Sometimes it’s a diagnosis.
Sometimes it’s a loss.
Sometimes it’s simply realizing that the life we imagined no longer fits the person we’re becoming.

In this week’s episode of I’ll Meet You There, I sat down with to talk about what happens after life changes the story you thought you were going to live.

Nicole shared how living with Crohn’s disease forced her to rethink what was possible—not once, but over and over again. Rather than giving up on the life she wanted, she learned to ask a different question:

Given my values, my desires, and my abilities today... what fire wants my attention now?

That idea, inspired by Shannon Watts’ Firestarter, became a thread throughout our conversation.

Nicole also shared a metaphor I haven’t stopped thinking about. She described life with chronic illness like learning to ride waves on a surfboard. Sometimes you find your rhythm. Sometimes a wave knocks you completely off your board. The goal isn’t to avoid falling—it’s learning that you can climb back on and keep paddling.

And then we talked about hope.

Not hope as wishful thinking, but as something we can actively cultivate. For Nicole, one of those practices is singing. She sings with several community groups because, as she beautifully shared, singing helps her feel hopeful—even on the hardest days.

This conversation isn’t just for people living with chronic illness.

It’s for anyone whose life has taken an unexpected turn.

It’s for anyone who’s wondering what comes next.

And it’s for anyone who’s learning that sometimes our next fire doesn’t appear despite our challenges—but through them.

I’d love to hear from you:

Has life ever rewritten your story? And if so, what helped you discover your next fire?

What would you write as a reminder of the work you’ve already done?

October 23, 2019

At my last session, my wise and compassionate therapist spouted off a list of things we’ve accomplished together over the last two years, and then she asked me what I wanted to work on next. And I think she was trying to get me to realize that the reasons that brought me to her in the first place were no longer hindering me from moving forward in my life. This was something I’d been pondering myself for a few months, so I guess we were on the same page about slowing things down on our journey together.

Not that this by any stretch of the imagination means I won’t be working on my shit for a lifetime, because that’s not remotely possible. That IS life. But she instilled me with tools that I’ll always be able to summon and use as I practice observing my thoughts and working through day-to-day life. I expect that sometimes it will be easier to use these skills to examine how I’m feeling, and other times it will be excruciating and I’ll wonder if I remember anything from our time together. Either way, I just need to recall that I have them when I need them.

I recently saw a meme that described what good therapy was like. On one side of the room, a patient sits in a chair and the bubble over her head is filled with a jumbled mess of different colored strings all tangled up and scattered around.

On the other side sits the therapist with a bubble over her head where the strings are being transferred, and each jumbled mess has become a separate, unraveled ball.

And that’s exactly how the process worked for me. She was able to deconstruct my cluttered thoughts into more coherent meaning so we could find actions to practice to keep the jumbled mess a little neater. It was there all along. It was just a big ball of confusion. She guided me on ways to practice noticing and naming my emotions and how to accept them, manage them and not let them take over everything or stop me from doing things because of feeling overwhelmed. She taught me the skills I need to be more forgiving of myself when I have emotions I don’t understand or know how to deal with.

She helped me learn how to trust myself again – or possibly for the very first time.

For now, I feel better equipped to handle what life throws at me. Leaving myself room for the option of going back to therapy if and when I need some help.

Some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from two years of working with a remarkable therapist:

* To practice observing what emotions pop up at any given time, and whether they’re worth exploring (like if a tiger is about to pounce on me and I need to get the hell out of dodge like right now), or whether they’re just noise and need to be set aside or let go of so I can get on with things. For example, with quick exploration I can be mindful of being terrified to speak in public so that I can figure out a way to calm myself before doing so, versus being worried about being liked or failing.

* That I do know how to work hard, especially when something is important to me, despite thinking I didn’t know how.

* That mental work is legit hard work. Exhausting. And worth every minute of it.

* How to recognize when I’m minimizing myself, my feelings or my experiences. And stop!

* How to take life at my own pace – without feeling bad about it!

* Not everything is either/or. Black or white. Wrapped in a perfect package of knowing/having an answer. My innate curiosity is a beautiful thing, as long as I don’t let not having an answer keep me from doing things.

* It’s okay to want to feel like I’m contributing, to feel worthy enough to make that contribution and to take my time finding something I feel is worth my time.

* That I’m just as worthy of being on this planet and speaking my truth as anyone else!

* That it’s not arrogant to speak up and to tell my story.

* That I can seek to understand where other people are coming from and have empathy for them, while at the same time that doesn’t mean I have to spend time with them or give them my energy if it’s at the expense of protecting my own energy. And that my energy is absolutely precious and worth protecting at all costs!

* That the part of me that observes the thinking brain is incapable of judgment. And that as long as I remember to pay attention to that observer and use curiosity to gently and compassionately examine my and other peoples’ emotions and behaviors, it’s impossible to come at it from a space of judgment. Only from acceptance and interest about what is. And that brings with it a great sense of freedom and tolerance of my weaknesses, as well as taking ego out of the equation when looking at my strengths.

* I needed a reminder that I chose not to follow society’s “rules” because I thought they were bullshit to begin with!

* That it’s okay to slowly test the waters in order to discover my boundaries. That in order to play bigger and take up space in this world, I’m going to have to put myself out there to figure out what those boundaries might be. And that while it may be difficult, I will get through having to speak up so as not to let anyone cross those boundaries.

* I get to decide what playing big looks like for me!

* That I will always be a work in progress, and that I don’t have to have all the answers!

* That there’s nothing wrong with letting my creative process reveal itself organically. There’s no timetable for creativity!

* That things like perfectionism, distraction, procrastination and “laziness” are forms of resistance. And that noticing when resistance is occurring allows me to take a deeper dive into why so I can move through it towards being productive (in whatever form that may take).

* That I come from a long line of worriers and highly anxious people, but that I can work on stopping the cycle in myself.

* That perfection in any form does not exist, and I must practice not letting perfectionism (especially when it’s combined with fear) stop me from being out there and getting shit done.

* That self-acceptance and self-compassion must be unconditional and are some of the most important things to practice because they help everything else begin to fall into place!

* That being an empath and a highly sensitive person is a superpower, not a shortcoming!

* How to know the difference between when guilt is productive (like if I need to apologize for something I’ve done), versus when it may be a built-in emotion that’s been with me since birth (and comes from a long line of guilt-ridden people) and is not serving me in any way except to cause me to waste time ruminating.

* To know that it’s okay to be choosy about whom I share my story and my energy with, as well as not feel bad about being particular about whose stories and whose energy I want to absorb (and whose I want to avoid).

* How as much as I thought I could do everything myself, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. And how I hope people will reach out from time to time even if they don’t think they need to (myself included). And not just for therapy. It could be help with a creative project, when someone to bounce ideas off of could help immensely. It’s not weak to ask for help. It’s brave! And very little worth doing gets done without help of some kind!

(Note: If I hadn’t finally reached out to a therapist to help me work through some of the issues that have overwhelmed me for so long, or rekindled a relationship with a dear friend of over 40 years to be my accountability partner instead of trying to do it completely on my own, I would never be beginning to realize my dream of publishing a book. A book that has very much paralleled the work I’ve done on facing and overcoming the same issues that drove me to therapy, which I think is why it’s been such a labor of love.)

* That while my personality type is definitely that of a rebel, instead of feeling shame in that I now wear it as a badge of honor.

* That for as vulnerable as I thought I allowed myself to be in front of others, I was still hiding parts of myself for fear of looking inadequate, whiny, weak, not good enough, arrogant or just silly. I needed to display the same vulnerability I find so appealing in others.

* That it’s okay to feel grateful for everything I have instead of just feeling overly privileged.

* That it’s enough to help people in ways I feel comfortable with and that don’t make me feel over-extended.

* That I’m already living up to my definition of success in so many ways. I just keep forgetting to acknowledge that.

* That these lessons will take a lifetime of practice to even begin to master.

And that was just scratching the surface!

I couldn’t be more proud of the work she and I have done together.

As you may be able to tell, it’s been quite a ride. Exhilarating. Tiring. Sometimes bumpy. Sometimes laughable (because if you can’t laugh at yourself, what’s the point of life?). There’s been no direct path whatsoever, and there’s a great deal of beauty in that. But it’s been one hell of a journey!

I’m grateful for every moment I spent with my therapist, and though I may have just “graduated,” I know she’s got my back if I need her again. And, for now, I trust myself and that I can handle life for a while.

And that’s all I hope for all of you.

In this episode of I’ll Meet You There, and I explore what it means to keep building while we’re still becoming.

We talk about:

• Why self-trust may be more important than certainty
• How to know when it’s time to pivot
• Listening to your authentic voice instead of outside expectations
• Why many of us use monetization as a measure of success
• Defining success, values, and impact on our own terms

One idea that stayed with me long after we stopped recording was this:

We may already be the safety net we’ve been searching for.

Not because we have all the answers.

Because we’ve learned we can trust ourselves to figure out the next step.

One of the biggest insights from this conversation was realizing that we don’t need to know exactly where we’re headed to begin. We can take the next step, learn from it, and trust ourselves to adjust along the way.

If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re on the right path, this conversation is for you.

Light your fire. Take one brave step. I’ll meet you there.

For the past 8 episodes, Agatha and I have been exploring everything from permission and boundaries to limiting beliefs, friendship, self-doubt, and what it means to play bigger in our lives.

For episode #9, we’d love to turn the microphone toward YOU.

What are you wrestling with right now?

Is there a place where you feel stuck? A brave step you want to take but can’t quite bring yourself to make? A limiting belief that keeps showing up? A relationship, career, identity shift, or midlife transition you’re trying to navigate?

Or maybe you don’t even have a question yet. Maybe you just have a feeling:

“I know something needs to change, but I don’t know what.”
“I want more, but I feel guilty wanting more.”
“I’m afraid I’m too much.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready.”

We know those voices well.

As coaches — and as women who are still very much mid-burn ourselves — we’d love to explore your questions and struggles together.

No perfect wording required. No polished question needed.

Tell us:
💛 What’s something you’re struggling with?
🔥 What’s a question you’d love us to explore?
🌱 What’s one area of your life where you’re craving a little more courage, compassion, or clarity?

Drop your thoughts in the comments or send us a message. We can’t wait to meet you there.

That’s the question Agatha and I explore in this week’s episode of I’ll Meet You There.

We talk about the difference between relationships built around shared interests and those rooted in shared values. We discuss the kinds of spaces that make it easier to be vulnerable, tell the truth, and feel heard.

