I have to admit; it was more of a challenge to me. I’ve been struggling with burnout and although I love all of the great things that I get to do for work, I am exhausted and therefore my reactions to others have not always been kind. I haven’t always been kind to myself, recently, either.

But last week at Sunday School we had a guest speaker, Marisa Smucker. She is the executive director of Mennonite Mission Network. She spoke of the many opportunities in the program including mission work and service adventures.

She talked first about being a shoulder tapper. It was really about recognizing the good and pointing those out. Things like, “You’re a really great speaker. Have you ever thought about going into ministry?”

Smucker said it was about really seeing people.

It made me think of an older man that I had met a few days before. I had spent the morning running errands and trying to cross things off my “to do” list. I had stopped to have lunch at a Mexican restaurant and was sitting alone. I noticed an older gentleman who was also eating alone. I didn’t know him, but he seemed nervous. He had a hamburger and fries.

I thought about asking if I could join him, but I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable. Instead, I stopped at his table on my way out and asked how his hamburger was and made small talk. I wanted to be kind. I wanted him to feel seen. Our paths will likely not pass again, but the interaction left an impression on me.

“Sometimes it’s hard to see what is right in front of us,” Smucker said.

She went on to talk about peacemaking. Not the world’s peace, but God’s peace. She spoke of opportunities for pilgrimages in racial justice, immigration and living in solidarity with indigenous people. (Side note: I feel very called to do at least one of these experiences someday.)

Fast forward a week. The Sunday school lesson focused on God standing with us always and encouraging us. One of the study questions was, “Do you have a specific calling, challenging season, difficult relationship, or personal goal that feels daunting – a mission that God is calling you to?”

As we began worship, a responsive reading included a phrase that made me pause. “We come with our carefully constructed ideas about who matters, who belongs, and whose voice should be heard. And Jesus says, think again.”

It continued with “So today, we return to the basics. We are beloved, we belong to God, we do not have to earn our worth.”

That is something I needed to be reminded of today.

I believe that belonging is a core need for every one of us. We want to feel as if we belong, we matter, and we make a difference. Think about that for a moment.

Pastor Sarah shared three lessons she learned from her 91-year-old grandma who recently passed.

1. Everyone is special and deserves to be treated like it.

2. A true leader is a servant.

3. Put your full trust in God.

So, this week I’m asking you to think again. Think about really noticing everyone around you and being kind.

^{Dave took this photo of an abandoned building in Kansas. Although it has long been abandoned, he captured its beauty and the I love the detail in the sky. Do we really notice the details?}

Also, I have a new T-shirt. On the front it says, “You Matter” with a heart. But the real message is for anyone reading the back of the shirt. “To the person behind me: You are amazing, beautiful and enough. Remember that.”

One of my favorite t-shirt sites sells a reasonably price, high-quality product with Bible verses. Most have fun photos or catchy phrases. They send me an email every morning and sometimes a text in the middle of the day. I hardly ever purchase anything, but I love to look.

The new autumn tees are just coming out so there are photos of fall raccoons, pumpkins, Highland cows in colorful leaves and even some back-to-school prints. One of favorites is an image of a frog with a scarf and sunglasses, holding a coffee mug. “First of All, Jesus thinks I’m a delight,” is printed around the image.

Another one that makes me smile every time I see it has a row of ducks and under the image is “walking by faith tripping constantly.”

The emails always contain a short devotional. Something to think about as I start my chaotic days. I look forward to opening that email every morning and it often seems to apply to what is happening in my world.

Today’s devotional was entitled “Grace Restores.” The verse “But God, being rich in mercy because of the great love with which he loved us…” (Ephesians 2:4)

“Life can feel stitched together from broken plans, hard days, and unanswered prayers. Yet God sees the full picture. He takes what feels mismatched and makes it meaningful through His grace. Today, trust that no piece of your story is wasted when it rests in His hands.”

That is something I needed to be reminded of in every season.

Last week I purchased a grey shirt that says “Kindness is free. Sprinkle it everywhere.” Another that says, “Focus on the good.”

Sometimes it’s hard for me to keep my focus with everything that I have going on in my life and especially when I get so tired that I can’t remember my own name. (But most of the time a T-shirt or devotional will help remind me.)

Last week I needed a Facebook sticker with a picture of a cute Holstein calf. “Maybe living your best life just means slowing down enough to see how good it already is.” (Di Courtois)

I felt that deep in my soul on Saturday morning when I was standing in the middle of our herd. The grass is still plentiful, and the cows were having grain I brought while I was spraying their backs for flies, and the calves were watching me contently or playing. That is my happy place, and I feel like I need to do that more often.

^{My husband took this photo of me while he was helping me care for the cattle in the pasture.}

Another reminder of how good my life really is, came on Sunday morning at church. Pastor Josh spoke on Matthew 25:40. “Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me.”

“A good slogan for a coffee mug or stitched in a pillow. A good verse to put on a wall but a better verse to put into practice,” he said.

He spoke of seeing Jesus in every person in need and being kind to the most vulnerable.

I understand vulnerable. Every time I post my writing, I feel vulnerable. My writing is real and raw in a way that sometimes I worry that I will unintentionally offend someone.

Being kind is something that is deeply engrained in my ethical DNA and I have a life and gifts that allow me to be the person that I want to be. I get to do meaningful work with purpose, intent and kindness.

May you all be as blessed.

This week I challenge you to focus on what is good and right in the world and to always be kind.

^{Some might see a weed but as a photographer, my husband, Dave, sees and captures the beauty in this sunflower. Focus on the good.}

It was a day they had been dreaming of for months. Although their engagement began with his deployment with the Air Force in February, they chose July 18 as the day. While the two talked regularly, we weren’t sure he was going to be home for the date they planned.

The details of the special day have been completed in the last 50 days since he returned home.

As parents, we of course hoped the wedding would be everything they wanted.

I couldn’t help but think of Elyse as she grew into this beautiful young woman leading into this weekend and I recognized that before all of the planning for the future, there were years of praying.

I know as a young parent, I prayed for her health and safety. Specifically, I remember praying that she would sleep through the night, but God made me wait a long time before he answered that prayer.

Somehow those sleepless nights turned into years and before we knew it, she was a teenager. Then we were sleepless for other reasons.

We kept praying for her health, safety, and happiness as she became a young adult. As a parent, you want the best for your children and as she got older, we prayed for a Godly man that would be her partner throughout life.

I feel like God has asked me to wait a lot over the years. Things we planned for, hoped for and dreamt about didn’t always work out like we planned. But the fact is that only God knows the plan that he has for each of us.

