Laura and Sherri are uniquely qualified to address this situation because they are former pastors’ wives who deconstructed from Evangelical faiths.

Trigger Warning: This discussion contains adult language and addresses sexual, emotional, physical, and spiritual abuse.

By now, most of you have probably heard of the Netflix documentary “Death of the Pastor’s Wife.” It tells the story of Mica Miller and the alleged abuse she suffered at the hands of her pastor/husband, John-Paul Miller.

After watching this three-part documentary, Laura and Sherri Bothwell, two former pastors’ wives, felt they needed to get together and debrief. What follows is their unedited, raw conversation, with all the feelings you would expect from former pastors’ wives who have survived similar toxic environments.

What Outlasts the Church

(An AI Summary of the Podcast Episode)

Some friendships survive distance, changing beliefs, adulthood, and all the strange machinery of life. Sometimes it takes loss to remind us they’re still there.

On this episode of The Unlearning Curve, Caleb Mayfield joins the conversation to talk about old friendships, sudden loss, and what pushed him to start reconnecting with people he’d let drift away. Along the way, the conversation wanders back through childhood, youth group, and the realization that sometimes what mattered most about church wasn’t the theology — it was having somewhere to go and people who knew your name.

It’s a conversation about grief, connection, growing up, and the relationships that can outlast the systems where we first found them.

What Outlasts the Church

Questioning the Bible is only criticism of the Creator if he/she actually wrote it. And if God wrote it, then my contention is that it could be much better.

If God can’t communicate with us any better than that, I don’t need their help, because it just creates arguments. These disagreements could be avoided with a better book that communicates well enough to be universally understood.

Podcast Episode - 75 - The Unlearning Curve - Naming the Chaos

75 - Naming the Chaos

Thanks for joining us again on the Unlearning Curve podcast. Today, we dive deep into the complexities of understanding chaos and how our perceptions shape our reality. With me are Carl the Great and Jordan, and together, we explore the intricate relationship between naming concepts and our ability to understand them. This conversation is particularly vital given the current climate of misinformation and the oversimplification of complex issues in society.

Understanding Chaos: Is Naming It Helpful or Hindering?

In this session, we tackle the age-old question: does naming something help us understand it, or does it limit our comprehension? The discussion begins with an acknowledgment of the chaos in the universe and our innate desire to impose order through language. As Stuart Delony points out, using the term “God” to explain chaos can warp our understanding of both God and the chaos itself. When we label everything as divine, we risk losing sight of reality and the nuances of our experiences.

The Human Need for Patterns

As humans, we are hardwired to create patterns and stories. This need stems from our evolutionary past where recognizing patterns could mean the difference between life and death. However, when we start imposing rigid definitions and narratives, we may find ourselves trapped in a box that limits our understanding. Jordan shares insights on how the internet creates a dangerous landscape where people seek definitive answers without context, leading to misunderstandings and mislabeling.

The Comfort of Certainty vs. The Challenge of Chaos

Carl the Great emphasizes the comfort that comes with certainty, especially in faith and politics. He illustrates how people cling to narratives that fit their worldview, often ignoring contradictions that might challenge their beliefs. This tendency can create a false sense of security, as he explains, leading to oversimplified views of complex issues.

Embracing Complexity in Relationships

In discussing personal relationships, Carl reflects on his 38-year marriage, highlighting that while growth is apparent, chaos and confusion often linger. He argues that it’s essential to embrace this chaos rather than seek to explain it away. Accepting that life is not always logical can lead to deeper connections and understanding, both with ourselves and others.

The Spiritual Dimension: Finding Meaning in Chaos

Stuart shares a personal anecdote from his time as a river guide, where he learned to embrace the unpredictable nature of the water. This metaphor highlights the spiritual journey we all undertake, facing chaos without the need to control it. Recognizing our smallness in the vastness of the universe can be both humbling and liberating.

The Dangers of Oversimplification

The conversation shifts to the dangers of oversimplifying complex issues, particularly in the context of significant events like 9/11. Stuart argues that searching for divine meaning in tragedies can prevent us from confronting uncomfortable truths about ourselves and our societies. Instead of seeking scapegoats or easy explanations, we must engage with the complexities of reality to foster genuine understanding and growth.

Conclusion: The Path Forward

As we wrap up this thought-provoking discussion, it becomes clear that embracing chaos, rather than fearing it, is crucial for personal and collective growth. By allowing ourselves to experience uncertainty and engage with complex realities, we open the door to deeper understanding and connection.

What the Southern Baptist Convention wouldn't do, survivors and their supporters have done. They launched a new website to help track predators and the churches that cover up for them.

ProtestantAccountability.org

The database already boasts a list of more than 2,700 accused perpetrators ranging from clergy and lay staff members to teachers and camp counselors from across 100 denominations.

Chellee Taylor, the present of Protestant Accountability, said:

“This is an effort to spread awareness, inform the public, protect potential victims and help heal those who’ve already been wounded. This database has the potential to save others from the suffering I endured not just at the hands of my pastor, but by the institution who chose to protect him over honoring God with accountability, transparency and truth.”

The site collects already public information and stores it all in one place for easy searchability. The people posted on the site have been accused of committing or mishandling cases of sexual abuse while holding some sort of spiritual authority.

The new site joins other existing sites, including: StopBaptistPredators.org, BishopAccountability.org and the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, or SNAP.

Protestant Accountability board member Dominique “Dom” Benninger explained that the site relies on public documents, published media reports and court records for its content.

“We don’t do investigations,” said Benninger, a religious abuse survivor in Pennsylvania and co-founder of now-closed BaptistAccountability.org.

“The primary focus now is sexual abuse but also includes abuse enablers and abuse coverups. If an abuser or alleged abuser is given a sendoff without identifying potential abuse, you may wind up in our database.”

The work is painstaking and performed by a small group of volunteers, Benninger said. “Every day there are more and more reports. This is heavy work. In every single record there is at least one individual who suffered harm. We have to pace ourselves and take care of survivors and ourselves.”

This kind of database is what abuse survivors demanded of the Southern Baptist Convention and were promised would be created, but it never was.

*Source - Baptist News Global

Podcast Episode - 74 - The Unlearning Curve - What is Love?

What is Love? (Baby, don’t hurt me)

In today’s fast-paced world, finding genuine love seems harder than ever. With the rise of dating apps and a culture of instant gratification, many struggle to forge deep, lasting connections. In this blog post, we’ll explore insights from a discussion among hosts Stuart Delony, Karl the Great, and Jordan as they delve into the complexities of love, based on Eric Fromm’s classic book, “The Art of Loving.” We’ll unpack the meaning of love as an art form, its various definitions, and how to navigate relationships in a society that often treats love as a commodity.

Understanding Love as an Art

Love is often discussed in abstract terms, but what does it mean to treat love as an art? Stuart Delony opens the conversation by suggesting that love is not merely a feeling, but a commitment involving vulnerability and consistency. He emphasizes that real love requires effort and dedication, moving beyond fleeting emotions to build a solid relationship. This perspective aligns with the idea that love involves nurturing and growth, similar to mastering a craft.

The Consumer Mindset and Love

Jordan introduces the critical notion that modern society’s consumer mentality affects our understanding of love. In a world where everything is available at the click of a button, relationships often suffer from superficiality. Fromm critiques this capitalist view, suggesting that love should not be transactional. Instead, it should be about genuine connection and mutual respect. As the hosts reflect on their experiences, they highlight how this mindset can lead to unrealistic expectations and disappointment in relationships.

Navigating Different Definitions of Love

The discussion also touches on the various definitions of love, particularly within religious contexts. Karl the Great points out the confusion often found in church teachings about love. He notes that the term “love” can mean different things depending on the context—ranging from romantic love to brotherly love. This ambiguity can lead to misunderstandings about how to express love in our lives. The hosts encourage readers to define love for themselves, recognizing that it can encompass commitment, respect, kindness, and patience.

