“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You cleanse the outside of cup and dish, but inside they are full of plunder and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee, cleanse first the inside of the cup, so that the outside also may be clean.”

Matthew 23:25-26

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The Gospel readings this week feature Jesus confronting the Pharisees head on about their hypocrisy and ignorance of God’s law. Imagine Jesus approaching you and saying, “you are full of plunder and self-indulgence” (Mt 23:25), or, “you are beautiful on the outside, but inside you are full of dead men’s bones and every kind of filth” (Mt 23:27). I mean, dang…that would hit hard.

Perhaps you do not have to imagine such an experience. Due to being sinful by nature, we have all had moments in our lives where we receive a slap in the face reminder that our interior life does not always match our outward expression of what it means to live as a Christian in today’s world. Unfortunately, it happens more often than we would like to admit.

Fr. Pete McCormick, CSC (Go Irish!), posed the following question while reflecting on Jesus’ confrontation of the Pharisees during yesterday’s daily homily on the Hallow App:

Where in your life are you investing more energy in appearing righteous to others than in allowing Jesus to actually transform your heart?

I could write a lengthy newsletter about how our inward life must reflect our outward actions. I could go on and on about potential signs of hypocrisy among ministers in our Church or the faces we encounter on our social media feeds. I could even attempt to theologically define righteousness using texts from throughout the history of the Church.

I won’t, though.

When all is said and done, I am a Pharisee too.

While I present as a theologian, lay minister, and woman who is devoted to my Catholic faith, I, too, must cleanse the inside of my cup so that what flows outward from me may be clean and holy.

The thesis for anything I could write about this topic would ultimately lead back to the same question:

Where in your life are you investing more energy in appearing righteous to others than in allowing Jesus to actually transform your heart?

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So, here’s an examination of heart that I curated for you to pray with in your meantime. It is what I will be praying with in my own life, too.

For further reflection on this topic, here is an article related to this week’s Gospel about the Pharisees by a fellow Substacker!

Laurie's Substack

The Pharisee in Me

Woe to the scribes and Pharisees! Woe to the Pharisee in me…

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7 days ago · 3 likes · 1 comment · Laurie Schmitt

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Katy Frattara is a Catholic theologian & minister with a M.Div degree from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty and messiness of the Church, vocation, & the Beloved revealed in everyday life. You can read more of her writing for free here on Substack.

**Cue the recitation of the long list of names that come to mind for both me and my husband during our nightly prayer routine.

As I begin to anticipate and envision the change of pace in our house as we welcome our first newborn, I can’t help but say a few quiet farewells to life as we know it. The dinner parties on our deck or around our dinner table that flow into the very late hours of night will not be compatible with a sleeping baby in the room next to us during the months ahead. The twenty minute span of time it takes to get myself ready before leaving for an event may need an extension in order to wiggle a little one into a onesie or change a diaper. Traveling to visit family, friends, or our favorite shore town will take more planning, luggage, and money.

While I know that dinners, events, and travel will carry on, I am not naive enough to think that life will look the same from here on out.

I will cherish these moments and things that have made our home feel “homey” thus far.

Author’s Note (lol): As my dad said, I wrote a literal “book” last week reflecting on the world’s best compliment: “Your home feels so homey!” Rather than materialistic items or what we hang on the walls, a sense of home and hospitality can be found in the Person we receive, emulate, and share with others. In case you missed it, you can reflect on the charism of Christian hospitality here. Thank you all for your kind comments and reflections!

Saying “you are in my prayers!” to someone is such a knee-jerk response to offer those who are enduring a form of suffering, requesting prayers, or we are simply looking to extend some sort of courtesy in conversation with others. How often have we said this and not actually followed through with our commitment to pray for people by name?

The spiritual work of mercy, praying for the living and the dead, is an act of mercy that I wanted to grow in throughout my final year of formation in my Master of Divinity program. I found myself intentionally diving into the Corporal Works of Mercy (feeding the hungry, visiting the sick, etc.) during my first years of the program and through multiple ministry jobs along the way.

The Corporal Works of Mercy often feel as if they are the merciful actions that get right to the grit of Christian life. It feels as if you need to jump right into practicing these works of mercy because they are physical and tangible. The spiritual works are more emotional and soul-like, sometimes difficult to fulfill as easily.

I often forget that a corporal work of mercy is truly fruitful with the strength of prayer and the intercession of Jesus. I can fulfill my duty of serving the poor and visiting the sick, but wouldn’t a ministry be even more fruitful if I held those whom I serve in daily prayer? Spiritual works of mercy are necessary duties to practice, too. (see a list of the Works of Mercy at the end of this letter!)

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My formator in my grad program gave me the great idea to pin or tape a piece of paper to a wall that I knew I would look at every morning and every night. Each day, I’d pray through the list of names and add more to the list, especially the people I met that day to whom I had offered the knee-jerk, Christian response, “I will pray for you!”

This habit faded away as soon as I graduated, got married, and moved apartments. As soon as the paper was removed from the wall and life got busy again, my intentional time to pray for people by name also dwindled.

My husband saying “who should we pray for tonight?” before our nightly decade called to mind the duty that I had failed to intentionally meet.

As we listed off the names of our loved ones and those we commit to pray for, it is almost as if I could feel them in the home with us.

I could almost hear the music bumping at the dance parties in my parents’ kitchen or the laughter in the lake condo living room as I named my family members out loud.

The comforting views and feelings of the family farm and family homes provided a warm peace as we spoke the names of my in-laws.

It’s as if I could taste the sips of wine and bites of charcuterie as I called to mind the friends who have stayed up chatting about all things with me until the late hours of the evening over the years.

I remember the feeling of the warm hugs that my grandfathers gave me as I prayed for their souls.

Though it was literally just me and George in that space, it was not just us in that prayer. Our home was full. Prayer is what made it a full house.

Though it will primarily be me, George, and our newborn for some time starting in the next few weeks, our home will be full because prayer will be full.

Prayer is what makes a home.

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a glimpse into my home

sharing my favorite outcomes of the nesting phase & the desire to make my home “cozy” & “homey” — both spiritually & through home decor

1. Wine holder turned … plant holder? When you have a vision, you go after it! Now this is one of my favorite little life giving corners in our home. Here’s a similar farmhouse bottle holder on sale at Target.

2. Magnet hooks for the refrigerator are great for aprons, reusable grocery bags, etc. when kitchen storage space falls short. Here are the swivel swing magnets I use!

3. Speaking of kitchen storage, we needed a space to put all of our pots and pans. Nothing a Home Depot pegboard, pan hooks, & a can of butter yellow paint couldn’t fix!

4. I shared some design tips from my mom in last week’s article. One of them was to use colors that you love for decor, who cares about what’s trending! For me that seems to be sage green and burnt orange scattered in throw pillows, blankets, & details around the home.

5. No more piles of mail on your entryway table if you hang some mail baskets by your front door to store it in! Bonus is switching out a basket bow based on the season 🍂

6. This Holy Family statue is one of the first things to look at when you enter our home & one of my favorite pieces. I have especially loved praying and reflecting with it through our miscarriage grief with our first & anticipating labor/delivery with our second! The Virtues of Mary print by January Jane ties in well with all the plants & florals spread around our house. The sconce lamp from Anthropologie makes the coziest entryway lamp, as well.

7. Outdoor cushions, table cloth, tapers, candle holders, plate set, & some local greenery to spruce up your outdoor dinner parties.

8. Farmhouse style lamps like this with a gingham print shade can add to the warm tones of the home.

9. Fresh florals on the dining room table for the good vibes. 🌸

to pray with & practice in your meantime

In Case You Missed It…

Katy Frattara is a Catholic theologian & minister with a M.Div degree from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty and messiness of the Church, vocation, & the Beloved revealed in everyday life. You can read more of her writing for free here on Substack.

Hospitality is one of those qualities that I have always wanted to emulate well. Members of my family throughout my life have been great examples of hospitality, materially through their home decor and emotionally through their loving, welcoming presence.

During recent visits to my parent’s house, I have taken mental notes of how my mom chooses to decorate. Speaking of a house feeling very “homey,” she definitely succeeds in that. There is nothing like a mother’s touch, and as someone who is 31 weeks pregnant and in her insane nesting phase (pray for husband George), I have been thinking a lot about the coziness and warmth of our space.

In my opinion, my mom absolutely NAILED the guest bedroom in their home. It is everything “travel-themed,” clearly showcasing our family’s love for capturing the beauty of the world. There is a framed photo of my grandfather (Papa) from decades ago overlooking the Grand Canyon. Next to it is another framed photo of me, my brother, and my dad overlooking the same view back in 2019. Across the room, there is a Western-looking hat hanging on a nail, the same hat that my Papa is seen wearing in the Grand Canyon photograph.

There is a chest full of blankets that I remember as our camping blankets from when we pitched a tent for a night of “camping” in our Indiana backyard as kids. A photo of my brother, mom, and me in Alaska sits on top of this chest. Seeing it almost makes me remember the feeling of my grey, animal print jacket that I loved to wear as a child or the mosquito net head coverings that I did not like quite as much as we wandered around Alaska that year.

I am sure you can think of a rug, piece of furniture, wall art, or kitchen bowl that takes you back to a particular moment or brings to mind the voice of a loved one who died years ago. Please do share what comes to mind with me, I’d love to hear!

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Yes, all of these things I mention are items. Materialistic at best. It is a privilege to have a home and to have things that stir up such homey feelings within you.

While it’s great to have a carefully curated home full of cozy knick-knacks and items with stories to tell, I have found myself prayerfully reflecting on more than items when it comes to hospitality.

Christian hospitality really boils down to good virtues outpoured. It is less about creating the perfect space and more about becoming the kind of person whose presence makes room for another person to encounter Christ.

As I ponder hospitality in family life, I keep coming back to the idea of procreation.1 To be procreative is not simply to bring a new human being into the world. Some of the most procreative families that I know are those that carry the crosses of infertility and pregnancy loss.

One of the most selfless and hospitable people I have encountered was 90 years old when I lived in her basement as a broke grad student. Jane did not stop sharing life with others after her husband died or her children moved away. When the fulfillment of her marital vows was met with death, she still lived into one of the primary elements of family life and Christian discipleship as a whole: procreation through self-gift. (Read more about Jane here).

Procreative families or people are those who are open to tending to the needs, life, and joy of others. A clear expression of this is shown through hospitality. Hospitality is becoming a person who makes room for life beyond oneself. We can learn how to execute this well through the beauty of Scripture and Tradition.

Biblical Hospitality

“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unaware” (Hebrews 13:12)

I call to mind the story of Abraham’s visitors found in Genesis 18. When three men arrive, Abraham literally runs to the entrance to greet them and bows to the ground in reverence, despite not knowing who they are. Immediately, he rushes to provide for their basic human needs: water to wash feet, food to eat, and a place to rest. He chooses to serve them a “tender, choice calf” (Gen 18:7), a sacrifice that throughout Scripture signifies a special offering for a highly regarded guest.

This story leads me to see hospitality less as a means of providing for others because we have to or because offering a glass of water to a guest is just what you do. Abraham shows us that hospitality can flow from reverence for each individual who is made in the image and likeness of God.

We are called to offer something greater than a literal calf to the guests who wander onto our doorstep. We are called to offer Christ Himself. Whether this is the tired college student who shows up at their dorm director’s door, your best friend who is visiting from out of town, or the person on the street seeking a warm seat in your church pew, each person is worthy of our reverence and care.

Questions to Pray With:

1. Are you merely going through the motions of hospitality or are you serving with sacred intention?

2. How can you exercise hospitality by bringing Christ into the hearts and lives of others?

Zacchaeus, the chief tax collector (Luke 19:1-10). Not where you thought I was going to go among so many clearly explicit narratives of hospitality, like the Road to Emmaus or The Good Samaritan, right?

Zacchaeus was very wealthy and not the most gracious of men. He did not seem to give much of his possessions away and was quick to extort money from those in his community. Yet, Jesus invites himself into his home out of everyone—the home of a sinner!

I don’t know about you, but last minute requests to stay at or visit my home tends to stress me out. I grew up in a home where every square inch had to be cleaned before guests arrived and that method of hosting has seemed to stick with me. You can find me in a decluttering and vacuuming frenzy hours before guests show up on my doorstep.

Now, I am not sure what the state of Zacchaeus’ home was. Maybe he had servants cleaning up for him because of his wealth and seemingly pushy attitude. Regardless, without hesitation, he joyfully received Jesus into his home. By welcoming Jesus into his home, something in his heart changed. He recognized his sins, repented, and received salvation (Lk 19:8-10).

