It brings about what was once lost

But now found amidst all chaos

Too deafening for the loud

but too pleasing for the those quiet

It allures the mind

Sending it into a frenzy

Pondering constantly in a loop

Inquiring about what will be

A sense too immaculate for the needy

A sense too dense for the considerate

A sense that I will yearn for

It might or might not bring about a change

An effective change that might benefit

A change that might decimate my inner being

But life is all about risks

And risks are all about tranquility.

-Karabo.S🎀

Is it as a result of the colour of my skin

Or is it due to the texture of my hair ...

I aspire to know how you prefer to scathe

Due to the physical differences

My liberation is needless to you

And so is my existence-

It burns you with a thousand flames

Because of the darkness of my skin

I may be different by colour

I may be different by roots

That is no reason to be nefarious

No reason to keep a distance

Claiming that I am revolting

Perhaps the issue lies within the

contrasting features of my kind

But I still cannot fathom why

You do not pay heed

To how we are of the same attributes

And are of the exact authority

-Karabo.S🎀

I gazed over the fence that separated me from my neighbor, if I were to describe his features, you would say I'm thirsty for a man but of course I'm not.

I adjusted my sunglasses as he focused on watering the plants in his yard, shirt off revealing his rich dark chocolate skin. The manner in which he moved seemed as if it was in slow motion, I screamed internally as the hosepipe water splashed on him. The water droplets slid over his skin, heavy and soothing like silk. It continued to stumble across his prominent collarbone and ribs subsequently splitting into tiny rivers.

Oh what a sight for sore eyes.

His brown afro hair got mixed up with the water and he shook it aggressively leaving me wanting more of the sight, the water met his whole body, he had shorts on and a sunhat to protect him from the sun's scorching heat but he obviously had to remove it because his hair got too wet.The way I constantly stared at the man could have been mistaken for me undressing him with my eyes when I was rather conveying the passion I would have for the love I wanted us to share.

The only object of evil separating us from ever interacting was the wall that stood between us as a form of protection of the strong love we would have shared.

My eyes were too glued on him that I accidentally pushed the glass of wine and it shattered into pieces on the ground.

I had exposed myself.

He turned to look at me and switched off the hosepipe.

I pondered running back into the house but I froze as he took steps closer to the fence and they seemed to increase by the second.

I cleared my throat and instantly stood up.

He stood and leaned over the wall and grinned at me, the way his lips curved into a grin bothered me. Had he figured out that I had a habit of staring shamelessly at him every friday afternoon as if my life depended on it?

I took a few steps closer to him and his face became as clear as day to me. His face had one too many scars on his right eye, his neck had a few stitches around it and he crept closer to me. That was the closest I had ever gotten to him, his arms had a variety of tattoos on them.

"Eyes up here." He commanded as I got lost in scanning every part of his skin.

"Sorry, I got carried away looking at your tattoos." I confessed.

His smile dropped and he glanced at his arms, "They are not that interesting."

"I find them interesting though?"

He looked away from them and smirked at me, "I made a delicious friday meal, would you mind joining me?"

The way he asked for me to join him seemed rather concerning, the tone he used seemed too aggressive and basically telling me that I could not refuse his proposal.

My brain fought and said don't step into his house I barely knew him, but he was my neighbour afterall.

I nodded in agreement, "Let me just clean up the mess I made and I will be over there in ten."

"Don't worry about that mess, you'll clean it when you are done eating. I just want you to at least have a taste. Thats all."

Again, he wasn't asking, he demanded.

Me legs had a mind of their own, I found myself grabbing my house keys, locking the house and running over to my neighbours house.

I stood in front of his door as he subtly twisted the door handle, he pushed the door open and stepped aside for me to enter.

"Don't worry, I don't bite." He reassured me.

I just nodded at him and let out a loud exhale.

I grinned at him with my hands shaking I took one step inside the house to be welcomed by a buttery coconut scent that hung in the air wrapping every room like a warm towel, that scent evoked a clean coconut note in the air, soft and milky. Giving me a tingling sensation, my gut was against my decision.

My hands ran across the fabric of his furniture, soft and gentle.

My head made contact with the portrait on the wall, I held my forehead and gazed at it.

"I apologise, I should you have warned you about my painting."

I shook my head, "No worries."

I narrowed my eyes at the painting, a female painted.

Caramel brown skin, sitting in the same position I sat in earlier before entering the house with the wine glass in my hand.

My honey blonde braids all mastered to each curl. I smiled at the meticulous detail of my eyes, he drew them as if he were my creator. I was proud.

That was around 12 pm in the afternoon.

It was time for lunch.

"I made your favorite, dunked wings with fries on the side?" It seemed like a question rather than a statement.

"Uhh... I think I'll go back to my house. I ordered some takeaways so it would be a waste of money."

His expressions dropped, his face entered stern mode.

I let go of the painting and cleared my throat, "I apologise for wasting your time."

"No problem neighbour, I'll have it all to myself."

I turned to him and smiled, "I guess it's time for me to leave."

I walked slowly towards the front door and held the door handle.

"Why would you refuse my advances towards you, its a Friday afternoon. I don't bite."

"No thank you." I sighed.

"Fine then, enjoy your weekend neighbour."

I knew that moving in next door to my ex was a problem but then, who would Karabo be without her stubbornness?

-karabo.S🎀

Naledi screamed her lungs out as a man in a white cloak appeared with a gruesome smile on his face, he had no feet but had legs and his forehead was bleeding. He lifted his arm, Naledi looked in the direction of the kitchen, all the knives pointed in her direction.

“Mama!” She shouted in fear as the man rotated his pinky finger.

The door suddenly opened and the wind blew in, Naledi moved behind the door as the man shut the door.

Puseletso looked through her pockets as she stood outside, she had left her Leqe on the couch, “I can’t find the pin.” She held the door with both her arms and closed her eyes, a vision appeared of Naledi in the house and the ghost levitating while all knives stood still in the air. She let go of the door and ran all the way to the back; she climbed the wall.

“Naledi, I need you to fight!” She yelled loud enough for the whole neighbourhood to hear her.

The man in the white cloak tilted his head at Naledi, every knife that was pointed at her flew in her direction. She held out her palms, the glowed brightly and the knives were disintegrated to their last piece. The man’s smile disappeared in annoyance; he lifted the couch again without even laying his hand on it.

Naledi met his eyes, she attempted looking through to convey his soul but he had a barrier hiding it. The couch came flying towards her directions, she held onto the floor with her palms and leapt high into the air and landed on her back right Infront of the man.

“Knock, knock, knock.” The man spoke as three consecutive knocks could be heard form inside the house.

“Who are you?” she held onto his cloak.

“Your worst nightmare.” He responded with a voice distinctly hoarse.

“I don’t have nightmares you fool, I’m Naledi?” She raised her eyebrow.

The man hovered over her as she laid on the ground, “Did not ask for your name.”

“I know, I just needed your attention. Your soul is rather difficult to navigate towards.” Naledi grinned mischievously at him, her eyes lit up as she managed to break the barrier to his soul.

“Klopgees?” She had managed to find out that creature he was. A creature of the night known to infest homes at night by knocking countless times and entering homes just to kill the people who lived in the homes.

The man suddenly vanished into the air and Puseletso ran to Naledi, she helped her stand up and sighed.

“I didn’t know Klopgees creatures exist.” She exclaimed.

Naledi ruffled up her afro and shook her head, “That is a lost soul, Mama.”

“I could sense it.”

Naledi scanned the whole room and fell to the floor, “We need to act fast as in yesterday, Mama, before everything goes bad.”

The television switched to the news channel and a news reporter spoke, “South Africa this just in, four girls were found murdered in a bathroom at an alleged sleepover at one of the girl’s houses. They were reported to be wearing pink and oh… the bathroom was badly vandalised.”

Naledi and her mother exchanged concerned glances.

-Karabo.S

Naledi sat comfortably on the couch and smiled at her mother, “It was peculiar.”

Puseletso placed the bowl on the table, grabbed the remote and clicked a movie to watch, “How so?”

She sat on the couch next to Naledi, Naledi grabbed the plate of popcorn and chewed bit.

“You remember the hyena we saw on our way here?”

Puseletso nodded as Naledi swallowed and proceeded to speak, “I am starting to think that it is not the only creature that is roaming around here.”

“I started my first day at work today the place is weird, and did I mention their herbs are quite disappointing? They are made traditionally incorrectly, two females from this other school were reported murdered, both in school bathrooms. According to the customers that came in.”

“Mama, stop judging people’s herbal shops.”

“I know but the case makes my blood boil.” Puselstso replied and handed the bowl to Naledi.

Naledi put down the bowl, “Why do I feel as if there is more to that case?”

“They had dog marks on their arms, the teeth resembled those of a dog.”

Naledi’s eyes opened wide, “Mama, maybe there is more to this area than meets the eye.”

Puseletso shrugged her shoulders and they both focused on the movie playing on the television. An hour passed by and a sudden knock was heard from the door. Puseletso stared in the direction of the door, she removed the blanket from her lap.

“I’ll check who it might be.” She stood up, wore her slippers and took a few steps to the door.