Braxton and Elyse met while she was still healing from a broken relationship.

Before the ceremony on Saturday, I was privileged enough to hear the vows they had written. Neither of them had planned to find their forever love at that point in their lives, yet they both knew early in the relationship they had.

Braxton and Elyse exchanged vows they had written before the guests arrived for the ceremony.

After the brief wedding ceremony in his parent’s backyard, we had the reception in their air-conditioned shop building. A lot of people that loved them came together to celebrate with our families. It was perfect.

Braxton’s dad said it best, “They complete each other.”

One of the best parts of the weekend was spending time with my husband’s bonus mom. Grandma Vera lives near Des Moines, Iowa and was able to share in the special day and what a blessing it was. We made so many wonderful memories with family and friends over the weekend.

In the planning, the kids did a great job of honoring their grandparents who had passed and people who couldn’t be with us. So, there were a lot of big emotions, but overall …. Perfect.

I know that not every day will be perfect. They will encounter challenges, but I feel confident that they will pray through those and remember their vows on this special day.

During a random conversation after Braxton was home, Elyse said, “Mom, I know we are going to face hard days, but after this deployment, I know without a doubt that Braxton is my person.”

That is all I could want as a parent with an adult child.

I saw this quote and it seemed to fit. “Sometimes I wonder how many prayers God has already answered in ways I was too busy to notice. His faithfulness often shows up in the quietest moments of ordinary life.” (Unknown)

During the last weeks of summer, I hope you will see the special moments in the ordinary days.

I knew that the week was going to include some challenges. It was a four-day work week, but I had five days of work to fit into those days. I had stories to write, end of the grant year reporting to do, and cows that needed my attention. But I also knew I needed a break.

Photo: Fireworks display in a small town near us. It was incredible - over an hour of non-stop explosions. Loud, but incredible.

Additionally, our daughter, her fiancé, and our five-year-old grandson had planned a staycation in our backyard.

Photo: Elyse, Braxton and their dog, Colt.

To make the week even more of a challenge, I wasn’t sleeping well. Four hours a night was my average sleep time and yes, my anxiety was out of control by Wednesday.

Without a doubt I can blame it on the cows. Tuesday night we separated the last two cows that have not had a calf yet into their own lot. At that point, hostage negotiations began.

Since we had just put hay down that morning, of course the chance of precipitation to 100 percent. We decided to wait until the next day to open the gate to the small pasture for the twelve cows that complied and were caring for their calves.

It did not rain that night and the next morning I opened the gates, but when I returned that afternoon, they were no closer to going into the pasture than before. I racked up 3,000 steps trying to encourage those idiots to move into the pasture. After throwing my sorting stick a couple of times, I think I screamed, “Fine, I don’t care if you eat dirt!”

There were no apologies issued or accepted and by Thursday afternoon, they had found the pasture. Daphne, one of the cows in seclusion, finally agreed to the terms set before her and released a healthy bull calf. My grandson, Carter, named him Azul.

During the time Carter was with us we watched fireworks, ate more food than we should have and played several games of Taco vs. Burrito, a great card game he had brought with him. Alchemy.

Photo: Lucas and Carter relaxing. Carter knows about alchemy!

Friday, Saturday and the majority of Sunday I did nothing that could be considered productive and it felt wonderful. I was lazy and while I made three to four trips a day to check on the last terrorist who still hasn’t released her calf, I did a whole lot of nothing. A couple of the days, I even took a nap.

But yet, it was a special weekend. My brother and sister-in-law shared a meal with us and a lot of laughter.

I strolled through the flea market in Fairbury with my husband and son. (It’s a tradition I had with my dad for many years.) We bought a window that will be perfect in the kitchen. An ordinary Saturday morning, but special. Alchemy.

I was even able to spend some time watching television. A new season of one of my favorite Netflix shows just released.

There were several meaningful quotes, but the one that stuck out was a young man talking about some advice he had gotten. “Be curious rather than anxious. Hope for good things rather than bad. Ask “why not” instead of “what if,” Kyle shared.

During another conversation, an adult reminded a high school graduate known for her photography that she should be experiencing the moment, not recording it.

The next weeks are busy but I’m going to try to remember those pieces of advice and the idea of alchemy even in the challenges.

“I know that it might seem hard right now as you’re cleaning up dirt, but this time will be over way too soon,” I offered.

What I wouldn’t give to have my little boy again. And as I thought about it a little more on this Father’s Day weekend, I would love to celebrate the day with my dad again. Except life doesn’t work like that, does it? We can’t go back in time.

My youngest child will be 19 years old at the end of this week. I know that every aging parent asks this, but where did those years go and what was I doing that I didn’t notice he was growing so quickly?

Unfortunately, I know exactly what I was doing. I was working, striving and chasing my own dreams. More than likely, I spent a lot of those years trying to convince unappreciative cattle to get it together.

As an example, Saturday morning we moved the bigger part of the herd from the small pasture into the large pasture. Knowing that we were predicted to get a lot of rain on Saturday afternoon and evening, I didn’t want the calves to get caught up in the flooding that would likely occur in the small pasture. All they had to do was walk through a gate.

Most of them complied with the expectation of grain. The calves wanted to play and acted as if they couldn’t see the gate, however eventually fell in line with the rest of the herd.

With a new area to explore and beautiful green grass, I noticed the herd had roamed throughout the pasture. Except by the time I was on my way home and it was just beginning to rain, I noticed they were all pressed against the fence of the smaller pasture. Sometimes I wonder why cows aren’t smarter.

With a few cows that refuse to give birth and a few with younger calves, there are about a dozen that are still at home. One of the calves will for sure be lost in the pasture grass as soon as I let them out. Celedon, specifically, can’t seem to stay with the herd. Every single day I am looking for that calf.

Back to the more serious, Pastor Josh talked about “walking by the spirit” throughout his sermon. The Galatians 5:16 verse tells us, “Live by the Spirit, I say, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh.”

What does that mean?

“It’s not as much of a warning, as much as a promise,” Pastor Josh said. He went on to talk about a daily pattern of life and fruits of the spirit. Living with intention. It was a good sermon and left me thinking about how to apply the message to my life.

It was the prayer during sharing time that spoke to me the loudest.

“Lord, your spirit is present as a gift to those that are struggling. We pray for those in our congregation that are weary of trying. Meet them where they are today with the reminder today that your Spirit is not impressed with striving,” Pastor Josh said.

Maybe I can’t go back in time, but I can move forward with intention. Part of that for me is noticing even the smallest details when things are not going as I would have planned. For instance, beautiful weeds in the pasture. A butterfly. You get the idea.

