I find that in sessions, I’m also not able to “teach” as much as I wish in order to allow space for processing and self-discovery.

So, I want to begin writing in a more casual way to just share what I know without this internal perfectionism in how I write.

I find so much of what I’ve learned over the past two decades to have helped me find so much peace, and I want to help others feel the same.

I’m sure there are easier ways to teach and share knowledge, but for now writing feels most aligned.

Back to what I was saying…

Pluto. I have been going through intense Pluto transits for about the past 2 years. And most of my current clients, ironically, are undergoing the same.

I haven’t found many blogs that articulate what exactly it feels like to go through a harsh Pluto transits, probably because most people are just gripping on for dear life or retreating into privacy, not wanting to share.

But the few that I have found have been so validating to read because I often find myself asking “what the f*ck is happening!?”

Pluto isn’t light, and it’s transits don’t just touch one part of your life. It excavates the deepest parts of you, brings everything you’ve been stuffing down to the surface and rubs your face in it.

I’m not going to speak lightly of Pluto either.

I get tired of people trying to glorify Pluto into change and transformation – something I have been guilty of when speaking to groups because it’s easier than seeming like you’re fear mongering.

But Pluto is a malefic, Mars is a malefic and so is Saturn… meaning they can be harsh, heavy and dark. They can bring about the harder experiences in life.

Any outer planet, because of how slow they move, touches the grander design of your life in a deep way.

And about a year and a half in to Pluto on my Descendant (and interacting with my moon and chiron), I’ve finally come to befriend it.

I’ve had clients ask what positive traits Pluto has, and it isn’t to say there aren’t any.

Everything exists on a spectrum and “power” is one of those things.

The power Pluto exerts can be seen in a multitude of ways.

There are the positive expressions of authenticity, unmovable forces, being rooted in self-assuredness, being unwavering in the face of adversity, commanding a room with just your presence, etc.

And there are negative expressions of power through coercion, manipulation, control, shadow projection, betrayal, etc.

When I was reflecting on the question of positive expressions of Pluto, I thought of Mother Nature and the powerhouse that she is.

Mother Nature is respected (well should be).

If you’ve ever stood at the edge of a mountain, you feel it. The feeling of being small, the vastness that expands all around you.

And, the feeling that you could slip and fall at any moment.

Living near the mountains brought a new respect of her power. Snowboarding down a mountain you realize that she is ultimately in control, no matter how seasoned you are.

Mother Nature is like Pluto in that she brings about destruction and chaos through natural disasters. They are life altering, but also a part of the process. Tornados, hurricanes, forest fires, flash floods, rockslides, avalanches, those all remind me of the Plutonian power of Mother Nature.

Without the forest fire, there wouldn’t be a cleansing of the dead to lead to new life.

And that is what a Pluto transit feels like.

Watching everything around you burn to the ground. Knowing you can’t stop it. But also having this quiet reverence of knowing it is necessary and part of nature’s natural cycles.

Plutonian people often find these cycles easier because they’ve been experiencing Pluto their entire life.  Scorpio placements, 8th house placements, and those with Pluto in harsh aspects to their personal planets, Pluto in the angular houses and even the 2, 6, 8 and 12th know Pluto more deeply than others. Their relationship with him, well debatable… but they know him.

So the transits, while still debilitating, are a familiar darkness one may be well acquainted with.

And harsh Pluto transits are some of the few we have no control over.

I’m a big proponent of life doesn’t happen to you, but when it comes to Pluto, it does.

Anyone with 8th house placements will tell you that.

But I’m finding that the “change and transformation” Pluto asks of us, well really we’re just being forced through.

And that change can only come from a loss of control.

When all our defenses, coping mechanisms, surface tendencies are stripped away, how do we continue to move through the world?

When people start acting weird towards us, and by weird I mean REAL weird, how do we no longer internalize it?

- This is something I will do another post on because it’s the strangest feeling, and until you read someone else write about it (example), you will be questioning yourself constantly. I’ve found myself regularly saying “I’m literally just existing; what is happening!?”

The harder part of Pluto transits is that I often find they involve other people. Because how else can we feel out of control but through the mercy of the uncontrollable “other.”

It’s unexplainable that one day someone is treating us one way, and all of a sudden something has changed.

Partners begin abuse tactics, start affairs, become distant, bosses put us under a magnifying glass and we are subject to scrutiny, people leave us, we leave people, and most commonly, people close to us die.

Death can be found in the natal chart, but the more I’ve studied death in charts, the more I came to realize that it’s easier to see in retrospect, rather than predict.

I saw someone once write about how there are many windows and doors we can go through to exit the earthly plane. And it’s somewhat up to when your soul decides to depart.

But one pattern I do see is that when people experience the loss of a close someone, they are often going through intense Pluto or 8th house transits (or a double whammy of both).

Death with Pluto isn’t always literal, but there is often a death of something. It can be a death to a certain way of living, a death to a part of ourselves, there are a multitude of expressions.

