• ESL Rochester Fringe Festival: 9/19 + 9/20

  • This will be a very nostalgic show because I went to the University of Rochester, and if you’ve seen my show, you know that Rochester is the scene of the crime. Check out my recent IG post about “meeting my younger self for coffee”.

• Elgin Fringe Festival: 9/24 + 9/26

• Not Alone Anymore: Asian American Solo Show Festival (Chicago): 10/17

The more I perform Dealbreaker…

• The easier it gets to perform

• The more I notice parts of the script I want to change

• The harder it is to get people in seats because I’m venturing into cities where I don’t know many people (or anyone). Plus most of my close circles have already seen the show in Chicago (thank you, fam!)

If you know anyone in Rochester, NY or Elgin, IL, I’d be SO grateful if you could pass my show along to them. :)

As for Chicago shows, I’m not planning to do anymore with the current version of the show. Here are all the places I’ve performed in Chicago:

• Solo Sunday (two shows - sold out!)

• The Den Theatre (two shows - sold out!)

• EVOLUTION AAPI Arts Festival

• Northwestern University Human Sexuality Class

• Plus a bunch of smaller shows where I performed excerpts

My plan is to only perform again in Chicago if I’m invited somewhere (like the “Not Alone Anymore” festival), so I can focus my creative energy, marketing efforts, and money on bringing the show to other places, improving the show, and working on other things. I’m very interested in performing Dealbreaker at specific organizations in Chicago, like a nonprofit or another college class. So if you have any leads, I’m all ears!

I’m writing all of this to get my thoughts down / organized AND to share my goals so people can support me and make intros if possible!

Onto the creative stuff: Almost every performance has had at least slight (planned) tweaks, which is pretty cool! Of course every show has been different in an unplanned way due to audience reactions, me wording a line slightly differently, or me forgetting a line. From February to June, I only made small tweaks (like clarifying some lines, especially ones that are my thesis, or officially cutting lines that I kept forgetting to say - since that showed they weren’t that important). For Harrisburg Fringe and my Redtwist Theatre show, I made some bigger changes, with the support of John Michael Colgin and Madelyn Loehr (so cool to receive mentorship as part of their solo show incubator!). I added some lines toward the end to wrap things up in a clearer way and I experimented with more fart jokes (lol) so that the end of my show feels more earned.

Reworking the script has been challenging because I feel so tied to the original script. It’s wired into my brain! So any addition or deletion feels very off at first. Letting go of my “darlings” is part of the process, and I’m glad I got to say those lines in some shows, even if they won’t exist in future iterations of the script. I’ve also removed a line then added it back in later! This is why I keep so many drafts of my script. Just in case I want to reference an old version. We’re on v8 now!

And now that I’ve had a relatively longer break between shows, I FINALLY have time to make some even bigger changes to parts that have been bugging me for a bit (or that people gave me feedback on. I’m not that self-aware / expert to see all the improvements that could be made!). Here are the main areas I’d like to improve:

• Show my healing journey - currently, my show is like: “I started storytelling and then I stopped stigmatizing myself, so yay we’re all good, show’s over!” I realized I could do a better job of explaining HOW I stopped destigmatizing myself. The “how” is meta - the show is a big part of how I healed. Also, people would always tell me: “your show flew by! it was over in an instant!” which I mostly took as a compliment, until I realized it might mean that the end of my show was rushed and didn’t feel fully resolved.

• Consolidate the struggle - contrary to the end of my show, the middle feels long and repetitive. I include a bunch of dates and rejections, and I was told it felt repetitive, which I eventually agreed with. I wanted to include all of them (and there were many that didn’t even make the final script) because they show the relentless nature of dating and rejections, and I felt each one added unique color to the story. But there are diminishing returns with sharing rejection after rejection, and we need those precious minutes for other parts of the show!

• Sharper herpes education - I feel like I can do a better job of showing how rejecting someone because of herpes doesn’t make sense, relative to other risks we take in life. And how not sleeping with someone who has herpes doesn’t mean you’ll avoid herpes since it’s not part of standard STI testing.

Other things I’ve been up to:

• Producing Solo Sunday shows (check out our lineup for this fall!)

• Reading FAMESICK by Lena Dunham (and now I’m watching her movie from a while back called Tiny Furniture - it’s bringing me back to recent college grad days, a helpful headspace for Dealbreaker)

• Doing “Morning Pages” from the book the Artist’s Way - grueling but so helpful

• Working on a documentary with my friend Ben about Dealbreaker / storytelling

If you have any thoughts / ideas / questions about what I shared above, I’d love to see you in the comments! Thanks for reading this far!

Performing at fringe festivals has been a goal of mine since I was a little girl 🥺

… Jk, it’s been a goal since I learned about them a year ago. But I’m still pumped! The moment before you reach a place you’ve been highly anticipating is an interesting one. I have a sense of what to expect but also want to go in with an open mind. I have very high expectations and delusional goals (I’m going to meet my best artist friends here! I’m going to get discovered here!) that I want to release so I can be present and enjoy every small moment.

Subscribe

I was accepted into the Harrisburg fringe by lottery, and because of my conditioning to value opportunities you get selected for, there’s a quiet (actually it’s pretty loud…) part of me that’s thinking, “this isn’t a big deal. Anyone could be in your shoes”. I need to remember that the parts of this whole Dealbreaker experience that I will be most proud of are probably the moments where I took action, not when I was chosen. Hey… this kinda reminds me of the plot of my show!

In the past few months, I’ve found that being chosen for opportunities can be so random. Of course there’s a mix of being prepared, putting yourself out there in the first place, and being good / nice to work with, but who you know and being in the right place at the right time has been a major factor too. For example, I wouldn’t have been able to perform (or maybe eventually I would have) at the Stonewall Inn, Northwestern University, or Redtwist Theatre without knowing people, either because they didn’t know I existed or because my submission was sitting at the bottom of a big pile.

Putting myself out there (posting about my show on social media, talking about it in person, reaching out to theaters, walking up to people after a show) is how I got to know these people, and I’m so grateful they connected me to these gigs!

Okay, I feel like I’m losing the plot. I meant to say that taking action is more important than getting chosen but I guess you need to take action to get chosen! Wow writing really does bring clarity!

But back to fringe: even though I was picked randomly, I’m proud of myself for taking action. Lately, I’ve been annoyed by books / shows where the girl gets chosen (usually because she’s beautiful). I’ve been getting this feeling with the show Elle and the book City of Girls (yes both protagonists have other amazing qualities, but their beauty also seems to drive the plot). This isn’t how life works! (Unless you’re a model probably). We need to take life by the horns!

Here are my goals for the fringe:

1. See lots of shows and get inspired! I already picked out which ones I want to see but I’m open to being swayed by compelling flyers! I’m excited to get seeds from other shows that could turn into new scenes in Dealbreaker or my next piece.

2. Learn from other performers especially with acting. I’m so curious to see how other solo performers play other characters and how they use the space.

3. Remember what parts I cut from my script. John Michael and I refined my script this week for my Redtwist show on Tuesday, and while I won’t incorporate all of that this weekend, I’m going to at least try to remember what NOT to say. It’s so hard to remember script changes while looking natural on stage!

4. Meet other performers, make a friend, and hang out with someone outside of a show (like coffee or a meal). Not sure if there’s even time for that, but I really want to connect with other artists, hear how they’re living their lives, and talk about our processes for making our shows.

5. Be so present and relaxed during my show that my performance feels distinctly Harrisburg because I’m playing off the energy of the audience. For example, my Stonewall performance felt distinctly New York because I remember certain scenes they laughed at vs. didn’t laugh at that were different from Chicago. Every performance should feel different if I’m doing it right.

