These were women who used their sexuality as a tool to fight against corruption and get ahead in a man’s world.

There are ancient codes we can learn from them…

Hidden truths that spill over into our modern lives.

As women we still face much of what they faced… corrupt systems run by corrupt men.

We’re given lemons, so we’re gonna make some lemonade with it. Just like they did.

Today we’re learning from one of my absolute favorite most badass women that ever lived.

Bathsheba.

This was a woman who went from being King David’s sex toy play thing to Queen Mother with major political power and influence.

So let’s see how Bathsheba did it…

And how Lady Viviane—my own dominatrix alter ego—took a page out of her playbook.

But I will warn you… I’m going beyond the happy ending that most feminist scholars stop at.

I’m finding when we dig a little deeper in all of their stories, we find another lesson that’s been hidden from us.

So grab a coffee or a glass of wine, snuggle up in a cozy corner and get ready for some radical spiritual history lessons that will give you the key to find your purpose—from Queen Mother Bathsheba herself.

We find her story in the Old Testament in the book of Samuel and 1 Kings and it goes something like this:

• Before she became a Queen, Bathsheba was actually the wife of an esteemed officer in King David’s army and good friend of King David himself— Uriah the Hittite.

• One day King David spots her bathing on the rooftop. (Patriarchal Christian male leaders like to insinuate she was seducing him, but the Bible actually says nothing to that effect.)

• David thinks she’s beautiful and sends for her and pretty much forces her to have sex with him. (Okay, so rape is just a normal afternoon activity for a King)

• Bathsheba gets pregnant—whoopsie! (I guess bro-code didn’t exist back then).

• King David is freaking out! He “covers up” his big mistake by sending his BFF Uriah to the front lines of the war so he gets killed and never finds out. (So now he is a rapist and a murderer…. King David was not exactly the stand up guy we often paint him as).

• Bathsheba then goes to live in the harem of King David’s wives at the palace.

• God is super pissed at King David and curses his family and their baby dies.

• But then God redeems King David and Bathsheba by giving them another child—Solomon. King David swears before God that Solomon will become King—(we can only assume this was part of his atonement and making up for what he did to Bathsheba.)

• Many years later, Adonijah— the older half-brother of Solomon from another wife— tries to take the throne and becomes King of Israel for a hot minute.

• Bathsheba is like —oh no you didn’t! My son Solomon will be King!

• She goes before King David and says something like this —“Look you asshole, you raped me and killed my former husband, YOU OWE ME. Make my son Solomon king.”

• The scripture actually says “ Your Majesty, you swore by the Lord your God to your servant, ‘Your son Solomon will certainly rule after me. He will sit on my throne.”( NIV, 1 Kings : 17)

• King David replies, “I swore to you by the Lord, Israel’s God, ‘ Your son Solomon will certainly succeed me; he will sit on the throne after me’— I’ll see that it happens today.” (NIV, 1 Kings, 1:29)

• King David basically overrides all the funny business with Adonjijah and Solomon becomes king immediately.

• Bathsheba now becomes the Queen Mother, a position of major respect and political influence. Mic drop. She is redeemed. (Sort of…to be continued….)

This is a woman who harnessed her inner dominatrix in the face of massive trauma!

Can you imagine being put in the position she was in?

She was raped by a king.

Got pregnant.

Then the king orders her husband’s murder.

She’s forced to now go be the wife of the very man that killed her husband and raped her and have his babies.

She was traumatized, grieving, violated, and probably felt like she was just a sex toy play thing that was disposable and a king could essentially do whatever he wanted to her body and her family.

But the amazing thing about Bathsheba is that she didn’t crumble under this trauma or stay in a victimhood mentality.

Instead she made a decision that she would rise above these shitty circumstances to take her power back!

She knew it was still a man’s world and no one would really take her seriously, but God gifted her a major asset in the face of all this —a son, Solomon.

She knew that if she held King David accountable, his conscience would feel the weight of his crimes and he would make it up to her.

So even when it looks like the promise of her son becoming king is stripped away, she goes before David and boldly demands that he keep his promise.

She does not settle for playing the victim, she is determined to carve out her place of power in the Kingdom.

There is an amazing lesson in here for us modern women— DON’T BE A VICTIM TO YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES.

If Bathsheba can rise above all this crap, then you certainly can switch from a victim to Queen mentality and turn your own life around no matter what is going on.

But just like Bathsheba, sometimes that takes standing your ground and boldly demanding or making a choice about what you want.

On a personal note, I can relate a LOT to Bathsheba from my time being a dominatrix.

After diving headfirst into the BDSM industry with relatively little experience, it was like being thrown into a sea of toxic masculine demons whose only goal was to take advantage and siphon my energy for their own egos.

In the beginning, I felt nothing short of a sex toy play thing that men could just hire to do what they wanted to.

It wasn’t until after I got born-again and recognized my worth as a daughter of God…

That I began to feel like a Queen and demand I be treated as such.

The self-help and new age world told me to just find my worth on my own, but that never seemed to work for me.

It really was my relationship with God and Jesus that restored my self confidence and dignity.

And I began to take a bold stand as Lady Viviane and demand much more.

I decided to start doing things I’d never even heard of another dominatrix doing.

My standards skyrocketed through the roof!

First, my potential subs had to pay to have a consultation call with me.

If that went well, then they had to pay to spend informal time with me outside of a BDSM session.

This meant wining and dining me at fancy restaurants, taking me shopping, covering my Uber and paying me $200/hr just for spending time with me on top of that.

If that went well, THEN we could proceed to having a $500/hr BDSM session. No sex or any sexual exchange acts— everything legal and above board.

I was no longer a sexy play thing you just saw in the dark.

I was a Queen that had something unique and powerful to offer.

And these multimillionaire men—essentially the “Kings” of our modern age— could certainly afford this.

I felt like I was tipping the scales back not only economically, but also in terms of demanding the respect and emotional maturity women deserve.

My work was just as valuable as theirs— they needed to recognize that.

And they did.

Soon I was being paraded through 5 star hotels and restaurants like the Queen I was.

BUT… that’s not how the story ends for Bathsheba or Lady Viviane.

I wish it was, but it’s not.

Okay, let’s dig deeper, time to draw out the lesson that was hidden from us.

Well, remember that Adonijah, the older half brother of Solomon who was trying to steal his throne?

He actually comes crawling to Queen Mother Bathsheba and is basically crying to her saying, I’ve lost everything now but will you please plead with Solomon for just one thing for me?

She says, okay what is it?

“Ask Solomon to let me marry Abishag from Shunem— he won’t refuse you.” (NIV, 1 Kings 2:17)

She agrees. She comes before her son and is greeted and treated with the utmost royal welcome.

“The king stood up to meet her and bowed low to her. Then he returned to his throne and had a throne set up for the queen mother. (NIV, 1 Kings 2:19)

But unfortunately when she asks her son if he will be merciful to his older brother, King Solomon goes nutso on the toxic masculine front.

Why am I not surprised?

He gets crazy offended at the request and says something like, “Well why don’t you just give him back the whole fucking kingdom why don’t you!!”

Then he orders his older brother’s immediate execution and murders him.

Hmmm, I guess he decided to follow his father’s footsteps here…

Now the Bible doesn’t say much about Bathsheba’s reaction after this, so we have to use our imagination and boy….can I see her now.

After everything she went through to climb the ladder in a system that was stacked against her, overcoming her trauma determined to be redeemed and place her son on that throne…

Then her son turns around and basically slaps her in the face.

His ego takes over, he goes ballistic with rage and in that moment orders murder— just like his father King David did.

I can see her face turning white with the words running through her head, “Oh God, what have I done?”

See on one hand yes, Bathsheba is able to claw her way to the top and not settle for her victimhood and gain power in this Kingdom…

But in the end, we see that the toxic masculine still reigns and trumps her.

It’s actually pretty depressing if we look at it that way… but don’t worry! There is hope.

I felt a lot like Bathsheba must’ve felt after I also climbed my way to the top in a corrupt patriarchal industry— the BDSM/sex industry— that mostly uses women.

Once I got to the top, I realized that status wasn’t everything.

Sure these men would roll out the carpet and treat me like a Queen…

But it was all empty underneath. They could rise to the occasion of respecting me, but nothing inside of them was really changing on the whole.

Their lives were still pretty miserable.

The BDSM sessions weren’t really fixing their demons, it was just giving a quick high. They were searching for all their validation in the physical still— sex, kinks, money, luxury, trips etc.

I remember one night watching this man walk away after we’d had a luxurious dinner and fun time together, we’d been having sessions and spending time together for about a month.

But as we walked outside on the street and it began to hit him that our time had come to an end and he had to return to face his lonely, unfulfilling life, I saw the sadness begin to cloud his eyes.

His whole demeanor shifted. He pointed to a bar down the street and said something like, “Well I guess I’ll go get a few more drinks before heading back….”

And I watched this grown man, slink over, sad and depressed just walk away into the dark.

Not even a fun night with Lady Viviane could erase the darkness inside of him that refused to see another way to live his life.

What I’ve learned from the story of Bathsheba and my own experience as Lady Viviane, is yes— we can as women use our sexuality, our boldness, even our spirituality to climb to the top of the social ladder.

And I’m not even necessarily saying you shouldn’t…

I’m just saying… we have to be careful to look where this ladder is actually leading.

We may get to the top and by society’s standards we will have “made it.”

But inside, we see the darkness and corruption and emptiness swirling around —we may have a thought like Bathsheba… “Oh God what have I done?”

I came to the realization that no matter how high I climbed in the BDSM world, it was still a corrupt system mainly run by corrupt men and so I would never really be free.

There is a passage in the Bible where Jesus talks about creating “new wineskins.”

“And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; or else the new wine will burst the wineskins and be spilled, and the wineskins will be ruined.

But new wine must be put into new wineskins, and both are preserved”

~Luke 3:38 (NKJV)

This essentially means that old wineskins— the systems, religion, government, industries— aren’t working anymore, so we’ve got to create something new.

Jesus gave me the courage to leave multiple old wineskins—churches, jobs, the BDSM industry— and told me that freedom comes when I listen to and follow God and God alone.

And be brave enough to create the NEW ladder, free of all the old gunk or maybe even just old identities.

So here is my Holy Kink Teaching today of what we can truly learn from the story of Bathsheba and Lady Viviane.

What Ladder Are You Climbing?

1.) In prayer ask God, Dear God is there anywhere in my life that I have been acting a victim to my circumstances?

2.) Is there something someone did to my body or my sexuality that is keeping me in this victim state and afraid to move forward?

3.) Ask God to heal that part for you. Dear God, please heal this part of myself and help me release any unforgiveness and bitterness in my heart towards that person or situation.

4.) Make a choice that you will change and rise above this. State it out loud and to whoever you need to to make it known you are no longer tolerating your current situation.

5.) Next, ask God: With this new confidence, what ladder do you want me to climb? Is it the current ladder I’m on? Or do you want me to branch out and create something new?

Sit quietly…. listen… journal… talk with your friends or family about it.

5.) Pray for an increase in confidence and boldness to go after your new ladder.

In Jesus name, Amen

Really sit with this question over the next week or month… What ladder are you climbing?

For I believe God wants you to have true freedom.

And that may take some hard decisions to ditch your current ladder and find another.

Whether that’s a relationship, a job, a community, a town, a home, a career path, a school… it could be anything.

But I believe in you. God believes in you. And Jesus loves you and wants to give you a new wineskin babe. Go after it!

xo Katharine

See God knew (when I say God I refer to it all– Mother/Father God, not just the masculine aspect of God) that women got the raw end of the deal—oppressed and seen as the weaker sex (which we all know is a lie straight from the pits of hell!).

But there was also a divine hidden power given to women, a secret weapon to combat the corrupt patriarchy that men didn’t have – their sexuality.

Some of the most badass, original dominatrixes are actually in the Bible – specifically the Old Testament. These were women who were tapped into the full power of their sexuality and they used it to not only to smash the patriarchy…

But also fight for justice.

Some used this power for good, others used it for evil, but one thing is for sure– all of their stories have been drastically misunderstood and misinterpreted because men were really really fucking scared of this power.

But now it’s time to pull back the curtain, retell these brave women’s stories so we, as modern women, can learn to use this power in a holy kink way and take our own power back in this corrupt world.

The most potent stories and original dominatrixes I’ve identified in the Old Testament are Eve, Tamar, Jezebel, Queen Bathsheba, and Delilah.

