I have truly enjoyed this time, and I think it is because I find it relatively easy to be here. There is no pressure for polished images with perfect makeup, or glamorous videos that would take ages for me to produce. On Substack, I came back to one of my oldest passions: writing. And it has been genuinely rewarding to see how my written thoughts have resonated with so many of you.

Since this community has grown so much, I want to take advantage of this four-month milestone to reflect on what we have been building together, and to guide you, especially new readers, through the space of Between the Chapters.

What is it all about?

Most of my ideas are from Positive Psychology, the field of study that I’ve been so deeply engaged with. I’m delighted to have found research and science that support a positive view of life, along with practical tools that make life worth living and help us flourish despite the challenges we all face, particularly working mothers who carry such a heavy physical and mental load.

So far, I have shared 18 Sunday articles and many Notes with personal reflections on what I have read, learned, and experienced as a working mum raising two young children in a foreign country. Some articles came directly because you asked for them, and I will keep writing in that very spirit.

Articles that are self-help for me and support for you

I have seen writing as a kind of therapy since my teens, and later during the most demanding periods of my life. In this current season, intense motherhood abroad, it remains just as important. But this time, it is different. It is on Substack. It is public. It is not only healing, but also connecting with others who are living through their own version of this chapter.

A personal touch in writing matters deeply to me, both when I write and when I read. It makes words feel more grounded, more real. So my science-based writing always includes personal reflection because the science means nothing without the lived experience behind it.

Navigating Between the Chapters

To help you find your way around, here is a guide to what we have covered so far, organised by theme.

Introduction

If you are new here, I recommend starting from the very beginning. In my first article, I shared how I came to Positive Psychology and why it matters so much to me, and, I believe, to many other mothers and our children. As a follow-up, the article on what Positive Psychology actually is gives a clear, practical foundation for everything else.

Nervous System and Rest

This is an area I feel strongly about for other working mums like me, raising young children without a village. These articles offer practical tools and exercises you can use immediately:

• The Power of the Micro-Moment

• Protecting Your Peace Isn’t Selfish

• The Quiet Power of “I Can Do Something”

• How We Rest

• Finding the Mind and Body Connection

• Summer Is Passing Too Fast. Here’s How to Make It Last a Bit Longer

• The Hidden Cost of Motherhood Abroad

Relationships and Parenting Abroad

Having been in a relationship for over 15 years, with all its ups and downs, and now raising young children in a foreign country, these topics are deeply personal to me and very alive in my daily life.

• The Myth of the Self-Made Mum: Why Independence is a Trap

• The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read, and Why I Think Every Mum Should

• Raising Resilient Kids: Lessons from The Danish Way of Parenting

• Love Doesn’t Have to Be Easy

• The Book That Changed My Life the Most

Identity, Growth & Midlife

It was only after joining Substack that I recognised that, at 38, I am already in my midlife. Realising this made me see just how immediate and vital these topics are. Not as a crisis, but as an invitation to redefine success and happiness on our own terms.

• What Motherhood has Taught Me (and Potentially You), but It Takes Some Effort to Recognise It

• Balancing Family and Career: is Sacrifice Inevitable?

• What Actually Makes Us Happy? Science Has Some Answers, and They Might Surprise You

• In Search of a Meaningful Life

What is coming next?

I still have so much to share, and I will gladly keep writing. Every Sunday: a new article, a new perspective rooted in science and personal reflection.

I also want to evolve this community further. It was genuinely surprising how many of you subscribed in these first four months. But I also see it as a reflection of real need, and it deepens my commitment to keep sharing writing that supports and empowers every mother juggling career and family life, especially abroad.

That growth also made me think seriously about introducing a paid tier. I want to be honest with you about why: Substack’s visibility and growth features, including Recommendations and Boosts, are primarily unlocked when a publication has an active paid tier. Since I care deeply about this community reaching more working mums who need it, taking that step feels right.

But I want to be equally honest about what will not change: comments will always be free. For me, commenting is a vital part of how you process and truly absorb an article. It is part of the learning experience for everyone. I would never want to put that behind a paywall.

Upcoming Subscription Model

• Free Tier

  • Two Sunday articles per month (every first and third Sunday)

  • Occasional previews of practical tips and paid tools

• Paid Tier (€8/month or €80/year)

  • A Sunday article every week

  • Practical tips and proven tools to increase happiness and well-being

  • Subscriber chat: a safe space to check in, ask questions, and connect with other mums who truly understand

  • Special offers and additional resources

• Founding Member (€150/year — limited to 50 spots)

  • Everything in the Paid Tier, plus:

    • One 1-hour personal coaching session: “Wellbeing Strategy in Action” (early in your membership year)

    • One 1-hour follow-up coaching session: “Recap — Wellbeing Strategy in Action” (later in the year)

  • (Combined value: €400+)

Implementing the paid tier will take a little time because I want to prepare the additional content thoughtfully, research deeply, and clear my calendar for the first founding members. I will announce the official launch date in a dedicated article very soon.

In the meantime, you can support Between the Chapters by pledging a future subscription. This option is already live on my profile.

Thank you, truly, for being here. For reading, for commenting, for sharing, and for making this community what it is already becoming.

See you next Sunday!

With lots of love,

Kristina

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For the last 14 years, I’ve been living abroad, 12 of them in Germany, where I’ve built my family, social, and professional life. Even if I left Lithuania, the country where I was born and raised, primarily out of curiosity about how people live elsewhere, Germany wasn’t my choice. At that time, it was the best place for my husband’s professional development, and I agreed to follow along.

Solving “Who I’m”

Living abroad is often painted as an exciting adventure. And in many ways, it is. But living abroad for many years is a different story. Over the years, we learn, adapt, and adjust. I’ve seen many people returning to their countries very quickly, within 1-3 years, because they missed their own culture, language, and people. I don’t judge, but seeing that made me rethink my own situation.

As I chose to live abroad longer, I also accepted that this experience would shape my Lithuanian character, meaning I wouldn’t be like most Lithuanians my age anymore. Also, I would never become like a real German because I wasn’t born and raised here. And that’s fine.

Accepting that I live between two cultures brought me mental peace. But while identity is a mindset shift, the daily logistics of parenting abroad are a physical reality, and that's where a different kind of exhaustion sets in.

Motherhood Abroad Can Be Exhausting

I thought I had been well integrated, but then the preschool started, soon after my son’s first year at school, and every parent chat and every education or childcare decision requires deliberate, conscious effort. My brain works hard to process the environment, and that adds another layer of stress. I think it’s also because my decisions are no longer only about me: they shape the life of my son.

For working mothers raising young children in a foreign country, there is a quieter, less visible side to this life: an extra layer of daily mental load. When you live far from the familiar, your brain runs background programs constantly. You are not just managing career and family logistics. You are doing it while translating cultural nuances, navigating foreign administrative systems (this is a lot in Germany), and often building a life without the built-in support of grandparents, your own siblings, or lifelong friends nearby.

It is easy to misinterpret the resulting fatigue as a personal shortcoming. We may ask ourselves: Why do I feel so exhausted by things that should be simple?

As it turns out, the answer lies in our nervous system.

The Hidden Cognitive Cost

In positive psychology and neuroscience, we talk a lot about cognitive load. When you live in your home country, much of your daily life runs on autopilot. Your brain knows the implicit rules, the language, and the social cues without having to think twice.

When you move abroad, that autopilot switches off. I noticed it again, just now, after we returned from summer vacation in Lithuania. On the first day, I started researching a local healthcare system, navigating appointments, and filling out new forms. It’s been so much to learn and organize!

When you stack professional demands and the emotional (and physical) labor of parenting on top of that extra processing load, your nervous system can easily slip into a state of chronic, low-level overdrive. It isn’t that you aren’t resilient. It’s simply that your background operating system is using double the energy.

Three Practices to Reframe the Overwhelm

While we cannot instantly build a local family safety net overnight, positive psychology offers practical ways to widen our nervous system’s capacity and protect our peace:

1. Create Portable Anchors. When your external environment feels unfamiliar or demanding, internal predictability creates safety. Find one small daily ritual that stays identical no matter where you are in the world, whether that is a ten-minute evening stretch on your mat or sitting down to enjoy a cup of coffee after lunch. These small anchors signal to your brain that you are grounded.

2. Separate Circumstance from Identity. When simple tasks feel overwhelming, try asking yourself: “Is this a personal failure, or is this just the natural friction of navigating a foreign system?” Recognizing that the exhaustion comes from the system, not from your capability as a mother or professional, instantly softens self-criticism.

3. Protect Your Energy Reserves. In positive psychology, we know micro-moments of calm don’t require hours of free time. They require intention. Giving yourself permission to pause for five minutes, to say “no” to extra obligations, or to trade an hour of quiet time with your partner isn’t a luxury. It is essential maintenance for your well-being.

Building a life between chapters, and between cultures, requires immense courage and resilience, but it also requires gentleness with ourselves. I hope that you’ll remember this.

With lots of love,

Kristina

About the Community

Between the Chapters is a space dedicated to helping working mums navigate parenting, relationships, and personal growth without losing their inner peace. If today’s reflection reminded you to take a much-needed breath, consider pledging or sharing it with another mother who might need this text today.

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I first encountered it many years ago during a seminar on love and relationships. Since then, it has kept reappearing in courses, articles, and conversations, and each time, it reveals something new.

But the greatest value of this book doesn’t lie in theory. It lies in its practical application. It has quietly transformed how I interact with everyone: from my husband and children to my friends, colleagues, and broader social circles.

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What Is This Book About?

Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages was first published in 1992 and has since sold over 20 million copies worldwide, translated into 49 languages. While it began as a framework for romantic couples, developed through more than 30 years of marriage counseling, its wisdom extends far beyond romance.

Chapman’s central premise is beautifully simple: we all have a primary way of giving and receiving love. When two people don’t speak the same language, they can both be trying their absolute hardest, yet still leave each other feeling entirely unloved.

He identifies five distinct love languages:

• Words of Affirmation: Verbal expressions of love, appreciation, and encouragement. “You did that brilliantly. I’m proud of you. I love you.”

• Quality Time: Undivided, focused attention. Not sitting in the same room scrolling through your phone, but being truly, intentionally present.

• Acts of Service: Doing things that ease the burden of daily life. Cooking dinner, sorting the school bags, or taking something off someone’s plate without being asked.

• Receiving Gifts: This isn’t about materialism, but the thoughtfulness behind a gesture. A flower picked on a morning walk, or a fresh coffee brought to a desk.

• Physical Touch: Warmth expressed through physical presence. A hug, a reassuring hand on the shoulder, a kiss hello.

What Does the Research Say?

I want to be completely honest with you here, because you deserve more than a glowing review that glosses over the facts.

Researchers at the University of Toronto Mississauga recently reviewed existing literature on love languages and found that Chapman’s main assumptions don’t consistently hold up to strict scientific scrutiny. After reviewing 10 studies, none fully supported the core claim that everyone has exactly one primary love language, or that matching those languages automatically guarantees relationship satisfaction.

However, many experienced clinicians argue that these academic findings miss the practical point entirely. After four decades of working with couples, they see that the true value isn’t in a rigid scientific formula, but in the qualitative awareness it brings. Understanding how the people around us prefer to give and receive care remains an incredibly effective framework for everyday life.