6. Notice things. It’s so easy to get acclimated to an environment/event, and I want to take in all the quirks and things that stand out to me in Harrisburg and at the fringe. I only know how fringes work in theory so I’m ready to see what it really looks and feels like when you’re there.

That’s all for now! When I post this, I’ll have just touched down in Harrisburg! I’m going to head to my Airbnb then to the Fringe Hub to get my artist lanyard then will rehearse in my Airbnb before seeing some shows. In case you wanted the play by play ;)

If you have any wise words (regardless of if you’ve been to a fringe), lemme know in the comments!

P.S. if you’re in Chicago, I’m performing at the Redtwist Solo Fest this coming Tuesday 7/21 at 7:30pm! Please tell all your friends who haven’t seen it yet! Also this performance is a bit different, so feel free to come see it again. I might have to make punchcards for my recurring fans :)

If you’re in Chicago, I would love to see you next Sunday 6/7 at 2pm for a show I’m producing. BIPOLARCOASTER is a one-woman musical by Amanda Andrews, who is coming from NYC just for this performance. She’s preparing for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in August and I’m honored to have her on the Solo Sunday stage! (Solo Sunday is the event series where I debuted “Dealbreaker”, and I said “yes!” to the invitation to produce this series moving forward.)

Amanda Andrews has written and performed over TEN (!) original solo shows about mental health.

Amanda has a special place in my artist journey! I have been to one fringe festival and have seen one performance at that fringe festival, and it was Amanda’s! Last October, while I was in Rochester, NY for my 10-year college reunion, my uber drove by a bunch of tents. I asked what was going on, and the driver told me it was the annual fringe! I had spent the past few months researching fringes and, at the time, it was a long-term goal to perform at one, so this was serendipitous.

I scanned the website for solo shows (so I could have inspo for mine, which I was in the process of writing at the time) and came across “Bipolarcoaster”. I was taken aback by Amanda’s (and her co-performer, Kyle Lacy) musical talents and her raw honesty in sharing her experience living with bipolar disorder.

It’s so important to surround ourselves with people a few steps ahead of you, so you can see what’s possible. Amanda was that for me!

I walked up to Amanda after the show, delivering some word vomit about how I’d love to chat and learn from her. A few weeks later, we were on Zoom, and a month or so after that, I was sharing an early draft of “Dealbreaker” and getting her feedback on another Zoom call.

I’m so lucky that our paths crossed, and I hope you will join me in seeing her incredible show and supporting another artist who is out here squashing stigma.

📅 Sunday, June 7th @ 2pm 📍 Mrs. Murphy & Sons Irish Bistro — 3905 N Lincoln 🎟 $15 + fees

→ Get your ticket here and please share with any Chicago friends who you think would enjoy this show!

See you Sunday 💪🏽

In this interview, I talk about my journey into storytelling, my biggest tip for making a solo show, and my favorite part about being AAPI!

Wins

• I SOLD OUT THE STONEWALL INN!!! I feel like this should go on my tombstone? We had 81 people packed in the theater. My biggest crowd yet! Thankfully, still small enough to not use a mic.

• So many people from different parts of my life showed up to support me. Friends from high school and college, work, my old workplace, family, family friends, and former lovers (~gasp~). I hadn’t talked to some of these people in YEARS and they still showed up when I reached out about my show (this was the vibe of the texts: “Hey! It’s been a while! Want to come to my solo show? Also, I have herpes. Lol.” At 33 years old, I feel like I’ve already lived so many lives, and it WARMED MY HEART to have so many friends show up for me.

• My two Ben’s came to support me in NYC! Ben S., my videographer, and Ben H., my t-shirt designer (and open mic co-host). I was flabbergasted when they said they’d join me in NYC, and having them gave me so much comfort!

• I performed at a herpes stigma expo, organized by a nonprofit called Something Positive for Positive People. I got to listen to and chat with several people who are working to cope with herpes. It was inspiring to see them show up for themselves! To be struggling with something and to go out of your way on a Saturday to get support is such a beautiful expression of self-love.

• I felt like I had my script DOWN! Like it’s running through my VEINS! This weekend was my third and fourth times performing Dealbreaker, and I felt more comfortable than my first and second shows in February. Feels so obvious as I type that… bear with me, I just watched Forbidden Fruits (don’t recommend), so my head isn’t on straight right now. Even though I had my lines on lock, I also felt like the magic was still there (I haven’t always felt that way with my shorter stories). I still felt so energized performing it, even though it wasn’t the first time, since the audiences were different. Looking a new set of people in the eye as I share my story gives new life to it!

• I got to watch a solo show by Rheagan Wallace, who I became IG friends with a few months ago! It was so cool to meet her in person and to basically get a masterclass in acting. She’s been in a lot of big shows, like Malcolm in the Middle and Seventh Heaven! She’s given me lots of solo show tips via IG, so it was amazing to go out and support her.

• I got invited to be on a podcast! I talk about my dating and disclosure experiences, so only listen if you’d like to venture into that territory! We’re already in so deep with these topics but worth mentioning for any family / family friends who are following along. :)

• I got quality time with Elaine, my brother’s girlfriend, who lives in NYC! She cooked us yummy meals, we went on little adventures in Park Slope, and we watched lots of Chicken Shop Date. Having a comfort person in the midst of a chaotic weekend was SO lovely.

Learnings

• This one has been keeping me up at night: I need to have someone announce me before I go on stage! I don’t know how I didn’t think of this. I guess I thought I would just walk out and start the show? But when I walked out to my Kesha song, some people in the audience were chatting and buying drinks. In my delulu brain, everyone would know that Kesha was my entrance song and they’d immediately hush and look over to the stage as I began. Main character energy, much??? When I noticed people weren’t ready for me, I was casual (AS ALWAYS) and said hi and totally normal things (that I had just gone to the bathroom #why), then I started the show! All in all, it was FINE, but definitely less polished than I would have liked. Like, I didn’t sell out the Stonewall for THAT entrance, but it’s okay, I’ll get through it!

• Putting myself out there and asking for what I wanted is how I made these two shows happen. Here’s how it unfolded: I was following Courtney Bram (founder of Something Positive for Positive People) and when I “came out” about my herpes status on IG, I DM’d him asking if he’d be willing to share my post so his audience could learn about my show. He got back to me immediately and shared the post! Months later, he posted about hosting a herpes stigma expo. I commented on the post saying how awesome this was, and he asked if I’d be interested in performing my show, and I said yes! Never could have happened unless I told him my show existed! I wanted to make the most of my weekend in NYC, so I asked a new performer friend who lives in NYC if she had any recs for venues that might be open to my show. She introduced me to the Stonewall Inn (so wildly generous of her). Stonewall asked if I’d be able to bring an audience so they could hit $500 in bar sales. I spiraled about whether I could find people to attend my show and I feared I’d have to eat the cost, but that it’d be worth it (eek) for a great opportunity. Then, we HUSTLED to get the word out:

  • I mailed flyers, tape, and thumbtacks to my friend Becca, who went out of her way to hang up so many flyers! One person came up to us after the show and said he saw the flyer just minutes before the show and ran over. It was so cool to see unfamiliar names come through Eventbrite. :)

  • My videographer, Ben, made IG reels and I made for targeted ads in the NYC area.

  • I told as many people as I could think of in NYC about my show. I went so far as to sleuth LinkedIn and see if any old contacts worked in sexual health. Lots of people connected me to other people and my friends told their friends (thank you, friends <3), which helped get people in the door. I asked many people to re-share my IG posts and felt desperate AF doing so!

  • I asked Gemini for tips on how to advertise the show: they suggested a few orgs like IndieSpace, who featured my show in a couple posts. I reached out to acting studios and theatre companies, asking if they’d tell their students about my show (I didn’t hear back).

