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I’m coming up on two years postpartum with my second (he turns two next week ahh!) and this is usually the sweet spot where I finally feel like I’m fully coming online again. I’ve found it especially hard to find my style again after my second- partly because it took a lot longer for my body to figure things out (things got weird after weaning which didn’t happen after my first) and I think my style is just evolving? A good friend of mine and I joke all the time that we don’t know how to shop anymore or our ADD is just getting way worse as we get older. I think its partly that but also just so much more decision fatigue these days. I found starting a ShopMy has actually helped me organize what I’m liking and gives me a better visual of where I am going with my style. Even if you just start one for yourself to organize options, I highly recommend.

But in the meantime as the heat roars on in LA, these are a few of my favorite pieces I have been wearing over and over the last couple months and I think will carry me through the rest of the September.

1. This dress has been my go to. It’s so easy breezy and can be worn literally anywhere. Tie this around your waist and pair with these shoes and its a perfect school drop off look. If you want school run outfit inspo- look here.

2. Mom jorts of your dreams. These are super cute and flattering, beautiful crisp fabric and the color is so good. They also have some button downs I am eyeing for Fall. I paired the shorts with this vintage feel embroidered top.

3. These sandals are nothing new as they are everywhere, but I actually think they are totally worth the money. I wear them almost every day and this color weirdly goes with everything. I have mostly bought all the amazon jelly dupes but I think these ones are totally worth the splurge.

4. This J. Crew tote is giving L.L. Bean vibes but is so much better in my opinion. It has pockets all around the outside and two pockets inside. It was perfect for the airport for bottles/wipes and all the crapola that come with traveling with kids! Great for then taking to the beach/park. I have the dark green but this red is super cute too. Still using this one for around town and eyeing a fall version here.

5. Also love this oversized sweater, perfect for tying around your waist of all our see through faves. Cute paired with this skirt or over a button down.

6. Loving all the chunky semi precious stone necklaces- this one is in my cart at the moment, I love all her pieces and feel like it will be so pretty layered with a darker color for fall.

A few other mom bags for Fall that I see perfectly fit for slugging all the crapola:

Chocolate Suede Tote, bucket bag, red tote, blue canvas tote, black leather, raffia bucket bag

Thats all for now! Sharing my reflections on two years postpartum of my second next week! You can ready reflections from my first here.

x

Lindsay Rae

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1. I was starting to to think my kids feet were made of stone considering how many pairs of shoes would come home just destroyed- but really its because I was buying crap (sorry Zara). Enter Keen Footwear- their stuff is incredible quality, durable, fun & outdoorsy- all around makes their outfits way cuter. Highly recommend.

2. I bought these tie dye sweatsuits for the kids for the airport before we went to Hawaii and they are some of our most worn pieces- great for travel, after swimming or when they want something cozy. Side perk, the tie dye hides stains nicely.

3. Speaking of stains, luckily my 4yo is not as messy anymore, but I pretty much don’t even want to buy my almost 2yo anything new as its immediately stained - so Etsy it has been for second hand t-shirts- and I have been finding the cutest stuff! Like this vintage tee here or this vintage levis tank here.

4. I’m really over the sad beige boho floral pieces for my kids and this brand has some cute, little Americana vibe going on. I got this terry dress and set.

5. These are the best brands for stainless steel water bottles and a stainless steel lunch box. No more stainless water bottles with plastic straws or lunchboxes with silicone tops. These are the bees knees.

6. Being a type B mom with ferrel children isn’t the best combo- these washable rugs have been a game changer- so soft and the cutest designs.

7. Hair is wild - these cute clips are easy and tantrum proof for getting hair done quick.

8. My kids love listening to stories I put on in Spotify or on their Tonie box, but I wanted something more tactile and that gave them more independence to pick and choose that did not have a screen. I bought a vintage cassette player on Etsy and it has been so much fun! The microphone on it has been the best part, but its also been fun teaching them how to put the cassette in and choosing what tape to put in. Fun 90’s moment for summer. Something similar here.

9. I’ve had this kids chair for a few years now but its even cuter now that they sit on it together- perfect for the sibling duo that want to always be doing the same thing.

Ok that’s all for now!

xx Lindsay Rae

So, I thought it would be nice to share my experience in what it was like to expand my family. I’d like you to envision this as a conversation with one of your best friends who equally adores being a mother and enjoys glamorizing it - but also is in a constant state of what the f*ck was that. I think that’s relatable.

