Surviving the day to day struggles and wins of life can ultimately lead to burn out. This can last up to days, months, or even years .Today i feel after 3 years of being burnt out i can feel a weight lifted,maybe it’s only temporary, but i sure wish it would stay with me for a while. I hope that everyone could escape burn out even if only to yell towards the universe that they made it regardless of what was thrown at them, that they will continue in pursuit of what they want their life to look like. For those with a disability this is for you.

These affirmations are intended for repetitive contemplation

My life is mine

As I excavate through life’s struggles I refuse to give up

I deserve respect and care

I will not compromise to ableism and ableist language

A life lived is one worth living

My Pain is valid and real

support networks will change and disappear I welcome the change coming my way

Reimagine a life until it becomes your life

I don’t deserve abuse

I will advocate for my reality

I deserve food and shelter

Burn out does not define me

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© 2026 Patricia Carrillo. All rights reserved.

I hit my 100th subscriber May 14, 2026. My fiancé gave me a big hug and I imagined what a room full of people listening to me reading my writing would look like. Kinda scary…but Kinda fun.

So here are 100 things I learned living with AUDHD in no particular order:

1. Something is better than nothing at all

2. Rest is my best friend

3. Some people might not ever understand its not my job to catch them up

4. Build systems, be prepared for them to change and don’t feel bad when you have to adjust

5. Eating when bored is a stim

6. Ask for help before things get out of hand

7. Sometimes things are just hard and they always will be

8.The best mental health advice is not taking Neurotypical’s mental health advice

9. I’m still figuring it out

10. Solitude in increments

11. Sensory problems are important address

12. My body carries my stress and fatigue try to reduce it

13. Exercise is important.

14. I only need 1 really good friend

15. A lot of people don’t see disability as an important part of society

16. I see the world differently than others and that is valid

17. I know my own lived experience

18. I don’t need others to understand my lived experience except for medical professionals

19. Affirmations help me with my faith

20. I prioritize my emotions quite often

21. To survive in the workplace I have to mask

22. I can be mean when I am blunt

23. Setting boundaries will help me achieve my goals

24. Forgiveness is a strong tool to shame

25. Take your meds

26.Sleep is very important

27. Suffering isn’t proof that you are hard working or that you can earn your keep it just means you can’t assert boundaries

28.Just because you can’t remember how it felt doesn’t mean it didn’t affect you

29. Hysterical, Historical

30. Hurt people, hurt people

31. Close mouths don’t get fed

32. Understand sense memory

33. Don’t let loneliness drive yourself back to toxic people

34. Manage your caffeine intake

35. It’s okay to sit with your grief

36. Comparison is the thief of joy

37. Take a second to ask other people what is going on in their life

38. Hold onto your magic

39. Older doesn’t always mean wiser

40. Look to disable advocates

41. Listen to disabled advocates

42. Your story may not matter to everyone but it will matter to someone

43. Your goals will look different from everyone else’s

45. Milestones will look different for you

46. Alcohol is not your friend

47. Forgive yourself for spending years with the wrong people

48. Your adhd will steal your focus, combat it with patience and incremental practices

49. Reassess your regulation tools and decide what works for you

50. Show gratitude through writing

51. You don’t have to share everything about yourself to be real

52. Organization is a process

53. You’re still learning what drives you

54. Gender binaries don’t make sense to me

55. Uncontrolled anger takes a toll on yourself and those around you

56. Most memories are unreliable

57. Positive self talk

58. Your brain is lying to you

59. Anxiety isa constant in my life

60. Worrying about what others think about you is a weird self absorption

61. People worry about you less than you think

62. You need to be strong

63. Strength is different for everyone

64. I am constantly tired

65. Stimulation is a constant struggle

66. Look at your bank statements

67. Have fun

68. Don’t take life too seriously

69. Repetition is your best friend

70. Stop leaving details out of your story

71. Enjoy your favorite things

72. Special interests keep me going

73. Love what loves you

74. Respect for yourself is important as respect for someone else

75. Self confidence is work

76. Healing isn’t Linear

77. You can choose your family

78. Dancing helps with overthinking

79. Exhaustion from physical activity satiates helps with bad moods

80. You are worth care

81. You are doing your best to take care of yourself

82. You have learning gaps

83. You can teach yourself most things

84. Failure is a sign that you are learning something

85. Try to build routines

86. Age doesn’t measure where you should be in life

87. Work on Hindsight

88. Learn from your mistakes

89. You are capable of becoming the best version of yourself

90. Love where your at for the version of yourself you want to be

91. Sometimes confusion from others is the sign that you are going in the right direction

92. People don’t need to understand your process you just need to trust in it

93. You need to give yourself reasonable time to process things

94. Take care of those who love you

95. Your phone is killing your creativity

96. Touch grass

97. Water recharges you

98. Make time for things you love doing

99. Perfection isn’t a goal it’s holding you back

100. Your best is enough

Thanks to all 100 plus of you. I can’t wait to continue writing.

