How are you really?

When was the last time you did a proper check-in with yourself? Not the version of you the world is constantly demanding; I mean the version underneath all the performances. Do you remember that version?

I’m no therapist, but it just occurred to me how these past months have pushed me to operate on and beyond the boundaries of my limitations. Everything seems to be moving faster, and I’ve noticed how my mind is busily processing thousands of scenarios and outcomes concurrently, preparing me for my next move. My workload increased, and I believe, just like you, I had something on my resume that said I am the guy who can best handle different tasks with competing priorities. The modern version of “I can work under pressure.” Today, the pressure feels suffocating. LOL.

Constantly chasing the next checkbox on the to-do list has become my new norm. Trust me, though this gets me the applause publicly for being the guy who moves the needle, privately something seems off.

Everything feels like a performance, introspectively. Like constantly altering the fabric of who I am just to meet the expectations of the rooms I find myself in. Choosing the right words, sitting in the right posture, and showing up in the moments where there’s a need to look completely fine to everyone, although on the inside, I may be feeling a little heavier. I’ve noticed that I may not be alone. Most people seem exhausted, stressed, and tired and are forced to always operate from survival mode. What changed?

I don’t know about you, but I miss me.

I miss the me that used to read at least two books per month and journaled every day. I miss the version of me who had morning run and evening gym routines. The me that believed I was unstoppable and needed no calibration of my reality before I could dream big. Wasn’t so cautious and always exhausted. That could pray for hours. The me that was vulnerable and wasn’t interpreted as weakness. Went to bed without a mind that stayed up all night analyzing data for tomorrow’s presentation and didn’t have to schedule a calendar appointment just to connect with a loved one.

I feel I haven’t been fair to that version of me. Day in and day out, I find myself pushing down the needs of my true self way down my priority list. Optimizing only for the urgent things of the day. Because tell me, who gets paid for journaling?

Tbh, I would be lying to you if I say I’m not doing any of these. I still do some version of reading, writing, working out, and hanging out with loved ones. But lately it feels like I do them to check a box just to satisfy my inner critic.

Consider this a kind reminder. A reminder that in your quest to be visible, be relevant, show up for the people you love, and work hard to exceed the target in the workplace, you are likely to ignore yourself in the process due to cognitive blind spots.

First off, recognize this isn’t some character flaw or lack of discipline. It’s a basic, human cognitive flaw.

Where instead of treating our daily pursuits/goals separately from who we are, we get lost somewhere in between. It’s easier to keep skipping the tiny routines we initially set to nurture our own selves because who gets queried for not taking their health seriously? But each day, with each tiny skip, you reset your own standard to a new, slightly lower baseline. And when this continues consistently, there is a quiet depletion of that version you’ve been ignoring.

The danger is that you wake up one day and may not even recognize who you are anymore. This is where the feeling of directionlessness and meaninglessness become inevitable. When there’s little to no awareness of your true self, it’ll be difficult to gain clarity on a path that’ll best serve you.

But we can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. And these treasures can only be seen when you carry your true self along the journey.

When you pause and reflect, to become aware of what is missing.

When you are able to return to give attention to the little voices in your head.

When you constantly course-correct when you feel distant from yourself.

I’ve come to learn that better is more than just objective results and points on the scorecard. It also means staying healthy, becoming wiser, kinder, and more peaceful. The world needs better performers, and the world needs better people. These things need not be exclusive.

, the days may be demanding, but do schedule “intentional breaks” to give yourself room to breathe.

Do you remember your true self? What do you really love? And what makes you happy?

When last did you meet that version of you?

Don’t forget yourself.

Until next time.

Francois.

Happy Sunday.

This is a short note from my journal:

Don’t confuse things that are hard with things that are valuable.

James Clear once said, “If you want a plant to grow, you can fuss over it every day—watering, weeding, and moving it toward the sun. Or you can place it in the right soil and let nature do most of the work. A seed planted in the right spot often thrives on its own. Life is much the same. Progress is not only about how hard you work but also about where you decide to work.”

Take a look at your energy now: are you pushing harder or planting yourself in better ground?

Just because you are giving a great effort does not mean you are working toward a great result. Make sure the ladder you are climbing is leaning against the right wall.

Francois.

As usual, another 3 months gone. Here are some favorite quotes I came across that caught me in my tracks.

1. Better is more than just objective results and points on the scoreboard. It also means becoming stronger, kinder, and wiser. The world needs better performers, and the world needs better people. These things need not be exclusive.

2. If faith is a surrender of control over the outcome. Patience is a surrender of control over the timeline. Patience is the endurance required to bridge the gap between effort and evidence.

3. “Nobody is coming to save you” also implies that nobody is coming to stop you.

4. Your habits will hold you back more than your enemies ever will.

   Which is good news because you can change your habits. You can’t change your enemies. Stay focused on what you can control.

5. Questions are answered as you move, not before you move. Moving forward with an answer that is partially correct will usually fill in the gaps faster than waiting until you come up with a plan that is perfectly correct.

6. The moment you accept that you can’t control the outcome is the moment you stop being controlled by it. The people who seem most at peace aren’t the ones who got everything they wanted. They’re the ones who stopped wanting everything they couldn’t have.

7. The ultimate call of every believer is “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Let the world see you and testify that you have encountered Jesus. It’s a daily work.