The Challenges of Love in Relationships

As the conversation progresses, the hosts tackle the hard realities of love, including the challenges and discomforts that arise in relationships. They discuss the importance of addressing difficult issues openly and honestly. Karl emphasizes that love involves commitment but also requires addressing systemic issues in relationships. This commitment to honesty and authenticity can be challenging but is crucial for fostering a healthy partnership.

Key Takeaways

• Love as a Commitment: Real love is more than a feeling; it requires a commitment to showing up for one another.

• Rejecting the Consumer Mentality: Avoid treating love as a commodity; focus on genuine connections.

• Defining Love: Understand and define what love means to you, considering its various forms.

• Navigating Challenges: Embrace honesty and vulnerability in relationships, addressing difficult topics as they arise.

Conclusion

Understanding love as an art form invites us to approach relationships with intention and depth. By rejecting superficial definitions and embracing the complexities of love, we can cultivate meaningful connections in our lives. As you reflect on your relationships, consider how you can apply these insights to nurture authentic love.

Podcast Episode - 73 - The Unlearning Curve - How Dumbasses Rise to Power

73 - How Dumbasses Rise to Power

In today’s world, we often find ourselves questioning the intelligence and competence of those in leadership positions. Whether in politics or religion, the rise of figures that seem to lack depth and critical thinking is alarming. In this post, we’ll explore the concept of the “dumbass” in leadership, particularly within the context of mega churches and political figures. We’ll delve into why these individuals often rise to power, the role of their supporters, and what this means for society as a whole.

Understanding the “Dumbass” Phenomenon

The term “dumbass” isn’t meant to insult those with learning disabilities; rather, it refers to individuals in positions of power who seem to lack the critical thinking skills necessary for effective leadership. During our discussion, Karl the Great shared his experience of engaging with a former seminary friend, who, despite leading a successful church, displayed a concerning lack of depth in conversation. This raises the question: how do such individuals manage to maintain their positions of authority?

The Role of Education in Leadership

A significant factor contributing to the “dumbass” phenomenon is the education system that often promotes individuals based primarily on their charisma rather than their ability to think critically. Karl pointed out that many pastors and leaders, despite their positions, often lack the ability to engage in thoughtful discussions about complex issues. They may be skilled in public speaking, but that does not equate to wisdom or intelligence.

Key Insight: Many leaders are not promoted for their critical thinking skills but rather for their ability to attract followers. This leads to the Peter Principle, where individuals rise to their level of incompetence.

The Support System Behind Leadership

Leadership is rarely a solo endeavor. It often relies on a network of supporters who help maintain the facade of competence. During the podcast, we discussed how figures like Donald Trump require significant support to function effectively. This support system enables them to continue in positions of power, even when their actions may not warrant it.

Key Insight: Supporters play a crucial role in propping up incompetent leaders. This creates an environment where critical feedback is often stifled, allowing these leaders to operate without accountability.

The Impact of Charisma on Leadership

Charisma is a powerful tool that can sometimes overshadow the need for substance in leadership. Many megachurch pastors and politicians are charismatic, which attracts followers eager for guidance. However, as Karl noted, charisma without depth can lead to a dangerous scenario where followers are misled by superficial appeals rather than informed discourse.

Key Insight: Charismatic leaders often thrive in environments where followers are unwilling to question their authority. This can perpetuate a cycle of incompetence, as these leaders may never face the scrutiny necessary for improvement.

Conclusion: Rethinking Leadership in Our Society

The discussions around the “dumbass” phenomenon highlight the need for a critical reevaluation of how we approach leadership in society. We must encourage leaders to engage in deeper discussions, challenge their thinking, and be held accountable for their actions. As we move forward, it’s essential to support leaders who demonstrate both charisma and the capacity for critical thought.

The narrative: Six chapters in, the Bible explains that the world was so evil that God destroyed almost everyone and everything, and the rainbow was a promise that he wouldn’t do it again.

I realize that any story can be spiritualized or excused with magical explanations. But after 50 years in Christianity and 20 years as a pastor, I grew tired of every biblical story being explained by God’s magic rather than by science, logic, or reason. The Word (logos) means logic and reason, not “I don’t know, I guess God magically did it?”

The biblical stories often lack devotion to the physical world and the natural laws we can observe, prove, and reproduce. If you knew a guy who explained all his logic or all his stories with magic, it would only take a couple of times before that man’s stories would become suspect.

Failures of the Flood

What does not make sense about the flood narrative, and what scientific reasons explain why it never happened?

We know from archaeological excavations and other historical evidence that the flood narrative was not specific to the Jewish people. There were many narratives about global or regional floods before and after the Genesis account of what Yahweh or other gods allegedly did to the world.

Most of us were indoctrinated with this story as young children and taught to simply accept it as truth without questioning it. I have never heard a religious teacher, pastor, or Sunday School teacher address the concerns with this story for more than 1 minute. Somehow, the religious community adopted Ken Ham as their spokesman for this issue and their creator for the Ark Encounter in Kentucky. If you saw him debate Bill Nye, you know he has very little to offer and that he suffered an embarrassing defeat. The scientific evidence he ignores is alarming.

Spiritual/Theological Problems with the Narrative

Noah’s Flood narrative poses several profound spiritual and theological challenges that scholars, believers, and critics have debated for centuries.

The Problem of Mass Destruction

One of the main problems with the flood narrative is that it challenges the concept of an all-loving, merciful God. The drowning of infants, children, and animals raises deep moral questions about what kind of God would do that. For me, everything centers on my children, and I could never imagine drowning or torturing them, even for the worst crimes. They have no chance of redemption or reformation when they are mercilessly suffocated underwater. There is no plan of redemption in the flood. They all died!

Wiping out entire populations is in contrast with the principle of individual accountability that Christianity proposes. The concept championed in the flood is similar to wiping out entire nations, even though it may be only a few parts of the population that are leading and influencing “evil” in that nation. Christians would never imagine God destroying the entire United States and all of its inhabitants because we have a high crime rate. The flawed narrative teaches that it would be the states in the South that are the most violent that would be destroyed, or simply the perpetrators (even though that still doesn’t solve the problem). We can imagine God destroying our enemies, real or imagined, but we never even imagine God wiping out the entirety of the United States under any circumstance.

After the flood, he is said to regret creating humanity. While this is an act of accountability on his part, it also suggests a lack of divine foreknowledge, which the biblical narrative attributes to him. These ideas conflict and don’t resolve. The dialogue recorded in Genesis portrays a largely unstable being who reacts by shifting from extreme anger to total destruction. A perfect creator who needs to hit the “reset button” also implies that the original design was inherently flawed.

The Failure of the Reset

In my experience in Sunday school and other Bible-teaching environments, the Noahic flood was portrayed as a divine judgment that resolved the problem of human wickedness. After years of contemplation, study, and preaching about the flood, I find no evidence that it cured human wickedness. The first example appears immediately after the flood, when Noah acted inappropriately toward his sons. Look it up!

If human nature remained unchanged, the global loss of life and worldwide destruction yielded no permanent spiritual cure for the issue. The fact that God promised not to do it again lends credence to the idea that it didn’t work, didn’t solve the sin issue, and wouldn’t work in the future. The flood was a total failure, as evidenced by God’s actions afterward and by the human response to the punishment.

The humans who subsequently descended from the “good guys” in the flood story still suffered from the same human condition that had existed before the flood. As they reproduced through incest, they continued to face the same issues they had before. It accomplished nothing!

If God promised never to flood the earth again and that didn’t solve the problem, we have to admit that God made a mistake.