She grabbed the door handle as another knock was heard from the door, “I am coming hau.” Puseletso responded.

She opened the door, not a person in sight. She let go of the handle and took a few steps outside. She found it weird that the knock was there a few seconds ago and then no human was in sight. She shook her head and walked into the house, the wind blew in her direction, she stood frozen and closed the door.

“Who was it?” Naledi yelled from where she sat.

Puseletso stood by the door to wait in case another knock could echo, “There is no one at the door. But I could have sworn that the knock was from someone.”

Naledi paused the movie from where she sat and replied, “Just come Mama, the movie is about to end.”

Puseletso took two steps away from the door and a louder knock was heard, she stood still and the person suddenly banged on the door.

“Naledi, these neighbourhood kids are getting on my neck. Irritating mannerless kids.” She annoyingly pulled the door opened and still, no one stood.

“Mama, the fridge is literally levitating in the air.” Naledi shouted from where she sat.

She stood up and felt a wave of nausea hit her, she supported herself with the couch and searched for her mother, she had walked out.

“Mama!” She shouted as she ran to the door. The door shut closed and Puseletso turned around, “Naledi, open the door!”

Naledi did not reply back.

Is it that block of thoughts that hinder your creativity?

Is it a hollow barrier between your thoughts and how to implement them?

Only one answer to the question.

NO

Writer’s block is described to be an instance when you as an individual specifically a writer sits down In front of their notebook or laptop in attempt to write but guess what? Their brain just goes blank and decides to let their eyes wander on the screen or blank page staring back at them.

You have a lot to say and know what you want to say but can’t fathom why the words remain unscathed. They just won’t come out.

Let me debrief Karabo vs writers block,

I enter a room full of thoughts, words and unlimited creativity.

Writer’s block stares at me from across the room, I grasp an idea. It blocks my brain from registering it. I grab my imaginary flamethrower and burn that block to the ground. You can’t expect to use Karabo and writer’s block in the same sentence, they share a feeling of animosity.

Writer’s block feels like my brain has 50 tabs open but none of them can load. It feels like having a song in your head but not knowing the lyrics. I got a much better scenario, it feels like shouting in an empty narrow room and hearing nothing back.

Let me dive deep into the stages of Writer’s block:

1. Optimism

You convince yourself that you can finish the piece of writing in an hour, you must be a robot because you have wild dreams. You feel the ideas and inspiration all knocking at your creative door causing a stampede.

2. Blank page

The document or page has been opened, you sit there waiting for your fingers to take action, nothing happens.

3. Procrastination

You postpone your writing deadline to the next hour then the next day before you know it, a month has passed. Typical of you!

4. Existential crisis

You start questioning your creativity and whether you were really meant to be a writer. Trust me it gets the best of us.

5. Denial

You start realising that the idea is not coming together end up convincing yourself that you are just thinking or just scoping the scenery

6. Uncalled for rewards

You reward yourself with a three hour break after “thinking and brainstorming” you end up finding yourself on tiktok and scrolling, watching other writers showcase their beautiful creative writing pieces while you are just grinning like a child who just received candy instead of actually writing that article you were supposed to finish.

Reasons for it.

You my dear must be a perfectionist; you fully expect your first draft to be perfect. Take it from me, that feeling is suffocating, it doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s called a draft for a reason.

Duhh!

Burnout, that feeling when you have been writing constantly like me publishing five articles in a day to the point where people question your sanity, you end not even resting and disappear for three days to come back like never happened. Something did happen, you just won’t admit that you need rest, close your eyes and sleep or read a book or exercise.

Fear, you have a fear of being judged for your tyle of writing, a fear of people not resonating with your writing or better yet people calling you a bad writer.

Last but not least, you might not have a clear direction or are overthinking the whole situation, you have too many ideas and want to pick the best. You put yourself under pressure to choose the most outstanding article that can impress the lot.

Solutions.

Unfortunately, I have no sensible solutions to writer’s block because it has had me by the collar, I also experience it but that happens once in a pink moon. All the advice I have been given either ends up with me Doomscrolling or deceiving myself into thinking I’m being productive

What do you mean I should go drink water? Will that water remove the block separating me from my creativity?

Will taking a walk clear my mind or give me more time to express my frustrations?

Thought so.

So until you can share actual realistic advice then please let me indulge in this expressive inhibition.

All hail writer’s block, I guess.

-Karabo.S

Love is a universal feeling felt by many but experienced by a small number of people, not because they don’t want to but because they can’t.

There is this feeling blocking people from trying to fall in in love instead they end up falling out of love.

So, my question is, if you were really in love with that person you claim to have had affection for then why did it take you such a short span of time to fall out of love with them?

Okay sharp I know a lot of people will be triggered but please, let’s clear the air.

Ke re it only took you an hour to stop thinking about that person and decimate every thought and memory you have of them then proceed to go hunting for some eye candy.

Excuse my language but that is completely diabolical to me.

You cannot convince me that, a person you once loved wholeheartedly could easily be erased from your memory.

After all the poems written for you that originate straight from the heart and mind.

After all the short notes sweet, adorable notes written for you with different coloured pens to put some emphasis on the different emotions that were poured into that little piece of paper.

You people confuse me.

You saw someone, convinced them of your love, spent time showing them your affection and even took time to make them a part of your daily routine but you still had the gall to end it all on the basis of saying you don’t really feel the same way as you initially did about them.

You people are really hurting other individuals, and you are doing this intentionally. You knew that your lover had problems trusting people, but they still went out of their way to hand you over their heart, a heart that was caged with iron walls. Unbreakable and untouchable. You grab that heart; you hold it and subsequently crush it to its last piece ever known to mankind.

My point here is that, if you knew that you were not willing to spend the rest of your life with that one person, you were not willing to even reciprocate their feelings to the max and beyond, you were not willing to make the person feel seen and heard…

Why did you even bother in the first place?

The poor child went out their way to make you the centre of their attention, they shunned people that spoke ill of you, they had to even cut ties with a few of their friends’ that tried to reason with them. But they chose to trust their heart that ensured that the love was worth it.

The love was indeed worth it, the issue is that you were not worthy of their love, affection and care.

There are roughly about 8.3 billion people in the world and counting and you still chose to break that person’s heart.

That person chose to trust you and even went as far as to be vulnerable with you but you still chose to disappoint them and chose to watch with a grin on your face as they poured out their mind, heart, body and soul into the relationship, do you know how difficult it is to be vulnerable in front of someone due to the fear of being called too emotional or being labelled as a cry-baby?

Love is meant to be a beautiful feeling filled with reassurance, affection, trust, respect, loyalty, support, intimacy, passion and commitment. You knew all of this but still decided to settle for hurt, pain, disrespect, detest and most of all being proud.

Are you proud that you are now the reason someone refuses to give love a chance because they start having flashbacks of the agony they felt after being lied to and being made a fool?

That same person who entered the relationship exits with negative dark emotions and has to work on rebuilding trust, self love and even hope that someone better will come along their way. A one man mission on fixing their heart, the one that had a strong confined system that broke off because of you.

The heart is a fragile, delicate organ friend. I need you to embed that into your thick skull.

You know the song by Sailorr titled Pookie’s Requiem?

There is a lyric that resonates with this article, and it sings:

Siri please play Rainy days by Mariah the Scientist at maximum volume.

Fondly, Karabo.S

Naledi and her mother exchanged glances for a moment her mother cleared her throat and replied, “That won’t be a problem akere Naledi?” She met her eyes.

Naledi seemed a bit hesitant to reply she knew that repeating the same grade meant experiencing the exact mortifying moments and people judging her thinking that she might have failed in her previous school. She rubbed her palms as they itched a bit.

“Naledi?” The principal called out her name.

She looked up at her, “Yes, I will try to survive the next two years.”

“That is not what we are speaking about Naledi.” Puseletso shook her head and smiled at the principal, “She doesn’t have a problem with that.”

Naledi rubbing her palms, she closed her eyes and felt a familiar presence shower the office, she focused her attention onto the sudden sound, she blocked every other sound from disrupting her attention, she could hear the door handle getting twisted, the door opening. She sensed a predator in the office.

“Kimora Pieters, I am busy at the moment and why did you not knock?”

Naledi opened up her eyes and inhaled deeply.

“Jammer Principal, I was sent to your office.” Kimora stood in front of the table.

Naledi turned her head and she met Kimora’s eyes for a split second. She recognised those eyes.

Kimora looked back at her and eyebrows furrowed at her, Naledi narrowed her eyes and looked away. Dark brown eyes, similar to those she had seen the previous night on the highway.

Puseletso looked at Kimora from head to toe then a sight caught her eyes she had a subtle scratch mark on her neck, “What happened to your neck?” she bluntly asked.

Naledi raised her eyebrows in confusion as Kimora abruptly covered her neck, she lifted her school shirt and hid the mark, “Nothing, I was fighting with my siblings and got scratched,”

The principal handed Naledi a plastic sleeve with all the material she needed to begin her school year.

“Your class number is Grade 11A, I need to find someone to take you there, your upcoming subject is Life Sciences.”