  • I bravely Slacked my NYC colleagues about the show, even though I was on the fence about how broadly I wanted to share this at work since once you tell all your colleagues you have herpes, there’s no turning back! So many of them came out to support me, and I was beyond happy that I made the decision to share it!

• Performance really feels like a sport, and I need to find a more balanced way to prepare for my shows. I get paranoid about getting sick right before a show, and I’m laser-focused on my health leading up to it. Which is goooood, but I also need to live my life. The days leading up to the show, I was pretty anti-social (and missed out on bonding with colleagues who live in NYC) and spent most of my time working out and relaxing. I do think those activities were the right ones, but I’d like to not let my show prep occupy my mind so much. I want to be excited and remember the show is FOR FUN, rather than being so fearful of something bad happening.

• My energy is scarce, and there are tradeoffs. The biggest tradeoff I felt was not spending more time with my NYC-based colleagues. I have felt a tension over the past few months, with my show and work (and other part of my life, but work is top of mind because I was around colleagues this weekend). I’ve been saving all my energy for my show and have not been initiating quality time with colleagues or saying “yes” to invitations. At the beginning, I was cool with this. “I’m not in my work era”, I’d tell myself, and I’d just compartmentalize. (I’m still doing my job really well. This is about being social at work. For any colleagues reading this!!!). But I’m not loving this black-and-white thinking these days because being anti-social at work has made me enjoy my job less, which only makes me more resentful any moment I’m working instead of working on my show. I think the “water your garden” metaphor is what I’m looking for. I’m learning that I need to water my garden, even if I’d rather be at the beach. Ya feel me?

• Keeping it real and showing the ugly can be healing. I was worried that my show would be triggering to participants at the expo. Imagine me talking about hitting rock bottom because of herpes to a room full of people who are struggling with herpes. Is it giving tone-deaf? My show ends on a positive (lol) note, but still, I worried that my depressing anecdotes would do damage. Fortunately, I spoke with participants after the show, and they said it was relatable and validating. One woman said: “How are you in my head? It’s like you read my diary!” and another said: “You covered so much in such a short time. You touched on so many things I’ve felt.” I made this show for my younger self and for these people, so this was extremely rewarding to hear.

• There’s a difference between knowing something and really KNOWING IT. Listening to the expo participants was like going back in time. They shared feelings of anger, unfairness, depression, confusion, and hopelessness - all things I felt over the course of my herpes journey. I wanted to reach through the vortex and say “It’s going to be okay! Herpes is only as big of a deal as you make it! Yes, the stigma is real, but it’s possible to free yourself from it.” But they already know these things, conceptually. They just don’t fully feel it yet and they haven’t had the positive experiences to reinforce these new beliefs. I’m so proud of them for showing up for themselves!

• Having people’s attention is such a gift. As I was performing, I looked around the room and thought: “Wow, these 81 people are spending their Sunday afternoon listening to my story.” They want to hear what I have to say, despite the many things competing for their attention. It’s such an honor. Everyone’s attention and support makes me want to return the favor and perform Dealbreaker EVEN BETTER for future shows.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading and giving me your attention! It means so much. :)

And one more thing! Random ask, but I am absolutely ~sending it~ and trying to get on The View’s radar since they made a herpes joke on their show this past week. It’ll take 30 seconds, I swear!

• Submit feedback to the View here!

  • Brand: ABC

  • Show: View, The

  • Category: Suggestion

  • Description: On this week’s show, Joy Behar made a tasteless herpes joke. I encourage the View to invite Lauren Kee (@_laurentellsstories) onto the show. She’s currently performing a one-woman show all about the herpes stigma.

Big win: I sold out my show at the Den on 4/26!!! Thank you to everyone who purchased tickets!

I’ve been taking a pretty cautious approach when it comes to booking shows. I’m hesitant to pay an expensive rental fee or book a 3-4 show run if I’m not extremely confident I’ll be able to sell enough seats to breakeven. But I’ve now sold out 4 shows (Solo Sunday x2, Stonewall Inn, and the Den), so I feel like it’s time to SEND IT. (I belong to a rock climbing gym, so I’m allowed to say this. And no I have not climbed once there… I’m there for the yoga classes!).

I’m still nervous to book more shows though because I’ve tapped most of my network already. Is there anyone left who wants to watch Dealbreaker?! I’m sure there ARE people out there, but it’s hard to get people’s attention when there are so many other shows happening. Seeing if I can get a good amount of strangers to my shows is a scary challenge. I’m putting myself out there, financially and socially! I’ll never know if I can capture the attention of strangers unless I try (and I haven’t really created an opportunity to test this because my amazingly supportive network is always the first to hear of tickets and snatch them up), so here we go!

I’m sending it by booking a second show at the Den on Sunday 4/26 at 5pm! And I’m once again asking for your help in spreading the word! If you’d be willing to send this link to 2+ friends, I’d be forever grateful.

Because I’ve already tapped most of my network, my focus between now and 4/26 is performing excerpts of the show at different events to expand my reach. Here’s what’s on the docket:

• Unladylike open mic at Koval tomorrow (barring any flight issues from NYC!)

• hAAPI hour an AAPI Community Showcase in the Heart of Argyle on 4/10

• A Global Health undergrad class at Northwestern on 4/22 (yes, I’m pinching myself about this opportunity, which was facilitated by my friend Elijah, who is getting his PhD there!)

Other ways I’m getting the word out: IG posts and flyering around the city, mostly at coffee shops and college campuses.

Do you have other ideas on how I can fill these seats on 4/26?! Lemme know!

“You haven’t posted since mid-December and NOW you’re hitting us up so we can buy tickets???”

Yeah…

I’ve been MIA on here because I’ve been going full steam ahead the past few months on:

• Rehearsing and performing (WAY more tiring than I expected!)

• Booking shows (and getting ghosted by the venues who don’t book me)

• Marketing those shows (which includes finding and signing up for smaller performances leading up to the shows, so I can find new audiences)

• Working on the Dealbreaker documentary with my videographer, Ben

• Reaching out to old contacts to spread the word about my shows

I have SO many learnings and reflections to share, but I need to rehearse right now, so I will reflect in a separate post later (“Sure you will…”). No really, I will!!!

Here’s what coming up:

1. NYC show - Do you have any friends in NYC who might enjoy this show? It would mean the world to me if you could send them this ticket link!

   1. Sunday 3/22 at 4-5pm at The Stonewall Inn (crazy, right?! more on how I booked this venue in a future post!)

   2. TICKETS

2. Chicago show

   1. Sunday 4/26 at 3-4pm at The Den Theatre (wow, Lauren, how did you book the Den?! guys… they didn’t vet me at all… I think as long as you pay the $450 rental fee, you can rent their small theater. But still, “The Den” looks very cool and I sound really cool telling people.)

   2. TICKETS (these are about to sell out!)

Also, for about three days, my show poster was beside Shannon Fiedler’s (she’s a big deal) so obvi I snagged that screenshot to show my future kids!

“Lauren, how did you get Dealbreaker on this list of 5 shows when the Den has so many more on their calendar? Also, why didn’t you use a headshot since people can’t even read your poster in this view!”

• Question 1: I ASKED! Closed mouths don’t get fed!

• Question 2: I DIDN’T REALIZE HOW SMALL IT LOOKED! I asked if they could swap for a different flyer with bigger font, but I didn’t hear back, and now my poster has been replaced with other shows (probably from famous performers). At least I had my three days of glory!

Alrighty, time to rehearse and get my groove back before NYC!

Wins

1. Sold out TWO Dealbreaker shows in less than 3 days! Shout out to all my friends and storytelling peeps for showing up for me!!!