Theological Inconsistencies

As with other parts of the Bible, the Old Testament/Hebrew Scriptures’ narrative of retributive justice contrasts sharply with the restorative justice portrayed in parts of the New Testament/Christian doctrine. Christianity goes to great lengths to reconcile these problems, but in my opinion, there’s very little progress in the 1700 years we have had a Canon to examine and a faith to question. The murder and genocide simply don’t coexist very well with things like the Golden Rule and loving your neighbor.

For me, the overriding conviction is that after over 30 years of serious study of the Bible and 20 years as a pastor, I find very little evidence that God has ever truly transformed people (much like He didn’t after the Flood). I have heard testimonies of people overcoming addictions and attending church more, but in my experience, the most serious Christians and other religious sects are just as disgusting and unchanged as the groups they don’t like. A dedicated, dyed-in-the-wool Southern Baptist will hold the same beliefs he had at seven and still believe stories and myths about a retributive God who doesn’t have a problem with slavery, genocide, and other atrocities like the Flood. They are just as likely to endorse terrorism, slavery, and genocide as any other country they despise (for example, the latest invasion of Iran). The SBC routinely covers up the most heinous abuse of women and children and claims it is sanctified (transformed, set apart). I could go on and on about their failures to transform/change.

Spirit-filled Christians are often the most judgmental and hateful people you can meet. They pull out divine-judgment stories when it suits their needs, then talk about love, grace, and mercy in their marketing. The story of the flood, as portrayed in Genesis and believed by the flock, should be the most embarrassing part of their collection of myths and stories; instead, they hold it up as a threat to drive the sheep to the altar.

The Scientific Issues

The main problems with the Biblical account of Noah’s Flood center on conflicts with established scientific fields. Most people can accept some mystery and magic in their stories, but when a story violates every tenet of natural law, it becomes suspect. For example, maybe God can cause an elephant to migrate toward a ship in the middle of a desert, but it’s unlikely that he would miniaturize an elephant into a hatbox. We can believe that Jesus turned water into wine, but it’s unlikely that alcohol has no effect on the body.

And if we are honest, most miracles are not verified, and they very rarely happen. When a huckster hypes an audience, deception becomes easier, and disproving the person in charge is discouraged. As any magician, showman, or charismatic preacher knows, people are easy to deceive, especially when they want to believe.

Geology and Archaeology

There’s no uniform global sediment layer or fossil record evidence corresponding to a single worldwide flood. It simply doesn’t exist! Late at night, I often watch shows centered on archaeological digs into ancient civilizations, and sometimes even those directly related to the investigation of the biblical record. Time after time, one thing is consistently absent: proof of the biblical record. When they dig through the actual places where things were supposed to have happened, they find evidence of all kinds of things, except for things like the ark and other things that are supposed to be there.

Occasionally, the archaeologist, who is sometimes trying to verify the biblical narrative, sadly says that it may be just a story based on other stories told at the time. Several times, people who wanted Noah’s flood story to be true have claimed to have found the site, but when it is actually explored, it lacks evidence. In my mind, it’s OK to keep looking for that evidence, but it is inauthentic to say it actually happened when there is no proof.

Continuous historical records and architectural evidence from ancient civilizations (such as Egypt and Mesopotamia) indicate uninterrupted continuity throughout the proposed timeframe of the flood, with no record of the flood narrative.

By the way, archaeologists face the same difficulty proving that Sodom and Gomorrah were real places or that Jericho fell as the Bible describes. It clarifies a lot for me to see how much irrefutable evidence there is documenting and explaining Egyptian culture and history, yet the evidence for the biblical narrative and history essentially does not exist. When the narrative was written in 1500 BC about topics such as creation and the Noahic flood, it is fairly obvious that it is based on earlier stories.

Biology and Zoology

It’s very difficult for Christians to explain how a single wooden boat could physically accommodate or feed millions of animal species; nor can it explain how koalas and kangaroos reached the ark or survived without their natural food. Questions include how the meat eaters survived without destroying the creatures God was trying to preserve, or how they survived immediately after the 40 days, when the Biblical text says that everything was destroyed. The eucalyptus needed for a koala to survive would have had to magically grow in the desert, where it didn’t grow at any other time in history.

Again, to make the story make sense, we have to jump through so many hoops that defy logic, reasoning, and the basic rules of science, specifically biology and zoology. I could raise 100 puzzling questions about the flood and how the animals and people survived and continued to survive after the ark, but all the biblical literalists can offer are wild assumptions about what might have taken place. And again, there is no evidence to support these stories.

​Genetics

Reducing global human and animal populations to single pairs or small family groups a few thousand years ago would have created extreme genetic bottlenecks, leading to fatal inbreeding. Among other things, human diversity would have been stripped away because the entire future global population would inherit only the genetic material of those few survivors. Humankind would have lost its adaptive potential without genetic diversity. In small, inbred populations, offspring are far more likely to inherit 2 copies of harmful recessive genes. The Minimum Viable Population rule often suggests a minimum of 50 individuals to prevent severe inbreeding depression and 500 individuals to offset long-term genetic drift.

Modern genomic sequencing reveals no evidence of a global single-pair bottleneck in humans or other animal species within the last 10,000 years. While human history includes localized bottlenecks such as the Toba catastrophe candidate event 10s of thousands of years ago, human genetic diversity today reflects A continuously effective population size that never dropped to a single family.

By the way, they also despised any magical explanation for anything that didn’t fit their narrative.

Physics & Meteorology

The atmosphere cannot hold enough water vapor to cover the Earth’s highest mountains; condensing that much water would also generate catastrophic atmospheric heat. If all the water vapor in the atmosphere condensed at once, it would form a global layer of liquid water only about 1 inch deep. Air temperature limits how much water the atmosphere can hold, and even if the air were fully saturated worldwide, there is nowhere near enough total atmospheric volume to submerge high-elevation terrain.

The “Fountains of the Deep” (subterranean water) is under immense lithostatic pressure and at temperatures exceeding 1000°C. Calculations show that venting the superheated fluid into the atmosphere would release enough latent and thermal heat to raise atmospheric temperatures to thousands of degrees, boiling the existing oceans and instantly destroying all life on the surface, including anything aboard an ark. The reality of releasing this underground water is too complex to address in this blog, but suffice it to say that this theory creates far more problems than it solves.

Closing

I realize that any story can be spiritualized or excused with magical explanations. But after 50 years of encountering these limited explanations in Christianity and 20 years as a pastor, I grew tired of every biblical story being explained by God’s magic rather than by the science that explains everything else. We can’t say that biblical stories lack devotion to the physical world and the natural laws we can observe, prove, and reproduce. If you knew a guy who explained all his logic or all his stories with magic, after a couple of times, his stories would become suspect.

Be where you are, Be who you are, Be at peace,

Karl Forehand

Christianity has a habit of demonizing the other. Sometimes it’s within Christianity that we demonize other denominations and belief systems. My religion of origin is Southern Baptist, and we often highlighted Catholics as the worst example. But even in a broader sense, all of Christianity needs to demonize other countries and other religions to justify its existence and give it a purpose to pursue. If there is no enemy to conquer, then why are we asking people for money, volunteer labor, and their devotion?

Identifying an enemy, whether it’s another denomination or another country, gives us a reason to unite and a common purpose to pursue. Since I live in a small town, it’s easy to see this play out in real life. Most people get along and help one another, and don’t see their neighbor as the enemy until a political party or a church tells us that the enemy is just outside the door, and that must mean even our little town. The evidence points in the other direction, but if we seclude ourselves long enough with the same people, we can easily draw conclusions about the people we isolate ourselves from.

