Did I just say I was part of the interviewers?

Wow! How did we get here???

Well, instead of enjoying the cool breeze and resting our tongues outside while the applicants pressed the exit button, we decided to discuss each interviewee’s perspective with so much energy that we forgot we weren’t even going to give them feedback anyway.

Meanwhile, the anxiety in them was disappearing the moment they pressed the exit button.

If only they knew that I, the person asking them the questions, had once sat in an interview session, speaking with great conviction while the anxiety in my voice seemed louder than the hope in my head.

It wasn’t even once.

Twice?

No.

So many times.

I have stood on stages with trembling fingers and shaky legs, yet somehow maintained a steady voice.

If only they knew, they probably would have put their minds at rest and remained calm as they shared their thoughts.

I wonder what these people would have told their friends:

“I have an interview and I’m kind of anxious.”

Imagine who was part of the interviewers.

A girl who is uncertain about so many things.

The girl who still double-checks her newsletters to ensure everything is perfect.

As if perfect isn’t an illusion.

I wish we all held the belief that we are fit for whatever we desire close to our chests long enough that it no longer feels like a burden when we think about it, but rather a light, aesthetic mark on our chests that makes existing even more beautiful.

I promise I’m not here to motivate you to “do your thing against all odds.”

But I will tell you this:

Caring too much about whether you are qualified enough or what people will think of you will give you nothing but emptiness.

Those things you find too cringe to do because of what someone might think about you?

I’m glad to tell you that I personally cannot remember any cringe thing anyone has done in my presence in the last two weeks.

I wonder if there’s anyone walking around carrying someone else’s cringe memories.

The opportunities you fumbled because you thought they weren’t for your level?

I’m not so pleased to tell you that someone else who is less qualified might get them.

And that person you didn’t walk up to because you thought you weren’t fit enough to talk to them?

My dear, that person probably eats inside the pot in their room and uses their fingers to clean their nose when no one is watching.

So, what ???

And if you’re worried that people will judge you, remember this:

The people who are capable of judging you aren’t even seeing you yet.

The ones you’re scared of are often only judging you because you haven’t done anything groundbreaking yet.

Imagine us judging Mummy Funke Akindele for dancing to promote her movies.

Who are we???

Instead, we are inspired by her zeal.

Scared of raising your camera to record content in public somewhere in your area in Nigeria?

Guyyyy.

Those people are not even capable of judging you because they have more things to worry about.

People wey no get stable power supply. 😭

The people who are capable of judging you are probably already at the top.

And guess what?

Dem no even get time.

They are more worried about remaining at the top.

So, in case you’re wondering about the purpose of this letter, I just want to tell you that you have nothing to worry about.

Infact, even if there's any assumptions at all, please be deaf to it and just do your stuffs.

Once you desire it, my guy…

You are fit to do it.

Till the next time I write to you, remain carefree. 🫶🏽

Love and warm hugs,

SSD 💐🫶🏽

The smell of my classroom. The sound of my teacher's dry palms hitting the backs of my classmates before I got to experience it myself. The smell of my lunchbox from the mixture of food and water that had spilled in it.

Ohh... the sound of chalk hitting the blackboard furiously.

These are chronicles that made my little, cute life then seem less adorable.

All I wanted then was to escape from the 9-to-5 they called school. Did I just say 9-to-5??

We resumed at 7:30 a.m. and closed by 4:30 p.m. I might actually pick 9-to-5 then. At least no one will beat me for losing my pencil. The pencil that my parents bought a whole pack of with their own money, and I lost just one of them.

Nigerian primary school teachers have to be characters.

Isn't it funny how I sometimes relive some memories from that time and smile till I realize I mustn't be caught grinning alone?

Maybe I still have fragments of my life that I seek to escape from right now, but I've learned that escaping is such a boring thing to do with life.

Life might never seem enjoyable, but we can add our own dose of sweetness here and there.

Maybe I should have soaked in the scent of Mrs. Ojo's balm more and looked at her more through her glasses. Every flash of her I get in my mind now seems very nostalgic to me.

Or maybe I should have hugged my classmates more so I'd have their innocent silhouettes plastered to my body and wouldn't get to miss them the way I do now.

I have learned to value moments now. I no longer see only wickedness and hatred when I look at even the meanest people or the most unfair situations. I see life passing by, and I try to find meaning in it, to breathe it in as much as I can because I realize I can't hold life close to me forever.

We are all passing by. So are occurrences and stories we'll never forget. They are all documentaries of life.

Even if finding meaning in life means romanticizing every bit of it, please don't hesitate to be a stupid lover boy while you're at it.

Love and poetic life,
SSD 🫶🏽💕

For the sake of this newsletter, you might have to be eight again.

We're here now, but I remember when we used to say things no matter how big they sounded.

"I'll become a billionaire when I grow up."

"I'll be the first lady to do this and that….."

"I'll live abroad with my family before I turn 25."

Back then, nothing felt impossible.

But somehow, those dreams don't seem to make as much sense anymore, not when you're the one who has to bear the cost of pursuing them.

So, how do we move from cute, delusional thinking to becoming logical and sensible?

Like... for real.

How do we suddenly become adults who realize there's so much work to do?

Hi, my guy.

I don't know what stage of life you're in, but I hope you're high on an unhealthy amount of dopamine, just enough to make you whimsical about your life again.

