myself with thorns and my venomous forked tongue and all. And when I did accept myself as I am, I wanted to protect myself because this part of me as many refer to as the ‘shadow’ is what actually revived me back to life and relish reality as it came up. My acceptance of myself and my flaws helps me accept reality/God/circumstances with its flaws and move with ease.

Who is Chinnamastika?

Chinnamasta has a few different origin stories, and all of them are intense in their own way.

In one version, Shiva and Parvati are in the middle of a very passionate union, but Parvati is left unsatisfied. Out of that frustration and anger, she rises from her own body, and Chinnamasta is born. In that state, she cuts off her own head, and her attendants Dakini and Varnini begin to drink her blood, while she also drinks from it herself. Her anger also gives Her ephitets such as ‘Prachandachandika’ and ‘Krodha Bhairavi’ In another story, Parvati is returning from her bath when her attendants keep insisting that they are hungry and need to be fed. They keep calling her their mother and asking for nourishment. In response, she cuts off her own head and feeds them with her blood, while also sustaining herself. There is also a version where Chinnamasta emerges during the churning of the ocean and drinks the nectar of immortality, amrita, and then distributes it in the same way.

What’s important is that in every version, she is not just giving to others. She is also feeding herself. This is where people tend to misunderstand her. She is often seen as a self-sacrificing goddess, but that’s only a surface-level reading. Yes, she gives. But she is not depleted in the process.

Even when you look at symbolic connections like the dhenu bija (हूं), which relates to the cow as a nourishing and life-giving force, there’s something deeper going on. Milk itself comes from blood. Its quality depends on how vital that source is. With Chinnamasta, there is no softening of that idea. She goes directly to the source. She drinks her own blood, her own life force, and shares that same essence with Dakini and Varnini. So the act is not just sacrifice. It is about sustaining yourself and others from the same source without losing your own vitality.

Dakini and Varnini: Enjoyment and Liberation

So if we look at Dakini and Varnini more deeply, this whole imagery of Chinnamasta is actually about Kundalini.

For Kundalini to rise, the two main nadis, Ida and Pingala, need to be balanced so that the central channel, Sushumna, can open. In this context, Dakini can be understood as the Ida nadi, the left, lunar, cooling current. She relates to bhoga, enjoyment, experience, and the more receptive aspects of life. Varnini represents Pingala, the right, solar, active current. She is more intense, more fiery, and is associated with movement toward liberation, toward moksha.

So what you are seeing here is that both of these currents are being nourished by the goddess. Both enjoyment and liberation are fed from the same source. This is important because a lot of people misunderstand the spiritual path as something that requires rejecting physical desires completely. That you have to suppress enjoyment in order to become spiritual. But this imagery does not support that.

The goddess nourishes both. She sustains the desire for experience and the movement toward transcendence at the same time. Both are part of the same system, and both need to be acknowledged and integrated. When these two aspects within us are accepted instead of suppressed, they begin to align. That alignment is what allows Kundalini, the deeper life force, to rise.

You also see that she stands above Kamadeva and Rati. This is not about eliminating desire, but about not being controlled by it. There is dispassion, but not rejection. She nourishes both bhoga and moksha without attachment to either.

Girl, what does this have to do with self-acceptance?

EVERYTHING.

If you look at Devi, She’s not really into performing any idea of self-sacrifice or nourishment. She does it out of Her own accord and actually also does it to (sexually, libidinally) satisfy Herself.

She cuts her own head off (the seat of all of our sense perceptions). That alone tells you she is not operating from the need to be liked or approved of. What we call self-acceptance is usually very surface level. It is liking certain parts of yourself and trying to fix or hide the rest.

There is also an interesting parallel with Kali. Both have their mouths open. Kali tastes the world, everything that exists. Chinnamasta tastes herself. She feeds on her own life force, her own essence. One consumes the universe. The other consumes the self.

So self-acceptance here is not about becoming calm or easy to understand. It is about no longer rejecting parts of yourself to fit an idea. It is to relish everything, your anger, your frustration, your lust for life while simultaneously seeing it as the play in a great drama of life. Most people limit themselves and perform spirituality because they’re scared of ‘karmic repercussions’ (we don’t even know how this thing works lol). This leads to repression and a very ‘holier-than-thou’ attitude which I abhor because we’re all in this womb of the divine mother to chill, enjoy and love Her instead of needing God’s validation.