Best,

Pat

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© 2026 Patricia Carrillo. All rights reserved.

Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

“Everybody needs love and adventure
Everybody needs cash to spend
Everybody needs love and affection
Everybody needs two or three friends”- The Human League

Sometimes I get caught up in my own bullshit. The excuses I make when I am an unkind mess. Or if I feel a certain type of self absorption where I’m buried under several blankets of shame. Suddenly I feel every mean word ever said to me including all the negative self-talk. You might get it now… I’m really insecure.

But sometimes in small moments of self reflection I have my moments. today I told myself, “Every choice you have ever made has lead you here…”

I just turned 30. I’m realizing I can’t be angry at bunch of things that didn’t work out. Well, I can but it really won’t fix any issue in my life only lead to intense rumination and emotional dysregulation.

So I’m going back to a few phrases I use to carry myself through heavy depression: ALIVE, REAL, REFRAME. I wore the words engraved on a necklace around my neck for half a decade. I need to remind myself that I had a lot of support, I really have, but I also need drill it into my head that I pulled myself out of a toxic relationship I had with treating myself like absolute garbage. I’m going to allow myself to take up a bit of space. I was unkind to myself during a 3 year sprint starting at 23 and I have been trying to catch up ever since.

The thing I am realizing now is that I so desperately want to live and thrive. I want to be kind, loving, and friendly. But my default setting has been on empty for so long, constantly running on fumes. I have to do it all on manual now, the positive habits don’t come to me so easily. I am dedicating my thirties to owning my decisions. I feel gratitude knowing I can make decisions in my life. No one is forcing me to be miserable but me. and I am dedicated to documenting the way I make those decisions for the next decade. I want to be less avoidant and deconstruct all my fears.

© 2026 Patricia Carrillo. All rights reserved.
Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

Art by Patricia Carrillo 2010

It’s colder and foggier where I live. It’s harder to get up in the morning and the workday seems long and drawn out. It gets to 5pm and the sun will be gone soon. Familiar Christmas lights decorate houses on the streets as we drive. Money is tight. Invitations Social gatherings hit my inbox and phone. I told myself this year not to try to catch up on all unfinished things. That my efforts to exist are enough. I hope you feel that way too. Plans are changing again and that is okay. Sharing my worries feels like a good practice of releasing. I’m worried that I won’t continue healthy habits. Such as going to the dentist before my gums have gone through irreparable damage. Lately, I wake up with foot pain that needs addressing as well as nerve pain on my right thigh. All things I have to actively make the effort to improve. Talking about fatigue and pain with myself comes with trying to reframe how I see my body what it does for me and what I can do for it. I struggle with very negative self-talk. Having low self-esteem feels like a lack of development and character. There are small rituals within my day that I believe keep me on track. My coffee and breakfast, my walk to work, my 10-minute walk 2 times a day, and Dinner with my partner. Less screen time is always the goal as well as eating healthier. I always ask myself if I’m doing enough for myself and if I can even do stuff for myself, then what are the steps to keep showing up for myself. I’m going to be really honest it doesn’t always feel like I’m doing actionable things for myself. I have to meet myself where I’m at and sometimes I have trouble knowing where the meter is at. Some days I can do more than others, prepping lunch and cooking dinner. But I have minimized how important it is to show up looking the trendiest. I shoot for good hygiene (Even though I often comb my hair at my desk) and a casual outfit. A lot of the times my fiancé helps with Laundry the night before work after hearing a very worried “I have nothing to wear” coming from me. It is greatly appreciated. Overall, I’m happy to share a few thoughts, art I found in my old bedroom, and some music that always holds me together.

Borne On The FM Waves Of The Heart - Against Me! Feat. Tegan Quin

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I recently told my fiancé that “sometimes I think that drinking at my local dive bar will, undo the physical fatigue, weight gain, and suddenly make me like myself back into my early twenties” and writing it out really solidifies how silly that sentiment is.

As a form of personal exposure, I can say that drinking has done the opposite. Causing inflammation, weight gain, and because of it I can’t remember crucial years. Things I’m still trying to recover from. Memories of nights that I’d rather forget make their way into my daily thoughts as I make my way to work, type at my desk, or when I’m trying to wind down for the night. Not-so-fun thoughts.