Yahweh’s Death Toll

Calculating the number of people killed by Yahweh (God) in the Hebrew Bible/Old Testament depends on whether you count only the explicitly stated numbers in the text or include estimated totals for uncounted mass events. No matter how we calculate it, the numbers don’t look good for a monotheist god claiming the moral high ground. Christianity inherits this god by default while at the same time claiming the dual reality of the Old and New Testaments.

Several reliable sources quote actual numbers of murders attributed to God, even though he expressly prohibits it. But even if you just want to estimate the number, you can probably get the gist of this God who killed millions of people because they disappointed him in some way. Never mind the fact that he supposedly created these beings and knew what they were going to do before they did it.

In the Old Testament, God explicitly kills about 2.8 million people, according to Steve Wells in Drunk with Blood: God’s Killings in the Bible. This total reflects about 135 to 160 distinct incidents in scripture where the Bible provides a specific numerical figure for deaths directly caused by God or by divine command. Examples include:

• 70,000 killed by a plague sent as punishment for King David’s census (2 Samuel 24:15)

• 185,000 Assyrian soldiers slain by an angel of the Lord in a single night (2 Kings 19:35)

• 500,000 Israelite soldiers struck down during battle against Judah (2 Chronicles 13:17)

• 14,700 killed by a plague following Korah’s rebellion (Numbers 16:49)

• 24,000 killed by a plague at Peor (Numbers 25:9)

In addition, the Old Testament records numerous events that could represent 20–25 million.

These events include:

• The Genesis Flood: The death toll is estimated between 15 - 20 million people.

• Sodom and Gomorrah: A complete ancient city (Genesis 19).

• Firstborn of Egypt: The final plague of the Exodus (Exodus 12).

• Conquest of Canaan & Foreign Invasions: Multiple mass extermination campaigns commanded in Deuteronomy and Joshua where precise casualty counts are not recorded.

Satan’s Death Toll

Although Satan was not considered a being in the Old Testament, we often want to demonize this adversarial, and may I say fictitious, character (Ha-Satan) as the root of all evil. If this is true, then “The Satan” should have an even higher body count than Yahweh. But as much as we would like to believe this, it simply isn’t true according to the record. In the book of Job, Satan asks permission for approximately 10 deaths in Job’s family, and thus concludes his record of murder, which doesn’t come close to Yahweh’s murderous reign (Job 1:12–19).

Jesus Enters the Scene

Without going into specific verses and examples, I would like to state that Jesus portrayed a different model of justice that lifted up the poor and focused on “the least of these.” He spoke truth to power and encouraged his followers to treat people justly. They also urged others not to return evil for evil but to overcome evil with good. During the first 300-400 years of Christianity, most wars were fought by major nations, and Christians followed Jesus’ example and his words until Constantine united the church with the empire in 313 AD. It wasn’t long before Christians were in the fight, killing scores of people to fulfill their assumed manifest destiny.

Looking back, it is now common for Christians in the modern era to still be tied to this ancient narrative. When we believe we are right and God is on our side, we can justify just about everything, and we do! The Crusades killed 1-3 million people. The 30-year war in the 16th and 17th centuries killed 4 to 8 million people, and the colonization of the Americas murdered 50 to 90 million, mostly indigenous people. Hitler’s Army was mostly Christian, and like American Christians, they believed they were doing the business of justice for their god.

Root Problems

There is a wealth of information if someone really wants to investigate this further. But maybe it’s helpful to pause and think deeply about which paths we will follow if we believe we are right and that someone else is not just wrong but depraved and evil, and that they are other than us. It’s only a couple of steps, whether that’s a Yankee Doodle march or a goose step, to accept that it’s okay to eliminate our fellow human beings. Russia and Ukraine apparently serve the same God but have completely different ideas about who should die and who should live. Israel claims favored status with God, as they indiscriminately bomb their neighbors.

It’s easy to paint people who are different from us as terrorists, even though Israel and the United States have invaded other countries and killed scores of people to seize their resources. As an American, it makes me cry to see us repeat the same patterns over and over, somehow justifying what we do to other humans as just, fair, and reasonable.

Lindsay Graham, the war hawk, died recently, and I must admit I wasn’t sad, much like I won’t be sad when the former governor of Arkansas, who is now stationed in Israel as Ambassador, gets too old or passes away from inciting violence in the name of God and propping up the war criminal. But does my hatred of evil people like Hitler, Netanyahu, and Donald Trump lead me down the same path of wishing they would just go away and stop enabling the ruthless murder of innocent people? Christians believe that everyone is inherently evil, so it still doesn’t make sense that they give themselves the right to kill people because others are evil. They may be evil, but so are we!

In the last few months, I have heard Christians stirring up ideas we had decades ago about satanic panic and the commies. But it might behoove us to focus less on who we think is invading our privilege, whether it is another nation, another religion, or even the person who lives in our neighborhood and goes out of his way to annoy us, and to focus on the humanity in every person.

I hope we also understand that it’s easy for groups to control us when we’re afraid. That’s why they go to such lengths to hold rallies and worship services, to tell us that we should be afraid of everything outside our experience of the world. We must stop isolating ourselves where we agree with each other about who to kill, who to exclude, or simply who to ignore!

I long for Christians to understand that although they think they are battling enemies, they are in reality creating adversaries when they retreat because of their fear. The way to stop the war between other groups, parties, and religions is to advance beyond our comfort zones and share experiences with those we disagree with. Instead of congregating in a sanctuary meant to isolate us and produce adversaries, it would behoove us to walk across the street and meet our actual neighbors.

Be where you are, Be who you are, Be at peace!

Karl Forehand

(If you are a man, please use this short essay to consider what a woman might go through when she tells the truth)

Step 1 - Meet with your r*pist, which most often is the cause for underreporting.

Step 2 - Meet with a council of men who may ask, “What were you wearing?” or “What did you do?” or “Think about the man’s career/reputation of the church.”

Step 3 - Take it to the Congregation, where you will be shamed and forced to forgive your assailant.

*Extra Step - Sometimes, the pastor’s wife will meet with you and try to persuade you to drop it so that the ministry of the church will not be negatively affected. Because members are uneasy, they may not know what to say, which further isolates you. Sometimes metaphorical rocks are lobbed in the form of gaslighting, which also keeps you silent and wondering why.

Instead of notifying the police of the crime committed, most of the energy and focus will be directed toward salvaging his reputation and discrediting the victim. The show must go on!

#BelieveWomen #CallTheAuthorities #DontEnable #Abuse

Podcast Episode - 72 - The Unlearning Curve - Why Do Aliens Hate Christianity?

Why Do Aliens Hate Christianity?

In today’s episode of the Unlearning Curve podcast, we tackle a provocative question: Why do aliens seem to reject Christianity? This intriguing topic stems from an article by Joseph Jordan, who has researched over 600 abduction cases. In this blog post, we explore the intersection of faith, extraterrestrial beliefs, and cultural narratives, providing insights that challenge conventional thinking.

Understanding the Alien Perspective

The Claim of Alien Abductions

Jordan posits that abduction experiences are not physical events but rather spiritual visions aimed at diverting individuals from Christianity. The argument here is that those involved in New Age practices are more susceptible to these experiences, suggesting a connection between belief systems and extraterrestrial encounters. But what does this mean for the average believer?

The notion that aliens might “hate” Christianity is rooted in the fear that these experiences undermine faith. Jordan suggests that calling upon Jesus is the only way to repel these experiences, which raises the question: Are aliens truly targeting Christians, or is this a reflection of broader fears about belief and control?

The Control of Narratives

One reason Christianity struggles with the concept of aliens is the desire to maintain control over narratives. The church has historically sought to define reality for its followers, and the existence of extraterrestrial beings poses a significant challenge to that authority. How can believers reconcile their faith with the possibility of other intelligent life forms?

