There are also the metrics we keep tucked in the back of our minds: how much we weigh, how much money we make, and how many children we have (or don’t have).

We compare ourselves, our schedules, and our ability to accomplish the impossible. After comparing ourselves, we then try to use it as motivation: If she can do it, so can I.

I find myself rejecting all of this. Maybe it’s the rebel in me.

First of all, no one can do it all. Not by themselves. Not well. Or not happily.

Second, even if someone is, why are we admiring unrealistic workloads? Why is busyness such a virtue in our culture? Do we actually think someone is going to come down from the heavens and grant us a gold star for doing everything (the childcare, the career, the perfect workout schedule, the homemade cookies, the flawless photos) to precision? Why are all of these impossible standards often falling on women in particular, especially the weight, the outfits, the perfectly happy family, the clean houses, the perfect skin?

I define the “I don’t know how she does it” syndrome as the moments when we celebrate women who manage to keep up with unrealistic standards, praise them for it, and then quietly assume we should be doing the same. We exclaim to each other, “I don’t know how she does it!” But what we’re really saying is, “This woman has more on her plate than any human should.” Because it’s kind of…inhumane…at a certain point.

I’ve been asking myself lately how to avoid this “syndrome,” especially as a new mom.

I’ve come up with a new experiment:

What if I became the woman doing the least, with the most support, with the most boundaries, and no explanation?

I’m not suggesting that I want to become the laziest version of myself. But I’ve found this question so enticing, almost as if the question itself is infused with pleasure: How can I do less?

It opens up so many possibilities.

• What if I asked for help pre-emptively?

• What if I felt so well-resourced that stress melted away?

• What if I opted out of “doing it all” or “having it all” and just did what feels right for me?

• What if I opted out of comparison?

• What if I set boundaries with zero explanation?

• What if I never inspire anyone ever to say, “I don’t know how she does it!” because I don’t glamorize doing too much?

• What if I limit what’s on my plate to something very, very reasonable because my priorities are clear, I don’t measure my worth by my work, I don’t get distracted, and I’m not afraid to disappoint others?

• What if I actually don’t need 10k steps per day, since research shows 7k is enough?

• What if I worked out less and actually felt better in my body because my stress lowered?

• What if I stopped consuming as much content?

• What if I stopped asking AI as many questions?

• What if I didn’t touch my laptop for a week and just rested?

In writing this article, I’ve started asking myself: what if the secret to success was rooted in the reduction (not addition) of what’s on my plate?

What if doing less actually made me more successful?

Because there’s a COST of “doing it all”

People who “do it all” often run themselves ragged. Their creativity is tapped out and offline. Their patience is thin. They’re working out a lot, which might actually be stressing their hormones. They’re sometimes hitting the mark flawlessly — and sometimes not — and either way there’s stress humming beneath it all.

Doing less with intention is kind of…the whole point. I signed up to be a stay-at-home mom so I wouldn’t have to juggle a job and parenting. That was…kind of the whole point. To be present with my kids while they’re young. I don’t work out at 5 am because that’s not what feels good in my body, which is…kind of the whole point. You get the idea.

Ever notice how people will work REALLY hard to get wealthy, claiming they want more freedom, but their pursuit of more wealth is actually doing the opposite? I love the concept of exiting races, or hopping off the hamster wheel. That is freedom. A certain number in your bank will never allow you to turn off your pursuit of more and enjoy the moment. You have to give yourself permission to do that, and you can do it at any time.

The secret fear behind doing less

It’s ironically harder to do less.

That’s why doing less and having time freedom is such a merit, luxury, and freedom. It’s not laziness; it’s proof that a person has precision, boundaries, and skill. It’s an exercise in rejecting the norm, which I believe brings out a secret fear:

• If I stop “doing the most,” will I be vulnerable to having less than others: less achievement, less money, less security?

• If I don’t put an impossible amount of work on my plate, where’s my badge of honor?

• If I choose to do less, does that mean I’m less capable?

• If I opt out, where’s my gold star?

When you do less, you have to have a solid foundation of inner security, trust, and self-worth.

Maybe that’s a perk of being out of the workforce for so long: I no longer need anyone to tell me I’m doing a good job, give me a good performance review, or recognize my worth in the form of pay or promotions. I’ve learned to decide on my own — what’s my work worth? Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much? Am I doing it well?

The real virtue isn’t doing it all. It’s becoming a woman with so much self-worth and so much self-awareness (of her limits and what makes her happy) that she never gets overworked and bogged down.

What’s actually worth achieving?

A relaxed energy

Quality time with your loved ones

Having enough mental space to write, create, think

What would you add to the list?

Is there anything you can delete from your plate that will give you a sense of relief?

I encourage all of us to stop celebrating demanding workloads and instead start to view peace and time freedom as a luxury beyond what anything money can buy us. And it might just unlock our healthiest, happiest, and even most successful versions of ourselves. What do you think? Is quitting and reduction better than addition? Is doing less actually the secret to success? What happens to your brain when you give it fewer inputs? Can you think more clearly? I’d love to know if any of this resonated with you in the comments.

I didn’t know before becoming a mom just how much being physically with my baby would mean to me. I’m aware that every mother’s circumstances are different — some work because they want to, some because they have to, some because they’re parenting alone, and some because staying home simply isn’t an option. I hold all of those realities with respect. I’m going to write from my experience: that being able to stay home with my baby has awakened a shift in me. Through pregnancy and now four months postpartum, I’ve felt my relationship with time, productivity, money, career, and even boundaries change in ways I couldn’t have predicted:

• Time — moving from efficiency to presence

• Productivity — redefining what “a good day” means

• Money — shifting to shared household contributions and roles

• Career — letting go of old identities and opening to new ones

• Boundaries — learning to protect your energy, your happiness, and your baby

Time & Productivity

My relationship with time started to evolve after my near-death experience, and when I decided to get pregnant (and leave social media) just a few months after that. I wanted everything to slow down and feel a lot more present. We’ve all heard parents say, “It goes too fast!” or “Blink, and they’ll be eight years old!” I’ve also heard many moms regret that they didn’t enjoy their childrens’ younger years more. It’s such a short period of time that they’re babies. And only 18 years where they live with us. I’m aware of how precious this time is.

To slow down, I’ve really had to look at this internal part of me that’s always rushing.

Rushing speeds up time. When we rush or cram a lot into a day, we can accomplish more faster, but also, time slips away from us. We’re not present. It’s a frenetic energy that steals our own beingness away from us.

Slowing down, on the flip side, makes time feel sticky and long. Sometimes this can make the days feel stretched, but mostly it just makes them feel whole.

I caretake nearly 24 hours per day. That’s a lot of hours dedicated to one facet of my life. It would be easy to feel stressed about that. When am I supposed to work out? Get work done? Bake banana bread? Read a book?

And while sometimes those thoughts are there, I’ve been altering my relationship to time. I accomplish all of the above in little slivers and pockets. I do as much as I can with my baby. And whatever needs to be done solo, I get pockets of time here and there. I am brutally aware of time in a way that I’ve never been before. If my husband has our baby for a few hours, I have a clear sense of what I’d like to do with that time. And if I don’t finish it all, that’s ok. Another pocket of time will come soon. And nothing, literally nothing, on my list is as important as our child. I drop everything on a moment’s notice to return to our baby if I’m needed.

They say parents are the best at time management, and I get it now.

But taking it further than that, we don’t have to rush or cram in this season. Nothing matters, nothing but our time with the baby. That is my energy these days, and wow, what a change in priorities.

Deprioritizing everything, but being with the baby is ironically freeing. There is a clear #1 priority, and I live and breathe this priority every day. I celebrate that.

Career

I will say: some moms are accomplishing a lot more than me.

They’re earning more than me.

They’re stacking up accomplishments.

But there is only one accomplishment on this Earth that I care about:

Raising my children

I cannot outsource my job on this Earth.

The way my child smiles at me and only me… I cannot be replaced here. I am most valuable here. I feel like society has fed into women all our lives that we will need our work. Our brains will need it. Our sense of independence. However, I find that to be rather false for me. I believe independence is a myth. If you’re married, so is the idea of having “your own money.” Being a part of a family means you’ve entered into an ecosystem of roles. That’s all they are: roles. Here’s a list of a few different roles / jobs:

• Earning money

• Childcare and pet care

• Cooking and groceries

• Cleaning

• Planning events, trips, managing the schedule, and buying gifts, etc.

• Managing finances

It seems, in a two-income household, that the only job worth having is the one that earns money. Hardly true. What about everything else on this list?

Plus, if you outsource everything within your home, then we are just a group of individuals working. No one is home. Everyone is at work or at school. Everyone in the family is separated.

Further, ever since getting married, I’ve been thinking about partnership and income on a whole new level. Hear me out:

If one partner has a predictable and stable income (trading their time for money) why not have the other person take on a risk with a much bigger payout? For example, one partner works corporate and the other starts a business?

The only way to make good money is to divorce your time and money. One partner can work on divorcing money from time. And when they accomplish it, perhaps no one in the family ever needs to trade time for money ever again.

My ambition didn’t go anywhere when I became a mom. I just now fit it into very few hours each week. What if that was the whole point? What if we were more powerful than we even realized? What if we could earn a whole salary and then some on a few hours per week?

No one said women have to stop having a career or stop working to be a good mom. Creativity keeps us whole and happy. I believe women make great entrepreneurs for a reason. We’ve been doing this forever. We’ve been working with children forever. Just not corporate. Not 40+ hours.

So there’s a lot here…

1) Valuing work that isn’t paid

2) Recognizing our innate power as creators. We not only create humans, but also businesses, books, ideas, and anything we could possibly want to birth.

3) Remembering our time as mothers to young children is unbelievably short in the grand scheme of our lifetime. By the time I’m 40, I’ll likely be done having babies in diapers. That’s a mega shift in time caretaking once they’re walking, talking, and potty-trained. The “baby” stage is short and time-demanding. Why try to “do it all” in one crammed season when we can spread it out and actually enjoy each stage?

4) Reshaping what working means. What if being a SAHM was actually a secret little hatch into your most powerful version of yourself? What if you understood your value in a new way that actually unlocked your greatest self?

5) What’s the rush? We don’t need to conflate our worth with our work. We can slow down. The option is often right here in front of us.