8. If you always reach for the lowest-hanging fruit, you will eventually forget how to climb the tree. Muscle atrophy from disuse.

9. Easier isn’t always better, especially if it robs us of the opportunity to meet the version of ourselves that only exists on the other side of friction.

10. The problem with keeping your options open is that every option requires energy to hold. And a shelf full of maybes is often heavier than a hand holding one. Put something down.

Which is your favorite?

May the second half of the year be a fulfilling one.

This makes our mind wander looking for proof to justify why there is a gap between efforts and evidence. In most cases the common belief is that “there is something wrong” or perhaps we are not doing something right. The number one source of this mental pressure is our inherent desire to be in control of every narrative and to see everything in a logical sense. And this makes it practically fair to go through experiences where the voices in our heads run the show momentarily.

The problem is, when we drown in this pool of thoughts longer than necessary, the story we subconsciously tell ourselves is then predicated on our reality of things only, not the possibilities.

And there is no good or bad without us; there is only perception. There is the event itself and the story we tell ourselves about what it means. That is the bottom line.

What I’m learning is that the mental pressures from unmet expectations, the uncertainties of tomorrow, and the daily stress and anxiety may not be the problem after all; it’s the meaning we give to them that makes the difference.

Hence, there’s actually nothing wrong with me; the story I tell myself about what’s happening and where I focus my attention, rather, determines my level of sanity.

This has led me to release myself from the desire to constantly impose my will on life. Because if I had all that I needed today, if I knew exactly how tomorrow would end, what would I need faith for? But it’s written, “Without faith, it’s impossible to please God.” The endurance required to bridge the gap between effort and evidence produces faith through patience. It’s easy to show up when the rewards are certain. When everything makes sense. When the path is entirely clear. But life is filled with challenging detours. Full of doubt and stagnation. And those detours are actually what shape who you become.

There’s nothing wrong with you. Whatever you may be labeling as a disorder is often a part of the greater plan of God to steer you into your purpose. The uncertainty becomes a call to a higher level of faith. Because faith comes alive when we surrender control over the outcome, and patience comes from the surrender of control over the timeline. The real rewards in life go to those who show up every single day when the rewards are uncertain.

There’s nothing wrong with you. What is wrong is where your attention is mostly spent. It’s easy to feel miserable about your reality when your focus is always on comparing your reality with others’. Which is what your human self is good at. But the truth is, you’re not late. You’re not early. You’re exactly where your life has led you to be. And you get to decide where you go from here. You can’t make time go faster or success come sooner. The only thing you can control is the next action.

The way you see things and what you tell yourself about them might be the biggest thing holding you back.

The question for you:

What story do you tell yourself about what you’re going through, what you’re capable of, and the lessons wrapped in it to equip you?

And are you taking control and directing your attention toward what matters and the truth, or merely letting inertia pull you along?

Master your inner monologue and master your daily attention.

There’s nothing wrong with your journey.

Your momentum and emotions are gathered from the stories behind your belief.

Believe Again.

Until Next time
Francois.

Ps;

Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think anything as of ourselves, but our sufficiency is of God. - 2 Cor 3:5

What we value defines the lens through which we view and experience the various aspects of life. Religion, career, relationship, family, finances, love, etc. You can call them mental frameworks, as psychologists may say.

Each of us has these frameworks encoded in us either by default or by design. And our awareness of the sources of our framework becomes a gateway to genuine satisfaction.

It is understanding the kind of person you are or the kind that you want to become.

It is defining your values and asking these “GADAMN” questions often;

• “WHY DO I WANT THIS?”

• “WHY DO I NEED TO DO THIS?”

• “IS IT BECAUSE IT’S POPULAR OR IT’S THE ONLY WAY OUT?”

I believe this is the first step if you’d ever have some texture in life.

It has become easy to outsource our WHY since it’s hard to face these damning questions because of what they expose and the work that they require. Besides, there are millions of voices presenting us with many “WHYs” per every refresh of our Instagram feed. And my generation’s greatest temptation has become this deep calling to follow what is popular.

Desires are inevitable; we only choose to obey them. In every decision made, either one of these selves, your higher self or your lower self, gets to win depending on the source of your WHY. It’s hard to say that most people just feed the lower self without knowing there is a higher self to begin with, because they only “go with the flow.”

Listen, you can’t run through your days subjecting every desire or decision to a litmus test of morality; you can freestyle occasionally in order to fully understand what it is you really want in some areas. Fair.

But for the few crucial decisions, the “WHY” matters more than the decision itself. It depicts the alignment between your values and actions, which is a source for true satisfaction. Your WHY will keep you going even on the days you don’t feel like it. Because if you are clear on what matters to you, decisions have a way of making themselves without you even trying.

In a world that is constantly calling you to fall in line, to be the kind of person that operates with a different conviction is the real flex. - (Romans 12:2 in my language)

Because what’s the point of values if they can’t shape our decisions and actions?

You’d be presented with many “yes” or “no” situations; just make sure the ratio is high on the side of your “WHY.” But before that, make sure the source of your WHY is clearly aligned to your values.

WHY ARE YOU READING THIS?

Until Next time,

Francois.

It’s a compilation of random thoughts on my mind about the vicissitude of life and the beauty of acknowledging our limitations. It’s simply a short reminder to smile amidst the confusion of trying to be human. You’ve not done this before, breathe, and as usual, let hope carry you through.

