I haven’t been that present here over the last month. Part of me feels guilty; the other part feels that it’s better not to say anything when you’ve got nothing to say.

As I mentioned in some previous posts, I plan to run the NYC Marathon this year, but I’ve been dealing with an injury that has completely messed with my training — and my confidence (hence the fact that I used the verb “plan”). It has been a month of highs and lows — more lows than highs — and that has definitely affected my ability to show up.

I plan to write about this at some point. First, I need to figure things out. Meanwhile, it’s that time of the month again: time to share some recs. I gotta say, I was proud to realize I’ve read/finished four books this month. For someone who has been dreaming about getting back on track with my reading habits, it feels like a victory.

TV

Imperfect Women

I briefly mentioned this series in my previous SCREENSHOTS — it follows an investigation that dives deep into the murder of a wealthy woman and all the dark secrets uncovered about her life. The cast includes Elisabeth Moss, Kerry Washington, and Kate Mara.

I absolutely love, love, love when I watch a series and each episode leads me to believe a different theory. I love when a story goes in a direction I didn’t see coming. And that’s exactly what happens with Imperfect Women. It also makes you realize how, sometimes, we only see the world from one perspective.

• Available on Apple TV.

Pluribus

I remember when I first heard about Pluribus. The series had just launched, I barely knew what it was about, but I was already willing to check it out. Why? Because it was created by Vince Gilligan — who also created one of my favorite series ever, Breaking Bad.

We watched the first episode, but it didn’t hook us right away. It took us four or five months to give it another chance, but we haven’t stopped since we played the second episode. And I’m writing this before we watch the season finale tonight.

So what’s this about? Pluribus is a post-apocalyptic sci-fi story. The whole population of the world is transformed into a unique collective mind. These people, called “the others,” are happy, super smart, and peaceful, and the world is now a happy place. But there are 13 people around the world who “survived” the transition. Carol Sturka, the protagonist, is one of them, and we follow the story mostly from her perspective.

If I could use one word to describe this series, it would be disturbing. Perhaps because the “others” sound like AI. Perhaps because, although Carol and the other survivors can have everything they want and live in a perfect, peaceful world, it feels like the world has ended. Perhaps because it makes you question how human beings are designed to live in community — and how differences and disagreements are, to a certain degree, healthy and necessary.

This series just makes me think, reflect, and question, and I love that.

• Available on Apple TV.

Movies

Of course I decided to watch this movie after being haunted by the question: what did she do? This is a movie about an engaged couple who face a crisis days before their wedding because of a shocking confession from the bride.

I’m not gonna say anything else because it would imply spoilers, but I can say it really made me think about forgiveness and tolerance.

• I rented on Apple TV.

Books

Don’t Tell Mummy: A True Story of the Ultimate Betrayal

There’s a girl on Instagram who posts about books, and one day I saw a video where she listed the three saddest books she has read. Because I’m a masochist, I immediately ordered all three. So far, I’ve made it through two — A Little Life and now this one. But while A Little Life is fiction, Don’t Tell Mommy is a true story written by a survivor of severe abuse that started at age six. But perhaps the most disturbing fact about the story is her mother’s behavior.

It’s not an easy read — it’s deeply sad and revolting — but still, it’s an important subject.

• Shop here!

Dogs, Boys and Other Things I’ve Cried About

A must-read for anyone who loves dogs. I’ve seen Isabel Klee on Instagram here and there, but it wasn’t until recently, when the news of her beloved dog Simon passing away took over the internet, that I started following her and also learned about her book.

Her memoir is about her journey moving to New York City as a twentysomething, navigating apartment hunting, roommates, dates, and… dogs. Isabel has been dog-obsessed since she was a kid, and her first post-grad job was as an assistant to a dog photographer. Around the same time, she also started working with dog rescue, fostering lots of dogs with different upbringings — and eventually, she foster-failed and adopted Simon.

I love her narrative, her vulnerability, and how she talks about her work with the dogs, the patience, and the rewarding experience of seeing them come out of their shells. I also appreciate the mature insights around her romantic relationships.

• Shop here.

Modern Whore

I discovered this memoir while reading an article featuring takes from real sex workers and OnlyFans creators on Margot’s Got Money Troubles.

Andrea Werhun’s career as a sex worker included a period as an escort, followed by another period as a stripper. It was an interesting read. It features clients’ stories, recollections from her childhood and adolescence, and the unwritten rules of this world, while also bringing this universe into the spotlight with lots of honesty, vulnerability, drama, and, sometimes, humor.

• Shop here.

Verity

I found this book recommended as a page-turner, but I must say I got the audiobook version in an attempt to entertain myself during my long runs. It did the job.

Perhaps you have heard about it because the movie adaptation starring Anne Hathaway premieres in October.

This is the second book I’ve read by Colleen Hoover. It follows Lowen Ashleigh, a struggling writer who is hired by Jeremy Crawford to ghostwrite novels for his bestselling author wife, Verity, who was the victim of an accident that left her nonverbal and unable to walk.

But while trying to understand more about Verity’s style and plans for the upcoming books, Lowen discovers some disturbing secrets about the author.

Perhaps my favorite part is the ending — every person will have a different opinion about where the truth lies. I must say I’m very excited about the movie.

• Shop here!

Youtube

Brilliant takes from Hasan Minhaj on AI followed by a very interesting conversation with journalist Joanna Stern, who spent a year letting AI into every aspect of her life and documented that on a book called “I'm not a Robot".

Podcast

It doesn't matter if you are single, dating or married, and it doesn't matter how long you are on a relationship, I guess everyone could benefit from the advice on this episode. Mel Robbins speaks with the renowned couples therapist Terry Real.

And perhaps the most powerful reflection from it is:

“Am I getting enough here to make grieving what I’m not getting worth my while?”

Some interesting readings…

• Being Welcomed is Not the Same as Belonging - an important reflection on belonging when you are an immigrant. 's words really reasonated with me!

And before you leave…

I just have to remind you we had so many incredible conversations with women living abroad on my show Transplants… Here are some of them:

The other day, a follower messaged me on Instagram to ask me how I had gotten to my level of English. Her question got me thinking and after sending her a long answer, I decided this could be a good topic to bring here - especially considering some other facts I’ve been realizing lately about speaking a foreign language. Whether you want to speak a second - or a third, or a fourth - language because you are moving abroad, because of work or for personal reasons, I think you’re gonna finish this post with something good. So, in case you are a native English speaker, please bear with me, cause this is not - exclusively - about English.

When I was a teenager living in Brazil, and having contact with the outside world only through magazines, local TV - we didn’t have cable - books and CDs, and I couldn’t even guess the internet would exist the way it exists today, I would dream about the day I could speak English. My first thoughts about living abroad were actually related to the possibility of studying the language in some exchange program - but that was reserved only for my dreams. Unfortunately, it was far away from my reality.

Going to a public school, I was more than excited when English finally became part of my curriculum. Before that happened, I would borrow old textbooks from my uncles to study by myself and, with the help of my cute mini-dictionary, I would translate my favorite songs from Hanson, Bon Jovi and Spice Girls, word by word. I could barely make sense of those lyrics - at the end of the day, that translating method was not super efficient, but I didn’t know any better.

Fast forward to the present: I go to Central Park for a run and put my playlist with my favorite songs from the 90s on my AirPods and suddenly, I realize I now understand the lyrics that I had tried to mimic so many times when I was little. You know when you decide to really pay attention to a song and it hits you? That, for me, is one of the little magical things about speaking another language.

Or when I go to the corner Mexican store and the guys speak to me in Spanish and I can hold a conversation.

Or when I come back from the gym and speak to the Ecuadorian super, complaining about our neighbors.

Or when I’m on the subway and I can pick up a short dialogue from someone speaking French.

Or even last week, when I was able to carry on a whole hour-long conversation in French with my teacher.

These moments, sometimes, are capable of changing my entire day and making me feel so proud of myself. These are the small wins or sparkles of joy that keep me motivated not to give up when I hit a wall - something that happens a lot when you are learning a language or when you live in another language.

One of the things I told the follower who messaged me, sharing her frustrations about her English, was actually something I have to constantly remind myself of: you will never reach a finish line when you speak a foreign language. And perhaps that’s the beauty of it. You will always be learning - actively or not.

Perhaps you will have to refresh your vocabulary before the dentist - or do some quick research before explaining to the hairstylist how many inches of your hair she should cut or look up on Google that word your neighbor just used in the WhatsApp chat (I just did this while talking with them about composting). Or when you learn a word you’ve never heard before and then you start to see and hear it everywhere. I guess life becomes a little bit easier when you just accept this as a reality and make peace with it. It’s just part of the package and the trade-off.

And I guess accepting and owning the fact that I will never reach the finish line is what has been motivating me to be better. I genuinely believe that speaking a foreign language is a constant process of improving. That’s why, over all these years, I signed up for writing classes, pronunciation classes, or just decided to keep the subtitles on when I don’t even need them anymore.

At the end of the day, if you are a person who loves to learn, your experience will probably be smoother. And if you are willing to take risks, you will have more moments of sparkle to collect.

When I spent a month in Madrid last year to improve my Spanish, I purposely put myself in situations that would force me to have contact with the language. There were so many instances when I felt proud of myself - either by checking out a play, by signing up for a cooking class or by starting a conversation with the Uber driver. But, of course, risks are risks, and I also had my frustrations: I bought tickets for a comedy show and didn’t get 90% of the jokes. You can’t win all the time.

But I couldn’t speak about foreign languages without addressing the elephant that has been living forever in the room: accents. I know perhaps some people worry more about this than others, and I’m not gonna lie: when I open job opportunities in my field - communication - it hurts to read “Native English Speaker” as a requirement. It sucks. It creates insecurities, it makes you worry about how you are seen, it makes you think you are not worth it, it makes you wonder if people think you are not that smart - although this last assumption is a little bit ironic since you are the person who speaks a second language.

PS: I highly recommend checking Substack:

How We Learn Languages

Research-backed strategies and practical tools to help you learn languages faster, stay consistent, and make real progress. Subscribe and get a free Language Learning Starter Kit.

By Viktoria Verde, PhD

Truth be told, I can’t change what people think about me. But I can perhaps show my brain another perspective. Bringing back the concept of “forever learning,” I do believe it is important to seek clarity in the way you speak. It’s about communication, it’s about making sure people can understand your ideas. Pronunciation can impact comprehension and that can create friction. It’s so easy for “beach” to become a bad word, lol. But that’s not only for English - it’s also for French, for Spanish, for Portuguese and, I’m sure, for so many other languages. So, yes, you should worry about pronunciation if you worry about communication.

But you know what else you should worry about? Confidence.

When we first moved to New York City, my husband would tell a joke constantly: say it wrong, but say it with confidence, and everything will be fine. More than one decade later, I can understand the theory behind that. I’ve recently started to listen to a podcast called Where Should We Begin?, hosted by Esther Perel. Esther is a Belgian psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author. Esther speaks English with a thick accent. But she speaks with clarity - and most importantly: she sounds confident. I listen to her advice and I can tell she knows what she is talking about. I trust her.

That’s what my coach has taught me over our recent classes. The rhythm, the cadence. That’s what I learned during a recent workshop about confidence in English. I was surrounded by other immigrant women, their accents and their insecurities - and, when I think about the ones who stood up, they were the ones who spoke with confidence. Lots of them with thick accents, yes, but they knew what they wanted to say, and there was clarity, emotion and vulnerability in their words. And I bet they don’t realize how amazingly they speak…

Which reminds me that sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough credit for the things we have accomplished. I know it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to other people - like the follower who messaged me. But what I told her is that I’m sure she is better today than she was 8 years ago when she moved to Canada, and that should be her comparison point. I know it’s easier said than done - but I feel so proud when I check older audios and videos and I can see how much I have evolved. Sometimes all we need is just to remind ourselves of our accomplishments - we get so focused on the next goal that we forget to celebrate the small and big wins.

We should also risk more. It took me years to listen to an audiobook because I thought I wouldn’t be able to follow it. Well, I could only discover if I tried, and it was so much easier than I had expected.

And to put things in perspective, what if I couldn’t follow it? Maybe I could pick an easier book? Or maybe I could slow the narration speed? When my French teacher sent me a podcast in French and told me she was positive I could follow it, I got a little skeptical. Me? With my broken A2/B1 level of French? I didn’t entertain that thought - I’d rather check sooner than later and, guess what? So far, I’ve listened to over 40 episodes, and I can tell you that, most of the time, I get 90% of what he says.

You’re not doing yourself any good by preventing yourself from trying things just because you’re insecure.

That reminds me of my first formal English classes back in Brazil, which I took only after I graduated from college - when I had the time and the means for it. I had an amazing teacher who had more confidence in our group than we had in ourselves. She was the one who introduced me to the subtitles technique - watching my favorite series in English, with subtitles in English. She would use a metaphor to ease our anxiety. “Think about the whole forest, don’t focus on a tree.” Consider the context and the story, and don’t waste your time and energy on the word you don’t get. I’ve never forgotten her advice.

Learning a language is about finding joy and accepting the fact that you will always be a learner. Self-compassion and self-acceptance can do wonders. And it doesn’t hurt to celebrate small wins. We are so much more capable than we think.

And remember: you speak another language.

Movie

I spent a great deal of time regretting not going to the theater to watch The Devil Wears Prada 2 because, of course, I was excited about the sequel. I not only watched the first one many times, but I also read the book back in the day. Now, the movie is available on Hulu/Disney+, and I was finally able to watch it—and my reaction was just… okay? I’m kinda in peace with the fact of not having watched when it first came out. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it. Without giving away any spoilers, I can say that I expected more from Andy…

TV Series

Beef - Season 2

“A young couple witnesses an alarming fight between their boss and his wife, triggering chess moves of favors and coercion in the elitist world of a country club and its Korean billionaire owner.”

I absolutely loved the first season of Beef, and I was very curious about the second one, especially because it’s an anthology and the seasons aren’t connected, per se. The plot is even more complex, and I think the story touches on deep questions about life, especially those related to social disparities and marriage. It has an incredible cast and a lot of plot twists. The first half is probably my favorite, but that doesn’t make the second half bad.

• Available on Netflix.

Shrinking - Season 3

We also finally finished watching the most recent season of Shrinking, and it was, once again, another masterpiece. The way this series explores human relationships, feelings, and vulnerabilities in such a subtle and beautiful manner is just… incredible.

• Available on Apple TV.

What we are currently streaming:

• Rooster, on HBO Max. A super-light comedy—not a lot of conflict or climax, but I’m sure you’ll laugh a bit.

• Imperfect Women, on Apple TV, follows an investigation that dives deep into the murder of a wealthy woman and all the dark secrets uncovered about her life. The cast includes Elisabeth Moss, Kerry Washington, and Kate Mara.

• And I’m very excited for the return of Ted Lasso on Apple TV!

Books

Famesick, by Lena Dunham

In case you are not familiar, Lena Dunham is the creator of the series Girls, which was a huge success and launched on HBO back in 2012. I watched all the seasons and even attended a special exhibition in New York when the show ended. I must say, though, I barely knew anything about what happened backstage, the gossip, or Lena’s story.

When her book came out back in April, there was a lot of praise, especially for her writing, and I finally decided to check it out—and what a good surprise.

First, I believe whoever has watched Girls is probably going to like this book, especially the first half. Lena basically walks the reader through everything that led her to land the show—and it’s kind of crazy because it was one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that not a lot of people get. I absolutely loved learning more about the casting and production, but it was heartbreaking to realize how little we know about other people’s lives. I could draw a parallel with social media, when we look at someone’s feed and think their life is perfect—but there’s so much sh*t happening behind the scenes.

In the second half of the book, Lena’s endometriosis journey takes the lead, since the show had ended, and we are also invited to learn intimate details about her marriage, other relationships, and addiction.

• I absolutely loved this book. Shop here!

On that note, and as happens every time I get obsessed with a movie, a series, a book, or a celebrity—lol—I also watched Lena’s interview with The New York Times.

Podcasts

Ok, we have a few…

As I just mentioned, I tend to dig deep when I get obsessed with something, and after reading Yesteryear—which I recommended in my previous SCREENSHOTS—I became curious about the podcast hosted by Caro Claire Burke, the author, and Katie Gatti Tassin. Their episodes are long, but I absolutely love their chemistry, intelligence, and sense of humor.

This episode about Caro and her journey to publishing Yesteryear is reassuring and inspiring. Talk about “overnight” success…

You guys have probably noticed that I’m very invested in the topic of using less social media, and in this episode, Cal Newport talks to a guy who did something considered extreme: he doesn’t have internet at home. I know a lot of people wouldn’t go that far, but I think there are some interesting reflections here—and perhaps this can inspire you to spend more time away from your phone.

Another great discovery this month—thanks to my husband—is the show Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel. So far, I think I’ve listened to three episodes, and I’m very intrigued by the ones where she talks to an anonymous person about a problem they’re facing. She is so good with her comments and observations..

Some interesting readings…

• The Credit Card Strategy That Pays for My Trips - Love this article from . Some awesome tips here!