The Historical Context of Alien Narratives

Satanic Panic and Cultural Reaction

The discussion of aliens often intertwines with historical events like the Satanic Panic, where fear of the unknown led to widespread cultural hysteria. In this context, the rejection of alien narratives aligns with the church’s long history of combatting perceived threats to its teachings. The fear of the unknown, whether it be aliens or occult practices, often leads to scapegoating and the preservation of traditional narratives.

The Role of Evangelicals

As our conversation unfolds, we reflect on how evangelicals respond to the idea of aliens. This community has historically been skeptical of anything that challenges the literal interpretations of scripture. By examining how evangelicals react to discussions about aliens, we can better understand the broader implications of faith and science for personal beliefs.

Implications for Believers

Navigating New Realities

For many Christians, the notion of alien life can evoke anxiety and confusion. This apprehension often stems from a misunderstanding of both scientific inquiry and faith. The narrative that aliens are hostile towards Christianity is not just a reflection of belief but also a commentary on the fear of change within religious communities.

The Importance of Open Dialogue

It’s crucial for believers to engage in open discussions about faith, science, and the possibility of extraterrestrial life. By fostering a culture of inquiry rather than fear, churches can create environments where questions about aliens and faith can coexist without conflict. This dialogue is essential for spiritual growth and understanding in an increasingly complex world.

Conclusion

In summary, the question of why aliens seem to “hate” Christianity reveals deeper issues within religious communities regarding control, understanding, and the fear of the unknown. As we continue to explore these topics, it’s essential to approach them with an open mind and a willingness to engage with new ideas.

when you encounter various ^[a]trials.

~ James 1:2, NASB

I made a statement the other day that contentment is better than happiness. In my experience, Christianity requires us to be happy, or at least to act happy. It’s part of the marketing plan. It’s part of the outlandish claims that Jesus fixes us instantly and makes us immediately happier, which is the preliminary goal and an antidote to sadness.

My friend suggested we focus on joy, which is confusing in Christianity. Sometimes Christians say to use the acronym J.O.Y. (Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last). First of all, what does putting Jesus first mean? In my experience, it means supporting the activities deemed appropriate by the pastor and the congregation. As Tia Levings and others explain, this focus leaves very little room for self-care and celebrates selfless sacrifice, otherwise known as abuse. Celebrating an individual’s neglect of their personal needs is at the very least cruel and traumatizing.

But then we turn to the book of James in the Bible and consider the raw truth-teller who might be the brother of Jesus. He tells us, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). Even in this passage, we see a subtle encouragement to subdue our emotions. Because I am reserved, I didn’t mind controlling my anger or outbursts until I realized later in life that it was hurting me. Not only did it tear me up inside, but when it surfaced, it came out sideways.

She suggested maybe “joy” instead of “happiness,” even though she had initially prescribed happiness and had dragged me into this conversation. I told her about the JOY formula and what I thought of it. But if I had had more time, I would have discussed this “count it all joy” passage. When I told her I didn’t agree with her presumptions, the conversation ended.

To continue the conversation she started, this is what I think is wrong with “counting it all joy” when we face “trials” of any kind.

Bypassing Trauma

Counting it all joy bypasses our emotions and feelings. We often think of trauma as an emotional response, and James misunderstands it as something we can simply consider as something else. Ironically, it is something else! It affects how our body and brain function because trauma causes our survival mechanism to kick into gear. In the brain, it causes the amygdala, our threat detector, to become hyper-sensitive to danger. The hippocampus, the brain’s memory center, can become impaired, leaving traumatic memories fragmented and vivid, which can make our bodies feel as if danger is still happening in the present.

The nervous system, in general, can get stuck in a prolonged state of fight, flight, or freeze, leaving it flooded with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Over time, this chronic wear and tear can manifest as physical effects on our immune system, sleep, and digestion. Our bodies hold trauma just as much as our minds do.

Bypassing our “trials” does not bring us joy or happiness and, over time, leads to burnout, collapse, breakdown, and deeper wounds. Contrary to Christian assumptions, trauma is not a test of our strength. It’s a biological response to danger and stress.

How Pastors, like James, Contribute

It’s easier for pastors and worship leaders if we bury our troubles in their dopamine-laced sermons and musical interludes. It’s not easy for us. It creates confusing ideas like, “What’s wrong with me that I don’t feel happy and can’t count it as joy?” In truth, Christianity can become not a genuinely happy experience but a performative exercise in which we learn to smile when we’re sad and quote platitudes instead of admitting our pain.

Somewhat like a sitcom, we are first introduced to a challenge or problem, sometimes manufactured, through scripture or sermons, and then the problem resolves itself magically with the simple solution proposed at the end of the episode. Pastors only pretend to have answers when many of them live outside normal experiences and try to mimic the understandings they inherit. Our duty is to do what they say, trust and obey; theirs is to carry on a tradition even when it proves ignorant and ineffective.

What is it really about?

“Count it all joy” is about control and the misunderstanding of how we function as humans. If we can’t change our situation, it’s not OK to lie to ourselves about it so the group does better and we don’t stress out the leadership or hurt the organization. The bottom line in most organizations is that we are just soldiers, and we need to do what’s best for the group.

“Get in line, soldier, get it together!”

If you say these “Count it all joy” phrases long enough, you will feel a little better faking your happiness or joy…at least on the outside. You will be superficially joyful but inwardly neglected. It’s not even deep happiness or contentment. It’s a sacrifice of your wholeness for the group’s operational success.

When we contemplate this deeply, it’s easy to choose the uncomfortable journey of doing the hard work of recovery instead of covering our dysfunction with Joy labeling.

Consider the harder path of healing and wholeness.

Be Where you are, Be Who you are, Be at peace,

Karl Forehand

What this is NOT about.

This blog is definitely not about people with disabilities or those who have suffered injuries that leave them incapacitated. It’s not even about those who are ignorant because of high-pressure coercion to accept certain norms. That is a separate issue of control and abuse by other people. Often, people submit to belief systems and community norms because it’s easier and feels safer. That too is conditioning, so I can’t totally blame them.

What I do want to discuss is the tendency, especially in the U.S., to end up with leaders I often call “The Toddlers in Charge.” For today’s discussion, in honor of a high school friend, I want to call these “toddlers” dumbasses for a specific reason, which will become obvious. But initially, let’s just say that is what I think when I hear them speak. I say to myself, “Dumbass.”

What is a Dumbass?

In high school, I worked with a guy from Mexico named Lupé over the summer. He was a taxi driver in Mexico and worked with our Farmers’ Cooperative that summer. He taught us a bunch of Spanish cusswords, one of which was “pendejo.” When I asked him what it meant, he said, “Dumbass.” So, the other employees and I casually used the insult against each other, mispronouncing it as “bendejo” without realizing our mistake. We would shout, “Bendejo, come here.” They would respond, “Who me?” To which we cackled, “You’re the only bendejo here.” It didn’t always end in a fight, and eventually, we learned new words we could misappropriate.

Later in life, I shared my limited understanding with other Spanish-speaking adults, who warned me, “Don’t use that word; it’s bad!” So, I removed it from my repertoire and never used it, except when appropriating it to people in power who deserve it.

Jesus seems to have cautioned people about the Arabic word Raka and the Greek word Moros, which led to English words like “moron.” He seemed to be saying that it was like murder, even though he used the same terms when describing people. Personally, I don’t think this is okay because he lost the moral high ground by failing to follow his own rules. Regardless, none of these expressions is what I mean by “dumbass” when I am observing the leaders of our day.

The Making of a Dumbass

No one is born a dumbass. It’s a process of actions and reactions that produces this outcome.