Puseletso fixed Naledi’s school tie as she stood up, “Enjoy your day.” Naledi leaned in closer as her mother pulled her by the collar, “This Kimora girl is danger, I can sense it from her, she wreaks of dead meet and smells like a dog beneath all that perfume she put on.”

She let go of her collar and her lips curved up as the principal stood up and faced Kimora, “You are in 11A, I won’t give you any punishment if you take Naledi to your class and show her around.”

“Principal, I can’t do that.”

“Why not, use this as an opportunity to make a new friend.”

Kimora folded her arms in defiance, “I don’t need new friends.”

Naledi smirked at her mother, “I might need new friends.”

Kimora looked away from her and pleaded with the principal; she was against the idea of becoming close to Naledi. “Can the class prefect not do this?”

“Kimora please, I need to get to a meeting.”

Kimora kept silent for a few seconds before nodding her head in agreement.

Naledi grabbed her school bag and grinned at Kimora, “Oh this is going to be fun.”

Kimora rolled her eyes and walked out, “Don’t bet on it.”

They both walked out of the office with Kimora walking as quickly as she could, almost as if she was attempting to run away from Naledi.

“Don’t run, lets have a chat.” Naledi suggested as Kimora slowed down.

She stood still and turned to face Naledi, “I am not interested, it is bad enough that I must be showing you the way when I could have been with my girlfriend. Now you want to speak to me?” Her eyes met the ceiling as she held her waist firmly.

Naledi felt it in her soul that Kimora had an unsettling feeling about speaking to her and she was trying to figure out the reason, “Why does it seem like you hate my guts? I just met you a few minutes ago and yet you treat me like trash.”

Kimora looked back at her, “Please stay away from me Naledi and your time here will be as pleasant as ever.”

Naledi let out a high-pitched nasal laugh and shrugged her shoulders, “ I never said anything about requiring a good time, I am the good time I need. Don’t worry about me Kimmy, I’ll find my way.”

She fixed her posture and took a few steps away form Kimora when she pulled her back, “If you get lost I will be punished and forced to wash the rubbish buns, follow me and stop acting like my childish younger sister.”

Naledi grinned at her, she patiently followed after Kimora and a thought entered her mind, she had to locate the souls that had been let free before they caused havoc in the area.

They both had not exchanged any words ever since Kimora had pulled Naledi to her back, Naledi knew that if she had tried conversing with Kimora, it would open their hidden animosity. Kimora stopped walking and looked up at the door, 11A.

Different sounds could be heard from the door, “Welcome to your new class.” She held onto the handle and twisted it open.

“Think fast!” A male voice shouted,

Naledi looked up, a ball went flying towards her head. She focused her attention on it; she couldn’t act on it due to the several pairs of eyes that were on her. She watched as the ball made its way over to her forehead, she managed to stop it from hitting her forehead, she grabbed it with both her arms and exhaled, “Why do you play soccer in a classroom?” she threw the ball back at the male who had spoken, it fell perfectly onto his foot and he grinned at Naledi, she noticed lightning flicker from his foot in a split second and she opened her eyes wide in shock.

“Who is that?” She questioned.

Kimora walked into the classroom and motioned for the male to get closer.

“Introduce yourself to the new student.”

He held onto his ball and held out his hand towards Naledi, “Basani Hlengwe at your service, I apologise for Kagiso hitting you with the ball.”

Naledi stared at his hand, she slowly shook his hand and felt a shot of current enter her body. She quickly let go of his hand as he smirked at her, “Is there a problem?”

Naledi clenched her fist, “Not at all Basani, I am Naledi Moeketsi.”

His smile grew in fascination and he tilted his head, “No cap, I hope you have a year as beautiful as you are. You are one weird hun.”

Naledi chuckled, “Not as electric as you are Basani.”

-Karabo.S

My creativity does not arrive on schedule and there’s absolutely nothing I can do to alter that.

You would think that something bad had happened to me, well to ease your mind.

Yes.

That something bad that occurred is consistency.

Please bear with me for a second.

I love writing don’t get me wrong; I live and breathe for every beautiful piece of creative work or literature and desire to read more. Words have a way with my heart, mind and soul.

But when it comes to consistency, a whole new issue arises.

Let me be truthful to you all, I owe you that. Consistency requires a lot from an individual especially me. It requires me to keep writing at the same time daily. I must show up and write about anything even with no inspiration…

Can you imagine that?

I had to even search on Google about what consistency requires from me, it said:

I go against everything that was mentioned there.

I do not stick to a regular routine, I let my brain takeover with every form of inspiration it receives, I grab a pen and notebook and start writing. I grab my laptop and start typing out what I wrote and edit every spelling or grammatical error I come across.

I can get inspiration at any second of the day, be it while washing the dishes, listening to a song or even having a basic conversation with a stranger or friend. There’s nothing regular about that routine, is there?

Next requirement.

Use the same spelling and tone over a prolonged period of time?

You have got to be pulling my leg, the whole point of writing and reading is to enhance your vocabulary, knowledge and eloquence.

Now imagine me using the same words when articulating myself daily, that would be truly tedious for me. My brain desires to learn new words and use them in every conversation I encounter with people.

As for using the same tone, that is ridiculous if you were to ask me. Why should writers limit the tone they use in their writing and not explore other exhilarating fun tones they can indulge in? Imagine using the same somber tone when writing an article, how would your different messages get across or attract the targeted audience?

I would like to touch on the ‘Formatting rules’

I don’t live by the rules when it comes to writing, I feel as if rules confine my creativity and hinder me from any liberation. I like my writing to be spontaneous and dripping from my intrusive thinking not something planned.

But hey, that’s just me

After all who would Karabo be without her impulsive writing, thinking and speaking?

So, yes.

I was hibernating from writing.

But I’m back now.

And this time, I’m here to stay.

Until consistency comes knocking again, of course.

-Karabo.S

Her Mother stared at her through the rear-view mirror," You could have sat with me in the front seat and perhaps we could be bonding."

Naledi shook her head and switched off her phone, "Please focus on the road unless you want us to bond over our deaths. I can already see the headlines on SABC news: Two Basotho females died on the N1 highway at twelve am."

She crossed her arms and her mother chuckled, a high-pitched laugh could be heard from a distance it split the night ride on the highway into a half deafening ride.

Naledi look through the window, the road seemed dangerous around the time they were travelling, she could barely see anything outside, she placed her right hand on the window and a light flickered, a light was shown in the window and she could see the road much easier. She ignored the eerie feeling of the laugh she had heard in attempts to not set her mother into panic mode.

"Who in their right mind travels at this time? Mama oa bora shem." She spoke as she kept her eye on the window.

The trees kept blowing in different directions as the wind current was strong, she could barely hear the sounds of the trees because her mother was blasting 90s R&B songs to lighten up the mood. She smiled at the sight of nature when it was dark, and no one was on the street; it gave a sense of tranquillity.

"Naledi you know ho re this is your fault, you decided to follow your calling at the wrong time." Her Aunt replied in annoyance she kept on driving.

The car speed gradually lessened as the minutes went by, Naledi let go of the window and glared at her mother.

"Don't worry, I thought I saw someone on the road, so I wanted to reduce the speed."

Naledi diverted her attention to her mother's arms as they held the steering wheel firmly. Shre got closer to her chair and pointed at her hands, "Mama, why are your hands shaking?"

"Don't worry Naledi, just go to sleep."

"What is that supposed to mean? You are literally shaking, let me drive and you sleep."

Pusletso tightened her grip much stronger in the steering wheel. "No, I am the adult and I refuse to let you drive, Go back to your seat and sleep. Now."

Naledi laughed hysterically, "It is the devil's hour for crying out loud, anything can happen. I am not going to sleep."

As they argued back and forth, a massive force hit the hook of the car and a shadow appeared in front of the car, Puseletso stepped on the brake and the car stopped abruptly in front of the shadow.

She hit her head on the dashboard and Naledi screamed at the sight in front of her eyes. The car's headlights turned on and there it was, a crooked face smiling as it met Naledi's face, four feet dug deep into the car.

"Since when do hyenas roam around the highway?"

Puseletso wiped her forehead as blood kept escaping, "Naledi we need to get out of the car."

"Do you not see what is in front of us Mama?"

He Mother removed her seatbelt and unlocked the car, "You know that it is not real. I knew I should have not driven on the highway at this time of the night."

She opened the door, the hyena disappeared and Naledi opened the door.

They both stood in front of the car, Puseletso kept her focus on the car, a few high-pitched laughs echoed from a distance. Naledi walk away from her mother and followed the sound, she kept walking into the unknown,

"Naledi, o ea kai?"

She didn't respond that the laugh echoed again but this time with a much higher pitch.

"Mama, you need to start the car now. There is a hyena on the run."

Puseletso worked on the car, "I am almost done, and stop hallucinating, there is no hyena here."

Naledi closed her eyes, she felt the creature getting closer. It looked her deep in the eye, no fer in sight but she could feel it trying to manipulate her fear. She bent to its level and abruptly stood up when it leapt in attempts to bite her.

