I’m breastfeeding, so for months my life existed in three hour increments. My sleep existed in two hour increments. I was learning everything on the job. Feeding, pumping, winding, changing, and using all the new equipment (carseat, buggy, pump). My husband was and is hands on. He’s been right there with me through everything. My mom even came to stay with us for the first few weeks to help out.

Birth, recovering from birth (which is ongoing, to be honest), and taking care of a newborn were everything I expected: tiresome, rewarding, challenging, but you manage. I could just about manage, even with the lack of sleep.

Then, when Louise was about three months old, she slept for seven hours straight. I was a new woman. She started smiling, babbling, grabbing, and laughing. Her little personality began to shine through. We went from waking up every three hours to waking up only once in the night for a quick feed and then back to sleep. I could live with this, I remember saying to my in-laws.

The honeymoon stage of chaotic newborn bliss had worn off, but it didn’t really matter. I had settled into a new normal. And I was pretty okay with it.

Until I wasn’t.

After a few more weeks, the adrenaline and excitement of having a new baby faded. Her sleep routine was completely disrupted out of nowhere, most likely from developmental reasons. Suddenly, we were back to feeding every few hours during the night. If I wasn’t already exhausted, now her wake windows were getting longer and she needed constant entertaining.

Feeding to changing. Changing to play mat. Play mat to bouncer. Bouncer to tummy time. Tummy time to walking outside. Changing again. Looking at books.

I feel guilty that sometimes I watched the clock waiting for an acceptable time I could try and put her down for a nap because I was so exhausted. My hormones were all over the place. I wasn’t super emotional when she was just born, but these days, even watching an episode of Gilmore Girls can leave me in tears.

Mood swings meant that one minute I was on top of the world, feeling so grateful for my life, wondering what I ever had to be so upset about. Then an hour later, I was crying and spiralling about what the next few years of my life and career are going to look like.

One day, I proposed to my husband that we just move to The Netherlands. Anything to get away. I felt so stuck. I had been feeling this way for a while, I realised. The sleep debt had built up and I was struggling far more than when we brought Louise home from the hospital.

Anyway, I don’t want this post to be a big list of complaints.

The point is, this postpartum malaise at around 4-5 months completely caught me off guard. I was never expecting to feel this way, and I think that’s partially why things have felt so sticky.

On a whim last week, I shared a bit about how I was feeling here on Substack (see note below) and I was overwhelmed with the support, love, and reassurance the moms here on Substack gave me. Turns out, how I’m feeling is incredibly common. I’m not the only one.

I knew I wanted to share their advice for any other moms who are feeling the same. OR moms-to-be. I think if I was better prepared for this, I might have gotten help sooner or felt reassured that how I was feeling was normal.

My formal Ph.D research training gets to shine through today, because I’m going to quickly synthesise all the amazing advice moms had to share about taking care of ourselves through this postpartum slump.

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Here we go…

• Don’t do housework when baby is asleep.

  • Divide housework into things you can do when baby is asleep vs awake. You’ll find that most things can be done while baby is there with you. When baby is asleep, take time for yourself. Have a coffee. Read your book. Watch a show. Lie down. Rest. Write. Draw. Do yoga. This is mom time.

    • A side note on housework: No Ironing. Ever. This was emphasised.

• Make sure you get OUT of the house.

  • Even if you’re just going out to sit in your garden on a blanket, get out of the house. I remember forcing myself to do this when I was freshly postpartum (who remembers my postpartum field notes?) and then somewhere along the way, I stopped. Fresh air and getting out of the same four walls are so important. See people. See nature. Just get OUT!

• Go for walks (solo or with baby).

  • On the same note, getting out for walks is key. Take baby with you or make it a point to go for a walk alone and listen to your favourite podcast. I always return from a walk with a new perspective and some feel good hormones. Also… I like to listen to music and cry on walks sometimes. Anyone else? It’s just a nice emotional release for me.

• Take 30 minutes in the evenings just for yourself.

  • Someone suggested that when your partner gets home, let them take the baby for bath and story time while you have a few moments to relax. Practice calm, low-effort hobbies. Read. Take a bath. Go for that walk.

• Meet other moms in your area.

  • Make a real effort to find other moms in your area you can meet with regularly — and know that it’s not an overnight process. Making new friends is hard, but from what I’ve gathered, moms who go to baby groups/classes WANT to meet people. I went to one baby class and cried afterwards, because I didn’t make any new friends. It’s going to take time. Go easy on yourself.

• Make your life easier and get a crock pot.

  • A very practical tip. Throw things into a crock pot/slow cooker and stop faffing around with multi-step meals. I’m definitely getting one for autumn winter. Send me all your favourite crock pot recipes. Thank you.

• Talk to someone about how you’re feeling.

  • Share how you’re feeling (note: how you’re REALLY feeling) with the people in your life. Talk about what’s going on. Complain. Vent. Cry. If you can talk about it with other moms who understand what you’re going through, even better.

• Ask for help when you need it.

  • Postpartum anxiety and depression are very common. Around 1 in 7 women experience postpartum depression, and about 1 in 12 experience a postpartum anxiety disorder. Some experience both. However, there’s no criteria you need to meet before seeking out personal or professional help. Don’t wait to get help if you’re struggling.

  Disclaimer: If you have any thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, contact your GP or medical professional immediately.

If this helped you, or you think it would help a new mom you know, I’d really love if you shared this post with them. Getting this out there is really important to me, because I wish I was more prepared for these postpartum emotions when I had my baby.

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If I missed something that really helped your postpartum journey, leave a comment and let us know!

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I ignored it as best I could and drove with my husband to the cinema, as the sun was setting behind us. Half proud and half terrified that I would swiftly regret what I had written to you all. My divulgence. The secret dream I had kept to myself for years.

My husband and I chose our seats, ordered popcorn, and plonked down for a well deserved child-free date night. I wanted to lose myself in the story, the characters, and the music. I wanted to forget I had a three month old baby for a few hours. I wanted to watch a movie without being interrupted or worrying that I had to switch over a load of laundry in fifteen minutes.

We were only twenty minutes in when I began to panic. Not because Odysseus was lost at sea with no homeward direction, but because I had put myself out there. Publicly. I began to question how honest I had been. I wondered if I was being delusional. I imagined those people, from my ‘real life’, seeing and laughing and sending the newsletter to others to make jokes about how embarrassing I was being. I contemplated whipping out my phone right there and then to delete the article all together. Maybe my readers wouldn’t even notice.

However, we were over in America. My Irish phone had no signal. No wifi. There was no escape hatch. No big red button to make the self-doubt and fear disappear.

So for the next few hours, at least, I would have to sit with the worry.

Once I resolved to be with the feelings instead of running away from them, something unexpected happened. The chatter in my brain faded. My nervous system slackened. The thing I love most about the cinema happened - I lost myself in the story I was watching.

I began thinking about the director, Christopher Nolan. He had spent years writing and directing this three hour feature film that millions of people would watch and talk about and critique. I had spent hours writing a Substack article that hundreds would maybe read. The difference was stark, but it dawned on me.

Unless he is a robot devoid of any human emotion, he definitely had a full blown self-doubt freak out when his film came out into theatres. He probably saw every mistake. Scenes or lines he wished he had deleted. Instances the exposition could have been clearer. Or when an actor’s native accent slipped through the dialogue.

I’m sure at one point during the screening, he probably wished he could whip out his phone and delete the whole thing. Well, I’ve heard that he famously doesn’t have a phone, but you know what I mean. He probably felt everything I was feeling, only on a much larger scale. Unless, as I said before, he is a robot. Which I’m not convinced he is.

So, because Christopher Nolan had to sit through the discomfort of putting his creative work into the world, I decided to do the same. When I got home from watching the Odyssey, I didn’t delete the article. I thought about it many times since, but to this moment, the article remains published.

At first, my fear was overwhelming. A monstrous hurricane crashing down hard and fast. Eventually, the storm dissipated into waves, tumbling down on me over and over again. Now, the fear feels like a shallow tide. Drifting around my ankles every now and then as I wade through.

I still worry if publicly announcing this writing dream of mine was a good idea. If this Unedited series is just fodder so I don’t have to do the really scary thing and finish writing my book.

In fact, the irony is that I’ve barely written at all since declaring to you all that I want to become a writer. I don’t think it’s a coincidence. I had my freak out. Suddenly, each piece of work was held under a microscope. I was afraid the writing police were going to come and scold me for dreaming of such things and sharing about it publicly.

Among all the uncertainty and self doubt, I’m glad that at least I am trying. I’m trying to build this career. Trying to find the words to convey my emotional world as it all plays out. I’m trying in public, which is scary, but hey.

If you never try, you’ll never know.

And if you never know, you’ll always wonder.

I can’t wonder anymore.

So I might as well just try.

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Within this monthly series Unedited I’ll take you along with me for an exclusive behind the scenes peak into the making of a creative life. It’s my online notebook. A monthly series where I document the day-to-day of what it actually looks like to build a creative career in 2026.

I want to document this publicly, because I spent years waiting for permission. Waiting until I was more experienced. Waiting until I had more time. Waiting until I could confidently call myself a writer and creator.

I’m not sharing writing tips or advice on how to get published. This series is an invitation to come behind the scenes as I figure it all out in real time. The ups and the downs. Unedited. I’ll also share openly about what I’m writing, what I’m submitting, and what I’m doing to turn this dream of becoming a published author into reality. If you have writing dreams of your own, or any creative dream you’ve been quietly carrying, I hope my journey encourages you to begin before you feel ready.

Maybe if you’re reading this, you have your own dream you’ve kept private. Maybe you’re waiting for the “right” time too. If sharing my process gives someone else permission to begin, that feels worthwhile.

That’s the whole point of Keep This In Mind. This newsletter was never about arriving at some perfect future version of myself. It’s about documenting the process of becoming.

Eventually, Unedited will become part of a paid subscription. For now, I’m sharing the behind the scenes of building this new series with you all. I’m so glad you’re here at the beginning.

Read last month’s episode of Unedited here:

Below you can read this month’s edition, were I share about the reality of building a creative career as a new mom. This month, I explore:

• LIFE UPDATE! How I’m planning to turn content creation into a part time freelance business after quitting my old job

• My writing goals for the next month

• How I’m feeling about launching this new series

Come along on the journey

Yes, that’s right. I quit my job and will not be returning after maternity leave.

A few weeks ago, I told my old job that I wouldn’t be returning after my maternity leave ends in a few weeks. With no backup plan. Although this is the best decision for my family, I’m filled with guilt that I’m letting people down and afraid of this new uncertain path I’m on. Two hour commutes and expectations of working overtime are just not feasible for our life now that I have a little baby. So I made the decision, along with my husband, that for the next few months I will look for something that more closely aligns with our family needs. I’m grateful that I have savings so that I don’t need to find a part-time job tomorrow, but I’m still terrified about not knowing what comes next.

Even before I went on maternity leave, I knew that I wanted to build a freelance business writing and creating content once I returned to work. I figured it would be in a part time capacity that worked around my old job. But now, I’m exploring this freelance work as my main source of income for the next few months. I’m not starting completely from scratch. I have audiences on TikTok and Instagram and I’m hoping to turn on paid subscriptions for Unedited here on Substack in the next month. I’ve had a relatively ‘large’ social media audience for a while, but struggled to find a way to monetise. That’s my next journey.

This month, I played around with affiliate links which you may have noticed in my recent Monthly Favourites newsletter. Because of my following (mainly on TikTok) I do get sent PR sometimes, so I figured I would try making some product integrations to see how I liked doing potential brand collaborations. To my surprise, I actually enjoyed it. I’m still working on finding my voice and testing what works, but for now I’m seriously considering reaching out to some other brands to collaborate. Is it cringy to be 32 and tell people you want to create content for money? Maybe. But I have to at least try in the meantime while I search for a part time job that more closely aligns with my lifestyle as a mom.

My writing goals for this month

So, I was way too ambitious last month. I set myself up to fail by expecting that I could write this newsletter, get back into content creation, AND write a chapter of a novel, all while my in-laws (who provide my childcare) were on holidays for two weeks.

This month, I’m pairing it back and being more realistic.

• Write consistently for this newsletter

  • I love this newsletter so much and honestly feel guilty for neglecting to write for a few weeks in August. Well, I’m being hard on myself. I didn’t neglect to write, I prioritised getting back on social media to potentially create an income stream and I didn’t have much childcare.