Today, we’re hanging out with Delilah. Stay tuned for more tea because this is what I’m going to do in this series:

• Examine each of these incredible women’s stories or myths from a modern feminist perspective.

• Share how it relates to my own experience as a professional dominatrix.

• Leave you with a holy kink teaching of what you can learn from this specific woman and how to apply it to wake it up in yourself Grab your coffee babe– time to activate your own inner dominatrix that’s been sleeping!

Okay Delilah… show us what you got!

The story of Samson and Delilah is nothing short of fascinating. You may know her from the song Samson & Delilah by the Grateful Dead. Their names are frequently dropped in love songs or used in pop culture references about a love match gone wrong. The Christian patriarchy has often painted her as an archetype of the evil seductress (a very common archetype they love to throw around in the Bible) and as a warning sign to men– watch out boys, she’ll steal all your power if you let your guard down! The feminist movement has started to reframe her story as a woman who used what she had to seek justice for her people, but I’ve found her story even goes beyond that.

So let’s give this woman the attention she deserves, Delilah let us get to know the real you.

With the story of Samson and Delilah, you typically hear something like this:

• Samson was a great leader of Israel who had ridiculous supernatural strength–like the Hulk.

• He fell in love with a girl named Delilah.

• She made a deal with five Philistine Kings that she would discover his weakness in exchange for money, so they could come in and defeat him.

• She eventually uses her evil seduction power over him to find out it’s his hair. She cuts it off.

• The Philistines come, capture Samson, and take out his eyes. One day they’re mocking him in front of everyone, but his hair grew back by then and restored his super human strength (big bummer for the Philistines).

• He touches the temple column and everything comes crumbling down and killing everyone, including Samson.

• They say Sampson kills more Philistines in his death than he did when he was alive, making him a martyr and a hero for God. (Questionable……)

Okay, let’s back this up and begin to tell the real story here. Let me get one thing straight, Sampson was EVIL. Picture a misogynist, womanizing WWFC wrestler who’s gone mad and given free rein to unleash his toxic masculine anger on anything. That was Sampson in a nutshell.

Here are some of things Samson did in his narcissism, rage, and bloodthirst, just to give you a little idea.

• He tears a lion apart with his bare hands. (Poor kitty!)

• He torments his first wife during their wedding ceremony week by not giving her an answer he knew would protect her from a murder threat against her life.

• He kills thirty men in Ashkelon just for the heck of it and takes their clothes.

• He catches three hundred foxes, ties up their tails, sticks TORCHES in their knots and sets them loose in the Philistine’s wheat fields to destroy their crops. (Okay, foxes? Seriously, that is just sick!)

• He kills a thousand Philistines’s with the jawbone of a donkey.

• He sleeps with a prostitute in Gaza, a Philistine city. (So he wants to kill all the Philistines, but apparently he’s not above paying to sleep with their women..typical...)

This guy was nothing short of UNHINGED; he was mad with a desire for power and determined to conquer the Philistines at any cost. One of the most interesting things I found by digging deeper, is that there is actually a forgotten woman– Samson’s first wife, a Philistine girl— and her story is absolutely tragic.

Their love story already gets off on the wrong foot when there is a very bizarre incident at their wedding celebration where Samson tells a riddle to some guests and then the guests proceed to threaten to kill the girl if she doesn’t tell them the answer; she begs him, but Samson won’t tell her the answer.

She obviously goes a little nuts and starts to think Samson hates her because, well, he’s willing to just let her die over this stupid riddle thing.

After basically mentally torturing her for seven days, he finally tells her. But her father gives her away to another man because he—like her– thought Samson hated her. But apparently Sampson just likes to torture everyone for fun, so he goes blind with rage trying to get her back destroying all their crops—that’s when the very unfortunate foxes incident occurs.

The Philistines are now equally pissed at Samson and the family of this poor girl, so they burn her father’s house down and kill her. It’s terrible.

So why is this part of the story hardly EVER talked about? Well, let’s continue.

After this all happens and Samson kills a bunch more people and sleeps with a Philistine prostitute–classy man that he is— and he finally meets Delilah.

Now Delilah is actually from the Sorek Valley, so while it never explicitly says she is a Philistine, this area was a border region that hosted both Israelite and Philistine cultures, so it is VERY possible that Delilah was actually also a Philistine herself or had very close relations with them.

After Samson stumbles upon her and decides to marry her, five Philistine Kings approach her and offer her money to find Samson’s weakness so they can finally defeat this madman who has been brutally persecuting their people.

Delilah then proceeds to use her influence, it’s a little unclear how she does it, but one can only assume that Samson cared for Delilah to some degree and was smitten with her sexual draw. But he’s cautious to tell her his secret at first. This is where we see Mistress Delilah’s Shibari rope skills start to shine.

This is clearly her BDSM tool of choice, she must be a baller with the ropes because she ties up this hunk of man three different times, tells the Philistines to come get him, but it doesn’t exactly work because he’s still guarding the secret of his strength.

But eventually he cannot resist her…she wears him down and he tells her.

Immediately she ditches the ropes and uses the pure power of her sexuality and feminine essence to “lull him to sleep in her lapland then called a man who cut off Samson’s seven locks of hair ( Judges 16: 9), then she does a little bit of humiliation kink here by tormenting him for he has no more strength and this time when she called for the Philistines they finally got him.

I can just picture her stirring up all her seduction power and Samson going weak with desire to finally tell her and falls into her arms.

Now while the patriarchy has made her out to be evil and says she only took the deal for the money, I see quite a different story playing out.

This was a woman who was incredibly brave and not only seeking justice for her people–most likely the Philistines – but potentially also for the poor first wife of Samson.

Imagine if that first wife had been a friend, sister or cousin of hers? How would THAT change the story? This man was clearly insane and bloodthirsty, these were not actions of God he was taking, these were actions of ego. So she saw an opportunity to harness the power of her sexuality, charm and seduction, to discover the secret that finally stripped him of his power.

While the Christian patriarchy has often framed Samson’s last act of destroying the Philistine’s temple as heroic, they forget to mention this very important fact that in the Bible when he says, “God give me strength just this one more time, so that with this one blow I can get even with the Philistines for putting out my two eyes.( Judges, 16:28)

Revealing all he cares about even in the end is just revenge– not very holy or martyr like at all.

When I reflect on my own experience as a dominatrix in the BDSM industry, there is one very specific chilling session I remember when I could tell this client was evil and it was an evil beyond just trying to push my sexual boundaries to get some of his needs met.

This old, creepy man actually had a kink of wanting to hurt women’s bodies. I won’t go into everything because I don’t want to traumatize you with my own trauma, but I remember my blood running cold the minute I sensed the dark intention in the room. This guy was a Samson, a toxic masculine force whose only desire was for power and control. But what do you do when a person like that has already paid you $800 and you kinda need that money to pay rent?

I took a deep breath, I decided I was walking out of there with that $800, wasn’t going to compromise any of my boundaries, he would leave unsatisfied and he would not harm me.

I proceeded to channel my inner Delilah.

I tied up that revolting man so tight I don’t even think Samson himself could have gotten out.

I listened to the Holy Spirit, called upon divine protection, and trusted I would be safe. I used my sexual power to exert my own authority, he was not allowed to be fully satisfied and he left grumpy and slightly poorer than when he first came in.

Now I’m NOT advocating for you to put yourself in dangerous positions like this or like Delilah did, but I do see how her story gives us this newfound power to face the darkness head on rather than run from it.

It is inevitable that we will encounter these dark forces, just take one look at the abominable things being done to women across the globe. How can we be a little bit more like dominatrix Delilah and be willing to tie up those men ( literally or metaphorically) so they stop hurting us and sisters.

Holy Kink Tip: Be Like Delilah– Face the Dark

Our sexual and spiritual confidence can be used for justice for women in this world. God wants to restore her daughters to their proper equal place in society and desires for our sexuality to be seen as sacred, beautiful and powerful rather than something to control or use. Sit in quiet prayer or journal with these questions to activate your inner Delilah.

• Look in the mirror and ask God, God are there parts of my body or my sexuality that I don’t feel confident of good enough in? Is that affecting my ability to face hard or dark situations that I need to deal with or speak up about?

• Ask God to reveal this to you and pour out her unconditional love over it, restoring the belief and confidence that you ARE capable.

• Next ask, is there a darkness in this world or in my own life that I have been afraid to face? And how can I confidently face that now?

• Wait and see what is revealed. What is God calling you to face and help with?

• Ask, how can I move forward on fire with the Holy Spirit and confidence in my own sexuality to face these demons and not shy away from the justice you want to carry out?

Be brave sisters. Embracing your inner dominatrix goes beyond empowering ourselves, it’s about bringing the feminine back into balance so we can rise as women to defeat the dark corruption of this world.

Remember, they may blow some really dark smoke, but you breathe fire.

Be like Delilah, you are stronger than any Samson out there.

xo Katharine

When the entrancing BDSM underworld lured me in several years ago, I felt like a kid who just discovered an alien’s candy shop.

Stumbling down the kinky rabbit hole into youtube videos, podcasts, books, sex stores, play parties, dungeons….

I began feeling—what I can only imagine—everything a child would experience in an intergalactic sweets establishment.

It was…

Odd. Exciting. Thrilling. Tasty. Stunning. A little gross.

Where was this in my high school sex ed class?

All they said was to make sure any penis within a mile radius of me was wrapped up with a condom or I’d pop out a baby.

Who knew there was a hidden menu of wild, unconventional sexual interests and whole fantasy worlds where people explored them together!

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Even after being a professional dominatrix for over three years…

My brain would swirl as someone rattled off an unknown term that I had absolutely no clue about.

Oh sure, that! I’d say convincingly as I frantically started google searching what the heck they were talking about.

Or they would send me a bottomless checklist that looked oddly similar to what you get at the doctor.

My eyes would start to glass over as I flipped through an insane amount of pages that literally only God knows what all those sexual interests were.

I remember running into another dominatrix scrolling on her phone in our break room before a session… she turned to me and asked if I had any experience with needle kink.

Ummm nope! I said, thinking to myself…. that seems like something you may need a bit more experience to execute….

Dominatrix Spoiler Alert: Most of us have no idea what we’re doing, we figure it out along the way and hope for the best.

(I’m also 100 % guilty of frantically trying to figure out a kink right before a session, so no judgement here on those badass doms pulling stuff out of our asses last minute…)

At first, it was super exciting talking to clients about their kinks and sharing my own.

To be frank…I LOVED it.

I especially knew how healing it was for those who had experienced so much shame around their sexual desires and interests.

To share their unique sexual desires with someone who wouldn’t judge, listen and validate them was a kink in itself!

When I built my dominatrix business in Chicago, I quickly discovered this was a market to tap into.

I could be the dominatrix bestie: a friendly, sexy, beautiful woman they could confide in without shame.

Half of my job became sitting in fancy restaurants with very wealthy men who would spill their secret sexual desires to me over very expensive martinis.

Some of them would hire me for sessions….

Some of them just wanted to talk.

There were months when people would ask me, whats the wildest thing you’ve done lately?

I’d say something like

…..sitting in a restaurant while an NFL ref told me he liked to dress up in women’s underwear.

I couldn’t believe I’d created a career where most of my job was getting paid to lend a compassionate ear to men who felt they couldn’t go anywhere else.

(Sadly, I saw how our culture had made most kinks so taboo, my clients believed hiding it was the only option.)

Personally, I felt like I had climbed my way to the top of the social ladder… this is it!

But after the hundredth fancy dinner or even diving deeper with the brave ones who dared to visit me in the dungeon….

The kinks started to lose their initial thrill.

Often, my clients would come back again and again, trying to get their fix, but it wasn’t actually helping move their life forward.

In general, they were unhappy with their lives outside of the glamorous outings with Lady Viviane.

My own kinks started to lose their shine too.

It was such a quick high, even with after care and all the BDSM protocols I’d follow….

The temporary high would fade quicker and quicker for me.

Until one day whipping a man all tied up in the dungeon was almost as pleasurable as watching the news—it was just business as usual.

During this time, I was deepening my relationship with Jesus.

How ironic that I started to follow the teachings of the man who taught us….

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth…But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven.”

~Matthew 16:19-21

As I was being paraded through 5 Star Hotels, seeing the extremely lavish lifestyles of the 1%.

