Last year, on this exact date, I was in Ghana with my parents burying my grandfather and auntie. Oh how fast time flies. In the past 365 days, I have gone on to have an amazing life that is a mosaic of all the things that make for a good and most importantly, a human one. This piece won’t be too long, it will be quite straightforward; an exploration of some ideas and thoughts that have been ruminating whilst also sharing the 33 images I have chosen, the 33 Playlist & some albums I think you should definitely listen to.

33 is regarded amongst my peers and the parts of the internet I frequent, as the Jesus year but I like to think it’s been more Kareem Abdul-Jabbar than Jesus for me (s/o to Winning Time, HBO robbed us). My life isn’t one of discipleship and perfect tales told by admirers and followers, instead, it’s one of joint noise, back cracking with every stretch, disdain for people who don’t stand for anything or lack integrity, and a narrow and channeled focus on being great WITH MY PEOPLE.

I had coffee with my friend Dan Smitts yesterday and he asked me “what did you learn this past year?”. My answer was “I can’t teach every lesson”. I went on to give an example to support this lesson I’ve learned but at the crux of it was that I am tired of being around or being in proximity to people who have no respect for the entire human experience or don’t take a stand. But that’s a different substack, so let’s focus on some other lessons.

A very important lesson I learned this past year was that the rooms you spend the most time in, in turn, become your baseline, your ceiling and most importantly, the voices that keep you going. When I say this, I speak in regards to being challenged. Whenever I am around a certain group of my friends, I feel my brain really working, moving and creating. For the next chapter, I want to find more of those rooms. I want to be around people who challenge my intellect and more importantly, are full of wisdom! I think it’s extremely important to me that I push myself to keep going and be the best intellectually adept version of myself. I have always found thinkers, writers and orators who have mastered their skills, the great philosophers of my life and I wish to get to that level. Although that takes time and effort, I hope to find ways to blend that with my visual production, making it as digestible as possible for my people to take in.

Last night, my beautiful gf asked me to come by her apartment. I got in and immediately went to take a shower. Unbeknownst to me, due to my horrible sense of smell (Ormund Hightower wishes he was me fr), I couldn’t smell the delicious brownies she was baking the whole time. I sat in her living room futilely applying for a grant that was past the deadline till I heard the first few notes of Stevie Wonder’s Happy Birthday. She walked in dancing with the brownie and 6 lit candles…this might be the coolest thing anyone has ever done for me on the eve of my birthday. I felt so loved in ways I didn’t even know because I genuinely didn’t know that was something I would love. In this chapter, I hope and wish for more surprises like that. Surprises that bring me true joy and open new doors of excitement I didn’t anticipate.

We are at the end of the one pager, if you read it this far, I love you! I don’t really have much to say this year, I am slammed with a lot of artistic production and the planning of Pillar Magazine (put your info in the CTA on the homepage) that this piece was written no less than an hour before it went out. Have a lovely day and enjoy the albums and playlist below.

PLAYLIST LINKS

33... by Nathan Lawer-Yolar on Apple Music
Listen to the 33... playlist by Nathan Lawer-Yolar on Apple Music. 33 Songs. Duration: 1 hour 51 minutes.music.apple.com

33...
Playlist - 33... - 33 itemstidal.com

ALBUMS

Recently read and loved:

Create like a child, edit like a scientist by Ella Ezeike

Recently watched and loved:

Sunshine by anaiis

Currently on repeat:

La Vie En Rouge by Lesley
33… by me

May 28th, 2025, Kodjo, Felix and I were at a client’s house for a film shoot. I remember being on the set of that shoot that day and Felix walking in saying “yo, we got approved”. Those words in that moment held the weight of a feather, I mean it means something and sure it’s a pretty big deal but I’m locked in on this shot! We gotta get it before the light changes. A year later and wow, those words now bear the weight of a bag of bricks! I’m eternally grateful for those two guys, I wouldn’t be here, in this form and state, without their support, care and friendship. Getting approved for the establishment of an LLC, little did I know, would lead to an even tighter bond with two men I considered part of my inner circle prior to that. Kanea is now 1 year old, we have built things (physically), made a lot of motion and still photography and now we are embarking on even bigger and to be frank, more tedious creative expeditions. For those who do not know, Kanea is a creative studio and production company founded by Kodjo Seddo, Felix Amenyo and myself, Nathan Abia Lawer-Yolar. We have 4 main buckets: photography (editorial and commercial), commercials and ads (motion ads for socials, tv, etc), music videos, and film & tv (shorts, feature, tv episodes).

In owning a creative company with 2 other people, I feel like I can dream at 300% capacity. Nothing sounds outlandish and quite honestly, that’s fucking amazing. I remember watching this Tyler the Creator interview for instagram where he said “create like a child, edit like a scientist” and I would like to build on top of that and say “always dream without limits then execute within reality”. That has been our approach, anything truly is possible. Sure, there are constraints but thinking about those should be secondary to the ideation process. This is what has led us, 3 Ghanaian-born men based in Seattle, WA, to believe we can launch a global editorial magazine.

I had to take a break to go attend TJ and Elena’s wedding in Port Townsend, arguably the most beautiful and bespoke wedding I’ve been to. Congratulations to you two! May this day be the gateway to eternal love!

Back to the magazine, it’s called Pillar Magazine and we have officially got the ball rolling. We have assembled an amazing team of creative juggernauts who we truly believe are the best. They move us so intellectually and we cannot wait to build with them. We have Kodjo, Felix and I taking on Visuals Director & Photo Editor, Managing Editor and Editor In Chief respectively. Chelsea Williams and Priscilla Ward of Salon Archives (btw check out their amazing substack here) are our co-Heads of Fashion. Nthabiseng Mushi is our Head of Music, Alexis Mansanarez is the Head of Sports, Donny Brock is our Art Director, Michael Miller is our Head of Growth, and Adrienne Kemp-Rye is our Head of Partnerships. Pillar is a biannual magazine exploring how we create, express identity, and connect across cultural borders by covering sports, music, art & film, and fashion. Our entire thesis is that culture doesn’t travel in straight lines, we want to document those cultural foundations and how they shape global conversations. We are a print-first magazine and will have issue 001 on shelves on March **, 2027. We have a website built with an about page and a manifesto page to share more. At the bottom of the pages, there’s a CTA, kindly put in your email if any of this intrigues you and you would like to join us on this journey. Also, here’s our instagram. More about Pillar Magazine soon!

On the personal creative endeavors side, I’m going to be in a pop-up show that Nifemi is leading and curating. I am so honored to have my piece next to his work. Nifemi has done an excellent job communicating his creative ideas in these pieces that I am nothing but extremely inspired. We had a chat recently and I joked that “building a world is so damn hard, that’s why God is God” to which he replied “shout out to Big G”. Creating and building anything, let alone a whole world with a clear direction and a point of view, and visual language, is impossible so I want to applaud Nifemi on this. The show will feature Nifemi, myself and Heidi Grace Acuña. The show opens on June 4th at Prairie Underground in Seattle, 6–9pm.

I’m working on finishing up the drafts for 2 shorts, rewriting a feature and then starting a new one…sometimes I surprise myself how much I work on. I am also working on some new tableaus so as Mr. Duckworth said “new flows coming, be patient brother”.

I was having a chat with Nate and Saint because I sent them this instagram post that said “You should do it broke” that stuck with me. The idea that being ready is a feeling and you can’t rest on your laurels for all the stars to align before embarking on a creative journey. With us living in a capitalistic society, it is impossible to divorce creativity and capital sometimes, but I think in that tension lies the truth, that the ideas aren’t always going to be tied to capital, that community is the best way to succeed. I have now directed 10+ things, most of those with Kodjo & Felix, Michael has featured in a lot of it and so has Jayvon. These are people who just picked up the call and decided to jump out the window with me. With that being my truth, I want to reflect on Pillar Magazine being a similar endeavor, a group of people coming together to make something they believe in and stand behind. So I end with this, not only should you do it broke, do it broke with your friends because like Nathan James Tettey said on In The Fire, “the journey is the film”.

Recently read and loved: Open Water by Caleb Azumah Nelson (still reading)

Recently watched and loved: The Thomas Crown Affair (remake with Pierce Brosnan)

Currently on repeat: Joy by Samm Henshaw

(ICYMI) Here are all the links to everyone and everything referenced :

Pillar Magazine Website:

https://pillarmagazine.co/

Pillar Magazine Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pillarmagazine/

Pillar Magazine LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/pillar-magazine/

Salon Archives: https://www.instagram.com/salonarchives/

Chelsea Williams: https://www.instagram.com/chelstyled/

Priscilla Ward: https://www.instagram.com/macaronifro/

Donny Brock: https://www.instagram.com/donnybrock_psd/

Nthabiseng Mushi: https://www.instagram.com/nthabi4real/

Alexis Mansanarez: https://www.instagram.com/almansanarez/

Adrienne Kemp-Rye: https://www.instagram.com/adriennekemprye/

Michael Miller: https://www.instagram.com/martinellisig/

Kanea website: www.kanea.tv
Kanea instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kanea.tv/

Kodjo: https://www.instagram.com/kodjo.jpg/

Felix: https://www.instagram.com/thetorchbearer/

Nifemi: https://www.instagram.com/nii.fe.mii/

Heidi: https://www.instagram.com/heidigraceacuna/

Prairie Underground: https://www.instagram.com/prairieunderground/

Tyler The Creator Interview w/ Instagram:

I think of how I thought of the beginning of the year a lot, I proclaimed it to be a Barry Bonds year and not a Ben Simmons one but good God, we had some Ben Simmons one. But with all that came a lot of intense conversations with people I love and some I have come to love about love (that was a handful). “Are all emotions rooted in love? A question most of these arguments are rooted in. What should our interactions, friendships and relationships look like? What do you do with love after you “can’t” love that person anymore? Does the feeling of love for friends, self, family and partners really have to be different?” I would argue these topics with everyone from Jon (sorry Jon, I’m outing you on this), Robbie, Maggie to Larissa.

From those conversations was the birth of me re-reading bell hooks’ all about love, and being recommended The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm (s/o to Maggie for this) and coincidentally the release of The Art of Loving by Olivia Dean. Both of these pieces of art reaffirmed a conclusion I was slowly walking to; “Love is eternal and can only be nurtured through true self acceptance. Love is a verb and noun…depending on the when and what.” After getting to this conclusion, I thought to myself, I should write about this; “a five pager talking about all the possible instances of love I can think of. Think research paper with references and all” I would say to everyone I pitched the idea to. But the idea just kept ballooning…”what if there were photographs? And short stories? And poems? And short films? Oh how about playlists?”…it just kept getting bigger and bigger. As I discussed it with friends, I came up with Love is [ ] (pronounced Love is blank) as the tag for this piece I would be putting together.

After some googling, I found out that a brilliant podcaster in London, Makee, had already made a 2 season who titled Love is _______ and was in conversation with what I had in mind. This made me think to myself, “why not make it an archival piece/website with multiple submissions from everyone? What if it wasn’t just my perspective and ideas about what love is but it was a communal experiment?” Love is [ ] was then born.

This post is all over the place but what I am trying to get to is, I am building an archival project titled Love is [ ] (pronounced Love is blank). It will hold submissions about whatever love is to you in whatever medium you deem fit for what you’re trying to communicate.

Below is a poem I will be submitting for the website.

The idea is to have as many submissions as possible to trying show the wide range of things and people and experiences we all dub as love. I hope this turns into a library of stories and ideas spanning so many different cultures that really shows us how closely and tightly connected we are. Like Rumi said “Love is the whole thing, we are only pieces”.

Here’s a PSA ad I directed for the project featuring (Hollywood) Larissa.

If you’re interested, please shoot us an email at loveisblank.co@gmail.com or DM us (please follow) at @loveisblank.co. I am very excited to see, read, watch, listen or experience your submissions. Please let me know if you have any questions as well.

Submission deadline is December 23, 2025! Website go live is February 13th.

See you soon!

Every time I head back to Ghana, I think of what the objective other than being home is and will be. It’s quite a fun exercise but this time around, the objective had been set so I had to tack on some things for me. Being home for funerals and watching family act unlike family is quite jarring. I learned things about people I share a last name with, that baffled and confused me.

That experience was quite emotionally and physically exhaustive. But then there were the moments of light. I got to spend time with my nephews and nieces, I went back to St. Peter’s, met artists I truly admire, I made some beautiful images for a new collection with some new collaborators (s/o DoPo, Paa Kofi, all the models, my nephew Sammy, Ambitious Kojo, Kojo Boateng and my guy Big Protein) and I really got to sit in silence for parts of the day.

I started every morning the same, I woke up before the prayer call from the mosque across my house, sat on the veranda with my copy of Caleb Azumah Nelson’s Open Water (GREAT FUCKING READ), a cup of tea and just read. The loveliest of experiences, that was. I could hear the roosters and birds in the mornings…something for the brain chemistry right there.

Before heading back to Ghana, to quiet the loudness from the very busy summer, I bought a Motorola v3, an ipod and a journal for the trip. I planned on completely disconnecting for all 14 days and being as present as possible. For most of those days, I was able to truly be off the grid. No texts or socials and that was very nice. I even started writing my tweets down and then quickly realized how stupid most of my tweets are (I won’t be tweeting any more or less tho). But of all that, what I loved the most was restricting my music consumption to only the music I had on the iPod I purchased from ebay. I loaded the iPod with over 50 albums, 0 playlists and from about 30 artists.

I saw this interview with Earl Sweatshirt where he talked about playlists killing the interactive and deep listening that albums require and as a self-proclaimed playlister and lover of playlists, I couldn’t agree more. Being home without streaming services for music, I decided to submit to the albums on the iPod and see if I can come out the other side (Dulles Airport) with any findings or thoughts. I came away with 10 albums I now have even more reverence for and will call my Island Albums Part 1. In the following paragraphs, I will talk about these albums and pick a song on them that I loved very much whilst listening.

Freudian by Daniel Caesar is a classic to me. I have always loved this album and really think Get You is one of the greatest songs of all time. But what really struck me and kept me stuck and rewinding on this album was Hold Me Down, especially the second part. The keys lay the red carpet for that beautiful sultry voice to strut with so much confidence before Daniel comes on. I just remember walking around my grandfather’s village listening to this on repeat. I was truly in a peaceful state of mind whenever I hit play. Also the fucking transition to Neu Roses…holy shit! BRING NAY-HOOO BACK TO R&B!!!

Let God Sort ’Em Out is the rap album of the year and definitely has an argument for album of the year. I had this tweet and honestly I feel even more strongly about it now.My favourite on the album honestly changes every week but By The Grace of God is so damn special. There’s nothing like driving in Kumasi at night and listening to how the choir is arranged on this record. Also Malice is the rapper of the year…by 100s to 1000s of miles.

Black British Music by Jim Legxacy of Sprinter & Candy Reign fame was already one of my favorites of the year.But hearing it back home at night when I can hear the insects and flies was something that I can’t eloquently explain. It felt like I was transported to the studio every single time the next song played. Such a singular perspective full of several audioverses. Tiger driver ’91 is still the fave here. Check this tweet.

Blonde is an album I liked but very rarely returned to. The last time I listened to it was right after the Blonde episode of No Skips with Jinx & Shea. Sometimes, you can hear an album but not deep it for ages and this album is exactly that for me. I really heard Self Control as I should and it was so special. I felt like my heart was touched through my ears. A beautiful audio experience, one I didn’t want to end.

Sometimes, I wonder what was going through Jay Electronica’s mind when he writing his verse for How Great by Chance The Rapper. The way he stitches together the words but with enough space was so damn special. Thinking about this record has me returning to the entire album. Chance…that shit holds up amazingly man. Great work!

The project I probably recommend to people the most is For Someone Somewhere Who Isn’t Us by Samm Henshaw. It is a quick 19 minute listen for 6 songs. My favorite on here is The Café but what became a revelation being home was Water…wow Samm, what a tender touch through vocals that entrance the listener.

Larissa and I talk about the kind of women I am attracted to quite often and she has a bucket of women called the Jorjas, named after the beautiful and brilliant Jorja Smith. Blue Lights made me a fan, every single song has kept me in the fandom. I chose to listen to Lost & Found during this trip and for the overarching theme of the trip, Goodbyes HIT HARD. I love this fucking song so deeply.