2. Posted that I have herpes on Instagram and the world didn’t end! It’s crazy to think how a year or two ago, I would NEVER have done such a thing, and now, it feels so insignificant and fine. I hope my post makes someone out there feel less alone (I’m happy to know it’s helped at least a couple people, who reached out!).

3. Finalized who will be supporting me with my show. My director is Francesca Sobrer, who I’ve known for a few years via the storytelling community. We met in a workshop and I remember thinking “Oh wow, she’s the real deal.” I’m so excited for our rehearsals, starting in January! My creative consultant is Lisa Burton, who I met on my birthday! Not at my birthday party :) but at a solo show (which was a very fun and restorative birthday solo date) that she directed. Lisa is in an improv troupe, and her humor and insightfulness have brought so much to my script! Not every artist gels or sticks with their team, so I’m really grateful to have found these two talented and supportive girlbosses.

4. I’ve had three acting classes so far, and they’ve been so fulfilling! 3 hours in person on Wednesday nights sounds… awful. But I’m so locked in and energized during it. Everyone in the class is so nice and each class is very experiential. We’re just acting and getting feedback - no notebooks out, which is refreshing. Our teacher has shared so many interesting things about acting. The latest bomb he dropped was: if you’re moving around a lot in a scene, you remove your power. The powerful people are usually still. So… I will be standing still in all power struggles moving forward!

5. Applied to three Fringe festivals* and plan to apply to a couple more, in hopes that I get accepted to at least one so I can bring Dealbreaker to another city in 2026!

   1. Cincinnati (I think this is one of the few festivals where performers get selected by jurors based on our application)

   2. Indianapolis (lottery)

   3. Victoria, BC (lottery)

Fringe Festival = A fringe festival is an open-access, non-juried (except for Cincinnati and a few others? I’m still learning!) performing arts festival featuring independent and experimental work in theater, dance, music, comedy, and more, known for its low-cost participation, unconventional venues (like pubs, galleries, or alleys), and a spirit of artistic freedom and innovation, originating from groups performing “on the fringe” of the official Edinburgh Festival in 1947.

Losses Learnings

1. Had the best Zoom rehearsal with Amanda Andrews, an actor, singer, and writer in NYC. We met when I was in Rochester for my college reunion in October. Butterfly effect was going crazy this weekend: I went to a reception for Fulbright alumni (yeah, I did that!) and randomly started talking a couple women and one of them mentioned the Fringe Festival was happening. I had just learned what Fringe Festivals were, so my ears perked up. Between reunion events, I searched the festival on my phone and scanned for any solo shows - ideally autobiographical like mine - happening that afternoon. I came across BIPOLARCOASTER and went! Then I lingered and chatted with Amanda after the show, and she said yes when I asked if we could chat on the phone sometime so I could learn more about her process / artist life. During our call, she generously offered to do a Zoom rehearsal with me, and she shared such insightful and actionable feedback. Learning: follow that whisper, that nudge, that gut feeling because it could lead you somewhere amazing.

2. My acting class has 3 guys and 9ish girls. This week, we rehearsed a scene with two characters: a man and a woman. We kept rotating the 3 guys through the man role, while we women had to wait so long for our turn. This confused me! First off, it’s 2025. Why are we being so strict about genders? Second, this is acting. We’re supposed to be imagining we’re someone else. It’s a hell of a lot easier to imagine I’m a man (btw this character had no man-specific lines) than a woman from the 1960s (she was out here saying things like “there never has been such a wind blowing”). Third, I didn’t pay $425 to be on stage for 5 minutes during a 3-hour class. Quick aside: If anyone from my acting class is reading this, this reflection is more about my personality and tendencies than the style of the class, which I love, per my win above :). A lot was going through my head in this moment: all of the above, plus “is it worth saying something? do I want to be the difficult one? this is a prestigious acting studio - they must have their reasons for doing things this way.” I would have just carried on, but one of my new years resolutions for 2026 is to have and share stronger opinions, and… it’s already on my vision board (“I beg to differ” below), so… we got a head-start! Just ask if women can play the man character and if there’s any reason we can’t. it’s an innocent question. not accusatory. not acting like you know more than the teacher. you don’t know anything about acting which is why you’re here! this question is totally fair and chill. you always admire people who ask bold questions. don’t you want to be like the people you admire? OMG OK FINE, I said to my inner voice so she would stop bothering me. I asked, and the teacher said women could play the man character (it wasn’t the warmest invitation - maybe i’m projecting - but we’ll take it!) and looked at me with eyes that said “well come up here if you want to play the man character so badly”. SO I DID. AND IT WAS GREAT. I really enjoyed saying the other lines. He was a married man with two kids but trying to rekindle the flame with his ex. I’ve seen enough f*ckboys - I know that role by heart! Anyway, the learning is: Speak your truth. Ask the question. If you made it all the way somewhere, why not stick your neck out to get the most of the experience.

That’s all for now! I’d love to know if any of this resonated with you and/or if you think I’m a monster who should never speak up in class again!

Thanks for following along! Merry Christmas + Happy Holidays, fam! <3

Leave a comment

• Most actors need to have ambivalence, which means feeling torn between two feelings. In my scene, I was a daughter and my dad was in the hospital with one week to live (and then we reversed it, with me having one week to live). How did I feel in the scenario where my dad had one week to live?

  • Sad

  • Regretful that we didn’t spend more time together

  • Hopeless because there’s nothing that could be done

• Even though my scene was the saddest and heaviest one, I found it easier than my classmates’ scenes, where the 2+ feelings were more distinct. For example, a sister finding out that her younger sister and her fiancee had an affair. The sister felt furious, mournful, and yet still has love for her sister. That feels more nuanced and complex to play than my straight-up tragic scenario.

• There is always an easier and a harder way to play a character, and the harder way is usually more entertaining for an audience. It’s easier if your character doesn’t really care that her fiancee had an affair because maybe they weren’t mean to be anyway. It’s harder to play a character that still loves him.

• Our scenes were all so dramatic (the two I listed above, plus a professor getting a student pregnant, a daughter finding out her mom had twins and gave them up, a spouse cheating, two people having an affair while on a trip with their spouses). Our teacher said that people like to watch the most important days of our lives, rather than any boring day. I wonder how that connect to people loving reality TV. I’ve never been into reality TV so I can’t relate, but maybe it works because reality TV is usually dramatic?

• We used the same lines for ALL of those scenes I just mentioned. The purpose was to show how the lines don’t matter as much as how you say them. You can say “hey” in a way that shows you love, envy, despise, feel awkward around, lust for, pity, etc. another person. The “I never thought today would come” was hilarious for some scenes, and I can’t imagine anyone saying that in real life for any scenario… that said, Laura and I will be saying this every time we see each other from now on. :)

• Okay, let’s run it back to the first class from last week. We played a game where we had to remember each other’s names and the order in which we went around to say a singer/band and sang song lyrics. It was a chaotic circle, and the purpose was to be focused and present. I felt very locked in but in a relaxed way and was able to remember things well. It’s easy for me to tense up when I’m on the spot so I think the key for me was keeping it chill.

• We also practiced improv scenes on the first day and I found this very challenging. The hardest part for me was remembering what we had said earlier in the scene so we didn’t contradict ourselves.

Alrighty, I gotta get to bed! (It’s 11:20pm right now!) You’ll need to sign up for this class if you want to learn more!!! Jk, I’ll report more later, don’t worry!

Ways I’m thinking of applying all of this to my show in February:

• Look for and make sure I have ambivalence in my script. I know I have this toward the end, at the climax of the show, but I want to mine for this ambivalence in every scene.

