Nothing breaks a parent’s heart more than arguing with your child.

Even when a debate is needed, it’s painful and unsettling to be at odds with the person you’d walk through fire for.

During adolescence, tension can escalate as teenagers push boundaries. This pushing helps them grow up, gain independence, and form an identity (and life) apart from their family.

For parents in the trenches, these tensions can feel scary and unnerving. It’s not always clear how to find the balance between loving your teenager well and still being their parent, correcting the attitudes and behavior that may hurt them long-term while keeping a strong relationship.

Like all parents, I’ve done many things right and many things wrong. I’ve learned it’s possible to argue well and recover from mistakes if our hearts stay in the right place.

With that in mind, here are steps to take when tensions run high:

1. Give your teenager space to process their thoughts and feelings.

Let them have time alone in their bedroom if they want it. Since that’s the only room in the house that belongs solely to them, it’s important for them to have their own space to think, journal, pray, vent, listen to music, read, or talk to a friend who can help them untangle emotions.

2. Calm down, pray, and get your mind in a rational place.

Pray for clarity over the situation. Pray for guidance to work through the conflict. Don’t let your pride get in the way of restoring what’s been broken.

I used to ask myself, “If something terrible happened to my teenager tomorrow, would I regret this fight?” The answer was always yes. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger—or get so focused on winning that your heart turns cold or apathetic toward your child.

Even if you and your teen are at odds, you can reaffirm your love for them. You can leave the door open for reconciliation.

3. Try to empathize and understand your teenager’s point of view.

Even when you disagree, putting yourself in their shoes and remembering yourself at their age can keep you from overreacting—or reacting in a way that makes your child shut down or puts a wall between you.

It’s possible to stay strong (and stand your ground) while showing compassion for your teenager’s feeling. Your empathy may sound like this:

“I know you’re upset with me, and I understand. I probably felt the same way at your age. But I promise I’m making this decision out of love for you. Your safety is my top priority, and I do not have peace with letting you do this. I’m trusting that instinct, and my hope is that one day, you’ll understand.”

Read more

Last spring, just before school let out, I spoke at Mountain Brook High School for First Priority.

Lulu and Ellie Gribbin invited me, and given my admiration for their family, it was an easy yes.

I spo…

Read more

I once had a funny conversation with an 11-year-old girl.

As we talked about parenting, she matter-of-factly told me:

“My dad was really spoiled growing up, and he says he’s NOT doing that to us because that’s not how the real world works.”

I wanted to high-five this kid and her parents, who have clearly explained why they won’t overindulge her despite having the means to do so. This is an uncommon mentality, and one that deserves attention.

Why? Because we live in age of affluence. We are raising kids in a competitive culture with more upper-middle class families who enjoy higher standards of living and more disposable income than previous generations.

For many families, the pressing question is not “How will we put food on the table?” but rather “How many coaches does Scout need to make the team?” or “Where should we go for Spring Break?”

It’s a different world shaping today’s youth, and finding the right balance between giving and holding back isn’t always clear.

An uber-wealthy woman whose kids are now grown decided early on to not spoil her kids. Her reasoning was this:

Do you know what happens to a tomato when it’s spoils? It rots on the inside. That’s what happens when you spoil your children.

I think she was onto something.

America’s New “At-Risk” Child

Dr. Madeline Levine is a psychologist who has treated unhappy teens for over 30 years.

And in the early 2000s, she started to notice a new breed of patients.

Traditionally her teen patients looked trouble – they had bad grades, volatile relationships, risky behavior, and terrified parents bringing them to therapy – but these new patients were smart, proficient, and outwardly impressive.

These patients came from good homes, and there was little urgency when their parents brought them in…just a sense that they seemed unhappy or withdrawn.

What Levine soon recognized was a trend spanning the country: children of privilege seeing psychologists in record numbers for emotional distress.

Their successful lives masked their problems because externally they seemed fine – but internally they felt empty.