Being spiritual does not mean you’re automatically ‘better’ or more ‘evolved’, because spend one holiday with your family, you’ll be back to square 1 with the Zen-nonsense. Being spiritual means to know yourself, understand what you’re here to do and play with all of this because ultimately liberation is a thing of the mind and grace of Devi. It cannot be achieved via semen retention or calling people ‘low vibration’.

Shame is like a parasite, it drains you and you nurse it like a child in your body to fulfill the purpose of a specific aspect of your identity.

A few days ago, I was at a beloved friend’s house where her mother made an observation about me neglecting my water intake and I had turned red with embarrassment. I was stunned that someone could care enough about me to bring up gently that I wasn’t caring for my body. To me it was deeply intimate but brought about feelings of shame. As someone who likes to believe that they’re very present and cultivate awareness around their body, I felt like I missed out on such a basic and important detail; hydration. And so, I went on an erratic mummering spree expressing said embarrassment and this lovely and kind woman told me in such a simple way; ‘Nobody can shame you, only you can take someone’s words and internalize themselves as shame.’

What a mind blowing concept, so this whole time, my shame was like an imaginary frenemy that tormented me from within? I wanted to study the anatomy of it, where this comes from, when it took birth within me, what triggers its arrival and what causes it to growth.

There’s nobody better than Maa Kali I think of when I remember shame. Not because She is ashamed but the narratives that people like to create about Her, Her devotees and how She takes that shame, the ways in which people try to humiliate Her and drinks it up like wine.

Shame as the first food

For many of us, especially as women, shame enters our lives very early. It often appears the moment we unknowingly cross some invisible boundary by asking for a little more; food, more space, more expression, more beauty. And these desires rarely come from a place of rebellion or provocation, they’re just pure innocent desires. A young girl might want to wear something simply because she finds it beautiful. The fabric, the colors, the way it moves when she sees an older girl wearing, it creates a sense of wonder within her. In her mind, it has nothing to do with displaying her body or presenting herself as something sexual. It is simply aesthetic joy.

Food is often where many girls first encounter shame in a tangible way. Nourishment, something so basic and life-giving, becomes quietly regulated. Many of us grow up hearing subtle reminders not to eat too much, not to be greedy, not to take more than we should. In many households, food is unconsciously reserved for brothers or male members of the family first. These moments may appear small, but they plant an early lesson: that appetite must be controlled. Over time, a woman’s identity begins to be shaped around how little of herself she can take up in the world. How much can she reduce herself? How much can she deny her own hunger, her own desires, her own presence? There is a strange paradox in this dynamic; society wants to minimize women and then simultaneously claim to protect or save them.

Men, interestingly, often encounter shame from the opposite direction. For them the pressure is frequently about excess rather than restraint: why are you not doing more, achieving more, eating more, proving your masculinity more aggressively? If they show softness, curiosity, or behaviors perceived as feminine, shame is deployed there as well. In this way shame becomes a social tool. It pushes people toward conformity because, at the most basic level, human beings want to belong. For a while, shame can even appear productive. It can push us to achieve, to correct ourselves, to perform according to expectations. But its effects rarely last. Shame has a way of circling back and poisoning the very person it was meant to discipline.

In small doses it may appear like a bitter medicine — something that keeps us humble or socially acceptable. But when it grows unchecked, particularly for women, shame can become something far more dangerous. It can swallow a person whole, leading them into situations where their voice, boundaries, and safety are compromised.

Kali is frequently described as “too much.” Too wild, too terrifying, too powerful. Her standing above her husband, her tongue extended, no clothes on, just a hungry girl on the prowl is often accompanied by the popular claim that she is ashamed of stepping on him. Yet this interpretation is largely folklore, not scriptural truth. It reflects more about cultural discomfort with powerful feminine imagery than it does about the goddess herself. The idea that Kali must feel shame becomes a convenient story and a way for society to use Her as a way to shame others. What kind of woman wants to be naked, dripping with desire standing on Her beloved? She must be evil or ashamed of taking this position or both.

In this way the mythology around Kali reveals something fascinating: how shame is often projected onto powerful women, not because they possess it, but because society wishes they did. You can’t shame someone unless they’re told repeatedly they’re ‘dirty’, ‘explicit’ and trying to be a lot. Some of these narratives even subtly show up in the way astrology works where people talk about Saturn-Venus friendship and how women must make themselves smaller (Saturn-like) to gain blessings of Venus.