The Advantage

As I emphasized earlier, I don’t think anybody is born a dumbass. But many dumbasses have something that gives them a head start they don’t realize. Dumbasses are often born with a certain advantage. This doesn’t have to be money; it could just as likely be power or influence that they automatically get without earning it. Most of them probably fail because they see that the world doesn’t give them the favor they inherited. The ones that “succeed” are the ones who push through. They are the dumbasses I am describing. They are stubborn enough to keep demanding that the world owes them something.

Of course, there is a swath of destruction behind them, but the narcissistic toddler doesn’t see it; they keep demanding that everyone serve them because they were validated by people who want what they have. Dumbasses like the preacher Marc Driscoll even brag about the “Bodies behind the bus.” The loyal fans and employees who want to be on the same stage enable their heroes to continue cultivating ignorance and shared delusions.

I have known many pseudo-mega pastors who turned out to be toddlers once you really got to know them. When they weren’t on stage, they needed an army of people to prop them up and make their ideas come true. Yet I never discussed deep, significant truths with them because they were always focused on their pet projects and on finding people to support them.

It’s too easy to point out the likelihood of politicians who fit this bill and the lengths they will go to in order to gain more power. It’s so obvious who the dumbasses are in politics, but if you are committed to them, nothing I say will change your mind until you face a real crisis because of their dumbassery.

The Peter Principle

The Peter Principle is a management theory stating that employees in a hierarchical organization tend to be promoted based on their success in their current roles rather than on their aptitude for the new job. Consequently, people keep getting promoted until they reach a position where they are no longer competent. The simplified phrase is “In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.” Once a worker is assigned to a job where they cannot perform well, they are no longer considered for promotion. Because they are stuck at this level, they generally remain in that role and fail to achieve measurable results. Organizations ultimately become filled with individuals who are out of their depth in their current positions, leading to inefficiency and stagnant growth.

In my opinion, pastors prove the Peter Principle on their first day in the pulpit, but applause and praise keep them hyped up long enough to build an audience. Then the principles of what makes a dumbass kick in. One day, they find themselves unqualified for any other role and addicted to the dopamine hits of performing. Politicians suffer the same fate.

Let’s take an example from politics and call this guy Ronald Dumbass. Even though his parents were wealthy and somewhat successful, he couldn’t seem to accomplish anything early in life.

His early life was marked by challenges ranging from a disruptive childhood to major business and financial crises in the late 1980s and early 1990s, during which he accumulated massive debt and faced several corporate bankruptcies. Growing up in Queens, New York, he was an impulsive child whose disruptive behavior at school, including throwing an eraser at a teacher, prompted his parents to send him to the New York Military Academy at age 13. Despite being gifted with opportunities and inheriting money, he bankrupted not only his creations but also a casino! Facing billions of dollars in debt and personal financial ruin, he relied on bank rescues and loans from his father to avoid personal bankruptcy and restructure his debts.

Another boost came from Hollywood, which portrayed him as a reality-star (fictional) character who pretended to be a successful businessman who made hard decisions to fire people at will. The audience believes in the façade and repeats the lie long enough to dupe enough ignorant people into following him into politics.

He daily demonstrates his lack of ability by stumbling and bumbling through challenges, believing that a cognitive test proves he is superior. He claims credit for good things that happen and blames everyone else for his failures.

Every day, I whisper it to my phone, Dumbass!

The Desire for Power

A key influence in Ronald’s life was a New York City lawyer who encouraged him to always hit back harder when criticized, admit nothing and deny everything, refuse to concede mistakes even when faced with overwhelming evidence, and claim victory regardless of the actual outcome or circumstances. Even when failing, most dumbass leaders know instinctively how to manipulate people (it may be their only real talent).

DARVO is an acronym coined in the 1990s by psychologist Dr. Jennifer Freyd, standing for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It is a psychological manipulation and blame-shifting tactic commonly used by perpetrators of wrongdoing (such as abusers, narcissists, or those seeking to avoid accountability) when confronted about their behavior.

The tactic follows a specific three-step pattern used by all types of leaders, which involves flatly denying that the harmful behavior or event ever happened or downplaying their involvement. Instead of addressing the accusation, the perpetrator attacks the credibility, character, or sanity of the person holding them accountable. The perpetrator flips the narrative so that they become the victim, and the original victim is cast as the abuser or wrongdoer.

DARVO is a form of gaslighting. When you confront someone, they might say: “That never happened. You’re making things up.” They might also add, “You are crazy, overly dramatic, and just trying to start a fight.” Eventually, they stand firm with, “I’m the one being attacked here. You are ruining my life.” This tactic is highly disorienting. It shifts the focus away from the original offense and forces the victim to defend themselves, leaving them feeling silenced, guilty, or doubting their own memory of events. When the narcissistic dumbasses of the world succeed with these tactics, it only emboldens them in the future.

Some Personal Observations

My father was not a great influence, often absent or asleep at the wheel. Like other young men, I was constantly searching for the right influence in my life. It was a purely noble quest, but it unfortunately led me to the dumbass toddlers who impressed me on stage but rarely delivered in real life.

I spoke to one of these men the other day via text, and I couldn’t believe his disconnect from real life and real people. He is a former pastor who only hears applause because he is so charismatic and is the perfect figurehead for superficial Christian organizations. I have never had a healthy, robust discussion with a pastor or politician because they avoid real discussion, which leaves them out of touch, ill-informed, and totally committed to their fame within their particular group. They pay people to do their uncomfortable work.

So, confused, I stumble back from these conversations, mumbling to myself and regretting the wasted time. But before I mumble the D word again, I hear my Spanish-speaking friends’ encouragement not to use those words because they don’t accomplish much. I don’t know why Jesus used them, and I know my narcissistic friends don’t hesitate. All of a sudden, I’m overcome with compassion, and I just feel sorry for them.

Moving Forward

In the future, I think the best path forward is to stop empowering the powerful. They lose their power when they lose their audience. It may seem like we will benefit, but they rarely share their power without imposing substantial constraints on us. Just look at Marco Rubio’s face, and you’ll understand.

I can speak up about their inconsistencies, even if it doesn’t seem like they’re listening. I also have to admit that I’ve been a dumbass at times, and I need to change the course of my actions that harm others and enable narcissists. Hopefully, through the hard work of addressing my trauma and mental health, I can gain the confidence to stand alone when necessary and choose friends to love rather than control. I will speak truth to power and resist the temptation of promised fame. Belonging to the right group was never the answer. Being authentic and present is always better.

Be where you are, Be who you are, Be at peace!

Karl Forehand

Who said the Israelites were God’s chosen? That’s right, they did.

Who said the Gentiles were grafted in? Gentile Christians

Who said men should rule women? Men

Who said gay is not valid? Straight people

Who said the Bible is valid? Those who wanted to use it to their advantage.

Who says one race is better than the other? That race.

Who says it’s okay for God to kill? Those who have a god that does so.

Who justified slavery? Slave owners

Who lies every ten seconds? Trump

Who enabled that behavior? Those who benefit from it.

Who abuses? Those who were abused

Who is comfortable abusing others? Narcissists.

Who defends and enables priest abuse? Catholics

Who defends and enables Baptist abuse? Baptists.

Who supports ignorant politicians? Ignorant followers

Who supports abusive politicians? Well, you know.

A nun once told me, “None of us is right.” I will never forget that. My friend Larry Jordan says, “I may be wrong.” My son JD Forehead says, “For me...” to avoid unnecessary arguments.

I encourage everyone to keep learning and stop joining so much that you lose yourself in your group, which you probably inherited.

Groups may make us feel as if we are right and that God is on our side. But, in the long run, it’s just an assumption. It’s a shared belief that evolves from what some call The Sheepherder’s Guide to the Galaxy.

