the irony was not lost on me.

for three days, i stood in front of a room asking people to turn toward themselves while quietly wondering how much of myself i could bear to be with.

somewhere in the back of my mind, that old phrase kept circling:

those who can’t do, teach.

i used to hear it as an accusation.

this weekend, i started to wonder if there was another way to understand it.

maybe we don’t always teach from the other side of something.

maybe sometimes we teach from inside it.

~

in the days leading up to the retreat, i kept wondering whether it was appropriate to hold space for others while struggling so profoundly to hold myself.

there is a particular mythology we have built around teachers, therapists, facilitators, healers, coaches ~ the people who stand at the front of rooms and talk about being human.

we want them to have arrived somewhere.

we want the person teaching us about grief to have finished grieving. the person teaching us about the body to always feel at home inside theirs. the person teaching self-inquiry to have found some final, stable self.

and maybe, secretly, the people standing at the front of the room want that too.

because it would be much easier to teach from the other side.

this is what i went through.

this is what i learned.

here is the map.

but what happens when you are still inside the territory?

what happens when you wake up, put your feet on the floor, and have to practice the very thing you will be speaking about three hours later?

i thought about canceling.

not because i believed depression made me incapable of facilitating, but because i was afraid there was something dishonest about it.

who am i to guide people toward themselves when i am struggling to locate myself?

who am i to speak about listening to the body when mine feels impossibly heavy?

who am i to speak about shame when i feel crippled by it?

who am i to talk about relationship, choice, awareness, curiosity, when some mornings the most sophisticated practice available to me is getting out of bed?

and then i arrived at omega.

Read more

for the past six weeks, i have been mothered and i have been becoming a mother.

to a cat.

i have been fed, held, driven places, given beds to sleep in, reminded that my body is still a body worth tending to. i have let other people do for me what i could not always do for myself. there is a specific kind of humility in being cared for when you have built so much of your identity around being the one who cares.

and then there is joanie.

joan didion, technically.

a small white cat with blue eyes who arrived in my life and gave me something outside of myself to keep alive. she needs breakfast whether or not i believe in the morning. she needs clean water whether or not i have washed my own face. she does not care if i have connected back to my purpose. she needs me to get out of bed.

perhaps this is one of the ways we return to ourselves: first by letting ourselves be mothered, then by discovering there is still something in us capable of mothering.

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i named my cat joan didion because i have always loved women who could look directly at loss.

joan didion spent much of her life writing about what disappears. daughters. husbands. california. the stories we tell ourselves in order to live. in blue nights, she writes toward the impossible task of keeping someone alive through language. the book is named for those long summer evenings when the light refuses to leave, even though you know it must. the blue deepens. the day begins disappearing while still appearing endless.

grief is cruel like that.

it lets you believe there is still time.

sometimes my cat looks at me with those blue eyes as if she knows something about survival that i don’t. she is still young enough to be startled by her own reflection. still young enough to believe every closed door will eventually open for her. she follows me from room to room, watching me become a person again in small, unremarkable increments.

get out of bed.

fill her bowl.

open the curtains.

stay.

maybe this is what pets do for us. they make staying less philosophical. they return us to the ordinary rituals that keep a life intact.

maggie nelson begins bluets with a confession: “suppose i were to begin by saying that i had fallen in love with a color.”

i understand how that happens.

blue is the color of distance. mountains become bluer the farther away they are. the sky is blue because light is scattered before it reaches us. the ocean keeps almost none of the blue we give it. what appears to be color is often only what survives the journey.

this is why blue belongs so easily to longing.

it is the color of what can be seen but not reached.

joni mitchell called an album blue and then made herself nearly transparent inside it. she sang without the usual protective layer between the artist and the wound. listening to it feels less like hearing someone perform heartbreak and more like overhearing someone tell the truth before they have decided whether telling it is wise.

there is a courage in making something before you have recovered from it.

maybe even a particular danger.

i used to believe art came after survival. that first you lived through the thing, then you found the language for it. lately, i am less certain. sometimes the language is the thin blue thread that leads you through. sometimes the poem does not document your survival. sometimes the poem is part of how you survive.

but not everything painful needs to become beautiful in order to deserve having happened. not every wound owes us wisdom. sometimes blue is just blue. sometimes grief is not a teacher. sometimes depression is not a portal. sometimes suffering does not reveal a better version of you ~ it simply hurts.

i no longer want to romanticize the nights that nearly took me from myself.

but i also cannot pretend they left me empty-handed.

i love the contradiction of it. in english, blue is sorrow. in portuguese, blue is reassurance. the same color can mean i am drowning and the water is beautiful. it can mean the worst has happened. it can mean we are okay.

language has always known that no feeling belongs to only one story.

the blue of mourning and the blue of morning.

joan didion wrote about grief because there was no way to write around it. maggie nelson collected fragments of blue because obsession rarely arrives in a straight line. joni mitchell sang herself bare because sometimes a voice can hold what a body cannot.

and i named my cat joan didion because i wanted something alive to carry the name of someone who taught me how to look at loss.

perhaps that is sentimental. perhaps all naming is.

still, my joanie does not care about literary inheritance. she knocks books from the shelf. she sleeps on the open pages. she places her small white body directly over whatever sentence i am trying to understand. she interrupts my attempts to make meaning and asks, instead, to be touched.

i am learning that blue does not have to mean one thing. neither do i.

i can be the person who disappeared and the person who returned. the woman inside the blue night and the woman watching it lift. i can be the one who needs mothering and the one who knows how to mother. i can take responsibility for the harm i have caused without making a permanent home inside the belief that i am harmful. i can grieve what i have lost without turning my whole life into a monument to absence.

some evenings, the light where i've been spending time turns everything blue. the mountains, the ocean, the white fur of the cat beside me. for a few minutes, the world seems to belong entirely to that color.

then the blue passes, as all colors made of light must pass.

joan opens her eyes.

i am still here.

tudo azul, i tell her.

everything blue.

everything aching.

everything alive.

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upcoming offerings

• august 7-9 ~ omega institute retreat // rhinebeck, ny

• august 24-28 ~ the inner atlas: mapping the self through somatic self-inquiry // esalen, big sur

summer retreats

join me on retreat !

retreats are an invitation to step out of the momentum of daily life and return to the deeper rhythm of your body, your breath, and the living world around you. they are spaces for slowing down, listening more closely, and remembering the parts of yourself that are often drowned out by noise.

august 7 - 9

(this weekend!)

omega institute // rhineback, ny

the self, reframed: exploration through somatic self inquiry

august 24 - 28

(1 spot left!)

esalen institute // big sur, ca

the inner atlas: mapping the self through somatic self-inquiry

august playlist // blue

songs for every shade of blue ~ the color, the feeling, the hour. for longing, becoming, remembering, and finding out that melancholy can still be beautiful.

listen

i care about your body with stephanie zaletel

los angeles // august 28-30

my dear friend, is hosting their incredible immersive workshop at the end of the month in los angeles. it’s almost like a retreat, except you still get to go home at the end of each day.

i won’t be able to join this time, but i cannot recommend it enough. i attended a few years ago, and it’s where i discovered my love for rolling practice.

it is a space for building compassion in community ~ a reset, a return to the body, and an experience of care as a reciprocal action. if you’re in los angeles, go!

learn more

podcast feature: WeAreLATech with Espree Devora

in this heartfelt episode, i unpack what it means to truly be in a culture defined by output, i share the radical importance of rest and vulnerability (especially in the LA tech scene), and tell raw stories of heartbreak, transformation, and survival.

listen

ways to work together

an embodied exploration of the self

for those called to dive deeper, i offer virtual private sessions as a space to listen inward ~ through breath, body, and inquiry. together we explore the layers of self that long to be seen, softened, or reclaimed.

there are a few pathways to work together one-on-one:
• teacher mentorship ~ guidance for facilitators, teachers, and space-holders wanting to refine their voice, presence, and somatic depth
• somatic self-inquiry ~ a space for honest reflection, dialogue, and integration through body-based awareness
• breathwork ~ personalized journeys to clear, regulate, and reconnect through the wisdom of the breath
• movement ~ intuitive movement and embodiment sessions to restore flow and relationship with the body

and other ways…

• bring me into your workspace (virtually or in person) ~
  to support your team in regulating, connecting, and remembering there is a body behind the role.

• facilitate a gathering ~
  a birthday, a bachelorette party, a reunion, or simply a moment where people want to feel something real together.

each of these modalities can stand alone ~ or be woven together into a personalized process that meets you where you are.

let's connect

the self, reframed

my published book of poems

the self, reframed is a short collection of poems designed to offer solace, insight, and a fresh perspective on life’s most challenging moments. these poems invite readers to explore their inner world, embrace vulnerability, and find strength in reframing struggles into opportunities for growth and connection. each poem serves as a mirror, reflecting the shared human experience and encouraging readers to see themselves and others with compassion, clarity, and resilience.

i’ve recently republished it with new poems and a new cover by reese shebel.

get your copy

please consider subscribing to seeds of the self. this is a place for my written garden of reflections and invitations to practice.

there’s a free tier for monthly writings, playlists, and offerings ~ and a paid option with access to deeper practices, in-depth reflections, discounts, and behind-the-scenes seeds in bloom. for those with the capacity to support the work more deeply, becoming a founding member includes a personalized playlist to meet you exactly where you are.