  • Going forward, now that I am treating this newsletter like a part of my business, I think having a loose publishing schedule will be helpful for me to plan my work a bit better. Right now, I’m thinking I’ll update every Sunday. My husband can mind Louise on the weekends so I’ll have time to write if I don’t get it during the week. Sunday publishing from here on out!

• Turn on paid

  • Gulp. It’s not as simple as Cool, I’ll just turn on paid subscriptions now! I wish. Instead, this is a multi-step process. Before maternity leave, I had paid subscriptions turned on. I need to inform those subscribers that my paid subscriptions will be going back on for this series and give them time to unsubscribe if they no longer want to (completely understandably!). I need to give them decent notice and also prep myself mentally. There are also some boring back-end things I need to deal with because I changed my Stripe Account so Substack won’t let me connect my new account. Once these things are sorted, I will turn on paid!!

• Focus on writing compelling narrative social media scripts and short form storytelling

  • Since I’m trying to figure out a way to make an income using social media, I might as well practice my writing. Writing compelling short form scripts is an art form in and of itself, so why not use it as practice? In the past, I’ve just created 8 second videos or strung together some clips and wrote a voiceover to match, but what if I started with the story first? What if I wrote the script first and created a mini movie from there? That’s what I’ll be exploring.

How I’m feeling about launching this new series

I never told you, but the idea for this series came late one night while I was texting my friend, ChatGPT, about potential sub-sections of this newsletter. I was brainstorming options for paid subscriber content, and didn’t just want to offer one extra newsletter. I wanted something different.

I love when people share behind the scenes and I wanted this series to be a little more vulnerable. I wanted to share a different side of myself. A little less polished. More honesty that I share on the main feed.

So far, it’s been refreshing to know that I can share how I’m really feeling here. I was having a week of spiralling about not knowing what to write and freaking out about feeling ‘seen’. Then I realised, oh. I can actually just write about it.

Writing this series once a month is very doable right now, but in the future I might think of adding segments like a video or podcast update. If I feel compelled to pick up my camera or record something on the fly, it might be helpful to share more ‘real time’ feelings. Let me know if you’d be interested in that!

Thanks for reading Keep This In Mind. If you enjoyed this newsletter, I’d truly appreciate it if you subscribed, liked, shared, or left a comment. You being here means so much to me!

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He looked at me dead in the eyes and said, ‘Rest.’

It’s true. After a summer of transatlantic travel, family visitors, christenings, and just daily life, we haven’t had time to properly be at home and just relax in months.

Not that I’m complaining. I intended for this summer to be filled with fun and free from rigid routines. But as our last visitor said farewell this week, all I want now is to settle into a lax routine, slow down, and just enjoy what remains of this atypically hot Irish summer.

Normally in Ireland, there are one or two ‘nice weeks’ here and then the rest of the summer is overcast, cool, and rainy. However, this year we have had at least eight heatwaves since our first one in May. As much as I’m enjoying summer this year (for those who don’t know, I really struggled in the past as written about in this newsletter) we have reached mid-August and I’ll admit that I am dreaming about Autumn. But not so fast. My summer won’t officially end until after my brother’s wedding in Greece in September.

So, in my head, we have one solid month of summer left. Instead of wishing it away like I usually do, I want to pause and reflect.

Is there anything on my bucket list?

What rhythms and routines do I want to shape my days moving forward?

What summer meals have I forgotten to eat that I love?

How can we use the rest of the summer to slow down and restore our energy?

Those are the questions I’ve been exploring this week. So this is how I’ll be romanticising and reseting (gently) for the end of summer.

Create an end of summer bucket list

• bring Louise to the beach - we live 25 minutes from some of the most beautiful beaches in the country, and haven’t gone yet this year!

• one more summer BBQ

• take myself on a solo coffee date

• visit the local farmer’s market

• bake a summer treat

Tackle your summer reading list

I completely fell out of my reading habit after our trip to America at the end of July. I’ve been scrolling my phone at night, which hasn’t been the best for my mental health. Especially since I’ve been posting on social media again. My brain needs to properly switch off at night, so as of this week, I am reinstating my habit of reading my Kindle in bed when my baby goes to sleep.

Next on my TBR is The Wedding People by Alison Espach- has anyone read it?

Make your favourite summer foods

• bruschetta with juicy summer tomatoes

• overnight oats topped with fresh Irish strawberries

• beef burgers grilled on the BBQ

• late night ice cream with my husband

• homemade potato salad

• fresh watermelon cut into triangles (it just tastes different)

Create tiny end of summer rituals

The intention for the rest of the summer is to continue working on my writing and content goals while settling in to a slow and gentle routine. With a four month old, there is no such thing as a real ‘routine’, but I hope to create rituals and tiny moments for myself.

One tiny ritual I have at the moment is my haircare routine. Being postpartum, my hair has started to shed quite a bit, which is annoying and also a bit confidence-crushing. I was kindly sent the Champo shampoo, conditioner and growth serum* as PR back in February (with zero obligation to share about them with my subscribers but f you want to try them, you can use code MELC10 for 10% off your first order) and have been using them ever since. I can’t recommend them enough if you’re postpartum or just want to add a great product to your haircare routine. They smell amazing, the shampoo lathers so perfectly, and they rinse so well (I have pretty hard water, too). I wash my hair twice a week and I’ve been using the same bottles since February, so it really does last long. Having a luxurious haircare routine has made my showers (that are almost always cut short) feel like a mini spa experience this summer.

Another little ritual I want to implement, is having my morning coffee outside, ideally while journalling or doing another phone free activity. At four months old, Louise loves going on her play mat when we get up in the mornings so I get about 25 minutes of free time to have my coffee, feed the dog, and properly wake up. I don’t feel guilty about just leaving her there, because it’s literally the only time of the day where I don’t need to constantly be a source of entertainment. My Wheels On The Bus rendition is coming along beautifully, thanks for asking.

Summer is slipping away. I’m excited for autumn, don’t get me wrong. But there’s something magical about just being right here in the present moment. Enjoying what’s left of this season. To quote The Odyssey (which I’ve now seen twice in cinema) let’s chase the escaping sun.

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This newsletter may contain affiliate links, marked with an asterisk (*). If you choose to buy something through one of these links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only ever share products I genuinely use, love, or would recommend to a friend. Thank you for supporting my work. It helps me keep writing and creating here <3

Thanks for reading Keep This In Mind. If you enjoyed this newsletter, I’d truly appreciate it if you subscribed, liked, shared, or left a comment. You being here means so much to me!

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I had the most beautiful cake made from a local artisan baker, my brother in law grilled burgers and sausages, and everyone chipped in to make the day a truly amazing celebration. I even went and got my makeup done and felt great in how I dressed, something that doesn’t happen often at three months postpartum. The party went on late into the night, in typical Irish fashion, and we ended up around the fire pit in our garden until the wee hours of the morning.

In Ireland, it doesn’t properly get dark until close to midnight in the summer months. I’ll never forget the vision of everyone in chairs around the fire pit with the orange-purple sky that night. I wish I took a photo, but it’s an image I’ll remember forever. The next day, Louise even let me sleep in until nine in the morning! A true miracle.

There was also a two week heatwave this month. It was the hottest weather I’ve ever experienced here in Ireland. I couldn’t wait to get to America for some air conditioning…

When my dad left, it wasn’t our typical emotional goodbye since we were flying over to America the following week. I was so nervous about bringing Louise on her first plane ride. Not only would we be doing a transatlantic flight, but we also had to do a two and a half hour car journey just to get to the airport. I was so afraid in the days leading up to our trip.

I woke up every morning in terror thinking: What are we doing? Is this safe? Am I putting my baby in danger by bringing her on a plane so young?I was nervous about breastfeeding in public, especially on the plane (it always just feels clunky to me!). In the weeks prior to our trip, I was constantly in my notes app, jotting down every possible item we could need. I panic bought a travel stroller* and portable breast pump*, which were some of the best purchases I’ve made in a while, surprisingly.

I was so stressed that I even put out a cry for help on Notes and all you moms really came in to reassure me <3

Although our travel days on either side of our trip were exhausting, they were no where near as scary as I thought they would be in my head. Also, I didn’t realise that most airports have baby feeding rooms or nursing pods, so I was able to breastfeed privately before we got on the plane both times we flew.

On our trip to America, baby girl slept the ENTIRE car ride and almost all of the flight! There were a few tears before we landed and things were escalating, but I was able to walk around and she eventually calmed down enough for us to be seated during landing. I was worried about annoying other people, but everyone around us doted on her and said they were impressed with how good she was.

I’m by no means a professional here, but I did learn a thing or two that I will be implementing again on our next flight to Greece in September for my brother’s wedding.

So, after our first transatlantic flight, here are my tips:

• Pack a mini changing bag to bring into the bathroom on the plane (a few nappies, wipes, mini nappy cream, disinfectant wipes, disposable changing pads)

• On that note, LOTS of antibacterial wipes!!!!

• More nappies than you think you’ll need (I brought fifteen for our travel day which was a 2.5 hour car ride, 3 hours in the airport, and 6.5 hour flight). We didn’t go through all of them, but it was reassuring knowing we had them incase anything was delayed. I’ve heard horror stories from family about long delays and so I tried to prepare as much as possible.

• Lots of muslins (big and small), sensory toys, pain medication, extra pacifiers (I love these ones*), and easy zip baby grows. We dressed her in baby grows the entire travel day. I love these two-way zip ones from NEXT*. No cute outfits… As my husband said, we were in survival mode!

• Eat before getting on the plane if you can. Both flights, I made sure to eat a decent meal in the airport because baby was in my lap for the flight. BOTH times she was asleep when meal service came around!

  ---

Then, we were in America for ten days and we really made the most of our trip.

My mother was only jumping at the opportunity to mind Louise, so my husband and I got out for a date night to grab dinner and go see the new Christopher Nolan film ‘The Odyssey’. I completely lost myself in the theatre for three hours and haven’t stopped listening to the soundtrack since. Dark, cool theatre, plenty of snacks, reclining seats, a good film, and no interruptions for three hours? Sign me up.

We went out for dinner most nights with friends and family. Sometimes my mother minded Louise, but many times she joined us. Although those dinners sometimes got chaotic, they were my favourite. I loved seeing Louise be passed around to my family and taken for walks around the restaurant if she was unsettled.

There was one dinner in particular where I think there was a total of five minutes where everyone was together at the table, but it was perfect. We all laughed at our own chaos and there is a weird comfort that comes from knowing your family is a little whacky, but everyone loves each other.

We also spent a day at the aquarium with my brother, future sister in-law, and their little baby as well! Did Louise sleep for most of it? Of course. But the adults had fun!

Also while I was in America, I decided to do my twice yearly makeup haul, because Sephora is always just a fun experience. This time, I really focused on buying products I love along with some recommendations from my good friend, Chat GPT. Turns out, AI is pretty good at recommending beauty products based on your complexion and colour palette (I’m a soft summer!)

Products used:

Charlotte Tilbury Beautiful Skin Foundation*

Saie Glowy Super Gel*

Saie Dew Blush* with this Saie Big Brush*

Benefit Cosmetics Brow Pencil* & Brow Gel*

Tower 28 Brown Mascara*

Laura Mercier Translucent Setting Powder*

Honest (& Scary) Career Update:

Last, but not least, this month I made a big career decision to not return to my old academic job when my maternity leave ends in September. This was a well thought out decision, but I’m still taking time to process it and come up with a plan moving forward. In the end, my resignation came down to the fact that my previous job is no longer suited to my lifestyle now that I have a baby. The commute alone (two hours per day, multiple times a week) is just not feasible for my family.

This decision coincided with my decision to pursue a writing career and the announcement of my new monthly series Unedited, where I document the journey of becoming a author/writer alongside motherhood. I hope for this series to eventually become a paid part of this newsletter once I am no longer on maternity leave.

While this next chapter is filled with so much uncertainty, I’m genuinely excited to see what’s next. I’m very grateful to be in the position I’m in and know that many other moms don’t have the option to not return after a lengthy maternity leave. I’m glad I made sure to save almost half of my salary each month during maternity leave to give myself the time to re-enter the workforce on my own terms.

I’m not delusional. I know making this career change will take time, so in the interim I am also looking into part-time work closer to home to bridge the gaps. I’ve even decided to start creating content again and am pursuing some paid work in social media.

Exciting times ahead. Stay tuned!