• ‘You Can’t Just Be Showing Matcha-Pilates-Alo’ - such an interesting story about lifestyle influencers and the shift on social media.

And before you leave…

I just have to remind you we had so many incredible conversations with women living abroad on my show Transplants… Here are some of them:

PS: This is the former Shopping Bites - but I decided to use the space to curate a broader list of stuff that are worth it.

👀 Current Cravings → what I'm eyeing

Clean Journey - I was looking for a good moisturizer for barrier repair—that's a constant in my routine since I use Tazarotene—when I found this brand from Canada, and what a great surprise! Not only does this brand offer clean formulas with incredible ingredients, but the prices are just unbelievable. I mean, once you learn how to look for good formulas with effective ingredients, you just can't buy into luxurious packaging and celebrity ads anymore. I just got my order, and I'm already eyeing their hair and body products. Shop here.

Sculpt Pocket top, Muscle Republic - If you are a runner, you know that having comfortable and functional gear is essential, especially when you are training for a race like a marathon—me! I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to wear for the race, and the time to test products is right now. In one of my searches, I found this top that features pockets for a phone and gels. Shop here!

Italian Leather Lug Sole Fisherman Sandal, Quince - I noticed there’s a lot of love and a lot of hate around Quince. Some people love the fact that they offer dupe versions at affordable prices; others think it’s not fair. So far, everything I’ve bought from them has been worth it. I had never paid attention to their shoes, but I was browsing that section the other day, and I really loved these sandals. Shop here!

✨ Latest Additions → what I recently bought or tried

• Jersey Barrel Pants, Uniqlo - Absolutely love the fit of these pants—although I think I'll probably wear them more during the fall or even winter. Let's just say that summer in New York City has been tough, and I can't imagine wearing pants unless we're talking about linen. Anyway, these are cute and available in a lot of colors. Plus, did you know you can ask Uniqlo to hem the pants before they're delivered? What a great service for petite human beings!

• Italian Trapeze Crossbody Bag, Quince - And since we just talked about Quince, yep, I got this as a birthday gift, and I’ve already used it a couple of times. It’s the perfect size, great quality, and gorgeous. You can also remove the strap.

• Big Volume Shampoo, being - A brand that I stumbled upon at Target and decided to try. I mean, a big bottle of shampoo for less than $10? Count me in. Happy to report that I used it until the very end and loved it. It doesn't weigh my hair down.

• Comfort Cleansing Oil, Sephora Collection - Nice cleansing oil with a subtle fragrance and a lightweight formula. I use it every day to remove sunscreen and whenever I need to remove makeup.

• Athleta gear - I don't think I had ever bought clothes from Athleta (the activewear brand by Gap), but I was able to score two tops and two pairs of shorts on Depop—all new with tags!—and I'm loving everything. The sports bras provide great support, and the shorts stay in place.

❤️ Current Obsessions → what stood the test of time

• Do It All Radiant Concealer, IT Cosmetics - I usually rotate between my makeup products—it all depends on the season, my mood, my laziness, and the occasion—and lately, this concealer has been my go-to. I had forgotten how versatile this product is. I can apply a little bit all over my face and blend it like a foundation. The result is a super natural finish with great coverage. And I love the fact that there are SO MANY SHADES!

• PangoBooks - If Depop and Poshmark are my favorite places to score great deals on clothing, this has to be the second-best thing after borrowing books for free from the library. PangoBooks is basically a marketplace for books—it's probably the best place to buy books at a bargain. I got a new one the other day for, like, $2!

• Date Iced Coffee - I've been making this recipe on repeat ever since Thiago saw a video with it. Usually, I soak 4 or 5 dates in a shot of espresso, then I use my mixer to blend everything until smooth. After that, I add one tablespoon of that “syrup” to my milk frother with milk, vanilla extract, and a little salt. Once it's frothed, I mix it with a shot of espresso and lots of ice.

🎯 Worth a Mention

Two recommendations from my birthday:

1. Got my perfect bob with Kyle at Roman K Salon - Flatiron.

2. This beautiful - and delicious - Red Velvet cake was made by Carolina Bakery. She is a very talented Brazilian based here in NYC, and she makes cakes to order for birthdays, weddings, and other celebrations. All of my guests absolutely loved this cake!

And that's a wrap! I hope you enjoyed this new format for recs—and let me know if you've been trying any exciting products lately!

I grew up anticipating birthdays. I’m not sure why I loved the ritual so much - maybe it was the possibility of getting an amazing gift, especially considering the fact that I grew up in a modest family, and we never had the things we wanted easily. Gifts and treats were usually saved for special occasions - like birthdays and Christmas. Or maybe you can blame my love for birthdays because, growing up in Brazil, I was surrounded by celebrations and parties of all kinds. Gathering with family and friends was one of the few entertainment options available, and that would always mean lots of delicious food and just good vibes. Add to that the fact that my mom has never allowed a birthday to go unnoticed.

She would prepare everything for our birthday parties by herself - from the cake to the food, and trust me, the food at Brazilian birthday parties is sacred. I don’t think there’s another culture that does it better than us, lol. Knowing how much it takes to host a little dinner for a couple of friends, I truly admire my mom for her effort at that time.

I especially loved choosing the invites that would be carefully placed in envelopes and handed to my friends and classmates. The outfit was also another careful step in the process, not to mention the soundtrack - no Spotify at that time, just cassettes of my favorite Brazilian singers and bands. On the big day, I would anxiously wait for my guests, and I just loved to look at my bed at the end of the party and contemplate the hall of gifts.

And besides the gifts and the parties, I wonder if I also loved the attention. I was a very insecure girl, who had just a few friends, and dealt with a lot of gossip and bullying, so maybe the birthdays were a way to receive attention and affection - an affection that, I assume, was just being given according to the rules by some of my classmates.

When social media started to become a thing and Orkut, the predecessor to Facebook (which, apparently, was super popular only in Brazil), became the new obsession among young adults, I felt really frustrated one year when I noticed I’d only got a couple of “scraps” wishing me Happy Birthday - a feature that let friends write public messages on each other’s profiles. As if you could define your worth by that - sounds familiar?

I still remember my mom and my sister giving me a hard time about that - they were trying to make me realize how stupid it was to care about a bunch of compliments from “friends” who were not even my friends, but I was too dumb to realize that. Maybe you can blame the fact that my frontal cortex was not fully developed at that time.

Once I turned into a teenager, my mom wouldn’t throw big celebrations for my birthday anymore, but, as I mentioned, the date never went unnoticed. I also remember my friends throwing me a couple of surprise parties when I was a teenager (that I’ve always discovered beforehand, but never let them know about), not to mention when I turned 25 and had a special celebration at a bowling place - and I was able to pay for everything with my own money, a huge milestone - then the 30s, and then so many other birthdays with small or simple celebrations. July 16th never went unnoticed. And it has always been a date I looked forward to.

Until I turned 40 last week.

When I opened my eyes last Thursday morning, while my husband whispered, “Happy Birthday,” all I could feel was uneasiness. Or melancholy.

“I’m not dealing really well with the fact that I’m turning 40. It’s the first time I’ve felt a bad feeling related to my age,” I answered a friend, who had messaged me to wish me happy birthday and said he didn’t know how he was feeling about the fact that he would be the next to turn 40 in a couple of months. “At least we are getting to this age not looking like we are this old,” he told me, while adding that he has been successful in telling his colleagues at work he is 35.

I know this conversation is complex. I don’t blame my friend for feeling confused and lying about his age. I’ve never lied - but I can’t guarantee you that I’ve never felt inclined to lie. When I look in the mirror, I usually like what I see. I think I’m in my best form - and here I’m talking about the fact that I’ve been strength training for a couple of years and I like how that has made me feel strong and full of energy.

I love the fact that I switched the concepts in my mind around exercising and started to look at my health habits as a savings account for the future. Also, there are other facts that I see as good indicators when thinking about my age - and yes, rationally, I shouldn’t let that be my reference for success, but I’m a woman and we all know what we have been learning since we were little girls.

So, yes, I like the fact that I haven’t found any gray hairs so far and that my skin has been amazing - thanks to tazarotene and some Botox I get sporadically. But I also hate that I love how my forehead looks with Botox - and also hate my smile lines, and I absolutely hated the experience of getting fillers years ago.

All that to say that nothing changes the fact that I’m 40. I’ve lived four decades. Perimenopause scares me. Menopause scares me. Realizing I’m now part of this group scares me. Thinking about hormone therapy scares me. The fact that my body is getting old scares me. Knowing that perhaps I’ve reached half of my life scares me. I would be lying if I said the opposite.

And yes, there’s always a new trending motivational motto about the 40s being the new 30s, I know. I don’t think that’s necessarily bad, but maybe we are just trying to find ways to tell ourselves that it’s fine because we are all scared. But you know what is also true? Nobody is getting any younger.

But let’s put the physical aspect of the equation aside for a moment. Although I’m fine and I’m healthy, and, on paper, I shouldn’t be complaining about my life, saying “I’m 40” out loud, or, in this case, writing it here, feels… heavy.

Perhaps it’s because, when I was younger, I always saw 40 as something bad. It was a number far away from my reality. It would be such a long ride to get here and, suddenly, I’m here. Or perhaps it’s because I always thought I would be a different person at this age. Not better, not worse, just… different.

It’s funny because when I was a kid I thought teenagers were cool, then I became a teenager and my life became a soap opera - so dramatic - and I don’t even feel proud of a lot of the decisions I made in my early 20s - but, again, maybe it was the undeveloped frontal cortex.

But then my friend, the one I was talking to about the 40s stigma, mentioned something that really hit me and helped me to figure out some of my uneasy feelings towards my new decade.

For a long time, I think a lot of us saw the 40s as the point in life when you would have made it. Your career would be rocketing. Perhaps you would own a house or an apartment. And you would have kids. And the funny thing is that I don’t think I even want a house or an apartment these days - although lately I’ve been dreaming of having a fancy Upstate cabin with a big kitchen, lol - and I don’t want kids. So maybe I’m just trying to reconcile myself with the fact that I don’t want the things I was supposed to aspire to at this age - but I also feel lost. Because I guess I really believed older adults had their sh*t together. Surprise: that’s not true…

I still feel the same way inside, with a lot of insecurities - and, at the same time, so mature and, sometimes, so confident. How’s that even possible?

I genuinely believe I have so many things to figure out, and so many things to conquer, and, at the same time, it doesn’t feel like I have my whole life to do so. Which is also crazy, especially considering how much I truly and genuinely admire people who take wild steps no matter their age.

One thing I keep asking myself is whether I’d feel this way if I had achieved the kind of success I wanted in my career. Knowing how human beings can be restless and, sometimes, waste time chasing the next big thing instead of contemplating the present, it’s hard to believe. Especially with so much noise and competition and reminders that you are not good enough. Just keep swimming.

I hate to admit it, but I know that I have this limiting belief that my sense of worth is highly connected to my career, and although it was not that different a year ago, the number 40 just worsened the feeling. I’ve been thinking a lot about that and how I can rewire my brain to stop seeing that as the only measure of success. Because, as I mentioned… We are not getting any younger and, until someone proves otherwise, this is the only life I’ve got.

And when I shared my reflections with friends and on social media, I got a lot of positive encouragement from other women who have already crossed the 40 line. One of them said that “this is the official age when you’re old enough to know better… but still young enough to do it anyway.” And I love that.

But while having these sometimes basic, sometimes clueless, sometimes deep thoughts about turning 40, I remembered a dialogue I watched in the first season of Limitless, a docu-series with Chris Hemsworth whose main message is “to accept aging because it’s a part of life, and yet there are ways to make life healthier and longer-lasting.”

In one of the final episodes, Hemsworth speaks with Natalie, a young woman living with metastatic cancer. What she said landed hard: she sees aging as a privilege that illness may deny her.

"I think people have a very funny relationship with aging. They get really scared of it. But in truth, I would love to age. I would love nothing more than to get old, and I think that's a gift."

There’s nothing I can do about my chronological age. The years are gonna pass, the number is gonna keep rolling—hopefully!—and what I can do is try to enjoy and be happy about the fact that I’m here now, I’m good, I’m healthy, and ready for four more decades (and counting!). My mom told me her life started to feel really good after her 40s. I’m trying to be excited about learning more about that.

I will, though, continue to brag about my biological age on my DEXA scan—which, excuse me, is 23.

“I just think I will look like a failure, and I know I will feel embarrassed.”

That was the answer I gave my husband when I told him how it would feel to quit. We were specifically talking about my podcast, which is close to a first milestone: one year since the first episode was published. After more than 40 episodes, I started to ask myself some questions about whether it is working or not.

I know one of my flaws as a creative person is spending a lot of time executing my ideas but failing miserably when it’s time to think about strategies and analyze numbers and performance. For a lot of my projects over the years, I’ve just gone with the flow, and, surprisingly, things have worked (not always, but for a good amount of time). But right now, knowing what I know about my followers and plays, it has been hard to ignore some truths that are right in front of me.

I never expected my show to be a Call Her Daddy-level overnight success (I’m aware of the latest controversial news about her, but still, her show was an overnight success when it started, lol), but I did want to see a continuous growth curve, which hasn’t quite been happening.

When it became hard to ignore that things were not going the way I had hoped, my mind started to spiral and come up with questions.

Is this worth continuing to pursue?
Is this going anywhere?
How can I possibly know if I should keep trying?
When is the right time to quit something?
What will people think of me if I say I quit?

(But if we think further... Does it really matter what other people think?)

And with these questions, while contemplating the possibility of quitting and just accepting that perhaps it was not going to work, I would be taken by a miserable feeling: embarrassment.

I know what the people in the back of the room are gonna say: it’s too early to give up. Is it? Perhaps.

Perseverance and resilience are definitely some of the abilities you have to carry with you when betting on yourself. But I also wonder how much of this never give up narrative comes from our hustle culture, where sleepless nights and working 16 hours a day on a project are glorified and often linked to the only possible path to success. And with that comes a constant feeling that you are not working enough, you are not pushing enough, you are not trying hard enough. Is that true?

While I have been thinking a lot about quitting, I have also been thinking about the meaning this verb can carry. Quitting can definitely mean something honorable, respectful, and memorable, like quitting an addiction such as smoking, gambling, or alcohol, or quitting a toxic relationship. But quitting can also be perceived as something shameful or regretful, like abandoning a project, which can lead to making us feel like failures. Is the feeling of failure the consequence of quitting, or does feeling defeated lead you to quit?

Whatever comes first, it’s hard to deny the fact that, in that case, quitting can bring something we all know as a bonus: embarrassment. You hear all the stories from people around you who are successful, who made it, and when you stop to contemplate your story, you can’t help but feel like everyone is doing the thing but you. Rationally, I’m sure you know countless other stories of people who have given up—but the truth is that quitting is never easy, even when it’s supposed to be the respectful choice. An addict doesn’t quit without overcoming obstacles, and I guess giving up on something you once believed would work also requires some work on your mind, especially because I’m sure we all have our inspirations when deciding to start something new or just keep going, and I guess these are the references that come to mind when the wave of failure takes over.

But now that I’ve talked all of this about quitting, failure, and the embarrassment that runs through our veins, I want to bring another perspective.

So, remember when I mentioned the conversation I was having with my husband about quitting at the beginning of this post? Well, he gave me some valuable insights that deserve to be shared.

“So, let’s say it didn’t work. What’s wrong with that? You’ve done everything you planned.”

I didn’t have an answer besides the fact that all I could think about was feeling completely embarrassed.

What he did next wasn’t cheer me up. He didn’t tell me the show was secretly doing great or that I just needed to post more and believe harder. He told me something I couldn’t realize on my own:

“Your life is a portfolio of projects. Most of them won’t work. Every project has a beginning, a middle, and an end.”

A portfolio. I’d never looked at my own life that way—as a collection of bets instead of one long verdict on whether I’m capable or not, or smart or dumb, or allowed or not to want things. Putting things in perspective changed the size of the problem. The project (the podcast) stopped being my last survival resource and became a single bet inside a life full of them.

Another thing that came up in our conversation is that a project is a project, not someone’s entire identity. I know it’s hard to disconnect ourselves from our careers or jobs—especially when “What do you do for a living?” is usually the first question that comes up in a conversation. It is hard to make that dissociation when we spend so much of our lives working. It’s almost impossible not to have your ego damaged when your profession—and your success—get to define your place in a hierarchy you never got to vote for.

Yes, a project can fail. In fact, most projects will fail.

There’s timing, there’s luck, there are resources, there are trends, there are contacts—there are so many variables that can impact the success of a business or a project, and guess what? Lots of these variables are out of our control.

But I’m not this project. And you are not your project—or your job, or your career.

And I say this while I’m still fighting internally against my impostor syndrome, trying to make sense of my feelings, and looking for tools and reframing strategies. Our memory is flawed. Photos, souvenirs, journals, cards, notes, and letters exist for a reason: to remind us of our past. And perhaps your past is hiding incredible wins from you. When I decided to sit down, look back, and reflect on all my bets, I felt incredibly proud of myself.

