For many years, my life was just the opposite of that.

Like a ball of yarn or string that the cat got ahold of while I was away, life had become an intricately tangled mess of choices and foolish decisions I’d made through the years that had become so tightly wrapped and knotted to each other that you couldn't tell where one stopped and the other began.

This is the story of how God took that time and that impossible mess I’d gotten myself into, and He untangled it…

In an instant.

My ambition had gotten the best of me. I was doing too much. I had too many employees working for me — with me. Too many salaries to pay. Too many things to manage.

I had too much vision. Or maybe no real vision at all. We were launching a new App, filming a songwriter TV series every month in the barn, hosting homesteading classes, promoting other people’s concerts at the concert hall, selling our beef, pork and chicken from the farm, and of course, we were putting on a huge festival every June. And we were doing much of it poorly.

On the outside, my life probably looked okay… things were happening, and some of it was good — very good, which you would think was positive. But lots of movement in lots of different directions at the same time, means you’re not going anywhere. I was stuck in a very difficult situation of my own making, and I knew it.

My bank account and finances were hemorrhaging. Many of the relationships I had were strained to their maximum, if not already broken. Nothing was working. And I couldn’t see any way out of it. I wasn’t running a business… the half-a-dozen or more business endeavors I had begun were running me, absolutely ragged.

Behind it all was a desire not to hurt anybody. It had been my decisions — the good ones and the bad — that had gotten us here, and they were counting on me to fix it. And I didn’t want to let them down. But as it often happens, in our effort not to hurt the ones we love… in the long run, we actually hurt them even more.

And so I just kept going. I just kept doing my best to push forward and believe that everything would work out okay — even though I knew well that it wouldn’t.

It couldn’t.

Around the same time that all that was happening, through some friends I had met over the last couple of years, I began to see glimpses of a different and much better vision; one that wasn’t mine, or even theirs. I met men and women who were living for God in a completely different way than the rest of us were. Integrating their faith into every aspect of their lives and of their families. I saw how they handled ambition, and conflict, and how love — for God and each other — was at the root of every single step they take and decision they make, and I saw the fruit that was coming from that extraodinary love they were giving, and life they were living.

And I became excited about the possibility of being part of a different culture than the one my family and I were immersed in. Of ‘dropping my nets’ and following Him. But as encouraged as I was, I had no idea how I could make the radical turns that I knew were needed — not just in my business, but in my life. My life, and my work in particular, had become such a jumbled mess that I thought there was no possible way to untangle the ‘nets’ I’ve been carrying around.

But in faith, I began making strides towards this new vision — towards truly living for God. Instead of seeking a way out of the mess I’d created, I began to just seek Him — day by day and moment by moment. And over the next couple of months, my fear began to subside and my hope grew. I continued to trust that if I would keep stepping forward, God would show me the way.

I took the next step of obedience that God put in front of me, and then the next one. By the following summer in Montana I was baptized. And then a few days later, I took the next one, Rebecca and I got married.

Over those next couple of weeks while we were gone, all the plates I had been spinning for the last couple of years in Tennessee came crashing to the ground. But instead of coming home to the interconnected, seemingly impossible problems I’d left a few weeks before, I came home to a solution. Again, one that wasn’t mine.

One afternoon right after returning, everyone who worked for me sat me down on the porch of the office and said they had all decided to go different directions, and in a few weeks they would no longer be working for me.

I was floored.

Not because I was heartbroken that they were making a change and going and doing other things — but because I knew it needed to happen but I couldn’t figure out how, and instead, they did.

Actually, He did.

God made a way, when there was none.

For some of them, it was out of concern for me, because they could see the writing on the wall. This was no longer sustainable, and they didn’t want to put the burden on me any longer. But for the others, it was something different. My steps of faith were their last straw.

They excused themselves, not just from their place of employment, but from my life. They would in a short time let me know how unhappy they’d been for years, how much they despised me, and a number of other choice things that had evidently been building up for decades.

Did it hurt? Yes. Does it still? Absolutely.