This newsletter contains affiliate links, marked with an asterisk (*). If you choose to buy something through one of these links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only ever share products I genuinely use, love, or would recommend to a friend. Thank you for supporting my work. It helps me keep writing and creating here <3

Thanks for reading Keep This In Mind. If you enjoyed this newsletter, I’d truly appreciate it if you subscribed, liked, shared, or left a comment. You being here means so much to me!

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From there, I was hooked. I was always writing. I kept diaries, planners, and short stories filled my notebooks. When I was eleven, our family computer with no internet was retired to my bedroom and I used it for the sole purpose of writing my stories. Well, I also used it to play The Sims, but mainly I used it to write.

As a child, anytime we were asked the question ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’, my response was always 'author’.

Looking back, writing was always more than just a hobby for me. I imagined writing my very own stories and publishing a book I could hold in my hands one day. For a long time, I didn’t have many friends at school, so reading and writing became my escape hatch. I could pull out my pen to leave this world and enter another. I dreamed up stories to fill the vacancy of friendship. I sat alone on the bus to school thinking about characters and building a world that was entirely my own. Slowly, writing became the thing that gave my days a purpose.

Then high school came around and I started to finally come out of my shell a bit. I made friends. There were boys. Then alcohol. Lots of alcohol. I was subconsciously encouraged to be a bit more realistic when it came to choosing a career path. Saying out loud that I wanted to become an author felt as daft as saying I wanted to become a film star.

So, like most of us, my childhood dreams of becoming an author faded into the background. A quiet hum.

When it came to pursuing a career, I didn’t choose academia. It just happened. I enjoyed research and kept finding excuses to stay in university, until I was given the opportunity to complete my Ph.D. while working a research job. And as it turns out, with a background in psychology, the majority of my job as a researcher included writing. I wrote and published peer reviewed journal articles. I wrote my 300 page thesis. I wrote grant applications. I wrote research manuals. In a roundabout way, I had turned writing into a career for myself. Except, it wasn’t really the right kind of writing.

When I put the alcohol down six years ago, I picked up my pen again. In fact, one of the reasons I drank so much in my 20s was because I was unfulfilled and bored with the lack of creativity and passion in my work life. Since quitting drinking, I’ve been sharing my writing online in one way or another. I’ve written blogs, social media posts, and now this newsletter. But only recently, I was struck by the realisation that my writing dreams were bustling back to the forefront, bigger than ever.

I constantly tried to push my writing ambitions to the side. But since my pregnancy and the birth of my baby girl a few months ago, I have consistently been writing again and it has given structure to the chaos of these early motherhood days. The irony of motherhood is that I have less time to write, yet I’m writing more than ever. I write whenever I can, in the nooks and crannies of busy days with my daughter.

I thought becoming a mom would cause me to put my dreams on hold, but actually the opposite has happened. I look at my baby and see the possibilities. I see how fast life is speeding by. I see how precious and fleeting this life really is. I thought I needed to wait for the perfect time to go after my writing dreams, but what am I waiting for? From what I know so far about parenting, it gets easier and harder at the same time as she grows up. There will never be a right time. I only have right now.

Many people say that if you write, you’re a writer. And I’ve written for a long time, but never really felt like one. Despite my academic career and this newsletter, there is something completely terrifying about admitting you’re a writer. I worry a lot. What if people think I’m pretentious? What if they laugh at what I’ve written? What if my writing isn’t good enough? What if one day I run out of things to write about? What if I quit? Or worse, what if I fail?

That dream I tuck away in my back pocket is to make a career for myself as a writer. I want to be paid for my writing. I want to have a large readership on Substack. I want to finish writing my first book. I want to write a feature for a major publication. I want to become a published author.

But that is all in the future. What would success as a writer look like today? Well, that’s what I hope to bring you along with me to figure out in my new series.

Within this new monthly series Unedited I’ll take you along with me for an exclusive behind the scenes peak into the making of a writing life. It’s my online notebook. A monthly series where I will document the day-to-day of what it actually looks like to build a writing career in 2026.

I want to document this publicly, because I spent years waiting for permission. Waiting until I was more experienced. Waiting until I had more time. Waiting until I could confidently call myself a writer.

I’m not sharing writing tips or advice on how to get published. This series is an invitation to come behind the scenes as I figure it all out in real time. The ups and the downs. Unedited. I’ll also share openly about what I’m writing, what I’m submitting, and what I’m doing to turn this dream of becoming a published author into reality. If you have writing dreams of your own, or any creative dream you’ve been quietly carrying, I hope my journey encourages you to begin before you feel ready.

Maybe if you’re reading this, you have your own dream you’ve kept private. Maybe you’re waiting for the “right” time too. If sharing my process gives someone else permission to begin, that feels worthwhile.

That’s the whole point of Keep This In Mind. This newsletter was never about arriving at some perfect future version of myself. It’s about documenting the process of becoming.

Eventually, Unedited will become part of a paid subscription. For now, I’m sharing the behind the scenes of building this new series with you all. I'm so glad you're here at the beginning.

Below you can read the first edition, were I share about the reality of building a writing career as a new mom. I explore:

• How I found time to write this month as a new mom

• What routines helped/failed miserably

• My writing goals for the month ahead

• How I’m feeling about introducing this series

  Come along on the journey

How I found time to write this month as a new mom:

Time for creative work has become unexpectedly important since I had my baby girl just over three months ago. Birth has ignited (or re-ignited) such a fierce passion for writing that has completely taken me by surprise. Very quickly, writing became the structure to my days. It became the way I process through everything that has happened. It’s how I discover the next version of myself that I’m becoming.

I thought I had no ‘me-time’ when my baby was just born, but somehow, it just becomes less and less as they get older, doesn’t it? The naps, which used to be a glorious two full hours long, are now sporadic. Sometimes they are as short as 20 minutes. Trying to fit writing into my busy schedule of caretaking and keeping our house in order quickly became overwhelming. I have so many projects I want to explore, including this one, but I feel guilty for taking the time to pursue them, because I know I only have my little girl at home with me for so long.

I didn’t want to let go of precious time with my baby, but without some form of a creative outlet, I knew I would be unhappy. If only I had more time. But here’s the thing: time is relative. Life isn’t going to slow down. In fact, it will most likely speed up. I have to learn how to squeeze my writing into the tiny moments of our daily life together.

There are no big chunks of time to sit and write, so things come together slowly. During nap time. When baby is with her dad. Even now, in the few minutes before I go to bed. Sentences that piece together while I’m drinking coffee, doing dishes, or folding the (endless) laundry.

If I wait for time to write, I’ll be waiting forever.

Being a mom has made me appreciate that time is precious. Every moment counts. It all adds up.

I’m not finding time. I’m making it.

This subtle, but powerful, shift in perspective has helped me beyond words.

What routines helped:

I wanted to write about this, because many ‘big’ writers belabour the importance of having a writing practice or daily routine. That’s not really possible for me right now with a small baby who is establishing a sleep routine, teething, having growth spurts, and more. If I set a writing routine, I would begin to resent my daughter for interrupting it, which she inevitably will do.

So for now at least, there is no routine. I’m giving myself permission to write when I feel inspired, when the rhythm of my day allows it, and to take breaks whenever I need to.

At this point in time, my writing goals (you’ll read more about them below) are not lofty word counts or hours spent writing at my desk. I think there is something empowering about meeting yourself where you’re at. If I was doing this even two years ago, I would have set a ridiculous goal and burned myself out trying to reach it.

That isn’t what I’m doing here. I’m building something, slow and steady, and real. My writing routine is no routine.

My writing goals for this month:

• Brainstorm and outline my first book:

  • The main reason I created this series was to hold myself accountable for writing my first book. I have had an idea in my head for years and always told myself that when life slows down, I’ll finally have time to write that book. Well, as you can probably tell, life isn’t slowing down. I don’t want to put off this dream of finishing a book until my baby grows up, so I am choosing to write alongside mothering.

  • I have actually (as of now) finished outlining each chapter! My baby miraculously slept for most of our long haul flight last week and I was able to jot down the entire loose outline of my book in my Google Docs app on my phone. There are still many details to iron out, and I’m sure when it’s finished I will laugh at this version, but we have a plot people!

• Finish writing my first short story (3000 words):

  • Writing a book is a HUGE project. It might even take years before I’m happy with what I’ve written. So I decided that I need smaller wins along the way to keep myself motivated. Aside from this newsletter, I want to submit short stories at least once a quarter to just practice the art of writing, editing, and submitting my work for publication. Ideally, I would like to finish writing my short story by the end of the summer to submit to a few short story competitions. I will keep you all posted on the progress.

• Launch this new series: Done!

How I’m feeling about launching this new series

It’s going to get a bit meta around here, because I also want to document the process of launching this new Unedited series. I was scared to hit publish on this newsletter, which meant I really needed to do it. There were so many times over the last few weeks where I talked myself out of writing this for you. I panicked at the idea of anyone laughing at me or thinking my writing isn’t good enough to go after this dream. But in the end, I didn’t want the fear to rule my decision. I’m hitting publish.

I’m scared that no one cares about this version of me. The version of me who is deciding to show up and go after my dream of becoming a writer, even though I have every reason not to.

The purpose of Unedited is threefold:

1) Bring you all behind the scenes of what building a writing career actually looks like in 2026.

2) Hold myself accountable to keep writing my book and submit my work.

3) Eventually make this series part of a paid subscription and private community.

I’ll keep you updated on all of it. The wins, the times I want to quit, and the unseen challenges of actually growing a paid newsletter with no prior audience. I hope you’ll stick around. I hope this inspires you to go after the dream you’ve tucked away in your back pocket.

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About halfway through my pregnancy, I decided to store everything that didn’t fit me in a massive suitcase, because the stress of seeing all the clothes I couldn’t wear on a daily basis was beginning to ware on me. One chilly November evening, I tucked my summer clothes away, knowing that on the other side of having my first baby, they likely would fit a lot differently. Or wouldn’t fit at all.

Here in Ireland, we typically have a few heatwaves every summer. It’s nothing above 30 degrees thankfully, but our homes are built to keep the heat IN and do not have air conditioning. So when the heat makes its yearly arrival, it can become unbearably difficult to stay cool.

Back in June, we had our first heatwave and after assessing the mountain of clothes on the floor, I unfortunately came to an overwhelming realisation. None of my summer clothes fit me (apart from one dress that was now very short and two pairs of pyjamas).

As much as I didn’t want to bulk buy any clothing this year, I knew that with the summer ahead of me, I had to give myself some grace and allow myself to spend a bit of money or else I would literally have nothing to wear. I needed to add items to my wardrobe quickly, but that didn’t mean I had to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I still wanted to consider my purchases and be realistic about which items of clothing would best fit into my lifestyle needs at the moment.

I decided that first and foremost I needed:

• Comfortable lounge shorts

• Lightweight t-shirts

• “Dressy” shorts

• Breastfeeding friendly tops

I turned to my most reliable (affordable with good quality materials) retailers these days which include Dunnes, Marks and Spencer, Uniqlo, and Next. I’ve found these brands to be high quality, fast to ship, and easy to return. With a baby, I have absolutely no time to go into stores and try on. So at home try ons will suffice for now.

So far, these items have helped me create a mini capsule wardrobe for these hotter weather days. I’m even feeling dare I say confident in some of them??? My body is continuing to change now that I’m three months postpartum. Even in the last month, a few of my pre-baby summer clothes have started to fit. Hallelujah. I know that’s not the case for everyone, but I’m so grateful.

I also spent a lot of time thinking about what I would wear to my baby’s christening and I’m really proud of how I dressed. I didn’t want to just buy an expensive dress I would never wear again. I wanted to find a two piece set that I could wear multiple times over the summer. I landed on this dusty blue waistcoat from Dunnes, a white cotton skirt, and wore my silver kitten heels I’ve had for years. Side note - a moment for my baby’s beautiful christening gown which was actually made from my mother in-law’s wedding dress.

I’ve slowly built up some hot weather uniforms that I can wear on repeat this summer, including our upcoming trips to America and Greece. I’m on my way to having a collection of clothing for the summer that will hopefully deter any panic buying of ‘holiday clothing’ that I wear once and then donate after the trip.

I’d be lying if I said it has been easy to watch my body change. Right when I had given birth, I felt so much gratitude for my body. I felt lighter and slimmer when my bump slowly went down after a week or two. But then, things settled and my postpartum body confidence began to waver. There have been many days where I’ve just wanted to put sweatpants on and hide myself away, but unfortunately that isn’t possible in a home without air conditioning right now.