My view? Read it as a practical tool, not an absolute theory. Use what resonates, adapt what doesn’t, and simply notice what changes.

The Connection to Positive Psychology

This is where the book becomes particularly meaningful to me.

In Martin Seligman’s PERMA model of human flourishing, which I discussed in this article, the R stands for Relationships. Positive psychology consistently demonstrates that the quality of our close connections is one of the strongest predictors of long-term happiness, health, and longevity. The famous Harvard Grant Study, which tracked lives across 75 years, famously concluded its findings in just five words: “Happiness is love. Full stop.”

The Five Love Languages acts as a practical manual for tending to that “R”. While positive psychology explains why relationships matter so deeply, Chapman’s framework shows us how to actually nourish them amidst the rush of daily life.

In fact, research shows that when partners perceive that their significant other is actively making an effort to use their preferred language, they report significantly higher levels of love and relationship satisfaction.

My Personal Takeaway, And What I Practise Every Day

Looking at this book through the lens of motherhood quietly shifted how I parent.

As mums, we often assume that because we love our children fiercely, they must inherently feel that love. But Chapman’s insight is both simple and sobering: love must be communicated in the language the receiver understands, not just the one that feels most natural to us.

Consider a mother who expresses her devotion through Acts of Service such as cooking nutritious meals, organizing enrichment activities, and keeping the household running smoothly. If her child’s primary language happens to be Words of Affirmation, a painful disconnect can happen. The mother works tirelessly to show her love, but the child, lacking the specific verbal reassurance they crave, may quietly wonder if they are enough.

This is not a failure of love. It is a failure of translation.

I think about this constantly as a working mum. Between managing a career, carrying the mental load of a household, and navigating the sheer pace of modern life, it is remarkably easy to default to whatever language requires the least effort in a tired moment. But our children aren’t always receiving what we intend to give.

Our goal is to learn the unique language of each child and speak it deliberately, even when life feels full. The risk of missing this isn’t just a child who is slightly less happy. It is the heartbreaking reality of a child growing up feeling unseen, despite being surrounded by love every single day.

That possibility alone is enough to make me pay attention.

How to start listening: Watch how your children express affection to you. Notice what they ask for most, and listen closely to what they complain about. A child who says “You never play with me” is crying out for Quality Time. A child who beams at specific, genuine praise needs Words of Affirmation. A child who constantly reaches for your hand or climbs into your lap is speaking Physical Touch.

They are already telling us what they need. We just have to learn how to decode it.

Beyond the Home: Love Languages at Work

This is the angle most people miss, yet it is where the framework becomes an invaluable tool for professional life.

Though designed for families, these five dynamics are ubiquitous across all healthy relationships, including corporate teams. Once you look for them in the office, you cannot unsee them:

• Does your manager respond most warmly to written recognition of the team’s efforts? (Words of Affirmation)

• Do they value you most when you take independent initiative and take a project completely off their hands? (Acts of Service)

• Does a colleague look visibly relieved when you close your laptop, put away your phone, and give them your full focus during a catch-up? (Quality Time)

Applying this mindset changes how you communicate, how you motivate your team, and how you build trust at every level of leadership.

How to Apply This Today

Start by taking the free quiz to pinpoint your own style. Then, quietly observe the people closest to you without announcing what you are doing. Watch how they instinctively show appreciation to others — that is almost always a mirror of how they want to receive it.

Don’t lecture your partner about it over dinner, and certainly don’t tell your boss you are analyzing their emotional needs. Just quietly, consistently start speaking their language.

The results are often subtle at first, but over time, they are unmistakable.

With lots of love,

Kristina

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Between the Chapters is a space dedicated to helping working mums navigate professional life, family logistics, and personal growth without losing their inner peace. If today’s reflection reminded you to take a much-needed breath, consider subscribing or sharing it with another mother who might need an instant exhale today.

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Note: This article contains an affiliate link for the book I discussed. If you choose to pick up a copy through it, a tiny percentage helps support my work and writing here on Substack, which I deeply appreciate! Thank you for being a part of this community.

When I reflect on that time together, I can easily see that what started as a fairy tale has encountered real challenges along the way, especially when we began building a new life abroad or when our children were born.

Those seasons of life that are supposed to be the most beautiful can also be the most testing. A new country. A new identity. A newborn baby at 6 am. And suddenly the person you chose, the one you were absolutely certain about, can feel like a stranger standing on the other side of a very long day.

If you have ever been there, this article is for you.

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Between Eastern Philosophy and Western Research

Before I share what the science says, I want to share something that has stayed with me for fifteen years.

At the very beginning of our relationship, we attended a seminar together. A Buddhist practitioner told us something I’ve never forgotten: that we should each be perfectly fine and happy on our own first, and only engage in a relationship if being together makes us feel even happier than we feel alone.

At the time, it sounded simple. Almost too simple.

Over the years, I’ve come to understand what it actually means. Relationship happiness is not a state you find. It is something you constantly cultivate: in yourself first, and then together.

When we are exhausted and operating at capacity, small friction points at home can feel like full-scale structural fires.

A sink full of dishes, a forgotten errand, or a partner who doesn’t intuitively anticipate your needs can trigger a deeply unsettling inner dialogue:

“Why is this so hard?”
“Did I pick the wrong partner?”
“Why can’t we just get along without constantly bumping heads?”

If you have ever had those thoughts, especially while staring at a pile of unfolded laundry at 9:30 pm, I have good news: your relationship isn’t broken. Your brain is just relying on a faulty psychological script.

In his famous Harvard lecture on Positive Psychology, Dr Tal Ben-Shahar breaks down the science of how long-term relationships actually thrive. And it turns out that much of what we have been conditioned to believe about love, harmony, and effort is actively contributing to our fatigue.

Here are three science-backed shifts to help you reclaim your energy and drop the guilt.

1. Shift from a “Finding Mindset” to a “Cultivating Mindset”

When we think about success in our careers, we know it takes effort, iteration, and problem-solving. But when it comes to love, culture trains us to adopt a “Finding Mindset.”

We grow up with fairy tales and romantic comedies that focus entirely on finding the right person. The story ends right as the couple gets together, leaving us with the quiet expectation that once you’ve found the one, the rest should be easy.

Dr Ben-Shahar connects this to Stanford psychologist Dr Carol Dweck’s work on mindsets:

• The Fixed / Finding Mindset believes that a successful relationship is purely a matter of finding the right partner. When inevitable conflicts arise, it threatens your core belief. You think: “If this is so hard, I must have made a mistake.”

• The Growth / Cultivating Mindset believes that a healthy relationship is built through ongoing, deliberate work. When friction happens, you think: “This is uncomfortable, but it’s just a puzzle we’re working on together.”

The takeaway for working mums:
Friction in your relationship is not a sign of failure or mismatch. Stop spending precious emotional energy asking “Is this the right relationship?” Redirect that energy toward small, active daily acts of cultivation.

2. Move from “Being Validated” to “Being Known”

As ambitious women, many of us spend our working days trying to impress: presenting our best, most capable selves to colleagues, clients, and managers. But if we bring that same impulse home, trying to maintain the facade of having it all together, it leads straight to emotional exhaustion.

Dr Ben-Shahar highlights a transformative principle from clinical psychologist Dr David Schnarch, author of Passionate Marriage: the shift from seeking validation to seeking to be known.

• Seeking Validation means keeping the peace, putting up a polished front, and saying what your partner wants to hear. It creates hidden pressure and suppresses your real needs.

• Seeking to be Known means having the courage to show up authentically: vulnerabilities, fatigue, unvarnished thoughts, and bad days included.

Trying to constantly impress or avoid disappointing your partner requires immense psychological energy. Showing up authentically takes courage, but as Dr Schnarch’s research shows, deep, lasting intimacy is built only when two people allow themselves to be truly seen.

The takeaway for working mums:
You don’t need to be the superwoman who manages the career, the children, and a spotless home without cracking. Express your tiredness. Share your limits. Let your partner see the real, unpolished version of you. After 15 years together, I can tell you: that is where the real intimacy lives.

3. Embrace the 5:1 Ratio: Conflict Actually Immunises Your Relationship

When you are already overstimulated, an argument with your partner can feel like the final straw. Many working mums carry the belief that a truly good relationship should be entirely conflict-free.

But research by Dr John Gottman, one of the world’s most respected relationship scientists, tells a different story.

Gottman’s longitudinal research found that stable, happy couples don’t avoid conflict. They simply navigate it differently. His most famous finding: thriving relationships maintain an average ratio of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction.

Just as exposure to minor challenges strengthens a child’s immune system, navigating low-level disagreements actually immunises a relationship. A completely conflict-free relationship often means feelings are being suppressed rather than expressed.

Two simple ways to make conflict healthy:

• Attack the behaviour, not the person. There is a vast difference between “You are so inconsiderate” and “It stresses me out when the kitchen isn’t tidied before bed.” One attacks the person. The other addresses the situation.

• Prioritise Micro-Love Boosters. You don’t need a child-free weekend away to repair your relationship. Research shows that small, 60-second rituals such a warm 20-second hug, an appreciative text during the workday, a genuine compliment, are what actually build emotional resilience over time. Small moments, consistently offered. Sound familiar? It’s the same principle that runs through everything I write here.

The Bottom Line

Fifteen years in, I no longer expect love to be easy. I expect it to be real, and that is so much better.

If you are exhausted, give yourself and your relationship permission to be human.

You don’t need a cinematic, effortless romance. You just need a shared, daily commitment to work through the messy reality of life together, one micro-moment at a time.

With lots of love,
Kristina

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Between the Chapters is a space dedicated to helping working mums navigate professional life, family logistics, and personal growth without losing their inner peace. If today’s reflection reminded you to take a much-needed breath, consider subscribing or sharing it with another mother who might need an instant exhale today.

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Note: This article contains book affiliate links, meaning if you choose to buy through it, it supports my writing at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting this space!

We spend our days analysing, planning, troubleshooting, and ticking items off endless checklists. We exist in a state of high-level cognitive hyper-vigilance, treating our bodies like mere vehicles designed to carry our busy brains from one meeting to the next, and then from one domestic task to another.

We ignore the subtle tightening in our shoulders, the shallow pattern of our breath, or the quiet ache in our lower back until they become too loud to ignore. We try to “solve” our stress by thinking our way out of it, reading more self-help, or optimising our schedules.

But science tells us that the mind and body are not two separate entities trying to communicate. They are a single, deeply integrated system. And often, the quickest way to calm a racing mind is not through thinking, but through somatic, physical awareness.

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The Eighth Sense: Interoception

We are all familiar with the five basic senses, but cognitive science has long been fascinated by a crucial “eighth sense” known as interoception.

Interoception is our brain’s ability to perceive and interpret internal bodily signals such as your heart rate, respiration, muscle tension, and hunger. Far from being a passive one-way street where the brain tells the body what to do, research in neurobiology shows that up to 80% of the fibres in the vagus nerve (the superhighway of our parasympathetic nervous system) are sensory. This means they are constantly sending signals up from the body to the brain.

In simple terms: your body decides how stressed you are long before your conscious mind registers the thought.

When we constantly override these somatic signals to power through our workdays, our brain interprets this disconnection as a threat state. The result? A persistent, low-grade background hum of anxiety that we simply cannot “think” our way out of.