All I could do at the time was apologize and say “I’m so sorry”. I didn’t lash back. Didn’t stand up for myself or tell them they were wrong or try to make them see the errors of their ways. None of that mattered to me. God had untangled in an instant what I couldn’t — or more likely, didn’t have the courage to — but knew for years needed to happen.

It has been a couple years since then and I hear they’re doing great and so much happier in their new life and the work they’re doing, and I’m happy for them. I truly am. I wish them only joy and happiness. My prayer is that in time, our relationship will be restored.

But I’m also thankful. When there’s that much baggage and hurt, sometimes the only thing that will fix it — if it’s even repairable at all — is time.

We are happier too. Rebecca and Indiana and I. So, so much. And although that untangling cost us some friendships, thankfully some of the original folks are still in our lives — still right beside us on this new journey we’re on — even if they don’t completely understand it. We don’t see them as often as we used to, but our relationships together and our love and respect for each other has grown ten-fold.

I’m also thankful that God has a plan. And that no matter what a knotted-up, tangled mess we make of our lives, He knows which string to pull in our hearts, so that we will focus on Him and Him alone. So He can begin to rebuild our lives, according to His blueprint.

The last couple of years at the farm have been a quiet time for us. There’s been no new plans. No new vision unfolding. You might say that since the great untangling, I’ve had no ambition… at least no real personal ambition. I know too well where that leads. Instead, my plan for our farm and our future and our gifts has been to steward well what He’s already given us. To simplify our lives and to do a better job of caring for what we already have. And with all of our hearts to seek His plan. And little by little, He has been revealing it to Rebecca and I.

Over the last few months though, a different vision for the farm and the future has come into view that our family is very excited about — again one that isn’t mine, and was nowhere even on the horizon a couple of years ago.

I’m more hopeful than ever to see what’s in store. Mostly because I don’t have my hand on the wheel anymore. He’s got the reins, and this journey we call life is just now starting to get really, really fun!

What about you?

Have you made a mess of your life? Or if you’re more honest, maybe like me, you are the mess. Perhaps even though you are the one who got you into it… you’re not qualified to get yourself out. There’s really only one way, and that’s not to try to fix it. It’s to give it to Him.

To pray and ask God — not to untangle your mess — but to show you what the next step is to be faithful and obedient to Him. And when He shows you, don’t think — just start walking toward Him. Let Him make right what you cannot.

Your mess might end up still being a little messy when it comes undone. But if He’s the one who untangles it, it’s going to lead to peace, and to a deeper love for Him, for your family, and for the ones you’re having a hard time loving right now.

One last thought

God doesn’t want to fix our lives. He wants us to give our lives to Him.

He patiently waits for us — letting us have our way, until alas… we give him not just our problems, but our hearts and our whole life.

Support RORY’S WRITING

Thank you for taking the time to read this story. If Living For God is an encouragement to you, please consider supporting Rory’s writing and ministry by giving a financial donation of any amount.

GIVE YOUR SUPPORT

Perhaps the first one didn’t take. Or the second.

Or maybe the place where it happened wasn’t right, or I didn’t respond with the correct words before holding my breath. Whatever it was twenty-something years ago, I went down into the water one man, and I came back up pretty much the exact same one. Maybe a little cleaner on the outside, but I sure didn’t feel much different inside.

I wanted to.

I told myself that everything was different. But to be honest, it wasn’t.

It had taken place in the baptistry of a church building just south of Nashville that a friend of mine was pastoring. I had been attending a wonderful Bible study he led for a few years and seeking God, but like always… at my own pace. I desperately wanted Him to change my life, but I thought it would happen supernaturally. Expecting a brick to hit me in the head, and me to be forever changed - that the Lord would do something unexpected that would knock some Godly sense into me.

During that season, there is no doubt that God was doing a work in my heart, or at least beginning to. He was drawing me nearer to Him. And I was walking toward the light. A few steps into it, I was baptized.

Saved. Born again. Made new — I know baptism means different things to different people, especially to different churches and denominations. But I didn’t necessarily feel saved, or re-born new.

“What happens now?”, I thought.

The next step was to go forth and live a Godly life. I couldn’t help but wonder… “But how? I’ve tried and it never seems to work.”