Maybe surprise guests are not too bad after all. Some of the most uplifting and Christ-filled house guests have been those last minute drop-ins or a friend whose flight was delayed and needed a place to stay.

Hospitality might mean knowing that your space is not perfect, but opening up your door anyway to those in need.

From Jesus’ perspective in this narrative, hospitality might also mean showing up on someone’s doorstep to offer a needed, grace-filled encounter. It might mean dropping a hot meal off at a friend’s house down the street, sending prayerful snail mail or packages to loved ones at a distance, or actually showing up to a volunteer opportunity at your parish.

Questions to Pray With:

1. Who has been a drop-in, unexpected guest in your own life? What made their visit grace-filled? How can you or your space be more open to spontaneous visitors?

2. What is one unexpected act of hospitality that you can offer to a friend or neighbor this week?

Traditional Hospitality

No, by traditional hospitality I do not mean becoming a “trad wife.” I’m talking about Tradition with a capital T: the saints, the liturgy, and the wisdom handed down through the Church.

I have to give some love to my Holy Cross background and mention Saint André Bessette, a brother in the Congregation of Holy Cross.

Brother André was not necessarily similar to his religious peers, who were often found ministering in a classroom. His physical illness and lack of education led him to a different form of ministry: the ministry of doorkeeping.

Practically speaking, he was the face of hospitality at Notre Dame College in Canada. He greeted visitors and cared for the college chapel. You can learn more about him by watching this video or reading this article!

If I were to guess, he is one of many saints who practiced hospitality in a way that had people saying, “your home (or place of service) feels so homey!” Hospitality for Br. André and other saints was not rooted in what they hung on the wall or the extravagance of their homes. It was rooted in the ministry of presence—bringing Christ’s spirit and love to all they encountered. Meeting people where they were and tending to their particular needs. Sharing the truth and beauty of Christ and His Church in unique, unrepeatable ways. Knowing Jesus as the primary source of hospitality and rooting their lives in prayer.

Questions to Pray With:

1. How can I bring the hospitality of Jesus into the small, mundane moments of daily life?

2. How can I foster a spirit of presence by growing in listening skills, cultivating patience, and meeting people where they need to be met?

All that is done in a Catholic liturgy should ultimately point to and revere Christ. The goal is never to draw attention to us, but to Jesus Christ, who is fully present in the Eucharist.

Jesus is the true host (no pun intended) of the celebration at hand. It is our job to receive what He offers with reverence and give thanks for the nourishment provided to us through this generous banquet.

I was always taught to never show up to a party or someone’s house empty-handed. However, we can all name a time when we were so overwhelmed with daily life that we simply forgot to pick something up or make something beforehand. I don’t know about you, but my friends and family have never turned me away just because I came to their home empty-handed.

The beautiful thing about Mass is that even when we arrive feeling unprepared, distracted, or burdened by the sins of daily life, Christ still invites us to encounter Him. As you speak the words, “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed,” let yourself be reminded that God has the power to forgive and heal the flawed parts of who we are through the sacramental nature of the Church.

When we approach hospitality, perhaps we should approach it in the way that Christ does for us in the liturgy: with open arms to receive and lead each person to wholeness.

Questions to Pray With:

1. How can we hospitably embrace others in our communities and parishes and pastorally lead them into deeper relationship with Christ?

2. In what ways do I need to empty myself in order to be reconciled with Christ and restored in faith?

I love a good gallery wall and implementing sage green decor into every room of my home because it is famously known as the color that soothes the nervous system. Maybe my home feels “homey” because of the Virtues of Mary print framed in the entryway or my husband’s grandparents’ stainless steel pots used as wall decor. Maybe it’s the numerous plants or the handed-down lamp with the auburn shade in the corner that brought me comfort in my childhood home.

Aside from the items in our house, I strive to provide the sense of “cozy” and “homey” hospitality that stems from a home that makes room for others to encounter Christ.

Looks like you can find me, and all the future little feet stomping around our hardwood floors, in our spiritual nesting seasons for the many weeks and years to come.

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Stay tuned for next week’s shorter newsletter where I’ll showcase some of the things that are currently making my home feel “homey,” both materially and spiritually. This topic is too enriching to end here, in my opinion.

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Katy Frattara is a Catholic theologian & minister with a M.Div degree from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty and messiness of the Church, vocation, & the Beloved revealed in everyday life. You can read more of her writing for free here on Substack.

I laughed to myself as I changed the channel to Pope Leo’s Concert for Peace last week featuring none other than operatic tenor Andrea Bocelli. If the Pope cared to respond to such a silly pop culture moment, this event would have been an iconic response to Mr. Chalamet.

Bocelli performed the ancient Latin hymn Panis Angelicus, written by Thomas Aquinas himself in the thirteenth century. Talk about something old and an entire community of people dedicated to keeping art alive, Timmy Chalamet. That, in many ways, is the mission of the Catholic Church, and it is a mission that will never die.

Interwoven among the hymns performed by Andrea Bocelli and the 164-member international children’s choir were excerpts inspired by Saint Francis of Assisi’s Canticle of the Creatures, commemorating the 800th anniversary of his death. For those in attendance and for viewers watching from afar, it truly felt as though the spirit of Saint Francis was present, along with the spirit and voice of our previous Pope, who so faithfully bore the saint’s name throughout his papacy.

Although Pope Leo’s address was brief and centered primarily on the art of music itself, he revealed a deeper message concerning our universal call to unity in a world marked by cancel culture, discrimination, war, division, and destruction. Three themes from his remarks can help us respond to the call for unity amid today’s divisions in our Church: fostering harmony, beholding beauty, and keeping art alive.

Fostering Harmony

If you have ever been part of a choir or musical performance, you know that finding harmony takes time and practice. Choirs take distinct and unique voices and weave them together to create a rich mosaic of sound. Choir directors are constantly repeating the same instructions: “Listen to the person next to you! Blend your voices!”

There is nothing quite like spending hours, months, or even years painstakingly rehearsing the tiniest details of a piece of music, only to finally hear everything come together in harmony. Reaching that point requires the commitment of every member of the choir. Each individual member must make their intentional “yes” to pour oneself into learning and perfecting one’s own part. It then requires another “yes” to willingly blend that carefully learned harmony with the voices of others. Cooperation is essential to creating something beautiful, especially within a group.

Discipleship follows this same cooperative structure. In order for the Body of Christ to function as it should, each of us must proclaim our own unique “yes” to the baptismal call to be priestly, prophetic, and kingly people in our daily lives. Yet this individual “yes” is always held within the collective “yes” of the Church and Her mission.

You will hear it said repeatedly in Catholic ministry settings that all People of God are coworkers in the vineyard, co-responsible for the life and mission of the Church.1 Laity and clergy alike are called to work together to build the kingdom of heaven here on earth. For the mission of the Church to unfold harmoniously, all people must support and advocate for the proper function and flourishing of every vocation.

Imagine that the person standing beside you in the alto section flubs the harmony during the third stanza. Suddenly, the entire alto section becomes unsettled, creating dissonance throughout the choir. Rather than placing blame on the individual(s), a good choir member and director turns toward the problem and provides the guidance needed to restore harmony. The singers are met where they are, strengthened in their weaknesses, and patiently accompanied until they can confidently execute their part.

The same is true for our brothers and sisters in the Church. When scandal, harmful catechesis, or divisive communities arise, we are all called to turn toward what has been fractured so that true harmony may be restored within Christ’s Church on earth. We must advocate for the proper formation of both lay and ordained disciples while attending to their particular needs. Above all, we must walk patiently, pastorally, and mercifully with those who struggle so that harmony may once again be heard within the walls of the Church.

Different voices can indeed come together to create a rich mosaic of faith, but true harmony will always require cooperation.

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Beholding Beauty

True harmony is fostered by beholding the beauty of God together—in community and in communion with one another.

The mere fact that we are called to be in communion with one another is precisely why liturgical, political, and theological division pains me so deeply in the modern Church. It should grieve us that a Body meant to be united is so often consumed by arguments, exclusion, and division. The wounds of division within the Church should affect us in the same way a choir director is affected when hearing an ensemble fall completely out of harmony: with concern and determination to restore unity once again. We should feel compelled, time and again, to tune what has fallen out of pitch within our Church communities.

I devoted much of my final year of graduate study to the question of overcoming division and polarization within the Catholic Church. In the process, I developed an examination of conscience that I hope might assist others in the work of beholding the beauty of God more harmoniously within the life of the Church.

If we are to emulate the joy of heaven that Pope Leo described in his address, we must be united in love. This does not mean selecting the particular “type of Catholic” with which we wish to identify, choosing liturgies based solely upon our preferences, or limiting ourselves to communities that perfectly align with our political or personal beliefs.

Particularly in the United States, it is worth acknowledging that the joy of heaven will not be found in one church filled with “trad” Catholics and another filled with “progressive” Catholics. Rather, the truest expression of heaven is found when earthly distractions are cast aside and we dwell together in the sacramental reality of God who is beauty and love itself.

With that, I leave this examination to you as an invitation to prayer as you continue pursuing unity and peace within your own communities. Beholding beauty may require stepping into parts of the Church that you have intentionally tried to avoid.

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Keeping Art Alive

Keep art that is rooted in our living, breathing God alive.

I hope that each of us can name multiple experiences of art that have drawn us out of ourselves and into something greater.

One experience for me, outside the realm of faith, was seeing The Color Purple on Broadway nearly a decade ago. Something about the aching storyline, Cynthia Erivo’s extraordinary talent, and the musical’s overarching message of community amid profound suffering awakened my heart and mind for weeks on end. Even three years after, I could not shake my fascination with the story, so much so that I devoted my entire undergraduate senior thesis to the musical. Clearly, that single matinee performance had an impact that extended far beyond those two hours.

The same is true of sacred art. There are still choral pieces that I hear at Sunday Mass that awaken my heart and draw me toward God just as powerfully as they did when I first mastered the alto line in my church choir years ago. Ancient works of art displayed in museums and sacred texts such as Panis Angelicus continue to inspire prayer and reveal something of the Divine to us in the modern world.

Art has a remarkable way of awakening hearts to Beauty itself and sending us forth to share that Beauty with others.

When the world adopts the attitude of “Why keep this thing alive when no one cares about it?” in response to the beauty and traditions of the Church, we should take notice. We should demonstrate that the greatest works of art come from the greatest Artist of all: God alone!

Most of us will never host a televised Concert for Peace at Borgo Laudato si’ in the Pontifical Gardens of Castel Gandolfo, but we can share the hymns, poems, paintings, sculptures, and stories that have reflected divine beauty throughout the history of the Church with those around us.

We can and must keep art alive for the sake of healing wounds, bridging divisions, and cultivating peace. After all, what draws us more deeply into communion with God and with one another than beauty?

The Church Herself is even older than ballet and opera, and yet her art endures because She has always possessed the ability to enliven the human soul. There will always be someone who cares about that mission. Let that someone be you!

How about that, Timothée Chalamet?

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Katy Frattara is a Catholic theologian & minister with a M.Div degree from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty and messiness of the Church, vocation, & the Beloved revealed in everyday life. You can read more of her writing for free here on Substack.

On the first day of seventh grade at my brand-new school, the final step in my “get ready with me” routine was placing the hot dog earrings in my first piercings and a ketchup and mustard earring in my second holes. I was convinced this was the most iconic styling choice of the year 2010, second only to the overly hair-sprayed, Snooki-inspired pouf that seemed to grow an inch taller on the heads of teenage girls every week.

To this day, I still ask my mom why she let me leave the house wearing those earrings. Do hot dog earrings really scream “I am the new girl, I am normal, you should be my friend!!!!”?

As ridiculous as they were, they caught people’s attention (whether that was positive or negative). Between the earrings and my Chicago accent standing out among the East Coast slang, I was hard to miss. More importantly, they attracted the right kind of friends, the girls who didn’t take life too seriously and who, all these years later, still embrace their inner child alongside me.

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Over my 28 years of life, I have lived in seven different cities. No, I am not a military kid. My family just moved quite frequently.

Adjusting to a new home where it seems like everyone else has lived there their entire lives has never been easy. The first year often feels spent missing your previous home and community while wondering if this new place will ever feel like home. When the adjustment gets difficult, you feel the itch to travel or skip town to escape the discomfort. You wonder whether you’ll ever make a friend, keep a friend, or find a sense of familiarity amid all the newness.

It wasn’t until my fifth move, in my early twenties, that I realized there had always been one familiar presence accompanying me into every new place and season. I found this friend at Mass, in the faces of those in the pews, and in a little piece of bread lifted high above the priest’s head at the altar.