Along the way, we explore questions like:

• What support do we actually need from our relationships?
• Are we willing to ask for it?
• Why do so many women feel hungry for deeper connection?
• How do we find people who encourage our growth instead of simply witnessing it?

One of my favorite parts of the conversation was hearing Agatha share what happened when she asked her closest friends for support while fundraising for her nonprofit. What she received wasn’t just financial support—it was encouragement, advocacy, and women championing her through their own networks.

The older I get, the more I believe that growth doesn’t happen in isolation. We need spaces where we can share our stories, be vulnerable, and know we’ll be met with curiosity instead of judgment.

I’d love to hear your thoughts:

What qualities do you value most in the relationships that support your growth?

That strange middle ground where:you feel the pull,you know something is shifting,and your brain immediately starts offering reasons why you shouldn’t do the thing.

You’re not ready.

You’re not qualified.

Other people are already doing it better.

Who do you think you are?

We talked about comparison syndrome. Imposter syndrome. Limiting beliefs. And how those voices don’t necessarily disappear just because we’ve done “the work.”

In fact, they often get louder right when we’re growing.

But we also talked about something else:

That moment where the anxiety of not trying starts becoming bigger than the anxiety of trying.

That moment where staying stuck becomes more uncomfortable than taking one small brave step.

We shared stories about times we moved forward anyway—not because we felt fearless or fully ready, but because something in us kept asking for more.

Not perfection.

Not certainty.

Just movement.

And maybe that’s what courage actually is.

Not the absence of fear…but the willingness to act while fear is still in the room.

If there’s something you’ve been feeling pulled toward lately, what’s one small step you might be willing to take—even if you don’t feel fully ready yet?

How you can love your life… and still feel overwhelmed by it.

Not in a dramatic, everything-is-falling-apart kind of way.

But in that quieter, more complicated way where:
you care deeply,
you’re showing up,
and it still feels like a lot.

Somewhere along the way, many of us absorbed the idea that if we love something—our families, our work, our lives—we shouldn’t complain about it.

As if love and struggle can’t exist at the same time.

But they do.

And when we don’t allow ourselves to acknowledge what’s hard, we don’t become stronger—we become more disconnected from ourselves.

In this episode, we stayed with that tension.

We talked about what it means to be honest without judgment, to hold both gratitude and overwhelm, and to stop trying to “fix” the feeling long enough to actually notice it.

And then we did something simple:

We gave ourselves a permission slip.

Not as a solution.
But as a softening.

✨ Permission to breathe
✨ Permission to say this is hard
✨ Permission to be human in the middle of it

If you were writing your own permission slip this week…

What would it say?

and I had a conversation about negative self-talk — and how it doesn’t just disappear once we’ve “done the work.”

In fact, it often shows up in the exact places we thought we had under control.

We talked about how sneaky it can be.

How it creeps in through comparison.
How it gets louder when we’re stepping outside our comfort zone.
How it can make us question ourselves even when nothing has actually gone wrong.

And maybe that’s the most important part:

It’s not necessarily a signal that we’re failing.
It might be a signal that we’re growing.

The work isn’t to eliminate the voice completely.

The work is learning to notice it…
pause…
and decide whether we want to believe it.

What’s a thought your mind offers you that you might start questioning instead?

What we kept coming back to was this:

“Enough” doesn’t really land when it’s based on someone else’s definition.

When it’s shaped by expectations, comparison, or what we think we should be doing… it always seems to move just out of reach.

We also noticed how predictable the timing is.

That voice of “not enough” tends to get the loudest right when we’re stretching — when we’re trying something new, stepping outside our comfort zone, or growing into something bigger.

Maybe that’s not a sign to stop.

Maybe it’s a sign that we’re in motion.

And maybe the real shift isn’t trying to convince ourselves we’re enough once and for all.

Maybe it’s learning to hold both:

I am enough.

And I’m still growing into more.

This was one of those conversations that didn’t come out perfectly formed — and that felt important. We found ourselves sitting with the idea of “enough” in real time, questioning it, circling it, and trying to put language to something that isn’t always easy to name. It wasn’t neat or fully resolved — and that was part of the point. We stayed with the tension, especially as it shows up when we’re growing and stretching, and allowed ourselves to think it through out loud.

What would “enough” look like if you defined it for yourself?

I hope you’re staying safe and warm as this crazy winter storm bears down on so many of us. Times like this have a way of reminding me how much we’re not meant to weather things alone — literally or otherwise.

Women don’t need more advice. We need more rooms — real ones — where we can show up as ourselves and be seen.

I recently had the chance to sit down for a podcast conversation with my friend about something I care deeply about: how women’s groups and communities can empower women in a way that feels safe and grounding.

We talked about why so many women feel isolated, hesitant to take up space, or unsure they’re “allowed” to want more — and how being in community with other women can be the antidote to all of that.

If you’ve ever felt stronger just by being in the room (or Zoom) with other women who get it, this conversation is for you.

I’d love to hear what resonates — or what kind of communities have shaped you the most.

Sending you big hugs and hoping you’re well!

With Love,

Lisa

And why would it want to? Because change, especially intentional change, can be hard. If it weren’t, we’d all be eating 6 – 8 vegetables and fruits every day, getting 7 – 9 hours of quality sleep every night, meeting the minimum amount of time recommended for exercise each week, reducing stress, having perfect social connections, being fully engaged in a job we love, and spending less time on social media. The (very human) thing is that behaviors serve many purposes. We turn to comfort foods, alcohol, drugs, scrolling through social media, or binge-watching our guilty pleasures in order to cope with stress or emotions too big to handle. These habits feel good and are easier to continue than to change. But what if we’re actively trying to replace those habits with healthier ones, like mindfulness instead of comfort eating or breathwork to reduce anxiety. Not as easy, right?

Ironically, the truth is that change is the only real constant. If you look back at your life, you’ll see how many changes you’ve made along the way. Some were subtle, and some were as obvious as the stars in a clear night sky. Yet, many of those changes happened so gradually that you barely noticed them. Moving through school, getting your first job, relocating, getting married, having kids, or changing careers are just a few examples.

For the purpose of this article, I’m talking about intentional change – the kind we choose consciously, despite how difficult it feels. Letting go of our old thoughts that no longer serve us, making healthier eating choices, getting more sleep, making new friends as introverts, or taking time to be alone as extroverts.

The Stages of Change

At the heart of coaching is change talk. This is when a coach hears inklings from their client that they’re considering doing something differently. This is when the coaching magic begins.

In James and Janice Prochaska’s groundbreaking book, “Changing to Thrive,” the authors propose six stages of change (also known as the TTM – Transtheoretical Model of Change):

1. Precontemplation – I won’t or I can’t. This is when someone is not ready to make a change or has tried to change something in the past and has not been successful, leading to ambivalence about trying again.

2. Contemplation – I may. Considering whether to make a change happens at this stage.

3. Preparation – I will. We are beginning to take steps to figure out how to move forward with the change.

4. Action – I am. We are currently trying out steps that are aimed at making the change.

5. Maintenance – I still am. Doing those steps consistently for at least six months or more indicates someone in this stage.

6. Termination – I still am. There are no thoughts of relapse.

I’m simplifying the stages of change here. For a deeper dive into each stage of change, “Changing to Thrive,” is a fantastic resource.

Why Should I Care?

As The Who crooned in their song, “5:15,” Why Should I Care?

Recognizing which stage of change you’re in can help you figure out how to move forward if that’s what you choose to do. And it’s perfectly respectable, and common, to stay in precontemplation and contemplation for a very long time.

Examples of Changes to Consider:

* Quitting smoking (research finds it takes an average of seven attempts to quit for life)

* Exercising more

* Finding a new job/career

* Making new friends

* Building a sleep routine

Things are Never Straightforward

If you’ve ever tried to learn a new skill, like playing an instrument, taking on a new language, or cooking, you might recognize that the learning process is not always linear. And so it goes with the change process. You might find yourself in the maintenance stage at one point in your life and then back at precontemplation or contemplation later. You can go right from contemplation into action. These are all normal parts of the process.

Key Things to Keep in Mind Throughout the Change Process

* Stay curious, neutral, and non-judgmental. Think of this as a learning process and approach it with a beginner’s mind, as if you were asking a child or a friend these questions.

* Self-compassion is crucial throughout all the stages of change, as is being aware of your self-talk. When has beating yourself up ever worked for sustainable change? It usually just makes us feel bad that we’re not progressing faster (or at all). By practicing self-compassion and acknowledging our humanity, we can approach our journey as if we’re helping a friend uncover interesting and wonderful things about themselves.

* Failure is a gift! It means we tried something, figured out what didn’t work, and now we can try something else. Plan to fail on purpose! (If you don’t, you’ve figured out what worked. If you do, you already planned on it.)

* Ask “how” or “what” questions instead of “why” questions. “Why” questions can often come across as judgmental. For example, “Why is this so hard for me to change?” Instead ask, “What is so difficult about this change for me.” This allows you to use your curiosity instead of judgment, leading to clearer insights.

How to Get Started

Within each stage, asking yourself some key questions can help you determine whether you’re ready to move into the next phase, stay where you are (with unconditional positive regard, of course), or experiment with moving forward.

Things to Consider and Questions to Ask Yourself in Each Stage of Change

Precontemplation: It’s important in this stage to acknowledge and accept without judgment that you’re not ready to change, as well as use that self-compassion to see this as a normal, human experience. It’s also a time to ask questions like, “How will I know when I’m ready to make a change?” This type of question helps you identify the signs that might indicate you’re ready to move into the next stage.

Contemplation: What are the pros and cons of changing? Write them down or type them out to see them objectively. This can help you weigh your options and decide if you’re ready to move into the preparation phase.

Preparation: What is one small step you could try to help facilitate change? Choose an action that is so simple that you almost can’t not do it. Identify one simple action that feels doable and start there. Tackling multiple steps at once can make it challenging to figure out what’s working and what’s not. Be specific about when you will take this action and how you will measure your success in completing it.

Action: How can you make this change fun or playful? Finding ways to enjoy the process can make it easier to stick with. After you’ve tried this action for at least a week or more, ask yourself, “What’s working for me as I try out this action?” “What’s not working for me?” These questions can give you guidance about how to tweak the action (or try a new one) if it’s not working. And if it is, keep going! And add a new action if you’re feeling motivated.

Maintenance: How will you handle setbacks? Planning for challenges can help you stay on track when things don’t go as planned.