I have rigid thinking. I’ve practiced stringent sobriety and recently I’ve practice moderation. Both affecting my mental health in different ways. Overall, I’m not connecting with people and since alcohol seems like a heavily accepted social glue I do feel like it has failed me in that department. So, I’m leaning to put it down. My mind fights it often asking, “what about the celebrations…”. Weddings, parties, Halloween etc. It’s something to explore. Overall happy to share and be present enough to share my thoughts. Hope everyone is taking care of themselves.

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Photo from my morning commute: Description: Abandoned yellow building with a fence, background has palm trees and blue sky with clouds SHOT ON NIKOND700

The routine lately is as follows: wake up at 5:30am catch the bus at 6:30am walk a few blocks and get to work at about 7:50am. Work 8 Hours, get picked up by my fiance and come home and brain rot in front of the computer until about 10:30pm until i’m ready to get into bed and do it all over again for 3 days a week. Monday and Friday I work from home. Seems simple. Some days I’m grateful other days it is tiring. Depression has been kicking my butt and my executive function or lack of has been leading to a lot of anxiety.

Photo from my morning commute: Description: church steeple center frame with a blue sky and clouds in the background SHOT ON NIKOND700

Talking about work is boring but for transparency working a corporate job as someone with Autism and ADHD can be difficult and I don’t know how to talk about it and don’t want to overshare to my detriment. I feel like I’m playing a game with no instruction manual. I use to have my own office which was nice, I could drop my shoulders and listen to music, stim, or do whatever felt comfortable. Our department eventually downgraded to cubicle floor plan. I was devastated at first but I eventually got use to it. In other ways the routine of it all feels comforting only because I can pay my bills and work on paying off school debt.I’m trying to see work for what it is and not tie it into my identity so much.

Photo from my morning commute: Description: Red, Yellow, and Blue Louis Burgers IV DRIVE THRU Sign in center with blue sky with clouds SHOT ON NIKON D700

Slowly, I’ve been pivoting. Not just with my mindset but small actionable behaviors.I’ve been working on building a healthy relationship with food by seeing a nutritionist. I do some self care with my leg muscles every night because I deal with nerve pain. I have been seeing a new therapist as well. Lastly, I am going back to school in January. I’ll be taking Anatomy, a career development course, and a meditation class.

Some gratitude that I would like to share at the moment is that I am happily engaged. I was able to take a month off this year to focus on my mental health. I have a support system. I am present now more than ever. I am accepting the ebb and flow of my days. The anxious mornings, sitting with my appetite, lighting a candle to mark a transition. Making a quick call to my Aunt to show proof of life and hear her voice. Eating and laughing with Family. I’m trying to remind myself that one day I will miss this, so for now I will enjoy it all.

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Hi, I’m turning 29 next month and even though that isn’t quite the 30’s milestone I am starting to think of all the things that brought me to this moment in time. Although hard to identify my feelings, around another year of living, for the sake of trying and sharing here they are… Hesitant, Optimistic, Anxious, and Proud!

If I had a time machine to go back and undo all my mistakes I probably would try. Thats what hesitation feels like for me something from a sci-fi film, unattainable, and unrealistic. A higher level of adulthood is arriving and all the societal pressures that come with that age. I worry constantly but I’m accepting that there is not rewind button and the more I stick to that mindset the more grief and frustration contribute to my burnout.

A dear friend of mine is optimism. It cannot be shaken easily and I am grateful it has stuck beside me in times of difficulty. I’m excited. I’m in love and my partner and I are in talks of getting engaged sometime this year. Love sparks optimism. Loving and Being Loved feeds into my optimism which is supported by faith. It is whimsical and one of my favorite emotions

Anxiety has no mercy. So much to say here. 4 years of being aware of my diagnosis and I feel confident in my abilities as a person but I feel back to feeling as lost as I did when I first received the diagnosis. I often measure my success on the level that I am feeling my anxiety. I advise not to do this. I’m working on it and I’m better than my anxiety.

Confidence and Pride are extensions of each other but I do not always carry confidence in everything I do. I do feel pride in what I have accomplished not just in the last 4 years but in the 29 years. I often have to parent myself with this feeling. Imagining me looking over a 9 year old version of myself with a big smile and following with a “Great Job!” but also not hesitating to do this to my now 29 year old self as well. We all deserve to be proud in our progress. Examples for me are improvements in hygiene, following through with creative projects, positive self talk, and making sure to pay my bills on time.

Thoughts about turning 29:

• Will I be a good Married Partner?