The Power of Bottom-Up Regulation

In positive psychology and somatic therapy, there are two ways to regulate our nervous system:

• Top-Down Regulation: Using our minds to change our physical state (e. g., mindfulness, cognitive reframing, or positive self-talk).

• Bottom-Up Regulation: Using our physical body to change our mental state (e. g., breathwork, movement, somatic release).

The reality is that we simply cannot truly heal or thrive by relying on mental therapy or cognitive strategies alone. We cannot talk our way out of a state of tension that is physically locked in our tissues. As humans, we are physically designed to move. Our nervous systems require physical feedback to register safety and release accumulated pressure.

Incorporating somatic, physical movement into our daily lives isn’t just an optional luxury or a Sunday treat. It is absolutely essential for our overall health and long-term well-being.

When you are juggling a career and family life, your cognitive load is already at maximum capacity. Expecting yourself to use “top-down” willpower to calm a stressful moment is incredibly difficult. This is where bottom-up strategies become our greatest ally.

By changing our physical posture, releasing muscle tension, or altering our breathing, we send an immediate, biological signal to the brain’s threat centre (the amygdala) that we are safe.

Three Simple Somatic Pockets for Busy Days

To rebuild this vital connection, you don’t need a 90-minute yoga class or an hour of silent meditation. You need simple, science-backed micro-practices that fit into the spaces between your daily transitions:

1. The “Physiological Sigh” (The Quickest Reset): Pioneered by researchers in respiratory physiology, this is the fastest biological way to reduce autonomic arousal in real-time. Take two quick inhales through your nose (one deep breath, followed immediately by a sharp “top-up” inhale), then a long, slow exhale through your mouth. Doing this just twice instantly slows your heart rate.

2. The 60-Second Shoulder Drop: Set a gentle alarm on your phone for midday. When it goes off, don’t change what you’re doing, just notice your shoulders. Are they creeping up towards your ears? Take a deep breath, and on the exhale, let them drop completely. Soften your jaw and release the tension behind your eyes.

3. Somatic Grounding: Before you step out of your car after a long commute, or before you transition from your home office to greet your children, take 30 seconds to feel your feet flat on the floor. Physically register the support beneath you. This simple act shifts your neural activation out of the analytical “planning” brain and back into the present moment.

Coming Home to Ourselves

True resilience isn’t about having a mind that can withstand endless pressure. It is about having a nervous system that knows how to adapt, release, and return to a state of ease.

This week, when you feel the pressure mounting, try to drop out of the story in your head and step into the physical sensation of your body.

Your body already knows how to heal, settle, and breathe. Sometimes, we just have to get out of our own way and let it.

With lots of love,

Kristina

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Between the Chapters is a space dedicated to helping working mums navigate professional life, family logistics, and personal growth without losing their inner peace. If today’s reflection reminded you to take a much-needed breath, consider subscribing or sharing it with another mother who might need an instant exhale today.

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As a working mum balancing a corporate career and family life, I know how exhausting that climb can be. It is easy to find yourself rushing through the days, treating family routines like a project management checklist, and looking at your children through the lens of performance rather than presence.

That is why, during a quiet moment between life’s chapters, I picked up The Danish Way of Parenting by Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Sandahl. Denmark is consistently voted one of the happiest countries in the world, and this book examines why.

What I discovered within its pages wasn’t a set of rigid rules, but a profound mindset shift, one that mirrors everything I love about positive psychology: The Danes don’t raise their kids to perform. They raise them to thrive.

Here are the three shifts from the book that completely transformed my perspective on parenting and resilience.

1. Reframing the Chaos

One of the core pillars the authors introduce is the power of Reframing. In positive psychology, we talk a lot about how our mental frameworks dictate our emotional reality. The Danes have turned this into an art form.

When a child is having a difficult emotional moment or a day feels completely chaotic, the Danish response isn’t to label the child as “bad” or the day as “ruined”. Instead, they consciously reframe the situation. A rainy, cancelled afternoon isn’t a disappointment, it’s an opportunity to create Hygge, that intentional, cozy closeness indoors.

Reframing doesn’t change the external situation, but it completely changes the internal climate of your home. It teaches our children that while we cannot always control our circumstances, we always have power over our perspective.

2. The Serious Business of Free Play

In our drive to give our children the best start, we often over-schedule them with structured classes, sports, and educational apps. The Danish approach fiercely protects unstructured, adult-free play.

The science behind this is clear: free play is where emotional resilience is built. When children navigate play on their own terms, they learn how to manage stress, negotiate conflict, and discover their own internal boundaries. It reminded me deeply that the mind and body work in tandem. Resilience isn’t taught through a lecture, it is felt and practiced in the real, messy sandbox of life.

3. Trading Ultimatums for Connection

As tired parents, it is incredibly easy to fall into the trap of ultimatums: “If you don’t put your shoes on right now, we aren’t going to the park.”

The book gently challenges us to move away from these power struggles. The Danish model focuses on a respectful, democratic approach that avoids ultimatums and physical punishment, leaning instead on boundaries built through empathy and mutual respect.

This requires a massive shift in us as parents. It forces us to look at our own emotional regulation first. We cannot expect calm, resilient children if we are rushing through our days on the brink of burnout. Parenting, it turns out, is less about managing our children’s behaviour and much more about managing our own mindset. This is also one of the key messages in my other top parenting book by Philippa Perry, which I discussed in this article.

Turning the Page

Reading this book felt like an invitation to step off the treadmill of constant achievement and step onto the “Second Mountain”: the mountain where we prioritize deep connection, meaning, and collective well-being.

Resilience isn’t about being tough enough to endure a stressful life. It’s about having the psychological tools to remain connected, empathetic, and grounded through life’s inevitable ups and downs. The Danes have handed us a beautiful, practical map to do exactly that.

With lots of love,

Kristina

Join the Community

Between the Chapters is a space dedicated to helping working mums navigate professional life, family logistics, and personal growth without losing their inner peace. If today’s reflection reminded you to take a much-needed breath, consider subscribing or sharing it with another mother who might need an instant exhale today.

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The long evenings, the warm sunny mornings, the children playing outside until it feels too late. As working mums, we desperately want to hold onto these fleeting weeks. Yet, when we are balancing professional deadlines with the chaotic puzzle of school holidays, the season has a way of slipping through our fingers while our laptops are open.

If you feel the same way, I have good news. Science suggests we are not powerless here. We cannot stop time, of course, but we can change how we experience it, and how much of it we actually remember.

Why Does Summer Always Feel Too Short?

The answer lies in how our brains construct the experience of time.

Unlike sight, hearing, or touch, there is no single sensory organ for time. Our brains build our experience of it from a combination of attention, memory, emotion, and neural rhythms — all of which can be influenced by how we live our days.

As cognitive neuroscience researcher Professor Hinze Hogendoorn explains, time perception is not something “out there” to be perceived. There is no “time particle” our brain detects. Instead, time is constructed internally, making it deeply malleable.

Research shows that while routine activities tend to accelerate our perception of time, varied and exhilarating moments do the opposite. They slow down time in our memory. As we accumulate diverse experiences, our minds register those varied moments as larger and far more memorable than repetitive ones.

This is the key insight: summer feels short because we fill it with routine and military-grade scheduling.

When the school gates close, our days often become a frantic cycle of logistical planning: managing holiday camps, coordinating childcare, arranging meticulously timed playdates, and trying to stay present on work calls while the kids are in the next room. We run on autopilot, executing plans rather than experiencing them. Nothing truly new reaches the brain. Nothing is encoded. And so, the weeks compress into a blur in our memory.

The solution is not to add more to your to-do list. It is to do things differently. Here are two approaches that genuinely work for busy, working families.

1. Get Into Flow

In his seminal work, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, one of the founding figures of Positive Psychology, spent decades studying what he called the “optimal experience”. He defined “flow” as the state of being so fully absorbed in an activity that everything else, including time itself, falls away.

Further research highlighted by the Association for Psychological Science shows that during flow, our subjective perception of time completely distorts. Because our attention is fully invested in a single, satisfying task, we shut out all external distractions, function at our fullest capacity, and temporarily quiet the constant mental chatter of work and home logistics.

And crucially: flow doesn’t require hours of uninterrupted solitude. It requires only that the challenge of what you’re doing is reasonably matched to your skill level.

For me personally, two activities besides writing and reading do this consistently:

• Painting: When I sit down with my acrylics and start working on a canvas inspired by nature, time genuinely disappears. I have looked up to realise an hour has passed when it felt like fifteen minutes. This is flow, and it is one of the most reliable sources of happiness Positive Psychology has identified.

• Gardening: There is something about tending to living things. Planting, pruning, watering create the same quiet absorption. No notifications. No work deadlines. Just presence.

Your flow activities will be different. They might be baking, cycling, running, knitting, playing music, or building something with your hands. The point is not the activity. The point is the absorption.

This summer, ask yourself: When did I last lose track of time in the best possible way? Even if it is just for 20 minutes on a Sunday morning before the house wakes up, claim that pocket of flow deliberately, regularly, and without guilt.

2. Micro-Adventures

The second approach is rooted in something neuroscientists call the novelty effect.

A fascinating study published in Scientific Reports found an inextricable link between unique experiences and our mental well-being. The researchers discovered that engaging in non-routine activities directly alters our perception of time, reduces boredom, and boosts positive emotions because diversity in our physical environment enriches our memory.

In simple terms: new experiences create richer memories. And richer memories make time feel fuller, both in the moment and in retrospect.

You don’t need an expensive holiday abroad or a perfectly curated, high-stress day trip. You need what I, or more precisely, my husband calls, micro-adventures: small, spontaneous departures from the ordinary that signal to your brain: this is worth remembering.

For working mums, the magic of a micro-adventure is that it requires zero advance planning. It is the antidote to the rigid schedules of summer camp runs:

• The Post-Work Escape: Closing your laptop at 5:30 PM on a Tuesday, throwing towels in the car, and driving straight to a local lake to swim with the children before dinner.

• The Dinner Shake-Up: Packing up whatever you were going to eat anyway and having a picnic in a different park than usual, somewhere you’ve never been before.

• The After-Hours Magic: Stargazing in the garden on a warm evening with your children, lying on a blanket long past their usual bedtime.

• The Mystery Walk: An evening stroll where you let the kids choose every turn at random, just to see where you end up.

This concept is beautifully backed up by a study in the Journal of Sustainable Tourism, which found that “slow adventures” such as stargazing, canoeing, or foraging, directly slow down our perception of the passage of time. Immersing ourselves in these quiet, natural paces allows us to feel a deeper sense of belonging and well-being.

Micro-adventures work precisely because they break the routine that compresses time. They don’t need to be expensive, elaborate, or Instagram-worthy. They just need to be different from your standard weekday evening.

What This Looks Like in Practice

To reclaim your summer, you don’t need to restructure your entire life or compromise your work commitments. You just need two simple ingredients:

1. One flow activity for yourself at least once a week. Something that absorbs you completely and reminds you of who you are outside of being a mum or a professional.

2. One micro-adventure with the kids. Something small, spontaneous, and different. A new route, a new park, or a splash in the water on a Tuesday evening.

That’s it. Two small choices, repeated across the weeks of summer, and your brain will have beautiful, vivid landmarks to hold onto when September arrives.

Summer doesn’t have to be a blur of managing the juggle.

It just has to be lived a little differently.