The first half of this year has taught me something:

Many of the limits we carry are the stories we've accepted, and fear is often just another one of those stories.

I've hugged my fears so many times that I've found myself waking up in the middle of the night asking,

"SSD, did you really do that yesterday?"

I remember spending hours perfecting my lines, refining my tone, and wondering if my audience would even value what I had to say.

Only to end up smiling at the messages and conversations that followed my performance.

I remember thinking I hadn't done enough to deserve the results I wanted, only to be surprised by what happened anyway.

So maybe I can tell you a little about what it means to ask life for something that feels unreasonable.

The world holds more opportunities than we often imagine. The challenge is that they rarely come to people who stop pushing after the first "no."

You'll have to be a little unreasonable about your dreams.

You'll have to keep showing up.

You'll have to keep asking.

You'll have to keep trying.

Because the only guaranteed "no" is the one you give yourself when you stop.

I know you've heard versions of this before, but I want you to see it through the eyes of an eight-year-old who genuinely believes the world is at her feet.

Maybe she isn't entirely wrong.

Somewhere along the way, we traded childlike wonder for adult logic.

"I can't do this because I don't have the requirements."

"Maybe I should settle for this because the other option isn't realistic."

Logic protects us.

But sometimes, it also cages us.

Life can be like a restaurant where the chefs may insist your favourite meal isn't available, until they realise you're willing to wait, ask again, or order it anyway.

Yeah, Persistence doesn't 100% guarantee every dream.

But giving up guarantees you'll never know how far you could have gone.

Mind you, most things you see as success determiners like background, ability and resources are just limit you've set for yourself.

The only determiner is your persistence and grit.

So, if you're a dreamer reading this, here's my advice:

Add a little more craziness to your dreams.

The kind that makes you move like you have the world at your feet when in reality you are just girl or boy. 🤭

I'll see you on the other side.

Love and crazy dreams,
SSD 🫶🏽💕

But this time around, it's not because of the fear of the result I desire to get.

No, it's not because of what I hope to get tomorrow, nor because of the very end of my journey.

The palpitations, stimulations, and scary mind are because of the care I have towards what I'm doing at the very moment, not because of what is to come.

You may want to know where I've been ever since.

Honestly, you deserve to have an answer. Ohh, you actually do.

Life has been happening really fast, as always. But in between all the chaos, I found myself a forte, the string that leads to the very peak of my existence.

Happiness is now part of me, even on days when I feel I could have gotten more. Worrisome thoughts and fear are now things I read in books because I found something more interesting: the love of myself and the process of my journey.

I read this in a book, but I'll break it down to you.

The negative feelings we carry with us about our journey are not necessarily because we are scared. Most times, it is because we are trying as hard as possible not to break down before the world's eyes.

So, whenever we have a hill of something to achieve, we keep focusing on getting to the top, forgetting who we are along the way. Ignoring the soul that we are at 3:00am when our eyeballs are safely tucked in their skin pouch and our breathing becomes rhythmically cool like a wave of the sea when the sun sets.

For how long do you want to focus on being the best, the perfect, the master, the winner, the uncertainties of life, when you can just focus on pulling the very string that leads you there while loving your life?

Yeah, Amor fati!

The fear, faith, ambition, aspiration

All uncertain, but one thing is:

We can choose who we become along the way

Fall in love with the process. Get stubbornly cool with getting better every day. See every other person for who they are in their own journey and never above or below you

I mean to remind you that human beings are the same, but we are not equal.

We are the same in value as beings, but our opportunities vary.

This is your life, you should be living it and not struggling every second of it to worry about an outcome you know nothing about.

While you ponder on my messy letter, listen to Chandelier by Sia.

Sip on water and spin your head while at it.

Bye, my guy!

Love and stillness,

SSD ✨ 💕

I think the perfect time does exist, we just probably haven’t paid enough attention to notice it.

It’s a dark morning again within the four walls of a teaching hospital. 4:00 a.m., and I’m lazily lying on a couch. The only light that illuminates my face is the scattered light from my phone screen. I can see the badge on my scrub, thanks to the collective light coming from each patient’s bedside and a power bank torch from the nurses’ table.

What a country!

The last time I came here, I thought I wouldn’t be back until maybe the next two or three months, but here we are again.

They said I didn’t attend two classes, so I have to make up for those two classes by sacrificing my comfort and sleep for four long night shifts.

Did you just say, “As how?”

Same thing I thought when I saw the message.

I’ll be completing my punishment tonight, and there’s this feeling that is slowly growing in me.

It is not excitement or even happiness. I think it’s fulfilment, that I got to start my punishment in time and end it before another week comes.

It’s quite transformational to think of, because I have been searching for the right time to start. Then, I just close my eyes and start, just like I used to do when taking herbs when I was young.

Yeah, night shifts can be that hard, especially when they are unprepared for.

That got me thinking about something.

Well, let me just pretend like I didn’t ghost you. I’m so sorry, guys.

Let’s blame it on NEPA 😒

This is the 3rd episode of our Living in 18s series, right? Have I really been living in 18s? It’s quite challenging to abandon my phone, but let’s say it’s getting better.

Yeah, I wish I had realised earlier that life has always happened unprepared, and having a structured execution can be far from reality sometimes.

We all seem to be perfectionists even when it’s unwise to be. Perfecting things when we are just supposed to carry out an assignment will do us nothing but rob us of our time and potential.