"I am done, there is nothing wrong, "Puseletso turned to gaze at Naledi who stood in a frozen state, a strange glow radiating from her whole body, "Naledi stop that, you are glowing."

Naledi looked back at Puseletso with a bright light glittering from her eyes, she looked behind Pusletso, "Mama, there is a hyena behind you." She pointed besides her and before she could turn to see the creature that stood behind her Naledi ran and pushed her aside.

The hyena leapt onto Naledi she fell roughly on the road, she gazed into its eyes, brown eyes to hypnotise it from trying to harm her in anyway. Soul lost and in fear of what was to come. She grabbed her leqe out of the pocket of her and scratched its neck. It wailed in pain and held onto her neck, strangling her. She felt a struggle to breathe, "You are a lost soul, aren't you?" she spoke as it hardened its claws on her.

The hyena huffed and let go of her neck, it disappeared into the distance. It left her laying on cold dry ground, she slowly stood up and assisted her mother in standing up.

"Mama, we need to pick up the pace. We are in for an interesting year ahead of us."

High on the mountains of Leribe, the evening fell, a young girl held onto her horse tighter than before. The mountain road seemed impossibly narrow, yet it carried multiple voices that seemed to chase after the girl. She clung to her horse as it thundered along the narrow mountain road.

“Tloo re tsamaee Seipati, you can run faster than that girl.” She hit it once and it picked up the pace.

“Naledi.” A seductive voice sang out the young girl’s name in attempts to lure her into the caves that lay hidden on the mountain. She knew better than to answer that seductive call on her name, it would open a can of worms that could lead her life to the finish line, and she was not even on half of the path that she had to take to escape.

“Naledi.” This time the voice carrired a note of aggression.

She didn’t answer.

She had learned seven years ago that nothing good came from answering a voice that knew her name.

She hit her horse once again and held tightly onto its neck. A light flickered inside it, and Seipati galloped much faster, its hooves almost seeming to float above the ground. The blue Seanamarena was wrapped around her neck and secured with a Leqe, the traditional Basotho blanket pin that kept it from falling. The mountains in Lesotho were one of the coldest areas around winter, she needed her blanket not only for her warmth but also for her safety. The mountain spirits were not about to let her go unmarked.

She focused her gaze on the path ahead; it led to the mountain cliff.

“You have got to be kidding me.” She internally cursed.

The horse kept galloping it abruptly stopped a second away from falling over the tip of the mountain, the whole movement led to Naledi ‘s right leg becoming unstrapped from the horse and her stick falling leading to her landing on her own two feet barely injured.

She dusted herself and fixed her blanket which was about to fall off her neck, she tightened it and held onto her stick. She stood straight, the same seductive voice called out her name again but this time which much impatience and anger.

“Naledi you imbecile, how long will you run away from your calling?”

Naledi smirked as she gradually looked around for the host of the voice, “For as long as I still have my two legs and horse.”

Her horse took its rest onto the tip of the mountain, Naledi watched as the sun set in front of her eyes, she chuckled at the rare sight of it. She felt the sun’s energy radiate through her; she knew her source of strength was like no other.

“This is my first time seeing the sun set so majestically in my face.”

She rubbed her horse and laid her head on it, “I will say this again, I am not interested in this so-called calling. Give it to someone else.” She pleaded.

A flew lights flickered, a strong wind current hit the top of the mountain. The sun could no longer be seen in sight, Naledi felt her heart drop as it suddenly became silent. Her hand stopped rubbing her horse as she felt no breathing movements from it. She grabbed onto her stock and rubbed her hands against her blanket; her eyes wandered around the whole area. She closed her eyes to brace herself for whatever was about to be bestowed upon her. She felt a strong presence behind her she put down her stick and lifted her right hand. She opened her hand and focused onto her palm, a mirror formed on it she focused her attention on it, a shadow was conveyed the host with no body but only with a round head.

She knew of the creature that floated behind her, the bodyless creature notoriously known as UHlokohloko legend had it that if it had graced you with its presence, you had to count your last minutes alive.

She stretched her neck, slowly grabbed her stick and turned with a great force, her stick pointed at the floating head with a disgusted look on her face. She met its eyes and a wave of fear hit her; her arms began shaking as the head smiled at her.

“I dealt with your horse, should I include your legs to show how serious this is?”

She brought the stick closer to the head, “I have been successfully running from you for the past seven years since my father ran away like the stupid idiot that he was. I can still do it and this time with much greater speed.”

The head gazed at the stick that was a weapon for its destruction, the stick became disintegrated into pieces leaving Naledi in pure shock.

“If you have been successfully running away then why do you always find yourself on these mountains?”

She stood up and crossed her arms, “There’s a thing called enjoying your youth you know, we youngsters tend to indulge in that a lot.” She replied while rolling her eyes.

“Naledi time is running out, even the Grootslang has been awakened.”

“What does that have to do with me? I am in Lesotho and that creature is in South Africa. Let them handle it. “

“So, if it makes its way into this place, you would be much happier?”

Naledi shook her head, she knew that the last time she attempted to protect an area she was not an inhabitant of her parents were murdered in the process. She knew that with her great power came great responsibility that she was not prepared for.

The head floated over the horse and got closer towards Naledi’s face; she swallowed deep as it was only an inch away from ending her.

“If you want to kiss me just do it.” She spoke with her voice cracking.

“You need to accept your calling; each creature is being summoned and every souls has been awakened.”

“So what? Someone is collecting monsters now? What is this, Pokémon?” She slightly shook her head.

Naledi took a few steps back and shook her head, she was not ready for what was to come and was not willing to put her life on her line,” I am so sorry, you will have to find someone else.”

She put her arms on her horse; it suddenly got up. She fixed her blanket and climbed on her horse, a feeling of regret as to why she even made her way on the mountains greeted her with a smile on its face.

She hit her horse and spoke, “Let’s go Seipati.”

“Buried souls have somehow made their paths known on Earth and I hate to admit it, but you need to find them and do something about everything.”

Naledi faced the floating head, the same demon that had wiped out half the female population of her village while she was a young girl, she had gone face to face with it.

“No, my mother banished them from ever making their way back.”

“Someone brought them back and they will not rest until they ensure damage is done.”

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Who might hesitate to knock

Analysing your home, dull at its finest

The door handle creaking

Showing it's way over its years

Your lover might stare and wonder

Such a dull soul full of doubt

Pain, emotion and rage

Where might the happiness be conjured

Oh...

Your neighbour

The house full of live plants

Wet as spring and full of life as a newborn

Walking into the yard,

Feels similar to walking into a bliss

The sweet smell of the finest flowers

Lingers in the air

Their door handle with a welcoming atmosphere

As soon as your lover twists it, he believes it was all not worth it

Your home has dead leaves of trees scattered

Across the ground, dry as a desert

Dead as a corpse

You lover concludes

Your love not pure and worthless as rusted iron.

-Karabo.S🎀

Turning it into the devil's pawn

Envy is a feeling

A feeling most of us convey daily

Perhaps it might feel alluring

Of course it does

This feeling is extraordinary

It pushes you to enhance your appearance

From what is shown as revolting

To what is known as ethereal

Envy speaks for a majority yet keeps silent

It is not harmful but has an extreme impact

It all depends on who tones it down

After all composure is what prevents

My mind was against me, I felt stuck in a frenzy. My thoughts were devouring me like a cat upon meeting rats to its favour.

It had been a week since I had been at the train station, I was avoiding my supposed father. The doctor kept telling me that my mother was in a sterile condition, I had never seen her or was even informed of her name. I was constantly told to wait patiently as she would get better. I was never informed of visiting hours, I had been sleep deprived for two days, the minute I would close my eyes a voice kept interrupting me.

"Your mother needs you." It echoed from across the room mostly in the morning hours.

It was followed a baby's cry, the same sound from the old house across the street where I lived. Speaking of it brought me to the realisation that I had claimed to be in the train going on but it seemed like an ongoing loop. I had to glue the pieces together on my own if I wanted peace to be bestowed up me.

The train station.

I kept waiting for a train, the man visited once and the same lady who had stared at me had not once spoken to me. It was as if she never existed. I felt her presence but could not find her face, she was the only guiding light I had.

The train.

I was always in the train and never got out of it, when I finally did I ended up roaming on the street still claiming to be on my way home. A place a lot of people had told me countless time struggled to locate.

The house across the street I had supposedly lived.

I was never to enter the house, a certain type of energy had pulled me in whenever I passed by the house. I had walked in mistakenly with my initials carved on the wall beneath the outside window.

Then found myself in the hospital.

"Karabo?"

I uncovered my eyes, the female who stood in front of me had a worried expression on her face.

I understood what led to it, I was lifeless. Eyebags larger than the usual and lips all dry you could carve a letter on them. My eyes opened wide as though my eyelids were getting further stretched. My neck in the other hand still had my necklace, the same necklace that kept irritating my skin. I had developed a rash that was persistent and intensely itchy. My left foot ankle was hanging on to dear life. I figured that I must have sprained it but the pain of the gunshot was still felt. I had barely walked during my time at the hospital.

"You look dead." The female finally spoke.

"I know." I scratched my neck and accidentally dug a nail deep into my skin.