Levine explored this epidemic in her bestselling book The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids. She wrote:

“The kids I see are given all kinds of material advantages, yet feel that they have nothing genuine to anchor their lives to. They lack spontaneity, creativity, enthusiasm, and most disturbingly, the capacity for pleasure.”

Read more

If you’ve followed me for any time, then you know I have a heart for teenagers.

My book Love Her Well: 10 Ways to Find Joy and Connection with Your Teenage Daughter was inspired by my journey of learning how to love my teen while also parenting my teen. As you know, this can be a tricky dance!

Following are 80 insights to help our teens find their way. I pray these words launch new conversations wherever you connect with your child!

1. Taking a genuine interest in other people will attract friends quickly.

Learn to be a good listener and ask good questions, and you’ll make new friends wherever you go.

2. You are a gift.

Some people won’t treat you like a gift, or see you as a gift, but their inability to see your worth doesn’t change your value.

You are a masterpiece because the Creator of the universe made you. And if you could see the way He looks at you, with the loving gaze of a proud Father, you’d never question your worth again.

3. What God creates, God loves, and what God loves, He loves forever.

Even on your worst days, He loves you at maximum capacity. Love begins with God because God is love. He doesn’t love you because you are good; He loves you because He is good.

4. One step in the right direction is better than a hundred steps in the wrong direction.

When choosing a life course, your direction matters more than your speed. Make good choices that set a positive trajectory for your future.

5. At the end of the day, only two questions matter: Are you pleasing the Lord, and do you like who you’re becoming?

If you can honestly answer “yes” to both, then chances are, you’re on the right track. If you’re not on the right track, pray for God’s help. Seek guidance and wisdom from godly people who can help you get your life in order.

6. Nothing done out of love is a waste.

Love is the best gift you have to offer. Find peace in loving other people well, regardless of how they respond.

7. The closer you are to God, the better friend you’ll be.

Work on your faith, and you’ll be better positioned to find lifelong friends. Water seeks its own level, and this means that you’ll attract people like you.

This is why funny people attract funny friends. Kind people attract kind friends. Your vibe determines your tribe, so hold yourself to the same standards that you hope to find in your most trusted friends.

8. Friendships should be a major source of comfort, not a major source of stress.

Choose friends who uplift you, not friends who belittle you, confuse you, or lead you into trouble. The best friends will inspire you to be the best version of yourself. They’ll rub off in positive ways.

9. People will come into your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime.

Even short relationships serve a purpose by teaching you what you do (or don’t) want. With every experience, your social intelligence grows. You learn how to navigate tricky situations, read people, and behave.

The most hurtful people you meet will offer you the best example of how not to act. They’ll teach you why kindness and social graces matter.

10. Believe in goodness.

Don’t let the bad apples you meet ruin your faith in mankind. Don’t believe stereotypes like “Girls are mean” or “Guys are jerks” that are never 100 percent true. Buying into blanket statements is like throwing out the baby with the bathwater. It will keep you from ever forming deep connections.

Read more

When my first child left for college, I was determined to find new ways to connect.

So, when we got invited to join an Auburn tailgate with other parents in our community, we said yes.

Keep in mind that Harry and I are huge Alabama fans. We live for game day. We don’t even do an Alabama tailgate, yet here we were, signing up at Auburn in hopes of spending time with our college-bound child.

Oh, the things we do for love!

In hindsight, it was comical, especially the vision I had of us tailgating with Ella
for hours before every home game.

I envisioned our family reuniting under the big white tent.

I was willing to sacrifice some beloved Bama games to make this happen.

And I was open to starting new traditions (while keeping my team allegiance, of course).

The reality, however, was that game days looked totally different than I expected.

They never played out the way I planned.

While we enjoyed this tailgate and getting to see friends, we were lucky if we saw Ella for 5 or 10 minutes after the game.

We didn’t realize that she’d go to games with a date or with friends—and in both cases, they’d be a fraternity house, not a tailgate, beforehand.