But Jesus taught that all these earthly things would never really fill the void that only God could fill.

I began to see clearly why Jesus said it was difficult for the wealthy to enter the kingdom of heaven.

Because the wealthy had access to so much, the things of this world often replaced God for them. Including kinks.

Sometimes it was relatively harmless, but I also saw extreme cases where it got out of control.

Husbands cheating and lying to their wives. Dangerous fetishes that were physically and psychologically damaging. Degrading kinks that disrespected women or other races. Situations where I feared for my own safety.

It was like demons had gotten ahold of some of these kinks and were actually silently destroying people’s lives.

This passage from the book of Ephesians started to shed some light on the grave situation I was witnessing:

“Because you know for sure that persons who are sexually immoral, impure, or greedy—which happens when things become gods—those persons won’t inherit the kingdom of Christ and God.”

~Ephesians 5:5

Now before you start getting upset that I put something in here about sexual immorality—

I know…I know…

This is a very controversial term used in the Bible and it’s often used against women and LGBT community.

I want you to know, that’s not me or how I view sexual immortality.

I actually think many conservative Christians have been WAY off the mark with interpreting most of the passages and used it promote a patriarchal agenda.

BUT that is a different topic for another day.

To me, sexual immorality means when you’ve don’t something to hurt another person or yourself in the sexual realm—that’s it.

We all know there’s absolutely terrible sexually immoral things going on in this world.

Things most of us couldn’t even imagine how someone would be so sick to do that.

But this passage reveals how our sexual desires, which are supposed to be wonderful, can become corrupt and dark.

When things become gods.

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These kinks had become people’s gods. They had eliminated a relationship with Jesus and the true God from their sexuality.

I believe, part of our inheritance of the kingdom ( or queendom— yes I believe in a feminine face of God too) is our full, unique sexual expression and vast pleasure available to us.

There’s nothing wrong with exploring our kinks and diverse sexual interests and pleasures.

I believe God encourages it!

It breaks my heart to see how Christianity and societal conditional has pushed these kinks into the dark and made people feel shame about it.

They’ve actually contributed to this problem; making these kinks stay in the dark shadows—which at first were probably innocent— but when in the dark for too long can become unhealthy obsessions.

They become gods. They start to rule people’s lives. And it’s not a pretty picture.

When we forget that our sexuality is a gift and a blessing that comes from God, and not actually a god itself, that’s when things spiral downward.

But what if God become the main “kink” in our lives?

I’m not talking about creating sexy Bible fantasies here.

I’m talking about…

What if our new, unconventional, counter culture kink obsession became creating a relationship with God, the divine Creator of all to guide our sexuality.

And even opening up to the possibility that Jesus was the son of God who came here to give us access to this inheritance—which includes happy, healthy fulfillment of our sexuality.

James 1:17 states, “Every good gift, every perfect gift, comes from above.”

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So what if we did something new and radical in this sexual revolution.

Instead of looking down and burring ourselves in kink checklists…

We throw the checklists out the window and look up. Look above.

We give thanks to our Heavenly Father, Holy Mother God for the gift of our divine sexuality.

We say—thank you Jesus for coming to earth to show us the way.

We ask God to show us the kinks that would be fun, exciting, pleasurable and healing for us to explore.

We keep them in the light and don’t let them into the dark where they are hurting or disrespecting other people.

What if creating a relationship God became your new kink and from there even more sexual pleasure, fulfillment and happiness flowed.

It may just hit the spot like the new out of this world candy you’ve been searching your whole life for ;)

Make your kink holy babe.

In Christ,

Katharine.

That it was impossible for me to be a sexually empowered woman AND be loved by Jesus.

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I chose the sexual liberation first.

It was way more appealing than Jesus at the time who seemed like a distant historical figure with no actual real life purpose.

It’s very obvious why I was desperately craving sexual liberation.

Growing up as a Presbyterian minister’s daughter, while it wasn’t a crazy, strict Christian cult by any means…

It was certainly no place for a woman’s sexuality.

Learning about sex and sexuality was confined to a Sex Ed class at public high school; quickly and shamefully flipping through textbooks of naked bodies, we’d giggle about the penises under our breath.

And church was the place where we worshipped God.

The concept that my body and feminine sexuality was actually a sacred gift from God was not even on my radar.

My body had nothing to with God, let alone Jesus!

In my mind, my sexuality became dirty and unholy; something to explore in the dead of night where no one could see me.

The party culture of my high school and college told me that if I wanted to be a cool, sexually liberated girl— that meant hooking up with drunk guys.

So I decided to try it.

Sure, I got praise and acceptance for some of my escapades.

But I felt utterly broken inside. My sexual encounters were completely empty, void of anything meaningful.

My body was nothing more than a tool for men to use.

The idea of even going on a date or having sex with someone who actually cared about me made me CRINGE.

Sex and my sexuality and anyone associated with it was to be kept in the dark. Not the light.

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But by the age of twenty- four, my body had had enough and my life turned completely upside down when I was overcome with a sickness no one could figure out.

This launched me into a TWELVE YEAR healing journey.

Finally, I had to examine many of the harmful sexual behaviors and mistreatment of my own body— including all the drugs and alcohol I was putting in it.

Desperate to reclaim my divine sexual pleasure and empowerment, I dove into SO many different beautiful—and some not so beautiful—sexual liberation paths.

Tantra, BDSM, priestess practices, eco-sexuality! I wanted a taste of them all.

Each path unlocked a new pocket of sexual discovery and healing, but I’ll be honest with you— there was always something missing.

So many sexuality coaches would tell me things like…

If I just achieved a big enough orgasm…

Whipped someone hard enough…

Rocked a super sexy outfit…

THEN I could walk through life, erotically charged, and manifest all my dreams.

But even with lots of bodily pleasure and sexual confidence coursing through me, it would always pass.

Then I would feel alone and empty inside.

I called on lots of different spirits, deities, cast spells, performed earth rituals, sex magic—not all of it was “bad.”

But when I took a good hard look at my life—I was still broke, struggling in my relationship, unhealthy, and really lost.

The orgasms and the spells weren’t really working.

Until one day… Jesus came.

Shocking that Jesus would come to a witchy, new-age, dominatrix, plant medicine path girl who had run so far away from the church I thought it didn’t even exist anymore.

I ended up attending a revival night at a local church by accident, I didn’t even know it was a “Jesus thing.”

I just heard the word miracle and said— I need one of those, I’m going.

Then for the first time in my life— I actually felt the spirit of Jesus, the Holy Spirit.

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It truly was like heaven touching earth in a way I had never ever experienced before—not even in an orgasm.

As I immersed myself in the teachings of Jesus, I kept having encounters with the Holy Spirit that were far more powerful than any other modality I had tried.

Every time, it felt like heaven opening above my head, light would pour over me and tears would stream down my face feeling the immense love of Jesus.

As I prayed and created an actual relationship with Jesus— he began to bless me.

Miracle after miracle.

Whether it was housing, money I needed, getting engaged to the love of my life, moving me to my dream community and town, finding me a job, etc.

My life that had been on a crazy hamster wheel of misery and confusion was now getting better and better!

How could this be? I thought that Jesus was an archaic, patriarchal figure who didn’t really matter and certainly was not as cool as all the other things I was trying.

(Now, I don’t say any of this to condemn or convert anyone else’s spiritual path- I’m just sharing my experience-take what resonates and leave the rest.)

But as beautiful as these experiences were, when it was followed by a controlling message attempting to shame a woman’s sexuality or ANYONE’S sexuality that didn’t fit into the heteronormative traditional model…

I actually could feel Jesus’s anger rise within me, telling me this was wrong.

So I dove deeper and deeper into research and found how so much of this was twisted and manipulated to fit a patriarchal agenda.

The BIGGEST misconception that most people outside of Christianity aren’t aware of is this…

ALL of the Christian teachings with harmful messages towards the LGBT community and woman don’t even come from the teachings of Jesus.

They are either in the Old Testament, or later on the New Testament after Jesus returned to heaven from the Apostle Paul and Timothy.

And while they have some incredible spiritual teachings, they are not Jesus.

So when the Christian church starts spewing off all this stuff condemning women or trying take modern women back the turn of the century….

They’re massively confusing people by making us think Jesus was all about that, so naturally most modern women want nothing to do with it because— well, we’re fed up with men trying to control our bodies!

But it was never Jesus!

Jesus NEVER wanted to put people under more control.

Of course he wanted people to live a righteous, morally driven life, but he was constantly bringing people back to the love and guidance of God FREE from control and regulations of an institution.

So as I began to feel into this new reality—a new wineskin emerged….

(I’ll explain below :)

I realized that this lie is keeping so many women stuck into narrow lanes and limiting our lives—making us chose between a relationship with Jesus or our sexuality.

What a sneaky, good way to keep suppressing the feminine and limiting out full potential!

Because if you want it, my dear, you can have BOTH.

“And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; or else the new wine will burst the wineskins and be spilled, and the wineskins will be ruined. But new wine must be put into new wineskins.”

~Luke 5: 37-39

Jesus said he came to destroy the old wineskins—the laws, control and regulations of the church that were actually suppressing the people and keeping them from God.

And I believe his spirit has come again now to do the same for women.

I’m not offering you a relationship with Jesus to erase your current spiritual path, belief system or culture— that’s an old wineskin.

I’m simply saying, Jesus loves you and wants to provide a miraculous, joy filled life for you.

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“I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly” (John 10:10)

And that includes, honoring your unique, feminine sexuality and expressing it and exploring it in the divine way God meant you to.

Not just in the shadows of the night, but in the daylight as well.

Because Jesus loves ALL of you and never wanted you to hide your beauty.

And you are so SO beautiful dear, because you are divine child of God.

Made perfectly and uniquely YOU.

Your wild n’ holy sister,

xo Katharine

I remember thumbing through pictures in Seventeen magazine looking at the perfectly freckled and tan girls in bikinis on the beach thinking…

How do I even stand a chance?

I don’t remember exactly when the shift happened from the happy, confident girl who loved God, her family, singing, and acting….

To the insecure, self-loathing, angsty teen who was glued to the mirror.

In high school I dropped everything I had previously cared about— God, acting, singing, former friends—and now my only goal was to fit in.

Since I was clearly the most hideous creature to walk the planet, I had to find ways to prove my self worth.

(Or surely the wolf pack of vicious teens would throw me out in the cold!)

This included—drinking, smoking, drugs, partying, playing sports, getting straight A’s— oh and of course finding a way to cover up my disgusting face and trick people into thinking I was pretty.

Slowly but surely I began to be somewhat accepted by “cooler” crowds.

But I was never the actual “popular girl”— more like the quirky side kick friend you would drag along to have in the background if you needed something.

I would shock people by showing up to parties because I guess I still had this innocent, perfect minister’s daughter aura that I was trying desperately to shed.

Because— well— it was not cool.

“Ohhh my God!!! Little Katie Henry, you drink?”

Fits of giggles from the popular girls followed.

Then they would pretend to be my friend for about five minutes before discarding me.

But at least I was there, right? At least I had the invite. It was ok. I would survive.

Yet it felt like my soul was slowly dying inside every day.

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Jumping ahead—I entered my early thirties and all of a sudden, I realized I was actually considered somewhat attractive!?

Who knew!

I’d been looking at myself like an ogre for years, so this was news to me.

Then when opportunity to become a professional dominatrix was presented to me…my ego expanded into pure bliss.

Eureka! I have made it!

The thought of being able to make thousand of dollars from men bowing down and praising my beauty felt like the ultimate dream come true.

Because beautiful women have perfect lives… right?

Fast forward several years later I was deep in the industry and suddenly my beauty began to feel…weird.

Not only did men pay me thousands of dollars to worship my physical appearance, they would also pay me loads of money just to sit next to them in restaurants.

Whether I was going to do a session or informal time, it would take me at least an hour to get ready.

Plucking every little hair so they were all tucked away nicely, making sure my toe nail polish was fresh and all nails trimmed to perfection, layering my makeup to produce the illusion of big doe eyes and porcelain skin…

I got really good at making myself look really good.

I got really good at becoming the fantasy.

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Now, I must say— there are a few men I met who took the time to get know the real me and have supported me in my music, family, and ambitions beyond being a dominatrix— emotionally and even financially.

But this was not the majority.