Count it all joy, because if you zoom into the micro details of life, it often saps away your peace. In a moment you feel unstoppable, and one setback or loss in another throws you off balance and reminds you of your limitations. That you were never in control to begin with and will never be.

The tension between what we want and God’s will for us isn’t spoken about quite enough.

To even tell whether the ladder you are climbing is leaning against the right wall only takes hope to find out, and hope in itself is not a strategy. There are moments in your career, relationships, and other endeavors when it’s hard to tell if the challenges or lack of clarity is your cue to quit or if it’s another test of your resilience to build your faith.

Life is happening so fast, and it’s simply happening between our expectations and reality. All the emotions are generated through our quest to close this gap.

A nerve-wracking moment is having one foot in a season you’ve outgrown yet not being fully immersed in the next season you envision. Dangling in the neck of transitions while your patience keeps running out. The fire in your heart tells you a blissful story of what tomorrow could look like, yet your current reality tells you another. And your brain will choose to predict catastrophe rather than to deal with this uncertainty.

We don’t talk enough about having to carry silent battles on our minds while the world demands our best performance. Knowing when to "let go," they say, is an underrated life skill. But no one talks about how hope enlarges our ability to endure.

What am I saying?

I think struggle is where life’s meaning gets manufactured. The pain makes us appreciate the good days when they come again. Makes us value results and appreciate people’s endeavors. Sometimes it’s just your turn to suffer just like any other great person. We learn and develop who we are in moments where we encounter resistance. Grinding through the uncertainty is how we gain clarity.

Easier isn’t always better, especially if it robs us of the opportunity to meet the version of ourselves that only exists on the other side of friction.

I’m here to remind you to count it all joy. “Count it all joy, brethren, when ye fall into divers temptations, knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” -James 1:2

It’s an unending series of complications, so it doesn’t make any sense to be surprised by the arrival of the next one. To survive is to win, and to win is to play the game, and to play the game is to overcome challenges at every stage.

COUNT IT ALL JOY.

Until Next Time

Francois.

P.S.

I’m not a doomsayer, and I’m not preaching against convenience or a soft life. I’m only reminding you that friction is what keeps you grounded. Choose yours wisely.

As usual, sharing with you some quotes that challenged my thinking in the last quarter of 2026.

1. Wealth without independence is a unique form of poverty. Psychological independence is greater than material independence.

2. You don’t beat fear by tightening control. You beat it by accepting uncertainty and choosing to live anyway.

3. The ultimate form of preparation is not planning for a specific scenario, but a mindset that can handle uncertainty.

4. Your life simply reflects what you’ve prioritized. What you’ve achieved tells you what you were willing to suffer for. What you failed at tells you the opposite.

5. Discipline feels heavy in one hour. Regret feels heavy in years. Pick your weight.

6. Your problems aren’t solved by finding the right person, the right job, or the right city. They’re solved by becoming the right version of yourself. External changes without internal transformation just relocate your dysfunction. You take yourself wherever you go. Fix yourself first.

7. A life isn’t something you excavate. It’s something you construct. Excavation assumes it’s already there, buried somewhere, waiting to be uncovered. Construction assumes you have the raw materials and the will to build.

8. How presumptuous of us to save it for later, as if tomorrow were already ours.

9. Your habits will hold you back more than your enemies ever will. Which is good news because you can change your habits. You can’t change your enemies. Stay focused on what you can control.

10. The people who wait until they’re “ready” never are. The people who just start realize they could have been “ready” any time they wanted. At some point, preparation becomes its own form of procrastination. Just do the thing.

Which one is your favorite? Kindly let me know!

Happy New Month.

A game-changing feature in self-awareness is the ability to hold two truths simultaneously even when they feel opposing. Jesus said, “In this world you will have tribulations,” which is one truth. The other truth is that “you should be of good cheer; I’ve overcome the world.”

Life is binary in nature. Either black or white, good or evil, left or right—the list goes on. And as limited as we may be to only focus on one thing at a time. It’s important to allow ourselves to hold multiple facts in the background of our consciousness. Operating from a middle ground where fact selection is done without necessarily dimming the light on other facts from moment to moment.

This is because being optimistic about tomorrow and working towards it doesn’t take away the needs of today. That’s why when we fixate only on goals, which in essence lie on one end of the spectrum, we simply spend a huge chunk of life waiting to start living because we unconsciously miss the spotlight of the present.

It’s very common to see people optimize their finances for an abundant future and live in utter scarcity today just to reach that goal. They’re not mutually exclusive. You can have a strict financial plan for tomorrow, and you don’t have to starve yourself today just to reach that number.

One truth to hold is you can be afraid to take a certain step, and another truth is you can still do it afraid. Waiting for the moment when fear completely vanishes makes it impossible to ever begin anything worthwhile. That fear is meant to keep you alive. It was never meant to stop you from living.

Think of any negative situation you experienced; one real truth is “This is unfair,” yet another truth may be “I can still extract something valuable from this.” The “unfairness” doesn’t go away, but spending years resenting every bitter moment means you miss the lessons that could have transformed your next career, relationship, and experiences as you grow.