I would, in time, come to the conclusion that baptism was perhaps instead, an opportunity to be given a brick to hit myself in the head with whenever I was straying from the narrow path. It seemed that yes, God was going to change me, but He was going to use my hands and feet to do it. And it was going to be a very long and very gradual process.

And in that process over the next few years, He did begin to change me. While I fixed up our old farmhouse in the early 2000s, He patiently worked on me. Turning jealousies into trust. Faith into obedience… at least the beginning of it.

Later, I would come to conclude that perhaps Jesus was inside of me all the time, but I just didn’t know it — that we all have Him in us already. And maybe we just have to accept Him.

Outwardly, I would’ve said that I had found him. But on the inside, it felt like I was only experiencing part of Him. A portion. Perhaps I’d been partly converted — ‘somewhat’ saved. I was clearly better than I had been. Much, actually. But still a long way from being completely transformed, and a brand new creature in Christ.

The next two decades and the work He was doing inside, or walking alongside me, produced a great amount of peace in some very difficult times. And also some good fruit. But not the abundant fruit and life I was longing for. Not the kind I’d read about in the Bible, and was imagining in my heart.

To be transparent… that was my second baptism (not counting my Catholic sprinkling at birth — that’s a whole different story). In Dallas, a half dozen or more years before, I had been dunked in a swimming pool, along with a dozen other new believers.

In a box somewhere in storage, I still have the little blue towel they gave me to remember the first moment I was saved.

And though I do remember the towel, again I don’t really remember experiencing much of any change, or real fruit. The many sins I went down in the water to have washed clean were still there — drinking, sleeping around, living for myself — and just as active as before. Maybe more so.

Perhaps I needed a bigger towel?

Fast forward twenty five years to Greycliff, Montana in July of 2024, and by the time I was standing on that river bank, I knew very well what this moment meant — and not just symbolically. I knew in my heart of hearts that I was about to be made completely new. Washed in the blood of a Savior who took on, and paid for my many sins… and coming back up like a newborn. A new child in Christ.

Earlier in that day I had been at my pastor Matt’s house with a couple of other brothers in the church. Matt had shared with me a number of scriptures and made it very clear what I was being baptized into. Then Howard, the oldest in the room asked… “Do you understand that this might cost you everything?”

Let that sink in for a minute.

In the last twenty-five years, not a single soul — inside or outside the church — had ever said that my faith was going to, or even needed to, cost me anything. Zilch. And here he was, making sure I knew that this next step could, and would more than likely, put into jeopardy, everything I had spent lifetime building.

A smile came across my face as I looked back at him.

“Yessir, I do”.

I knew that I had finally found something worth dying for. Worth giving my old life up and living a brand new life for. And I was more than ready.

When Rebecca and Indy and I got to the river bank that afternoon, there were dozens of people. Friends already gathered, singing songs, praying, worshiping and waiting for the life-changing moment that was about to happen.

And then, as I waded out into the water of the Yellowstone, just before I went under… a wind started blowing that wasn’t there a moment before. It wasn’t exactly a mighty rushing wind like the one described at Pentecost, but everyone there could feel His presence in it.

And then it happened.

For the first time.

Standing nearby on the shore, I would find out later… brother Howard leaned over and whispered something into Rebecca’s ear.

“This will not disappoint,” he said with a gentle smile.

It’s been a couple of years since then and I can say with authority — it absolutely has not. Have there been some trials since that day? Are we still in the midst of some of them? Were brother Howard’s words more than a little prophetic?

Yes, to all the above

But are we disappointed. Not in the least.

This is what I signed up for. What my wife has recently asked for too. Strangely, life has just started getting good. Since that day it has been a thousand times richer. The relationships around us so much stronger. And the peace, the hope and the joy in our hearts doesn’t just show up now and then. It stays. Through any and all trials.

Who knew that dying to ourselves is when we get to really start living? That life doesn’t stop when you hand the reigns over to Him, it begins!

What about you?