We don’t usually agree, but somehow we’ve all hidden under the spirit of waiting for perfect timing.

And actually, there is a perfect time for everything. You know it. We’ve experienced it before.

You know that time when not executing an idea eventually feels like a threat to your growth.

When you already feel the consequence of not acting fast.

That’s the perfect time.

Yeah, that’s how dangerous waiting for perfect timing can be.

Maybe you’ve thought so low of yourself that you think you need to add more, become more, or even pull more stuff together before you can do something. I’m writing to you today from a place of experience that it’s not as difficult as you think.

Just do it and worry later.

Perfect time is so dangerous. You don’t want to wait for it, I promise.

Till I write to you again, do your thing.

Love and stable NEPA light,

SSD 💐💕

When you are doing life with God, I don’t think you should be logical at all. Because who are you to try to be reasonable in the presence of God?

I have heard the stories of Prophet Dawud and Jalut countless times, but I haven’t really done more than laugh.

I’m actually just realizing there are so many things in our lives that are a reflection of that story.

Yes, my life and yours…

We’ve never really been sure of ourselves.

That opportunity that clicked,

The things we’ve done,

The life we currently live,

The privileges we have…

We were never really sure we would get them right. Sometimes, it even looks obvious that we’ll lose them, just like it looked that Prophet Dawud would lose the fight to Jalut.

But still, we take those leaps of faith.

Sometimes by force, and sometimes by will.

And somehow… God works it out. And then we find ourselves wondering, how did this happen?

If you’ve never felt like you are audacious, keep reading.

Welcome to another moment in my life as a girl trying to be mindful of her digital life.

It’s been cool and challenging, but the quietness and boredom are worth it.

I remember how an aunt would hold the 8-year-old me by my hands and ask me to remember her in my prayers.

I would always smile shyly, because what did I even know to say to God?

I had so much pity for her. I wished she could have her own baby too.

But, Just when it felt like it was getting late, and it seemed she might lose the battle to infertility…

God blessed her three different times with children.

Our life struggles often look like Jalut, but faith is bigger than that.

Audacity is standing in front of something impossible, just like Prophet Dawud facing Jalut pand still showing up.

Consider this a nudge to hold on to faith fiercely, because it really does get better when God is in the story.

Even when you are falling fast and everything seems upside down, still hold on to faith with the last ounce of strength in you.

You can’t lose this battle to imposter syndrome.

You can’t lose it to anxiety.

You can’t lose it to everything blocking your way to greatness.

You can’t.

Fight back.

Hold on to faith…

Choose faith fiercely, because it will never be against you.

I wrote this letter half asleep. I hope you find solace in my words and find peace in every line as you read through. I hope that every thought here speaks to you, just like it does to me.

SSD 💐💕

Love and light

because we didn't have access to what was going on in the entertainment space.

I have been sitting more with myself lately, and not going to lie, I enjoyed it a little too much.

Looking back at how much I had always struggled to meet up with my own life while living in a digital environment, I must say that I'm loving this series already.

I found a mail on my phone that reminded me of how much of a chronic procrastinator I was, maybe I still am.

Maybe, if you stick around enough, you'll find out.

When it comes to doing stuff against deadlines, consider me a Queen.

As I scrolled through the message in the mail in complete astonishment, the image of me sitting squarely to format, edit, and rephrase expressions for that entry whose deadline was less than 3 hours, played in my mind.

And I couldn't help but shake my head briskly to wipe off the thought that I'm going to do something like that again.

Sometimes, people tag that particular character “bold,” especially when the outcome is somewhat good, but whatever it is, I don't think it's something to be proud of.

Hi, love, or hi, guy

I don't know what to call you. I also want to call my letter readers by a name like every Substacker, but I think calling you "love" will make you attach to me, and "guy" might sound a bit cheesy to you.

What do you suggest that I call you?

But for the sake of this letter, you are my guy.

Welcome to another episode, or another day in my life while minding my digital consumption.

I had just completed what feels like a major task for the day when I found out I hadn't written the letter I'm supposed to send to you today.

If you have read to this stage, you really deserve to know some of the things I have found out while on this journey.

The major noise from our phones comes from entertainment apps, especially TikTok and IG. There's a psychology in their design that makes it difficult to exit them once you open them.

It takes a certain level of consciousness to discover that they are secretly taking away your time from you.

We mostly find it difficult to do a major productivity task never because it is strenuous. The hidden cause is deeper than that...

It is sometimes, mostly, mental rather than physical...

Come to think of it….

Why do we postpone doing assignments that require us to use our phones to make research, and instead we sit to watch movies or reels that are more than an hour long?

It's never the time or physical strength.

It is what we quietly tell our minds daily by selectively choosing tasks we are comfortable with.

Skipping our life to feel the void, the calmness that could have been used to complete a task.

I really hope you start being mindful of your digital consumption and see how much more time you can have for yourself.

I think I'll have to go now. I'll write to you on Friday again.

Oh, I have started reading another book, Season of Crimson Blossom by Abubakar Adam.

Everything going on in that book is quite funny to me in a way I can't really explain.

Till next time I write to you, romanticize your life and never give up on your dreams.

Love and cool breeze,

SSD 💐💕

It's the damn phone!

Welcome to a day in the life of a girl who got tired of digital noise.

