Humility is a tricky b*tch.

The same humility that allows you to be of service, attentive, kind or non-judgmental; can be the perfect excuse for you to tell yourself you need less than the people around you.

That the attentiveness and care and curiosity that you show for others are things you wouldn’t dream of asking in return. That the care that you give to yourself is enough for you.

But if it was... wouldn’t it be?

Let’s talk about being on stage: being visible, being vocal. Having hobbies or projects that are your own. Being in a leadership position. Being seen.

My relationship with the stage has been that I’ve wanted to be invited.

For someone to magically see how talented I am, or how smart I am, or how beautiful I am, and literally uplift me onto the platform.

To receive validation from someone else (not me, of course) of all that I had to offer. And then the world would see it, and I’d be this star plucked from obscurity, and don’t we just love her, she’s soooo humble.

But humility can be overdone, and I was overdoing it.

I took my humility VERY seriously. People who are great at something and know it are arrogant. People who are great at something and don’t expect anything stay cherished.

I really wanted to stay cherished.

Until one day, I was showing up for people as I normally did, or going above and beyond with no expectation for what I’d receive in return, and I felt resentment.

The thing about resentment is that it makes you feel righteous: “I am so mad at this person or situation, because they don’t even appreciate all I do for them.”

The resentment actually wasn’t what was unfamiliar, it was the responsibility I felt for my own resentment.

I realized that this person or this job or this situation is treating me as though I need less because what I’ve taught them is that I need… less.

And then another confrontation:

A true friend would rather someone who does less for them and is not resentful of them, than someone who does more for them but who is.

I’ve made probably 400 videos of myself on screen over the past year. This year, I built a platform with 36k (!!) followers across Instagram & TikTok.

When I decided to post my first video last year, it was because I was tired of convincing myself that other people could try for what they want but I wasn’t allowed to.

So, I posted, and nothing crumbled. Nothing fell down. My friends didn’t shun me. I just put a video out into the world that people saw, and people liked and it was fun.

So I did it again, and I had a hobby I cared about and could talk about, and I was using my brain creatively.

I was on stage.

I started to show up on the phones of more people than I imagined speaking to in a room. And it was FUN. I enjoyed it.

Since then, I’ve made a practice of wanting things in public: growing my following, starting my business, starting this Substack!

I step on stage because I want to be there. I don’t wait to be invited.

I trust that the genuine care I have for others that is fabric to who I am can shine on stage, too. (I still struggle with the fear that it might not.)

But the thing about fear is you can treat it like a friend trying to protect you, not an authority that gets to tell you what to do.

I can hang out with her, hear her out, and even bring her with me on stage to show her it’s not so bad.

And actually, we can help people better from here than from the wings. ⭐️

P.S. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t give you some journal prompts for being on stage:

1. who do I believe deserves attention? why?

2. what about receiving attention from myself or others feels like something I don’t have access to?

3. what are the best possible scenarios for me exploring my own visibility? what risks do I see if those best possible scenarios come true?

4. if I had to guess, what about being on stage scares me the most? how much am I letting whatever that is make my decisions?

this year, I’m being confronted with things I really don’t want to do.

I ended a relationship, I left my job, I started a business, and I’m starting a project now that feels really hard.

I hate hard.

my whole platform is centered around gentleness and rest. it’s about being kind to yourself and knowing that you can pause and still be loved.

so, I’m kinda looking up at the sky like, why must I do all these hard things?

but it’s a type of hard that feels like I’m being tugged. that my gut has a motor that is moving us both forward. that my intuition is keeping me in motion.

I want the rewards of what happens if this is done well, but when faced specifically with the work to get there? my fear is having a fit.

how do you do the hard things you know that you’re meant to do?

I have a very clear picture of my future, 10-years-from-now self. I know where she lives, I know what she has, I know who she sees, I know what she does. if anything, I’ve known more about who that woman is most of my adult life than I’ve had any clue how to get to her.

I’ve kept asking myself, how do I get there? really, how do I get there?

I have money, but I don’t have money for her house. I have a job, but I don’t have her career. I felt confused on how to get to her, but so clear on who she was.

but if I’m honest with myself, every single hard thing that’s popped up this year is starting to answer the question of how I get to her.