Now that my darling boy is 19 months old I can look back with a clear head and see how the transition unfolded. Things I reprimanded my friends that already had two for not warning me about and things that made my heart double in size at rapid speed.

Being a mom of two is the absolute best. Almost so good I’m considering another…. help.

To give you some quick stats- my daughter was 2 years and 10 months when my son was born, which I feel was perfectly aligned for our family as she was able to understand what was going on and eventually enjoy being a helping hand. Two under two would have been a stretch, god bless to those who do.

Again, being a second time mom you think, I got this. But after the newborn bubble pops you sort of go wait what this is crazy. This is where I found myself saying to my friends of two, what the hell you didn’t warn me! But I realize there isn’t anything anyone can say to forewarn you. Its a shift you can’t put words to. But I will give it a try, here’s what no one really prepares you for…

Things That Surprised Me

• You first baby will immediately feel like a giant, I mean huge. You really forget how tiny a newborn is. It may bring a wave of sadness, but it soon gets replaced with joy for the big sibling they are becoming.

• I got serious fomo around what used to be our little threesome and our predictable routine - being nap trapped by a newborn while your partner is having breakfast with your first or they are out on an adventure. Its short lived as you join right in when you’re feeling up to it but it can almost feel like being left out, even though you know you’re not. Hormones man!

• Time sweet time. Bye bye to you my friend. Second kid is more like filing quarterly taxes, like oh sh*t its been three months, they’re due! Milestones go warp speed. Don’t panic if you can’t keep up with documenting it all.

• Identity- just when you think becoming a mom for the first time rips you a new one with your identity- just wait for what number two has in store! The layers just keep peeling and peeling…(more on this later)

• I completely forgot everything from my first. A fun little hack is to just go back into your photo albums so you can remember what to expect. When I was in the depths of hell with sleep deprivation I would often go back and look at ones from my daughter and be like ok ok she was sleeping at this month I am going to make it…wether I made it or not is still questionable haha but it helped me get through.

• This is a weird one and I am not even really sure how to fully articulate it, but it made the realness of being a mom even more prominent- like wow I really am an important figure to two very special people-I felt this urgency to reevaluate a lot and make sure everything aligned with the kind of mother I want to be and family I want to raise.

Now for the strategy parts that are really important. If you’re anything like me - asking for help or making a plan has never come easy, but when your workload doubles… you gotta.

Things to make sure you plan/ have support for

• Your usual routine changes overnight- try and plan for 1:1 time with your first. I feel like I did not do this and it was really hard seeing my first really missing me and me really missing her. You think it will all naturally weave together but I think there is some actual strategy that might need to go down in the very early days.

• If your partner is going out of town or if its super early days and you’re still getting your footing with bedtime with two, reel in some support if you can. Mom, grandma, nanny, sitter or a best friend- someone who can help get your toddler down or entertain them while you do baby. I thought I could wing it and learned the hard way and later thought- it could have been so easy to just ask for some help.

• When both are sick at the same time (and possibly you)- its so hard. Sleep will not be had. All hands on deck.

• Night time scaries are real in the first couple months around bedtime when you have a newborn and their sleep is unpredictable - and now you get to add in a toddler who only wants you as well. Create a cozy routine that still feels familiar to them but might include more support from dad until your hands are more free.

• The mental load from one to two is bananas, the logistics, the chaos- my best advice is to add some humor and maybe get a calendar.

• With your partner- talk talk talk. Resentment can build up when we don’t know who’s handling what with multiples. We can all lean on our strengths here.

Now for the “its all worth it” heard doubling reasons. There isn’t much like the moment your eldest beams with pride that this is their new sibling…. wanting to show them off. Sometimes I catch myself forgetting to remember that all of this life is happening for them too, this is their experience too. It’s so beautiful when you can see it through that lens, that your kids chose this life for the siblings that would also be in it too. When your eldest starts calling your second the nickname you call them, the enmeshment that forms. The day your new little one screeches with joy when the oldest walks in the room- dyingggg to run around with them and keep up with them. The subtle snuggles and kisses that sneak in, the playing that starts to happen…the moment you realize they are pals. That they will have each-other to go through life with. Your intuitive hit of wanting to expand your family feels validated.