I woke up quite early today, but instead of checking notifications, I filled my own silence before the world around me got noisy again.

I did my physical tasks with complete concentration, and I'm so wowed at how much calmness comes with the absence of phone noise.

I completed A Thousand Splendid Suns already, and I must say that Khaled Hosseini is a good storyteller.

We need more storytellers like him. That particular book is one of the books that will make me never agree with the popular opinion that "fiction readers are not real readers."

If you believe that, you really need to experience the literal sense, historical exposure, and intellectual disturbance that comes with the book.

After reading the book, I was left with quiet, disturbing questions:

Does Islam in any way influence patriarchy?

Can feminism really exist within Islam?

Is it culture or Islam that enables men?

Some answers I have; some are not so clear. But I really do believe that there's a clear mark between protection and oppression.

And Islam is not in the middle, not even to a side, but really on the inside of protection.

This episode of my letters to you isn't a book review session. I just thought to share some highlights of my day with you…

Despite how sunny it was outside, I felt so cool...

Maybe because I took too many naps and didn't open TikTok since I had nothing to create there today.

Yeah...

Our new mantra: if you aren't creating or looking for inspiration, you have no business staying too long on entertainment apps.

I opened another book after I closed A Thousand Splendid Suns, guess the title.

Wrote two poems.

And kickstarted a 90-day consistency challenge on LinkedIn...

I'm not so sure if I should tell you about that, but I'll update you on how it's going later next month.

Just because life is too beautiful to ignore

barely 24 hours of mindful phone use..., I feel so fly.….

I can't wait to write to you again on Monday.

@First episode of Living in the 18’s series

Love and Fresh air,

SSD 💐💕

It's the 26th of March, a few days to the end of Q1, and why is everywhere noisy?

Maybe it's just me,

or have you noticed too?

I had just rounded off a random gist with my sister, and I'm not going to lie, that's one of the least digital things I have done in a while.

Yeah, talking...

Most of my books are on my phone,

my to-do list, some courses, my personal brand, Quran, my Islamic app…..

Let's just say I have a whole life going on in my phone, and I'm honestly tired.

I want to live in the 18's.

Is it just me, or have you also started rushing to do stuff you aren't meant to rush?

Holding your phone with one hand and food with the other?

Checking WhatsApp messages first thing in the morning?

Subconsciously judging your habits by what you see online?

Chronically scrolling like it's a task you must do daily?

If you are battling any of my issues, maybe you should consider staying with me for this series I'm about to start.

If we were to live in the 18's for 30 days, will you stay with me or do you prefer it with your phone?

I wasn't even seeing all of that as a big deal until I found that my daily life revolves around my phone a little too much.

I want something cooler than that.

A morning without the chime of my phone.

A night where I read Quran instead of binge-watching reels.

Evenings where I listen to podcasts instead of music.

Days where I tick my to-do list instead of worrying about it.

Being chronically online, on digital, does something to us...

It steals us from ourselves.

It makes it seem like life has to be about the phone.

It makes us feel like quietness is a void that should be filled.

Making our brains think only about whatever appears on our screens.

Nothing more, just what we see there.

I'll be starting a series called "Living in the 18's." Every episode drops on Mondays and Fridays.

We'll talk about habits.

Hold ourselves accountable.

We'll replace aimless scrolling with intentional ones.

We'll find our way back to faith.

We'll make more friends and live more beautifully.

We'll share sun-kissed pictures of ourselves and write letters to one another.

If you are in, say hi in the comments.

Till next time, I'll be writing to you, romanticise your life and drink water. It's hot out there.

Love and big AC,

SSD 💕💐

It’s a chilly morning here at my school teaching hospital.

I’m supposed to be asleep, trying to rest before the next round of responsibilities waiting for me as an unpaid student nurse on clinical posting.

God abeg.

But sleep isn’t coming.

Not after I almost finished my sahur food by 11:00 p.m.

Apparently, flat tummy will just have to attract me.

You know how they say you attract what you don’t chase, right?

Me sef no small, make flat tummy attract me abeg.

But truly, I couldn’t sleep.

There’s something I needed to write down.

It’s a thought I’ve carried for years.

I have always felt this way…

but I don’t think I always thought this way.

That as women, there are certain expectations tied to the organs we were born with.

Expectations that quietly try to shape how we should exist in the world.

Two years ago, during one of those bright sunny afternoons in Mosh town, I was in the lab with just a few students around.

I was laughing, playing around, being my usual carefree self.

Then a friend looked at me and said,

"You know guys are around. Men don’t like ladies that are too loud."

I paused.

My jaw literally dropped.

Because in that moment I wondered:

“What did we carry, what did you throw?”

“Ki la gbe, ki lo ju?”

Was I suddenly supposed to shrink because men were present?

Because I am “female,” does that mean I must now become cool, calm, quiet… and unquestioning?

Adopt personalities that are not mine?

For a while, I started to believe those ideas were right.

That women should never be loud.

That women should never question laid-down rules.

That women should never be too much.

But something changed.

The burden lifted the day I realized something important:

I have too many people to influence

and too much potential to fulfill

to let an ideology born out of fear of what women can become hold me back.

So if you’ve read this far, whether you have ovaries or testes, I want you to remember something:

Your dreams are bigger than the labels society gives you.

Your fulfillment is not determined by the organs you carry.