Even if my clients claimed to care about me beyond my physical appearance, I realized all they truly wanted was the fantasy of a beautiful, sexy woman…

And they wanted nothing to do with the real woman beneath the make-up.

It started to feel bizarre to have my income fully depend on how attractive I was on that day.

It wasn’t the real me. It was an act.

Sure I love dressing up and looking sexy like any woman…

But I also love hiking, watching movies in my sweats, and riding horses.

Turns out, I’m messy!

I’m not always the picture perfect sexy, dominatrix Barbie that men wanted.

I cry, I scream, I get sick, I get tired, I get angry, I get anxious, I get annoyed.

But Lady Viviane didn’t do any of those things— she was just like those perfect models I saw in the Seventeen magazine who I longed to be like when I was a teenager.

Well, I did it— I got there, and realized it didn’t fulfill me.

After I started to created a deep relationship with Jesus and God again, I realized how I was basing my entire self worth on how conventionally beautiful I appeared.

“God does not look at the things people look at. People look at outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.”

~ 1 Samuel 16:7

I knew that God created my outward beauty and it a wonderful thing to show the world.

BUT —as women, when we base our whole self worth on our outward appearance rather than the inner beauty and heart that God ALSO created within us—we begin to feel empty.

As I prayed daily and felt the unconditional love of God more and more, I began to realize that God loved me no matter if I looked like a model or a hot mess.

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I was a child of God no matter what and my worth came from within— the unique being and heart created within me— not from outside influences.

As I left the industry, I stopped wearing makeup everyday and let the red nail polish slowly chip off my toe nails…

I felt waterfalls of joy coming back into me as I returned to my raw beauty.

Not the synthetic beauty the world likes to sell to me in a bottle, an ad or celebrity.

This society is ruled my a spirit that is OBSESSED with a woman’s outer beauty.

We’re bombarded with messages from a young age that make us base our self worth on if we’re fitting into a conventional beauty mold.

Which then makes us sway from our true authenticity and God’s plan on our life.

Because we’re so concerned with how we look rather than the divine mission placed in our heart!

When we recognize, yes it’s okay and lovely to our unique beauty and sexy…

But true beauty comes from within.

It come’s from the heart God created within you.

When we remember this, we can crush our insecurity and feel confident in our divine nature.

Because God made you beautiful inside and out dear one.

God sees you, loves you, and cares for you on the good days and bad.

And your outer appearance that the world gives you so much praise for…

Is nothing in comparison to good heart inside of you.

I see you sister…. keep the inner flame of your heart burning bright.

Even if you look like a hot mess today.

Your wild n’ holy sister,

xo Katharine

Ironic, right?

That a former dominatrix—me— who used to mix sexual energy with so many other people was suddenly freaking out about finding porn.

Before we got engaged, I was a practicing dominatrix in Chicago and California.

Our relationship was always very committed and my fiancé was always incredibly understanding and patient with my unique profession.

At times he felt strange that I would go out and have these wild, kinky sessions with practically strangers.

But we always found a way to connect and create deep intimacy with each other as well.

However, since I left the industry, we solidified our commitment with engagement, closed the container, and have never been happier to be with just each other.

After I found the link and lashed out (whoops!) we realized we had never actually talked about our new boundaries within our partnership.

We’d been spending much more time in prayer, at church and in ministry school diving deep into the teachings of Jesus.

All of a sudden the things that felt somewhat okay to both of us before… did not feel okay now.

My decision to leave the industry (when I had no savings and no other job yet!) was based on a deep gut feeling that it just didn’t feel right anymore to be interacting with men other than my partner in that way.

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Recently we examined Jesus’s sermon on the mount where he says the very controversial statement…

“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

~Matthew 5:8

This statement is often misinterpreted to mean that no one married or committed is even allowed to look at other beautiful people and find them attractive.

But lust is different that mere attraction or beauty.

Lust means you are engaging in constant sexual fantasies about someone you should’t really be.

(Like another committed married woman or man or anyone else if you already are committed.)

Jesus did not come to make sure all the fun, attraction and sexy day dreaming was sucked out of life.

Jesus came to hold us to a higher standard meaning that we have a responsibility to exercise self control over our sexual energy.

Even though to some people porn may not seem like a big deal.

I could feel in my heart it was leaking other people’s sexual energy into our relationship which would eventually chip away at our own sexual connection.

One of the darkest, worst “kinks” I saw in the BDSM industry was men cheating and/or lying to their wives of girlfriends.

And I am totally guilty of being a part in this— even though I wasn’t the one lying.

Men would often tell me they just didn’t think their wife or girlfriend would understand or that their sexual needs weren’t being met.

So then they would engage in intense lustful fantasy behavior like a porn addictions, having affairs, hiring dominatrixes or sex workers behind their partner’s back.

They essentially let their lust go way out of control and this led to truly hurting other people.

I used to think it was all okay, but now I see exactly what Jesus was trying to do.

Jesus was trying to strengthen love and divine partnership.

Jesus was protecting women from abuse and being cheated on.

Jesus was preserving the gift of sex and how deep, beautiful, vast and cosmic it can go within a closed container of partnership!

Jesus was trying to tell us how to enjoy sex and love more rather than limit it!

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So even though my views may seem a little more traditional now…

(Although I still think sex doesn’t have to be within a marriage or in a heterosexual partnership)

I do believe that a closed container is the way to go once you get more committed.

You may find that your relationship will ebb and flow.

It may be okay to be more open one day and then all of a sudden it doesn’t feel so good.

Trust your gut feeling.

If the commitment is deepening, it may be time to close it up.

Jesus style.

So that God can actually work even more wonders though your sexual connection.

Don’t be afraid to be different than the culture.

Your sexual partnership is between you and God and God will always lead you to the highest mountain.

And the most pleasurable orgasm.

Your wild’ n holy sister,

Katharine

First— I would usually see her eyes light up like a Christmas tree.

Practically blazing in bright lights above her head an invisible billboard would say:

I’M DYING TO FEEL MY SEXUAL POWER.

Then I would get a myriad of different responses…

So like a sex worker?

That’s awesome!

Omg, I’ve never met an actual live dominatrix before!

Wait…what?

But you don’t LOOK like a dominatrix?

How do you get into that!?

The conversation would wind through various twisty paths, but generally I would uncover the same thing; which was…

I HAVE A BURNING DESIRE TO FEEL MY SEXUAL POWER AND DOMINANCE TOO.

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So where does this come from?

What is this primal instinct and what can we do about it without getting into as many weird situations as I did! lol

First of all— I believe part of it comes from the sad fact that our beautiful and complex feminine sexuality has been suppressed, shamed, controlled, misunderstood and manipulated by the patriarchy for centuries.

And the Christian church has been one of the worst offenders.

(Even though Jesus never actually said anything to shame women’s sexuality; he just wanted people not to commit adultery, honor committed marriages and not do actual, horrible sexual immoral things.)

Then there’s the media…Oh the media.

If you’ve seen 50 Shades of Grey, porn or the majority of heterosexual sex being portrayed, you often see the man taking an aggressive, dominant position and screwing the woman’s brains out.

Then she fakes and orgasm and he comes and it’s all over in about 5 minutes.

So naturally this get’s played out in real life.

We often find ourselves in partnerships or with lovers where the man is taking a sexually aggressive lead in the bedroom and we’re supposed to be submissive and just receive whatever he’s dishing out.

Sond familiar?

But often this leaves us feeling unsatisfied, unseen, and disempowered… why?

Is this just societal programming?

Maybe. But there is more to it.

In pretty much all of my sexual encounters before becoming a pro-domme, I let the man take the lead and just went along with it.

They weren’t all bad, but I felt like I had no say in how the relationship or our sex life was going.

It was all up to them.

When I first started awakening to my desire to become more sexually dominant, it was like a hidden pocket of my psyche coming to life!

As I laid in my bed and fantasized about walking around a man in heels commanding him to do my will, a delicious power rose within me.

New creativity, inspiration and erotic energy emerged and made me feel alive; more able to direct my life in an empowering direction

There HAD to be something to letting women take the lead with the sexual energy.

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This is getting cleared up for me as I read the Gift of Sex— a FANTASTIC book I highly recommend.

(Although it does have a slightly more conservative Christian approach in some areas-like sex is only for marriage which I definitely disagree with. BUT there are some other gems here.)

It’s actually written by Christian pastors and sex therapists, so they introduce a Biblical and psychological perspective in what makes sex flourish —which then makes the relationship flourish!

In their 30+ years of being sex therapists and minister’s, they have found that the most enjoyable sexual relationships include these two very interesting facets:

1.) The man starts by adoring, cherishing, honoring and praising his woman so she feels safe and loved.

2.) Then it’s actually the WOMAN who takes the lead and implements the creativity to see that both their sexual needs are met.

Men and women’s sexuality are biologically + divinely engineered in different ways, so it’s crucial that we actually work to balance each other.

But not in the way we’ve been culturally taught.

For a woman, our turn on is slower and generally requires a deeper emotional connection; we usually need to feel safe and adored before we open up.

Our sexual needs and desires are often far more complex than men’s, so it actually fulfills us more when we can take the lead from this place.

(I know we can never say that this is 100% true because there are men out there with many creative sexual desires too, I’m just stating the finding from the majority of the research— so don’t take offense sexually creative men! )

Women are creative powerhouses who can direct the sexual energy to meet both of our needs.

Men don’t usually need the same thing to get turned on—it’s more physical for them.

Most of the time, they feel love from the sex itself and don’t have the same amount of complexity or needs to achieve an orgasm or open up.

Therefore, their job is more simple.

ADORE, CHERISH, AND MAKE THE WOMAN FEEL SEEN AND BEAUTIFUL.

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The Bible actually gives us a unique, divine blueprint for this fruitful sexual encounter.

(Isn’t is ironic that the BDSM industry actually goes off of this innate divine desire?)

The Song of Songs in the Old Testament is a saucy, sensual love exchange between a man and a woman.

In it, the man is completely adoring his woman, pouring out compliments to her about her body and sexual nature.

“Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold your are beautiful!

Your eyes are doves behind your veil.

Your hair is like a flock of flats…

Your lips are like a scarlet thread and your mouth is lovely…

Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle that graze among the lillies

You are altogether beautiful, my love there is no flaw in you.”

~Song of Songs ( Parts from Verses 1-8)

I remember in my sessions, when my clients were actually genuine and cared about me…

I could feel the authenticity of their praise.

This in turn made me more open and creative during the whole session which then led to the best experience for both of us.

When the clients were just being mechanical and reciting things they saw in a porno— I ended up being bored and unfulfilled by the session.

Unfortunately, the BDSM industry has twisted and manipulated this and it is getting played out in very disturbing ways that actually don’t honor women at all and completely serve the man.

BUT when we take a step back and see the pure desire for feminine sexual dominance from Gods’s eyes…

It can lead towards a cosmic, deeply fulfilling sexual and life partnership.

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So my dear, if you’re feeling a bit bored in the bedroom- try implementing these simple steps with your partner or lover.

1.) Put on some soft, lovely music, light a candle and have your partner look at you and give you compliments.

(If he needs some inspiration— tell him go read the Song of Song in the Bible! Or listen to very romantic love songs like Annie’s Song by John Denver.)

2.) Then invite him to stroke your naked body in a tender loving way as he continues to adore, cherish and make you feel seen.

3.) See how this slowly begins to ignite and inspire your own erotic essence, so YOU can then take the lead and direct the sexual encounter.

You may find that it is far easier and more fulfilling than what has been taught to you previously of just submitting.

(Submit aka settle.)

The only thing I would caution about this approach is be careful that the complimenting doesn’t go into actual worshipping by trying to make you into a god or goddess.

From my experience as a dominatrix (this is a super common lie being thrown around the BDSM industry for our “empowerment”), this makes you into a false idol.

It actually puts more pressure on you, inflates your ego and pride rather than divine confidence, and cuts off the connection to the Holy Spirit to lead you.

Essentially, you’ll feel like you’re forcing something by relying on all your own strength; making it more about performance and getting things “right” than pleasure, enjoyment and love.

Try it and let me know how it goes! Or feel free to share if you’ve had any experience with this.

Love you!

Your wild n’ holy sister,

xo Katharine

Even from the sessions that weren’t necessarily “bad.”

I would find myself washing dishes or trying to fall asleep at night…

Then—zing! It would hit.

A memory would come flying in and rattle me.

The memory didn’t feel oh- so- distant even though many of them happened awhile ago.