"I wouldn't do that if I was you." She gently smiled at me.

I gazed lazily into her eyes and saw her soul, it was lively. Her eyes reflected an elated soul, it had positivity attached to it. Protecting it from any external harm. It had prosperity and abundance accompanying it. Light energy surrounding it.

"You are a happy soul." I let out a chuckle.

She shook her head, "I choose to be one honey, let's go get your neck checked out."

She let out her hand for me to grab on to it. A flashback from the train hit me me hard.

"My neck? Leave my neck alone. Where is my mother?"

She held her waist with the hand, "Your mother?"

I nodded in desperation, these people were hiding her from me. They kept saying she was getting better but I was not allowed to even meet her.

She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion as I replied to her question.

"Your mother passed away 18 years ago, were you not informed?"

I clutched my shirt and my temperature rose to heights, "But she was in the ICU she had given birth to my sister."

I felt my heart gaining pressure and more weight making it much heavier to carry.

"You are lying! We were hijacked and she was in labour so I drove her here, a man had carried her?"

She knelt down to my level and held my arms in concern as I persistently shook in terror.

"No. Your mother was in a train and was brought here by a man carrying a brown bag with a bit of pink on it." She looked around where I sat and spotted my bag, "That very same bag, yes. Then your father could not make it here in time. He needed to decide whether we save the baby or the mother."

I could not understand, the man had told me an entirely different story.

"So why wasn't I called? I was old enough to make the decision right... who did you people save?"

I looked her dead in the eyes as she cleared her throat. She went silent for a moment, I held her shoulders and shook her whole body for a response.

"We waited for your father and after his train arrived he hijacked a car and got shot in the ankle by one of the owners of the car. He ran here and had a car accident. He passed away the same day."

"You are not answering my question, who did you save."

"The baby died." She paused for a moment then continued, "Then the mother followed."

I broke down in tears as I shook my head in frustration, I was too perplexed by everything.

"Please, where can I find a glass of water to drink."

She didn't reply, I wiped my tears and a strange occurrence was brought up to me.

A change in environment, fog surrounded the dark area. My arms were laid all out and legs sprawled on the grass. The sky was above me, stars brighter than the future I thought I had and the peculiar air scent that left me oblivious.

I lifted up my head, it was weightless. I could not feel my arms and realised I couldn't feel even the rest of my body. My feet made contact with the grass but with no feeling whatsoever. My eyes scanned the area, a lot of souls crying out to me but one in particular grasped my attention.

I followed the sound of a baby's cry. I finally stopped when I found its origin, a grave that was written.

Born to live but died to answer.

My initials carved underneath the phrase. I smiled as I glanced at the flowers that laid beneath the writing, pink vanilla scented flowers. My favourite.

A train ticket laid next to the flowers. I sat on the grave and held onto the ticket.

"You finally came to see me, welcome home."

The man finally spoke to me but this time with no aggressiveness or force but with care, relief and love.

I finally laid on the grave and felt soul merge.

The journey to ensuring that my soul was at peace was a rough rock solid experience that could send others to death.

This was home.

Karabo.S

Cold.

I walked out of the puddle and looked up ahead, the road that led home seemed a bit too far yet felt too close. It was entirely a part of my delusion.

I strode on the path and stopped right in front of an old house. I stopped walking and stared at it, I was once told that my parents had lived together in a house across the road from home before they decided to move out due to unknown reasons. I tightened my grip on my schoolbag. The house had grass growing through each crack it had, the paint was flaking for dear life. The yard had no gate, I pondered going home but my feet refused. I took a deep breathe and slowly walked to the yard. It had no gate and it was evident that the lawn hadn't been taken care of in years.

I was too curious for my own good. You know what they say, curiosity kills the cat.

I walked closer to the porch and initials were carved on the wall underneath the window.

‘K.S’ with a bow drawn next to it.

I shook my head as I heard a distinct sound of a baby crying. A rusted old chain had the door shut and the cry only grew louder, the sound was deafening and led my ears to a painful sounding experience. I managed to untangle the chain and the door creaked open, the floor had blood stains that had dried up, a picture hung on the wall still looking fresh.

The baby's cries stopped, I groaned in frustration as I the sound felt like nails being inserted into my head.

I dropped my bag and covered my ears, crouched to the floor and screamed in frustration. The cries grew even louder.

"Stop crying!" I shouted.

I had a gun clicking, I uncovered my ears. The gun clicked again and a man laughed hysterically.

"You are being too loud child!" His voice could be heard from where I was.

I leaned against the wall and help myself stand up, I ran to the room from where the sound came from.

The door was wide opened, the man stood next to an infant's bed. He caught my eyes and smirked as he held the baby with his other hand.

He geld it by its neck and pointed the gun at it.

The very same man who pestered me for the train ticket, he was everywhere which was too concerning.

"Let the baby down, please." I begged.

"Stay away from my business." He clicked gun and it pointed it at the baby, the baby continued crying helplessly.

“Leave the baby alone, it has no faults!” I cried out loud.

He gazed deep into the baby’s eyes and smirked at it, “The soul is already non-existent. I am only liberating it from its agony.

He pressed the gun against the baby’s forehead and applied pressure to it, he pulled the trigger at the child. My heart skipped a beat, that man was psychotic and needed help.

I shouted as the gun shot sound kept echoing in my ears and I fell to my feet.

"You horrible man." I shouted.

He threw the baby across the room and the baby landed right beside me.

The sight could have sent a sane person to their early grave. I froze as I saw the baby right in front of me. No hair on the head, neck with a tightened necklace, arms laid out with her palms facing the ceiling and with a birthmark on the same arm as mine. I felt a lump in my throat as I swallowed, I felt my stomach going against me. I couldn't be thinking of letting it all out.

I looked away from the baby and tears escaped my eyes.

"Don't cry, this baby killed my wife." The man spoke.

I wiped my tears and glared at him, "For how long will you keep showing up to hurt me?"

"Hurt you? My baby died hurting my wife."

He kept on mixing up stories, he initially said his daughter was born in his absence then saying his wife died.

"Please stay away from me." I pleaded with him.

He pointed towards me, "That is where she fell, her water broke there."

He kept telling me about his wife but never about what it had to do with me.

I couldn't take it anymore so I stood up and planned to run out of the house. I turned my back against him.

"I'm not fighting with you anymore, you have shown me hell."

"Yet you finally came to see me. I have always wanted to meet you."

I stopped walking and slowly turned to the man.

He raised his gun and pointed it at me.

"My soul has died, I have no heart as well. You decide to come see me this late and decide you want to leave?"

I looked directly into his eyes, "I don't not know you, you keep riling me up."

He clicked the gun, "Pick up the baby and put it back to sleep before I permanently put you to sleep."

I shook my head, "No, I’m not doing that. I'm not going to pick up a dead baby."

"What do you mean? That is you no? Born 31 October back in '07? Don't fool around. Pick yourself up and consume it."

I gasped in shock as he slowly walked closer to me, "No, that is not me."

"Who are you fooling? You have never seen pictures of yourself as an infant."

I started shaking in fear as his footsteps got closer and closer.

"My mother said she never took pictures of me as a child, I’m not picking up the baby."

He lowered the gun and pointed it directly at my left foot, before I could protest he pulled the trigger and bullet ran through my ankle.

I groaned pain and fell next to the baby. I wept as he whistled at me.

"When your father speaks you as a child are to listen to me."

My ankle began bleeding and the pain got worse, I had to put pressure on it. I tore my trouser while still crying in pain.

I tied up my ankle as tightly as I could.

"If you want to kill me, please save the time and do it."

He shot at the baby and I screamed in shock, "Please stop it."

"No, you are both dead. You just haven't realised it yet."

I shook my head, "You are diabolical. What do you want from me?"

"Your soul, it has been eating me up pleading for me to let it go. You need to accept that my eyes are a reflection of yours."

He looked at the clock as it hit 17:00

"Where is the train ticket, my baby is about to be born."

I sat on the ground with my leg pain worsening with time.

"You better let your soul go free before that infant rots with you."

He put his gun into his pocket and walked over the infant.

He disappeared, I wiped my tears and tried lifting my leg. It made way for the pain to worsen than before.

"Karabo, your mother has just given birth." A voice spoke. I looked up and I was in the hospital, "what?"

The doctor looked at me with a smile disappearing from his face I avoided him and moved my foot.

"Don’t worry, your foot is okay. The car accident didn't affect you that much."

Car accident? One minute I was walking on my way home to meet my mother next thing I was being told about being in a car accident?

"Car accident?"

"The baby is dead." The doctor spoke.

I shook my head , what baby had the doctor spoken about.

"Doctor what baby?"

"Your baby sister. You drove your mother here when her water broke and you have been told to reduce your caffeine intake it alters the way you think sometimes. Your mother was shot in the foot when you guys were hijacked on your way here and you tried carrying her to run here but could not, then a man carried her for you and brought her here with you."

I felt as if nails were being hammered, I needed a cup of coffee. Perhaps I was hallucinating.