May we all have the courage to walk by the spirit.

When he was first diagnosed, we traveled to Omaha to the University of Nebraska Medical Center regularly for appointments. We usually had lunch at Village Inn because they had a free piece of fruit pie with the meal on Wednesdays.

Every time we ate there, my dad would argue with the waitress that coconut was indeed a fruit and therefore, should be included in the free offer. He never won the argument, but he kept trying with a smile on his face. The memory makes me smile.

Some people who knew dad would say he was persistent...maybe even stubborn. I feel like I inherited that trait, however I like to call it tenacity. While the word itself sounds better, I don’t know that it is one of my best characteristics.

Let me tell you about Cayenne. He was a little bull calf that was born to Maris a couple of weeks ago. He was just a couple of days old when I spent two hours looking for him only to find him tucked in some big round bales. I established early on that Cayenne was not a genius.

By the time I returned from a weekend camping trip with my husband, Cayenne and Maris had been separated from the herd to allow them some bonding time. It was a good theory except Cayenne was becoming more lethargic and failing quickly. So, I separated Maris and Cayenne making him a bottle baby.

For almost two weeks I feel like we went two steps forward and three steps back. I made several trips to the veterinarian and tried different antibiotics, electrolytes and whatever else I thought would help in his recovery. I was making three to four trips to the farm to feed and care for him every day. For several days my brother came to the farm twice a day to tube feed him because I hate doing that. Several times I was sure I was going to find he had passed the next morning when I went to do chores, but Cayenne must have had nine lives.

Repeatedly I prayed, “God, what am I supposed to be learning from this?” Admittedly it was in exhaustion, but I kept trying to keep him alive. Even when the odds were not good – I’m stubborn like that. Despite my efforts, he passed. Our third calf this season. My heart is broken.

But then I remember that we were able to save three that would have died if I was not so persistent. Sometimes it is a good trait.

Throughout my career, I have received feedback from supervisors that I am slow to ask for help. This is not exactly news to me and I’m not sure why. I guess that is where my tenacity comes in. I know this is not healthy, but how do I change?

It’s exhausting and lately some things that I have always considered non-negotiable in my world don’t seem as important. God has been working on my heart.

As I read more, I found that stubbornness could be a spiritual problem. Apparently, it is considered rebellion. In my 55 years, that never even occurred to me.

Maybe this is what God was trying to teach me. To seek his help and wisdom. To be teachable and remain humble.

What else could I have missed when I was celebrating my tenacity?

This year was the first year, as a family, we remembered my son graduating from high school. I think it struck him when he was going to friends’ parties that he had been out of school and working full-time for an entire year. He commented several times that it didn’t seem possible that a whole year had gone by already. No, it doesn’t.

As he is saving his money to buy a house and my daughter prepares to be married this summer, I find myself asking, “How is this possible that our children are adults?” I remember a time when I didn’t think some stages of their youth would ever end. I know that while I loved things about their childhood, I didn’t fully understand how quickly it would pass.

The same is true of my marriage. How is possible that we have been married 31 years? We celebrated our anniversary last week.

I see now that our expectations have changed over time.

He regularly jokes, “If I would have known that asking that cute farmer’s daughter meant that I’d be doing cow chores in my 50’s….” I never expected to be a farmer in my 50’s either.

When we were younger, we celebrated our anniversary with a trip or at least a nice meal out. Several years we went to thrift stores and garage sales for fun. A couple years ago I was at a trail ride and we celebrated later.

I hope we never get so comfortable that we take our marriage for granted.

On Sunday, May 24th, we recognized my dad’s 12th heavenly birthday. I remember that we always celebrated my dad’s birthday with my Uncle Roger when they were both alive. My uncle’s birthday was May 23rd.

We usually always had chocolate cake of some kind. It was something they both favored. Sometimes we would grill out or maybe we would have a big family meal. I remember that whatever meal we had that my Uncle Roger was present, we almost always had KFC chicken and without a doubt had bread. Even if we had hamburger buns…. We had bread.

One of my most vivid memories of his funeral, the church ladies served sandwiches, and they placed a refilled tray of several different kinds of bread as I was going through the line. I smiled.

From the time I was little, I remember taking flowers to the cemetery for Memorial Day. We would decorate family members’ graves and listen intently as my grandma, and my dad shared their memories.

I have a lot of memories around my dad. I was the oldest and the only daughter. It was a special relationship. He was my first hero.

If you read some of my columns from 13 years ago and before, you might remember how I struggled when dad was diagnosed with cancer. I remember grieving his death so deeply through my writing and connected with so many people because they were also grieving the loss of a parent.

On May 30th my dad will be gone 13 years, and I remember that last week of his life… that morning… like it was yesterday.

I think that over the years I have come to recognize the value of not taking those seemingly ordinary days for granted with the people that I love.

I hope that we all go out and make some memories this summer.

Have you ever heard the phrase “every journey begins with a single step?” Yeah? You about to take some big steps as you travel into the next season. No matter what your plan is after high school or even if you are not sure – I want to talk with you tonight about taking those steps on and with purpose.

But as I was thinking about what I would say, I have to admit that I struggled. I didn’t want it to be the same message as every other greeting card that you are going to receive this week. I wanted it to be real and genuine.

So, I’ve decided to tell you some stories about my cows and some of the things that are important to me in relation to this verse.

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10 NIV) “Made for More.”

This is the sunrise looking east from the farm. If you look really close you can see the church where I grew up.

As Pastor Dungan just told you - the farm is where I feel the most at peace. It is where I grew up and learned about life, love and where the foundation of my faith was really built.

Every morning, I start my day by doing cattle chores and most days – the farm is where I end the day. I’ve always said the farm is where I feel God – I talk with Him while I’m feeding the animals and pray over them… over my day…. Asking for God’s direction. I think that’s important in living a life of purpose.

Pray without Ceasing: “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Every year I choose a theme to name all the calves.

In the past, we’ve had characters from tv shows like Andy Griffith, Girl Meets World, 101 Dalmatians, and Frasier. One year I had names of people from the Bible. In 2020 - election year- we had historic presidents and first ladies running around the lot. We’ve had country music singers and states. This year’s theme is crayon colors.

It might seem like a “crazy cow lady” thing to do but giving my animals a name gives them identity, and they each have a story that goes with their name.

For example, Burnt Sienna and Screamin’ Green here - A little heifer calf that was born early in the calving season.

