It’s Wednesday!

My midweek update: It’s September, yesterday was the first day of school for my big boys, and my jeans are singing to me from my closet, ready for their main season. Just feeling happy and grateful for this particular moment in time. The boys both had a wonderful first day in their new classrooms and came home bursting to tell me about it. I definitely don’t take for granted how much they enjoy going to school! My littlest has his classroom visit tomorrow and his first day will be next week. As much as I’m craving the comfort of routine, we do have one final family trip planned to visit dear friends in the Hamptons this weekend. And then… it will REALLY feel like fall is here!

Currently reading:

• Kindle: I’m still loving the “The Lincoln Lawyer” series by Michael Connelly but also took a break to read “Tom Lake” by Ann Patchett, which I enjoyed very much. I know I’m late to the party on this book and many of you have probably already read it! As someone without sisters or daughters, I absolutely love reading about the mom and her relationships with her three grown daughters. Just lovely.

• Audiobook: Almost through “Whistler” by Ann Patchett and I like it!

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“Our summer was so loosey-goosey, how do we get back into routines for fall?”

My summer was equally loosey-goosey in terms of regular routines, so I definitely relate here. We had multiple camps, days of sleeping in, nights staying up late, international travel, etc. It can be really tough to get into the regular routine when you’re trying to change a whole bunch of behaviors at once, but I do believe in a prioritize-then-rip-off-the-bandaid approach. We’ll have a few tough days and then (hopefully) it’s the new norm. Like sleep training babies!

We have three main changes we want our family to implement this fall:

1. Kids will brush teeth in the morning before school (I know. I KNOW. But we’re doing it now!).

2. We will sit down for a family dinner 2-3 nights per week (instead of our usual throw food together for everyone at the kitchen counter).

3. My oldest son will get school lunch at least once per week (he never has before, he’s brought a lunch every day for three years!).

Here’s my advice for making it happen:

• Plan for all the changes you want to make and get aligned with your partner on them. It’s no good to announce “bedtime is now at 8:30pm” if the other parent feels differently. Prioritize which changes to make now that feel manageable for your family and commit to them together before taking action.

• Preview the changes and tell the kids about them a few days before attempting to begin the new routines. We told the kids last week that once they started school, they’d have to start brushing teeth in the morning, and I previewed for my 3rd grader what he should expect regarding school lunch once per week.

• Know that the kids may have feelings. Communicate (appropriately) honestly with them. Acknowledge them, support them, answer their questions (especially the WHY), and remain firm. “I know it feels weird and different to brush your teeth in the morning. This is a routine we should have started a while ago, and we’re doing it now because it’s important for your teeth to get that extra cleaning after you wake up” or “It sounds like you’re really nervous about how school lunch works. It’s okay to feel nervous! We’re making this change because it’s important to try new things, and because we think you will enjoy getting lunch on pizza day with the rest of your friends. Let’s go through what it will be like.”

• Try, try, and try again. Things might not go smoothly. When my oldest comes home from school today, I may learn that he simply did not eat lunch at all. That’s okay, and he and I can talk it over, and we’ll try again next week. Or maybe he’ll love it! We may forget about brushing teeth in the morning, or be late and miss it. We’re going to keep trying. I think it’s actually really great for kids to see parents own up to mistakes or forgetting, acknowledging, and moving on.

What routines are you trying to introduce (or reintroduce) this fall?

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• After a tremendously unsuccessful Instagram poll, I pulled the trigger on a new phone case complete with removable wallet, wristlet strap, and cross-body strap. I’m about a week in and LOVING the whole set so far. They have tons of color and material combos, it was fun to put my little grouping together.

• When I got home from Brazil, I found Caro Chambers’ new cookbook, “Make It Fast,” waiting for me! The first recipe I made was this gazpacho-inspired soup for a most delicious lunch. Looking forward to trying more of her recipes!

If it hasn’t already, I hope cozy fall energy reaches you soon!

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Happy Wednesday!

My midweek update: We’re landing back home this morning after three lovely weeks visiting my parents in Brazil. Thanks to Grammy and Vovô for having us! Now that we’re home, the back-to-school itch is hitting me really hard. The big boys start school next Tuesday (1st and 3rd grades!) and my littlest starts his final year of preschool the following week. I’m feeling renewed energy to start/finish some house and organization projects, with my big goal being tackling our toy situation. If you have a system that works, please share — I am desperate!

Currently reading:

• Kindle: Cannot get enough of the courtroom drama and I’ve moved onto “The Lincoln Lawyer” series by Michael Connelly. I’ve devoured the first three and have book four queued up on my Kindle for my next reading opportunity.

• Audiobook: Still listening to “Whistler” by Ann Patchett, but my focus has been on my Kindle lately.

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“What back-to-school gear do you recommend?”

My favorite time of year! We’re lucky that our school district covers classroom materials, but I do have strong feelings about everything else the kids need for school. Here is what we love and recommend:

• I bought the same L.L. Bean backpack for my boys in three different colors back when my oldest was about to start Kindergarten. We LOVE the School Mountain Classic Backpack, but sadly it appears they don’t make it anymore? I found some on ebay, but also I’d be open to a different L.L. Bean model as well. Excellent quality and so far, they’re lasting really well!

• The hill I will absolutely die on is that PlanetBox makes the best lunch and snack containers. We use the Rover box for lunch, the Shuttle box for snacks, and the Rover/Launch carry bag. I have one of each for each kid and we wash them in the dishwasher every night. They are made from stainless steel, are super durable, easy to open, and you can buy a variety of fun magnets for them. The boys love to mix and match magnets so they get what feels like a new lunchbox every week.

• The Krensky family is firmly on the Owala water bottle train and never looking back. These are the best of the best! My younger two have the 16oz size and my oldest has the 24oz size. I use a 24oz one for myself as well.

• For clothes, I love Primary and get most of the boys’ things from there. They like the different colors and stripes, they love how soft and comfy the clothes are, and I like having a single go-to for cute, simple clothes that wear well. I also buy from Hanna Andersson, but mostly when things go on sale!

• My boys typically each have a pair of sneakers and a pair of Crocs they use until they outgrow them. Everyday shoes are the one thing I’ve found absolutely do not last between kids, and I’ve also had the most success buying sneakers in person where they can try them on. We love love love Michelson’s Shoes in Lexington center if you are local! There is also a location in Needham.

• Our favorite socks are Bombas, as unoriginal as that seems! My oldest likes these plain ones, my middle likes these with colorful stripes, and my youngest prefers these thinner ones.

What are your favorite sources for kids’ clothes and supplies?

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• Does anyone have thrifting tips? I’m especially interested in furniture, decor, and art. I’m all over Facebook Marketplace hunting down hidden gems, but I’d like to try a few brick-and-mortar places too. I came across this list of vintage shops in Massachusetts with some unique offerings.

• I bought this charming little stool (carved out of a single piece of wood) at an artisan shop in Embu das Artes, near my parents house, and I’m completely obsessed with it. I’m planning to put it in the bathroom (designed by Alison Hammatt Home) that my youngest two share so that my preschooler can reach the sink!

Let’s all enjoy these final weeks of summer, shall we?

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It’s Wednesday!

My midweek update: Any other millennial pals feeling super sad about Hayden Panettiere’s death? She was a total icon to me in my teens and it’s always shocking when someone about your age dies. Pete and I are back to work, remotely from Brazil, while the kids continue to enjoy grandparent time. Also, I know I complained about the cold weather in New England earlier in the year, but… I’m excited for fall. There, I said it. The heart wants what it wants! And my heart wants sweaters, school supplies, football Sundays, and spooky season.

Currently reading:

• Kindle: I’ve read through 4/6 of Peter O’Mahoney’s “The Southern Lawyer” series and am still enjoying it. I especially like the courtroom scenes!

• Audiobook: Still listening to “Whistler” by Ann Patchett, but thinking of pausing so I can listen to my book club pick, “The Women on Platform Two” by Laura Anthony, before my next meeting.

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“Would you let your kids have sleepovers at a friend’s house?”

This came up in a friend group chat this week and I was genuinely surprised by the question. Sleepovers were an integral part of my childhood, and it had not occurred to me that things might look different for my kids. Most of the anti-sleepover concern is around safety, which I understand, of course. Families and homes are different, and unfortunately there are realities we want to protect our children from. At the same time, exposure to different norms, uncomfortable (but not unsafe!) situations, and new people is so critical for development — kids won’t build resilience without practice. So for me, yes, I would allow my children to attend sleepovers in homes where I know and am comfortable with the families.

I think the real question here is around precautions we take when our kids are in the care of others for social reasons. For regular playdates, this looks like connecting with parents ahead of time and ensuring my child feels comfortable before I leave. I also ask (and proactively share) about firearms stored in the house, because that is a big no for me. Obviously sleeping over takes this to another level, and that’s where my personal relationship with the parents come into play. We have a wonderful village of friends around us with similar (but not identical) parenting styles and shared values. I would trust any of these close families to host sleepovers without concern.

If the risks are things like, “my kid might be hungry because they don’t like the food that is served,” or “my kid won’t get enough sleep because they are up talking,” or “my kid might feel embarrassed for not understanding someone else’s routine,” then I’m not actually very worried. Those are opportunities for growth and learning, and not risks to shy away from.

If the risks are more serious, along the lines of “I don’t know who all the people in the house are,” or “the parents won’t provide adequate supervision,” or “my kid might become physically unsafe” then those are more serious trust issues and I’m not going to allow the sleepover. Risk tolerance differs for everyone, so this is just where I personally would draw the line.

I’m also cognizant that there are elements today that complicate social situations in a way that wasn’t applicable in the late 90’s / early 00’s when I was in my sleepover prime. Smartphones are everywhere. Access to inappropriate or harmful content is easier than ever. As discussed last week, I am a more laid-back parent than I expected, but I do very much care about personal safety, both physical and psychological. This is why communication, relationships, and trust between parents is so important, and not something I take for granted in our community.

All of this said, I genuinely hope my children can experience the magic of sleepovers with friends! My childhood girlfriends and I had a good laugh remembering some of our sleepover shenanigans, like writing a 17-page love letter to one of the boys in the 5th grade that we never even sent, putting on a pageant with one mother’s fancy dresses, and sneaking into the freezer for midnight ice cream. I cherish those memories and hope my boys will create their own!