• Really put myself in younger Lauren’s shoes so I can convey the emotions I felt at that time. I was able to tear up during my scene in class tonight (because I just thought about my dad having one week to live and the tears flowed. I love you, Dad!). In the past, I’ve found it difficult to show my emotions when telling stories because I rehearse them so much that they emotion gets watered down with every telling.

• The harder way to play the character is the more entertaining way since there’s more tension and excitement. I’m going to go through my script and make sure most scenes reflect the tension that I felt during this part of my life. For me, this just comes with being radically honest and vulnerable when telling stories. I just imagine I’m writing in my diary so the feelings are unfiltered. It makes me think of a quote I heard in my solo show class:

  • “Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future” - Oscar Wilde

  • No one wants to hear a story about a saint - someone who did everything right. It’s way more interesting to hear a story about someone who failed, made mistakes, had ugly thoughts, etc.

Anyone have thoughts on other ways acting class might help with my show? Laura?

Now it’s 11:30pm! Yikes! Anyone else get all their creative energy at night?

I will leave you with: I never thought today would come.

If you missed tickets, please fill out this form so you can be the first to know about the next show I schedule!

Subscribe

Last week was WILD. Here is everything that went down:

• Tickets got posted two hours before I had my first acting class (I’m en route to class #2 as I write this!)

• I posted that I have herpes on IG (omg is she forreal? Yeah I’m crazy like that 😄). If you don’t follow me on IG, you can check it out here!

• I reached out to a herpes advocate on IG, and he immediately responded asking if I wanted to be on his podcast THE NEXT DAY. Turns out he’s about to sunset his podcast, so this was my only opportunity, so of course I said yes

• Show #1 (44 seats) sold out in 2 days, so we coordinated a second show, which sold out the next day!

You might be wondering: what led you to post that you have herpes on the internet? How are you feeling about it, you crazy person?

I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions: I knew I had to post about it the moment I decided to develop this show, many months ago, but as the ticket release date approached, I got nervous and did some second guessing. As I was crafting my post (shout out to Arbaaz and Aishwarya for helping me find the right words!), I wondered if this was a big mistake.

[pause - I ran into my friend Laura on the train! We’re taking acting class together and we joked about coordinating our train rides. What are the chances we’d end up in the same car?! I think this is a good omen for our acting careers!]

Okay, now I’m back at home after acting class (more on that later), back to me second-guessing everything! By committing to sharing this many months ago, I had time to process how it would feel. My worst nightmare was not that someone would cyber-bully me, it was that some old acquaintance from high school or college would screenshot it and send it to their groupchat and they’d all laugh at me. That could have happened! But I knew it was still worth doing. Putting something out in the open is the best way to destigmatize it! If that post helped one person feel less alone or educated one person who goes on to be accepting when their future partner discloses, I will be happy.

I was on the red line (my second home I guess?) en route to a doctor’s appointment (ironic!) when I hit PUBLISH to my IG post. I would have liked to be in the comfort of my home with Jesse, but chatGPT said posting at 10am on a Friday was my best bet. So I posted the scary post by myself on a very noisy train.

I received nothing but support, which I guess isn’t surprising given how amazing everyone in my life is! I had some strangers reach out expressing interest in my show, too! A couple people listened to the podcast and messaged me. The internet felt really small that day in a beautiful way.

I purposefully did the post on my storytelling, not personal account, because it felt a bit safer. Everyone following my storytelling account opted in to hearing about storytelling and has some interest in modern-day Lauren (vs the people who have been following my personal account since I was in early college!). Similarly, I kept my FB post pretty simple - you’d have to click into it to see the topic - since I have so many old acquaintances on there.

It would have been more powerful to do the post on FB and my personal IG account too, but I wanted to find a boundary that felt like a healthy balance of brave and safe. Look at that monthly therapy bill doing its thing!

Alrighty, let’s wrap it up (pun?). I’ll talk more about and share the podcast soon but TLDR it was really fun, less scary than I thought (it was just a conversation!), but there were NO edits, so it’s not the most polished podcast ever. But I’m very proud of myself for making this happen!

Also, acting class has been amazing so far! I think it’s going to help my show a TON. My big takeaway from tonight was that actors need ambivalence, which I learned today, means feeling torn between two things, NOT not caring. So happy I raised my hand in class today to incorrectly define that… anyway… we’re usually feeling more than one emotion in any moment. So I’m going to channel that into my script and acting!

What 2+ emotions are you feeling right now? Be brave and share in a comment below! If I can post I have herpes on the internet, you can do this :).

Comment

Happy almost weekend! We got this!

Wins:

• Got lots of writing down while I was in Mexico City and on the plane this past week!

• Near-finalized an essay via the Her Stories class I was taking. Not sure when I’ll have time to take it through the finish line and submit to a publication, but having it 90% ready is a win!

• I have my first acting class this Wednesday! So excited to explore this world that is very unfamiliar to me. And my friend Laura is taking it too (are you reading this Laura?! Have you also not done the pre-work yet??).

• I had some revelations about my story! It was a combo of revisiting my emotional arc and just time reflecting on the story / my life.

• Connected with an awesome solo show artist via the magic of IG. She even sent me her show on YouTube to watch for inspiration! I’ve found it so hard to find solo shows to watch online, so this is a huge win

• I finally finished watched Fleabag (the play). I’m inspired by how Phoebe weaves in and out of scenes and how she uses the job interview as the “spine” of the story (I learned this expression from ChatGPT this week)

• Speaking of, I found a few helpful ways to use ChatGPT for my show (gasp. Don’t @ me bro!). I’m going to write a separate post on this but the general idea is that it’s helped me clarify my thoughts and freed up brain space.

• I almost have a ticket website for my show! Be on the lookout and if you do nothing else for me in this lifetime, pleaseeee for the love of god, like/comment on my IG posts in the coming weeks!

Losses Learnings ;)

• I sent my director a new outline for my show and she suggested I create an emotional outline/arc, so I can see what scenes fit best for each emotion and what scenes could be consolidated or scrapped. This was a helpful exercise! I had done this earlier in my process but tbh I went through it quickly since I already knew what scenes I wanted to include. The lesson is not to rush through the early parts of the process and that going back to an earlier step can help create a story that feels more true.

• Pouring lots of time into this project means time not spent elsewhere. My boyfriend went on a fun canoe tour in Mexico City while I was in a coffee shop writing (I know I know boohoo you were in Mexico 😆 BUT STILL. I was really giving tortured artist in that coffee shop 😎)

• I came across a content creator who has some lovely vlogs, one of which is basically a 20 min solo show. Even though “solo shows” seem niche (or maybe it was just me who thought that), a lot of content formats are essentially solo shows and can be learned from.

What’s a W and L you’ve experienced lately with something you’re working on? I’d love to know in the comments!

Thanks for reading! Please like this post on Substack! Ya gurl hasn’t figured out how to send a preview email so the whole article is being sent. Sigh!

Good luck returning to the world tomorrow, everyone!

Tonight I shared part of my solo show! I also got to debut these amazing flyers that my friend Aishwarya designed for me! To be shared very soon!

My thoughts immediately after performing

• Wow, that felt good! I feel like the story had great range: light and fun at the beginning then sad, reflective, and hopeful at the end.

• The beginning was a bit rocky. Some of my goofy / funny parts at the beginning didn’t get much laughter.

• I felt comfortable up there because I memorized this story well which is because I started practicing on Sunday and have been listening to a recording myself saying it since then. Too often, I finalize and memorize in the eleventh hour, and am frazzled AF on stage. Such a good feeling when you act on your lessons, amiright?

Reactions from audience members who I talked to after

• Lots of heartwarming hugs :)

• “Honest and clear style”

• “Brave”

• “The ending is a profound lesson”

• “It was sad but we could see you were okay by the end” (in a good way, as in not trauma dumping)

• “Try not to smile when talking about sad things”

• “I want to see that you’re angry. Really show it”

When I start my acting class next month, it’s over for you guys!