And finally (for now), the psyche and subconscious aspects that are drudged up from the depths.

The best way I can describe this, without the usual jargon you see people use, is like a psychological antenna that the volume gets turned up on.

Depending on where Pluto is and what it’s doing, you may become really keen to your own hidden motives… and sometimes either really keen to others (or really blind to others hidden motives) and I’ll give you an example because I’ve read this from others and been like WHAT DO YOU MEAN…

So example, you have a shopping addiction, always have, and it becomes so blaringly loud and clear on a bright neon sign, that you do that to attempt to feel good enough and be accepted.

And I don’t mean the surface level understanding of it. Because you’ve probably found the awareness of that years ago. I mean where and when the behavior started, why you thought it would help fix the problem, flashbacks to every time you were made to feel less than, every time you felt like this behavior helped you (for the sake of the example, a compliment for how stylish you are, etc. thus making you feel loved and accepted), the realization that you can dress like you are a part of the group, and still not belong. To seeing others who effortlessly belong and wear the most “basic it girl” style, to seeing others who are head to toe designer brands, and still give off this air of they’re never going to fit in no matter how much money they’re wearing because the energy they give off is “insecure, awkward, etc.” And I don’t mean this in a judgey way. You are shown the full spectrum of human behavior in relation to this specific thing you a processing. The hidden, unspoken things that just exist. And sometimes have zero explanation like the example of why one person can wear a paper bag and look stylish and another can hire a personal stylist and still look stiff or like they’re trying so hard. I know this is a rant but it will be helpful to someone. And this is just a simple example and not nearly as deep as Pluto will take you.

And a singular behavior or psychological pattern will surround you, in every moment of every day until Pluto’s lesson drops into your subconscious(something you have no control over) and then poof you almost rarely notice it, but it’s on to the next pattern of behavior, addiction, obsession. And it’s like this day in and day out while Pluto is at least 1° away from exact.

And I said I was done, but I cannot talk about Pluto without talking about obsession.

When you go through harsh Pluto transits (or have intense Plutonian personas) another thing out of your control is obsessive behavior (in yourself and others). I can do another post on this too, but it’s something to be mindful of as you interact with the world. The volume on obsession gets turned up everywhere.

You become obsessed with others in ways you can’t explain. The person you pass on a walk takes control of your thoughts, and vice versa. People become enthralled with you. There is a need to know, a need to well…control, have power over, obtain, possess.

It’s unexplainable. People with Pluto square Venus or Pluto opposite Venus will either have a harder or easier time with this. It will either be familiar and something they’ve navigated their entire life so it’s like “oh this again, ok.” Or it will double down on intense obsession and become all consuming.

I want to leave with some sort of advice or helpfulness, but that’s my perfectionism talking. I have more carefully crafted things to share soon, but I just want to word vom sometimes because it’s happening in the moment, and I know someone will find it helpful even just by validating their experience or helping them “know what to expect” as a Pluto transit approaches.

Even though I find that you can read as much as you want on Pluto, there is no way of predicting.

The only way out is through.

The fact that it’s been so prevalent and so loud has me turning the topic over and over again.

It’s a behavior that I hate, but that I am not exempt from.

A behavior that lives in my shadow and is now being projected and broadcast outward.

But it’s more than that.

It’s also an understanding of why it exists.

I’ve shared before of our addiction to incompatibility, and I’ve maybe never identified it as an addiction before. But it’s becoming increasingly clear that is what it is.

Because it gives our mind something to dissect…

To try and bridge the gap between who we believe we are and who we feel the other is not.

It gives us something to connect over and talk about with others.

It helps us feel validated in our sense of self when others agree with us, see us, validate our experience.

But it simultaneously furthers us into our separateness.

It takes time and emotional maturity to see that most of the things you talk poorly of others about you have also done.

And it’s not always about what they did but how it made you feel.

And to shift away from the other and back to self is how we’re able to move through the feelings and adjust course.

The more we give our power away to “can you believe she did that?” “Or I can’t stand him” and back to “I feel hurt, betrayed, etc.” or “I don’t like this behavior, so I am going to distance myself.” The more we’re able to have healthier relationships with others and ourselves.

By keeping this us vs. them mentality alive, we only perpetuate more hurt.

Because my hatred towards shit talking has always been about how it feels to be on the receiving end.

Difference is beautiful.

If we were all the same life would be so boring.

And that’s why I believe we’re somewhat addicted to incompatibility or what we’ve suppressed in ourselves.

Because we’d be bored if there wasn’t something to mull over or discuss with our peers.

And is that necessarily true? No, there’s still plenty to talk about. But it feels so intertwined in the human condition.

But incompatibility and differences don’t need to be shamed.

They can exist and be discussed without this level of villianization.

People become evil because they don’t want the same things as you or think how you think. Or because they couldn’t love you in a way you wanted them to.

And sure, there are components of shared morals and values.