It was still dark when I was doing morning chores. I heard a cow humming in the barn and instinctively knew there was a new calf. After I fed the others grain, I walked into the barn with the customary “breakfast in bed” bucket. BeeBee had Sunglow and all seemed fine. We did photos – congratulations to mama – welcome the new baby to the herd – it’s a whole thing! But I heard another cow humming from the other lot. Discovering that it was Kentucky and Burnt Sienna that was new to the herd the day before, I started back to the gate. But then I had a calf that met me in the middle of the lot, and I could hear it was a new baby. She was screaming. I thought it was Sunglow and started looking around for BeeBee. Out of the darkness, Lori Morgan turned around from the bunk and seemed to claim it. “Oh, I think that’s mine.” She had lost her opportunity for “breakfast in bed.”

Thelma on the other hand took full advantage of the tradition – for like a week. However, she may have earned it. She was in labor when I arrived to do chores in the morning with a backwards calf – just a few weeks ago, I knew little Crimson was going to be born backwards but I didn’t anticipate needing to pull her myself. I called the vet – no answer. I called my husband – no answer. I called my brother – no answer. “So, God - I guess I’m doing this. Please give me strength.”

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

This promises that God meets your needs in His perfect timing, providing strength, grace or resources exactly when required.

What I’ve learned in my life – and especially on the farm – is that God gives me what I need when I need it. Tuck that in the back of your mind. I feel like I could talk for another hour on God’s timing, but for now – remember …. What I need when I need it.

This is Lemon. Laser Lemon - Katie is her momma and Katie is always on the wrong side of the fence. The year that we were naming calves after states – her heifer calf was Nebraska. I hoped that she would develop a sense of home and stay inside the fence, but sadly no….. Lemon is no different than Katie and we have had several discussions as I’m helping her find her way back inside the lot.

You can see the lot is a mess.

Sometimes life is hard and messy, isn’t it? The messy that we don’t post on social media. But I can assure you that God is with you through it.

“Be strong and courageous… for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

This is Mama Moo. She was the matriarch of our herd. She was at least 18 years old when she passed. I could have sold her years before but felt like she had earned the right to die at home – sometimes what make sense to me financially, does not make sense emotionally.

The one thing that I always appreciated about Mama Moo was that she knew where she belonged – unlike Katie and her clan – She knew her herd. That’s something you can learn from her – know your herd. Know your friends and support them as they support you. Pray for each other.

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

“Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

I feel like naming my calves makes me a better steward and that is important to me and scripture commands us to be good stewards of our gifts.

In the Bible, names are more than labels—they reflect identity, destiny, and God’s intimate knowledge of each person. Calling someone by name demonstrates personal recognition and divine purpose.

One of the key themes in the verse in Ephesians that I chose to talk with you about is identity as a masterpiece.

You are God’s masterpiece. He made you, created you for a purpose, gave you a name and a story.

I don’t know very many of you well or what it is that you are passionate about. I know Markuz is interested in diesel mechanics. Claire likes plants and Cooper knows more about pigs than I will ever know. Kylie likes music. I know a little about Henry and Ryan, but God knows each and every one of you by name.

The phrase “God calls you by name” reflects a deeply personal relationship between God and each individual. It emphasizes that God sees you not as part of a crowd (not as a member of the class of 2026) but as a unique person with intrinsic value and purpose.

Do you see how that word “purpose” keeps showing up?

Another key theme in the Ephesians verse emphasizes being created specifically for works God designed for you to walk in.

I know without a doubt in my mind that my purpose in my work, my writing, my family and at the farm, as well as in everything I do in life is to serve and in that I bring Him glory. Aside from all of the titles, God designed me to be the person I am – just like He designed you for a unique purpose. It’s one of his promises.

I am privileged to do the work that I do. Do I get tired? Absolutely. Do I wonder if maybe I heard God wrong when he told me that he needed me here? Absolutely. You will too. But I’m going to challenge you to trust in Him.

That’s been my word of the year for many years running because something I didn’t tell you - I make mistakes. It falls under the life is messy sometimes category. God is very patient with me and he is with you. I will say “Okay, I got it. I’ve learned the lesson. I got it. But wait…. Can you remind me?”

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Trust God’s plan for your life. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

If any of you are like me, you want to know what God’s purpose is for your life – right now. I would suggest that you seek God in prayer and scripture. Notice your spiritual gifts. Pay attention to what burdens your heart for others. Serve where you’re planted and let God open doors. Purpose usually unfolds step by step, not all at once. It took me years to accumulate all these titles. To everything there is a season…..

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven…A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance.” Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

As I conclude - My prayer for you is that as you take those next steps forward and into your future, you remember that you were made on purpose and for a purpose. Know that God has called you by name and He loves you – He is with you. Step forward in faith in this new season and know, without a shadow of a doubt – You were made for more.

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10 NIV) “Made for More.”

First as a farm her. (Yes, you read that correctly.) I think I wrote briefly about Elsa and little Caribou a couple of weeks ago. Although we tried to save him with veterinary care and intensive measures when he got home, after a week and a half I finally needed to make the decision to have him euthanized.

Death is the worst part of having cattle for me.

The next challenge came shortly after. Mango Tango came down with bloody scours. My brother and husband treated him every day last week because I was working late. He didn’t seem to be improving. Then two of his friends also started showing symptoms.

After calling on a friend for help and treating them with a myriad of drugs, two of them were doing better. The third took a little longer to show improvement but started nursing on Sunday morning. (It was my Mother’s Day gift from the herd.) On Monday morning she met me at the gate and was doing well.

Boysenberry at a couple hours old.

Meanwhile, Kelly needed some help on Saturday morning with having her calf which stretched my brother and my husband physically. Boysenberry was later found to have a birth defect. He died on Monday.

Tears were shed, eyes wiped and I moved forward because that is what you do when you’re a farm her.

As I explained when I spoke at BHS Baccalaureate on Wednesday, God made each of us for a purpose.

I struggled with writing the message and wanted it to be real and genuine. I finally decided to speak on “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10 NIV). We were all “made for more,” or at least that is what my t-shirt said.

I used photos and stories of my calves, and it went well, despite my desire to vomit right before I stepped on stage. I sprinkled in life advice with Bible verses reminding them to pray. At some point I told them that God always provides what I need when I need it.

I told them as they took their next steps forward, they should trust God’s plan for their life.

What I didn’t tell them was “God, I don’t feel like I have anymore to give,” is what I pray a lot these days.

When I went to church on Sunday it somehow all made sense.

During the children’s sermon, Grace Tegtmeier reminded everyone that nothing can separate us from God’s love. I used that same message somewhere in the speech to the graduates. It seems important.