With lots of love,

Kristina

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Before I Had a Name For It

I’ve been practising positive psychology for most of my life, long before I ever heard the term. In my teens, I kept a journal where I recorded my emotions, reflections, and gratitude daily. At that time, I also created two large paintings that reflected my positive attitude toward life despite many challenges. Unfortunately, those paintings were left at my parents’ house and disappeared over the years.

I didn’t think of it as a “practice” back then. It was just how I got through things. It’s only looking back now, with a bit of formal language for it, that I can see the shape of what I was already doing.

The Book I Didn’t Know Was Positive Psychology

The clearest example of this (one I only recognised after the fact) is my book, Happy Pregnancy: A Guide to a Positive Mindset, about cultivating happiness during pregnancy despite any issues along the way. It took me more than five years to finish it, until I fully trusted that I was ready to share my very personal story, which required some healing time after one of the pregnancies.

When I look back at that book now, I can see positive psychology running through nearly every page: the reframing, the gratitude practices, the emphasis on both mental and physical health, and the deliberate attention to small moments of joy during a genuinely hard and uncertain time. I didn’t have the academic framework for any of it. I just wrote what I’d lived.

Publishing the book is actually what sent me looking for more, not just about happiness during pregnancy, but beyond it. That search is how I came across positive psychology as a field. I read through many books, and worked through all open lectures from Harvard Medical School available on YouTube. But I also wanted something official to synthesise what I’d gathered on my own and give it more structure. That’s part of why finishing this course felt different from other certificates I’ve earned. It wasn’t the start of learning something new so much as finally getting the vocabulary for something I’d been doing instinctively for years.

My Key Takeaways from the Course

1. The name “positive psychology” might be a little misleading. Based on what this field actually studies (what makes us thrive, not just feel good), it could just as easily be called something like the art of living, or the study of how to live well. “Positive” can really undersell how practical and evidence-based it is.

2. Our mind and body work together as a tandem. We simply cannot expect to feel mentally resilient if we ignore what our physical body is telling us. Therefore, the most successful psychologists are those who encourage their clients to engage in body practices alongside traditional therapy.

I posted a Note about this, and your response told me how much it resonates: many of you shared your own experience of how closely the two are connected in daily life. There is also so much fascinating research on how taking care of our physical body can help heal various illnesses and disorders. A lot of research also confirms that the placebo effect is real, and it showcases how our mind can help our body.

3. I used to think the meaning of life was about building something that outlasts us. Creating value, leaving something behind. And if that wasn’t possible, I thought raising children counted too — that our purpose comes down to what continues after we’re gone.

This course shifted that for me. Psychologist Martin Seligman, one of the founders of the field, frames a meaningful life differently: as one where you put your own particular strengths and character to use in service of something bigger than yourself. It’s less about producing a finished, lasting “thing,” and more about knowing yourself well enough (your actual strengths) to put them to work for others. Meaning isn’t a product you leave behind. It’s a way of finding yourself.

The Question I Didn’t Know I Was Asking

There’s another piece of this story worth being honest about: I didn’t realise I was in the middle of a midlife shift until I joined Substack. My very first article here traces this pretty clearly.

For most of my life, I was doing what I was “supposed to do”, and I suspect many of you know this list well: education, career, family, house. Check, check, check. It wasn’t an unhappy life. It just wasn’t a fully chosen one.

Somewhere along the way, that started to shift. The question stopped being “what am I supposed to do next” and became something closer to: what is actually mine to do? What’s my calling, if I let myself ask that seriously?

That’s the exact question at the centre of David Brooks’ book The Second Mountain. Brooks’ idea is that many of us spend our first years climbing a “first mountain”: chasing the goals the world hands us: career, status, the traditional markers of success. Some people reach the top, and it’s genuinely satisfying. Others reach it, or get knocked off it by a crisis or a loss, and find themselves in a valley asking a different question: not “how do I win” but “what is my life actually for.”

The second mountain, in his framing, is the one built on commitment to a vocation, to people, to a community or a cause not for personal achievement, but because it’s what makes a life feel meaningful. Reading it, I recognised a shape I was already living but hadn’t named, much like everything else this year.

Where This Goes From Here

This certificate isn’t the end of anything. It’s the first official step into studying something I’ve quietly lived my whole life, and it arrives at the same time as this bigger, quieter question about what’s actually mine to build now.

After more than two months on Substack, I’m more confident than ever that this community is exactly the place to dive into positive psychology in practice, because you’ve already given me so much valuable feedback and very clear signals about what matters most to you. The article How We Rest, for instance, came directly from so many of you asking for practical tips on resting as a busy working mum. I keep a running list of your questions and write toward them, because I love how alive and supportive this community has become.

Thank you for being here.

With lots of love,

Kristina

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I sat with this question for a while, because I think it deserves real attention rather than a quick answer. So here it is — my honest thinking on rest, backed by some science I found genuinely reassuring.

Family Holidays Are Not Really for Resting

Let’s be honest. Once we have children and pursue our professional ambitions, we are constantly working — in some form, at some level. Particularly during the season of intensive motherhood, when our children need our care and attention most (up to their early teens, I’d guess), a family holiday is rarely restful in the traditional sense.

I see it differently now. A family holiday is quality time together. It’s a chance to learn more about our children, and about ourselves. It connects directly to something we discussed in my review of Philippa Perry’s book: our main task as parents is to build a relationship with our children. A family holiday, done with the right expectations, is one of the best opportunities we have to do exactly that.

So, next time you plan a family holiday, set realistic expectations for rest. That way, you won’t be surprised when you come home more tired than when you left.

If you have the option, also consider taking holidays with grandparents or other families with children. You can take turns caring for each other’s children so everyone gets genuine time to rest. Alternatively, book accommodation with a kids’ club, giving you a little time for yourself or with your partner. This can be a bit of a gamble, as not every child is happy to be left without their parents in an unfamiliar environment. Plus, as we discovered ourselves, you might just decide you don't want to use the kids' club even when the option is right there.

How Do Mothers Actually Rest?

The challenge is that most mums simply cannot relax at home. When you are in your own space, there is always a domestic chore calling your name, a laptop waiting to be opened, or a routine demand to take care of. One traditional answer is simple: get away entirely by yourself, or take a trip with other mums, leaving the daily demands of parenting and work completely behind.

But what happens when you can’t (or don’t want to) leave your little ones behind?

I am finishing this article shortly after returning from a trip to Nice with one of my best friends. This time, we brought our children along. Mainly because I am still breastfeeding my daughter, and my friend brought her son, who is a year older.

Let’s admit the truth upfront: travelling with a toddler is rarely a conventional holiday. It is largely about filling their needs, keeping up with their routines, and tailoring your days to their interests. So, looking back, was it still a good trip for resting?

Oh, absolutely.

It reshaped my entire definition of what “rest” means for a mum once again. It wasn’t about lying on a sun lounger for eight hours. It was about the reduction of my everyday mental and physical load. The trip was a deep reset because:

• The corporate switch was off: I didn’t work, allowing my brain to completely step away from the daily professional sprint.

• The mental load was halved: I didn’t need to coordinate or take care of the whole family. I only had to focus on one tiny person who is full of joy and endlessly curious about the world around her.

• The domestic routine disappeared: There was no laundry to sort, no dinner to cook, and no physical household management to keep up with.

• Shared mum empathy: Spending quality time with a dear friend meant we talked for hours. There is an incredible, unspoken safety in being around someone who truly understands the balancing act of motherhood.

• A spark of fresh inspiration: We explored new cobblestone streets, visited parks and museums, spent time on the beaches, tried different food, and enjoyed some quiet cups of coffee in the sun.

• Reclaiming hobbies: I managed to capture beautiful nature photos. More importantly, I actually read a few pages of my book — a simple holiday pleasure that has become so remarkably hard to keep hold of since having children.

While my friend and I still have the ambition to plan a trip for just the two of us next year, this week in France taught me something vital. True rest for a working mother doesn’t always require total solitude. Sometimes, it just requires removing the heavy layers of daily logistics so you can step back into the present moment and enjoy the view. Getting away doesn't have to mean a big trip abroad, either. It can be as simple as a couple of hours away from the house or a gentle day trip — whether you go with the whole family, one child, or completely alone.

The Real Solution: Working Like a Sprinter, Not a Marathon Runner

Here is the shift that has genuinely changed things for me: rest isn’t something you wait for. It’s something you build into how you work, every single day.

This connects to something fascinating I came across in resilience and productivity research, the concept of ultradian rhythms.

Sleep researcher Nathaniel Kleitman first identified that our brains naturally cycle through roughly 90-minute periods of alertness, followed by a dip requiring genuine recovery — a pattern he called the basic rest-activity cycle. Decades later, performance researcher Anders Ericsson studied elite violinists, chess players, and athletes, discovering something remarkable: the very best performers consistently practised in focused sessions of 60 to 90 minutes, followed by real breaks, and they never trained more than about four and a half hours a day. The musicians who tried to push through longer, less structured hours actually performed worse.

In plain terms: working like a marathon runner, pushing through hours without pause, produces worse results than working like a sprinter, with genuine rest built in between blocks of effort.

Practically, this means working in focused blocks of up to 90 minutes, followed by a real break with no screens and genuine quality recovery.

What Actually Resets Us During a Break

Not all breaks are equal. This is where it gets interesting, and where positive psychology and neuroscience meet beautifully.

Psychologists Rachel and Stephen Kaplan developed what is known as Attention Restoration Theory, which explains why certain breaks genuinely restore us while others, like scrolling on our phones, do not. Their research found that the human brain has a limited capacity for what they call “directed attention” — the focused, effortful concentration required by work and parenting tasks. This capacity depletes throughout the day and needs genuine recovery, not just distraction.

Crucially, a landmark study by Berman, Jonides, and Kaplan found that a 50-minute walk in nature significantly improved directed attention, while a 50-minute walk in an urban environment showed no improvement at all. Even brief exposure helps: one clinical trial found just 20 minutes, three times a week, was enough to produce measurable benefits.

The key insight here is that a break only restores you if it genuinely steps away from directed attention. Checking your phone during a break doesn’t count. It simply redirects your depleted attention somewhere else.

Ideas for a break that actually resets you:

• Go for a walk, ideally somewhere with greenery.

• Move your body: try yoga, a quick gym session, or simple stretching.

• Meditate, even if it is only for five minutes.

• Eat your lunch away from a screen.

• Socialise, even briefly, with someone who genuinely energises you.

• Practise mindfulness.

• Engage in a creative activity that brings you into a state of ‘flow’.

• Read a chapter of a book.

Ultimately, a break that actually resets you works by inviting 'glimmers' into your day. These micro-moments of presence act as an immediate antidote to the background stress of work and parenting, giving your mind a genuine pocket of recovery. I’ve written extensively about how these small shifts build long-term resilience in The Power of the Micro-Moment.

Bringing It Back to Positive Psychology

This is where the science and positive psychology align so clearly. Martin Seligman’s PERMA model places Engagement, being fully present in an activity, as one of the five pillars of human flourishing (which I explored deeply in my article, What Actually Makes Us Happy?). A genuine break, free of screens and full of presence, isn’t an interruption to flourishing. It is flourishing, in miniature, several times a day.

This matters enormously for working mums specifically, because we so often treat rest as something earned only after everything else is done. A reward at the end of a long week, or worse, a long year. The research suggests the opposite approach works far better: small, frequent, genuine pockets of recovery, woven right into the fabric of every single day.