You can become.

Don’t let fear hold you back.

Sometimes the boldest thing you can do is to be a little crazy about your vision.

And maybe that’s okay.

I know it has been a while since I last wrote to you.

But I’m back now.

And this time, I promise to stay.

Till the next time I write to you,

Dare to be crazy about your vision.

PS: I think that meme is so funny 😭😂

Love and cool breeze,

SSD 🤭💕

So because you are doing it, I should do it too? So because someone is going through it, I should go through it too?

I have always known that mediocrity is widespread; I just couldn’t prove it until recently.

A few years back, someone once told me in a conversation that they had to pretend with their friends that they were also committing certain immoral acts so as not to look “weird” among them.

She even advised me never to display “saintliness” or “innocence” among people who are not.

Can you imagine?

But deep down, I knew the main reason was because those people felt insecure and instantly judged about their own indecency. It was never her fault that she chose her values.

This pattern of “shading” people who live up to certain excellent values is currently going wild around us.

In schools, worship places, homes, and especially on social media.

Let’s start with social media.

If you really want them to like you on social media, just go below your standard of living.

If you can afford to order Uber, hop on korope. If you can afford to buy chicken, eat eggs.

That reminds me of a wife creator who usually mentions in her vlogs that she is rich, and the ambience of her home shows that.

Whenever I check her comments, I usually see three main categories of people:

People who are indifferent about her life. Frustrated people who want what she has but resort to insulting her since they think they can never get it. People who want what she has and have hope of getting there.

You’d see comments like, “Why are you cooking with only turkey and you said you are rich?”

I wouldn’t drop any comment, but I would usually observe, and in my mind I’d be like…

“Really??? Is it now bad to cook with only turkey? So, in order to prove that she’s rich, she has to cook elephant?” 😂

A replica of what is going on in rich people’s comment sections is what is going on with people who believe that “those religious girls are a bunch of pretenders.”

That statement is usually made by those who know they are slacking in their religious duties and values, and instead of doing better, they find a way to talk down on others who are striving.

This wouldn’t even be a problem if they didn’t try to influence others to believe they are right in their own life choices.

You’d see brilliant students in uni pretend like they don’t know something simply because their colleagues won’t stop the unnecessary hailing that feels more like mockery.

If you ask me, I’d say it’s a very irritating compliment.

I experienced this ugly attitude when I was in 100L. I usually went for night classes and tutorials, so I barely stayed in the hostel. It was honestly because I understood my ability and I was simply trying to help myself.

Anytime I was going out on weekends for tutorials or at night to read in school, they would say all sorts of things that didn’t make sense.

Things like:

“You are going to night class again?”

“I can’t even go. I’d rather read in my room.”

“Night class that you’ll later get fed up with when you get to 300L.”

All of these were not usually said to my face, but I used to hear them.

I’m so grateful that I am an unbothered person because I would have probably listened to them and stopped going, which is basically how people get influenced by others’ mediocrity.

I have especially noticed this pattern among young people in my society, and it’s something I could genuinely discuss for two million hours.

Most times, people mock readers not because reading is wrong, but because seeing others do it exposes their own lack of discipline.

The same goes for people who make undesirable comments about modest and religious individuals.

If you are on the receiving end of this trait, it is crucial for you to constantly choose your values, no matter what people might think or say.

Never lower your standards to make anyone comfortable.

All my love,

SSD 💕

Choose your life fiercely.

I had just woken up from a very long nap. Or wait, whatever we call the sleep that comes after a night shift. Is it a nap or actual sleep? I’ll leave you to decide.

For the past week, one thought has dominated my mind:

Do we do things because we truly want to, or because we want others to see that we’re good at them, for validation, for records, for applause?

You and I would probably like to believe that we do nothing for people’s sake, that everything we do is driven purely by inner motivation.

But then I thought about it again. What if we are living in reference to others?

I mean, you probably wouldn’t buy a perfume after seeing several bad reviews online.

You wouldn’t post something on your story that contradicts the image your audience already has of you.

And as a guy, you might hesitate to wear yellow trousers simply because the internet says it doesn’t look good.

So, are we performative?

Even our values and ideas are not exempt.

We worry less about how we look or how our rooms look when no one is visiting. We sometimes compromise our values when no one is watching and adopt new ones simply because they make us more appealing to others.

I have never seen anyone boldly admit, with their full chest, that they are corrupt. Yet, somehow, we’ve all caught people engaging in corrupt acts.

So should we admit that you and I are performative living organisms?

That we do things because others are watching, and we adopt certain values because they only make sense in the presence of people?

This performative nature also shows up online.

I’ve seen people passionately type punchy comments about ideologies and justice on social media, yet in real life, they struggle to embody those same convictions.

And then there’s performative leadership.

Social media opinions that completely negate real-life actions. Acting competent and charismatic until people vote you into a position, followed by press releases that exaggerate what was actually done on ground.

Honestly, that feels like the height of it all.

But then, another question arises:

Can we let people see what we are doing and the values we uphold without being performative?

That’s a hard question, because intentions are capable of changing within seconds. And that, perhaps, is one of the things that makes us human.

Still, everything surrounding this question boils down to one thing:

your essence of living.

I stopped wasting my time in certain spaces when I realised that many people there were doing things purely for praise. And I know I wouldn’t be happy doing the same.