Money

Money can buy you a lot of things, but it can’t buy you more time with your baby.

It can’t raise your kids.

It can’t reassure them when they’re sick.

It can’t hold them close or make them giggle.

Kids don’t care about money. They don’t care about your car, your vacations, or eating out at nice restaurants. Kids want to hold your hand and jump in puddles. They want you to be present. They want you to notice the moon with them. Kids enjoy simple things, and I believe adults do, too. That’s one of the joys of having children: they bring us back into the present moment and the simple things.

When I think about money and my family, I mainly just think about leaving as much as I can for them. I don’t think about money for myself. Again, everything is for them. If I’m trying to earn more or save more, it’s for them. There’s no ego in it. There’s no fancy car.

Even still, I have downgraded the importance of money in my life. It’s one of the reasons why we’re budgeting so much lately in my marriage. We’ve cut our spending and I’m…happier?

Having a budget is so clarifying and it makes me realize more isn’t…more.

Clarity and precision is more.

Contentment is the answer.

Morgan Housel writes in his book, The Art of Spending Money, that desiring less can have the same impact on your well-being as gaining more money. In fact, desiring less often leads to “durable contentment.” That is something worth seeking. He said when it comes to wealth, it’s all relative. We all want some increase in our wealth. For some people, that’s from $1k to $5k in net worth. For others, it’s $1M to $5M in net worth. The percent increase in happiness might be similar for these two different people. We just want contrast.

But at the end of the day, the increase we’re all seeking in income and net worth is just a form of security. And after a certain level of wealth, you’ve gone past security into a different stratosphere. I believe that’s where desiring more can start to deteriorate something else within us. There’s a diminishing gain there. Like vanity, it’s a trap.

Boundaries

My energy these days is powerfully reserved for our child. It can’t be fragmented in different directions, and if it gets like that, I’m not a very good caretaker. If we have too many social plans on the weekend, then I’m not present in my role. Worse, I’m tired. When I’m tired, I get cranky, and I’m not the mother I want to be. This is truly the root of everything in this article: being the mother I want to be so that my children have the kind of mother they deserve.

Mothers are the power grid of a family. Every electrical current in the home runs through us. We all know the old adages:

“If mom isn’t happy, no one is.”

“Happy wife, happy life.”

“A man’s character is revealed in the happiness of his wife.”

They’re clichés because they’re often true: the emotional climate of a home is set by the woman at its center.

I protect my happiness not just for me, but to keep everyone else in my family happy, too. Here are a few boundaries that have helped me through trial and error:

• We’ve learned to only have one social plan per weekend.

• We’ve learned the rhythms that support us the best, such as groceries and cooking on Sundays.

• We protect our time. When we protect our time, we protect our energy. And when we protect our energy, we have a happy home.

I’ve often struggled with saying no to plans and feeling guilty. But I know that being social often drains me. If I say yes to something, it has to be 100% with intention. I’ve started assuming everything is a “no,” and then work backwards if it deserves my “yes.” This is a powerful place to come from. I don’t need to make everyone happy. I need to make myself happy. I need to be a happy mom for my child. My boundaries protect this.

Centering motherhood

I’ve found that when everything is centered on motherhood and my baby, it unlocks something primal, true, and resonant within me. It sharpens my focus. If you think of it like an athlete, this purpose makes me lift heavier and run faster. If you think of it like an artist, this purpose makes me think more clearly and write with more acuity. Everything is sharpened into a focus unlike anything I’ve had before. That is the drive of purpose. That is what centering motherhood has done for me.

When you become a parent, your child becomes the center of your universe. Even when you’re apart, everything is about them and for them. I find that to be the most powerful thing in the world. Even before our children are born, I believe this to be true, as well. We march toward the creation of our children, knowing we are en route to building a life for them. The men we marry are our childrens’ fathers. The homes we buy are the setting of our children’s childhoods. We create for our children and for the next generations.

What is everything we are doing if not for humanity to thrive?

What role do we all play in that? In small and large ways? Whether as mothers, parents, aunts, or creators. Perhaps you are writing books or building a business. How will your business go on to nurture humans through the next hundreds of years?

I believe the driving purpose behind what we do (whether it’s caretaking or something else) is truly a mission worth fighting for. Perhaps this is about more than centering motherhood. Perhaps it’s about centering what we want the world to look like for everyone who comes after us... and in a weird cyclical fashion, I’ve been finding myself thinking about that for the next generation:

I want to protect the role of staying home with children.

I want to protect this as an important role.

I want to protect our ability to live in a one-income household.

I want to protect our raw instincts above all else.

What about you? Is there something central to your life that commands all your energy? What is your #1 priority that everything else centers around?

There are 63 days left in Q3.

I’m setting goals now for this final stretch. Anyone want to join me? I hope this article inspires you.

While writing, I was SO clear on things like motherhood, but when I started writing my goals for creativity, I was murky. I wrote and rewrote. I had to get way clearer. This forced me to set actionable, achievable goals.

Here goes!

My priorities in order:

1. Motherhood

2. Health

3. Finances

4. Creativity

5. Home

#1 Motherhood: I spend the majority of my time with our baby

I’m a full-time stay-at-home mom, which means it’s my JOB (and my privilege!) to be with my baby. I never knew just how much purpose I would find in staying home.

I do have one goal or change within this priority over the next 60 days, which I believe I accidentally accomplished yesterday:

Independent naps!

My baby has been sleeping on me or in the carrier for months now, and it’s overall been a joy — I’ve had a hard time giving it up — but having a few clear hours each day to be on my laptop, or rest, will be a game-changer.

#2 Health: follow my functional health protocol

My protocol for the next 60 days:

• Daily supplements - it’s a LOT of supplements. I’ll get into my whole protocol coming soon

• Lots of water

• At least 5k steps per day; ideal is 7k; stretch goal is 10k

• Strength workouts 3x per week (I’m a big fan of Align pilates)

• Daily breathwork and/or lying down to rest more frequently throughout the day

• Keep up the good work with my nutrition: no processed foods, gluten, dairy, corn, peanuts, or refined sugar

  • Bake and cook weekly to support our meal plan alongside Trace

• Repeat bloodwork to hopefully hit some of my bloodwork goals by mid-October (will get into these more in an upcoming blog)

• Get back to 7+ hours of sleep soon. Lately, I’m getting 6-6.5 hours of sleep. I’ve been really liking my Oura ring — you can get 10% off with my referral link if you’re interested in one

#3 Finances: Stick to our more strict budget in August + September

We moved into a new house in January, and so began house projects: encapsulating our crawl space, renovating the basement, fresh paint, new shades, new kitchen faucet, some furniture, new rugs…) but Trace and I decided this month the house is finally in a state of not needing intense updates.

Not everything is perfect or done. But we no longer need to put as much money into it. Without home projects, our budget is so much more reasonable.

I manage our budget with Rocket Money. I log in every Wednesday and categorize our transactions.

Since we’re getting back into strict mode, we’re going to try the following over the next 60 days:

• Print out the budget and put it on the kitchen wall so there’s easier access without having to log into Rocket Money. This sets a clear shift in intention, too.

• Map out our expenses ahead of time. There are two buckets for this:

  • Our regular expenses, like our house, groceries, etc.

  • The expenses we know are happening this month, such as lunch with friends, Remy has her annual vet appointment, etc.

• After that, we have a list of “wants.” For example, we want to purchase an under-the-sink water filter. We’ll wait until the end of the month to see how we want to prioritize these wants. Then hit purchase.

• We’ll calculate our savings and move them out of checking.

I’m curious how this goes for the next 60 days. I have a feeling it will make us feel really clear and accomplished.

#4 Creativity: substack + children’s book

My big picture vision for my career right now is to self-publish books. I want to start with a children’s book this year. And I want to grow my newsletter audience so I get to keep writing regularly + build an audience who eventually wants to buy my book.

With that vision in my mind, over the next 60 days, I will:

• Publish here weekly on Wednesdays

• Experiment with 3 marketing ideas: Substack Notes + Pinterest + Referrals. I’m 32 readers away from 1k!

  • Publish on Notes a few times a week

  • Create a few pins for every new blog and look at analytics monthly

  • Audit and clean up my Pinterest profile

  • Revamp my referral program and send it out

  • Collaborate with other writers so we can mutually shout out each other’s work (anyone interested?)

  • Narrow down the illustration style I have in mind for my children’s book and reach out for quotes. I’d love to find an illustrator to work with over the long term. If you know of someone, let me know!

• Experiment with Affinity (made by Canva) to lay out the pages of the book

• Plan a photo shoot in October for a new headshot that will go in the book

• Create a project timeline; figure out when I can hit publish (is by Thanksgiving possible?)

#5 Home: a few low lift projects if we have time

We decided to focus on:

• Water filters

• Childproofing

• Clarity on our patio situation

• Basement: trim, closet door painted, built-in shelving

We’re intentionally downshifting the importance of our home projects over the next 60 days (and probably for the next few years). For one, our house is in pretty good shape. Yes, there are always improvements in mind: we haven’t finished the basement, we want to renovate our garage and turn it into a workshop for Trace, and Trace is endlessly doing yardwork and gardening. Homes are never-ending projects. I’m finding now that we have a baby, I don’t love focusing on it as much. I’d rather:

1. Move the money into an account for the baby.

2. Spend time and energy with the baby.

Since my husband does most of our projects himself, it also pulls him away from spending time with us. I much prefer focusing on our health, happiness, and leisure.

Summary of my priorities → goals → actions

• Motherhood

  • Goal: Independent naps

    • Keep doing what I found to work yesterday…

• Health

  • Goal: Shift certain metrics in my bloodwork being done in October (will get more in-depth on this soon)

    • Supplements

    • Hydration

    • 7k steps per day

    • Strength workouts 3x per week

    • Daily breathwork and/or more frequent rest breaks

    • No processed foods, gluten, dairy, corn, peanuts, or refined sugar

    • 7+ hours of sleep ideally

• Finance

  • Goal: Save more

    • Follow our budget plan for Sep + Aug

• Creativity

  • Goal: Stay creatively engaged in a way that feels nourishing and just for me—no timelines, no pressure, just presence.