But when there is deep incompatibility, that’s when we’re meant to walk away.

And so many people struggle with that.

They convince themselves they need to stay for whatever obligatory reason they have been taught or adopted. To quell whatever feelings of guilt or grief that leaving brings about.

But the truth is the more you stay with truly incompatible people in your life, the greater the divide becomes.

You begin to question who you are and why it can’t work… what’s wrong with you that they can’t love you… you can’t love them… you can’t seem to get it right.

Or utter contempt, bitterness and resentment arises in who they are as a person. And to be on the receiving end of that can subconsciously or consciously deeply affect a person.

The untangling of this addiction can take years. And maybe, it’s never truly broken.

Because many of us grew up in incompatible households where we couldn’t leave until we were 18.

So you’re taught to stay, to try to make it work, to try and be palatable. That maybe if you change or contort who you are, then you’ll be accepted.

We don’t always understand that having different morals, values, or beliefs is ok until we’re older.

And we aren’t always taught to try to figure out what ours even are and to connect with others from that place.

Psychologically we attract the same partners that mirror our wounding. To try and heal through the other. Sometimes it works and other times it breaks us down further.

So this incompatibility persists until we see it.

Until we’re able to recognize it from afar and step outside of our habitual nature.

There is no such thing as perfectly compatible.

But it’s what we do with incompatibility. It’s how we work through it, how we talk about it, how we share it.

And how we turn inward and explore our shadow.

Cause often our biggest triggers are the things we suppress and try to ignore.

And yet, we don’t always acknowledge the grief that accompanies growth.

The loss of a loved one or even the end to a relationship have been deemed as acceptable forms of grief in our society.

But grief seeps its way into every iteration of change we go through.

The starting of a new chapter, full of excitement, anticipation and potential, simultaneously closes the door to an old one.

When we move, we leave favorite people and places behind. We honor the memories, and there is a sense that even if we return, it will never be the same.

When we leave jobs and careers, we leave what was known, we leave coworkers, and inside jokes, routine, and the opportunities that moment of time provided us with.

When friends grow apart, there is a loss of connection, of shared emotions and memories, of feelings of intimacy, and even parts of our daily or weekly routine.

But, there is also a version of ourselves that is left behind as we close out chapters.

We evolve and grow as we move into new phases of our lives.

The people we knew in our teens, 20s, 30s, etc. often don’t know the version of us now.

So much time has passed, so much has been carved into our souls, that who they knew may have remnants in who we are, but it’s not the complete version of us anymore. (and vice versa)

The places we leave behind hold onto a version of us that we rarely can access in the exact same way. When you go back to visit, there is joy in returning and reuniting, but it doesn’t quite feel like home anymore.

That grief can be one that that many of us don’t sit in.

We as a culture do not have the same rituals that other cultures do to honor the transitions of life.

We don’t hold space for the emotions that arise in moments of change.

And because it wasn’t something we were taught to do, we fumble through the feelings when they arise.

We suppress, reject, ignore, and grief follows us in the shadows as we move into new phases.

Lingering grief finds its way into our bones, creating illnesses, avoidance patterns, closed off hearts, and fear to re-engage in life.

It manipulates us behind the scenes and robs us of the fullness of life.

I’ve slowly been unraveling my suppressed grief over this past year as I’ve been forced to sit in stillness.

I knew it was lurking behind the curtain, being the emotional root of some of my physical illnesses, and yet I didn’t know how to access it. It didn’t feel safe to.

But to sit with and allow yourself to grieve anything you can imagine that has grief attached to it, allows space for other things to fill its place.

Like pulling up a dying plant, you create space in the soil for a new seed to be planted.

You allow yourself to fully close the door to a chapter and fully walk into the new one.

Your energy is no longer straddling the doorway, afraid to let go of the past.

You don’t carry residual forms of protection, no longer avoiding the potential for being hurt.

When you honor what has come before in a reverent way, you’re able to acknowledge the weight it held for that time of your life and that version of you.

You can send love to the people who are no longer in your life, seeing all the ways they helped you grow through that period and even into the present.

You can think fondly of the memories each chapter has held for you, knowing you wouldn’t be who you are today without them.

Each person, place, experience and phase held its own uniqueness. And that’s why nostalgia can be such a strong emotion. You don’t realize how truly special a moment can be when you’re living it.

It’s the grief of growth accompanying change that makes every moment, every memory, every emotion so special.

When we find ourselves in misaligned places – jobs, relationships, environments, friendships – and something breaks (rejection, abandonment, criticism, etc.). We internalize it and find fault within ourselves.

These moments of rupture lead to beliefs we carry about ourselves- beliefs that are sometimes hidden from our awareness.

We subconsciously believe we are unlovable, too much, a burden, not enough, not worthy in some way or another.

We create these subconscious or conscious narratives that everyone eventually leaves, that people only stay if we over-effort, over-give, over-extend, that if we’re not giving 110%, it will never happen, that we can’t rest or we’re lazy, and the list goes on.