Pastor Josh spoke on Philippians 3:10-16, noting that Paul had written it while he was in prison. He reminded us that no matter what season we were in or what we were carrying, we should press on. When he prayed, he asked God to help each of us.

“Not because we have to but because we trust in the one who already knows the way,” he said.

During the benediction we sang a song with a verse, “guide my feet while I run this race, for I don’t want to run this race in vain.” And there it was…. My biggest fear, perhaps, is that I’m exhausting myself and everyone around me in vain.

I believe there is a purpose, but it has stretched my thinking. How about you? I’m praying we are all pressing on in our purpose.

Sunday started with church where I gave the children’s sermon. I had been thinking about it all week but only wrote down my ideas on Saturday evening. It was fine and they all left with a packet of seeds to remind them to think about growing their faith.

Later that afternoon I received the incredible honor of being presented with the Friend of Education award from the Beatrice Educational Foundation. I’ve known about it for a few weeks but again, I hadn’t written my speech until Saturday evening.

I spoke about what a privilege it is to be able to do the work that I do. Like the award recipient before me, I thanked my family because obviously, I could not do what I do without their support. Finally, I encouraged each of the graduating seniors to work from their strengths.

It was a good day, and I felt so special and was thankful to be recognized for the work that I get to do in our community.

When I went to the farm for chores I found Elsa, a white Shorthorn, had a new calf. In the past she had had blue or red roan calves, but this year the little guy was mostly brown with a white undercarriage. My son named him Caribou. (Apparently a Ford color.)

This is Elsa and her calf a few years ago. Always a good mother ….

When I went to bed that night I slept well. Everything in my world seemed in balance.

Monday came and went. While it was a long, busy day, it was okay. I knew, however, that Thelma was getting close to having her calf and I knew that it was going to be backwards. Sleep was a challenge Monday night.

So, Tuesday morning when I went to do chores and discovered Thelma in labor, I started making calls. I understand that it was 6:15 in the morning, but no one would answer to come help me. In hindsight, I feel like it was another example of God reminding me that He is my help in times of trouble.

Crimson came into the herd backwards, but healthy when I took the pull chains off.

Since I had accidentally only propped the gate, at least eight calves and most of the cows had found their way out of the lot while I was pulling the calf. It was a difficult morning, but I got home, showered and made it to work for my 8:30 appointment.

However, when I arrived back at the farm on Tuesday evening, there were some challenges. Little Crimson’s back legs were wobbly. We wrapped them and only got kicked a few times. I took off the pink vet wrap on Friday morning and she is walking normally.

My main concern was Caribou. I thought he had been laying in the sun and had gotten too hot. But by Wednesday when he was still not recovering, we loaded him in the backseat of my truck and hauled him to the veterinarian. He finally came home Saturday morning which was a huge win!

On a feeling, my brother and I got Elsa in the headgate to check her milk. Unfortunately, she had a bloody mastitis and instead of treating her (which is so much work and not always effective) we chose to sell her for slaughter. She’s at least eight years old and while I hate selling a cow that has had a record of raising strong, healthy calves, we don’t know that she ever would be able to again.

Elsa and one of her little red roans. Last year’s calf was “Hot Tamale.” I’m grieving her loss.

To be completely honest, raising a bottle calf is a lot of hard work. And one that is currently almost blind and still very sick causes me a lot of anxiety.

I wondered how my week that had started so well had become a complete obstacle course. I know, although it was not the week I expected, all my needs were met. Especially in the challenges of public speaking, exhaustion, fear and dealing with a sick calf, God was with me.

“And my God will meet all of your needs according to his glory…” (Philippians 4:19)

Additionally, I’ve noticed a cardinal that has been at the farm singing every morning this week.

Photo credit: Dave Lyons

Sometimes things are not always what they seem.

My husband comments on occasion that I am high maintenance. In a loving, fun way he will add this after he has helped me with farm chores or a story about the cows or calves. He added “you an adventure” and mumbled something about not being able to help when they came with the strait jackets. I laughed.

It must be the season. Calving season. Lack of sleep and being worried over the herd’s health and safety make me a little cranky every now and then but again, sometimes things are not always what they seem.

Fifteen of the 36 calves were born, tagged and vaccinated. Mostly without incident.

As a reminder I am the crazy cattle woman who names each calf according to a theme every year. Given that information, some of you are already starting to agree with my husband’s assessment.

Last week was hard. I had several non-negotiables on my calendar and then there were the cows. A week ago, on Friday we had put Mya and a few of the other cows with calves in the lot with the barn offering more cover and warmth with the pending weather.

Except Mya didn’t get along with several of the others in that lot. Fighting, head butting and for the safety of her calf, Atomic Tangerine, we pulled her into a small separate lot.

Seeing she was a little lonely, we added a few other cows to her lot that looked like they would have their calf soon. June Carter had baby Dandelion the next morning. We waited a little longer for the others.

Friday afternoon when I arrived to do chores, Dandelion was in the hay feeder. June Carter, of course, was very concerned but so was Riley. When I walked into the enclosure I found Lana with two calves. It seemed like she had twins.

I let Mya and her calf back into the main lot which was a little chaotic in itself. I saw Atomic Tangerine running across the big lot several times before he showed up at the gate with this look on his tiny face that screamed, “My momma is fighting again!” and she was. She was the bully.

I didn’t have time to deal with that, however, because I was trying to separate Riley from Dandelion which was obviously not her calf.

Long story short, by Sunday Riley was still roaming around the lot, bawling at the top of her lungs and trying to adopt every other calf but showed no other signs that she had actually given birth.

We put Riley back in the small lot with Lana and what I thought were twins. She immediately claimed Peach and while Lana was not sure of the whole situation, she still had to take care of Apricot.

Things are not always what they seem.

Meanwhile, we’re trying very hard to keep Schmackle and Baker from sticking their calves, Denim and Cinnamon, under the fence to hide them.

In the east lot, Miss Ohio and Emmie are going to give birth any day. Screaming Green, Lori Morgan’s calf, is the self-appointed social director and will make sure they are welcomed to the herd.

Okay, I’m starting to hear it. Maybe I am high maintenance and an adventure – all wrapped into one.

All kidding aside, this week, I ask you to remember that things are not always what they seem. As we have observed Palm Sunday and Jesus coming into Jerusalem in a parade but would be crucified on Good Friday. He was in a tomb for three days and then we celebrate Easter.

Well, I started the beginning of the year just like almost everyone else. I made a New Year’s resolution to practice better self-care.

It really started months ago when a friend noticed my level of fatigue was bordering on unhealthy. Whenever I saw him, which was regularly, he would consistently ask me, “What did you do for yourself today?”