It is fascinating that in India, at Kamakhya Temple, the bleeding yoni of the goddess is worshipped with immense reverence. Yet when the same bleeding yoni belongs to an actual woman who is menstruating, the treatment she receives can be very different. She may be asked to live separately, excluded from certain spaces, or subtly treated as though she is impure or polluted. The contrast is striking. The sacred feminine body is celebrated in mythology and ritual, but the lived female body is often disciplined, controlled, and sanitized.

This paradox reveals something deeper about how societies attempt to domesticate divine feminine power. The goddess can be revered so long as she remains symbolic, contained within myth, art, and ritual. But when the same forces appear in the lives of real women — through desire, sexuality, appetite, or bodily processes — they suddenly become uncomfortable, even threatening.

Perhaps this is why many people gravitate toward what are often described as “sattvic” forms of spirituality: practices that emphasize purity, restraint, and composure. They are easier to present, easier to aestheticize. But the irony is that many of the same people who insist on these polite spiritual aesthetics often carry their so-called “impure” impulses into private life. It is only normal. Desire, sexuality, self-pleasure, and curiosity about the body are pushed into secrecy, treated as though they are shameful simply because they exist.

For years, I experienced a small but revealing version of this dynamic online. A screenshot of a tweet I wrote about masturbation has circulated on Twitter for nearly five years now. Every few months it resurfaces, often in the same right-wing circles that attempt to frame it as something scandalous. In the beginning, it frightened me. I felt a constant undercurrent of anxiety that something terrible would happen, that it would somehow reach my parents, my extended family, or that it would damage my life in some irreversible way. But something strange happened over time. The more it circulated, the less power it seemed to have. Shame, when repeated often enough, begins to lose its ability to intimidate. At this point the screenshot could reach my relatives, my entire extended family, or even the Prime Minister of India and it would not change the simple reality of what I said.

This experience has made me think about how the performance of moral purity often functions online. Many of the same people who attempt to shame others claim to be upholding spiritual values, yet in doing so they sometimes miss the very heart of spiritual teachings about non-duality and the acceptance of diverse paths. Instead, they resort to familiar insults directed at women — calling them promiscuous, broken, “fatherless,” or morally corrupt simply because they express sexuality, independence, or unpredictability.

These narratives are not new. They have been repeated for generations, and in many ways they have already been discussed to exhaustion. I remember watching a film called Bad Girl, which sparked outrage largely because its protagonist was unapologetically human. She lived with a partner, had sex, had acne, and behaved in ways that were considered messy or “unrefined.” Yet the intensity of the backlash revealed something telling: the discomfort was not with immorality, but with the refusal to maintain a perfectly sanitized image.

My friend and I once discussed how this constant demand for sanitation creates a subtle internal division within a person. When someone becomes invested in maintaining the image of being flawless, spiritually elevated, or morally superior, that image begins to function as a shield for the ego. It must be protected at all costs. And one of the easiest ways to protect it is by shaming others. By ridiculing or condemning people who appear less controlled, less perfect, or more openly human, the ego reassures itself of its own imagined purity. In this way, shame becomes not just a social weapon, but a psychological defense mechanism, one that keeps people locked into the illusion that they themselves are beyond the chaos of ordinary human experience.

Antidote: To abandon the internal good girl/good boy

Perhaps the most important realization about shame is that it is largely constructed. It does not exist independently in the world; it only gains power when we internalize it. The antidote to shame, then, is a certain kind of ownership. When I look at Kali, I am always struck by the quiet confidence of her imagery. She is frightening to some, liberating to others, but above all she is unapologetically herself. There is a deep beauty in the way she exists beyond what others expect of her. People often criticize her. On the internet you will find many voices declaring that Kali is evil, demonic, or grotesque. Yet the remarkable thing about the goddess is that she exists entirely beyond those judgments. She does not reshape herself to be more acceptable. She simply is.

Her names themselves reflect this freedom. She is Kapalini, the bearer of skulls. She is Digambari, clothed only in the directions. She is Ulangini, the naked one who crosses boundaries. Kali embodies the refusal to remain within limits that society tries to impose. There is a profound lesson in that imagery. The divine does not exist only in polished rituals or serene moments. It also appears in the wild, uncomfortable, and deeply human parts of life — including the shame that others sometimes throw our way. Shame can be transformed. Instead of swallowing it as poison, we can learn to hold it differently. Kali symbolizes the ability to take what the world throws at you and drink it like wine.