Everyone was so supportive. I asked for the constructive feedback, it didn’t come unsolicited. Such good fodder for the next few days when I plan on working on my script. I should add stage notes that direct me to convey my emotion more.

Thoughts after watching the recording

(I do this the night of every show; it’s like opening Christmas presents but with a sprinkle (at least) of cringe; I did have one show where I never watched the recording since I already knew it was bad and didn’t want to relive it)

• I spoke SO fast, especially at the beginning when I didn’t really feel like the audience was vibing with me. I tend to do that: if I don’t see much reaction, I talk faster because maybe I’ll get to a part they like faster. Wait a sec… I do this in my life too!

• I forgot that 5 mins before I went up there (well 5 mins before intermission ended), I thought of a slightly different ending. So happy I did!

• Audience reactions really picked up toward the middle and end. Maybe I should tighten the beginning.

• I feel like I conveyed my emotion pretty well at the end. This goes against the audience feedback, but I’ve come a LONG way with this, so I’m proud of the progress despite having lots of room to improve!

You’re probably at the edge of your seat wanting to see this clip! Lol… jk… but maybe? I want to save this story for the actual show. Which is now scheduled! Look out very soon for some announcements :). Ya gurl now has a deadline 😅 and it shows (performed with a big pimple tonight but I was really brave about it 😇).

Thanks for reading! Please like and comment with any and all thoughts! If you’re feeling wild and are interested in listening to the 10 min clip and sharing feedback, I’d SO appreciate that and can send it your way :)

Thankfully, my company gives us unlimited time off, so I took Monday to Thursday last week to work on my show.

I couldn’t help but wonder…

• What could I achieve if I didn’t have to work from 9-5 every day?!

• Will a lot of time spent on any one thing, even a project I love, feel like too much? Will I need a break from it and miss the variety of a typical work week?

• Will I be productive with all of this open time?

My goals for the week were to…

1. Make significant progress on my script, culminating in a comprehensive draft (i.e. 60 minutes of content with no major placeholders) to send to my storytelling friend, Francesca, before our 11/8 meeting.

2. Near-finalize an essay that is on the same topic as my show since my personal essay class via Her Stories came to a close on Wednesday.

3. Plus a miscellaneous goal that is secret right now and will help fuel the above goals! (It’s giving 2007 Facebook status where I say something ~crazy~ happened and definitely don’t want you to ask me about it ;) ).

I’ve had so many ideas and to-dos swirling in my head, so I started by writing everything out. I wrote a sticky for each task and prioritized based on due dates and which task had to happen before other tasks. Shout out to my project management job for equipping me with this system!

Now | Next | Later | Breaks

I also scheduled some tasks (and inflexible things like meetings) on this Ink & Volt stationary that I got aspirationally a couple years ago (and admittedly only use when my schedule reaches a certain level of chaos).

Some stickies were meatier than others, and a few, I had to break down into more granular stickies so my head didn’t explode. Many more stickies emerged, but I forgot to document the final state before I cleared off this table an hour ago…

The most daunting sticky was “10/22 rehearsal follow up”. I got A LOT of feedback from a few storytelling friends a couple weeks back, so I had to take a step back and rethink my script. I’ve found it very hard to incorporate big pieces of feedback into an existing script, so I started from the beginning and went to the notecard method! I’ve used this method in the early stages of some of my shorter stories (7-10 mins long), but doing this for a 60-min show was even more helpful and even more daunting.

On each notecard, I wrote 2 things:

1. What happened in the scene (black pen)

2. What I was thinking / feeling / learning / reflecting on (blue pen)

Then, I laid them out on the floor in order to understand the shape of the story and clarify my emotional arc. I was able to see which notecards were the most important and which felt redundant with other ones (for example, I might not need two dating stories in my show that convey the same message, so I’ll pick the more impactful one).

Having the notecards laid out also helped me play around with the order of events. Even though there is a clear order of how events happened in real life (well sorta clear. I don’t always remember the exact order of how things played out!), tweaking the order can help clarify the plot and make things less confusing for the listener. So even though it’s technically different from what happened, it gets the point across and ideally in a clearer way than the actual order would have. As we say in storytelling, truth ≠ accuracy.

For example, there are three moments that reinforced a belief that I was screwed, and in the show, I’ll probably say them one after the other even though they actually happened months apart. Another example of bending the accuracy to clarify the truth could be consolidating characters so I don’t have a million people for the audience to keep track of. So if I had two interactions with two people, I could tell the story as one of those people doing both of those things, so long as the spirit of the story / message is right.

One more note on order: while actions happen chronologically, our thoughts do not. We could be talking to our college professor and then have a flashback to when we were 10 years old and then be back in the conversation with the professor, etc.

Okay, enough on that! Once I made the notecards, I started moving them into a horizontal line that would serve as the arc of the show. I then started a new Google doc (RIP my original script) and created an outline based on these notecards with about 15 “chapters”. I think of a chapter as a key scene, whereas smaller moments or flashbacks could be embedded within a chapter.

Once I had my outline, I started slotting parts of my original script into the outline. Which meant some of my original script didn’t make the cut. I preserved my original script in case there are parts that need to be resuscitated later.

The past few days has been a process of blowing up my script and then piecing it back together.

This process is pretty new for me, since with my shorter stories, I usually follow the first arc that comes to mind (and that I like). This revising / blowing up process feels like nonlinear progress and can feel demoralizing, but it’s also energizing to start from a clean page and pare down the story to what’s most important. I’m not out here tryna tell you all a boring story!

Here is a glimpse into all of the tabs in my script doc!

So, how am I feeling after my week of deep work?

• Fulfilled

• Proud

• Wanting even more time

• Grieving the free time I won’t have this coming week

• Grateful

• Peaceful

My scorecard:

1. Make significant progress on my script, culminating in a comprehensive draft (i.e. 60 minutes of content with no major placeholders) to send to my storytelling friend, Francesca, before our 11/8 meeting. COMPLETE.

2. Near-finalize an essay that is on the same topic as my show since my personal essay class via Her Stories came to a close on Wednesday. COMPLETE.

3. Plus a miscellaneous goal that is secret right now and will help fuel the above goals! (It’s giving 2007 Facebook status where I say something ~crazy~ happened and definitely don’t want you to ask me about it ;) ). COMPLETE.

The completion of the three goals above sprouted 1-2 action items each. Sigh! But we’re making progress!

My reflections:

• What could I achieve if I didn’t have to work from 9-5 every day?! So much! I think I got as much done as I would have in a typical month.

• Will a lot of time spent on any one thing, even a project I love, feel like too much? Will I need a break from it and miss the variety of a typical work week? No and no! I wish I had many more weeks like this. Working on a solo show has such a variety of tasks (not just writing, but also getting feedback, going to other shows for learning, networking with theaters, and marketing). It’s like running a little business, and I wish I could pour even more time into it!

• Will I be productive with all of this open time? Yes! I had so many moments of “Ooh, I want to work on X even though I should really work on Y.” My sticky note system and a fair amount of non-work-related meetings throughout the week helped me stay accountable. For example, there were many moments in the depths of my script revisions when I just wanted to do chores around the house, but I pushed through! Yes, I’m a hero :)

If you made it this far, THANK YOU FOR READING! Let me know in the comments:

• That you’re proud of me!

• If any of this resonated with you

• If you have any good “deep work” tips

For whatever you have coming up this week, I’m sending you lots of focus, productivity, and peace! There’s always more to do, but we gotta celebrate our wins. :)

1. I started taking two courses and they are both off to a GREAT start. Both instructors are so thoughtful about how we use the time. I’ve generated a lot of writing and ideas from these classes, and love learning about different methods.