So, Practically, What Do You Do Now?

We need to incorporate rest into every single day. We cannot wait for the weekend, wait for the school holidays, or wait until the children are older.

Start today.

Look at your own routine and ask: where is my version of a 90-minute sprint? And what genuinely resets me afterwards, rather than what merely distracts me?

Adjust accordingly. Make rest part of the architecture of your day, not an exception to it.

With lots of love,

Kristina

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Between the Chapters is a space dedicated to helping working mums navigate professional life, family logistics, and personal growth without losing their inner peace. If today’s reflection reminded you to take a much-needed breath, consider subscribing or sharing it with another mother who might need an instant exhale today.

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Every week brings fresh evidence that we’re living through a crisis of control. Polarization, social fragmentation, a news cycle engineered to keep us anxious. Much of what unsettles us today is rooted in a single feeling: that we have no power over our own lives. For working mothers specifically, that feeling has a very concrete shape. It’s the mental load – the invisible, constant tracking of everyone else’s needs that rarely shows up on any to-do list but never really switches off.

A major study following mothers and fathers found that women carry roughly seven out of every ten household mental-load tasks, regardless of their income or career success – a pattern that holds steady even when fathers genuinely believe they’re doing their share. It’s not laziness on anyone’s part. It’s an invisible imbalance that’s hard to see precisely because so much of it happens in someone’s head, not on a chore chart.

This matters because that load isn’t just exhausting in the moment – it adds up. A large US study found that the share of mothers rating their own mental health as fair or poor rose by more than 60% between 2016 and 2023, a far steeper decline than fathers experienced over the same years. Meanwhile, a recent pan-European survey found seven in ten British mothers describe themselves as overloaded, with nearly half reporting anxiety or depression. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re imagining how hard this is, you’re not. The data backs up what you already feel in your body by Wednesday evening.

So, this isn’t a piece about trying harder or thinking more positively to escape structural inequality. It’s about something narrower and genuinely useful: a concept psychology has studied for decades, and what it can, and cannot, do for you.

What Self-Efficacy Actually Means

Self-efficacy isn’t confidence as a personality trait, and it isn’t optimism as a mood. It’s the belief that you can act, and that your actions matter, even in small, unglamorous ways. Psychologist Albert Bandura, who introduced the concept, found that this single belief shapes which challenges people take on, how much effort they put in, and how long they keep going when things get hard.

For a working mother juggling a job and a household’s invisible logistics, that’s not an abstract idea. It’s the difference between feeling like the day is happening to you and feeling like you still have some say in how it goes, even if “some say” just means choosing which three things matter today and letting the rest wait.

This is where positive psychology earns its keep. Not as a substitute for real support, and not as a way to quietly accept an unfair load, but as a discipline that’s spent twenty-five years studying how resilience is actually built.

What the Research Shows

Positive psychology sometimes gets dismissed as a feel-good add-on – gratitude journals and affirmations dressed up in academic language. The actual research base is more substantial than that reputation suggests, and some of it speaks directly to mothers.

Research specifically on parenting self-efficacy, a mother’s belief in her own ability to care for her children well, has found it to be one of the strongest protective factors against parental burnout. Mothers with stronger parenting self-efficacy report less burnout, even when their practical circumstances (work hours, number of children, household support) look similar to mothers who are struggling more.

Social support plays a major role here too: studies consistently find that the more support a mother receives from a partner, family, or community. the lower her parental burnout, almost regardless of how much practical help that support translates into. Sometimes simply feeling backed is itself protective.

A well-known meta-analysis of positive psychology interventions found moderate but real effects more broadly: they meaningfully improved well-being and were associated with measurable reductions in depressive symptoms among clinical populations, across dozens of studies (Sin & Lyubomirsky, 2009). More recent work on resilience backs this up across different populations: self-efficacy reliably predicts psychological resilience, and resilience in turn predicts life satisfaction and the ability to manage stress.

The pattern holds even under real, not hypothetical, stress. A study built around the early pandemic, when so many mothers were suddenly managing work, childcare, and home-schooling from the same kitchen table – found that positive emotion, resilience, and coping self-efficacy actively softened the relationship between anxiety, depression, and overall well-being. In plainer terms: women who believed they could do something about their situation suffered less from the situation itself, even when the situation didn’t change. That’s not a small thing to know on a day when nothing about your circumstances feels like it’s improving.

Where This Gets Practical, and Why It’s Not Just on You

If self-efficacy is something that can be built, and the evidence says it can, then this cannot only be framed as one more thing for an already-stretched mother to work on alone. It’s also a design question for the workplaces, schools, and partners around her.

The research on parenting self-efficacy makes this explicit: it’s shaped by ecological factors such as partner involvement, social support, workplace flexibility, not just an individual mother’s mindset. A mother who’s drowning in unsupported logistics isn’t lacking self-efficacy as a trait. She’s missing the conditions that let self-efficacy take root. That distinction matters, because it moves the conversation away from “she should feel more capable” and towards “what would actually need to change so she could.”

This is the part that should change how we talk about working mothers at home and at work. A partner who takes on a genuine share of the mental load – not just the physical tasks – isn’t doing a favour. A workplace that treats flexibility as a real policy rather than a slogan isn’t being generous. Both are protecting something real: a person’s actual capacity to keep functioning well, which research shows is built from resilience and self-efficacy in the first place.

The Important Caveat

None of this works as advertised if someone is genuinely unwell.

There’s a meaningful difference between the exhaustion of an unsustainable load and clinical depression or anxiety, and the research is honest about where positive psychology’s reach ends. One well-known intervention study found that for people with elevated depressive symptoms, positive psychology techniques weren’t sufficient as a standalone treatment. Researchers explicitly positioned them as a supplement to real treatment, not a replacement for it.

Qualitative work with people actually living with depression and anxiety adds a further layer of nuance: these interventions aren’t universally welcomed, and their fit depends heavily on a person’s specific symptoms, personality, and what other treatment they’re already receiving. Telling an exhausted mother who’s clinically depressed to focus on gratitude or self-efficacy isn’t resilience coaching. It risks being dismissive of a medical condition that often requires therapy, sometimes medication, and time – and the data on rising rates of poor maternal mental health suggests this isn’t a rare or niche concern.

This is worth saying plainly, because the gratitude-journal version of positive psychology tends to flatten the distinction: self-efficacy and positive psychology are tools for building on a baseline of health, not a substitute for treating its absence.

If you recognise yourself in something heavier than ordinary overload such as a persistent low mood, anxiety that won’t lift, a sense of hopelessness that doesn’t match the day you’re describing, the responsible first step is real support: your family doctor, a therapist, or both. Positive psychology becomes genuinely useful afterwards, as part of what helps you stay well and keep growing, not as a way to skip the harder, necessary work of getting well first.

The Thread Running Through It

The mental load isn’t going to redistribute itself, and the world isn’t going to get quieter or slower on its own. What you can influence is something narrower but more durable: whether you meet an overwhelming week from a place of “this is happening to me” or “I still get to decide some of this.”

That shift doesn’t erase the unfairness of an unequal load, and it isn’t a replacement for real support, practical or clinical. But it is something you actually have some say over, and on the days when nothing else feels controllable, that can be enough to hold onto.

If this resonates and you’re navigating something heavier than ordinary overwhelm, please reach out to a doctor or therapist. You deserve real support, not just a better mindset.

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But as working mums, we know the truth. You cannot optimise your way out of a demanding career and a bustling household without eventually running out of fuel. True resilience isn’t about enduring an overwhelming number of tasks. It is about finding ways to safeguard our mental health so that we can thrive, not just survive, in the messy, unpredictable chapters of life.

I recently studied some research on resilience, and it completely reframed how I view the biological and emotional blueprint of our well-being. It turns out that our capacity to handle life’s storms isn’t just a personality trait we develop as adults. The foundation is laid much, much earlier.

The Blueprint in the Womb

One of the most eye-opening parts of the research comes from neuroscientists at the Max Planck Institute of Psychiatry in Munich, led by Professor Elisabeth Binder. Her team looks at how chronic stress impacts the developing brain, specifically how the stress hormone cortisol interacts with our biology.

Because scientists cannot directly study an embryo’s brain inside the womb, Professor Binder’s team utilised an incredible method: growing “brain organoids” (three-dimensional, brain-like cell structures cultivated from stem cells outside the body) to simulate early development.

When they introduced synthetic cortisol (the primary stress hormone) to these developing cells, the results were undeniable. High levels of stress hormones altered the very development and expression of genes that are directly associated with the risk of developing psychiatric illnesses later in life. When a pregnant woman experiences chronic, unmanaged stress or trauma, the natural biological barrier can weaken, exposing the embryo to a flood of cortisol.

The Mother-Child Mirror

This scientific reality is mirrored by the work of the pioneering French psychiatrist and neurologist Boris Cyrulnik, a true pioneer in early childhood resilience. His research demonstrates a delicate, profound cycle between a mother’s emotional state and her child’s neural architecture.

Dr Cyrulnik explains that when a pregnant woman is under severe, continuous stress, those stress hormones enter the uterus. The baby absorbs these hormones, which can lead to early cognitive and neurological shifts. Dr Cyrulnik highlighted the final weeks of pregnancy and the first two years of a child’s life as an incredibly sensitive window where neural networks are constantly firing and shaping.

As Dr Cyrulnik beautifully points out, these early changes are not caused by the mother herself, but by the mother’s unhappiness or the weight of the environment she is forced to endure. This insight is political, social, and deeply personal. It tells us that protecting a mother’s peace of mind isn’t a luxury or an act of self-indulgence. It is a biological necessity for the next generation.

This Is Not Your Fault

If you are reading this as a mother who experienced a stressful pregnancy, it is vital to know that this is not a sentence of doom. Motherhood brings enough unearned guilt as it is, and the last thing we want to do is carry the weight of past stress that we likely had no control over.

The entire beauty of resilience science is built on the concept of neuroplasticity. Our brains are remarkably adaptable and constantly rewire themselves based on our current environments and experiences. Even if your biological stress response felt heightened during pregnancy, you and your child are not locked into that state. Resilience is a muscle that can be consciously trained, repaired, and expanded at any stage of life.

Healing the Blueprint: The Power of Positive Psychology

To move from surviving to thriving, we can look to the powerful frameworks of Positive Psychology. Unlike traditional psychology, which historically focused on treating mental deficit and illness, Positive Psychology shifts the lens toward human flourishing, strength-building, and actively cultivating a meaningful life. It is one of the most powerful tools for rewiring our stress responses.

You can actively grow your resilience and protect your family’s well-being right now through small, intentional, everyday habits rooted in these principles:

• Cultivate “The Co-Regulation Effect”: Children develop resilience by mirroring the adults around them. When you take a moment to breathe, ground yourself, and calm your own nervous system, your child’s nervous system co-regulates with yours. Healing your stress response directly supports theirs.

• Practice Active Reframing: As psychologist Michelle Vessa highlights in the research, our resilience grows when we intentionally focus on what we have achieved rather than where we stumbled. This aligns perfectly with Positive Psychology’s focus on gratitude and strengths. Make it a daily habit to acknowledge the small wins, even something as small as navigating a chaotic morning with patience.