This does not mean ignoring shame entirely. Sometimes it is worth witnessing it with curiosity. What is it trying to protect? Is it pointing toward something meaningful, or is it simply an inherited voice from society?

When we observe shame in this way, we gain the ability to dissect it. What others intend as humiliation can become introspection, self-respect, and clarity about who we are.

Time is the ornament of the Goddess. She wears it not only as the necklace of the nine planets, but also as the Sun and the Moon, which hang from Her ears as earrings. Time circles Her body as adornment, but it does not bind Her.

Maa Kali consumes time. She produces time. And She is the one who lends it to us. What we call “our life” is not something we own, it is borrowed (and the 8th house of the birth chart is a proof of it). Every breath, every desire, every unfinished longing unfolds inside a measure of time that ultimately belongs to Devi which is why… it’s undeniably precious.

More precious than jewels as my teacher would say, who is the very grace of Kali and Her retinue of yoginis.

That preciousness is the tell. In Bhaja Govindam, Adi Shankaracharya writes:

Punarapi jananam punarapi maranam Janani jaṭhare śayanam

Again birth, again death. Again, lying in the womb of the Mother.

Not just our physical mothers but the Divine Mother. We keep returning to this world, borrowing time to fulfill desire, to work through karma, to repeat the same longings in new costumes. We take out loans of time to want. And then we come back to want again.

This is what I think about when I think of time as a loan taken from Her. She can give it, withdraw it. And yet — this is important — She does not want returns. Kali does not want interest on the time She lends. She does not want you to justify your life. She does not want you to keep borrowing more years just to exhaust more desires.

She actually wants everything; your love, your hunger, your body burning with desire for union for the One and only One. Ramakrishna’s bhava, that girl is crazy about the passion you can have for Her. In fact, all passions and all desires are Her and collapse within Her.

So if you take anything from my writing; from Twitter, Instagram, Substack or if we’ve chatted, from anywhere I’ve spoken — take love. Take devotion. Take whatever understanding of Her I have and multiply it. Use it not to decorate your life, but to loosen your dependence on borrowed time. (You can tell my mom’s a banker and I’ve learned some of this basic jargon over the years from her) Truly, love is the only greatest asset you have. The knowledge that you have about your ability to love is also limited but your actual capacity? That’s stuff worth more than all precious things in the world combined.

Immerse yourself in Her, burn all desires down until there’s only left One and the only One. Take an oath within your heart that She’s yours forever, for you always belonged to Her.

Jai Jai Ambe.

It’s fundamental we dive deep into the history, the characters and the stories that are connected to Sri Kali Sahasranama in order to understand how these names can transform us. Without basic background information, it’s a bit difficult to understand why we do Rishyadi nyasa, why the pronunciation is important and what kind of energy the secret beeja mantras bring into our lives.

Origins of the Kali Sahasranama

One of the original manuscripts of Sri Kalika Sahasranama (KSN from now on, it’s too long to type constantly) comes from 17th Century Kirtipur, Nepal however I suspect Her worship and traditions were obviously older and many influences emerged from Bengal, Assam, Bihar and other East Indian Kali Kulas (Kula means family, here it is the lineage that worships Sri Kalika). Although, Goddess worship is a lot older, in fact probably older than 3rd Century since the worship of Anahita/Innana/Ishtar go back to as far as the stone age. In India, the more prominent worship in the Vedic era was of Sharada/Gayatri/Saraswati and the secret worship was that of the Goddess Kubjika (She who is hunched back). All of these Goddesses are not different from each other because they embody the one primordial Shakti, they might differ in modes of worship based on the temperament of the devotee but they bestow upon the same two things: Bhoga (Enjoyment of the material world) and Moksha (Liberation; however it’s a very complex topic which I will delve into as we go into studying KSN).

Other than the manuscript itself, the origins are very obvious since they’re mentioned in the Nyasa and the end of the Sahasranama. KSN is transmitted to Sri Parshurama, the sixth avatar of Lord Vishnu by Sri Shiva who is the chosen deity of Parshurama. In fact, we see Parshurama appearing in Tripura Rahasya as well where Shiva in the form of Dattatreya transmits the secret of the three cities (essentially, just the Goddess Tripurasundari) to Him. However, Shiva takes up a slightly different, more fierce form as the Rishi of this particular stotram.