The smell, touch, or various sensations would begin to engulf me.

Something foreign had entered and was dragging me back into the past.

My body and soul had been infiltrated; it was like a door was open to another energy, demon, or ghost.

A deeply unpleasant experience—a haunting.

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Although I follow Jesus, I’ve never subscribed to the ultra conservative belief that sex or any sexual activity is meant only for a marriage or a heterosexual relationship.

I believe a loving, holy sexual union can take place between two people any genders.

I also believe that it’s important for us to experiment sexually with ourselves and another before we enter into the commitment of a life-long marriage.

I’ve heard too many horror stories of Christians getting married WAY too young just so they can have sex.

Then the union turns into a disaster down the road because…well… they were WAY too young.

Older psychological studies used to say the brain doesn’t fully develop until 25, but more recent one’s claim that it actually keeps developing until the early 30’s!

Entering into a marriage is a risk at any age, but has an infinitely greater chance of success if you wait until your brain is more fully developed.

(This is because your ability to make rational, long term decisions rather than ones based on a spur of the moment whim or feeling is much more deeply engrained.)

All this is to say—getting married young because you want to have sex and Bible says so is not exactly the recipe for a successful relationship.

Essentially—theres no rush.

Okay, moving on now!

From my recent experience of feeing haunted by my past BDSM clients— even though I didn’t have sex with them…

There was still sexual energy in the air.

Previously, I’d felt this kind of haunting from past boyfriends and lovers, but I thought I was in the clear with my clients because there wasn’t any sex or sexual favors exchanged.

I was wrong.

Turns out anytime you are in an atmosphere where the intention has been to cultivate some degree of sexual energy— there is a soul tie that is made.

This soul tie binds you not only to that person…

But also opens up a door in the spirit realm for any sort of spirit that is attached to them to come through and affect you.

This is why (while this may be a unpopular or very uncool opinion) I advise extreme caution when considering going to any type of BDSM play party, cuddle parties or larger Tantra gatherings.

Because there are just TOO many damn sexual energies flying around!

I know, I know…. I can see resistance—not cool MOM!

Sorry, this is just from my lived experience where I dove DEEP into all of those things and opened up so many doors that I had to then go back and close.

The haunting actually began to make me sick— and sicker.

This last week— I was stuck with a crazy, mutant super-virus.

As I became a mucus factory I could feel the memories getting stirred up.

My friend had sent me a link to a woman to did deliverance ministry— I had been avoiding doing this saying that I didn’t really need it.

Wrong again.

I’d done so many womb clearing rituals—but obviously, they still had a grip in me.

I had never actually used the power of Jesus to renounce these experiences—I was ready.

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So here I sat in my bed, sick as dog.

Through the brain fog, I wrote down every single client, ex-boyfriend and past lover I could remember and this is what I did.

(I’m writing this so you can break these soul ties too, love.)

Prayer to Break All Soul Ties with Past Lovers, Boyfriends, or Clients.

In the name of Jesus, I break every ungodly spirit, soul and body tie with…

{Insert all the names here}

I break it. (Here you can rip a piece of paper and throw it away or burn it)

I ask you God to remove from me all their negative influence, all their residue, the very imprint of that person on my life and draw back to me every part of my life wrongfully tied to them in bondage.

In the name of Jesus, I command every evil spirit that has taken advantage of those un-Godly soul ties to leave me now!

In the name of Jesus, I claim the restoration of my soul and I break any curses on my life in the name of Jesus.

And God, I ask that you send as many angels as necessary to recover the part of my mind, will, emotions, that have been fragmented through any sexual energies that are not mine that entered in.

In the name of Jesus, I command every demonic spirit to leave me now.

Amen.

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After I did this, I woke up the next morning and started to get better.

The doors closed.

The haunting ceased.

I am free.

I don’t believe that God expects us to be perfect or always have the most perfect sexual encounters.

Which is why, we were left with this gift from Jesus to break all the soul ties in his name.

And now we can move forward with a bit more wisdom about who we let into our own sexual energy and whose sexual energy we allow into ours.

Because dear one…

“Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.”

And your sexual energy and essence is so precious, beautiful and holy.

Only let those who are worthy of your heart get an intimate taste of it.

Break free from the grip.

You are not your past.

You are child of God.

Be free Wolf Girl,

xo Katharine

I thought I had unlocked the holy grail to success.

Glory to God that my first client I ever had was an extremely kind, respectful man I’m still friends with today.

He didn’t see me as a product or object even though I barely knew him.

From the beginning, I could feel his kind, warm heart radiating from within.

He wanted to get to know me, make me feel comfortable, and ensure he wouldn’t violate any boundaries.

He’s one of the few men I met in my 3 + years working in the industry who wasn’t in it purely for selfish reasons.

Sure, he enjoyed it and wanted to explore his own kinks too.

But above all, what made him happy was actually being of service to women by seeing me as a WHOLE person and honoring my body in a sacred way.

The money he gave me was just an expression of his heart.

And I truly felt that when he gave it to me. It felt good.

Turns out—this was extremely rare.

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I quickly learned from my time in the BDSM industry that most men searching for dominatrixes or other kinds of sex work were purely in it for themselves and themselves alone.

The demons are strong in the kink underworld. They distort sexuality and pleasure; often putting people in dangerous or unethical situations making them think it is “exciting.”

(But the reality is, they’re often causing more mental health problems and tearing apart relationships).

These selfish motives are much more obvious in straight up sex work, stripping or porn industry because in BDSM it’s under this strange guise of “I’m a sub here to worship and honor you.”

But very quickly, I became aware if someone actually wanted to honor me or they just wanted to use me to fulfill their own self absorbed desires.

It didn’t matter how much money I made from someone…

If their heart wasn’t in the right place—the money would feel gross.

One of the yuckiest exchanges I had was actually one of the most lucrative.

A client had the idea of making me come up with random games to earn more money during our session.

I thought it could be fun…I played along.

But the game turned sour and my own authentic sexuality turned off.

I felt like I was being controlled and pushed to do something that wasn’t really enjoyable for me.

I was like a puppet and money was being dangled in front of me to grab if I could just jump high enough.

My body and sexuality did not feel honored.

I didn’t have any sovereignty over how I desired to express myself.

My body turned into a product … just there to serve the whims of a wealthy man.

A pawn of the patriarchy.

Not a woman. Not even a human.

The money felt gross. It wasn’t worth it.

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As I dove deeper into studying the Bible, this passage began to transform me.

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not on your own.”

~1 Corinthians 6: 19-20

Unfortunately this passage has been severely abused and misinterpreted to slut shame woman and force them into purity culture.

But I began to look at it through a different lens.

Not in a way that would shut my body down or make me think I had to turn off any sexual impulse or expression.

For if my body was made as a temple to honor God, then surely my unique sexual expression was something to honor God too.

In many ancient cultures, (especially pre -patriarchy takeover) a woman’s sexuality was revered and held with the utmost respect.

It was seen as a symbol of life force itself and just by witnessing her erotic expression, people would be touched by a passion and zest for life.

Sadly, I believe the enemy ( the dark forces of this world) has twisted this.

Here’s some examples of how we’ve packaged women’s sexuality:

• Now men go to strip clubs paying for the thrill of seeing women as nothing more than sex objects.

• We have countless sexual perpetrators in positions of power running sex trafficking rings… (Ahemm, Epstein Files, anyone?)

• The porn industry is lining men’s pockets with millions as they get other men addicted to viewing women as products they can click to buy.

• Men can have their pick of sex workers or dominatrixes with the sole purpose of extracting pleasure for only themselves.

• We have completely removed God (I believe in a Mother/Father God) and the spiritual significance from women’s sexuality, which has reduced it to nothing more than something you can buy on the shelves at Target.

But I know in my heart that the Holy Spirit is on the move to convict us back into righteous reverence of a woman’s sexuality.

We even find clues in the Bible that show us a woman’s sexuality was meant to been seen (not hidden, shamed or used) and honored.

The Song of Solomon from the Old Testament is a wonderful place to go that reveals to us how God wanted people to delight in and be inspired by a woman’s embodied expression.

“Dance! Dance! Beautiful woman from Shulam, let us see you dance!”

-Song of Solomon 6:13

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So my dear Wolf Girl…

The best way for us to conquer these demons, is to first change how WE view our own sexual expression.

Stand in front of a mirror and be the compassionate, caring, witness that sees the spiritual significance of your unique, sexual expression.

As you cultivate your own respect for this, you will then attract others who will see it too.

Don’t settle for anything less.

Even if money is involved—remember, your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit that deserves pure, loving and good intentions.

Yucky money will not make you feel honored.

So tune into every opportunity that comes your way to showcase your body and sexuality— whether it’s a job, a dance show, a client, a partner, a gathering.

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you…

Will this be a place where my body and sexuality are honored as a divine gift from God?

Or is it simply a product for the patriarchy?

God will lead you… you don’t need to figure it all out on your own anymore.

Stay wild Wolf Girl,

xo Katharine

Essentially—we did not talk about it.

And forget about thinking it had anything to do with the very masculine God we worshipped on Sundays!

Now I will give my parents some credit.

They weren’t the crazy Christians that shamed my sexuality and locked me up in my room for fear of my irresistible seduction of boys.

No—they are actually very kind, open minded people.

BUT sexuality was still something we shoved in the closet and pretended didn’t exist.

So what happens when you take away a kid’s candy?

Or make them think the candy is naughty? Bad? Sinful?

Reverse psychology at it’s finest dear Watson.

They want it even more.

They’ll binge. They’ll get sick.

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Essentially this is what happened to me in multiple different ways.

In my twenties, I followed what everyone told me sexual empowerment was; which was getting drunk and sleeping around.

This left me feeling like my soul was fractured into a million different parts; I felt broken inside.

When my body decided to implode with a massive chronic illness by the time I was twenty-four, it catapulted me on a sexual healing journey.

Exploring my intimate desires and parts of my body in a spiritual and gentle way finally allowed massive waves of pleasure to cascade through body for the first time!

Eureka! An orgasm!

I began to feel alive inside in a whole new way—

(so much better than the drunk sleeping around or massive suppression where I just pretended to be a robot with no sexual impulse).

I stumbled into the worlds of Tantra, divine feminine sexuality and then of course- the BDSM industry as a professional dominatrix.

What started off as an innocent desire to try the forbidden candy (and it tasted oh so freakin’ good!) started to spiral a bit out of control.

It was almost like an addiction for me.

How much more radical can I get with this?

Until one day I found myself slapping guys balls in a dungeon thinking— how did I get here?

When I first became a professional dominatrix, it was really exciting to hear about others kinks and explore my own.

Thrilling, daring, adrenaline producing. It was a high like no other.

But even with all the “after-care” in the world, something was still missing. I felt—off.

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After I had my born-again Christian moment and God came racing back into my heart, the veils began to lift.

I started to see the addiction and obsession in other people too.

When someone talked me to me about dangerous, disgusting, or emotionally damaging kinks (like cheating or lying to their spouse)… my stomach would drop.

I finally saw the pleasure demons and there was nothing pleasurable about them.

In fact I saw them ruining people lives, families, sexuality and distracting them from true happiness.

They were UGLY.

When I tried to introduce the concept of God and viewing our sexuality as a divine gift (rather than a god itself)…

Most would have deaf ears and just want to talk about how to make God into a fetish.

Eventually I got so fed up with this I had to leave the industry; the demons were too strong.

The current feminine sexual revolution is a really fascinating and confusing movement going on which is drives so many of us to extremes. (Myself included)

I don’t blame us!

For centuries women’s sexuality has been shamed, surpresed, manipulated, and controlled by the patriarchy— and especially by Christianity!

(Even though Jesus never did this—so I dunno what got twisted, but something happened along the way)

We’re too sexy. We’re too prude. We’re not wearing enough clothes. We’re wearing too much clothes. We’re beautiful. We’re ugly. We’re not having enough sex, We’re a slut. Don’t touch yourself, it’s a sin. Touch yourself anytime, any place! Just fake an orgasm. Not don’t fake an orgasm, you deserve actual pleasure! Don’t stop until you’ve had so much sexual pleasure that you feel sick.

Then Janet Jackson’s nipple falls out accidentally and the whole world goes berserk. Case and point.

(Love you Janet, you never deserved all that bullshit)

This world has so many fucked up, polarizing views around feminine sexuality.

I mean really, it’s insane.