• Establish Internal Control: Burnout thrives when we feel helpless. Counteract this by finding small areas in your daily routine where you have absolute control, whether that is a strict ten-minute coffee boundary in the morning or consciously choosing how you react to a stressful email.

• Prioritise Joyful Movement, Rest, and “Glimmers”: Physical resilience directly influences mental resilience. Simple acts like stepping away for a short walk or listening to music can serve as a powerful reset for a flooded cortisol system. Beyond movement, intentionally looking for micro-moments of safety and joy, what Positive Psychologists call “glimmers”, can instantly cue your nervous system to calm down. I wrote a whole article on how to find and use these daily sparks of peace, which you can read here.

Empowering Your Next Chapter

What this research truly highlights is that we must stop asking mothers to simply “tough it out.” The mental and emotional well-being of a mother, whether she is currently pregnant or navigating the chaotic early years of parenting, is the absolute cornerstone of a healthy family.

When we choose to slow down, when we refuse to let the corporate mindset dictate our worth, and when we actively protect our mental health, we aren’t just changing our own day-to-day experience. We are setting a boundary that protects our children, too.

If you are currently navigating pregnancy and want to proactively build a protective, gentle space for your mind and heart, or if you are looking to heal your mindset for the chapters ahead, I have put everything I know about balance, positive transitions, and emotional resilience into a dedicated guide. You can find practical tools and reassuring frameworks in my book.

Let’s protect our peace together, one chapter at a time.

With lots of love,
Kristina

The Point of Reading Books

Since this is my first book review on Between the Chapters, I’d like to briefly share my approach to reading non-fiction.

I don’t expect a book to significantly change my life, although some, including this one, have.

Non-fiction books can teach us, and I want to grasp that knowledge. But I’m realistic about the fact that I cannot memorise or, more importantly, practically apply everything that is written. That is where the real value of reading lives: in the application, not the information.

So I’ve made peace with the limited capacity of my memory and, more broadly, of my resources, being a working mum with small children, in a foreign country, still building my village.

That’s why I aim to learn and ideally apply at least one thing from every book I read, every course I attend, every podcast I listen to. One single thing I can truly digest and that will make a difference in my life. If it turns out to be two or three things, it’s wonderful. But one is enough. I’d rather read one book and genuinely absorb one insight, than read ten and carry nothing practical away from any of them.

This approach requires concentration, reflection, and time to synthesise. Ideally, it also includes time to test and apply what you’ve learned in daily life, which, as it happens, is also one of the core principles of Positive Psychology.

How I Found What Might Be the Best Parenting Book

Two years ago, during a period when I was attending online therapy, I mentioned in one session that I was genuinely worried about my son. As his mother, I see him as so kind, and that kindness made me anxious about what will happen to him, and how much I can protect him from life’s challenges.

My therapist recommended “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read: (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)” by Philippa Perry.

I’ll admit I enjoy listening to this book more than reading it. I love Philippa’s voice, and how convincing and encouraging she sounds on audio. So I listened while solo-driving, on nature walks, and while working out. There were moments when I had to pause and sit with what she’d said, rethinking my own behaviour and my understanding of what it means to be a good mother.

Even though my work with that therapist didn’t continue, I’m grateful for this recommendation to this day. It made something very clear to me: what I should actually be aiming for when it comes to raising mentally strong, emotionally healthy people. And, of course, the ultimate goal that one day, our grown-up children will genuinely want to spend time with us. Philippa explains beautifully how that is built.

My Key Takeaway

According to Philippa, the primary responsibility of a parent is to build a relationship with their child. We might assume that the physical care, such as food, clothes, and a safe home, is the most important thing. And of course it matters. But what children need most is a strong emotional bond. A relationship that nourishes both the parent and the child.

So how do we actually build that? Philippa outlines several principles throughout the book, but the heart of her approach comes down to this: children need to feel seen, heard, and understood, not fixed, not managed, but genuinely met where they are.

This means acknowledging their feelings rather than dismissing them. When a child says “I hate my brother,” the instinct is often to correct: “No, you don’t. You love him.” But Philippa suggests sitting with the feeling instead: “It sounds like you’re really frustrated right now.” The feeling is valid. The child feels understood. The relationship deepens.

She also emphasises that our own unresolved childhood experiences, the things our parents did or didn’t do for us, inevitably shape how we parent, often unconsciously. This is where Positive Psychology intersects beautifully with her work: self-awareness and self-compassion, two cornerstones of Positive Psychology, are essential tools for breaking generational patterns. We cannot give our children what we haven’t yet found within ourselves.

Philippa doesn’t ask us to be perfect parents. She asks us to be present ones, to be curious about our children, to be honest about our own feelings, and to be willing to repair the relationship when we inevitably get things wrong. In fact, one of the key messages in the book is that parents can make mistakes. The repair, Philippa says, matters as much as the rupture.

“You Have to Like Your Kids”

Another thing I remember and practise every day is something Philippa says plainly:

“You have to like your kids. Not only love them, but genuinely like them.”

This makes so much sense to me now. It is far easier to demonstrate that we like someone than that we love them. And children can see that spark, when we light up at how they look, what they say, what they sing, how they show initiative, when they’re curious, when they play. The list is endless.

I love my children always. But I like them every time I see them. Even in the difficult moments, and there are many, that distinction guides me back.

The Story That Made Me Sit in My Car and Cry

There is one story in the book that shook me so deeply I couldn’t get out of my car for a while.

Philippa describes a boy whose parents worked very hard and were constantly busy. During the week, different babysitters looked after him while his parents worked. On weekends, they planned exciting activities and gave him gifts and special treats.

The boy never complained. He seemed fine.

One day, the father was at home when he walked into the kitchen, and found his son trying to jump out of the window.

He was caught in time. He was saved.

But the most shattering part was the reason why. The boy later explained that he wasn't acting out of recklessness. He truly wanted to end his life because he believed he was causing too much trouble. He had noticed how hard his parents worked to arrange his care, and in his quiet, heavy loneliness, he came to believe that his existence was a distraction from their important work. He genuinely believed that by ending his life, he was freeing his parents to live and work without the burden of him.

Please read that again. Slowly.

I was shaken by how much invisible weight a child can carry while, from the outside, appearing perfectly fine. This story stays with me. It changed the way I think about presence, not just physical presence, but emotional availability. Being there is not the same as being there.

You can find the book on Amazon here. It's an affiliate link, which means that I earn a small commission only if you decide to buy, at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting Between the Chapters this way.

Thank you so much for reading today. As always, I look forward to sharing more with you next Sunday.

With lots of love,

Kristina

A holiday. A promotion. A house your family loves. A morning when nobody spills their drink.

But the more I dive into positive psychology, the more I realise that happiness – real, lasting happiness – works very differently from what most of us were taught.

And the science? It’s both reassuring and quietly revolutionary.

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First, let’s talk about what happiness is NOT

It’s not the absence of hard days. It’s not a permanent state of joy. And – this one surprised me – it’s not something that money reliably buys, at least not beyond a certain point.

Research shows that making more money has rapidly diminishing returns on life satisfaction. Below the safety net, increases in income and increases in life satisfaction go hand in hand – but above that safety net, more wealth produces smaller and smaller boosts to our everyday joy.

The Science: Below the safety net, increases in money and increases in life satisfaction go together — but above the safety net, increases in money produce smaller and smaller increases in happiness. (Diener & Seligman, 2004)

For those of us juggling a corporate career with small children and expat life, this is worth sitting with. We often tell ourselves: “When I earn more, things will feel better. When we have a bigger house, I’ll finally relax.” The research gently suggests otherwise.

How much of your happiness can you actually influence?

This is perhaps the most empowering finding in all of positive psychology. And it comes in the form of a simple – if surprising – pie chart.

According to groundbreaking research by psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, our happiness baseline breaks down into three distinct parts:

• 50% is genetically determined.

• 10% is affected by our external life circumstances.

• 40% is subject to our own intentional choices and daily habits.

The Science: Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K.M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change. Review of General Psychology. Popularised in: The How of Happiness (2008).

Let that sink in for a moment.

Half of your happiness baseline was handed to you at birth – and you cannot change it. Ten per cent comes from your circumstances – your salary, your house, your country of residence. While those things certainly matter, the research suggests they matter far less than we think. (Of course, if you live in extreme circumstances like a war zone or an unsafe home, the weight of external factors increases; but here, we are talking about regular life, most likely navigating a career in a foreign country).

This leaves 40% of your happiness and well-being belonging entirely to you.

It belongs to your mindset. To your daily habits. To the micro-choices you make between the school run, the corporate work call, and the bedtime story.

For a working mum navigating expat life – where so much feels completely outside your control – this finding is quietly revolutionary. You cannot change your genes. You cannot always control your circumstances. But you hold 40% of your own happiness in your hands, every single day.

That is not a small thing. That is everything.

(Note: While these exact percentages have been debated by some researchers as an oversimplification, the underlying core principle – that intentional daily habits significantly influence our well-being – is heavily supported across psychological literature).

So, what actually allows us to flourish?

Martin Seligman – the founder of positive psychology – spent decades researching what allows humans to truly thrive. His answer came in the form of five core building blocks, known as the PERMA model.

There are many different routes to a flourishing life, and we all derive well-being from each of these five elements to varying degrees. Let’s walk through what they look like in the real, messy life of a working mum:

P — Positive Emotions

This isn’t about toxic positivity or pretending everything is fine. It’s about deliberately noticing and savouring small moments of genuine warmth throughout your day.

• According to Barbara Fredrickson’s broaden-and-build theory, positive emotions literally broaden your thoughts and actions, enhancing your long-term creativity, resilience, and social bonds.

• In real life: Savouring your morning coffee before the chaos begins, genuinely pausing to notice your child’s laugh, or taking two minutes to write down three good things before bed. Small, deliberate, and highly effective.

E — Engagement

Have you ever been so absorbed in something that you completely lost track of time? That’s what psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi called ‘flow’ – and it’s one of the most reliable sources of deep satisfaction available to us.

• In real life: Flow doesn’t require a weekend retreat. It can happen in the gaps of a busy day: getting fully absorbed in a creative project at work, losing yourself in a 20-minute run, or being entirely present during bathtime instead of mentally drafting tomorrow’s to-do list.

• The question to ask yourself is: When was the last time I was fully present in something — not performing, not multitasking, just completely here?

R — Relationships

This is where the science gets particularly powerful – and deeply relevant to those of us raising children far from home.

• The Harvard Grant Study – one of the longest studies of human life ever conducted, spanning over 75 years – concluded with a famous five-word finding: “Happiness is love. Full stop.”

• Furthermore, the World Happiness Report 2025 highlights that family units of four to five show remarkably high levels of life satisfaction.

• In real life: Building a support network takes immense effort when you are far from your original village. But the research doesn’t say happiness requires old, lifelong relationships; it requires genuine ones. As expat mums, I believe we should focus on strengthening our immediate family relationships first, creating a solid foundation, before attempting to build that wider village.

M — Meaning

Data published by the Greater Good Science Center in 2025 found that individuals who derive their purpose from mattering to others report the highest levels of life meaning, while those pursuing inner peace and positive impact feel the happiest day-to-day.

• In real life: For working mums, meaning often lives in the natural tension between two spaces: the career that gives us our professional identity, and the family that gives us our personal purpose. Positive psychology doesn’t ask you to choose between them. It simply asks you to notice where meaning already exists – and tend to it intentionally.