-Karabo.S🎀

The train stopped moving at the third stop, people's footsteps could be heard and the door opening as they walked out of the train. I never really had any friends from the train and whenever I would make new friends and when they questioned where I lived their eyebrows would furrow as they couldn't figure out where I lived. They had apparently never heard of the area I lived in, I never blamed them.

I lived in an area known to none but full of many. The song kept playing and I moved my neck around to ensure my comfort. The train's doors closed and my song started cracking like a damaged CD. The song began repeating itself like a broken record and I lowered the volume, the song went quiet.

I inhaled deeply and exhaled, the time was 18:45 I had thirty minutes left to arrive home. The whole train went silent for a second, suddenly my headphones starting playing a mixture of songs at full volume , I switched on my phone. It switched on then off, I closed my eyes for a moment to calm myself down. I grabbed my headphones and ripped them off the head, I opened my eyes again and looked around the whole train. It wasn't usually empty but four to five people should have still been inside the train with me at least for the next stop before we reached my town.

I rummaged for my bag and it suddenly fell to the floor. I bent to pick up my bag when I realised a foot kick it away. I groaned and was about to swear at the person who had kicked it away from me.

My headphones started glitching, my phone still off. I grabbed my hair in frustration, The day was truly not made in my favour. I scanned for my bag and it lay next to the train's doors they were still closed so if I could quickly get to it then I would retrieve it before it could fall out.

I stood up and stretched my arms, I had been sitting for an hour but I could feel that I was almost home.

The train suddenly started moving a little too fast which was too odd for its usual pace, my phone started ringing.

I grabbed it and answered the call.

I waited for the caller to respond," Why don't you come see me? Do you hate me now?"

I could tell that I knew the voice from somewhere but I couldn't bring it to mind where I had exactly heard it.

"Sorry, wrong number." I hung up and the same number called again.

"I know I couldn't come see you but why didn't you come see me Karabo?"

"I said wrong number, are you that desperate?" I guessed that the man had thought he called his girlfriend who happened to have the same name as mine.

I threw my phone onto my chair and meandered towards my bag, I finally reached for it and picked it up.

I closed my zip and felt a strong arm pull my braids from my head, excruciating pain greeted my head and I threw my bag but the person moved aside.

"I told you to come see me, but I had to come see you."

He yanked my hair, my face met the floor and the man dragged me while pulling my hair in the train. I screamed for help but I had forgotten that I was the only one in the train besides the driver.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I cried out.

He stopped dead in his tracks and let go of my hair, a tear escaped his eye. He looked me dead in the eye. He hovered over me and I recognized his eyes, the same eyes that were the mirror to his soul except this time it was not near its death. His soul was lifeless.

"I wanted to go see her but you gave me my ticket late. Now she entered the world without seeing me after her mother."

I shook my head as my heart kept beating rapidly with each passing millisecond.

"I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry. Please let me just go home and maybe we can speak about it." I pleaded with him.

He bit his lower lip to the point where it began bleeding, "She is dead. They all died."

"Who died?"

"My daughter died, my wife died."

I gasped in horror and held my mouth to control my shock, "I am so sorry."

He stood up and let out his hand, "Get up."

He wanted me to grab his hand and stand up but I couldn't trust him, a few minutes passed by and I could see his anger worsen so I had no choice but to grab his hand.

I reached for his hand when he grabbed my hair and he roughly pulled out my braids, " Please stop this, you are hurting me. My head is bleeding for crying out loud."

He chuckled and kept on pulling out my hair, He pulled me by my remaining braids and stop towards the seat I was sitting on.

I didn't have anymore strength to fight him anymore, it was clear he had some kind of unfinished business with me and wanted to finish it off.

"That seat." He pointed at the seat, "My wife sat on that seat with my baby in here crying out for help but no one helped her and I was at work."

He focused his eyes in me, "Where is the ticket, you never gave it to me."

I shook my head weakly and replied, "I don't have it, you grabbed it from my hand and disappeared."

He picked me up and placed me on the seat, "You better find my ticket."

I couldn't reply, I had convinced myself that I was having one of my last breaths and couldn't keep fighting it.

He suddenly reached for my neck and tightened his grip on it, his nails dug deep into my skin, "You need to bring my ticket before I end you, Karabo my baby needs me."

"You said she died." I replied as I was running out of breathe.

I was wheezing, I felt like coughing but the man tightened his grip on me.

"Please let me go." I struggled to speak.

He let go of my neck, he forcefully put my headphones back onto my head and played the same song I had played earlier but with much more increased volume.

I gasped for air and started crying as I had pain right from my head down to my toes.

My neck and scalp seemed to be competing for who had the most pain.

I wiped my tears and took of my headphones, "Karabo, your bag and hat fell. I have been calling out your name. You meed to stop listening to your headphones blasting them at full volume."

The lady who sat next to me scolded me.

I shook my head and rubbed my eyes to try understanding what was happening.

My hands made their way to my head, I was bald. I remembered the condition I had that led to my hair falling off, I went down to my neck, I had worn my necklace and it had become too tight.

"Where's the man, ma'am?" I asked her in a low voice.

She smiled at me, "What man honey, you keep asking me about a man but never tell me who he is."

That lady had to be lying to me because everytime the man had come she was either sitting next to me or staring at me from a distance, was I the fool here?

-Karabo.S🎀

Do people ever have days when their thoughts just consume them to the point where they overpower their bodies and souls?

Of course they do, they just have a good way of hiding it.

That was a question that continuously haunted my thoughts as I waited at the train station among the crowd, patiently waiting for the train to move along the railway. It must be fascinating for the railway as it serves as a support system for the train, the train having put all its trust on the railway tracks and the driver putting all his trust in the train to safely reach the destination.

The beauty of the train station was ineffable; I could never find the perfect words to describe how fascinating it was every evening waiting for the train back home. It felt more like home than home itself, meeting new faces everyday sometimes seeing the same faces with their tired expressions but with enough enthusiasm and energy to look forward to the ride back almost, almost ebullient.

This is how I figured I had no significant other or parental figure to share my amazing talents and weird thoughts. Unless you could count the coffee, I drank in the morning.

As I took one sip of my coffee I inhaled the scent, it awakened the exhaustion that begged to devour me and the anxiety that stole my joy.

I kept admiring the cup till a shoulder bumped into me, leading to my coffee finding its way onto the floor lying on the cold, dry floor in agony.

"I am so sorry for your coffee." The voice was a bit rough around the edges, sweet and pleasant. Almost mellifluous…

I looked up from the floor and met his eyes for a split second, they say eyes are the mirror to the soul. His eyes conveyed a soul that nearly reached its death.

He avoided my gaze and ran off, dropping a paper from his pocket that fell onto my coffee cup.

I bent to pick it up.

It was dated back to 31 October '07.

What a weird date, I put the ticket in my pocket and walked into the train.

The next day was bestowed upon us, my walk to the train station was rather eventful, I had paid out my full attention onto the train ticket. My birthday, why would that man have a train ticket from the day I was born? That question would send the social workers running for their money.

I stood in the same position I stood at every morning waiting for the train to arrive, school bag hanging onto my shoulders. The same man from the previous day ran up to me, he caught his breath and looked like he hadn't slept in a few days.

"I need it!" He grabbed my arms harshly and I screeched in pain as his nails dug through my skin.

"What do you need?" I asked in agony.

He shook his head, "You stole it from me..." his grip on me tightened, "My train ticket, I need it before the train arrives. I need to catch the train." He raised his voice at me.

I tried screaming and finally let it out, it was as if the people at the train station could not hear me, I kept screaming for help, but no one paid heed.

"I'm sorry sir but you are hurting me, please let me go." I cried out to him.

He shook his head, "I cannot miss the train, my wife is in labour today and I need to see my child."

He looked me deep in the eye and his expression softened, it was as if he had a microscope to my emotions. He let go of my arm and the nail marks had caused wounds that could become potential scars.

"Your daughter?" I asked as my voice cracked.

"Yes, my daughter, my firstborn princess is about to come into this world, and I want to hold her in my arms. To love her and be a wonderful father."

I smiled awkwardly at him, "What will her name be?"

"I've always wanted an answer from God a response to what my sole purpose is on earth, I'll name her Karabo."

A tear escaped my eyes, I reached for my pocket and took out the train ticket, all stained up and brown. I looked a the destination, it led to the same hospital I was born in.

"I have to make it before 10, my wife just gave birth, I can feel it!" He pleaded.

The man grabbed the train ticket from me and in the blink of an eye, he disappeared.

I applied ointment onto my arm and covered it up, I wiped my tears and screamed out, I had to let it out.

I had to run after that man; I asked an old lady who was about to walk past.

"Did you happen to see the old man I spoke to?"

"Sweetie, I have been standing across you; you have been alone. You never spoke to anyone."

I shook my head in disagreement, "No, he was asking for his train ticket. He even hurt me..." I let up my sleeves and showed her my arm.

She raised an eyebrow, "Your arm is perfectly fine, you just have a birthmark."

She was pulling my leg, wasn't she? I took a look at my arm, she was indeed telling the truth.

The pain I felt had been erased, as if it was never there.

I thanked her and walked back to my spot.