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retreats have always been my favorite way to teach. not because they’re bigger or more immersive, but because they offer something that feels increasingly rare: uninterrupted time to be with ourselves.

i'll be leading two retreats this august ~ one at omega institute in new york and another at esalen institute in big sur. each offers its own landscape, community, and rhythm, but both are invitations to step away from the pace of everyday life and spend a little time getting to know yourself more deeply.

when we step away from the familiar rhythms of everyday life, even for a few days, we begin to hear ourselves a little more clearly. the nervous system softens. our attention widens. the questions we’ve been too busy to ask finally have somewhere to land.

i’ve found that so much of this work isn’t about learning something new. it’s about creating enough space to remember what we already know.

i’d absolutely love to spend time with you if you’ve been wanting to join me in person.

august 7-9 ~ omega institute (rhinebeck, new york)

The Self, Reframed: Exploration through Somatic Self Inquiry

we’ll gather for a weekend of somatic self-inquiry through movement, breath, writing, reflection, and conversation. my approach weaves together the body, the breath, the stories we carry, and the relational field we create together, inviting us to become more curious about our patterns ~ not to fix ourselves, but to understand ourselves more deeply. this is an invitation to slow down enough to notice what has always been there, waiting for our attention.

this retreat isn’t about becoming someone new or repairing what’s broken. it’s about cultivating a more compassionate relationship with yourself, learning to recognize the habits, beliefs, and ways of relating that shape your experience, and discovering what becomes possible when awareness begins to replace self-criticism. whether you’re moving through a transition, feeling stuck, or simply longing for more space to hear yourself think and feel, this weekend offers a place to turn inward while being gently witnessed in community.

there’s something about the land at omega that naturally invites a different pace. surrounded by forests, open meadows, quiet trails, and the lake, the grounds become part of the practice itself. between sessions, you’ll have time to wander beneath the trees, sit by the water, breathe deeply, and remember what it feels like to move through the world without urgency.

learn more

august 24-28 ~ esalen institute (big sur, california)

The Inner Atlas: Mapping the Self through Somatic Self-Inquiry

take a journey into the cartography of self ~ an invitation to explore the landscapes that exist beneath language. through breathwork, somatic movement, reflective writing, and relational practices, we’ll move through the body, emotion, memory, and story with curiosity rather than judgment.

throughout our time, we’ll open up different terrains to explore: the wisdom of sensation, the emotions we carry, inherited narratives, the patterns that shape us, and the parts of ourselves still waiting to be remembered. this isn’t about becoming someone new. it’s about building a deeper relationship with the person you’ve been all along.

throughout the week, you’ll create your own inner atlas ~ a living map of sensation, story, lineage, values, and possibility. something tangible to take home. a personal compass you can return to whenever life asks you to find your way back to yourself.

there’s something uniquely transformative about practicing at esalen. surrounded by the cliffs, ocean, hot springs, and incredible natural beauty of big sur, we’ll spend four days exploring the relationship between body, breath, emotion, and story.

learn more

~~~

if you've been wanting to experience this work in person, i'd love to have you there. each retreat opens a different doorway into somatic self-inquiry, exploring a unique landscape while returning us to the same place: a deeper relationship with ourselves.

you can learn more and register here:

omega institute ~ august 7-9

esalen institute ~ aug 24-28

with you,

lihi

i mean, technically it isn’t. but i still tell time the way an elementary school kid does. once it’s june, it’s summer. once it’s september, it’s fall. that’s just how it works.

and every year around this time, a particular phrase comes back to me.

H-A-G-S.

have a great summer.

followed, almost always, by:

don’t ever change!

remember?

written in yearbooks. scribbled across notebook paper. passed between friends on the last day of school.

don’t ever change.

as kids, change felt threatening.

we wanted our friendships to stay intact. our favorite songs to stay our favorite songs. our worlds to remain recognizable. the future felt less like possibility and more like a thief standing just outside the classroom door.

so we wished permanence onto one another.

stay exactly as you are.

don’t ever change.

and then… we grew up.

somewhere along the way, the message flipped.

suddenly change became the goal.

grow.

evolve.

transform.

heal.

that the better version is just around the corner.

just one breakthrough away.

just one peak experience away.

just one nervous system regulation practice away.

and while i love growth, and i love learning, and i have devoted much of my life to self-inquiry, i sometimes wonder if we’ve swung too far in the opposite direction.

we become attached to becoming.

always renovating.

always updating.

always searching for the next version of ourselves.

sometimes what we call growth is actually a subtle refusal to stay long enough with what already is.

sometimes change becomes movement for movement’s sake.

a way of avoiding the ordinary, unfinished, imperfect self that is standing here now.

the self that may not need fixing.

the self that may simply need company.

i don’t think the answer is to stop changing.

life changes us whether we consent to it or not.

change is the only thing that’s truly guaranteed.

the answer might be remembering that growth isn’t measured by how different we become.

sometimes it’s measured by how deeply we can inhabit who we already are.

how willing we are to stay.

to linger.

to let things ripen instead of forcing them to bloom.

so this summer…

have a great summer.

keep in touch.

let yourself change.

and let yourself remain, too.

some things are worth carrying forward.

some things deserve time.

and not every season of your life needs to become a before-and-after story.

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upcoming offerings

• june 16 - july 21 ~ the self reframed // 6 week virtual summer cohort

• august 7-9 ~ omega institute retreat // rhinebeck, ny

• august 24-28 ~ the inner atlas: mapping the self through somatic self-inquiry // esalen, big sur

the self, reframed // 6-week virtual cohort

june 16 - july 21, tuesdays at 9am pt

in a world that often pulls us outward ~ into performance, productivity, and perception ~ this 6 week virtual cohort offers a different orientation: one of listening. not to fix or improve yourself, but to become more intimate with the ways you move, breathe, interpret, and relate.

rooted in the self, reframed framework, this experience offers a map ~ not as something rigid or prescriptive, but as a set of vantage points through which to witness yourself more clearly. we’ll explore four primary vantage points ~ the body, the breath, personal narrative, and the relational field ~ each offering a distinct doorway into self-awareness. together, these pillars create a map for understanding how we respond, protect, attach, and evolve.

inside the container you’ll receive:

✦ six live weekly calls: a space for teaching, somatic exploration, self inquiry, reflection, and community conversation.

✦ a private 30-minute 1:1 session with me: for whatever wants a little more space, attention, or support.

✦ weekly reflections & journal prompts: questions to live with rather than rush to answer.

✦ practices to explore between sessions: simple invitations that help bridge insight into everyday life.

✦ curated materials & resources: readings, reflections, frameworks, and tools to deepen the inquiry.

✦ a private whatsapp group: a place to stay connected throughout the six weeks.

✦ an intimate cohort: because i believe there is something powerful about being known by a handful of humans willing to sit beside the mystery with you.

learn more

summer retreats

join me on retreat !

retreats are an invitation to step out of the momentum of daily life and return to the deeper rhythm of your body, your breath, and the living world around you. they are spaces for slowing down, listening more closely, and remembering the parts of yourself that are often drowned out by noise.

august 7 - 9

omega institute // rhineback, ny

the self, reframed: exploration through somatic self inquiry

august 24 - 28

esalen institute // big sur, ca

the inner atlas: mapping the self through somatic self-inquiry

june playlist // love is the quest

may playlist for when reality starts to soften at the edges. these songs live in that distortion ~ where memory bends, perception slips, and feeling becomes more convincing than fact. it moves through longing, projection, and the subtle ways we reshape what’s real to match what we need. a place to linger in the in-between, without needing to decide what’s true.

listen

personalized playlist

i can make you a playlist!

a personalized playlist is an intimate, curated listening experience designed specifically for you ~ your moment, your mood, your movement, your story.

whether it’s for a long run, a breakup, a birthday, a dinner with friends, a solo drive, or a season of your life that doesn’t yet have language… i create a soundscape that meets you there. each playlist is crafted with deep attention ~ to emotional arc, pacing, texture, and the subtle ways music can move us, hold us, and mirror us.

this isn’t just a collection of songs. it’s a journey. a companion. a way of feeling yourself more clearly.

you can come with a specific intention, or simply a feeling you can’t quite name ~ and together, we translate it into sound.

get yours

personalized audio recording

i can record you something special!

a personalized recorded meditation or breathwork journey, created just for you.

this is an intimate offering ~ a practice shaped around your current season, your nervous system, your questions, your desires, and the places that feel tender or ready to be met. we begin with a conversation: what’s alive, what you’re moving through, what you’re calling in. from there, i create a custom audio experience that weaves together breath, somatic awareness, guided imagery, and language that speaks directly to you.

this isn’t a generic track ~ it’s a reflection of your inner landscape. something you can return to again and again, a steady companion in your process. whether you’re seeking grounding, release, clarity, expansion, or simply a deeper relationship with yourself, this recording becomes a doorway ~ a bridge back into your body, your breath, your own knowing.

delivered as a high-quality audio file, yours to keep.

get yours

ways to work together

an embodied exploration of the self

for those called to dive deeper, i offer virtual private sessions as a space to listen inward ~ through breath, body, and inquiry. together we explore the layers of self that long to be seen, softened, or reclaimed.

there are a few pathways to work together one-on-one:
• teacher mentorship ~ guidance for facilitators, teachers, and space-holders wanting to refine their voice, presence, and somatic depth
• somatic self-inquiry ~ a space for honest reflection, dialogue, and integration through body-based awareness
• breathwork ~ personalized journeys to clear, regulate, and reconnect through the wisdom of the breath
• movement ~ intuitive movement and embodiment sessions to restore flow and relationship with the body

and other ways…

• bring me into your workspace (virtually or in person) ~
  to support your team in regulating, connecting, and remembering there is a body behind the role.

• facilitate a gathering ~
  a birthday, a bachelorette party, a reunion, or simply a moment where people want to feel something real together.

each of these modalities can stand alone ~ or be woven together into a personalized process that meets you where you are.

let's connect

the self, reframed

my published book of poems

the self, reframed is a short collection of poems designed to offer solace, insight, and a fresh perspective on life’s most challenging moments. these poems invite readers to explore their inner world, embrace vulnerability, and find strength in reframing struggles into opportunities for growth and connection. each poem serves as a mirror, reflecting the shared human experience and encouraging readers to see themselves and others with compassion, clarity, and resilience.

i’ve recently republished it with new poems and a new cover by reese shebel.

get your copy

please consider subscribing to seeds of the self. this is a place for my written garden of reflections and invitations to practice.

there’s a free tier for monthly writings, playlists, and offerings ~ and a paid option with access to deeper practices, in-depth reflections, discounts, and behind-the-scenes seeds in bloom. for those with the capacity to support the work more deeply, becoming a founding member includes a personalized playlist to meet you exactly where you are.

Leave a comment

a reminder that registration for my virtual container the self, reframed closes soon, and early bird pricing ends tomorrow ~ wednesday, june 3.

it’s a 6-week virtual journey through body, breath, narrative, and the relational field. a space for curiosity over certainty, questions over answers, and the practice of meeting ourselves in community.

if this piece resonates, you can learn more and join below

learn more and join

~~~

the sneakiest thing about self inquiry is that i thought it was a solitary sport.

just me and my little shovel.

digging.

digging.

digging.

certain that if i struck the earth hard enough i would eventually uncover the fossilized remains of whatever had gone missing.

but then someone looked at me.

me.

and suddenly i felt naked in a way that had nothing to do with exposure.

more like being a forest finally realizing it had been listening to its own echo.

i don’t think we come to community to be understood.

understanding is too tidy.

i think we come because there are chambers inside us that refuse to sing until another nervous system enters the room.

what an unbearable thing.

to spend years constructing a self.

then watch one loving witness walk in and accidentally kick a hole through the drywall.

there you are.

peeking out.

terrified and relieved.

the whole ordeal feels suspiciously similar to being born.

or dying.

or trying not to fall in love while already halfway over the edge.

which is maybe the same thing.

this is, in many ways, why i created the self, reframed.

the self, reframed: virtual cohort

not to give answers.

not to fix anyone.

but to create a place where we can sit beside the questions together.

where the body gets a vote.

where curiosity matters more than certainty.

where being witnessed becomes part of the practice.

the early bird rate closes in 2 days.

if you’ve been circling it, perhaps that’s enough information.