What do you think? Would you let your kids attend sleepovers?

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• My children, like most children, love to play with “real” versions of things, and I stumbled upon this adorable set of playing bricks I think they would love. How cute for building small structures or setting up a mini construction site!

• My coworker sent me this reel on Instagram about how SAAS vendors gaslight their customers and I have never felt more seen/exposed. It’s unbelievably accurate and hilarious! #guilty

Have a good one, friends!

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Feliz quarta-feira!

My midweek update: Bom dia from Rio de Janeiro, where we are having an excellent time despite very rainy weather. I’ll write up my Rio recs after our trip because I have some really good ones! We’re out here with my in-laws while my parents watch the boys back at their house, so everyone is happy. I really love being here — even though I do feel more American than anything else, it’s always lovely to be back and remember that Brazil, too, feels like home. There is a warmth to so many people here, as well as a slower, easy-going lifestyle. Interesting history, beautiful beaches, ice cold coconut waters on every corner, passionfruit caipirinhas, and friendly locals. Add it to your bucket list!

PS - The kids’ activity pouches I packed for the plane ride were a HUGE hit!

Currently reading:

• Kindle: Buckle up, I do a LOT of reading in Brazil and I’m on a thriller kick (legal and otherwise).

  • I read 2.5 books on the plane (it’s a 9-hour flight!), and two of those were the sequels to “Reckoning Hour” by Peter O’Mahoney (“Fatal Verdict” and “Buried Lies”). They are quick, easy to consume, and though they’re a bit formulaic, I find them satisfying to read. Looking forward to the fourth Dean Lincoln (main character) novel coming out later this year.

  • The half book, which I’ve since finished, was “The Silent Watcher” by Victor Methos. I didn’t like it as much as the series above, but still enjoyed it.

  • Interesting premise behind “The Boomerang” by Robert Bailey, all about a government cover-up of the cure to cancer. Fast-paced and enjoyable!

  • Since apparently I can’t get enough of Peter O’Mahoney, I’m trying a different series by him, starting with “The Southern Lawyer” — it’s very, very similar to his Dean Lincoln series, but takes place in Charleston.

• Audiobook: Still listening to “Whistler” by Ann Patchett but TBH I do less listening and more e-books on my Kindle while I’m down here.

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“Is there anything that surprised you about your own parenting style?”

Oh, yes. I am a much more laid-back parent than I thought I’d be. Before having kids, I thought I’d be anxious about a LOT, but it turns out I’m not! I let my kids get dirty, I let them take appropriate risks, I’m not strict about TV, I don’t worry about outdoor germs, I encourage opportunities for them to gain independence and work out their own issues, I don’t stress over how much candy they eat, I let them make messes with their toys, and I trust them (to an age-appropriate standard) to make good choices.

Now part of this works because, in fairness, my boys are pretty well-behaved. They mostly listen to discipline and direction, and though of course they have plenty of moments where they disobey us, they rarely put themselves in harm’s way if they’ve been told not to. As previously described, safety is a big one for us, and they (again, mostly) respect those boundaries. For example, they know they are not allowed to go in a pool or swim without an adult watching them, and even in the vicinity of some very tempting pools, they have never broken this rule. When we set boundaries, we try to make sure the kids understand what the rule is and WHY it exists.

When I talk about risk-taking, I’m talking mostly about activities with some risk of injury (in as safe a space as we can manage). For example, we own four Nugget couches and the boys are pretty much allowed to do what they want with them. This often means building and climbing to the top of a massive, unstable tower and leaping onto a giant bean bag. This has also meant one boy slipped and went hands-first through a living room window (he was fine, the window was not). The goal here is for them to burn their energy, play together in an interactive way, and learn to trust their bodies and how they move.

Is our approach perfect? Absolutely not. Injuries have occurred, though thankfully none have been serious (knock on wood!). My boys put together very creative games, but they’re less good at cleaning up the hundreds of toys required for said games. Sometimes they eat crackers for dinner and have Kit-Kats for dessert, but they know how to listen to their bellies and they stop eating treats when they’ve had enough. They love to play outside, but they don’t appreciate how hard it is to wash dirt out of the insides of their shoes. It’s a balance. Whenever possible, I try to say yes because I want to encourage curiosity, creativity, and confidence… and sometimes those things come with a side of muddy footprints.

Parents, tell me: what surprised YOU about your parenting style?

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• Readers, do you know about BookBub? I actually worked with them a bit almost a decade ago when they were a start-up at CIC Cambridge, and then I forgot all about them until recently. It’s free and brilliant. You sign up, you tell them what kinds of books you like to read, and they alert you when e-books that match your taste are deeply discounted. I prefer borrowing from the library, but when a favorite author pops up for $1.99, that’s a great win I can enjoy immediately on my Kindle.

• I never have a bookmark when I need one, so I’m going to combine hobbies and needlepoint a few for myself. I like the idea of making something small to practice different types of stitches, and I love these options from Unwind Studio:

  • “Bookshelf Wealth”

  • “Peacock”

  • “Van Gogh Sunflowers”

  • “New York Pigeon”

  • “Book Lover” (pictured below)

See you next week, até logo!

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Happy Wednesday!

My midweek update: We left this morning to visit my parents in Brazil, so if you’re reading this during the day on Wednesday, I am most likely on the plane with my family. We are so looking forward to this trip! My in-laws are coming along and they’ve never been to Brazil — it will be so fun to show them where I grew up. And my parents always make the trip so special for us and the boys, with so many activities and all our favorite foods. I took a page out of my own book and put together the kids’ activity pouches for the flight. 9.5 hours, I’ve learned, requires more than just the iPad. Next time you hear from me, I’ll be writing from Rio!

Currently reading:

• Kindle: I finished “Reckoning Hour” by Peter O’Mahoney and immediately downloaded the sequel to start on my flight to Brazil. Love a legal mystery/thriller!

• Audiobook: Started “Whistler” by Ann Patchett because Catherine Newman called it “a perfect novel.”

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“I need a hobby. What do you recommend?”

Oh, what a FUN question! In my adult life, I’m an avid collector of hobbies and I love to share them.

If you’re looking for a social hobby:

• Start a book club. I started one with a handful of local friends and we’ve been going strong for 3 years! We meet once a month and rotate who hosts. The host chooses the book and provides drinks and snacks. It’s been a true social highlight of the past few years for me.

• Learn to play Mahjong. I have to thank one of my high school friends for teaching me (so, so patiently!) to play. It’s a little tricky to pick up but so very worth it. The game itself is strategic and fast-paced, you’re always thinking and evaluating your next move. As an added bonus, the tiles, mats, and racks are visually delightful. So many patterns and colors to choose from! I’ve found it works well to play with players of all levels, we all just keep learning.

• Find a walking partner or small group. This isn’t one I’m doing yet, but I love the idea. My MIL walks with one of her close friends every Wednesday and has done so for many, many years. I appreciate the routine of it. Walking and talking is an excellent way to connect, and I’d love to get something like this built into my regular weekly schedule. Anyone want to be my regular walking buddy?

• Commit to regular group exercise classes. We all know my obsession with btone, and I’ve genuinely made friends attending the classes. You start to see the same people when you consistently attend the same times, you exchange names at some point, you start to chat before and after class, and from there it’s just a hop, skip, and a jump to coffee dates after workouts.

If you want a solo hobby for your downtime:

• Read books. One of the simplest, greatest joys. If you use the library or Libby app, it’s also FREE. There is no limit to how many incredible books are out there. I personally find reading to be much more engaging than television, and I think it’s because I cannot multitask while reading a physical book or my Kindle. I often listen to books while I do other things, but sitting down and focusing my entire attention on a story is what transports me most. There’s nothing like it!

• Pick up needlepoint. Sewing crafts are super trendy right now, so there’s never been a better time to get into it. Websites like Penny Linn or Unwind Studio are a great starting point with lots of cute options for kits. It’s so satisfying to work with my hands, it scratches the creative itch, and as a bonus I get to keep (or give away) this lovely thing I made at the end.

• Study Tarot cards or astrology. Who doesn’t need a little magic in their lives? It’s fun to learn and, as I’ve written about before, a helpful tool for harnessing the power of your own intuition. Once you get the hang of it on your own, it’s a cool party trick, too.

What hobbies are part of your day-to-day? I’d love to hear.

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• I discovered a new-to-me adorable online boutique with SO many special pieces. I follow the owner (@shopcestmimi) on Instagram and she frequently shares new inventory, outfit ideas, and discount codes. The clothes are on the pricey side but they’re so well-made, unique, and high quality. I’ve loved everything I’ve purchased so far!

• My boys joined in on our neighbors’ lemonade stand and they had the MOST fun flagging down cars, bikers, and pedestrians, aka “customers.” I love the nostalgia of it! The $2 frozen lemonade was excellent.

Happy August, my friends. Savor the sunshine. These are the days!

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It’s Wednesday!

My midweek update: We had the absolute best time visiting college friends this weekend who also have three boys and a dog. So special to see your friends’ kids become your kids’ friends and build some core memories together. Big thanks to Andee and Mike for hosting us!

On a personal note, I definitely oversubscribed myself this week and I’m feeling it. I like to have a lot going on and I consistently make *choices* that keep my schedule full… but/and I need to do a better job of ensuring I have a little downtime. What tugs at my heart here is when keeping myself occupied cuts into the downtime our family needs together, and specifically that the boys need with me. When we don’t get our quality time, we all feel it, but it’s extra apparent for the kids. If anyone has advice to share here (should I “schedule” family time?!), I’d really love to hear.

Currently reading:

• Kindle: I put down “Reckoning Hour” by Peter O’Mahoney because I’m completely addicted to the audiobook below!

• Audiobook: Listening to “Abandon” by Blake Crouch in 10-minutes chunks while I drive between activities! There’s a historical angle I’m really enjoying.

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“It seems like your company has a great culture for families. How do I find somewhere like that?”

One of my business school classmates started a WhatsApp community to discuss work and parenting, and a group of us are having a very thoughtful chat about different strategies, habits, and survival tactics. I got the above message as a side text out of the main chat and it’s true — my company is extraordinarily supportive of parents and, more generally, employees as whole people with full lives. I feel fortunate because this is not always easy to find, but if it matters to you I think it is so important to try.