Have you been baptized, but have wondered if there’s something that you missed in the process? Do you feel like perhaps it didn’t take? Or maybe you’re like I was and are embarrassed to say that you’ve been dunked a couple of times, and still wonder inside if you’re ‘somewhat’ saved, or maybe even not-saved at all?

My guess is it’s probably not so much about the baptistry, or the river, or the place or the people you were with when you did it… it’s about you. Did you really, really know what it was you were about to do? Were you given the opportunity to not only understand what real repentance is, but the help and discipleship you needed to work through it? And afterwards, did you have a culture to be part of where your faith could flourish, and you could be surrounded by people who would walk beside you on the new, narrow path you’re on?

And maybe an even better question is… has your faith cost you anything? What I really mean, has it cost you everything? It cost Christ everything, and if He says, “If anyone wants to come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me.” Wouldn’t that seem like this following Him was going to be more than a little costly?

If you’re like me, what you’ve got is probably not a baptism problem. It’s a repentance issue. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. And so I couldn’t really do what I needed to do. But above all that, He couldn’t do what He came here to do, until I fully understood it. And how desperately I needed Him.

Maybe it’s time to start over. To take this first step. Pray that first honest prayer, one more time. “Lord, I give you everything that I have, everything I am, and everything that I’m ever going to be. Show me how to drop my nets and follow You, and You alone”.

One thing that’s clear is that when you are ready — when you’re absolutely certain that you’re ready to follow Christ with everything you have, and you make the decision. And you repent. When you really, really, really repent of your sins — not just of what you’ve done, but of who you were, and what you are — and you have gotten to the bottom and the core of that old man, or woman… Well then, and only then… when you do go down underneath the water, it is going to change you. He is going to change you.

And your faith will also begin to cost you. In ways perhaps you’ve never experienced before. But if you’re also like me, it won’t be negative, or in a bad sense. It will be in an exciting way. The new challenges you begin facing will become confirmation of the new and better narrow path you’re now walking down. The tears that roll down your cheeks will no longer be of sorrow, but of joy. From the realization that somehow — even though He knows everything about you — He finds you worthy of His love and of His grace. And that you get to participate in helping others experience the same thing.

Did I mention the Holy Spirit? Well, that’s a can of worms we’ll have to start opening, another time, and another blog.

* note to the reader: This post is in no way to get into a debate or argument about the steps of conversion. Or about which church or denomination does it the right way and who does it wrong. I am not qualified to speak on any of those things. This story is only to share an abbreviated version of the path that led me to a true repentance and baptism that changed everything. It’s my experience. Perhaps yours has been totally different. Amen.

We’re all on a journey. This blog is meant to share mine.

Support RORY’S WRITING

Thank you for taking the time to read this story. If Living For God is an encouragement to you, please consider supporting Rory’s writing and ministry by giving a financial donation of any amount.`

GIVE YOUR SUPPPORT

It was still fairly early in the beginning of my journey to live for God, when I asked Him to reveal to me what — if anything, I have been withholding from Him. I’m not sure what answer I thought I’d get, or how long I thought it might take to get one, but His response was almost immediate.

We were going to a make-shift church service that was happening in the big red barn at our farm. Some neighbors and family had been gathering on Sundays to watch and listen to a live-stream from World Outreach, a mega church in middle Tennessee an hour or so down the road.

There were only a dozen or so people there, and when I walked in with Rebecca and Indiana, the music had already started on the big screen. I looked for our usual seats in the back, but they were filled, and also the next row. The only thing open was at the front. And my first thought was, “I’m not a front row kind of guy”, and then I felt a gentle hand upon me, and a quiet voice say, “…not even for Me?”

I squirmed a bit and then found us a spot in the front. A few moments later the worship leader on the screen told everyone in the congregation to rise up out of their seats for the next song.

I didn’t stand up, and I wasn’t about to.

I wasn’t in their sanctuary. I was in my barn and this wasn’t even a real church service. My pride bowed up, even though the folks around me, including my soon-to-be wife and daughter stood up and began singing without giving it a second thought. And then there was that voice again, “…you won't stand up, even for Me”

Okay, okay. So I stood up and sang along.