~

inside the container you’ll receive:

✦ six live weekly calls

a space for teaching, somatic exploration, self inquiry, reflection, and community conversation.

✦ a private 30-minute 1:1 session with me

for whatever wants a little more space, attention, or support.

✦ weekly reflections & journal prompts

questions to live with rather than rush to answer.

✦ practices to explore between sessions

simple invitations that help bridge insight into everyday life.

✦ curated materials & resources

readings, reflections, frameworks, and tools to deepen the inquiry.

✦ a private whatsapp group

a place to stay connected throughout the six weeks.

to share observations.

to celebrate discoveries.

to ask questions.

to remember that self inquiry doesn’t have to happen in isolation.

✦ an intimate cohort

because i believe there is something powerful about being known.

not by hundreds of people.

but by a handful of humans willing to sit beside the mystery with you.

learn more and join

of language.

of family.

of a culture i grew up deeply connected to and somehow still standing slightly outside of.

i grew up speaking portuguese at home. inside a sprawling brazilian community in northern california where love sounded loud ~ music overlapping conversations, plates being passed around, people greeting each other with the intensity of long-lost reunions even if they’d seen each other three days before. brazil wasn’t something distant or inherited abstractly. it was the atmosphere of my childhood. the cadence of affection i learned to recognize before i understood almost anything else.

and still, every time i returned to brazil itself ~ to rio de janeiro ~ to the density and pulse of it all ~ there were moments that unsettled me in ways i couldn’t fully articulate.

not quite disconnection. more like reaching for something that belonged to you and realizing your grip on it wasn’t as natural as you thought.

like singing along to a song you’ve known your whole life and suddenly noticing you’ve been getting one lyric wrong the entire time. the culture was deeply mine. and then, at certain moments, it wasn’t entirely.

for a long time, one of those moments was a single phrase:

só alegria.

my grandmother has said it my whole life. only joy. and up until recently, i would quietly recoil every time i heard it.

~

for most of my adult life, i believed that depth required difficulty. that the people who named pain were more serious, more honest, more real than the people who reached past it toward something lighter. i was reading everything i could get my hands on. i was full of questions that felt enormous and urgent. i wanted to excavate, not smooth over.

and so when my grandmother ~ or anyone, really, in that particularly brazilian way ~ answered hardship with só alegria, what i heard was: don’t look too closely. don’t go there. be happy. it felt so incredibly dismissive of what was “real.”

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what i couldn’t understand yet ~ what i had no framework for ~ was that só alegria was not the absence of depth. it was depth shaped differently. a philosophy forged inside a culture that has survived colonization, dictatorship, poverty, displacement, inequality, rupture. a people who learned, over generations, that joy is not naïveté. it is endurance. it is resistance. it is a way of keeping the spirit intact when history keeps trying to harden it.

not all wisdom announces itself through heaviness. there is wisdom that dances in the kitchen while carrying impossible things. wisdom that knows sorrow intimately and still chooses warmth when someone walks through the door.

up until recently, i thought seriousness was proof of depth. now i think some truths only reveal themselves once i stop worshipping suffering as the highest form of intelligence.

~

alegria in brazil is not happiness in the way i once understood happiness. it is not the polished satisfaction of things going well…

not accomplishment

not relief

not the clean emotional reward at the end of suffering.

it is something far more embodied than that.

more collective.

more resilient.

in brazilian culture, alegria is not something that arrives after pain has ended. it exists beside pain. the music and the mourning live in the same room. the laughter does not cancel the grief; the grief does not disqualify the laughter. they move together.

this distinction matters enormously once you understand its counterpart. we also have saudade ~ perhaps the most written-about word in the portuguese language ~ a deep, bittersweet longing for something or someone absent. saudade holds contradiction inside it. it is ache and affection at once. the sweetness of memory braided with the sadness of distance. the presence of love inside absence itself.

but here is what is interesting… brazilian saudade is fundamentally different from the portuguese version that gave birth to it. where portuguese saudade leans toward mourning, brazilian saudade, carries rhythm inside it. it sings. it praises. it allows joy to remain threaded through longing rather than separating the two emotions into opposites.

and that feels important to me now. because i think brazilian culture, at its core, understands something i did not understand when i was younger: joy and sorrow are not enemies. they have always belonged to one another.

none of this emerged accidentally. it was built over centuries inside immense pressure.

brazil has a long, complicated, often brutal history ~ colonization, slavery, decades of military dictatorship between 1964 and 1985, staggering inequality that has never been fully reckoned with.

and yet: carnival.

and yet: samba.

and yet: a culture so oriented toward the present moment, toward connection, toward the body and the table and the music.

from the outside, this can sometimes look like avoidance, like a refusal to take suffering seriously. but i think i had it backwards. maybe sustaining joy inside brutality requires far more seriousness than surrendering to hopelessness does.

during the military dictatorship, when censorship was suffocating and the regime used the language of national security to justify repression and violence, brazilian artists chose to meet that silence not with silence but with song. music became one of the places freedom could still breathe. joy became political. not because people were unaware of the violence around them, but because refusing aliveness would have meant handing that violence complete control.

it became a form of saying: you do not get to take this from us.

the singer caetano veloso released “alegria, alegria” in 1967, later called the brazilian anthem of that year. the title translates as joy, joy ~ but veloso said the song’s real subject was freedom. algeria became defiance. a way of singing, dancing, gathering, and remaining fully alive under a regime that wanted fear to shape everyday life.

joy, in that context, became proof that the spirit had not been conquered.

the brazilian tradition of alegria has never been about skipping the pain. it has always been about refusing to be defined by it. those are completely different things. one is avoidance. the other is an act of will so practiced it looks effortless ~ which is exactly why i mistook it for shallowness.

~

i flew to rio de janeiro earlier this month for my grandmother’s ninety-third birthday. arriving already tangled in these questions about joy, freedom, and depth. the house was full. loud in the way brazilian rooms become loud: people talking over each other, someone arguing about food, laughter arriving mid-story, music somewhere in the background. and woven through all of it were the absences too. the people no longer alive. the years that had marked us. grief sitting at the table beside celebration, neither one canceling the other out.

i remember standing in the doorway watching everyone and feeling something loosen in me. like the slow realization that a tension i’ve carried for years has finally unclenched on its own.

because this was the thing i had spent so long misunderstanding.

nobody in that room was pretending life had been easy. nobody was performing happiness to avoid what hurt. they were doing something far more complex than that. they were insisting on aliveness in the presence of everything life had taken. choosing warmth anyway. choosing gathering anyway. choosing music anyway.

this was the culture i had inherited through fragments. and here it was, whole. the noise and the warmth and the complete absence of self-consciousness about either. the ease with which this room held grief and celebration at the same time… and yet… the food kept coming, the voices kept rising, my mother kept dancing.

they were doing the thing i had spent years misreading as avoidance: they were choosing, actively and together, to be here.

and suddenly i could see it clearly: this wasn’t joy in denial of suffering. this was joy shaped by intimacy with it.

i started thinking, too, about capoeira ~ the afro-brazilian art form created by enslaved africans under portuguese rule. a fight disguised as a dance. resistance hidden inside rhythm. to outsiders, capoeira can look playful, almost carefree: music, swaying bodies, acrobatics, people smiling in a circle. but beneath it lives survival, strategy, adaptation. an entire language of defiance concealed inside beauty and movement because it had to be. and something about that feels deeply connected to alegria too. this cultural understanding that joy is not separate from struggle, but sometimes the very form struggle takes when it refuses to surrender its humanity.

at the end of the night, someone raised a glass. ninety-three years. the room got a little louder, a little softer ~ the way rooms do when emotion moves through them and my grandmother lifted her hand and said

só alegria.

and for the first time, i heard the fullness of it.

not as a dismissal.
not as a performance.
not as a refusal to feel.

but as the language of people who have felt deeply, survived deeply, and still chosen not to let despair become the final atmosphere of their lives.

~

and so really, it’s not about only feeling joy.
it’s about refusing to let suffering be the only thing that speaks.

this is the deepest freedom i’ve encountered yet…
to know exactly how brutal life can be
and love it anyway.

só alegria.

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i’ve been quietly building something i’m deeply excited to finally share… a 6-week virtual cohort exploring the relationship between body, breath, narrative, relational field, and the many layers of the self.

the self, reframed: virtual cohort

for a long time, i thought transformation only happened through breakthrough moments.
the huge realizations.
the catharsis.
the dramatic unravelings.

and while those moments absolutely have their place, what i’ve come to trust even more is what happens through sustained relationship.
through returning.
through being witnessed over time.
through slowing down enough to notice the subtler patterns underneath the louder ones.

that’s a big part of why i created this cohort.

this summer cohort will be an intimate space for people wanting to deepen their relationship with themselves.

not from the lens of “fixing” yourself.
but from the lens of learning how to actually be with yourself.

this space is about the lived experience of self inquiry.

summer cohort beginning june 16

there’s something profoundly powerful about exploring these things in community.
certain parts of us only become visible in relationship.
sometimes another person’s honesty unlocks something in ourselves.
sometimes being witnessed without needing to perform changes us quietly.

this won’t be a space centered around perfection, performance, or self optimization.

it’s a space for curiosity.
for nuance.
for experimentation.
for becoming more honest with yourself.
for building a deeper capacity to stay present with your own experience.

we’ll meet weekly on zoom for 2 hours at a time in a dedicated container over the course of 6 weeks.

if you’ve been craving depth, community, embodiment, reflection, or simply a space to come back into conversation with yourself again ~ i’d love to welcome you.

learn more

with excitement + gratitude,
lihi

even writing that sentence feels strange.

because in hindsight, creativity has always been one of the central forces of my life. but i had a very particular idea of what an artist was, and i didn’t think i qualified.

artists painted.
or made films.
or released albums.
or had galleries and portfolios and tangible bodies of work people could point to and say: there. that’s the art.

my creativity felt harder to capture than that.

it moved through experiences. conversations. movement. emotional atmospheres. the curation of sound. the pacing of a class. the architecture of feeling inside a room.

and because so much of it was ephemeral ~ because it disappeared after it happened ~ i unconsciously treated it as less legitimate.

i never thought to call it art.