For those of you who hate Arabs, I’m sure you realize that’s where your Scriptures originated. If you buy the narrative of the Bible, realize its claim to specialness originates from people who needed it to be special for their own reasons.

Be where you are, Be who you are, Be at peace.

Karl Forehand

I realized the other day that I hadn’t cried in a while. It’s not that I keep track, or that I cry often, even though I cry more than I used to. But all of a sudden, I found myself weeping for the first time since my heart event on March 9th. It wasn’t the overwhelming gravity of the fact that I almost died several months ago. It wasn’t the challenge of recovering from a new event 4 years after my stroke. All of that is huge, and because I am inclined not to bypass it now, I felt ready to face the uphill battles, including my mental health.

It was, as it almost always is, a song that let me know I could take a break from pushing through all the challenges and, as I did after my stroke, acknowledge that this is going to be hard. In case you’re wondering, it’s not feeling sorry for myself; it’s accepting the gravity of what I will have to face. It’s things like trying to build up cardio when you’re limited in mobility—It’s daily walks that are harder when you live on the side of a bluff—It’s balancing medications and managing pain—It’s an endless stream of frustrations, small victories, and irrational meltdowns that almost always feel like two steps forward, then two steps back.

The song was “Keep Going” by Jada Monroe, an AI-generated soul and blues singer/songwriter from Mississippi. I would suggest listening to the song first before reading further. Listen here. The words are listed below.

The heart event I experienced came suddenly one night after I had overexerted myself. Since everything has good and bad sides, I always partially attribute things like this to my tendency to push through. It helped me achieve things in my life, but it’s probably also part of my health issues. We can’t keep pushing through and ignoring the things that challenge us. Sometimes we have to slow down, sometimes we have to change the course, and sometimes we need to rest.

On the night of my heart attack, I received CPR and a shock to restore responsiveness. They rushed me to a larger hospital for catheterization and to place a couple of stents to keep me alive. Within two weeks, they went back in to finish the job and placed more stents to get my blood flowing. My heartbeat still had some irregularities, so shortly thereafter, I was scheduled for an ablation, which corrects conditions like AFib and fluttering heartbeats. All of these were successful, but the two months felt like I was constantly managing appointments, organizing meds, and forcing myself to sleep.

“Be where you are.”

This statement is part of my tagline, which we use on our podcast and in my writing. It has taken on a deeper meaning through this new, challenging event I’m experiencing. Jada Monroe’s song helped me feel it, which is why I cried. For three minutes and 27 seconds, I wasn’t planning my next moves or my daily schedule—I was feeling what the song intended.

In case you missed it earlier, Jada Monroe is not even a real person. She is AI-generated. So how can I explain how something created by a human and a machine could be exactly what I needed 1 week ago? I can’t. Feeling like I need to explain it is part of the problem.

I simply needed to be present and accept that my body knew better than my brain what it needed to feel. I stayed present long enough to feel it, experience it, and accept the healing that came from this unlikely place.

Acknowledge that it is hard.

I must lead with the fact that I’ve been on a lifelong quest to find the secrets I imagined were out there for hacking the system. When I was a pastor, I always asked those who were more successful what their secret was and how I could apply it. They usually said something to the effect of, “Keep doing what you are doing.” After I succeed at something, I immediately start looking for strategies to do it better. Employers generally liked me because I was self-motivated, but we would eventually clash because they weren’t as stubbornly committed to change as I was.

So, I started over several times and worked through the challenges of building and rebuilding. The drive to find techniques and strategies that would make life easier led me to conclude that most positive change is hard. That’s it! We shouldn’t waste our time searching for magic solutions, whether in religion or the latest management book. We should spend our energy discovering the truth about what it takes to improve, change, and commit ourselves to the hard work. This grounds our endeavors in truth rather than wishful thinking.

When I had my stroke 4 1/2 years ago, Laura and I looked at each other after receiving the news. We didn’t pray or read a book about strokes right away. We simply looked into each other’s eyes and said, “This is going to be hard.”

Acknowledge that we can’t change “where we are” instantly

People who read what I write may assume I have nothing positive to say about religion. Because I ask hard questions and point out deficiencies, many assume I am angry or have a vendetta. That’s simply not true! I believe there are benefits to community and groups, but for about 1600 years, we’ve been doing it all wrong.

Much of the language within Christianity lends itself to thinking about instant, miraculous change. It stresses, “I once was lost, but now I’m found.” It sings of instantaneous transformation and 180° directional shifts, which often leave followers confused and dismayed because that’s not their reality. The reality is that change takes time, and even if we find the right God or the right religion, our nervous systems don’t repair themselves instantly. There are helpful practices, but no magic solutions.

It takes not only effort but also time!

Acknowledge every win.

I remember my first step after the stroke. I also remember my first breath after being resuscitated. The therapist who helped me learn to walk again took time to celebrate my first step. Of course, it was followed by encouragement to take another, and then another, until months later, I could walk with a cane. My first breath after they resuscitated me felt like my body was rebooting. My body instinctively knew to breathe and hum so that everything could begin to come back online. Fortunately, the EMTs knew I needed more help and rushed me to St. Joseph, MO. But they paused to celebrate that I was alive.

I don’t think we need extravagant parties every time we do something. But I do think we need to acknowledge every success, no matter how small we have convinced ourselves it is.

Celebrate every milestone! Acknowledge that it’s hard! Realize it’s a journey!

Be where you are, Be who you are, Be at peace!

Karl Forehand

For about the last 100 years, we have been heavily influenced by B.F. Skinner and his behaviorism model. He argued that we are shaped by our conditioning, which is partially true, and that by implementing the carrot or the stick motivators, we could modify behavior. It helps to understand that he was a successor to Pavlov and his salivating dog.

So since that time, we have been developing different approaches to controlling behavior by either offering a reward or a punishment to influence the results we want from other people.

This probably sounds reasonable to most of us because it was the way we were conditioned. But if we look a little closer and if we allow ourselves to begin to understand how the brain works and we experiment with trauma-informed practices, some subtle flaws tend to emerge.

It doesn’t work for everybody.

Any overworked teacher will tell you two things.

First, there are a few people in every class that this approach is not effective with. And contrary to popular belief, it’s not because they don’t want to, it’s because they can’t. They have complicated home lives, they have traumatized nervous systems, or their brains just seem to work a little different than the majority of the class.

Trauma-Informed practices tell us to not ask “What’s wrong with you?” but “What happened to you?” But those kind of practices take time, and people are overworked already and don’t have the time to spend with each individual person they are in charge of developing.

No matter what the environment, we end up saying, “They just don’t want to behave and conform or comply to the group norms.” So we label them as troublemakers or sinful or intentionally difficult to satisfy our frustration.

There is another problem with behaviorism, now that we understand how the brain much better and can scan it to determine what’s going on inside there. It is best described with a question: Did it really work for those that complied and followed the rules or were there byproducts of conditioning people to comform and not question authoritative leaders. Just Because we got the behavior that we desired, which makes good factory workers, doesn’t mean we did what was best for the people we led?

The byproducts of behaviorism

One of the byproducts of behaviorism is that it overlooks the complexity of the human experience when we strictly apply behaviorism rigidly without even understanding things like trauma and how the nervous system reacts to controlling behavior. Human beings are not machines, and in the long run, they suffer from being treated like one.

When we reduce humans to black boxes and ignore emotions and inner struggles, we do great damage to people. And as they say, “hurt people hurt other people.” Of course, that was not our intention, but stories of abuse survivors relay the reality of unintentional abuse because of our zeal to control our world and the people we hope to influence.