I do hard things because there’s ease on the other side. I’m expanded on the other side.

I do hard things because I never want to get in the way of the life I’m meant to have.

and, it is in doing these hard things that I actually know what trust is. what faith is.

it’s in knowing the same force you’re wishing to, whatever your faith, is the same force that carries you when you’re unsure of the journey.

it is the willingness to be carried, not to control.

people who know me may say that I’m not risk-averse, and I fully disagree.

I do not enjoy taking risks; they’re hard and confronting and remove the ground from under you.

what I am though, is someone who practices trust on a daily basis:

• I practice being someone who believes things are working for my good.

• I practice being someone who can move through hard things.

• I practice being someone who is not skeptical, or fearful, or cynical just because oftentimes it feels like the world around me is.

that is how I trust. I practice it.

in the spirit of making sure you are asking the questions you need around the trust in your own life, here’s a set of journal prompts that helped me get closer to what it looks like for me:

1. identify your future self that you feel like you’re wanting toward right now. how old are they?

2. get specific:

   1. where do they live? what is their home like?

   2. who do they live with?

   3. how do they spend a weekday morning?

      1. when do they wake up? how do they wake up? what do they eat? who do they see? what routines do they have?

   4. how do they spend a weekday afternoon?

      1. what do they do? do they go anywhere? where do they go? how does what they do make them feel?

   5. how do they spend a weekday evening?

      1. what do they do? if they left, what time did they get back home? who are they with?

3. do you feel like your life right now gets you closer to this person? why or why not?

4. name an idea you’ve been trying with or a project you may start, does it feel in line with what this person would do or want you to do? further away?

trust is for the hard thing that you know will become the right thing.

and may we continue to have the courage to follow the pull.

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I had to be unmade to be remade.

I feel like when people hear things like this, there’s a lot of fear that pops up.

Being “unmade” feels scary, disruptive and like you’re entering a change that’s not necessarily welcome. “What if I like how I am?”

Erykah Badu’s song Bag Lady is an actual genius work of art because she really captures the weight of carrying too much.

Bag lady, you gon’ hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that…

One day all them bags gon’ get in your way

How are you going to grow when you are busy trying to keep everything that you’re carrying?

What I was carrying were a few things:

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OK as I was saying, what I was carrying were a few things:

1. People need me more as a listener than a speaker.

2. I am received better when I reflect the energy I receive from others.

3. My identity is intertwined with my work title and my status as a high performer.

And at the core of it: as long as I remain enthusiastically in the background of the lives of those I love, I will be fulfilled and happy.

When you read these things, you see how much of who I am started with how I was being received.

Today, I am in a position where I:

• feel interesting and creative and I’m building new things with others but not dictated by others.

• have 34k people across my platforms that are there to listen to me speak

• am about to make more money than I ever have, 3 months after building something of my own and becoming self-employed

So what was my “unmaking”?

Well first, my grandmothers died.

And I do apologize for talking about death on here, but their passing taught me so much about allowing grief.

The fullness of my grief for the women I love allowed me to be more present for the grief I feel in my other “smaller” loss, and that presence taught me more about what’s important to me, my boundaries, what I’m willing to and not to carry — and most importantly, areas where I was masking happiness.

To me, masking happiness means you think you’re fine: things logically make a lot of sense on paper, therefore you should be happy, and therefore you adopt the happiness you feel like you should have.

But, if on paper it didn’t make sense, you would easily go.

I had to decide if I still wanted to carry the areas where I was masking happiness (and I’d recommend these as journal prompts):

• Is my job really fulfilling or is it just paying me well and it’s the only way that feels safe to be paid?

• Is this relationship really fun or do I feel disconnected but afraid this is the best I’ll get?

• Is my relationship with money really healthy if I am willing to feel miserable in how I make it?

It was in answering these questions honestly that created a level of clarity that made me so uncomfortable that I had no choice but to start dropping some of the things I was carrying.

• “My job actually makes me feel small, and I don’t want to feel small, therefore I am allowed to leave my job.”