A Personal Example: My Struggle with Cutting Back on Sugar

Here’s a quick example of how I might use these questions to work through the stages of change in my own life. One might think that as a health and wellness coach, I would have kicked the sugar habit by now. One would be as wrong as a bad toupee. I’m talking in particular about my fondness for an icy cold fountain Coke. Here’s how I could apply the TTM model to cut back on my Coke consumption.

Precontemplation: I don’t see the problem. I’ve loved Coke for as long as I can remember. It was my go-to comfort drink after a long tennis match or a stressful day. I’m not ready to give it up. How will I know when I’m ready to cut back? If my bloodwork indicated that I was prediabetic.

Contemplation: I’m starting to realize the impact. I’m weighing the pros and cons when thinking about changing my sugar consumption as I consider how it might be affecting my health. But I’m not sure if I’m ready to make a change.

Preparation: I made a plan. I decided I would try cutting back to one Coke a week. I started thinking about how I would handle cravings on the days I wouldn’t have a Coke.

Action: I started taking steps. I set a specific day for my weekly Coke and made sure I had other plans for when a craving hit during the rest of the week (like going for a walk or reading a book).

Maintenance: I’m sticking with it. I’ve been sticking to one Coke a week for several months. It’s become part of my routine. How will I handle setbacks? I’ll give myself some grace and start over the next week.

The journey through the stages of change isn’t always linear. You might find yourself moving back and forth between stages. That’s okay! The important thing is to approach it with curiosity, self-compassion, and a willingness to learn from your experiences.

Change is a journey, not a destination. By understanding where you are in the process and taking small, intentional steps, you can move closer to the life you want to live. Even small changes can lead to significant improvements in the long run! And remember, it’s okay to take your time. The important thing is to keep moving forward, one step at a time.

If you’re the lightbulb, what changes, if any, do you want to make so you can shine your brightest

?

I’m about to geek out as a Gen X’er in love with the Star Wars franchise (more specifically, the original trilogy and The Force Awakens). And speaking of The Force Awakens... the movie introduced Rey, a scavenger (and, may I say, one badass heroine) living a solitary life waiting for her family’s return, who doesn’t recognize her own leadership abilities until called upon to save the universe from the evil New Order. Once she begins to realize her powers, she embraces her role in defeating the enemy and leverages her strengths to help bring down the immoral empire.

What if we acknowledged the leaders we already are? By channeling our inner Rey, we could transform the world and strive for our own equality, ultimately bringing down the patriarchy once and for all.

Redefining Leadership

When I used to think about a “leader,” I envisioned people in power suits – CEOs, government officials, and business owners. While these individuals are leaders in the traditional sense, I have come to realize that leadership takes many forms.

Consider the young woman starting college on her own for the first time and navigating signing up for classes and purchasing the materials she needs. Think of the HOA president who works to ensure that the community collaborates and thrives as a cohesive neighborhood. There is also the woman who manages family schedules and oversees household necessities.

Then there's the introvert who evolved into an organizer and activist, bringing together collectives of women by creating safe spaces where they can discover their voices and empower each other. And let's not forget the coach who worked through her own limiting beliefs to help other women improve their mental and physical well-being.

These are all examples of leadership that I once failed to recognize in myself. And I’m betting you’ve done dozens, if not hundreds, of things that already demonstrate your own leadership qualities.

The Reality of Women’s Leadership

Women, in particular, have been conditioned to believe that we’re not natural leaders. We’ve internalized the notion that men are more action-oriented and better at getting things done. But nothing could be further from the truth. We all possess leadership qualities; It’s just that women, more than men, have not had their natural talents nurtured and developed.

So why don’t more women see themselves as leaders? Most of us manage jobs, finances, gatherings, projects, and various life events. Yet, we are often told to stay in our lanes, that we don’t have leadership qualities because we’re too nurturing and empathetic, and not action-oriented enough. I call bullshit. It’s those precise qualities that make us incredible leaders! And as for taking action? When we know what we want, we’re all about dedicating time to achieving something. Because we’ve been doubted and have had to prove ourselves for centuries, we tend to be quite dialed in to the actions and are committed to getting it right the first time. This can actually work against us. The bar is set so high for women that failure feels like a non-option; instead, it becomes ammunition for those who say, “See, you don’t have leadership abilities.” As a result, we either don’t try or we give up the minute we aren’t “successful.”

However, failure is a form of success – It means we’re trying. If we’re learning from our experiences, we will improve or we'll move on to the next challenge.

Recognizing The Importance of Women's Leadership

In our society, there is a troubling lack of value placed on women’s leadership, which ultimately weakens our communities because it is devoid of empathy. Women must begin to show up in greater numbers, bringing their compassion and intuition to drive the necessary changes for achieving equality for those marginalized by patriarchy. It is crucial for women to articulate their needs and pursue them actively, ensuring they have a stronger voice in decision-making processes that benefit both themselves and society as a whole.

For instance, why isn’t women’s health researched more extensively? Historically, men have dominated the medical field and often overlook the unique healthcare needs of women. This exclusion has left women vulnerable to various health issues, resulting in a lower quality of life. And what about financial independence? From an early age, women are often left behind when it comes to demanding fair pay and achieving economic stability. These situations can be changed by ensuring that women occupy positions of influence or by boldly demanding changes from those in power. Ultimately, progress is possible when women hold roles that make a difference by passionately advocating for the changes they seek.

Beyond Traditional Leadership

Not all leading is about taking control and directing others; it's also about empowering them to lead. Using your voice to uplift other women is a form of leadership, and it’s something we need to prioritize if we want to rise together. It begins with seeing yourself as a leader, which can be accomplished by reflecting on the moments you have successfully led yourself.

Helping others recognize their natural talents or strengths and cheering them on as they pursue their passions are essential ways to guide them as they find their voices or strive for greater achievements. Encouraging small steps toward their dreams or actively assisting them in moving forward are essential qualities of leadership.

Whenever I’ve brought groups together, I’ve felt nervous about reaching out. But at some point, I eventually realized that I was more excited about the prospect of getting to know these incredible people – and possibly starting a valuable support group – that my enthusiasm overrode my fear. I had no formal leadership background or training, yet I found a way that felt manageable to create these groups. I focused on creating a safe, open, fun space so others would feel comfortable being themselves and engaging in the experience. I was more concerned with how I wanted others to feel, not with getting it perfect.

We’re all leaders in some capacity. Tapping into our strengths and skills enables us to access our innate leadership potential, where individual efforts come together like a river merging with an ocean.

Why Does Leadership Feel So Daunting?

Taking on responsibility can be intimidating, especially when we already have so much on our plates. We often worry about maintaining a healthy work-life balance, and setting and enforcing boundaries can feel overwhelming. However, to create meaningful change in the world, focusing on our role in that change can help us identify leadership roles we might want to pursue. When we’re leading from passion, it transforms the experience entirely! It becomes energizing and fulfilling, often feeling less like leadership and more like a return to ourselves.

Over the years, as I’ve worked on establishing boundaries and learned to step back when I begin to feel overwhelmed, I’ve found that I am more willing to embrace leadership roles without as much fear. I’m proving to myself that I can pull back when necessary.

My Own Latent Leadership

In my 20s, during my first career job, I decided to support the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation by organizing a casual Friday fundraiser. I obtained approval from my supervisor for this initiative, which involved asking colleagues to participate by paying $5 to wear whatever they wanted on a specific Friday. In return, they would receive a pink breast cancer pin to wear that day and keep for future use. I had no idea I was stepping into a leadership role; I simply felt compelled to take action. Reflecting on that experience, I’m proud that I took the initiative to organize the event, especially as a young person with no prior experience.

Currently, I'm leading one of Shannon Watt’s Bonfire Communities, and let me tell you, it’s stirring up a lot of “not enough” notions. I genuinely enjoy inviting amazing women into my circle; they inspire and teach me at each gathering. I’m beginning to sense our collective strength. Yet, there’s a part of my mind that tries to sabotage my efforts, pushing me to retreat and play it small. Despite having years of coaching training and interacting with countless clients and fellow coaches, I still feel awkward in a leadership role. While I am confident in my identity, I struggle with feelings of not belonging, which makes leadership challenging. But I choose to show up because uniting women to step into our collective power matters more to me than feeling out of place or believing that someone else could do it better.

This bonfire leadership experience fills me with excitement, overwhelm, and a range of other emotions. I’ve been in this position before, so I have knowledge to draw upon. Although I often feel nervous, I have successfully created dozens of groups in the past. I can recall those experiences to regain some confidence. I also have a network of supportive, inspiring women who I can call upon when I'm feeling overwhelmed or in need of encouragement.

When you feel compelled to take action, you don’t have to label it as “leadership.” However, recognizing it as such may help boost your confidence. Embracing your role as a leader can enhance your self-efficacy and empower you to seek out more meaningful experiences.

Why do we hesitate to call ourselves leaders?

It's common to feel uncomfortable wearing the label of “leader.”

For many, it may feel arrogant. Women, in particular, often encounter comments such as, “She’s so bossy," or "She’s a know-it-all! Who does she think she is to tell us what to do?” when simply expressing themselves. So, they self-sensor.

Some feel they don’t know enough to lead – the dreaded imposter syndrome. This feeling can be pervasive, whether you have years of experience or none at all.

Taking on a leadership role means exposing ourselves to scrutiny and judgment. If we stay out of the fire, we won’t get burned. We also won’t have opportunities to make a meaningful impact.

Perfectionism is a curse that holds many back. Instead of being courageous enough to try, we often wait until we believe we can achieve perfection. Which doesn’t exist. This mindset leaves no room for learning from setbacks, which are merely opportunities to gain knowledge. Women, in particular, tend to be held to higher standards, making the prospect of “failing” feel like an impossible option.

Additionally, the fear of creating and enforcing boundaries can be overwhelming. There is often a concern that stepping into a leadership role means feeling constrained and unable to withdraw when necessary.

You’re Leading and You Don’t Even Realize It – A Recent Personal Experience of Self-Leadership

I hope you’ll allow me to regale you with a recent story that illustrates how leadership involves recognizing and embracing the diverse ways we naturally lead in our everyday lives.

My husband and I have been enjoying iFit rides on our NordicTrack for years. During one of the rides, our favorite pro instructor shared a touching story about how he used to lead one of his severely visually impaired friends on some challenging rides. We were moved by this story because my husband is also severely visually impaired, and I am his guide when we ride together.

We later discovered that this same pro cyclist lives in Petaluma, California, a city we drive through every year on our way to my mom's rental property for vacation. I thought it would be an incredible surprise to arrange a ride alongside this pro cyclist, so I sent him a message on Substack, not expecting a response but willing to give it a shot and hope for the best. To my utter surprise, he graciously replied and generously agreed, despite knowing nothing about our cycling skills.