For those who haven’t chanted a mantra or stotram the tantric way; the Rishi (author), Chandas (meter), Devata (deity’s name) and Viniyoga (desired application of the mantra) are stated before one proceeds to chant the mantra (or mantramala/garland of mantras in the case of 1000 names) in order to provide structure and prevent mantra drifting. There’s a mention of the Beeja mantra (the seed-syllable form of the deity), Shakti (the foundation or the strength of the mantra) and Kilaka (a pin to unlock the mantra, usually present in the navel of the body). These rules are present in high tantra to maintain a sense of continuity and also honour the Gurus who gave these mantras.

Despite these, the KSN is beautifully different because while requesting these secret names, Parashurama speaks back to Shiva ‘Without formal worship, without fire-offering, without ritual nyasa, without oblations,
without fragrance, without flowers, without the daily obligatory rites, without pranayama, without meditation, without purification of the elements,
without japa, without charity—without all these, Kali becomes pleased’.

This is not to reject ritual worship or to say that one needs to not do these things at all but to remove the necessity of formalities and ritual accumulation to go straight to the source. Kali worship in general requires for one to discard a lot of the orthodoxy and conditioning that they might have been socialized into due to religion, culture or family. Which is why this worship is not for everyone because not only does it destabilize you but also the circumstances around you until Kali is all that remains, there is complete non-duality with Her.

So, back to the Rishyadi nyasa.

The Rishi of this Sahasranama is the fierce Mahakalabhairava. Mahakala means the absorber of time and Mahakali is the one who can even swallow Mahakala on Her own (She then becomes the widow, Dhumavati). Mahakalabhairava is the other half of Mahakali since they’re Ardhanarishwara and He alone witnesses Kali dissolving the world into Herself at the end of time. Yet, even He can’t fully understand Her nature because She absorbs Him too!

How absolutely romantic.

The meter or Chandas is basically a guide to breathing properly while chanting the names because the flow of prana and the mantra chanting help in synthesizing the mind into states of ecstasy. Anushtubh Chandas is what we use in this particular Sahasranama and it’s actually quite common in most Sahasranamas because it’s the default meter in which most humans speak and breath in. Anushtubh quite literally means unforced mind because chanting a Sahasranama requires flow and ease in order to completely dissolve our minds into it. It’s actually super easy to get carried away while chanting because the visualization can be very distracting (especially with someone who has a strong Rahu like me, I tend to let my imagination run wild) which is why the meter and the breathing technique helps you get back to a neutral flow state.

Smashanakalika is the Devata of this Sahasranama. Now you might be wondering, why not Dakshinakalika? or Bhadrakalika?

The smasana is point zero, the place where all identities end, where social order, memory, and continuity are reduced to ash, and yet where nothing is annihilated. It is a liminal field in which form dissolves into potential. By naming the deity as Smashanakalika, the Sahasranama fixes the axis of worship at the ground of cessation itself. I want to go deep into this name but it’s also the very first name of the Sahasranama so we’ll have to wait just a little bit more for that.

One thing I love about the different Sahasranamas I’ve chanted over the years is the Viniyoga. The Viniyoga is the most fluid part of mantra chanting because it declares the magnitude along which the mantric force is released. Whether oriented toward enjoyment, accomplishment, or liberation, the recitation remains still within Devi’s jurisdiction, indicating that all outcomes, without exception, are mediated through dissolution and grace. The Viniyoga is to ask Devi for Her grace through which all siddhis manifest.

Lastly, why does Parshurama get the grace of hearing this Sahasranama first? Why not any other Devata?

Parshurama is not chosen as the first recipient of the Kali Sahasranama because of status, but because of capacity. His very name—Rama with an axe—signals a paradox essential to Kali worship: unwavering commitment to dharma combined with the willingness to rupture it when preservation becomes injustice. Parashurama is a devotee whose austerity is matched by decisive violence when cosmic order demands it. Tantric tradition consistently recognizes him as one of the greatest Devi upasakas, and texts such as the Tripura Rahasya place him among those capable of holding the Goddess in her totality. The axe he bears is not merely a weapon, but a symbol of the power to sever decay so that truth may re-emerge. This makes Parashurama a fit container for a transmission: he can receive Kali not as abstraction but as living, disruptive justice. In this sense, Parashurama functions less as a historical figure and more as a the standard by which devotion to Mahakali is measured.