As I said in my first newsletter in this series, I want to find clothing that feels comfortable and practical, while also helping me feel confident and put together in the body I’m in right now. As much as I would like to hide away sometimes, I’m not. I’m learning to be proud of this new body. It grew and birthed my baby girl and since I’m breastfeeding, now it’s keeping her healthy and fed.

I’ve shared the pieces of clothing I added to my wardrobe, but there were many pieces I didn’t keep. I vowed to go into each try on session open minded and kind. If I caught myself being mean about the way I looked, I snapped myself out of it. We’re taking all the small wins we can get these days.

Because it’s never really about how our bodies look, is it? It’s about our perspective.

I’d love to know… how did you approach your wardrobe the summer after having a baby?

Did you rebuild from scratch? Could you make your old clothes work? Did you live in the same three outfits on repeat?

Because that’s exactly where I am…

At the end of the day, I’m learning how to dress a body that feels familiar and completely different all at once, and slowly building a summer wardrobe that fits this season of life.

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Getting dressed when… is a seasonal series of this newsletter where I write about the process of rediscovering my personal style after having a baby. Getting dressed over the last few years has felt like an endless cycle of trying and failing to locate myself. I’ve finally decided to do something about it. A lot has changed since I was twenty-five. I’m older. Six years sober. Married. I no longer commute to an office or classroom every day. I’ve traded city life for the Irish countryside. And now, I’m a mom. Yes, it’s about the clothes. But moreso it’s about identity, change, and learning to recognise myself again. Follow along with me on this journey. I’m sure I’m not the only one going through this!

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June started with a serious re-jig of my media consumption (you can read more here). One Monday morning, I got a notification that my screen time was disgustingly high and said enough was enough. I was sick of hearing about these incredible books and TV shows and just watching old reality shows I’ve seen a million times.

Since the beginning of the month, I’ve read FIVE books (okay two of them were audiobooks, but still).

I wish I had more time to write out my reviews for you, but for now you can follow my good reads and I’ll give a quick rating below:

• So Thrilled for You by Holly Bourne 3⭐️

• Every Summer After by Carly Fortune 2.5⭐️

• Strangers by Belle Burden 3.5⭐️

• God of the Woods by Liz Moore 5⭐️

• Heart the Lover by Lily King 3⭐️

I also watched so many good TV series this month, mainly because I got AppleTV. They are seriously churning out some good ones over there and I feel like they don’t get spoken about as much. I absolutely LOVED Widows Bay And Margo’s Got Money Troubles. If you have any other recommendations, please let me know!

This month my little brother (he’s 24 but to me will always be little) came to visit us from America. We had a great time and he loved finally meeting baby Louise.

Louise herself has also been a highlight. Her little personality is really coming through. She is SO smiley and we have even gotten a few laughs. She loves her baths and being on the floor on her play mat. Our dog Nimbus is starting to notice and interact with her a bit more now. It’s really cute.

It’s 7:30pm on the hottest day in Ireland on record. Irish houses are built to keep the heat IN, so it’s been a full military operation to keep my twelve week old daughter, Louise, from overheating. I have no desire to turn on my oven and have been eating cereal for most meals lately due to the heat and sheer exhaustion. But no, tonight I decide I will have a healthy, nourishing meal.

It’s the tail end of a long day of solo parenting. To top things off, my husband got a flat tire on his way home from work. He won’t be home for another hour and a half.

Louise has been inconsolable for hours off and on. I try everything to soothe her and stop the screaming. Feeding, changing, winding, cuddling, rocking, bouncer, buggy, bed, walking, floor time, tummy time. I try it all again.

Finally, I get her calmed down and decide that it’s now or never. I’ll make dinner. I’m starving and it will be great to have a real meal for the first time today. I’m breastfeeding, so I’m always conscious that I’m eating enough.

I begin. As soon as I’m midway through chopping, Louise starts again. I need to be fast so that she doesn’t get super worked up. You know when you’re already in a bad mood and then your sleeve gets caught on the door handle? That’s what cooking this meal felt like.

I’d pull out a knife and it would randomly be dirty. No kitchen roll when I went to grab it. I boiled the kettle, but after five minutes I noticed it wasn’t plugged in.

Through all the screaming and frantic running around my kitchen (see: sauna), I had to feed the dog as well. Like a mad woman, I scramble to his food in his bowl and place it in front of him. Good boy. No. Now he’s refusing to eat it. Minutes wasted. Baby crying gets louder.

I soothe Louise for a bit, because I know the grand finale is coming. I need to fry the salmon. I’ll have to watch it carefully or it will burn and everything will be ruined. Shhh. I hold her and sway her just the way she likes. She calms down. I might just make it to the finish line.

But alas, as soon as the fish skin kisses the pan, Louise SCREAMS. She gets louder and louder and louder. I put her in her bouncer and I spend a few minutes walking back and forth between her and the hot pan.

Then I realise I forgot to put the pasta in the boiling water. Now the meal will take an extra 10 minutes longer to finish. I cut open the bag of penne and begin to pour the cute little tubes of pasta into the pot. Well, whatever way I cut the bag, the pasta goes EVERYWHERE except into the water.

My counter, hob, and floor are now covered in dried penne pasta. To top it all off, my dog, who wouldn’t eat his food, is now crunching on rock hard pasta practically breaking his teeth that we just spent 200 euro to have professionally cleaned last week.

I lose it.

I feel the tears rising. I throw the bag of pasta into the sink. All the baby books come to mind. If it all gets to be too much, place the crying child somewhere safe and go to another room for a minute. Louise was safe. I went outside and hysterically cried on my back step.

Just for a minute, I sat there. I knew I had to go in again and it physically pained me to hear her so upset. But I was maxed out and afraid of my own frustration.

Generally, Louise is a very easy baby and my postpartum experience so far has been pretty positive. As I write that, I feel the need to justify. My pregnancy was painful and emotionally all over the place, so it’s okay if I found the first few weeks easier than what I’ve heard from other mothers.

But if I’m totally honest, this new chapter is hard. At three months old, Louise needs more stimulation, more attention, and more maintenance. She watches my every move and cries if I dare go out of sight for even a second. Her naps are unpredictable. I sometimes wear her in a baby carrier to get things done, but on hot summer days, I worry about her overheating with my body warmth.

This age brings new challenges, but also it offers up some beautiful moments as well. Her first big smiles and laughs. She is starting to goo and gah. She’s much more alert. We even played peek-a-boo the other day. Her little personality is starting to come through. She’s sleeping longer stretches (thank God!). Still, I’m finding it harder than ever to keep life going around her.

Normally, I would wrap up a post like this with a little motivational pep talk to myself, but I won’t this time. I won’t go on about how this is a season and she won’t be this small forever. I won’t lament that there will come a day when she is independent and won’t need me in this way anymore. I’m just sitting with the reality that I’m finding this chapter really hard for some reason.

Here on Substack, I aim to stay honest. Sometimes I miss my old life. Pre-baby. And that’s okay.

The funny thing is… motherhood got a tiny bit easier when I finally admitted to myself that it’s hard.

Just a little confession to you all because I know I can’t be the only one.

What’s been the toughest part of motherhood for you so far? Newborn days? Teething? Toddler stage? I’d love to know how you got through it and any advice you have for a new mom like myself.

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I’ve known for a while now that the way I consume media is rotting my brain. I’ve never uttered this phrase out loud in real life, but I guess you could say for the last few years I’ve been “chronically online”. I easily get caught doomscrolling the short form content apps and have watched too many YouTube videos (particularly lifestyle vlogs). But it’s not just social media that has been rotting my brain. I’ve also quietly become addicted to watching (and re-watching) reality TV. For example, I’ve watched every episode of the Real Housewives of New York at least ten times. All of this would be fine, if it made me happy, which I’ve recently come to realise it really doesn’t.

You see, I love being fascinated. I feel giddy when I fall in love with a show or a book and get the chance to immerce myself in a new world. I love learning, reading, and writing. Ever since I was a little girl I have watched movies, read books, journaled, and wrote short stories.

Then in 2021, I finished my Ph.D. and was so burned out from academia that all I craved was a media diet* that was easy to digest. I began watching reality TV shows in a constant loop. I downloaded TikTok and suddenly hours were lost scrolling through the lives of random strangers. My attention span became so limited as a result of my overconsumption of short form content.

I went from reading actual books to watching videos of people reviewing and recommending books. That somehow devolved into me watching vlogs of people reading books. In all the time I spent consuming social media content about books, I probably could have read over one hundred books. It’s maddening.

Then, there is my addiction to re-watching old reality TV shows. I know this is a comfort thing for many people. I don’t think it’s an issue to re-watch a movie or show for some coddling when life feels a bit tough, but for me, it went beyond comfort. These shows became tools to disappear from my own life by escaping into an alternate reality that I was completely familiar with. I could predict every ending. Every word. Immersing myself in a new world suddenly felt terrifying.

When my baby was born, I was breastfeeding and these shows were constantly in the background. My husband consistently protested that he couldn’t stand to be in the same room as two women from New Jersey yelling at each other on screen. I worried about how hearing these shows would impact my daughter.

She is going to begin noticing more and more about her surroundings as she gets older. I became increasingly concerned about what she would think seeing her mom constantly scrolling on her phone and watching these mind numbing reality TV shows. I didn’t want her growing up with the backdrop of screaming housewives and trending audios.

But nothing put this into perspective more than one afternoon when my mother in law offered to watch my baby for a few hours. I happily dropped my daughter off, and then went home and proceeded to waste two and a half hours scrolling social media with one of my shows on in the background. Suddenly, it was time to go pick my daughter up and I realised I felt more depleted than I did when I dropped her off.

My alone time is sacred as a mom, because I don’t have much. That afternoon of boredom scrolling was not the first time that has happened, but it was the first time I realised that I needed to change the way I consume media. It was the slap across the face that I needed to actually see how boring I had become, and more importantly, the effect that was having on my well-being.

Humans aren’t meant to see as much as we do on social media. We aren’t supposed to be exposed to other people’s lives in this much detail. These apps are designed to hook us in and keep our attention and millions of dollars are spent in pursuit of these goals.

Every spare moment I had for the last few years was filled with other people’s lives. I knew the details of reality show drama and strangers’ morning routines, but I couldn’t remember the last time I’d read a book that made me cry or watched a film that taught me something new.

I stopped being interesting.

Instead of reading books, learning new things, or engaging with ideas, I was spending hours scrolling social media and watching reality TV. I stopped being curious.

The problem isn’t social media or reality TV. Both can be entertaining and enjoyable in moderation, of course. The problem is that they had become my default. They required very little effort and I could consume them endlessly without ever feeling truly engaged.

The thought of all my precious time with my daughter wasted doomscrolling social media and watching old shows started to make me feel sick. I realised I wasn’t even enjoying the thing I spent the most time doing. I immediately wanted to throw my phone across the room. Instead, I took the more logical approach of making the media I consume less mind melting.

I wanted to stop mindlessly scrolling social media and defaulting to the same comfort shows I'd already seen a hundred times. I wanted to be more intentional with how I spent my downtime, watching shows that sparked my curiosity and getting back into the habit of reading and listening to books.

So here’s what I did…

I made a promise to stop re-watching old shows. If I was going to watch something, I wanted it to be interesting, emotional, or funny.

I deleted TikTok and Instagram and only download them once a week to create and share content before quickly deleting them again.

I set time limits on any other scrolling apps like Substack, YouTube, and Pinterest.

I also reconfigured my entertainment subscriptions to subconsciously tell my brain that things are changing from here on out.

I deleted my Hayu and YouTube premium subscriptions.

Instead, I got an Apple TV subscription because I’m sick of saving all these recommendations on social media and not actually watching them.

I charged up my Kindle and chose an also physical book that I bought last year, but never got around to reading.

Finally, I used one of my Audible credits to download an audiobook.

How it’s going…

So far, I haven’t re-watched any old shows and it has shifted something monumental, which is very unexpected.

In the last few weeks, I’ve pushed myself to try some new TV shows and have actually encountered some of the best made television I’ve seen in a very long time. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed starting (and finishing!) some new drama series and documentaries. I’ve felt so inspired and have loved the range of what I’m watching. These shows are works of art and I genuinely feel like I can appreciate them now.

When I started replacing some of that screen time with books and thoughtfully made television, I felt different. I had new ideas to think about. I found myself bringing interesting topics into conversations with my husband. I finished two books in two weeks and I felt more creative, more curious, and more connected. I no longer felt drained by the end of my morning coffee and YouTube session.