So, if our brains are wired to look for negative evidence and find ways to see failure and feel shame about something that hasn’t worked, perhaps we can help them reframe and detach our identities from these bets. I’m sure we all have something in our lives to be proud of.

“The ‘I’ who remembers a given event is a different ‘I’ with every act of remembering, and our images of the past, present, and future that constitute the context in which that remembering takes place are never quite the same. In such ways we are continually ‘rewriting the self’ (Freeman, 1994).”
— William L. Randall, From Computer to Compost: Rethinking Our Metaphors for Memory

This post is not an ode to failure or telling you to give up when things get hard, to say we are all victims of a system—or perhaps it is. Who gets to decide, anyway?

Two days after the conversation with my husband, I was doing the pre-publishing tasks for an episode. And then, while I was gathering the clips from the conversation with my guest, one of her statements hit me.

“At the core of everything, to me it’s like nothing really matters. Like, okay, and you do the thing, and so you fail, and you pick back up and you go back again. Then you get embarrassed a little bit. You get shot down. It sucks, but who cares? Doesn’t matter.

You’re insecure, you’re scared. I get that, but then you don’t do the thing and you miss out. For me, it is just... do it. Like Nike says, the brand, ‘Just do it.’ They’re right. They’re onto something. Just do the thing.”

The funny thing is that I had heard this before—twice. Once when we recorded the episode, and then when I edited it. But it was only when I was selecting the clips that I really understood what she said and made the connection.

What I bring with me is the reassurance that a project that doesn’t work doesn’t define who I am. For now, I have decided to keep pushing it, but I will keep asking questions and try to find more concrete answers. I don’t regret launching my podcast, not even for a minute. Maybe I won’t get to see it become a successful show in terms of numbers and monetization, but I’m proud of what I’ve done so far, and no one can take what I’ve learned from me. And that’s a measure of success for me.

Welcome to SCREENSHOTS - my monthly post with a roundup of recs: everything I read, listened to, or watched that month, including books, audiobooks, articles, movies, TV series, and podcasts.

I feel like June was such a long month… Perhaps because it was a month for so many reflections, meltdowns - yes, cause we are all human, lol - and planning, lots of planning.

Here are the recs that are worth sharing this month!

TV Series

Your friends and neighbors

The second season came to an end, and I’m really looking forward to seeing what’s gonna happen in season 3! If you are not familiar with this series—with an incredible cast featuring Jon Hamm as the protagonist—it follows Andrew “Coop” Cooper, a finance guy with a comfortable life who loses his job—and his marriage—and starts robbing his wealthy neighbors to keep his lifestyle. The first season brought so many deep reflections about living for appearances and mid-life crises, and the second one was no different. There’s a lot of adrenaline, drama, and some dark humor.

• Available on Apple TV.

Hacks

Hacks came to an end, and I just loved how all the seasons were good, how Ava and Deborah's relationship has evolved over the years, and how they built the story with tension and challenges, plus, of course, the humor. Episode 7 was probably the best of the season; I've never laughed so much! I absolutely love how the main focus of the show is, of course, a woman behaving the way a man would, but most importantly, the solidified friendship between two people who are so different. If you haven't watched it, please do.

• Available on HBO Max.

Books

If you have been following this newsletter, you know that I recently wrote a dedicated post about “Let your mind run - A Memoir of Thinking My Way to Victory”, by Deena Kastor and Michelle Hamilton, so I will invite you to check that out.

But to summarize, I loved this book because:

1. It is a memoir—and memoirs are probably my favorite genre;

2. It is well written, but still not written in super complicated language;

3. It made me admire athletes even more—it’s a full-time job!

4. I learned so much about running and the physiology around it…

…perhaps the most important lesson from this book was: The way you speak to yourself matters. More than you can imagine. More on that on my post:

• Shop the book.

Ok, this book has been everywhere lately, and I guess I got really intrigued once I read that Anne Hathaway not only has already secured the screen adaptation rights, but will also both produce and star in the film. I couldn’t believe how fast my place in the NYPL queue moved, and I got my hands on the book earlier than I had imagined. I finished the book—which is almost 400 pages—in 4 days. And I know there are mixed reviews out there, but I absolutely loved it, lol.

In case you are not familiar, this is a story about a “tradwife” social media influencer who, one day, wakes up in 1855 and suddenly faces the reality of the whole traditional lifestyle she lives online—which is not as romantic as she tells her followers. There’s a bit of humor and a bit of drama, and I’m already looking forward to the movie!

• Shop the book here!

🇧🇷 For my Brazilian readers

I usually don’t include the books I read in Portuguese here, but I felt I had to include this one. I’ve been obsessed with Lela Brandão’s podcast since a friend introduced me to it back in February, and I was really looking forward to reading her book. I got the Kindle edition and devoured it in probably three days. Gosh, this book hit me so hard….

• Shop here!

And since we are talking about books…

I have to confess that I tend to want more books than my reading speed allows. So, my strategy for holding myself accountable has been borrowing books from the NYPL. You know, if I had bought Yesteryear, it would probably sit around for a while, but because I borrowed it from the library and had a return date, I just found a way to read it as soon as possible. I talked about this strategy here:

When the library doesn’t carry the book I’m looking for, I usually search for it on PangoBooks or ThriftBooks—following my secondhand-first philosophy, lol!

Also, I just found something super cool about my library card. I was working on a post and needed access to the Oxford English Dictionary, and I discovered that I could access it for free with my card. So cool!

Podcasts

I just think the universe can really send some interesting messages sometimes. I don’t even remember how I came across this podcast—probably it was a suggestion from Spotify?—but it was very enlightening to listen to author Tina Seelig talking about luck.

The part that really stayed with me was: “Where did you get this story? Because this is just a story. I mean, honestly, if you don’t do well on an exam, are you really going to die? No, right. If somebody doesn’t call you back after a date, is it really the end of the world? No, but we so often think it is that we’re not willing to go out and do it again.”

It just brings another perspective and invites us to look at certain problems from another angle.

Kareem Rahma is the famous guy behind the “Subway Takes” Instagram. I loved to learn more about his journey and the story behind his project.

Not everyone will have the time to follow all the exercises Cal Newport suggests in this episode, but I do think he offers some interesting reflections on cognitive well-being—and that also connects to my recent article about social media.

YouTube

Eddy Burback made the video that helped me set serious boundaries with my phone and this one about ChatGPT is concerning, to say the least…

Such a beautiful and raw documentary that shows what it's like to start a life in a new country and learning a new language from scratch as an adult…

It follows immigrants in Montreal, Canada, where the official language is French, who are trying to learn the language, diving into their daily lives and the unique stories that led them to start over in Quebec.

The first time I saw Robby Hoffman was in the series “Dying for Sex” and, more recently, in “Hacks”. She is such an incredible comedian. This New York Times interview with her brought some interesting facts about her life, and perhaps the most interesting thing was her perspective on being someone who now has money after growing up poor.

“If we’re grocery shopping, raspberries are $7.99 for a little thing, and I’m not in the mood to spend that. I don’t care if the money’s in the bank account. I’m not in a place emotionally to drop $7.99 USD on a little thing of raspberries. We move on.”

Some interesting readings…

• has always great NYC recommendations on her “City Happenings” newsletter and her NYC vintage shopping guide is just gold.

And before you leave…

I just have to remind you that we had so many incredible conversations with women living abroad on my show, Transplants...

Quick note: Yes, we talk about moving abroad, but the conversations are about so much more than that. They’re about taking risks, living the life you want, and following your dreams. Here are some of them:

If you made it this far... I’m looking for audiobook recommendations for my long runs. The kind of audiobook that really hooks you. I guess suspense novels are probably the best ones? Drop your suggestions below!

I’m turning 40 in less than a month, and I’m not sure if that’s the root cause of what I’ve been experiencing, but the truth is that over the past year or so, I’ve been trying to live a more meaningful life. Saying yes to things that excite me, saying no to things I’m not truly interested in, moving my body, and hitting my protein goals — oh boy, isn’t that a full-time job? — are part of that. But I guess nothing has had so much impact on my life over the past year as trying to reframe my relationship with the internet, social media, and, of course, my phone.

I can say I have come a long way — and I’ve been talking about my journey here on Substack — but guess what? Not everything is perfect, and I’m still fighting to fix some of my remaining problems. The more I think about it, the more worried and scared I get about the future. The more I question everything that is going on online with these platforms, the less I feel compelled to create and share. Is it possible to establish a healthy relationship with the internet — as a user and as a creator? I don’t think I will have an answer for you by the end of this article — but I decided to share my random thoughts while I try to make sense of what’s happening around us.

I will start by saying that I’m still following most of my protocols when it comes to phone and social media addiction — you can check my previous post about it for more details, but it’s pretty much about using an app to block distractions, having a separate device for social media, not using my phone as an alarm clock, etc.

But still, I haven’t been miraculously more focused and energized 100% of the time. While I’m writing this, I’m resisting the urge to check my browser tabs and fighting an internal battle with my brain. Turns out, I have transferred some of my bad habits to another device. Not as awful and addictive as our phones, but you get the point. It’s bad not to be able to really focus on something, to feel you are in the flow, and to have this constant urge to check for new emails, new stats, or Google things that probably are not going to change my life.

I was kind of aware of my behavior because I wasn’t happy about how I was feeling every day. Living surrounded by distractions and having the need to be constantly entertained was hitting my brain hard. But then, you decide: tomorrow I will do better. How pathetic. Guess what? Willpower is not that powerful in this case. For me, every time I have decided to take a step to improve my relationship with the online world, it has been after some wake-up call that removes me from inertia. This time, this reflection came after I got a message from a reader asking me how my journey has been — if you are reading this, thank you! — and then, it literally felt like the universe was sending me signals and clues. The next day, I grabbed a book that made some pretty interesting provocations around the theme — and I had no idea it would touch on topics like that — and I swear I felt an urge inside of me while reading those pages: my brain, desperately craving silence.

While I was trying to make sense of the words in the book, I just stopped and looked out the window and allowed myself to be quiet and silent. Thank God my phone was far away. Because I know it would have been the perfect excuse to just check my email or my podcast stats for the twentieth time and just avoid my thoughts.

And then, suddenly, although East Harlem can be a very noisy neighborhood, everything around the apartment sounded quiet. Peaceful. Calm. Not at 2x speed. “Wow, this is real life. I’m here, right now.”

No one was arguing over a controversial take — I'm looking at you, J.Lo — no email was finding me, no news was creating a sense that the world was ending, no one was summarizing a day of eating in 30 seconds — no shame in that; the truth is, I like what I eat in a day content lol — no one was speaking French, English, Spanish, and Italian to show how they sound in each of those languages, no one was reacting to a baby eating an avocado, no one was checking themselves in the mirror, no one was telling me how they moved to a country far away, no one was trying to sell me a course, an e-book, a blouse, or a protein food, no tips on how to be more productive, no videos with AI thumbnails and clickbait titles.

You know, that book I’m reading is from a Brazilian podcaster, and it’s about facing the void and listening to your body, reconnecting with yourself. So far — I’ve read around 25% of the book — she has talked a lot about — guess what — her own experiences with social media.

“The internet has an enormous capacity to deceive us about the true scale of things. Is it natural to feel anger, from inside my home, toward a stranger because of a rant she posted on social media, then immediately afterward be moved by a video of an elderly man who managed to walk without his walker for the first time in a long time, and then, moments later, be delighted by a fluffy little cow sunbathing on a ranch—all within the same minute? Can the body really process all of those emotions, especially without any interval between one and the next?”

That’s what got me. You can’t just expose yourself to so many stimuli at the same time and expect it to be something completely normal. We can’t sit straight anymore. We can’t be bored — there’s an urgent need to fill all the gaps in our days by consuming content, and more content, and more content. We can’t concentrate. People can’t watch a movie without checking their phones. Or read a book. Or just wait for a coffee order. Or have a nice conversation at the restaurant. It’s like we are living in a noisy environment - even if you decide to watch everything on mute. It is just too much.

And besides the lack of capacity to be bored, I believe there’s some fatigue as well. It’s the effect we all know. We check the internet because we are bored, and the moment we stop, we are exhausted and can barely remember what we saw. And I just couldn’t care less. Listen, this is not shade at any person creating content. At the end of the day, people are all trying to play the game.

But I personally hate how these platforms have made us slaves of their algorithms by telling us the more we post, the better, and if you don’t show up, you will be penalized. Even here on Substack: I honestly hate this whole Notes game. Turns out they are just forcing everyone to talk, talk, talk, and talk — even when we have nothing special to say. I guess we can’t blame haters and losers in comment sections for lacking the ability to just ignore whatever they don’t like when scrolling the feed, because that’s what the internet is about: saying whatever just to keep the machine working.

Sometimes I wonder if we are living in a “content bubble.”

Sometimes I ask myself if there’s a possible career that doesn’t involve creating content.

And I constantly think about where this whole AI thing is going to get us.

Nope, I’m not a hypocrite. I use AI, I think it’s a great tool for a lot of things, BUT I’m getting a bit overwhelmed by the amount of AI-powered stuff around us. Every time I take the subway and I look up, there’s a new ad about a new AI tool to optimize your day, your workflow, your notes, your finances, your job hunting, your hiring process, your dating game.

And then, when you open social media, which was supposed to be a place for connections — lol, I guess there’s a part of me that is still hopeful? — I stumble upon captions that sound the same, AI-generated videos, not to mention the video thumbnails that have just become more and more unrealistic, catastrophic — to say the least — and clickbait.

I want to believe that, in the same way lots of people have been sick and tired of social media, we’ll all start craving more “humanity” down the line because of this AI tsunami.

But anyway, back to the silence topic. As I mentioned, this new wake-up call got me thinking and reflecting a lot again about my relationship with the internet, as a creator and as a user. One thing I know for sure is that the more time I spend away from social media, the less time I want to be there. I’ve been working non-stop on my podcast — and I use social media to promote my show, but my personal profile — my creator page, let’s say — has been abandoned. I don’t feel inspired to post. I don’t feel inclined to post just for the sake of posting — and here I’m talking about me; every person has their reasons to post, and I’m not special or better than anyone else to judge.

There’s also the ego side of things. The validation from likes and comments. The need to try something only if it’s worth posting. Are we living or performing? For whom?

When I stop and think about the time I was spending on my phone — and how I’m still suffering the effects of my old habits and constantly frying my brain — I feel an urge to leave - and live. Leave this online world that people want us to believe is the real world and live a real and mindful life that doesn’t involve being a spectator of a stranger’s life or wasting my brain potential on things that will definitely not contribute to the person I want to be and the things I want to achieve.

While I still don’t have all the answers, I will keep searching for them.

Hey, thanks for reading - maybe nothing of this made sense. Maybe it did.

I think I’ve mentioned that this year I’m running my first marathon, which also happens to be the NYC Marathon. Since moving to the Big Apple in 2014, I’ve probably missed the event only once. Having always lived near the course, cheering for the thousands of runners started as a no-brainer and eventually became a tradition I simply can’t miss.

Seriously, though, it’s one of the best days to be in New York City—and perhaps one of the reasons I decided to run a marathon myself. I wanted to experience that energy from the other side of the barricades. It had to be the NYC Marathon.

I’m not going to go over my running journey—I have a full post about that in case you are interested—but I can tell you that, for me, deciding to run a marathon and committing to it has been another journey in itself, which I plan to talk about once I finish it. So, more on that in November, lol.

I’ve been through a lot of phases: curious, excited, scared, freaked out. And from the moment I decided to do it, I have been consuming content about it. I try not to research too much, because we all know how some corners of the internet can be toxic and make you feel like you’re never going to be good enough—and with running, it is no different.

But there is also a lot of encouragement and great advice online. And in one of the videos I found on YouTube, I came across a book called “Let your mind run - A Memoir of Thinking My Way to Victory”, by Deena Kastor and Michelle Hamilton. The YouTuber mentioned that the book had really helped her throughout her marathon training block, especially with the mindset aspect. I decided to buy it, and it sat on my nightstand for a while until I finally started reading it.

Now, if you have been following my newsletter for a while, you know that I have a monthly post with a roundup of recommendations, including books. So, writing a dedicated post about a single book is something completely new to me—but I just felt that one mention wouldn’t do justice to the impact this book has had on my life. Yes, running is related to that, but please bear with me, because the reason why this book has touched me so much is not only because of that.

Why I absolutely loved “Let your mind run”

Besides the fact that…

1. This is a memoir—and memoirs are probably my favorite genre;

2. It is well written, but still not written in super complicated language;

3. It made me admire athletes even more—it’s a full-time job!

4. I learned so much about running and the physiology around it…

…perhaps the most important lesson from this book was:

The way you speak to yourself matters. More than you can imagine.

And listen, I know the internet and bookstores are full of resources and people repeating that quote, or something close to it, but it had never hit me this way.