And yet, so many of these beliefs originated from a time of incompatibility.

Of course duality exists, and there are times accountability and ownership matter.

And, there are times where we were forcing ourselves to mold into a situation that we truly didn’t fit into.

I see the common thread of normalizing suffering. Many philosophers and psychologists have theorized about our addiction to it.

People complain about their friends, their partners, their jobs, their living situations, not fully realizing that they don’t have to force themselves to fit into a situation that creates so much friction.

Our society has somewhat normalized “hating” and judging our friends and partners.

That getting up to go to a job you hate is normal and just part of the American Dream experience.

And that’s not to say that never experiencing conflict or friction and frustration are the only healthy way, but we have normalized the extreme of what we tolerate.

We all have our insecurities, and they all come from somewhere.

And, I challenge you to try and trace them back to the defining moment, and then look at that situation objectively.

Were you truly not enough?

Or were two people trying to force a connection from chemistry and not compatibility?

Were you trying to keep up in a job role that you felt you “should” do vs. what actually lights you up? Or one that didn’t highlight your strengths?

Were you truly a burden, or did the other person not have the capacity to hold emotional space for you or the ability to even know how?

Were you truly too much or was that person unable to meet you in your depth? Or they didn’t share the same interests and passions?

Have people expressed clear boundaries around how they’re able to meet you?

Or did they shut you out, ignore you, or get passive aggressive when you “crossed” unspoken boundaries or didn’t meet unspoken expectations?

No one is perfect, and we have all done at least one of these things. This is how we learn what works for us and what doesn’t.

We have lives, and stress, and the inability to hold everything or monitor everyone around us.

But, I find so many people fall into shame spirals of deficiency, thinking there is something wrong with them, when in reality there was just a miss-match in energy.

Misalignment or incompatibility was actually at the root, and then we create narratives around who we are from it.

Guilt is that we did something wrong.

Shame is “we are bad.”

And of course so much of this stems from childhood. The early moments of creating our sense of self. Where perceived (or very real) rejection and abandonment buries into the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and the world around us.

But, I find that regardless of what’s happened to you and when, the best way of moving forward in the present is letting go of the belief that there is something wrong with you.

That’s why I personally have found so much peace in things like Psychology, Astrology, and Human Design.

They normalize our differentiation.

That the way you show up differently than I do is part of our own uniqueness and gifts.

That if we all functioned the same, this place would be pretty boring.

And that empathy and compassion are the key to understanding ourselves and others.

Patterns and themes in your birth chart carry across into other aspects of your life like synastry, often enhancing the lessons we are meant to learn.

More obvious themes, like with Pluto, will often carry over into your relationships with others because Pluto is a generational planet.

So, if you have natal Pluto squaring or opposing a planet in your natal chart, then you will also see it reflected in your synastry with anyone around the same age as you. Their natal Pluto will be squaring or opposing your personal planet, just like your natal Pluto squares/opposes your personal planet.

I find this so fascinating because often we need external reflections to point to the inward manifestations and understandings of our lessons.

We need people to trigger us, to reflect back certain emotions, personality traits, etc. to bring awareness to what’s internal to each of us.

Pluto especially brings our shadow to the surface, and often, we need a trigger point to be able to face it. The thoughts, feelings and traits can be buried in our subconscious, and we need a mirror to see.

The more you sit with your charts, the deeper you go into Astrology, the more aware you become of the deeper patterns and themes that play out in your life and where they stem from.

Without the knowledge of Astrology, I’m sure you could sit and list off 2-3 patterns you see on repeat in your life. Whether they’re lessons in relationships, money, self-worth, family, friends, work, etc.

And, the more you learn about Astrology, you can see the aspects, transits, etc. that explain the energy behind it.

You don’t need both in order to realize the pattern, but it is fascinating to see the energetic explanation.

Venus-Neptune Synastry::

My dreams during this Mercury Retrograde have been bringing me the majority of my lessons. As I shared in Sagittarius Season, dreams tend to be a channel of intuitive insight during water sign retrogrades.

Recently, I had a dream about an ex-partner where everything was so romantic and dreamy. In the dream, being with them felt like a fairytale, and when I woke up the illusion was shattered. The reality of who they were did not line up with the dream version, and it brought me to reflect on Neptune.

Neptune in the natal chart or synastry can bring about idealization, romanticization, fantasy, illusion and delusion. It can blur and distort reality and perception to whatever it touches. (It has other meanings as well, but for the sake of this post, I’m just sharing these themes.)

The distortion is something I’ve often battled with in my connections because I have Neptune trine Venus in my natal chart.

While trines are often seen as beautiful and lovely connections, when it comes to Neptune, it can still blur reality. And in connection to Venus, this distortion is around your connections, especially romantic.

I remembered a comparison I did awhile back between my exes (the things I do in my free time lol) to see the patterns across each relationship. Each of the relationships had certain lessons revisited, and I knew that there had to be some representation of it in our synastry charts.