The first time the question caught me off guard, but it always made me pause and reflect. What did I do? Very little, actually. Aside from daily prayer and the occasional manicure, I rarely took time to care for myself. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I wanted to focus on living healthier. Losing weight, eating better, and sleeping more than a few hours a night.

So that is how it started, only I wasn’t eating well. I grabbed whatever I was hungry for, and it was usually an hour after I first started feeling hungry so I would overeat. And then there was the nutty bar that usually followed my evening meal.

I only slept well every third or fourth night and the only exercise that I was getting was farm chores or running from one work obligation to another.

By the end of January, I had already decided that my New Year’s resolution was not going to work out and maybe next year. But then my insurance company sent me a letter offering a program that would help me live healthier. My pre-diabetes was slowly inching toward the real thing.

I had nothing to lose, and I wasn’t getting any healthier with my stash of chocolate bars.

So, it started mid-February with a fasting blood draw. About a week later I got my first glucose sensors, smart scale and downloaded some apps to help me track my progress. I never imagined those few things would make all the difference.

I’ve been wearing a glucose monitor for a little over two weeks. When I first started tracking my glucose, I was surprised at how many spikes that I was having after almost everything I put in my mouth.

So, I am learning to eat differently. The app helped to identify foods that would help my body heal and use glucose more efficiently. As I log each of my meals and snacks, the app also helps me measure the calories, fiber, carbohydrates, and protein.

Funny, nutty bars don’t fit anywhere in healthy and as my son observed, would probably make my glucose monitor explode. Interestingly enough, I’ve learned foods that I thought were good in moderation, like bananas, will spike my glucose too.

How is it going? After a little over two weeks with the monitors, I’ve lost nearly 20 pounds. I know it’s not a lot, but it’s a start and for a woman with a nasty nutty bar habit, it’s progress.

“Don’t rush your growth. Even small progress is progress. Keep going.” (unknown)

My coach, who I meet with virtually every other week or as needed, reminds me to remember progress over perfection. That is difficult concept for me. My husband reminds me that we didn’t become unhealthy overnight and it will take time to change behaviors.

“You don’t have to change your entire life overnight. Just do one thing a little better than you did yesterday. Then do it again.” (@beyondthedrill)

Now when my friend asks what I am doing for myself, I can confidently say I took my vitamins, I drank my lemon water, I exercised and I’m making progress.

Note: this is a newspaper column from about three weeks ago. I was able to take off my glucose monitor for a month (part of the program) and I’m happy to report that I am still losing weight and feeling better. Almost to my first goal and 26 pounds down as of this morning.

There are a lot of things that feel very uncertain right now to me and some of those things seem to change so quickly.

One example of this is the weather. Can you believe how things changed from Friday afternoon to Saturday morning? One day it is 70 degrees and I’m wearing a t-shirt while doing chores at the farm. The very next morning I was wearing gloves, a stocking hat and two layers with a heavy vest.

I’ve lived in Nebraska my entire life and you would think that I would be ready for sudden changes, especially in the spring. I am not.

There are thousands of geese on our watershed right now. They can’t control the weather or anything else and they seem okay with it.

There are not many things that I embrace if I cannot have some level of control. I know this is not healthy and it’s something that I’ve been working on for a long time.

Probably as long as I’ve been a parent. Thirty-one years of trying to manage the stresses of a toddler, then a teenager and then a teenager and a toddler. I was a complete failure at trying to control anything during that time, but it didn’t keep me from trying. I think my tenacity gets in the way of common sense occasionally.

Sometimes I look back on that time and don’t think I was very successful at being a parent but then I look at our adult children and know that my husband and I have done something right. We have two amazing young adults. They are kind people and have made good choices.

I’ve never thought of myself as a helicopter parent, but there are those instances when I still try to control what is happening for them. Still unsuccessfully.

While I’m not able to share any details, I can share that it has been a roller coaster couple of weeks for our daughter. One highlight is that she is engaged to an incredible young man that we have grown to love and are excited for their future. But there have also been a lot of lows too.

A couple of weeks ago we met for brunch on a Monday morning. It was a rare occasion, but I was in Lincoln (which is another story) and I sensed that she might need some time to vent. At the end of our time, I said “It’s going to be okay” to which she replied, “I know, but it doesn’t feel like it right now.”

Ripped my heart out and made it glaringly obvious that there was nothing that I could do as a parent to change this for her. There’s nothing she can do to change it.

I was reminded of this verse. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

While my son still lives with us and will for probably for few more months, it is becoming clear that he is ready to be independent. This is what we want as parents, right?

It’s just different, uncertain and changing so quickly. It seems like just yesterday I was rocking them to sleep and chasing away all the monsters. As a parent of an adult, I can’t.

God, I keep trying to hold it all together. To manage the outcomes. To fix what isn’t mine to fix. Today, I’m loosening my grip. Take the parts I keep over thinking. The conversations I replay. The things I’m afraid might fall apart. Help me to breathe deeper. Help me trust you more than my need to control. I’m placing it back in Your hands. Amen.

Onyx is our first baby calf of the season.

I was excited when I saw a Facebook post announcing spring was only 32 days away. We will be springing our clocks forward in 21 days and in approximately 28 days we will have 7:00 PM sunsets.

Last week I noticed woolly caterpillars crawling across the yard. Sprigs of green grass are beginning to shoot up randomly. In addition, during the last week I have noticed the birds singing in the morning as I do chores.

I know it is only the middle of February, but spring is on the way.

It hasn’t been a terrible winter but still, I feel like winter is the hardest season for me. My mood has definitely improved with the increase in warmer weather and sunshine.

As we were feeding big round bales at the farm last Sunday afternoon, my brother had pointed out that Hamburger Helen was developing a full udder signifying that she was getting close to calving.

The majority of the herd is as wide as they are tall right now, but while I started looking around a little more carefully, I found that Gertie, Kelly and maybe Tammy Wynett are also looking like they might be getting close to having their calf too.

Typically, we like to put the early calvers in a separate lot before they have their calf. There is a good portion of the metal barn that we can spread bedding, and it is well protected from the wind and weather. It is ideal for the little ones that arrive while the weather may be undecided on which season is happening.

Last year we got some of the herd in that lot just days before June Carter gave us little Chocolate Chip in bitter cold weather on February 15. While we didn’t get Hamburger Helen to the lot before she presented a handsome little bull calf, Onyx, this morning on February 15, the weather is a lot more cooperative this year.