When he suggested a bucolic 27.5-mile ride through his backyard, I immediately began to feel nervous. And this was months before the ride. My husband has tackled rides of 100 miles and 60 miles, so 27.5 was not going to be an issue for him. But I had never ridden that distance before, especially with that amount of climbing involved.

My nervousness intensified two days before the ride when, at the end of a practice session, I accidentally failed to unclip one foot in time and went down, scraping my legs up pretty badly. I'll admit that up until the morning of the ride, I considered sending the two of them off on their own while I stayed behind to read a book at the coffee shop. Hopped up on adrenaline and excitement, the nervousness eased a bit when I first clipped into my pedals that morning. It helped that Yuri was one of the kindest, most uplifting people, and he had me feeling comfortable the moment we met.

Fast forward to about ten miles into the ride: While I was physically moving forward by shifting my gears, I had to mentally move forward by shifting my inner dialogue. I was only a quarter of the way in when I checked the bike computer and saw we still had 17 miles to go. The terrain was already hillier than I had anticipated, I could feel my hamstring beginning to tighten, and I needed a burst of energy. When Yuri warned me that we would face a major hill at the end of the ride, I almost panicked, troubled that I might not be able to finish.

Recognizing my fear and embarrassment, I reminded myself that this is my usual pattern, but I could break free from it now that I knew it was invading my thoughts. Almost instantly, I reframed my thoughts and reminded myself that I was doing something special and joyful on a stunningly beautiful day with a compassionate person and that I wanted to shift my focus to being fully present and taking in the experience. (I won't lie; I did strategically drop a few F-Bombs in jest while powering up some mammoth hills, just as I do at home after Yuri leads me through an intense interval on the NordicTrack and says, “Don’t forget to smile.”)

Thanks to my training, I knew that my body could recover pretty quickly as long as I had a few minutes to rally. So, I paced myself enough to recover in between the steep hills. By this point, I was aware enough to know that I could trust myself. Stepping into your power isn't about pushing through thoughtlessly; it's about understanding your capabilities and limitations intimately.

Self-awareness was the key mechanism that initiated this shift in my thinking. I used it to transform that little voice in my head into a more supportive inner dialogue. I recognized the fear pattern, reminded myself of historical evidence that I’ve done hard things before, and employed the tools necessary to change my mindset.

Each leadership opportunity brings up new (and old) fears – Go With It

As I sat through two days of training to become a Bonfire leader, I felt out of my league and out of my element, despite having significant experience engaging in similar groups. While I did engage, it still felt uncomfortable at times. But, I could see from the expressions of the other women on the call and hear it in their voices that many of them felt the same way. We all acknowledged that what we were doing was important enough to show up despite our discomfort.

Whenever you take on a new opportunity, especially one where you are in a leadership role, it can feel intimidating and overwhelming. This often triggers the inner voice that tells you, “I’m not enough,” or something along those lines. If you can find opportunities that matter more to you than that voice does, you can push past it. Eventually, it becomes harder not to show up. Feelings of being stuck, anxious, depressed, or an overall sense of unease are often signs that you actually want to step up and lead.

Fear is there to keep you safe. But if you want to lead more often, you need to find ways to overcome it.

* Reflect on what you’ve accomplished in the past to remind yourself that you’ve led before.

* As if you were getting into a cold swimming pool, dip your toes slowly to test the waters. Start with something small and manageable that stretches your comfort zone without overwhelming you - a low-hanging fruit that feels just within reach.

* Surround yourself with people who will support and inspire you.

* Read about how other women have overcome their fears and achieved incredible things to motivate yourself.

* Talk to other women you admire about how they deal with the fear. If you’re feeling brave, ask if they would be willing to mentor you.

* Connect with women on social media platforms (such as my dear friends and on Substack) who embody leadership every day. Reach out for guidance on how to cut through the noise.

* Consider starting your own group of women with similar goals to create a constant support network when these fears arise.

* Don't underestimate the impact of using your voice to uplift others and help them discover their own leadership potential. Take the time to listen to them. Introduce them to people you know who may be able to assist them. Support them in ways that feel comfortable for you. Leveraging our collective power is the key to driving change.

The process of navigating these emotions continues throughout life. I’m experiencing it right now as I slip back into my old mindset of doubting my leadership abilities: I don’t know enough. I’m too scared of public speaking. I’m not engaging enough. But now I ask myself: “What’s one small thing I can do today to help me engage?” The Bonfire organizer shared that her mentor had told her that everyone in the room experiences imposter syndrome until they don’t -- And then they feel it again when they try something new. One thing we all have in common is that nobody has everything figured out. Remember that the effort to try is part of the learning process, not about achieving perfection. This makes it easier to show up.

Discover Your Leadership Qualities and Gradually Share Them with the World

When have you found yourself unintentionally in a leadership role, whether it was for yourself or for others?

Instead of waiting for confidence to come naturally, how can you leverage your strengths and passions to create small moments of leadership?

In what ways have you embraced your power? How can you help others do the same?

What would it take for you to become your own superhero leader, like Rey? Because, like the badass she is, she had it in her all along. You have that force within you too.

Here’s a link to my favorite dance cardio video (anything by Simone De la Rue are some of my faves):

The 1960s and 1970s were a period of significant change for women, and I had a front-row seat to what would ignite the torch of the equality revolution. While we have made progress, we still confront threats to our identities and our quest for equality.

When my mom told me she felt guilty for not doing more to advance women’s rights, it broke my heart. They were the generation that lit the match. Their courage paved the way for the opportunities we have today.

Thank you to all the women who bravely defied the odds and entered spaces where they weren’t welcome -- places where men, threatened by them, made sure to let them know.

What can we learn from what they started? Misogyny and patriarchy run deep, and my generation has a significant amount of work ahead of us. We must carry the torch they ignited, not for our own sake but also for future generations of women and minorities.

Let me take you back to where it all began.

Smoke Signals of Change

When I was young, my mom wasn’t a regular smoker, but when her female friends came over, they would sit at the kitchen table, chain-smoking and talking for hours. I overheard snippets of conversations where women discussed how to take action at work, in society, and in their friendships with other women to promote equality for their gender. My dad was also a feminist who championed equal rights for women, which further influenced my upbringing. Those kitchen table discussions shaped more than just policies; they shaped daughters like me who grew up believing in equality.

The women I knew were breaking free from traditional societal boundaries and stepping outside their comfort zones to take on equal roles. My mom went to law school and became a lawyer at the age of 35. Her friend, Cathey, entered politics and served for many years as a state representative before becoming a Congresswoman. Their friend Elaine worked as a lobbyist. I paged for Cathey and other women lawmakers for several years, and it was evident that there were still far too few women in these roles. I can’t recall a single female professor my dad worked with, only one or two other women attorneys who worked with my mom, and there were barely a handful of female politicians. And all my doctors were men.

What I didn't realize then, but understand deeply now as a coach who empowers women, was how those kitchen table conversations would shape not just my generation, but also create a template for how women could support one another while stepping into their power.

Today, I help create modern versions of those kitchen tables. Sometimes it’s a book club where women discover their voices. Sometimes they're empowerment groups where women learn to trust their instincts. Sometimes they're one-on-one coaching sessions where women finally give themselves permission to want more. The locations have changed, but the revolution continues.

What I also didn't realize then was how subtle the patriarchy's messages could be, even in a feminist household.

Growing Up Equal – Or So I Thought

There was never any question in our house whether women should be treated equally to men; it was a fundamental belief. Despite this, I often played small and held myself back, even though I had larger ambitions. This proves the messages that women should shrink are out there, because I definitely wasn’t getting them at home.

It wasn’t until I found an excellent therapist that I uncovered how I had been hiding. I had always feared standing out, worried about being labeled arrogant or a fraud. But the truth was, I was more of a fraud because I stayed hidden.

I realized that one of the things holding women back is that the stronger their voices become, the more scared many men get that women will start demanding to be treated as equals. So, the stronger the patriarchy tightens its grip.

And the subtle ways they’ve done so are why women remain stuck. We compare ourselves to others. We never think we’re enough. We let fear keep us from speaking up. We don’t often stand together in numbers. Stepping into our power and discovering who we really are is how we jump over these hurdles.

I played a lot of sports growing up, and I distinctly remember a time when I heard about the weight room at our high school gym. I wanted to try it out but a gruff old white male coach told me that weights weren’t for girls. I didn’t speak up then. I would now.

When my clients tell me they're 'not ready' for leadership roles, I hear echoes of that gruff voice telling me the weight room wasn't for girls. But now I know: we were always ready. We just needed someone to hold space while we discovered our own strength.

While I was learning about equality in theory, my body became another frontier in the revolution. The messages about taking up less space - both physically and metaphorically - came from unexpected places.

The Body Battlefield

Women have body expectations placed on them from a young age. Whether it’s from a family member, friends, or society at large (from “ideal” body images in magazine photos to celebrities on screens).

The journey to reclaiming our bodies is both personal and political. I didn’t grow up in a larger body and my parents never commented on my size, even when I put on 40 pounds over four years of college, but when my grandmother said, 'you would be so pretty if you just lost 20 pounds,' she was echoing generations of conditioning. My pre-teen response after she criticized my clothes one day - 'Who do you love, Grandma; me, or my clothes?' - was an early spark of revolution.

In my coaching practice, I see how these early messages shape women's lives:

- The woman afraid to lift weights for fear of “bulking up.”

- The artist too scared to share her work because of judgment.

- The entrepreneur too worried to network because she doesn't feel 'presentable enough.'

My own path through powerlifting showed me something transformative: strength isn't about shrinking.

In Shannon Watts empowering and thought-provoking new book, “Fired Up: How to Turn Your Spark into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age,” she writes, “Strength is the bold power to face challenges head-on with courage, determination, and resilience. But it’s also the quiet compassion, patience, and ability to trust your desire and lean into your vulnerability. Most of all, it’s a profound, unstoppable belief in yourself. The energy your desire generates doesn’t depend on the actions of anyone else or your circumstances. It comes solely from inside you; your inner strength becomes outer strength.” She’s right on, and I would add that throughout my weightlifting journey, I have also discovered that outer physical strength can also be a catalyst for inner strength.

When I started lifting in my late 30s, competing at 45, I discovered that physical power creates emotional resilience.

I now watch my clients experience the same transformation:

- A woman deadlifting her bodyweight and suddenly asking for a raise.