And we failed to consider that her dates would be pledges. They had tight schedules and early game day arrivals, which made seeing her unpredictable.

After a few game days with quick interactions (Hello! I love you! I’ll call you later!), Harry and I decided this wasn’t the place to get quality time with our girl.

This tailgate would be for us—a place to socialize and enjoy other adults—and if we saw Ella, it’d be a huge bonus. We’d be thrilled with any time we got.

Because the truth was, this was her turf. We’d invited ourselves into her world, and rather than insist on connecting on our terms, we had to work around her schedule. We wanted our meet-ups to feel fun and natural, not stressful and hard.

If we were Auburn fans, continuing this tailgate might have made sense, but for us, there was a better strategy.

A strategy that allowed us to enjoy game days in Tuscaloosa and visit Auburn at other times.

Because the #1 Rule in connecting with your college child is this:

You’ve got to be flexible. That means being creative and willing to pivot your plans to spend quality time together.

Here are 5 ways to do that…

Read more

A young man in his mid-twenties called his father for advice.

He was struggling to feel happy, despite his many blessings.

On the outside, he checked all the boxes—he was smart, successful, kind, love…

Read more

Years ago, our family travelled out West to explore Big Sky, Montana, and Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

It was amazing to be in God’s creation, and I found myself in awe of these scenic masterpieces.

Of all the stories I heard that week, one that stands out was shared by our tour guide at Grand Teton National Park.

As we noticed some bears in the distance, he explained the nature of mama bears.

As we know, they’re fiercely protective. They spend the first 2 years of their cubs’ lives hiding them and secretly training them to handle the realities of bear life — a world where they aren’t safe from any other bears, including their own fathers.

You see, their fathers will kill them to mate with their mothers again. So the mothers take extra precaution while the cubs are young and unable to defend themselves.

You don’t mess Mama Bear, and most human deaths caused by a grizzly relate to a mother grizzly protecting her cubs.

As a mom and a parenting writer, I couldn’t help but laugh over the human translation. Motherhood makes us tender—yet it also makes us fierce. What comes out depends on the situation.

Living in the South, I see the tenderness of motherhood often. I’m surrounded by gracious women who exude warmth and hospitality. Good manners are valued in Southern culture, and you’ll meet a lot of Steel Magnolias who possess both grace and grit.

Yet what I also know is that even the kindest, most gentle, and most gracious women have a fierce protective instinct when it comes to their children. Like any good mom, they’d walk through fire to protect them.

Sometimes this instinct is needed. Evil is real, and I’ve seen mama bears have legitimate reasons to get upset and cause a stir.

The instinct to protect a child is good and necessary. It’s a gift from God to even notice real threats.

But as a reader of mine once asked:

“How do I control my mama bear instincts? How do I know when I’m justified—or when I may be overreacting?”

That is a great question, and one I’ll unpack below.

Read more

One thing I find challenging as a mother is believing that what is true for my children is equally true for me.

With great confidence (and conviction) I can tell my children that God loves them uncond…

Read more

Imagine your child at the top of a ski slope. They’re about to ski down for their first time, but for now, they’re relishing the view.

A blanket of snow just fell, so the view is fresh and pure. The fluffy white snow is completely blemish-free.

It’s a wondrous sight, but it’s temporary. Because pretty soon, skiers will sail down this hill. Each one will set tracks in the snow that impact your child’s perspective.

Whoever skis down first, setting the first tracks in the snow, will leave a particularly deep impression because chances are, your child will remember it. They won’t forget their first exposure.

In many ways, this ski slope is like your child’s mind. And as parents, we instinctively protect their mind.

We keep our kids in safe environments and guard their innocence to the best of our ability.

And though this is a great instinct, we must remember that our kids will be exposed to things sooner than we tend to believe. In mere seconds, their pristine view of the world can be interrupted by a classmate, a Google search, or some random event that leaves a negative mark.