When I was job-hunting four years ago, I was looking to leave a company I had been at for six years. I was frustrated by an experience with a manager who treated me badly during my final pregnancy and it was really important to me to find a job where I could have a little more trust and flexibility. I updated my resume and put “mother to three young boys” in my interests and skills section. Friends, every single person who looked at my resume told me to remove it, but I did not. I knew it was a risk but if someone saw that and chose not to interview or hire me because of that, then that wouldn’t have been a good fit for me. Being a parent is NOT a detriment. Have you seen how mothers can multitask, prioritize, delegate, and execute? I mean, come on!

I applied to five jobs with that resume, interviewed at three of them, and was offered one. There was some good luck and excellent timing involved, but also I felt SO much more confident in pursuing these opportunities knowing they had seen that I had kids and wanted to meet me anyway. My advice here is to be open about what you are looking for and don’t shy away from values that matter to you. It mattered to me that my identity as a parent was known and viewed in a positive light. I know there are industries where this simply would not fly (and I know there are circumstances where we can’t afford to be picky), yet at the same time I don’t think we have a chance in hell of getting things to change unless we push for what we want. If that’s your situation and you can’t be as open as I was, at the very least take every opportunity you can to ask questions and get a feel for the culture around work/life balance.

What do you think? Would you share that you have children on your resume?

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• We’re heading to Brazil next week to visit my parents and I’m starting to think about the kids’ activity pouches. I like to mix old favorites with something new, so I just ordered a few versions of this mini magnatile set as well as these little magnetic people and I’m hiding them away until the trip.

• Is there anything cuter than surprise-uncovering a child’s selfie session on your phone? It is one of my most favorite things. My youngest snuck 40+ adorable portraits onto my phone and I love them.

I hope you have a wonderful rest of the week. Take lots of pictures and enjoy making summer memories!

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It’s Wednesday!

My midweek update: This past weekend was so full, in the best way. We had a date night (thanks to Grammy and Vovô for hosting a grandkids’ sleepover), a family playdate at our friends’ house with yet another commercial-grade inflatable water slide, pick-up soccer in the yard, bike riding practice with our littlest, a big garage project kick-off (thanks to Pops for helping and JoJo for childcare), and it was my first Sunday teaching three completely full btone classes. More photos to come of our garage clean-up because we’re not done yet, but WOW it has been so impactful already. I’ve become an absolutely ruthless purger.

Even though I promised myself I’d savor the summer, I can’t help but feel a little itch of excitement for fall. I know. I KNOW. There is still so much fun to be had in these summer months, and I’m not wishing it away…. And yet. The heart wants what it wants!

Currently reading:

• Kindle: A few times per year I need a legal thriller, and it is currently one of those times. I’m about a quarter of the way through “Reckoning Hour” by Peter O’Mahoney.

• Audiobook: Still on “Abandon” by Blake Crouch and it’s just what I was hoping it would be! A little survivalist, a little surreal…

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“My friend is starting chemo and I want to give her a list of books to keep busy. Like not-too-serious-but-also-good books? Or interesting bios?”

First, big hugs to her <3 Second, this is a very thoughtful way to show support, and I’m honored you asked! Here are a few categories and options I’d recommend:

Just for fun when she’s craving comfort:

• Emily Henry is the queen of rom-com and my favorites are “Funny Story” and “Beach Read” but I genuinely enjoyed all her books.

• “Margo’s Got Money Troubles” by Rufi Thorpe is so creative. This book about a 19-year-old who gets into OnlyFans to support herself after having a baby is funny in a very smart way, and comes with an Apple TV series to follow up with.

• The “Practical Magic” series by Alice Hoffman is delightful, especially as we inch closer to fall. Read the books and then bask in the glory of Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman.

• “Don’t Forget to Write” by Sara Goodman Confino was a favorite last year, I loved the characters so much! A young woman is “banished” to live with an older relative and has a very unexpected summer.

Thrillers or mysteries for getting really sucked in:

• The Abby Mullen series by Mike Omer is so addictive, about a hostage negotiator with a cult background.

• If getting into a feminist rage with a satisfying ending sounds appealing, I recommend “The Golden Cage” by Camilla Läckberg. It takes place in Sweden and has a big revenge storyline.

For when she’s up for it, some fascinating non-fiction:

• I love most things by Bill Bryson, but “At Home” is my favorite — he takes us through each room in a house and covers the history or every day household objects, routines, and human lifestyle.

• “Unreasonable Hospitality” by Will Guidara is a must-read, all about the experience of getting Eleven Madison Park named the best restaurant in the world through exceptional service and leadership.

Who else has book recommendations to share? Drop your favorites in the comments!

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• My friend Wendi introduced me to the glittery, shimmery joy that is Unicorn Snot. If you have a daughter you probably already know about this, but if you don’t — this is the best glitter paste I’ve ever encountered. A little goes a long way and it’s SO much fun for any festive activities or when you just want a little sparkle. I absolutely love it and so do my boys, especially my youngest.

• I spent our speed-puzzling prize money on this hilarious “Butts” puzzle that I can’t wait to show the boys! 500 pieces is a great size for working on together with kids (NOT toddlers!) without the overwhelm of 1000 pieces. If rear ends aren’t your jam, they also make p’s, v’s, and b’s.

Stay well, my friends. And if you pick up a good book, I’d love to know what you’re reading!

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Happy Wednesday!

My midweek update: I’m freshly back from such a special trip with my middle kiddo! We visited my brother and SIL in Miami and did every fun thing imaginable… mini golf, bowling, swimming, beach, water slide, and an air boat tour of the Everglades to see the alligators! Big hugs to Stephan and Luiza for hosting us.

I’ve got some tips below on traveling with kids, but this experience also has me thinking about the way I spend time with my children. What feels special to them often surprises me, and varies by child, but the constant “craving” across all three of them is true engagement. My oldest likes to talk with me one-on-one, and he especially loves to look at photos or videos of himself as a baby and talk about the things we used to do together. My middle wants playtime — he wants me fully engaged and actively participating in literally any activity with him, ideally a game or competition or other exciting project. And my youngest always asks for cuddle time and to “help” me with whatever I’m doing, he likes to be ‘the littlest’ and pretend he is still a baby.

None of these things are hard to do or unenjoyable, but I find myself so often saying, “Not yet, not right now, once I finish this thing, maybe later…” because, why? Because I’m busy? As previously discussed, I don’t want a busy life, I want a full life. This trip was a good reminder to reset what it means to be present with the boys, and to make time to give them the attention they’re asking for before they have to act out to get it.

Currently reading:

• Kindle: I flew through the two sequels to “The Housemaid” by Freida McFadden — “The Housemaid’s Secret” and “The Housemaid is Watching” — and enjoyed both. Quick but engrossing reads, perfect for a trip.

• Audiobook: Just started “Abandon” by Blake Crouch, who is one of my favorite authors. His stuff is typically a little thriller, a little sci-fi, and a little adventure. So far, I’m into it!

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“What is your advice for plane travel with kids?”

Plane travel is dehumanizing and uncomfortable as it is. Adding small, loud, unreasonable, demanding, wiggly people to the mix can be a fresh new level of hell, but there are definitely some things that can decrease your odds of a total shitshow. I’ve broken my advice into four categories:

1. Entertainment: You’ll want to plan ahead on what will keep your children occupied. If you’re pinning your hopes and dreams on a tablet, make sure they are used to using one and have the attention span to enjoy it. For non-screen entertainment, I’ve got a few tried and trues, but here is the biggest secret of all: PACKAGING MATTERS. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will get your kid amped like a special little pouch or bag filled with fun, new little things just for them. I’m linking some of my favorite toys and activities below, but just know these will get you a lot farther if you also buy a special container and make a big deal out of the “activity bag” — I like these ones, but anything big enough to fit what you need will work!

   1. Little blank notebooks plus unlimited stickers plus clickable markers (no caps!) = creating their own books, stories, and scenes.

   2. This single-unit memory game comes with a interchangeable cards for lots of different options.

   3. Travel magnatiles are portable and easy!

   4. This LCD drawing pad is fun and can be used over and over for hundreds of games of Tic Tac Toe. Similar but different, this magnetic little “pad” is super satisfying for kids to use.

   5. A super basic set of little trucks or some other wheeled vehicle is a classic winner, the key is it has to be new to them!

   6. These transformable fidget spinners are the GOAT!

   7. And don’t forget about entertainment in the airport before / after you get on the plane! I find it’s best to get the wiggles out whenever possible. My biggest hit for the boys is having them each stand on a specific spot on the floor with plenty of room to run around. I yell “Switch!” and they each have to run to one of the other two positions without crashing into each other. That’s it, that’s the whole game. They LOVE it.

2. Food: This is where you want to prioritize quantity over quality. I try to get a filling meal in them ahead of the trip (which might mean they have pasta or rice and beans for breakfast), and then I rely on snacks to get us through. My kids aren’t too negatively affected by sugar, so for us it’s pretty much anything goes as long as it’s not messy. I usually pack things like popcorn, grapes, pretzels, string cheese, fig bars, and Goldfish, then we let them pick out candy and treats at the airport. Do they feel their best after a day of flying and junk food? Absolutely not. But it helps us get through the long flights with minimal fuss. Gummy bears are the best travel candy option in my opinion — not sticky, won’t melt, easy to share, and require chewing (and therefore take longer to eat). I also recommend asking the flight attendant for disposable cups, which are super handy for distributing snacks among children.

3. Comfort: What to wear and what to bring for maximum comfort in a decidedly uncomfortable situation:

   1. We have the boys fly in comfy pants, T-shirt, and bring a sweatshirt. If it’s an overnight flight, they go in their PJs. We also do Crocs with socks because they are so easy to slip on and off. You will want to have readily available a change of clothes for each kid and also for yourself. Your clothes should have plenty of pockets.

   2. For comfort off the plane, if you have small children, a stroller is well worth it. Even if you just use it to hold the bags while your kids run. Trust me. You want the option to have them seated and contained.