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A few years ago, my mom and I walked a portion of the Portuguese Coastal Route of the Camino de Santiago. With our broken Spanish, backpacks, and aching achilles, we found ourselves seated in a small Catholic chapel in Spain as daily Mass unfolded before us. I pulled up a Spanish-to-English Order of the Mass on my phone and settled into the liturgy. While we understood only bits and pieces of the readings and the priest’s homily, the rhythm of the Mass was wonderfully familiar.

That’s the beauty of the Catholic Mass, its structure remains the same wherever you are in the world. Whether the liturgy is celebrated in your native language or one you’ve never spoken, you can rest in the familiarity of the ritual.

As the consecration took place and the priest lifted Jesus high above his head, I found myself thinking: isn’t it so incredible that this is the very same Jesus I receive back home in Indiana?

How beautiful that, in every new space or season of life, the same Jesus is present in the Eucharist.

As I arrived in my seventh new city last year at the age of 27, I once again felt the weight of starting over. I made it a goal to attend daily Mass in the cathedral next to my apartment, knowing that my lifelong Friend would be there to draw life out of this new city and season.1

This Friend gave me the courage to put myself out there and make new friends at my parish, not by wearing hot dog earrings this time around, but with the same “authentically me” energy I carried into the first day of seventh grade.

This Friend pushed me to apply to jobs that intimidated me, ultimately leading me to a teaching community where I felt deeply known and encountered the merciful heart of Jesus.

This Friend even helped me overcome the cringe I felt as I hit “publish” on a Facebook page asking whether anyone wanted to start a women’s Bible study. Ten months later, that simple post has grown into more than ten women who faithfully gather each month, along with countless dinners, coffee chats, and other moments of friendship that have blossomed along the way. It turns out I wasn’t the only one searching for community in this season of life. We never are.

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When we start treating the Eucharist, the source and summit of our faith, as the actual center of our lives, our lives develop the capacity to bloom. By receiving the living bread, every aspect of our lives is nourished.

As the priest begins the Liturgy of the Eucharist, he prays:

“Blessed are you, Lord God of all creation, for through your goodness we have received the bread we offer you: fruit of the earth and work of human hands, it will become for us the bread of life” (Eucharistic Prayer I, 24).

These words say it all.

Thank you, God, because through the sacrifice of your Son, we have received redemption and nourishment. We freely offer ourselves to you at this Eucharistic banquet, our joys, labors, brokenness. We offer all that we are and all that we do to You. In return, you nourish and strengthen us to leave the walls of this celebration and share you, the Bread of Life, with others.

And how do we, the congregation, respond when the priest says these words?

“Blessed be God forever.”

How amazing is it that in every new place and new season of life, Jesus continues to bless and nourish us through the Eucharist forever.

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Before one of my moves back in 2020, I wrote the following reflection. I didn’t know it then, but I soon found out that the search for my space among the mental and physical clutter of moving would always end and begin in a church pew.

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Katy Frattara is a Catholic theologian & minister with a M.Div degree from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty and messiness of the Church, vocation, & the Beloved revealed in everyday life. You can read more of her writing for free here on Substack.

You would think that living in such a bustling and grand city would lead me to totally bask in every present moment and never think about what’s next. While I savored every pint and encounter throughout those two years, there was always a lingering thought and prayer: “what’s next?”

I spent my first year in Ireland thinking about what type of job I would get in America after my year of service, not even contemplating the option of staying on for a second year until my supervisor brought it to my attention. I spent my second year in Ireland contemplating what graduate program to pursue and where that would lead me career-wise.

Each year of my three years of graduate school to follow was a new form of “what’s next?”

First year: “Religious life, single life, or marriage?”

Second year: “Is marrying this man that I am dating what’s next for me?”

Third year: “What is my color palette for the wedding? Where will I work after the wedding??”

It might be a natural human tendency to think in this way as aging and moving forward is all we know. The question of “what’s next?” always somehow arises. It moves us forward into becoming the person that we are called to be.

About a year ago, I started my newsletter, In the Meantime, here on Substack as I came off of the year-long milestone high of engagement, graduation, and wedding celebrations. As I sat in my new home city, my mind swirled around what job I could excel in, what place we could live in next after our lease ended, and when our first child would arrive.

As much as I tried to have control over our plans, life kept throwing curveballs. After losing our first pregnancy and coming to realize the first job I secured was not long term, I had a slap in the face moment in a chapel. I stared at the monstrance and realized that “what’s next” would have to belong to God. I left prayer time knowing that my mindset had to switch from my grandiose ideas of “what’s next?” to “be open to what’s to come,” even if I thought the next step was small.

I made it a goal to notice and appreciate the ordinary “meantimes” of my daily life. The morning sound of the coffee machine, the smell of my latest autumnal soup on the stove, the quality time spent at comedy clubs with my new husband.

As I noticed small moments of each day, I began to enjoy the things in my life that I never saw as large “milestones.” Cooking, reading for fun, taking care of plants, coloring, long walks. I realized that these ordinary moments were milestones in their own way. These moments opened my world up to new skills, literature, passion, creativity and growth in relationships. Like the milestones that make it onto Instagram feeds (degrees, babies, travel, wedding rings), these quieter milestones also transform the heart. These “ordinary” milestones take up the majority of our human and spiritual formation.

Pregnancy feels like a game of hopscotch. Each square marks another milestone appointment or event, until, at the end you finally plant both feet outside the grid. While you can plan for the next thing on the calendar, there will always be the twists and turns of new symptoms and curveballs that arise. As most of the childbirth classes teach, you have to be okay with the labor and delivery process not going according to your one-page, single-spaced birth plan. This wisdom takes me back to the moment in front of the monstrance about a year ago: form your heart, mind, and body, while also knowing Who really is in charge.

Some of the most beautiful moments of pregnancy have been held within the larger milestone appointments like the anatomy scan and hearing the heartbeat of our child. With the help of my mindset shift from a year ago, I am also able to delight in the ordinary beauty of daily pregnant life. I pause and feel gratitude for the heirloom tomatoes that my husband brings me when the craving hits. Though tired, I have come to see the 4am hour spent journaling on my couch as a blessing after receiving a wake-up call from the little kickboxer in my womb. Every walk with a mom friend, phone call with a loved one, and time spent in prayerful song at Mass or at my keyboard is a milestone in my formation throughout this pregnancy.

While these nine months have felt bustling and grand, like the city streets of Dublin five years ago, the simple, beautiful views of ordinary life are the memories that will be etched in my mind for ages.

The meantime is not simply the space between life’s major milestones. It is where most of our growth and becoming takes place. Long before we land at the next big thing, God quietly forms us through small encounters, moments, and little ways of love.

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a prayer to take with you to your meantime

The prayerful words in this Sarah Kroger song remind me that whatever is next in this life belongs to God alone.

“Whatever is growing that doesn’t belong, cut it away,
Whatever is thriving, rooted and strong, oh, let it stay.”

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a glimpse into my meantime

The women’s group in the city that I started via Facebook (!!) last year has led to some of the most formative and fun moments over the past year 👯‍♀️ | Bobbie Goods coloring has been a peaceful outlet in my daily meantime 🖍️ | Have tried to start each day slowly on the back deck with a book, (decaf) coffee, and breakfast! ☕️ | Corner city restaurants are my guilty pleasure, especially if it’s Italian 🍝 | Feeling grateful for the weekly moments spent at our parish, where community is never lacking! ⛪️

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recommendations for your meantime

1. I rarely light candles in the summer, but have been needing some good vibes during this third trimester of pregnancy. This candle from Target has become a fan favorite in our household!

2. Hard to feel ~cute~ and ~comfy~ in anything I wear these days, but these outfit pieces have amplified the experience of getting dressed everyday!! Both maternity & non maternity links below:

   1. This non maternity denim dress: can wear by itself or with these bump friendly tanks or tees underneath!

   2. These non maternity dresses in a variety of colors, great for dressing up or dressing down! My current fav is the sage green.

   3. Athletic dress from Old Navy, a must have in daily life—pregnant or not! Currently 50% off!

3. Album rec thanks to my bestie, Bailey, who has been sending me all the music vibes this summer. Sienna Spiro gives the vibes of a night at the jazz club with the girlies & is also a great listen while cleaning the house. This is My House has been on repeat!!!

4. Substack articles that have inspired me lately:

   1. She’ll never be nineteen again. by Anna Vatuone—an influencer who is a few weeks ahead of me in pregnancy and has the best recs for anything maternity related (outfits, mindset, etc.)

   2. Our Church is Built on a Woman’s Testimony by Claire the Catholic Feminist—as someone who is not much of a podcast listener, I have appreciated her move a few years ago from podcasting to writing. She is a witness to femininity in our Church!

   3. The Virtue of Faith by Lauren Montgomery—one of my first interactions on Substack was with Lauren’s work. I have always loved her honest reflections on faith & motherhood and feel connected to the way that she writes about the ordinary moments of life!

5. Latest summer read: Golden Girl by Elin Hilderbrand (⭐️⭐️⭐️). The book club I attend loves a good mystery, but we also wanted more of a summer beach read this time around. This touches on both genres and was a quick, easy, summery read!

Katy Frattara is a Catholic theologian & minister with a M.Div degree from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty and messiness of the Church, vocation, & the Beloved revealed in everyday life. You can read more of her writing for free here on Substack.

The 52 white keys have little gashes on them, like chipped teeth. A little boy in the 70s saw the keys on his family piano as a race track, zooming his toy cars across the ivory as it flaked away piece by piece.

Flash forward to the early 2000s, when the daughter of this little boy laid her hands on the chipped keys for the first time. No race cars, just her lanky fingers that had been labeled as “perfect piano player hands” by many of her music teachers.

First came the classics, Mary Had a Little Lamb, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Heart and Soul.

Next came the books of scales, chords, arpeggios, and cadences. When she mastered one book, there was always another edition to practice.

She would spend hours in high school learning pieces by Bach, Haydn, or Schumann for her competitions, slamming the keys in frustration when she hit a wrong note. She’d take a break to play the latest Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber release, wishing she could just play the same four chords over and over until she was a pop star like them.

Her piano became an inner room of sorts. Though her whole family could hear what she wrote or sang from the next room over, she would disappear into a world where it was just her and the chipped ivory keys. When she felt the painful gashes of life over the years, she would sit down on the piano bench and begin to play. As her fingers tickled the keys and her voice cried out in song, it felt like her broken pieces were being stitched back together.

The family piano and many pianos she has met over the course of her life have seen her through prayers of yearning and adoration. Through this instrument, she learned the redemption of Christ, the beauty of faith, and that no one really cared for her quite like Jesus did.

No one knows me like the piano (and Jesus).

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For a decade, I felt the consistent call to use my gift of music in service to the Church. If music was the entryway into the Divine for me, I had to share that with others, right?

I led praise and worship music, joined liturgical choirs, and planned music for liturgies. Time spent with ivory keys became public, not private. My inner room became merely outer. Somewhere along the way, music became performance rather than prayer.

Since I was a teen, Catholic circles have taught me that if you have a gift given to you by the Holy Spirit, you must put it to use. For me, I thought that was clearly music.

As I grew in faith and became more public with music ministry, I returned frequently to Matthew 6:5-7:

“⁵When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. ⁶ But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you. ⁷

Am I praying through music just so that others can see me? Am I allowing music to continue to be my inner room where I spend time with God alone?

Sacred music “mediates the holiness of God and forms the Holy People of God more fully into communion with him and with each other in Christ.”1 Even if the gift of music that I offer in ministry forms others more fully into communion with Christ, is it still forming me into deeper communion with God and others? Is my use of music drawing me towards holiness or away from it?

I do believe that the ministry you pursue and the gifts you use in service to the Church can be a means of prayer and sanctification for yourself and others. When your gifts are called upon to be used, use them!

I also think that, sometimes, we become so entwined with the earthly desire for our gifts to be seen or heard that we neglect the fact that these gifts are meant to be in pure relationship with God.

We are meant to bear our gifts for the sake of the kingdom, but only if the kingdom, not earthly success, remains at the forefront of our vision.

Our intent behind the pursuit of ministry and the use of our gifts matters. Whether that be writing, teaching, preaching, cantoring, lectoring, or serving. Is the use of our gifts cultivating holy virtues and bringing us closer to Christ or is it doing the opposite?

Naturally, I have found myself taking steps back from music ministry over the past three years. I noticed within myself the primary desire for my gifts to be seen by others rather than by God alone. There are always questions from family and friends of “What happened to your music?” or “Are you still playing and singing?” To that I say, yes. Music will always remain. When called upon to use it, I do answer.

Mostly, though, you can find me disappearing into the world where it’s just me, Jesus, and my ivory keys.

Because since the beginning, no one has known me quite like Jesus (and the piano).