“Setting the first tracks” is a term that Gil Kracke, a counselor at Covenant Counseling and the Church of the Advent in Birmingham, uses to encourage parents to have those uncomfortable yet necessary conversations.

As parents, we want to set the first tracks. We want to ski down first and impress the truth in our kids’ minds so that when other skiers come behind us, our kids know which tracks to trust.

Establishing ourselves upfront as the authority helps us become our child’s go-to person. It lets them know they can come to us with questions to help them discern which tracks in the snow are healthy and right – and which ones aren’t.

But how do we begin these awkward conversations? How do we talk about things we’d rather not talk about, like our child’s body, pornography, and other hard realities?

Read more

This past Wednesday in my community, I watched 2 old friends banter on stage with humility, heart, and humor.

One man, Dicky Barlow, is the superintendent of Mountain Brook Schools. He hosted his old …

Read more

Years ago, my friend’s daughter really wanted to be chosen as “Swimmer of the Week” at their country club.

It’s an honor bestowed weekly to one child per age group in the summer.

Parents will sometime…

Read more

I thought my friend was the luckiest girl in the world.

I didn’t say it, but I was jealous that her boyfriend of 3 weeks did more for her birthday than my boyfriend of 2 years.

We were sorority sisters, and our shared birthday fell during Rush. This year, her new boyfriend went big, sending dozens of roses and a huge birthday banner that covered the staircase to our sorority house.

It was a grand and splashy gesture that made hundreds of girls swoon. And as a naïve 20-year-old, I thought he was madly in love.

What I realize now (especially given the fact that they broke up soon after) was that he did this for attention – and was most likely a narcissist.

Nobody warns girls about dating narcissists, but they should. Why? Because narcissists are rampant in today’s world. And in the beginning, they look like Prince Charming, making it easy to fool a girl with little life experience.

In the worst divorces I’ve seen, the husband always shows signs of narcissism and mental abuse. I wouldn’t wish this on any girl, and that’s why our daughters need some education on how to spot the signs.

When I asked my Instagram friends for help with this article, the responses floored me. Women eagerly shared their experiences to help today’s girls.

In every email, one primary theme emerged:

“The red flags were there – yet I ignored them.”

Many women said, “I could have saved myself years of heartache if I’d just trusted my instincts and that first red flag.”

As females, we often tell ourselves we’re crazy, or we let others tell us we’re crazy, or make excuses for people we love.

But God gave us instincts, intuition, and the Holy Spirit for a purpose, and the more we listen to our inner radar, the stronger it gets.

In his bestselling book The Gift of Fear, author Gavin de Becker says the best way to stay safe is to spot the subtle signs of danger before trouble or violence ever happens.

His big message is this: Trust your gut, don’t suppress your intuition, and don’t worry about hurting a stranger’s feelings.

So, what are the red flags of a narcissist or a guy who may be mentally abusive? Everyone is different, but here are common clues to pay attention to.

1. He seems perfect at first.

No guy ever begins a relationship by being controlling or abusive, because what girl would stay?

Instead, a narcissist starts off charming, strong, and too good to be true. He’ll spoil you, obsess over you, and make you feel phenomenal.

He may also mirror you, repeating your life goals so that you think you’ve met your soul mate, the one person you can’t live without.

Winning you over through effusive compliments, fancy dinners, gifts, extravagant gestures, etc. slowly grooms you to trust him. By making you feel more loved, special, and more understood than ever before, he creates a dynamic where you crave his praise and want to keep pleasing him.

Gut check: Value character over charisma. Think about who he is and how he acts behind closed doors. Was his lavish public display for you – or to make himself look good? How does he react when he doesn’t get what he wants or when you tell him ‘no’?

2. He moves too fast, too soon.

My friend married a narcissist who proposed to her after dating for just one month.

She didn’t have time to see the red flags, and when they emerged during the wedding planning process, she felt like it was too late.