~

the closest thing i had to my original definition of art was poetry.

but even that arrived in a way i struggled to value.

my poetry rarely came from sitting quietly with a notebook trying to “write.” it came out of me in conversations. while teaching. in voice notes. in moments where language suddenly became more alive than ordinary speech.

it was oral before it was written.

half the time, i wouldn’t even write things down. people around me would pause and say, “that sounded like poetry,” and i would almost dismiss it in real time because it hadn’t arrived in the “proper” container.

it didn’t feel official enough.
structured enough.
finished enough.

if it lived in conversation instead of on paper, some part of me believed it was less valuable.

which now feels deeply connected to how we’ve been taught to measure art in general.

as if permanence determines worth.
as if documentation determines legitimacy.

~

this month, i’ve been thinking a lot about reclaiming the identity of artist ~ but in a much wider way than i understood before.

not artist as a profession.
not artist as an aesthetic.
not artist as something reserved for a specific medium.

but artist as orientation.

someone in relationship with creation.
someone shaping experience.
someone paying close attention.
someone allowing feeling, perception, beauty, tension, humor, and meaning to move through form.

and strangely…

because before that, i was constantly blocked by comparison and expectation.

i thought creativity had to become something visible to count.
i thought art had to become output.
i thought if i wasn’t consistently producing something tangible, then i must not really be creative.

but the tighter i held creativity to productivity, the less alive it felt.

~

what’s changing for me now is that i’m no longer trying to force creativity into a narrow channel.

i’m letting it move in the forms it naturally wants to move through.

sometimes that’s writing.
sometimes it’s teaching.
sometimes it’s making a playlist that feels like emotional cartography.
sometimes it’s designing a workshop arc.
sometimes it’s movement.
sometimes it’s conversation.

i also think i carried this unconscious belief that art had to be serious to matter.

but lately, i’ve been reconnecting to the playfulness of it too.

curiosity. experimentation. collecting textures and ideas and sounds. following strange fascinations without needing them to immediately become useful or profitable.

you cannot only extract from it.
you have to live inside it.

~

i don’t think reclaiming the identity of artist gave me creativity.

i think it gave me permission or at least the invitation to remember.

permission to stop reducing my creative life to visible output.
permission to trust process before product.
permission to honor forms of creation that disappear after they happen.
permission to recognize that shaping feeling, space, experience, and connection is also art.

and honestly, that shift has made me feel more creatively free than i have in years.

upcoming offerings

• june 16 - july 21 ~ the self reframed // 6 week virtual summer cohort

• august 7-9 ~ omega institute retreat // rhinebeck, ny

• august 24-28 ~ the inner atlas: mapping the self through somatic self-inquiry // esalen, big sur

• october 2-4 ~ the sensing body: retreat with stephanie zaletel // berkeley, ca

the self, reframed // 6-week virtual cohort

june 16 - july 21

the self, reframed is a space to pause the momentum of your life and turn inward with intention.

in a world that often pulls us outward ~ into performance, productivity, and perception ~ this 6 week virtual cohort offers a different orientation: one of listening. not to fix or improve yourself, but to become more intimate with the ways you move, breathe, interpret, and relate.

rooted in the self, reframed framework, this experience offers a map ~ not as something rigid or prescriptive, but as a set of vantage points through which to witness yourself more clearly. rather than asking “what’s wrong?” we begin to ask “from where am i experiencing this?” each lens reveals something different, expanding your capacity to hold complexity, contradiction, and truth.

we’ll explore four primary vantage points ~ the body, the breath, personal narrative, and the relational field ~ each offering a distinct doorway into self-awareness. together, these pillars create a map for understanding how we respond, protect, attach, and evolve.

through lecture and guided somatic self-inquiry, this intimate 6 week cohort is an invitation to remember the pathways back to yourself.

registration now open!

learn more

2026 retreats

join me on retreat this year !

august 7 - 9

omega institute // rhineback, ny

the self, reframed: exploration through somatic self inquiry

august 24 - 28

esalen institute // big sur, ca

the inner atlas: mapping the self through somatic self-inquiry

october 2 - 4

anza retreat with stephanie zaletel // berkeley, ca

the sensing body

retreats are an invitation to step out of the momentum of daily life and return to the deeper rhythm of your body, your breath, and the living world around you. they are spaces for slowing down, listening more closely, and remembering the parts of yourself that are often drowned out by noise.

may playlist // illusions and delusions

may playlist for when reality starts to soften at the edges. these songs live in that distortion ~ where memory bends, perception slips, and feeling becomes more convincing than fact. it moves through longing, projection, and the subtle ways we reshape what’s real to match what we need. a place to linger in the in-between, without needing to decide what’s true.

listen

personalized playlist

i can make you a playlist!

a personalized playlist is an intimate, curated listening experience designed specifically for you ~ your moment, your mood, your movement, your story.

whether it’s for a long run, a breakup, a birthday, a dinner with friends, a solo drive, or a season of your life that doesn’t yet have language… i create a soundscape that meets you there. each playlist is crafted with deep attention ~ to emotional arc, pacing, texture, and the subtle ways music can move us, hold us, and mirror us.

this isn’t just a collection of songs. it’s a journey. a companion. a way of feeling yourself more clearly.

you can come with a specific intention, or simply a feeling you can’t quite name ~ and together, we translate it into sound.

get yours

personalized audio recording

i can record you something special!

a personalized recorded meditation or breathwork journey, created just for you.

this is an intimate offering ~ a practice shaped around your current season, your nervous system, your questions, your desires, and the places that feel tender or ready to be met. we begin with a conversation: what’s alive, what you’re moving through, what you’re calling in. from there, i create a custom audio experience that weaves together breath, somatic awareness, guided imagery, and language that speaks directly to you.

this isn’t a generic track ~ it’s a reflection of your inner landscape. something you can return to again and again, a steady companion in your process. whether you’re seeking grounding, release, clarity, expansion, or simply a deeper relationship with yourself, this recording becomes a doorway ~ a bridge back into your body, your breath, your own knowing.

delivered as a high-quality audio file, yours to keep.

get yours

ways to work together

an embodied exploration of the self

for those called to dive deeper, i offer virtual private sessions as a space to listen inward ~ through breath, body, and inquiry. together we explore the layers of self that long to be seen, softened, or reclaimed.

there are a few pathways to work together one-on-one:
• teacher mentorship ~ guidance for facilitators, teachers, and space-holders wanting to refine their voice, presence, and somatic depth
• somatic self-inquiry ~ a space for honest reflection, dialogue, and integration through body-based awareness
• breathwork ~ personalized journeys to clear, regulate, and reconnect through the wisdom of the breath
• movement ~ intuitive movement and embodiment sessions to restore flow and relationship with the body

and other ways…

• bring me into your workspace (virtually or in person) ~
  to support your team in regulating, connecting, and remembering there is a body behind the role.

• facilitate a gathering ~
  a birthday, a bachelorette party, a reunion, or simply a moment where people want to feel something real together.

each of these modalities can stand alone ~ or be woven together into a personalized process that meets you where you are.

let's connect

the self, reframed

my published book of poems

the self, reframed is a short collection of poems designed to offer solace, insight, and a fresh perspective on life’s most challenging moments. these poems invite readers to explore their inner world, embrace vulnerability, and find strength in reframing struggles into opportunities for growth and connection. each poem serves as a mirror, reflecting the shared human experience and encouraging readers to see themselves and others with compassion, clarity, and resilience.

i’ve recently republished it with new poems and a new cover by reese shebel.

get your copy

please consider subscribing to seeds of the self. this is a place for my written garden of reflections and invitations to practice.

there’s a free tier for monthly writings, playlists, and offerings ~ and a paid option with access to deeper practices, in-depth reflections, discounts, and behind-the-scenes seeds in bloom. for those with the capacity to support the work more deeply, becoming a founding member includes a personalized playlist to meet you exactly where you are.

Leave a comment

it’s been anticipation, projection, fear, hope ~ an entire landscape built around the simple fact of feeling something deeply.
and somewhere in that part of me, almost every time, there’s been a tightening.

a closing.
a reaching for reassurance.
a desire to make something fleeting feel fixed.

more recently, i’ve been excavating my relationship with love and experiencing it in way that doesn’t feel entirely human.

or maybe it’s the most human thing, but one we rarely let ourselves stay with long enough to understand.

it began, or at least sharpened, in an experience that felt like it dissolved the architecture of who i thought i was. i smoked bufo ~ 5-MeO-DMT ~ and for a moment (or an eternity), there was no center point called “me” organizing love around itself.

Read more

sometimes it’s said with curiosity.
sometimes with tenderness.
and sometimes with a kind of discomfort, as if the question itself is a disruption, as if asking signals a kind of not knowing we’re meant to outgrow.

i don’t think i’ve ever wanted to outgrow it.

~

there’s a way questions live in the body.

they aren’t just thoughts. they have weight, direction, texture.
a subtle leaning forward.
a tilt of attention.
a widening of perception.

a question, when it’s fully alive, doesn’t remain in the mind. it moves through the chest, hums somewhere lower, reorganizes the breath. it makes space ~ often where something rigid has taken hold.

this, i think, is why i ask them.
not simply to know, but to open.

~

answers are efficient.
answers are legible.
answers can be repeated, circulated, taught.

answers close loops.

with ourselves.
with one another.
with a world that resists final definition.