Just like Goodbyes hit, Survivor’s Guilt, funny enough sampling Jorja Smith, hits so damn hard. This is one of Dave’s most impressive lyrical outings and it’s just an honour to listen and connect. We’re All Alone In This Together, the album, should be lauded more.

Recently, for Kodjo’s birthday, we went to karaoke and one of the songs I sang was I Want You Around. Ugh, those feels again has been platinum in my ends since it dropped and nothing is taking the prime spot away from I Want You Around. Whatever magic was in that studio that day, they gotta bottle it and ship it to me.

The last album I listened to before I left Kotoka International Airport was When I Get Home by Solange. I hadn’t returned to this in a long time but Solange is one of the greatest artists of our time so of course, I was folded into the world of this album was the moment I hit play. This album does such an amazing job communicating all her thoughts and ideas both sonically and visually. Almeda is a revelation even after the 30th listen.

The 10 albums did so much for my spirit. They stitched together all the torn pieces of me, creating a beautiful broken man, a Frankenstein of sorts, if you will. Upon my return to the USA, landing on August 30th, I flew straight to Seattle to surprise Thando. She didn’t know I was returning early and quite honestly I couldn’t miss out on The Meet’s Die Tafel. Quick shoutout to Thando for pulling off the impossible, I am so proud of you, my friend.

Since my return, life got back to its insane speed. I went to a wedding on Nashville the weekend after, I have been back at working on some new ideas that are in pre-production, started edits on the short from the summer and prepped for a panel talk at the Museum of Pop Culture.

I am on a panel, moderated by the curator Adeerya, for Never Turn Back: Exploring Photography and Black Expression in Popular Culture, tomorrow, 9/27 from 11am to 12pm. I will be discussing the importance of Black photography, curation and its place in the artistic ecosystem. I am so excited to add my voice to this very important line of conversations. We are currently in a time where images are altered, suppressed or sometimes deleted, histories aren’t acknowledged and the government proudly and loudly shuts down opposition voices. I know this convo at the museum will be about art but I hope the importance of imagemaking will be apparent and clear enough to keep the lights on the things we make to push the conversation and culture and history forward.

Alright, it’s 1:29AM PST, I am worn and beat but wanted to finish this. If you made it this far, I appreciate you endlessly. I have something a bit more themed and focused coming soon, till then, more life and more success y’all.

We did it, lil bro, we made it this far,

From torchlight pages to chasing stars.

Those blackout nights taught us to see,

The worlds inside words, the worlds we’d be.

We left the block, we crossed the seas,

Touched places we dreamed of on bended knees.

From Kumasi streets to skies unknown,

The map unfolded, became our own.

Remember Dad’s chair, that steady gaze?

We broke Rambo down, scene by scene, play by play.

From action frames to story spine,

Now we script our worlds, line by line.

We wrote past the essays that put us on lists,

Top twenty in Ghana, but we had more to give.

Now pages stretch longer, fuller, more true,

Ink became rivers we kept walking through.

We made images; faces, Black light divine,

Photographs that linger past the tick of time.

The shutter’s whisper became our hymn,

Frames like prayers stitched into skin.

We lost our brother, our friend, our kin,

Carried their weight but refused to give in.

Grief bent our spine but never broke,

We held on tight to every hope.

We built Arrived, a seed from the ground,

A house for our people, a gathering sound.

We formed Kanea, with vision untamed,

A studio of fire, a legacy named.

So to the boy who read when the night was dark,

Your stubborn light became our spark.

And hear this truth, as old as the sun:

We got Dad to say: “I’m proud of you, son.”

Almost every year, I write a post for my birthday. This started when I turned 28, spending time in Chicago with my dear friend, Adrienne. I was on the phone with her yesterday (writing this on August 13th, Happy birthday to all the Leos) and wondered what I would write about this year. I mean every year I just blab and hope at the end, I can string the thoughts together enough to make an embroidery worth your time. So when I got home from my mini NYC expedition, for a meeting, seeing Tia and going to The MET, I started brainstorming what this should be about. What have I learned? What am I doing and what is next? After the brainstorming exercise, which happened after an edit session with Kodjo and Felix, I came to the conclusion that these are the things I want to talk about. I wanna discuss the grief and love of the year, the successes of the year, my friends who should get some shoutouts, At The Garden, doing things that make me uncomfortable or are unusual, my creative partnership with Avery and finally, my goals/hopes for 33.

This year was hilariously bad at one point. I remember going to therapy one day and my therapist, Sandy, who has abandoned me in my time of need (not really, she just retired), saying “I have never met anyone who has had to deal with a 6 month stretch like you, son. Seriously, are you okay?” and I answered with my usual “it is what it is”. I look back to that session a lot. Thinking about how it was the lowest point and how it felt. And from that moment, things began the journey to the net positive. It’s quite insane to think I had the emotional and psychological dexterity to deal with all those losses and make it out but I have nothing to say but THANK GOD. But the bad parts, although important color to the painting called life, aren’t what we will focus on. This year, I started a production company that focuses on editorial photography, commercials and filmmaking called Kanea.tv with 2 of my closest friends, Felix and Kodjo. My film The Art, The Artist & The Enthusiast played at the Seattle Film Society & was selected for the Seattle Black Film Festival. My production company produced 6 ads, 3 short shorts and now in post production for 2 more short films. I couldn’t be more proud of myself and my friends. WE DID THAT SHIT! The lesson here is to just keep going, it gets horrid sometimes but the light will squeeze itself through the tall buildings of despair. Just trust yourself and the journey.

At The Garden was a 5 day art exhibition and Film Festival that took place in Pioneer Square over the course of 6 days, some of which were parallel to Seattle Art Week. The show was curated by myself and Avery Barnes, renowned gallerist, good friend and little sister, and was with support from 4Culture and marketing support from Seattle Art Fair (still fucking blows my mind). The show was organized by Arrived Creative Collective, Inc and had extreme administrative support from Nate who was in Europe at that time. It is the most successful event I have ever organized (excluding those WVU parties at the green house) and one of my proudest moments not only as a curator but as a community organizer. We had a total of 14 artists, including myself spanning various mediums from photography to fine art to botanical art. We had 5 films play and they were all so insightful and singular. I had 2 images on display at the show and they both meant different things. “do angels pray?” was the one that people had the most conversation with me about. It had me thinking a lot about my work and its place in the current state of not only arts but human relationships. I really want this piece to live in as many homes as possible and I am excited to explore some ideas about that, very soon. Hopefully, I am able to figure it out and with people like Avery, Kodjo and Felix on my side, I truly believe I can make it happen. Speaking of Avery, I wanna give her a huge shout out for pushing the ceiling of what I thought was possible when we started discussing this show. Her ambition and deep need to change the status quo has heavily influenced me and I believe I dream bigger because she dreams even bigger. Thank you, friend! You’re one of a kind!

So, this is a birthday post after all (my actual birthday is August 18), I wanna tell y’all about what I hope 33 (Jesus year, wow) brings. I truly feel like I got closer to God this year, I can finally hear their voice when we talk and even when I am galavanting and I hope for more of that. I hope I’m able to deepen our relationship. I hope to continuously grow the new friendships I have made. The people who showed up for me this year, you deserve endless love and success and if I can make it happen, I will. I hope that we are able to grow Kanea past our wildest dreams and expectations. I hope our success becomes a platform to highlight and spotlight our peers. I hope for more success for Arrived. I hope we are able to actually put on more shows and set up a residency program. I hope for more personal projects. As I mentioned, I will be in Ghana without access and I hope I come back with a brain that’s clear and ready to create. I hope to write more and finally start the ball rolling on my feature. I think it’s almost there and I am truly excited. I hope to experience love and care, even more of that. I have been very lucky to have love in this life and hope for more of it. Last but not the least, I hope all my niggas make it! We deserve that shit!

Before I leave this MacBook, a few things;

1. FREE Congo, Sudan, Palestine, West Papua, Tigray, Haiti, Burma/Myanmar, Uyghurs, Syria, Kashmir, Cameroon, Armenia and Kurdistan!

2. This excerpt from Into The Blue by Octavia Butler that my friend Ruth shared with me:

“All that you touch

You Change.

All that you Change

Changes you.

The only lasting truth

is Change.

God

is Change.”

Here’s to changing, constantly!

Below is the birthday playlist on the different platforms:

On  music

On Tidal

Oh one last thing, saw this in the email signature from Tia and I wanna include it in this post;

Recently read and loved:

The Elegance of Digital Disappearance by Miss Typed (Larissa sent me this)

Recently watched and loved:

For Someone Somewhere Who Isn’t Us by Samm Henshaw

Currently on repeat:

Have A Baby (with me) by Daniel Caesar

Let God Sort Em Out by Clipse

There’s something beautiful about artists showing themselves in their work; being influenced by experiences and letting that steer the creativity ship. I have always admired that, and so when I picked up a camera in 2017 (a gift from someone I used to know), I always wanted to take photographs of the people and things closest to me. The journey truly began in 2018 when I was in Houston and met Chase. Chase was one of the few Black men I met at work, we worked in a predominantly white institution with a lot of microaggressions as the side on the plate of subtle racism. I had lost my brother, Moses, a few months before moving to Houston and this job was supposed to be an escape. The idea of an escape through a new place and a new hobby drove me to some levels of insanity and calm, which I find hilarious.

Fast forward to 2022, the first Arrived show is put on, and I make a deal with myself that every show I feature in, I will make new work for and it will come from a real emotional place. We are now in 2025, At The Garden starts in a week (writing this on July 8th) and I have new images and a new film to debut. I sat at my desk to write yesterday but couldn’t conjure up the words even though I had spent some time in Volunteer Park with my mentor, Larissa, outlining what this piece is going to be about. I struggled to type but today, I feel refreshed, albeit scatterbrained. I want to talk about The Bear’s episode 8 from this season titled “Green”, my new pieces for the exhibition, how my losses this year shaped the new work, and “why do we keep going?”

I didn’t really jump to the new season of The Bear, as I usually do. I waited about a week and finally binged it in about 2 days. I avoided watching anything critically acclaimed or “specially handcrafted” as I like to call them over the past month because I was headed into principal photography for a short film and didn’t want to overanalyze any and everything about it. Through my binge of the show, I thought a lot about how every episode of the show really builds on top of each other to build a complete narrative. I know a lot of critics haven’t really liked the last 2 seasons of the show, my friend JG included but I have really liked it. The episode I really want to attach this piece to is episode 8, Green. I don’t think the entire episode is what moved me but the part of the episode with Lionel Boyce’s Marcus and Will Poulter’s Luca conversation about what makes one great and what makes their work great. The line “our work tastes the way it does because we go through the mess to get here” jumped off the screen to me. It led me to think about this conversation I had with an actor friend of mine, Tia Bannon (pictured below) about what truly inspires her performances? What is at the core of her psychological exploration that leads to her bearing her soul in front of strangers at the theatre or on screen? I think the answer to that is in the work, we get this performance or piece or movie because the artist went through the mess to make it taste the way it does.

The new pieces of photography and the film I will be showing At The Garden are all interlinked. They are in a lot of ways the same thing in different cases but also in a lot of ways very different ideas. I don’t find it helpful for me to tell you exactly how they were made or what they mean but I can say they are heavily influenced by the shitty start to the year. A start that was ridden with extreme loss and grief but somehow got on a bullet train and dropped me off at a station full of life, love and new true friendships full of true depth and support. As I write this, I think of all the things Michelle would say about this piece but at the same time, I am writing it in the presence of a new friend who is very dedicated to understanding the journey and practice of an artist, Seyi.

I say all of this to say, I am truly excited for y’all to come to the show I am curating and participating in next week, I will have more to say in person.

Before I leave this white page and my white keyboard, I want to answer the question “why do we keep going?” We keep going because it is all we got. The present, although a gift quickly becomes the past, lost to history without a map to retrieve it. But the future, the path ahead, the ideas we dream of, we have that. It’s ahead of us to forge and fuck up in all the ways possible but if you don’t give up, you answer the question “why do we keep going?” at your next rest stop.

Thank you for indulging me with this short-ish entry. See you next week!

Grab a ticket to the show on eventbrite, show starts on July 16 and ends on July 20!

There’s a lot of hilarity in that line for me because the past 6 months have been me constantly feeling spirits. This piece came to me as an idea as I was cleaning the kitchen as I gave mum a break. I wanna talk about watching parents grieve and how that forces you to face the reality of mortality, Meek Mill’s verse on Proud of Me and the conversations I’ve had about it and how I really feel like K. Dot’s FEEL.

My dad lost both his parents before I turned 10, my relationship with both of them have always felt like fragments instead of complete memories. I kinda remember grandpa Joshua telling me the story of David & Goliath (I was 2 so maybe I made this up?) and remember him dying in our house. Grandma Esther is a lot more blurry. I remember her teaching me how to dip bread into a mug of hot chocolate but that’s about it. My mum lost her mother when I was about 7? I remember that day very vividly. We were getting ready to go to school, we had been dressed and had breakfast, my mum’s siblings walked to the courtyard, told her her mother passed and my mum immediately passed out. They used FOUR buckets of water to revive her. That memory is SEARED into my brain. So when grandpa John Opuni Baah got sick, I just started replaying that in my head. I was very worried about my mother passing out in a similar fashion. Every phone call from her started with “Kwaku, don’t worry, your grandpa is still alive”. I watched, from afar (I was in Seattle at that time) as my mother navigated this and all I could think about is how painful it must be for a woman in her 60s to deal with this. But then I started thinking about my parents aging and what that means for me and my siblings. I’m seeing a lot of friends lose parents and this is now something I need to keep an eye out for. “But I don’t have my shit together, everything’s falling apart”, I would think to myself as I say a prayer every night and try to convince God to give my parents and I more time together. I saw a tweet a long time ago that said “if you get lucky, you get 60 christmases with your parents here” and that’s been top of mind as well. How can I maximize my time with my parents? How can I make sure I am present and available? The hourglass is spending the sand at an alarming rate and I need to grab a hold on to the fabric of time, as much as I can.

Watching my dad grieve his sister and my mum grieve her dad, at the same time, in the same house, has just put me in a mental space of extreme confusion and gratitude. For most of our lives, we can’t truly reconcile the fact of our parents’ humanity and their heroism, at least I can’t. But this time has shown me that in the 60 year old casings we call bodies, live two very childlike people who cry and weep and ask questions like “so this is it?”, I mean how odd, hilarious and resetting it is to see this happen in real time? I don’t know but seeing my parents grieve has proven to me that we are all the same deep down, our mortality is as tangible as the banana I’m currently eating.

Over the past few weeks, I have had some very deep conversations about death, I mean with all the loss I’ve experienced, it’s inevitable but what’s been one of the major drivers is Meek Mill. It all started with my friend Felix, we had this very extensive conversation about the quality of the Meek verse on Proud of Me.

Proud of Me is a track by Fridayy, an artist I’m a fan of since God Did and his self-titled debut album, Stand By Me is an insane record! Felix was just stating the technical prowess Meek was showing on the record. I listened and broke down, I obviously have my father around so I can’t relate to that kind of loss but the bar “Swear to God, I’d trade in all these riches to get Robbie back” got me. I think anyone who’s lost someone could relate to that. Money can’t give us our loved ones back as Meek so eloquently states

“Money rule the world, but you can’t pay God with it I’d spend it all just to get back my niggas”.

I remember having a conversion with M****** about this verse. He had said that this verse hit him so hard because he could relate to the part where Meek says

“Scared to show up at your grave ’cause I might try dig you out”.

He lost his father at a very young age and relates to that pain extensively. As I thought about writing this piece, I decided to play this song for my dad. I wanted to hear his thoughts about Meek’s writing. My father isn’t a hiphop guy, he listens to hymns and classical music. His exploration of secular music ends with Kwabena Kwabena’s Aso. I handed him my Sony headphones and sat next to him as he listened, about 2 minutes in, tears just rolled down his face. He just kept shaking his head. I felt bad and paused the music but he asked to finish it. I later asked him why he felt that way and he quoted the money line. It’s crazy that Meek Mill wrote something that transcends generations and creates a common ground for all of us to experience and face our pain.