On their honeymoon he turned on her, yelling at her in a rage and showing her an entirely new side. This is common because narcissism escalates once they think they “own” you.

Gut check: Beware of a guy in a rush to get serious, who opens up faster or more deeply than normal. You may feel special and chosen, but this actually creates co-dependency. Anyone can be perfect short-term, so build trust slowly over time. Don’t believe declarations of love and forever from a guy who barely knows you.

Read more

A sorority sister of mine came in town for a funeral.

A high school friend had lost her dad, and she told me this was her 9th funeral to attend in 6 months.

All her friends were losing parents, and we…

Read more

A college girl I know interned for a Fortune 500 company the summer after her junior year.

She joked that she was out of her league as the only SEC sorority girl among elite university interns. They surpassed her in intelligence, but she worked hard. She befriended everyone and had fun.

When the summer ended, the executives chose 1 intern to offer a full-time job to after graduation. This girl was shocked when they chose her.

Her boss later told her:

“You’re always dressed appropriately.

You can make small talk.

We can send you into a board meeting at the last minute, and we know that you’ll represent us well.”

In other words, she’s the total package. She leaves a great impression on co-workers and superiors. They trust her judgment and know that she’s steady, friendly, together, and positive.

Subscribe now

I’ve always loved this girl, and I wasn’t surprised that they loved her too. She is a gem, and this story is just example of many that I’m now seeing as my kids and their classmates enter the working world.

I’m witnessing firsthand who’s getting great jobs…who’s getting into med school, PA school, dental school, etc.…who’s getting medical fellowships…and who’s doing incredibly well in the real world because in addition to having talent and an impressive resume, they’re a joy to be around.

They have soft skills that make them a valuable part of any team.

Read more

I heard it again, another mom who is frustrated because her hardworking teen is struggling in a class.

“I’m tired of my kid telling me she’s stupid,” she said. “She makes great grades, but she’s faili…

Read more

A friend of mine with college boys once told me that boy moms love it when their college son is dating a great girl.

Why? Because they see the positive impact. They know the special power the right girl can have. Their praise sounds like this:

“I adore my son’s girlfriend. She’s amazing. My son is studying more, going out less, and getting his act together. His grades have never been this high. She’s a great influence, and she brings out his best.”

Girls need to hear more stories like this. They need to know that in healthy relationships, you inspire each other to rise — and be the best version of yourself.

Because far too often today, girls choose the opposite route. They let culture dictate their dating strategy, and they compromise their values by becoming the wild and promiscuous party girl just trying to catch a man.

Short-term, this strategy works. It attracts attention and drums up dates.

But in the long-term, this strategy backfires. It undermines the quest for love and dreams for a happy marriage.

Guys may date the wild and promiscuous party girl—but they won’t be eager to marry her. And when girls settle for this path, they typically end up feeling empty, disheartened, or used.

They also struggle to find good guys because the ones they attract tend to be non-committal, apathetic, and singularly focused on having a good time.

Thankfully, there is a better way, one that requires time and patience and knowing in your heart your worth as a child of God.

You’ll Attract Your Match

There’s an old saying that goes, “Water seeks its own level,” and this means that people gravitate toward others a lot like them.

Kind people attract kind friends. Ambitious people attract ambitious friends. Smart people attract smart friends. The list goes on.

This is clear to see in friendships, but it’s also true in dating. So when girls decide to dismiss their morals, they will inevitably attract guys who also lack morals, the bottom of the barrel in terms of who will treat them well.

But when girls choose integrity, they attract a different crowd. They appeal to people who value integrity and are able to see their worth.

Yet here’s the caveat: This attraction may not happen at age 13. It may not happen at 16 or even 21. Only at age 25 is the teenage brain fully developed, and until then, everyone has a lot of growing up to do. Everyone matures at a different pace.

Read more

One challenge of raising teenagers is teaching emotional regulation.