    • Publish regularly, experiment with marketing to learn, make progress toward children's book publication

• Home

  • Goal: Intentionally downshifting this as a priority, but would like a few wins:

    • Water filters

    • Childproofing

    • Clarity on our patio situation

    • Stretch goal: Basement: trim, closet door painted, built-in shelving

Final thoughts

Goals keep me focused and feeling good, but I’m not willing to hustle, overwork, or lose time with my baby to chase them. Family and health are always the top priorities. Everything else is simply enjoyable to work on when life allows.

I’ve noticed that when I set goals, I can slip into urgency—wanting things off the list, done fast, done now. But speed doesn’t change the outcome or shrink the list. It’s just…speed. There’s no real rush. I have decades for things to unfold, and I trust that timing.

I remind myself (and anyone reading) that goals can be playful. They offer clarity and direction, not pressure. Life throws curveballs, creativity shifts, and plans evolve. That’s not failure—that’s information. Some days, I work on a project simply because I feel like it. If my priorities change, that’s part of the process.

• What would feel good to focus on over the next 60 days?

• What do you want to be true on October 1st?

• What actions or habits between now and then will get you there?

• Is there anything you can delete or lower as a priority to make room for what actually matters to you?

• Who do you need to share these priorities with to help make it happen? Your spouse? Parents? Children? A friend?

I have a list in my notes called “tidbits to integrate.” It’s full of facts and ideas that resonate with me that I want to deeply integrate, which means…they’re topics I’m going to write about.

That’s the biggest driver of my writing: to take what is in my head in a giant, messy ball and lay it out neatly in a format I can revisit. I haven’t done a great job in the past at selfishly taking what I am learning and writing about it—even if it means it doesn’t resonate with everyone else.

This brought me to the following question:

What if I allowed my writing to be a lot more selfish?

This coincides with a thought I wrote on Substack that resonated with many other writers:

In this new season of motherhood, I don’t want to work on a project that needs to be successful.

So I thought…let’s try something new. Let’s drop all preconceived notions. Let’s go all the way into my own lane and my own weird obsessions. If I’m the ONLY person who likes it…that’s okay, too.

True ideas that spark something within you > trying to please an algorithm

Being completely yourself > a content plan

Resonance > noise

If nothing else, I will create a library of ideas that I want to return to. I hope it means something to you along the way, too.

Here’s a preview of what I’m working on:

• My Q3 Goals: What I’m Prioritizing in the Next 90 Days

• Centering Motherhood: How Embracing This New Role Reshaped My Time, Productivity, Money, Career, and Boundaries

• An Inside Peek Into My Functional Medicine Protocol on My Way to Complete Remission

• The Silver Lining: How Chronic Illness Has Actually Made Me Healthier, Happier, and More Whole

• My Completely Unfiltered Thoughts on Being a “Stay-at-Home-Mom”

• Why I’m Rejecting Gatekeeping Industries In My Career (For Now)

• My Biggest Life Regrets and How I’ve Corrected For Them Now

• Why I’m Considering Homeschooling & The Topics I’d Teach That Aren’t Covered in School

• Why I’m Actively Working Less Hard in this Season and Avoiding the “I Don’t Know How She Does It” Syndrome

I’m not sure if I’ll write all of these or in what order. I hope this top-of-mindness shows up in the writing.

What about you…how do you integrate what you’re learning? How do you revisit it until it sticks?

Do you like the idea of having a library of what matters to you?

I’m curious, too, if any other writers here have thoughts on the role of publishing it versus keeping it private? I’m not sure (if it’s just for me) if it really matters if I hit ‘send.’ But for now, I am. Maybe on the off-chance it means something to someone else. Perhaps that’s the extension of writing. First and foremost, it’s for us…next…we are hopeful…it is for someone else, too.

I’ve always loved hearing the stories of how women go into labor, give birth, etc. I find it SO fascinating. So I’m really excited to share my story now.

Throughout my pregnancy, I prepared for a natural labor. I did breathwork, meditations, and stretches. I was preparing like an athlete, which to me meant being physically and mentally prepared. I was excited to experience it. Fully. Not numbly.

At my 20-week ultrasound, the doctor had mentioned that I had slight placenta previa but assured me it would move. 95% of women who have previa at the 20-week ultrasound are typically told by week 30 that it’s gone. I didn’t think twice about it. Placenta previa is when your placenta attaches low (near or on the cervix). As your uterus grows, it should move upward and out of the way. It can’t block the exit! But in my case, a very very rare case, it didn’t move at all.

From 30 weeks on, I kept going in for ultrasounds waiting to be told it had moved and every single week it was in the same spot. I held out hope. They started preparing me for a scheduled c-section and I STILL did not accept that it was happening. I read stories online of how it moves at the last minute. I talked to a midwife in Europe about how they handle it there (could I go into labor naturally or was it far too dangerous?)

The situation was not ideal.

But through it, I learned something of utmost importance as a mother:

• The only thing that matters is everyone’s good health.

• And also…don’t hold on too tightly to your plans.

On a Friday, I scheduled my C-section for Tuesday.

I couldn’t believe all weekend that I was scheduled for major abdominal surgery. I couldn’t believe my baby was coming early. I couldn’t believe this was not at all (AT ALL) what I wanted. I was devastated.

The night before the C-section, I felt so overcome with grief. It didn’t feel like it was time for the baby. I wanted to go into labor spontaneously to be sure the baby was truly ready. The baby was supposed to decide the timing, not me or a doctor.

I was mourning that the birth day of our child wasn’t going to look like what I had hoped. I took time to really sit with that and then made a decision: I would make it the day that I want it to be.

I told my husband that when my 4am alarm went off, I was going to wake him with a joke. And sure enough, I woke him and said, “Trace, we have to go to the hospital. My water broke!”

As we drove to the hospital, I was nervous for surgery and put on the birth hypnosis tracks I had been practicing when I thought it would be a natural labor. It helped. I did deep breaths. I had a surge of gratitude, too, that I wasn’t driving to the hospital in pain. I kept reassuring our baby that it was going to be a magical day, that we were going to meet, and it was going to be wonderful.

And it was.

I dreamed my whole life of giving birth and meeting my first child. And while I did not expect to be in an operating room, it AMAZED me how much the experience was everything I had ever hoped it would be. I watched my baby be born. I held my baby. My baby was born unbelievably healthy with an APGAR score of 9. Did you know they only give out a 10 if the baby comes out a “normal” color, which is exceptionally rare? I love learning new things!

I recovered quickly from surgery.

Everything went well. And even better, my surgeon made sure everything is so perfectly healed that I’m a candidate for a VBAC in the future (vaginal birth after c-section), meaning I can have a natural birth in the future if that’s in the cards for me.

Most most MOST importantly, I am no longer a person who needs things to go a certain way. Because I’ve taught myself that even with curveballs, even if everything isn’t ‘perfect,’ I make it perfect for me.

The same thing happened with my breastfeeding journey. After getting mastitis, I had to stop breastfeeding when our baby was 12 weeks old (sooner than I hoped), but it ended up being a huge positive for my health and our baby is perfectly happy and healthy. Almost everything can be made to be ‘good’ if you really, really look for it.

My thoughts on C-Section versus natural labor

I found the actual surgery to be “easy” in the sense that I was not in intense pain. I was shaking like a leaf from the drugs; my teeth rattled against each other so hard you could hear it across the room. My shoulders vibrated like I was in a giant massage chair. I felt intense nausea at one point, and they injected a drug that got rid of it immediately, but it also made me sleepy. Surgery itself is nerve-wracking and weird. You’re cut open and awake. You feel intense pressure and tugging. But I’m strong in those situations and it didn’t bother me or scare me too much.

That being said, recovery was NOT easy. I’ve never had a surgery or situation where I was unable to walk. Being bedridden is hard. When they took the catheter out and I started getting up to pee, I was in agony trying to make my way from the hospital bed to the bathroom. I was shuffling with tiny little foot movements, trying really hard not to feel defeated. That was the emotion that rang through me when I was unable to walk: defeated. I don’t let pain get me down, but wow, it’s hard not to be able to move.

From talking to many women, natural labor is much more painful during it, but is an easier recovery. Recovery is the tough part of a C-section and it’s something you absolutely should plan for (especially in the case that you have an unexpected, emergency one!)

I asked a really important question before surgery…

“If something is going wrong for the baby or me, will I know?”

They said, “Yes.”

This gave me so much reassurance. Because everything was normal during the surgery. Instead of worrying that they were hiding something from me to keep me calm, I knew that the calmness actually meant everything was truly going well.

Having a C-section absolutely requires that you have an amazing partner

Edit:..Having a baby absolutely requires having an amazing partner. Maybe not required. But certainly makes it so much better for everyone involved.

My husband did everything for our baby except for feeds. I stayed in bed and breastfed. That was it. I didn’t change our baby’s diaper for days, maybe even a week! I wasn’t able to stand or bend. I didn’t do anything in our house for weeks. My husband fed me, did the dishes, took care of our child, took care of our dog and cat, etc. We had our families supporting us, too.

We actually joked at the hospital that they really don’t treat the dads as well as they should. For example, our hospital didn’t provide free meals for Dad, just meals for Mom. But this was definitely a two-person adventure in the hospital. Given the surgery, I could not have cared for our child without someone next to me the whole time.

I skipped Duramorph and it went well

I declined Duramorph for my surgery and was so glad I did.

Duramorph is a narcotic that they add to your spinal anesthesia to prevent pain over the course of 24 hours. It is something you can decline. Duramorph is known to cause intense itchiness and the risk of respiratory depression. My older sister, Stacy, declined all narcotics for her C-section and everything went well, which gave me the confidence to do the same. When I signed a form declining Duramorph, you wouldn’t believe how many doctors came into the room to talk me out of it. Even the midwife who took photos and videos of the birth was incredulous that I was declining it. I never got the opportunity to tell all of them that it went well.

I managed the pain of my surgery with IV motrin called Toradol. When I came home from the hospital, I took extra-strength Tylenol for maybe two days and stopped. The Duramorph may have made walking more comfortable in the days after birth but I believe that feeling the pain (to know what the body cannot do) is useful and important. I took baby steps and barely walked. I healed incredibly well. Because I didn’t mask the pain and I didn’t push it.

This choice isn’t for everyone but I was really grateful to be educated about it ahead of time. Worst-case scenario, if you’re in a lot of pain after surgery, you just ask for the narcotics in your IV. I knew the “risk” of declining was so low because pain medication is always available to you at the hospital when you ask.