That, right there, is me seeking fulfilment.

Yes, that’s the word.

If you won’t feel fulfilled after doing something, don’t bother attempting it.

This isn’t about whether actions are good or bad. It’s about how content you feel afterward, so content that you don’t need external validation to feel okay about it.

Whether you are a good person or a bad person, be it with your full chest.

You don’t need to pretend to be good. Leave people to decide who you are in their own minds.

But make sure you document your journey in the most honest way you can.

Don’t let anyone tell your story for you, and don’t let anyone influence how you tell it.

The notes you share, the words you write, the way you speak, none of it should be dictated by other people’s opinions.

Till I write to you again.

Our podcast for the week is from cre8torium featuring Open, the food critic. https://open.spotify.com/episode/5OJSeJU3fqXungquWwba5b?si=1k4_k2b8QUGbQptjOWuiMg

Love & bold moves,

SSD 😎💕

If Egungun hadn’t embarrassed our country on the internet with the inappropriate questions he asked Ishowspeed, I’d have come here today to rant to you about the concept of crushing on someone and eventually letting them go (I still don’t get it), my ever-ending to-do list, and this harmattan comeback.

We’ll talk about crush matter some other days, sha…..

But let’s tackle this matter at hand first.

My opinion might not sit well with you because it’s quite different from the internet people’s perception.

Fine, Egungun fucked up. And he embarrassed us. Omo, Ghana people go don dey laugh us 😂

But everywhere good! 🥲

First, it’s never Egungun’s fault that he didn’t represent our country well.

Representing our country?

Yes, I think most people are pained not because of Egungun’s reputation, but because of the mess being tied to our country.

And that’s where we are missing it.

In a free land where everyone has free will, it’s never anybody’s fault to fuck up on behalf of nobody.

We have amazing people who could ask Ishowspeed intelligent questions and even boost our representation as a nation in this situation.

But where are they?

I know they are on the media too, but do they all have the level of influence Egungun has?

Yeah, I know his influence is…….

Well.

But you and I know him, even though we don’t follow him.

I personally don’t see his content on my feed because I don’t understand the essence.

In short, we know him.

Now, do we know all the amazing and intelligent interviewers?

Opeyemi the food critic might not be the biggest food critic in Africa, but he has repeatedly said it to our faces and ears, and he has built influence to support it.

So, who are we to say he is not?

So before you blame Egungun for what he did, ask yourself:

Do people around me know what I do?

Am I building influence that puts me in the best position to be the first person they call when they need someone to perform the role?

You have no right to blame people for doing what you can do well, in a way that doesn’t please you.

And remember, each time you dim your light and lower your voice for your vision, someone who is nothing compared to you is going for it.

How has your week been?

What do you think about this situation?

Our podcast of the week is “How to Do the Impossible and Win” by Creatorium, featuring Pelumi Lubi.

Love and small chops,

SSD ✨💕

Hi guys, it’s been a while since I wrote to you. I’ve really been wanting to, but I kept having something to do every day. Am I forgiven?

Thank you, my guy.

It’s exactly 12:55 a.m., and I guess my day has already begun. This week has been a lot for me, both in a fun way and in the other way.

I went to a gathering with people I’m not close to and I connected with a lot of amazing people, tried a new scarf colour (lemon green), made a very watery stew, made a jollof rice that bangs, went almost a week without posting my poetry content, and I listened to podcasts.

Yeah, it’s been a fun and really exhausting week.

Speaking of podcasts, I gathered a lot from people’s wealth of knowledge that I thought I needed to gift you too.

The first time I felt afraid of greatness was when I addressed my peers at the assembly as the newly appointed senior girl, with a shaky voice and trembling hands, and I ended up being praised for it.

Why was I scared? I don’t think I know the reason. But during my tenure as senior girl, I later addressed my colleagues time without number without getting scared.

You’ll say the first time is always scary, right?

No, I don’t think I’ll agree with you.

Every time is always scary because we are conscious of the level of the stake.

Let me explain. You wouldn’t want to try a new food out of fear of how your body system will react to it. But once you try it and find out it’s actually okay for you, you’ll probably want to try it again because you have no recorded memory of reacting badly to the food. That is, you’re not aware of any harm it might cause.

What if you try it once and it goes south?

Would you want to try it again?

Trust me, it’ll take a lot of courage to want to try it again because you already have a memory of what the food can cause.

Mind you, even if you’ve tried a particular new food and it doesn’t cause you any harm, there’s a high probability that you’ll still find it difficult to try another new food.

Now, the question is: does stacked evidence usually work?

I mean, do we do things without fear just because we’ve done them before?

Do you feel okay whenever you want to take an injection because you’ve taken it before?

Exactly. We’ll forever be left with a degree of uncertainty in every new experience we want to have because we are human.

So why do people search for stacked evidence?

Having a lot of stacked evidence doesn’t make you overcome the fear of trying, but consistently building stacked evidence does.

That is why you feel a little bit anxious about exam results even when you know you did well in the previous one.

So the trick is not just to have stacked evidence; it’s to consistently build it to prove to yourself that you can actually do anything as long as you believe in yourself.

Faith over fear.

Life does have a lot of uncertainties, but I wish that you find fulfilment and success in your quest of facing your fears, because greatness usually comes with fear.

They are like brothers.