ॐ भं भद्रकाल्यै नमः

I think it’s crucial to define the purpose of the things we do before we embark on a new journey, with new projects.

I would first like to dedicate this journal at my Guru’s feet, my Ishtadevi and of course the source of everything, Maa Kali.

Now, Kali needs no introduction nor does She require for me to explain this Sahasranama or even Her own nature to you. In fact, Adi Shankaracharya has said it very beautifully in Kalikashatakam, ‘svarupam tvadiyam na vindanti deva’ — Even the devatas cannot understand Her form. And you know what, that’s okay, I believe She is revealed within us the more we understand our own true nature as Sat Chit Ananda (Truth, Conciousness, Bliss)

Technically, this journal isn’t for Her directly, it is for me and you to understand ourselves in Her gaze (which is also our own gaze but we’ll discuss this in subsequent posts).

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Who am I and what is Kali Journals?

Not that it really matters to introduce myself but to give you context; I was born into a Shakta family (people who worship the Goddess; we specifically worship Maha Lakshmi) and was initiated into Sri Vidya a few years ago. The Goddess has been the subject of my love, affection and obsession for a while now; in fact, as a former atheist, I look back to many predicaments in my life and notice Her presence constantly.

Family Deity: Sri Ambe Mataji Katyayini Durga

I really don’t have any qualifications to be elucidating on this beautiful hymn of a 1000 names of Her, I’m not a sanskrit scholar or a teacher; just a student with lots of curiosity, devotion and audacity.

Because, let’s be honest, if you dare to approach the Goddess who is so fierce and raw in terms of energetics, there must be some audacity involved.

Kali journals is simply that, it is me stretching my intellect and my limitations through the study of the Kali Sahasranama.

Why Kali Sahasranama?

Honestly, I could’ve made my life a little easier by sticking to what I know; Sri Lalita Sahasranama. At least I’d have people around me in the Guru mandala to support this and answer my questions if I had any.

However, Lalita Sahasranama has been studied, explained and elucidated by everyone including my lovely teachers and is very well known. Sri Vidya is currently all the rage.

Kali Sahasranama however, is much less talked about, discussed and there are very little, surface-level explanations on the internet which sort of pushed me to create this journal which is going to be 100% absolutely free at all times.

Maa Kali is also the dearest to me because She’s constantly misunderstood and often maligned on the internet by conservative groups. This is not rebellion though, I’m sure nobody who actually doesn’t like Her or is dispassionate towards Her will be snooping around this Substack.

This is just me understanding Her, understand me through Her, understand Her world etc.

This Sahasranama definitely has some overlaps with LSN (short for Lalita Sahasranama, maybe I should make a glossary page) but there are a few unique names that haven’t been talked about before because they’re a little risqué to discuss in the mainstream.

Which, to be fair, is a way these Tantras maintain their secrecy because the wrong kind of people will be outraged at the messenger. So if you’re easily offended or triggered, I’d say skip this Sahasranama because there’s a lot of topics and perspectives in Tantra that might not align with your personal politics.

It’s not supposed to be political anyway, this is purely devotional and an intimate chat with reality, as it is.

How am I going to go about this?

It’s simple, each post is going to be a journal entry taking up names from the Sahasranama, my contemplations and meditations over the particular name. Occasionally, I’d discuss a few practice methods and supplementary readings if you’d like to explore the names on your own or go deeper in practice.

Though Kali Sahasranama will be the primary text, there is also a Kakaradi Kali Sahasranama, Kalika Purana, Bhavanopanishad, Tripura Rahasyam and many many more texts that I’ll be referring to in my explorations because this kind of work takes a village to do.

However, a lot of sadhana is actually quite nebulous so if there are no sources mentioned, you can feel free to assume the source is Devi.

If you feel drawn to, I’ll be happy to take contributions, read your thoughts and your perspectives about this work or the Goddess in general and you can email them to me privately!

I’ve also taught an entire class about Kali sadhana and menstruation if you’re interested in more personalized studies.

Coming up next:

1. Kali Sahasranama: The history and mystery

2. Recommended pre-requisites

3. Dhyana shlokas

I will try to update as often as possible but the best work is done in silence and slowness so I’m not going to make any major promises here regarding the regularity. Some posts will be long and overwhelming and others will be short and sweet. It’s going to be a ride.

Jai Mata Di let’s rock!