   3. For comfort on the plane, I have tried every possible bed-like situation for kids and firmly believe the Bubba Boards are the best option out there. I’ve tried and liked the Stokke Jetkids bed suitcase, but it’s bulky for not much storage space. The inflatable ones are great but it is a pain in the butt to inflate something on a plane. The Bubba Board is perfect — lightweight and easy to carry, sets up in less than 30 seconds, gives the kids plenty of room to stretch out. Note you should check policies, as they very by airline — Latam, which is what we typically fly to Brazil, allows them.

   4. If you are traveling with a lap infant, I cannot recommend enough that you bring a babywearing wrap. Your arms will be so grateful they don’t have to hold the baby the entire time!

4. Expectations: Let go of any expectations for your own entertainment, pretend germs don’t exist, and assume nobody will offer to help you.

   1. Bring a book if you want, but depending how many kids you have, your hands will be busy most of the flight, and you won’t want headphones because you need to hear if your kids are being super loud or crying when everyone else is trying to sleep.

   2. Hygiene is out the window from the moment you leave the house to when you arrive at your destination. Your kids will roll, crawl, and lie on the floor. They will pick up a gummy bear that got wedged between the seat cushions and eat it. They will lick the tray table. I tried early on with disinfecting wipes, etc, but it was not worth it. These days we bring a spray hand sanitizer, cross our fingers, and think about how strong their immune systems will be.

   3. Finally, in my experience, people are happy to help a pregnant person, but nobody lifts a finger for parents with kids. I was traveling alone with the boys and at one point was pushing a double stroller with two kids in it, with a suitcase hooked around each stroller arm, holding the third kid in my other arm, wearing a backpack on my front and a carseat on my back, walking through the airport at 4 o’clock in the morning. Dozens of people walked by me saying things like, “Wow! Supermom!” without a single offer to help. It sucks. If you’re reading this and you’re not a parent, keep an eye out for parents who could use a hand and OFFER IT!

What do you think? If you have additional tips, share in the comments!

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• My son and I watched “Shrek” with my brother and SIL and I had forgotten how funny it is and how many adult jokes are sprinkled throughout it. The scene with a French-accented Robin Hood and his dancing merry men gave me a good chuckle! My son’s favorite was Donkey, obviously — “In the morning, I’m making WAFFLES!”

• This one-pot spaghetti al limone by Caro Chambers of What to Cook When You Don’t Feel Like Cooking has been bookmarked in my browser for weeks. I think this is the week to try it!

  What To Cook When You Don't Feel Like Cooking

  one-pot spaghetti al limone

  This one-pot spaghetti al limone is a fast (20 minutes!), easy, cozy meal that you can keep in your back pocket for when you’re exhausted and/or the fridge is totally bare. I bet at least half of you already have the ingredients needed to cook this recipe (all you need are spaghetti, lemon, cheese, butter, and garlic!), and I promise you have the energy…

  Read more

  7 months ago · 512 likes · 68 comments · Caroline Chambers

Enjoy the rest of your week and make time for the people you love <3

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Happy Wednesday!

My midweek update: I’m genuinely gripped by the audiobook “The Other Daughter” by Lisa Gardner that I’m listening to right now. Don’t you love that feeling? Great storytelling is so powerful, it’s one of the only things that feels truly escapist for me.

In other news, this past weekend was SO much fun. We hosted for 4th of July and it included my friend Susan’s epic inflatable waterslide set up in our backyard. Everyone had a ball! This summer has (intentionally) felt very nostalgic, with lots of swimming and popsicles and good old-fashioned Americana. Per my last newsletter, I also successfully wrapped a section of my hair in some festive colors and taught a bunch of friends, too! Is there a more ’90’s - 00’s vibe then a group of girls braiding hair? It was the best.

This weekend, my 6yo and I are heading to Miami for a mother-son trip to visit my brother and SIL. I took my 8yo on a special trip when he finished Kindergarten, so it’s become a little tradition. Can’t wait for this 1:1 time with my middle guy!

Currently reading:

• Physical book: I put down “Show Don’t Tell” by Curtis Sittenfeld in favor of my audiobook, but will pick it up again soon.

• Audiobook: Listening to “The Other Daughter” by Lisa Gardner at every possible opportunity until I’m done!

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“What are your thoughts on TV or screentime for kids?”

As usual, I don’t think there is a single right answer here, so I will share what works for us. I definitely fell into the “all screen time is bad” trap when I first became a mom eight years ago, coming out of it only when we were ready to take a 20-month-old on a 10 hour flight to Brazil. I (somewhat desperately) presented my son with an iPad, thoughtfully pre-loaded with educational shows. And much to my dismay, he lost interest in it almost immediately, favoring instead a 3-minute long YouTube video featuring a 12-year-old boy playing the guitar and claiming to be “Old MacDonald.” It didn’t even occur to me that kids would require an attention span in order to watch anything longer than a few minutes. Lesson learned — if you’re going to rely on screen time at some point, introduce it before you need it.

Since then, I’ve relaxed my feelings on this topic. We are fairly open with TV time in our house, with only some rules. We don’t do TV on weekday mornings, the boys generally watch together on the big screen (sometimes with us but mostly without), and Pete and I have veto power over their shows. I personally dislike YouTube, though Pete is very adept at finding lightsaber battle compilations that are excellent. An occasional episode of Rick and Morty aside (I know. I KNOW!), we mostly keep them to age-appropriate materials (though inevitably there is plenty that goes over my littlest’s head). We do have individual iPads that we use for travel, but they are put away at home and not part of our regular routines.

I feel good about this approach for a few reasons. First, even if they are watching TV, it’s something they’re doing together (and they keep a running list of ‘funny TV quotes’ they like to recite). Second, not that everything they watch is educational, but they do learn quite a bit of interesting information from their shows (a favorite is Wild Kratts, which has taught them so much about animals). And third, my kids are well-adjusted in this realm and TV time does not seem to adversely affect their behavior (for example, when we say it’s time to turn it off, they accept it with minimal whining and move on). I know this isn’t the case for everyone, and some parents see daily behavior really impacted by TV, so as usual I’m here to say — you do you! What works for one family doesn’t work for all. But if you’re holding onto guilt because you think your kids watch too much TV, let it go. You decide what’s right for your family!

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• Remember diaries with a lock and key? My 6yo got a Pokemon notebook that came with a special little lock and he is calling it his diary and asking us to help him write things in it. He loves using the key to unlock it. I remember having one in elementary school and how important the things I wrote in it felt to me. So far, my son has documented his family members’ names, his favorite color, and a list of his favorite foods. I just love the idea of young kids writing down what matters to them! So sweet. Here’s a cute one I found on Etsy, but there are so many to choose from.

• My team won our Speed Puzzling competition for the first time! We finished the 500-piece “Zodiac Cats” puzzle in 32 minutes, which according to the event host is a “new record” LOL. We had such a great time! If you like puzzles, see if there is an event near you. It’s a super low-key, fun, analog way to spend time with friends.

Hope you have a great rest of your week. Make time to do something new!

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Happy Wednesday!

My midweek update: As I’m writing this (last night), I’ve got friendships, villages, and support systems on my mind. Two dear friends I don’t get to see too often came by for an hour or so when I had to bail on our original dinner plans. It was a short visit, but even just that little bit of catching up filled my cup in a way only good friends can.

My daily life is about as full and chaotic as you’d expect from someone with three kids, a full-time job, and a side hustle, but my gosh it is also bursting with friends and that is one of my happiest, proudest accomplishments. I’ll definitely expand on the importance of these friendships in a future column (it’s what sparked the idea for the name ‘Keep the Old’), but for this week I’m just sending all of my friends a little extra love and gratitude. Parenting, working, and living in this particular time of life is so, so much better when you’re not doing it alone. To my friends — I cherish you!

In other news, this week we went to the circus AND we’re hitting up the 4th of July carnival in our town AND the heatwave will mean more time at the pool AND the grocery store had all ice cream and frozen treats for 50% off. My kids are living their BEST LIVES.

Currently reading:

• Physical book: I finished “The Correspondent” by Virginia Evans and LOVED it. I just started “Show Don’t Tell” by Curtis Sittenfeld. It’s a short story collection, which I haven’t done in a while.

• Audiobook: Listening to “The Other Daughter” by Lisa Gardner because nothing hooks me like a mystery/thriller. This one is based in Boston and addictive from the start!

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“How do you know when you’re done having kids?”

**I want to acknowledge that my answering this question comes from the perspective of someone who was able to get pregnant without significant difficulty. I know that is not the reality for everyone reading this, just as it was not the reality for all the participants of the original conversation. Feel free to skip ahead if this topic isn’t for you right now.**

A college friend polled our group chat about how to know if your family is complete and it stumped me a bit because I have pretty much always known I wanted three kids and I’ve never wavered on that. I’m one of three, I liked the idea of multiple sibling relationships, and we were fortunate that three children worked out for us. Many women in my orbit now have either one or two kids and are contemplating a second or a third, and some of my girlfriends had excellent advice that I’m recapping below.

1. Consider how an additional child will impact your lifestyle and finances. Be realistic about what choices you will or won’t have to make (for example, a larger home, fewer family vacations, or professional commitments), and what is most important to you.

2. Consider how an additional child will impact your relationship with your partner. One friend and her partner opted to stop after one child, because they thought additional children would put more strain on their relationship than they wanted. Another friend told me she and her partner got much closer after their first child, and adding a second simply felt natural and meant to be.

3. Be realistic about the physical demands and your ability to meet them. Pregnancy is a LOT. I often say I could do a fourth kid, but not a fourth pregnancy. How did it go the first time? The second time? Could you put your body through it again?

4. Don’t be too swayed by the difficult baby years, but think instead about how you want your house to feel in 5, 10, or 15 years. The early years are always going to be hard, so focus on the future. For me, I hoped for a full, buzzing house — kids everywhere, lots of imaginative play, family movie nights, teens draped over the couch, etc. In my mind’s eye, this looks like 3+ kids. What does your future look like to you?

5. Imagine you’ve decided it one way and live with that ‘decision made’ for a week, then live with the opposite ‘decision made’ for another week. How do you feel? It’s almost like tricking yourself to uncover what you really want. Another way to do this is to pull a Tarot card about it and see where your interpretation leads you — remember, that’s a great tool for helping to unlock your own intuition!