Can I get an Amen sister?

It’s no wonder we are clamoring and jumping at any chance we can possibly get to feel more pleasure with how much abuse we’ve gone though.

We deserve it. Absolutely. But we’re missing something else.

In my humble opinion, we’re missing God

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On my own sexual liberation journey in and outside of the BDSM industry, one of the most common things I saw was people making their sexual pleasure into a god.

Kink would become a religion, a lifestyle, an obsession.

And the same goes many of the other new age sexual liberation paths.

But I’m going to be real with you.

When I only focused on how much physical pleasure I could extract from my body or another’s, even if I made it “spiritual”….

I felt empty inside. And I was still sick, broke, confused and my life wasn’t really very happy.

It wasn’t until I started to view my sexuality as a divine GIFT from God, that things began to shift.

I now wake up and pray to God (a Mother/Father God), I read the Bible, I get with Jesus.

I don’t run to my jade egg, crystal wand, my vibrator (ok-guilty- SOME mornings I do take her out before I pray) or my fiancé to jump his bones (ok guilty again-sometimes, I do this too).

BUT my point is…in general…

I put God first and God gives me so much joy, clarity, guidance, AND sexual pleasure back.

I don’t put my sexual pleasure above or make it a replacement for God.

No matter how many orgasms you have or kinks you explore…(which is totally fine if done in a healthy way)

It will not replace having an actual relationship with the Creator where you directly talk to God.

Think about relationships in general. Are they only sex? No, they need communication, relationship building, connection.

And God wants this more than anything so we can actually listen and discover the divine plan for our life here on earth.

Since this shift, I’m actually MORE sexually satisfied, happy, balanced and turned on by life.

So this is what I pose to you dear one.

We’ve got to swing the pendulum back a little from the extremes.

Because what if what will actually give you most freedom and pleasure, is not just a relationship with your body…

But a relationship with the Creator of the Universe.

(And your body is a part of this, so don’t think by any means I’m telling you to abandon your beautiful body and sexuality.)

God wants you to experience the most infinite, blissful sexual pleasure in a healthy way, but God also wants to just talk with you.

Give you advice

Guide you.

So try just for 5 minutes a day having a conversation with God.

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If you need some more guidance—try this.

Tell God some thing you are grateful for.

If you’re having a difficult emotion or situation, or feel bad about ANYTHING- just offer it up.

Then ask for guidance or a blessing that you need (finances, love, house, more HEALTHY DOSES of sexual pleasure, etc.)

Speak. Listen. Repeat. Try this for one week and see what shifts in your body, your mind and your life.

There may be more pleasure here than you ever thought possible.

Starting with a simple divine friendship.

It’s free, abundant and available…anytime.

“Call to me and I will answer you and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”

- Jeremiah 33:3

Stay wild wolf girl,

xo Katharine

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I entered into spaces I never thought in a million years I’d have access too; private clubs, 5 star hotels, and of course— very intimate spaces with the male elite of our country.

Was it all good? No.

A lot of it was very dark and didn’t exactly leave me with the “empowerment” it initially promised.

BUT….

Did it grow my sexual, body and general life confidence and shape me into the woman I am today? Absolutely.

Learning to become Lady Viviane changed me at my core.

But ironically, it wasn’t until I came back to Christianity and applied the teachings of Jesus that things really began to shift… internally and externally.

As I learned to rely on God instead of myself…

Not only did Lady Viviane come into her true confidence, but so did Katharine.

I realized that feminine sexual confidence can actually be quite holy (there’s nothing bad or sinful about owning your unique sexy!).

If we let the Holy Spirit guide us with it, it can transform you into that powerful woman you crave with every fiber of your being.

And a woman who can remember her sexual confidence in a holy way will transform into a holy leader.

Time to take back your God-given sexual confidence from the patriarchy and become the leader God want’s you to be. Let’s do this. Holy Spirit come rain down on us.

10 Holy Ways to Step into Your Feminine Sexual Confidence

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1. Let God Lead You.

When I first started being a dominatrix, I thought I had to generate confidence from the inside. I had to pretend to have it all together and rely on myself.

When I immersed myself in the teachings of Jesus, I decided to led God lead instead.

Turns out… this was way more empowering for me and my clients.

So if you’re desiring to play around with some power dynamics with a sexual partner. Here’s what I recommend.

Say a little prayer before you start.

Dear God, Holy Spirit, come and guide this. Let me know rely on my own strength or what I think this person wants, but instead you show me. Lead me. Direct me how you want me to lead this in the most holy way possible.

Amen.

Every time you feel you’re relying on your own strength, stop. Pause and tap into being led by the Holy Spirit again.

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2. Create Your Inner Dominatrix.

We all have one.

Deep down you have an alter ego that rocks her unique sexy.

Take a moment and think about her. She is a part of your psyche and she wants to help you.

What would she wear? What is her name? What tools would she use? What does she want done?

Close your eyes and day dream.

You can even take yourself on a little dom date.

Go to your nearest thrift store and pick our an outfit only she would wear.

Eat at a restaurant only she would go to.

Walk down the street and walk how she would walk.

Talk to the barista how she would talk— have the barista put your dom’s name on the latte instead of you own.

Listen to a song she would love and dance around the room.

Have so much fun with this and she will begin to come alive in you.

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3. Command, Don’t Ask

In every single one of Jesus’s miracle’s, he commanded it. He knew the power and authority of God that he walked in and he used it.

Now I there is a fine line between being bossy and just knowing what you want and spelling it out.

But I want you to think about how many time you ask questions throughout your day? As women, we often overdo it to the max.

When often as a leader, people just need clear, con concise instruction and they need to know what you truly want.

This is your change to practice this.

Give commands….

Sit up. Go there. Try this on. Feel my foot. Wash the ground.

This is the time to go overboard and really feel what it feels like to command without asking.

Obviously, you will rein this in a real life circumstance that is not a BDSM play scenario, but I can guarantee it will change how you communicate when you lead a group of people.

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4. Slow it Down

When you start to dominate someone in a session or your own personal time with a partner, don’t be afraid to take a breath and slow it way down.

When we rush though it, we forget to enjoy our delicious erotic dominance.

And that kills the confidence factor.

There is no need to panic or rush though, even if you have no idea what you’re doing.

Remember God is leading your and you can always hear God better when you slow it down.

Talk slower. Move slower. Breathe. Pause. Touch slower. Even spank slower (if that’s what you’re into ;)

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5. Silence

As you slow down, don’t fear the silence.

Silence is where magic can really happen.

Silence is where you can hear God more clearly.

Silence is where the holy imagination can really come alive.

If you give no space for silence, your creativity or inspiration for how to lead may suffer.

So just stop. If you’re feeling stumped, bored, paniced, or whatever. Just stop.

You can even say, “I’m going to sit her in silence until I’m inspired again.”

Think about how this really translates into leading in our lives.

Instead of running around like a chicken when our heads cut off to the next thing and not actually taking to time sit and listen to what God really wants us to do… we often end up on a hamster wheel of frustration.

Silence is always there. It’s free. Use it.

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6. Take Up Space

How often as women are we afraid to take up space?

We’re told we’re too loud, too sexy, too much.

Okay, you get to be too much here.

First play with taking up the space with your body.

Look at the room you are playing in.

How can you use every inch of this space. Walk around it. Dance in it. Jump. Stretch your hands to the sky. Let your body’s own instincts find a way to take up the whole room.

Then translate this to your voice.

You don’t have to be loud to take up space. You just have to say it with authority.

So say it. Go with your gut instinct. You want someone to do a ballerina dance in front of you? Say it boldly and practice not second guessing yourself.

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7. Work with the Senses

Sensual domination is one of my favorite ways to command space. This is not about hitting someone as hard as you can or yelling at the top of your lungs.

It’s using your sensuality to lead. It’s truly magnetizing and can drive someone wild.

You can play with taking away someone’s senses, blindfold them, put earplugs in their ears, tie their hands up.

This immediately puts you a powerful dominant position where you must lead the way.

Then see how subtle but powerful you can dominate with sensuality.

Stroke them gently with your nails.

Tease them with a feather.

Whisper in their ear.

Put a few drops of water on their inner thighs.

Blow on their neck.

Experiment and have fun.

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8. Authenticity— Just Be Yourself.

What no one told me when I first started this work was that the sexiest thing in the world, is a woman who is just being herself.

Easier said than done, I know.

But what I want to get across here its that there is no need to abandon yourself to be a powerful, sexy woman.

In fact the quirks that make you, you are what your tribe or parter is going to love the most about you.

So there is no need to leave yourself behind. If you normally crack jokes, crack a joke. If you swear, swear. If you like wearing make up, wear it, if you don’t -then don’t.

Let yourself shine through the domination.

The best leaders are the ones who know their inner world and don’t change for the crowds. That’ what Jesus did.

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9. Boundaries.

As a professional dominatrix, I also had to become a professional boundary setter.

Boundary’s are often one of the hardest things for women to enforce because we are such givers.

But as I learned from the amount of demons running around the BDSM industry, if you don’t set your boundaries— you will drown.

The best boundary setting comes before we embark on a journey.

So take time to talk with your partner before about what each of your boundaries are.

Determine what are the actual boundaries and what are the sensitive area’s to explore that you want to push the edge a little.

Safe words are always great to use here. But I’ve found what is even better is the trust between you and your partner.

So before you even start, really ask yourself, can I trust this person? Will they respect my boundaries or will I be constantly exhausted with setting them.

Boundaries is such a buzz word right now that’s supposed to protect us from everything.

But God is the ultimate protector and will help us set the boundaries we truly need.

And sometimes the best boundary we can ever set— in our or outside the bedroom— is if we even want to engage with this person.

Trust your gut. Trust in God. Set the boundary.

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10. Humility

“Humble yourself before the Lord and he will lift you up.”

James 4:10

It may seem counterintuitive to talk about humility when we’re talking about sexual confidence, but it is one of the greatest missing clues.

The greatest leaders in our world are also the most humble.

They take time to listen.

They realize they will never have all then answers.

They know they’re not perfect and admit their shortcomings.

They recognize there is a greater, divine power in control, not them.

I’ve found that the more humble I can be where I don’t try to hide if I don’t know something or need to ask for more help (in or out of the bedroom)…

The more effective leader I can be. And this in turn boosts my confidence.

So as you experiment with this power role, remember— you don’t have to be a dictator.

Humble yourself, laugh, cry, ask for help, be vulnerable, stumble, it’s okay not be perfect at it.

A humble woman is sexy too.

xo Katharine

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Rain pattered outside on the window pane.

My mind was searching for things to distract me in google.

Then a John Denver song began to play off my Spotify.

“You fill up my senses like a night in the forest… like a mountain in springtime… like a walk in the rain.”

Annie’s Song.

Hot tears streamed down my face and I began to hyperventilate.

In that moment, I knew I had to leave my drug addict boyfriend.

Ironic isn’t it? That a love song was what finally cut through the illusion and made me realize I had to get out of this relationship as fast as I could.

But in a way it makes sense because when we get a touch of true love, we don’t want to settle for anything less.

And at that time, I was settling— big time.

I could feel the unconditional love and appreciation that John Denver was pouring out to his woman.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt that way in my relationship— or ever.

In my humble opinion, Annie’s song is one of the most beautiful love songs of all time.

Throughout the song John Denver is comparing his woman to the beauty of nature and telling her how much he appreciates her.

But he goes beyond appreciation. He is adoring her. Worshipping her. Falling at her feet.

(You can see why as a former professional dominatrix I love this so much :)

He is thanking her and realizing just how much she means to him. He wants her to know that whenever he comes to her…

He is refreshed and renewed just like when he spends time in nature.

And how he desires to give back because he see’s just how much she gives to him.

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Now at the time, my boyfriend would frequently come to me with lists of ways in which I was falling short.

Here was a typical list:

• You didn’t do the dishes well enough.

• You spaced out during our conversation where I was educating you about photography.

• You can’t keep up with me on the mountain climbs I want to climb.

• You’re not healthy enough or adventurous enough.

When I would hear this list, I would feel like a monster truck had just driven right over my heart.

The worst part was, I believed him.

I believed these very external and minor things were equating my worthiness as a partner and a woman in this world.

But if I had come to him with a list… do you know what it would have said?

Okay dude… listen up.

• You live in your parents basement in your mid thirties.

• You are hung up on your ex-wife and emotionally dump on my every day about your grief and how in love with her you are.