It’s acknowledging that the thing you love dearly can be the thing that causes your biggest heartbreak. It’s disliking that coworker’s personality yet being open to learning from their talent and grit.

This mindset allows you to notice the growth and valuable lessons even in the bitterest of circumstances while keeping you grounded.

The momentum required to navigate life’s vicissitudes in a holistic manner lies in your ability to hold multiple truths at the same time even when they are opposing.

The expectations and faith for a better tomorrow don’t take away the reality of today.

Until next time.

Francois.

The past year saw me operating on the boundaries of my limitations. Can’t overemphasize what I have discovered about myself and life in general. I’m grateful to God.

My journal is filled with life lessons and patterns over the period, and this piece may not be enough to exhaust them. Howbeit, the one on top of mind is the importance of understanding our inner frictions.

I’m 29 today. One pattern I noticed and broke away from was my unwillingness to ask. In most cases, ask for what I deserve. I’ve always struggled to ask, not because I’m afraid, but because I couldn’t stand the discomfort that came with it. I barely lived with my biological parents. The longest was less than 6 months together. They lived in Ivory Coast, and I chose to live with the extended family here in Ghana. May their souls rest in peace. Growing up with aunties and uncles, asking always felt like you might be discomforting them because they either don’t have it or you don’t fully belong to have bargaining power. Also, it could be that they may be forced to be kind towards you out of pity. That in itself isn’t kindness, and I didn’t want that.

This pattern followed me for years in different areas of life. I missed opportunities in retrospect and was often masked by the contentment card. Introspectively, it’s an inner friction that was conditioned by my upbringing. Yours could be different.

The modern-day hustle culture is designed to celebrate external triumphs yet is silent on the internal wars that need our utmost attention. As we grow, they crystallize if left unchecked. Our desires, fears, insecurities, and ambitions are often driven by these inner tensions that were conditioned by our past.

Although we are not given the permission to choose our worldview as kids, that permission is subtly handed over to us at a certain age (mid-20s to 30s). That’s where you choose to either allow your old patterns to crystallize or break away into new patterns. Because at this point, you can’t blame your background anymore; you become the background, and for one, your children get to experience that. But also, that determines how you interact with your world and pursue meaning and happiness.

Our reality is mainly driven by this psychological conditioning, such as the emotional triggers and the fears that pull us away from taking bold steps. The anxiety that lingers whenever your heart begins to fall in love. The desire to see yourself on top of the peers who once called you a failure, etc.

Unfortunately, we unconsciously set goals that optimize only for external and material freedom like finding the right person for the perfect relationship, getting that dream car, moving to the flashy neighborhood, landing that 6-figure job etc.

But life doesn’t get better, and our problems aren’t solved by finding the right person, the right job, or the right city. They’re solved by becoming the right version of ourselves. External changes without internal transformation just relocate our dysfunction. We take ourselves wherever we go. So, it’s important to fix ourselves first. Slow down, listen, and notice more. The objective is to think freely.

External success will only reduce external friction and give you options in life but won’t stop you from feeling miserable or empty if you fail to pay attention to your toxic preconditions.

A wise man once said, Wealth without independence is a unique form of poverty because psychological independence is greater than material freedom.

Inasmuch as you take inventory of your material possessions and discard the outdated ones, it’s essential you do the same for your inner world.

Until next time,

Francois.

It’s the last day of January, and my inner critic won’t let me rest until I have shared with you at least a thought on my mind before we enter the new month. Here we go.

“Life rarely changes in a positive way without an increase in responsibility. Whatever it is, if you want trajectory to change, the amount of responsibility usually has to change.”

I’ve noticed for my generation, our level of tolerance for friction.

Can’t blame us; we’re constantly being reminded by 1000s of algorithms refreshing per second in our pockets that we “deserve better.” However, these notices fail to give us a manual on how to get what we deserve; they don’t mention the part where we embrace the fact that anything worthy lies on the other side of some level of discomfort. The fit body, the loving family, the awesome relationship, the booming business, the stellar career, and many more.

We look in the mirror and often don’t like how we look; we are losing relationships because we shy away from the hard conversations. I’ll leave it here.

Working out or going for a run is friction, putting your ego aside to manage conflict in a relationship is friction, and staying up late just to drag yourself over a work or self-imposed deadline is friction. Can’t ignore the emotional discomfort that comes with declining a weekend invitation from your pals just because you need some “me time” for rejuvenation after a backbreaking week. Volunteering to do the presentation before your superiors even though you feel nervous is friction. Praying and fasting is friction.

But that’s the nature of life; it doesn’t get easier. We only build the capacity to outgrow these experiences the more we embrace them. On the other side of the friction lies what we call the “soft life.” The proud moments we envisioned before writing down all our New Year resolutions. You can relate, right?

I’m not saying we need to suffer; this is a reminder that we need to embrace the fact that life is full of continual friction, and our tolerance for it is the gateway to building the life we want. It is looking for ways to enjoy the daily practice, knowing that responsibility in dealing with friction becomes one of the primary sources of growth, freedom, and courage in life.

Remember, “you don’t get what you want; you get what you’re willing to suffer for. And once you realize your goals may not be in your effort “budget,” you either buy cheaper goals or pay more. But the price never changes.”

Until next time,

Happy new month into February, my birth month.

It's going to be a good one for you!

Francois.