And I guess it is worth highlighting that the same weekend I was going through the first chapters, where Deena shares more about her mindset and how she shifted from constant negativity and complaints to a more positive and confident mindset, I was not exactly in a very good place mentally speaking. Yes, there’s a chance her words hit me harder and helped me truly think about it and reflect on it because of that. And that is, for me, the beauty of art in all its forms: it lands differently on each person depending on their background, experiences, and what they are going through.

But before I proceed, let me just give you a summary of the book and the author. Deena Kastor is an American long-distance runner. From Google:

She is the former American record holder in the marathon and numerous road distances. Kastor held 15 American records simultaneously in every distance from 5K to the marathon.

No, I didn’t know anything about Deena before reading her book—and I’m not here to share spoilers—but it’s pretty much a memoir about her journey as a runner: from her early years as a kid, when she started running and didn’t even know much about it, to the point when she decided to pursue it professionally, and then all her achievements. Deena had a strong start as a young runner, to the point that no one could beat her, until a defeat almost made her give up on the practice forever. Once she decided to pursue it professionally, she relocated to Colorado—she is originally from California—where she was coached by Joe I. Vigil, an influential running coach who trained 425 All-Americans and 22 Olympians through his unique coaching philosophy.

Besides the structured workouts, rest, and nutrition involved in being a professional athlete, one of Coach Vigil’s first lessons to Deena was about her attitude. And from that point on, the mindset and inner conversations Deena has with herself throughout training sessions, important competitions, and even after failures made this book a precious life lesson for me.

• Shop the book.

“Be careful how you are talking to yourself, because you are listening.”

Ugh, that one hit me so f*ck!ng hard.

As I mentioned, on that same weekend I was going through the pages of this book, I was not in a good place mentally speaking. An invite to apply for a position had triggered a lot of overthinking and anxiety, and that put my mind into a spiral. And suddenly, I started to realize some patterns and things about myself that I really and seriously need to work on. That constant overthinking was driving me nuts, and I couldn’t take it anymore.

While going crazy trying to predict different scenarios in my mind, my husband called me out:

“There’s a huge discrepancy between what is real and your thoughts.”

I grabbed that thought and went to Central Park alone. I brought a notebook and decided to write about my feelings. And while I was writing and reflecting on that, and thinking about the chapters on Deena’s mindset, I felt like I was getting out of a dark room and finally seeing the light.“Our happiness depends on the habit of mind we cultivate.”

When Deena found this quote—from all the books she was studying to better understand the art of positive thinking—it really reminded her of what her coach had been trying to teach her.

“Habits are developed through repetition, so instead of focusing on my attitude periodically, I set out to make thinking positively a practice.”

From that moment on, she decides to make an effort to turn positive thinking into a daily habit, rather than an occasional reaction.

• Instead of “My hamstrings are fatiguing,” she reframed it as “I’m gaining strength where I need it.”

• Instead of “I’m tired,” she reframed it as “Let’s take Aspen out.” — Aspen being her dog.

• Instead of letting fatigue and disappointment take over, she reframed them as: “I am pushing my limits. I am stronger than I was yesterday.”

“Practicing positivity showed me just how negative I could be.”

Having access to Deena’s thoughts and her awakening regarding her inner voice—and seeing how positive thinking had such a profound impact on her life and career—I felt a little embarrassed and perhaps even sorry for myself, because I realized I’ve been dealing with my worst hater ever. And I’m someone who has been creating content on the internet for over a decade, so I know a thing or two about hate.

The worst hater in my life is myself.

The truth is, you often don’t realize how much negative self-talk exists until you actively start paying attention to it.

Now, let’s do a simple exercise. Think about the last compliment or word of encouragement you received from someone important to you. Do you remember what that person said? And how did it make you feel? I’m sure those words of support and positive reinforcement made you feel good, special, and valued—or, at the very least, a little less sh*tty about yourself.

Now, think about a time when someone was mean to you. Try to remember some harsh words from someone you really care about, like a friend or a family member. How did that make you feel? I’m pretty sure you weren’t happy, and that it probably had an impact on your self-confidence. You felt like sh*t, I bet. Or, at the very least, a little down.

Okay, bear with me.

Now let’s translate this to our own lives and minds.

I should be the most important person in my life.

I should be the person I love most in my life.

I live with myself 24/7, for God’s sake, so I better have a good relationship with this person.

So why the hell do I spend 90% of the time acting like my own worst enemy and polluting my mind with self-doubt and self-deprecation?

By reading about Deena’s own experiments with positive thinking and reframing intrusive and negative thoughts, I realized how incredibly hard I have been on myself—and how desperately I could use more kindness in my life.

I started reflecting on how my default setting is to look for flaws and complain about things. It got me thinking about how often I try to find arguments to prove that I’m not good enough, instead of looking for evidence that supports a different perspective. It’s like my husband told me: between reality and my own intrusive thoughts, there is a huge gap.

The funniest part? I’m a cheerleader for the people around me.

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve encouraged my husband when his impostor syndrome was kicking in, reassured my sister that her work is incredible, or told a friend that they would figure out whatever they were going through.

But when the person on the other side of the equation is me...there has been no mercy.

There has been no forgiveness.

There has been no balance.

There has been no “look at this from a different perspective.”

And like I mentioned earlier, I am aware that nothing I’m sharing here today is new. Still, I’m sure there are tons of Lauras out there doubting their potential, constantly telling themselves they are not good enough, and killing their joy through comparison and self-deprecation.

It really got me thinking about something—and here, I’m speaking from my own experience—about life in general.

As we enter this world, we learn how to speak to other people. We learn how to be polite. We learn how to live in society. We are taught the basic aspects of being a human being.

Then, when it comes to skills, you can pretty much learn anything. You can practice running, singing, painting, writing, or cooking. You can learn a language.

But perhaps I missed the memo: when did someone teach us how to talk to ourselves? Because you know what? That requires practice.

There are so many layers I could explore here. I could blame my gender. I could blame the fact that I was raised in an environment where others came first. My self-esteem was basically non-existent.

And guess what? Repetition is the foundation of almost everything worth achieving, INCLUDING positive thinking. It’s a practice that needs to be part of our routines.

But… how?

Well, sometimes we think the solution to our problems is the next big thing a brand is going to launch, a complicated method, or whatever.

From my experience, methods and tools can indeed help, but you need to be willing to do the work. And when it comes to the methods and tools I’ve relied on—and sometimes I wasn’t even aware of their impact—this is what I’ve done so far:

• Perhaps one of the most powerful practices I’ve tried, and the one that brought me real results, was Morning Pages. For three months, I wrote about my feelings and thoughts first thing in the morning, and one of the things I noticed was how much kinder I became to myself. I have a full post about that.

• By the way, Deena did The Artist’s Way, and she talks about it in her book. She also shared another exercise she practiced: writing down 10 things she was grateful for every day—and she couldn’t repeat them. That forced her to look at her life through different lenses, training her mind to look for positive clues and completely shifting her brain. I took a small notebook and have been trying to do the same. It really helps me pay more attention to good things that sometimes would just be taken for granted or completely ignored in my daily routine—when I’m more focused on complaining than anything else. Looking at my list makes me feel happy and grateful, and it makes me truly honor and value the good things I have in my life.

• Last weekend, I had a 10K race. My goal was to try for a personal best—something I knew I could do. But the weather didn’t help: it was brutally hot and humid, and despite my efforts, I didn’t achieve my goal.

  But I did my best—and I really tried to keep a positive conversation with myself throughout the tough moments. There was a point when I realized I wouldn’t get my best time, so, of course, my mind started to play games with me: You’re not going to be able to do it, so why bother? Just slow down.

  I refused to listen to that voice. Instead, I started to think: I’m going to do my best. I can do this. I was chasing a sub-59, and I ended up with this time:

Yep, I didn’t achieve the time I was chasing, but what are the odds of finishing with a perfectly aligned number like this? Lol.

• Last but not least, if you have the means for it, I definitely recommend therapy and/or life coaching. I went through a life coaching process about a year and a half ago, and it really helped me gain more clarity. I highly recommend my coach, Samantha —and you can check her credentials and find more information here. Our work together was meaningful - to say the least! - and had a huge impact on the decisions I made, professionally speaking.

So, while I’m here writing this post to document how I’m trying to build a stronger mind—one that will probably make my life feel not so heavy and help me achieve hard things, like running a marathon and continuing to work on projects I believe in—I just remembered something a couple of people have told me:

People who succeed aren’t necessarily the most talented—they’re often the ones who keep going.

It’s definitely not easy to keep going.

But it becomes much more tolerable when your mind is not your worst companion and you learn to trust the process.

A final note: I know there's a lot of toxic positivity out there, and I'm pretty aware there are people with problems that won't be solved with positive thinking. As I always like to point out, I'm fully aware of my privileges.

But, hey, this is not a post about being rejected. This is a post about how applying for a Master’s degree helped me reconnect with myself and brought me some meaningful reflections.

How everything has started

One of the things I did over December last year throughout January and February this year was “The Artist's Way” - and I'm not gonna over the details here, cause I have a full post about my experience in case you are interested.

But in case you are not familiar: The Artist’s Way is a book written by Julia Cameron first published in 1992. It’s a 12-week program designed to help people reconnect with their creativity. The book treats creative blocks as something learned, not as a lack of talent. The main goal isn’t to make you an artist, but to help you recover the part of you that creates, plays, and takes risks.

As I mentioned in my post, following this method/course/routine, whatever you wanna call it, had a huge impact on my life — I didn’t have big revelations or an idea for something awesome (although that was my expectation at the beginning, not gonna lie). But what I got was as valuable in a way I couldn’t have predicted. I went through a lot of emotions, reflections, and discoveries about myself. My inner voice was definitely kinder during that process — which reminds me, by the way, that I have to go back to the journaling habit.

I believe The Artist’s Way can be a powerful self-discovery tool — because we usually live on autopilot and do not set aside a lot of time to really stay with our thoughts and have conversations with ourselves (I guess we can blame our inability to be bored for that, hello social media!).

Anyway, I experimented with different things while following the book’s tasks, and it was during that period that I suddenly decided to look for Creative Writing programs and found one that caught my attention. It was a prestigious one — also very hard to get into — with surprisingly affordable tuition, and there was still enough time to prepare an application. My husband really supported my decision, which made me even more confident to apply.

My reflections through the application process

I don’t remember having a big interest in pursuing a Master’s — but reading more about the program, it looked like something I could see myself doing. I’m definitely not into academic research, but this program was pretty much a lot of practice and guidance, something I could see myself benefiting a lot from. Not gonna lie: the prestige around it also attracted me.

Of course, one of the first thoughts that came to my mind was from my impostor:

Who do you think you are to apply for this program? English is not even your first language! You are not that good. Why you?

I heard this voice not only once, but dozens of times. And then came my first realization: well, flawless writers probably don’t need a Master’s. So, that’s exactly why I’m applying for this. I asked the voice back: well, why not me?

So, let’s start by reminding you that I’m a Brazilian living in the U.S., and I moved here as an adult — that means I had no experience with the whole college applications world, so there was definitely a learning curve. Plus, the fact that English is not my first language also creates some other obstacles in terms of bureaucracy — from translating official documents to proving my proficiency in the language.

I’m not gonna deny it: this bureaucracy quietly — or perhaps loudly — reminds you of the fact that you do not 100% belong to a place when you live there as a foreigner. It makes the process more stressful, boring, and prone to mistakes. But there was no way to avoid that, so I had to embrace it.

And I guess it was exactly because of everything I went through to put this application together that I was able to revisit things about my past that I didn’t even remember anymore.

So here are some of the things I learned while applying for a Master’s degree

1. Do not wait for approval to do what you want to do

When I started this process, my husband recommended that I read Beyond Acceptance, a book by . This book basically “guides you through every step of applying to graduate school, from clarifying your vision to writing powerful essays to making life-changing decisions. But this isn’t just another how-to manual. It’s a transformational journey that teaches you to see yourself as the hero of your own story.” Thiago brought that book up so many times that I read this book that I just had to do it — and although I didn’t finish it, I’m so glad he insisted.

Lauren Valdez Newsletter

A newsletter about what Lauren is up to professionally & personally.

First, I could relate to Lauren a lot because she comes from a Latino background, and in a way, that made me feel like I could also occupy a space in a prestigious institution in the U.S. But perhaps what stayed with me was that, right at the beginning, Lauren asks a very thoughtful question:

Are there any other ways or resources to get these skills?

When I read that, it made me realize that perhaps I have what it takes to pursue what I want. I mean, yes, it would be the best case scenario to enroll in a prestigious creative writing program and be mentored by incredible writers. But if not, there are other ways, like workshops, books, and courses.

When you really want something, you just have to do it. Yes, I know, cliche. I guess one of our biggest mistakes as human beings is waiting for motivation — or approval, or the perfect circumstances — to do the things we want to do. And, of course, motivation is easily found when you do what you love, but relying on that is a recipe for failure. Because evolving is a nonlinear process with ups and downs — and guess what? What matters is showing up, consistency, and accountability.

That made me think a lot about a podcast I listened with Brandon Stanton, the guy behind “Humans of New York". His reflections and lessons were humble, honest and thoughtful, and really stayed with me - including a quote that became my mantra and I linked here - but there was more:

“If you wrote for an hour a day, you’re a writer. Congratulations. And if you’ve won Pulitzer prizes, but you haven’t written in a year, there’s a 16-year-old girl writing in her journal that is more of a writer than you are.”

I was like…. Just do it girl.

Spoiler: still working on that. One step at a time trying to build the routine of my dreams.

2. Sometimes the best criteria is comparing yourself with your old versions, not with the exterior

Another thing that I had to do while working on my application was sign up for a TOEFL test. I had taken one years ago because I was working with them on a campaign, but, unfortunately, my score had expired. And although I consider myself fluent in English, the idea of taking this test and having to get a good score made me really anxious. But there was no other choice, so… I did it. And the results really boosted my confidence. I got a score of 5.5 out of 6.

And when I say the results boosted my confidence, I don't say it lightly. I take speaking another language very seriously — meaning the bar I set for myself is pretty high. I consider that both a gift and a curse, because while it keeps me motivated to push myself and always be interested and curious about learning more and be constantly improving, this same bar can also put my mind in a state where I’m never good enough and don’t give myself enough credit for what I’ve accomplished so far.

So, yeah, I shouldn’t need a test to tell me that, but it was a great reminder of my evolution with the language and that sometimes we need to look at ourselves from other perspectives to realize how much we have accomplished.

Another moment I felt that was when I went through my scores from college and was reminded that I got the maximum score on two of my final projects. Revisiting those documents also brought back memories of the fact that I had gone back to the university for a Cybermedia specialization and to teach two Journalism courses. And you know what? I had completely forgotten about that part of my professional path. It was a great memory to come back to and to feel proud of.

3. Our past can reveal so much about our essence.

Putting together my application meant I had to find people willing to write letters of recommendation for me. And for that, I went back to professors who really had an impact on my path as a student and as a journalist.

One of these professors was my faculty advisor for my final experimental writing project, one of four final projects required at the end of the program. I remember when I went to his office with my idea — I proposed creating a weekly newspaper to cover news in my hometown, a community of approximately 7,000 people.

But I remember he was like… a newspaper? That’s too boring, girl.

(Kidding, he didn’t say exactly that.)

Instead, he suggested a more ambitious and enduring format: a book of ten narrative profiles featuring people from my hometown. I immediately said yes, and this project not only earned me the maximum score, but I also got an award for it.

What I didn’t know — and learned because of this letter — was something that really made me proud. In those lines, he wrote: “She faced the challenge as no other student had ever tried before at that university.”

Yes, that was flattering and made me really proud, but perhaps the most important thing from this process was looking back to that project. When I think about my assignments as a student, that's the work I mostly feel proud of. Because of my interest in other people’s lives - which now shapes Transplants, my podcast featuring women abroad.

Transplants 🫀

A podcast featuring interviews with women thriving in new roots abroad. Here, we unpack the transitions, culture shocks, setbacks, and joys of starting a new life in another country. Because real stories are the strongest way to spark real growth.

By Transplants by Laura Peruchi

Seeing that connection really clicked for me. It reminded me that among all the hats I’ve been wearing over these years — influencer, content creator, PR, social media manager… I’m still a journalist. That’s my essence, and that’s what has been aligned with my core values and interests.

And to conclude my application process, around that same time, I receive a DM from a follower with a tweet she had seen that immediately made her think of me: that being an adult is reconnecting with your childhood dreams.

Final thoughts

If you made it this far, there’s a chance you are thinking this is too cheesy (or perhaps that’s just my impostor whispering in my ear and trying to convince me that nothing I’m saying makes sense. Whatever).

I guess my message here, besides reminding you that sometimes the things we don’t get can also transform us in some way — cause, at the end of the day, the journey is as important as the finish line — is that we should definitely pay attention to our surroundings or, why not, what’s happening inside our minds. How we can constrain ourselves — and also forget our stories so quickly. It took me almost 40 years, but I’ve been reflecting a lot on how we talk to ourselves and how that can be limiting and defeating.

So, I hope my humble reflections can spark something in you as well.