- A former 'good girl' learning to take up space, both in the gym and in her life.

- An older woman using her stronger muscles to stand more confidently in a power pose and commanding space.

These physical transformations inspire me to empower women to discover the strength they already have inside them.

Watching these women gradually shed the belief that they needed to have smaller bodies and focus instead on lifting heavier weights was truly inspiring. It motivated me to promote emotional strength outside the gym. Now I’m joining the ranks of other women’s rights activists, hoping to carry this message to every woman I meet. For me, it all begins with health and wellness. It’s difficult to figure out how we want to share our voices with the world if we don’t prioritize our physical and mental well-being first.

Each of these small steps brought me closer to feeling more empowered and inspired to put myself out there. I was gradually starting to figure out how I wanted to play a bigger role and what steps I could take to achieve that. What began as a focus on physical goals also evolved into a quest to discover my emotional strength and to challenge other areas of my life.

My journey from powerlifting to empowerment coaching taught me something crucial: when women reclaim their bodies, they often find their voice. But physical strength is just the beginning of the transformation.

Discovery Comes from Lots of Sources

Through my work with an incredible therapist and Tara Mohr’s transformative book, “Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead,” I began to realize that I had been playing small in my life, and this realization left me feeling extremely frustrated. For the first time, I started to examine my own role in allowing the patriarchy to dictate my worth and my decisions to hold back. I had always taken pride in living outside the constraints of societal concepts in many ways, such as choosing not to pursue a traditional career or have children, but now I felt inspired to carry forward the legacy that my mom and her friends had created and share it with the world!

My journey through therapy helped me move on from playing the “good girl” role and embrace a larger version of myself. Now, as I sit across from my clients, I can see the same passion for change that ignited at my mother’s kitchen table - the desire for something more.

Keeping the Torch Ablaze

Personal transformation is powerful, but as my mother's generation understood, true change happens when women support each other. Today's revolution may look different, but the principles remain the same.

Recognizing our power is one thing; using it effectively is another. Just as the kitchen table revolutionaries had to determine their next steps, today's women also need practical ways to move forward.

How can we continue carrying the torch while inspiring future generations without burning out? Through my work with women, I have uncovered some essential truths:

* Self-care isn’t selfish. We can’t contribute to the revolution if we’re exhausted.

When my mom's generation gathered at kitchen tables, they were creating radical acts of self-care - claiming space and time for themselves. Today, I teach women that self-care is revolutionary. It's not about bubble baths (though those are nice); it's about:

- Claiming time for your dreams.

- Setting boundaries without guilt.

- Recognizing that your well-being matters as much as everyone else's.

* Deprogramming ourselves.

Once we begin to recognize how the system has conditioned us to stay small, we can begin to challenge the messages.

- We people-please because we want to be liked.

- We feel guilty or uncomfortable taking time for ourselves, so we keep busy.

- We believe we need to look a certain way to gain acceptance.

- We hesitate to speak up for fear of appearing arrogant or unsure of ourselves.

Deprogramming will not be easy, especially since many of the messages we’ve been spoon-fed are subtle. And I, for one, am sometimes confronted with shame when I recognize how I’ve unwittingly allowed those messages to shape me. This process can be uncomfortable, but it is necessary for moving forward.

In our book clubs and empowerment groups, women often have their first 'aha' moment when they realize:

- They're not alone in their struggles.

- Their 'good girl' conditioning isn't their fault.

- They can rewrite these rules together.

* Seeking help + lending an ear = connection!

Many emotions are likely to arise as we do this work. It can be incredibly beneficial to find someone or a supportive group who can listen to you without judgment while you do the work of expressing your thoughts and feelings. Additionally, it's important to be that same active listener for someone else. Vulnerability fosters connection, and these connections provide support when you find the weight of the world bearing down on you or when you're ready to pursue bigger goals.

* Core values exploration

Understanding what truly matters to us helps us live authentically. For example, one of my biggest core values is kindness, and you’ll see it in every interaction I have with another person. Another one is empowering others by helping them recognize their existing strengths and letting them know they’re valued simply for being a human.

Things to keep in mind as you discover your core values:

- Instead of asking 'Who am I?' start with 'What matters to me?'

- Notice what makes you lose track of time.

- Identify what angers you - it often points to your deepest values.

Here’s a valuable exercise to consider on your journey of self-discovery: ask others what they see as your strengths or most admirable qualities. These attributes often come as naturally as brushing our teeth or taking a shower (at least I hope those do!), which means we might not recognize them as clearly as others do. Gaining an outside perspective on how others perceive our behaviors can provide valuable insights into our core values. I was prompted to do this exercise in a course I attended, and it ultimately reinforced what I believed to be some of my strongest core values. It was truly enlightening!

* Tuning into your strengths

Focusing on where your strengths lie and where you want to direct your energy can help you discover where to invest your time. It also helps you focus on moving forward instead of getting stuck focusing on what’s holding you back.

* Intuition

Trust your gut instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, listen to it. And when you don’t have a strong grasp on what your intuition is telling you, let your network of women be there to guide you.

* Baby steps.

All-or-nothing thinking is common, but change doesn’t happen all at once. If we expect it to happen immediately, we can easily become overwhelmed and give up. For years, I held myself back because I wanted to change the world by empowering millions of women. When I couldn’t find a way to do that, I felt stuck. It wasn’t until I met one woman who shared my vision, and then another, that I realized I wasn't alone. Slowly, I began to gather women, one by one, to be part of this movement.

The thought of becoming a board-certified health and wellness coach felt overwhelming, and I almost talked myself out of it. But once I released my need for a specific outcome and concentrated on each small step of the journey, I found enjoyment in the process from beginning to end.

* Fun and Joy!

We only have a limited amount of bandwidth to do this kind of heavy work. Catherine Price’s The Power of Fun reminds us that playfulness, connection, and flow are just as crucial as the work. These things refresh us, allowing us to return to the business at hand feeling more rested, invigorated, and alive.

* A Different Way

The way forward involves breaking free from patriarchal rules and forging our own path, ignoring their attempts to keep us fearful and diminished. Together, we’ll be too big and too powerful to keep down.

Let go of the need to get ahead in the traditionally aggressive, masculine way, such as climbing the corporate ladder at the expense of others. I appreciate Kristen Neff’s perspective on yin and yang energy. We all possess both qualities, and we need them to take action—planting seeds (yang energy) and nurturing them to help them grow (yin energy). This can involve leading with empathy, taking compassionate and purposeful action, and supporting others as they put themselves out there.

* Set boundaries

Women often experience burnout because we’ve been conditioned to be everything to everyone. We have to work harder than men to prove ourselves and we’re not allowed to “fail” without losing our jobs. Then we come home and take care of family obligations with little to no help. Taking time for ourselves feels foreign and shameful. And that’s exactly how the patriarchy wants us to feel so they can keep us from discovering who we are and demanding more.

Learn what boundaries you need to start putting in place, then get comfortable with enforcing them.

* Self-Dialogue Log

We need to quiet the negative self-talk we’ve learned from a lifelong diet of criticism and societal expectations. It's important to practice self-compassion, grace, and unconditional love as we learn to listen to ourselves, discover our voices, and determine what we want and how to achieve it.

Here’s a technique I’ve discovered over the years to quiet negative self-talk, which is always present: if you can calm your mind long enough to silence the voices that tell you that you’re not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or not determined or driven enough, you can shift your focus to utilizing a growth mindset or a beginner's mindset. By fully engaging in the task at hand—whatever it may be—you can prevent those negative voices from holding you back.

It may sound unusual, but I’ve learned that it is possible to change my perspective during conversations. Instead of worrying about whether the other person thinks I’m not smart enough or unattractive, I can ask myself, “What do I think about them?” Alternatively, I can focus entirely on having engaging banter, leaving no space for self-doubt.

When I’m writing, instead of fixating on the need for everything to sound perfect, I can reframe my thoughts to consider, “What’s the most effective way to express what I want to say?” This approach allows me to enter a flow state and concentrate solely on my work rather than on the fear of imperfection.

Creating Modern Kitchen Tables

* Collaborating to build networks of women and men committed to the cause.

These networks will be crucial for carrying the torch. We cannot succeed without standing together. I used to believe I could manage everything on my own, but I realize now how mistaken that was. When we work together, we have built-in support, allowing us to tackle challenges without having to do it all alone. We have people cheering us on, offering help, and reminding us that we are not alone. This collaboration enables us to take on much more. We can pass the torch to others when we need a break, knowing that the support we’ve built will be there. Conversely, we can pick up the torch when we feel energized and assist someone else who may need a pause. Together, we can carry the torch and create a larger flame that has the power to change the world.

Establish women’s support networks, whether they are large or small! Amplify your voices together! That could look like advocating for women's issues by participating in protests and engaging with lawmakers, and it can also look like sharing your own story with the world or asserting your need for personal time.

I've witnessed amazing transformations when women come together to form circles of support:

- Fellow coaches collaborating to find clients while helping one another through various stages of growth.

- Book club members who evolved into each other's career advisors.

- Women who met in my empowerment groups and subsequently launched their own initiatives or businesses.

Kitchen Table Questions:

- If you had your own kitchen table revolution, what would you discuss?

- Who would be there?

- What changes would you dream up together?

My latest step in this movement is serving under Shannon Watt’s national women’s empowerment endeavor as a leader for a local group I’ve recently created, while I continue to guide women in focusing on their health and wellness goals, finding their inner spirit, and tapping into their longings. I’ll be participating in Shannon’s year-long Firestarter program to continue finding ways to listen to my inner voice and step even further into the world with it, while slowly introducing it in bigger ways, and helping others do the same.

Shining On Your Terms

The revolution doesn't look the same for everyone. Some women in my groups discover they want to:

- Start businesses that honor their values.

- Redefine success beyond traditional metrics.

- Create new models of leadership that combine strength with empathy.

The key is finding your authentic path, not following someone else's blueprint.

The Courage Inventory

Take a step back to reflect on the ways you’ve already used courage to move forward.

- List three times you spoke up, even in a small way.

- Note what supported you in those moments.

- Identify one tiny step toward your next brave act.

These ideas only begin to explore how we can embrace our power. To create lasting change for ourselves and future generations, it must continue with us.

Each woman working towards transformation creates significant change, leading to networks of women and massive collective power.

The revolution that started at my mother's kitchen table continues in:

- Zoom rooms where women support each other's dreams.

- Book clubs where we question old narratives.

- Gyms where we discover our strength.

- Coaching sessions where we rewrite our stories.