I know I am missing a lot, but all of this is just meant to be a little mental checklist of what I wish I knew and could have somewhat prepared for- but with all of it being said- I want to leave you with the most important piece. Our love as mothers is immeasurable - the amount of love that we can give is infinite. Just like how our bodies effortlessly create a baby, our heart will do the same- effortlessly create more love and expansion.

xx

Lindsay Rae

Painting by Luoise Bourgeois

I wanted to share my experience of my transition "from maiden to mother". No two experiences are the same but with each shared experience we can take little snippets from one another -- a little something to grasp on to for relatability. If you’re two years in, fresh out of birth, a year in, or sheepishly toying with the idea of motherhood, this is for you. 

I think at our core motherhood scares us or makes us nervous because we instinctively know it's going to change us, we know there's another version of ourselves and we might not be ready to face her yet. To be reborn there has to be a death, a death of an ego. I can say with honesty I didn’t even understand “ego” until I became a mother– how can you be aware of ego if your world really only revolves around you—there isn’t anything like a child to bring it to the surface and shine a light on it. In my eyes, children bring abundance, abundance where your life authentically needs it. And you won’t really know what that need is until you’re in the depths of a 2am feed contemplating what it is you were brought here to do, be, exist as.

Matrescence, the transition from Maiden To Mother is the saying that we most commonly hear when referring to going from childless to becoming a mother.

This ideology isn't something that I grasped onto, but I can say I get it now. Postpartum never really ends and I don’t consider myself a seasoned mother, but I can say with clarity now two years in and being on “the other side” that “this too shall pass.”

When I gave birth to my daughter, there are a good 6 hours I consciously don't remember, I often wonder where I went. What I do believe is that I brought back some of my authenticity that was lost over the years. Coming out of birth, I believe, brings you back to a state of when you were a child – just as your baby needs to be held in her transition to earth, we need to be held as we transition back to earth. You wake up to this life with fresh eyes and whatever isn't serving you you can no longer tolerate. We look at this person who looks familiar (minus some physical changes) but there's something you can't put your finger on, a discomfort that's manageable but unavoidable.

I can remember our first night together and her blood curdling screams as her hunger really kicked in and my heart felt like it was going to fall out of my chest – an initiation to survival mode sans the bear. I often find myself romanticizing the newborn phase, dreaming of those little coos and ahs. Which is quite comical in the fact of my actual reality of my experience not mirroring that— it feeling like a surreal time with a big side serving of anxiety, overwhelm, exhaustion and loneliness. All of which is normal and I wish someone told me. Or maybe they did but I didn’t hear it. You change, your partner changes, your relationship changes and you think it’s all going to be indicative of the mother you’re going to be and I can tell you that is absolutely not true. 

As I now crawl into my toddlers crib and lay with her as she drifts off (yes i'm guilty), I look back and wish I could have taken those early days and realized they were a portal of time, a season of a bunch of tiny moments that were meant to exist just as that. They didn’t add up to some big reveal, rather they chipped and chiseled pieces off of me that were meant to fall off— total surrender.

Motherhood has changed me at my core. Grey zones turn to black and white, everything is a yes or no, can or cannot or I will or I won't. I secretly think that's my favorite part of this becoming mother process, you become utterly selfish to everyone outside of your bubble. It’s freeing and also confronting –a reality in which you listen to your intuition— who would have thought that would get you anywhere right?

So when you're sitting on the couch cluster feeding with The Office on in the background scrolling Instagram wondering why you’re not in a flowy dress in a field breastfeeding, just remember, this fleeting feeling will pass. All the moments of insecurity, second guessing yourself, comparing, judging–wondering if you will ever feel like you again– it will pass. You will blink and find yourself blaring Celine Dion in the kitchen while your toddler is on their Picallio latter eating the dough recipe you winged, googling if Santa is at The Grove yet while thinking how cute it would be to have a Christmas newborn and everything will be glorious and as it was meant to be.

You are, or will be an amazing mother, I promise.

*Quote by Sarah Durham Wilson of Maiden to Mother.

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I decided to start this because I have been utterly obsessed with all things pregnancy, birth, postpartum & motherhood for years now. I've consumed countless birth stories, motherhood testaments and currently love consuming just any little chit chat about mom stuff. We don't need people to affirm that motherhood is hard, we know, we get it. We need stories, we need examples, and we need one another. I want to talk about birth + postpartum experiences, revelations pre and post becoming a mother, what we're wearing to the park and school pickup and all the essential things in between. You can expect all of that and more from this series. Meaningful conversations about pregnancy + motherhood sprinkled with humor & unsolicited fashion recs from a first time mom.

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