Sure enough, there was some variation of about 6-7 synastry patterns across them. Synastry patterns that I, of course, also have with my parents. The patterns that I have equated with the lessons I keep revisiting in connection with others (not just romantic).

And from this recent dream, I revisited this comparison to find the Neptune theme.

I recognized that all of the relationships that have become substantial/committed had Neptune and Venus dancing together in some way.

And not because Neptune means commitment by any means, but because the thread between all of these connections was that they felt fated and synchronistic. They had this other-worldly feeling to them like a “connection I’d never experienced before.”

While other connections, that never turned into anything long lasting or life changing, didn’t hold the same destined meeting or feeling of depth.

Cue, Neptune.

Unbeknownst to me, it seems that this “spark” that I need to feel in connection with someone in order to date them or explore any type of romantic entanglement needs to have Neptune in aspect to Venus in one way or another. And it also explains why I so rarely feel said “spark.”

This romantic chemistry that I always felt that these connections had and others didn’t is really only a dance between the planets.

I had spent years previously sitting with the concept of transference.

The idea that all my previous connections had a thread of the same wounds I was trying to heal around being attracted to emotionally unavailable/avoidant people.

When the same thread between each of my connections can also be explained through a common synastry aspect.

This is where I always start to question if we are just in a video game, and is Astrology just the code?

The deeper I go, the spookier it gets.

But this Venus-Neptune aspect was different between some of my partners.

In three of the connections, Venus trined Neptune, and those are ironically the partners that still sit slightly on a pedestal to this day. They are the partners that I have to consciously shake myself to remind myself that they weren’t perfect and neither was our connection. I have to remind myself that we had some pretty incompatible, severing experiences that hurt deeply when we were together. But yet, the blurring of Neptune and idealizing of Venus’ connection to it, I often forget the hurt, and it leaves me maintaining the pedestal when I think of them.

While the two connections I had Venus square Neptune, are kept off the pedestal and with deep grief that they didn’t equate to who I romanticized and idealized them to be.

The weight that Venus puts on the Neptune individual during the square or opposition can be heavy. Leaving Neptune feeling like they’re not enough and can’t measure up to Venus’ ideal. And those themes rang true in those connections. They were often the root of many unspoken and spoken issues. And, I have ironically (or not) had the experience from both sides, being the Venus person in one and the Neptune person in the other.

In my experience, the illusion of an ideal partner is often projected and broken quickly (in the square or opposition), and the relationship is left in disappointment for both. But there tends to be a harder time letting go because you want to return to the once held fantasy that was present in the beginning, so you continue to try to “go back there,” often unsuccessfully.

Revisiting Past Themes & Seeing The Lessons::

I like revisiting past connections, not because it has anything to do with the other person, but to be able to see the themes and patterns in my own life.

Emotions are usually easier to recall in romantic connection. You can see the dynamics of how two people come together easier when there is intimacy involved and more time spent together.

As transiting Pluto conjuncts my Descendant, themes around the mirrors in my relationships will most likely be predominant themes I share in my writing for the next year - 18 years.

This Venus-Neptune theme across all my major relationships can be traced back to my own natal chart with my natal Venus trining my natal Neptune, and the lessons surrounding idealizing and romanticizing first, illusions breaking second.

I’m hyper aware of how this feels on the receiving end because I have had partners do the same to me. Where you are up on a pedestal for a few months, and then as soon as you show you’re a real person with thoughts and emotions that aren’t always light and fluffy, the fairytale breaks, and they are disappointed with who you actually are. The realness of you appears to be a let down from the idealized version of you.

I have been on both ends of this experience, and that’s karma for you. Karma isn’t inherently good or bad, it’s more cause and effect than anything.

And I’m not sure if it’s being Saturn dominant or if everyone can relate to the experience of finding themselves on the receiving end of how they’ve once made someone feel... or even just being in a situation that makes you go “huh, interesting, I can see that person’s perspective now and understand why they reacted/acted that way.”

That has been this deeper understanding of Neptune integrating.

Seeing where my own personal lesson is to ground into reality and not escape into fantasy and fairytale.

To see people for their realness, and not just idealizing an illusion or a dream.

That the fullness of human nature is part of intimacy and vulnerability.

That the harder/heavier aspects of ourselves (and others) are as deeply lovable as the lighter ones.

That the broad spectrum of every emotion has their place.

And that compatibility will always override chemistry and romanticizing to form something long and lasting.

Energy work is real, and there have been may studies surrounding the power of our mind.

And, in my personal experience, I spent years in therapy trying to “fix” an emotional state that was a byproduct of a physiological issue.

I would constantly tell my therapist that I wanted to return to who I was before. I wanted my fun, playful, lighthearted version of myself back.

And like most therapists, the feedback was that maybe this new version of me is who is here now. That my experiences, etc. have led to this different expression.

And while some of that may be true, I’ve found my joyful, playful, optimistic self again through healing systemic issues in my physical body.