- Empowerment groups where we create change together.

One woman at a time, we're building networks of support and power.

Today, there are thousands of kitchen tables, literal and virtual, where women gather to:

- Question the old rules.

- Support each other's growth.

- Create new models of success.

- Pass the flame forward.

And to every woman reading this: your kitchen table is waiting. Whether it's a morning coffee with a supportive friend, a virtual meetup with like-minded souls, or an empowerment group where you can fully be yourself - your revolution starts now.

Every small step, every tiny revolution, every kitchen table conversation adds to our collective power. When my mom and her friends gathered to change the world, they couldn't have known how far their influence would reach.

I want to express gratitude to my mom and her fierce female friends for lighting that torch so many years ago. And if the torch gets too heavy, we’re going to keep carrying it together so we can pass it on and work toward achieving equality, no matter how long it takes.

Music is an essential, transformative force in our lives, and it’s particularly empowering for women – both personally and collectively.

Music isn’t just a soundtrack for life. It’s a tool for healing, for empowerment, and for claiming your power back. It moves us in ways words can’t.

In a way, our lives resemble a musical soundtrack.

Here are some ways music has been a significant part of my soundtrack:

Music to Work Through Grief

When my Dad died over 20 years ago at the young age of 58, my brain shut off joy. I couldn’t find pleasure in the things I usually turned to – music being one of the biggest. I felt guilty that he couldn’t be here experiencing life to the fullest like he always did, so I somehow refused to allow myself to do one of the things I appreciated and adored most about him. I realized later this was part of my grieving process, but at the time, I just felt numb. It was a good six months before I finally took a lesson from what I had experienced from his early death; I had better fully absorb these things that brought me so much meaning while I had the chance. That’s when I was able to wholly embrace music again, and with it this time was an even more profound respect and vigor for it.

Music as an Empowerment Tool

When I was growing up, I had a strong sense that women were treated as less than. I could see it in society and in the way we spoke to ourselves. I always felt so frustrated by this and could never understand why we constantly accepted it.

At that time, I was inspired by a powerful force of women in music who sparked my sense of empowerment. Artists like Joan Jett, Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, Janis Joplin, Heart, Pat Benatar, Diana Ross, Gloria Gaynor, Chaka Khan, and Aretha Franklin were influential figures for me. As I embark on my mission to ignite that same spark of strength in other women, I use music to inspire both myself and others to embrace their voices and step confidently into their power.

For example, before my Zoom women’s empowerment book club, I like to play songs like “I’m Every Woman” or “I Will Survive” to energize everyone and get us ready to share our stories and explore empowerment topics. Playing these songs is not just about the music; it serves as a reminder of the sisterhood and collective strength we are building together. Every beat brings us closer to breaking through barriers.

When I am developing my local women’s empowerment group, I turn to songs like “Self Love” by Call Me Loop, “Confident” by Demi Lovato, “Woman Up” by Meghan Trainor, “Born This Way” by Lady Gaga, “Til I’m Done” by Paloma Faith, and “About Damn Time” by Lizzo. These songs remind me of my mission to help women work together to find their voices and claim their space. They serve as reminders that many women have defied the odds to break barriers and have learned to accept themselves fully just as they are. These tracks are anthems and personal reminders that we already possess everything we need within ourselves to achieve the same.

Which songs inspire your sense of empowerment? Which tracks lift your spirits and encourage you to stand tall, confidently expressing your voice?

Music As a Path to Creativity

Music serves as a powerful pathway to enhance creativity. It inspires individuals by unlocking their imagination and fostering innovative thinking. Through listening, playing, and composing music, people can explore new ideas and express themselves in unique ways. Engaging with music not only stimulates the mind but also encourages emotional connections, leading to a deeper understanding of oneself and the world around us.

The soundtrack that kept me engaged while writing my book featured one of my favorite funk and jazz bands, Down to the Bone, on repeat. Their music allowed me to tune out the world without drawing too much of my attention, helping me reach a flow state for hours as I focused entirely on the page in front of me. Down to the Bone provided more than just a mellow vibe during my creative process; the band helped me navigate moments of doubt and imposter syndrome, inviting me to fully immerse myself in the experiences of creativity and flow. It was a monumental undertaking!

I have a deep love for jazz due to its freeform style. It puts me in a relaxed, present moment, which helps to enhance my creativity and flow. I can't listen to any music while I’m reading, as it tends to be just distracting enough to interrupt my focus. However, there’s something special about jazz – artists like Mingus, Monk, Duke Ellington, Sonny Rollins, Cannonball Adderley, and Down to the Bone – that makes it easier for me to concentrate.

The Power of Music for Self-Care

Music can serve as the perfect soundtrack for our health and wellness journeys.

It sustains me whenever I’m moving around. I often put my iPhone on shuffle while I clean the house, which leads me to reminisce or laugh about memories triggered by the songs. This music always makes the task of cleaning feel less daunting. I also bring headphones and listen to random songs while shopping at the farmers' market every week. Although I don't particularly enjoy shopping, having music makes my weekly trip more enjoyable.

When I’m cycling on my NordicTrack, I have a workout playlist that many of my other genres would find cringeworthy (a lot of pop), but when zoning out and focusing solely on my breathing, these songs pump me up and give me the stamina I need to keep going. On many occasions, I’ve wanted to slow down, and then the right song comes on, and my legs instantly pick up the pace without my brain stepping in to question how much longer I can keep going. Unbeknownst to my brain, my legs have all of a sudden picked up the groove and have a mind of their own. My breathing adjusts automatically, and we’re off to the races. I’m being carried by something outside of myself and not by my tired legs and lungs. Songs like Jason Mraz’s “I Feel Like Dancing,” “A-Yo,” Applause,” “The Fame,” “Abracadabra,” or “Shadow of a Man” (which has become a new favorite) by Lady Gaga, or Dua Lipa’s “Levitating” have this effect on me. When one of these tracks plays, I forget I’m even on a bike. The rhythm takes over, and suddenly, I’m not just working out – I’m dancing on the bike, pushing harder, feeling unstoppable. The right music can make even the most challenging work feel like play.

I’ve even created music in my head when I needed an energy boost during a workout. I’ve mentioned this before, but there’s a long, challenging hill at the end of one of our regular bike rides. One day, I ran out of gears, and suddenly, I turned to my husband and started singing “No More Gears,” inspired by Ozzy Osbourne’s “No More Tears.” We both had such a good laugh that now, every time I start climbing that hill, I sing “No More Gears” to motivate myself. It makes me smile and laugh, and before I know it, the mountain is in my rearview mirror.

Music doesn’t just pump you up for cycling; it can also regulate your stress levels and help you recover faster. Through its beats, it helps regulate breathing during exercise or even lowers blood pressure in moments of relaxation.

In the gym, I need my first love, hard-core classic rock, when I’m powerlifting. AC/DC is my favorite band, of course. Other artists such as Def Leppard, The Who, Van Halen, Guns N’ Roses, and The Scorpions all inspire my strength and power mindset. When “Join Together” or “The Seeker” by The Who plays, I feel revved up, and my energy flows into the barbell.

If I'm feeling contemplative and looking for simple self-care, I might let Peter Gabriel, George Benson, or Sade serenade me while I replace a meal with a walk.

How can music be integrated into your self-care journey? In what ways can it enhance body movement, nutrition, sleep, stress management, recovery, and mindset shifts?

Music for Memories

Rock concerts are some of my fondest memories, not only for the experience and music but also for the connection to the person I’m with.

My husband and I have shared many joyful moments at live shows (with AC/DC being a recent favorite), which helps strengthen our connection. Going to rock concerts is a favorite activity of my best friend and me, and we try to attend as often as possible. We've experienced some exciting performances together, and each one has contributed to the growth of our beautiful friendship over the years. I recently had the pleasure of seeing Metallica with both my husband and my best friend. Talk about a memorable experience!

I rarely focus too intentionally on my past, but sometimes, it's fun to be transported to a simpler time. Perhaps when Duran Duran and Depeche Mode were playing at a high school dance, and I was crushing on the boys. Or when my dad took me and four of my girlfriends to my first major concert – The Victory Tour with Michael Jackson and his brothers at Fulton County stadium when I was 13 years old. Or when I would play Thriller over and over while sitting on my bedroom floor, surrounded by Michael Jackson posters on my walls. Or sitting in the second row for Eric Clapton at the Carrier Dome when I was at Syracuse University. I was so close at that show that to this day, I can still remember the smell of the cigarette wafting up from his guitar as he sang, strummed, and smoked at the same time.

Whenever I hear songs by Stevie Wonder, Earth Wind & Fire, or Blood Sweat and Tears, I’m instantly transported back to my pre-teen years when my dad would play their songs on his reel-to-reel player, and we’d dance and sing in the living room. Dad was also a massive fan of classic rock. Looking through his collection of 45s takes me back to a wonderful time when The Doors, Jimi Hendrix, Led Zepplin, and my hippie dad and his long red beard ruled my world.

One of my favorite college courses was "The Nine Symphonies of Beethoven." The professor was super engaging - a dryly hilarious older man who was only a few years older then than I am now. Ouch! I grew up playing piano (and listening to both my parents play, too), which fueled my love for classical music. Both my mom and dad adored this genre, so I developed a deep appreciation for it as well. Classical music often filled our home. Every Saturday morning, when cartoons came on, my dad would turn the volume to zero and play classical music in the background. While many classical pieces were featured in those cartoons, we preferred having our music playing constantly. Listening to classical music now brings back memories of simpler, joyful times when looking forward to Saturday morning cartoons was the highlight of my week rather than the responsibilities of adult life, like paying bills and cleaning the house.

Music as Therapy

Music has the power to heal. Shortly after my grandfather passed away, my dad and I were sitting in his car at the Corky’s BBQ drive-thru when Rossini’s “The Barber of Seville” began playing on the radio. In an instant, my dad went from having a tear rolling down his face to singing at the top of his lungs and gesticulating wildly. We both experienced a release from the heaviness of our emotions. Whenever I hear that piece, it brings back that memory, and I can’t help but smile and sing until I’m hoarse. Now, whenever I want to feel connected to my Dad, I can play that song to evoke that healing memory.

Music can feel like a great friend. Depending on the support I need, I can always call her up by finding the perfect song. When I need a hug, "Ordinary Love" by U2 or “The Windmills of Your Mind” by Sting does the trick by wrapping me up in a warm, lyrical embrace. When I need to feel heard, the poignant lyrics of Carole King or James Taylor’s “You’ve Got a Friend” (another of my Dad’s favorite artists) remind me that all I have to do is call on my musical friend. For a straightforward mood boost, nothing lifts my spirits better than Pharrell’s “Happy” or Bruno Mars’ “Uptown Funk.”