Thank you to my Amherst friends for contributing to this week’s Ask Your Mom Friend!

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• My big boys (rising 3rd and 1st graders) are doing our local library reading challenge and it’s absolutely brilliant. Ours is linked here, but similar/identical programs are available across many public and other libraries. The kids start out with some playing cards that are dragon eggs, and they “grow” their dragons by reading at least 15 minutes per day. We’re just about one week into it and we love it. The kids are more motivated to read and it’s been a nice reset into a daily reading routine for us with them. Highly recommend seeing if there is one local to you!

• All my algorithms are feeding me hair wrap tutorials using embroidery floss and I am HERE. FOR. IT. The only problem is my boys and Pete have short hair, and I’m not sure if I can do it on myself. Local friends — who wants to loan me a child (or adult!) with long hair to try this out on?! I’m dying to give it a go!

Stay cool and hit up a Whole Foods to see if frozen treats are still on sale!

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It’s Thursday Junior!

My midweek update: Yesterday was the last day of school for my big boys — goodbye to Kindergarten and 2nd grade! We will soon be in the swing of summer and it feels really good. Camp days, pool nights, s’mores with friends… Truly the times I dreamed about mere months ago, when I was freezing cold and dealing with ice dams.

My other excitement is I had a professional organizer come over for 3 hours to help me go through the (many) boxes and bags of stuff that have been piled in my sunroom since September. It wasn’t groundbreaking work, but something about having another person there with me with the shared goal of emptying a roomful of stuff made it SO much easier. I’d definitely recommend it — I worked with Jillian from An Organized Life. It totally gave me the itch to get organized in other parts of my house. Shout out to my FIL who has volunteered to help me tackle the garage <3

Currently reading:

• Physical book: I meant to start “The Correspondent” by Virginia Evans last week but haven’t yet. This weekend, hopefully.

• Audiobook: Listening to “The Midnight Train” by Matt Haig because Book Club is on Thursday and I need to finish!

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“I’m struggling hard with yelling at my kids. I like the concept of gentle parenting, but it doesn’t seem to really work? How can I make them listen to me without yelling at them?”

Disciplining children is so, so hard. I really hate yelling at them, but I think any parent who says they never yell is a big fat liar. I certainly haven’t figured out how to avoid yelling entirely.

For my kids, I *try* to reserve yelling for safety situations and/or completely unacceptable behavior. An example of a safety situation is when the boys were riled up after an activity class at the rec center and not listening to me. My 6yo wouldn’t climb down off a small tree he had scaled, my 8yo didn’t wait for me to cross the driveway to the parking lot, and my 4yo followed him into the driveway and was almost hit by a car. Thankfully, everyone was okay, but it was absolutely terrifying and I really let them have it once we were all safely buckled into the car. I’m not proud of how much I yelled or how much they cried, but it happened and I think it was the only way to impart the severity of the safety situation. Lesson (hopefully) learned!

What we consider completely unacceptable behavior is when they hurt each other, another kid, or purposefully break things. For example, pushing a neighbor off a swing, biting one of their brothers, or smashing something on the floor when they’re mad. Certain rudeness and talking back would also fall into this category. I don’t think yelling at kids is always the answer, but it is definitely effective at scaring them into understanding that a behavior or action is NOT okay.

All of this to say, I do yell at my kids when I think it’s called for. Mostly, I don’t have to yell a lot, but sometimes I do. Whenever it happens, we talk about it together later, once everyone has calmed down. It’s hard to know what is working in real time, but I will say my oldest has started apologizing, actually sincerely, after certain transgressions (again, not until later, once he is calm), so I feel like we’re getting somewhere. Like anything, it’s a balance. Gentle parenting is great for some things, like helping kids to understand their feelings and the difference between feelings (always okay) and behaviors (not always okay). But, sometimes you really just need the kid to do or not do something RIGHT NOW and the gentle approach will not get the job done.

TL, DR: Instead of trying to never yell, try to be choosy about when you yell. In the right circumstance, I think it’s called for, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent.

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• One of the most delightful surprises of this World Cup is the budding friendship between local Bostonians and the visiting Tartan Army. They came, they drank us out of beer, and they conquered our hearts. There are many articles and videos about this new kinship (seriously, Mayor Wu signed paperwork to declare Glasgow a sister city), but this NYT article sums it up nicely.

• Now that it’s s’more season, it’s time whip out this guide by Food52 on the best way to prepare s’mores. I will die on a ‘roasted (open flame) store-bought marshmallow, Hershey’s chocolate, and HoneyMaid graham cracker’ hill, but I’m certainly intrigued by some of the other options…

Happy summer, one and all! If you have a non-traditional s’more you’re obsessed with, I’d love to hear what it is.

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Happy Wednesday!

My midweek update: We survived the camp wedding even though one morning I found a tick crawling across my pillow… For real, though, it was an incredibly gorgeous weekend celebrating one of the most fun couples I know. We loved it!

This time of year is a tough one for the littles. School is ending, camp is starting, and my kids are all a bit dysregulated. We’re trying to fight all the whining with plenty of pool time with friends (get that energy out) and downtime at home (to reset the nervous system). I’m also excited about a library reading challenge for kids my friends told me about — I REALLY want to get the boys reading more this summer!

Currently reading:

• I finished “The Midnight Library” by Matt Haig and “Little One” by this weekend and loved both. I stopped by the library yesterday and picked up five new books that caught my eye. I think I’ll start with “The Correspondent” by Virginia Evans, because I feel like the last person on the planet to finally be reading this book.

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“What should I get my husband for Father’s Day?”

I probably should have covered this one a week ago, but here we are. Father’s Day! To be honest, what any dad probably wants most is a few hours to himself. Write him a sweet note on the back of a family photo, deliver it to him in bed with a cup of coffee, then get yourself and the kids out of the house for the morning. Plenty of time for everyone to love on Dad after lunch!

If you do want to celebrate with an actual present, these are all fun ideas I think most dads would appreciate. I love a good gift guide, but it annoys the hell out of me that most gift guides for men center around golf, grilling, alcohol, and hot sauce. We don’t need more whiskey stones! What I’ve compiled below is a small selection of (hopefully) less obvious/stereotypical suggestions for celebrating the fathers in your life.

PS: One of these is something Pete picked out for himself — see if you can guess!

1. A Masterclass membership to sharpen his skills and interests: We’ve had a Masterclass membership for a few years now (they’re currently running a Father’s Day sale!), and I can’t tell you how much Pete has gotten out of it. For a dad who likes to dive deep on niche topics and learn from true masters of various crafts, it’s fantastic. From Film Scoring with Hans Zimmer to Storytelling and Humor with David Sedaris to Modern Middle Eastern Cooking with Yotam Ottolenghi, there is something for every father (or any person, really).

2. Converse high tops in a shade as fun as his personality: As we know, pink is for boys, too! Chuck Taylors are a classic silhouette that any dad can pull off, but in hot pink (or some other bright color) they feel extra special and cool.

   

3. A spa gift card so he can be pampered like a princess: There’s not a lot better than a great massage. Depending where you are, you could find a gift card for a deep tissue massage to get at those sore muscles, or a day-pass to a fancy spa where he can enjoy cucumber water in a bathrobe in between treatments. Don’t write off skincare either… Plenty of men I know would really enjoy a hydrating facial!

4. A wooden bow-tie that will make him the talk of the town: Pete has a few absolutely stunning wooden bowties (one is pictured in the photo of us above) that are always such a hit when he wears them to special events. His were made by Ella Bing Haberdashery, which has sadly gone out of business, but there are many on Etsy that look to be of similar quality. A true conversation-starter!

   

5. Mouthwatering Swedish candy to sweeten his day: If you haven’t tried Swedish candy, you are really missing out. I’m a sucker for sour gummy candy, and nobody does it better than the Swedes. The texture is a bit firmer, the ingredients are of higher quality, and the flavors are more interesting. I love love love the sour mix from Bon Bon NYC, and they have different mix options if you prefer a combo of sweet and sour, or if you want to get some marshmallow action in there.

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• The bride and groom from my camp wedding circulated Camp Snap cameras to all the guests for the weekend to capture unscripted moments and I thought it was such a great idea! A modern take on nostalgic disposable cameras that are fun to use and capture hundreds of authentic, genuine memories.

• I could not stop laughing at these examples of “microfeminism” shared by Taylor Watson on Instagram. I especially loved the ones that challenge what we think of as the status quo, like “immediately assume men are talking about women’s sports instead of men’s” or “ask my kindergarten students what dad cooked for dinner last night and get v shocked if they say their mom cooked.”

Wishing you well for the rest of this week, and Happy Father’s Day to anyone celebrating!

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Happy Wednesday!

My midweek update: These weeks have been flying by, but this one feels S-L-O-W. It feels like two weeks have passed since Monday morning. Recent highlights include the very best late lunch downtown last Friday with my cute mom (pictured below), my first three-in-a-row btone teaching shift, and a new obsession with the song “drop dead” by Olivia Rodrigo. And THIS weekend one of my best friends is getting married at a camp in New Hampshire! Yes, I ordered little hand fans to prepare for the heat in a no-AC / glamping situation. The groom has famously split his pants on the dance floor at multiple weddings, so I have high hopes for very fun vibes at this one… there’s going to be a square dance!!

Currently reading:

• Physical book: “The Midnight Library” by Matt Haig - hoping to get some reading time in this weekend!

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“What expensive baby/kid items or toys are actually worth the investment?”

When I first put together a baby registry, back in 2017, I was overwhelmed by how much STUFF it seemed we would “need” for our new baby. I remember reading somewhere, “all the baby needs is diapers, food, and you,” and it really stuck with me. We did gratefully accept so many wonderful gifts and made plenty of large purchases too, but eight years later I have a little more clarity on what has been truly worthwhile. Here are my top 5 more expensive baby/kid things we bought or were gifted that I feel are worth the investment:

1. The Nugget Couch: We own FOUR of these and they are played with daily. One is great as a landing zone for kids to roll around. If you have room for two, that will significantly increase the types of builds you can create. Four is quite a splurge, but I have three physical boys who LOVE to build forts, obstacle courses, burrows, and secret hideouts. This is something I’d buy again and again. (I also want to shout out the Superspace Tiles my parents got the kids for Christmas, which are in a similar category, though not cushions. They are AWESOME!).