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Katy Frattara is a Catholic theologian & minister with a M.Div degree from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty and messiness of the Church, vocation, & the Beloved revealed in everyday life. You can read more of her writing for free here on Substack.

I look up from my dessert and notice a red cardinal in the distance flying into the wooded trees.

“Hi, Grandpa,” I think to myself.

Growing up, my grandma’s number one rule at the family summer escape on Lake Erie was that the “b-word” was never allowed to be spoken.

No, not that “b-word.” I keep it PG here.

Bored. That “b-word.”

There has always been a small shoreline with seashells to collect, a Great Lake to paddleboard on, a well-kept pool to play mermaids in, and a chest full of differently themed UNO card games. How can anyone be bored when the whole world is at our fingertips?

While screens were tucked away and free time was at our disposal, the cousin clan always found ways to entertain ourselves when we were young. Our “The Floor is Lava”-inspired game (renamed “Level Game” by my brother) took up most of our time on rainy days spent in the basement.

The girl cousins could often be found tucked behind the living room chair, with Grandma Donna’s sewing pins securing a computer monitor and keyboard drawn on printer paper to the upholstery (so..that’s where all the holes and tears came from). An “Open” or “Closed” sign made by cousin Mia indicated whether our office was taking visitors. Who knows what kind of office we were running, but we were certainly putting in work for hours on end.

While spending this past week at the lake condo, I locked eyes with a lamp in the master bedroom. The top is an ordinary lampshade, but the base is a birdcage with a little bird figurine kept within its metal frame. When the “b-word” struck again, little Katy could often be found opening the cage door on these lamps, whether at my parent’s house or my grandmother’s, and placing her Polly Pockets or Littlest Pet Shop toys within it to keep the bird figurines company.

These birdcage lamps were surprisingly a large part of my playful childhood.

Birds, in general, were a large part of my childhood.

I have learned many lessons from my grandparents that have been woven into my everyday life over the past twenty-eight years. One of them, obviously, is that boredom can be an invitation to creative play and admiring beauty. A lesson that I did not consciously realize I had been living until this week, though, is to stop and notice the birds.

Sure, I noticed the pigeons and seagulls that frightened and disgusted me on my daily coffee walks through St. Stephen’s Green during the years that I lived in Dublin. I often prayed that they would not swoop down and steal the freshly baked Pain aux Raisins from my hand.

I notice the birds that leave droppings all over my freshly cleaned table and chairs on my back deck in Philadelphia every week. I sometimes literally call them little “b-words,” the “b-word” you probably thought of earlier.

As someone who usually despises birds when they are near me, I often forget that a key element of my childhood was enjoying the birds that flew in the distance or the little figurines locked inside those birdcage lamps.

My Papa David was an avid bird watcher. He would hand my Grandma Nena, my brother and me our personalized walking sticks and lead us to a bench where we would gaze at birds in the distance for as long as we could sit still. I am sure this is where I learned to notice birds and allow the simple act of watching them to become a moment of peace and stillness.

After my Grandpa Larry passed away in high school, my Grandma Donna taught me that the sight of a red cardinal can be heavenly comfort amid the grief of losing someone you love.

I would like to say this piece of knowledge is true because I often see a red cardinal while thinking or praying about a loved one who has gone before me.

Hi, Grandpa.

Hi, Papa.

Hi, Jane.

Hi, Thérèse.

As I reflect on my days of girlhood in this special place on the lake, I can’t help but think about the little one who will be attached to me on this same sand and in these same waters next summer.

Just as my grandparents taught me, I hope to teach my own child to notice the peace, stillness, and sacredness of creation, especially through the birds that glide through the air.

He will also learn that the “b-word” does not exist when the whole wide world is at his fingertips.

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a glimpse into the world at my fingertips this week

visiting the lighthouse of my childhood memories | many walks along the water | mama mary & mama katy | a beautiful little baby shower with the women who raised me | the summer of books & bumps | Grandma Donna & the cousin clan!

recommendations for when the “b-word” hits

1. Summer reading update includes Theo of Golden (⭐️⭐️⭐️)— a Christian read with a plot twist that kept things interesting. Dogs, Boys, and Other Things I’ve Cried About (⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️) — my annual summer memoir that was recommended by Aubrey over on her newsletter, “that’s my favorite!” As she put it, it is addictive writing indeed!!

2. Might I suggest a game of Bocce Ball with friends or fam? Bring back outdoor games and some healthy competition.

3. Water aerobics is in for pregnant women and people over the age of 60, but it can be in for you too!!! Grab yourself a pair of aquatic dumbbells and follow a 30-minute routine like this one! Believe it or not, you will be sore the next day.

4. This blueberry lemon loaf has taken over my brain space & I will certainly be baking it sometime soon.

5. For the mocktail girlies who want something similar to a spicy margarita during their summer nights at home spent with family or friends. I recommend lining the rim of your favorite glass with tajin & pouring this NA margarita mix with a splash of sparkling water over ice. Warning: one is enough for the pregnant ladies out there, two might give you heartburn..lol.

the Word to take with you to your meantime

Psalm 104, Praise of God the Creator

¹⁰You made springs flow in wadies
that wind among the mountains.
¹¹ They give drink to every beast of the field;
here wild asses quench their thirst.
¹² Beside them the birds of heaven nest;
among the branches they sing.
¹³ You water the mountains from your chambers;
from the fruit of your labor the earth abounds.
¹⁴ You make the grass grow for the cattle
and plants for people’s work
to bring forth food from the earth,
¹⁵ wine to gladden their hearts,
oil to make their faces shine,
and bread to sustain the human heart.

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Katy Frattara is a Catholic theologian & minister with a M.Div degree from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty and messiness of the Church, vocation, & the Beloved revealed in everyday life. You can read more of her writing for free here on Substack.

In typical “I studied theology” fashion, I turned to my library of readings from grad school that are safely stored in the Notability App (as long as I pay $20 annually to keep them there…). I typed “zeal” in the search bar and up popped the Catechism of the Catholic Church, numerous Church documents, and loads of writings from our saintly intercessors.

To summarize an hour that I spent reading what Scripture and Tradition have to say about zealously living out the faith, I present to you a fun little doodle:

Simply put, I find that zeal consists of two phases that are inseparable and, oftentimes, cyclical.1 First, we must contemplate the Love of God that purifies our body, mind, and soul (love of God above all things).2 Second, this Love should send us forth into charitable action and participation in the saving work of the Church (love of neighbor).3 Zeal is not simply passion or enthusiasm for something we care about. It is fervent Love received and given away over and over again.

CONTEMPLATION (LOVE OF GOD ABOVE ALL THINGS)

Zeal in its root form means “to be hot or begin to boil.” Similarly, zeal in the Christian sense is often imagined as flames coming out of a fire.4 If we are not tending to the fire of faith, the flames eventually die down. There will be no warmth or light cultivated within us to share in the world around us. Being zealous, then, consists of steadfastly committing ourselves to contemplating the love of God each day. By committing to daily contemplation, we are drawn ever deeper into the life of God who sets us on fire to share our faith.

ACTION (LOVE OF NEIGHBOR)

Due to our fallen nature, zeal can oftentimes become distorted.5 I am sure we can call to mind a religious person or leader whose motives for ministry or service are rooted in selfish intent. The desire to be seen as good, successful, impactful, and smart might contaminate the virtue that is meant to be sweet, modest, humble, and obedient to God’s Love.6

The risk of false zeal is why contemplation of the Source is necessary before, during, and after sharing our faith in words and actions. We want to start a kindling fire of faith for others that draws them deeper into the love of Jesus. We do not want to spread a destructive fire filled with ridicule, shame, and “holier than thou” energy. This approach risks burning down all that is around us and pushes others further away from Jesus. In all actions, we must return to Christ’s witness and contemplate what He calls forth from us as disciples. How are we encompassing the zeal of Jesus Christ?

Those who live with zeal do not always conduct their actions with eloquence and elegance. Sometimes zeal can look a little messy.

I think of Jo March in Little Women or Hermione Granger in Harry Potter. Both zealous women, though not explicitly rooted in faith, move towards greatness with vigor, commitment, and messy force. They are often seen clumsily and tirelessly working to defeat the enemy inside of them and around them. Jo has to overcome internal temptations of temper and pride in order to successfully turn her passion into art. It takes patience and heartache, but she gets there! Hermione externally uses her gift of intellect to bewitch a bottomless bag for survival or to unveil Voldemort’s secrets. She is beaten down by others time and time again, but she remains steadfast in the mission to defeat darkness! The gifts of both women are purified, in a secular sense, and they become a force of charity or service for those around them.

In similar fashion, those who lived with zeal throughout Church history were often working to defeat the enemy within and around them. In the Old Testament, Jael and Judith’s devotion to God leads them to literally crush the heads of enemies in order to save the Israelites.7 In the New Testament, Mary, the new Eve, offers her “yes” to bear Christ into the world, participating in God’s plan to crush the head of Satan and save humanity from sin.8 Joan of Arc, a Saint from the Late Middle Ages, leads the French army into battle and changes the trajectory of the Hundreds’ Year War solely due to her zealous conviction to faith.9 Servant of God, Dorothy Day, defeats the enemy of sin in her own life, converts to Catholicism, and establishes the most influential and impactful houses of hospitality that serve the poor in our modern age: The Catholic Worker Movement.10

Through the witness of all of these women, we see the cycle of zeal: the contemplation of God that springs forth into action and defeats darkness.

Now, I am not saying that in order to live out our faith with zeal we are to grab a sword (or a tent peg and mallet like Jael) and crush the skull of our neighbors who do not uphold the moral and ethical obligations of our faith. Instead, these exemplary women teach us that acting with incredible zeal is to boldly and strategically put effort into defeating the enemy in daily life. We are to take a metaphorical sword to the heads of our own sin and darkness and the darkness of the world we inhabit.

Living with zeal is to be so consumed by the house of God that nothing can reign superior to the goodness of God and our faith in the world. It is bold, daring, and tender like Mary, our Mother. Oftentimes, it feels less like wielding a sword and more like unraveling a knot with patient hands and sharp focus. It takes speaking the hard Truth and praying that Truth might be revealed in God’s time.

Zeal is not reckless enthusiasm, like becoming a flamethrower with no prior practice or proper maintenance of the craft. Zeal is cultivating the flame of Love within us and refusing to let darkness in our world have the final word.

How will you cultivate the virtue of zeal in your daily life?

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While this article developed out of personal prayer, I also give inspirational credit to the GIVEN Institute that I attended last week at the Catholic University of America in Washington, DC. It was a week full of incredible speakers and prayer opportunities that led me to ponder the feminine genius and what it means to live out the virtue of zeal as a Catholic woman. Theologians Dr. Mary Healy and Sr. Mary Madeline Todd called to mind the incredible stories of biblical and saintly women who lived with profound zeal—some of whom are mentioned in this piece. Thank you to these women and all people who are zealously participating in the saving work of the Church! I learn more from you everyday.

Katy Frattara is a Catholic theologian & minister with a M.Div degree from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty and messiness of the Church, vocation, & the Beloved revealed in everyday life. You can read more of her writing for free here on Substack.

Throughout my adult life, I have been involved in several Catholic communities: those who post rainbows on social media in June, those who post images of the Sacred Heart, and those who post both. Amidst the apparent political and theological division among these Church communities, I have been confronted with cloudy, divisive days in what is supposed to be a sunny month. (Mostly caused by reading comment sections on Instagram because God knows the People of God are more brutal on there than they are face to face).

One of my most profound Reconciliation experiences occurred in the month of June (because who doesn’t want to receive some grace on their birthday?!). I love a good penance. I do not mean a “go and pray three Hail Mary’s” type of penance, though I would happily take that on too. I mean a type of penance that is so good you remember it three years later and attempt to make it a daily spiritual habit. My penance that day was as if a beautifully homemade birthday present was delivered to me in colorful foil with gold trim.

“Your penance is to prayerfully journey throughout the rest of today as if your heart has been replaced with the Sacred Heart of Jesus.”

I mean, c’mon…that’s a good one.

As I journeyed through that day (and many days over the years following) attempting to live as if the Sacred Heart was beating within me, I began to notice a few things:

1. The Sacred Heart is wounded and bloody, bringing attention to my own wounds and the wounds of our Church. It is incredibly difficult, painful, and messy to live as if it beats inside of me.

Reflection: Am I allowing Christ to salve my wounds and judgments before addressing the wounds of others & our Church communities?

2. There is no perfect love except for the love of God. Living as if the Sacred Heart is within me conforms me to God and sends me on a mission to love as Christ loves.