I hope that most of us are realizing how punishment has been misunderstood corporately throughout history. Again, now that we understand the brain and the nervous system much better, we can see how rote punishment can lead to negative results in the recipients. If you haven’t come up to speed on this topic, please spend some time researching it.

Behaviorism also undermines the agency of individuals and dismisses the idea of free will. When people don’t have agency, they lose motivation and develop a learned helplessness. While it works well for factories and churches, it doesn’t facilitate growth and learning and self-sufficiency. Without agency, people began to feel inadequate and gravitate towards high-control situations that harm them in the long run.

To make a long story short, behaviorism tends to dehumanize people and subverts our internal drive. Human flourishing is sacrificed on the altar of productivity and immediate results.

Religion and Behaviorism

If you made it this far in the blog, I encourage you to take a couple more minutes to take down your defense systems that automatically activate when we’re talking about something as sacred to us as our religion and practices. Breathe a few breathes and consider the following.

Behaviorism works well with religion because religion demands a certain conformity and compliance. To join a group we generally have to agree to their already established belief systems. Often this is when we are still children and don’t even have a fully developed prefrontal cortex, or as teenagers when we are vulnerable.

Religion punishes us for asking questions because it is seen as subversive behavior. Just like the examples we could give for school situations, parishioners are much like the students who get rewarded for compliance and punished for going against the grain.

Religion also discourages introspection in regard to emotions and feelings. I was taught that faith comes first and then feelings come last. It caused me to ignore my intuition and not to trust myself. This made me vulnerable to aggressive teachers and high control religion. Even when the rest of the world began to understand the brain and the nervous system better, religion lagged behind and encouraged us to trust and obey.

Religions have a habit of rewarding those who agree with the tenants of our particular belief system that we inherited, and punishes those who think differently. Even though we probably inherited our belief systems as children or young adults, we still are encouraged to accept and defend it through inherent reward and punishment systems.

Religion definitely fosters codependency and learned helplessness. No other organization that we find ourselves involved with would ask us for our attendance, money, and volunteer labor and then lecture us on what we should believe and how we should think at least once a week. And once we are totally invested, it’s hard to leave and it is difficult to find time to consider other options.

But religion adds even more dysfunction,in my opinion, to the mix, because most religions have some kind of divine consequence when we stray from conformance, obedience, and faithfulness to the organization and their idea of God and the afterlife.

It’s the ultimate carrot and the stick. Its behaviorism on steroids.

Regardless of the names we give it, like heaven or hell, blessing or cursing, acceptance or rejection, it’s all based on ignorance about the human condition and how our mind, body and nervous systems function.

One last thing. I was a pastor for 20 years and I regret some of the things I said from the pulpit. One of them was that I insinuated that if we sought spiritual things, then everything else would fall into place. I could back it up with things that Jesus said like “Seek first the kingdom…” and although I believed it wholeheartedly, I almost never saw it come true.

Because I ignored my mental health and distrusted my feelings, I find myself in the later stages of life making up for lost time. I still don’t have a desire to do bad things and I genuinely try to cooperate with whatever group I’m involved with. I believe in teamwork, but I don’t believe in conformity without rationality.

The meaning of logos is logic and reasoning. If we can add science, knowledge, and wisdom to our moral understanding, we will be much better people and produce much better humans in the long run.

I’m not encouraging you to give up your spiritual practices or religion. What I am asking you to do is ask the hard questions. Be willing to go against the grain and learn about other belief systems and scientific discoveries, especially about the brain and the nervous system.

My wish for you is wholeness, more than a contrived spirituality or false sense of righteousness. I want you to experience thriving instead of just conforming to your inherited group norms.

Find your agency, trust yourself, ask questions, feel your emotions, and motivate yourself to love your neighbor.

Be where you are,

Be who you are,

Be at peace!

Karl Forehand

If it is universally understood that favoritism and selectivity clashes with justice, why do we allow God and Jesus a pass when they do it? Depending on your views of whether God exists, your narrative may be slightly different, but most people that believe in God and Jesus also allow the narrative that he has favorites, and he is selective about how he administers Justice and blessing.

When asked why was Jesus selective and who he helped, why did he refuse to help sometimes, and why was he only interested in the Jews and not the Gentiles, referring to them as “dogs.”

Why did God in the Hebrew scriptures commit mass murder and genocide, while claiming that some people groups were his favorite? How is that Justice even in the Old testament scripture?

Why do current Evangelical Christians condone terroristic attacks on some nations, and claim exemption from judgement upon themselves? Are they just following the example of their God who killed millions while attributing their opponents action to the person who killed no one in the Bible, Satan.

When asked why children are raped and allowed to starve under the sovereignty of a “loving” god, they launch almost automatically into the excuses they have preplanned much like children do for their abusive parents.

Excuse #1 - We can’t comprehend God

Even though they claim to understand God well enough to develop ironclad creeds and belief systems, when their understanding of God is confusing or contradictory, they claim that God cannot be understood and his ways are beyond our ways.

It is very simply just an excuse to cling to ignorant views of God that don’t make any logical or reasonable sense, even though the word logos means exactly that, logic and reasoning. I used to say it was like explaining biochemistry to a 3-year-old, but I have since studied harder and realized it’s all just an excuse for not doing the hard work of testing those we would dedicate our life to.

Excuse #2 - Human Choice

This also made sense to me for many years, because we want to cling to the idea that decisions have consequences. If my children made mistakes, many times, they needed to experience the results of those decisions.

Later I realized that it was more complicated than that. With my children, there were times that I protected them, and made sure they didn’t starve to death because I had the means and resources to do so. I didn’t allow anyone to hurt them, and I certainly never would have allowed them to be molested or starved to death. Skinned knees are different from life threatening situations.

A God that could stop an orphanage from being bombed and didn’t is not only culpable, but should never be excused from justice with the excuse “That’s just how he is.” If it was our child, that excuse would never be good enough.

Excuse #3 - Divine Election

Various sects of Christianity and other religions give various levels of homage to this idea, but all Abrahamic religions (Christianity, Judaism, and Islam) are founded on the exclusive idea that they are right and God is on their side. When we believe we are exclusively right, and all other groups are wrong, we otherize and demote people that we feel should “get what they deserve.”

Especially in the West, we have used these ideas to exterminate native Americans, and enslave Africans, and relentlessly persecute marginalized people including women.

Excuse #4 - Evil causes suffering.

There’s no doubt that what we do has consequences. Sometimes my childish behavior causes others to suffer. But if we pay attention, it’s easy to see that we are most often attributing this cause and effect to other people and not even noticing the harm that we are doing, again because we believe that we are right and that God is on our side.

This all became very real for me, after 20 years of ministry, when I genuinely took the time to examine my life and explore the question of whether my view of God was flawed. I assumed God could handle the interrogation, and I assumed that by asking honest questions I would get better answers.

The Big Question - Is God worse than me?

Most of us were raised not to question authority. “Because I said so” has probably been the most common injunction of stressed-out parents throughout human history. But, good parents should know why they make wise decisions and be able to explain that to less developed minds.

By the same logic, God’s decisions should also be rational and they should not contradict each other. But holy books often do exactly that, give weak explanations and demand obedience because of their self-proclaimed right to do so.

In my writing, I eventually came to the conclusion that my view of god found him lacking. He had a worse temper than me, he often couldn’t explain himself, yet he demanded my complete obedience like a narcissistic toddler.

Leaders in the churches I attended and parents trying to raise their children often followed suit and did some of the same damage that religion has done over time in all parts of our world, especially the West.

As all people know who have been raised by an alcoholic parent, at some point we have to quit making excuses for them and call them to accountability. We usually don’t have a problem holding our enemies accountable, but it’s time to look in the mirror and look at our gods and religions and put them on trial.

Be where you are,

Be who you are,

Be at peace.

Karl Forehand