And then the guy on the microphone on the TV said, let’s all raise our hands in the air while we worship, and that — That! was going too far. I’m definitely not the pentecostal, whooping and hollering, hand-raising kind of Christian, I’m more of the…

And then I heard it again, “…I died for you, and you won’t raise up your hands for Me?”

I’d like to tell you that my hands shot in the air. But they didn’t. I would keep my hands to myself most of the Summer and Fall that followed. Once in a while, occasionally lifting one a bit, maybe even both of them -- testing the waters. Then quickly bringing them back down again. Hoping that no one noticed.

In time, I would make myself raise my hands in some of the worship services we attended. No so much because I felt it, but mostly because I felt like I should. That I should be willing to raise my hands, even if I didn’t want to.

And so I did. And after a while, it got a little bit easier, but not much. I remember a time a good while later, when we were sitting on our couch at the farmhouse with another couple from our church, who I’m sure noticed how difficult it was for me (and honestly for Rebecca too at the time) to raise our hands in the air in the worship we’d all just been to.

I don’t remember what exactly we were talking about, but I do remember him saying, “Do you know what the universal sign of surrender is?”.

Now I’m a big history buff and so I really thought about it, but didn’t know what the answer was.

“I don’t know — what?”

He raised his hands in the air.

It almost took my breath away.

My friend didn’t have to say anything else, I understood what my problem was, and it had nothing to do with my hands.

It was my heart.

I was still checking things off my ‘Surrender’d list’, and it had been going pretty well.

Give up alcohol… check. Your love for old cars…. check. Your need to dress and look and be different… check. And a dozen other pride and ego-driven things that God had been convicted me to come to terms with (another story I’ll share sometime soon).

But God isn’t look for a completed checklist. He’s looking for completely surrendered heart and life.

Sitting on that couch, I knew exactly why it was so hard for me. I had no problem surrendering things — stuff. Behaviors. Plans, even my Gifts. But surrendering All?… that was a step I had yet to take.

That night as I lay in bed, I prayed for forgiveness and I raised up my heart and asked God to please take it, all of it. And to give me a new one. One that could care less what people think. What I think. One that only cares and thinks about Him and how I can get closer and experience more of His grace.

I’ve never really had a problem putting my hands in the air since then. Most Sunday mornings or in small group meetings when we’re singing, both Rebecca and I will barely make it into the first chorus of the first song before both of our hands are in the air.

Yes, we’re worshiping. And we feel it deeply. But it’s more than that. Every Sunday and every service and every song is another opportunity to look up to Heaven and say “Lord, I surrender all. I surrender everything I have, everything I am, and everything I’m ever going to be!”

Giving all to God is the least I can do for all that He’s done for me.

What about you?

Do you have a hard time raising your hands in worship? Have you bought the lie that “It’s just not your style” or “You’re just an introvert” or the dozens of other excuses we tell ourselves?

Perhaps it’s because you have more to surrender?

I came to understand that even though they seem like they’re along way from each other… my hands were intricately connected to my heart.

Whether we realize it or not, our pride and our ego has a death grip on our hands. And also on our feet. They not only keep us from raising our hands in worship, they keep us from taking the bold steps of faith that God is calling each of us to take.

We don’t want to let go. We desperately need to remain in control at all times. Subconsciously we’re afraid that if we let ourselves go, something bad might happen. In many ways, our lack of surrender is just self preservation. What if God wrecks our life? What will happen?

But in the book of Matthew, Christ said, “Whoever loses their life for My sake will find it”. And I’m here to tell you that that voice in your head telling you not to step out on faith is just the devil holding your captive. He knows how free you’re going to be when you give God your hands and your feet — you might give him your heart, and then your life. And then, well… he would lose his grip on you. And he will do anything to keep you riding the fence - half way on the path to God, but still within his reach.

He is the one who binds our hands, and our hearts. Because he knows when we give Christ everything and come into the presence of God, Satan is done for.

Don’t be afraid. Ask God what it is that you’re still withholding from him? Is it your hands? Your marriage? Your secret sin? Your job? Your kids? Your past, or your future? If you’re like me, it’s a hundred things. But when you look a little closer and get a little more honest, it’s only one.