What I thought was a mental health issue, was really a body one. I healed the body issues, and my confidence, self worth, and joy came back online.

The thought spirals calmed.

The catastrophizing subsided.

The replaying every interaction became something I no longer felt called to do.

All things that I had previously spent 5 years in therapy “working on” and “trying to fix.”

I’ve studied trauma for years. I firmly believe in the benefits of healing from trauma and resourcing safety in your body and nervous system. I see the ways EMDR and other somatic therapies can greatly improve quality of life and being able to navigate the world.

The body and mind are so intertwined that I never think healing one without the other is the answer.

And, my functional medicine journey for the past 9 months has shown me that you can only do so much nervous system regulation and trauma healing without also addressing your body.

If you have systemic, unaddressed infections in your body, your body will be in a constant state of fight or flight, no matter how long you hum or put your legs up the wall.

I felt crazy for the longest time utilizing every tool in my somatic tool belt and still feeling so activated, dysregulated, and hypervigilent.

Until I began to treat and heal the many different infections in my body, did things finally start to calm and return to baseline all on their own.

Only when I stopped eating IgG and IgA reactive foods, that were triggering an immune response in my body, did my hair stop falling out and my joy and confidence returned.

Only when I started to clear the mold, toxins, parabens, heavy metals, and pesticides did my nervous system begin to relax.

Only when I cleared candida overgrowth, clostridia, Ecoli and other infections did my sense of self-worth recalibrate.

Only when I addressed MCAs symptoms, did my mind stop spiraling and looping and catastrophizing everything that happened to me.

And as with anything, duality exists. It’s the both, and.

Does the physical manifestation cause the emotional response?

Does the emotional response perpetuate the physical illness?

They are so deeply connected; I don’t think they can be separated.

I’ll be sharing more about the psychological side and emotions each of these things have brought about for me.

But the loud awareness was that I couldn’t have made such great strides without also healing the physical components within my body.

I work with people often who are hitting wall after wall in their emotional healing journey that I can’t help but think there’s something systemic being unaddressed in their physical body.

Anxiety, depression, ADHD, OCD, and so many other mental has been linked to our gut health.

Recently they published a study where they found the exact bacteria out of balance that causes OCD.

Healing must be done in tandem with other modalities.

Nothing about our body is a single root cause, in my opinion. Thoughts, suppressed and rejected emotions, trauma, and our physiological functions all contribute to our overall wellness.

It’s so heavily interconnected and to heal one part we must heal another.

But you cannot solely think your way out of something deeper under the surface.

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The age of the Internet, of Myspace, early Facebook and Instagram, always was rooted in a place of sharing and connecting.

Our Instagram feed was the food we had for dinner, the walk we went on, the sunset.

It was a way for us to share about our day, stay connected to each other, and find inspiration (Pinterest + Tumblr).

And then, the age of performance took over.

As soon as Instagram learned they could make money from the platform, it’s like the energy of the platform itself changed.

Creators started monetizing and businesses began selling.

Everything became a performance.

Click bait that has now evolved into rage baiting to get people to view and engage with your video so you can make money has become way too much of the norm.

That now going on social media is exhausting and draining.

“Something I don’t hear people talking about…”

“I don’t know who needs to hear this”

has stolen our authenticity in sharing our thoughts and ideas.

I recently went on to Youtube, a platform I used to love and spend hours on, and I was quickly reminded why I stopped. A platform where the original “click bait” started. The amount of ads throughout videos and people using key phrases to get people to stay and watch started bleeding inauthenticity.

I think that’s why we have all become so burnt out with social media.

And, I get it. I’m a business owner, and social media for the longest time was where I got most of my business from.

I don’t fault these creators. They followed trends and did what they needed to do to make a living. We all have to pay our bills somehow.

AND

The lack of authenticity and overly consumption based/capitalist approach, in my opinion, is what ruined social media.

Social media used to be a place we could share.

We had Xanga and Live Journals putting our innermost thoughts out on the Internet for all to read (and why I think Substack has so much traction now).

We shared Facebook photo dumps of 200+ photos of our weekends, never caring if it was too much or aesthetically pleasing. They were our memories, and I’m so grateful I have so much documentation of my 20s.

We followed people on Instagram who posted cute little photos of their tea, or their book, or the yarn weaving they made.

It was rooted in this desire to share and inspire, not a desire to perform and/or receive validation.

And I think that’s what we’re all truly missing and craving. The authenticity that social media once had.

The connection and community and ability to learn from and be inspired by others, not sold to.

Late stage capitalism has created this giant wall and barrier between us all in some way or another. And while I can identify the problem, I can’t yet see the solution.

Even I have often thought that Little Moon should be a 3rd space, not something hidden behind a pay wall. It’s something that we all deeply need and rent in Denver is expensive.

We’ve become so highly individualistic and separate, but yet, we’re all craving depth and community.