We’ve finally transitioned into the new year. As you know, we started this quarterly streak, and I wish to end it faithfully. Here are my top 10 quotes from the last quarter of the year, 2025.

1. Let go of resentment. When you forgive someone, you release the prisoner, and the prisoner isn’t them…it’s you.

2. If you met your 80-year-old self today, what would they be begging you to stop procrastinating on?

3. Don’t judge each day by the harvest that you reap but by the seed you sow.

4. You don’t learn to swim by reading about water. Action is the way.

5. Every time you hesitate, someone less talented takes your spot. The world rewards action, not potential.

6. Many situations in life are similar to going on a hike; the view changes once you start walking. You don’t need all the answers right now. New paths will reveal themselves if you have the courage to get started.

7. You don’t need to do everything perfectly. You need to show up with intention and keep choosing better one day at a time.

8. We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.

9. Learning is about being willing to update your understanding of the world when new evidence appears.

10. Your goal in life should be to reduce the amount of time it takes you to get out of a bad state. Being in a good mood in the absence of something to be in a good mood about is the greatest skill you can develop.

Wishing you a fruitful new year!

I promised to drop 3 extra lessons from the year this week. Honestly, the holidays wrestled with my deadlines. I will stick to the promise; for now, this is from the other voices in my head, in the early hours of Monday, Dec. 29, as I board a tro-tro to Accra.

As humans as we are, one survival instinct is what psychologists call negativity bias. Our natural tendency is to notice and dwell significantly more on negative experiences than positive ones. This often suppresses our ability to take account of good moments in order to savor them. Short attention spans and the unusual sense of entitlement also result in the same. A modern-day plague, as they say.

Indeed, it takes intentionality (retrospection and introspection) to embrace gratitude.

Before we enter 2026, take this moment to close off 2025 the right way. The year may have not gone exactly as you expected, but remember you’ve learned lessons you otherwise couldn’t have learned. Remember, you’ve experienced growth in areas you couldn’t imagine. Remember how you survived unimaginable losses and incidents you thought were the end.

It’s easy to take for granted the very experiences that brought you genuine happiness and smiles. Use this moment to force your brain to remember them, enlist them, and dwell on them in stillness.

Lastly, ask yourself, how can you help these experiences happen more next year?

Taking account of the little blessings becomes the key to more open doors.

Remember!!! God has been good.

Until next time.

Wishing you a happy new year!!!

Some experiences I remember from 2025:

• Coolest New Experience: Journaling

• A random decision: Deleted Snapchat and replaced it with Substack.

• Favorite posts from Substack: Be obsessed with your life and Healing is making us mean

• Favorite Movie: Head of States directed by Ilya Naishuller

• Favorite book: Essentialism by Greg Mckeown

• Favorite Song: Alone by Anendlessocean

• Favorite written piece: “In the moment”

• Favorite Newsletter: Curiosity Chronicle by Sahil Bloom

• Favorite Podcast: Modern Wisdom by Chris Williamson

• Favorite Emotion: “Calmness,” embracing my imperfect self and letting go of things that lie beyond my control.

• Favorite New Friend: You know yourself… LOL

• Favorite Day: When Mfantsipim won NSMQ 2025, November 6

• Favorite Quote: “You don’t get what you want; you get what you’re willing to suffer for. And once you realize your goals may not be in your effort “budget,” you either buy cheaper goals or pay more. But the price never changes.” -Alex Hormozi

• Favorite teacher: Holy Spirit

• Favorite Discovery: Intellectual intimacy as a key feature of a fulfilling romantic relationship.

• Favorite support system: My family and friends

I’m not sure you could envision how the year would end from when you started in January. But here we are today singing joy to the world, regardless of all the peaks and valleys we experienced throughout this year.

A reminder to be present, embrace love, allow joy, and be grateful in this season.

Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas and a prosperous 2026.

Loads of love from me!

I have 6 key lessons for you, but here are the first 3 key lessons for this week, and I promise to share the other 3 with you next week:

1. The power of doing it scared. (On embracing uncertainty):

   The only certainty in life is uncertainty, as they say.

   This year I made the biggest decision in my career. Switching from engineering to finance sounds crazy. You may wonder where the intersection lies. Well, I was a little terrified and humbled, as I had to start as a beginner after working as a team lead in previous fields. I didn’t know what I was doing in the beginning. I stomach anxiety and imposter syndrome on a daily basis, but I show up anyway. A friend once asked if I’m enjoying this. My response was, “I have no idea; however, I’m just showing up to do the job to its finest.” I read a lot to catch up, and I’m still doing it. Attending meetings where subjects of discussions were new to me, and my attendance was only confirmed by the notes on things to read about. This pressure at a point had me wondering if these are signs for me to quit or tests for me to push through. Six months down the line, and the narrative has greatly changed. Those anxious feelings have disappeared, and my language and clarity on this new path have improved.

   The lesson for me is, you’ll never know what you’d become if you only test yourself under favorable conditions. If you can’t tolerate being a beginner, if you can’t risk being ordinary or be willing to suck at something for a while, you can’t really experience extraordinary results in anything. It’s the cost of entry.

   And while many of us may feel stuck, we get terrified by the idea of starting anything unless we can be exceptional at it immediately. That perfectionism imprisons us from taking on opportunities. The truth is the discomfort is only in the beginning; you don’t notice when it disappears. It’s a fact because I’ve noticed how excited I am to wake up lately.