2. The Solly Baby Wrap: My absolute favorite babywearing wrap. The material is thin, stretchy, and soft, but keeps the baby nice and secure. The patterns are so sweet, and I always found it incredibly comfortable to wear and move around in. Nothing is better than babywearing for a fussy, tired baby, and this wrap is the best of the best.

3. Guardian bikes: I bought these for all three boys last summer after trying and failing to get them riding on traditional (more expensive) bikes. These arrived in the mail, were easy to put together, and SO MUCH EASIER for the boys to ride. The pedals come off easily so they learn to balance first, without pedaling. The hand brakes stop both wheels at once so nobody flips over the handlebars. The bikes are lightweight enough for the kids to maneuver on their own. My oldest got the hang of it in a single afternoon and my middle got it the next day. Littlest man was not so interested, but he’s doing a bike camp this summer and I’m so glad he has one of these to get started on!

4. The Uppababy Vista Stroller: Honestly, everything Uppababy was worth it (we also used their Mesa carseat and stroller bassinet). The Vista is an incredible stroller system, and it was perfect for one, two, and then three kids. We don’t need ours anymore, but I felt truly elite when I had it loaded up with three kids (one in the regular seat, one in the rumble seat, and one standing on the Piggyback Ride-Along board). I will always love this brand.

5. A comfortable glider/rocker for the nursery: My very generous aunt gifted us the one linked here and it was SO incredible. I can’t overstate how much time you will spend sitting with your baby, and having a supportive, exceptionally comfortable cozy spot made such a difference. It’s especially great if you are breastfeeding, but my husband also logged many, many hours rocking our babies in that chair. It saw us through sleepless nights, spit-ups, wiggles, cuddles, bedtime stories, bedtime songs, and everything else you can think of during those early years. We loved it so much!

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• Parents — have your children ever walked in on you “in an intimate situation?” I assumed we were safe behind a locked door, but the other day, more than an hour after the kids’ bedtime, my oldest used the tiny milk carton from his Barbie Dreamhouse kitchen as a flathead screwdriver to break into our room at a VERY inopportune, adults-only moment. He didn’t quite register what he walked in on, but I just know the memory is going to hit him when he’s 14 or so and he’s going to freak out. Pete and I are still laughing!

• Speaking of my husband, he recorded a song about me and it’s so fun! He uses AI to produce the music (including vocals), but plays lead guitar himself. You can find a small selection of songs by ‘Pete Krensky and the Bluetooth Ensemble’ on Spotify, and if you want to listen to this song specifically, ‘Nicole’ was released yesterday! Here’s his cover art for the single 😂 What a hysterical application of my btone photoshoot outtake!

Here’s hoping the rest of this week brings you plenty of laughs and joyful music… I’ll report back after the square dance!

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It’s Wednesday!

My midweek update: My heart is so full after a weekend with business school friends in town for our 10-year reunion <3 My social battery was low after my work conference, even for me, but I am so happy and grateful I rallied to attend a couple events and catch up. It’s a good reminder that relationships take work, socializing isn’t always easy (even for us extroverts), and that it often is worthwhile to make the effort for in-person gatherings. This week also marks my first btone classes teaching as a full instructor — I’m officially out of training! I knew I’d enjoy it but I have been genuinely surprised by how much fun I have teaching the classes and how powerful I feel leading clients through a killer workout. I love it so much and am so proud of myself for taking the plunge into teaching.

Currently reading:

• Physical book: I read “Best Offer Wins” by Marisa Kashino on Monday night (after meaning to start it last week) and it was addictive. It’s been a while since I read a book cover-to-cover in a single sitting, but I was so into the premise I just couldn’t put it down. This month’s Book Club pick is “The Midnight Train” by Matt Haig, so I think I’ll read “The Midnight Library” first (which has been in my TBR pile for ages) and then tackle that one.

• Audiobook: I finally finished “Famesick” by Lena Dunham on my walk with my dog yesterday, and I’m not sure what to listen to next! Any recommendations?

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“I want everyone to like me and if they don’t, it becomes my mission to be liked by them.
Will I ever care less what other people think?”

Well, first of all, I could have written this question myself. I’m the first to admit I desperately want to be liked, by pretty much everyone, all the time. The bad news is, that means I don’t really have fantastic advice for you here. But the good news is that as I get older, I do seem to be getting a *little* better at caring less.

wrote about this in the context of having good/bad taste, and I love what she says here about how being “liked” is actually boring:

Do I want to be vanilla, appealing to everyone but not anything people get excited about (except for my 8-year-old who is a diehard fan of vanilla for life)? Or do I want to be more flavorful — say, salted caramel passionfruit ice cream studded with chocolate-covered espresso beans? If I’m honest, I want to be the passionfruit, I am the passionfruit, but I’ve spent much of my life pretending to be vanilla instead. I’m diluting my own flavor to appeal to a wider audience, but where’s the fun in that??

This is actually something I think my husband is really great at. Pete is confident in who he is and what he cares about, and he’s particular about how he spends his time and with whom. He’ll tell you himself, “I’m not for everybody.” And I really love that about him, because not only is he for me (love you, babe!), but I really appreciate that he is true to himself without caving to expectations. I, on the other hand, tend to transform like a chameleon to fit my social situation, even to my own detriment. It’s taken a lot of introspection and therapy to get myself in the habit of double-checking if I’m doing / saying / wearing / agreeing to something because it’s what I want, rather than what I think will ingratiate me to someone else.

Back to the question at hand, I do think yes, you will eventually care less what people think of you, and it won’t hurt so much when people don’t like you. But it takes work to get there, and it’s okay if it doesn’t happen all at once. When I feel like someone dislikes me, here is what I ask myself:

• Am I happy with how I have treated this person?

• Do I actually like this person and want them in my life?

• Does being disliked by them actually impact anything other than my ego?

You see where this is going. I try to get myself to name the reality (even just in my head, to myself), and decide from there how to proceed. If I don’t have a good reason for spending time and energy on a relationship, as long as I treat people kindly and with respect, it’s actually fine if they don’t like me (*laughs nervously*).

Be you, I tell myself. You don’t have to be for everyone, you just have to find your people (the ones with good taste) who will appreciate your singular, bold flavor.

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• I got an aura photograph last week at my company’s post-conference party, and it was dark green! A witchy lady there told me I need to “empty my bags” and physically “carry less,” which (as I look at the mountains of bags of random stuff I haven’t unpacked since moving back home after our renovation) definitely resonates. I did a little more reading, and here’s what else people say about dark green auras: A dark green aura shows a period of growth and transformation. When a dark green aura surrounds a person, they may have entered a time in their life when they’re ready to shed the skin of the past and begin the metamorphosis they’ve been waiting for. I mean… YES! Hello newsletter, hello btone teaching, hello to more passionfruit ice cream!

• Is there any sight more concerning to a parent of small children than the scene I came across (below) when I got home yesterday? Spoiler: it was my 4-year-old’s doing, it was his own hair, and he did it because he got popsicle juice on his forehead. Thankfully, his handiwork is not too noticeable!

  

Stay happy, my friends! Hope the rest of your week goes exactly the way you want it to.

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It’s Wednesday!

My midweek update: I’m writing this week’s newsletter while I stay with my parents, and it is so comforting to be a little bit mothered again. High five to Pete who is holding down the fort at home while I’m on this little mini-trip for work. My company’s biggest event of the year is going on right now, so I’m pulling out all my extrovert vibes and I’m ready to rock! It’s tiring but energizing, and it helps that I really love the people I work with. I also feel like we are right on the cusp of summer and I’m sooo happy about it. Our neighborhood pool opened over MDW and my boys spent 2.5 hours in the water on a 60 degree day. Wet hair, blue lips, goggle marks around their eyes… and begging for more time in the pool. So many of our local friends belong to the same pool and it’s truly our favorite thing about summer!

Currently reading:

• Physical book: “Best Offer Wins” by Marisa Kashino — a dark thriller about the desperation of trying to buy a house in a seller’s market.

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“What are your favorite Instagram accounts for mom/parenting stuff?”

Such a fun question! There are loads of content creators I love for parenting advice, inspiration, and more. Here are a few favorites:

Busy Toddler: Susie is an educator who shares incredible tips for creative kid activities. I love love love her suggestions, I love her whole philosophy, and her gift guides are my go-to for toys for my kids and others. 10/10.

Raising Gentle Boys: I love this one so much. All about raising boys without stereotypes, loving children for who they are, and keeping toxic masculinity away. A favorite I often repost!

It’s Haley Pepper: Haley is a birth and postpartum doula who is married to an NFL player and posts a lot about the intersection between motherhood and activism. She has a lot of excellent thoughts on healthcare reform in America.

Chelsea Explains: Self-described as the “Michael Jordan of babysitting,” Chelsea has great “hacks” for getting children to do what you want them to do. A recent post had a great idea for gamifying getting kids to try vegetables. She is also hilarious and just a very fun follow.

The Mom Psychologist: Love this one for great advice around helping children build emotional intelligence. She has thoughtful guidance around what is age appropriate for various stages and shares the psychology behind common kid questions and parenting scenarios.

From New England with Kids: For my local friends, this one is a gem! Fantastic ideas for kid-friendly trips, activities, and spaces all over New England.

What are your favorites? I’d love to know!

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• One of my very best finds is my forever favorite perfume: Dark is Night by Henry Rose. I read about it in a magazine once and ordered one of those sets where you try many different scents. This one is absolutely fabulous. The brand was founded by Michelle Pfeiffer and is all about luxury scents with clean ingredients. I get complimented every time I wear it — sexy, woodsy, spicy, a hint of sweetness, but not overpowering. I love it so much. I also very much like their scent Dave, which is a bit more vanilla-forward, but still sophisticated.

• How do we feel about the Oxford comma? I am deeply, passionately for it, but yesterday I had a friendly debate with our PR director at work, who is very much against it. I’d like to say we’re both right, it depends on context, etc, but no. I remain firmly in the pro-Oxford comma camp. I am right about this, I know it. For proof, the below cartoon… an oldie but a goodie!

Thanks for being here. Hope you have a great week!

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Happy Wednesday!