C-sections are birth, too

It was hard for me to accept a different form of birth besides natural. I’m so granola, hippie, natural that it felt so wrong in my soul to have a C-section. But it was the birth that kept my child and me safe. And I was amazed, truly, just how much of a birth it felt like. I felt the baby being tugged out, come up, and cry for the first time. It was everything, everything. I still feel joy thinking back on the experience of meeting my child for the first time.

Toward the end of surgery, they escorted my husband to the recovery room and left our child alone on the warming tray across the room from me. I heard my baby cry. And I said, “It’s okay, mommy is here,” while they were sewing me up. My baby heard my voice and immediately stopped crying. It echoes a family story that has been told to me all my life, that when my dad held me for the first time and talked to me, I stopped crying. It was such a powerful moment. Even though my child was now outside of my body, we were still connected, and forever will be.

A love like this…no matter how it comes into the world…is beautiful.

If you’re in a season of trying to get pregnant, preparing for birth, or maybe reminiscing on your own experiences, I hope this story reminds you that you are more powerful than you realize.

The Science of Getting Rich was actually the inspiration for the book, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, which launched a lot of what we consume today in terms of modern manifestation. That means the author, Wallace Wattles, was writing and originating ideas in 1910 that still influence us to this day. That’s how powerful books are.

Note: There are some controversies surrounding this book, but I’m still going to share the parts I enjoyed.

Wealth allows us to enjoy life and do more for others

Wealth is essential for us to have a solid foundation for our body, mind, and spirit. Our bodies need rest and recreation, and wealth allows us to have that. Our minds need objects of art and beauty. And to be happy, we need to “bestow benefits” upon everyone we love. He writes, “Love finds its most natural and spontaneous expression in giving.”

There is a science to getting rich

Wattles creates a convincing thesis when he explains that wealth is not determined by the following:

• Environment

• Talents

• Ability to save money

• Doing certain things

He writes, “Everywhere, we see rich and poor living side by side, in the same environment, often in the same vocations.”

Some talented people never get rich.

Similarly, “getting rich is not the result of saving or ‘thrift’ as many penurious people are poor while free spenders often get rich.”

I found this particularly interesting: free spenders often get rich.

“Nor is getting rich due to doing things which others fail to do; for two men in the same business often do almost exactly the same things, and one gets rich while the other remains poor or becomes bankrupt.”

So if you don’t get rich from your environment, talents, ability to save, or doing certain things, then how on earth do you get rich? Wattles says you must do things in a Certain Way. Yes, he capitalizes that. And he emphasizes, “there is more than enough for all.”

So what is the Certain Way?

The author never clearly defines the Certain Way. Instead, he goes into a number of chapters describing elements of The Way. I’ve taken the liberty of summarizing this in my own fashion:

Step 1: Form things from your thoughts into existence

Wattles starts to use this idea of the “Formless Substance,” which means ideas that have not been created yet. One way to get rich, he says, is to use the resources of the Formless Substance to create new things into existence.

“Thought is the only power which can produce tangible riches from the Formless Substance.”

“Man can form things in his thought, and by impressing his thought about Formless Substance, can cause the thing he thinks about to be created.”

You can see how this book became the foundation of much of what we know about ‘manifestation’ today:

Wattles explains:

“To think ‘health’ when surrounded by the appearances of disease, or to think ‘riches’ when in the midst of appearances of poverty, requires power; but he who acquires this power becomes a master mind. He can conquer fate; he can have what he wants.”

“The science of getting rich begins with the absolute acceptance of this faith.”

Step 2: Understand that getting rich is the natural order of things and it will not harm anyone else

“You want to get rich in order that you may eat, drink, and be merry when it is time to do these things; in order that you may surround yourself with beautiful things, see distant lands, feed your mind, and develop your intellect; in order that you may love men and do kind things, and be able to play a good part in helping the world to find truth.”

Getting rich is part of life’s natural order. As Wattles describes, “that which makes you want more money is that which makes the plant grow; it is Life seeking fuller expression.” Getting rich helps you “make the most of yourself” so you can “help others make the most of themselves.”

Often, when we think of getting rich, we think of competition. In starting a business, we think: who are the competitors? But according to Wattles, to get rich, we have to get rid of the thought of competition.

To get rich, we have to create, not compete. Getting rich will not take anything away from anyone. You do not have to:

• “Drive sharp bargains

• Cheat or take advantage

• Let any man work for you for less than he earns

• Covet any property of others or look at it with wishful eyes

• Hurry before someone beats you to it”

The competitive mind is rooted in lack. He says, “riches secured on the competitive plane are never satisfactory or permanent; they are yours today, and another’s tomorrow. Remember, if you are to become rich in a scientific and Certain Way, you must rise entirely out of the competitive thought.”

Your competitive mind “arrests” your “creative movement.”

Instead, look at the “limitless riches of the Formless Substance and know that they are coming to you as fast as you can receive and use them.” By this, I take it to mean that inspiration and creative drive are always coming toward you. You must harness it and create something tangible.

“You are not seeking anything that is possessed by anybody else; you are causing what you want to be created from Formless Substance, and the supply is without limits.”

Step 3: Give to every man more than you take from him

Mic drop moment in the book:

“You are going to get what you want, but in such a way that when you get it every other man will have more than he has now.”

You can’t give your customer more cash than they give to you. But you can give them more value than what the cash was worth to them.

Read more

I love being a caretaker and nurturing loved ones. This is my good girl ‘white cat’ energy. I’m embedded within a community and I show up for them.

But there’s another side of me — the side that likes to write, go swimming, needs alone time, who just wants to have FUN — all of my own selfish desires. She likes to go shopping and buy things just for herself (not another grocery store trip). She’s my independent ‘black cat’ energy.

Nazarenko describes the white cat as a little white kitten with a pink bow, like the Aristocrats’ cat. She’s soft, cuddly, and warm. She purrs in your lap and loves connection. Meanwhile, the black cat slinks around and does what she wants. She doesn’t come around to sit on your lap. She has her own vibe, and that’s what makes her so irresistible. Black cats make themselves happy, and they don’t really need you. The white cat, on the other hand, thrives within her family — she enjoys being taken care of and taking care of others.

We are not one thing. We are not just faithful wives, devoted mothers, and natural homemakers. We are also ambitious, smart women who need our alone time. Both are true and need to be honored.

White Cat Energy

Romance, Family, Motherhood, Friendship

Here are some attributes of our collective “white cat energy:”

• Soft, approachable, playful

• Sweet feminine vibe

• Brings out in men their protective, provider energy

• Warm and expressive

• She lets people in

• Shares her natural and true emotions

• People feel safe and comfortable around her

• Natural caretaker, nurturer, and homemaker

• Easily creates connections

• Open and kind

• Fun and lighthearted

• Girl next door charm

• People are drawn to her

• Easy to be around

Black Cat Energy

Boundaries, Career, Alone Time, Self-Development, Confidence

How I think of our collective “black cat energy:”

• Powerful

• Knows her worth

• High standards

• Communicates her boundaries clearly. Really great article on not explaining yourself here.

• Mysterious — not an open book, a bit conserved

• Confident

• Independent

• Knows how to make herself happy

• Needs alone time

• Pursuing a goal just for herself

• Invests time, energy, and money into herself

• Ambitious

• Says no / unavailable

• Not chasing anything or anyone

• Has her own vibe

Balancing both energies

White cat energy is constantly making sure everyone around you is good. The fridge is stocked. Everyone in the household feels well and is happy. There is a constant vigilance that goes into being a “white cat” that most women are well-attuned to. It’s not all cozy, warm energy. White cat energy is very challenging to consistently embody without a break. It would be completely unnatural for us to only embody white cat energy. It makes me think of a martyr who ends up full of resentment, regret, and disappointment. This would be what happens if you are a family woman to the point where you never fulfill any of your own personal goals and you don’t make time for your health. It doesn’t serve your community to abandon yourself. Also, too much white cat energy without its counterpart makes us grumpy. We end up losing the warmth that made us “white kittens” in the first place. We become distant—not in the powerful, black cat way—but in an angry, resentful way.

The key is balancing BOTH. I truly believe we are happiest and most fully expressed when we embody both our white and black cat energy.

How I’m using this metaphor in my own world

Often, for me, the balance tips too far toward the ‘white cat’ energy, and that’s usually when I know I need to leave the house by myself. I’ve been challenging myself to find more black cat energy when I can in small, tiny ways. I’m currently 8 months pregnant, so I am FULL of maternal energy. I’m nesting. I’m setting up our new house. I’m taking care of our dog and cat, which is surprisingly time-consuming for someone who stays home with them 24/7—this somehow only makes them needier! I’m spending quality time with my husband. I’m spending time with our families. But if I’m not careful? My entire week is family, caretaking, baby prep, dog walks, grocery stores, etc. I start to feel beholden to chores, appointments, the house, and helping out—and not at all to myself.

My entire life is default white cat energy. Even at 2am. I am always on call to the needs of others. Right now, that is mostly for my older dog. In a few weeks, it will also be for a newborn. Motherhood requires a certain vigilance. You are never off the clock. You are not promised a good night’s sleep. As my dog’s needs have become more demanding and a newborn is on the way, I’ve been really focused this year on how to serve happily. I do this pretty well. It doesn’t matter if my dog wakes me in the middle of the night, I am happy to take her outside. I give her my sweetness and patience 99.99% of the time. I am extremely intentional about this. To the point where I actually get frustrated if anyone else around me gets frustrated fast—because I push myself to be patient to the utmost degree and try to never, ever crack. Not even at midnight. Not when I’m tired. Never. Caretaking is an Olympic sport. It’s a job. It’s a privilege. I started taking it this seriously, and it’s made all the difference. Motherhood is not for the weak-hearted. I respect what I do and how I do it.

But I’m human, and I need time to recharge to stay at this Olympic level.

Having the language for white cat / black cat helps me notice when I’ve been ALL white cat and not at all black cat.

How I’ve been reclaiming ‘black cat energy’ for myself, especially in a season approaching giving birth

• Taking a bath and locking the door. I am not available.