I have gone on to have several conversations about this verse with friends and family alike and the reaction seems to be universal; “thank you for writing something we needed, Meek”.

I handle almost everything in my life by making a playlist;

Road trip? Playlist.

Bored? Playlist.

Death? Playlist.

break up? Playlist.

Fall in love? Playlist.

When I got back from London in January, I started working on a playlist called “Conflicted”. The playlist started because I sent this tweet out.

At that moment, I truly felt this way. I had gotten news that my film, The Art, The Artist & The Enthusiast was being played at African Film Society’s Shorts at the Park but at the same time processing Michelle’s death. So am I blessed or cursed? I thought a lot about Dave’s Survivor’s Guilt…that record might as well have been written by me.

As time’s gone on, the playlist has morphed into more than my conflicted mood, it’s become a daily dose. And now the records I cannot get enough of are FEEL and ELEMENT by Kendrick Lamar. ELEMENT is mainly because of the boastful tone (sometimes we all need a lil shit talking) but FEEL…ain’t nobody praying for me! I can start quoting bars from this record but there’s no bar on here I can’t relate to. Now I know for a fact my parents pray for me and my ancestors do too on the other side but life’s cards have been so shitty that this is how I FEEL. I don’t know, I just relate to the record so damn much.

Usually I have a brilliant soliloquy to end these pieces but I don’t have one. This started at ungodly hours and got finished about 12 hours later. I am returning to balance lately and I am happy and proud of that. I am so proud of how I have handled myself and my losses in the past 3 months. It’s not easy but God’s got me. If I had something smart to say, it would be perfectly encapsulated in Little Simz’s Free, released on Friday.

If you read all this, thank you. I love you and we all gon’ be aight…we have to! Conflicted playlist below.

TIDAL - High Fidelity Music Streaming
TIDAL is the first global music streaming service with high fidelity sound, hi-def video quality, along with expertly…tidal.com

Conflicted by Nathan Lawer-Yolar on Apple Music
Listen to the Conflicted playlist by Nathan Lawer-Yolar on Apple Music. 17 Songs. Duration: 1 hour, 4 minutes.music.apple.com

Mickey stepped into the bar, shaking off the damp San Francisco night. The neon glow outside had promised warmth, but the real heat lived inside, humming beneath the surface of laughter, clinking glasses, and conversations that blurred into one another. He took a slow breath, forcing his shoulders to drop. It had been a long day — the kind of day that makes a man forget why he’s trying so damn hard in the first place.

Benny spotted him before he even sat down.

“Well, well,” Benny said, rubbing the inside of a glass with a rag. “If it ain’t my favorite ghost.”

Mickey huffed a laugh, settling onto the stool. “A ghost that still tips.”

“Last time you were in here, you were nursing a cider. What’s it gonna be tonight?” Benny asked, tossing the rag over his shoulder. His voice was easy, but there was weight behind the words. The kind of weight that came with knowing a man’s battle before he even spoke it aloud.

Mickey let his eyes drift to the shelves of bottles behind Benny. The deep amber of bourbon, the clear bite of gin, the smooth caramel of rum. Each one a key to a different kind of relief. He didn’t say anything, just tapped his fingers against the counter.

“How long’s it been?” Benny asked, like he already knew the answer.

Mickey sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Seventy-five days.”

“Damn,” Benny whistled. “That’s real. You looking to reset that clock?”

Mickey forced a chuckle, but it felt hollow. “I don’t know. Maybe. What’s one drink?”

Benny leaned on the counter, giving him a look. “One drink is one drink. Until it’s not.”

Mickey exhaled sharply. He thought about his boss, Mr. Daniels, who had spent the better part of the day making Mickey feel like an idiot in front of the entire team. Thought about the way the man had cut him off mid-sentence, the way he had smirked when Mickey’s proposal got brushed aside for something “more realistic.” It was the kind of humiliation that left a sour taste, the kind you couldn’t wash out of your mouth with water. But maybe with whiskey.

And then there was Ginny.

The text had come in at 3:17 PM, just as he was trying to salvage what was left of his self-respect at work.

I saw something today that reminded me of you.

That was it. No explanation. Just that. They hadn’t spoken in months. “I mean sure, things ended because I set the ball rolling but nothing this whole while and now this text?” He thought to himself. Like he hadn’t spent the last seventy-five days proving to himself that he was stronger than the ghosts that haunted him.

Mickey swallowed hard and reached for the glass Benny had placed in front of him. But it wasn’t whiskey. It was clear, over ice, with a lime wedge floating on top.

“What the hell is this?” Mickey frowned.

“A drink,” Benny said simply. “A drink for a man who doesn’t really want to start over…just wants to feel different.”

Mickey scoffed but lifted the glass anyway, taking a sip. It was cold, crisp. No burn. No regret.

Before he could say anything, a man slid onto the stool beside him, slapping a twenty on the counter. “Benny, hit me with something strong. It’s been a week.”

Mickey turned slightly, eyeing the man. He was in his late forties, his shirt rumpled, tie loosened like he’d just staggered out of a finance job he hated. Benny nodded and poured him a bourbon, neat.

“Bad day?” Mickey asked before he could stop himself.

The man snorted. “Try bad year. Divorce is a hell of a thing, man.”

Mickey stiffened. “Yeah. I bet.”

The man took a deep sip and sighed. “She took the house. The dog. Even my goddamn peloton. I mean–”

Benny raised an eyebrow. “That’s rough, man.”

“She doesn’t even ride it!” The guy threw his hands up. “She just wanted me to suffer.”

Mickey smirked despite himself. “Maybe she was just trying to give you a reason to start running.”

The man paused, then let out a deep laugh. “Shit, maybe.” He lifted his glass to Mickey. “Here’s to running away.”

Mickey didn’t lift his glass. He just nodded, taking another sip of his soda.

The door opened, and a group of three spilled in, loud and full of energy. One of them — a woman in a yellow dress, her curls bouncing as she laughed — glanced around the bar before locking eyes with Mickey. She gave a small, polite smile before heading toward a booth with her friends.

Mickey looked down at his hands, flexing them. There was a time when he would have walked over, used his best charm, made the night interesting. But tonight, he wasn’t that man. Tonight, he was just trying to make it through.

“You ever wonder why people come to bars?” Benny asked suddenly.

Mickey tilted his head. “For a drink?”

“Nah,” Benny shook his head. “For a reason to drink. There’s always a reason. Breakups. Bad days. Loneliness. Wins, too, sometimes, but mostly? It’s the bruises people are trying to cover up.”

Mickey leaned back, considering that. He thought about his own bruises. Some still fresh, others faded but never gone.

A man across the bar slammed his fist down. “Benny, another round!” he called, his words slurring slightly.

Benny glanced at him, then at Mickey. “You ever seen a man at the bottom of a bottle?”

Mickey nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

“Ever been him?”

Mickey didn’t answer. He didn’t have to.

Benny wiped down the counter. “Seventy-five, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Why’d you start?”

Mickey exhaled. “Because I got tired of feeling like I needed it. Like it was the only thing keeping me from falling apart.”

Benny nodded, then gestured toward Mickey’s glass. “And how’s that working out for you?”

Mickey stared down at the condensation on the glass, at the lime wedge floating idly on top. He ran his index finger around the rim of the glass.“Some days are easier than others.”

Benny grinned. “And today?”

Mickey looked up, met Benny’s knowing eyes. He thought about Mr. Daniels, about Ginny, about the man beside him drowning his sorrows in bourbon, about the woman in the yellow dress who had smiled at him without knowing his story.

And then he lifted his glass of soda, clinking it against the counter softly. “Today’s alright.”

Benny nodded. “Seventy-six, then.”

Mickey took another sip. The ice shifted in the glass, the lime settling into place. He let the cold spread through him, steady and sure.

He grabbed his phone, opened the Days app and just like that, seventy-five became seventy-six.

I first met Michelle 3 months after I turned 21. I met her through a cousin of mine. It was a cold November night in Brooklyn, I had just come up to the city to see friends and family. I walked into this dingy bar with bad lighting and my cousin waved at a table of 4. We walked over and he introduced everyone to me. He said “this is Mark, who you’ve met, Jon, Jamie and Michelle”. I went on to dap all of them up one by one and Michelle opted for an additional hug. As the night went on, I learned how they had all met. Jamie used to date my cousin’s ex, Michelle, Jon and J (my cousin) were all at Columbia together and Mark used to sell them all drugs. They spent the night sharing stories and refusing to let me pay for drinks. I thought to myself “if this is what 25 looks like with friends, I want this forever”. Just a few months prior, I had met Pache, Obi, Anya, Terrence, Maggie, Jamal, amongst others who I thought I could also fill the corner booth with. Towards the end of the night, I stood up and went to the bar to ask for a cup of water and Michelle followed. As we stood at the bar waiting for the bartender to turn his attention to us, Michelle said “so how are you doing? How’s school?” I replied “eh. America is still kinda weird to me, even this many years in”. She laughed and tapped my shoulder. She then proceeded to tell me about what it was like to grow up in Queens and have a Chinese home but an American world. I related to that. My parents were very adamant about my siblings and I growing up in a world where we never lost our sense of identity and especially culture. After further conversation, I checked my watch and it was 1am. Michelle said “we should go to my mom’s, she can make us some steamed buns”, I looked at my cousin and he just celebrated. This was a common thing I learned. Every Saturday night, she would drag the gang all the way to Queens for steamed buns. Everyone would end up staying up too late and have to spend the night there. Anyway, we made it to Queens, ate some buns and was introduced to Ms. Y. She was about 5’ tall and feisty. She served soup as well and demanded we finish our plates. After dinner or I guess breakfast?, my cousin decided to leave, he had a bartender to see. Jon and Mark left as well and Michelle and I had to clean up the kitchen. After cleaning up the kitchen, we stayed up all night chatting about music and films, a continuation of a conversation Mark had started earlier at the bar. We both loved Ed Sheeran but she had MET Ed. She showed me pictures and I just stared in awe. Ms. Y stopped in to say good night and Michelle and I just chatted. This was the start of a lifelong friendship, “she’s cool as fuck”, I thought to myself. She brought out some blankets and then left for bed. The next morning she drove me back to Manhattan to meet up with J. This is who Michelle was, an empathetic person who always took care of the new kid she didn’t particularly know. There are many stories of her doing similar things over the 10 years of our friendship.

The 2nd story I want to tell you about is my wretched why-I-do-not-go-to-Miami-anymore story. Actually fuck that. I’m not telling that story. I am gonna tell the story of Michelle telling me I was going to be a godfather. If you know anything about me, you know I love the Godfather films, yes the 3rd one is shit but the first 2 are absolutely perfect. Michelle had moved to Switzerland in 2021. The pandemic was raging, Jamie had passed away from COVID and we were all terrified and heartbroken. I had moved back to Morgantown, WV from Tampa, FL, taking a pay cut for a job at WVU Medicine so I could be closer to my family, especially with my mother being at high risk. Michelle called me on the phone 3 weeks after she moved and said “you’re my last call. After this I am turning my phone off and throwing it away. You’ll have to reach out to me through email.” I was confused, Michelle worked in music, all she does is get phone calls. I replied “okay?” and then she says “glad we are on the same page. Also, did you get the package?” I said no and she asked me to check. I had received a postcard with me photoshopped as Michael Corleone being greeted as Godfather at the end of Godfather I. I lost it and started laughing uncontrollably. She then just hung up. I was perplexed. I didn’t even get to accept the offer. I tried calling her and the phone was off which led me to send the email below.

She didn’t email me back for 3 full days. I just sat with the fact that I got told I am going to be godfather for 3 days. I didn’t know how far along she was or anything, and she found all of this hilarious because why not? When she called she said “how you feeling, godfather?”, I just had to hold back cussing her out because that was the greatest honor I had been bestowed by anyone. Years later, I am godfather to 5 children but still, that one stands out. But that was Michelle, she made sure you knew how much she valued your friendship even if she showed it in disturbing ways.

The 3rd and final story I will tell about Michelle is the last time I saw her. We had lunch at a restaurant near the Tate. This was my 2nd time seeing her in a week. She was leaving for Paris that night. We were talking about Mark, who passed away towards the end of last year. We shared stories about him and Jamie, talked about the summer of 2016 and then discussed the future. I expressed to her how my depression seems to have lifted and I am overwhelmed with everything I didn’t really process during the depression and she held my hand and said to me “Nate, life itself is overwhelming but that’s why we have people. You are never gonna be alone. You will always have me and your friend Mike. We are with you through this all. And I will fly to Seattle to spend some time with you. I will see you in NYC for the show as well and meet you in NC for Dreamville.” I smiled and said thank you. Then she went on to make an inappropriate joke I can’t repeat. I tell this story to show how much she cared about her friends. She never wavered in that. She was blatant about love and unapologetic about it. Anyway after lunch, I asked to photograph her for a long term project I am working on. She refused but promised she would let me in North Carolina. I was excited by the prospect, also I would be able to introduce her to all my college friends. And that was it, she hopped in an uber and that is the last image of her I have. Luckily I got to hear her voice again when she got to Paris but that image of her getting in the uber is seared into my brain like the last image of Moses I have.

I told these stories to try and process how I am feeling right now and connect them to Nickel Boys and We Grown Now. Both films are about the depth friendships can have and how they can ultimately put a bow on this thing we call life. We are never alone, we have people and I hope we all tend to remember that…I have a hard time remembering that.

I really miss my friend, I would be shit talking on the phone at least twice a week if she was alive but that isn’t life’s plan for me and I am/should be okay with that.

If you made it this far, please do me a big favor, call your friends and say “what’s up, waguan, what you saying? what’s going on?” Any of those. Friendships need cultivating and it’s important to check in. I love you and thank you for reading this unusual piece!

I’ve had the luxury of not indulging in U.S. news since Donny’s inauguration, a luxury my friends and family stateside didn’t have. I’ve heard the murmurs and intentionally stepped over the grey bubbles in my texts about this particular thing happening in the U.S. and I am genuinely terrified of how much this is gonna hit me when I get off the flight. But let’s get back to this later. I wanna tell you about my trip to London.

I left Seattle for London on January 13 and got here on the 14th at about 12 pm GMT. I was met outside her lovely flat by Maggie. The concept of seeing Maggie and staying with Maggie is hilarious in its own right, as my dear college friends love to point out. Maggie and I have been friends for over a decade (again where did the time go?). I met Maggie and Pache and Anya and Obi and Terrence all at the same time. A time when life was very simple and full of drunken nights and skipped classes during the day. Maggie, unlike many of the women we met at that time in college, stuck around. Throughout the years, we’ve had ups and downs as friends and weren’t even talking during a time she calls “The Hiatus.” So yeah, it’s hilarious that I am staying with Maggie. The plan was to stay with Maggie, then an Aunt in East London, then an Uncle in South, then go to Hull for a few days. That plan changed when I got here. I have been staying with Maggie for 12 days in total. She’s been nothing but an extremely generous host. She’s shown me around her ends, had therapy sessions with me at ungodly hours and just made sure I didn’t lose my fucking mind.

On the 23rd, I packed up, headed to King’s Cross and then left for Hull. On the train, a three-hour train ride I should add, I tried to finish Nickel Boys which was extremely difficult. I was tired and disheveled but, more unfortunately, the book just reminds me of tough things right now and is tied to ideas and goals I had discussed in the most recent past. Anyway, made it to Hull to Mike’s yard till he got home. During my time in Hull, I finished The Day of the Jackal, HIGHLY RECOMMEND, and read a few more chapters of Nickel Boys. Mike and I checked out his city and then on Saturday we embarked on a journey.

In my family, on my mum’s side, all the cousins are siblings. We were raised with that interconnectivity but, more importantly, responsibility. So I am, in a lot of ways, a father to many children. As Mike and I drove to Coventry, our first stop on this North tour, I thought about what it meant to meet my daughter (actually niece), Rhoda. Rhoda is the only child of my cousin, Kwame. I had never met her before. I was quite honestly terrified about meeting her. “What if she doesn’t like me? What if she’s rude? What if I don’t like her?”, thoughts from DJ Subconscious of Internal Monologue FM just flooded my mind. We got to Cov (as Mike would say it) and met with Rhoda and her mother, Hanna, and man, what a warm welcome it was. They were so generous and loving and lovely. We spent over two hours just chatting about life and what Rhoda wanted in life and how I could help. Her dreams and aspirations were higher than I ever imagined for myself, she spelled out something I had the bleakest of perspectives on, a blank slate; a way to start over and have dreams and hopes, despite the horrors of today (a realization I made after I got to London). She didn’t care about what was happening around her, and if she did, she didn’t let it put her down. I smiled every single time she looked at me with her big eyes and said “uncle.” I was filled with this extreme sense of joy and pride. Anyway after the time with her, and a few photographs, we got back on road. We had to stop by another friend of mine, Pokuaa’s house, to say hi.