Our podcast of the week is “Storytelling advice for creator that want to change the world” by Creatorium featuring Tunde Onakoya 💕.

Love and Bold moves,

SSD 💕✨

Maybe I'm too dramatic, I don't know. But how are we going to explain how much we have to suffer to be Nigerian and be known for it.

For many years, I have always watched people's lives and experiences quietly without making any comments, especially when I understand it's not going to change anything.

I probably won't see any reason to be sad about being "Nigerian" until I experienced the duality of life in Nigeria.

It's either you are rich or you are poor, classic or classless, famous or infamous, updated or ignorant.

I think they've eliminated the middle part.

(Snaps finger)

That reminds me of the day I went out with a friend who got herself a perfume for 18k and still called it cheap perfume. At first, I thought it was a joke until she told me she's going to get another one when she has more money.

I was wide-eyed, I couldn't say anything.

Of course, I know people get perfumes for as much as six figures, but calling an item bought with someone's salary cheap is insane!

Duality of Nigeria!

My friend isn't proud for calling someone's salary cheap, she's just repping her world.

And trust me, I might never have known that people spend 18k casually on perfume if I wasn't there.

(Shakes my head)

Another thing I have seen is women who go through a lot to give their husband the kind of things he demanded from them, even at the cost of their lives.

I mean, the particular gender of baby he wanted, the number of children, the kind of lifestyle he desires in his wife in marriage, and many more.

If you stay long enough in the hospital, you'll see a lot of that.

And in this same kingdom called Nigeria, I have seen women walk majestically out of their marriage and live happily ever after because they have the money to do so.

I hate to admit it, but money controls us so badly!

And I hate to say it, if you really want to thrive here, you need money and you shouldn't be contented with a small amount.

I have seen how money controls people's lifestyle choices and ideology, and it wasn't a good experience for the poor.

Even you and I, our level of exposure is based on the level of money we have.

The university we go to, the outings we attend, the conferences we go to, and the kind of people we meet.

Don't even come and sugarcoat anything by saying that someone can network with rich people at events.

Stop that lie 🖐🏽

If you're the "rich people" and a poor man comes to you for networking, are you going to connect with him when he has nothing to offer you and he is not in your class?

In fact, what do you even have to sustain the relationship?

If they call to go for a three-day reset vacation in Dubai, can you afford it?

Lest I forget, the level of money you have will also determine your marital choices. In fact, like mad!

It's very easy for a rich lady to open her mouth and say, "I don't want to have kids," and she go see husband wey no like kids too.

But if Morufa from Abule Egba tries it?

By the time they do family meeting on her head 15 times, she'll get pregnant, fast fast.

What do I want to tell you?

As a guy or a lady, look for money!

And when you finally see it, don't be okay with small one.

And don't come and tell me that money is not everything because I'm going to bite you if you say so close to me.

Have a great day!

Love and 30 billion dollars,

SSD ✨💕

Me too. January 5 scares me, low-key, but I’m not bothered.

Like some days, I wasn’t going to write to you today, but I have to because I have a little secret to keep here between you and me.

If you’re opening my newsletter for the first time, welcome to my space. I write about life, unfiltered, directly from my heart to your screen.

I’ve seen people build genuine relationships and beautiful communities in this space by sharing their personal stories and experiences without holding back because of what people call oversharing.

It’s honestly so cool to read people’s POVs and find out that my favourite creators also cry when they’re sad, have foods they hate, and people they don’t really like.

I guess we’re going to have something like that too but I’m not a celebrity yet. I’m SSD.

If you’ve read my write-up to this point, you deserve to know our little secret.

Earlier today, while I had a spoonful of rice in my right hand and my phone in my left, my finger scrolled a video up, and I had to bring it down again.

My mind lazily read a text around the carousel, and my head couldn’t help but nod without my permission.

“Put in so much work it’ll be unreasonable for you to fail.”

As simple as it is, we mostly lose the motivation to keep it up for a whole 365 days. Two days are gone already, so we have 363 days left.

I don’t know what you’ve written in your journal concerning your vision this year, and I don’t know the work you’re currently putting in, but I do understand that it can get overwhelming and demanding.

I’ve thought about it, and I’d like to remind you of this write-up at the end of every month 💐.

Maybe I’ll also start attaching an anonymous link for you to reply to my end-of-month check-ins.

What a beautiful life it is to care about someone you’ve never met.

I hope you find joy, peace, and fulfilment in every step of your life this year.

I’ll be resting my hands here.

See you on the 31st by the special grace of God 🫶🏽.

Love and a big hug💕,

SSD ✨

I wasn’t going to write to you at all today, and if I was, it would have been about my New Year resolution.

I have been sleeping all day, yet I still couldn’t sleep well. Each time I catch a glimpse of what I wrote in my journal concerning my desires this year, I feel my heart dancing in my chest.

I had my lunch not long ago, and I read a newsletter from one of my favourite creators, Tobe. I found out that some media pages did not include him in their highlights for last year, and I was wide-eyed.

I have been watching his content for quite a long time, and I must say that he’s putting in a lot of effort to give us those amazing visual and creative experiences.

I actually do not know how exactly he feels about not being recognised and celebrated, but I do understand what it feels like to not make it to the spotlight, especially after putting in a lot of effort into your work.

If Tobe ever gets the chance to read this, I want him to know that he’s doing amazingly well and that he inspires me so much 🫶🏽.