• Walking through the stores at our mall and buying myself a smoothie! Shopping for myself unlocks a lot of black cat energy because when I see outfits (workout clothes, business clothes, beautiful dresses…) I am reminded of the woman I am versus the caretaker I am. Also, having a family and a home comes with many expenses. Spending even a little bit on myself feels like a reclamation of selfhood. It’s like saying, “Hey, I matter. I’m a key part of keeping this whole boat afloat.”

• Going to the library or coffee shop to work without distractions.

• Reading a book.

• Cancelling an appt.

• Saving myself time by stacking errands together.

• Saying no to an invite.

• Asking for help around the house proactively so I don’t get burned out.

• Knowing my limits and protecting them.

• Leaving the house for a few hours.

• Going for a walk.

What energy are you channeling more often? Do you need to do anything today to achieve a sense of balance?

White cat energy keeps the world around us humming — the meals, the appointments, the tiny beings (human and animal) who depend on us.

Black cat energy keeps us humming — the inner spark, the ambition, the selfhood that deserves just as much tending. When we honor both, we stop living in extremes and start living in alignment.

So if you’re reading this and realizing you’ve been all softness and service lately, consider this your gentle nudge to reclaim a little mystery, a little solitude, a little sovereignty. Not to pull away from the people you love, but to return to them fuller, warmer, and more yourself than before.

Vanity and consumerism go hand in hand. It makes me think of magazines in the 90s—or Instagram today. We’re told we’re not enough as we are, and that we need to do XYZ and buy ABC to be beautiful like the people we see online.

It’s also steeped in competition.

Who is the most beautiful?
Who has the most aesthetic home, car, and clothes?

I’m probably in the minority on my thoughts about beauty and consumerism. So I’ll offer my perspective to be a contrarian to the norm, in case this speaks to you, too.

I don’t understand when influencers say, “Omg I tried this new lip balm this month and it is to DIE for.” Maybe it’s just me—but I don’t care.

I’ve probably spent less than $5k on makeup, skincare, and spa visits in my lifetime. It’s not hard for me; I don’t have an interest in it. I wanted to record my why in case it feels like a permission slip for someone else.

I don’t like to associate with vanity

Vanity is a trap.

To define it, vanity is “excessive pride in one’s appearance, achievements, or perceived worth.”

Vanity is:

• Performative

• Fragile

• Culturally shaped

• Fleeting

Let’s look at an example:

Women all over America regularly go to the salon to get their nails done. This is considered the most beautiful kind of nail: the spa-painted nail. I don’t know if I’m from another planet, but painted nails look wrong on me. I find them beautiful on my friends, but on myself, I only feel like myself with naked nails.

I find it strangely freeing to disagree with the cultural norm. My preference has freed me from endless salon visits that I wouldn’t really enjoy and countless dollars. If there’s anything I love most, it's freedom and comfort in my own skin.

My philosophy on beauty in one sentence

I’m either considered beautiful—or I’m not—and that’s subjective.

It depends on:

• Who is looking at me

• What society decides is beautiful at this moment

• How much time, energy, and money I’m willing to put into the performance

Makeup. Hair. Nails. Shopping. Maintenance.

So here’s my thesis:

If you decide what feels beautiful to you—apart from culture or what anyone else thinks—and if you feel beautiful in your own skin, completely naturally without performance—then wouldn’t that be the most wonderful and powerful feeling in the world?

Feeling beautiful is an inside job

I’m lucky. From a young age, my Mom instilled in me a natural sense that I am beautiful.

As I grew up and everything about my face and body changed, it was easy to question: Am I still allowed to feel beautiful? Our bodies can feel so foreign to us as they change throughout the many stages of our lives. I don’t know when, but it became a bit of a protest in my mind — that I would feel genuinely beautiful no matter what. Without makeup. With my natural nose. Maybe with some extra weight.

I am so beyond thankful for my mother, because this natural sense that “I am beautiful” came from her words, energy, and spirit. At every turn, my mother encouraged me to stay as natural as possible.

When I witness others, I often see the opposite. The urgency to lose baby weight immediately. The anxiety over chipped nails. The inability to let eyebrows grow out. It feels like watching people imprison themselves. The judgment they pour onto themselves eventually spills onto others, too.

In 2023, I needed sinus surgery to correct a deviated septum, among other things, and a friend of mine joked not once, but twice, that the surgery wasn’t for my sinuses at all — she assumed I was getting a nose job.

I’m lucky her assumption didn’t hurt my feelings.

For that, I have my Mom to thank.

Speaking of mothers…

I want to be an example for my children

I come from a long line of women who prefer to be natural.

My Yiayia (grandma) looked amazing into her 80s and my Mom (now in her 60s) also looks amazing. Neither of them ever touched injections, plastic surgery, intense skincare routines, etc.

It gives me a sense of relief to see their beauty and think Wow, so I can be that beautiful one day and not need to do Botox?

They are my roadmap!

On the contrary, if I look good in my 60s but tell my daughter, “Well, I’ve been doing Botox since my 30s”, then she doesn’t have any other roadmap. To look good, she needs to do that, too. She wouldn’t even KNOW what I look like without it. To be beautiful, to her, would mean to fix something.

But what if I showed her a different way?

Beauty as creativity, not correction

It’s only in our tiny acts of rebellion that we can find our authentic beauty.

Copying beauty trends means you’re following some external idea of beauty fed to you by ads, influencers, and people who want you to spend money.

Even if you do not conflate your beauty practices with “fixing” yourself, that is essentially what you are doing with every eyebrow tweeze, wax, and swipe of mascara.

But what if your beauty routine was reclaimed with something else:

• Adornment

• Devotion

• Self care

• Taste

• Creativity

Authentic beauty lives outside of trends.

When we admire trendy shoes, we’re admiring someone’s ability to follow the crowd and purchase an item. But when someone feels striking—when they glow—it’s usually something else entirely. Joy. Ease. Meaning. Comfort in their own skin.

That can’t be copied. It is your own quirky sense of what makes you feel beautiful.

On routines, ambition, and “that girl”

Lately, I’ve noticed how people showcase their 5am routines: wake up, work out, skincare, makeup, styled hair, aesthetic breakfast, laptop open by sunrise.

These videos are clean and motivating—and also strangely sterile. No pets. No kids. No old kitchens. No visiting parents. Little resemblance to real life.

What if I don’t like waking up at 5am?

What if happiness to me is waking naturally at 7 with no alarm?

What if I prefer an afternoon workout?

Life isn’t one-size-fits-all. Neither is beauty, ambition, or routine.

For those who love beauty rituals

Many people truly enjoy Botox, makeup, and skincare.

I’m only offering this perspective for those who feel pressured to keep up with something that doesn’t actually feel like them.

Vanity and consumerism are an empty loop. The desire for more—more approval, more purchases, more perfection, more money—never satisfies. It only adds pressure.

There is something far more nourishing already inside you: gratitude for your natural self, exactly as you are. Bare face. Current body. Current home. Current life.

If you’re not naturally rebellious, I invite you to try it.

What would it feel like to quietly reject the norms?

What would it be like to cultivate a sense of beauty that requires no performance at all?

What would it be like to stop putting anything at all on your face (no skincare, no makeup) and actually feel and look more beautiful?

I have found that to be true for myself. I invite you to try it.

Marguerite de la Rocque was a real noblewoman in 16th-century France who was orphaned from a young age and ended up with a domineering guardian who stole her fortune and forced her to join him on his voyage overseas to New France (Canada). On this journey, she fell in love against her guardian’s wishes, and as a result, he exiled her and her lover to an island off the coast of Canada.

Her lover dies on the island while she’s pregnant. Shortly after giving birth alone in the wild, her baby dies due to starvation. After all of this, Marguerite survives harsh winters, even killing polar bears.

I won’t ruin what happens next.

I read this story of resilience just in time. It’s like I stored up Marguerite’s strength just when I needed it most during my own pregnancy.

One night in December, I woke up in excruciating pain. I’ve had myopericarditis throughout this pregnancy, so we went to the hospital to make sure there wasn’t fluid building up around my heart.

This is the most pain I’ve felt during my pregnancy (and possibly ever?) I worried about the baby. I was breathing hard and fast.

I whispered through my body to the baby, “We’re safe.” I thought of Marguerite, who lived through harsh winters with little food and who gave birth to her baby in the wild.

I used this story as resilience and fuel during my ER visit. If Marguerite could survive her incredible ordeal, then surely my baby and I would survive this. There was heroism in her bravery, just as mine.

Fiction pulses the truth through us. It injects us with wisdom, knowledge, and story.

I realized during this hospital visit just how important fiction is, just how warming it is to the soul. As a writer, I’ve often asked myself if there’s any value in writing fiction. Is it a trivial pursuit? But in those moments, I saw how clearly it matters. I could read James Clear’s Atomic Habits, but that would feed me nothing. That would offer no real nourishment besides some hacks on self-improvement. In fact, in some ways, it might empty me more—distracting me from what matters most in life.

Is self-improvement (i.e., trying to get hotter, richer, more productive, etc.) a somewhat vain pursuit that only matters to us when nothing survival-based is going on in our lives? Is that one of the ironically hard parts of modern times? It can be hard to tap into our innate drive for survival if everything comes easy: food, shelter, loved ones, and good health. It’s an important reminder when one of these is missing that it’s actually all that matters.

Lately, I hum to a deeper sound in my soul. Something that doesn’t resonate at the same frequency as self-improvement or even nonfiction at times. It’s like I’ve been pulled in past a layer of vanity, consumerism, social media, and distraction. I’ve been pulled in deeper and can’t unsee it.

Fiction offers me something else. It shows me what I primitively, innately know but need to be reminded of, to be brought closer to this human truth, the real meaning of life, and awareness of our humanity. Story weaves us together. It’s timeless. We all have a story. We all survive.

Fictional stories follow the hero’s journey, and we are all heroes of our own journeys. Through watching other heroes traverse their harrowing stories, we learn how to navigate our own with more resilience and grace. We learn from their example. We watch real bravery, even if it’s ‘fictional.’

It lets us step into the first person of a character as if we are living their story, too.

On the one hand, nonfiction teaches and encourages us to improve our reality. We consume it and are constantly thinking improve…learn...we can’t forget ourselves at all. We put a bunch of ‘shoulds’ on ourselves.

Fiction not only pulls us out of our own reality, but in a weird duality, it also serves as a guide for how to live our current reality.