Read more

i don’t mean that in a casual way ~ like “it’s not my thing.” i mean i actively had a story about it. a judgment i carried that shaped how i saw anyone who loved to run.

it felt like an avoidance practice.
like movement used to outrun feeling.
like something people did to stay ahead of themselves.

and then there was the culture around it ~ the tracking, the metrics, the posting. strava felt especially loud to me. splits, pace, distance, elevation. it all read as performance. even when it wasn’t meant to be.

i couldn’t find myself in it.

which is funny, because i’ve always had a relationship with movement. with the body. with the natural world. i’ve spent years guiding people back into themselves through breath and sensation and attention.

and still ~ running felt like something else entirely.

i also noticed a pattern: i dated men who loved to run. they would disappear for miles, come back clearer, calmer, more themselves. and i stayed outside of it. not explicitly excluded, but not invited in a way that made me feel like i belonged there either.

over time, i think i internalized that.
this isn’t for you.
you wouldn’t be good at this.
this isn’t your language.

so i never really tried.

until recently, when i was invited to teach at and join a running retreat with the usal project and on running.

i definitely didn’t identify as “a runner,” which made the invitation feel both surprising and confronting. but there was something in the way it was held ~ less about performance, more about creativity, exploration, land, and presence ~ that made it feel like i could say yes without having to become someone else.

so i did.

i wish i could say there was some profound, intuitive clarity behind the decision ~ but honestly, it was more like curiosity outweighed resistance for a brief moment, and i followed that thread.

what i didn’t expect was how quickly my story about running would start to unravel.

the first thing that shifted was the environment.

we weren’t running on pavement, chasing pace or distance. we were on trails ~ uneven, alive, constantly changing. the kind of terrain that doesn’t let you check out. your body has to be present. your attention has to stay with your feet, your breath, the ground beneath you.

it immediately felt more relational than performative.

and then there was the pace.

there was no pressure for me to be fast. no expectation to be “good.” in fact, the invitation was almost the opposite: to find your edge and meet it honestly. to notice when you wanted to stop, when your breath got tight, when your mind started negotiating ~ and to stay in relationship with that.

this is a language i understand.

not pushing past.
not overriding.
but staying with.

with my breath ~ which moved from something i was managing to something that was moving me.
with my body ~ especially the parts that usually stay just outside of my awareness until they’re forced into it.
with my mind ~ the narratives that surface when things get uncomfortable.

and instead of trying to get away from those things, i found myself moving with them.

i had only ever imagined the first.

but on those trails, i experienced the second.

another layer i didn’t expect was the community.

i’m used to facilitating spaces where people come together to feel, to process, to open. but there was something uniquely disarming about doing that through shared physical effort.

no one was performing.
no one was trying to be the best.
everyone was just… in it.

breathing hard. sweating. navigating their own internal edges while moving alongside others doing the same.

it created a kind of intimacy. not through words, but through presence.

and something in me softened around belonging.

i realized how much of my resistance to running had been tied up in identity ~ in the idea that i wasn’t “a runner,” and therefore didn’t belong in that world.

but what if running isn’t an identity?
what if it’s just an experience?

one that you can enter exactly as you are.

i don’t have to be good.
i don’t have to be fast.
i don’t have to track anything or prove anything or share anything.

i just have to be willing to feel my body in motion.

for me, that’s where it shifted into medicine.

not because it fixed anything.
but because it revealed something.

that i can meet intensity without leaving myself.
that i can stay with discomfort without needing to resolve it immediately.
that i can move towards something ~ even when it’s hard ~ and find myself more present on the other side.

i used to think running was for people trying to escape.

now i see that it can also be a practice of return.

a way of coming back into contact with myself, step by step, breath by breath.

and maybe that’s what changed everything.

i’m not running away anymore.

i’m running towards.

upcoming offerings

• may 12 - june 16 ~ the self reframed // 6 week virtual cohort

• august 7-9 ~ omega institute retreat // rhinebeck, ny

• august 24-28 ~ the inner atlas: mapping the self through somatic self-inquiry // esalen, big sur

• october 2-4 ~ the sensing body: retreat with stephanie zaletel // berkeley, ca

the self, reframed // 6-week virtual cohort

may 14 - june 16

the self, reframed is a space to pause the momentum of your life and turn inward with intention.

in a world that often pulls us outward ~ into performance, productivity, and perception ~ this 6 week virtual cohort offers a different orientation: one of listening. not to fix or improve yourself, but to become more intimate with the ways you move, breathe, interpret, and relate.

rooted in the self, reframed framework, this experience offers a map — not as something rigid or prescriptive, but as a set of vantage points through which to witness yourself more clearly. rather than asking “what’s wrong?” we begin to ask “from where am i experiencing this?” each lens reveals something different, expanding your capacity to hold complexity, contradiction, and truth.

we’ll explore four primary vantage points ~ the body, the breath, personal narrative, and the relational field ~ each offering a distinct doorway into self-awareness. together, these pillars create a map for understanding how we respond, protect, attach, and evolve.

through lecture and guided somatic self-inquiry, this intimate 6 week cohort is an invitation to remember the pathways back to yourself.

registration open next week!

2026 retreats

join me on retreat this year !

august 7 - 9

omega institute // rhineback, ny

the self, reframed: exploration through somatic self inquiry

august 24 - 28

esalen institute // big sur, ca

the inner atlas: mapping the self through somatic self-inquiry

october 2 - 4

anza retreat with stephanie zaletel // berkeley, ca

the sensing body

retreats are an invitation to step out of the momentum of daily life and return to the deeper rhythm of your body, your breath, and the living world around you. they are spaces for slowing down, listening more closely, and remembering the parts of yourself that are often drowned out by noise.

april playlist // i guess i run now?

a playlist for running (or not) ~ whether it’s a 6 minute mile or closer to 13 (like me). whether you run, jog, stop, dance, or lie down in the middle of it. this isn’t about pace or performance, but about meeting yourself in motion. there is movement in all forms ~ even in stillness ~ and this playlist is here to meet you exactly there.

listen

personalized playlist

i can make you a playlist!

a personalized playlist is an intimate, curated listening experience designed specifically for you ~ your moment, your mood, your movement, your story.

whether it’s for a long run, a breakup, a birthday, a dinner with friends, a solo drive, or a season of your life that doesn’t yet have language… i create a soundscape that meets you there. each playlist is crafted with deep attention ~ to emotional arc, pacing, texture, and the subtle ways music can move us, hold us, and mirror us.

this isn’t just a collection of songs. it’s a journey. a companion. a way of feeling yourself more clearly.

you can come with a specific intention, or simply a feeling you can’t quite name ~ and together, we translate it into sound.

get yours

personalized audio recording

i can record you something special!

a personalized recorded meditation or breathwork journey, created just for you.

this is an intimate offering ~ a practice shaped around your current season, your nervous system, your questions, your desires, and the places that feel tender or ready to be met. we begin with a conversation: what’s alive, what you’re moving through, what you’re calling in. from there, i create a custom audio experience that weaves together breath, somatic awareness, guided imagery, and language that speaks directly to you.

this isn’t a generic track ~ it’s a reflection of your inner landscape. something you can return to again and again, a steady companion in your process. whether you’re seeking grounding, release, clarity, expansion, or simply a deeper relationship with yourself, this recording becomes a doorway ~ a bridge back into your body, your breath, your own knowing.

delivered as a high-quality audio file, yours to keep.

get yours

ways to work together

an embodied exploration of the self

for those called to dive deeper, i offer virtual private sessions as a space to listen inward ~ through breath, body, and inquiry. together we explore the layers of self that long to be seen, softened, or reclaimed.

there are a few pathways to work together one-on-one:
• teacher mentorship ~ guidance for facilitators, teachers, and space-holders wanting to refine their voice, presence, and somatic depth
• somatic self-inquiry ~ a space for honest reflection, dialogue, and integration through body-based awareness
• breathwork ~ personalized journeys to clear, regulate, and reconnect through the wisdom of the breath
• movement ~ intuitive movement and embodiment sessions to restore flow and relationship with the body

and other ways…

• bring me into your workspace (virtually or in person) ~
  to support your team in regulating, connecting, and remembering there is a body behind the role.

• facilitate a gathering ~
  a birthday, a bachelorette party, a reunion, or simply a moment where people want to feel something real together.

each of these modalities can stand alone ~ or be woven together into a personalized process that meets you where you are.

let's connect

the self, reframed

my published book of poems

the self, reframed is a short collection of poems designed to offer solace, insight, and a fresh perspective on life’s most challenging moments. these poems invite readers to explore their inner world, embrace vulnerability, and find strength in reframing struggles into opportunities for growth and connection. each poem serves as a mirror, reflecting the shared human experience and encouraging readers to see themselves and others with compassion, clarity, and resilience.

i’ve recently republished it with new poems and a new cover by reese shebel.

get your copy

please consider subscribing to seeds of the self. this is a place for my written garden of reflections and invitations to practice.

there’s a free tier for monthly writings, playlists, and offerings ~ and a paid option with access to deeper practices, in-depth reflections, discounts, and behind-the-scenes seeds in bloom. for those with the capacity to support the work more deeply, becoming a founding member includes a personalized playlist to meet you exactly where you are.

Leave a comment

we’re getting better at naming things and sometimes worse at actually feeling them. the words are moving faster than the embodiment.

two words that get used a lot right now in conversations about relationships are co-regulation and codependency.

one of them describes something essential. the other describes something painful.

and the tricky part is ~ they can look almost identical.

so something that used to be called
“i can’t function without you”
gets rebranded as
“i just need co-regulation.”

and suddenly, it sounds healthy. conscious. even evolved.

but the body still knows the difference.

both involve needing other people. both involve feeling better in someone’s presence. both live in the space between nervous systems, not just inside one.

but one supports your sense of self.
and the other slowly erodes it.

~

you are not meant to regulate alone.

you are not failing because you want someone near when things feel too big. you are not weak for softening in the presence of someone who feels safe. this is not a flaw in your system. this is how your system was designed.

your nervous system is relational. it organizes through contact. it settles through proximity.

someone’s voice can slow your breath. someone’s eyes can widen your sense of space. someone staying can change everything.

none of that is the problem.

the problem is when connection becomes the only way back.

when you don’t just benefit from someone’s presence ~ you require it to feel like yourself.

that’s where the line starts to blur.

Read more

if i felt two opposing things at once, i assumed i hadn’t figured something out yet. that clarity was somewhere ahead of me ~ waiting patiently for me to resolve the tension.

choose the right belief.
choose the right direction.
choose the right identity.

and then the contradiction would disappear.

this is one of the myths we inherit about adulthood: that maturity looks like certainty. that a developed person becomes internally consistent. stable. resolved.

but the deeper i’ve looked into my own inner life ~ and the inner lives of the people i work with ~ the more something else has revealed itself.

contradiction is not a problem to solve.

it is the architecture of being human.

the body itself is built on opposing forces.

yet psychologically, we often resist this rhythm.

we want a single answer. a fixed identity. a stable narrative about who we are and what we believe.

but inner life rarely moves like that.

you can feel deeply connected to someone and still feel the impulse to pull away.

you can feel gratitude for your life and still feel grief for the life that didn’t happen.

you can be confident in your path and still wonder if there are other versions of yourself living in parallel somewhere.

these are not failures of clarity.

they are signs of complexity.