As many of you remember, Hamburger Helen has never been a cooperative cow. In fact, a few years ago she was just Helen and then she made a serious attempt to end my brother and my life. (Hence the addition of hamburger to her title.) Yes, we should have sold her, but she is a good momma cow, and she was only protecting her calf. We’re more careful with her now.

“I would suggest 2601,” my husband said regarding the theme. He’s not the first to offer that numbers instead of names would be easier. But no, this year I am going with the colors of the crayons. I bought a box of crayons and am randomly choosing as the calves are born. Their name, or color, will appear on their ear tag.

I know every cattleman is shaking their head and rolling their eyes right now. There are deep sighs, but I will continue in my practice.

This year the theme is more of a statement, I guess. I hadn’t thought about it, but The Crayon Box That Talked by Shane DeRolf inspired it. “The story conveys important messages about teamwork, acceptance and diversity. It emphasizes that differences can lead to a richer and more colorful experience when individuals learn to work together,” the website explains.

“What are you noticing in your everyday and ordinary life? Where do you feel God’s presence,” our pastor has challenged us during this sermon series.

I feel God’s presence at the farm with the cattle. I know without a doubt that he is in the new life of spring and pray that we can all learn to work together.

It was before he was born. I was working as a state probation officer and had applied for opportunities around the country upon the encouragement of a mentor and friend. I interviewed in Omaha and felt good about it, but I didn’t get that job or any of the others that would have taken me away from my home and community.

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People often ask me where I find inspiration for my writing. Ideas can come from anywhere really. It could be experiences, a movie or a book, a memory, the herd of pampered bovine I spend time with regularly, or many times, a lesson learned. Basically, anywhere and everywhere is an opportunity.

The recent cold weather, for example, has given me a number of experiences… and memories.

When I was growing up my parents were adamant that I was going to go to college. My dad used to say he never wanted me to work as hard as he did. Most often this was a conversation we would have in the bitter cold in the dairy barn.

I remember calling him from college on days when the weather was terrible. I would thank him for making my degree possible and for the vision he had in giving me a better life that didn’t involve milking cows in the freezing cold.

But guess what I was doing on Saturday night when the wind chill was well below zero? My husband and I were feeding cows. Not the same, but similar. My face hurt, it was so cold. I was certain my fingers were going to break off, and I was reconsidering life choices for the 100th time last week.

However, my college degree that my parents were adamant that I got gave me choices.

It was my choice to grow this herd of cows. In fact, every day I have choices and sometimes I take that for granted. Not everyone does and I pray for those people every day. Also, a personal choice. Prayer makes me a better person. It gives me hope.

What I’ve learned, however, is that while I have choices that give me hope, it doesn’t shield me from the bad things that happen in this world.

Every day I make an intentional choice not to comment on social media or use my writing to make a statement about my political beliefs. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have opinions, just chose to keep them close to my heart. Sometimes, though, it’s too much for my head and my heart.

The past several months, world events have felt very heavy and hard. It is difficult to understand God’s purpose and my brain cannot even filter some of the information. My friend posted this on Facebook, and it gave me hope. A peace, even.

“Do not be dismayed by the brokenness in the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.” (L.R. Knost)

World events are not the only thing that my heart has been wrestling with during recent months. I’m struggling with my choices. Specifically, my work and how it fits into God’s purpose for my life.

I saw this somewhere and it has made me think of this differently. “You don’t get paid for your time. You get paid for the value you bring.” (Unknown) It made me realize that I have choices.

During this cold weather I have found myself rolled up like a burrito on the couch in blankets. I’ve been watching a lot of a home remodel show that I like called “Hometown.” It’s about a couple in Laurel, Mississippi that bring value to their small town by restoring homes that have fallen into disrepair.

“Lord, I need you to restore my heart. I don’t need to renovate my life but help me to make different choices with intention.”

It probably won’t be giving up the cows though.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been sick. Not just the sniffles, but the flu. I’m talking in bed and sick. Temperature, sinus, coughing – Sick!

It is very rare for me to take a day away from work, but I took three full days and several half days. What I know to be true is that this just didn’t happen. I’ve been working on this for months.

I’m sure that I’ve told you before that I come from a long line of Christian women who have made worrying into a sport. Even though I know worry doesn’t add one more minute to my life, I still spend a considerable amount of my time doing exactly that.

The flu that I am still recovering from was sponsored by my choice to try to control every part of my life with worry. But when I experience something this negative, I try to learn something.

A friend sent me a photo from @saltandlightwords. (She sends me something encouraging every day. I think we all need a friend like that.)

“Sometimes I feel like Martha — busy, overwhelmed, doing my best to serve, yet quietly heavy on the inside. I try to hold everything together, to show up well, to do what’s right, but my heart grows tired in the process. I forget that Jesus never asked me to wear myself out just to prove my love for him.”

“And even in the middle of the noise and pressure, He invites me closer. To rest. To breathe. To choose the better portion — His presence.”

I feel like when God is teaching me a lesson, it will show up again and again like the ads on Facebook. Lately, my algorithms seem to be pointing to I need to quit striving and stressing and rest in Him.

I saw a quote that said, “You worry too much for someone who God has never failed. And I honestly needed to be called out like that.”

I also needed to be in church on Sunday to hear the sermon. It’s not what I wanted to hear, but what I needed. Pastor Josh spoke on the story of Jesus noticing Zacchaeus after he had climbed the tree. Zacchaeus was a tax collector and was not well liked by the community. But Jesus saw him in the tree, called him by name and went to his house that day.

Pastor Josh talked about how special it was to be known, seen and called by name. We often label others instead of seeing them, turn people into categories instead of neighbors and rush past those that are longing to be noticed.

The spiritual practice that he challenged the congregation to this week was to take a few minutes to pray for people. “Pray names of neighbors and the person who irritates you,” he said.

Wait – what? The person who irritates me? I must have heard that wrong! But no – that is what he said.

I suddenly realized that was what God was trying to teach me. Not only did I need to stop stressing and worrying about the future that I could not control, but to rest in him. Trust and pray for friends and neighbors and for those (in my mind) that are causing the challenges.

Earlier this week I was visiting with someone who I noticed was really good at separating the difficult behavior from the person. Not categorizing the person but recognizing that they were loved by God — same as you and me. That is another lesson I feel like I need to be leaning into.

“There is not enough room in your mind for both worry and faith. You must decide which one gets to live there.” (Power of Positivity)

I choose faith. May you notice the lessons you are needing to learn this week.

Philippians 4:5-7 – “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.”

All of the Christmas decorations have been put back in the storage box, including the tree and the twinkling lights.