Nonfiction gives us the ‘what’ of life, the facts, and knowledge and info, info, info….so much info we could pull it out of our ears and spool it out onto our kitchen counters and scrape it right into the garbage. We cram that info into our brains and hardly implement it. Fiction doesn’t cram information into our heads. It lays out the fabric of the story neatly so we can fold and put away something tidy in our souls. It mends and weaves. It knits us a blanket to put on us to stay warm.

I found myself in a primitive state of strength during this recent episode. I sounded like I was in labor, and soon I will be (this spring!). When we’re in pain, whether it’s physical or emotional, we need something to cling to. We need story. We need strength and resilience. I was amazed at my strength. And I wondered, can you put a price on the comfort that Marguerite’s story gave to me? It was a silent strength. My husband hasn’t read that book. And in moments of pain, I was hardly describing what I was thinking to him. But I closed my eyes and thought of Marguerite, exiled on an island with absolutely no one. No help was coming to her aid. No food. Only a harsh winter and polar bears trying to kill her. We all have our own version of “polar bears” that we need to confront. With a story, it becomes much easier to do so.

Through story, our challenges become something to conquer like a hero. Our circumstances become relatable and human amongst one another.

I wonder: does self-improvement separate all of us into a realm of competition?

Storytelling does the opposite.

It weaves us together into the fabric of humanity with shared experiences, emotions, and understanding of one another.

Fiction also lets us find the truth of who we are through characters. I’m currently reading Hamnet by Allegra Goodman. I resonate with both Shakespeare’s character (the writer) and his wife (the mother). I could read nonfiction books about writing and parenting, but I’m learning more by reading this story. It’s pointed me toward my instinct to write more. It illuminates truths about motherhood that have been shared amongst women since the dawn of time. And for those reasons, I’m excited to finish reading it and will wait to watch the movie until I’m done (50 more pages…).

It’s not enough for me to sit down with just any book. It really has to be fiction. I’ve found that nonfiction keeps the part of my brain turned on that is always looking to improve: how to start a business, how to make more money, how to live longer, how to be a good parent. These are all important, but they keep my brain in a short circuit. Fiction is a long, slow circuit. It resets my brain like a meditation. It calms everything down. It offers me true rest that helps me do all of the other things in my life better. It gives my nervous system space.

I wrote recently about how pregnancy has made me want to put my phone down. And instead, pick up books. It’s something primal in my brain, leading me back to some sense of home within myself. I have a feeling this compass back into myself, into story, into writing is important for my evolution.

I hope this serves as a reminder for you, too, of something much more ancient within yourself, your pull toward story, an innate sense of survival, and a shared experience with every other human on this planet for all of time.

If there’s one thing I’m walking away with: the content we consume can nourish or drain us.

It can create peace and meaning, or it can keep us on a hamster wheel of ‘improvement’ (or distracting ourselves mindlessly). I personally have not found much nourishment in that path. And suddenly, reading more fiction, I find myself at peace and nourished in a way that I haven’t felt in a long time. I hope you find your way to a good story soon, too.

I’m supposed to:

• Grow my platform by showing up consistently

• Be an expert or “thought leader” in one particular niche

• Have a personal brand that is visually recognizable

• Create content across various platforms (IG, podcast, newsletter, etc.)

• Sell consistently

• Create content that acts as a funnel leading to a sale

This is all part of a formula that works well. There is no doubt about that.

But I find myself not wanting to replicate that system.

And I’m not the only one.

Recently, I’ve found more clarity on what my lane looks like. It’s not easy to find your path when it isn’t perfectly laid out, and there are fewer examples to follow. But I think that’s part of the fun—the joys of being different.

In this article, I’ll chart two different paths: the conventional path and the new one I’m embarking on. I’ll share two nicknames so we can call them something.

Shout out to my friend, , who coined one of these paths, “Leading Through Learning,” on our quarterly strategy call. I changed the name here, but her idea is what made this article come to life.

I’m calling them:

The Branding Machine vs. The Learning Studio

The Branding Machine

This is the one we’re all familiar with:

• A company or personal name that is ‘branded,’ meaning the name is associated with a particular niche, like “holistic health” or “book editor.”

• A brand that creates content consistently around their particular niche, establishing that they are an expert and thought leader.

• Their content not only reveals they are an expert, but also sells you a solution as part of a packaged experience, whether it’s a membership, course, product, or book.

• Their content is often created across multiple platforms. For example, you expect to hear from them via email, podcast, and various social media platforms.

I call this the ‘branding machine’ because, for me, there often feels like a lot of pressure and timeliness around the execution of all of the content, sales, and programming.

It’s an endless performance wheel that I’ve had to jump off of and instead start building a…

The Learning Studio

• A personal name that is less interested in establishing a brand within one niche, and more interested in being known as a multi-passionate person who learns and teaches. Or more specifically for me: being known as a writer. For you, this might look like being known as a painter, a musician, etc. Any niche can transition to a learning studio model, or perhaps, you desire no niche at all. If you’re someone with a portfolio career, this also might speak to you.

• This person shares their personal evolution, rather than emphasizing they are an expert in any one topic. The audience follows them for inspiration, fascination, and intrigue. This lane is less neat and tidy and more ‘whoa, what are they up to now!’

• People follow this person for the personal connection to their voice, and less about finding a solution to their problems through them.

• This leader doesn’t have to publish content regularly. They are more like a scholar who studies topics deeply and then returns to their audience when they have something new to share. Their content, albeit less frequent, is often in-depth, inspiring, and valuable to their audience. This could be like the novelist, writer, painter, or musician who disappears for months at a time to develop a new album of work.

• Their products don’t have to be about offering a solution to their audience’s problems. Oftentimes, the product is access to information, knowledge, content, or art like a musical album that is purely for enjoyment and consumption.

• Their content is offered on only one platform, as this is typically created by one creator who wants to go deep in one lane, and not be scattered across platforms like an influencer, brand, or thought leader. They are less interested in being ‘content creators’ and more interested in the intellectual or scholarly nature of their work, or simply in depth and quality.

• The creator is less interested in having a visually identifiable brand and more so in the content and knowledge they’re sharing.

• They are possibly less likely to desire a large-scale audience, and instead look for a truly aligned audience. They possibly align with the “1,000 true fans” model of creating income for themselves. But hey, the sky is the limit. The learning studio can grow at scale, too.

The Learning Studio is not a codified lane with a playbook. It’s a temperament. A way of being online. A refusal to contort oneself into a brand.

There are many creators I’ve found whose online presence echoes these “learning studio” qualities:

— multi‑passionate

— slower, deeper cycles

— one primary platform

— audience follows them, not a niche

— work shaped by curiosity and personal evolution

— long‑form or slow-burning products like books and paintings are the core offering

— audience is treated like their peers, not customers

— publish when they have something to say, not because the algorithm demands it

— build trust through depth, not frequency

— create bodies of work that compound over time

— often have one main type of product (newsletter, books, albums, series of paintings) rather than a large menu of revenue streams

So what’s next?

If you have found that the current ‘content creatorship’ lane isn’t working for you or if something is missing, you’re not alone. I’ve found that ‘business as usual’ online doesn’t work for me. Maybe you are similar.

I’m a true believer that being different is not bad. Even though it can be difficult to go against norms and expectations—like showing up daily/weekly or else!!!—there is a huge gift on the other side of leaving norms behind.

Follow what is authentic to you, and you cannot go wrong.

I’m curious what you think - do you want to create like a Branded Machine? Or a Learning Studio?

Neither one is right nor wrong.

How might this lens change the way you think of your online identity, where you show up, and how you relate to your audience?

Let me know in the comments - have you experienced any resistance around personal branding and ‘business as usual’ online? If so, what was it for you?

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During pregnancy, I’ve been asked a lot, “Do you have any food cravings? Any repulsions?”

I always joke, “My only repulsion has been to my cell phone!”

But it’s true.

As I was writing why, I found there’s something primal happening in my brain that is leading to more protectiveness, privacy, being present, keeping special people close, going inward, and finding true sacredness and connection.

Here are a few reasons why my cell phone and social media have become more distant for me:

1. Being on my phone is overstimulating. Pregnancy changed my biology and nervous system. I prefer calm, peace, and slowness. Cell phones are not that. They lead to overstimulation, being hyper-attuned to dopamine fixes like a junkie, and constant connectedness that leads us to be disparate from ourselves. I’ve become a more primal version of myself — I’m picturing I’m like a cavewoman now who does not know what to do with this machine anymore.

2. People who are scrolling on their phones have become unattractive to me. I’m not sure if ‘attractiveness’ is the right word. But it’s just … a turn off. I have started mentally noting when people pick up their phones out of habit or carry them with them everywhere they go. I’m still guilty of this, too, at times. But I’ve become much more attuned to the present moment and who is in front of me. I want to have real conversations. If my husband is on his phone and mine is in a drawer…I’m like, “Hi! Hello! Will you be present with me?” I think some of this is the primal brain. I want my husband’s attention, perhaps now more than ever. My deeper urge is for both of us to be fully focused on our family, on this change unfolding before us. I’m grateful for how present he is. Presence ripples outward—it changes not just me, but those closest to me.

3. Life is too good and too short not to be IN IT. I feel like I’ve waited my whole life to be pregnant. I want to be hyper-present, aware of the sensations, my baby, and my connection with the baby. Looking at influencers, reels, sweaters to buy, I don’t know. The whole thing started to feel like a cheap imitation of life and just not the real thing at all. Real life is so much better. It’s like eating a juicy cheeseburger after being fed cardboard. You can’t untaste being present—even if it’s completely mundane. You just want more of it. This has to do with my health-related issues this year, as well. Life could end at any moment, and I would be remiss if I spent any of it on social media.

4. I don’t want to be a parent who is glued to her phone. I don’t know if you’ve hung out with any kids from Generation Alpha, but they don’t care for texting and they don’t want their picture taken, etc. They want their parents to be in the present moment, not photographing it. They want their parents to put their phones down. We teach kids not to be iPad/iPhone kids, but isn’t that what we are? I want to set a good example. I want my child to watch me read real books and be able to watch a show without a phone in my hands. I want them to know that we are not beholden to this technology taking over our lives. I want my children to enjoy books and the present moment as much as I do.