• You take me on climbs that are way too hard for me and put my life at risk.

• You try to break up with me multiple times a month for stupid reasons.

And here was the biggest issue of all…

You are a drug addict.

And you’ve got some serious work to do on yourself to break your addiction before you can show up as a real partner.

See, I accidentally fell in love in love with a drug addict.

Not only fell in love, but was in a real, serious relationship with one.

Something I had only seen in movies and thought… that would never be me! It would be so obvious… right?

Wrong. Dead wrong.

Drug addiction shows up in many ways.

Yes, sometimes it’s very obvious and terribly heartbreaking seeing someone cracked out on the streets.

Or frat boys constantly doing coke at parties.

But my ex-boyfriend didn’t look anything like that.

He looked and acted very normal—most of the time.

He was a functional drug addict.

Or so he thought.

When we first started dating he would tell me stories of his past drug use and how he did them once in awhile.

(I’m guilty too, I actually struggled with addiction in my early twenties, so it sounded somewhat normal. The trauma bond of familiarity is probably part of the reason I was attracted to him).

But then things started to get weird.

He told me he wanted to use drugs regularly to cope with the grief of his failed marriage and his depression.

So he got into buying drugs of the dark web.

Now I myself have never been on the dark web, but from what I’ve heard— it’s dark.

I’m talking things beyond drug crimes, there’s stuff like human trafficking that goes on there. Terrible, disgusting and very, very DARK.

But at the time, I had extremely low self worth and I just wanted to be a supportive girlfriend….

So I would just nod my head and say, “Well whatever you need for your healing.”

Then things started to go downhill. I started noticing certain behaviors.

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He would come to me with a manic look in his eyes telling me his tales of scouring the dark web for hours and finding all the best deals on a ridiculous amount of drugs.

He was getting boxes of drugs shipped to his parents house coded under random things so they didn’t know.

Then he started to go on binges. I wouldn’t hear from him for a couple days and be freaking out.

Those were his overdoses.

He was also an avid climber, so he started combining his two favorite things—drugs and climbing.

He wasn’t necessarily doing drugs on him climbs, but he would do them the night before and then go on a highly advanced climb the next day - extremely dangerous and scary

I would sit alone in my bedroom (just like I described above) with my anxiety through the roof checking my phone every few minutes to make sure he was alive.

The day he admitted to me that he was trying heroin, my heart about fell out of chest.

And then it hit me.

Holy shit…my boyfriend is a drug addict.

But not even that was enough for me to realize he needed serious help beyond what I could give him and haul ass out of there.

It wasn’t until the moment when I heard Annie’s song and felt a touch of the unconditional love I desired in a relationship…

That I broke up with him for good.

Not only did I break up with him.

I quit my job.

Moved out of my house and the rainy, gloomy city of Portland, Oregon.

Packed my car.

Drove across the country and worked with horses for a year in Virginia.

This break-up was a catalyst to do a complete 180 and change everything I was unhappy with in my life.

And there beneath the fiery colored Appalachian mountains as I took long walks with the sweet, white stallion Felipe or sassy, black mare Ginseng… my heart began to heal.

The horse’s showed me that I didn’t have to be anything other than myself to deserve and receive love.

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I was enough— just as I was. And I would wait until the exact right person made me feel that way. The way Annie’s song made me feel and the way the horses made me feel.

I could embrace love in everything and everyone I met. I could live a full, beautiful life and follow my wild heart towards divine dreams.

At the end of that year, I moved to Santa Cruz, California where I met the love of my life. We got engaged this fall and just recently moved to Taos, New Mexico following where God is leading us.

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So my dear, on this Valentine’s day, whether you are single, married, engaged, in a good or bad relationship…

This is your reminder that you deserve to fall in love with the beautiful future God has planned for you.

You don’t have to settle. And every ending or “failure”— whether it’s a relationship, job, era— is just an invitation to go and seek out something not only better, but fan-fucking-tastic.

It’s an invitation to follow your wild heart.

In the Song of Songs in Bible, we are shown how a man and a woman (or two lovers of any gender in my opinion) can treat and shower each other with love.

“You are altogether beautiful, my love, there is not flaw in you.” ~ Song of Songs 4:7

Let me shower you with a bit of unconditional divine love from above today.

Let it touch you, seep in to your heart and soul.

There is no flaw in you. You are perfect. You are whole.

This love will guide you.

Guide you to end certain things.

Start others.

Meet new people.

Go new places.

Stop going some places.

But ultimately, it will bring you home.

I wrote this song Future You as a catalyst for any person who is ready to turn an ending into a new beginning.

And instead of dwelling on the past…

Fall in love with the future you that God is calling you to step into.

You’ve got this babe. I love you. Let love lead.

Happy Valentines day!

xo Katharine

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After a year of hiding my kinky identity from the Christians and my Christian identity from the BDSM community…

I wrote an article for the Huffington Post and came out to the world about the polar opposite worlds I lived in.

I expected backlash; I know anytime you publicly challenge systems (especially as a woman)— people are going to rip you apart.

But I wasn’t quite expecting the underbelly of the patriarchy to be THIS ugly.

As I scrolled through the hundreds of comments (combined) on Huffington Post and BuzzFeed, I saw the majority were from men spewing their opinions about my sexuality and my spirituality.

Many told me I didn’t even deserve to have a relationship with Jesus and basically I just deserved to burn in hell.

Others criticized me for peeing in a wine glass in a public restaurant— saying I was violating BDSM consent rules and health codes.

(I admit—I bent some ethical rules just a tad here, but give me a little grace—- no one was hurt, injured, arrested or died—okay? And focusing on this completely missed the point of the article. Kind of like when we watch a powerful woman give a speech about Child Hunger and all the comments are about how they didn’t like her hair—that’s what this felt like.)

Ultimately, what I was trying to convey was this…

Women’s sexuality and spirituality have been controlled by the patriarchy, especially the Christian church, for far too long and now it’s our personal decision on how we chose to express each.

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At that time, I enjoyed stepping into the sexual feminine dominance as Lady Viviane—she was powerful, classy, graceful and taught me how to step into my confidence.

I also loved going to church, praying to God, reading my Bible, feeling the Holy Spirit and creating a deep relationship with Jesus.

Where did Jesus every say—no woman shall ever not feel her own unique sexuality?

(Side Note: Since leaving the BDSM industry, I’ve realized how just how dark most of the forces operating it are and wouldn’t necessarily recommend it except under certain circumstances. BUT I still stand by the fact that becoming Lady Viviane did teach me how to embrace and my sexual confidence—and confidence in general—and shape me into the person I am today.)

A woman’s sexuality has been severely controlled by the Christian church for centuries; projecting a narrative that women must remain pure and virginal until their marriage and then the minute they get married they must turn into a sexy porn star who serves her husband’s sexual needs at his every whim.

Submit to your husbands ladies.

And then of course if she was tainted before her wedding day, she would be outcast or murdered. Cool, please explain— where does that fit into Jesus commandment love others as I have loved you?

In ancient times, the Rabbis’s even had sex prescriptions depending on people’s jobs with how many times a week they should have sex! I would slap that Rabbi. I’ll give you a sex prescription you asshole— listen to your wife and respect her sexual desires.

But now in modern Christianity— while it’s not as extreme in these ways— I’ve still seen the control over women’s sexuality playing out in very disturbing manners.

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Of course, they are still telling people that sex before marriage and anything outside a heterosexual relationship is a sin.

(Even though Jesus himself NEVER said anything about sex outside of marriage specifically or gay relationships, that came from the Apostle Paul later on in the New Testament. While Paul had some powerful teachings— I don’t follow him as the Messiah. I’m not sure why everyone has gone along with this.)

However, I’ve also seen influencers, churches and ministers control women in very sneaky ways. Here’s a few of them…

Recently I saw a very popular Christian influencer telling her following she was throwing out all her work out clothes because they weren’t honoring God. She needed to “honor” God and Jesus with how she dressed—which included covering all of her body.

The Catholic Church believes that ANY intervention of birth is a sin, including—-abortion, IVF therapy, and ANY type of birth control. And yet they really don’t educate woman about how babies pop out— so now we have all these Catholic women walking around with ten kids feeling overwhelmed and broke. But the church is telling them they are blessed with fertility ( a lack of sex education is NOT a blessing).

I’ve heard interpretations of scripture telling women that masturbation or touching their bodies in ANY sensual way is a sin that will separate them from GOD and send them to hell. So they can ONLY experience sexuality with a man.

Okay—- all of these things are very intense, controlling, and manipulative. As Jesus would say—- “Those who have ears will hear!”

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So why is the church still so obsessed with establishing control over women’s sexuality and bodies?

Well— as I’ve learned — the more you cut a woman off from her sexual power and confidence— the more you can mold her to fit your agenda— a man’s agenda.

The bizarre part of all this sexual control is that Jesus actually came to give the people freedom from rules and control. He was constantly bashing the Pharisees for making people jump through all these hoops to get to God. Jesus gave people the FREEDOM to have a relationship with God without the control, rules, rituals and regulations of the institution.

One of my most favorite Bible passages that illustrates this is Mark 2:22:

“No one puts new wine into old wineskins; otherwise the wine will burst the skins, and the wine is lost as well as the wineskins. But new wine must be put into new wineskins.”

Essentially he is saying here—I’m here to show a new way to relate to God, the old ways are outdated and not going to work anymore.

And the institution of the Jewish church HATED and MURDERED him for this.

So it’s really no surprise that as I was trying to introduce a new wineskin—

That a women’s sexuality a beautiful thing to celebrated—not shamed.

It meant to be honored—not hidden.

And it’s really no one else’s fucking business how she chooses to express herself through her clothes, partners or kinks.

That is between her and God.

She can go to God herself to decide if this person if right for her or which kinks are safe and healthy for her to explore or the right timing to have sex.

And we have NO right to tell any woman she has to chose between her body and her relationship with God. It’s between her and God and no one else.

Why does the church fear giving people back their sexual freedom? Why are we attempting to control God himself/herself in how God wants to work with someone around their sexual expression?

So I bring this to new wineskin to you now babe…

Your sexuality is a God-given gift.

And God desires to guide you and lead you to the maximum pleasure and authentic sexual expression. No need to shut out God— that is the church —not God— trying to smash your erotic essence. And no need to shut off your body if you love God.

In this new wave of feminism, we are on fire with both.

Love you so much!

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Stay wild Wolf Girl,

xo Katharine

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So I guess I’m putting it to the test. I’m going to let you decide.

Maybe part of my motivation is to fill my not-good-enough wound. Guilty.

But on the other hand...

I’m absolutely fucking sick of men telling me what women like and don’t like.

Um excuse me… are you a woman? I don’t think so. Pass the microphone sweetie. You are WAY too loud.

I’m sick of men herding us like cattle to fit into their world. Making us feel “empowered.”

You’ve given me one itty bitty path to “success” and told me I should be thriving.

I’m sick of men controlling every single media outlet— music, television, news— so now we have been brainwashed to believe we are crazy if we feel depressed, anxious, or the real gut punching one that always sneaks up—not good enough.

Because I’m supposed to be a smiling, perky Barbie robot who exists to serve the patriarchy.

And what I am utterly most fed up with is this — a man telling a woman that her dreams, message, art, voice, or body are just really not going to fit into the world they created.

So she better drop it now. Or maybe go work her ass off for another hundred years until she’s perfect. Or change. Yes, just change the core of who you are. Water it down. Less grit—more ladylike perhaps. So that you can fit back into the box they created.

Meanwhile the average mediocre, white man of America struts his way into job interview he is ridiculously under-qualified for. But he’s got swag. Oh so much swag. His peacock feathers are so fluffed up that somehow he convinces everyone he’s a genius through his loud voice with little substance behind it.

Now he’s landed a job at SpaceX and it sitting pretty making millions by the time he is twenty-five.

But don’t worry, he’ll give back. Maybe he’ll throw a bone and tip his waitress well if she strokes his ego enough. Or give that stripper at the club an extra $20. Or pat his little sister on the head saying, maybe one day if she works hard enough and gets her shit together—she’ll able to be just like him.

How fucking generous of you. You are a regular saint.

These are the people in control of our world.

It’s scary AF.

Excuse my rant. I know you probably think I hate men now, but I don’t. I’ve actually met some wonderful, humble, and kind men in positions of power as well. It’s just not the majority I’ve come across.