After a month of hosting my mom and my sister, I’m slowly getting back to my routine. Don’t get me wrong, they were the best guests I could have, but our routines are disrupted, even a little, when someone is visiting. Plus, I made sure to spend some quality time with them around the city, enjoying the long-awaited good weather.

I didn’t have a lot of time to read or watch many things, but here are the recs that are worth sharing this month!

TV Series

Margo’s Got Money Troubles

In my previous edition, I mentioned I had read the book that inspired this series and, of course, as soon as I finished, I rushed to watch the adaptation on Apple TV. Any book adaptation can be tricky — simply because a screenwriter is competing with the imagination of, sometimes, millions of readers who have an adaptation living in their own minds.

In my case, I can say this adaptation nailed it, and I was really happy with the course of the story — because, of course, there were some differences — and mainly with the cast. I mean… we have not only Michelle Pfeiffer but also Nicole Kidman in the cast, but Nick Offerman playing Jinx was probably my favorite.

In case you are not familiar: “Margo’s Got Money Troubles” is a bold, heartwarming and comedic family drama following recent college dropout and aspiring writer, Margo (Fanning), the daughter of an ex-Hooter’s waitress (Pfeiffer) and ex-pro wrestler (Offerman), as she’s forced to make her way with a new baby, a mounting pile of bills and a dwindling amount of ways to pay them.

• Available on Apple TV.

Downtime

An interview with Rufi Thorpe, author of "Margo's Got Money Troubles"

Have you started watching Margo's Got Money Troubles (out now on Apple TV)? What do you think? I was already a huge fan of Elle Fanning, but consider me a newly minted member of the Michelle Pfeiffer fan club. Also, the soundtrack is soooo good…

Read more

4 months ago · 89 likes · 6 comments · Alisha Ramos

Books

The Motherload

I picked up this book at the library after reading something about it in a newsletter. It’s a memoir by Sarah Hoover about her traumatic postpartum depression. I really appreciate how the narratives around motherhood are more open and honest these days — and it was kind of sad to realize that even having a life far from the reality of most mothers — she had a live-in nanny, for example — didn’t prevent the author from experiencing things like societal pressure and struggles with her marriage and identity.

I kind of regret having checked more about Sarah when I started reading the book — it made me biased sometimes and even made me not feel a lot of empathy for her in certain parts of the book.

• Shop here!

I left anyway

I met because of my podcast. I posted on Substack that I was looking for new guests, and she reached out to introduce herself and share a little bit of her journey.

Samantha walked away from a “perfect life” in NYC — she had a stable career as a gastroenterologist, tons of media appearances, and a 10-year relationship. But she wanted something else — or, at least, she didn’t want what she had anymore. So one day, she decided to leave and look for an answer. What started as a six-week break in Puerto Rico turned into four years of living abroad, traveling across Europe, Southeast Asia, and beyond, completely redefining what her life could look like.

You can learn more about her journey by listening to the episode we recorded together and also by reading her memoir, I Left Anyway, where she dives deep into the details of her first year abroad, rediscovering dating, being heartbroken, reflecting on her identity aside from her career, and questioning her next steps.

• Shop here!

Before you leave

from just launched “Before you leave: An Essential Guide to Moving Abroad” - a full-length ebook for anyone dreaming about, planning, or already living a life abroad, built from real stories, essays, and hard‑earned community wisdom. Inside: 12 chapters on the emotional, financial, and practical realities of leaving home, plus next steps and resources. Instant download. PS: I'm a contributor! So honored!

• Grab your copy!

Podcasts

Another interesting conversation around the “I’m addicted to my phone” issue. In this episode, Cal Newport talks to bestselling author Anna Lembke (Dopamine Nation) about addiction and best practices for having a better relationship with your phone.

I’m also enjoying The InFluency Podcast by Hadar Shemesh a lot, and I highly recommend it for anyone who speaks English as a second language. I truly believe speaking a second — or third, or fourth — language involves what I call “forever learning,” meaning you are always mastering your skills — speaking, writing, etc. Her episodes are short and fun, and you can learn a lot.

YouTube

I’ve discovered Jeremy Ethier’s channel recently, and I’m already a fan. He creates science-backed training and nutrition videos, and I really appreciate his attention to detail, no-BS approach, explanations backed by studies, and his own experiments.

Some interesting readings…

• Highly recommend Substack - How We Learn Languages. I'm just fascinated by all the nuances involved in language learning, and her articles are a deep dive into this world.

  How We Learn Languages

  Research-backed strategies and practical tools to help you learn languages faster, stay consistent, and make real progress. Subscribe and get a free Language Learning Starter Kit.

  By Viktoria Verde, PhD

• Speaking of newsletters, I loved this article from - How to be someone who actually does things. It made me reflect a lot about my own practices.

• Also wanted to give a shoutout to The Skimm newsletter. I just love how they curate their editions every day, covering different topics and bringing so many interesting recommendations.

What I've been cooking…

• When searching for a good protein mug cake without eggs for my afternoon snacks — I have my issues with the taste — I found this recipe , and I’ve been making it on repeat. For reference, I’ve tried it with different types of milk, including dairy milk, and I use whey protein. Plus, I always top it with a drizzle of some nut butter. I made it for my sister every day, and she was obsessed too.

And before you leave…

I just have to remind you we had so many incredible conversations with women living abroad on my show Transplants… Here are some of them:

But then, I looked at the price. $195. Plus the fact I would have to trim it — I’m short. And… let's face it: I knew I’d realistically wear it maybe twice a year.

So, I decided to be rational and I left without it.

Months later, after weekly check-ins on eBay, I found a Rachel Parcell pink sequin skirt pretty similar to that one. Brand new. Tags still on. $40 — down from $149. It fits me perfectly.

That's the magic of shopping secondhand.

Why secondhand isn’t weird to me

I grew up in a tiny town in Southern Brazil, where my aunts sent boxes of my older cousin’s clothes to our house. My mom would announce them like Christmas:

Chegaram as encomendas! — You got a delivery!

She’d lay everything on the bed and walk through it with me and my sister, deciding what fit each of us. Whatever didn’t fit moved on — to another mom, another sister, another house.

When my mom was pregnant with my brother, friends around town brought her bags of baby clothes. Two years later she passed them on to someone else.

Perhaps that’s why I never got the stigma some people have towards secondhand. I always thought it was silly to care about “bad energy”. I don’t even think about the origin of secondhand clothes and who wore them. All I care about is how many outfits I will create with that item — and the money I saved by buying secondhand. And I’m so glad secondhand is now cool — the last thing we need is making people feel bad for buying secondhand — that’s ridiculous.

I don’t remember exactly when I started to shop secondhand, but it has been a while. Especially since secondhand took over the internet through so many websites and marketplaces. Of course, vintage and secondhand physical stores are also special and magical, but I’m a savvy online shopper. That’s my thing.

And since I've had the joy of finding so many incredible deals over and over — and also have influenced so many friends to do the same, I decided to share my best tips and advice to influence you to the same. Trust me: once you discover the wonders of shopping secondhand - especially how much you can save - it's really hard to go back to traditional shopping. Honestly, besides looking for running gear, I'm barely spending time on brand's websites anymore.

The two ways I shop secondhand online

Almost everything I buy falls into one of two modes and knowing which mode I’m in changes what I do and where I start.

Mode 1 — With a target

I know exactly what I want: Brand, style, sometimes the specific item name.

For instance, this is how I got my Margaux Heel pair: I’d seen the brand, I knew the shoe name, I went straight to Poshmark, typed “Margaux The Heel” into the search bar, filtered by my size and color, and had five sellers in front of me in under a minute. A couple of them were half the original price.

And this how I do my search order when I’m in target mode:

1. Usually, I check Poshmark and Depop — these are huge US marketplaces, fastest to scan. Pro tip: I've been noticing over the years that prices on Depop are usually better than Poshmark and sellers are more open to give you discounts.

2. If we are talking about a premium brand, I'd also check The Real Real.

3. I've been lucky with eBay too - hence my sequin skirt.

Another pro tip: I highly highly highly recommend using Beni as a shortcut, especially if you are just starting as a secondhand shopper. Beni is a browser extension that searches 40+ resale sites at once and they also have an app version.

Sometimes, your target doesn't need to be some specific brand style - the pink sequin skirt at the top of this post is the example. I didn’t have one specific skirt in mind — I just knew the shape, the color, the finish. I searched here and there for pink sequin skirts until finding the right one.

Mode 2 — Browsing a brand I love

This is the “I’m not looking for anything specific, but I want to see what’s out there” version. I treat the secondhand site like the brand’s own site — except every piece is a fraction of the retail price.

For example:

1. Filter to Women

2. Pick the brand (Farm Rio, Reformation, Sezane — whatever I’m into)

3. Apply my size

4. Sort by Price: low to high

That’s it. Five seconds of filtering, and I’m scrolling a curated shop in my exact size, sorted by best deals first.

Whatever your goal—browsing a specific brand or product—always make sure to use the filters. There are many options on these sites, and the chance of you getting overwhelmed is high… Even if you are looking for a new pair of denim shorts – try to be specific! Besides the size, select some brands you love and perhaps even a price range. The filters are your best friends!

Five non-negotiables when shopping secondhand online (whatever mode you’re in)

Ok, so now that you know my shopping modes, there are some systems and rules I follow every time, regardless of whether I’m targeting a specific item or browsing a brand I love.

1. Outsource the search to Beni when I'm lazy

Like I previously mentioned, Beni is a free browser extension that searches 40+ resale sites at the same time. You install it on your browser and then, when you’re on the Sezane site looking at a $195 sequin skirt, you click the Beni icon and instantly see every secondhand listing for that piece across Poshmark, Mercari, Depop, The Real Real, eBay, and more.

It’s not always perfect — sometimes it surfaces similar items instead of exact matches, which is actually useful for dupe-hunting. But the time it saves is the difference between checking secondhand “sometime” and checking it every time.

2. Verify before you click buy

Secondhand listings live or die on the details, not the photos. Before I buy anything:

• I check the size against my known size for that brand (sizing varies brand to brand, even within the same number);

• I read the description for fabric, condition, and any flaws the seller called out;

• I zoom in on every photo;

• If something’s missing, I leave a comment or DM the seller and ask

Marketplaces don’t allow returns - but if an item doesn't match the description, you can always try to talk to the seller or contact the customer service to open a dispute. It's not complicated.

3. Always make a - reasonable - offer

On Poshmark, Mercari, and Depop, the listed price is a starting point. Sellers know that. Most build a margin in on purpose.

Here's something it took me a while to figure it out, but now is my strategy. Usually, I “like” the item first (sellers often send a private offer to people who liked the item). If no offer comes, I make one myself — usually 15–25% under list. Sometimes they accept, sometimes they counter - you never get the discount you don’t ask for.

4. Be patient

The win on secondhand isn’t speed — it’s inventory cycling. New listings hit every day. The Rachel Parcell sequin skirt I bought for $40 took some months of weekly check-ins to find.

Two things that make patience easier:

• Set saved searches with alerts on Poshmark, Depop, and eBay. The platform tells you when a match shows up.

• Pick one search day per week and check everything you’re watching. Beats compulsive scrolling

5. Read the return policy first

Sites like thredUP, The Real Real, and ReBag let you return some items (with restocking fees and shipping). Marketplaces like Poshmark, Depop, and Mercari don’t — unless the seller misrepresented the item.

Where I actually shop — by use case

• Poshmark & Depop — my default. Best for: everyday brand-name pieces, broad searching, marketplace deals.

• thredUP — when you want curation without the hunt. Best for: bargain finds from familiar mid-tier brands, lower-effort browsing.

This is an actual store that buys clothes, inspects every piece, sorts them by condition (excellent / very good / good), and resells them. Around 55,000 brands. Madewell jeans for $20–$30 (retail closer to $130). Promo codes and sales most days. Take advantage of their AI tools to search for what you are looking for. It's magical. Get 40% off plus free shipping on your first order.

• The Real Real — for the luxury you want authenticated. I got a Moose Knuckles coat that costs originally $1350 for $300. Like new.

What I didn’t expect about shopping secondhand

Beyond the money, secondhand made me a more conscious shopper. Now, when I find something I like, my first move isn’t to buy it. It’s to ask three questions:

• Do I have something similar in my closet already?

• Why do I like this — the cut, the color, the way it photographs in the listing?

• Could I find this same piece, or something close, secondhand?

And because the answer to that third question is usually yes — eventually — there’s no rush. Nothing about shopping for clothes is urgent.

By the time I actually buy something, I know I really want it. I’ve given the search the time it deserves and I’ve paid a price I feel good about. And I bring it home knowing I chose it — not the FOMO or the sale.

Some of my secondhand purchases - in case you are curious

• My two quality winter coats are both secondhand;

• I got some running gear in pretty good shape - like expensive running belts for 1/4 of the price, thermal layers and running shorts;

• Incredible pieces from Reformation and Sezane - including linen ones and this gorgeous dress;

• The sequin skirt;

• Brand new winter boots.

• And so many other items…

And that's it! I'm super passionate about shopping secondhand and I think it's a great habit to be a more conscious shopper and save some money. If you’ve got a secondhand find you’re proud of — or a platform I missed — drop it in the comments.

It was a couple of months ago, while I was reflecting on my routine, that it hit me: accountability.

That was the common denominator in so many areas of my life.

I started thinking about everything I had been doing — and how, over time, I had found ways to stick to habits and routines by creating systems that helped me hold myself accountable.

Running. Journaling. Studying a language.

It was always there, in one way or another.

And yes, there’s always room for improvement. For sure. But that’s not the point here.

The point, for me, was realizing how much more successful I tend to be in certain routines and areas of my life when I implement a system that includes accountability.

In this post, I’m sharing how I hold myself accountable in different — and important — areas of my life.

Reading time

Honestly, I really wish I had structured a routine that included a fixed time for reading, and I’m working on that.

It’s surprising how long it takes to build a solid routine, especially as an adult, when you’re constantly trying to fit things around work, taking care of the house, and making time for hobbies. It sounds simple in theory. In practice, it takes a lot of trial and error.

Anyway, there are two ways I’m holding myself accountable when it comes to reading right now.

The first is by borrowing books from the New York Public Library.

Besides the fact that I can save money — because sometimes I just love to shop for books for the version of myself I wish I was, lol — having a fixed window to return them really creates a sense of urgency to finish. And most of the time, it works. I’m able to squeeze reading into my daily routine and finish the book before the deadline.

The other way is through a book club.

Not only does it force me to leave the house, but it’s also a chance to meet new people — hello, immigrants who need to make new friends — pick up a book I probably wouldn’t have chosen on my own, and, of course, read it within a specific timeline.

If you’re in NYC, I’d encourage you to search around Reddit to find a book club to join. And, of course, there are tons of online book clubs as well — even here on Substack.

In fact, I just discovered this website that lists book clubs.

Learning a language

Language learning is another area of my life that I really want to improve — and dedicate more time to.

For now, the way I hold myself accountable is by scheduling weekly lessons with private teachers. I currently take French and Spanish classes, and I constantly ask my teachers to give me homework and share extra materials, so I have something to work on between lessons.

I think having a scheduled session — whether private or in a group, in person or online — is a great strategy to create accountability and guarantee some contact with the language.

Yes, I know that when you’re learning a new language, the more you practice, the better. But I also think my weekly sessions are definitely better than nothing.

• One of my favorite platforms to book language lessons is italki. You can learn over 150 languages including English, Spanish, French, Chinese, etc. with professional online tutors.

• If your budget is tight, perhaps you could use Tandem. It's an app for language exchange. This has been on my bucket list for a while.

Running

I will always remember a message I received from a follower when I posted on Instagram that I was going to run my first half marathon:

“I sign up for races so I hold myself accountable.”

And, of course, every person is different, so maybe you don’t need that. But this is something I discovered after I started running: I function way better when I have a goal.

If I have a race on the calendar, I will follow a plan. Sometimes an easy one, sometimes a more structured one.

Signing up for my first half marathon helped me create so much accountability with running. Neither travel plans nor cold weather prevented me from following the plan. Having a race date and a training plan switched my mindset into “I have to” mode.

• If you are planning to start running or already into running, I highly recommend Runna! I’m truly obsessed with this app and I can’t recommend it enough! It is a running app designed to provide personalized training plans for runners of all levels, from beginners to marathoners. If you use my code LAURAP, you can try Runna for free for two weeks.

Another great way to hold yourself accountable with running is by joining a running club.

Similar to a book club, it’s a way to connect with people who share your interests — while also creating accountability. And, of course, some people really enjoy having company while running, so that can make the whole experience more fun too.

Working out

Yes, we have busy lives. And yes, it can be tricky to create accountability around exercise.

But I think a lot of people struggle with this because they rely on something that almost never shows up naturally: motivation.

And honestly, it’s dangerous to wait until you feel motivated to do the things you need to do. Because, guess what? You’re probably not going to feel motivated every time you need to show up.

My first piece of advice here would be to understand how much exercise can impact your life — not only in the long term, but also in your day-to-day mood, energy, sleep, and mental health.