You have to put your hands in the air and surrender to Him. Completely.

Once you do that, ALL the rest will follow.

Support RORY’S WRITING

Thank you for taking the time to read this story. If Living For God is an encouragement to you, please consider supporting Rory’s writing and ministry by giving a financial donation of any amount.

GIVE YOUR SUPPORT

I’m not a conspiracy theory guy. I never really have been. But back in Tennessee I know quite a few folks who are, or who sure seem to be.

They are convinced that the earth is flat. That we never walked on the moon. The government is behind JFK’s assassination. UFOs already exist, and a dozen other deep-dives that their minds have taken, or more-likely - the internet has taken them on.

I’m not sure I have an opinion about any of those things. But I’ve got a theory about something that’s been going on around here, a little closer to home.

It happened while we weren’t there, but it happened just the same. And the strangest part of it, is that it keeps happening.

For the last six months while we’ve been here in Texas, whenever we travel and are gone for a few days or more. Things seem to get done that we didn’t do.

Our yard gets mowed. The house gets cleaned. Our fridge gets stocked with food. And we often find fresh bouquets of flowers on the counter and un-signed notes on the doors, that weren’t there when we left.

The first time it happened, I called the neighbor and thanked him for mowing the lawn while we were gone.

“As much as I’d like to take credit for it”, he said with a smile, “it wasn’t me”.

So I tried a teenage neighbor down the lane. Same thing. “I was going to do it” he said, “but before I got there, it had already been done”.

Surely then, it was brother Dennis — an older gentlemen who recently built a new house just around the corner and is always out on his tractor or mower, making his new place look nice and tidy.

“It wasn’t me” he said, with an even bigger smile. Like it was true, but he also knew something I didn’t.

I began to push him and a few other folks a little harder to figure out what was happening and why no one was talking about it. They just kept smiling and saying “wasn’t me!”.

But after seeing it happen again and again for months on end, I have a theory of who it is that’s doing it…

Jesus.

Not Him exactly, but the hands and feet down here on earth that He uses to love people. Whoever it was, did it because it was the right thing to do. He or she - or they - saw a need, and they filled it.

And they keep filling it.

It’s become clear that it’s not somebody here in particular… it’s everybody here at Homestead. It’s how they think and how they live. And more than that, it’s how they love.

It’s a conspiracy of care.

That’s the only way I know to explain it.

The amazing thing is, it doesn’t just happen when we’re away. And it doesn’t just happen to us. It happens all around, us all the time.

This synchronized love is like one of those strange phenomenons that no-one can explain. Like what happens with the fireflies in eastern Tennessee, how in the evenings in a particular area, all the lightning bugs light up at exactly the same time, again and again. In perfect synchronization with each other.

That’s what it’s like — people giving without anyone ever asking for it. Everyone at the same time. With no one and nothing coordinating it, except love.

And I’ve also come to realize that it’s not happening because we’re special. It’s happening because they are. It’s just part of the culture here in the community and the church. Constantly serving and giving to others is what everyone here grows up around, and it’s what they know. It’s not something they do, it’s something they are.

Like all communities, there’s a bit of a rumor mill here. But this one also shares information on who needs something — a ride to the store or help with their kids, work done on their house or yard, financial assistance, and especially those who are needing prayer.

As I mentioned, we’ve been here for a several months now, and I think I’ve figured out some of the folks who are responsible for the hit-and-run love that we’ve been receiving, but I’m not 100% positive. And I think the reason I can’t figure out who is doing what is another conspiracy in itself.

It’s also a conspiracy of cover-up.

They don’t want you to know. They don’t want to get the credit - that’s probably more the case. I think because if they get credit, it isn’t love, in the truest sense. They want to be a blessing and to get credit for the blessing, somehow takes some of the magic away from it.

It’s an incredible thing, this conspiracy of care and of credit.

I am not a young man. I’ve been around a good while, and lived in a lot of places and met a lot of people, but I have never experienced anything quite like it.

It has a way of pulling you and everyone around you into it.