Pokuaa and I attended Mizpah together from 1st to 4th grade (class 1 to class 4 as we call it in Ghana). Pokuaa was my biggest adversary; she was super smart and cunning in a lot of ways. She challenged me every single term till we got to the final day, but I always beat her. I was first from second term of 1st grade till second term of 4th grade, consecutively, till Pokuaa’s cousin, Akwasi came in and overthrew me from my warm throne of elementary school success. I was third that term, the first loss in life I ever experienced. So when Mike asked, “Yo, what’s good with this stop? You ain’t seen shawty in over 20 years,” I had to laugh and say, “You don’t get it.” And to be honest, I didn’t either. Pokuaa and I hadn’t spoken since 2017, when my brother passed, according to WhatsApp, and I only reached out because I was in the country. But I am so glad I made this choice to see her. I am so glad I decided to stop because seeing Pokuaa also taught me a lesson about life. A lesson about growing from losses. Pokuaa welcomed Mike and I into her home, we caught up about life after I left Mizpah for OWASS Basic (where I met Mike). Her life and mine were basically mirrors of each other, we both took the B.E.C.E early to skip the final year of junior high school, we both took pharmacy classes (as did Mike) and we both lost a lot of family since 2017. It was insane. But none of this really broke Pokuaa. She still had the glee and cheer she had when I last saw her. Her three kids ran around the kitchen after her oldest played us the Greatest Showman on piano. It was such a warm experience. And it recalibrated my brain, jumpstarting it to pry open this door that held back my ability to process any emotions since September, yay depression! We left, after an hour and half with Pokuaa, and headed to Nottingham to see my sister (some of you reading this will be in shock that I have a sister, but yeah I do).

When we got to Nottingham, it was late, about 7 pm. Mike had frequented this city and even had friends here so he just went ahead and dropped me off and left. I stayed and chatted with the family; my sister, her son, and husband. A chat about family, elders, and the current state of Palestine led to a conversation about faith, God, and Christianity. We agreed on everything, not a single clash of arguments happened. I smiled in between monologues because I realized that we might be in a fucked up time but great people are around us, and things will get better at some point. Later, Mike picked me up, we grabbed some food at the local Ghanaian spot, and then headed back to Hull. We got to Hull at about 2:30 am after leaving in the morning at about 11. We had spent over 12 hours running around the countryside, listening to music, and arguing about rap.

My favorite part of driving happened to be two moments when BIRDS OF A FEATHER by Billie Eilish and Elliot’s Song by Dominic Fike & Zendaya came on and Mike and I both went, “Yo, this is my shit!” How comforting! Mike and I have been friends since 5th grade. We met because he lived in the same neighborhood as a cousin of mine. We’ve been like two peas in a pod since. In 2007, I left our school a year early to go to secondary school at the prestigious St. Peter’s, PERSCO. A year later, Mike went to PRESEC (the only school I would consider competition for my PERSCO). Throughout all those changes, we still remained friends. When I moved to U.S. in 2010, we stayed in touch and then he moved to London in 2011. Mike is my oldest, dearest, and best friend; he’s seen me at my best and worst. He’s seen me rich and poor, happy and sad, in love and heartbroken. Through all of that, we had never spent this much time together, alone, in person, as adults. The last time I saw him was in May in Istanbul during the boys’ trip and he said, “Yo, we need to talk, I gotta tell you something.” We were never able to get to the thing we needed to talk about on the trip because we were all engulfed by Kendrick destroying Drake. But this time, it was just us, two childhood bestfriends alone in a Mercedes driving around. We chatted about EVERYTHING. And that was relieving. I learned more about Mike during the drive. I can’t share that here, Bestfriend Confidentiality Clause and all that, but I learned that life’s been shit for all of us but we have managed, we have persevered, and we will continue to because every challenge is a learning moment.

I left for London on Sunday and returned to Maggie’s. Sunday night was chill, spent most of the time chatting with Ms. Stacey, my friend Stephanie’s mom, about life and catching her up on my life. On Monday, I went and picked up film from a developer in Hackney, shoutout to Moderne Lab and then Monday night, I learned how to play chess. I had another therapy session with Maggie, and now I am here typing this on a Tuesday morning. But let’s get back to luxuries and Donny’s America and my thoughts.

The next four years are gonna be fucking trash. Most, if not all, of the people reading this will be firmly in your 30s, four years from now. Things will get harder, but they will also get easier. You will build communities and strong friendships. You will be stronger and have more conviction — in all that, never forget who you are and what you stand for. The experience won’t be pleasant, it will be full of a lot of blood, sweat, and tears; but if we have each other, I think we can make it. I am very terrified of how I will feel when I hop off the plane at 5 pm PST in Seattle. All the emotions I haven’t processed since September will come rushing, but I am also lucky to have friends who will sit with me through it, even if it’s virtually, as Maggie has continually reminded me. I am excited to channel my energy into actionable items. I had the luxury of being away as things started hitting the fan, and I hope my space can be the luxury people have when they need to escape our realities, even if it’s for 12 days.

“Can’t hate your way to disconnection, gotta love your way through pain and confusion and then to acceptance” — Uber driver in Brixton

This post is dedicated to my dear friend Michelle Y., who I saw just last week and passed away in Paris this morning. I got the news right before this upload, I am in extreme shock and can’t even cry or feel sad. I’m sure this will all happen on my 13 hour expedition back home. Michelle was one of the loveliest people I know, a true friend, a brilliant individual, and mother. I will write about her later but for now I just want to dedicate this post to her. Love you, friend! Rest easy!

A Flawless Duckworth-y Year by Nathan Lawer-Yolar on Apple Music
Listen to the A Flawless Duckworth-y Year playlist by Nathan Lawer-Yolar on Apple Music. 17 Songs. Duration: 1 hour, 10…music.apple.com

Before I started typing, I was thinking about ways to keep Kendrick’s success for the year alive without talking too much about Kendrick. This led me to remembering this interview Brandon “Jinx” Jenkins did for Complexcon in 2017 with Kobe and Kendrick Lamar. In the interview, Jinx talks about “arriving” (Arrived is EVERYTHING! *Doechii voice) and redefining one’s self.

Kobe shares a bit about establishing yourself and also how to elevate people around you. Kobe says, and I’m paraphrasing here, we don’t get 24 without 8’s disregard for his peers. But in that disregard lies respect. It reminded me of the Redeem Team story of the final game and Kobe running through Pau’s chest to set the tone. That’s how you compete. Without overanalyzing GNX and Kendrick’s year, we don’t get all the features on the album without him being YNW Melly.

But back to the piece for the year, with all the Kobe and Kendrick thinking, I arrived (*laughs*) at the idea of 20 24s. I will share in total 20 things I loved this year that had the energy of 24; the ability to do right and kill everything (not in a 2024 Aubrey way) BUT more importantly, know where your spots are and focus on achieving success. In my list of 20 things, I will share TV, films, music I didn’t see anyone write about, amazing moments and traveling I experienced this year, and round up with my hopes and dreams for ‘25.

Let’s start with TV. I love TV, it’s an amazing medium to convey ideas but it seems more difficult than film (I say this with absolutely no experience in trying to write TV). It’s quite impressive when a show picks a central idea, sticks to it and makes a focused string of episodes to cover and convey it holistically. Shōgun does an amazing job of this. Not only was it some of the best acting on TV (Anna Sawai and Tadanobu Asano *chefs kiss*), the set design was impeccable and the directing was elite. To me, that’s easily the best show on TV. The memes alone were worth everything.

Industry falls into 2nd place. Mickey and Konrad are doing things with TV that are mindblowing. The bow on the Yas and Robert wrapped gift of chaos and uncertainty really rocketed the show into a pantheon of greatness few can achieve. Let’s talk about The Penguin, what a disgusting fuck of a human! Victor didn’t deserve that at all! I’m still hurt about this! But Colin Farrel, you brilliant man. Mr. & Mrs. Smith made me think new tricks can be taught to an old dog who has been hibernating for a long time. What Maya Erskine and Donald Glover did to this IP piece was nothing short of inspirational and a lot of fun. The episode where they ski was just spot on because I, too, will only go skiing for the fits. My 5th and final pick for TV is One Day…whew! Talking about this might ruin my keyboard since it’s an electronic product that’s not water resistant. I highly recommend this show if you’ve not seen it. Also Ambika Mod…wow!

Now let’s get to film. I loved a lot of films this year. I reviewed over 50 movies this year, which is amazing but out of all of that, I want to pick 5. For those 5, I will share my LetterBoxd (@kwakunaly on there) review.

• Sing Sing: “As I sat through this film, I kept thinking about how much art and artists get trapped in systems that aren’t conducive for growth or even mere expression. Greg and team, this is a beautiful film. Congratulations. Also this film introduced me to a new model of collaboration and for that alone, it gets 5 stars”

• All Dirt Roads Taste of Salt: “A film by a photographer for sure. The images are held so long that you feel like you're in the lens. Such beautiful imagery and poetry about the fullness of Black life and love.”

• We Grown Now: “The best acting performance I’ve seen all year (as of 11/8) was in this film by Blake Cameron James. What a film. Perfectly encapsulates the complexity and beauty of childhood and how friendships work. I cried at the end. I was overwhelmed. Minhal’s a star and I can’t wait to see what else she makes”

• Didi（弟弟): “Saw this 18 hours ago and haven't stopped thinking about it. Sean Wang takes moments that could feel mundane or not dramatic and adds cinematic value to them. This film made me want to call my mum even more than I do now. A beautiful portrayal of the stresses of teenage years, staying cool and finding yourself. Can't wait to see more work from Sean!”

• Origin: “A punch to your throat that’ll have you with a pit in your stomach through this journey of self-discovery and larger conversation about the systems of oppression we, humans, have built. Highly recommend. Btw, Aunjanue Ellis-Taylor DESERVED a nom at least!”

There are many other films I saw this year that were amazing (Exhibiting Forgiveness, We Live in Time, Dune 2, Monkey Man, Challengers, etc) but the 5 above are the 5 that left an indelible mark on me.

Music maketh man? Maybe. I remember this interview I saw with Quincy Jones, God rest his soul, with Kendrick where he said “the last thing to leave this planet is water and music…people can’t live without music, man” and ever since, I have agreed more and more. I mean depending on what you believe in, religiously, angels sing in Heaven. And since as it is above, so it is on earth, music will be around forever.

Anyway that was a tangent that just popped up to me before I read my outline. With respect to the rules I set in the beginning, here are 5 albums that perfectly show the energy of 24 that I didn’t hear anyone mention in their year end lists. First we have my favorite album of the year, Sonido Cósmico by Hermanos Gutiérrez. I never knew about this band until I went to an intimate listening for Tyler The Creator’s Chromakopia at Shibuya HiFi here in Seattle. The sounds and soul on this cannot be replicated. I, sometimes, nerd out about jam sessions. I truly believe the best music comes out of jam sessions and you can tell these men spend a lot of time jamming out. They made a big fan out of me.

The second album I have for you is A Forsaken Lover’s Plea by Chuck Strangers. This is your favorite rapper’s rap album. I promise! Joey Bada$$ on Polish Jazz is crazy!

We also got For Someone Somewhere Who Isn’t Us by Samm Henshaw. I love Samm.

What a gentleman! I got the opportunity to photograph him for his stop here in Seattle and it was such an honor. He was an absolute gem of a showman and had the crowd captivated! It added so much to the album in ways I didn’t even anticipate. Also The Café…wow. Another moment for connection in ways you cannot explain. Also check out Samm’s film!

My other 2 albums are SWEET AFROSEXY SUMMERS. by Lesléy and DAMN BOY YOU GOT SOME SUN by Julius Tunstall.

I know Lesléy personally so I might have some bias here but I highly recommend this album. It’s the kinda music that should live on all your outside-related playlist. Julius, I know through Writing Boys, a group of very talented Black men writers who don’t shy away from their vulnerability in fear of being dubbed “glazers” but rather use that as a foundation for meaningful analysis and interrogation of self, each other and culture. I’ve been a fan of Julius and look forward to connecting in person soon. When I heard his new album dropped, I put it on as soon as I could and man, Grave…wow! That’s one of the most beautiful songs I’ve heard all year. I hope you check out both of their albums, I promise they’re worth your time.

Last things I wanna add to my list of 20 are the moments that truly held me down this year! First, the second annual group portraits with Matt and Jordan. This has turned into some sort of tradition that I truly love and admire. It really makes me happy to see these guys, create with them and check in. Honored to call them my friends.

Turkey and Mexico City travels were such moments that I wrote about those two trips in this post.

About 4 months ago, I made a short film based on a poem called “What Is, What Is, Who Is, Who Is, What Is?”. This film was a culmination of ideas and research that haunted me for a long time.

But in making this, I made a true friend in Daniel, who has since become one of my close collaborators. This film then went on to premiere at Arrived’s show in Oakland titled “Saved You A Spot”, our best work yet. That moment would have never been possible without the artists, our board of directors and the leadership team of extremely talented and brilliant thinkers. I am so honored to call these people my peers.

So here we are, at the everyone-on-stage-after-an-SNL-episode part of this piece. The Note To Self (Jermaine Lamarr Cole, what a year), if you will. I wanna thank all my friends, loved ones and family for a very interesting and loving year. PUSHA T, I love you! Thank you for being the best partner a man can ever ask for! I had a lot of ups and downs but y’all stuck with me and I truly appreciate it. I can’t wait to see what ‘25 has in store for me, hopefully not a Ben Simmons kind of year! Protect your mentals, protect your chicken, trust your instincts and self, hug your peopledem and most importantly, hold on to hope!

We Gon’ Be Alright!

See you soon!

Over the past six months, even before the Arrived Show “Saved You A Spot”, I’ve been thinking a lot about making anything in our current existence. Life’s found a way to twist and turn even further — though it was already on its head instead of its feet. I wrote a paragraph about it in my end of year piece for 2023 and I know that’s not the extent of writing that needs to be done, but at the very least, humanity should be expected and shown by us all. Back to thinking about making things, I have been discouraged and distraught and distracted (in an important way). As I was finishing my images for the show in Oakland, I kept playing these three albums to get me through; Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers by Kendrick Lamar, Dark Times by Vince Staples and No Thank You by Little Simz. I have a certain appreciation and love for the former two but “No Thank You” gives me the same feeling I get when I go to church and the pastor seems to be talking directly to me. It’s a collection of ideas and thoughts that have aligned with my ideas and thoughts so perfectly that sometimes I think Little Simz knows me personally (she doesn’t). 

Everyone who knows me knows how much I love UK rap. I truly believe they’re trying new ideas and ways to say things on beats that aren’t always the most comfortable. But even in that, you will find artists like Little Simz who treat their music like full and complete pieces of art that push ideas that are mostly fully formed. I wrote about Little Simz’s “Sometimes I Might Be Introvert” in a medium piece titled Introducing SIMBI and compared her production choices (beat selection + arrangement) to that of Kanye West’s MBDTF. This album takes the foundations of SIMBI and builds upon it, which makes sense because Inflo is at the helm again, but this time with a different message, “No Thank You.”

The 10-song album starts with the beautiful drums and looped hums on “Angel,” which back in 2022 was my favorite record on the album and ends with the beautiful testimonial on “Control” with piano keys very similar to “Yebba’s Heartbreak.” From the first verse of the record, Little Simz is very adamant about skirting away from “the industry” and its long arms of corruption and theft. 

“Never cared 'bout bein' immortalised

How can I stand with the opps and not with the tribe?