My midweek update: I shared this newsletter on Instagram and Facebook yesterday and feel so genuinely moved by the encouraging comments I got from friends <3 Thank you! I am so happy you are here. This past weekend I attended a bachelorette party for a dear friend and it was… the most relaxing bachelorette I’ve ever been to?! We spent the weekend by the pool in gorgeous Cape Cod sunshine and we were gifted swag bags that made me feel like an influencer. And tonight, I’m hosting a small candle-making workshop at my house, put on by my pals at Grow Studio. If you’re in the Boston area, they’re incredible at private events, gift baskets, and all things crafty and botanical.

Currently reading:

• Via Audible: “Famesick” by Lena Dunham — I’m getting there in fits and spurts, listening to it in 10-minute chunks while driving to school pick-ups! I’ve laughed out loud multiple times.

• Physical book: “Strangers” by Belle Burden — it turns out even the most relaxing Bachelorette parties are not ideal for solo reading time, so I’m just getting into this one now.

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“I feel like all I talk or think about are my kids.
How can I stay close to my friends who don’t have kids?”

I was on the early side for having kids in most of my friend groups, so I very deeply feel this anxiety of how to keep those friendships going when it feels like your entire life shifts into parenthood.

Your friendships will change when you become a parent, but the reality is that circumstances, preferences, and experiences don’t remain constant for anyone. Once you have a kid, are you as flexible for last-minute plans? Definitely not. Do you have the same mental bandwidth to dissect 12 dating profiles in one night? Probably not. Are you still a real person with feelings and value outside of your new role as a parent? YES YOU ARE, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Do you still love your friends? Definitely yes.

Once you are out of the newborn haze and feeling like you’re able to shower with regularity, anything goes! While it is not always realistic or feasible to ‘bring the baby’ everywhere, it can be awesome when it does work out — my oldest attended multiple bar trivia nights at Clery’s in Boston (shout out to the Gym Ratz team!) while strapped into a baby carrier on my chest. Invite your friends over to hang at your house after the baby goes to sleep. Suggest a family-friendly brewery for afternoon hangs. Trade weekend mornings off with your partner so you can still make it to bottomless brunch. If you’re one of the first in your circle to have a baby, know it will be quite a novelty and people will genuinely want to come and see you, spend time with you, and hear about it.

And for your part, for the friends who matter most, make the effort to keep up with their lives. I found that middle-of-the-night breastfeeding sessions were a great time to catch up on group texts. Once I was in more of a groove, I took the baby with me to meet working friends downtown for lunch. And when I couldn’t participate or support in the ways I would have liked to, I found other ways to show my love, like calling the restaurant to gift a bottle of champagne for the table when I couldn’t make it to a birthday dinner.

Finally, as you will hear me say quite often, give yourself grace. If you don’t want to take your baby to a bar, don’t! You might find that some of your favorite pre-baby activities don’t appeal to you anymore. This might alter the nature of your friendships and it might even mean some of them grow apart. I’m really grateful that many of my childhood, teen, college, and young adult friendships remain strong and cherished, but there was and continues to be some platonic heartbreak, too. No matter what, how you’re feeling today is not forever. Your kids will get older, which will make things both easier and harder. Your friends may have kids, or they may not. It’s worth playing the long game, because relationships are not static. Friendship is a choice you continue to make day after day. And the best friendships are ones that evolve together, flexing as needed to accommodate people who love and care about each other.

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• Whoever runs the Twitter/X account for Merriam-Webster deserves a raise. They are nailing a very specific type of humor that balances vocabulary/grammar nerdiness with sarcasm and moral superiority. I. Love. It. Here are a couple favorites:

• I am trying, trying, trying to be a little more adventurous in my personal style (see earlier post on how to figure out fashion in your 30’s), and an account I really love for inspiration is Claire Kennedy on Instagram. In addition to outfits that are just plain FUN, she is currently taking a family travel sabbatical with her husband and three small children. AND she also has delightful, cheerful taste in interiors, especially for kids’ spaces.

Stay cool out there, do a botanical craft, and text a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. I am sure they’ll be happy to hear from you <3

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Here’s the thing, though… Tarot cards are only one part of a three-part equation.

• Part 1 is the question — what are you asking from the deck?

• Part 2 is the card itself — the imagery and the associated meaning(s)

• Part 3 is your interpretation of the card — this is the most important part!

Here’s the real magic of Tarot cards — the cards only give what you choose to take from them. I like to think of them as tools for learning to access and trust your intuition. There is no definitive, single interpretation for each card. Instead, the cards’ images and associated meaning(s) invite you to interpret an answer to your question. Whatever you think the cards are telling you is what the cards are telling you. It’s what you, in your heart of hearts, are telling yourself.

I know I’m starting to sound a little woo-woo to some of you, but bear with me!

I am not a religious person, but I am the type of person who appreciates signs from the universe, attributes meaning to dreams or coincidences, and believes in the power of a lucky penny to change the trajectory of your day. When we’re in constant motion, in the unending hustle of daily planning and decision-making, there is something so appealing about receiving any kind of direction that makes you feel like you’re on the right path. Keep going, the universe says, right this way.

I have looked for these signs and affirmations my entire life, and it was only a few years ago, when I read “Big Magic” by Elizabeth Gilbert, that I understood the signs I sought were not external. They might manifest externally, but the answers we look for come from within us, from our own hopes and dreams, our own intuition.

Seems easy enough, but does anyone really feel like they have the answers? Like they know what they want, and what path will get them there? I certainly don’t. Like anything else, getting in tune with your intuition takes practice. Learning to recognize and interpret your own instincts is the first step in learning to trust in yourself and what you believe.

If we think back to Tarot cards, the point of interpreting the cards, for me at least, is that they help me find and listen to that inner guidance. Let’s try an example. I’ve got my Tarot card app* open and I am asking, “What do I need to know today?”

*I prefer to use physical cards, but I don’t have them with me while I’m writing this, so in a pinch, an app is great! Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. I use the Tarot Simple app and like it a lot.

I drew the Seven of Swords.

For simplicity, here’s a summary of what my app has to say about this card:

The Seven of Swords often speaks to the delicate balance between self-preservation and authenticity. It hints at the power of intellect and resourcefulness, but it can also indicate the temptation to become entangled in deception (this card is sometimes known as ‘the thief’), whether self-imposed or from external influences. Embracing vulnerability and transparency may be the key to unlocking deeper connections and personal growth. In essence, the Seven of Swords invites you to honor your intellect while also weaving threads of sincerity into your journey.

What immediately comes to mind is the publishing of this newsletter, which I delayed for years because I feared judgment. I still fear it, to be honest, but pulling this card today feels like a gentle reminder that I am worthy of endeavors that feel authentic to me. I can and should write about what I want to write about, and not what I think other people expect me to write about. I also feel encouraged to be vulnerable in this space, and that doing so (which was one of my initial motivations) will lead to the types of connections and fulfillment I’m hoping for. On a day when I’ve been second-guessing my goals and priorities, the Seven of Swords drew out of me exactly what I needed to say to myself.

Does this make sense to anyone? The card I pulled served as inspiration, but the interpretation is entirely my own, rooted in what I am thinking about as I digest the card’s meaning. The Seven of Swords didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know, but it pulled to the surface some truths I hadn’t quite verbalized to myself, and a reminder to trust my own instincts and motivations.

I don’t practice with Tarot cards daily, though I would like to. Each time I have a thoughtful interaction with one of the cards, I feel a little bit closer to those ‘strange jewels’ deep within me, and I feel a little bit more confident in trusting myself to guide my own journey.

Would anyone else like to try? If you drop a question in the comments (it can be as simple as “what do I need to know today?”), I would be happy to pull a card for you and give you a mini-reading to guide your own interpretation.

PS - If you are interested in learning more about Tarot cards, I highly recommend two Substacks. One is by Rachel Barker, and the other is by Caroline Donofrio.

Happy Wednesday!

My midweek update: Someone please tell me what it will take to get some consistently warm weather in Boston and I WILL DO IT. I had to pull out my heated vest today. Other than the chill, we had a very nice Mother’s Day weekend in which I got to go to a btone class and a coffee date with two besties, and then had Sunday afternoon to myself. I spent it painting my office (you might remember we had an ice dam back in February that damaged the ceiling). I was inspired by who recently painted her own office blue, so I tackled the job myself using leftover Farrow & Ball “Oval Room Blue” from my kids’ bathroom. It feels SO good to work from my own desk again after bopping around the house with my laptop for the past couple of months. Sneak peek below, but more photos to come when I finish unpacking!

Currently reading:

• Via Audible: “Famesick” by Lena Dunham — I’ve got about 4 hours left and it’s excellent, though not much is left to the imagination!

• Physical book: “Strangers” by Belle Burden — this one has been hyped, and I’m equal parts excited and nervous to get into it.

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“How the f*** are we supposed to keep up with the millions of special events that are happening at school this time of year?”

Parents, can we relate, or can we relate? I received an email from my son’s Kindergarten teacher yesterday that as of this Friday, there will only be 26 days of school left this year (!), and that to commemorate, they will have a themed day (A-Z) for each of the remaining 26 days. This Friday is “A-nimal” and the kids bring in a stuffed animal. Monday is “B-ubbles” and they bring bubbles. Tuesday is “C-ostume” and they wear a costume. On repeat alphabetically forever for the next 26 days.

That is just for one child and one classroom at our elementary school. Never mind Field Day, schoolwide spirit days, and other events. And at our preschool, for my youngest there is an end-of-year dance party, there’s a grand-special-person day, and two separate picnics. (Fine, yes, I signed up for the dance party and one of the two picnics, but STILL).

Here’s my advice for staying sane and (relatively) on top of it:

1. Calendar ALL of it at the earliest possible moment. Yes, this means tonight I’m adding 26 alphabetical end-of-school themes to our family calendar. If I don’t do it tonight, the email will disappear into my inbox void, and we’ll be scrambling forever.

2. Plan ahead whenever possible. For me, this means ordering bubbles tonight so I’ll have them for Bubble Day, coordinating which grandparent (and back-up grandparent) will attend grand-special-person day, and checking the kids’ closets to ensure they have t-shirts in the assigned colors for Field Day.