I needed air to breathe, I watched as the train moved by, catching a glimpse of the man through the window as he held a picture and plastered it onto the window, a picture of me as an infant.

So, no one knew of the man or from where he came from, he was some sort of an enigma

The train passed me by and I shook my head, I still couldn't let go of the man who could have been a father to me, my conscience was against me. Building up a defense mechanism that drove me to my emotional distress.

I sat there with tears escaping my eyes as the train made its way on the railway tracks, at the very same spot I met the man, hoping that he would bump into me again. Next time with more answers to my questions.

-Karabo.S🎀

Apprised me of my loses

But ne'er my attainments

She floods my mind periodically.

Ne're realized how to disfigure her.

She spontaneously dropped by to not consider

Awakening all the buried tears.

How shall I obliterate her

She, brought up me to lead me astray

She couldn't sway my thoughts as they were fixed

I knew what she expected of me

She ascended but subsequently descended.

Exhilaration exuberantly smiled down at me

Turning into her victim was injudicious of me

My keys will she no longer attain

My heed shall I no longer bestow up her

-Karabo🎀

I am referring to me and my heart.

Qhawe had organised a joint tutoring session with me and this other girl they named Karabo, light-skinned girl who speaks Sesotho, she entered with carrying her cute pink bag and her giggles could be heard from the next building.

She was annoyingly adorable and ethereal, as soon as Qhawe pulled put out a chair for her and she proceeded to hug me the air was thick with sweetness. She finally sat down on the chair and complimented my appearance. She claimed that I looked like one of those rich aunties that arrive with expensive cars at family meetings.

"In a good way though, it shows how wealthy you are about to become." She spoke in her high pitched soft voice. Qhawe claimed that she was his 'friend' and was one of the smartest learners in their clasess for mathematics.

Congratulations to her I guess.

"Karabo will help you while I focus on my code, it's getting a bit hectic these days." He rubbed his forehead and switched on his laptop.

"Ke hloka feela hore o ele hloko, because I tend to be extremely impatient."

"No problem." I replied.

She reached for her bag and in her hand was a packet of gummy bears.

She grinned at me, "Don't worry, I just need some candy to energise myself."

I forced a smile and opened up my notebook and switched on my calculator.

"I'm so excited to teach you all there is and share a few tricks of mine. "

She proceeded to explain the remaining topics and I wouldn't lie and say that I was listening.

I was too distraught to even pay attention to her voice, I kept on stealing a few glances at Qhawe who had not once maintained any eye contact with me. He kept his eyes glued on his laptop screen as if it was more attractive than I was.

"Do you understand what I am saying?" Karabo asked me.

I diverted my attention towards her and shook my head.

"I'm sorry I was a bit distracted."

"No worries, some sights are worth the watch."

She spoke in parables.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

She lit down her pen and explained, "Sometimes our eyes and hearts are struck by a certain emotion we attention it avoid but it eventually keeps up with us."

"I'm completely lost."

Qhawe chuckled, "She loves speaking poetically to try testing your discernment."

He slighltystood up and reached for Karabo's face, she shook in shock as he removed a strand of hair from her face and she giggled in return.

"You always comb out your hair and it leaves strands all over your face."

"Ncela uyeke iinwele zam Qhawe." She suddenly opened her eyes wide and Qhawe slowly applauded for her. They both burst out laughing.

I could feel my blood boiling, "What is so funny?"

Lesedi shook her head and held my shoulder,"I'm sorry its just this thing we have going on."

That's what people in a talking stage would speak about, I was losing my mind.

"You finally learned a phrase in isiXhosa." Qhawe grinned at her.

I kept looking at him then back at her, it suddenly dawned at me that he might have been moving on.

"Karabo can you please repeat your explanation, I couldn't understand." I reminded her and she nodded in agreement.

She nodded her head and proceeded to explain to me. I could feel Qhawe's stare from where I sat, it looked as if was a bit shattered by the fact that it was my last session with him for the year.

I took my chances and looked up to see if he was looking at me, my eyes met his and his lips subtly quirked. I was expressionless, I wasn't about to add on to the frustrations he must have had about me.

"Then the unknown variables..." Karabo stopped speaking.

She went silent for a few minutes while me and Qhawe were still in staring contest except I was willing to stand and fight.

She cleared her throat and her calculator fell. Qhawe instantly stopped staring into my eyes.

Karabo bent to pick her calculator and gazed at me, "Are you not hungry?" She looked at Qhawe, "Both of you, maybe we should go out for some food and even play a few games somewhere?"

She noticed that I wasn't paying attention and wanted to spend time with Qhawe while I was the chaperone and the third wheel, I could do it. I deserved it.

"Yeah, I agree I'm mostly starved so... yes."

I closed my book and packed them into my bag.

"Qhawe?" Karabo raised her eyebrow at him.

"Ndiza kuhlala emva, you guys enjoy yourselves." He softly smiled.

Karabo stood up, closed his laptop and moved her face closer to his, "You are coming with us and I don't take no for an answer."

He tried protesting but Karabo was too persistent on him coming along, he yielded.

It was going to be a long day for me.

I picked up my bag and and Qhawe offered to hold Karabo's bag, he used to do that for me. It was either him provoking me intentionally or he just wanted to ruffle my feathers.

I angrily stormed off and made my way to the cafeteria. Qhawe ordered a few wings with burgers for us. Karabo agreed and asked that he added two vanilla milkshakes.

He nodded off without looking once at me, he was starting to irritate me. I rolled my eyes and Karabo shrugged her shoulders.

"So, who's the lucky man in your life?"

I pursed my lips and thought for a moment, how was he really? And object of my fantasies and delusions or an object of my illusions. She for once asked a serious question and it got me thinking deeply.

"I understand your thoughts." She interrupted

"Huh?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

She let out a chortle at me and diverted her attention towards the cafeteria queue, "Sometimes you might have someone in your life but they do not reciprocate your feelings not because they can't but because the are not willing to."

I crossed my arms and sat up straight, "I don't understand."

"Well, when I say that they can't... I mean they refuse to accept their inner feelings because they are fearful of what's to occur if they become vulnerable in the face if love."

She knew something that I didn't know, she basically implied it by using her phrases to confuse me.

"Ke utloisisa hantle haholo. So do you have a special someone in your life?"

Qhawe arrived at our table wit a tray having two milkshakes and three plates of wings. Karabo smiled at him and patted his back, "Good boy Qhawe. If you continue being this considerate I might actually birth your babies."

I glared at Qhawe as he laughed along with Karabo, they were obviously flirting right in front of me. I roughly grabbed my milkshake and plate and stuffed my face with food, you could trust in me to stress it in front of an enemy. I felt threatened by her, she was too perfect for Qhawe, he seemed more free around her. Let me repeat, she was so adorable like a newborn baby, if it was a fight for Qhawe I might as well have lost the fight because this lighskinned was every man's dream.

We talked for about an hour, well they both spoke and I kept chewing like a pig, with disgust evident in my face. I took one last sip of my milkshake and placed it on the table.

"I'm leaving now, I have to go help my friend Thando with something."

"Kodwa sisandul' ukufika." Qhawe finally spoke to me.

The rage in me could have sent the devil running away from hell, "You finally decided to speak to me, when I'm about to leave? Typical of you." I complained as I grabbed my bag.

I smiled softly at Karabo, "Thank you for your help but I will take it from here. I promise to do well on my exam."

"We will celebrate when you are done."

I stood up and pulled my chair in, "Thank you Qhawe, I guess this is the last time I'll ever see you. Sala hantle."

I stormed off, If I was to stay for another minute I would have lost my mind. This was a feeling stronger than jealousy, I couldn't figure out what it was but it was definitely not love... at least not yet. I waited for the elevator to open and hope that it was empty, I was preparing for a session to flood the whole elevator with my tears.

The elevator finally opened and I could hear footsteps approaching me but I was too livid to even care about who they belonged to.

I stood inside the elevator and watched as both the doors came together to close till two hands held them open.

They opened wide and the heavens were truly against me, Qhawe stood there.

"If you are not entering you might as well allow the elevator to close."

He slowly walked in and stood in front of me. The elevator doors closed and we both stood in silence.

"Why did you storm off like that? You had me worried for a second."

I shot glares at him, "So now you worry about me?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" He grabbed my bag from my arm and put it down.

"Why are you grabbing my bag, leave me and my bag alone Qhawe."

He picked it up and shook his head, "It's oddly heavy today, let me carry it for you."

I snickered at him, "khaohana le 'na please, my emotions are at their peak right now. One more word from you and I will flip." I looked away from him.

"Okay, I assume that means you are angry. You have every right to be angry, I couldn't put myself through the process of speaking to you."

"How is Karabo? You are so rude for leaving her alone."

"She actually told me to run after you, she is sweet isn't she?"

Well he was asking me an irrelevant question.

"She is also beatiful for you isn't she?"

Made eye contact with the ceiling and I put my arms on my waist, "So now you can't respond anymore?"

"She is pretty but not for me, she is dating. She is just a friend of mine."

"And yet you two can openly flirt, she's talking about having having your babies? What type of friends joke like that?"