They sell you a dream and then want you to glorify”

She raps and breaks down how blind faith in institutions built on the porous and corrosive foundations of capitalism can rob you of your agency and art. These things Simz is rapping about aren’t only true but very evident in our regular lives. As I type this, Twitter, which was purchased by billionaire South African-American Elon Musk, just changed its terms and conditions to give the platform absolute permission to train its AI models on tweets and users behavior. If you are an artist who shares their work on this platform…well, you can imagine the rest. The theme of distrust is performed throughout the album, and I can’t relate more even if I tried. I worry that we have very few platforms, if any, that are truly for art and expression and organizing (we will discuss that at another time). The only platform I’ve had any true connection and love for has been VSCO but I have my own problems with them as well. So how do we keep making things when we barely have platforms to share them on? How do we keep going when things seem so bleak on the art front and on a macro level, on the world front? Well if you want to empathize more, I suggest you play “Broken,” the 7th track on the album but if you want to remember why you do what you do and how to keep going, I highly recommend “Heart on Fire.”

Where do I start with “Heart on Fire?” Well, first of all, that’s my favorite on the album and it might have my favorite verse spat by any rapper (yes including Jay Z) in this decade, the second verse. This record to me is the thesis statement. It’s the central idea of the whole album. She starts out with discussing honesty between the seller and buyer, people’s lack of compassion for the humans making the things they consume to the extent of breaching their privacy, tells us that “the business” works harder than “the devil” and most importantly hammers home the point that we are for us by us. Community is the cornerstone. Now that’s just the first verse. The hook is so beautifully sung by a small choir and full-stopped by the chopped sample. 

“My life is a blessing

But it comes with the stresses

And I can't take it all

Just don't let me down when I'm in the fire”

The second verse tackles something that is so important to me, “why?” Why do we make what we make? What’s the reason you buy a canvas and paint knowing you probably won’t end up in the Louvre but you do it anyway? I remember the first time I made a photograph. It was in August 2016. I was at lunch with a friend of mine, Maggie, in the Summit dining Hall at WVU. I photographed her with my then iPhone 6 through a cup and was so fascinated with the final product that I instagrammed it. I will never forget the feeling of seeing the photo, albeit not well composed. It was a final product of an idea I had that only existed in my head. But in that moment that feeling was love. I loved making that image. Every time I sketch ideas for new photos or write, that's the same feeling/high I am chasing; love. So when Simz raps  “We all start off so pure, Do it for the love, nothin' more”, I feel that. THAT is THE WHY. It should always be for love. Should never be for the car, shoes, applause, the dotted line on the contract you didn’t read…none of that. Now I want to take some time out to say you should always ask for your worth when selling your art but that art should be born out of love and for me, curiosity and need to communicate. 

I think all the things I do and make are in response to my need to communicate and my insatiable appetite for curiosity. I want to make things forever. I want to photograph, make films and write. I want to attend all the exhibitions and museums I can attend because to master anything, you need to study the masters. And with respect to that, I think that’s what Little Simz and Gabriel Moses are doing with the visuals for the album (which funny enough ends with Heart on Fire. I told you it's the central idea!). 

This film has every frame feeling like a Medici-commission piece. The frames have so much richness and color that that alone would take a full write up to break down. But that’s what art should do and that’s what people interested in making anything worthwhile should do. They should bring in the brightest idea generators who align with their vision to come steer the department they don’t have the expertise in. The art should have references and innovate. The ideas should be fresh and intriguing. I try to do that, with everything I make. Whenever I write anything, I first ask my friend, Alexis Mansanarez, who I have hired on a salary of $0 + love to be my Editor-in-Chief, to edit it. When I wrote “What Is, What Is, Who Is, Who Is, What is?”, I had one of the most brilliant poetry writers I know, Kayla Thompson, help me with structure. When I decided to make the film “The Art, The Artist & The Enthusiast” out of it, I pulled Daniel Seddo to lead the cinematography because I believe he understands capturing emotion better than most people. I also asked Michael Miller to help with the production (btw check out Mike’s substack). Making anything can feel siloed if you let it, but your best and brightest productions require community that shares passion and love for the ideas. 

In these moments of extreme pulls from the crumbling of late-stage capitalism, I want us all to take this album and use it as the manifesto for creating, be it the lyrics and/or the film. Build teams and communities. Support each other and explore more, Lord knows we need that now more than ever,  but most importantly, DO IT FOR THE LOVE, NOTHING MORE. 

What is art without heart?

It’s as strong as a single matchstick

It stands alone without support

Although it lights a flame, it burns quick

Its value is fleeting just like the ideas it purports



What is art without struggle?

Does it exist as a single-

thing without compare?

Does it float like a bag without direction?

Does it falter under scrutiny?



Who is an artist without empathy?

Has the world beaten into them apathy?

Is their work made joyfully?

Do they acknowledge the fallacy?



Who is the enthusiast without context?

Do they consume without regard?

Reading, watching or listening with separation?

Or do they know we all exist in relation?



What is art without heart?

It’s nothing but an empty promise

A case without substance -

or air

A plight without a fight

the art, the artist & the enthusiast — a short film based on the poem.

Let’s get to it. Life’s been good to me, very good to me, of course minus the moments here and there where life just fails us; but we are alive and well and for that, I give gratitude and praise to God. GOD DID!

Since my last birthday, I have written a feature film (on draft number six), published a short story and now about to direct my third thing (for a poem I wrote)…life’s so crazy when you think about it. I have been struggling with writing, making new images, directing and even reading lately. I feel like my brain is clogged with so much worry, fear and utter helplessness about the state of the world (AGAIN, FREE PALESTINE…HOW LONG WE GOTTA SAY THIS??!!!), and I can’t dissociate long enough to really make the things I want to make BUT we (will) push through. I saw this tweet by Joshua Kissi, a renowned Ghanaian-American photographer and director, which really has me going. It’s just perfect motivation in 8 words:

I’m framing this and putting it on my wall…seriously.

Speaking of directing, I want to proudly announce that Arrived Creative Collective will be hosting our fourth exhibition in Oakland, Calif., from September 6–7. I am so proud of this show and all the artists featured. I know last year, I said the Brooklyn show was the biggest yet but THIS is our biggest yet. We have so much to show and tell; and in due time, all that will come out. In the meantime, please donate or buy a ticket here — since we are a non-profit, any donation or purchase is a tax write off.

Before I leave the MacBook, I wanna run down a few more thoughts. First, I want to talk about the despair and helplessness I’ve been feeling and I’m sure some of you are. It’s an election year so we are going to be bombarded with enough cringe-worthy videos and information that would make us want to disappear out of secondhand embarrassment, but I think we need to focus on the important things. This election will be very important. I won’t be on here to tell you who you should vote for, but I think it’s important to make the decision from a very educated place. One candidate will at the very least give us the opportunity to fight for the better version of America we, in theory, could have whereas the other would strip us of all the opportunities and even the freedoms to fight. I hope you take that into consideration.

I was listening to Stevie Wonder’s “Hotter Than July” and the sequencing is so fucking impressive: From “Did I Hear You Say You Love” Me to “All I Do” is HEAVENLY! I haven’t been able to flip the record because I’m still in awe. This got me thinking about the possibilities of creating and being very intentional about those things you create. As I take on Year 31, I hope to be very intentional about the things I do and make. This year, I want the images I make to have historical context and significance. I plan on educating myself as much as possible and using the knowledge to heavily influence my work. You won’t see all of the process, but I promise the work will be good.

See you soon!

Check out the playlist on other streaming services here!

Let’s start with traveling with a partner. I am writing from the dining table of the airbnb my partner and I booked for our anniversary trip in Mexico City as she’s asleep. This is my first time ever visiting this beautiful city and I must admit, I had that short, funny, impulsive feeling of “I think I want to move here”. I remember saying it out loud, 2 hours after being here, and my partner making fun of me. It’s such a green and walkable city, which is all I really ask for. Although my Spanish is nonexistent, my ‘gracias’, ‘buenos dias’ & ‘buenas noches’, and ‘hola’ + Google Translate have gotten me by. It’s been such a wonderful couple of days, filled with love, worthwhile conversations, drinks by the SoHo House pool, games, and excitement for the future. Whilst planning for our trip to Mexico, we discussed bringing one book to read together and that book is The Book of Delights by Ross Gay. I had never read anything Ross had written but since it was recommended by my partner, I decided to give it a shot. She is VERY RARELY wrong about brilliant literary works. Anyway, we started reading it and I cannot stop thinking about the concept of delights.

Now, delights are basically moments that are anchors to the day that are or could be spun into positive moments/events. The book, although I’m only 7 delights in, has pushed me to think about documenting my delights a lot more and in the spirit of that, I want to document a few delights in the past 2 weeks. Let’s start with this trip and work our way back. The first delight I can think of, here in Mexico, was at the airport. We had landed at the same time but she had flown from Seattle. I, somehow, got through customs and immigration very quickly and she was in line for a while which meant I had to wait. I waited for about 15 mins before she showed up and the very first sight of her was like seeing a field of colorful flowers. I felt instant joy and excitement and that is a damn delight! Some other delights include the deep and beautiful conversations we have had about *** ******, work and art, clowning Drake together and listening to new mixes and music.

Before this trip to Mexico this week, I was in Istanbul and Cappadocia, Turkey for a week with 7 of my very very good friends. This trip is the 2nd installment of our annual guys trip. Since we don’t live in the same city, this is an opportunity to pull everyone to a central location and spend some quality time. In all honesty, this entire trip was full of delights, such as going to Cappadocia and seeing underground cities, biking up to an abandoned orphanage on Prince’s Island, going to a football field and chilling, being on a boat for the day just to relax and talk about art, talking about art over Turkish meals and getting a Turkish bath. But the main delight I would love to focus on was getting to spend time talking about rap and rap beef for days on end.

When I landed in Turkey, Drake had dropped Push Ups and the taunting Taylor Made Freestyle and deleted it whilst Kendrick had only dropped euphoria. As soon as I got to our airbnb, we went out for lunch. We spent the first 25 mins just catching up and the rest of the time dissecting the very dense euphoria. From the double meaning of the cover, double and triple entendres, subs to J. Pr***e and his son, New Ho King conspiracies and just the tirade of hate. What a delight it was to just talk about that with the homies. At that point in time, I had Kendrick in the lead because I refused to score 1 verse as a win over a 3 verse record with intricacies. Little did I know that Kendrick would go on to show how strategy is a skill required to completely annihilate your opponent. I mean the move with meet the grahams was BRILLIANT. Stepped on Drake’s best lyrical performance (although still unfocused) immediately. The follow up with Not Like Us had us leaving the club early just to listen to the record, one of my favorite memories in recent times.

But in all this, all I could keep thinking about is dedication to craft. Dedication to the goal and ideas I have, and executing them with the utmost precision. On both trips, Mexico and Turkey, I made a lot of images (still and moving). Before I photographed my first frame, I had decided that this was just exercise. Photography exercise, akin to Lyrical Exercise (word to Hov) as I prepare to make images for Arrived Weekend in Oakland (sept 6–8, be there). It’s not about perfection right now, it’s about the love and essence of the work. Am I showing up in them? Are the ideas being communicated correctly? Do I know what I’m doing? That’s the point of the exercise.

It is funny that at the same time I think of these things, there’s been a huge conversation about photography and photographers today. This all stemmed from a conversation Law Roach had on the Cutting Room Podcast about Annie Leibovitz’s work with Black people and why Annie was picked for Z’s Vogue cover. This then led to a conversation about giving young photographers a chance to make work for these magazines. And I have a lot of thoughts about this but I think my most important thought is that the work we make is for us and our people. I see a lot of artists, who are my peers, get very frustrated by the current climate and systems for distribution and highlighting of the work we make and I share those sentiments. And in a lot of ways, that is what we built Arrived Creative Collective for. We just want to uplift each other but we can’t do that if we have nothing to uplift so keep shooting, keep writing, keep reading and keep indulging. The future will always tell us what lasts and matters!

Anyway, those are some things that were circulating my mind as I sat at this dining table. I missed writing and I cannot wait to write more. See y’all soon! 

PS: I ended up being able to write this in one sitting. Thank God!

PPS: my favorite delight is hearing her laugh watching tiktoks I sent her as I write this.

I reached out to a few friends of mine and decided to get what they think. Below are the answers to the 2 questions of the week from some of my favorite hip hop consumers;

1. What production on a hiphop song had you blown away?

2. What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

I’ll tell you mine at the end.

Tsewone M. (West coast rap connoisseur, brilliant mind, painter)

What production on a hiphop song had you blown away?

Amphetamine (prod. by Phoelix, J.Robb & ​monte booker) — Honestly the whole blkswn album but if I had to pick a song, Amphetamine by Smino. It sounds like 3 songs in one and is just so poetic and each feature puts the artist and at center stage in such a beautiful way

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

When I Come Around (Dom Kennedy) — This is actually pretty tough. I will have to say When I Come Around by Dom Kennedy

Hibz M. (the bar for cool, marketing legend, UK rap lover)

What production on a hiphop song had you blown away?

Runaway (prod. by Kanye West) — The nostalgia from when I first heard the song & the face I made when I heard the piano keys. It was soulful and smooth. I have such a love for MBDTF as a project. When Devil In A New Dress transitions to Runaway I felt like that SpongeBob meme where he’s levitating while listening to music 😂

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

Peligro (Dave’s verse) — Grass is green, the sky is blue, & Dave’s verse on Peligro is the best verse hands down. That Dave verse is legendary. The fact that this was a feature for him is even crazier lol. I love Dave and would love to hear this verse live one day. Every time I hear that verse it just gets better.

Erica W. (southern music defender, mother, friend)

What production on a hiphop song had you blown away?

What You Know (prod. by DJ Toomp) — This is one of those songs that never gets old for me. Listening to it now feels just as good as it did in 06. The track was shopped around to several rappers including Jeezy but he ended up sick and couldn’t record. I’ve never been so happy somebody had strep.

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

Int’l Players Anthem (Bun B’s verse) — Bun B’s verse on Int’l Players Anthem isn’t talked about enough for me. Andre 3000 went crazy but Bun B is direct. Ladies love a guy that doesn’t beat around the bush. It’s a perfect hood love story.

Anya T. (NY through and through, world traveler)

What production on a hiphop song had you blown away?

Gotta Have It (prod. by The Neptunes) — Personally I can’t speak about production in hip hop without mentioning Pharrell. You can hear an intro & go “this is Pharrell”. “Gotta Have It” is my fav cause it never gets old, you can play just the instrumental and be lit. He is a chosen one & I will die on this hill.

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

U Don’t Know (all of it) — I was raised by a Black man from NYC & I cannot hear “U Don’t Know” without getting goosebumps. Put me anywhere on God’s green earth, I’ll triple my worth… hello?

Michael M. (writer, marketing mastermind, cool person)

Check out Michael’s substack, Short Slides

What production on a hiphop song had you blown away?

Murder to Excellence (prod. by S1 & Swizz Beatz) — My favorite production on a song will probably always be “Murder to Excellence” from Watch The Throne. Everything about the sample and the beat are custom fit to Jay and Ye. And then they top it by flipping the same sample again halfway through! That song always stood out to me as a highlight on an album full of incredible moments.

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

Hive (Vince Staple verse) — The entirety of “Hive” by Earl Sweatshirt is one big stank face. Lyrically, the dense word combinations and flows that Earl plays with are phenomenal. But as far as mic drops go, it’s hard to argue against that final Vince verse. It’s simultaneously complex, menacing, and funny without feeling overdone. In other words, all the things that make Staples one of the best rappers out right now.

The Writing Boys (Alex, Cole, Julius & Koku)

Alex L. (writer, interrogator of new and old ideas, beautiful individual)

Check out and subscribe to Alex’s substack, Feels Like Home.

What production on a hiphop song had you blown away?

Lord Pretty Flacko Jodye 2 (LPFJ2) (prod. by Nez & Rio) — I remember watching A$AP Rocky’s “Multiply” music video for the first time and being blown away by the visuals, but the moment that still sticks with me is, a little over halfway through the song, when the opening synth for “Lord Pretty Flacko Jodye 2” starts playing. Its high-pitched tone immediately makes you feel like something big is coming. In the music video, the camera cuts away from Rocky and breaks into 30 seconds of Three 6 Mafia’s Juicy J dancing to a snippet of “LPFJ2.” He looked so carefree, and I wanted the full song after hearing only the first few seconds of the beat. Produced by Nez & Rio, who also made “Man of tHe Year” from ScHoolboy Q’s Oxymoron album, “LPFJ2” gets Rocky at his best and brings out the best in its listeners too. You feel like you can do anything with that beat beneath your wings. Shit, Juicy J thought he could dance.