3. Share the mental load, not just with your partner, but with your kids (presuming they are old enough to understand what’s going on). My Kindergartner has by far the most activities and events, so I’m going to print out the A-Z calendar and it will be his responsibility (with some gentle reminding, at first) to look at it each night and decide what stuffy to bring, what hairdo to try, what joke to tell, and so on.

4. Schedule downtime for the family. This one is hardest for me as a true extrovert, but my kids are still kids and they need opportunities to regulate and recharge. My husband will laugh when he reads this, because despite evidence to the contrary, I really am trying to keep some of our weekends and evenings open for low-key time at home. We just pulled the plug on attending our college reunion in a few weeks, and I’m sad but also relieved to have the trip taken off our plates.

5. Give yourself grace. Accept now that you will forget something, and it will be fine. Your kid will get over being the only one in the class who forgot to wear sunglasses. Kids are resilient, and so are we! Besides, in another two months, we’ll be having this same conversation about events at camp. Stay calm, focus on what matters most (hint: it’s not crazy hair day), and know that this season of life is not forever.

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• My extremely cool, thoughtful, and creative friend is launching a new magazine for girls! It is all about the design of girlhood, and I highly recommend reading her first Substack post (embedded below) about the lack of adequate pockets for girls and the impact this single design choice can have on development. I’m a boy mom and I’m subscribing anyway because boys need to be talking about these things too!

  "Think about a rock. A boy puts a rock in his pocket because the designed object in his life accommodates his impulse—to collect, to keep, to carry what matters. A girl learns to leave the rock behind. She hands it to someone else, or she carries a bag before she wants or needs one, or she stops picking up rocks altogether. In the most concrete possible way, she learns that her things are a lower priority than her silhouette."

  Elisa Kim

  Where Did the Pockets Go?

  A few days ago, a teenager came home from school with news. Her mother (Gabrielle Stanley Blair) had bought her a pair of men’s Levi’s 501s—100% cotton, button-fly, no stretch—and she had made a discovery so significant she needed to announce it at full volume the moment she walked in the door…

  Read more

  5 months ago · 2 likes · Elisa Kim

• Is anyone else an absolute sucker for millennial humor? One of my favorite Instagram follows is @millennialmomedit for their millennial mom name personality trait series. Click through to the last slide to see my morning routine persona… It’s dead on!

I hope the rest of your week is full of belly laughs, sunshine, and some (but not too many) spirit days.

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It’s Wednesday, friends!

My midweek update: May is such a weirdo month. Unassuming, you don’t think about it much throughout the year, and then BAM it hits with a whirlwind of activity. Even the warmer can be a little fickle, which only makes us crave moments of sunshine even more. This week I feel both rejuvenated (thank you, Miraval) and also like I’m perched atop a house of cards that could collapse at any moment should one sports game or other kid commitment shift slightly out of its neatly allotted spot in our family schedule. Stable, but delicate. Last night, at my son’s 2nd grade baseball game, for a peaceful hour all the stars aligned. It was a perfect little slice of Americana: a baseball game, kids playing on the playground, friends and neighbors mingling in the early evening light, and an ice cream truck timing its arrival with the last inning of the game. More of this, please!

(Lest you think this all sounds a little too perfect, please know the entire car ride home consisted of a screaming meltdown from one of my children who was disappointed with his own ice cream selection.)

(Also, it’s now raining.)

Currently reading:

• Via Audible: “Famesick” by Lena Dunham

• Physical book: “The View from Lake Como” by Adriana Trigiani, which so far is giving me “The Sicilian Inheritance” vibes, just as I hoped!

Ask Your Mom Friend: When it’s all a bit much, let’s figure it out.

“How does one dress oneself in one’s 30s?”

Most of the time, the questions I answer here are ones I’ve actually received from friends IRL, but this one is my own that I asked (of several friends) about a year ago. While I’m no expert, I have put a lot of effort into this area and feel much much better about my own clothing and ability to style myself than I used to. Here’s my advice if you’re starting from scratch, like I was!

1. Rediscover your personal style: Start with what clothes make you feel good, the ones in your closet you always reach for, the comfy ones, the fun ones. If NOTHING in your closet sparks that little bit of joy, it’s time to go shopping. I like department stores or some place like Marshall’s or TJ Maxx for this kind of shopping because the point is to try on as many different things as possible. Go alone so you can sit with your own feelings, because the point is to think about what YOU like, and not what others think looks good. When you find something that makes you feel good, take pictures and add them to an album on your phone. You will want a visual reminder!

2. Get inspired: Troll the internet (I like Instagram or Pinterest for this) for looks you like. It doesn’t matter if they are high-fashion or budget-friendly, but it does help to visualize them on body types similar to yours. Save these images too! If possible, figure out where the clothes are from, and start a list of brands or designers you like. Honestly, this is probably a pretty good use case for AI — once you have your real pictures and your inspiration pictures and your list of designers, you could ask AI to help you design a wardrobe.

3. Be realistic: Yes, clothes and shoes and jewelry should be fun, but if you are never going to wear heels (shout-out to my medically unstable ankles), it is not worth spending money on them. If you don’t like the feel of wool or cashmere, trust yourself in your own feelings and don’t buy it. If buying something expensive will make you wince every time you see it hanging in your closet, look for something more affordable. Set your boundaries and stick to them.

4. Ask for help: This was probably the most impactful for me! Lucky for me, my friend Sam recently launched a personal styling business and walked me through a ‘closet edit’ — essentially, I tried on my clothes via Zoom and she gave me styling tips. Things I learned from Sam include the reminder to wear a belt, how to properly roll my sleeves, and not to be afraid of a little volume. Obviously the individual session was awesome, but you don’t need to hire a personal stylist for this to work! If you’re willing to set aside your shopper anxiety (“I’m just browsing, thanks!”) and actually take salespeople up on their offers to help, you might be pleasantly surprised. I went to Aritzia last summer and asked the first cute, stylish 23-year-old I saw working there to put together some outfits for me. I would NEVER have picked up some of the things she chose for me (a flowy pleated skirt with a vest as a top?!) but I tried them on and you know what, Meg at Aritzia in the Burlington Mall really knows what she’s doing. Be brave!

5. Dress for the life you have AND the life you want: I am generally a casual person and so I’ve invested in clothes I will wear all the time, like jeans, shorts, comfy t-shirts, cardigans, the world’s comfiest pants, and pajamas that make me feel happy and cozy. But I also want to manifest more fancy nights out, so I bought myself this super fun (but still comfy and unfussy) dress that I ended up wearing to a 40th birthday celebration at The Ocean House. It was perfect and I can’t wait to wear it again!

Here are a couple fun things to spark some joy for the rest of your week:

• Is anyone else reading '“Famesick” by Lena Dunham? I’m listening to it on Audible and genuinely laughing out loud at the absurdity of her life and the incredibly funny, intimate way she tells her story. This book is not for prudes, but gosh it’s fun to listen to as Lena herself reads the audiobook. Her descriptions of filming sex scenes with Adam Driver for ‘Girls’ had me absolutely rolling. Here’s a little teaser, where she’s talking about the wardrobe stylist ahead of the first sex scene they filmed: “And then, she asked me a question that haunts me to this day: ‘Would you like a Band-Aid for your butthole?’”

• I absolutely love when boring, unlikeable things are made fun for no reason. Case in point: have you SEEN what they’re doing with cone collars for dogs these days? Our lab has a hot spot on her paw and I couldn’t resist… It arrives tomorrow!

Have a good one! It’s almost Friday Junior!

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“Ahh, so busy!”

“OMG work is soooo busy right now!”

If you’re reading this and you haven’t said a version of the above in the last week, I’m not even sure how you ended up here because everyone in my orbit is just… always busy. Yes, it’s the season we’re in (see my intro post for more on that), but I am also acutely aware that I make choices, again and again, that contribute to what feels like constant activity. But it’s those choices, the agency of saying yes and making time for things I care about, that allow me to build the life I want to live. And that’s a life that is full.

I really don’t like talking about how “busy” I am, but it’s an instinct that’s hard to shake. I have an inner cringe moment every time I hear myself do it, and I know I have done it even in writing in this very newsletter. “Busy” is a pretty lazy word. “How are you?” “Ahh, so busy!” — what a cop out of an answer (that I am fully guilty of). It’s boring, it’s vague, and it tells you absolutely nothing about how someone is actually doing. If you’re trying to articulate a feeling of whelm, there are many more interesting ways to do that.

“Busy” is, I think, an easier way to gloss over how we are really feeling. It’s something we fall back on when we’re afraid to be vulnerable, whether that’s because we fear external judgment or because we’re not ready to truthfully acknowledge those feelings even to ourselves.

“I’m just really busy these days!” could mean so much more:

• “I feel intense imposter syndrome at work and can barely manage to keep up with my tasks.”

• “Parenting is so much harder than I thought it would be and my body hurts and my heart hurts and I’m afraid everyone can tell because I haven’t washed my hair in a week.”

• “I haven’t called you back because I know you will ask about my dad’s cancer and I love you for caring but I can’t talk about it or even think about without sobbing so I’m filling my time with literally anything else just so I can keep getting out of bed in the morning.”

As women, as mothers, as friends, wives, girlfriends, sisters, or daughters, we carry so much. The mental load of families and jobs, the physical weight of being in a body and carrying around smaller bodies, and the emotional burden of what can sometimes feel like the entire world. And we are, in a sick way, rewarding ourselves for it! We look at each other and think, ‘Wow, she is so amazing, look at how busy she is!’ and yes, so many women in my community are absolutely kicking ass, but it’s the quality and intention of what they do, not the quantity, that I admire. And that, in my opinion, is the difference between a busy life and a full life. Both are constantly in motion, but a full life is intentional in the activities that make it up.

A busy life serves as an artificial barrier to things we don’t want to feel or are not ready to do. A full life is packed like a Thanksgiving table, bursting at the seams with food and forks and elbows, yet always able to make room for one more.

Let’s not be busy, anymore, shall we? Let’s design our lives to be full of people and places and commitments we love. Let’s leave room for what gives us meaning, which hopefully is joy and love and adventure, but might also include reflection, anxiety, and grief. Let’s do, but let’s also make sure we have the time and space to feel.

So — how are you, really? I’ll go first in the comments!