I know aesthetics matter. And for some people, looking a certain way might be the main reason they want to go to the gym. But exercise gives you so much more than that.

So, before anything else, I’d say: educate yourself.

Pick up a book about longevity — there are so many good ones out there today — or listen to a podcast on the topic. I really believe knowledge is power. And once you understand the real benefits of exercise, it becomes easier to create accountability with yourself.

With that being said, there are other strategies that can work too.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I worked out from home for a couple of years. My strategy was simple: scheduled Zoom calls with my personal trainer in Brazil, three times a week.

Having a fixed time with someone — and knowing I had to wake up for that call because I didn’t want to let that person down — helped me stick with the habit.

It’s much harder to give up when someone is waiting for you.

Another great trick is signing up for classes at studios with strict cancellation policies.

A lot of these places won’t let you cancel last minute — you either lose the class credit or get charged a fee. And honestly, that can be an excellent way to not give up, especially when you schedule a class early in the morning or after work.

I also negotiate with my mind a little.

For example, depending on my goals, it’s important for me to spend some time on the treadmill after my strength training sessions. And, of course, by the end of my workout, I usually just want to go home.

So, to stick with the habit, I save my favorite podcasts for that specific moment. I only get to listen to them once I hit the treadmill. That way, my brain understands there’s a reward waiting for me.

And finally: because I’ve consumed a lot of content about working out, I’ve really internalized its importance.

I usually prefer to exercise first thing in the morning because I’d rather deal with those five minutes of laziness than remember at 3 p.m. that I still have to go to the gym.

Pay myself first — that’s my mantra.

Journaling

This is something I tried recently — and I would love to bring it back into my life soon.

Research by psychologist James W. Pennebaker and colleagues, beginning in the 1980s, showed that expressive writing about emotional experiences for just 15 to 20 minutes over several days can help reduce stress and anxiety, support immune function, and decrease rumination (Pennebaker & Beall, 1986; Smyth, 1998).

I experimented with journaling for nearly three months, writing three pages every single day. How? By doing The Artist’s Way.

I have a full post about it - and you can check it for more details, but I'm gonna summarize how I set myself up for success:

• I set my alarm for 30 minutes earlier than usual. That meant waking up at 6am, changing into my workout clothes, washing my face, brushing my teeth, and sitting down to write.

• The night before, I would set my environment up for success. I gathered my gym clothes and set up my coffee machine. Later, I switched from coffee to tea, so I would leave the mug, the tea, and the electric kettle ready the night before.

• I used website called 750 words. The founders explain that it was actually inspired by the Morning Pages, and that “250 words per page is considered the standard accepted number of words per page. So three standard pages equal about 750 words”. The interface is clean and private, of course. There are streaks. There is also data about your main themes and your feelings. And it counts the words for you. In fact, it even throws confetti once you hit 750 words. It turned out to be the perfect tool for me.

There are tons of articles and videos on the internet with journaling tips and prompts - I suggest you do your research and try to find an approach that works for you. Because The Artist's Way is a course, and writing every day is part of the course, I just told myself skipping the Morning Pages was a non-negotiable.

Final thoughts

I guess the biggest lesson for me is that accountability doesn’t have to look like discipline in its most intense form.

Sometimes it’s just a library deadline.
A class you already paid for.
A teacher waiting for you on Zoom.
A race on the calendar.
A book club meeting.
A podcast saved for the treadmill.
A tiny system that makes it harder to disappear from your own intentions.

And maybe that’s the point: instead of waiting to become the kind of person who magically does everything with perfect motivation, we can create structures that help us show up — especially on the days when motivation is nowhere to be found.

I’m still figuring this out, of course. Some areas of my life are more organized than others. Some routines are solid, some are still very much under construction.

But paying attention to what actually works for me has been helpful. And accountability, in all its different forms, seems to be one of those things.

I’d love to know: how do you hold yourself accountable? Do you use deadlines, classes, apps, friends, coaches, public commitments, rewards, guilt, calendar blocks — or something completely different?

Share your tips in the comments. I’m always looking for new ideas!

What we are currently streaming:

Catching up with the new seasons of Your Friends and Neighbors and Shrinking, both on Apple TV.

Saw a post the other day about how Shrinking is really about friendship, and it got me. I love how the show focuses on that rather than romantic relationships. Also, the fact that the main characters are therapists brings so many interesting reflections about vulnerability, trauma, and… just being human.

For Your Friends & Neighbors, I’m excited to see which direction the story is gonna take. The first season was so good, and I hope they keep the momentum.

TV Series

Nobody Wants This

I’m probably super late to the party, but I finally watched Nobody Wants This — there are two seasons available on Netflix, with a third season confirmed for this year — and I remember there were a lot of conversations about this show when it was released.

I was pleasantly surprised by it. This is the kind of show that, in my humble opinion, could have been just a silly one — but it’s not. I don’t know if it’s the cast or what — which, by the way, is incredible. I don’t even know how to pick my favorite character — but I just caught myself really invested.

It’s a comedy, but there’s also some drama and romance, since it’s about a podcast host and a rabbi navigating an unlikely relationship. It really made me think about how love can still face so many obstacles, even in these modern times we live in. Pretty interesting perspectives. Plus, the episodes are short, and you don’t even notice the time passing.

Love Story: John F. Kennedy Jr. & Carolyn Bessette

TV series based on real stories like this are so tricky. Although you start somehow knowing how it’s gonna end — especially when it’s a story like the one about JFK Jr. and Carolyn Bessette — there’s still no way to avoid the disappointment and sadness when the facts you already know become real on your screen.

I have some kind of obsession with series and movies based on real stories. I caught myself wondering how much of what was portrayed was true and what was fictionalized, and I felt so sorry for Carolyn.

And I’m not gonna deny it: for most of the time, I was really pissed at John and his behavior…

Books

Half His Age

I really loved Jennette McCurdy memoir - I'm glad my mom died - so I was super curious to check out her first fiction book. I found it by chance at the library and picked it up. I finished it really quickly, but overall, I didn’t love it. I liked her writing style, but the story was not a huge page-turner for me.

Margo's Got Money Troubles

Apple TV just released a series based on this book, which has been on my reading list for a while. And again, by chance, I found a copy at the library and grabbed it immediately. I didn’t even know there was a series in the works until I started reading it, but now I’m very curious about it.

The story is really good and not obvious — I mean, I didn’t see that coming. Margot is a young woman who is just figuring her life out when she has an affair with her English professor and ends up pregnant. Going against her friends’ and family’s advice, she keeps the baby. Then, alone with an infant and unemployed, she tries something: an OnlyFans account as an experiment.

Such a fun read!

• Shop here.

Podcasts

Decided to listen to this episode after watching a clip on social media and I must say, I was really impressive with José Andrés work. I knew about his reputation as a chef, but I didn’t know he was such a renowned humanitarian who founded a a nonprofit that provides meals in response to humanitarian, climate, and community crises. I finished the episode believing more in the mankind.

YouTube

I've watched a lot of YouTube videos last month - but this one is the one worth being highlighted. Such a deep and interesting investigation around the “Tradwife” - scary - phenomenon.

I was a guest on Where We Land podcast and I shared more about my story moving to the US and staying here under a dependent visa for a long time.

And finally, I really liked some of the tips shared on this video. Hopefully, it's gonna be useful for some of you as well!

Some interesting readings…

• I just wanted to give another shoutout to my friend's Substack - Never Not Hungry. I think is doing a phenomenal job bringing content about fitness and nutrition for women, with no BS and not false promises.

• This article on NY Mag caught my attention, especially because I'm familiar with the mentioned sub-Reddit. I'm human and I love when people spilled the tea, but at some point, I started to ask myself if it was worth to waste my time and energy just to read mean things about influencers. The conclusion was, of course, nope.

And before you leave…

I just have to remind you we had so many incredible conversations with women living abroad on my show Transplants… Here are some of them:

Let’s start by stating something obvious: any exercise is better than no exercise. I guess we need to remember that in times when there’s so much pressure around performance when it comes to moving your body.

You know, I’m a runner, and there’s a lot of noise about pace, speed, and PRs, and sometimes it’s hard not to judge myself and fall into the comparison trap. If I constantly find myself in that position, I can conclude I’m not alone.

I guess there are a lot of people out there who feel insecure about starting a sport or exercising just because they feel they can’t do enough: the glamorous routines, the expensive gym memberships, and the countless supplements.

Study after study shows that even people who start moving later, after being pretty inactive, can lower their risk of dying earlier and improve health markers. Even modest activity, below the “ideal” recommendations, already seems to make a difference.

And, you know, it’s better to build a routine around habits that can stick, not something that you will easily give up on down the line.

With that being said, and especially after the pandemic, I guess more people see working out from home as an alternative.

Perhaps there’s no affordable gym nearby.

Perhaps their schedule is tight and saving time by not commuting is crucial.

Perhaps they feel intimidated by the gym environment.

Whatever the reason is, again, any exercise is better than no exercise.

And, as the title says, I did it. I worked out from home for over three years and, at some point, 5-6 times a week. And even though now I go to a gym, I really think my experience at home also contributed to the accountability I have today. So, without further ado, let’s get to the point.

What really worked for me - structure and accountability

t’s not hard to picture it: it was 2020, and we were all locked inside our homes. Remember, I live in New York City, and the situation here was not easy at all.

After a couple of months, I realized I had to do something about my situation. Not only did I want to lose some weight, but I also knew moving my body would be beneficial for my mental health.

So I did what probably most people would do: I searched the internet for workout classes. I followed some dance and HIIT videos on YouTube, but it was not easy to stay focused.

Before I knew it, I had gone over a month without exercising. At the same time, I was not finding motivation in those same YouTube videos. My tendency was to always play the videos I already knew, and that didn’t challenge me. I just wanted to get it done quickly.

Then, a friend of mine told me that she had started exercising with a personal trainer online. She loved the experience, and since I was feeling unmotivated to exercise at home, I decided to give it a try, especially after she said this:

“We have scheduled online sessions, and since I know she is waiting for me, I can’t miss them.”

That, my friends, is called accountability. Having a scheduled time with someone and knowing I had to wake up for that call, because I couldn’t let that person down, helped me stick with the habit.

Your chances of giving up decrease when you have someone waiting for you.

And with those scheduled sessions came another thing that, for me, is essential when it comes to succeeding with working out: structure.

After discussing my goals and my availability, the personal trainer came up with a schedule and a training plan. So, three times a week, I had someone guiding me through my laptop for around 50 minutes.

Having accountability and structure made it easier to incorporate this new habit into my life. I had someone waiting for me and guiding me on what to do, which removed friction and made it more obvious, which is, by the way, one of the ideas from the famous book Atomic Habits.

If I had had to figure out by myself what to do by browsing tons of workouts on the internet and trying to hold myself accountable for doing them, chances are I would not have done it. I mean, I tried that at first, remember?

Now, does that mean you need a personal trainer in order to work out from home?

Not necessarily. My guess is that you need to, at least, have something figured out: either someone who is going to come up with a plan for you, like in my case, or something that offers some structure. There are tons of fitness instructors with their own platforms, offering a variety of programs with different classes.

I really believe that having structure is important when we are building new habits. It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed by the amount of options and get lost.

Equipment: start with what you got

Over the almost four years I worked out from home, I built my own gym: weights in different sizes, a Bosu ball, ankle weights, a kettlebell, mini bands, and a TRX. Don’t picture a dedicated room with Pinterest vibes and a pastel-colored wall. Everything was stored inside my closet, and I would exercise in my bedroom, sometimes in my living room.

But everything started with only a set of two resistance bands. When I realized I had built consistency, I bought more gym equipment, always guided by my personal trainer.

A lot of people say they will start exercising when they can buy the expensive indoor bike, or the fancy mat, or the coordinated set of dumbbells.

Forget that. Start with what you have and do your best with it. Whether it is walking three times a week or doing a 20-minute workout at home every day, I believe consistency is super important when we are starting.

You don’t need to wait for the perfect circumstances. That may never happen. Start with consistency. It helps create momentum and build a habit.

With that being said, I thought it would be helpful to share some of the things I used while working out from home, especially the more compact and versatile ones that you could easily store anywhere.

• Nice C Adjustable Dumbbell Weight – one of the cleverest solutions for people who work out from home, and there are tons of other options to choose from. They come with removable weight bars that allow you to set your desired weight, so you don't need a bulky set of dumbbells.

• TRX Suspension Trainer – this is a famous, lightweight suspension trainer that is easy to use as a home workout system or take on the go, and you can work your entire body with it. It's convenient, doesn't take up a lot of space, and is versatile.

• Resistance bands - another great prop that doesn’t take up space. They are available in varying resistance levels, and they can be used for exercises for both arms and legs. These are my go-to when I travel and there’s no gym available, but I still want to get a workout in.

• Wrist and ankle weights - these add constant but comfortable resistance to a workout. Highly versatile, they can be worn on the wrists or ankles for training and recreational activities alike.

• Sliders - great for core workouts, but also for other exercises such as lunges, squats, and upper-body movements. Super lightweight and compact.

Workouts - some platform suggestions

As I mentioned, I really believe having structure, meaning following some kind of plan, is key to a successful workout routine at home. And luckily, there are tons, I repeat, tons, of platforms to sign up for. That can be a blessing or a curse, because it’s so easy to get overwhelmed by the amount of options.

Well, it was another thing I also incorporated into my workout journey. Back in 2020, after a month or two of exercising with the personal trainer, I decided to add some cardio. This was before my running era.

So, after looking for online exercise platforms here in the U.S., I ended up hearing about Bodi. I got a membership, and I loved it. It’s like a Netflix for workouts, lol. There are so many programs to choose from, covering strength, cardio, HIIT, yoga, Pilates, low-impact, mobility, and short-form sessions like 10-minute workouts.

Besides that, I also tried The Sculpt Society by Megan Roup. It is focused on dance cardio and body sculpting workouts. The classes are simple and fun, using little to no equipment. What I love about this platform is the number of dance workouts and also the fact that it is focused on women. You can get a free month here.

If I were starting to work out from home today, I would also check out Studio Era, by Madelaine Rascan, simply because I absolutely love her approach to fitness and her sense of humor.

PS: mostly of these platforms - if not all - offer a free trial.

Last but not least, last year I briefly incorporated at-home workouts into my routine again. Since I wanted to get back to Pilates, but was not ready for the commitment of a studio and needed something more flexible, I did some research and discovered Move with Nicole and Burn Pilates, both on YouTube. These two channels offer free classes led by two incredible instructors. I also tried some classes from Amanda Blauer - who has a paid Pilates platform, and I really enjoyed them.

Some final tips to set yourself up for success

• Don’t underestimate your workout just because you are exercising at home. Get ready for it, put on an activewear outfit, and block some time on the calendar. Treat it as a commitment, and you will take it more seriously.

• Good habits need consistency. Start with something that you will be able to commit to for a certain period of time and at a certain frequency, so it is easier not to give up.

• Check your nutrition if you feel ready for it. The truth is that what we eat has a huge impact on how we feel, how we show up for our workouts, and our results overall.

• But be gentle. You know yourself better than anyone. Some people perform better by going all in when changing their habits. Other people prefer to take small steps. You do you.

Check these other posts about my fitness journey:

When I make a decision, my instinct is to jump right into it - especially when it’s been sitting as a quiet discomfort for a while. In this case, my discomfort was the editorial direction of this newsletter. For the past few months, I’ve felt off about it. Nothing dramatic, just a constant sense that something wasn’t quite aligned. And I was shocked on how hard it is to actually take time to reflect about something and not just live on autopilot.

If you’re new here: I’m a Brazilian journalist and content creator based in NYC since 2014. For years, my identity and my work were the same thing: the Big Apple. I created content about the city, published over 2k posts on my blog and lots of videos on my channel, and became the person everyone asked for NYC tips. I loved that — I really did.

In 2020, burned out and ready for a change, I started exploring new directions — different topics, different languages, different versions of myself. I questioned everything. With time, patience, therapy, and tears, things slowly came together. That's what led me to launch my podcast, Transplants.

And I also I started this newsletter — The Tiny Apple — as a space to share my interests more freely: NYC tips, shopping finds, beauty, fashion, and personal reflections. Writing has always been my favorite way to express myself, especially after years of creating content shaped by SEO and algorithms. I’ve genuinely loved this space.

But a few weeks ago, I finally sat down and asked myself: What do I actually want this space to be?

And the answer wasn’t about New York.

Little by little, I realized I was holding on to a version of myself that no longer fully fit. A version that talks about NYC because that’s what I’ve always done — not because it’s all I care about anymore.

And because transformation is not a straight line, at the same time, I’ve been trying to live with more intention. Call it maturity, call it aging, I feel I've been chasing a life lead by less autopilot, more boundaries, more “fuck yes”, and less noise. I can see that shift reflected everywhere: in my routines, my health, my relationships, my work.

When I remove the pressure to “match the name,” what’s left is actually very clear. What I care about — what actually excites me — is what I consume, what I try, what I keep. What makes my life more *mine*.