A — Accomplishment

Recent data from late 2025 flips the script on the classic hustle narrative: “I’ll feel better once I’ve achieved more.” The science shows that feeling well functions as a precursor to functioning well. Participants who reported higher well-being first showed significantly greater self-control and professional accomplishment later.

• In real life: This means that rest, restoration, and self-care are not rewards for working hard. They are the absolute foundation of your performance – both at the office and at home. Tend to your well-being first, and the accomplishments will follow naturally.

One more thing the research tells us

A massive 2025 meta-analysis pooling data from over 2.5 million participants found a beautiful, cyclical truth: people who tend to trust others more are significantly happier, and experiencing greater well-being fosters even more community trust in return.

Trust. Community. Connection.

For those of us navigating expat life – building new friendships from scratch, integrating into new cultures, and raising children between worlds – this finding feels both challenging and deeply hopeful.

Your happiness is not waiting for your circumstances to perfectly line up. It is being quietly built, right now, in every genuine connection you make.

So, what does this mean for you today?

You don’t need to overhaul your entire life. You just need to notice it a little more carefully.

Take a look at your own life through the lens of the PERMA framework this week:

• Positive Emotion: When did you last feel a genuine spark of joy — not forced, but real?

• Engagement: When were you last fully immersed in a single task?

• Relationships: Are your current connections nourishing you or depleting you?

• Meaning: Where does your daily life feel most purposeful right now?

• Accomplishment: Are you celebrating your small wins — or only tracking what’s left undone?

Pick the single element that feels the most depleted right now. This week, do just one micro-step to tend to it.

That’s not a grand gesture. That’s positive psychology in practice.

Sending you lots of warmth and a gentle reminder that you are already doing more than enough.

With love,

Kristina

I’ve observed that we often approach our own well-being with the same ‘fix-it’ mindset. We look at our exhaustion, our guilt, or our busy calendars and treat them as problems to be solved.

But positive psychology offers us a beautiful, liberating alternative. It invites us to focus on flourishing over fixing. As a working mum, I know exactly what it feels like to live on autopilot in survival mode. Yet, the moment I intentionally shift my focus to what is working and how to truly thrive (a topic that certainly deserves its own article), I feel far more fulfilled and less tense.

The Myth of the Perfect Hour

When we think about self-care or personal development, we often picture grand gestures: a weekend retreat, a flawless one-hour morning routine, or a perfectly quiet house.

But let’s be honest. In the middle of an intense work week, a busy household, and the beautiful chaos of raising children, those long stretches of time barely exist. If we wait for a perfect hour, we risk waiting forever.

True emotional resilience isn’t built in isolation. It is built right here, in the messy middle of our everyday lives.

The Micro-Reset: It is incredible how just five minutes of absolute silence can entirely save your day. Stepping out onto the terrace with a cup of coffee, leaning back, closing your eyes, and just noticing the movement of the trees in the wind. I call it true luxury, and it is a necessary circuit-breaker for a busy mind.

Turning Inward: Releasing External Expectations

A major part of flourishing is learning to protect our own energy. In our careers and our families, we face an endless stream of external expectations. If we try to meet all of them, our internal tank runs completely dry. And as we know too well, a mother’s energy directly influences the atmosphere of the entire home.

Taking time to recharge isn’t about adding another task to your endless to-do list, even if blocking a calendar for some ‘me time’ is a very practical solution. It is about claiming your agency.

When we unhook ourselves from the world’s expectations of how we should look and turn inward to trust our own intuition, the entire experience of motherhood shifts. We stop trying to project a ‘perfect’ life and start enjoying the present one.

Collecting Glimmers

Children are our greatest teachers in mindfulness because they live in the present. They don’t look for perfection. They look for connection. On this note, I highly recommend a wonderful book by Philippa Perry, who emphasises that building a secure relationship is the core foundation of parenting. It's called The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did), and I can’t wait to share a more in-depth review of it soon. If this is a topic you’d love to dive into, do drop me a comment. It will help me shape what I write about next for our growing community.

When we look closely at how this connection unfolds in daily life, we can realise it’s built entirely out of micro-moments. Our children are constantly showing us how to collect them:

• They notice with delight how the room smells like grandpa’s house while you are folding the laundry.

• They find pure magic in learning to count to three in the middle of a chaotic evening bath.

In psychology, these are called glimmers, which are tiny micro-moments of safety, joy, and connection that instantly rewrite the narrative of an exhausting day. When we change our line of sight and intentionally ‘look up’, much like pausing to admire the trees on a walk, we can break the autopilot cycle of stress.

Your Mindset Practice for the Week

This week, let go of the pressure to fix everything. Instead, give yourself permission to step back, protect your peace, and look for the beauty in the imperfections.

• Fill your own cup first: Not because you are responsible for everyone else’s mood, but because your peace of mind is the foundation of how you want to live.

• Take the five minutes: When the afternoon gets overwhelming, step away. Breathe. Reset. The work can wait.

Remember, you do not have to earn your rest, and you do not need a flawless calendar to deserve a moment of joy. The magic of motherhood and the strength of your career are not found in the perfect hours we chase, but in the tiny, imperfect glimmers we choose to save.

Wishing you a beautifully imperfect, grounded week ahead.

With lots of love,

- Kristina

For generations, classical psychology operated primarily on a deficit model. It was a framework engineered to identify weakness, manage dysfunction, and return an individual from a state of acute distress back to a baseline of “neutral” survival. But as working mums building careers while nurturing families, we quickly discover a harsh truth: simply fixing what is broken does not make us grow. It merely leaves us static.

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This is exactly where the pivot to Positive Psychology changes the entire trajectory of our professional development and family life. Pioneered as an academic movement by scholars like Martin Seligman and advanced through seminal frameworks at Harvard, Positive Psychology explicitly shifts the question from “what is broken?” to “what is working?”. It is the scientific study of Salutogenesis — a term introduced by grandfather of the field Aaron Antonovsky, meaning the very origin of health, energy, and optimal human functioning.

The Illusion of the Fix-It Mindset

As senior managers, business owners, and mothers, our default setting is often operational optimization. We often view our daily schedules, family dynamics, and professional outputs through a problem-solving lens. We ask ourselves: What went wrong today? Why am I exhausted? What do I need to correct tomorrow?

While troubleshooting is necessary for basic logistics, anchoring our mindset exclusively in what isn’t working actively stalls our evolution. If we focus only on our deficits, we remain trapped in a defensive posture. We are not growing — we are simply preventing failure.

Positive Psychology introduces a far more ambitious mandate: flourishing. I have to admit, I sometimes hesitate to use this word because I know just how exhausted working mums are. It can easily sound like an unmanageable demand added to already heavy shoulders. However, the concept of flourishing is vital. By deliberately pivoting our attention toward our character strengths, peak experiences, and resilience, we alter the internal framework of how we interpret reality. We move beyond the flatline of survival and step into intentional growth.

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A Crucial Tool for an Unstable Era

This shift is no longer an academic luxury. I see it as a tool in today’s world, which is undergoing profound, rapid structural shifts. We are navigating an era defined by an intense AI revolution, economic and financial volatility, global political insecurity, and shifting professional norms. For the working mum, these macro-pressures manifest as micro-stressors every single day within our households and work projects.

We cannot control the global landscape, nor can we pause the velocity of technological change. Therefore, I strongly believe that we should build and strengthen our own resilience. Positive Psychology is the tool that moves us from a state of passive endurance to active creation. It provides a practical, science-backed foundation needed to anchor our mental stability, protect our personal career visions, and cultivate a genuinely happy family life.

Chipping Away the Excess Stone

In one of the Harvard course lectures, Dr. Ben-Shahar beautifully reminded me of Michelangelo’s description of creating the statue of David. The masterpiece was already inside the marble, while the artist’s only task was to chip away the excess stone to reveal the beauty within.

As mothers, we do not need to acquire an entirely new set of external capabilities to achieve balance. Our potential, our resilience, and our capacity to thrive are already internal realities. The work before us is subtractive: we must chip away the deep-seated perfectionism, the chronic corporate FOMO, and the culturally imposed guilt that obscures our strengths.

True growth doesn’t happen by obsessing over what to fix. It happens when we confidently lean into what is already working. Let’s stop optimizing for baseline survival and start building a foundation that enables flourishing.

I hope you’re with me.

- Kristina

Recently, I engaged in a conversation with a friend named Anne, who articulated concerns about the prospect of restricting herself to the role of the housewife. Anne, a woman of substantial education, intelligence, and ambition, finds that limiting herself to childcare and domestic responsibilities doesn’t match her aspirations.

In many well-developed nations, it’s a common practice for women to rejoin the workforce shortly after giving birth. Numerous options are available, including part-time and flexible work arrangements (I encourage open dialogue with your employer) and childcare solutions.

I don’t suggest that one should rush back to the office, but I want to emphasize that there are options. How we choose to use them is our decision.

On the contrary, a successful career doesn’t rely solely on physical presence in the office, where I’ve noticed that female employees with young children often encounter challenges in career advancement. Unfortunately, there is still much to be done to support working mothers, but we should focus on the positive and seek the best solutions available.

I advocate for self-development through continuous learning and pursuing new experiences. During pregnancy or when caring for a baby, you can try to delve into crucial aspects of your professional development that are often postponed due to full-time work’s perpetual time and energy constraints.

Throughout my pregnancy, I immersed myself in a journey of learning and experimentation. This path led me to explore new ventures, including investing in stocks and real estate, pursuing freelance opportunities, and starting the creation of my first book. I researched industry trends extensively, attended relevant webinars, and delved into literature, focusing on learning and personal development. This helped me stay up-to-date with the market and expanded my skill set. Most importantly, the increased self-awareness and new skills boosted my confidence when I returned to work.

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Upon my return to work after one year of parental leave, I had a well-defined vision for my professional goals in the years ahead. I remained intensely focused on building my team and maintaining transparency about my objectives with myself and those within the organization. During the initial six months of my part-time return (30 hours a week, five days a week), I not only witnessed an expansion of my responsibilities but also embarked on developing my team, recruiting the first individual to collaborate with me.

My friend Anne frequently experiences pressure from family members who advocate for a prestigious job title and a stable income as prerequisites before planning children. She is far from alone; many of us have grappled with these expectations from external sources and our inner selves. While I agree that well-planned finances provide security, the conventional 9-to-5 job is no longer the only optimal solution.

The concept of a stable job is gradually evolving today. With companies frequently implementing hiring and firing strategies to optimize costs, many employees, particularly Gen Z, are open to changing jobs to secure better opportunities for professional growth, financial benefits, flexible work arrangements, travel, home office options, and other essential criteria. There’s no longer an assurance of stability from either side, neither from the employer’s nor the employee’s perspective.

The way we approach work has indeed undergone a significant transformation. An ever-growing number of individuals value self-management, mental health, and flexibility, resulting in a consistent upswing in the population of self-employed professionals. This work mode not only bestows the liberty to make autonomous decisions but can also generate substantial income, particularly when leveraging the mastery of social media advertising.

This reflection becomes especially relevant during pregnancy. Expecting a child often ignites a surprising wave of motivation and capability in women to pursue their professional interests. They are driven to set a compelling example for their offspring, which explains why many women have successfully established businesses while pregnant or during maternity leave. Please also consider that most of these women don’t do this alone – they organize help and support to work on their vision because raising a baby is already more than a full-time job.