He let go of my bag and placed it carefully on the floor, "You can lash out on me, Ndiza kulinda ude ugqibe."

I let go of my waist and held my forehead in frustration, "O se o qalile ho itšoara joaloka motho ea molemo, I watched you avoid me the whole time while we were in the library. That was our last session for crying out loud yet you hated like I was invisible. Do you know how it feels to watch someone you have enjoyed their company for a long time pretend as if you are ghost, they are mourning a feeling that might have arrived."

I looked at him and he smirked at me, trust when I day that expression unleashed the remaining fury I had.

"Now you smirk, you are so inconsiderate. One minute you love me then next you you don't. Qhawe, I resent your existence. No, I'm lying, I am frustrated by the fact that I have developed these exasperating feelings for you and I try believe me. I try to hide them but they overpower me so much that I feel like slapping you right now-"

I felt his lips meet mine, his lips tasted like cherry it was his lip balm. His lips were smoother than silk and soft as whisper.

The only words that could escape my lips were damn. He was a good kisser for someone who barely had relations with females.

"You speak a lot and I was waiting for you to finish but figured you had a lot to say."

I was too dumbstruck to even respond, I was flustered.

"My feelings towards you haven't changed, but I'll need you to show me why you want me to trust you again. I have a few walls built around this heart." He pointed at his chest.

"It's going to take a whole lot than the kiss we just had Kele."

I instantly nodded as I wiped off my lip combo from his lips.

He carried my bag and grinned at me as the elevator finally opened, "I was glued to my screen earlier on because I was debugging my code and I finally debugged it. I found the bug."

He joyfully walked out and I let out a sigh.

I was the bug in his code wasn't I?

-Karabo.S🎀

My eyes were completely shut, I moved my eyeballs sideways.

I slowly opened my eyes, the room was too bright. I narrowed my eyes trying to scan around the room for the voice that had called out to me.

"I'm right here." My ears could clearly discern between the voices that were speaking. Jordan was the one who had called me.

"Don't wave your hand in front of her, you are stressing her out." Fifi scolded.

I placed my palms onto the bed and sat up straight, "I'm fine."

Thando let out a sigh of relief and held my hand tightly, "We almost got heart attacks, good thing uQhawe ukubuyisele lapha."

I leaned against the pillow and held my forehead.

Who would have thought that he would still be as sweet as to have brought me back to where I stayed.

I forced a smile,"Please tell him that I appreciate his help."

Jordan shot daggers at me from across the room, she slowly strolled towards me with her arms crossed, Fifi leaned against the wall while sipping from the straw from her bottle.

"u kho penga, how could you go running in the rain. Running after a man you don't even love?"

Jordan sat beside me on the bed and looked me dead in the eye, "She is indecisive, she knows hore that poor guy loves her yet she acts so oblivious to the whole situation."

Thando's eyebrows became drawn together, her eyes narrowed slightly,"You guys are so quick to scrutinise her, maybe she just wanted to clear things out."

"No Thando, she was wrong for what she did and she needs to be called out." Jordan fired back.

Fifi shook her head and her tilted her head back, "You two are getting it all wrong, I was not supposed to even organise that little stunt on the first place."

I would have loved to join in on the conversation but it was evident that the girls had a lot they had suppressed and had to let out, I was too weak to even defend myself.

I tightened my grip onto Thando's hand.

"Come on Fifi, you can't be making this about you." Jordan rolled her eyes.

Fifi placed her bottle on the table beside her and shot her a fierce angry piercing look, "So who should this be about? Kele and the stupid decisions she has been making ever since she stepped foot into university?

"Nee man, this is about the fact that you have this revolting obsession with being a perfectionist and if things don't go your way you start lashing out on us as if we forced you into everything."

I was already habituated to Jordan and Fifi's banter, even when me and Thando introduced them they had a rough Kickstart. It all started at the club when they met through finding out that they were fighting for a guy whereas in Fifi's books is known as degrading yourself and in Jordan's books considered a battlefield to who is the strongest.

I knew better than to interfere in their arguments unless I wanted to be their punching bag.

"Jordan, I am not selfish. I just wanted the best for Kele and somehow she always finds herself in trouble. Look at her laying helplessly on the bed as if she is taking her last breath."

Jordan didn't reply, she stood up from where she sat and bit her inner cheek, "O tshwanetse wa bo o dira metlae, she's completely fine. She just needs some rest and you need a reality check. I am tired of you and your insecure rants every time things go sideways. Not everything has to be perfect, you're pretty and smart. Stop pressuring yourself whenever given a task."

Fifi's face softened, "I can't do that, If things don't go my way then that means I have failed. I wanted Kele to have the best birthday of her life yet it all failed." A tear escaped her eye and she was quick to wipe it.

"Okay ladies, we are all over the place so I think we have to calm down." I smiled at both of them.

They both shot daggers at me.

Jordan held her waist, "Wena, you also need a reality check. Qhawe is in love with you but you are playing with his feelings."

I looked away from her eyes, "Jordan please, not now."

"If not now then when? I'll tell you things as they are. If you let Qhawe go without trying then I promise you you'll love to regret it."

Yes she was right, but I was not going to force myself into a relationship with a man who's world revolved around peculiar activities. I found his world boring and I assumed he found mine too boogie for him. I was out of his league wasn't I?

He seems to have his life in place, he beautiful plans for the future. He was a good student with excellent grades, if I was to be with him I'd slow him down and lead him to his demise. I was all about parties, going out and having fun on a daily basis. He was all about the future and securing his spot in high places.

I just couldn't explain it to the girls, they would judge me and tell me that I was just being paranoid.

"If I try with Qhawe he would get tired of me, he needs someone who can love hard and I'm incapable of that." I muttered lowly but slightly high for them to hear.

Jordan ruffled her hair in frustration, "a o loilwe wena? That man is clearly besotted with you, he worships the dirty ground you walk on and spends his time mooning over you."

I Let go of Thando's hand and cleared my throat.

"I don't want Qhawe and that is my decision."

Fifi chortled at my statement, "Unfortunately for you he is outside waiting for you. We had to end the party which led to him persisting to sleep and that he will only leave once he knows that you are okay."

"Ke kopa mpolelle hore oa soasoa Fifi, I don't want to see that man."

She remained silent and smirked.

Thando clapped her hands gleefully,"I will go and tell him that you are awake and are ready for him."

Before I could protest she strode out of the room and Fifi and Jordan exchanged glances and burst out laughing.

"Jy is maal Kele, we want to see you locked in with Qhawe and him only." Jordan snickered.

I could only shut my eyes and pray to God that Qhawe might have somehow left the house because of an emergency.

The doorknob was twisted and subsequently opened to reveal an elated Thando and Shy Qhawe entering the room.

Fifi grabbed her bottle and pulled Jordan towards her.

Qhawe cleared his throat and exhaled loudly. He scratched the back of his head and put his hands behind his waist.

"Ladies, thank you for taking care of her for me."

Jordan grinned and squealed,"Bathong Qhawe, she's our friend and your..."

I found myself locking eyes with Qhawe, a warm feeling of relief washed over me. I shoved it away and realised that he had been smiling the whole time.

Fifi snapped her fingers,"We are still here but we are also leaving. Thando let's go."

Thando left the room and Jordan along with Fifi followed her and roughly shut the door.

I crossed my arms at Qhawe and he spoke,"I'm sorry for ruining your birthday, it wasn't intentional at all."

How was he apologising for a mistake I made, they did say that men could fake it till they made it but he seemed too sincere.

"How did you ruin it Qhawe? It was my mistake for running after you."

He sighed, "I wasn't supposed to make you run after me as if I was a run away bride and you were the groom."

I replied with a weak querulous voice, "Please don't make any jokes, I don't have the strength to laugh at the moment. Thank you for carrying me back here, you really didn't have to." I commended him for his sweet actions.

He paced slowly towards my bed, "It is rather weird to see you in this bed, sick and all."

I uttered a short, nervous giggle,"Well what can I say, I'm quite the runner aren't I."

He nodded in agreement.

It was at that moment I wondered what thoughts he had inside his smart brain about me, was he still infatuated with me or were the feelings finally fading. It was all too good to be true.

He turned his wrist and read the time, he glanced at his watch,"I'm an hour late for my programming exam, might as well find a valid reason to be allowed to write it."

I slapped his wrist gently and attempted to get out of the blankets but he stopped me, "How could you miss an exam for me? Are you mad?"

He turned his eyes away as quickly as he could and groaned, "Love can sometimes turn me into a madman..." he nervously laugh and continued,"We have our last tutor session next week, I hope you are relieved that you will finally see less of me."

I was supposed to be excited and jumping for joy when he reminded me but my heart felt heavy, as much as I didn't appreciate his presence in my life in the beginning but I gradually acclimatised to it. I was going to miss his rants about how he constantly couldn't debug his code whenever he was around me and could only do it when he was alone. What about the rambling about marvel movies or anime, he was obsessed with them.

I couldn't forget how he always complimented me whenever I felt hideous to look at, I guessed that the lesser we saw each other on campus, the better it would be for him to forget about me and for me to redeem myself.

-Karabo.S🎀