• “These relationships actually make me feel limited, and I want my relationships to feel expansive, therefore I am allowed to leave them.”

• “My relationship with money actually feels skeptical and restrictive, I want a relationship with money that feels expansive and collaborative, therefore I am allowed to think more optimistically.”

It was feeling this and being brave enough to act on it that I am being remade.

So many of us think about the action first. “I am not ready to quit my job,” or “I am not ready to leave this situation.”

That is the absolute last thing that the process required.

The process just required a confronting, and a curiosity and a willingness to allow myself permission to change the ways I was thinking about the things that didn’t fully feel right in the first place.

Not just for you, but for the people around you.

You all reading this is a testament to this journey and something I wouldn’t trade for anything. I’m building a community of deeply connected people and I’m grateful every day.

Here’s to your (un)making.

a lot of how I live more gently (more curiously and with a deeper self-trust) is learning to ask myself better questions. so here are some deep questions if you don’t know what you want:

question 1. what is the last thing that I got jealous of? why do I believe that it sparked a reaction for me, and what might it be telling me around what’s important to me?

jealousy is a teacher, especially when it sparks a big reaction like that. it means that there’s something that you feel like you decided for yourself that you can’t have. you need to go deeper into those feelings rather than dismiss them.

alt: who is a person I’ve been comparing myself to?

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question 2. what types of content do I save? what does it tell me about my interests?

when you save something, that means that you want to keep it for something. what are you keeping it for, and what does that mean that your interests might be? have you been allowing yourself to have those interests? do you feel like you dismiss those interests, or these hobbies that you have decided you can’t do, or hobbies that you want to start later? because sometimes those are the biggest clues around what you want to do right now.

question 3. what types of things do I wish that I was already an expert at? if I wasn’t a beginner, what would I love to do?

we can get so stuck in the preparation stage, in the research stage, that we don’t start. and it’s really because we don’t want to be a beginner. so if you were already an expert, what do you feel like you would give yourself a chance to do that you’re not doing right now?

question 4. who are my favorite people to keep up with, either online or in real life? what do I find engaging about them, what do I like about them, and are there aspects of what they’re doing that I feel like I would want to do?

naming my favorite people, or people that are aspirational, is my favorite thing to do when doing this type of exercise, because you’ve just chosen these people for no other reason than the fact that they are interesting to you. so there are a lot of clues around if you had no obligations or restrictions around who you would choose, and the people that you naturally find intriguing.

question 5. if I were creating a podcast, what would my podcast be about?

this question I got from a friend, and my answer was, “I would help people take care of themselves.” that is exactly what I do in my content today. a good follow-up question is, are there ways that I have ruled this out as a viable career option, and if so, why?

alt: if I had to listen to someone talk about something for an hour, what topic would I choose?

question 6. what would I do all day if I knew that nobody would judge me for it?

the only rule I have for this is that you have to be creating something during the day. so what would you create all day if you knew that you wouldn’t be judged for it? and once you answer, maybe you’re not doing it all day, but are you allowing yourself to do it at least part of your days?

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I’m Lauren, I give tips and reminders on how to help you live a little bit more gently. let me know if there are any other surface-level questions that just aren’t really getting at the root of what you need right now. we can go deeper on all of them. I am rooting for you 💛

subscribe if you want even more deep questions, this is exactly how my mind works so will be downloading even more from my brain!

at the beginning of the year, I didn’t imagine myself leaving the safety of corporate. I didn’t realize how much of the barrier for me was just not knowing anything else. but 3 months ago I had to look at myself and ask if this is truly the best place for my energy right now. I decided that it wasn’t.

so, if I can help you know whatever you don’t know – truly whatever you don’t know – I want to give you the information so “not knowing” isn’t the same barrier for you. I will be as unbiased as I can be and just focus on giving you the information.

I’m not coming to you as a success story (yet!). I’m coming to you as someone who believes that corporate is meant to be an option for us, not a path we feel handcuffed to, and because that option wasn’t working for me, I’m finding a path that will.

I’ll break this article up in 3 parts, based on what my first questions were:

1. healthcare: how do I go to the doctor if I don’t have this job?