I know people working 3-5 jobs just in order to afford this city and be semi-comfortable. The time it takes to maintain healthy, deep connections, people just don’t have time or energy stores for.

It’s a broken system, not an individual failure.

But it’s really crazy to have lived since 2006 Facebook. To watch the rise and fall of so many different platforms. And to see how most of them have been destroyed by greed and/or inauthenticity.

So many people reflect on Instagram being ruined the second it tried being like other platforms.

I remember when they introduced DMs, and a lot of people hated it. People thought stories were weird at first, and questioned “why would I want to know what someone is doing every second of the day.” And now stories are pretty much the only feature that people still regularly use.

Evolution of platforms and businesses will always occur. People will stay, and people will go.

And, there is a deeper trait that used to naturally be infused in all that we did that seems to be more hidden nowadays. And in my opinion, it’s authenticity and a desire to share vulnerably and openly.

That’s why I think circles have had such longevity as a part of my business model.

People desire to share.

They desire to be seen, heard, and held.

They want to talk about their thoughts and feelings and have people listen and reflect back – instead of hitting the deafening silence that social media has become.

And this is also why I’ve shifted back to writing on the blog, no longer caring about likes or if what I write brings me leads for coaching… just sharing because I, too, love sharing and communing with others.

I love hearing people’s thoughts and ideas and talking about subjects that don’t necessarily have answers, hypothesizing and reflecting.

Sharing on Instagram subconsciously became a performance for me too. Writing became a tool for teaching, yes, but also for trying to convert.

I’ve written since I was 12 years old. It’s not why I write, and it probably wreaked of inauthenticity.

Social media also took a turn during Covid.

It was once a place where we could continue to connect, in between connecting in person.

And during lockdown, it became our only outlet for connection, thus creating a lasting pattern that for some, replaced actual in-person community and connection.

The lasting impacts from Covid have been crazy to witness, but that’s another conversation for another time.

I feel like awareness is often the precursor to true change.

If anything, I hope this awareness lights a fire for us to a return to true connection, regardless of the method.

It explains why you may have ease in flow in one area of your life, and once you moved, that same area became stalled or vice versa.

And like all things with Astrology, there is nuance and depth to each tool.

Looking at your lines on Astro.com can be so validating and helpful to understanding you experiences. It’s a great introduction to Astrocartography for those who have never heard of it before.

AND, it doesn’t capture the complete picture.

I’ve had many people share that they don’t have lines in a place that felt really hard.

Or they felt called to a place that felt like home that had “nothing on the map.”

And, I wanted to briefly share why that may be.

Paran & Other Lines

Here is my Astro.com Map of Orlando, Fl., a place I lived for 12 years and felt very drawn and called to. A place where my closest major line is over 700 miles away, in Kansas.

For the longest time, I thought because I had no lines there, it was more peaceful, creating more ease from not having activation. And while there can be some truth to this, it’s more nuanced and layered than that.

Here is my complete detailed map of Orlando, Fl.

Paran lines, geodetic lines and local space lines are other types of lines often not shown on public database style maps.

Astro.com touches on them in the descriptions, but the distancing, etc. is not accurately reflected in my opinion.

You often aren’t able to see asteroids and other points that will have equal influence to your experience in a place.

For example, living on a Lilith line is going to have a pretty major impact and did in my personal experience in Atlanta/Orlando.

Relocation Charts

Then, you also have to consider your relocation chart. Often when you move or visit a new location, the position of your planets shift in your relocation chart.

Meaning, if you have a 10th house Sun in your natal chart and you move, your Sun will then shift into a different house, for example, into the 11th house.

Your natal chart always trumps all, and your 10th house Sun is still “stronger” and more prominent than your relocated Sun, but your experience and how the energy is focused/expressed will take on a new form.

For example, I have Mars in the 11th house in my natal chart, and that is seen through my desire, passion, drive and focus I have towards friendship, community, humanitarianism, and my hopes/dreams/aspirations. That part of me never changes, but I have lived with a relocated Mars in the 12th house since I was 5.

I assumed that the slower (what feels lazy), more inward expression of my energy was just who I am…. until I spent time in a location where my relocated Mars shifted into my 1st house.

It’s like I woke up… my energy was reignited, and I was shocked about how much I accomplished in a day.

When moving from Orlando, I also shifted from having my natal Saturn Retrograde in my 6th house to my 7th, and I noticed so much more ease within my routines and habits after it moved out of my 6th. It didn’t feel like I was fighting as much of an uphill battle finding my daily rhythms.

But, my 1:1 relationships took on a more serious tone in this new place. Discernment became paramount, and my standards became un-ignorable. My circle got smaller, and quality over quantity took precedence.

These are some of the examples of the depth a relocation reading holds.

Paran Line Influence

Also including paran, geodetic, and local space lines is very important for a complete picture.

If I look to a place like New York, my relocation chart is restored to my natal chart, and I have what appears to be an “unaffected” map with no lines.