Subscribe now

and maybe this begins earlier than we realize.

when we were kids, many of us were taught to understand our emotions through a feelings chart ~ a circle of small cartoon faces with different expressions. happy. sad. angry. confused. the teacher would ask us to look at the chart and choose the one that matched how we felt.

just one.

as if the inner world moved in single notes instead of chords. as if emotions arrived one at a time, politely waiting for the others to leave. as if we couldn’t feel nervous and excited, sad and grateful, curious and afraid in the same moment.

perhaps part of growing up is realizing we were never meant to pick just one.

when people begin a process of self-inquiry, one of the first surprises is this: the more honestly you look at yourself, the less singular you appear.

there isn’t just one voice inside.

there are many.

the part that wants safety.
the part that wants risk.

the part that wants belonging.
the part that wants freedom.

the part that wants to be deeply seen.
and the part that wants to remain mysterious.

none of these voices are mistakes.

they are different currents within the same psyche.

the suffering often begins when we try to silence one side in order to appear coherent.

we push away doubt to preserve certainty.
we suppress anger to maintain love.
we deny longing to protect ourselves from loss.

but what we call “clarity” is sometimes just a narrowing of awareness.

true psychological maturity might look very different from what we were taught.

instead of becoming one thing, we become large enough to hold many things at once.

this doesn’t mean we abandon discernment or action. we still make choices. we still move through the world with direction.

but internally, something softens.

we stop demanding that every experience resolve into a single clean narrative.

we allow tension to exist without immediately trying to fix it.

this is the beginning of psychological flexibility.

and flexibility is often a better measure of health than certainty.

when contradictions feel overwhelming, there is a simple place to return.

awareness.

breath.

the breath offers a teaching that is easy to overlook.

it does not choose between opposites.

it lives through them.

inhale.

exhale.

expansion.

release.

two movements that seem opposite, yet together create the rhythm of life.

imagine if the body tried to solve this contradiction.

imagine if it decided inhaling was the correct answer and refused to exhale.

life would end quickly.

the intelligence of the body lies in its willingness to move between poles.

someone who doesn’t panic when two truths appear at once.

someone who can say:

part of me feels this.

and another part of me feels that.

and both are welcome here.

this kind of awareness is spacious.

it does not force resolution prematurely.

it allows life to breathe.

so maybe the practice is simpler than we imagine.

to notice the contradictions without rushing to erase them.

to let awareness hold the tension the way the lungs hold breath ~ expansion followed by release.

to trust that life moves through opposites for a reason.

and that the rhythm of awareness is wide enough to hold every contradiction that passes through us.

upcoming offerings

• tues, march 17, 24, 31~ beyond words: somatic and creative writing workshop // online

• wed, march 18 ~ meeting the many layers of the self with omega institute // online

• wed, april 1~ somatic breathwork with secular sabbath // los angeles, ca

• august 7-9 ~ omega institute retreat // rhinebeck, ny

• august 24-28 ~ the inner atlas: mapping the self through somatic self-inquiry // esalen, big sur

• october 2-4 ~ the sensing body: retreat with stephanie zaletel // berkeley, ca

meeting the many layers of the self // virtual workshop

wednesday, march 18 // 4pm pt

the self, reframed is a virtual self-inquiry workshop hosted by omega institute that introduces the framework and tone of a longer-form virtual cohort coming this year.

we’ll explore four primary vantage points ~ the body, the breath, personal narrative, and the relational field ~ each offering a distinct doorway into self-awareness. together, these pillars create a map for understanding how we respond, protect, attach, and evolve.

through lecture and guided somatic self-inquiry, this workshop is an invitation to remember the pathways back to yourself.

register here

beyond words: somatic & creative writing workshop

3 tuesdays in march at 10am pt (march 17, 24, 31)

for this season of therapeutic inquiry, i’ll be stepping in to hold the space on behalf of my dear friend mollie mendoza, carrying forward the heart and integrity of her original offering.

therapeutic inquiry is a weekly embodied writing workshop designed to support deep self-exploration, emotional clarity, and a more intimate connection to intuition through the creative act of writing. this space invites you to slow down, arrive in your body, and listen beneath language ~ allowing insight to emerge through somatic practice, presence, and the written word.

each session begins with a gentle somatic opening, accessible for all bodies, to help settle the nervous system and attune attention inward. from there, we move into a blend of guided and free-form creative writing exercises, balancing structure with spaciousness so your own voice, rhythm, and inner knowing can lead.

sign up for the month

los angeles // somatic breathwork with secular sabbath

wednesday, april 1 // 7:30pm in downtown los angeles

join me in downtown la at the secular sabbath loft to move through intentional, continuous breathing patterns. through this active breathwork, we will begin to stimulate the nervous system and access deeper layers of the body where experience has been stored rather than spoken. this practice becomes both catalyst and guide ~ helping to loosen held tension, move stagnant emotional energy, and awaken sensation and awareness throughout the system.

in this music-led journey, breath and sound will work together to create a container where the body can safely express what has been waiting to move. emotions may rise, memories may surface, or new clarity may emerge. nothing will be forced ~ the breath will simply open pathways for what is ready to shift.

register here

2026 retreats

join me on retreat this year !

august 7 - 9

omega institute // rhineback, ny

the self, reframed: exploration through somatic self inquiry

august 24 - 28

esalen institute // big sur, ca

the inner atlas: mapping the self through somatic self-inquiry

october 2 - 4

anza retreat with stephanie zaletel // berkeley, ca

the sensing body

retreats are an invitation to step out of the momentum of daily life and return to the deeper rhythm of your body, your breath, and the living world around you. they are spaces for slowing down, listening more closely, and remembering the parts of yourself that are often drowned out by noise.

march playlist // wander towards wonder

a playlist for drifting without a destination. for the moments when curiosity is louder than certainty. songs that feel like walking a little farther than planned. music for astonishment, open skies, and the decision to stay available to surprise.

listen

ways to work together one-on-one

an embodied exploration of the self

for those called to dive deeper, i offer virtual private sessions as a space to listen inward ~ through breath, body, and inquiry. together we explore the layers of self that long to be seen, softened, or reclaimed.

there are a few pathways to work together:
• teacher mentorship ~ guidance for facilitators, teachers, and space-holders wanting to refine their voice, presence, and somatic depth
• somatic self-inquiry ~ a space for honest reflection, dialogue, and integration through body-based awareness
• breathwork ~ personalized journeys to clear, regulate, and reconnect through the wisdom of the breath
• movement ~ intuitive movement and embodiment sessions to restore flow and relationship with the body

each of these modalities can stand alone ~ or be woven together into a personalized process that meets you where you are.

let's connect

the self, reframed

my published book of poems

the self, reframed is a short collection of poems designed to offer solace, insight, and a fresh perspective on life’s most challenging moments. these poems invite readers to explore their inner world, embrace vulnerability, and find strength in reframing struggles into opportunities for growth and connection. each poem serves as a mirror, reflecting the shared human experience and encouraging readers to see themselves and others with compassion, clarity, and resilience.

i’ve recently republished it with new poems and a new cover by reese shebel.

get your copy

please consider subscribing to seeds of the self. this is a place for my written garden of reflections and invitations to practice.

there’s a free tier for monthly writings, playlists, and offerings ~ and a paid option with access to deeper practices, in-depth reflections, discounts, and behind-the-scenes seeds in bloom. for those with the capacity to support the work more deeply, becoming a founding member includes a personalized playlist to meet you exactly where you are.

Leave a comment

it was hosted by nuyorican poets cafe at bowery poetry club ~ a small, legendary room where decades of poets have stepped up to a microphone and turned their inner worlds into sound. the kind of place where language has history. where words have weight. where the air still feels charged from the voices that came before.

i remember standing there, waiting for my turn, feeling my heart beat in my throat.

which surprised me.

i’ve spoken in front of rooms before. i’ve guided workshops, taught movement, led breathwork journeys where people open parts of themselves that are tender and alive. holding space for others doesn’t scare me.

but this was different.

this time, i wasn’t holding space.

i was the material.

a poem i wrote alone earlier that morning was about to leave the page and enter a room full of strangers. not through ink, but through my breath. my voice. my body.

until that moment, poetry was something i wrote, never something i performed.

when i published my book, the self, reframed, it felt like a big step outward. suddenly the poems were technically public. someone could order the book, underline a line, carry a piece of it into their own life.

but even then, there was still distance.

the page protected me.

a reader meets the poem alone. they can pause, reread, close the book. the interaction happens quietly, inside their own interior world.

slam poetry is different.

spoken word removes the distance.

when one performs a poem, there is no page between the room and i. my breath carries the language. my nervous system becomes part of the delivery. my voice, my pauses, the tremble in my chest ~ all of it becomes part of the poem.

in some ways, it feels easier to be naked than to perform poetry.

i was in new york for a series of gatherings ~ one of them a nude experience i was hosting with the füde experience. a room of people exploring embodiment, presence, the simplicity of being in our bodies without the usual layers of social armor.

standing naked in a room with others didn’t feel nearly as vulnerable as standing on this stage.

in fact, being naked felt surprisingly simple.

Read more

at the time, i didn’t fully understand what that act meant for me. it was written from inside a season where language was the only place i could metabolize what i was living. the poems weren’t composed so much as received. my writing functioned less as expression and more as a way to stay in relationship with my own experience.

for a while, that felt complete.

but over the past year, i’ve noticed a subtle return ~ not only to the book, but to what it represented. a growing recognition that the poems were not an endpoint, but the early articulation of a deeper inquiry that has since become central to how i teach, facilitate, and understand the self.

poetry as early self-inquiry

when i was writing, i wasn’t using the language of self-inquiry, somatics, or nervous systems. i wasn’t building a framework or intending to create a methodology.

the poems emerged from tracking sensation, memory, emotional shifts, and moments of internal friction. poetry gave me permission to stay close to experience without needing to resolve it. it allowed ambiguity. it held complexity without asking me to make it coherent too quickly.

in hindsight, i can see that this was already self-inquiry ~ just not in a formalized way. the poems were a record of listening, not analysis.

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one of the things i’ve learned more clearly since then is that meaningful self-inquiry rarely begins in the intellect. it begins in the body.

the inquiry that leads to real change is often destabilizing ~ not because it is dramatic, but because it disrupts our habitual ways of explaining ourselves. it slows us down. it asks us to stay present with what we might otherwise bypass.

this is something poetry does naturally. it doesn’t hurry toward insight or closure. it creates space for experience to be felt before it is interpreted.

that’s what the book did, even before i had language for why it mattered.

when i revisit the poems now, i recognize that the body that wrote them was already practicing a form of inquiry that would later become more explicit and teachable.

the book feels less like a finished product and more like an early articulation of a process that was still unfolding.

what emerged next

after the book was published, the inquiry continued ~ no longer only on the page, but in the body and in shared space with others.

through teaching, facilitating, and practicing alongside people, i began to notice consistent patterns. not abstract concepts, but lived structures:

how story is held in the body.
how breath mediates between sensation and meaning.
how identity is not fixed, but relational ~ shaped by context, memory, and connection.

what i had once explored through metaphor was now becoming visible somatically.

the inquiry wanted a larger container.

the self, reframed

what emerged was not a technique or a rigid method, but a reframing.

a way of approaching the self not as a problem to fix or a project to optimize, but as something layered, dynamic, and responsive. something that could be met with curiosity rather than correction.

from this came a framework, a retreat, a workshop, and a set of offerings designed to support people in practicing inquiry through the body, breath, narrative, and relationship. each of these grew directly from the same listening that shaped the poems ~ just translated into forms that could be practiced collectively.