As Dr. Lisa Damour says:

“Teenagers often have the right feeling on the wrong scale. They need help bringing their feelings down to size.”

As parents, we do this by naming their feelings, talking about their feelings, and using a tone that conveys warmth and confidence in them.

It sounds easy, but in the moment, it can hard, uncomfortable, or irritating to witness a teenager’s unpleasant emotions.

Personally, I want to rush my daughters through them.

I want to give pep talks or life lessons.

I’ve told my daughters how they should feel before listening to how they do feel.

And, most notably, I’ve expected them to master emotions that still elude me.

I didn’t realize my tendency to do this until my daughter told me one day, “You and Dad are always like, perspective, but I’m allowed to be upset over dumb things for five minutes.”

And you know what? She was right!

While my instinct is to “fix” any emotions that make me uncomfortable (or make me want to cry) my girls benefit more when I let them feel what they feel and give them room to vent. After all, emotions buried alive always resurface.

At the same time, I know that emotions can make or break a girl. Emotions will affect every relationship our daughters will have—including their relationship with their friends, boyfriends, future husbands, colleagues, children, grandchildren, and so on.

We all know girls—and grown women—who act like a bull in a china shop.

Some of us have been that bull in a china shop, creating relationship wreckage as our emotions spin out of control and we say (or do) things that people won’t forget.

Feelings are great followers yet terrible leaders, and just because a girl feels a certain emotion doesn’t give her a right to act on it and hurt others.

With that said, how do we let our daughters vent and unload — yet also teach them how to take their raw emotions to a more evolved place?

How do we help them identify their triggers and know when to walk away?

It’s impossible to have healthy relationships without emotional intelligence. And since relationships matter deeply to girls, learning emotional intelligence should be a top priority.

An emotionally intelligent girl knows not to send angry texts when she’s seeing red.

She can tune into her feelings without dumping her feelings on others.

She can empathize with friends who are down and need encouragement.

She listens to her instincts and pays attention to body language.

And finally, she finds healthy outlets for her pain. She works on these learned behaviors.

To attract emotionally intelligent friends, our daughters have to first get themselves in a good place first. Here are ideas to help your daughter reach that goal.

1. Remember that a teenager’s response to the world is driven by emotion, not reason.

Dr. Frances Jensen, author of The Teenage Brain, says that during adolescence, more than any other time, emotions rule our lives.

“Teenagers are usually up or they’re down,” she explains, “and they are very rarely something in between. As parents we sometimes experience our teenagers’ emotional highs and lows as frighteningly out of control, and because our teenagers are as of yet unable to smooth things out using their frontal lobes, it’s up to us to be the filter, the regulator, to provide the sense of calm their brains can’t yet provide.”

Teenagers have a hyperactive amygdala (the primitive part of the brain, the center of “fight or flight”) and an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex (the rational part of brain that doesn’t fully develop until age 25).

This gap helps explain the heightened emotions that distort reality. By acting as your daughter’s reality check, you can be a voice of reason and calm in the chaos.

Read more

As a mom of four daughters, I can’t tell you how often I hear these words:

“I’m so glad that I have boys, boys are so much easier than girls!”

In some ways, I agree. Raising girls is more emotionally c…

Read more

“Wow, Mom, that was the best conversation we’ve ever had!”

I was surprised to hear my daughter’s reaction at the end of a 3-hour drive. After all, you never know how a 17-year-old girl will resonate with a tricky conversation.

We’d just wrapped up an amazing day in Oxford, Mississippi. We had toured Ole Miss with her best friends and their moms, and this mother-daughter trip included good food, shopping, and a charming hotel.

The night before at dinner, we had a fun, grown-up conversation that led the moms to start sharing stories about old boyfriends. We laughed hysterically as we all chimed in.

Being on a college campus triggered an avalanche of memories for me. While most were good, some were unsettling, especially through my lens as a mom.

As it hit me what my daughter would be exposed to, I felt a pressing urge to equip her.