Reflection: Am I spending time praying with how Jesus used His Sacred Heart in ministry? How can I more fully reflect the boundless love, mercy, and compassion that Jesus held in His wounded heart, especially towards the marginalized?

3. I can’t teach or preach the Sacred Heart without experiencing it first. The Sacred Heart is not a political statement, it is a lifestyle rooted in Baptism.

Reflection: Until I practice living as if the Sacred Heart bleeds within me, how can I truly know how to share Christ and the Church with others?

My qualm with June as a Catholic is not that people, universities, or organizations post rainbows, the Sacred Heart, or both. It is that too few of us spend the month actually attempting to live as if the Sacred Heart beats within us. In a month devoted to Christ’s heart, it often seems absent from our daily conversations, comments, or interactions. I suspect our parishes, ministries, and relationships would be far more fruitful if we allowed our own hearts to be replaced by the wounded, illuminating, merciful heart of Jesus.

In the meantime, I will be over here trying (& often failing!) to allow the Sacred Heart to beat within me.

-Katy

incorporating the Sacred Heart in your meantime

five Sacred Heart related recs for your everyday

1. A prayer to ponder during the month of June and beyond:

“May we live in You and for You. May we be reminded of the outpouring love of Christ’s Sacred Heart for all people. May the Sacred Heart bleed for those who do not feel loved or seen by those who claim to know You. May Your Church be rooted in Love & may She always return to Love, knowing that Your Sacred Heart is for us and among all of us.”

2. I am a sucker for Catholic decor, including Sacred Heart wall art! The Vintage Sacred Heart Medallion from House of Joppa is a classic.

3. I find that wearing a Sacred Heart necklace close to my literal heart serves as a good reminder to live as if the Sacred Heart is beating within me. Here is a link to one that caught my eye on Etsy!

4. We are lucky to have ministries and disciples in our Church that are listening to and serving people who share the LGBTQ+ experience. While there is still work to be done in this ministry within the Church, here are two links to organizations (Link 1 & Link 2) that I personally know are building dialogue and community through their initiatives.

5. Feeling cloudy during what is supposed to be a sunny June? Write a love note to someone, spend time in prayer, or simply give/receive a hug. Spread Love!

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Katy Frattara is a Catholic theologian & minister with a M.Div degree from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty and messiness of the Church, vocation, & the Beloved revealed in everyday life. You can read more of her writing for free here on Substack.

While holding experiences of both pregnancy and pregnancy loss over the past year, I have come to recognize being pregnant as a profound experience of internal accompaniment. Before I even had confirmation of my pregnancies, the thought, “I don’t feel alone in my body right now,” cued me or my husband to walk to the nearest pharmacy to purchase a pack of ClearBlue tests and a bag of Sour Patch Kids as our sweet treat. On that hot summer day in July with my first pregnancy and cold winter day in February with my second, I knew before the pregnancy tests lit up positive that I was not alone in my body anymore. Though physical sensations and symptoms have been present in pregnancy, feeling accompanied in my body has been more than physical. It is a deep, spiritual awareness of God’s breath within me and the person in my womb.

Ruah (pronounced roo-ah) is the Hebrew word that translates to spirit, breath, or wind. It appears in the Hebrew Bible numerous times, one example being Genesis 6:17 to describe the life-giving breath that inhabits all of creation.

Ruah is the breath of life.

I have stared at positive pregnancy tests and thought “ruah” or “life.”

Many months ago, my mournful eyes met an empty ultrasound screen after the loss of life with our first. Just last week, I watched the beauty of our second baby hiccup on the screen in front of me. In both experiences of life, especially life after death, my mind returns to “ruah.”

Ruah. There is life within me.

While I have spent many weeks paused at Pentecost reflecting on pregnancy and the Spirit, the remainder of this pregnancy falls in line with Ordinary Time in the liturgical calendar. Thanks to my spiritual pause, I see this current liturgical season as a reminder that the Breath of Life is always powerfully woven into our every day and that life and time is never truly ordinary.

If I were to explain the experience of witnessing life growing within me during Ordinary Time, I would say that it is nothing but extraordinary. That’s the beautiful thing about our faith, it grants us the ability to experience the breath of God every day even if and when our lives feel rather ordinary.

I pray that, like the Apostles at Pentecost, we openly receive this extraordinary breath of the Spirit each day. May we proclaim that Christ’s death always brings new life and go forth to renew the face of the earth.

There is the Spirit of life within us in every meantime.

Love,

Katy (& our rainbow baby!)

a glimpse into my meantime

mom mode = bringing out the old canon camera for the first time since 2019 📸 | showing baby mom’s hometown 💛 | if i could have spent the entire first trimester in a hammock i would have 💤 | proof of ruah!!! 👶🏼 | the namesake of our first baby, Thérèse, showing us little ways of love from heaven each day 💐

that’s so Spirit

five “ruah”-related recommendations for your meantime

1. Just finished my first summer read, The Midnight Train, by Matt Haig. This story was giving “breath of life” as the life of the main character literally ended and he had the privilege of journeying through his entire life by train (duh) before reaching eternity. I closed the book more grateful for ordinary days and a refreshed mind and heart to take in all of the beauty that the gift of living provides. Here are my top three favorite quotes from the book, though there are many more that will inspire you:

   1. “The strangest thing of all, given that it was death, was that he could breathe better than he had been able to for years” (20).

   2. “The Ghost sighed as it all became so clear. To look around, that was the best way to slow down. To live fully, that was the best way to die” (202).

   3. “Slow and steady, thought the Ghost. If only he had lived like that. If only he had been able to live with the understanding death had given him. He would now give eternity just for a year, a month, a day alive with this knowledge. Stopping that perpetual rush. Reaching out to those he loved. Making amends. Not scared of falling into the nettles of emotion” (274).

2. Plugging the Come, Holy Spirit prayer at the end of this newsletter & my favorite Taize song, Veni Sancte Spiritus (which was written on the chapel wall at our wedding a year ago!). 10/10 recommend invoking the gifts of the Spirit in your daily life.

3. Save your (life) breath & send a loved one some snail mail! Apropos to the first wedding anniversary gift being one of “paper,” George gifted me some lovely stationary. Here are links to the paper that I’ll be putting my pen to: Floral Folio Stationary & Liberty Notecard Set. Or, if you’re artsy like my friends…put your watercolors to paper and make your own stationary instead!

4. The many birds in our yard make me want to build a little home for them. Here is my inspo in case you want to buy or make your own, as well. 🕊️

5. The breath of life is in all of creation! I have been learning that through plants!! Here are some of my favorite window box inspirations from the city streets in Philly in case you have or want to make your own. 🌷 (the middle one is ours, she is not perfect but she is MINE! 😭)

a prayer to take with you to your meantime

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Katy Frattara is a Catholic theologian & minister with a M.Div degree from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty of the Beloved in ordinary life and offering her gifts in service to all girls/women’s ministry spaces. You can read more of her writing for free here on Substack.

Pan over to little me in the pews, praying that God would spare me from hearing my name announced every time the Catechism Bowl occurred. It was designed to be fun in nature, with a pizza party granted to the class with the most points at the end of the year. Spelling Bees were also meant to be fun, and I personally feared the idea of misspelling the word cello as chello in front of hundreds of faces (true story). Similarly, I dreaded the idea of my mind blanking on the Beatitudes that I attempted to drill into my head the night before with my Catechism flashcards. I remember the many times that I was not spared from being a contestant. I would rise from my pew, wiggle my way past the knee high socks and ballet flats of my friends, and would begin what felt like a mountainous ascent to the sixth grade step at the front of the church (only two steps up). My palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy, as Eminem would say.

This memory flooded my mind over a decade later as I sat in my first graduate school class at Notre Dame with Gregory of Nyssa’s sermons, On the Beatitudes, displayed on the desk in front of me. Before reading the eight sermons, I only ever memorized the Beatitudes for quizzes or Cathechism Bowls. I interpreted these eight blessings as a call to serve my neighbors, which is true! At the same time, this early Church father invited me to reflect not only on what the Beatitudes ask of us outwardly, but on what they require inwardly.

Gregory of Nyssa describes the Beatitudes as spiritual stepping stones, an ascent up a mountain toward oneness with God. You cannot reach the summit of the eighth beatitude, faithfulness and justice in the face of persecution, unless you inwardly foster humility and become poor in spirit. You must grow in meekness, recognizing the earthly passions that inhibit your path forward. As you rid yourself of earthly distraction, you will often experience a gnawing hunger and an unbearable thirst as you long for union with God, who alone can truly nourish us.

In breaking down each of the eight Beatitudes, Gregory makes it abundantly clear that spiritual ascent will encompass pain. Deification, becoming united with God, will feel like climbing Mount Everest at times. I suspect that all of us will restart at the foot of the mountain or fall several feet back time and time again, reassessing our humility, meekness, and longings.

In today’s Gospel reading, Jesus saw a crowd and, instead of moving towards them, he physically climbed a mountain. Matthew’s Gospel writes that upon his arrival to the summit, the disciples came to him. I can imagine the followers of Jesus taking on the ascent, sweaty and shaky in the knees. It was there, away from the crowds, that Jesus taught them the Beatitudes. Perhaps Gregory of Nyssa’s sermons were onto something. Before extending the fruit of the Beatitudes toward the longing crowds, the disciples must have needed to reflect on the inward movement of the Beatitudes. In order to be peacemakers, they had to know peace and spend time with the Person who offers it.

We know from the Gospel narratives that the disciples would fall many feet back during the climb again and again due to betrayal, denial, and faltering faith. As they endured the ascent, I wonder if they remembered that quiet moment on the top of the mountain with Jesus. Perhaps they recalled the Beatitudes not as answers to recite, but as stepping stones that guide them toward the life of God.

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Trying to climb the mountain in my meantime,

Katy

a glimpse into my meantime

Nothing but slow-paced, winter days here. Filled with warm drinks, cozy foods, and trudging along the poorly shoveled city sidewalks.

wintery recs for your meantime:

1. Speaking of mountains, my current read is The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah. I may be late to the game with reading this one, giant books scare me so it took a few years to work up the courage to read it (lol). The story of the Nightingale hiking the Pyrenees to save lives during WWII is certainly a fictional representation of the Beatitudes at work and, as People Magazine said, “an unforgettable portrait of love and war.”

2. Highly recommend the classic Balsam & Cedar candle from Yankee Candle during the cold winter days. It makes for a great vibe during morning prayer time!!

3. Catch me walking around in the house this winter wearing a furry lounge robe like this one that I stole from my mom’s closet (sorry mom) and these L.L. Bean house slippers.

4. Something about the quiet nature of an Ignatian examen hits differently during seasonal blues. I recommend making it a part of your daily routine! Here is a format for an Ignatian Examen that focuses on justice that I did with my students. On par with an outward expression of the Beatitudes!

5. Vibes I am channeling for February as winter draws on & acts of love are much needed in every corner!

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Katy Frattara is a Catholic theologian, teacher, and formator with a M.Div degree from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty of the Beloved in ordinary life and offering her gifts in service to all girls/women’s ministry spaces. You can read more of her writing for free here on Substack.

G: “I always know what you’re feeling or thinking by the songs you sing everyday.”

• Gratitude: “You are the best thing that’s ever been mine!!!!” -TSwift

• Urgency: “Baby, where the hell is my husband!! What is taking him so long to find me!!!” -RAYE

• Revelatory: “Something has changed within me, something is not the same..”

  -Elphaba

As Waiting on the World to Change by John Mayer has been on loop in my brain as of late, I began to wonder what emotion might be stirring within me.

Overwhelm, Powerlessness, Despair: “We just feel like we don’t have the means to rise above and beat it. So we keep waiting on the world the change.” -John Mayer

Music has a way of telling me something about my interior life before I even realize it myself. When I noticed this song on repeat in my mind, I recognized the overwhelm, powerlessness, and despair I have been carrying amidst the crises of our world. I also realized that I am not alone in these feelings. Many of my students and people in the world right now are carrying the same weight.

I teach a Social Justice Leadership class at an all-girls, Catholic high school. Last semester, they spent time familiarizing themselves with the particularities of Christian ethics. Faith and reason galore. This semester, they will put the study of Christian ethics into practice by researching a critical concern of our day and acting as leaders of justice in response to those concerns. We use Erin Brigham’s book, “See, Judge, Act,” as a primary source that integrates Catholic Social Teaching with service-learning. The framework, “see, judge, act,” can be applied universally using reflection on what is good and right. In our Catholic setting, we use Scripture, Tradition, and Catholic Social Teaching as our primary sources of reflection. Perhaps the framework might be important for you to consider as we navigate the concerns of our modern day.