Music connects us to our emotions in ways other art forms cannot. It is visceral, requires presence, and helps us recognize feelings we might otherwise overlook.

Music for Entertaining (Or Setting a Tone)

Whenever my husband and I host gatherings, which typically include a large group for our annual Fourth of July party and a medium-sized group for Thanksgiving, I always play jazz music. I find it comforting, playful, joyful, and relaxing, providing the perfect low-key background noise to create the atmosphere I want for my guests.

If I invite a friend for dinner, I might create a playlist or choose a genre we both enjoy to spark memories for discussion.

You might see through these examples how music can be a thread you use to weave your life experiences together constantly.

Reflecting on your personal experiences, how has music influenced your development? In what ways can you continue to utilize music as a consistent source of empowerment?

Musical Action Items

There are endless ways you can use music as a force to transform your life.

* To sit with and work through grief *

Managing emotions such as grief can be tricky. At times, I need complete silence to hear and process my thoughts. Other times I find comfort in melancholy melodies. When I'm feeling rage, I turn to songs that allow me to express that anger in a safe environment. Acceptance brings yet another phase where I seek calmer, more soothing music.

What songs do you turn to when you're feeling down?

* To create a mood *

If you want to evoke a specific emotion, choose a song or playlist that can help create that feeling.

I often curate my music intentionally to produce certain moods. For instance, when I want to lift my spirits and pull myself out of a funk (which is entirely acceptable to experience), I select a playlist that can elevate my mood. This often leads to me singing along - though usually by myself - because it's hard to sing and think at the same time. Conversely, if I choose to embrace my funk, I might opt for songs that evoke sadness or that make me cry.

Are you preparing to go out with friends or getting ready for a workout and looking to encourage an energetic atmosphere? Consider what music can get your blood pumping.

Many of my women’s empowerment songs are also the ones I listen to while cycling. This may be because when my heart rate rises, I feel the most energized.

* To boost creativity *

When working on a creative project, think about what music could help you enter a flow state. This might require some experimentation to find what works best for you.

* To get your body moving *

What songs inspire you to move or help you stay active?

When I'm not on the bike or in the gym, I LOVE doing dance cardio videos. Sometimes, I follow along with the music in the video, while other times, I turn down the volume and dance to my own energetic beats. For those 30 to 60 minutes, I am focused entirely on the dance moves and the music, freeing my mind from distractions.

* To reflect or get lost in thought *

I know many people who swear by meditation, but I’m not much of a meditator. However, I often rely on music to help me escape my own thoughts. Depending on my needs, songs can either help me focus or allow me to zone out completely.

What songs or genres of music do you use to help you unwind? Which ones inspire deep thinking?

* To feel empowered *

Empowerment can look different for everyone, but my favorite definition comes from Google, which describes it as "the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one's life and claiming one's rights."

I've previously mentioned several songs that inspire a sense of empowerment and help instill confidence in me, although I acknowledge that I will always be a work in progress.

What songs make you feel like you already possess everything you need within you to take control of your life and assert your rights?

In a Nod to the Doors, this is "The End." But for us, it's just the beginning.

How does music impact your life? In what playful, creative, fun, or inspiring ways could you incorporate more music? What are some playlists you could create for different areas of your life based on your activities or emotions? We would love for you to share your ideas with us, as there’s always room for more music in our lives! If you're feeling adventurous, consider creating a playlist of songs that empower you and share it with our community.

All of this is to say that the power of music can’t be denied, and it absolutely shouldn’t!

Sled dogs are bred for pulling sleds and running – they’re happiest when they’re fulling their purpose and engaging in their natural behaviors. So, what about humans? What is the point of purpose for us?

Purpose is daunting.

Purpose can feel like a heavy word – as if it’s something that’s only given through some kind of divine intervention (and if you’re an atheist like me you’re shit out of luck) or reserved for the chosen few. But here’s the thing: you get to create purpose – for yourself, whenever you want.

What Does It Even Mean?

What exactly is purpose? And why does it feel like a New York Times headline – something important but, at the same time, so elusive? We often think we need to define it or have it neatly packaged, like some grand plan we can discover. But here's the thing: Purpose isn’t something you necessarily have to "figure out" right now. It’s something you can create or discover through experiences that bring you meaning. It doesn't need to be a one-size-fits-all definition. If it brings you joy or fulfillment, that’s what matters.

Life without purpose can feel like wandering – like a sluggish malaise. But wandering can be good. It allows for creativity, presence, and sometimes, even insight. So, how do we begin to figure it out?

Purpose is Subjective (Like SO Many Things in Life)

No one has the exact same wardrobe as someone else, or decorates their home in exactly the same way. Why? Because purpose, like our preferences for clothing or home décor, is unique to each of us. The things that bring us meaning are as personal as the T-shirt you bought at that unforgettable concert – it might be the same T-shirt someone else bought, but it means something completely different to you.

Purpose can look different for everyone. Let’s take Mother Teresa and Jane Goodall—two women who dedicated their lives to service. Mother Teresa gave her life to serving the poor, while Jane Goodall devoted her life to studying chimpanzees. Both are examples of a life of service, yet their purposes are deeply different, shaped by their own experiences and passions. This shows that purpose isn’t universal; it’s as diverse as the people living it.

Purpose Isn’t Static

What if we treated purpose as something fluid? Something that could shift and adapt as life changes? Repurposing our purpose for new chapters in life could open up exciting possibilities.

Do We Even Need to Define It?

What if we stop worrying about “purpose” and start focusing on what feels meaningful in the moment? I’m not sure we need to have a concrete, ironclad purpose. Sometimes, just figuring out what brings us joy – like cooking, knitting, reading, being with loved ones, or helping others – is enough.

Sure, it might be useful to understand why these things bring us purpose. But honestly, sometimes it’s more about recognizing those things as they are and leaning into them. And if we drive ourselves crazy trying to define it, well, that’s just frustrating, right?

Purpose vs. Meaning

Is purpose something you must fulfill in a certain way, or is it about finding meaning in what you do? For me, coaching gave me a sense of purpose I’d never experienced before. What brought me meaning was helping other women find their voices and feel good about themselves – physically and mentally. That sense of meaning has stuck with me, and it's a source of purpose I can keep coming back to.

Purpose often stems from the meaning we find in our actions. By focusing on the 'why' – the deeper reason behind what we do – we can experience purpose without feeling the need to label or define it. It’s about the sense of fulfillment we derive from our actions, big or small.

The Search for Meaning

No one really has the answer to life’s meaning. We’ve all asked ourselves, “What’s the point?” And while no one has figured it out, we do know that meaning is something we create. It’s different for each person, and figuring out what brings you meaning is where the magic happens.

The problem with following someone else’s meaning is that it can leave you miserable. You can look at someone else’s life and think, “I should be doing that,” but the only way to find fulfillment is by following what resonates with you. So, take time to think about what gives you meaning – and not just what feels important in someone else’s eyes.

Purpose or Presence?

Have you ever been in a moment where you felt completely grounded? No distractions, no mental chatter – just pure presence in the moment? When you’re not thinking about what you "should" be doing, but are simply there, alive, and aware.

That sense of presence can bring clarity and connection. Being present with others or with yourself can often bring more meaning than chasing an abstract idea of purpose. Whether it’s through exercise, mindfulness, or just being in the moment with someone you care about, presence is key.

Defining Purpose May Be Insignificant

Like “confidence,” I personally prefer not to even engage with defining “purpose.” I find it too overwhelming a concept. But it doesn’t mean I don’t feel a lack of purpose sometimes. I can feel a vast sense of being adrift or disoriented. When I’m feeling like I’m living my life with purpose it’s usually in being of service to others, or being extremely present when I’m with the people I care most about. My heart feels more open and I have an almost euphoric feeling in my body.

There’s nothing wrong with searching for purpose, as long as you don’t let it trip you up if you’re not finding any. The tricky part is sitting in the muck (unconditionally and without judgment).

Manifesting Meaning: Small Actions That Add Up

1. Focus on the present. Sometimes, instead of chasing some big idea of purpose, focus on the small joys in your day. Maybe it’s a cup of coffee outside or a meaningful conversation with a friend. When you’re present, you’re experiencing the richness of the moment – and that’s where purpose often lives.

2. Shift your mindset. Instead of thinking “I have to do this,” try “I get to do this.” Whether it’s working out, cooking, or taking care of yourself – remind yourself that you’re fortunate to have the ability to do these things. This shift grounds you in purpose by reminding you of what you can do.

3. What lights you up? Think about what you loved as a child. Writing, reading, creating – these things often give us clues to our deeper sense of purpose. Pay attention to what you enjoy doing now, and reflect on what drew you to it as a child. How can you bring that into your present life?

Gathering Momentum: When You’re Feeling Adrift

We all have those moments when we feel lost or stuck. If you’re feeling like you’re without purpose, or you’re struggling to find meaning in the day, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, move your body. Dance to energizing music, go for a hike, or even just have an interesting conversation. These “distractions” can sometimes bring clarity or spark a moment of insight.

At the end of the day, sometimes the best thing to do is simply show up, even when you don’t feel like it. Get out of bed. Do the thing. And be open to discovering meaning in the small moments. Sometimes, purpose shows up when we least expect it.

Final Thoughts

Finding purpose isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about recognizing the moments that feel meaningful, and allowing yourself to feel connected to them. Whether you’re serving others, enjoying a hobby, or simply being present in the moment, purpose often shows up when we least expect it – and that’s okay. The key is to embrace the journey, not just the destination.

Call to Action

I’d love to hear how you’ve found purpose (or meaning) in your life. Have you defined your purpose, or do you find fulfillment in smaller, more everyday moments? Let’s start a conversation about what purpose means to each of us!

I’ve been trying to build a community of like-minded women (and men who support them and believe in women’s equality), and I’ve come to realize that creating this community isn’t as easy as I thought. The truth is, I’m not exactly sure what women need from a community like this. Sure, we all need support. We need a safe space to define ourselves, to speak up for ourselves. But as a health and wellness coach, I’ve learned that working one-on-one with women is where the magic happens. We dive deep into their core values, what drives them, and how to take small action steps toward their goals.

While writing has always been one of my biggest passions, I’ve been feeling like something is missing lately. I think it’s the one-on-one interaction. The real, face-to-face connection that allows us to reflect, share, and engage in a way that’s not possible through just writing. But how do we create that in a group setting?