   Key reminder: Many situations in life are like going on a hike: the view changes once you start walking. You don’t need all the answers right now. New paths will reveal themselves if you have the courage to get started. Say yes now, and figure out how to make it happen later.

2. Setting goals that work for you. (On how to stay consistent):

   I saw a post on social media that read, “I run for 30 mins every day, and when I miss a day, I make sure I run an extra 30 mins the next day, and that’s my life. Now tomorrow I have to run for 3 weeks.” Unbelievably hilarious, isn’t it?

   Yet this is common to most of us. Setting what I call rigid goals. The old pop culture of goal setting has been with the binary mindset. Either I achieve this or I have failed, leaving no room for flexibility. “In theory, consistency is disciplined, determined, and unwavering. In practice, consistency is being adaptable. Don’t have much time? Scale it down. Don’t have much energy? Do the easy version. Find different ways to show up depending on the circumstances. Your habit must change shape to meet the demands of your day.” Says James Clear.

   This alternative way that I learned about goal setting has to do with taking into account the spontaneity and inspirational rhythms of our day.

   The MTO method is the alternative:

   M - Minimum goal you can achieve, and it is based on your previous performance, not on hope. (e.g., reading just 1 page of the book per day)

   T - Target is what you really hope to achieve. (e.g., reading 5 pages per day)

   O - Outrageous goal, which is beyond the bar and when achieved will be a huge success for you. (e.g., reading 15 pages per day)

   You realize that if you stay on the M a few times, you will be eager to try out your T on the days where you have more energy and time. A few iterations in and you will love to attempt the O just to push beyond. The liberty to attempt any of them based on the demands of your day is the fuel for consistency because every day comes with its own troubles.

   Lastly, never try to make up for a miss; trying to do 2x of tomorrow’s work to make up for today’s miss only leaves you frustrated and energy handicapped. Your brain is meant to conserve energy and will always procrastinate at the perception of a big task. Just make sure to keep the trend by showing up regardless of the miss. And it doesn’t even matter how much you do. You are imperfect, and life will always come at you; your job is to show up for progress.

3. The power of tradeoffs. (On the opportunity cost of life):

   I got to learn about the cost of entry for anything worthwhile, especially when it comes to growth in life and our daily pursuits. Anything you pursue in life must be pursued with the goal of accepting both the reward and the price for acquiring it. By price, I don’t mean the efforts; there are efforts, and there are costs/sacrifices that make way for the efforts. We seem to only be fascinated about the results and ignore the price to be paid; hence, we set big goals without attaching the costs required for them. These costs could be managing the bitter side of the relationship when the fantasy ends or missing out on some social gatherings because you signed up for some boring workout routines just to stay fit. It could be less time with family when pushing hard in your career. And choosing to sleep early just to protect energy, instead of honoring a late-night-out invitation.

   I noticed the shift in my interests and desires this year. How I obliviously turned nonchalant about certain things I used to be passionate about surprised me. A part of me felt dead. Yes. And I didn’t know it was a calling to a higher level of growth. Earlier on, I struggled to let go until I realized that was a cost of entry into the next phase of my life. Even with growth, embracing it will mean letting your previous selves die without calling it failure.

   There are no solutions, only trade-offs.

   The question is not, do I want to be great at this?,

   The question is, what am I willing to give up or endure in order to be great at this?

   A wise man once said, “Consequences aren’t optional. It’s in the nature of being human that every choice comes with some sort of consequence, because at any instant, you can only pick one path and must deal with the repercussions of not picking any of the others.” To have an interesting life, you can’t have all the other interesting lives you could have had. It’s called trading off.

PS. Kindly look out for the next set in the coming days, and I’d love to hear from you on some lessons you also learned this year.

Happiness, they say, is simply our current situation minus expectations. So human beings don’t actually pursue happiness but a relief from uncertainty or anxiety. And happiness then emerges momentarily as a byproduct when uncertainty disappears.

It’s why Philippians 4:6 remains an important reminder in the holy book. “Be anxious for nothing.” Why? Because life becomes a matter of dealing with an array of thoughts from the past, present, and future, all wrestling to take center stage of our attention.

I noticed myself postponing simple pleasures and feeling nonchalant about things that easily excite the average person. Fueled by the imaginary ideal life I had and the high standards for what I consider pleasurable. Hence, small things didn’t count.

Thankfully in this year, one liberating truth that I’ve come to embrace is accepting my limited control over many things surrounding me. And that it’s okay not to automatically have everything working perfectly, as I may wish.

However, this unpredictability in life should not hinder me from savoring the beautiful moments as and when they come. Proud to confess that I’ve now lowered my threshold for what I consider pleasurable, owing to this. It doesn’t mean settling for less. It simply means being grateful and smiling when you get to take that meal. On that car ride, gazing through the window just to enjoy the scenery as your mind wanders at nature. This is a gift.

Every passing second counts as our allotted time on earth also passes. The good old days when we get to the 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s are the beautiful moments we savor now, just like the good old days for us today are decades ago when we look back. And without holding onto moments now, we’d only look back into emptiness.