   1. Solo Show & Story with Arlene Malinowski

   2. Workshop Your Personal Essay with Steph Sprenger

2. Speaking of different methods, we learned about different ways to edit/revise your stories in my Solo Show class this evening. Arlene asked us to try something that isn’t part of our typical process this week. Two things that caught my eye:

   1. Listen to someone else read your piece out loud; you’ll hear and feel new things - any takers?!

   2. Read over your piece without making any edits before going in for edits. It’s important to just take in what you’ve written. As Arlene said: “How can you edit when you don’t even know what the story is about?”

      1. This method never occurred to me because I’m all about efficiency, which I will try to let go of :)

3. Got accepted into APIDA’s inaugural “Permission to Fail” artist salon. I acted for the first time!!! As in, I used props (a blanket, pencil, and chair) and moved around the stage. It was a variety show - it was so cool getting to see and meet a range of artists - standup comedy, poetry, dance, painting, and another solo show artist!

4. I have received so much encouragement about my show! The ones from people who watch me perform snippets of the script mean so much to me:

   1. “This is a brave story”

   2. “I have never heard this story before”

5. In class tonight, we had to write about a time when we surrendered. What we lost and what we gained in return. This prompt led to a breakthrough for my script!

6. I got connected to a woman who made a documentary about the same topic as my solo show, and she’s going to help me think through some things in another call next month!

Losses Learnings ;)

1. I didn’t have time to memorize my “Permission to Fail” script. I think I acted the best I could, given my lack of acting experience and not memorizing it, but I’m a little mad at myself for not focusing on the memorization piece since that one is in my control (versus the fact that my acting class doesn’t start until December). I learned the power of memorizing some of my script - it allowed me to connect with the audience more - and how I don’t need to think of this in a black and white way.

2. I made an amazing connection with someone running a solo show festival but did not immediately get selected (there’s an opportunity to apply again later). My script is in draft form, but still, a part of me was hoping they might take a chance on me. A big takeaway of class tonight was how first drafts usually suck unless you get lucky. The person who declined my script offered to give me feedback, and we’re talking this week! I learned that there are kind and helpful people in Chicago’s arts community, and that I need to work hard and hone my craft!

3. I told a mid story and feel embarrassed. It wasn’t TERRIBLE but just imagine people you know listening to you talk for 10 minutes while you can feel the words not landing. Cringe right?! I learned that ya win some, ya lose some. And that I have more reflecting to do when it comes to my connection with my heritage.

4. I am so damn busy! I promise I’m not tryna brag. Being busy is sooo 2010’s. I just have so many seemingly important and time-sensitive things on my plate. I have learned the power of scheduling less urgent networking calls a few weeks out rather than defaulting to the next week. Because then I get to next week and I’m screwed. I have also re-learned the power of relaxing, mindful movement during chaotic times - shout out to the slow flow yoga class at First Ascent!

5. Per the above, I think taking two courses at the same time was a mistake. They are also on back to back days! I feel like I’m not internalizing each week’s learnings fully because my brain is spread across two classes. And one is about written essays while the other is for solo shows. Why did you sign up for a class about how to write personal essays when you’re gearing up for a solo show, Lauren? Well, I have this tendency to see interesting-looking events/opportunities on my phone when I’m on the go, and because I don’t want to forget about it or lose the tab, I just… sign up for it. Is that a crime? Being in a supportive, low-stakes learning environment is just the best. I learned that there will always be cool opportunities and that I can’t say yes to all of them at one time!

6. I attended the International Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, TN a few weekends ago with some amazing storytelling friends. There were quite a few stories I didn’t resonate with, and my friends and I were talking about how stories told in Chicago tend to be more vulnerable. The ones we heard were mostly jolly and meandering without a ton of conflict. I felt guilty because this festival is such a big deal, so I was trying to make myself love the stories. I learned that the Chicago storytelling community is elite!

Record

Team record: 12-0-0

12 because learnings are wins too, and “team” because I’m been feeling so much support lately, from friends, family, and fellow artists.

Taking a bunch of tiny to medium steps over the last couple of months has gotten me so far. Onto the next season. Let’s do this!

I hope to see you at one of my upcoming shows!

• Wednesday 10/29 at 7pm - Tenx9 show at Kibbitznest (no ticket required)

• Thursday 11/20 at 7:30pm - Short Story Theatre at Highland Park Art Center (tickets available via the link)

The title of this post is inspired by Reductress articles! (Always good when you have to explain your references :))

Last night, I performed at Is This a Thing? (amazing show; be sure to check it out if you’re in Chicago!) and I feel very blah about it. I told a story about renting a motorscooter when I was visiting China this past spring. There is potential for a great story and I did have some “glows”, but it felt unfinished. So here are my thoughts on my mid story. Would love to hear what you think (video is below)!

This story is not part of my one-woman show. I knew that carving out time to work on an unrelated and entirely new story would be tough, especially with the busyness of this month, but I truly felt the impact of the time crunch yesterday.

Report card for myself:

Glows (gotta be fair to myself and balanced!)

• Specific imagery. Listeners told me they felt like they were there!

• Even though I was using paper and didn’t have it memorized, I still looked up at the audience and was animated. Yay!

Grows (buckle up, me!)

• My favorite stories have a clear and compelling conflict and resolution, and I don’t think I did that in this story.

  • Conflict: I want to take a bamboo rafting ride because it’ll allow me to fully experience Yangshuo, and thus, connect to my Chinese roots. I want to feel like I’m a part of this place, but I don’t know how.

    • Clear? Pretty clear

    • Compelling? Not super compelling. It doesn’t seem like I hit rock bottom when I learn the tickets are sold out. I remember this feeling like a let-down, but I experienced the disappointment many moments leading up to that one. It didn’t really feel like rock bottom, so not surprising that I couldn’t convey it as such. This affected my delivery - I could have delivered the story with more emotion and more pauses between important moments, but it didn’t feel genuine (to clarify: what I said was genuine, but conveying more emotion/distress would not have felt genuine).

  • Resolution: I have an adventure on my motorscooter, see so many beautiful things, and have lovely interactions with strangers, who make me feel like I’m a part of this place. The river (and its many streams), that I never got a rafting ride on, reminds me that I’ll always be connected to my heritage.

    • Clear? Not very clear

    • Compelling? Somewhat compelling because of the vivid anecdotes and metaphor

• The story was not as emotionally vulnerability as my other stories. Related to what I said above, I didn’t really hit a rock bottom in this story. I love when storytellers are brave and vulnerable, and I wasn’t able to achieve that with this story.

So what happened?! Why couldn’t I make my conflict/resolution clear and compelling, and why couldn’t I be emotionally vulnerable? How can we prevent this in the future? We cannot go on like this!!!

Hypotheses at the top of my head:

• I included too many possible themes in this story, so didn’t give enough attention to any one of them

  • Pushing your limits + challenging moments help you discover who you are

  • You don’t always need a big moment to feel connected to something, often it’s the small moments ← this is the theme I tried to lean into most

  • Life is short + we’ll all die someday + appreciate every moment

  • Solo travel is freeing, but it’s also nice when you feel cared for and seen by strangers

• I didn’t touch on aspects of this story that are actually vulnerable for me. Why? Because I didn’t know how to fit it in and didn’t give myself enough time to reflect on how these ideas are connected

  • I’m insecure about feeling detached from my culture. It feels like I did something wrong and that I’m doing a disservice to my ancestors by not knowing enough about my heritage.

  • I feel the need to do it all when traveling, which is very draining. Why am I always trying to do too much?

The good news? I SURVIVED IT! And you need to make bad art to make good art.