It hasn’t been perfect, though. There were one or two days where I downloaded social media and scrolled for way too long. I caught myself doing it, but continued, which I am ashamed to admit. After all that screen time, my mind and body felt physically strained. I had a headache and my mood was down for the rest of the day. I’ve remembered this feeling and so far, it’s staved off any more impulsive scrolling sessions.

Overall, life feels fuller since making these changes. I have new stories in my head and have read and watched things that have left me thinking about them for days. There are characters that have stayed with me.

I have smugly and casually mentioned “When I was reading the other day…” in many conversations. I feel proud of what I’m doing, even though to many people, it might not seem like a big deal.

I feel interesting again. And I don’t think being interesting is about having impressive hobbies or extraordinary experiences. I think it’s about remaining curious. And for me, endless scrolling and passive consumption were slowly replacing curiosity with meaningless distraction.

In the end, I’ve decided to continue being more intentional about what I consume. Not because I want to be more productive, but because I want to become a more engaged, and interesting, version of myself.

Not just for me, but for my daughter.

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*A media diet refers to the sum of information and entertainment you consume, spanning news, television, film, social platforms, podcasts, and print.

Thanks for reading Keep This In Mind. If you enjoyed this newsletter, I’d truly appreciate it if you subscribed, liked, shared, or left a comment. You being here means so much to me!

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We have family coming to visit for a few days. The first visit of many this summer. We are officially in June and I’m excited for our first summer with little Louise. Also, I may have went overboard ordering new clothes for her as she is about to size up to 3-6 months (HOW!)… but I’m excited to play dress up once the warmer weather strikes eventually.

In an attempt to keep this newsletter semi-regular while trying to raise a tiny human for the first time, I’ve put together a funny little round up of the things I find incredibly chic postpartum. In a previous life, I might have referred to things like a luxury fragrance or pair of jeans. But now, a few months into motherhood, things have changed.

First up, coffee. My morning coffee is sacred and I WILL drink it hot. Whether that means drinking my first sip at 11:30am like this morning or chugging it while I hear a baby starting to fuss. The coffee is hot. Non negotiable! Grateful we invested in a good coffee machine a few years ago. Aside from the washing machine and robot hoover, it’s the hardest working thing in the house and the source of much of our happiness.

Eating an entire meal without being interrupted is a RARE occurrence in my household these days. Typically my husband and I eat in shifts or one of us is bouncing Louise in her BabyBjorn. I’m almost certain I’ve eaten a few meals start to finish without interference. Surely, I have… and when I do, it feels like fine dining. Bonus points if I’ve showered and am wearing something other than pyjamas.

I’ve become a sweet treat before bed kind of person and I’m not mad about it. If it’s a Ben & Jerry’s situation? Even more chic.

I can’t stop writing about how game changing finding comfortable, yet polished, outfits have been for me postpartum. Getting dressed does NOT happen every day. Most days I’m wearing sweatpants unless we’re going out somewhere. But dressing up a few times a week is doable, boosts my confidence a bit, and is very affirming. Chic as it gets.

Staying on the subject of clothes, when I dress Louise in anything other than baby grows, I feel like a walking Pinterest photo. Smug, even. Now that she’s getting a little older, I’m trying to dress her up when we leave the house to go anywhere (if I have the time and mental capacity). I’m enjoying finding her style — maybe I should start an Indyx digitised wardrobe for her? I kid, I kid…

This rainy weather is getting in the way of all my dreamy summer walks outside in the sunshine. But when the weather permits, getting outside walking helps my mood so much. What’s more chic than some fresh air when you’re in the newborn trenches?

This last one is hard to come by, but when a contact nap goes a little too long and you’re able to successfully transfer baby into their bed without waking them? You feel like the chic-est parent that ever parented. Side note: thanks to this internet trend, I now feel like the word “chic” has lost all meaning.

Some of these things happen every day, others happen most days, and some barely happen at all. But those are a few little ways I can romanticise these early days as a new mom.

Oh, and getting a full eight hours of sleep would also be incredibly chic. But somehow, I don’t think that’s happening anytime soon…

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My daughter Louise, now officially two months old, is starting to need me more than she used to. Her naps have gotten shorter and less predictable during the day, which means I have to work at warp speed to get anything done while she’s asleep. My husband works in the office a few days each week, so there are many times when it’s just me, Louise, and our dog Nimbus. Today is one of those days. My girl is currently snoozing on my chest getting some much needed rest after a day of fighting sleep. I realised that I need to start being creative about being creative. Writing something is better than nothing. So while I’m nap trapped this afternoon, I thought I’d quickly run through some of the best parts of the month of May.

I had to change my relationship with social media

In May, I had to re-evaluate how I spend my time. I had an epiphany halfway through the month where I realised doomscrolling social media was slowly robbing me of natural dopamine and stealing my attention. How in the world does a mother of a newborn have 3-4 hours a DAY to scroll mindlessly on her phone? My screen time was scary, so I finally decided to do something about it.

Other moms warned me that the fear mongering I was served during pregnancy would not go away postpartum. I wanted to break the jerk-reaction of constantly flicking open social media apps when I had a spare minute or when I was breastfeeding. I downloaded the Refocus App (it’s free!) to block social media apps most of the day, except for a few hours in the afternoon. This meant that I no longer had the option to be constantly caught up mindlessly scrolling social media on autopilot.

I started reading again

I decided to start reading a physical book instead of scrolling on my iPad or watching TV while I drink my morning coffee. I’m currently halfway through So Thrilled for You by Holly Bourne, which I am LOVING. It’s a classic “who done it?” about four friends in their early thirties who attend a baby shower that ends in a massive fire. One is pregnant, one is struggling with her nine month old, one is child free by choice, and one desperately wants to get pregnant but is struggling with fertility. I think so many women will relate to the characters and l hope I have some time over the weekend to finish it!

I also went to Audible and finally used one of my credits to purchase an audiobook I could listen to while breastfeeding instead of watching stupid reels that made me feel bad about myself. I downloaded an easy read, Every Summer After by Carly Fortune. I listen while walking, doing laundry, breastfeeding, and cleaning the house. It’s soothing to listen to someone reading aloud. My nervous system is thanking me for this one.

Getting dressed to look and feel better

I recently wrote about how I’ve been prioritising getting dressed postpartum and I didn’t realise what a confidence boost this would bring. I have a two month old, so staying comfortable is the only thing that matters these days. But I realised that I can feel a bit more polished and put together WHILE staying comfortable. There’s a post in my drafts ALL about this, but here are some looks I’ve worn on repeat over the last month:

I survived an Irish heatwave with a newborn

When I saw the forecast was predicting a few days of 27 degree heat, I knew I had to act fast. This may not seem HOT to people living in the likes of Spain or France, but for us here in Ireland, 27 degrees is a heatwave. Irish homes are built to keep the heat IN. They are very well insulated and it’s very rare for an Irish home to have any air conditioning. With a new baby, I knew I needed to order a fan ASAP, because our attic bedroom could quickly become a hazard without any airflow. I ended up getting us this fan for our room and so far, it’s the best purchase of 2026.

I had Louise all to myself for most of the heatwave, because my husband was in work. She was so sleepy, and ended up taking long naps throughout the day leaving me to read my book and sip on an iced coffee or two. We also had our first BBQ of the season when our friends invited us over one evening for sausages and burgers. Although the rain has returned, for a while there it really felt like summer. I’m so excited to bring Louise to the beach and let her get in the water once the weather returns. We are also officially going to America in July to visit my family, so she will get another taste of summer sunshine, although in America they have air conditioning (thank God!).

Some honourable mentions:

When I’m not in the mood to listen to an audiobook while breastfeeding, I’ve actually been watching some really good shows that I can recommend if you have some downtime.

• Monsters: The Lyle and Erik Menendez Story (Netflix): A true crime drama series exploring the lives, family dynamics, and infamous 1989 murders committed by brothers Lyle and Erik Menendez. So good!!

• Legends (Netflix): A drama series based on true events about civil servants who go undercover to catch the biggest drug lords in 1990s Britain.

• The Pacific (Amazon Prime): A World War II miniseries following three U.S. Marines as they endure the brutal Pacific campaign against Japan and struggle with the psychological toll of war. This was a re-watch for me, but I also love Band of Brothers and might watch that next.

My Marvel obsessed husband has also finally convinced me to start watching the films. So far, we’ve watched Iron Man, Captain America, and half of Iron Man 2. It’s been lovely to get together with him and have a bit of quality time. Although recently, Louise has not been allowing this in the evenings as she gets quite unsettled (I believe it’s called the ‘Witching Hour’). Hey, at least she is sleeping 3-4 hour stretches after that so I don’t mind.

p.s. - what brightened your May? Please share in the comments with me. I would love to know what has brought you joy this month ✨

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Feed, wind, change, repeat. As a breastfeeding mom, it’s a cycle that repeats over and over again every three hours. My daughter is slowly becoming predictable. Everyday, I learn a new behavioural cue. Like when she puts her tiny fists in her mouth, she is hungry. Or when her little lips form an O shape, it’s nearly time to change her nappy. I’m slowly settling in to motherhood, and things that used to take so much effort and brain power (timing feeds, latching, making sure we had everything in the changing bag) now feel somewhat automatic. We have semi-established our boring little daily routine.

Many moons ago, as a psychology master’s student, I wrote my final year research project on the relationship between boredom and the perceived sense of meaningfulness in our life. Now, I forget most of that research, but one thing I will always remember: boredom was almost always perceived as a negative emotion. It’s uncomfortable. When we’re bored, we feel a lack of purpose that can eat away at us. Humans are compelled to seek out meaning in our lives. In psychology, the pursuit of meaningfulness sits at the very top of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

Boredom was one of the main reasons I ended up getting sober six years ago. I was bored and unfulfilled with my life in my early twenties, so I drank to entertain myself. I loved drinking alone. It helped pass the time and I didn’t really have to sit with myself and the state of my life. It’s not that my life was in shambles, quite the opposite. I was in a healthy and committed relationship, lived in a nice apartment, and was doing my PhD. On the outside, everything looked great. But on the inside, I was falling apart. I had all these dreams, interests, and ambitions that I just couldn’t motivate myself to make happen.

I was so distracted by drinking and partying that there was no time to get creative and work on the things that brought me joy. I envied other people who were getting up and DOING things with their lives. My life wasn’t good enough. It was boring and unfulfilling. I created chaos through my drinking to provide a bit of entertainment instead of sitting with the discomfort long enough to take steps towards more fulfilling pursuits. There was so much I wanted to do that I felt paralysed. I wanted to take photos. Write. Read. Attend yoga classes. Go on hikes. Meet new people. Instead, I drank every weekend.

For me, quitting drinking was a lesson in sitting with boredom. Cravings were just urges to escape the boring bits of life. Being drunk was fun. Sobriety was boring. Oh, how wrong I was. Sobriety was a steady constant. There was no drama. No anxiety from drunken phone calls. No lost keys or wallets. No cancelling plans or work because of a hangover. No more dreading checking my bank account after a night out. Drinking and recovering from drinking took up so much of my time.

When I finally quit, there was endless white space in my calendar. And in that space, I began building a life I actually wanted.

I had the freedom and bandwidth to start doing the things I always wanted to do. I found my way back to creativity and enjoyment. I built a routine around work, exercise, and creating. The days were repetitive and I loved it.

I began reading and writing again. I went for two hour long walks everyday listening to podcasts and audiobooks. I found joy in simple moments like a hot coffee on a Saturday morning and a sunny afternoon in the park with a book. I didn’t need the alcohol to deliver a massive dopamine hit that would relieve my boredom. I began to enjoy the mundane moments of life. Boredom wasn’t something to resist, it was a cue to pick up a book or go for a walk.

Somewhere along the way after six years of sobriety, it seems that I forgot how beautiful boredom can be.

Before getting pregnant, I worked three jobs: two part time research jobs and running my own business. I also hosted sober community events almost every week. I was also planning my wedding. I was here, there, and everywhere. No week looked the same. No day looked the same. I mistakenly believed that I thrived on the lack of repetition until it led to severe burnout, but that’s a story for another day.

Pregnancy forced me to slow down in ways I wasn’t comfortable with. I had to stop working and I couldn’t get out much thanks to severe pelvic pain. I was bored again for the first time in years and I hated it.