From the books I read to the sheets I choose for my bed, I try to be intentional about what I let into my life — and I want to share the things that survive the filter. Not because I'm trying to cover everything, but because that's what my life actually looks like: fitness, food, shopping, habits, routines, self-improvement, hard questions, things that don't have easy answers.

And listen, I know this change might not look drastic from the outside. But internally, it changes everything and it gives me permission to own this part of me that has multiple interests, likes to try and experiment with new things and share about it.

I’m not a specialist. I’m a curious person trying to build a better life — and sharing what I learn along the way.

And here's what I didn't expect: this connects directly to what I do with Transplants. Yes, living abroad is the backdrop — but what I'm really drawn to is women who take the leap, even when they're afraid, and try to build something more authentic for themselves. That's the thread between both projects. That's what I keep coming back to.

Welcome to Life Cravings 💭

notes on what’s worth it in life (to me).

A place where I share what I’m drawn to, what I’m testing, and what I’m keeping — while building a life that feels good, in real life.

You can expect a mix of things I’m testing, keeping, and coming back to, all grounded in real life.

• What I’m craving (curiosities, experiments, new directions)

• What I’m savoring (routines, products, what stuck)

• What I’m digesting (reflections, shifts, uncomfortable truths)

You can expect:

• Screenshots - my monthly post with recs on movies, TV series, books, and podcasts.

• Shopping Bites - occasional posts with random shopping recommendations—related (or not) to beauty, fashion, and home.

• Posts and reflections sharing my journey trying to be the best version of myself, internally speaking, and also wellness, fitness, beauty and fashion.

Some weeks will be more practical, some will be more reflective, but most will be a mix of both. If it makes my life better - and sticks - it’ll probably end up here.

All my stories about life abroad live on Transplants — make sure to subscribe and hear from incredible women around the world who have so much to share. You can subscribe to Transplants using the form below - and also follow me there on .

Transplants 🫀

A podcast featuring interviews with women thriving in new roots abroad. Here, we unpack the transitions, culture shocks, setbacks, and joys of starting a new life in another country. Because real stories are the strongest way to spark real growth.

By Laura Peruchi

1. A cashmere thermal layer

I know winter is officially over, but we all know it takes a while for the weather to actually get warmer, so I thought my rec would still count. I mentioned I was eyeing this Cashmere Blend T-Shirt from Uniqlo in my previous shopping post. I ended up buying two, with no regrets. Love the fit, love how comfortable it feels, and love how versatile it is. Plus, it has the same composition as the one from Intimissimi for half the price.

• Shop here.

2. A dupe for the Aritzia Super Puff

I did a lot of research on the internet - meaning reading reviews on Reddit - about the differences and similarities between the famous Super Puff from Aritzia and the versions from Quince. I ended up getting a short one from Quince, and it was such a pleasant surprise. Super cute, with great details to keep you warm: cuffs with thumbholes, a removable hood, and filled with down. A friend of mine has the long version, and she is also pretty happy with it.

• Shop here!

3. An upgrade to the famous fake translucent tights

Another item I had mentioned I was keeping my eye on and ended up buying with absolutely no regrets. I’ll be honest, I was very skeptical about the dual-layer thing, but it actually creates a much more natural effect on the legs. These fit SO well, and trust me, they look more realistic than the Amazon ones I’ve been recommending for years.

• Shop here!

4. The most luxurious pajamas I've ever had

Back in the summer, I preached about my short silk pajama set from Intimissimi and how it felt so comfortable, light, and -why not - luxurious. So, I took advantage of their Black Friday and bought the long version - but I waited almost three months to get my hands on it, lol. I asked my sister to buy it in France; it’s like half the price (silk is so expensive!). Well, I don’t know if I’m happy or devastated, because the long ones feel even better than the short ones, and I may not want to use any other PJs in my life, lol.

• Shop here!

• I also discovered a dupe from Quince here.

5. A lightweight serum moisturizer

This new product from The Ordinary contains ectoin, one of my favorite ingredients, which is super moisturizing. It basically offers all the hydration of a rich cream in a very lightweight formula. I’m loving it!

• Shop here!

6. A brand that offers everything to make fermentation foods at home

Skyr is my favorite yogurt, and because I’ve been so obsessed with it, I decided to check if it was possible to buy the culture to make it at home, and voilà: I discovered the wonderful world of Cultures for Health, a website that offers everything you need to make fermented foods, from kombucha to cheeses, from yogurts to sourdough bread. So far, I’ve tried their skyr culture, their tempeh culture, and even their sourdough culture. They also sell the tools you need to succeed in your fermentation journey.

• Shop here!

7. An easy setup to grow sprouts at home

As you can notice, I’ve been super invested in hands-on experiences and DIY experiments, so I got some sprouting seeds and this kit, and I’ve been growing my sprouts non-stop! It’s so cool to have fresh sprouts to put on my salads and toasts. I even bought a kit for my mom in Brazil, and she is obsessed!

• Shop here!

And an app I'm obssessed!

And when I thought I would never use another closet app… my sister introduced me to Alta and let me tell you, this is a game-changer. Not only you can cataloguing all your items and create/plan outfits, their AI feature that enhances photos - no more wrinkle clothes and pics that don't reflect the reality. The avatar function is such a fun touch, it really helps visualize outfits in a very dynamic way.

I know I should have sent this post by the end of February, but I was away and my schedule was not the same. Let's look from the good side though: I have accumulated tons of recs for you!

What we are currently streaming:

• I just feel that I will sound like everyone else on the internet, because we are currently watching Love Story: John F. Kennedy Jr. & Carolyn Bessette, and I guess there's something fascinating about productions based on real stories, although there is a lot of fictionalization. So far, I'm loving it, and it's very interesting to see New York City in the background in the 90s. And, of course, I've already Googled some facts because I got really curious and invested.

TV Series

The Beast in Me

I mentioned we were streaming this show in my last SCREENSHOTS edition, and I'm happy to report that we absolutely loved it, hence my recommendation. This is a psychological crime thriller miniseries about an author who gets involved in a dangerous mystery when a controversial public figure becomes her neighbor. I told my mom and my sister to watch while they were in Brazil, and they both binge-watched it and finished it in two or three days, I guess.

Movies

Good Fortune

The only movie I watched during my flight to Brazil, and it was certainly a good one. I had seen the trailer before, and I was curious about it. I must say it was beyond my expectations. A great comedy about an angel called Gabriel (Keanu Reeves) who is just looking for more challenges besides protecting people from crashing when they text and drive. By trying to do his best, he meddles in the lives of a struggling gig worker (Aziz Ansari) and a wealthy venture capitalist (Seth Rogen). It's hilarious, and there's a lot of criticism of our society as well.

Books

Atomic Habits

I mentioned this book in my article about phone addiction. It's not a new book, and I guess there's a big chance you've already read it or at least heard something about it. All I can say is that it's worth the hype. James Clear breaks down the mechanics behind good and bad habits in a way that’s simple but powerful. There are practical frameworks and useful real-life examples of how to create good habits and diminish the bad ones.

• Shop here!

The French Ingredient

One of the things that I absolutely love about Substack is how it leads me to discover amazing publications and people with incredible stories and fascinating content. I've recently started to follow and it was because of one of her notes that I discovered 's book: The French Ingredient, a memoir.

And perhaps I’m biased, because stories of immigration are probably my favorite ones, hence my podcast Transplants, but I had such a great time reading Jane’s book. She moved to London from the U.S. for work and eventually was offered an opportunity in Paris. In the French capital, she learned how to navigate French bureaucracy, the French way of life, and how she eventually decided to create her own business, opening a cooking school.

I loved not only reading about her journey and her bold steps, but I also enjoyed how she explains all the French “rules” and how she learned them.

• Shop here!

Youtube

I'm absolutely obsessed with Madelaine Rascan - she is a fitness instructor and I love her sense of humor and her practical tips and recipes.

Incredible video and analysis from Hasan Minhaj about the H1B visa.

Podcasts

I've listened to a looooot of podcasts over the last two months and I'm gonna highlight some of my favorite episodes.

I really enjoyed this conversation with Jennette McCurdy. She is the author of the best-selling memoir “I'm Glad My Mom Died,” and she has recently launched a new book, now fiction. During this conversation, she talked a lot about her relationship with her mother and many of the experiences she shared in her memoir, as well as how those experiences have influenced her new book.

“You can't live your life trying to change the opinions of other people, it doesn't work, you make yourself miserable,” perhaps just to hear Kate Winslet sharing this powerful advice, this episode was worth the play.

Another interesting and enriching conversation for the books. It was really enlightening to learn more about addiction, both substances and behaviors. It's a long one, but here's a tip: I usually listen to long episodes in installments, it's probably better to do it this way in order to absorb the content.

Unless you were living under a rock, you probably remember the Coldplay kiss cam scandal from last year, lol. And considering the video had over 300B views, I guess we can imagine there were complicated consequences.

Well, Kristin Cabot, the blonde woman caught on camera with her boss, decided to give an interview to Oprah. And well, I guess we should not just make assumptions about other people’s lives, and it’s really scary how social media can ruin people’s lives.

Some interesting readings…

• How to make friends abroad as an immigrant - I absolutely loved this post from about making friends abroad. I’ve related to so many of the points brought by her.

• The contemplations of building a personal brand while craving a digital detox - another essay I could have easily written about the paradox of wanting an offline while living in a digital era.

• I regret having children - not an easy read from New York Magazine - but I guess de-romanticize motherhood is important so people can make genuine decisions, not based on what society expects from you.

And before you leave…

I just have to remind you we had so many incredible conversations with women living abroad on my show Transplants… Here are some of them:

This is not my quote, and it’s probably not 100% accurately written, but you get the point. It’s something I’ve been trying to remind myself of every day for a couple of months now, and it’s probably what ultimately made me feel compelled to try “The Artist’s Way”.

After seeing it pop up on my social media channels a couple of times, I started to get more and more curious about it and felt I had to try it.

And because giving myself the chance to try different approaches and strategies has been my mantra, hence the quote that opens this post, I decided to just do it. After completing it, I felt it could be helpful to share my experience. So, let’s dig into it.

What's The Artist's Way?

First published in 1992, The Artist’s Way is a book written by Julia Cameron, and it’s a 12-week program designed to help people reconnect with their creativity. The book treats creative blocks as something learned, not as a lack of talent.

The main goal isn’t to make you an artist, but to help you recover the part of you that creates, plays, and takes risks.

Because it’s a 12-week program, there’s a certain level of commitment, especially considering that, at its core, the program revolves around two simple practices: the Morning Pages and the Artist Date. The Morning Pages are perhaps the most challenging task, since they consist of writing three pages every day for 12 weeks, first thing in the morning.

Once I decided to start, I wanted to set myself up for success. It was mid-November, and I gave myself some time to reflect on it and think about how I would approach it.

Just so you have an idea of how little I trusted my ability to finish it, I didn’t even buy the book. I borrowed it from the library because, even though it was only $15, I would have felt bad buying it and then giving up.

And since I had a trip to Brazil scheduled for February and wanted to be done with the book by the time of the trip - because my routine changes a lot when I’m visiting my family - I decided I would start on the first day of December.

There’s nothing better than starting something fresh on the first day of a new month, especially during a month when most people are postponing everything until the new year.

How The Artist’s Way works - and my approach to it

So, as I mentioned, the book’s core revolves around two main practices: Morning Pages and Artist Dates. For each chapter, Cameron also proposes Weekly Tasks, and each week has a theme, such as:

• Recovering a sense of safety

• Recovering identity

• Recovering possibility

• Recovering strength

• Recovering autonomy

For the Morning Pages, the idea is to write three longhand pages. It has to be the first thing you do in the morning. The goal is not journaling for insight, it’s journaling for drainage. Cameron explains that this is the time to let your internal censor speak.

I would describe it as a daily brain dump. It’s not a moment to write something to be proud of. It’s not a moment to be perfectionistic or to follow a prompt. It’s simply about writing until you complete three pages. Writing whatever comes to your mind.

The whole idea behind this daily exercise is to clear cognitive noise, surface buried desires, and weaken your internal critic.

How I set myself up for success with the Morning Pages: I set my alarm for 30 minutes earlier than usual. That meant waking up at 6am, changing into my workout clothes, washing my face, brushing my teeth, and sitting down to write.

The night before, I would set my environment up for success. I gathered my gym clothes and set up my coffee machine. Later, I switched from coffee to tea, so I would leave the mug, the tea, and the electric kettle ready the night before.

Another important thing is that I didn’t feel like writing by hand. Yes, Cameron talks about the importance of doing the Morning Pages longhand, but remember, for me, it was about setting the right environment and conditions for success, and I know myself. I don’t like my handwriting. I knew it would take longer if I followed the original method, which would increase the chances of giving up.

After seeing lots of posts on the book’s subreddit, I discovered a website called 750 words. The founders explain that it was actually inspired by the Morning Pages, and that “250 words per page is considered the standard accepted number of words per page. So three standard pages equal about 750 words”.

The interface is clean and private, of course. There are streaks. There is also data about your main themes and your feelings. And it counts the words for you. In fact, it even throws confetti once you hit 750 words.

It turned out to be the perfect tool for me.

The Morning Pages exercise was my religion for those 12 weeks. It was the only task from the book that I followed without failing.

How I treated the Artist Dates: The idea of the Artist Date is pretty much self-explanatory: take yourself on a solo date to get inspired. Think about going to a coffee shop, browsing a bookstore, or visiting a museum.

The main goal is to feed what the author calls your “inner artist.” It’s not supposed to be productive. It’s supposed to be pleasurable, something you do for yourself, just because you deserve it.

I know this has been changing, but I think a lot of people still feel afraid or uncomfortable doing pleasant things by themselves. So this becomes a good excuse.

I would say my Artist Date success rate was around 70%. I must confess there were weeks when I didn’t take myself out. But it definitely pushed me to do something I would always tell myself I would do and never actually do, which is going to a coffee shop to work for a few hours.

And I have no words to describe how much those weekly outings helped my productivity, inspiration, and creativity. I was also able to try different things, like taking a dance class.

How I treated the Weekly Tasks: each week, you read a new chapter in which Cameron explores a specific theme around creativity, such as safety, identity, power, possibility, or self-trust. The chapters combine reflections, incredible real-life examples, and the weekly tasks, which are practical exercises and small challenges designed to uncover creative blocks and gradually rebuild confidence.

These tasks include reflection questions and behavioral experiments. I usually did them at a coffee shop, and for these exercises, I prioritized handwriting, which I highly recommend. It can be very grounding and surprisingly therapeutic.

As someone who recently went through a life coaching process and explored many similar exercises, I gave myself permission to choose which ones I would do, which ones I would skip, and which ones I would simply reflect on.

My takeaways from The Artist's Way

It’s 6:11 AM on a Monday morning in December, the sun is not even out yet and I’m here asking myself why do I do this? Why I can never be just chill and just be? Why am I always chasing something? Is this good? Is this bad? It’s like: I have nothing to do, so let’s just add another thing to the list, another thing with no flexibility. But oh gosh, at the same time, I can look to the future and think on how proud I will be about myself by completing this.

This is the first paragraph from my first entry on 750 Words, on December 1st. As you can see, I wasn’t very thrilled about doing this. Do I regret it? Absolutely not.

December was a very transformative month for me, and I don’t know exactly what to credit. It was the month my husband and I completely changed our perspective on home organization and improved dozens of small things in our apartment. It was the month I started fighting harder against my phone addiction. And it was the month I began The Artist’s Way and committed to the Morning Pages.

It was not easy to show up every day, especially in the winter, before the sun had risen. But I have to give Julia Cameron credit for insisting on the whole conversation about your internal censor. In the book, she describes it as the critical voice in your head that judges, shames, and shuts down creative impulses. I mean, can you see my internal censor in those very first lines?

The whole idea of the Morning Pages is to disarm that internal censor. Writing stream of consciousness pages every day, without editing or rereading, is a way to bypass it.

I can confirm this works. When I was a teenager, I used to journal every day. I did that for years, and I got to a point where I would write pages and pages. I loved that little ritual. I was usually excited to journal about both the good and the bad. Looking back, I’m so proud of that younger version of myself who used writing to ground herself and better understand her feelings.

Fast forward to 2026, and I reconnected with that habit thanks to The Artist’s Way, with some differences, of course. Doing it first thing in the morning, before your day starts, and in my case when everything outside is quiet, feels different.

And don’t be fooled, these pages are not special or beautiful. I am mean, angry, anxious. I complain. I also reflect. And little by little, it became a habit, and I started to notice the benefits. I felt more grounded, and I noticed I was being kinder in the conversations I had with myself.

I’m not going to lie, I started The Artist’s Way thinking I was going to have a huge revelation at the end of the 12 weeks. At the beginning, I felt like a kid waiting for Christmas Day, wondering what gifts I was going to find.

But then I realized it was about the journey. Writing those pages every day brought me clarity. Taking myself on dates here and there made me feel more inspired and even compelled to try different things.

I signed up for a dance class because of one of the exercises in the book, and I even looked into drum classes. I had tears in my eyes while doing some of the other tasks. I even applied for a program in Creative Writing.