• Noticing the shortcomings of my story helped reinforce why certain elements (clear and compelling conflict/resolution + emotional vulnerability) are so important. Sometimes you need to have the absence of something to fully appreciate its value.

• It’s helpful to experiment with different levels of effort and different types of stories. This was a different type of story for me AND I didn’t give myself as much time as I normally do (great combo, Lauren!). I tend to write stories about interpersonal relationships, whereas this one was more of a solo journey with some side characters sprinkled in. I have been prioritizing my one-woman show, so it makes sense that this story got the short end of the stick.

Here is the clip! If you have a chance to watch it, I’d love to hear your glows and grows for me, and if you agree with my report card! I really appreciate constructive criticism (feedback is a gift! cheesy but true), so feel free to go to town!

So, let this post be your permission to made mid art!

Or “bad” art, as many artists encourage:

“Good” can be a stifling word, a word that makes you hesitate and stare at a blank page and second-guess yourself and throw stuff in the trash. What’s important is to get your hands moving and let the images come. Whether it’s good or bad is beside the point. Just make something. ~

Here’s to embracing the journey and remembering that we make art not just for the finished product, but all the learning and growth that happens in between!

So many big and small deadlines to charge toward 🫨🫨🫨

Plan of attack for the next couple weeks:

• mantra: one step at a time! Just focus on the next deadline. and remember, this is FOR FUN

• approach: I’ve already written a lot. Reuse and recycle! Just tweak for different events, no major new writing

SEND STRENGTH 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽

My goal is to perform my one-woman-show in March 2026. From what I’ve heard, this is ambitious! I’ve talked to people who have taken years to write their show, have paused because life got in the way, or have put together their show fairly quickly but ran themselves into the ground in the process.

It’s been tough working on this over the past ~3 months. It’s tough to carve out time outside of work, sleep, errands, trying to work out, trying to see friends, etc. I feel like I don’t have any wiggle room, like I need to be 100% efficient 100% of the time. Which doesn’t bode well as an artist, when daydreaming, blank space, leisure time, and meandering are important for inspiration.

Three things that have been helping me:

Choosing which role / hat I wear depending on my energy level

Typical day: I’ll schedule “writing time” for 2 hours on my calendar, get to my desk, and think “oof, I’m not really in the mood for this right now.” I do try to write a bit because writing is a muscle and you need to work it even if you’re not in the mood. I’ll put scrappy ideas on the page or outline a scene and try not to judge how bad it is. But then I’ll switch gears.

There are a million other things I could do to move my show forward, so which one feels energizing in this moment? It could be filling my inspiration bucket (watching another solo show, reading a book like Big Magic, etc.). It could be doing something logistical (I <3 logistics!) like researching upcoming fringe festivals, Chicago theaters to reach out to later for booking, networking with other storytellers / scheduling phone calls, transferring my storytelling videos from Vimeo to YouTube). It could be promoting my show (making this Substack, making a flyer on Canva). There’s a whole menu to choose from and I ask myself: What is a step you can take in this moment that would be impactful AND fun?

Setting mini milestones

Scheduling shows leading up to my big one in March 2026 has been helpful for making progress on my script (since I’m often performing a draft snippet related to my show), getting feedback, promoting my show, and building momentum and small wins to keep me going. I’m really excited about an upcoming show (that I had to apply for! so this was a BIG win!!!) through Asian American Arts Chicago. It’s on Sunday 10/19 and is called Permission to Fail: Asian American Art in Progress - you can get tickets here!

Appreciating the moments in-between

I almost named my Substack “The In-Between”! I’ve been in this mindset of “minimize / put off everything unrelated to your show as much as possible!” I was in this mindset for big things like “I don’t have time to work out this week except for some walks” to small things like “I don’t have time to eat lunch in the office kitchen because then I can’t leave as early which reduces writing time!”

The grind! The hustle! It’s thrilling and makes me feel like I have a purpose (even though my deadline is self-imposed and approximately 0 people asked for this show :) ). After a few weeks of this mindset, I felt worn out and feared that when March came around, I’d have one incredible day of performance but look back on the last few months thinking “let’s never do that again”.

I want the journey leading up to March to feel good. It won’t be easy, but it can still feel fulfilling and sustainable. And I think appreciating the in-between moments - a great call with my director, chatting with people after my smaller shows, having breakthroughs with my script when at my desk alone at night - will help with that. It’s all about the climb!

I’m probably not alone with thinking this way. Who’s with me? Is there an in-between moment that you’d like to slow down for and appreciate more?

Before, I was in the mindset of: Everything I do needs to be in service of my show.

But what if that’s still true? It’s just that I don’t need to be as laser-focused. Because the things that feel unrelated to my show actually are related. I’ve gotten some of my best ideas while on a run, while chatting with someone about a random topic, while strolling around my neighborhood.

So here’s to: Inefficiency. Daydreaming. Taking in every moment since all the life around us is art and is inspiration. Knowing that ~ the hustle ~ is naturally in me, so I not only can afford to let go and enjoy the process, but I actually need to in order to make the best show possible.

Anyone have tips or words of encouragement on how to tackle a big goal while enjoying the process and not running yourself into the ground? Lemme know!

I am putting together a one-woman-show!

And as you can see, I’m starting a Substack! Gasp! Why do this when I have my big a$$ show to write? Because I want…

• A diary to look back on (I have a lot of old journals and blogs from my teens/20s and love looking back!)

• A way to reflect and process learnings along the way

• An outlet for low-stakes, “bad” writing since the more I write, the better I’ll get!

• To be a resource for someone out there who is thinking of starting a creative project and needs to see someone at the messy, early stage

So that’s my ~why~. What’s my ~how~, you ask? (No one’s ever asked me that…) Here are some guiding principles I’d like to start with:

• Scrappy (I’m writing this in my notes app on a flight to the national storytelling festival! I did do a quick edit on my laptop ;) . Trying not to wordsmith too much. Yolo energy, if you will)

• Reflective (I want to think of something I’m grateful for, a highlight, a decision, and/or something I learned each week; these prompts were inspired by The Five Minute Journal, which my bestie Lupe got me for my birthday, and my life coach Julia Starr (@juliastarrcoaching))

• Unapologetic (I was going to make this last one something like honest or vulnerable but that’s a given! The tougher thing for me will be not caveating things with “idk what I’m doing but…” or putting myself down

I don’t need to be a good storyteller to make a Substack or to make a one-woman-show. (Putting this in bold for me)

You don’t have to be good at something in order to do it. But you have to do it in order to become good.

So, here I am, ripping off the bandaid and putting myself out there. Because despite my shortcomings, something I really love about myself is how I work hard and make things happen.

Okay… you gonna leave me hanging while I compliment myself?? This is a really weird look for me…

Your turn! What’s something you love about yourself?

…

Did you do it? Forreal this time. Good job!

Did this just become a self-help Substack? Maybe!

Anyway, some topics I have in mind for future posts:

• My writing process / techniques I’m learning

• Ups / downs / learnings of putting a show together for the first time

• Other shows and pieces that inspire me

• How it feels to share my story with the world / Internet

• Clips from past performances and probably some snippets/teasers of me rehearsing for my upcoming show at open mics!

What else would you like me to write about? I’m a woman of the people so let a sista know!

If you read this first post, THANK YOU! If you wouldn’t mind throwing some support my way (like / comment / subscribe / share / etc.?), I’d really appreciate it!

You’ll also see that I have a paid subscription option. I won’t be putting any content behind the paywall - it’s just a donation to support my show! Solo shows are expensive to put on (director fees, coaching fee, acting classes, theater rentals), and I’ll probably do a post on this sometime soon. Anywaaay, it’s completely optional!

Thank you for being here and supporting me as I do this scary thing!

Here’s to ripping off bandaids!

Lauren