I don’t tell you to leave your job and start your own business, but I really want to bring up this option in case it could be something that resonates with you.

The dilemma of choosing between family and career (or more precisely, professional development) is indeed a subject of controversy. Nevertheless, in most Western countries, I maintain that it’s primarily an individual choice rather than a societal norm. Whether someone focuses on one aspect and potentially sacrifices the other is a personal decision.

MY LESSONS TO STAY POSITIVE:

• Develop your career vision and forge your path.

• Carefully weigh your decision to work for employers who discriminate against mothers.

• Find inspiration in the success of other women. Draw inspiration from the numerous women who have effectively balanced a thriving career with a happy family or those who have successfully transitioned to stay home with their children.

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This article is an excerpt from my book, ‘Happy Pregnancy: A Guide to a Positive Mindset’, published on Amazon.

It took five years and three pregnancies to finalise this book. Looking back, I am still struck by how much Positive Psychology was woven into my first pregnancy - an extraordinary time that, despite its beauty, brought serious challenges and complications.

It was through those moments that I truly learnt the power of the mindset tools I share today.

But as I dive deeper into my studies in Positive Psychology, I’ve realised that this narrative is fundamentally flawed. Motherhood isn’t a pause. It is an intensive time in personal development. However, I’ve also learnt that this growth isn’t always obvious. It takes a deliberate effort to stop, look at the motherhood joys and challenges, and recognise them as the building blocks of our personal development.

If you feel more motivated, more resilient, and more focused on self-improvement since becoming a mum, you aren’t imagining it. There is a scientific reason why motherhood makes us more capable, if we choose to see it.

1. The Power of “Good Enough”

Positive Psychology teaches us the value of Self-Compassion over the toxic pursuit of perfection. Research by D.W. Winnicott famously introduced the concept of the “Good Enough Mother.”

The science shows that children don’t need perfect parents; they need resilient ones. Letting go of the “Perfect Mother” trap reduces our stress and increases our Psychological Capital.

For anyone struggling with the pressure to “do it all” perfectly, I highly recommend a book I’ve shared on my Instagram before: “Raising a Happier Mother” by Anna Mathur. It was a game-changer for me. It shifts the focus from “how am I performing?” to “how am I feeling?” and “why?” which actually gives some peace of mind in a busy daily life.

2. Motherhood as a Catalyst for Growth

Why am I suddenly diving into Harvard coursework on Positive Psychology while juggling a career, two small kids, the garden, and everything in between? Because motherhood provides a unique form of Intrinsic Motivation, even if it may sound unrealistic on most ordinary days for a working mum.

According to Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan), we thrive when we have autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Motherhood often forces us to develop these at an accelerated rate. We want to become the best versions of ourselves not just for our own sake, but to serve as a blueprint or an inspiration for the children we are raising. Our “why” has never been stronger.

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3. A Pragmatic Tool: Three Good Things

Working mums often suffer from “Role Conflict”. It’s that nagging guilt that we are failing at home when we are at work, and vice-versa. Positive Psychology offers a simple, pragmatic fix: The “Three Good Things” exercise (Seligman et al., 2005).

Instead of scanning for what went wrong, we train our brains to scan for what went right.

• Did you handle a difficult client with empathy? That’s a win.

• Did you manage 20 minutes of present, phone-free play? That’s a win.

• Did you reach out to your village today? That’s the biggest win of all.

4. Strengthening the Village

One of the most consistent findings in Positive Psychology is Social Connection, which is the number one predictor of long-term wellbeing. In my last article, I spoke about “The Village.” Science backs this up: we are not biologically designed to live (and to thrive) alone.

By building a support system, we aren’t “failing” at independence. We are applying Social Support Theory to ensure our family and our careers can flourish simultaneously.

The Human Playbook Play

I want to invite you to shift your mindset. It takes effort to see the strength in the struggle, but once you do, everything changes. Don’t look at your “working mum” status as a hurdle to your development. Look at it as your most powerful asset.

Motherhood has taught me more about leadership, resilience, relationships, and empathy than any textbook ever could. Now, I’m just adding the science to it.

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But recently, as I dive deeper into my studies of positive psychology, I’ve begun to realise that this badge of honour is actually a heavy weight. We have been taught to prize independence, but the human brain is wired for interdependence. In our pursuit of “having it all”, we often sacrifice the “Village” — and we are feeling the cost in our internal balance.

The Expat’s Invisible Tax

When you live in your home country, the village is often inherited. It’s the grandmother who takes the kids for an hour, the old school friend who knows your “pre-mum” self, or the neighbour who understands your history without you saying a word. When we move abroad, we lose that inheritance. We pay an “invisible tax” of extra emotional labour just to find basic support.

However, much depends on the stage of life we’re at the moment. When I was in my twenties, hopping from my exchange in Sweden to the bustling streets of South Korea and then for my Master’s in Norway, I didn’t think much about the village. Back then, my life was packed into a suitcase, and my hunger was for adventure, new cultures, and academic challenges. Independence was my fuel, and I thrived on the freedom of being free.

However, the shift happens when you decide to stop exploring and start settling.

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When you aim to create a family and build a home, the village stops being a luxury and becomes a mechanical necessity. In my 12 years in Germany, I have tried to lay those bricks, but our journey wasn’t static. We moved three times within Germany (within only a 100 km radius), and with every new postcode, the clock reset. I found myself standing in a new kitchen, in a new town, having to start my village from zero all over again. Every move required me to find the courage to build a support system where there was only silence at first.

Every move required starting the village from zero.

By the time we settle and have children, many of us are so used to doing it alone that we stop asking for help entirely. We become “Projectors” (as my Human Design suggests) who can see the systems and help others, but often forget to design a system that supports ourselves.

Shifting the Needle from Survival to Flourishing

In traditional psychology, we might look at this isolation and focus on the “burnout”. But positive psychology asks a different question: What are the strengths we can use to build a village where one doesn’t exist?

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Flourishing isn’t about waiting for a village to appear at your doorstep. It’s about the active, science-backed pursuit of high-quality connections. Research shows that even small, micro-moments of connection — a shared laugh with another mum at the playground or a deep conversation over brunch with a local community — can regulate our nervous systems and restore our sense of balance.

The Human Playbook: Two Bricks for Your Village

If you are feeling the “juggle” today, I want to offer two tools from my Human Playbook to help you stop sacrificing your well-being for the sake of “independence”:

1. The Vulnerability Audit: We often think we are a burden when we ask for help. Positive psychology suggests the opposite: asking for a small favour actually increases the other person’s liking of us (The Ben Franklin Effect). This week, ask for one small thing from someone else to help you, even if it’s to watch your kids at the playground while you take a 15-minute walk in the neighbourhood.

2. The Identity Anchor: As expats, we often lose ourselves in the “roles” of worker and mother. Find one person who knew you before you were a mum, or someone who shares a hobby (like sport or your creative activity). This reminds you that you are a whole person, not just a “service provider” for your family.

The Village Strategy Matrix

We often wait for the village to find us, but as international professionals, we must be the architects of our own support systems. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, and the “best” village is usually a blend of different layers.

Depending on your current energy and needs, consider which of these “bricks” you can lay:

• The Locals: Build roots by stepping into the local culture through kindergartens, schools, or prenatal classes. Learning the local language and the local cultural norms is the ultimate bridge here. It transforms you from a “guest” into a member of the community and helps you understand the unwritten rules of your new home.

• The Expat Mums: Connect with other international mums who have lived here longer than you. They are your best resource for navigating the “systems” — from school registrations to local laws. They’ve already walked the path, so you don’t have to. Plus, they may have similar international experiences and perspectives on career and professional development to yours. Thus, you could connect well not only because of “being a mum”.

• The Home-Country Mums: Reach out to mums from your own country living nearby. Sharing a common language and background provides a unique form of emotional shorthand. You don’t have to explain your mentality; they already live it. Therefore, they’re also most likely to provide the best emotional and mental support.

• The Online Communities: If you are in a remote area or the “working mum juggle” makes in-person coffee less possible, lean into digital groups. These are vital for quick questions and solidarity when your schedule doesn’t allow for a physical meeting.

• The Original Village: Don’t discard the friends and family you left behind. While distance is a challenge, a video call or a visit from a loved one during intense times (like the first weeks with a newborn at home) remains an invaluable link to who you are.

You don’t need to do all of these at once. Choose a couple of these strategies that fit your life best right now. Often, a blend of local roots and international branches is where we find our true internal balance.

Building Brick by Brick

I am 38, and I am still learning that my strength doesn’t come from how much I can carry alone (one of the hardest lessons for me to embrace, I must admit). It comes from how well I can connect. Whether you are in Lithuania, Germany, or anywhere in between, the village is not a location — it is a practice.

Tomorrow, when the “wild world” starts its morning engine, remember: you don’t have to prove your worth by doing it alone. You prove your wisdom by building a village that allows you to thrive.

Are you ready to lay the first brick with me?

Then there is the AI revolution, along with global economic and political challenges. Recently, every time I open my news feed, the headlines are shouting that we have two years. To adapt, to change, to prove?

And last, and most important, my growing kids who watch me. My six-year-old son has already asked the most challenging questions. In less than two years, his little sister will start talking. Do I know enough about human life and the world to comment, to answer, and to share?

However, I already live a happy life in which there are so many things that I am grateful for:

• my husband, who has been with me for 15 years

• two adorable, healthy kids

• a house with a garden

• many inspiring trips

• uplifting and encouraging people

• my international education

• an expat career which I’ve built from scratch

• an investment portfolio

• well-being routines and hobbies

• my first book on a positive mindset during pregnancy, which I published last year

• many dreams and ideas to work on.

But the hunger is still here; somehow, it doesn’t seem to be enough to greet my 40th with great confidence. I feel like there is still so much to learn about myself, the human mind, and the world. I see this urge to cultivate a strong internal balance to showcase a happy life for my kids in this difficult age.

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With constant comparisons on social media, global dystopian news, and the AI revolution, the world has become really wild, unpredictable, and insecure. And I’ve been thinking a lot recently about not only how to survive but also how to thrive in this age.

Not only for me, but also for my kids, as a role model, providing them with strength and encouragement. And we all have heard that people do what we do, not what we tell them. This is especially true for our kids.

So, I’ve been looking for new role models, theories, and techniques to cultivate a positive mindset and build internal balance. This is how I came across positive psychology - a relatively new area of psychology which, in contrast to traditional psychology, focuses on what’s working, and not what has to be fixed. It examines human strengths and what makes us flourish. It helps us to feel happier. Not happy, but happier - which means that we can use positive psychology at any stage of our lives, when we’re down, as well as when we already live a happy life.

And this is exactly what I need to prepare for my 40th, and the life afterwards. This is exactly what we all need in this wild world.

With great pleasure, I’m diving into the studies of positive psychology. As a working mum, I’m learning when I’m solo-driving, during gym training, or most often in the evenings, when everyone’s asleep. I’m fascinated by applying new knowledge in everyday life. I’m eager to open this new chapter and share my findings with you here. Every week, a new technique, a new tool, or a new perspective on how to make a happier life.

Are you with me?

Every Sunday morning, I'll share one Positive Psychology tool, one insight, or one perspective for working mums navigating this wild world alongside me.

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