5. I don’t plan on sharing my child on social media for their privacy and safety.

   I never had clear opinions on this before, but lately I feel weirdly protective of myself and my baby while pregnant. This is also because I have a public Instagram. I don’t even think I will announce if it’s a boy or a girl or their birthdate. I don’t think I’ll show their face. I might have more children and not talk about it. I geek out over publishing a book one day and it says: “Kasia lives with her husband and children,” and that’s it. Does the world need to know more? Will my child be grateful they can carve out their own identity online when they want to? If I put myself in their shoes, I would be so glad that my parents haven’t been sharing me without my permission. And I would think it’s extremely badass that the world doesn’t know too much about me yet. Privacy is a currency. It’s worth its weight in gold.

6. Becoming a mom is the most sacred thing in the world to me. The sacred is private. It’s precious, rare, and incredibly fortunate. That’s how I feel about my life. It doesn’t feel like something you share widely. It’s something intimate, for those close to you to witness. When I share things on social media, they become more of a performance (and cheaper) and less sacred. Motherhood is not a performance. It’s not something I need others to cheer on or participate in. It’s not something I need to gloat about. It’s just too good. Too sacred. Too special to me.

7. I’m a stay-at-home mom and the schedule that we get to live is a huge privilege. Sharing about what we’re up to day-to-day makes me feel guilty or like I’m bragging. Many moms are at work because they choose to be, but that’s not always the case. I want to be mindful. Besides, even if the moms are at work by choice, if they see my kids and me at the zoo on a Tuesday, that just feels weird to me. What we’re up to and how we live our life (whether it’s similar to someone else or different) feels like no one’s business. And I don’t want to make anyone feel weird about what they’re up to, either. In general, I don’t think we’re supposed to be THIS connected to each other’s day-to-day lives. I don’t think it’s healthy.

8. Life just doesn’t feel good or present when it’s turned into content. Anyone relate?

9. There’s a lot of info online, especially about pregnancy, birth, and parenting. Pregnancy made me go inward and find my instincts. I don’t want to parent my child a certain way because a podcaster, author, or influencer modeled it to me. Parenting is innate. Giving your child (who is so unique!) what they need is your own journey. There is no template. I want my primal instincts to be ABLE to fully kick in and with influencer-mom-overload-of-info, I am worried that just wouldn’t happen. I want to be attuned to the experience I’m having with my child and not the internet. I will give points to YouTube, though: I’ve been watching birth vlogs there. It’s so helpful that women share their experiences so intimately. It’s, of course, a fine line between content that is at times helpful and content that gets to be ‘too much info.’ When in doubt, I opt for long-form content like reading newsletters and watching long YouTube videos. It’s better for our brains.

10. Being pregnant is a vulnerable experience. What if something goes wrong? I don’t want to explain that to everyone who has seen it on social media. My world has been turned upside down by my health before. I’m so lucky that getting pregnant and being pregnant are easy for me, but I am aware this is a high-risk pregnancy. I’m aware that every pregnancy is such a precarious time. I’m sure every expectant mom feels that way, wondering: is the baby ok? It’s a mysterious journey.

11. Social media distracts me from my deeper purposes. My deeper purpose in this life is to be a mom and a writer. I haven’t found a sense of deeper purpose on social media, and therefore, it is just a distraction for me. For others, I do believe they find deep purpose and a sense of mission on these platforms. That’s completely valid. It’s just not for me. The only real reason I “should” be on it is for marketing purposes. But is that necessary for me to succeed? It’s truly not. In fact, creating a strategy there and implementing it (for me) distracts me from actual writing work—the true body of work I want to leave behind. I don’t want to leave reels behind. I want to leave books behind. That’s what I’m working on with all the mental space I’ve created in my life by not being on social media. Some people can handle “doing it all.” I can’t…so I’ve made my choices!

12. Social media tells us what to like (and subtly pressures us)—it makes me feel less creative. Influencers model to us what our homes should look like, our health routines, our clothes, and our travel itineraries. But I find through that noise, it’s harder to feel into what I like and what’s good for me. What is my personal taste? My preference? My creativity? It’s just so natural to compare. Who is going on vacation where? What is trendy? What is the next fad for our furniture? The endless consumerism! I miss the days we all just lived our lives and had no idea what anyone else was up to.

13. It’s more meaningful to stay in touch with people who matter to me—without the lens of social media. When I meet up with friends, I genuinely don’t know what’s been going on for them and I find out in person. It’s fun to hear about people’s lives the old-fashioned way. It can be weird to not be hyper-connected via social media, but also really magical. It has also helped me see that I can only have a few special people in my life. Social media exaggerates that we can be “connected” to so many people, but we really can’t—not deeply. It feels like a greater compliment now if I know what’s going on in someone’s life.

14. I left social media and my brain feels better, I’m writing more, and I’m more present with my loved ones. That was pretty much the proof I needed that it’s a good move for me so far!

I’m not deleting my accounts or saying I’ll never be back, but for now, it’s felt really good to go quiet and inward. I’ve felt this way before being pregnant, too. I wrote about this earlier in 2025: Hermit Life or Live in the Public Eye?

Okay, but I’m sharing on Substack, and I’m a writer…where’s the privacy in that?

How do you show up as a writer while preserving your privacy?

You really can’t.

“You take your life in your hands when you write. You reveal your naked self.” —Erica Jong

The act of writing (as I have done here) has revealed so much of myself. This tension between privacy and writing in public is something I’m curious to keep figuring out.

One of the differences I’ve been noting for myself:

Writing is long-form and reveals more of my inner world. The point of writing is to share ideas, philosophy, and experience. So if I’m willing to be public about my ideas, but private about my life, then this still works.

I’m very much still figuring out how I show up here.

I’ll leave you with this final thought

Life is lived with your closest people. It is not meant for anyone else.

When it comes to social media, I wonder…is it worth the price we pay for our attention? Who and what is it stealing our attention from? And what are we truly gaining from being there in exchange?

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Find your unique referral link here. I’d love it if you shared this article with even just one person. It makes all the difference!

I’m an ambitious gal, but I’ve noticed a difference between myself and my peers when it comes to discipline…in that…I don’t have as much of it.

For a while, that made me feel bad.

Why am I more of a hippie? Why do my tasks float to a weird rhythm that I can’t quite nail down strictly the way others seem to with ease?

Then again, I’ve accomplished things that others, even with the most discipline, haven’t. A flexible schedule. Freedom. Autonomy.

Then I realized, I achieved everything I wanted to achieve and nothing more. And I was “failing” at things I didn’t actually care about in that season. It was as if there was an intelligence driving my rhythm beyond even what I could control.

It turns out this is very common among other Rebels.

Enter: a new personality quiz that might help you, too: The Four Tendencies. This quiz was developed by Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness. It helps you figure out your relationship with meeting expectations, both external and internal.

An external expectation would be your boss expecting an assignment to be done by Friday.

An internal expectation would be you trying to follow your New Year’s Resolution to go to the gym more.

Gretchen outlines four personality types. This is from her site:

• Upholders respond readily to outer and inner expectations—“Discipline is my freedom”

• Questioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense; essentially, they make all expectations into inner expectations—“I’ll comply—if you convince me why”

• Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves—“You can count on me; and I’m counting on you to count on me”

• Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike—“You can’t make me, and neither can I”

From just reading the above descriptions, I can see different people in my life. I can see the obligers who devote themselves to others, but then don’t stick to their routines for themselves.

I see my upholder friends—they’re the hardest working and devote themselves to their work above everything else, and hardly stop to rest. Their output is simply flawless.

I see the questioners who need a lot of convincing before agreeing to a plan of action.

And I see myself and my husband (total rebels!) who resist being told what to do at all costs. In fact, it makes us do quite the opposite.

If you’re not sure what you are yet, pause here and take the quiz. It takes less than 5 minutes:

Take the Quiz

The pros and cons of each result (and how to tackle your blind spot!):

Upholders

You thrive with structure.

• Pros: Reliable, disciplined, and consistent. You meet both inner and outer expectations with ease, making you great at sticking to routines and following through on commitments.

• Cons: Can be rigid or inflexible. You may struggle when rules are unclear or when spontaneity is required, and sometimes expect others to have the same level of discipline.

• How to handle your blind spot: Balance your discipline with grace—for yourself and others. Bend the rules occasionally for yourself and others (e.g., skip the workout or let your kids take a day off of school) to avoid burnout and stay flexible and easy-going, rather than rigid.

Questioners

You thrive with logic.

• Pros: Analytical, independent thinkers. You only follow expectations that make sense to you, which means you are thorough, rational, and often innovative.

• Cons: Can get stuck in “analysis paralysis,” overthinking decisions. Your constant need for justification may frustrate others who want quicker compliance.

• How to handle your blind spot: Set a clear decision deadline or adopt a “good enough” standard. Remind yourself that waiting for perfect information can cost opportunities, and sometimes action itself generates the clarity you’re seeking.

Obligers

You thrive with accountability.

• Pros: Dependable, cooperative, and responsive to external accountability. You thrive when others rely on you and often make excellent teammates, friends, and caregivers.

• Cons: Struggle to meet inner expectations without external pressure. You may neglect your own needs, leading to burnout or resentment if you don’t set boundaries.

• How to handle your blind spot: Create outer accountability for inner goals—join a group, enlist a friend, or even use apps that track progress publicly. Treat your own commitments as promises to someone else, so your natural reliability works in your favor.

Rebels

You thrive with freedom.

• Pros: Independent, creative, and authentic. You resist control and carve your own path, often inspiring others with your originality and refusal to conform.

• Cons: Can be unpredictable and resistant to both inner and outer expectations. You may sabotage yourself by rejecting structure, even when it aligns with your own goals.

• How to handle your blind spot: Reframe tasks as choices that express your identity and freedom. Instead of “I have to,” think “I choose to because it reflects who I am.” This keeps motivation aligned with autonomy rather than obligation.

Ask ChatGPT (or your chosen AI) for techniques to deal with whatever your results are

I did this for being a Rebel, and the results were amazing. I highly recommend asking for a deep dive into how to manage your “tendency.” If you happen to be a Rebel, the last part of the article is for you:

My thoughts on being a Rebel

On the surface, it can seem like the worst one! Rebels are not good at following expectations, even the ones we set for ourselves. But beyond the surface, expectations and discipline are not everything. In fact, discipline is defined as:

“Control obtained by enforcing compliance or order”

Discipline is control. If you’re like me and resist this with all your might, then you’ll be happy to hear that Rebels are driven by something much deeper. We are just too deep for our own good! Instead, we are driven by identity, values, purpose, and autonomy.