I love his energy and everything he does to make us have a good time watching his content.

I am not just writing because of Tobe alone; I’m writing because of you, too. You might have put in a lot of effort last year and still not gotten an applause for it.

You might have been trying too hard to work on your creativity, relationships, or career journey and still not get appreciated as you desire.

I am genuinely handing a piece of my heart to you when I tell you that you are doing amazingly well.

Applause doesn’t equate to your efforts, and compliments don’t equate to your competency.

In this new year, I want you to joyfully and boldly go after your dreams, even when no one is clapping.

Love and a cute pat on your back 💕,

SSD 💕✨

Everyone around you will soon start acting weird, like they've gotten a new body and soul overnight on that day.

You are still trying to reflect on the year and plan the next year like everyone is doing on social media, but there are still tons of deadlines to meet, a couple of ideas to execute, incoming academic stress, and you are at home…..

Fireworks and different outings everywhere, but you are there living your life like an unbothered baby who just woke up from sleep.

Your Instagram feed hasn't been good to you too. New year wraps and accomplished goals left, right, and centre. Sometimes, you feel inspired, and sometimes you think, “What have I been doing with my life?”

But suddenly, you remembered that you've also had a lot of beautiful accomplishments this year.

Some of which are that:

You didn't spend a dime on a charger this year.

You bought earphones only once.

You also made a lot of friends, complimented people, and got a lot of compliments.

You found peace in faith.

You now have the courage to try out a new lip gloss colour, and people said it's so nice. I mean, I also see that it is nice.

You listen to your favourite genre of music, you met a lot of people, and shared your stories with people you met only once.

Strangers shared their stories with you, and they felt better after doing it.

You cry at any slight stress, and you stopped pretending like you are a big girl.

You took a lot of beautiful pictures and recorded amazing moments.

Your selfies started coming out nice.

You must have been ungrateful to say you don't have anything to be grateful for this year.

You thought the goals that were worth bragging about were the ones that came with likes, comments, and “You are so inspiring.”

But look at you, you have the most amazing accomplishments.

You still have your friends.

You still have your beautiful smile, your family is still there.

And most importantly, you're alive, and you can read this message.

As you read a bit of your life from my POV, I'd like to remind you that life is so sweet and beautiful to live in.

Even when you haven't met your expectations, you are still living an amazing life.

As you prepare to bomb and lock in next year, remember that Jan 1 is just a reference to a normal day.

And it doesn't come with any magic.

Celebrate your small and big wins. Review your year, start planning the next and prepare for more beautiful experience in the next chapter 🎉.

This is message to you as the year wrap up, you might have something to tell me too. A word of encouragement, something you'd like to tell me, something you'd like me to improve on or even if you want to drag me like a blue generator 😂

Here you go!

https://ngl.link/ssd87977

Love and fireworks,

SSD 💕✨

I felt a tight pain in my chest and my eyes exuded watery fluid as the statement I heard kept replaying in my head.

I don’t want to believe that the watery fluid from my eyes is tears.

I love so deeply and intentionally, but I never thought someone could ever doubt my love for them.

“Why do you hate us so much? Why are you so hard and boring to be with?”

That statement from my younger sister hit a delicate area in my heart.

I cried, and I wish I could explain how much I love everyone that I love, but words failed me.

I wasn’t able to find an explanation for that accusation until last month.

Mind you, my sisters and I are like young lovers. We play together, throw banters, and care for each other.

One of the things people don’t get asked is their definition of love, which my sister successfully asked me indirectly.

I celebrated my birthday last month in a very fulfilling way. Call me boring, but I’ll never remind people about my birthday.

I mean, if you genuinely care about me, why do I have to remind you of my birthday?

One more thing, I won’t flood my status with reposts of people wishing me, and you won’t see me posting myself up and down. Lest I forget, I won’t send you my pictures too.

Some of my intentional friends wished me on my status, sent me messages, gifted me, and of course my family celebrated me which I genuinely appreciated.

I wasn’t trying to tell you my standard of intentionality, but I think love doesn’t have to be loud and big to be seen.

I’d rather send lovely messages or call people that I love than show them fake love on their birthdays or random days.

Yeah, my younger sister said that because I refused to post her on my status on her birthday.

I know you might think this is so creepy and boring, but let me gist you about something.

There’s this friend of mine, our birthdays are almost together. Her birthday was on the 26th and mine on the 27th. She sent me her pictures and reminded me of the date.

We were chatting and making jokes about our birthdays when I casually mentioned our grandpa’s, my sisters’ and my birthday.

I posted her on her birthday and sent her a private message, but guess what? 😅

She didn’t even wish my sisters and me on our birthdays, not to talk of posting us 😅.

Yeah, birthdays are big days and should be celebrated in the best possible ways, but as for me, I’m not going to be getting cheap dopamine rush on my birthday and I won’t spend half of my day reposting online.

I love genuine love.

I love sincerity.

I love intentionality.

I love to be loved and to love unconditionally.

Love isn’t meant to be expressed on birthdays alone.

We all deserve to be cherished every blessed day.

This is my letter to you today. Love and be loved in your own way.

Love and big heart,

SSD ❤️✨

You’re growing, even on the days you don’t feel it.

Your efforts are not invisible, and your progress is not wasted.

All my love,

SSD ❤️✨