(i’ll be offering an introduction to this framework virtually february 23… more information below.)

the poems were the earliest record.
the teaching is a continuation.
the offerings are living extensions of the same listening.

this isn’t about branding or expansion. it’s about coherence ~ allowing the work to reveal its own shape over time.

i’m still listening.
and i’m still letting the work show me how it wants to be held.

and now, i’m relaunching the book.

not because it needed to be rewritten, but because it wanted more room. more breath. more poems to hold what has unfolded since its first release.

the book is the same body of work, but it now carries many more poems. the language didn’t shift directions; it thickened. i stayed with the original impulse and let it deepen.

the work keeps moving.
i’m still listening.

get your copy

upcoming offerings

• mon, february 23 ~ the self, reframed: the 4 pillars of the self virtual workshop // online

• tues, march 17, 22, 23 ~ beyond words: somatic and creative writing workshop // online

• wed, march 18 ~ meeting the many layers of the self with omega institute // online

• august 7-9 ~ omega institute retreat // rhinebeck, ny

• august 24-28 ~ the inner atlas: mapping the self through somatic self-inquiry // esalen, big sur

• october 2-4 ~ the sensing body: retreat with stephanie zaletel // berkeley, ca

the self, reframed: the 4 pillars of the self // virtual workshop

monday, february 23 // 5:30pm pt

the self, reframed is a virtual self-inquiry workshop that introduces the framework and tone of a longer-form virtual cohort coming this spring.

through somatic practice, reflective writing, and relational inquiry, we explore the self as a living system ~ organized around four interwoven pillars: body, breath, narrative, and relational field.

this workshop is an orientation: a shared language, a felt sense, and a gentle entry point into deeper inquiry to come.

a recording will be sent if you can’t make it live!

register here

february playlist // if i could only play you one

doing it a little different this month… and inviting you into the curation.

this is a shared listening space. each person adds a single song ~ an offering, a signal, a small piece of themselves in sound. songs to vibe to. move to. cry to. doesn’t matter, no theme. just a song that speaks to you. for you, by you.

add yours and listen

beyond words: somatic & creative writing workshop

3 tuesdays in march at 10am pt (march 17, 22, 31)

for this season of therapeutic inquiry, i’ll be stepping in to hold the space on behalf of my dear friend mollie mendoza, carrying forward the heart and integrity of her original offering.

therapeutic inquiry is a weekly embodied writing workshop designed to support deep self-exploration, emotional clarity, and a more intimate connection to intuition through the creative act of writing. this space invites you to slow down, arrive in your body, and listen beneath language ~ allowing insight to emerge through somatic practice, presence, and the written word.

each session begins with a gentle somatic opening, accessible for all bodies, to help settle the nervous system and attune attention inward. from there, we move into a blend of guided and free-form creative writing exercises, balancing structure with spaciousness so your own voice, rhythm, and inner knowing can lead.

sign up for the month

the sensing body: a norcal retreat with stephanie zelatel

october 2-4, 2026

the sensing body is a 3 day somatic retreat exploring the senses as pathways to peace - not only informing the way we take-in the world, but opening portals that lead us back to ourselves. through sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch , we’ll explore how sensory awareness becomes a gateway into presence, nervous system regulation, true intimacy, creativity, and deeper self-knowing. consider this your invitation to return to the body, soften into the moment, and remember/honor the intelligence that’s always been there. applications are now open!

learn more

ways to work together one-on-one

an embodied exploration of the self

for those called to dive deeper, i offer virtual private sessions as a space to listen inward ~ through breath, body, and inquiry. together we explore the layers of self that long to be seen, softened, or reclaimed.

there are a few pathways to work together:
• teacher mentorship ~ guidance for facilitators, teachers, and space-holders wanting to refine their voice, presence, and somatic depth
• somatic self-inquiry ~ a space for honest reflection, dialogue, and integration through body-based awareness
• breathwork ~ personalized journeys to clear, regulate, and reconnect through the wisdom of the breath
• movement ~ intuitive movement and embodiment sessions to restore flow and relationship with the body

each of these modalities can stand alone ~ or be woven together into a personalized process that meets you where you are.

let's connect

the self, reframed

my published book of poems

the self, reframed is a short collection of poems designed to offer solace, insight, and a fresh perspective on life’s most challenging moments. these poems invite readers to explore their inner world, embrace vulnerability, and find strength in reframing struggles into opportunities for growth and connection. each poem serves as a mirror, reflecting the shared human experience and encouraging readers to see themselves and others with compassion, clarity, and resilience.

i’ve recently republished it with new poems and a new cover by reese shebel.

get your copy

integrative psychology institute

i created a *free* youtube master class in collaboration with integrative psychology institute that explores somatic foundations to help us move from shame to trust.

these teachings are inspired by the framework drawn from my ongoing study within the psychosomatic practitioner training ~ a program that has deeply shaped my understanding of how the human system stores, expresses, and transforms trauma.

watch the series

if you are interested in joining the march cohort, learn more below!

connect with their team

please consider subscribing to seeds of the self. this is a place for my written garden of reflections and invitations to practice.

there’s a free tier for monthly writings, playlists, and offerings ~ and a paid option with access to deeper practices, in-depth reflections, discounts, and behind-the-scenes seeds in bloom. for those with the capacity to support the work more deeply, becoming a founding member includes a personalized playlist to meet you exactly where you are.

but beneath the obvious reasons, there’s something deeper happening. something more embodied. this season has a bit to do with timelines and logistics, but i’ve also been reflecting on inheritance ~ what gets passed down without curriculum or intention. it’s made me think about childhood not only in a nostalgic way, but as architecture. as something that builds the internal scaffolding a person lives inside for the rest of their life.

this reflection intensified when i went back to california for a month in december, returning to landscapes that feel older than my adult identity. while i was there, i spent a lot of time at Land of Medicine Buddha ~ a place that has threaded through my life for decades, though i didn’t always recognize how much.

standing there beneath the prayer flags, i realized i wasn’t just remembering a place ~ i was remembering a way of being shaped. a childhood lived inside ritual rather than urgency. inside land rather than abstraction. inside a spiritual framework that didn’t demand belief, but quietly trained attention, compassion, and the capacity to stay with what’s unfinished. that realization opened a question i haven’t been able to put down since:

Read more

braced with lists.
braced with expectations.
braced with that familiar tightening across the tops of the shoulders.

we call them resolutions, but often they are just another name for shame.

i should be better by now.
i should be further along.
i should want more.
i should want less.
i should finally fix this.

a teacher and friend, mark haviland, once gave me this very potent insight:

language knew something before we did.

the shoulders are the body’s unpaid interns.
they carry responsibility that was never meant to be theirs.
they lift the weight of expectation, self-surveillance, and self-disappointment ~ year after year.

shame rarely announces itself loudly.
but the body listens.

we tighten.
we lean forward.
we grip.
we hold our breath ~ just in case relief might come later, once we’ve earned it.

but what if the new year isn’t asking for improvement?

what if it’s asking for a softening?

that could sound less like a plan and more like a sensation.
a softening.
a noticing.
a moment where the shoulders realize they don’t have to keep lifting the future.

shame says: try harder.
the body says: i am tired.

when we move toward change through shame, the nervous system hears danger.
it braces.
it protects.
it contracts.

no amount of willpower can override a body that feels under threat.

but when we begin from safety ~ even a little ~ something shifts.

the shoulders drop a fraction of an inch.
the breath deepens without instruction.
the jaw unclenches.
we stop rehearsing who we need to become.

this is not the kind of beginning that looks impressive on paper.
it doesn’t come with bullet points or a before-and-after photo.

it comes with questions instead:

what am i carrying that isn’t mine anymore?
what would i do less of if i trusted myself more?
where do i feel pressure that doesn’t actually belong to this moment?

the new year does not require your self-rejection.
it does not need you to perform transformation.
it does not ask you to abandon yourself in the name of progress.

perhaps this year begins not with a goal ~
but with a permission.

permission to rest the shoulders.
permission to release the word should.
permission to begin where you already are.

and from there…
something real can grow.

Subscribe now

and maybe this is why i’m not interested in new year’s resolutions.

i’m interested in what happens when we stop trying to outrun shame ~
and instead learn how to meet it.

this evening, i’m offering a virtual workshop to meet just that. beyond shame is a gathering for those who are tired of fixing themselves. for those who can feel the weight of should living in their shoulders. for those who sense that real change doesn’t come from pressure ~ but from presence.

beyond shame: a virtual workshop

upcoming offerings

• thursday, jan 8 ~ beyond shame: an anti-new year’s resolution virtual workshop // online

• march 18 ~ meeting the many layers of the self with omega institute // online

• august 7-9 ~ omega institute retreat // rhinebeck, ny

• august 24-28 ~ the inner atlas: mapping the self through somatic self-inquiry // esalen, big sur

• oct 2-4 ~ the sensing body: retreat with stephanie zaletel // berkeley, ca

beyond shame

an anti-new year’s resolutions virtual workshop

thursday, january 8 // 5:30pm pt

beyond shame is an embodied space for those who are tired of fixing themselves ~ and ready to begin the year without pressure.

through guided self-inquiry, we’ll explore how shame and shoulds live in the body, and what becomes possible when the nervous system feels safe enough to soften.

resolutions so often fail because they are fueled by shame ~ a belief that who we are is not enough. together, we’ll explore what it means to begin without striving.

a recording will be sent if you can’t make it live!

register here

the sensing body: a norcal retreat with stephanie zelatel

october 2-4, 2026

the sensing body is a 3 day somatic retreat exploring the senses as pathways to peace - not only informing the way we take-in the world, but opening portals that lead us back to ourselves. through sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch , we’ll explore how sensory awareness becomes a gateway into presence, nervous system regulation, true intimacy, creativity, and deeper self-knowing. consider this your invitation to return to the body, soften into the moment, and remember/honor the intelligence that’s always been there. registration opens in early 2026!

join interest list

ways to work together one-on-one

an embodied exploration of the self

for those called to dive deeper, i offer virtual private sessions as a space to listen inward ~ through breath, body, and inquiry. together we explore the layers of self that long to be seen, softened, or reclaimed.