From experience, when anxiety lurks in one corner and a moment of pleasure hangs in the other, we’d rather deprive ourselves of the opportunity to savor that moment to the fullest due to an unsolved problem. Oftentimes it may lie beyond our control at the very least. Not to say go about celebrating in the face of a major tragedy. It’s to say that there’s no point hanging on the fence in between failing to fully embrace a good moment while the problem you brood over isn’t getting solved either.

Said Mark Manson, “Getting good at dealing with feeling bad is what allows you to eventually feel good again. You don’t build resilience by feeling good all the time, but by getting better at feeling bad.”

From constantly being told not to settle for less, my generation has been plagued with an unusual ‘sense of entitlement’ and ‘short attention spans,’ also due to the dopamine from information overload. This dampens our ability to notice the moments worth savoring.

Returning home from church yesterday, I noticed how the dirty clothes I left in the washing machine in the morning had all been washed nicely and lined up in the sun by my aunty. I sat down for some seconds to appreciate how blessed I felt. Though it may sound casual, this is what I chose to smile about yesterday. I didn’t need much to thank God for bringing into my life a loving family. Oh! I told her how I appreciate her too.

There are moments defined globally as worth celebrating, and we call them the big moments, and there are ones we obliviously let go because they seem insignificant.

But happiness is not something outside of ourselves; it’s merely a choice—a choice based on what we choose to value and find important in each moment.

And as Oliver Burkeman said, “If we’re going to show up for, and thus find some enjoyment in, our brief time on the planet, we had better show up for it now.”

Are you squeezing out of life every potential joyous moment, or are you only waiting for the ones that make the vision board later?

Until next time.

Francois.

Now a brief note from my journal on embracing growth.

From the habit guy, James Clear: “Your thoughts and actions belong to you just like your possessions. Every so often, as it helps to declutter—donate old clothes or clear out a crowded shelf. Maybe it’s time to let go of some unhelpful thoughts or outdated actions too?”

Transitioning to a new season in life often requires trading off some old self (habits, beliefs, relationships, strategies, etc.) to make way for the new. In short, a part of you must die to embrace what’s new, just like the seed, before it transforms into a plant, must shed and break its shell.

And so many of us seem stuck in the neck of our transitions, contending with growth as we simply refuse to let go of the luggage we carried into our most recent seasons even when they no longer serve us. This is because of something called “the endowment effect,” our tendency to overvalue things because we already own them. And in hindsight, these ideals become our escape from reality. We hold onto them in order to avoid the discomfort that comes with the uncertainty surrounding the future. It’s an emotional issue. But remember, “what brought you here may not get you there.”

For me, I’ve noticed the shift in my interests and desires lately. Obliviously turned nonchalant about certain things I used to be passionate about. A part of me feels dead. Yes. And I didn’t know it was a calling to a higher level of growth. Earlier on I struggled to let go until I realized that was my cost of entry into the next phase of my life.

Indeed, there are no solutions, only trade-offs. At a point, it’s not about what you want to achieve anymore; it’s about what you’re willing to give up in order to achieve that. This is because there’s only so much you can handle, and you only move faster when you drop the outdated baggage. There are just a few “rest of your life” decisions; anything else can always be reinvented.

And our ability to notice and adjust to this simple but not so easy life principle produces peace and alignment that keep us progressing

As the habit guy said, inasmuch as you take inventory of your material possessions and discard the outdated ones, it’s essential you do the same for your inner world. Your beliefs, habits, mindset, etc., for out of these comes the quality of your life.

If a competent CEO gets to run your life for a day, what would be the first thing they’ll eliminate?

Until next time.

Francois.

Another quarter of the year has passed, and as usual, these are my top 10 quotes that struck a chord in my thinking.

1. You don’t control desire; you only control whether to obey it or not.

2. Growth is how you stay ahead of the forces of nature that conspire against you. The pursuit of improvement is a courageous act in a world where most people avoid friction at all costs.

3. You don’t find yourself. You build yourself, and your actions are both the hammer and the nails.

4. Life is an unending series of complications, so it doesn’t make any sense to be surprised by the arrival of the next one. Improving your life just means choosing better problems.

5. Your triggers are your teachers. Every painful reaction points to some work left to be done.

6. A gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you’re not enough without it, you’ll never be enough with it.

7. Emotional capacity is fueled by spiritual maturity. How much room you can make for others is how much of God you have in your heart.

8. To treat life as a pilgrimage to a future and better existence is to disown its present value.

9. In an age of attention scarcity, the greatest act of good citizenship may be learning to withdraw your attention from everything except the battles you’ve chosen to fight.

10. Consequences aren’t optional. It’s in the nature of being human that every
    choice comes with some sort of consequences, because at any instant, you
    can only pick one path, and must deal with the repercussions of not picking
    any of the others.

Kindly let me know which is your favorite in the comment section.

Wishing you a fruitful last 3 months of the year.

Until next time.

Francois.

Now unto the matter:

We can’t overemphasize the fact that we are living in perilous times. A world that is slowly crumbling right before our eyes, like we see in the movies. And the weight of the demands of our immediate environment, be it career, family, relationships, or society, essentially keeps increasing.

You may want to make sense of it all. You may want to be in control of everything which is a logical thing to do.

But life has thought me in this quarter of the year how important it is to acknowledge my limits and embrace my human self.

You can’t have it all figured out. You can’t do it all today. You can’t be everywhere altogether at once- attending all the events and meetings on your to do list.