2. mindset: can I even do something like this?

3. receiving money: how do I even pay my taxes without a W2?

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healthcare

the first step for me was healthcare.

I think that’s the main thing sold to us as only being possible within your job, especially if you want “good healthcare.”

shopping for healthcare made me confront my own health anxiety, and realistically how I interact with the doctor. sure, I’d love the best coverage possible, but how do I interact with the doctor truly?

so think about:

1. how often do I go to my primary in a year?/urgent care in a year?

2. how often do I go to the hospital in a year?

3. what specialists do I have?

4. what medicines do I need; from what specialists?

there are 3 options for insurance that I know of:

1. gov’t marketplaces: easy to access, range in monthly cost

2. healthcare brokers: more expensive to access, but can negotiate reasonable monthly cost

3. COBRA: easy to access, expensive monthly cost (you keep the same exact insurance from your job, you just pay for it out of pocket.

all of the healthcare section is for you, if you live in the US!

1. government marketplaces

I went on “Covered California,” California’s state-run healthcare marketplace, but in order to find your state just search [your state] health insurance marketplace. I was genuinely surprised how easy it was to pick out a plan, and I’m paying about $180/month. it’s based on income, but because when you leave your job you’re not sure of your future income, move it to the lowest realistic number so you can get plans that are reasonably priced.

this is what I understand the difference to be for state vs federal health insurance marketplaces: state-run basically has more flexibility for them to decide things like enrollment windows and subsidies.

you can narrow down 2-3 insurances; if you want to keep your primary, call them to see which of the insurances you’re listing that they accept.

2. healthcare brokers

I’m a big supporter of building teams of people who know what they’re doing when you don’t. I may go this route next year, but basically if you have no pre-existing conditions, another way of doing this is finding a healthcare broker. they can get you private healthcare, where you can be on a private company’s healthcare. this is where I learned more about this (thank you Tiara!).

3. COBRA

there’s also COBRA across every state (as long as your employer was 20+ people), where you can keep the exact same coverage you have at your job but you pay out of pocket instead of them. I did this for my dental / vision because I wanted to keep my same dentist and was relying on my insurance coverage to maintain my Invisalign.

ok so now (hopefully) you’re less afraid of what happens when you get sick, now let’s go into if this is something that’s worth the change.

mindset

there are big BIG BIG questions that you need to think about when you’re thinking about leaving your job. no one can answer them for you (and don’t let them!).

take the full and free space to ask yourself these questions and understand the honest answer:

1. do I still work at this job in 5 years? if not, what would I hope to be doing instead? (sometimes it’s hard to channel our future selves, so you don’t have to be exact with it, but when you think about it, is your future self more creative? more independent? do you live in the same place?)

2. what strict obligation of mine would suffer without a steady income? I define strict obligations as: dependents, mortgage, rent, debt/loans, car payments.

   1. do I technically have the money to cover my strict obligations for 6 months? even if it’s uncomfortable, could I do it?

   2. what’s the worst case that might happen after 6 months? could I survive it? what would change in my life?

3. if I’m miserable, is this my cost? you make a salary presumably every 2 weeks in exchange for your time and your energy. both are finite, you don’t get that back. so, do you feel the dollar amount is a good representation of your value? why or why not?

   1. do I believe I can make more or make the same amount without as high of a cost to my time and energy?

4. who has more power over my time in my current dynamic: me or my job?

5. channel yourself 5 years older again: is there any benefit my future self sees for staying in this job longer?

6. think about the best-case scenario in leaving your job and the best-case scenario for staying at your job. which one feels like a life that feels more like you?

for me, I realized that I had fewer strict obligations than I thought, and I actually had a more optimistic view on the relationship I could have with money by leaving than by staying. are you in a moment in your life where you have more flexibility than you think? or is this not the right time? those questions can help you get to the answer.

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receiving money without a W2

this was a huge head-scratcher for me – I genuinely just didn’t get it. turns out it can be very easy.

I had no clue how people receive money outside of a W2 or a 1099, and it felt so daunting that I was like I can’t even think about it.

here is how you can receive money:

directly to your personal bank account

if you don’t have a business, you can send it to your personal bank account. you know how your account has an account number and a routing number? turns out that’s all someone you work with may need to pay you.