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As a former dominatrix, I got a front row seat to some of the darkest forces of the patriarchy in the BDSM and new age sexuality movements.

As a minister’s daughter and ministry student, I also got a front row seat to rampant patriarchy in the Christian religious sects controlling our society.

As a normal, average woman plunged into this crazy world— just like you— I’ve experienced assault, abuse, low-wages, harassment, eating disorders, mental and chronic physical health issues etc.— I’m sure you have too.

I feel your pain babe.

But I’m ready to stop complaining now and start sharing what I’ve learned.

The message I have will be vastly different than all the other feminists or female empowerment messages you have read. But if you keep reading and decide to stick around this blog, I promise—I’m going to rock your world.

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See, I love the feminists. I adore them. I am one.

But as I dug deeper, I realized that a lot of the modern feminist teachings were keeping me stuck in a cycle that locked me into my body that kept me very blind and limited.

On the flip side, the Christian teachings were just totally shutting me off from anything natural or pleasurable in my feminine body.

But let’s start with the problem of most modern feminism teachings.

The majority of the time, we’re taught to either hyper-focus on our rage or our sexual pleasure.

Let’s pause and examine this for a moment.

Think about the last feminist book you picked up or Youtube video or TikTok you watched.

Was it teaching you how to feel your rage?

Was it teaching you how to release your anger?

How to unleash your ugly, angry voice? (Maybe something like the rant I just went on at the beginning of this article! Guilty— I told you I was a feminist.)

How to use it to get ahead just like the men do?

Or perhaps was it was teaching you about feminine sexual pleasure.

How to have multiple orgasms?

How to make a man bow down to your every sexual desire?

How to use that sexual energy to manifest a car? Or a million dollars? Or a boyfriend who doesn’t suck?

My guess is that it had one of these themes in them.

Being angry— and specifically focusing on your anger at men.

Or focusing on how much sexual pleasure you can extract from your body.

Now I want to be clear—as you’ve seen from my rant towards men earlier—

I have no problem with being angry at men.

I also have no problem with having multiple orgasms—my vibrator is my best friend.

But the problem is we’re missing something in the feminist movement.

If we truly want to be empowered women that rise above the system, there is something even more powerful than multiple orgasms or our rants that will get us there.

And that is God.

Wait! Don’t go. I promise I’m not trying to convert you or tell you, you’re sinning or convincing you to give up your vibrator or to never feel your anger again.

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See I was caught in the pleasure vs. rage pendulum too.

Everyone was telling me this was my key to smashing the patriarchy and breaking free.

But it wasn’t.

It left me broke, sick, sad, defeated, unmotivated. Why? I had completely abandoned my relationship with God. I made my sexual pleasure and my rage into a god and ran my life into the ground.

But after I had a spontaneous born again experience, I began to feel the unconditional love of the Creator again. I created a deep relationship with God and began to stop relying on my anger, my orgasms, or my own will attempting to escape the fallen systems of this world.

I started relying on a higher power. I still use my vibrator, I even became a professional dominatrix. I still get angry and go on rants.

But I don’t hyper-focus on it. That is actually how the dark, patriarchal forces are keeping us trapped and small.

By convincing us that if we just get angry enough or feel enough pleasure, we will conquer all.

But if we shift our focus to a higher-power— to God ( I believe in a Mother/ Father God)— then we find something beyond any power we could conjure up on our own.

Sadly the Christian church saturated our country with a patriarchal agenda for centuries that told women the only way they could access this higher power was if they “crucified the desires of their flesh.”

Essentially they told women to shut away their sexuality, beauty, and submit to their husbands.

This wasn’t what Jesus wanted— these teachings have been manipulated and distorted. Why would God give you the gift of your sexuality and then tell you it’s evil?

No, God is good. Good enough to gift us with lovely orgasms that are meant to be enjoyed.

This has caused so many women to run away from the concept of God and abandon their faith ( Rightfully so, I was one of these women.)

However once I realized that I didn’t have to sacrifice my body for a deep relationship with the Creator (and even Jesus) —everything changed.

So I’m here sharing this for many reasons.

But primarily, I’m here to create a community of badass women like yourself who are seeking true freedom from the patriarchy.

A fresh way of looking at things.

A way to leave the rage vs. pleasure pendulum and start to create a relationship with God to power your life.

Without having to sacrifice your juicy feminine pleasure, your divine rage, or your own sacred connection to your body.

This is a place for women to explore their faith, sexuality, and their own personal relationship with God free from control.

Because hell hath no fury like a woman on fire with her freedom and the Holy Spirit flowing through her.

Let’s rise together babes.

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xo Katharine

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It was a bit of a surreal moment.

How am I… a former hippie girl from California… somehow getting paid an absurd amount of money to pee on someone representing one of the most powerful corporations in our world?—SpaceX.

With all the shit that came out this week about the Epstein Files, I could feel my blood boiling as all these “powerful” men (and yes—even Elon Musk himself) were involved with the horrific sex trafficking of underage women.

And even if they weren’t involved “directly”— they were still associating with someone who was not only acting in the utmost disgusting morally wrong ways, but also justifying it because of the amount of money and power they had accumulated.

Guilty by association—sorry, it’s still very, very bad and you need to answer for this.

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Working as a dominatrix in Chicago bought me a ticket into the intimate lives of some of the most elite men in our country.

To be honest, from everything I saw and heard from (most— not all—but most) of the male, heterosexual 1%, I wasn’t surprised one bit to learn that they had been involved with these sex crimes treating women and girls like products instead of human beings.

Deeply sad, disappointing—but not surprising. This is the darkness I saw for years and while it is disturbing to face, this is something our society absolutely needs to address to move forward.

But the question is— how to do we as women, as Wolf Girls, combat this darkness without getting swallowed whole by it? Swallowed by anger, depression, anxiety, or straight up helplessness in a world that constantly is tossing women down the drain?

Keep reading babe…believe that by the end of this article God will start to set you ablaze with the ability to turn your rage into motivation and your anxiety into peace and your body into the safe home it always was meant to be.

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When I worked in the BDSM industry, I was determined to position myself as a high class companion for the A-list, not just a girl you shamefully slink away to see in the dark shadows of a dungeon.

I know what you’re thinking—no I wasn’t a courtesan. I didn’t have sex with my clients or do anything of that nature, but I don’t pretend to be above or judge anyone that does—that’s a very personal decision and it wasn’t for me.

I wanted to be the classy, sexy, wise woman you woo while sipping over-priced cocktails in dim candlelight.

I wanted the glitz and the glam and refused to settle for less. Glamour essentially became my own kink.

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When I first started off as a dom, I didn’t really have any idea how to effectively navigate clients.

I also didn’t have a solid relationship with God or Jesus— so I was going off of what everyone else was telling me to do without divine guidance.

Turns out theres a whole lot of sexist demons that run the the BDSM industry (again, not all—but a lot) so when you thrust yourself into the underworld, the vultures begin to circle.

Disgusted with men who were constantly testing my boundaries, wasting my time, and offering me pennies for my services —I threw my hands in the air and walked away after a year.

But ironically, after I had a born-again Christian experience and came to Christ, God nudged me to return to Lady Viviane. There was something to still learn from walking in the underworld (remember Jesus was crucified ya’ll, God sometimes calls us to navigate and see the dark forces of this world).

However, this time I was tuned into divine guidance, which lead me to know my worth and demand respect. So partly fueled by disgust with past experiences and partly by the fire of the Holy Spirit, Lady Viviane transformed.

Oh you want to see me in the dungeon?

Great— well, I am a classy, wise woman who you should be so grateful just to be in my presence, so you will have to wine and dine me, pay for my Uber, and on top of that you will pay me $200/hr for my time and then maybe I will accept you as a client.

I definitely had my doubts; I’d never heard of a dominatrix doing anything like this before.

I twiddled my thumbs nervously as put out the new Lady V…

To my great surprise— it actually worked. A new kind of Pandora’s Box began to open…

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At first, I was shocked at the upper class men I attracted.

To name a few industries, my clients ranged from celebrity lawyers, NFL refs, doctors, CEO’s of massive corporations, developers and yes—even from the illustrious SpaceX.

Believe me, I frequently had to pinch myself and give myself pep talks in the bathroom (stay cool Lady Viviane, stay cool— remember you are a classy, sexy, wise woman now).

At first I was wildly intimidated by them and thought they would find out I was a fraud. I am just a plain girl who somehow took good photos and wrote good copy.

Then, I remembered the crazy statistics that showed men will apply for the job if they only meet 60% of the qualifications while women tend to apply if they meet 100%.

So… to win at their game… I had to play their game.

Which is—fake it til’ you make it, baby.

So what did most of these very powerful men actually want? Someone to talk to.

Most of my job ended up being a compassionate ear in a fancy restaurants.

(I swear— this could be a totally new industry in itself— connection kink).

As I sat there, looking dazzling after spending at least an hour getting ready to play the part of Lady Viviane, they would spill out the darkest wounded parts of their hearts and lives.

While these men seemingly had everything together in the physical realm—money, homes, even nice wives and children— they were utterly broken inside. If they were in relationships, most of them were deeply unhappy and often finding ways to cheat on their spouses. The amount of dishonesty, lying and hiding disturbed me to my core. They were often trying to fill a void with kinks, drugs, alcohol, girls, and other luxuries. But none if it actually filled the void.

I can’t tell you how many times I heard this phrase, “I just want to have fun.” I actually watched an old man begin to cry as he said these words to me over dinner and I just kept thinking—-is that what you really want?

There is essentially noting wrong with wanting to have fun, indulging in luxury trips, or exploring your kinks, but the problem was they were being completely and utterly ruled by the spirit of the world.

As I began to study Jesus more deeply during this time, I started to understand why Jesus was telling people, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth… but store up for yourselves treasure in heaven.” Mathew 6:19-21

These men essentially had the world at their fingertips, but they were deeply unhappy. Money literally couldn’t buy them the happiness they were chasing.

In Matthew 19: 23-24 Jesus states…

“It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle that for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.”

Since Jesus also states, “the kingdom of God is within you” (Luke 17:21), what I believe he is trying to say here is that when you have allowed the wealth to take the place of God in your life, you will not have inner peace or joy.

Money itself it not a bad thing, we do need it and God does provide for us and bless us with finances. But when the false idols of money, wealth, or fame become the central focus—- sure you might build an empire, just like the Romans— but eventually it will crumble because you will be empty inside.

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That’s what’s happening now with the release of the Epstein files. In my humble opinion, because these men replaced God with money and power, they tried to fill the void with deeply disturbing and corrupt ways. Now, their empires are crumbling because while they had their outside empires— their inner worlds were empty.

That’s exactly what I saw with most of the men who came to Lady Viviane. For most, when I brought up God— they looked at it as a fetish to explore. But for the few who were even a tiny bit open to having a relationship with God and Jesus— they became my friends and started to have a healthier relationship with their money and their sexuality. They became— happier. Their empires did not crumble.

So Wolf Girl, what are we to do about this? It’s easy to feel helpless or enraged as we watch corrupt men run the world.

But we cannot fall into the same trap. We must build ourselves up from the inside out, not the outside in. The more we can cultivate a personal relationship with God, the divine creator of all (I personally believe in a Mother/Father God—Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine) and even Jesus (if you are open it), then our inner worlds will be filled with peace, joy, motivation and the fire to turn our anger into the fuel to build our own holy empires.

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The systems are crumbling and it’s time for a new band of on fire women to arise— from the inside out. For the kingdom (or queendom) of God begins within.

So just remember, even when the spirit of the world is trying to tell you you should be more “successful” in terms of money or likes on your social media to conquer all. Turn inward. What happens when you place God in your heart? What happens when you pray and ask for divine guidance, joy, peace, and love? What happens when you give thanks for all you have rather than what you don’t have?

I know the concept of God turns off a lot of women because of the dark associations with the patriarchy. But here’s a secret— they don’t own God.

God belongs to everyone and so does Jesus.

So just try it. Invite God into you heart. Start building your own personal relationship with the Creator of all from the inside out rather than obsessing over the vision board with your ideal car you want to manifest. Just try— see what happens. You may just find that happiness you’ve been chasing. (And the car will probably come to you in a miraculous way you didn’t even expect ;)

(More to come on how to cultivate your personal relationship with God free from the patriarchy.)

Stay wild Wolf Girl,

xo Katharine

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