It’s simply not within our powers to be certain of even what’s coming later.

Instead of just planning for it, prepare for the uncertainty. The uncertainty that becomes the foundation for new lessons, perspective shifts and growth.

If it doesn’t happen the way you wanted, it will happen in a better way than you imagined. That’s the beauty of God’s plan. Little by little you notice the patterns changing in your favor.

So don’t beat yourself up when you feel overwhelmed. You can’t blame yourself for everything. You were never in control in the first place.

A simple gift you can give yourself now;

Stop what you’re doing.

For the next 60 seconds, just breathe.

Until next time.

Francois.

This post has been sitting in my draft for weeks; grind mode is always taking center stage now, but I didn’t want this to go into September. So here you go.

There seems to be a need to constantly reach forth to the next big thing. The attention for what seems urgent in life has superimposed that of the important things. This impulse is often driven by fear—fear of falling behind or missing out on the opportunity to be seen. And now, the value of patience is dwindling in this world that rewards only spotlight endeavors.

But the time factor in any good story is inevitable. The ironic tragedy is that life has to be lived forward but only makes sense in reverse. Even that requires a reliable space of time.

Critical thinking is a simple practice but not an easy one when it’s linked to assessing oneself for growth. It forces one to be accountable by taking inventory of every flaw. So, we easily subjugate this with the busyness of life.

But the hidden cost of this fast-paced grind is that it trains us to skim through life and not experience it in terms of real growth.

It's about who you must meet, but we easily push away good people because we can’t discern their essence.

It’s about who you need to become, but most of us are not ready to unlearn old patterns and change our ideologies when those beliefs were not even ours to begin with.

It’s about what your last relationship is teaching you about yourself and what you must want out of your next one.

There is no learning or growth without thinking, and thinking in and of itself takes space and time. Hence, there is the need to slow down and make space to notice more.

You hear people say, “I don’t have anything in mind; I’m just here to go with the flow.” No dear, that’s when you want to live by default instead of by design, and you may often seem okay on the outside but empty on the inside. It’s always imperative to learn about you in order to choose a suitable path.

Others may say, “Oh! When I read self-help books, I don’t see any changes in my life.” No dear, you skimmed it rather. When everything is urgent and input only, nothing gets absorbed or grounded. Your brain becomes a transit hub—ideas rush in and out, but none are allowed to stay. If ideas can’t stay, they can’t compound. They can’t shape your thinking, your decisions, and ultimately your life. And this can only happen if we are intentional about making space with ourselves to think more and notice more. Yet the speed of the hustling life often hinders this.

There are lessons to be learned from anything in our lives, even with what goes wrong. The question is, are you willing to learn those lessons?

Instead of asking, "Why me?" ask, "What's this teaching me?” Most experiences are divine arrangements to align you. And you won’t notice it or hear the divine whispers in the midst of the noise of constantly grinding but by slowing down from time to time to notice patterns that shape your perspectives.

We are not going to win because we experience more, but because we notice more. And that is when we direct effort in the right direction through the space of time to see more than meets the eye. This makes us capable of filtering the vital few from the trivial many. Because if what you see is all you see, then you do not see all there is to be seen, as Kirk Franklin said in his song.

Slow down and notice more.

What have you changed your mind about recently after deeper reflection?

Here’s one from my journal in recent times, and I need to remind you. I’m not perfect and I too cry sometimes and wonder what life is all about… I lost my confidence.

“Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think anything as of ourselves, but our sufficiency is of God.” 2 Corinthians 3:5

Confidence, they say, is built on the back of competence. It is true, but from my experience now, I’ll say it’s useful, not true. This is because when circumstances change and your world is no longer in need of your competence, what happens to your confidence then?

I lost my confidence because it was fueled by my performance and capability. I can be very good, smart, and intelligent in simply any place I find myself, and that built the belief that with these skills, I could conquer the world.

But I’ve been rejected and disappointed; I couldn’t get what I wanted at a point, and the world has proven to me it may not always need my services, and this hit me hard.

I was certain I had it all figured out, but now I am off the rails, and new life experiences are suggesting that sometimes you don’t get what you love; you only learn to love what you get.

I’ve had to swallow my pride that indeed I’m not in control; it was hard to pray and look up to God for anything. After all, my strength and effort were enough for me.

But at a point everything seemed to be taken away, and I needed to start all over.

Pondering over these suggests to me that real wisdom doesn’t lie in getting life figured out. It lies in grasping the sense in which you never will get it completely figured out on your own. We are not sufficient of ourselves, and faith can only be used when we rely truly on God. Because when the source of your confidence is from any other thing other than God, it’s hard to exercise faith.

I am now living with the sense that since life is so inherently confusing and precarious, then joy, if it’s ever to be found at all, is going to have to be found now, in the midst of the confusion and precariousness.

It’s indeed not how much confidence you may have; it’s where you put it or where you draw your confidence from.

Life is fleeting, and everything can go or change in a second, and in your attempt to try and figure it out, you lose your mind and easily accept whatever your mind may be suggesting. We’re simply wired to even predict or accept catastrophe rather than live with uncertainty. But we must find solace in doubt and confidence only in the promises of God.

Where is the source of your confidence?

Until next time.

Blessed week, fam.

Francois.