The Process: See, Judge, Act

See: Historically and structurally analyze a critical concern in order to obtain a more complete picture of a social situation.1 This includes overcoming your own biases, stereotypes, assumptions and, yes, even the noise that is flooding media today (!!!).

Judge: Evaluate said situation in light of Christian ethics.2 How are we integrating faith and reason in our thoughts and actions? What does Scripture have to say about loving our neighbor and welcoming the stranger? What does Tradition have to say about particular critical concerns in our modern day? What are the leaders of our Church encouraging and discouraging?

Act: Pursuing acts of charity and justice.3 While acts of charity are valuable and respond to immediate needs, how are we also moving towards acts of justice where we address the reasons why people are without adequate resources? How are we, individually and socially, affirming right relationships with ourselves, God, and others?

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The “act” stage oftentimes exposes the emotion of despair within us. A knee-jerk reaction when researching and evaluating difficult concerns might be a loss of hope that you and I can actually work towards justice and peace. You might find yourself asking, “how can I, just one person, actually make a change?” This might result in abandoning all efforts.

I stand at the front of a classroom with a similar thought. “Who am I to guide these girls in applying this framework at a local and/or national level?” Perhaps this is why John Mayer’s words have been replaying in my brain at the start of this semester. Maybe I, too, feel despair and want to just wait for the world to change. I hate to break it to me, but there are 40 faces in front of me and a world crying out for justice. I do not know what is to come, but I do know that waiting for change is not an option.

There are 40 girls and 1 woman who will be overcoming despair and willful blindness while deeply praying for those impacted by the critical concerns of our day. Will you join us in these efforts?

I can slowly but surely feel the John Mayer song loop switching over to that one childhood church hymn.

“God is calling me,
God is calling me in all whose cry is unheard.
God is calling me,
God is calling me to raise up the voice with no power or choice.
God is calling me, calling me:
And to tell the world that God's kingdom is near,
to remove oppression and break down fear,
yes, God's time is near…”

-Bernadette Farrell

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Katy Frattara is a Catholic theologian, teacher, and formator with a M.Div degree from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty of the Beloved in ordinary life and offering her gifts in service to all girls/women’s ministry spaces. You can read more of her writing for free here on Substack.

Raw chicken: glassy.

A date with the husband to the grocery store to get a new protein for dinner so we don’t ingest glassy chicken: yep.

“But at least I still have the green beans at home.”

The past few weeks have brought on many changes, but one thing remains the same: I wear double sized sweatshirts with baggy sleeves that knock over just about anything. Okay, maybe two things have remained the same: my sweatshirts and the Beloved revealed in small, beautiful ways each day.

I’ve knocked over plenty of things lately. Honestly, I think this just happens when you are growing into new, healthy spaces—literally and metaphorically. I’ve knocked over chairs in my new classroom, ornaments in their first home, and myself when I trip over unfamiliar ground. When I notice the knockdowns, I find myself with choices to make in how to discern moving forward.

1. I can recognize my own role in the topple and make the changes needed to move more attentively through what surrounds me.

2. I can discern that what keeps toppling may not be a personal failure but a misalignment. I can notice an invitation to reorder my space, widen the path, or adjust the area instead of shrinking myself to fit it.

Of course, none of these discerning options present themselves until after the emotion arises.

1. Cry. (“I am worthless and can’t do anything right.”)

2. Laugh. (“Clumsy, silly me!”)

3. Cry and laugh. (“I’m crying because I feel like a failure, but I also realize it is so silly because it’s literally just a salt shaker.”)

When we returned home from our grocery store walk and I leaned in for a hug, my Billie Eilish-esque sleeves smacked the bag of green beans, scattering half of them across the kitchen floor. We stood quietly, staring at our dinner slightly ruined once again and wondered which emotion listed above was about to arise. Before tears formed or laughter ensued, George lifted the clean beans and threw more on the floor with a giant smile on his face.

“Here, try it.”

Clumsy, silly me. Maybe next time I’ll roll up my sleeves or maybe I will declutter the counter. What I know I’ll do, though, is bring light to those things that might fall.

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a glimpse into my meantime

I am a teacher at an all-girls high school now! My best friends and family visited my new home and my heart swelled with joy! 2026 is the year of a quiet, peaceful life (puzzles)! Thérèse of Lisieux continues to follow me wherever I go!

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prayer for your meantime

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

Matthew 5:13-16

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Katy Frattara is a Catholic minister, theologian, and formator with a M.Div from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty of the Beloved in ordinary life and offering her gifts in service to all girls/women’s ministry spaces. You can read more of her work and subscribe to her weekly newsletter, In the Meantime, on Substack.

I’ve been thinking a lot about rugs lately for two reasons: 1) we moved into a rowhome lined with wooden floors that were desperate for some woolen warmth and 2) my husband has a beautiful rug that saw him through long distance engagement and met my gaze when I arrived to our first apartment together post-wedding. I chose throw pillows, blankets, and even the logo of this Substack profile solely due to his rug. However, when initial fascination with the details of the rug faded, the rug became just another part of the floor that I had to vacuum.

Rugs, though an element of our days that often go unnoticed, are very desired when the floors are barren. While perusing the $500+ rugs in the neighborhood rug store, I realized that rugs are another privilege of our day to day life that go unrecognized. I also realized that many people don’t have the ability to have carpets or rugs that keep their feet comfortable and warm—or socks and shoes for that matter. Though it might sound silly, rugs are just one small element of our daily meantime that I didn’t realize were a privilege or that I could have immense gratitude for until our floors and my feet were without them.

I didn’t buy a rug in the vintage store (for obvious reasons), but I did find a more affordable one for our living room floor. My husband and I have laughed numerous times over the past month about how often we express gratitude for it. The rug made our new home feel like home. This rug will hold many Bananagram games, women’s faith group prayers, family gatherings, and movie night watch parties on its subtly floral surface. God-willing and in God’s time, it will carry stains and memories from our future kids (and me..I already spilled coffee on it during week two). It may move rooms, it may wear and tear, but it is a luxury and a comfort to share in for years to come.

It leaves me wondering in my meantime:

1. What other elements of my daily life am I seeing as trivial rather than meaningful?

2. What if my feet weren’t comfortable or warm and how can I help those whose feet aren’t?

Clearly still thinking about rugs in my meantime,

Katy

5 warm recs for your meantime

1. Felt Craft Night—a night where you craft…with felt! Ornaments, hair accessories, trinkets, framed felt art. As someone who has yet to learn crocheting or knitting, crafting with felt is a bit easier & restorative for me. They also make for great holiday gifts! 🧶

2. A warm, cozy, and quick read that had me deeply reflecting on how I can come to understand that each trivial moment of life has the potential to be deeply meaningful. 📖

3. Outfit inspo that gives “woolen warmth.” 🧣

4. Non-holiday movies to watch for your movie nights during the colder and lazier days: literally anything with Saoirse Ronan. Little Women, Brooklyn, Lady Bird obviously being the top favorites. 🎥📚

5. With Thanksgiving this week, Advent beginning next week, and Christmas rapidly approaching—many people are thinking about donating, ways to give, and how to spread that seasonal cheer. I recommend thinking about and taking action for those who need woolen warmth in your own neighborhood. 🏡

   1. Many churches and organizations are accepting donations for coats, socks, shoes, and winter gear—when you hear that announcement or read the advertisements, make the conscious decision to GIVE! 🧤

   2. Many people choose to carry around Ziploc bags to give to our brothers and sisters who live without homes. Add socks, gloves, and hand/feet warmers to those baggies this season! 🧦

   3. Provide warmth to someone who you know is struggling—with seasonal effects or in their everyday life. Bring them a warm meal or, better yet, invite them into your own home for some quality time over a hot cup of coffee or tea. Add to the warm memories with your living room rug! ☕️

take it with you to your meantime

Pope Leo XIV’s Apostolic Exhortation, Dilexi te on Love for the Poor

“God is merciful love, and his plan of love, which unfolds and is fulfilled in history, is above all his descent and coming among us to free us from slavery, fear, sin and the power of death. Addressing their human condition with a merciful gaze and a heart full of love, he turned to his creatures and thus took care of their poverty. Precisely in order to share the limitations and fragility of our human nature, he himself became poor and was born in the flesh like us. We came to know him in the smallness of a child laid in a manger and in the extreme humiliation of the cross, where he shared our radical poverty, which is death. It is easy to understand, then, why we can also speak theologically of a preferential option on the part of God for the poor, an expression that arose in the context of the Latin American continent and in particular in the Puebla Assembly, but which has been well integrated into subsequent teachings of the Church. This “preference” never indicates exclusivity or discrimination towards other groups, which would be impossible for God. It is meant to emphasize God’s actions, which are moved by compassion toward the poverty and weakness of all humanity. Wanting to inaugurate a kingdom of justice, fraternity and solidarity, God has a special place in his heart for those who are discriminated against and oppressed, and he asks us, his Church, to make a decisive and radical choice in favor of the weakest.”

Reflection Question for Your Meantime: How can you practically extend a merciful gaze and a heart full of love to those in our world who need it most?

Read the whole document here.

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Katy Frattara is a minister, theologian, and formator with a M.Div from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty of the Beloved in ordinary life and offering her gifts in service to women’s ministry spaces. You can read more of her work and subscribe to her weekly newsletter, In the Meantime, on Substack.

• How’s married life?

• Have you settled into married life and your new home/city yet?

• What is it like now that you’re married?!

My husband and I often laugh at the skill it takes to summarize the last four months into one to two sentences while answering the above questions. While drumming up a response, one thing that I have found myself sharing is the inevitable presence of humor within our marriage, even in the challenging times. There is not a day that we haven’t laughed in the last 117 days. My laughter either causes tears to stream down my face or I somehow find myself laughing through my tears. Our favorite hobby has become rating the local comedians at a nearby comedy club or watching stand-up specials on Netflix in our free time, developing our own punchlines along the way. If marriage has taught us anything thus far, it is that there is certainly a presence of divine comedy within this vocation.

I’ve only ever read excerpts of Dante’s, The Divine Comedy, and, quite honestly, I don’t remember much from it. What I do remember, though, is Canto 24 of Dante’s Paradiso which is also referenced in Pope Francis’ encyclical letter, Lumen Fidei (The Light of Faith).1 In this letter, Pope Francis addressed the flame of faith and the need for it to continue burning in our darkened world and in our own individual lives of faith. Pope Francis wrote,

“…faith is also a light coming from the future and opening before us vast horizons which guide us beyond our isolated selves towards the breadth of communion. We come to see that faith does not dwell in shadow and gloom; it is light for our darkness. Dante, in the Divine Comedy, after professing his faith to Saint Peter, describes that light as a “spark, which then becomes a burning flame and like a heavenly star within me glimmers.”

Though written in 2013, Pope Francis’ words in Lumen Fidei ring ever true in the present day. There is a dying need for the light of Christ to burn brightly amidst all of the darkness in our city, nation, and world at large. In my marriage in particular, I notice that there’s a dying need to tend to the fire of faith in our relationship, as well. Over the past four months, I have noticed that God’s freeing and comedic relief reignites or maintains this flame of faith in my own vocation. In and through God’s “divine comedy,” we come out of our isolated selves and into further communion with the one we love. We are able to find the fire of faith in the shadows. Our shared laughter is a burning, divine flame that glimmers within us. It is a glimpse of “paradiso (paradise)” amidst what might sometimes feel like a journey through "inferno (hell)” or “purgatorio (purgatory).”

What’s it like to be married now, you ask? It’s like tending a fire that only our faith can keep aflame. It’s divinely comedic and orients our souls towards Paradise each and every day.

Still not actually reading the entirety of Dante’s, Divine Comedy, in the meantime (sorry),

Katy

((really enjoying God’s divine comedy in my meantime though!!))

5 comedy related recs for your meantime

1. Recipe: Autumn Butternut Sausage Soup

Imagine Remi trying to control Linguini’s cooking for the first time in Disney’s Ratatouille. Things are exploding, messes are made, ingredients are spilling everywhere, the kitchen is a true mess.

This is similar to my comedic, cinematic moment while cooking an Autumn Butternut Sausage soup in our own kitchen this past week. While feeling a bit sneezy from the changing seasons and tired after a day of work, I thought “why not just cook some homemade soup for the first time ever?!” While the soup was somehow bubbling and exploding all over my new shirt, kitchen ceiling, and tiled floor, I just stood there laughing (and screaming for George to come to my assistance). A song called, “WHERE IS MY HUSBAND!” by Raye was randomly playing on my Spotify daylist during the exact moment that my lovely husband appeared behind me, put a stop to the chaos, and stood there and laughed with me (and at me).