But, this ignores my Moon/Chiron and Chiron /MC paran lines that go right through it.

Without this knowledge, I wouldn’t understand why I feel so lonely, separate, and emotionally sensitive when I’m there.

Is it a place for healing? Yes, absolutely, but it will also bring wounds to the surface to be healed more than other locations (wounds that are intertwined with my work/public image/reputation [MC] and my emotions [Moon]), which can often feel deeply uncomfortable depending on where you are in your Chiron journey. New York may be deeply healing and transformative over time, but the journey there may not be fun or playful.

Shifting Self-Blame & Shame

I often find not having a complete picture or understanding of why something may be is when a lot of people turn energy inward and blame/shame themselves.

They think there’s something wrong with them or how they’re presenting themselves is creating their experience.

And while this is part of the picture and everything can be affected by energy expression, the energy is also impacted by the influence lines have on a place.

So being on a Moon/Chiron paran line, you may be presenting yourself as less confident because your wounding takes center stage and colors your emotional lens, and people may pick up on that.

Or, you may take rejection more personally than you would in other locations, thus causing you to shut down and creating a suppression of self in putting yourself out there, etc.

Cause and effect can often not be separated out.

There is a chicken or the egg effect that I see when it comes to how energy is expressed in places.

Is it you? Is it the line/place? It’s often both, as we are just energy expressions ourselves.

If you think about a radio, a receiver, an antenna, there are so many factors that play into how the signal transmutes.

The lines don’t cause your experience (fully).

Fate and free will always intertwine.

But, there is a level of your perception, your energy, your relationship to your experiences and the experiences that occur that can then shift how you show up in locations.

I say this to empower you that you have choice and agency over your life.

How you view reality and your perception of your experiences create a ripple effect.

And, living on hard lines can bring about harder experiences. It’s the both, and.

Just like living on positive more beneficial lines often feel more warm and expansive.

Validation From Deeper Understanding

For me, it was a complete exhale to learn I’ve been living on a Saturn IC geodetic line (one that never showed on my Astro.com map). I’ve experienced non-stop BIG home repairs since moving in that I could not wrap my head around.

I lived in my home for years in Orlando and all it ever needed was a new AC.

And then moving here, into a renovated home (thinking oh it’s renovated it will mitigate having any of the crazy issues of an older home) and then each year brought about another large home repair.

Once I saw the Saturn IC geodetic, I was like no freaking wonder… that makes so much sense and completely validated my experience of why it’s felt so much harder here to own than previously.

I was blaming myself thinking my capacity was not what it “should” be for home ownership. And that I couldn’t balance work, home, personal life in a way that others could… a way that felt somewhat effortless in Orlando.

Only to learn that Saturn’s lessons in restriction, responsibility, limitation, sense of security, isolation and honestly… depression came to the surface via my home life.

Now, there are many positive takeaways from Saturn on the IC as well, but the point is the validation it brought me as to why things have felt so different from one location from another.

This is why self-exploration and learning is so helpful. The ability of the internet has to help you learn more about new topics. But also, working alongside those who are able to read your chart more in depth can deepen the understanding and validation of your experience.

Prioritize Intuition

Above all, I recommend Astrocartography readings where you can understand the intricate nature of your chart, but with the caveat of looking at locations in hindsight or retrospect (or where you’re currently living to maximize the lessons/opportunities).

I am a firm believer in intuition and “fate.”

I believe our soul knows where and when we are meant to go to certain locations (even for vacations).

And that our rational, logical brain can stand in the way of our lessons and blessings.

I often share about how I learned about Astrocartography on the plane moving here. And if I had known about my Astrocartography here, I would have never moved.

AND this place has transformed me in a way I could have never accessed or experienced in another location.

The lessons (while hard) had a larger purpose in my evolution.

The healing that has happened on my Chiron line (while painful) has been transformative. I no longer operate from a wounded place in a lot of my dealings with life and others. I have been able to access healing modalities that I’m not sure I would have sought out in another location.

I would have never logically chosen moving to this place if I knew what it had in store.

I would’ve wanted to side-step the karmic lessons because I would’ve been able to sense the level of intensity they held.

But, I’m a completely different person now.

A person that I am beyond grateful to be able to access.

So, when it comes to Astrocartography, I love doing readings to help validate your experience

AND

I will always encourage you to trust yourself and your intuition when making decisions to move and travel.

You never know what a “hard” location has in store for you, and it’s often what you are needing.

You will also hear my say to leave room for “escape.”

If a location becomes too hard for you, honor that.

You have agency, always.

You are allowed to move off a Pluto, Saturn, Chiron line if it becomes too much.**

You’re allowed to want to go to places that feel more like home, places that are easier.

You don’t have to suffer.

But if your soul is calling you to a location, there is often a reason and purpose (or multiple), and the best thing you can do for yourself is to test/try it out.

** I understand that being able to move and relocate is a privilege not everyone has given many reasons, resources, and circumstances.**