I’ve given my personal bank account on a couple of occasions, for example if you’re a content creator and you’re taking a brand deal, they’ll ask for your social security number, your address and your account and routing number.

this path is ok but for tax purposes you’ll probably want to think through having a business bank account.

directly to PayPal

on PayPal, you can set up a business bank account. it’ll take fees and run like a business, but you can still connect it to your personal bank account. that way you have a way of tracking all the funds technically going to your “business” even if it directs to your personal.

creating a business (in the US)

so honestly the major people I did not want to interact with was the IRS, so I was like “let me set up a way where I can get taxed and they don’t bother me.”

how to create an LLC

(thank you so much to the lovely Latisha who helped me SO much here)

1. decide the name of your business

   this was a hard process for me! I can provide exercises to help with this if anyone’s interested. if you have absolutely no clue: 1) name 5 people you aspire to be like, 2) narrow down to 2-3 of them, 3) those are now your “board of directors.” for mine I looked up their company names for inspo on how to approach mine. I also have a sweet story where growing up I said, “if I’m ever famous I’d go by Lauren Roselle,” so Roselle Studio (my company) was born. come up with 2-3 names you’re excited about.

2. make sure the business name you want is available: look up your business name online. just search LLC lookup [your state] and you’ll find a search bar where you can search LLCs and if your name is taken by anyone.

3. start an account where you can look up domain availability: you’ll want to make sure your website name is available too. I used Cloudflare, and I went to look to see if the domain or a variation of it is available. I paid $10.46.

4. file to create your LLC (all credit to my friend who sent me this):

   1. set up business email using the domain name purchased

   2. set up a business address with a PO box or a Registered Agent. I used Northwest Registered Agent. this is what you’ll use on the documents you’ll file with.

   3. file for your business through a CPA or yourself

      1. I went through a CPA: I asked my friend with an LLC if she had a CPA and many will! they handled the full filing process for me. it cost me $550.

      2. if doing it yourself:

         1. apply for EIN for the LLC: use your virtual address or the PO box address for the IRS documentation. when you apply online, they will give you your IRS EIN approval letter at the end once you submit the application. print this and save it as a PDF (once you log off, you might not get back this document). you will need a hard copy of this letter for many things later.

         2. file your Articles of Organization with the CA Secretary of State online. it’s about $140. you’ll use the business address from above because what you put on this form will become public information.

         3. once you get the official Article of Organization back from the Secretary of State (they’ll send it via email), be sure to print it out and save as PDF.

5. create a business bank account: there are so many options for this, and honestly this can be the easy part. I chose to use the same bank as my personal account, Bank of America, but I’ve heard great things about Mercury too.

in the spirit of money, I genuinely want this guide to be as accessible to as many people as possible who may need it. I will devote myself to this work for as long as I can, my ask is that you consider being a paid subscriber so that I can keep doing it!

in the next article I’ll cover making money, types of work, how to match your actual interest to the work you do and what to avoid.

please send me any and all questions you had after reading this. I’ll make sure to add it to the next one! also if you’re a specialist in any of this, please add any and all expertise you’re willing to share in the comments!

if payment’s not within your budget right now, I fully understand; a comment or re-share goes a long way as I’m building! thank you my friends, I’ll see you next time.

I was talking to my friend about how rare it is to have a feeling that you’re meant to do something, and also have the drive to do it.

there’s a huge gap that a lot of people have around wanting to do something and doing something, and us with fire, we will just do it. we don’t even think about it.

but there still can be areas where, even if our drive to do something is high, we can struggle with self-belief.

if I were your mentor, this is what I would tell you:

1. your “selfish” will help more people than hiding: you being the fullest version of yourself is usually going to be better for the society at large than you not doing what you need to do for yourself. don’t lose sight of who you could impact when you are the fullest version of yourself.

2. you probably have a higher capacity for discomfort than you think (and you’ve probably proven it): I would bet that there is something in your past that was uncomfortable for you, but you achieved it anyway. if you can do it then, you can do it again, and you will feel better for it.