I often find myself praying and reflecting over comedic moments in our marriage like this one—it truly was a divinely, comedic moment on a tough day.

Anyways, here’s the recipe for the autumn soup that actually turned out to be very good. I hope it doesn’t explode all over the kitchen for you!

2. Movie rec: The Banshees of Inisherin

Speaking of movies, here is a movie rec that (I believe) reflects a medieval literature “comedy,” a film that begins in adversity but ends in some form of harmony (even if there is sadness present in the harmony). The Banshees of Inisherin is a film that focuses on fractured friendships through and through. It explores the theological themes of pride and penance in the heat of unrest. With a shocking end to the film, I believe that it does leave space for moral insight and the presence of grace. Also, who wouldn’t want to watch a movie with the stunning views of Ireland as the days start to feel like the Emerald Isle air once again?

3. Song recs by RAYE & Flyte

WHERE IS MY HUSBAND! by Raye because of my comedic story above & for all the single people out there…it’s an amusing song to jam to.

Even on Bad Days by Flyte for a reminder that you can always have some form of comedic relief with God & those you love, even on the bad days.

4. Comedy special rec: Make Happy, Bo Burnham

Bo Burnham is known for being a brilliant, satirical comedian who often uses comedy as a way to address or cope with the challenging parts of contemporary life. Though he has a lot of great comedy specials out there, my personal favorite is his 2016, Make Happy, that can be streamed on Netflix.

5. Outfit inspo for a comedy club

While TV specials are great, you can’t beat a night out to a comedy club near you. If you don’t mind some heckling here and there, it truly is a place that is full of creativity and good (or really bad) humor. It also gives you an excuse to wear something other than your sweats or work clothes. With that, here are some comedy club inspired outfits for your next night out, comedy club or not.

take it with you in your meantime

Paradiso Canto XXVI by Dante Alighieri

This the beginning is, this is the spark
Which afterwards dilates to vivid flame,
And, like a star in heaven, is sparkling in me.”

Even as a lord who hears what pleaseth him
His servant straight embraces, gratulating
For the good news as soon as he is silent;

So, giving me its benediction, singing,
Three times encircled me, when I was silent,
The apostolic light, at whose command

I spoken had, in speaking I so pleased him.

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Katy Frattara is a lay ecclesial minister with a M.Div from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty of the Beloved in ordinary life and offering her gifts in service to the Catholic Church of Philadelphia, PA. You can read more of her work and subscribe to her weekly newsletter, In the Meantime, on Substack.

Believe me when I say that I have tried over and over again to be an accompanist at Mass on the piano. Believe me when I also say that it is not for me (lol). Rather than continuously trying to force my hand at being an accompanist, I have graciously learned how to say no when asked. Just because I love piano and grew up playing it does not mean that God is calling me to accompany a choir every single Sunday. That is a hard lesson that I have had to learn over the years of floating in and out of music ministry spaces.

I am familiar with the feeling of trying to be the main accompanist in my life, both literally and metaphorically. I have frequently tried to devise my own accompaniment and sing to my own tune rather than allowing God’s musicianship to lead me. When I try to be the sole accompanist of my life, it’s as if God takes my hands from the piano and places them in a whole different key. Most times, God sings a different tune than the one I design in my head and I am learning to be okay with that.

Sometimes God’s accompaniment feels like the piercing of the seven swords in the heart of Our Lady. My body aches, my brain becomes cloudy, I do not like the tune. I get tired of the mezzo-forte and I beg God to play me something new. But I keep saying yes to what God devises for me. In these wounds, God eventually brings me to understand the repertoire.

God’s tune is oftentimes mellow and warm in its tone, resonating rich sounds off of the inner walls of my heart. The harmonies that appear are beautifully improvised, creating a full, heavenly choir around me. Nothing in life feels other than sweet when God leads me through these melodies.

God is a really great accompanist even when it doesn’t feel like it or you don’t understand the repertoire right away. God plays with great control, an abundance of grace, and knowledge of what is good and true for each and every one of us. When we crash and burn, guess Who is there to catch us? It’s our job to trust that God truly is the greatest accompanist of all time.

Our journey with God’s musicianship is filled with a variety of tones and tempos. Some we can sing along easily with, others we may struggle to find the tune. Regardless, are we allowing the Beloved to lift our hands from the keys and place them where they are meant to be?

Trusting in God’s musicianship in every meantime,

Katy

5 music related recs for your meantime

1. As seen above in the “Life of a Showgirl” colored photo gallery, how could I not recommend throwing a listening party for the album release TOMORROW!!! Here’s a suggested vibe for a party that I would design if I were to throw one myself (I am throwing one in my head).

   1. Orange wine, cocktails, galore. Maybe this orange Autumn Spiced Spritz??

   2. Sparkles. Endless sparkles. Decor & wardrobe would feature sparkles, statement jewelry pieces, and feathers everywhere.

   3. Dark ambience with feathers/lights in mason jars for centerpieces or decor (easy, quick, cheap!!).

   4. Obviously orange, autumnal appetizers. Would def do this Butternut Squash and Bacon Crostini!

   5. Don’t forget a ranking sheet with all the song titles on it to rank your favorite tunes at the end or along the way. 🧡

2. My recommended worship song this week is “The Right Things” by Chris Renzema. A reminder to hold onto what is good & true. Here’s a little glimpse into my “right things” over the past few weeks. 💙

3. If you haven’t seen the movie, Whiplash, go watch it right now. It’s an intense movie about a jazz drummer whose love for music is challenged by a BRUTAL teacher. As a musician, I feel things deeply while watching it and the acting is phenomenal. 😭 It’s perfect for a moody, fall weather watch.

4. There is a playlist for everything & I, personally, do not have the talent or patience to create my own (lol). My personal favorite playlist curator is none other than my bestie, Sammie. For real though, go check out her Spotify playlists. I really think she should get paid for them. Here’s one of my personal favorites!

5. Here I present the outfits that I’d wear to work based on the musicians I tend to listen to during the fall:

something to carry with you in your meantime

Here’s the passage from Amos that inspired this newsletter. Feel free to carry it with you in your meantime & reflect on it as you go.

Thus says the LORD the God of hosts:
Woe to the complacent in Zion!
Lying upon beds of ivory,
stretched comfortably on their couches,
they eat lambs taken from the flock,
and calves from the stall!
Improvising to the music of the harp,
like David, they devise their own accompaniment.
They drink wine from bowls
and anoint themselves with the best oils;
yet they are not made ill by the collapse of Joseph!
Therefore, now they shall be the first to go into exile,
and their wanton revelry shall be done away with.

Amos 6: 1a, 4-7

P.S. Happy birthday to my dad. He is simply the best.

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Katy Frattara is a lay ecclesial minister with a M.Div from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty of the Beloved in ordinary life and offering her gifts in service to the Catholic Church of Philadelphia, PA. You can read more of her work and subscribe to her weekly newsletter, In the Meantime, on Substack.

I have also found myself craving and yearning for quiet time with Jesus over the past three weeks. Rather than explicitly writing about the fruits of my prayer here this week, I think I’ll keep it between me and Jesus for now. I leave you with this reflection that I have been pondering, in honor of St. Teresa of Calcutta’s feast day tomorrow.

I worry some of you still have not really met Jesus — one to one — you and Jesus alone. We may spend time in chapel — but have you seen with the eyes of your soul how he looks at you with love? Do you really know the living Jesus — not from books but from being with him in your heart? Have you heard the loving words he speaks to you?

Ask for the grace; he is longing to give it. Until you can hear Jesus in the silence of your own heart, you will not be able to hear him saying, “I thirst” in the hearts of the poor. Never give up this daily intimate contact with Jesus as the real living person — not just the idea. How can we last even one day without hearing Jesus say, “I love you” — impossible. Our soul needs that as much as the body needs to breathe the air. If not, prayer is dead — meditation only thinking. Jesus wants you each to hear him — speaking in the silence of your heart.

Mother Teresa, “The Fulfillment Jesus Wants For Us.”

Spending time with the living Jesus in the meantime. I hope you are too,

Kate

a glimpse into my meantime

10 things i’ve learned in the meantime

1. Read “Struck Down, Not Destroyed” by Colleen Dulle IMMEDIATELY, you will not regret it. 📖

2. It’s never too late to start praying again. 💯

3. “Must be nice to be a West Village girl” is a real phrase and I agree with it (I love the West Village now). 🏙️

4. “Down the shore” is my new favorite thing to say and the New Jersey shore is worth all the hype. 🌊

5. Your worth is not placed in the work that you do or the studies you pursue. ❤️‍🩹

6. I think that this song is the perfect song to play at the start of fall (and to scream sing while you’re cleaning your home).

7. Chappell Roan’s cover of Barracuda is elite.

8. Bought my first pair of Madewell jeans on the sale rack…will never not invest in a good pair of jeans from here on out.

9. Get excited for and look forward to the little things—like trying a new coffee place down the street or your daily walk with your favorite person.

10. I want every song to sound like Olivia Dean’s, “Mean I Need.”

theology thought from the meantime

I challenge you to go to prayer this week & ask God what theology thought you might need to ponder, question, or enjoy this weekend. 😊 I’d love to hear what you come up with, see you next week!

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Kate Frattara is a lay ecclesial minister with a M.Div from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty of the Beloved in ordinary life and offering her gifts in service to the Catholic Church of Philadelphia, PA. You can read more of her work and subscribe to her weekly newsletter, In the Meantime, on Substack.

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To say that I have been procrastinating writing this final edition of the Beloved Revealed Wedding Planning series is an understatement. I thought that I was having severe writer’s block or a lack of creativity. Though I have much more to say about wedding planning aside from what has already been said in the newsletters the past three weeks, I did not want wedding planning and wedding culture to become my main voice on this platform. From the beginning, I wanted this series to have an end. Though my writing and Instagram content about wedding planning is coming to an end, I know my writing about Marriage has only just begun.

While sitting in the meantime of errands, workouts, and social events this past week with nothing to do, I wondered why I was not wanting to write this letter. It occurred to me that I recognized these feelings, I encountered them this past June. I felt them as my mom and I only had one final DIY project left five days before the wedding. I experienced these feelings as I got my nails done with my maid of honor two days before, knowing they’ll be removed shortly after the weekend. I encountered them the day before as my friend, Rosa, presented me with the finished veil and had me try it on with my bridesmaids perched eagerly on the bed watching like we were playing dress up at a slumber party when we were little girls. I felt a glimpse of these feelings on the morning of the big day at four in the morning when sleep could no longer win over my nerves and excitement.

When the bridal nails grow out, the DIY signage is put away, and the veil and dress are hung in your closet, that means it’s all over. The year of planning, the celebrations, every meantime of engagement filled with excitement and wonder will soon fade into the distance. Just like writing this final newsletter on wedding planning, I wanted to savor the moments before the big day and was a bit saddened (yet, also relieved) by the end of it all. Through all its ups and downs, I did not want to put the period at the end of the engagement phase. I do not want to put a period at the end of this page.

Luckily, the true meaning of Marriage will never end with a period. It will always end with a “…” filled with even more grace, excitement, and wonder than you have ever known before.

You can read more about this “…” insight in the theology thought below.

All of this being said, know that I am only a comment, email, or message away from helping you find God in your meantime or weave God into the details of wedding planning—whether that’s now or many years from now. You and yours (even if you haven’t met them yet!) are in my prayers.

Enjoying the “…” of marriage in our meantime,

Kate

You can find 10 more faith-filled ideas for your wedding plans in the 1st and 2nd edition of “The Meantime of Catholic Wedding Planning.”

1. Host a “night before”prayer service in your chapel/church with all of your guests or take time away from the busy schedule for you and your person to have a moment of prayer together.

   1. My husband and I knew that we wanted to take a few minutes of prayer together in the chapel somewhere in the midst of our “night before” events (rehearsal, dinner, & welcome drinks). Our lovely Master of Divinity and musically talented friends planned a beautiful Taizé service for us following our rehearsal dinner and before welcome drinks kicked off. We invited all of our guests to join us in this prayer service if they so desired. We did not expect to see such a large turn out and it was so beautiful to witness our loved ones who wanted to gather and pray for and with us before the wedding the next day. If your faith means something to you, those that love and support you will show up for it.

2. Take time for prayer with your fiancé, bridesmaids, family, or alone before the Mass begins.

   1. I recommend praying right before you walk down the aisle—it will calm your nerves and help you settle into the space. Rather than the online trend of pulling out your phone to record the final moments before walking down the aisle, take that time to truly be alone with God. I know a lot of people do first looks and pray together or pray with their fiancé through a doorway before walking down the aisle—I can only imagine the fruit that this bears for both of them.

3. If you were to give a speech at your reception, how can you make it a message about the goodness of God among all people gathered?