Earlier this week, Rebecca and Indy entered into the intrigue — I can’t tell you the details, or it would ruin it — but let’s just say they made and did some very sweet things for some folks who have been away from their house for awhile — to make them feel loved upon their return. And though I feel certain it was a blessing for that family when they got home… it was probably no where near the blessing that it was for mine. The sheer joy it brought to Rebecca and Indy to think that they were getting to participate in bringing joy to others was just beautiful.

Perhaps we should all join in on this conspiracy of love.

Lord, bring me in on it. Make me an instrument of your love and mercy. Show me how to serve, and how to give, in ways I’ve never even imagined were possible. Use my hands, my feet, my gifts and my life to show someone else how much you love them.

Amen.

Support RORY’S WRITING

Thank you for taking the time to read this story. If Living For God is an encouragement to you, please consider supporting Rory’s writing and ministry by giving a financial donation of any amount.

GIVE YOUR SUPPORT

And you stopped holding back, and you gave God everything? If you dropped all your nets and heeded His call to pick up your cross daily, and follow Him — what would your life look like?

What would it cost you? What in your life would change?

Would it bring a level of peace and joy that you’ve never known before? Or would it throw your family and your life into complete and utter chaos?

This publication and blog is one answer to that question and many others. It is an effort to capture and share what happens when someone goes all in, and begins giving, and living, their lives completely for God, instead of for themselves.

What would happen if began truly living for God?

That question haunted me for years.

Being a Christian already, even fairly well known for my faith, but feeling like there was more — much more than I was experiencing — made it even more confusing. I had accepted Christ into my life twenty-something years ago and been baptized and knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that He was walking with me, especially during the difficult times.

But as I continued to live and pray and read the scriptures, I began to see that though He was clearly with me, He was not yet in me. And in my heart of hearts I knew that there was a deeper level of surrender that God was calling me to. One that I didn’t even know how to do. Mostly because up until the last couple of years, I’d never even seen before in another person, or in a people.

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t unhappy. My life was actually very good in many ways. Clearly much better than it was before. And I was better than I was before. Overall, I was fairly content on the outside. I had gotten rid of a lot of bad habits, tried not to sin, and I tithed somewhat regularly. I spent some time in prayer, and felt a comfort in knowing that I was a child of God. But a part of me always felt like I was just going through the motions.

I wasn’t exactly sure what truly fully committing to Christ’s call to ‘take up my cross and follow Me” on a spiritual, and practical level, might actually even look like — but, I felt strongly that I instead, knew too well what it didn’t look like. It was going to take a dying to myself and to the seeking my own interest above any others. A complete and total turning around and living for Him, and that seemed not just hard, but almost impossible to even imagine. And yet, in the quiet places of my heart, I found myself imagining.

For years I pushed it off and rationalized reasons why not to take that next big step. One of the main ones being, I wasn’t really sure how, or where to begin. But I had been blessed with the opportunity to be around a number of people who had clearly given their lives to Christ, and I had seen with me own eyes, the incredible fruit that can come from completely living for God, and though I was still filled with fear, in 2023, I made the hardest and best decision of my life.

My surrender began with a prayer for humility, “Lord show me what I’ve not yet surrendered to you…”. Within days, the list of things He had me aware of was a page long. And I quickly realized that I was good at giving God everything… unless it was something I didn’t want to give.

And so the other half of the prayer was, “Help me Lord to finally and completely give those things and all of my life to You.’ And He did, and He continues too, still.

By the following Summer, I was in Montana being baptized in the Yellowstone river. That afternoon I knew that for the first time, the old selfish man in me had died beneath that water and a new man rose back up.

Something wasn’t just different…

Everything was.

Within days, the world my family and I were part of began to shake, then almost completely implode upon itself. And though it was an incredibly challenging time, I found myself excited about it. Before then, my faith had cost me nothing. And all of a sudden, it began to cost me nearly everything that had thought mattered to me. Online, my reputation was decimated. Close friends and even relatives all around me began to steer clear of me. From the outside it looked like I was in a free-fall. But I wasn’t falling... I was — for the first time — following Christ with everything I had. It was the beginning stage of me truly, for the first time — living for God.