there are a few pathways to work together:
• teacher mentorship ~ guidance for facilitators, teachers, and space-holders wanting to refine their voice, presence, and somatic depth
• somatic self-inquiry ~ a space for honest reflection, dialogue, and integration through body-based awareness
• breathwork ~ personalized journeys to clear, regulate, and reconnect through the wisdom of the breath
• movement ~ intuitive movement and embodiment sessions to restore flow and relationship with the body

each of these modalities can stand alone ~ or be woven together into a personalized process that meets you where you are.

let's connect

a guided meditation ~ the weather within

an invitation to rest inside the body as a living landscape ~ noticing the weather within, without needing to change it.

listen on amazon music

the self, reframed: in the realm of raw

my published book of poems

the self, reframed: in the realm of raw is a short collection of poems designed to offer solace, insight, and a fresh perspective on life’s most challenging moments. these poems invite readers to explore their inner world, embrace vulnerability, and find strength in reframing struggles into opportunities for growth and connection. each poem serves as a mirror, reflecting the shared human experience and encouraging readers to see themselves and others with compassion, clarity, and resilience.

get your copy

integrative psychology institute

i created a *free* youtube master class in collaboration with integrative psychology institute that explores somatic foundations to help us move from shame to trust.

these teachings are inspired by the framework drawn from my ongoing study within the psychosomatic practitioner training ~ a program that has deeply shaped my understanding of how the human system stores, expresses, and transforms trauma.

watch the series

if you are interested in joining the january cohort, learn more below!

connect with their team

please consider subscribing to seeds of the self. this is a place for my written garden of reflections and invitations to practice.

there’s a free tier for monthly writings, playlists, and offerings ~ and a paid option with access to deeper practices, in-depth reflections, discounts, and behind-the-scenes seeds in bloom. for those with the capacity to support the work more deeply, becoming a founding member includes a personalized playlist and a practice created to meet you exactly where you are.

they’ll be disappointed.
i’m abandoning them.
i promised them that i’d come back.

it’s wild how deeply responsibility lives in the body… how we can feel loyalty as pressure and devotion as duty. i loved my students (still do!) i loved the room we created together. the sweat, the breath, the shared silence after sound. that work shaped me. it grew me. it held me as much as i held others.

so the thought of stepping back… stepping away… even if it was the truest thing ~ made me question myself. i felt like i was breaking something sacred by choosing myself.

and yet… when i did step away, what came back wasn’t resentment. it wasn’t disappointment. it was love.

messages that said:

i’m happy for you.
we’ll miss you, but we get it.
follow what’s calling you and we’ll find you along the way.

i was met with understanding ~ real, generous understanding.
no one asked for justification. no one needed an explanation.

i’m grateful for the reciprocity and for the reminder that community doesn’t leave when seasons shift.

walking away wasn’t abandonment.
it was a turning inward so i could listen more closely.

and now, as we begin to close out the year, i feel the weight and wonder of all the change that moved through me. how much i’ve shed. how much i’ve risked. how many times i’ve chosen truth over comfort. i’m in a season of reflection ~ seeing the moments that required courage, the doors i closed without knowing what would open next.

to look back and feel gratitude ~ not just for the easy parts, but for the grief and the despair ~ is a gift.

i’m grateful for every person who met my transition with grace and for the way the practice continues to ripple between us even from afar.

thank you for showing me that support doesn’t disappear when direction changes ~ it evolves.

maybe that’s what growth asks of us…
to trust that real connection survives the shift.

and remembering that safety doesn’t only exist in our comfort zone. it can exist beyond it.

what a year this has been.

thank you, i love you.

Subscribe now

upcoming offerings

• december 18 ~ somatic breathwork with secular sabbath // los angeles

• december 21 ~ the fude experience brunch // los angeles

• december 22 ~ winter skin with erin ward // online offering

• january 2-4 ~ esalen retreat // big sur, ca (waitlisted)

• march 18 ~ meeting the many layers of the self with omega institute // online workshop

• august 7-9 ~ omega institute retreat // rhinebeck, ny

• oct 2-4 ~ the sensing body: retreat with stephanie zaletel // berkeley, ca

somatic breathwork ~ los angeles

in person breathwork with secular sabbath

thursday, october 18 // 7:30pm

somatic breathwork is a doorway inward ~ a rhythmic meeting with the body.

we’ll use active breathing patterns to access the nervous system, release stored tension, and deepen awareness of the body. this practice becomes a bridge into the deepest layers of the self ~ where emotion, memory, and sensation live beneath language.

guided by music, we’ll move what has been held, soften what has been bracing, and create space for integration, clarity, and regulation. an evening of coming home to your body ~ through breath and sound.

we’ll be hosted at secular sabbath’s downtown loft filled with cozy mattresses to lay on!

save your spot

the füde experience sunday brunch ~ los angeles

a sunday brunch exploring vulnerability in the nude ~ all genders welcome

sunday, december 21 // 12pm

the füde experience invites you to return to your most natural state ~ nourished, aware, and fully present in your body. through artful, plant-based food and practices that encourage inner softening, we gather to explore the layers we carry, the truths beneath them, and the possibility that emerges when we allow ourselves to be seen.

this brunch centers the medicine of passionflower ~ a plant that teaches us how to open with courage. its gentle unfurling mirrors the human journey of vulnerability, loosening the armor, revealing what is real, and trusting that our tenderness can be held.

lihi will guide a breathwork practice designed to support this softening ~ helping the body feel safe enough to open ~ while charlie weaves passionflower through the menu to ground the experience in its heart-opening qualities.

apply

winter skin

a winter solstice breathwork & dance journey with erin ward

monday, december 22 // 5pm pt

winter solstice is not only a turning of the earth, but a turning of our own inner seasons. it beckons us to slow down, listen closer, and slip beneath the surface of what we show the world. there, in the tender undercurrents, something honest waits to be felt.

join erin ward and i for an immersive virtual breathwork and dance journey woven with poetry, presence, and music that plucks the strings of the soul. together we’ll explore the landscapes within ~ what’s ready to loosen, what wants to be tended, what ember is still glowing beneath the cold.

i’ll guide a breath journey that unravels tension, softens the edges, and opens an inner clearing. erin will lead us into movement and dance that shakes the dust, liberates expression, and illuminates the quiet fire at the center of the body.

register

the sensing body: a norcal retreat with stephanie zelatel

monday, november 24 // 5:30pm pt

the sensing body is a 3 day somatic retreat exploring the senses as pathways to peace - not only informing the way we take-in the world, but opening portals that lead us back to ourselves. through sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch , we’ll explore how sensory awareness becomes a gateway into presence, nervous system regulation, true intimacy, creativity, and deeper self-knowing. consider this your invitation to return to the body, soften into the moment, and remember/honor the intelligence that’s always been there. registration opens in early 2026!

join interest list

ways to work together one-on-one

an embodied exploration of the self

for those called to dive deeper, i offer virtual private sessions as a space to listen inward ~ through breath, body, and inquiry. together we explore the layers of self that long to be seen, softened, or reclaimed.

there are a few pathways to work together:
• teacher mentorship ~ guidance for facilitators, teachers, and space-holders wanting to refine their voice, presence, and somatic depth
• somatic self-inquiry ~ a space for honest reflection, dialogue, and integration through body-based awareness
• breathwork ~ personalized journeys to clear, regulate, and reconnect through the wisdom of the breath
• movement ~ intuitive movement and embodiment sessions to restore flow and relationship with the body

each of these modalities can stand alone ~ or be woven together into a personalized process that meets you where you are.

i’ll be in los angeles and the bay area this month, if you’d like an in person session, just reach out for dates and openings.

LA dates: december 15-24

Bay Area dates: december 25-31

let's connect

a new playlist ~ warm tea

a december playlist! for when you want to melt into the moment. steep slowly. sip slowly. listen slowly. wrap yourself in sound.

listen

the self, reframed: in the realm of raw

my published book of poems

the self, reframed: in the realm of raw is a short collection of poems designed to offer solace, insight, and a fresh perspective on life’s most challenging moments. these poems invite readers to explore their inner world, embrace vulnerability, and find strength in reframing struggles into opportunities for growth and connection. each poem serves as a mirror, reflecting the shared human experience and encouraging readers to see themselves and others with compassion, clarity, and resilience.

get your copy

integrative psychology institute

i created a *free* youtube master class in collaboration with integrative psychology institute that explores somatic foundations to help us move from shame to trust.

these teachings are inspired by the framework drawn from my ongoing study within the psychosomatic practitioner training ~ a program that has deeply shaped my understanding of how the human system stores, expresses, and transforms trauma.

watch the series

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and yet… so many of us remain unchanged.

when i attended the hoffman process last year, they introduced a concept that pierced me: awareness hell… the place where we can see our patterns with crystal clarity, can name our triggers like constellations, can narrate our coping mechanisms in real time, and still find ourselves repeating the same loops.

awareness without embodiment.
realization without integration.
knowing without doing.

it’s a purgatory… a beautifully lit cage.
because once you know, you can’t unknow.

but knowing alone does not set you free.

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not just liking it, not just listening to it ~ but feeling it in a way that rearranges my insides.

before i had language for emotion, i had songs.

before i knew how to process anything, i made playlists.

it started in my preteen years, back when the family computer lived in the corner of my parents’ bedroom and the internet made that little dialing sound. i used to sit there for hours, burning mix CDs like they were secret spells.

each one its own story: the slow dance i hoped someone would invite me into, the ache i didn’t yet have words for, the summers that smelled like sea salt and burritos.

i’ve always been nostalgic by nature.

a time machine disguised as a chorus.

one note and suddenly i’m twelve again, or fifteen, or standing in my childhood bedroom pretending heartbreak meant something to me.

and in those early years, i had this dream… to create soundtracks for movies.

to shape a feeling, a scene, an entire world with a single song.

i didn’t know how to name it then, but something in me already understood that music is another kind of storytelling.

funny enough… i guess that dream came true. i may not score films, but i’ve been scoring my life and now classes for over two decades.

i don’t make mix CDs anymore, but i do have 7,235 playlists on spotify.

each one a little doorway into a moment i’ve lived or a moment i needed.
my own ongoing soundtrack.

recently, i went back through some of my very favorites…

the messy ones, the cinematic ones, the ones named after people i no longer speak to, the ones that smell like nostalgia so strong it almost hurts.

and from all of that, i started something new: a single playlist of what i believe are the most beautiful songs i’ve ever collected.

right now, it holds about 260 tracks…

and it’s a living playlist… i commit to continue adding to it as i hear or remember the ones that move me most.

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