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

BM J.R. (opening verse) — When talking about Lil Wayne, he has so many impressive verses that it almost feels like a copout. But the verse I think gets lost in the scrum and I will fight for as one of Wayne’s perfect verses is his opening verse on “BM J.R.” from his first album in Tha Carter series. The title is an acronym for his nickname “Birdman Jr.,” which references Wayne’s relationship with Birdman and sets the stage for Birdman encouraging his “adopted” son’s depravity throughout the song. There are too many bars to shout out, but I think one of Wayne’s gifts is being able to say the most lethal threats in unthreatening ways.

Niggas know I go hard to the fullest / Get involved and I got ’em playing dodgeball with bullets

And when we hungry, you look like pie / Sweet potato-ass nigga, you lemon meringue, apple custard / Cherry jelly, don’t make me get the biscuit, buster

It’s so clever you can’t help but laugh — and by the time you realize what he’s actually saying, it’s too late. You’re done.

“BM J.R.” perfectly captures Lil Wayne’s hunger at a time when he wanted people to start seeing him as “the best rapper alive since the best rapper retired,” referencing Jay-Z’s retirement from rap in 2003. You couldn’t tell me anyone was better than Wayne after hearing that first verse.

Cole H. (a voice that cuts through in writing)

Check out Cole’s writing here on Medium

What production on a hip-hop song blew you away?

I Ain’t Got Time (prod. by Tyler the Creator) — Tyler Okonma, has been my favorite artist for at least over a decade, and since he self-produces his entire catalogue — scarcely collaborating with others like a Pharrell or Jay Versace to name a few — Tyler is my favorite producer as well. His Magnus Opus is Igor, but I noticed a shift with his production style on Flower Boy. He really honed in on crafting his music like scores and thought more like a composer. He became a master at blending loops, turning break beats into something almost operatic. The song that slapped me with this realization was “Ain’t Got Time”. His clever way of clueing in listeners to the Dee-Lite, “Groove Is In The Heart” sample in the beginning, to the way he uses his body as an instrument with his clapping, was inventive. He still kept it hip-hop, but it was elevated. Even the way he uses his voice as an extra instrument is very prevalent, with him overlaying “Tik-Tok” throughout the track, it was ingenious. I think in this song specifically we hear him laying the groundwork to use his unfiltered voice even more in his work as we notice this in Igor with all of the breath-work he includes on the tracks.

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

Oldie (Frank Ocean verse) — There are so many important verses in the history of hip-hop, and I must admit, I’m not much of a fighter when it comes to the culture. We’re oversaturated with opinions, plus there’s enough healthy scraps for everyone that we don’t need to fight. But I might put up a scrap over who had the best verse on “Oldie” , the infamous Odd Future cypher that appears on Odd Future tape Vol. 2. For me, it’s Frank Ocean. His stoic flow paired with a deep tongue in cheek double entendre pleasantly surprised me when I first heard the track. Frank could flow.

Julius T. (beautiful musician, writer)

Check out Julius’ music on Spotify, Tidal & Apple Music

What production on a hip-hop song blew you away?

I was sad last night I’m ok now (prod. by Kristopher Castro, Karlton Sellers, ​tobi lou, LEJKEYS, Glassface & Noah Beresin) — This is a perfectly balanced beat. The simplicity matched with the perfect use of space has always impressed me. The chunky synth bass anchors the incredibly loopy synth that makes you understand Tobi’s emotions when you are sad. You feel like you could be walking with boulders attached to your feet while your head swimming with thoughts of self-doubt. As a producer myself I understand the genuine pull of complicating a beat. It’s always genius to me when a beat can be impactful with only 3 or 4 components.

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

Luchini (Camp Lo) — Ok, hear me out. Think about Camp Lo introducing themselves with “Lucchini — This is it”. The Bronx duo, Sonny Cheeba and Geechi Suede introduce themselves to the world as blaxploitation film characters. I expect to dap these dudes up and be impressed by the smell of cocoa butter and cigar smoke while admiring their pinky rings and suits as they poor me a fine whisky. The most impressive thing is they bounce back and forth in character that doesn’t feel corny. It feels revolutionary. BFFs use their imagination to write a complex movie script that they lay out in front of you so simply.

Koku A. (hilarious podcaster, writer, producer)

What production on a hip-hop song blew you away?

Don’t Cry (prod. by J Dilla) — When I think of production, my mind automatically leaps to J.Dilla. I don’t remember the first time I heard him outside of Slum Village, but he has had an everlasting effect on me. Dilla’s production style was made popular by his unquantized drum patterns and masterful skills at chopping up samples. Dilla could take a sample and morph the listener’s perception of what the sample was saying. For example, on the Slum Village track ‘Players,’ he samples ‘Clair’ by The Singers Unlimited, the mid-70s Jazz group, clearly says the name ‘Clair’ in their song. But Dilla primes the listeners with the song title and stretches the sample so that it sounds like ‘Players.’ I am awed at his ability to speak so much through a sample without even rapping on it. He does this perfectly on one of my favorite songs by him called ‘Don’t Cry.’ The song was on his final studio album before he passed ‘Donuts.’ While fighting thrombotic thrombocytopenic purpura (TTP) and lupus, Dilla crafted this album under extreme pain. During this time, his mother would visit, and to quell her worries, he made this song. You can feel the message Dilla is conveying through the song. The track starts with a cavalcade of sounds, vocal chops, scratches, and drums. Symbolizing this disarray and confusion that his mother may be feeling, it then softly transitions to the main sample of ‘I Can’t Stand (To See You Cry)’ by The Escorts, accompanied by a vocal sample from a comedy routing done by The Temptations called “Hello Young Lovers / Cloud Nine / if I Didn’t Care.” What then happens is a beautiful arrangement of vocal chops and drum patterns. It’s a bitter-sweet feeling because at the time of writing this, Dilla’s 50th birthday just passed, and back then, this was just a way for him to talk to his mother and say, ‘Don’t worry, everything is going to be alright.’ Not knowing this song would ultimately extend past his mother and reach the ears and hearts of listeners worldwide.

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

Rigamortis (Kendrick 3rd verse) — A rap verse that deserves all the praise is Kendrick’s third verse on ‘Rigamortis’, and It is probably the most potent display of lyrical gymnastics. The fact you can hear him rap with fatigue because he is losing breath as the verse keeps going is something I wish he would do again. I would try to find videos of him performing ‘Rigamortis’ Live but apparently he doesn’t do the third verse live because of how strenuous it is. This was the song that made a Kendrick fan and writing about it does it no justice. You have to listen to it to see how hungry he was when he first got signed to Top Dawg.

Mike M. (Best playlister in the game, women basketball defender, meme collector)

Check out Mike’s weekly playlist “This Week In Jams”

What production on a hiphop song had you blown away?

Int’l Players Anthem (prod. by DJ Paul & Juicy J) — in an era where the youth are ruining the sacred art of sampling, let this song be the North Star to bring them back home. There may be no better example of honoring and elevating a soul classic than int’l players anthem.

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

22 Two’s (all of it) — While hindsight highlights a couple cringe lyrics in this song, it also clearly predicts the preternatural rapping, unparalleled storytelling and global superstar Jay-Z would become today.

Nate K. (legend in 2 sports like Bo, photographer, tastemaker)

What production on a hiphop song had you blown away?

Double 07 (prod. by Alchemist) — This was the first time I was put onto Alchemist production. This was during the era when we were downloading mixtapes off Datpiff and hotnewhiphop. I remember hearing when the beat dropped on this song and it just took me to another universe.

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

Money Trees (Jay Rock’s verse) — To me, this is a perfect example of incredible storytelling without needing to be overly lyrical. Through Jay Rock’s tone, flow, and blunt descriptions of life, you can feel the realness in his words.

Jordan S. (beautiful soul, photographer, dot connector)

What production on a hiphop song had you blown away?

Won’t Do (prod. by J. Dilla) — J Dilla’s catalog/body of work speaks for itself, honestly. the impact he’s had on hip hop has and will always stand the test of time — I guarantee you he’s your favorite artist’s favorite too. Detroit’s finest, and hip hop’s finest, J Dilla is required listening for so many reasons that I can’t summarize.

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

All Caps x MF DOOM — MF DOOM’s wordplay and delivery on this song is littered with double entendres and alliterations that I’ve come to appreciate the older I’ve gotten. He’s an artist whose songs you listen to and will never get tired of because often times, you’ll catch a reference you may not have caught the last time you listened to it… All Caps is quintessential DOOM at his best.

Jason W. (podcaster, music lover, conversational interrogator of ideas)

Check out Jason’s movie podcaster, Was It Good Tho?

Jason has the same answer to both questions.

What production on a hiphop song had you blown away?

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

Japanese Soul Bar (by Nas prod. by HitBoy) — 6 albums in how many years? Nas, while I don’t think he’s concerned with Hov’s thoughts 20 years later, shows us why he is still a God MC and the petty jab is peak Goku and Freiza. Hit and Nas have found something special. The way Hit chops up “Japanese soul Bar “ to the way Nas laces it is just Mafioso raps at its best. The beat switch , the flow switch at :59 is immaculate.

No dry eyes in the theater, the viewers are living through me 

Michael A. (Lil Wayne defender, all-around intellectual, beautiful soul)

Michael was very busy and unable to give us a full blurb but below are his picks.

What production on a hiphop song had you blown away?

Runaway (prod. by Kanye West)

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

Dead President Heads (Royce Da 5’9”)

Paché A. (true Chicagoan, popular man, photographer, R&B lover)

What production on a hiphop song had you blown away?

No Role Modelz — I kind of have a two part answer. College dropout changed how I viewed production for music as a kid who grew up in the gangsta era. The record that sticks out in my my mind is No Role Modelz and how Cole is just like I hear birds on a record and him Phonix go through thousands of bird sounds

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

03 Adolescence — The whole thing from start to finish

Here’s what I picked below. If you made it this far…wow!

What production on a hiphop song had you blown away?

Heart Attack (prod. by Dave, Kyle Evans, James Blake & Dom Maker) — Production is such a tricky thing to explain because obviously the beat is production but the little switches and decisions are what blow my mind! The production I’m picking is Heart Attack by Dave. Now yeah, the production isn’t necessarily mind blowing from a beat perspective, it’s just a piano, a guitar, an electronic guitar and then drums at roughly the 2 minute mark. The arrangement isn’t that particularly special but when the song starts, Dave sound designs with sounds of emergency cars and an audio from the news. You’re immediately sucked into the world Dave’s rapping about. The world of young Black south Londoners who most of the time are just faced with a life of crime and postcode wars they didn’t even start. What is actually mind blowing about this production comes in at the 4 minute 30 second mark (this song is mad long, 9:55), Dave brings in a choir till the 5 minute 45 second mark, just 1 minute and 15 seconds of a choir and that just BLOWS MY MIND! Why that amount of time? Why is everything stripped away to just the piano and percussion at that part of the song? Seriously Dave, QTNA!

What rap verse is so impressive that you would fight about it no matter what?

In The Fire (Ghetts verse) — The verse I’m picking is actually from the same album Heart Attack is on, We’re All Alone In This Together. But before we get to it, here are some honorable mentions from recent times;

• Pusha T on Come Back Baby (3rd verse)

• Lil Wayne on God Did

• Big Sean on Master P

• Reason on Sobering Thoughts From The Mondrian

• Hov on What’s Free

• Cardi B on Tomorrow 2

• Malice on I Pray For You

• Skepta on Warm Remix

• Black Sherif on Always

• J. Cole on Johnny P’s Caddy

I made a playlist for the features from 2022 which was fun to revisit during the research for this.

Now back to the pick, my answer is actually Ghetts’ verse on In the Fire. The song samples Florida Mass Choir’s 1982 song “Have You Been Tried In The Fire.” It was performed live as the closer of the 2022 BRIT Awards which featured all four surprise features, with UK artist Konyikeh performing the sample, as well as Dave’s first ever guitar performance in front of an audience in which he showcased his newfound talent of playing, both acoustic and electric guitars.

Ghetts’ verse is the 3rd after Fredo and Meekz opened up the record respectively. I really don’t know how to explain the verse other than the image below.

Here are a few bars that just had me shaking my head impressed;

Fire burnin’ while I’m watchin’, higher learnin’

Guns bustin’, tyres turnin’, that’s a Russian and a German (Yes)

That’s your phone ringin’, you can hear the beep

You won’t be saved by the bell when you hear the screech

In it so deep, open, ocean

There’s man escapin’ some shells they can barely see

I’m diggin’ deep with this tool like I’m known for plumbin’

Somethin’ in your chest like it’s Robitussin

Word to arsonist, I burn all this

I stood in front of all three dragons and heard “Dracarys”

And now we’re jumpin’ out G-Wagons and murkin’ parties

Man are comin’ out with these bangers and dirty dancin’

Nobody puts baby in a corner

I uplift my girl like I’m Swayze in the water

And if it’s already written, maybe I’m the author, so accustomed

To the fire, I get shivers when I’m naked in the sauna, how

I’m focused, I don’t need to burn the kush

This is Moses speakin’ to the burnin’ bush (Yeah)

I stood in front of the fire and learned to cook

Finished my verse and never heard a hook

And the fact that the verse ends and goes straight into Giggs’ verse is just chef’s kiss!

Dead Presidents 1 (2nd verse) — Now it wouldn’t be a Nate piece if I didn’t break the rule and include a second pick, and that pick is Jay Z’s beef-starter Dead Presidents 1. I think most people are more familiar with Dead Presidents 2 which is what’s on Reasonable Doubt but DP1 is just so special. The song features a sample of Lonnie Smith’s A Garden of Peace and Nas’ voice chopped up to make the hook (this allegedly was the thing that started their beef).

That second verse is so special man; advice, a prophecy for how RICOs will be used against future artists and how they need to prepare and leave crime alone (very funny coming from a guy who’s still allegedly spending drug money from ‘88)! Just another brilliant display and evidence that “There’s a Hov verse for everything”.

There’s heaven, then there’s hell, niggas

One day you’re cruisin’ in your 7, next day, you’re sweatin’, forgettin’ your lies

Alibis ain’t matchin’ up, bullshit catchin’ up

Hit with the RICO, they repo your vehicle

Everything was all good just a week ago

‘Bout to start bitchin’, ain’t you? Ready to start snitchin’, ain’t you?

I’ll forgive your weak-ass: hustlin’ just ain’t you

Aside from the fast cars, honies that shake they ass at bars

You know you wouldn’t be involved

With the underworld dealers, carriers of MAC-millers

East Coast bodiers, West Coast cap-peelers

Little monkey niggas turn gorillas

Stopped in the station, filled up on octane, and now they not sane

And not playin’, that goes without sayin’

Slayin’ day in and day out, when money play in, then they play you out

Tryin’ to escape my own mind, lurkin’ the enemy

Representin’ infinity with presidencies, you know?

As I sit at my desk in the office, taking a break from finding remittance files and missing cash on 50 page spreadsheets, I think about how peculiar, particular and profoundly special this year has been. A lot has happened both personally, professionally and creatively and I can’t wait to tell y’all about it. But the entire theme of this piece will be shaped by episodes 4 and 7 of season 2 of The Bear named Honeydew and Forks respectively. Why these 2 episodes? Well they are both about finding self through journeys of discomfort. Watching these episodes, I thought of my own journey in parallel to that of the characters, and how they have improved and challenged my perspectives. How I have grown as an artist, how much I am learning about building things, and what I am considering as next steps for new ideas and endeavors.