3. build your self-trust, you don’t always need advice: the only thing that could stop you is your self-trust and self-belief, so get a practice where you are working on them. if you’re not journaling, then journal. if you don’t have a hobby, do something for yourself. get in the practice of consulting yourself independently more than asking for advice.

the only thing scarier than doing the hard thing right now is living a life where you never did the hard thing. and if you have a fire, that should be terrifying to you.

having a fire is RARE. it's a gift and in my mind it means you can truly do anything (and the world needs you to!)

I'm Lauren, I give tips and reminders on how to help you live more gently. subscribe if you're on a self trust journey, I got you! I give mentorship advice and I can give things like journaling prompts for you.

I’m rooting for you!

what value do I put on the body that gets me to the success?

and I’m not talking about health hacking or strenuous gym workouts or how my body looks as I achieve my goals. what I’m talking about is: is there room for me to prioritize my body’s whole wellness in pursuit of an extraordinary life?

or does my body suffer: lack of sleep, higher stress, lower food, faster food, and a lack of pauses so that I can be actualized?

and if I take the stance that I want a well body, that I want to rest, that maintaining a high cortisol level throughout the day is not something that will result in the health outcomes I want, regardless of how successful I am… what then?

the life I want is extraordinary: I want a highly visible career, I want to be successful enough to buy a large home with land for my family, I want a loving life partner, and I want access to luxury travel. I want money to allow for all of the things I need and never restrict. I want to provide for other people who need it. I want to be philanthropic and active in my community.

but the pressures of our current society tell me there’s one way to get there:

→ want to be a successful entrepreneur? don't sleep
→ want to have a large following on social media? grow faster… no faster. don’t get left behind.
→ want a loving partner? quantity over quality. download these apps, swipe often. message first… no, message better.

each of these things requires me to prioritize my future life wants over my current life’s peace, but peace is the foundation for all of the things that I want.

if I named a belief system that I'm operating with, it is that there can be a balance of peace and grit in order to achieve and sustain your dreams, as long as you expand the definitions of both.

I don’t define grit as something that’s earned when you sacrifice peace in the present for peace in the future. I define grit as something earned through consistency and practice.

I don’t define peace as having an easy paycheck or no hardship; I define peace as being willing to pursue a career with deep meaning, and in staying aligned to that meaning, even in the discomfort: finding peace.

peace is not always ease. it’s alignment.
grit is not always discomfort, it’s persistence.

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I have a friend, a musician, Hannah Marie. she told me that she keeps close to heart the image of a bayou. it’s common to believe bayous stay stagnant, but they’re moving bodies of water. and it is because of the pace that they move, that they are a hub for animal and plant life. the slowness is what allows the life to thrive and grow.

we definitely live in a world of fast rapids: “the only way to make it is to move quickly.” “if you have somewhere to go, you need to get there.” no matter how much thrash and disruption you run into along the way.

I am finding that pursuing an aligned life is the best thing I’ve ever done for my peace, even when it’s not easy, because I’m not measuring against or performing as someone that I’m not.

and I balance wanting that extraordinary end goal by knowing that achieving it slowly is ok. that the journey to my wants is actually what will shape who I am when I get there.

that when I get there, I will have grit and I will be well rested, and that hopefully I can be here long enough to show others how to do that too. I will know what it is to have a long-term practice: a long-term focus and commitment that I chip at every day in some form.

and I will know that rest days are a part of that practice, because they are a part of every single practice that I believe in.

I will have an extraordinary life because of how I interact with peace, not despite it.

I’m probably a bit like a bayou. I accept that may make me look too stagnant to some, but I’m still moving. (and providing life to myself and to others along the way.)