Although I am still waiting for a response and have no idea if I have a real chance, the whole application process helped me reconnect with my academic past. I remembered so many of my accomplishments from college, and I felt so proud of myself. One of the biggest realizations was reconnecting with one of my final projects, a book with ten stories from my hometown of 7,000 people.

Looking back, it was fascinating to see my interest in other people’s stories reflected today in my most ambitious project, Transplants, a podcast featuring conversations with women living abroad. Maybe that was my sign.

PS: Julia Cameron talks a lot about God. It’s not supposed to be in a traditional religious sense, but it does sound very religious at times. So sometimes I would just skip those parts. I’m not religious, but I do believe in the power of the universe and energy, which is why I mentioned a “sign.”

The Morning Pages are not efficient by chance

Although Morning Pages and journaling have some differences, the first has no structure and must be done in the morning, while the second has a flexible format, structure, and frequency, both are tools for self awareness. They create space between you and your thoughts, helping you externalize what is happening internally.

This is not an assumption, it is science. Research by psychologist James W. Pennebaker and colleagues, beginning in the 1980s, showed that expressive writing about emotional experiences for just 15 to 20 minutes over several days can significantly reduce stress and anxiety, improve immune function, and decrease rumination (Pennebaker & Beall, 1986; Smyth, 1998).

Later neuroscience research found that putting feelings into words increases activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is associated with regulation, and reduces amygdala activation, which is linked to fear responses (Lieberman et al., 2007).

In other words, writing does not just feel relieving. It measurably changes how the brain processes emotion.

I became so attached to the benefits of this new habit that I promised myself I would continue after the 12 weeks. I still need to structure what my days will look like, but I am currently writing this post in Brazil, and I have already used writing to make sense of some anxiety I felt the other day.

Because I like structure and accountability, I ended up buying a book called The Book of Alchemy: A Creative Practice for an Inspired Life, and I intend to start it once I get back to New York. The description is promising:

A companion through challenging times, The Book of Alchemy is broken into themes ranging from new beginnings to love, loss, and rebuilding. Whether you’re a lifelong journaler or new to the practice, this book gives you the tools, direction, and encouragement to engage with discomfort, ask questions, peel back the layers, dream daringly, uncover your truest self—and in doing so, to learn to hold the unbearably brutal and astonishingly beautiful facts of life in the same palm.

Going back to the quote that opens this post, you cannot expect different results by keeping doing the same exact things: if there is one thing The Artist’s Way made me realize, it is how much I love to write. And if I want to become a better writer, I need to incorporate that practice into my day more often.

If you are thinking about doing “The Artist's Way"…

Here’s my advice: be open to it and trust the process. When I decided I wanted to do it, I didn’t start immediately. I took a few days to reflect on how I could set myself up for success. It’s a 12 week process, so don’t rush into it. That would be my number one piece of advice, because life happens and it is not that easy to incorporate a new habit.

Also, speaking of habits, set up your environment for this new ritual. That also means finding the best tool for you, whether it is handwriting or using a platform like 750 Words.

Try your best to complete the weekly tasks, but don’t be too hard on yourself if you cannot do everything. I truly believe the most important practices in the book are the Morning Pages and the Artist Dates.

And last but not least, pay attention to yourself. Take notes from your Morning Pages. I am sure that if you are truly intentional about the practice, you will see meaningful outcomes.

Have you tried The Artist's Way?

If you’ve been here for a while, you already know about my battles with social media and smartphone addiction. It has been two years since my first wake-up call, when I deleted Instagram for a couple of days and felt the impact on my well-being. And it has been a little over a year since I started using an app to block social media on my phone.

I’ve been very vocal about my dissatisfaction with the online world. The more I reflect on it and consume content about it, the more I realize I’m not the only millennial craving a more offline life — and fantasizing about deleting everything from my phone.

It’s the paradox of being a creator these days. You need a platform, and some are better than others, but at the end of the day, we’re all trying to feed this invisible god called the algorithm. Instagram, TikTok, X, LinkedIn — you name it.

Even on Substack, which I don’t think is that bad, many of us are still trapped in the “posting notes” rabbit hole (not saying it doesn’t work, okay? But it’s all about posting forever).

And then there’s also the scrolling.

Anyway, back in December 2024, when I started using Freedom to block certain apps on my phone and computer, I think my relationship with social media improved a lot overall. But I still wasn’t happy with my habits.

Freedom works perfectly for me. If I know certain app is blocked — let’s use Instagram as an example — I don’t even bother trying to open it. But whenever the time window was open and I knew IG was available, I would just check and check and check and check.

Sure, you could argue it was a short window — in my case, I had set for two hours — but I still didn’t like the way I was behaving. Always feeling FOMO. Checking every five minutes, as if checking more often would somehow increase the probability of finding something new.

Not to mention the amount of content that adds nothing to my life — hate speech, disturbing news, “the world is ending” vibes, and so on. Add to that, of course, the comparison trap. Everyone else seems more beautiful, more toned, more successful, and happier than you.

And while limiting my access to IG has definitely helped, there’s still something deeply disturbing about the era we’re living in: how often we reach for our phones for no real reason.

I’m not talking about checking the weather or your calendar. I’m talking about picking up your phone just to look for something — that dopamine hit, that notification.

Did I get a new email?
Did I receive a new message?
Let me check my podcast stats.

See, I had eliminated a lot of noise by cutting out some social media, but the urge to check, check, check was still there. The inability to stay bored without reaching for your phone is just… sad. And the consequences? I was constantly anxious, and my attention span was a mess.

Then, on a Friday night in December, YouTube suggested this video:

Yes, it’s a long one — 45 minutes — and that alone is a great test to see whether you can handle long-form content without getting distracted, lol.

I’m going to summarize the video, but I highly recommend you watch it. Eddy Burback is a YouTuber based in Los Angeles, and he decided to run a serious experiment: he locked away his phone for a month (physically on a locker) and explored alternatives for everyday tasks.

That meant, for example, relying on public transportation — in a city like L.A., can you imagine? — because he couldn’t request an Uber. He even got a landline so friends and family could reach him.

The reflections he shared — especially realizing he wasn’t used to being bored — really hit home. I swear, I went to bed that night and told my husband something had to change.

And I meant it. I started taking serious measures immediately after, and I want to share everything that has been working for me.

How I have been decreasing my screen time and fighting my smartphone addiction

I’m going to share all the strategies I’ve been using to cut my screen time. But first, remember: this is not about willpower. You have to set yourself up for success. Otherwise, it’s way too easy to fall back into that rabbit hole.

First and foremost: no phones when you wake up. No phones when you go to bed. The world is not going to end.

“But I use my phone as an alarm clock.”

There are plenty of analog devices you can use instead — like a basic alarm clock that costs less than $10. Honestly, you can walk into almost any local store and find one for $5.

And I don’t know about you, but I hated waking up to my phone alarm. I’d always wake up startled and stressed.

So if you really want to change your routine, my advice is to get a sunrise alarm clock. I’ve been using mine for almost a year now, and it not only keeps my phone out of reach in the morning, it also helps me wake up more naturally — especially when the sun rises so late this time of year.

Ninety percent of the time, I wake up with the sunrise light before the actual alarm goes off — which is usually birdsong or a calm instrumental sound. I have the Hatch sunrise alarm clock, but there are plenty of similar options on the market.

Using an app to block distractions - yes, I know, I know… you can set time limits on your iPhone. But let’s be honest: time limits don’t stop you from ignoring the warning and just keeping going.

What worked for me was using Freedom to literally block my access. It allows me to create different block sessions for my phone, desktop, laptop, and so on. Once it’s locked, it’s locked. And that makes all the difference.

Turn off notifications - Pay attention to how you react when you hear that notification sound. It’s a clue. Your brain immediately registers that something is there, and suddenly there’s this urge to check it. That endless phone game. That dopamine hit.

Be extremely conservative about which apps you allow to interrupt you. On my phone, it’s only text messages, phone calls, and WhatsApp, and even for WhatsApp, I don’t allow sound notifications. Everything else? It can wait.

These were the three strategies I’ve been using for over a year - and they’ve already made a huge difference for me.

Now, let’s talk about the new strategies I’ve been trying since December. I just finished Atomic Habits, by James Clear, and a lot of these tips are backed by his book.

Deleting apps - Most materials on this topic — like Digital Minimalism — will tell you the same thing: delete the apps. The goal is to turn your smartphone into something closer to a dumb phone. There are tons of apps we simply don’t need on our phones.

You can always reinstall them if you truly need them — but you’ll probably realize you don’t miss most of them. I had already limited my access to Pinterest because I was constantly opening it just to scroll. After blocking it for a while and realizing I didn’t actually need it, I finally deleted it from my phone.

So maybe start by using Freedom to set boundaries.

Keep certain apps available only during a short window of time. Eventually, you’ll forget about them — and then you can delete them.

Right now, I don’t have any social media apps on my phone. No IG, no TikTok, no Substack, no Facebook. And as I write this post, I just deleted my Gmail app. Our phones have become our pacifiers. It’s so easy to find something to check — constantly, nonstop. But it’s not necessary. And hey, don’t panic. You can always reinstall it if you REALLY need it.

But, you know, you can also set boundaries… Before deleting all these distractions from my phone, I had them blocked until 9 a.m. That way, I could always have a peaceful morning and workout routine — and not hog gym equipment while scrolling.

We don’t need to see Blake (just a random name for that influencer) living her “perfect” life on Instagram before we’ve even had our dose of caffeine. And speaking of her… why are you still following her? Which leads me to the next topic…

Be intentional about the content you consume. Yes, sometimes it feels uncomfortable to unfollow someone. But guess what? Thank God Instagram has a mute button.

If I don’t feel like unfollowing, I just mute — and it feels sooooo good. I’ve also silenced tons of Facebook groups that were just pissing me off.

And I try not to consume endless news. The world is already a scary place. Being obsessed with headlines doesn’t make me more informed — it just makes me more anxious.

If you work with content creation, consider having a separate device just for social media — that’s what I did, and it truly changed the game for me. I bought a used iPad on Facebook Marketplace, and it’s now the only device where I have Instagram and TikTok installed.

James Clear talks about this in Atomic Habits: having dedicated spaces for specific behaviors makes habits easier (or harder) by design. I use my iPad only to post stories and content. And you know what? I don’t love scrolling on my iPad. I spend way less time on those apps — probably because the device isn’t always near me. I leave it in my home office. Out of sight, out of hand.

Put your phone in black-and-white mode - James Clear also explains that habits stick when they’re attractive and easy. Social media apps are designed to be visually stimulating — bright colors, red badges, endless motion. When you switch your phone to grayscale, it becomes… boring. And boring is good.

When my phone is in black and white, I’m much less tempted to keep looking at it. I even set up an accessibility shortcut so I can turn it on instantly — and switch it off when I need to use the camera. Other than that, I keep it in grayscale most of the day.

Leave your phone out of reach - I still need to be more disciplined about this one, but every time I do it, I notice the difference. Whether I’m reading or working, if my phone isn’t nearby, I can focus much better. Of course, sometimes my brain won’t stop spinning. That’s why I keep a notebook close by — so I can write down anything I feel the urge to “check later.”

In Atomic Habits, James Clear argues that resisting temptation isn’t the most effective strategy. A more reliable approach is to reduce exposure to the cue that triggers it — make it invisible. Set your environment up for success, not failure. That’s the same logic behind no phone first thing in the morning and no phone before bed.

Add a Screen Time widget to your home screen - I learned this trick after reading an article - How I broke my phone addiction (after years of failing). For me, it adds a small element of accountability - maybe even a little shame, if I’m being honest.

Seeing the number go up in real time is a very clear thermometer. It’s data. No excuses. I’m not overly attached to it anymore because, like I said, I’ve already deleted most of the problematic apps. So now, if I have a high screen-time day, it’s usually because I spent time on calls with my family — which is very different from doom-scrolling.

Also, when it comes to my desktop… I realized I was repeating the same phone behaviors there. And that was driving me crazy. So for now, I’m experimenting. I’m continuing to block certain apps and websites in my browser, and I’m working with fewer open tabs to reduce distractions.

Another thing I’m implementing is replacing bad habits with better ones. I keep my French flashcards next to my computer, and the idea is simple: every time I feel “bored” and want to mindlessly browse through open tabs, I grab a flashcard instead.

I’m just getting started with this, so we’ll see what happens.

What has changed…

I know getting started is hard — and for some people, it can even feel scary, especially if you work in content creation. The FOMO is real. It feels like we have to be online and available 24/7, or we’ll miss something crucial.

I remember when my husband first suggested I read Digital Minimalism. I actually got annoyed at him. For me, the idea of living more offline felt impossible.

I think the first step is recognizing that phone addiction is a real problem. The more I read about it and consumed content on the topic, the more aware I became — and that awareness pushed me to change.

I didn’t like that version of myself. I used to read all the time, and I wasn’t doing that anymore. I wasn’t proud of picking up my phone at restaurants. I wasn’t proud that I couldn’t sit through a two-minute ad break while watching a TV show without checking my phone.

And it’s not like I was becoming a better person because of it. I was anxious and exhausted, overstimulated and rarely inspired.

After I started implementing these small changes, I saw a huge improvement in my daily life. I feel more grounded and less anxious. The more time I spend away from social media, the less I want to be there.

It made me reflect on the kind of conversations I want to have as a creator, the content I want to publish, and how I want to feel about myself. It made me more aware of my insignificance. It even made me shop less. And it made me crave some other experiences: I took a candle making class, I signed up for a dance class and I attended a storytelling show.

The truth is, I’m tired of spending time creating something meaningful and then letting the response — likes, shares, comments — define my worth. It’s humiliating.

Recently, one of my videos went viral. But it took almost a day for that to happen. In the minutes after posting — because I had high expectations — I felt frustrated by the initial results. I caught myself in that rabbit hole again, checking the app every five minutes to see if it was performing better, if it had more likes, more views, more shares.

And you know what? I hated myself for wanting that.

It was impulsive — almost like I didn’t have control. Feeling happy because of a notification isn’t something to be proud of. It hits the comparison button hard, and it’s exhausting to deal with. Even though the video eventually performed better than I expected, I still think the same thing: this is almost like a drug. When you don’t have it, you feel off.

I still don’t have all the answers about content creation and where this is all heading. But I’m proud of this new version of myself.

Our DMs and notifications aren’t going anywhere. They’ll be there whether you check them every 15 minutes or every 15 hours.

At first, it’s hard. But I promise, it gets better. And ironically, I’ve had more ideas and felt more inspired and creative by spending less time on social media — which probably makes me a better creator.

The other day, I caught myself wanting to check my socials — and then thinking, “Nope. I’m not in the mood.”

I guess that’s a win. Not automatically following the first impulse.

We’ll see what happens.

I just know this: I want more control over my behavior toward these platforms. I don’t want them controlling me. I want to reclaim my time — and spend it planning, writing, creating, and being proud of what I publish, even when it doesn’t get the attention I thought it would.

Interesting resources

Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World by Cal Newport is a must-read. It’s hard to fully commit to something until you truly understand it. Want an example?

Everyone knows that exercise and a balanced diet are key to a better, longer life. But for most people, that’s just a statement. I can’t speak for everyone, but the less ignorant I become about something, the more willing I am to make changes in my life based on what I’ve learned.

I think that’s what this book does. It gives you the big picture of the tech-saturated world we live in — its consequences for our lives, and how to push back against it. For me, it was probably the first real wake-up call. Once you see the bigger picture, it becomes much easier to reflect on what needs to change in your own life.

A 5-step Approach to ending your phone addiction - also love this podcast episode by Arthur Brooks. He doesn’t just give practical tips on managing phone addiction — he goes deeper and explains what’s happening behind the behavior.

That’s what makes it powerful. It’s not just “try harder” advice.

This YT video from marigabitere is especially interesting because she’s a creator herself. There’s one thing she said that really resonated with me: you don’t become more creative by scrolling on social media. That hit. We often justify scrolling as “research” or “inspiration,” but most of the time it’s just consumption.

And consumption is not the same as creation. If anything, too much scrolling numbs your taste and dilutes your voice. Great reminder for anyone who creates content online.

Youtuber Makari Espe made this video on how she cut her screen time by 80% by following a five-week expert coaching plan by The Guardian. She walks through all the strategies from the protocol - and she also adds another great idea for anyone wanting to do the same: an accountability partner.

She tried the protocol along with her dad. When someone else is doing it with you, the change feels more real, less lonely, and harder to quit halfway through.

And finally, Atomic Habits! James Clear breaks down the mechanics behind good and bad habits in a way that’s simple but powerful. It helps you understand what’s really driving your behavior, including your relationship with your phone.

What I love most is that his framework is practical and it is perfectly aligned with everything I’ve tested to reduce my screen time. I highly, highly, highly recommend this book.

I hope this post can inspire you to take some steps to live a more offline life!

If you like this post, please click on the heart button, leave a comment and/or share with someone that may be interested :) it means a lot to me and it helps me to reach more people!