Since then, to the world in some ways, it probably seems like my family and I have been on a roller-coaster (see my other blog for those stories), but to me and my wife, we have been having the time of our lives! The fruit that has already come from the choices and steps we’ve taken have been incredible. The peace I’ve found. The joy I’m experiencing. Finding a group of people who are walking the same walk, and a context to live out a life while living for God, has been absolutely game-changing.

I am not doing it perfectly, and I know I never will. But everyday I get the opportunity to learn anew just how amazing Christ is, and how fortunate and blessed I am.

I’m not a young man, and as a songwriter and author, I have been blessed to do and be part of many wonderful things. But this — especially the last couple of years — has been by far, the most meaningful story I’ve ever been part of, and the one I’m most excited about to share.

This publication and blog Living For God is my ongoing story of learning to truly live for Christ. It’s filled (or will be in time) with my experiences and the insights I’ve had, and am having, in real time. They are not meant to be yours. Nor is this blog meant to tell you what Living for God looks like in your life.

These stories and posts are hopefully — at best, an encouragement for you and for anyone out there to search their own hearts and take their own steps to truly begin living for God.

My radical turn from a life of living for myself to a life of following and living for Christ might look different from yours. But then again, perhaps there are some similarities. Maybe you’ve been looking for the same things I am, and I can be of some help, and who knows… maybe our paths will even cross somewhere along with way.

And so, what about you?

Wherever and whoever you are, thank you for reading and walking along with me on this journey. I hope that if nothing else, my search for answers will prompt you to ask the most important question you’re ever going to ask in your life.

What would happen if you began truly living for God?

When I say truly, I mean, “what if you completely and totally began living for God”, and here’s the real kicker, no longer living for yourself?

If you are anything like me, really Living For God is something you’ve been thinking about for a long time… wrestling with… hoping for… putting off, and at times you even rationalize that perhaps you already are, or maybe you don’t need to.

And yet, you’ve got this ache inside your heart that Living For God is what you want, and need to do, more than anything else in your life… but if you’re honest, you are probably just scared. Terrified of what it might mean. What might change. And what it might cost you? What would your family will think? Your friends?

And perhaps you’re asking, “What does living for God even mean? Is there even a right way or a wrong way. What exactly changes when you do?” These are all things I’m going to be processing out loud, and sharing in the coming weeks and months, and Lord willing, a good bit longer than that.

If nothing else, you can watch as someone else tries to do it, and perhaps something in my journey, might encourage you in yours.

Maybe also like me, you’ve been a Christian for a long time and you have felt God’s presence and you’re familiar with the Bible, although maybe you don’t know it well. Perhaps you have tasted some of the fruit and yet you are hoping for more…. much more.

Or maybe you’re not a Christian at all, but you are looking for meaning and purpose in your life, and are looking for real conviction and commitment to something bigger than yourself.

No matter where you are on your journey… welcome friend, I’m glad you’re here. But just know that my hope is that in you reading and following this blog, you won’t stay the way you are. As they say, “God loves us just as we are.. but too much to leave us just as we are.”

So go ahead and click SUBSCRIBE, and follow me, as I strive to learn what it means to truly follow Christ — as we together, learn to follow Him — the only one that any of us really need to be following in the first place.

Subscribe now

A little back story

My name is Rory Feek. I am a husband and father, who’s also a songwriter & author and has been blessed through the years to have some measure of success in both of those worlds. But I’m also just a regular person. A man looking for more than, well… more.

Besides writing about the spiritual journey I’m on, I write another sister blog/publication to this one called THIS LIFE I LIVE: one man’s extraordinary, ordinary life, where I have been writing and sharing stories about life, love, loss and in my case a certain amount of fame, since 2014. You can follow that publication/blog HERE.

LIVING FOR GOD © 2026 Red King Creative, LLC

SUPPORT RORY’S WRITING

Thank you for taking the time to read this story. If Living For God is an encouragement to you, please consider supporting Rory’s writing and ministry by giving a financial donation of any amount…

GIVE YOUR SUPPORT