• Can I accomplish my creative goals?

• Can I achieve financial freedom?

• Can I slow down?

• Do I have the strength to push through the difficulties caused by my neurodivergence?

• How Long will I be in burntout?

• Is life always so uncomfortable…can I push through discomfort to reach my goals?

Have any questions of your own or would you like any of these questions to be turned into bigger pieces of work? Send me a message Below or Comment

Plan to Plan

I love Planning. I love new ideas I love anything that sparks inspiration into my heart. I live for planning. This is my slow down year. No Big overwhelming ideas that I have to be disappointed in if I don’t accomplish them in a timely fashion. I am giving myself permission to do as little as possible. Yet, I still have the ability to draft and plan. I have creative video ideas, a workbook in mind, a cooking livestream and more! I am excited to plan this all as I wait for 2026 to approach. I’ll pop in here when I feel necessary to share a bigger thought or an idea.

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Hi AuDHDers, I’m simply going to dive in. Hopefully, by the end you’ll know a bit about me… I’m 28, I attended a 4 year California State University. I studied Filmmaking with an Emphasis on Cinematography. During College, I discovered I’m Transgender. To Simplify my early twenties, I struggled emotionally and socially; I struggled with sobriety, and it took a toll on my body and mental state. I am proud that I've been sober for 2 years. Is anyone interested in writing about sobriety? If so comment or send me a message… For work I Freelanced, until I couldn’t anymore and now, I work as a Multimedia Designer in a 9 to 5. In college, I could manage stress a bit better due to the resources I had on campus but now, 2 years out of school, I find myself struggling to afford mental health services even with reasonable insurance. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 22 and I received my Autism Diagnosis at 25 I am now 28.

I wish I could say it has gotten much easier but I find myself struggling with skill regression, anxiety, and anger. I’ve been struggling with faith. I believe in spirituality and practice with intention but have been on a journey of self discovery for about 3 years. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. After receiving my diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) innatentive type, I felt like I could breathe easier. I finally had words to describe how I’ve felt for years. It affected every part of my life. I was prescribed 40mg of Vyvanse and suddenly, I could do things that use to be difficult. It didn’t last. The effectiveness of my ADHD medications hit a plateau. My ADHD meds were so strong that I would stay up 2 -3 days at a time have manic moments.

Sometimes, I don’t want to describe my ADHD for people to understand I want to scream until I can’t anymore.I often times neglect my ADHD, not forgetting it’s there but I feel its presence in all that I do. I want to be an advocate but that first starts with self advocacy. So I asked for work accommodations and try to speak up for myself at work when things seem difficult  I feel lonely in areas that include family understanding, I have a handful of people that will listen to me and  empathize and for that I am grateful. I sit with grief when I think about a younger version of myself and even though I had love I find it difficult to admit I was neglected. I always struggled with behavioral issues, suspended from elementary school for misbehaving. I didn’t work well with others and I still don’t. 

It’s hard to find an upside to my ADHD but if I dig deep, I can say that it’s made me a real observant and empathetic person. I have gained that there is a community of disabled creators out there who are also fighting their own battles I’ve reframed the importance of accessibility and determined that as a community we must fight for the rights for disabled people. Sooner or later, each of us will become disabled. We must fight the ableist thoughts in our heads that tell us we’re lazy.

To Quote Judith Heumann

When other people see you as a third-class citizen, the first thing you need is a belief in yourself and the knowledge that you have rights. The next thing you need is a group of friends to fight back with

I can’t see between what is me and what is my ADHD and that is why I began this self reflection. maybe if I document my curiosity then maybe by the time I’m 35 I can feel more grounded in my life.

These words came together by writing sections in a two-week period. A bit during lunch breaks during my job and finding times in the evening. To conclude, I want to share my most valuable resource. I call the California Warm line often. If you haven’t heard of the resource, I will add the information here:

The CalHOPE warm line connects callers to people who have persevered through struggles with stress, anxiety, depression—emotions triggered by circumstances and events in everyday life. The peer counselors listen with compassion, provide non-judgmental support, and guide you to additional resources that can give hope and help you cope.

California Warmline

Phone# (833)-317-4673

Hours of Operation 12:00 AM - 11:59 PM, Every day

Allotted 3 phone calls at 15 minutes each

The non crisis line has been my anchor in a sea of uncertainty for about 2 years now and I hope you can use it as a resource.

Best, Pat

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Heumann, Judith, and Kristen Joiner. Being Heumann: An Unrepentant Memoir of a Disability Rights Activist. Random House Inc, 2021.