The last of the cookies have been eaten and there are no immediate plans to refill the cookie jar, although there is one pie and some cheesecake remaining. After all of the sweet treats I’ve consumed during the last month, I have even started craving green vegetables during the last couple of days.

The new year holiday has come and gone.

Even my birthday, last Friday, was celebrated. And given that I can now officially join AARP, I feel … tired. I’ve had enough celebrating and I’m ready to return to routine.

I think my dog is ready for our family to return to our normal routine too. Every day I imagine he is saying, “Don’t you people have jobs? I need a nap.”

Like most people, the turn of the calendar always brings about a time of reflection. Birthdays, too. What do I want next year to look like?

I found an old column that I wrote as we entered 2014. My dad had died in 2013 after a long battle with pancreatic cancer and I was grieving what felt like a lot of loss. This was a part of it that I had found posted online and 13 years later it still speaks to me:

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter’s departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, “I love you and I wish you enough.” The daughter replied, “Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I have ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.” They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?” “Yes, I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?” “I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral,” she said. When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, “I wish you enough.” May I ask what that means?” She began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. “When we said, “I wish you enough” we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.” Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory, “I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun; the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.” She then began to cry and walked away. They say it takes a minute to find a special person. An hour to appreciate them. A day to love them. And an entire life to forget them.” (Author unknown)

I wish each of us enough in 2026.

My husband, Dave, is an incredible photographer. This was taken this past summer at a local historical site - Filley Stone Barn. Dave finds the light in a nighttime sky.

As long as I can remember I’ve tried to do all the things for Christmas. The decorating, shopping, wrapping, baking and cards. All the things that are usually a part of the Christmas traditions in our family.

My mom did all the things… or at least in my memory she did.

In recent years I threw in a Christmas cookie exchange, and we have a grandson that added to the spirit of the season. Additionally, for around 20 years I’ve written a grant that is usually due just before or right after Christmas.

It’s a lot of work. All of it. The makings of a well-deserved nervous breakdown if I stop to think about it for any amount of time.

But all of the things are really not what Christmas is about, is it?

When I was a child, I remember learning Christmas was about God’s promise and love. I’m not certain when it became chaos and craziness that are more of a distraction from the true meaning of the season for me.

I’m overwhelmed. I know when I’ve reached my limit of commotion when I wake up in the middle of the night and I’m unable to go back to sleep. Everything is always worse in the darkness of the night. That happened early on Sunday morning. I finally fell back to sleep, but when I woke up and came home from doing farm chores, I thought maybe I would skip peopling and not go to church.

At the last minute I found my Christmas sweater and decided I needed to experience church that morning, perhaps more than anything else on my list of things to get done. I needed to be reminded of the meaning of the season.

Christmas music filled the sanctuary. Greetings were exchanged with friends. The Advent season candles were lit– hope, peace, love and joy. Scripture was read and I was reminded that Christmas was not about all the things. It was about the baby, Jesus, and the fulfillment of God’s promise.

Pastor Josh spoke briefly telling us that December 21 was the longest night of the year.

I started thinking about my friends who in the last couple of weeks had shared their struggles with me. Sometimes the season feels hard and heavy… even dark as they have struggled with grief and loss. My heart hurt for each of them.

Then I found this Facebook post:

“December 21 shows up every year quietly, without lights or songs or anyone baking cookies for it. It doesn’t get an Advent calendar. No one puts it on a mug. But it might be one of my favorite days of the year anyway.

Because December 21 is the day the light turns around.

It’s the shortest day. The longest night. The point where the darkness has stretched itself as far as it possibly can and physically cannot take one more minute. And from here on out, the days get longer. Not dramatically. Not all at once. But measurably. Even if you can’t feel it yet.

Which feels…on brand for God.

This is the day that feels like a Christmas present slipped under the tree early. No wrapping paper. No tag. Just the quiet knowledge that the light is coming back whether it feels like it or not.” (Unknown)

The post continued.

During Advent we have had a sermon series entitled “Be Amazed.” Pastor Josh shared that when he was younger, he was always amazed when he looked up into the sky on a clear night. He went on to talk about the star that led the shepherds to Bethlehem and to the baby Jesus.

I love that about where I live. It is amazing to look into the night sky and see the brilliant and beautiful stars shining brightly.

I’m so glad I went to church on Sunday morning. It helped me turn around my thinking. I didn’t need to do all the things to make Christmas feel special. I just needed to turn my attention to the light.

This post on social media also spoke to me:

“Today marks the winter solstice… the darkest day of the year. And there’s something powerful about that. Because it reminds us that darkness has a limit. It doesn’t last forever. It doesn’t get to win.

From here on out, the days grow longer. Not all at once. Not loudly. But steadily….faithfully. Just like healing. Just like strength. Just like hope finding its way back into our bones. If you’re standing in a season that feels heavy, let this be your reminder: You’ve reached the turning point. Light is already on its way. One breath. One sunrise. One small step at a time. Light is coming.” (Cheyenne, the Native Cowgirl)

My prayer is that we all feel the comfort, hope and love in God’s promises during this season. A light in the darkness.

Earlier this fall the Northern Lights were visible from our backyard. Photo by Dave Lyons.

It was a normal busy day, and I had stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few items before I had an evening assignment.

On my way into the store, I stopped to talk with someone I knew. We were deep in conversation, so I didn’t notice the minivan that was backing out of the parking stall apparently unaware we were even there. The man I was talking to saw what was about to happen, put his hands on my shoulders and gently pulled me out of the line of traffic. He never stopped talking. Just moved to the side.

The bell ringer, who had seen it all, came over to tell my friend what a hero he was for saving me from getting hit. He acknowledged the compliment but just nodded.

My friend is a fireman. What most people may find heroic; he calls a Wednesday.

It really didn’t hit me until a little later. I think I was putting milk in my cart when I realized that I could have been hanging out with Jesus instead of deciding what to make my family for supper.

After my mind settled a little more, I couldn’t stop thinking that life is fragile. We don’t know the number of days we will be on this earth which makes me even more intentional about living a life of purpose. A life that glorifies God.

I’m not afraid of death. I’m afraid that I’m not living – just going through the motions.

I found this and it spoke to me:

“Life is so short. We spend so much time sweating the small stuff; worrying complaining, gossiping, comparing, wishing, wanting and waiting for something bigger and better instead of focusing on all the simple blessings that surround us every day. Life is so fragile and all it takes is a single moment to change everything you take for granted. Focus on what’s important and be grateful! You are blessed! Believe it! Live your life and leave no regrets.” (Melanie Koulouris)

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