   1. Throughout marriage preparation, prayer, and reflection, words naturally fell onto a page and I knew what I would want to say if I were to give a speech at the reception. George and I both decided to give a short, 1 minute speech right after the MoH/Best Man speeches and it was one of my favorite moments—to hear him speak and to share the prayer on my heart from a year of hard work and planning. Below is a photo of the scribbles of my speech in the back of my Every Sacred Sunday journal (which is ironically the Wedding Feast at Cana theme this year).

4. Welcome Our Mother, Mary, into the journey towards marriage (& on your wedding day!)

   1. On a random Thursday in the second month of dating George, I was visiting his home city and stopped in the Cathedral—the one where we would eventually end up living near after our wedding. I purchased a rosary from the gift shop and made the conscious decision to pray with said rosary each week. I knew since week two of dating him that he was the person I was going to marry, but even if that didn’t end up happening I still wanted to deeply engrain Jesus and Mary, the woman who brings us close to Him, in our relationship. This rosary traveled with me throughout our years of dating and engagement. It made it to Spain while I walked the Camino with my mom, it saw several airplanes that took me to see George during our long distance era, and it made it in every bag or purse that I carried to class, to the gym, and everywhere in between. This rosary has become a dear friend, why wouldn’t it be a guest at the wedding? I had the hope of tying it around my bouquet, but the chaos of the day (and the difficulty of getting a rosary around the stems?!?!) did not allow my vision to come to life. However, it was there with me that weekend and it will continue to be a rosary that I pray with throughout our life together. I recommend getting a staple rosary, pin, or faith-filled item that you can pray with as you lead up to your day.

5. Debrief the Mass and spiritual elements with your guests—it doesn’t end here!

   1. While I am only about three months out from my own wedding, my favorite part of the whole experience has been the debrief of the weekend with our guests. There is obvious talk about the martinis, the audio guestbook, and the DJ (shoutout DJ Sticky Boots), but what has been most meaningful is the debrief about the prayer service, the Mass, the music, and our faith that was clearly strung into almost every detail. When you put time and energy into weaving faith-filled details throughout your wedding weekend, you will be welcomed into beautiful conversations and recognition of God—who is the center of marriage and all holy relationships. Don’t fear being vocal about your faith at your wedding, it is needed and necessary.

Mystagogy: it’s a fun word to say and an enlightening word to learn about when it comes to the sacramental nature of the Catholic Church. Anything liturgical within the Church “aims to initiate people into the mystery of Christ, (It is “mystagogy.”) by proceeding from the visible to the invisible, from the sign to the thing signified, from the “sacraments” to the “mysteries.”1 When we, as Christian people, receive the sacrament of Baptism, we are initiated into the mystery of Christ. The visible matter of water and audible words of the Trinitarian formula are tangible, earthly expressions of faith that unite us with the invisible grace and mystery of God. As Catholics, we experience this mystery every time that the visible bread and wine becomes the invisible, but ever present, Body and Blood of Christ in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Eucharist. Mystagogy, simply put, is the grace of the mystery that we encounter when we celebrate a sacrament and the unfolding of this mystery to follow. It is the ongoing reflection on the mystery of Christ throughout our lifetime.

This is where the “…” comes in from my initial reflection at the start of this newsletter. The consent and the vows (the sacramental matter and form) between a couple in the Sacrament of Marriage paired with the presence of rings enters the couple into the sacramental grace and mystery of Christ. This is where it all begins. Just because the wonderful season of engagement and wedding planning has ceased, does not mean the excitement and wonder of it all dissipates. It is where it truly begins, it is not where it ends.

There is an unfolding mystagogy in Marriage, one that I am only three months into and know little about thus far. Just like wedding planning, there will be tears, frustrations, and numerous times where I have to remind myself in marriage that God is the center of it all, not materialistic items or the desire to be successful. As we carefully weaved God into the little details of our wedding, we also have to carefully weave God into the little details of our entire life and marriage together.

The prayer life and reflection that comes with good marriage preparation should not end after you get your FOCCUS inventory certificate or complete the NFP courses. Conscious prayer and reflection within the mystagogy of marriage will continue to transform you and your spouse into a visible icon of Christ’s love for the Church. Knowing Christ will help you become more like Christ in your marriage and for your spouse. The covenant will only surprise and nourish you in this journey of sanctification. I am eager to see how it continues to surprise us.

Marriage is all about the “…” and God will meet you in that meantime space each step of the way…

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Kate Frattara is a lay ecclesial minister with a M.Div from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty of the Beloved in ordinary life and offering her gifts in service to the Catholic Church of Philadelphia, PA. You can read more of her work and subscribe to her weekly newsletter, In the Meantime, on Substack.

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Our marriage prep coordinators told us that a wedding Mass is a space to communicate your faith to all of your loved ones gathered that day. The readings, the petitions, the music—all of this is worthy of paying attention to since our overarching mission as a couple is to communicate the Good News through our union.

If you asked me what I was most excited about while planning the wedding, I probably answered “the Mass.” While I was pumped for our espresso martini signature drinks and the dance floor, I was most passionate about welcoming our loved ones into our faith and the spaces that formed our faith lives along the way. Not all of our guests were Christian, not all of our guests were Catholic, and a lot of our guests have struggled with the Catholic Church at some point in their life journey. I saw this Mass as an opportunity to welcome all guests, no matter where they were at in their journey, to a celebration of love that God created and united. Though this was the mission for our wedding Mass, the mission of welcoming people into the life of Jesus should be our daily mission as Christians, as well.

In every meantime, we must focus on creating spaces that welcome all people into the love of God. You never know who might need to hear the Good News for the first time or for the millionth time, just in a different light. Our faith is worthy to be shared in our relationships and in every large and small moment of life. Make God the golden thread in all things, let Beauty be revealed.

Sharing the Good News in the meantime moments,

Kate

Here are 5 faith-filled ideas to keep God at the center of your wedding planning—you can see more ideas in my previous newsletter at this link.

1. Write your own general intercessions for the Mass.

Sit with your soon-to-be spouse and reflect on what is most important for you to publicly pray for at your wedding feast. Develop 5-6 prayer intentions that speak to the heart of your prayer life and the hope that you have for your guests, the Church, and the world.

2. Spend intentional time creating your Mass program.

While it doesn’t have to be an 8-pager like ours (I am very extra…), giving your guests context about the Sacrament of Marriage and the Liturgy can be very helpful and fruitful, especially if they are not familiar with Catholicism. It can also encourage active participation within the congregation, which we are all called to do while at Mass! Sharing is caring, here is a link to our Mass program for reference. It was made on Canva and printed at a local print shop. Take it or leave it!

3. Include a faith-filled guestbook.

While we loved our experience with an audio, telephone guestbook (After the Tone!), we also wanted a written guestbook to take home with us. We were gifted a Bible at a bridal shower and decided to lay out the Bible with some pens and highlighters on our guestbook table at the reception. We asked guests to choose their favorite verse and to leave a message for us. This Bible will be kept in the entryway of every home for all guests to sign throughout our lives!

4. Accessorize with Jesus, Mary, and the saints.

I wore a white and gold Rosary bracelet for my First Holy Communion in third grade and unfortunately lost the bracelet over the years. A friend, Lupita, was able to remake a Rosary bracelet for me that looked identical to the one I wore as a little girl. She also made Rosary bracelets to gift to each mom and pocket rosaries for each dad and the groom. I am so grateful for Lupita, check her out on Instagram!

5. Offer holy cards as a Mass favor or in your thank you cards.

While I didn’t do this myself due to all the other details I spent too much time thinking about—I look forward to including holy cards in our Christmas cards this year!

We had a bridal party filled with close friendships that have deeply formed who we are today. As I prayed for each of my bridesmaids throughout the wedding planning process, I found myself also praying through the intercession of female saint friends that have spiritually walked with me in my journey towards Christ. While wanting to remain ethical and affordable in gifts for my bridesmaids, I also wanted to gift them with something meaningful and faithful to keep. This led me to connect my saintly friendships with my earthly friendships. I gifted them with a card naming who their saint friend was for the weekend and a matching saint medal to pin onto their bouquets. As I prayed with the pairings of my female saint friends and my bridesmaids, I noticed commonalities among the holy women. Their virtuous qualities of resilience, fire for faith, devotion, patience, and compassion have led me closer to Christ throughout my life. With the pins safely secured on their bouquets, I felt as if a tribe of holy female friendships were walking with me down the aisle.

We, as Catholics, define the saints as people in heaven who are witnesses of how to live a life oriented towards Christ and His Church. While we do not worship saints, we pray for their intercession and study their heroically virtuous lives as an effort to develop those virtues within ourselves. Through prayer, Christ meets us in the people of the saints and accompanies us towards eternal life.

It’s important to include meaningful friendships in your bridal party—those who truly support you in your vocation and make you a fuller version of yourself. As Christians, it’s safe to say that you should also choose earthly friendships that deepen your commitment to Christ and your journey towards sainthood. What better friends to include in your wedding day than those of the saints—the people who will walk with you and inspire you to live a life of faith? Whether that’s choosing a patron for your relationship, assigning your bridal party saint friends, or putting a saint medal on your own bouquet or tuxedo—the saints are here for us and they are some of the sweetest friends we can have.

Something Old Made New: My Mother’s Wedding Dress

My theologian and fashion designer friend, Rosa Ramos, took the appliqués off of the train of my mom’s old wedding gown and made it into a stunning veil for me to wear at my wedding Mass. Not only this, she used my first Holy Communion veil comb as my bridal comb. This was such a powerful reminder of the Eucharist, the core of the Catholic faith, that led my mom and dad to their conversion to Catholicism when I was a little girl. If it weren’t for my parents, I would not be here. If it weren’t for the Eucharist, I would not be Catholic. If it weren’t for all of this, I would not be fully me.

Bonus: My seamstress (Stitch Princess in Elkhart, IN!) was able to take the rest of my mom’s wedding dress and make it into a tea-length dress for the night before events. She also attached my mom’s dress buttons to a custom-made overlay that I wore over my gown at Mass.

Rosa Ramos Instagram | Stitch Princess Website

Something New: The Bridal Look(s)

If you knew me as a child, you knew that I loved my outfit changes. Naturally, I knew that I wanted a variety of looks for my wedding wardrobe and was on a mission to do it as affordably as possible.

As I started the dress shopping process, I had no idea what I was looking for. I thought that I would go for a lacy, detailed look. Oh, how I was wrong!! This sensitive-skinned girl could not handle the lace creating red blotches all over her skin. The chic, classy, satin gowns caught my eye, my strapless dress being the fourth gown that I tried on. I quickly knew that I wanted my first affordable psuedo-outfit change to be attachable sleeves on the dress for Mass. I bought extra fabric with the hope of having an alterations gal create sleeves for me. I have to thank Pinterest and Faith from Stitch Princess for helping my asymmetrical, off-the-shoulder overlay come to life.

I was able to snatch up an Anthropologie second reception dress on Poshmark (I recommend all brides make use of this App!!). Though I never made it off of the dance floor at the reception for an outfit change, the dress did make it to our favorite bar to follow. I will love this statement piece forever!! 😭

Total Outfit Changes: 3. Little Katy would be thrilled.

Something Borrowed & Blue: Sisterhood

Our college five-year reunion was a few weeks before the wedding and my Saint Mary’s sisters found themselves in conversation with Katie Conboy who was rocking a gold, French cross pin (the symbol of the Holy Cross religious order, the founders of our college). While expressing interest in wanting a similar pin, President Conboy took the pin off of her outfit and gave it to them. This pin was gifted to me on the day of the wedding by my bridesmaid, Terra, and was placed on the ribbon of my bouquet throughout the day. The kind gesture from the current president of our alma mater has turned into a tradition of passing along the pin to each Belle who becomes a bride among our friends. The pin was unplanned on my end of things, and it was a sweet surprise of God’s golden thread and the gift of sisterhood throughout the day.

Our time at Notre Dame was filled with establishing lifelong friendships—most of which were groomsmen in the bridal party. What came with two of the guys were two amazing women that provided my graduate school career with light, laughter, and the best double/triple dates. My something blue crew, Brogan and Brooke, continue to gift my life with these things today and in the future.

Small plug: Brogan is an amazing cook and has her own Substack, “What to Eat This Week.” Go read her work & subsribe!!

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Kate Frattara is a lay ecclesial minister with a M.Div from the University of Notre Dame. She spends her days reflecting on the beauty of the Beloved in ordinary life and offering her gifts in service to the Catholic Church of Philadelphia, PA. You can read more of her work and subscribe to her weekly newsletter, In the Meantime, on Substack.