Then, the boredom pushed me to get back into writing. I re-launched my Substack and started taking photos and writing again. Having this creative project alongside becoming a mother has been so important to me. There were so many times when I thought ‘well, there’s nothing to write about this week’ or ‘nothing here is worth taking a photo’ before realising that there is beauty to be found in the most quiet, mundane moments of life.

Since having a baby, I’ve realised those mundane moments are what we look back on and cherish. I used to pride myself on the variety I had built into my life, and now I whole-heartedly treasure these boring days at home with my little girl. My world has shrunk down to the size of a six-pound baby. And I love it, even if it’s repetitive and routine.

I have time to daydream about who she’ll become and how our lives will continue to change alongside her. I’ve spent hours in the dark, quiet night feeding her, simply soaking it all in. It’s not particularly exciting, although watching her grow and change is endlessly fascinating. Mostly, it’s a lot of the same.

And maybe that’s what makes it so beautiful.

Boring used to be a bad word. Now, I see it as a blessing.

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Until the other day I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed crying, dressed in the “perfect outfit” I had planned weeks in advance for our first anniversary dinner.

I was four weeks postpartum, so I spent a decent amount of time thinking about what I was going to wear. My first non-pregnant outing in nine long months! I was excited, but realistic. Obviously, I knew I just had a baby and my body was still recovering. I only wanted to wear something that felt comfortable yet put together. Simple, right?

We were going out for dinner. Nothing too fancy. I envisioned a nice pair of trousers and a button up with some makeup and jewellery to elevate the look. Well, once again, the vision I had in my head of what I would look like didn’t match what I saw in the mirror. As usual, the outfit looked good on the girl from Pinterest, but I hated how it looked on me. The clothes fit, but they didn’t feel right. Something was off.

I tried on another outfit. Again, not right. The shirt was too slouchy. The trousers were too short. Too casual. Too tight. Too loose. After a few more outfits and a growing clothes pile on the floor (you’ve been there too, right?) I started to feel that panicky feeling return to my chest. You see, I’ve been here many times before. I’m a thirty something year old woman after all. Don’t we all have that problem of a closet full of clothes, but nothing to wear?

I wish I could blame this on postpartum body changes (and yes, that’s partially true) but even before pregnancy, getting dressed has been a frustrating and upsetting experience. I’ve been stuck in a pattern of spending hours (and money) trying to put together the ‘perfect’ outfit for an occasion or the ‘perfect’ holiday looks. When I finally sourced the clothing, it didn’t quite look right. Nothing felt like me. In the end, I would settle if the items physically fit my body, then hate how I looked during the event and in photos.

At some point, it stopped being about the clothes. It was deeper than that. Nothing I have worn in the last few years has felt like me, which is very irritating, because I’ve put so much time and effort into curating my wardrobe over the last few years.

So I sat on the edge of the bed and cried. Not dramatically sobbing, just a few quiet tears before pulling myself together so we wouldn’t be late for our dinner reservation.

This is why I care so much about what I wear, I thought. As ridiculous as it seems, not feeling like myself in my own clothes has caused me so much frustration.

It feels silly to have something so surface level like clothing affect me in such a big way. When I think back on the last few years, there isn’t one occasion where I remember feeling confident in what I was wearing. Aside from my wedding day (thank God).

Although, I didn’t like what I wore the day after my wedding… I digress.

Looking back, there have been two distinct periods of time in my adult life where I felt consistently confident in what I was wearing. The first was when I lived in Spain for six months during college. All I had was what I brought with me in my suitcase. It was so fun to make different outfits out of the 20 or so items I brought with me. I felt like I had a very defined sense of style then and I wasn’t just dressing like everyone else. I rarely shopped. I worked with what I had and everything went together.

My clothes were minimal, comfortable, yet polished. With less items of clothings, I had to be creative about putting outfits together. The second time I felt positive about what I was wearing was when I moved to Ireland to do my masters degree. Again, I only had what I brought in my suitcase. Less items meant I was more honed in on building out specific uniforms. I re-wore each piece more than a dozen times. I could easily identify gaps in my wardrobe and make considered purchases less frequently. There were no huge clothing hauls. I just picked up a few items here and there when I noticed something was missing that I needed.

Knowing that these two periods of time have something in common (a minimal collection of curated items that forced me to be creative about building outfits and uniforms) I know that if I’m going to cultivate my personal style in this season, I need less items of clothing. And more of the right items of clothing. I’ve known this for a while.

When I was about four months pregnant, I packed away 90% of my closet in a massive suitcase, because my clothes no longer fit and it was hard getting ready in the mornings. I bought a few items (2 pairs of maternity leggings, 2 pairs of jeans in a few sizes up, 4 oversized jumpers, and lots of pyjamas) and built myself a mini pregnancy capsule wardrobe of about 10 outfit combinations that I wore over and over again. It wasn’t anything groundbreaking in terms of fashion, but I did have such an easy time getting dressed everyday.

I even got dressed up for a christening and a few nice dinners and felt alright about how I looked. Basically, there were fewer tears while getting dressed and I rarely got flustered in a state of analysis paralysis. Although there was one dinner I got dressed for that made me cry hysterically when I put my outfit on, but maybe that was actually more to do with the pregnancy hormones.

Getting dressed over the last few years has felt like an endless cycle of trying and failing to locate myself. I’ve finally resolved to finally do something about it. A lot has changed since I was twenty five. I’m older. Six years sober. Married. We went through a pandemic. I don’t go into an office or classroom everyday. I’m no longer living in the city. And now, I’m a mom.

I think that’s what this is, for me. Not a style problem. Not even a body problem.

It’s an identity problem.

To be honest, I’ve always been interested in personal style. I’ve long admired fashion and style Substackers from a distance, because I couldn’t possibly share about my own journey. It’s too embarrassing and not for “people like me” with no identifiable sense of style. But then, this incident of crying before dinner happened again and I figured enough was enough. I need a little accountability and maybe others can relate to my experience and we can do this together.

I feel so silly waffling on about personal style and outfits for this long, but I know that I can’t be the only thirty something year old woman who has navigated an identity shift in the last few years that has left me feeling completely lost when it comes to getting dressed. And when you think about it, getting dressed is something we have to do everyday. Sometimes twice a day if you workout or have a newborn who is constantly spitting up! That’s 365 opportunities to avoid crying in front of the mirror. So for me, it’s important that I at least try to get myself together.

I’d love to make a regular series where I document the process as much as I can here on Substack (where else?) because as I’ve told you many times before, it’s important for me to use this space to share honestly about what’s really going on in my life. And this strangely, frustratingly, has been a bigger issue than I’d like to admit.

So I have a few things I’m working on at the moment (if anyone out there cares and is still reading - thank you!!).

• Creating simple “uniforms” by digitalising my wardrobe

• Being realistic about my lifestyle before purchasing

• Not always defaulting to athleisure

• Re-wearing outfits without overthinking it

• Choosing quality over quantity wherever possible

• Making sure anything new actually fits into my life now

Digitalising my wardrobe - This is the first thing I have been doing to catalogue what I already own so I know what I have before anything new is purchased. I downloaded the Indyx app a while ago and have slowly been creating outfits that I hope to wear over the next few weeks. Indyx is what all the cool girls are using to track what they wear everyday. You can read about it more from Anna Newton who write the Wardrobe Edit on Substack here if you’re interested! She is the one who introduced me to the app.

I’m such a visual person that I need to see everything laid out and if clothes are hidden in drawers I literally forget they exist. I also add any new pieces I am thinking of purchasing and make sure it fits into what I already own and wear. I played around with outfit combinations and feel like I have a great base for spring and summer.

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Even though these days I’m staying home a lot with my baby and want to be comfortable, I still want to find a way to feel like myself in this season. I get that other moms might feel like this is NOT the time do make a project out of rediscovering their personal style while so newly postpartum, but for me this is a real act of self care. Also, I’m aware that my body will continue changing over the next few months as I recover postpartum and breastfeed my baby. I want to find clothing that feels comfortable and practical, while also helping me feel confident and put together in the body I’m in right now.

I’m so inspired by other moms here on Substack who write about their own style evolutions. Some of my favourites are , , , if you want to check them out. I have major imposter syndrome even writing this newsletter, because it feels so self indulgent. But this is something that has affected me so deeply, I must do something about it. So here we are.

Most of my days over the next few weeks will be spent in comfy clothes or pyjamas with my newborn baby girl, but I’m excited to get dressed for the occasional meal or social gathering. I’m going to the US in the summer (hopefully) and Greece in September, which will both be very hot climates. My goal is to not buy anything new for those specific trips and instead collect pieces over the next few months that I can wear day to day OR on holiday for (hopefully) years to come. I’m so sick of buying a holiday wardrobe of cheap pieces that fall apart after a few washes and then never re-wearing any of it!

If you want to follow along (and I hope you do!), this series will be a mix of:

• Honest reflections (the good, the bad, the crying-before-dinner moments)

• Outfit diaries of what I’m actually wearing

• The outfits that work (and why)

• The ones that don’t

• Experiments with uniforms and outfit repeating

• And slowly, hopefully, building something that feels like me again

I’d love to know… has your relationship with getting dressed changed over the years? Since becoming a mom? Or after a big life shift?

Because right now, I feel like I’m starting from scratch.

And I have a feeling I’m not the only one.

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I was stuck in a cycle of drinking every weekend, feeling hungover and anxious, promising I’ll take a break, and then breaking that promise.

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I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

I gave it one more shot and that 30 day break has turned into 6 years.

Quitting drinking was hard. But living in that cycle was so much harder.

I’ve shared my story many times (even in national news media like the Irish Independent) in the hopes that one person will hear it and feel less alone.

I vividly remember the day I listened to a podcast of a sober woman talking about her relationship with alcohol and immediately recognising myself in it.

I used to obsess over my drinking every single day. Now, not drinking is my new normal. Cravings are few and far between, something I never could have believed was possible six years ago.

I’ve done so many things sober, including getting married last year, and so far I haven’t felt like I was missing out. I stay focused on what I have gained.

I’ve met the most incredible people through the community I founded (Sober Social Ireland) that is currently on pause as I focus on motherhood and growing our family.

My advice to anyone out there who is struggling: tell someone how you’re feeling. Before I was ready to tell people in my real life, I leaned on anonymous online communities and shared what I was going through.

I credit my sobriety to two things: talking to people in recovery and LISTENING to people in recovery.

You’re not alone.

And if you’re questioning whether or not you have a problem: it’s a problem when you decide it’s a problem.

Take it one day at a time.

They add up🤍

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These monthly favourite newsletters are some of my absolute favourites to write. I normally take a few days to reflect on the month and give a pretty in depth recap of what has brought me joy.

However… I had a baby at the end of March and now have a four week old newborn. Time and sleep deprevation aren’t allowing me to be as long winded as usual.

So, April’s monthly favourites will look a little different. Less words, more photos.

Enjoy!

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At the start of April, we brought home our daughter Louise. Cue newborn baby bubble.

The day after we got home from the hospital, my mom travelled all the way from America to be with us for three weeks and help out. I wrote a newsletter all about this here. I treated us to a beautiful lunch on her last day and it was so nice to get out of the house and get dressed up. Louise might not remember her grandmother’s first visit, but I will never forget it.

My husband and I settled into our new roles as mom and dad. Loving (almost) every sleep deprived minute of it.

We also celebrated our first wedding anniversary! We took a photo with Louise and our dog Nimbus in front of the blossoming apple trees just like our wedding photos. These blossoms will remind us of our anniversary each year and I want to make these family photos a little tradition! Our mothers both watched Louise while we went out for dinner and opened the letters we wrote to each other on our wedding day. It was the first long stretch leaving Louise and it was surprisingly easier than I anticipated. Finally, we defrosted our wedding cake (chocolate biscuit cake!!!) and ate that for dessert. Such a perfect day.

I’ve been documenting my daily postpartum walks on Notes

I’ve made a big effort to start walking again, even if it’s five minutes, just to make sure I leave the house and get some fresh air. It’s been a real lesson in noticing the season change. When I started my walks at the beginning of the month, things were grey, bare, and dreary. Now, there are so many new blooms and the trees are green again. I even went outside with just a t-shirt on yesterday!

There’s a metaphor for postpartum in this somewhere, I’m just too sleep deprived to put it together. Grateful to live in the Irish countryside, which, in my opinion, is at its most beautiful in April (why we chose this month to get married!).