AI I’d imagine, feels like a safe place where you can download your full brain, and get an answer that pulls in a seemingly endless amount of knowledge from people who’ve been through this before: articles, studies, books; whatever is powering those data centers.

when I think about what it means to make an aligned decision, or a decision that feels in alignment with what your path is in this world, it requires accessing your:

1. intuition (your gut)

2. logic (your mind), AND

3. your feelings (your heart)

it can be an exercise in building trust in yourself.

what AI will tell you is limited to the logic base of your decision: it can tell you what logically makes sense, and it will give you a logical approach to your feelings. it’ll address the mind but leave out the rest.

the issue? your bravest or most aligned decisions might not be the logical ones, or pass a pros and cons list.

your intuition and your deepest desires can’t be outsourced. the answer isn’t using logic to bypass them, it’s learning how to access them to learn what they’re telling you.

my favorite (viral) exercise for decision-making goes like this:

step 1. out loud, say the first option as if you’ve already decided // if I’m deciding between moving to Phoenix and staying in LA, I’d say: “I’m moving to Phoenix”

step 2. say all the reasons you’ve (pretend) made that decision // example “I’m moving to Phoenix because it’s cheaper, it’s a new city I haven’t tried, it’s closer to family”

step 3. do the same process for the other side of the decision // “I’m staying in LA because I love the events I go to, and the communities I’m a part of and the weather.”

step 4. feel out the words you used and your reasoning for each side // if you used a lot of “shoulds” or said it would “make sense” or “people want me to” it may be a sign you don’t want to do it but feel like you should.

I’m rooting for you.

as I was leaving I almost had a panic attack about money.

my thoughts on income from today’s journal:

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not that romance won't be in my life, I actually deeply believe it will, but I'm building my own calling.

if you’re an astrocartography follower you know there are different lines on the earth where you feel the most alignment in the different areas of your life. it’s common to move to your Venus or “love” line because that’s where finding love might happen the most naturally. I didn’t.

turns out, I’m on my “community” line, which feels more aligned to me and what I’m hoping to build. community with the people around me. love and care for others.

I was talking to a woman, who’s been married 45 years. she told me, as she was finding herself spiritually and finding alignment, she met a man…

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you're in your 20s and all of a sudden you shift from your biggest life decisions being made for you: where you live and where you go to school, to doing it all on your own.

and by the way, do it perfectly.

by far, the place I was struggling the most was in figuring out if I was making the right decisions.

I’m 32 now, and I remember genuinely feeling like a baby being asked to make these very major decisions:

“so, where are you going to live?”

“what are you going to do?”

“when are you getting a job?”

“are you going to back to school?”

all innocent enough questions, but it felt like the answers would show some sort of ranking system of how good of an adult I was becoming: will she be ok? or will she struggle to find her way?

so really the answer is in figuring out how to trust yourself when you make decisions, and discovering how you want to interact with the world.

because you’re just starting out, you’re also the most impressionable... and you know what that means?

people will constantly give you advice, whether you ask for it or not, because in their minds it’s the best time for you to make key decisions. but they don’t realize the level of pressure they’re putting on you.

here’s what I think.

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so many of us have a visceral reaction, even if we don’t know what it is yet. let’s find it together:

step 1. out loud, say the first option as if you’ve already decided // if I’m deciding between moving to Phoenix and staying in LA, I’d say: “I’m moving to Phoenix”

step 2. say all the reasons you’ve (pretend) made that decision // example “I’m moving to Phoenix because it’s cheaper, it’s a new city I haven’t tried, it’s closer to family”

step 3. do the same process for the other side of the decision // “I’m staying in LA because I love the events I go to, and the communities I’m a part of and the weather.”

step 4. feel out the words you used and your reasoning for each side // if you used a lot of “shoulds” or said it would “make sense” or “people want me to” it may be a sign you don’t want to do it but feel like you should.

this is my very first post on Substack, so a little intro. I’m Lauren, I give tips and reminders on how to help you live more gently (& get unstuck!) I’m a corporate dropout turned entrepreneur, and I know how loud the messaging was while I was getting started in my career to know everything perfectly, and to hustle and grind to get results.

somewhere in there I realized that in order to build the actual life I want, I needed to better learn how to trust myself with decisions, live a little slower, and be way WAY kinder on myself.

I feel like the people reading this will be the leaders of my lifetime. If I can play even a small part in helping you trust yourself or be gentler on yourself, then I’d be a fulfilled girl.

you have everything you need for everything you want, I’m just your mirror. subscribe for more tips!