Ever since my girls were young, I’ve parented by this motto: “Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child.” Forewarned is forearmed, and we’re all equipped to make better choices when we have a lay of the land.

When I was growing up, parents didn’t have these conversations. We figured things out the hard way. But times have changed, and being naive in an age where many people live without a moral code can have serious consequences. Knowing this keeps me brave in initiating hard conversations.

So, as my daughter and I drove home from Oxford, I held nothing back. I started the conversation by telling her:

“I love you, and I will not let you leave home clueless like I did. Buckle up because I’m about to share the nitty-gritty details of life after high school. I want you to know what you’re up against.”

For 3 hours, we talked nonstop. Before we knew it, we were back at home. It felt like the fastest car ride ever.

At first my daughter was quiet. She listened as I touched on topics that included:

• binge drinking, drugs, and stomachs getting pumped at the hospital;

• sexual promiscuity, STDs, and the hook- up culture;

• sexual assault, sex trafficking, and date rape drugs slipped into drinks;

• depression, suicide, and mental health;

• pornography;

• drinking and driving;

• eating disorders — anorexia, orthorexia, and bulimia;

• mean girls, predatory guys, and when to leave a party or a date;

• loneliness, anxiety, and self- doubt;

• discernment and trusting your gut instincts;

• making good choices while not judging others;

• the importance of family, faith, and true friends; and

• God’s unconditional love and mercy.

I shared stories of what I’d seen or heard. She shared stories, too, including a sad story about a friend she met at a Bible study in 10th grade.

This girl had a bad reputation for being promiscuous. She confessed to this group that she’d been sexually assaulted the year before, and that trauma led to terrible decisions.

This led to another great conversation about not jumping to conclusions or judging anyone when they make poor choices. By showing compassion, you may help them heal, change, and discover God’s grace.

Hockey legend Wayne Gretzky once said, “I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been.” As parents, we do this too. We anticipate what’s around the corner — and give our kids a heads-up.

This strategy shapes today’s conversations. It makes them less awkward.

It’s easier to talk about dating before your child falls in love.

It’s easier to talk about drinking before they’re pressured at a party.

And with this next generation growing up fast, hard conversations are needed sooner than we think. If this feels overwhelming to you, please remember: Nobody is a pro at first. Nobody nails it on day one.

My husband and I were amateurs at first. We had no game or strategy — and our oldest child jokingly recalls our first “sex talk” as a traumatic childhood experience.

But we pushed through the awkwardness and kept being proactive. We gained confidence as we tried different scripts.

As parents, we can’t predict every tricky situation. We won’t always have the perfect words. But we can control the narrative as the most trusted adult in our children’s lives. We can address the realities we know they’ll encounter.

Let your child hear the truth from you. Establish yourself as the authority. Even if you’re nervous…even if your voice shakes…even if you feel sick to your stomach…an imperfect conversation is always better than no conversation at all.

Subscribe now

With practice, you’ll get better. You’ll learn how to read your child.

My 3-hour car talk with my daughter never would have happened if she didn’t engage back with me. What set the stage for that long conversation were many awkward conversations before it.

The timing felt appropriate, too, as it made sense to talk about college after a campus tour. Also, I talked about here, the car is one of the best places to talk and connect with your child.

And while we shouldn’t rush these hard conversations, we also can’t neglect the truth. Parents who keep an open dialogue often have children who feel comfortable opening up to them. Parents who avoid hard topics often have kids who seek guidance from the internet or from their friends.

We can be realistic yet optimistic as we prepare our children for the road ahead. We can offer a road map for tricky terrain.

Here are 25 talking points for tricky conversations that every child should hear before leaving home, also found my book Is Your Daughter Ready? Many moms say these 25 points was one of their favorite parts of the book.

Read more

She called my house in the middle of the night – and she kept calling until someone answered.

She knew I’d want to know, and she was absolutely right about that.

I was in 10th grade, and earlier that n…

Read more