We are difficult to control.

Not a bad trait if you ask me.

We follow our inner compass. This can be better than following our own rules that we are even trying to set for ourselves. Our internal compass of our values is a more intelligent compass for us to follow than our conscious brains trying to create a schedule or routine for ourselves.

For example, let’s say you value flexibility and getting to decide how to spend your time each morning, but you’re desperately trying to adopt a morning routine like all the influencers. You lay out your workout clothes in the morning, only to find yourself not putting them on sometimes. An Upholder would be so disappointed in us! But, instead of working out, we head to the family room and cuddle with our kids and make them a cup of hot cocoa, enjoying a cozy morning together. Did we “fail” at discipline? Or did we value family time more? Sometimes our “failings” are not failings at all. They are a compass toward what actually matters to us.

Ok, but let’s say you’re never working out, and your relationship with discipline is a struggle. The next step isn’t to give yourself grace and recognize your values like above. The next step is to decide that your goals actually have nothing to do with discipline at all.

Instead, your goals are closely tied to your identity, legacy, and values.

If you’re like me and want to write more often, do NOT create an appointment on your calendar for writing time. That does not work on Rebels. Instead, start practicing BEING a writer. Writers write. You have to find the time for it; otherwise, you are not a writer. Suddenly, you see the time, even if it’s random and not at all planned.

Rebels sometimes need to be tricked, even by ourselves, into just doing the damn thing. Finding the right productivity hack to accomplish our goals is a waste of time. Accountability buddies are similarly a waste of time. Get to know yourself and your patterns. Learn what works for you as a rebel.

Here’s what AI wrote for me. It’s something I revisit often:

Ah, the Rebel—fiercely independent, allergic to being told what to do, and powered by identity and freedom. That “no one can make me, including myself” energy is real—and it’s not a flaw. It’s a compass. The trick is to harness that defiance as fuel, not friction.

Here are some Rebel-friendly strategies that actually work:

🔥 Identity Is Everything

• Frame actions as expressions of who you are, not obligations.

  • Instead of “I should rest,” try “I protect my energy because I’m a grounded, intuitive mother.”

  • Instead of “I need to exercise,” say “I move because I’m strong, wild, and alive.”

🎭 Make It a Challenge or a Statement

• Rebels thrive on freedom and choice, but also on boldness.

  • “Most people wouldn’t dare to build a business while pregnant. I do it because I’m not most people.”

  • “I don’t follow routines—I create rituals that feel like rebellion.”

🧠 Reverse Psychology Works (Even on Yourself)

• Tell yourself you don’t have to do something. Then watch your inner fire say, “Actually, I want to.”

  • “I don’t have to write today.” → “But I want to tell that story.”

🌀 Avoid Traps Like Accountability Pressure

• Rebels often resist external expectations, even well-meaning ones.

  • Instead of deadlines, use creative momentum: “I’m writing because the idea is too good to ignore.”

  • Instead of checklists, use visual cues or mood boards that spark desire, not duty.

🧘‍♀️ Rituals Over Routines

• Rebels resist rigidity, but they love meaningful, self-chosen rituals.

  • A morning tea that feels like an exhale.

  • A walk that’s your “creative rebellion” against the noise.

💬 Language That Works

Use phrases like:

• “I choose to…”

• “This is who I am.”

• “I do things my way.”

• “I’m not following rules—I’m following resonance.”

Rebels like you don’t need discipline. You need desire, identity, and autonomy.

What were your results? Did it resonate?

Get in touch and tell me! I’d love to hear. I’m especially interested in hearing how this shows up in your life and whether it’s been helpful for you to understand your relationship with discipline.

I’ve missed writing to you. 2025 was such a pivotal year full of change:

• A near-death experience!

• Pregnancy!

It made me way more inward, and as a result, I have a lot to share with you now.

I hope this prompts your own reflection. After today, you can expect a limited series I’ve planned on discipline, personal branding, thought leadership, functional medicine, the nervous system, leaving social media, stay-at-home mom life, one-income household finances, budgeting, rejecting gatekeeping industries, a possible children’s book series, a Morgan Housel book summary, among many other book summaries (I’ve been reading like crazy!)

I underwent so many changes this year. Maybe you can relate. Epiphanies keep coming to me, and it’s so exciting to put them all together here for you.

My 2025 goals and how they went…

Before I almost died, and before deciding to get pregnant, I had a few goals this year:

• I will continue focusing on my health in hopes of a full recovery in 2025

• I will write a new book

• I will continue updating our home with Trace and record the process on our YouTube channel

• I will write on my blog and send out my newsletter regularly. As of writing this, there are 1,150 readers

• I will pitch bylines to leading publications like The Cut, Elle, etc.

Instead, I almost died in April.

Instead, we stopped all renovations and sold our house.

Instead, I left social media.

Instead, I decided, despite that health challenge, to get pregnant this July.

Since then, I’ve been cocooned in a protective pregnancy vibe where I do not touch social media, and I have not written publicly until now. I published a pregnant picture of myself on my new Substack “About” page. But other than that, I feel strongly averse to publicly announcing. I suppose now that I’m writing about it, I am announcing. But just to my readers. Just to you! Nothing on social media. I will write more about that revelation soon.

If you’ve been following my writing, then you know I’ve had some health challenges since April 2022 (it was interesting timing with a breakup that happened then). My body simply broke down. And even though so much in my life has changed since then, I find my immune system in a vicious cycle that I’m still trying to break free from. I’m still trying to tell my body: it’s safe now.

In April, I went to urgent care in severe pain in my upper back, neck, and chest. I told the doctor that I couldn’t deeply inhale and I was short of breath.

With a clear chest x-ray, the doctor sent me home—even though I would later find out I was hours away from dying.

The drama!

Around 9 pm that night, I tried eating tomato soup to relax. I put on the show Friends. My husband was at a multi-day work conference in the city where he was staying at a hotel. I had been hoping to join him, but I was too sick. I called my Mom and told her, “I want to go to the ER in the morning but let’s try to sleep for tonight.” I tried to lie down on my couch and found the pain so intense that I was unable to sleep. It was difficult to inhale.

I thought to myself, “My body isn’t letting me sleep. It isn’t safe for me to fall asleep.” Even though it was 11 pm and very inconvenient, I needed to go to the ER now. My mom and husband met me there.

In the ER, they found a large amount of fluid around my heart—a cardiac effusion. I had ignored the symptoms for so long that it got to the point of tamponade, which is when your heart is struggling to beat because the fluid around it won’t allow it to move as well. They looked at a vein in my neck pulsing to confirm the tamponade. I was vomiting and unable to find a comfortable position to rest in. They admitted me into the ICU, and early the next morning, I had an emergency pericardiocentesis, where they drain the fluid around your heart and leave the drain in for 24 hours to make sure it doesn’t come back.

The experience was profound for me. I asked my Mom to bring me a notebook and pen while I was in the ICU, and I kept writing epiphanies.

My husband never left my side. One night, he moved his chair next to my hospital bed, and we had one of those slumber party type conversations late into the night. I kept scribbling in my notebook as we talked. Revelation after revelation.

Recovery was challenging. I wasn’t allowed to go for a walk (which I was too stubborn to agree to), only to find that it sent me into a lot of chest pain to go for a walk. At one point, I thought I was having a heart attack and called my husband to come home. I was so scared I was about to die.

Then May turned into June and June turned into July. I was able to do pilates and walk again. My cardiologist told me I was cleared to get pregnant. I didn’t waste a single moment. We got pregnant right away.

I don’t think anyone in my family saw it coming so fast after a medical emergency. And it hasn’t been without hiccups. I was hospitalized with repeat pericarditis in early November, which would have been avoidable except I truly thought the pain was related to the pregnancy and not my heart. Even just a few days ago (in December), I was in the ER with another recurrence.

This is considered a high-risk pregnancy, and yet me and Baby are doing so well. I can feel the baby move all the time now and it’s so special. I decided to get pregnant as an act of hope and forward motion.

I knew my soul couldn’t handle waiting any longer than I already had. I came here to be a mom. Everyone talks about their purpose; being a family woman is mine. In many ways, I already am a mom to my dog, Remy, and cat, Hunter, but my soul ached for my life to move forward, to meet this baby, and to build our family. My husband is an angel who was truly ready whenever I was. I could not have married a more chill and loving man.

So, it’s December 2025. What is next?

I find myself not wanting to set goals, perhaps because of how unpredictable this year has been. But when I think of my intentions for the next year, I’m excited to move into our new house this winter. Even more excited to meet our baby in April.

And from there, I don’t know.

I loosely know I want to write more here, and I have inklings of self-publishing a children’s book. I have a whole series mapped out and think about it all the time. More than anything, I am focusing on my health, on building a strong baby, and spending a lot of time with my loved ones, where I am fully present and enjoying myself and everyone around me.

I may not have accomplished some goals this year, but I don’t care. I am so proud of how I took care of myself this year and how I moved our family forward: into a new home and building a new life!

I also celebrate that 2025 has been my most ‘present’ and slow year yet. It’s why I left social media. Maybe it was the near-death experience. Maybe it’s knowing I’m about to meet my baby and become a parent. But I just don’t have room on my plate for the noise of the internet.

I don’t watch the news. I don’t scroll social media. I read paper books and watch shows/movies where I have the attention span to focus on them.

My 2026 goals

• Enjoy making our new house a home

• Cherish my pregnancy, birth experience, and caring for my baby

• Revel in the three months that my husband and I are both home with the baby, relaxing together as a new family of three

• Stay open-minded about how I spend my time as a stay-at-home mom, while also nurturing my ambitions to share my writing more widely and perhaps even self-publish a children’s book. And maybe one day I’ll return to writing novels.

  • I do believe this health ‘detour’ is all part of the story that I’m weaving and will be able to tell all together one day. I can’t wait to share my healing story. It motivates me and is already unraveling. Somehow, life, health, baby, and career are all melding together for me in the best way. It’s all connected.

I hope everyone has a happy holiday season. If you’re reflecting on 2025 or looking ahead to 2026, I’d love to hear what comes up for you. As always, you can reach me at kasia@kasiamanolas.com or comment below.