The Power of Interaction

I can write down my thoughts and ask questions to get you thinking. But what’s missing is the interaction between people. That’s where the gold is hiding. So, I’m jumping onto Substack to ask, “What do you need from a community like this?” And you might not have the answer right now, and honestly, neither do I. But I’ve been craving this kind of community for a long time, and I think that’s why I’m so desperately trying to create it myself.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re as frustrated as I am about what’s happening in this country—especially when it comes to women’s rights. This administration is trying to send us back to the 1700s, and I’m pretty sure none of us want that. So what do we need from each other? How can we best support one another?

What’s Holding Us Back?

I’m genuinely asking for your responses, because I want to shape this Substack space to fit what you need. What would make you feel safe enough to engage? What would inspire you to speak up, to share your voice, to take small actions toward your own empowerment?

I think it’s vital to help women build and own their voices so we can rise together. There’s such strength in numbers, but I’m not seeing much engagement in these communities. Why is that? Is it because we still feel safer being invisible? Do we not trust these "safe" spaces? Are we afraid we won’t like the people in these groups, or that we won’t be able to walk away if it’s not right for us?

I think we’ve all been silent for too long, even when we find spaces that welcome us to explore ourselves. So, what will it take for more women to fully engage in these communities?

The Magic of Community

The magic happens when we interact with others. We feel seen, heard, and human because we realize that others are going through similar situations. Compassion grows in community. And when we share that compassion with others, it often leads to compassion for ourselves. As Kristen Neff teaches, the three components of self-compassion—mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness—can be found in both solitary work and community.

I’ve seen the "a-ha" moments time and again when working with clients, the realization that they already have what they need within them. It can be difficult to come to these realizations on our own, but when we’re with others, they see what we might be missing, and they point it out for us.

The Power of Small Steps and Group Support

When we take small steps to know ourselves, we benefit immensely from being in a group of people who have our backs, cheering us on without all the self-imposed expectations. It’s in those moments when we stop worrying about getting everything perfect and start doing that we make progress.

When women come together to empower each other (instead of tearing each other down), progress is inevitable. Courage begets courage. Fear fades. The anxiety around getting it "right" disappears. It becomes about showing up, not about getting everything perfect.

Finding Your Tribe

Personalities clash, and that’s okay. We’re all human. We don’t have to get along with everyone. Just like in a marriage or any relationship, we need to find the people we mesh with to make it work. If enough women are showing up, we’ll all find the right people for us—people who make us feel heard, people who are willing to be vulnerable, and people who want to have reciprocal conversations.

Don’t stress about getting along with everyone. Instead, focus on discovering and respecting your boundaries. Practice implementing them. That’s how you’ll find people who fit your community.

The Introvert-Extrovert Dynamic

I’m an extroverted introvert. This means if I’m with the right people, I’m energized, and I could hang out all day. But with the wrong people, I’m crawling out of my skin and can’t wait to be alone. Even introverts can figure out ways to engage with others that feel comfortable to them. And extroverts—well, you might need to listen a little more than you talk. There’s work to be done on both sides.

Engage Together, Change Together

Change doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens when we act together. For example, if you want to lose weight or move your body more, you need buy-in from the people around you. You need the community to help support you. So, find those people. Engage in these communities!

At worst, you walk away and learn something about yourself—why that group didn’t work for you. At best, you’ve just helped create a community that has your back. Even if you’re scared, how can you show the community in your own small way that you want to be involved? That’s how we get the ball rolling and start creating safety to show up as ourselves.

Moving Past the Fear of Visibility

My own fear with visibility comes from not wanting to sound stupid or arrogant. I worry about getting things wrong or not saying things perfectly. Women aren’t allowed to get it wrong. Men get to mess up all the time, but for us, the standards are sky-high, and we feel like we have to get it right on the first try—or not bother at all.

We need to give ourselves (and each other) the grace to try and fail. That’s how we grow. When we’re in a community that lets us do that, we become unstoppable because we’re constantly evolving.

The Power of Engaging in Your Cause

If you’re feeling stuck, start small. Find something you’re passionate about—maybe women’s empowerment, maybe something else like saving the planet or supporting a cause that’s meaningful to you. Find a group that resonates with you and engage in it. At first, it might feel overwhelming, but the key is to take action with like-minded people. That’s how we move from overwhelm to action.

Call to Action: What’s Next for You?

What’s the next step for you? What’s one small action you can take today to start engaging in a community? Maybe it’s just reading other people’s comments for now, until you’re ready to share your own. What would your ideal group look like? What do you need from a community to feel safe and supported?

I’m asking for your thoughts. Share your responses with me so I can help create a community that works for all of us. I truly believe that together, we can rise. Together, we can find our voices and make a real impact. Let’s make it happen.

Was Indiana Jones a “confident” person? Or was he simply passionate about archaeology and committed to the pursuit of knowledge and truth?

In My Cousin Vinny, Mona Lisa Vito spent most of the film trying to prove her value. But it wasn’t until the end—when she saved the damn day—that she realized she was already valuable, just by virtue of being herself and knowing her shit.

And in Legally Blonde, did Elle Woods ultimately need to become the top student at Harvard Law to feel smart? Or was it really about proving to herself that she always had the goods, even when everyone else underestimated her?

We love to talk about purpose. Confidence. Happiness. Success. But here’s the thing...

This post is about deconstructing the pressure to live up to labels and word definitions—and choosing to feel our way forward instead of forcing ourselves to perform a title, an identity, or a role we may not even want.

👉 And let’s not ignore the gender layer here.
Women are handed labels like “good girl,” “bossy,” “too much,” “not enough,” and “emotional” from the time we’re barely out of diapers. We're expected to embody confidence but not arrogance, purpose but not selfishness, happiness but not too much ambition. No wonder we feel like we’re failing—it’s a rigged game. Questioning labels isn’t just personal. It’s an act of rebellion.

🔖 The Good/Bad of Labels

Let’s give labels their due:
✅ They can offer a sense of belonging, direction, and identity.
✅ They can help us find our people or feel grounded in how we relate to the world.

But they can also become prisons.

❌ Labels can box us in.
❌ They turn into “shoulds”—and when we inevitably fail to live up to them, we feel like we’re the failure.
❌ They can be externally imposed and internally internalized—and that’s where the pressure piles on.

We end up defining ourselves by whether or not we’re "confident" or "successful" or “purpose-driven,” instead of asking: What does that actually feel like? And do I even want it?

We tend to wear labels like underwear: supportive, maybe—but usually too tight, not visible to the world, and definitely not meant for everyone’s input. 😆

🧠 Word Definitions vs. Emotional Reality

For years, I relied on labels and rigid definitions to help me feel in control. “Confidence” was my marquee label—I thought if I could just become confident, everything else would fall into place. So I kept chasing: more knowledge, more certifications, more personal growth. And yet… confidence remained elusive.

Eventually I realized: I don’t have to be confident.
I can just be someone who pursues knowledge, tries new things, and shows up—scared, shaky, curious. That’s courage. And sometimes, that leads to confidence… but honestly, that part’s irrelevant.

Let’s flip the script.

• Maybe we don’t need to chase confidence—we need to practice courage until confidence shows up.

• Maybe we don’t need to define purpose—we just need to follow what feels meaningful or joyful.

• Maybe we don’t need to be happy—we can feel awe, contentment, or just not anxious for a moment and call it a win.

🌀 A New Approach

What if you let go of the label and chased the feeling instead?

Instead of saying, “I want to be confident,” try:
💬 I want to feel more grounded when I speak up.

Instead of “I want to be successful,” maybe it’s:
💬 I want to feel proud of the way I show up every day.

Instead of “I want to find my purpose,” try:
💬 I want to do more things that light me up and serve others in a way that feels good to me.

✨ Your Turn

I invite you to take a breath and reflect:

• What’s a label you’ve been trying to live up to?

• What’s the feeling underneath it that you’re really craving?

• What small action could you take to connect to that feeling—without needing to fully claim the label?

Because maybe you don’t need a new label.
Maybe you just need a little courage, a little curiosity…
…and the freedom to let yourself feel your way forward.

Sometimes it takes a change of scenery to remember what really matters. For me, that reminder came in the form of an Amtrak ride, a walkable city I’d never been to, and one unforgettable night of pure, unfiltered fun at an AC/DC concert with my husband.

It was four days of flow. We walked the city, explored the sculpture garden, admired the architecture, unplugged from the constant to-do list of daily life. We had deep conversations. Laughed a lot. And we were just with each other—fully present, untethered.

I’m an extroverted introvert and a highly sensitive person, which means that certain types of connection fill me up, while others deplete me. I’m energized by meaning and authenticity—and drained by superficial small talk. This trip brought me back to those late college nights when we’d roam campus together while everyone else slept. It reminded me of why we clicked in the first place: shared curiosity, silliness, depth. Freedom.

We’re together all the time at home—we work out together, take walks, eat meals side by side. But reconnecting in a new environment? That’s a different game altogether. There’s no schedule pressing in. No chores waiting for you afterward. No mental multitasking. Just you and someone you love, doing something joyful together.

At the concert, it felt like my whole nervous system exhaled. Angus still had the energy of a teenager, Brian radiated pure joy, and AC/DC rocked us nonstop with a kind of playful intensity that reminded me how good it feels to let go. To play. (Shout out to Catherine Price’s book The Power of Fun, which nails this—connection, playfulness, and flow are the trifecta of joy.)

That night was an epic reminder: reconnecting with another person can reconnect you to yourself.

And while bonding and reconnecting both matter, they’re different. Bonding is what happens during shared experiences in the present—especially the meaningful or challenging ones. Reconnecting? That’s more visceral. It’s a reaching-back and a bringing-forward. It’s reviving the emotions and energy you want more of in your life. It’s remembering joy… and then choosing it again.

But here’s the thing: reconnection doesn’t have to mean a big trip or a rock concert.
Sometimes, the most powerful reconnection is with yourself.

Where could you use some reconnection right now?

• Is it with a friend or family member you miss, or who really “gets” you?

• Is it with a version of yourself you haven’t hung out with in a while?

• Is it with a sense of play, creativity, or flow?

Reconnection isn’t about the destination (though Minneapolis totally delivered). It’s about intentionally creating space to come home—to yourself and to the people who matter. Especially in times like these, when the world feels uncertain and unsafe, these moments can bring us back to center. They ground us. They remind us we’re not alone.

So… where do you want to reconnect?
And how might you take the tiniest step toward that today?