Don’t get me wrong, April has had many ups and downs as I’ve navigated postpartum recovery and learning how to keep a baby human alive. There have been many tears, sleepless nights, and moments where I wondered if I would ever feel like myself again. But overall, I’m so proud of myself for seeking out the good things. Fresh flowers. Hugs from family and friends. Hot showers. Baby cuddles!

I was feeling stressed the other day because our house was a mess, the floors were covered in dog hair, and the laundry was piling up. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that it won’t be like this forever. One day when Louise is older, I’ll miss these chaotic newborn days. The first few weeks with her have flown by so quickly. It’s easy to just go through the motions of the day, but I want to make sure I stop every once in a while to take it all in.

Looking forward to what May has in store. Hope you all had a lovely month.

p.s. - what brightened your April? Please share in the comments with everyone. We would love to know what has brought you joy this month ✨

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Saying goodbye to my mom this time was more emotional than ever before. Partially because of those postpartum hormones, but also because my mom wasn’t just leaving her daughter this time. She was leaving her almost four week old granddaughter as well.

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Watching my mom be a grandmother over these last few weeks has been beautifully eye opening. “This is what I used to do with you” is something my mom uttered more than once. It’s as if I get to travel back in time and see how my mom used to take care of me as a baby. I’m also the eldest child and only daughter. So it was really a full circle moment witnessing my mom take care of Louise. It made me wonder if years into the future, I would ever do the same for her first daughter.

With my mom around, the house stayed really clean. The laundry basket stayed empty and I always had someone to hand Louise to for a nappy change or cuddle. My mom and I spent our mornings together— me drinking coffee while feeding Louise. My mother drinking hot water with lemon in her dressing gown. We ate dinner together along with my husband, sometimes as a family and sometimes in shifts depending on how fussy Louise was being that day. We settled into a new rhythm so quickly, and now I’m unsure what the days will look like now that she is gone.

My mom was there for important ‘firsts’: my first time leaving the house postpartum. My first time leaving Louise. My first walk with Louise in her stroller. Even our first wedding anniversary fell while she was here.

Now that it’s just me and my husband, I can’t help but worry we won’t be able to handle doing everything on our own. My in-laws are nearby and very keen to help, so I know we will be fine. I still worry anyway, though. Force of habit.

The next few days I just want to be gentle with myself. I desperately want to keep up the clean house and not allow the laundry to build up. Even though my mom left our house at 5am this morning she still managed to strip her bed and wash the sheets. That’s just the kind of woman she is.

We weren’t supposed to see my family again until my brother gets married in Greece in September. But now I’m looking into getting Louise her passport so we can bring her over to Philadelphia sometime in the summer to meet my family. I’m nervous about travelling across the Atlantic with a 3-4 month old, but life is too short. People travel with infants all the time. Hell— my husband’s cousin took his three month old on a holiday to Japan. If we can make it happen, we will.

To anyone out there who has young children and lives far from their family, how do you do it? It’s an impossibly heart wrenching experience, made more difficult by the fact that it’s entirely my choice to live here. And I wouldn’t move back to America. So where does that leave me? Also if you have travelled long haul with a three month old, I’m open to advice on what made your trip more doable.

This week, I will remain focused on gratitude. I’m so grateful to have a mom who would travel across the world to be with me and care for us during those first precious weeks of my daughter’s life. And I know this for certain—Louise is lucky, because I’ve had the best possible role model for the kind of mother I hope to be for her.

And hopefully we will all be together again in the summer. How wonderful it is to have something to look forward to.

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Admittedly, I have felt pressure building up to perfectly articulate what I’ve experienced these last few weeks in this newsletter: the first one after having a baby. However, the lack of sleep combined with baby brain means that this will probably be short and sweet (and filled with grammatical errors!!).

I refuse to let perfectionism get in the way. I am returning to writing, even if it’s a few hundred words scribbled down in my notes app in between feedings and naps.

The last few weeks have been a blur. I don’t think I’d even remember any of it if I hadn’t taken approximately one thousand photos of my daughter and logged every nap, feed, and nappy change into the Huckleberry app.

I’m endlessly grateful for my husband who has been so supportive and helpful. One of the best parts of this whole experience has been watching him become a dad. I’m also beyond blessed that my own mother travelled over from America to stay with us for a few weeks to help us out and get settled. I’m already getting teary eyed thinking about the upcoming goodbyes that are immanent.

Recovering from birth is no joke. It’s been three weeks and I’m just now feeling ever so slightly back to normal… well, my new normal. I’ve been sharing on Notes about my daily postpartum walks in the evenings that have seriously been helping me out so much. Sundown scaries are real. Fresh air helps.

These tiny self care moments are saving the day. Making sure I let my mom or husband take Louise for 10 minutes in the morning so I can have a shower. Going into another room for 45 minutes at night while Louise is napping so I can have a cup of tea and a sweet treat while watching an episode of my show (currently watching Something Very Bad Is Going To Happen on Netflix).

Overall, I love being a mom so far. I’m in love with my baby girl and watching her grow big and strong over the last few weeks has been such a joyful experience. At the time I’m writing this, I’m exclusively breastfeeding (which has been its own journey) and feeling so bonded to this little being we brought into the world.

In many ways, having Louise has been healing. I can’t really describe it properly right now, but feeding her has been healing for both my mind and body after pregnancy and birth.

I love learning something new about her each day. I’m so grateful she is happy, healthy, and thriving. I cherish being needed by her. I miss her when she’s asleep. She’s all I think about right now. The baby bubble has been so beautiful and I’m already nostalgic for it.

As a perpetual overthinker, I am trying so hard to just be present and enjoy the ‘right now’. It’s really a beautiful moment in time. I’m gripping onto it with all my strength.

Anyways, I can hear baby girl waking up. Thank you to everyone for the congratulations and kind messages. It’s the beginning of a brand new chapter.

I’m a mom now.

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I just sat down to write this and realised it could be my last newsletter before baby arrives. We’re in the final stretch now, and every morning I wake up with a nervous excitement that today could be the day. We’re pretty much all ready for the baby at this point - well, as ready as we will ever be. As to be expected, March has been the full spectrum of emotions. I’ve been sad thinking that this chapter of our lives is almost over. I’ve felt immense excitement to finally meet my baby. I’ve been tearful and nervous about what birth and postpartum have in store for me. It’s a time filled with uncertainty and anticipation, but I feel so lucky to have gotten to this stage in my pregnancy.

It’s time to tell you about the small things that have brightened the month of March — it’s been a month I will never forget.

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Spring finally arrived to the Irish countryside.

My end of February birthday is usually the time where whispers of spring return to the Irish countryside. Primroses and daffodils begin popping up from the ground and there is a fresh breeze in the air that hints spring isn’t far away. If you live in Ireland or the UK, you will know that we have received record level rainfall for the first few months of the year. I don’t think I saw a sunrise or sunset for six weeks due to the constant grey skies and downpour. Then, we entered into March and (almost) all was forgiven. I have to say, the sunshine and longer days have been so helpful for my third trimester nesting energy. We could finally cut the grass, dry the clothes outside in the sunshine, tidy our garden up, and give our border collie Nimbus a bath. You know what they say about March… in like a lion, out like a lamb.

We finally finished getting baby’s room ready.

When I found out I was pregnant, I knew that we would need to do some form of a makeover on our upstairs bedrooms. We live in a renovated cottage that was built 120 years ago and our bedrooms are all in the attic with minimal storage space and low eaves. The house used to be an Airbnb before we rented it from my in-laws, so it was never set up to be a ‘home-home’ and had so many extra beds that took up the already precious floor space.

Over the last few months, my husband and his brothers helped disassemble and reassemble beds, build new furniture, and now I can tell you my vision has come to life. Since we don’t know how long we will be living here, I didn’t want to make a dedicated nursery. We also had zero storage for clothing and I knew I wanted to prioritise having a wardrobe room to keep the house tidy, especially for the first six-ish months of having a newborn.

Baby will be sleeping with us anyway for the first few months, so we moved into the biggest bedroom and set up baby’s bassinet, feeding chair, and changing table. We weren’t already sleeping in the biggest bedroom because it had multiple beds in it from the house’s Airbnb days. Overall, I am so thrilled with how everything looks now! The space now feels so peaceful and everything has a place. I’m well aware that our room likely will never look as tidy and organised as this once baby arrives, but a girl can dream.

What you’re all really here for: The chicken caesar salad wrap that went viral.

I know Substack is helping me find my people when a random photo I shared of a chicken caesar salad wrap I made at the beginning of the month has gone viral. Well, as viral as any note of mine has ever went. I posted this photo on a whim one Sunday night and over the course of the month, so many people have told me how it inspired them to make their own version.

This wrap has been my hyperfixation meal for the last few weeks, so I thought I would break it down for you. Unfortunately, you will need to live in Ireland (maybe the UK?) for these specific ingredients, but I’m sure you can find substitutes if you live elsewhere (it just won’t be as good — sorry!!).

The ingredients:

• Diggers crispy shredded chicken

• White flour wraps

• Shredded cheddar

• Crisp romaine lettuce

• A good caesar salad dressing (I like this one from Tesco)

• O’Donnells Irish Cider Vinegar and Sea Salt crisps

• Sandwich pickles

Recipe:

1. I usually make the chicken in the air-fryer while I assemble everything else.

2. I chop up the romaine lettuce, add a hand full of cheese, and mix in a small bowl.

3. Once the chicken is cooked, roughly chop and let it cool for a few minutes (nobody wants hot caesar dressing).

4. Add to the small bowl along with a few table spoons of caesar dressing and mix well.

5. Assemble your wrap! Dump everything in the middle and roll up. You could toast it if you want, but I prefer the wrap to be soft.

6. Serve up with your favourite salt and vinegar crisps and some pickles.

7. Eating suggestion: crush your crisps up really small and add them to your wrap as you go. Trust me.

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I prepared in small ways for postpartum.

I somehow managed to find the energy to prepare a few things to make postpartum Melissa’s life a little bit easier. I stocked up on postpartum supplies and finished washing all the baby clothes, muslins, sheets, and any other random bits. Everything is now tucked away in its place and ready for when we come home from the hospital. I have no idea what I will or won’t use, so I didn’t overstock and will order more supplies as and when I need them. Clutter is my worst enemy right now.

I also took my breastfeeding course and got an iron infusion this month (not at the same time). I’ve been trying to get my iron up for months and my doctor recommended this infusion because my stores were so low. I have to say, maybe it’s placebo, but I’m feeling SO MUCH BETTER just a week after having it. Having my iron at optimal levels is so important for birth and postpartum, so I’m feeling relieved to have that done.

I also did a tiny bit of meal prep for those early days when we’re sleep deprived and I’m probably in some kind of pain. My mom will be coming over from America to stay with us for a few weeks when the baby is born (so grateful!!!), but I wanted to have a few things stocked up for before or after her visit. I made some chicken fajita kits, lasagnas, and smoothie bags so that we have healthy options to grab from the freezer.

The last thing I did was sort out my clothing a little bit and create a mini postpartum capsule wardrobe. I have to say, I was VERY strategic about this. All of this year I have been so mindful of any wardrobe purchases and after getting all my clothes out from storage, I made a list of a few items that were missing. I thought about what these first few months will look like, what I’ll be doing, and where I’ll be going to create some outfit formulas. In the next few weeks I will probably be lounging at home, going to doctor visits or appointments, and hopefully getting out for walks once I’m ready. I’m trying to be realistic and not having items in my immediate line of sight that I probably won’t fit into or won’t need. Maybe I’m overthinking things, but it was a fun project.

My cousin came to visit for a few days.

My cousin flew over from England for a quick two day visit. I was nervous that this visit would be too close to my due date and with my pelvic pain I wasn’t up for much — but turns out a restful trip with lots of food was just what my cousin wanted. We went to a few bakeries, watched lots of movies, and had a nice dinner out at our local favourite restaurant. We grew up together like sisters and it was so nice to see her and have some good old fashioned girl time together.

I made a lot of really nice food this month.