Where do we start? Let’s go with achievements! Man, before I even get any deeper on this, I want to say thank you to Nathaniel King! I don’t know if you’ll ever read this but MAN…I FUCKING LOVE YOU BRO! Thank you so much for dreaming big with me. Thank you for being my co-founder of this beautiful thing we are building with Arrived, thank you for being Dave Free or Kendrick Lamar to my Dave Free or Kendrick Lamar, depending on which is needed and which role I assume. What we did in Brooklyn is beyond my wildest dreams. We put together a show featuring 10 artists from 5 different mediums, filled a warehouse space with over 250 people and had the best of times (shout out to the UNO table)! We honestly couldn’t have done it without the immeasurable support from Jordan Saintil, love you too bro! As well as the rest of the Arrived team.

We have officially set up Arrived as a non-profit now (we will have some fundraising ideas next year), built a beautiful website, set up our Board of Directors and started planning for 2024! It’s up from here and I can’t wait to share with y’all what we have in store.

I turned THIRTY this year, that’s been very different. I am still trying to navigate it all with more grace for self and others in this new decade. It is hard but we move! I gotta say, I received some of the best presents this year. My best friend, Mikael, flew all the way from London to surprise me at the Arrived show, my girlfriend threw me a surprise birthday THEN took me to an island for the weekend AND my parents came to visit me in Seattle as well. Great start to 30!

I also finished principal photography for a short film I wrote and directed (still kinda surreal to be honest). My cinematographer for this is TJ Holm who is BRILLIANT in his own right and even more amazing as a collaborator. As I type this, we are still in edit for it (I have so much respect for film editors now, this shit is HARD AS FUCK).

When the year started, to keep myself busy, I said I was going to make a playlist a week, 23 songs per playlist, drops every Wednesday. I am so proud of myself for sticking with this project because I set this as a goal after multiple abandoned projects and needed to get back on the horse and be more consistent! I am proud of myself for seeing it through. Below is every song in every playlist put together. Over 70 hours of play time!

Obviously, it wouldn’t be a “Nate” year without some photography! In these 52 weeks, I made a lot of images and even a short short (1 minute video shot on film, cinematography by Ryan Zemke for one of the images. I unfortunately can’t share it with y’all but if you were in Brooklyn, you got to see it). For the show in Brooklyn, I also got to include this image of Paul and an image of my friend Geramey!

I also got the opportunity to make some images for BlastFest, an Afrobeats festival, here in Seattle with the likes of Asake, Focalistic, BNXN, MannyWellz amongst others!

I did some writing for the year as well, one for my 30th birthday titled Here is to the 30s! 🥂, which I LOVED writing! I wrote a short story titled FIRST TIME IN A WHILE which got a lot of good feedback from friends, that was amazing!

I got a shout out from Alex Lewis, a friend and one of the best writers right now (seriously check his substack), for helping with an essay about dirty macking. That was mad cool. I will count this as an achievement as well since Alex is a writer I admire and aspire to be like.

Alright *Central Cee voice*, now that we’re done talking about me, let’s talk about what I enjoyed the most and I want to start with music. As usual, I listened to a shit load of music (as evidenced by my insane Soundtracking ’23 Mega Playlist), and here are my favorite 25 of the year (in a chaotic order but the top 10 is definitely in order).

1. Split Decision by Dave & Central Cee: It doesn’t get any more concise than a 4 song EP. Dave and Cench go back and forth on Trojan Horse to open up this exciting, replay-value-made piece of excellence! The levels of lyricism Dave achieves here is just phenomenal . Cench stepped up his game as well, it was good to see global stardom didn’t worsen his pen. The back and forth performance hasn’t been this exciting from the UK scene in a while. The greatness of that performance felt very Shaq/Kobe-esque in a lot of ways. Sprinter was the song of the summer, the “Oyster/Oyster Perpetual scheme” on Our 25th Birthday was insane (a preamble to the “Borrow a 9/Loan a striker” scheme on Stop Giving Me Advice) and UK Rap was the perfect outro.

2. Tequila Ever After by Adekunle Gold: Talk about a record with BANGER after BANGER! Party No Dey Stop had every party on one this year! Great album! Ogaranya and Make It Easy with Coco Jones are my favorites on this album.

3. I Thought It’d Be Different by Rory: Rory being a podcaster and still putting together this beautiful piece of work is underrated. Rory, half of Rory & Mal (which split from the Joe Budden podcast, understandably), made an album full of features that you wouldn’t imagine would go together like Conway the Machine with Hablot Brown on See How This Thing Goes (my favorite record on this album, also one of the best verses of the year), Jay Electronica with reggie or even Phonte with BeMyFiasco. Great album Rory! If I see you at Dreamville, I will let you know how amazing this was!

4. Never Enough by Daniel Caesar: I think there was a period of time where I had this album on repeat for at least a month straight, especially Let Me Go, my favorite on here! This is a beautifully made album with all the features I want! Great to see Mustafa on here, reminds me to touch T.Dot again soon. Always with Summer was great, Homiesexual makes the dirty mack list and I am glad we get a Rick Ross feature on the bonus remix for Valentina! A great “comeback” album from Daniel!

5. Analyze Love by Azekel: If you want to listen to some balanced music with beautiful production, I highly recommend! Chocolati featuring Nao is a BOP and Palm Wine Dreamz is euphoric!

6. Fridayy by Fridayy: Friday popped on my radar after a sultry and haunting performance on DJ Khaled’s God Did (which doesn’t even feature a top 10 Hov verse, y’all were bugging last year, still a great verse tho). This album is honestly an extension of that hook. He has this beautiful baritone that carries timbre and some choir influence. The album opens with Came Too Far which features Maverick City Music and a beautiful voicemail/prayer from his mom (we all really do it for our mothers huh?). This album boasts of features from Adekunle Gold, Fireboy DML, Chris Brown and Byron Messia. It’s a melodic ride that will have you feeling things deep in your chest, starting with you calling your mother! My favorite record on here is Stand By Me. The “I just need a lil more time” gets me to tears almost every time!

7. U Street Anthology by rum.gold: I saw Rum gold perform in a room with no more than 100 people this year and it was my second favorite show I have seen this year (only behind Little Simz, I mean it’s Simbi! FKJ was phenomenal too). He was so special and careful with each lyric, his performance of Call It What You Want (which I still think samples Monica’s Angel of Mine) was so touching. Now that record is old but when he got to AM/FM, my favorite on this album, he had the crowd LOCKED IN. This is one of the best R&B/soul albums of the year.

8. The Patience by Mick Jenkins: Mick Jenkins has always been a very very good rapper but for some reason he is never in the conversation? Either way this album is worth a listen. The record (AND VIDEO) Smoke Break-Dance with JID was so fucking good! That was my favorite on there!

9. Jaguar II by Victoria Monet: Victoria Monet came with the sequel that ~might~ be better than the first? This album was beautifully curated, the perfect length and had everything to push it to success. On My Mama had the streets in disarray! Smoke featuring Lucky Daye, the intro, was my favorite on here.

10. homeless n*gga pop music by Jim Legxcy: This south London man has a very very bright future! I have no idea how he cleared Candy Rain but candy reign (!) is a fucking HIT! Also the music video reminds me of my bruddas! Absolute vibe!

11. Metro Boomin presents Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse by Metro Boomin: I didn’t even know Coi Leray was capable of that on Self Love!

12. Palmwine Diaries Vol. I by Juls: I need a calabash and some kente with kyaw kyaw for this one!

13. Kaytramine by Kaytranada & Amine: That Big Sean verse on Master P, HOLY SHIT!

14. We Go Again by ENNY: Charge It was already perfect and now she has Smino on the remix, she outta here! Great to see the greatness didn’t stop at Peng Black Girls.

15. Messy by Olivia Dean: Dive still has the most poetic opening of any song this year! “I’m a tidal wave of question marks and you’re just surfing”…COME ON!

16. Scary Hours 3 (just those 6 records) by Drake: If FATD was just records like this, he would be in more conversations, this guy just needs to lock in! Stories about my brother is my shit though!

17. Black Classical Music by Yussef Dayes: DRUMS ON POINT! FEATURES ON POINT! BLESS YOUR EARS! Woman’s Touch featuring Jamilah Barry is my favorite. Speaking of Jamilah Berry, Merlot is a classic record!

18. Gravy by BJ The Chicago Kid

19. A Kid From Yerevan by Full Crate: I am still sick I couldn’t catch his show in Seattle! He made one of my favorite records ever, Brandy featuring Kyle Dion.

20. U’ve Been Here B4 by Darkua: Echo is a hit in my ends!

21. Too Good To Be True by Meek Mill & Rick Ross: I will listen to anything with Ross on it, with that said the Shaq & Kobe record is super hard!

22. Soft Spot by JMSN

23. so here you are, drowning by Kamal.: This kid is extremely talented. First heard of him on Mercury by Dave. A talent for the future for sure. Excited to see him grow. My favorite record on here is Sex On You.

24. RENAISSANCE by Beyonce

25. Cowboys Live Forever, Outlaws Never Die by Shaboozey: Dropped last year but I heard it for the first time this year and LOVED IT

For movies, this list is based on my favorites, just like the albums so I wanna state that PAST LIVES is NUMBER 1. I can’t believe Celine Song is a first time filmmaker, wow!

She was on this episode of The Big Picture talking about the film and I highly recommend it! The list is as below;

1. Past Lives

2. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

3. Oppenheimer

4. Killers of the Flower Moon

5. Rye Lane

6. Medicine for Melancholy (2008)

7. Godzilla Minus One

8. The Killer

9. Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part 1

10. Creed 3

11. Barbie

12. Somewhere in Queens

13. The Killer

14. Lady Bird (rewatch)

15. Teenage Mutant Turtles**

*I haven’t finished this movie which is why it is this low

For TV, I watched quite a lot, as usual! Below are some of my favorite shows of the year in order.

A Study in Showing Up
What The Bear's Marcus Episode Taught Me about Opennesswww.feelslikehome.site

1. The Bear: There’s been a lot of amazing commentary on this show but I highly recommend Alex Lewis’ piece about how the episode Honeydew taught him about openness, titled A Study in Showing Up. I started this piece referencing this show and what I learned about Honeydew is that, I have to live more to create more. I can’t be in the lab and expect to make anything worth a conversation if I am not having enough conversations or living! There’s a brilliant episode of The Watch where the show runner and Ebon, who plays cousin, come on to talk about the episode Forks. I highly recommend it!

2. Succession S3: It’s still fuck Shiv, Kendall will always be the number 1 boy!

3. Slow Horses S2: This show is perfect TV. No notes

4. Primo: Belongs on cable TV!

5. Ted Lasso S3

6. The Last of Us

7. Barry: The tonal balancing done on this show is applaudable! Bill Hader is a genius

8. Invincible S2 (first half): I’m scared for Mark Grayson

9. The Crown S6: Elizabeth Debicki as Princess Diana, Khalid Abdalla as Dodi Fayed…YES PLEASE! (I have a script in mind for Khalid Abdalla someday)

10. Beef

11. Shrinking

12. Platonic

13. Top Boy S3

14. Loki S2

15. Welcome to Wrexham S2

16. Godfather of Harlem S1 & S2

Now before I leave, I want to say FREE PALESTINE! This year has been an eye opening year, in a lot of ways like it was in 2014, 2016 and 2020. I’m learning a lot about the world through the lens of the internet but also a lot of offline reading and conversations. I’m also getting more and more disappointed by people’s stances but obviously that’s my fault for having expectations of humanity from people. It was hard to escape the horrors of reality and I don’t think we ever escape it but I am privileged enough that I got the opportunity to watch movies and TV and listen to music and even write this. I think of Palestinians every day, especially Bisan. All she wants in life is to be a filmmaker and whenever I write a script, storyboard or even watch films, I think of her and what she’s going through. I hope she’s able to hold on to hope a little longer and we all get to see a FREE Palestine someday! Just like we need to see a FREE Congo, Sudan, West Papua, Tigray, Haiti, Burma/Myanmar, Uyghurs, Syria, Kashmir, Cameroon, Armenia and Kurdistan!

If you made it this far, I love you, stay safe and keep going! Don’t forget, “most of our dreams are reality, it’s just a matter of time”!

The journey is the film!

See you in 2024!

Love,

Nate

Mike pulls on his apartment block and sees a parking spot magically right across the street from his building. He thinks to himself, “Damn, I can’t lose today,” which boosts his already chipper mood. He walks up to the gray door of his apartment with the dimly lit lamp hovering above his right shoulder. He puts his keys into the lock and enters, walking up the stairs with a skip-like hop. As he turns the corner to his living room, he hears a voice behind him, “Duuuuude, I forgot how spiffy you get for these things, you look fucking great.” That was John, saying that as he finished inhaling a spoonful of cookies and cream ice cream and apple pie. John and Mike have been friends since their freshman year of college. John was the kind of man who read every book by bell hooks, went to therapy, spent a shit load of money on records, and dressed like Marvin Gaye. He was a real man’s man but quite the lady’s man too. 

“How did it go?” John asked. 

“Pretty well actually,” Mike said with a smile. “I just —”, he said with a sigh.

“Oh boy, here we go,” John quickly cuts Mike off. “Not again man, come on.”

“No no…seriously though,” Mike interjects.

“Seriously what?” John says with a smile and takes another bite. 

Mike pauses and starts to fidget with his keys anxiously. He’s still wearing his pleated trousers, Kenneth Cole loafers, a white cotton t-shirt, and a tweed blazer with a vintage brown, white and green Italian silk neckerchief rolled and tied around his neck.

“Let me just tell you how the night went?” Mike suggests with a shrug.

John walks out of the kitchen and past Mike, who’s leaning on the entryway, into the living room. He sits on the baby blue left-side chaise couch placed along the wall with a huge Jugo piece hanging above it in his red Bayern Munich jersey and casual shorts. 

“Hit me with it,” he replies excitedly. 

“Alright, so I got there first, right?” Mike, still leaning against the wall in the entryway, starts to recount the night. 

Mike is sitting in the Italian restaurant he had longed to be in for a while. He always drives by it on his way back from work. He would see the valet take keys to cars he could only dream of driving let alone owning, and would say to himself, “Man, I gotta come see what this is all about someday.” The light fixtures hang high above his head and spacing in the restaurant is more than adequate. The room is filled with overlapping chatter, but he can’t seem to make out any specific thing being said no matter how hard he tries. He has a glass of water sitting in front of him, but he can’t bring himself to take a sip even though his mouth is as dry as the Sahara desert. This happens a lot with Mike, especially when he’s nervous, and he is. He keeps moving in his chair and checking his watch. He had told his date to meet him there at 8 p.m. It’s 7:55 p.m., five minutes since he last checked his watch. It feels like an eternity as he waits. He finally picks up the glass of water and takes a sip. He scans the room and sees someone is walking to the grand piano in a clean-cut double-breasted black tuxedo. The man sits at the piano and starts playing Ludwig van Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata No. 14 in C-Sharp Minor. Mike chuckles to himself and says quietly, “This is cliche as fuck.” He turns back to look at the door and there she is! 

Wearing a pair of black Mango sandals and a beautiful red dress that hugs her body as if it was hand-sewn by Ceres herself, is Ama. She has a tiny Cartier tank on her left wrist and two bracelets on her right. She’s wearing a ring on her right middle finger with a clutch in hand. She walks up to the table and Mike gets up, he walks around and hugs her. He pulls her chair and she sits as he goes back to his side of the table.

“You look fucking amazing!” He says. 

“Well thank you, fucking amazing is exactly what I was going for,” she replies. She places the clutch on the table. 

Mike chuckles and replies, “You should have let me come get you” as he scoots up in his chair, closing the distance between them. 

“Nah, it's okay,” she replies with a smile and pulls her chair forward. She quickly scans the room and leans in to whisper “Besides, I can’t let you know where I live…yet.”

“Oh really? I promise I’m not a serial killer,” he says jokingly but with a tint of seriousness. 

“Ah dammit, I only date serial killers. Looks like this is over before it even starts,” she replies with a serious tone. 

They both laugh. This has started well. Mike shifts in his chair and tries to lay back. He’s still nervous but not as much as he was before. The confidence is slowly building. 

“We should do all the first date stuff, right? The tell-me-about-yourself, the what-do-you-do, the whole nine...right?” Mike says. His tone seems to be one of asking permission. He takes another sip of water as he tries to self-soothe.  

“I mean…do we have to? What did Abby tell you about me?” She replies as she places her elbow up on the table and holds her head in her palm. 

“I can’t tell you that…top secret, you don’t have clearance yet.” 