Not only have I been enjoying the delicious chicken caesar salad wraps, I’ve been cooking a lot recently and feel really inspired with food. I’ve been trying to prioritise healthy food to balance out the not-so-healthy food I’ve been indulging in during my last trimester. Some honourable mentions include: Broma Bakery Better than boxed brownies, grilled chicken burgers, many cheese plates, creamy leek pasta with garlic bacon crumb (LEEK SEASON), salmon and orzo, chocolate chip pancakes, and creamy Boursin salmon pasta. Don’t be fooled, there were many takeaways and bowls of cereal for dinner throughout the month. I’m just really proud of how much I’ve enjoyed being back in the kitchen cooking and baking. It really is such a fulfilling hobby for me. I can’t wait to eventually involve baby with the baking and cooking!

p.s. - what brightened your March? Please share in the comments with everyone. We would love to know what has brought you joy this month ✨

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Note: this is a follow up to a newsletter I sent out last week all about the things I regret about my pregnancy journey and what I might do differently next time around. This newsletter is also too long for email, please read in the app or online 🤍

The other morning I was in the shower (a monumental task when you’re almost nine months pregnant) and I was trying to think of the things I’m most glad I did during my first pregnancy journey so far.

As you can probably imagine, my mind went blank. Pregnancy brain is real. After a few minutes of reminiscing, I realised that I have subconsciously categorised my pregnancy into two halves - the bad half and the good half. I wrote about this last week, but I found the first 20 weeks of pregnancy incredibly difficult emotionally. All I could do in those early days was work, eat, and cry.

I buzzed with a level of anxiety that I have never experienced, and starting a new job the week I found out I was pregnant didn’t help the matter. I was having panic attacks most nights, and even on our trip to America for my brother’s engagement party I couldn’t be present or enjoy time with my family.

Back in Ireland, I missed my family support system. I was operating every day in a robotic fight or flight mode, ignoring my pregnancy and pretending that one day the clouds would magically clear. I’ve dealt with mental health issues in the past, but since becoming pregnant it felt as though my defences were down. Nothing in my normal toolkit was working. I wasn’t thinking about my baby or taking care of myself. All I was doing was making it through the day.

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Eventually, I was prompted by my partner and family to go seek help and talk to my doctors. “I feel like this has ruined my first pregnancy” I remember the words coming out of my mouth and the sadness flushed across my doctor’s face. I’m so grateful that I went and spoke to someone about it, because I walked out of that GP office feeling instantly relieved. I left with support and a plan to turn the ship around.

During the first half of my pregnancy, I wasn’t posting on social media and I stopped posting regularly on Substack — two things that previously had brought my life so much meaning and enjoyment. After speaking with my doctor, I wanted to get back to writing and sharing, but I knew I needed a bit of time to decompress and process everything that was happening. I took a few months to just breathe and recalibrate, before deciding to return to Substack in January.

I came back online with a clear vision of what I wanted to share and how exactly I wanted to share it.

I’m no stranger to sharing vulnerably on social media and Substack. Over the years I have accrued a following of over 30,000 on TikTok and 5,000 between platforms on Instagram when I was sharing primarily about my sobriety journey. I even started this Substack back in 2022 as a platform to connect with my community on a deeper level and used it to host online classes and gatherings. I have a PhD in public health risk communication and for a while, I was running it as a business alongside my research job.

However, after almost six years of sharing about sobriety, I was burned out. I couldn’t talk about it anymore. Sobriety is a huge part of the foundation of my life, but it’s not something I actively think about every day anymore — for that I am so grateful. It felt disingenuous to write about sobriety and every time I sat down to write something, my body rejected the idea and I would bounce away from my computer chair as if it was lava.

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The pivot:

I decided in January of this year, that if I was going to return to social media and Substack, I was going to share honestly (with boundaries of course) about what was really relevant in my life — my pregnancy journey and living as an American in the Irish countryside. Inspired by other amazing writers on here, I decided to start documenting my life and treat it as if I was writing a personal weekly column. Over on Instagram, I felt inspired to do weekly roundups of photos I had taken to document the week and force me to romanticise the small, sometimes mundane moments.

It’s only been a few months, but I firmly believe that deciding to document my life and share again in this way is a big reason why I view the second half of my pregnancy as ‘the good half’. Even though it’s been physically demanding and the stress that this baby could come any moment is palpable, it has felt so much lighter mentally. I look forward to the weeks ahead and plan fun things for myself to do.

Since going on maternity leave, the days have felt shapeless, so I’ve really enjoyed having this project of writing, taking photos, and putting together newsletters about my life and pregnancy journey. It has brought back my creativity and somehow even motivated me to take better care of myself. One example of this is my cooking and baking. I’m much more likely to make a healthy food choice if I know I’m going to be taking a photo of it. Also, if I set the table aesthetically for my husband and I then the meal just feels much more special!

I know that I committed to share each week and that forces me to find little moments throughout my days to snap a photo and appreciate my life. Whether it’s my morning coffee or a going to a fancy hotel, this new habit of sharing has been teaching me how to romanticise the little moments that make a week special. Right now, I’m at the end of my third trimester so I’m not really getting out or ‘doing much’, but somehow I have so many beautiful photos to share simply from pottering around my house.

Documenting my life has brought me so much happiness over the last few months and has led to a deeper connection of this community I’m building here on Substack. I feel like you guys are getting to know the real me. It’s been consistently easy to find something to write about each week, because I’m present and checked in. If I need inspiration, I can just scroll back on my photos app and see crumbs of what the week has brought.

I have no idea what the future holds, because I’ve never had a newborn before, but I want to try and bring this habit of documenting the slow moments of the week into motherhood. If only for myself to be able to look back on. I wish I had more photos and memories of the first half of my pregnancy. But I don’t. And that’s okay. I have to give myself grace and compassion for just making it through the best way I knew how.

So there you have it.

The thing I’m most glad I did during pregnancy was documenting the journey.

There are other things I’m glad I did, of course. I’ve rounded them up into a shortlist because I don’t want to forget these things if I am lucky enough to do this thing all over again.

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The shortlist

Other things I’m glad I did during pregnancy:

• bought my BBHugMe pregnancy pillow, to my husband’s dismay this is going absolutely NOWHERE postpartum

• got multiple pregnancy massages once I was permitted (you can’t get massages during the first trimester)

• advocated for my mental health issues and pelvic pain to get support

• bought two pairs of these maternity leggings, they are all I have worn

• took a ‘babymoon’ trip with my husband around 30 weeks pregnant

• I did SO. MUCH. BAKING! It was the hobby that got me through some tough days

• put away all my pre-pregnancy clothes that no longer fit in the first trimester

• took my supplements (almost) every day

• allowed myself to slowdown, rest, and take naps whenever I needed to

• started using a grocery delivery service after 30 weeks pregnant

• set up our bedroom for baby instead of a dedicated ‘nursery’ (see pics below)

• went to weekly yoga classes and got outside walking as much as I could before the pelvic pain set in

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I put the last of the freshly washed newborn onesies into the drawer, pressed it shut, and stepped back to take the moment in. Over eight months of growing a tiny human, my first baby, and suddenly it was almost time to meet them.

These last few weeks have felt slow and sentimental. I bounce between being so ready to hold my baby in my arms and being completely freaked out that I will be responsible for raising another human being. Many hours have been spent on the couch just reflecting back on my pregnancy journey and everything that has happened. In a way, this experience has already changed me forever.

When I cast my mind back to July 2025, I instantly see those tiny pink lines. I enjoyed those quiet moments before anyone else knew. I held my stomach and told myself not to get too excited in case something happens and it goes away. I’m no stranger to the reality that the possibility of early miscarriage is unfortunately common these days. I didn’t allow myself to be excited… yet.

Then I told my husband over pancakes. I showed him the tests. He couldn’t believe it at first either. We celebrated anyway and slowly but surely I came around to the idea that our little baby was on their way to us. Now, they’re almost here.

Pregnancy has slowly unravelled layers of myself I didn’t realise I was hiding beneath. It has clarified what’s really important to me. I’ve learned more about myself in the last few months than I have in the last decade — and that’s saying something because six years ago I quit drinking, which was a massive life change for me.

I’ve been thinking about who I was in July and who I am now, and everything I’ve managed to go through in between. I know that this was my journey, our journey, and I wouldn’t change a thing about it. I’m so proud of myself, but I’d be lying if I said there weren’t a few things I would do differently next time if given the opportunity.

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1. I didn’t appreciate that we got pregnant so easily. Before getting pregnant, I spent a few months preparing my body. I took folate supplements, moderated my caffein, got out walking every day, and made sure I was eating healthy. We spent a few months ‘not NOT trying’ with no luck, so I decided to track my ovulation and make sure everything was working the way it should. The first time we properly tried, we got pregnant. It was something I wished for, but never expected. Even though I put in so much time and research into getting pregnant, I was completely shocked when it happened. I hadn’t thought far beyond seeing those little lines on a pregnancy test. Out of fear, I bypassed gratitude, not taking any time to properly acknowledge how amazingly capable my body was. I immediately began to worry that something would go wrong. I was so hesitant to celebrate and for months I didn’t even believe it was real. Looking back, I wish I had been more appreciative of my body and spent some time in those early days just sitting in the quiet miracle of it all.

2. I let work stress overshadow the first half of my pregnancy. I don’t think I’ll ever fully divulge the story about work until I’ve processed through a few things, but I’ll just say this: I was not prepared for how difficult it would be to find out I was pregnant and start a new job in the same week. Even though this was my first pregnancy, it faded into the background because I was so obsessed with making sure I was doing well at my new job. My entire life revolved around managing my fatigue and appetite (thankfully no nausea) around my new work schedule. By the time I got home everyday, all I could do was eat a bowl of cereal and pass out on the sofa. This ties into the last point I made about not appreciating early pregnancy, because my immediate thought upon finding out I was pregnant was how this would affect my new job. Every minute I wasn’t working, I was stressed about working. There were days where I even forgot I was pregnant. In the end, I learned a very valuable lesson: my health and my baby’s health are more important than any job. I’m so grateful to be done working now until after maternity leave.

3. I worried constantly about gaining weight. In my first and second trimesters, I panicked so much about gaining ‘too much weight’. One of my first pregnancy symptoms was an insane increase in appetite and a distain for anything other than carbohydrates. I got dizzy if I went more than an hour without eating and always had emergency granola bars on hand everywhere I went. I was eating more than normal and I was so hard on myself about it. Even though I knew my body would change throughout pregnancy, I was afraid of putting on too much weight too soon. Before I obviously appeared pregnant with my bump, I will be honest and say I didn’t like how I looked. Thankfully once the bump came, these thoughts quietened down. I did end up putting on about 10lbs in the first few months and didn’t gain anymore weight until around six months, so everything evened out in the end. Also, even if I put on more than that, it’s normal to put on weight while you’re pregnant! Everyone kept telling me to just eat whatever I was craving, because obviously that’s what baby wanted. I wish I had just listened and not stressed so much about the weight gain. I don’t even know how much I’ve gained this far in pregnancy and now I could care less.

4. I waited too long before starting to prepare for baby’s arrival. I wrote a newsletter about this recently, but I feel like I was so afraid it was too soon to start preparing our home for baby that I accidentally left it too late. I kept telling myself that I didn’t want to jinx anything by buying things too early. Considering we did an entire makeover of our upstairs bedrooms, I underestimated how much time and effort it would take for us to get the house ready. I also developed some serious fatigue and pelvic pain towards the end of my second trimester that has only worsened. What do you think the sweet spot is for getting the nursery and baby essentials ready? I’d love to know any thoughts and advice from more experienced moms. I definitely want to start getting ready earlier if I’m so lucky to get pregnant again.

5. I didn’t buy enough maternity clothes. I had grand visions of dressing my bump and taking cute outfit of the day photos throughout my pregnancy. Yeah, that never happened. I tried a few times to order maternity clothes online and none of them fit right and it ended up being so much hassle to return them. Why are there no places to go in person and try on maternity clothes in Ireland? Since this was my first pregnancy, I found it hard to gauge how long I would fit into certain clothing and I didn’t want to spend 40 euro on a paid of maternity jeans that would only last a few weeks of my pregnancy. So after about five months, I resolved to just wearing maternity leggings, t-shirts, and long jumpers. It was winter. I was cold and sore from my pelvic pain. I resigned the dream of having amazing style during pregnancy. I still get so jealous seeing all the mamas out there living their best life and styling their bumps, but it just wasn’t feasible for me. Maybe next time.

I might follow up this post with a list of five things I don’t regret about my pregnancy journey. If you’d be interested in reading that, drop a comment and let me know!

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Thanks for reading Keep This In Mind. If you enjoyed this newsletter, I’d truly appreciate it if you subscribed, liked, shared, or left a comment. You being here means so much to me!

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If you liked this, you might enjoy other newsletters I have written about my pregnancy journey:

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*fun fact: the cover photo from this newsletter (from Pinterest; source: unknown) was actually on my vision board last year.