Ama leans forward and locks her fingers on the table. She looks like she’s about to interrogate Mike. ”Oh is that so? Cuz I always have clearance. Some might even say I’m in charge of clearances.”

“Oh, you’re the clearance chief?” Mike says. He immediately thinks to himself, “That was so corny”. He chuckles and subtly flicks his right index finger with the help of his thumb. “Clearance-Chief Officer? CCO! Well if you’re doing a background check, don’t ask my third-grade teacher cuz I definitely stole those pencils. And I’m sure she doesn’t have a lot of fun things to say about me. You know how it goes with third-grade teachers.”

“You got away with it, I will completely ignore that that happened. Besides, I mean look at me, do I not look like I command the room and have all the clearance?” as she playfully pushes her hair behind her right ear.

“Oh, I don’t doubt that at all! I can see it...shit, I can feel it!”

“Feel it? Oh -”

The waiter interrupts the date. Mike smiles and puts his hand to his mouth. The waiter pulls out a notepad and asks, “Hello, how are you doing tonight?”

“Good!” Ama and Mike reply in unison. They look at each other and smile. 

“So, what can I get started for you? Maybe some drinks?” the waiter says politely. 

“Can you please tell us about your wine offerings for tonight?” Ama asks with confidence.

The waiter starts rambling off the wine options. Mike seems out of it for a quick second. Ama and the waiter’s voices sound muffled and distant like he’s slowly drifting at sea.

John interjects “Bro, wait, you did that thing again!” with a playfully concerned tone.

“What thing?”

“When you blank out mid convo? Why did you blank out in the restaurant? Are you okay?”

“Fam, I’m good. I just...I had a moment when she asked about the wine, which is usually my thing and I was just taken aback by it…”

“Reminded you of her huh?” John says snarkily.

Mike takes off his jacket and throws it at John in response. 

“Can I finish the damn story?”

Ama looks at Mike and then back at the waiter. “I’ll take a glass of the Cabernet Sauvignon for now. Want anything, Mike?”

“Umm...water is good for now. I wanna pick a wine that would go with the entree. Can we have some calamari as well, please?”

“Sure. Coming right up”

“Thank you,” Mike said with a smile. 

“Are you okay?” Ama said with slight concern. 

“Yeah. Sorry. I kinda blanked out for a second there, had a long day before the date you know?” Mike smiles softly and looks away. “I’m fine, truly.”

“Are you sure?” Ama says with insistence. She nervously chuckles “We can talk about it if you want.”

“No no! Seriously it’s fine” He says reassuringly. “But back to the conversation, no, I can’t tell you what Abby told me about you, however, you can tell me about yourself!” Mike enthusiastically replies. 

“Well, I work in finance. I’m a business lawyer for a firm downtown. I broker deals for them and make sure they aren’t exposed on any negotiations. It can be tiring at times”

The waiter shows up with a bottle of Caymus Cabernet Sauvignon and starts to pour a glass. 

Mike interrupts “Actually, can you please leave the bottle? Thank you! And can I get another glass as well?” Mike picks up the bottle and starts pouring for Ama. Ama smiles slightly. “Thank you,” she says softly. She’s impressed with Mike so far-this rarely happens on her dates. Ama is a very well-traveled woman who enjoys her wines and the finer things. One summer, she even spent a month working on a vineyard in Bordeaux, France as she backpacked across Europe. 

“Sorry to have interrupted you. Go on, please,” Mike says.  

“Umm yeah. So that’s what I do.” 

“Where you from?” Mike asks

“Upstate New York actually, specifically Rochester. But I moved to this area for college and never left. I kinda like the quiet, you know? It excites me. And I’m just driving distance from the nearest ski resort, which is convenient. Yeah, I love outdoor shit.” Ama says as she takes a sip of her wine. 

Mike’s taken aback by Ama. “Oh wow. That’s amazing. You're definitely ten times cooler than I am. Don’t worry though, I’ll catch up,” he says in awe.

“Well, I hope you do quickly. Cuz the cool train waits for no one.“ she says as she snakily moves her head.

“How about you? Tell me about yourself, Elusive Mike!”

“Elusive? That’s my title? How’d I earn that?” 

“I mean it took you a month to text me after you got my number...soooooo I mean wha—”

Mike interrupts “There’s an explanation for that but I don’t wanna turn into ‘Explaining Mike’ now”. Mike laughs. “But, let’s see. I work in tech. I’m a UX designer. I’m not a huge outdoors person. I don't even know how to ski. Maybe you could teach me since you’re clearly a pro? Umm, I love music. Jazz especially. Huge hip-hop guy as well. I watch a lot of movies and TV..and...yeah...that’s a little bit about me.” Mike smiles shyly and confesses, “Can you tell I haven’t done this in a while?” 

“You haven’t? Couldn’t tell.” Ama says sarcastically and then smiles.  

“I’m having a great time. You don’t have to worry.” Ama assures Mike and then takes another sip of wine. 

Mike smiles as well. He looks over and the waiter, in a buttoned-up white Mark & Spencer shirt with black pants and two pens in his breast pocket, walks toward their table with an eggshell ceramic plate filled with crispy golden brown fried calamari. He sets it on the table and says, “Please let me know if you need anything else”. Mike nods. The waiter walks away and Mike looks back at Ama. This time he makes eye contact that provides a blanket of warmth to her.

“Tell me about your family. Any siblings?” Mike asks

“I have an older sister. She’s about 3 years older. She’s married, lives down in South Carolina with her husband. My mom lives in Utah...of all places. She bought a cabin with my step dad and they just moved there after retiring. My dad passed away when I was three. My stepdad, who is also named Mike by the way, married my mom when I was about six. He’s been in my life ever since. It truly feels like he’s always been my dad. My second dad if you will.”

“Wow. I’m sorry about your dad. I ca-” Mike says sympathetically. 

“No. Please. It’s okay. I was so young. It sucked but you know, I’m good now,” Ama interrupts. Mike shifts uncomfortably. He didn’t mean to make her uncomfortable or get her to tell a story about her dead dad. Mike’s always been bad at this part of life, the ‘talking about loss’ part. 

“Death is so hard but you know, gotta do my best,” Ama says with warmth. She could tell Mike felt a bit bad about asking. “Tell me about your family!” she said with a bright and forgiving tone. 

“I am the first of 5. Well...4 now. Lost my younger brother to an accident about 5 years ago. I have an adopted sister. She is 2 years younger. My pa-”

Ama interrupts Mike and says shockingly, “Wow Mike. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“It’s totally fine. Worked and still am working on it in therapy. Tough road but I gotta work through it yo-”

The waiter shows up and asks “How are things here? Do you know what you would like to get for dinner tonight?”

“Uh...I’ll have the steak, medium,” replies Ama. 

“Funny enough, I’ll have the steak as well, medium rare for me”

“Sounds great. Anything else?” the waiter asks. Both of them shake their heads.

“Thank you,” replies Mike. 

“Of course. I’ll have that right up.“

Mike and Ama reply in unison “Thank you.” 

The waiter walks away.

“Back to the whole grief thing, yeah I’m doing much better now. There are bad days of course but that’s just life. Do you ever feel like that?”

“Not really...I was so young it feels more like something I was told about than something that happened to me. If that makes any sense? Or maybe, I just blocked it out because it was so painful, who knows?”Ama says. She smiles and tries to create some pockets of joy. “But let’s get off the morbid shit!”

“I was just about to say that. So, how long have you and Abby known each other?”

“Quite a while. We met in college, she was in one of my classes, we got paired for a project, became friends and then we later became roommates. Good Lord, she’s an angel. I love that woman. How do you know her?”

“She dated one of my closest friends and we became friends because of that. Relationship didn’t work out but they stayed friends and so did-”

“Wait?!!! You’re friends with Johnny?” Ama says with surprise. She grabs a calamari and starts giggling. 

“I am. One of my best friends actually. He’s my roommate. The tone of the question makes me think you don’t like John?” Mike laughs and takes a sip of his wine. 

“Now that I know he’s your best friend, I gotta shut up!” Ama laughs and also takes a sip of her wine.

“No no, please go ahead” Mike laughs again and grabs a calamari. 

“I actually love John, he was really good to Abby, it’s a shame that it ended that way, you know?”

“Yeah. That’s life though, you live and you learn.”

“Yeah but still. I have a feeling they might end up back together, who knows?”

“I really hope so. That would get him out the damn house!” They both laugh. 

Another waitress shows up with their steaks. Seared to perfection. Sliced with precision. With a side of chimichurri. Mike grabs his glass out of the way and places it next to his glass of water. He looks up and smiles at Ama as she watches the waitress put the steaks on the table. 

“Well if the date was y’all talking about me, no wonder you have no idea if it was good or not. Y’all both suck at this!” John says as he gets up to go to the kitchen. He walks past Mike who’s still standing in the entryway of the living room. John laughs as he gets into the kitchen. Mike then walks to sit down on the couch. 

“That’s the thing, the best part of the date was after dinner. We took a walk before getting to our cars and it was so good”. 

Outside on the sidewalk, Mike walks closer to the curb and Ama on the inside, close to the buildings. They are conversing and smiling the whole time. Ama’s shocked at Mike’s last comment. 

“So you hate scary movies but have seen all the Saw movies?” 

“Well...yes! But that’s because I like psychological shit. That movie just gives me something to think about but now saying that out loud, I realize I sound ridiculous.”

Ama laughs. “Oh, you sound ridiculous for sure but keep going. I had a bad take earlier so I can’t even say shit!”

“Yeah, what’s up with that? Who doesn’t like Beyonce?”

“That’s not what I said. I like Bey...I just don’t listen to her when I’m alone and want something playing” Ama said with a faux stern tone. 

“Yeah, yeah...I’m calling Jay Z and telling him you don’t like his wife.”

“Oh, you just got Hov on speed dial? I see you!” Ama nudges Mike playfully.

Mike laughs “I wish!”. They both chuckle followed by a long pause. It’s an unexpectedly warm evening with a lot of cars driving by. They both didn’t particularly expect to walk after their date but this is an exciting experience. They take their time with their steps since they both don’t want to rush an ending to this night already. Mike sees an ice cream shop open down the street. 

“Can I interest you in some ice cream to finish up our night?”

“Lactose intolerant,” she says with such sadness, disappointment, and an upside-down smile. “I know. It's a shame. Truly is. But I’m gonna ask you anyway, favorite flavor?”

“Damn…so no ice cream for you? I guess I’m gonna have to get this cookies and cream for me, myself and I. And yes, that was a Beyonce reference since you hate her”.

Ama bursts out laughing. “This narrative is sticking, huh?”

“Oh for sure, and I’m telling everyone I meet “Ama doesn’t like Beyonce!” I’m actually gonna make a t-shirt with your face on it saying that.”

“What did I get myself into?” Ama rolls her eyes playfully and smiles.

“Hopefully something good,” Mike says with a smile. Ama stops walking and looks at Mike, smiles, and keeps walking. Mike shrugs his shoulders up with his hands in his pockets followed by a smile. “Never gonna let you live this down.” 

Ama smiles and tucks her hair behind her ear. Her beautiful Bernard James earrings shine bright under the street lights.  

“So let’s switch it back to careers for a minute, do you want to be a designer forever? What’s the plan?” She says inquisitively. 

“Well actually no. I mean I love designing, it gives me a lot of joy. My coworkers and bosses are great but I’ve always wanted to be a filmmaker. That’s what I pictured myself doing at a very young age but never pursued it.”

Ama curiously looks at Mike with furrowed brows. “Wow. Why not pursue it now?”

“I kind of am? I’m collaborating on a short film with some friends which will feature my directorial debut. I’m lowkey worried and scared but if I hate it, I just won’t put it out.” Mike says nervously as he takes his hands out of his pockets. 

“Well from all the movie knowledge you’ve dropped on me tonight, I have absolutely no doubt you will kill that shit!” Ama says with delight. She turns around and looks him in the eye, “You got this!”

He smiles and replies “Thank you. I truly appreciate it.”

“I’m on a date with the next Barry Jenkins and no one told me?” She turns around and skips away, stealing a glance at him in between every skip. She turns around and starts skipping backward. She mockingly bites her lower lip ever so slightly. 

“Wow. NOW THAT is high praise!”

“You’re very insightful and perceptive so I don’t doubt you’d make a great filmmaker.”

“Seriously, thank you! How about you? Wanna be a lawyer forever? Or do you have any hobbies or interests that consume you enough to take you away from business law?”

Ama’s eyes spark with joy. She’s still skipping backward “I love being a lawyer, it’s something I can’t see myself stopping. I wanna be a lawyer till retirement and then pick up a hobby like sailing or knitting or whatever, I don’t really know.” Ama laughs softly and stops skipping.

“So work is all you do? Nothing outside work?” a slightly confused look on his face, Mike tilts his head.

“Well, outdoorsy shit. Especially during the winter, I go snowboarding and skiing but otherwise, nope. I work anywhere from 50 to 60 hours a week so free time is mostly for reading and sleeping”

“I feel that! Good thing is, retirement is only 35ish years away”

Ama chuckles and brushes her hair from her face. “Sooner hopefully.”

“Definitely sooner,” Mike says as he nods his head in agreement. He takes a look at his watch.  “I should walk you to your car, I feel like I kept you out late.”

“I liked tonight a lot, kinda lost track of time in the process…Well I parked over there, we can walk to my car”

“Perfect!”

Their fingers brush against each other as they wait to cross the street. Ama tucks her hair behind her ears as she smiles. Mike smirks. They cross the street and walk to Ama’s car. She drives a steel blue Honda Civic which was parallel parked in front of the leather boots and bags shop. She leans against the car and looks Mike directly in the eyes. 

“I had a lot of fun tonight. We should do this again. Just don’t take months to reach out this time”

“That won’t happen” Mike blinks and smiles. “May I kiss you? I’ve been wanting to do that since you said you hate Beyonce”. Ama bursts into laughter. 

“Only if you don’t snitch on me to Hov” 

“Oh fuck that guy. I’m deleting his contact right now”. They both laugh. Mike reaches in for a kiss. Ama meets him halfway. They share a kiss that leaves them both wanting more. Ama pulls away and smiles. 

John walks from the entrance of the living room where he was standing. There’s a print of Terence Maluleke’s Embrace in Preparation hanging above his right shoulder. He walks in and sits next to Mike. He looks at Mike as Mike speaks. 

“And then yeah, she said goodnight and drove away. I got in my car and drove home”

“Okay, so what’s the problem?” John annoyingly asks.

“Bro, I don’t know.”

“Well, this was your first date since you-know-who. You’re scared and that’s fine. But this sounded like a great first date. You should call her.” 

John gets up and starts walking towards the record player sitting in front of a shelf of records. He scans through looking for a jazz record he got as a gift from Abby a while ago. It’s Oscar Peterson’s Con Alma. Mike takes his phone out and starts scrolling. John looks over and smirks. 

“Besides this would get your ass out the damn house. You won’t move on if you don’t move on man.“

“You know what, you’re right. I’ll text her. Either way, I need to make sure she made it home safe.” Mike looks up Ama’s contact. He starts a message and deletes it. He then types “I just got home. I hope you got home safe too.” 

John grabs the record and takes it out the sleeve. He looks over at Mike. 

“Mhm. Mhm. Oh by the way, Abby and I are good and are getting dinner on Saturday so jokes on y’all.”

Mike laughs uncontrollably. “About damn time! Jesus, y’all took too damn long!” Mike’s phone dings. Ama has texted “You finally texted! Maybe you’re not Elusive Mike. I’m home. Dinner on Saturday?” Mike looks up and smiles. 

John looks over and sees Mike smiling. He says with a joking tone and some sense of pride “What?”

Thank you for joining me on this journey. I am very excited to get some of the things I write out into the world and get you all to enjoy it as well. I have been writing for a while now, be it commentary/reviews of music, opinions on the best things of the year, and reflective pieces around my birthday. In the past, I shared them on my medium account (which I still will), but going forward, I will share them here as well. Why now? Substack feels like a place I can add more depth to the ideas I have and I finally have one short story to go so, yeah, the time is now!

Again, thank you for joining, don’t forget to subscribe and leave comments here and there. 

First short story will be dropping on Monday!

Subscribe now