I was sitting in my studio apartment in Williamsburg, single AF, reading chapter one of what I assumed was just yet another relationship book to add to my collection (and hide when a Hinge date came over).

But as I read, it stopped me in my tracks.

Oh my god. This is ME. I am Anxiously Attached. Holy shit. That has been my problem for my entire life. Why hasn’t anyone told me this!??!?!

I binged the entire book that night. And quickly jumped on my Amazon account to order every other attachment theory book on the internet. I put Thais Gibson’s Attachment Theory, Wired For Love, and Wired for Dating in my cart.

And I fell asleep that night with a sigh of relief - I finally knew what my problem was. I finally knew why I couldn’t concentrate at work when I hadn’t heard from him. Why I felt all tongue tied trying to tell my college boyfriend that I needed more communication during the week. Why I attracted Avoidant men (I finally had a word for these non-committal ones that were my kryptonite!).

Ah. This was it.

And this began my three year venture down the Attachment Theory rabbit hole. If you’ve followed me from the beginning, you know I started my Instagram in late 2022 specifically for Anxious Attachers. My background was in Hypnotherapy, and I was using hypnosis and nervous system work to calm my anxiety, which was a radical approach for most people. I subsequently got certified as an Integrative Attachment Coach, took on clients, and helped them to do the same.

I remember feeling a sense of accomplishment the first time that a guy I had been on four dates with hadn’t immediately texted me after…and I didn’t have a full blown panic attack. Attachment work helped me to feel more confident and more at ease in dating.

But.

And this is a major but.

I stayed single.

And so did many of my clients.

And I had to ask myself…what was I missing?

This sent me down yet another rabbithole. And this is the part that I’ve shared here before - combing through books on male psychology, even buying a course called the Art of Loving Men. I experimented with what I was learning about men on dates and literally took notes like a freaking researcher.

And that was when the picture began to fall into place. Especially when I reconnected with my now partner, who I still felt deeply for, even after he had broken up with me the year earlier.

Oh.

Attachment Theory regulated my nervous system.

But I attracted the guy of my dreams when I learned to relate.

I’m fully aware that sounds a little vague. So let me explain.

There’s a difference between knowing how to support yourself when you feel anxious about an unanswered text and knowing how to actually create attraction, connection, and intimacy with a guy you like.

I had spent years learning how to feel okay about lapses in texting.

I hadn’t spent nearly as much time learning what actually makes a man feel drawn to me, want to get to know me more deeply, and continue investing in the relationship.

Oh. Again.

I had been solving the wrong problem. Or at least, only half of the problem.

In fact, to bust that myth entirely, a lot of men find it flattering and frankly adorable when a woman is nervous because she hasn’t heard from him. The dating zeitgeist has made caring about a guy a bad thing. When caring is often part of what makes a man feel connected enough to keep investing.

We have some things soooo backwards. And I am on a mission to clear this up.

I recently worked with a client who is gorgeous, successful, and social. And in spite of all that, she’s never felt pursued in her whole life. She watched her friends get approached and wondered why men wouldn’t talk to her. She thought maybe she was just too intimidating. Or that men just didn’t like her.

When we worked together, we realized that wasn’t it…at all. I taught her about the principles of attraction: what men actually need to feel drawn to you - and yes…to ask you out. And keep asking you out. After a few months of practicing what she learned, she told me she needed help eliminating men. Because now she has TOO many men in her roster. I meannnn!!!!

My clients call these principles emotional intelligence 2.0. And no, they don’t teach you them in school!

Anddd this is a huge reason why I created The Dating Practice, which is an app to help you call in the love you desire. I wanted to make these teachings more accessible - plus create a ritual, a daily dose of dating if you will, to create the momentum you need.

And I’ve designed it so that the first 8 weeks guide you through a curriculum in attraction, relating to men, and choosing well. These are the exact teachings I bring my private clients through except it’s literally a fraction of the price. You’ll learn things like:

• The IRL strategy that inspires men to approach you on the street (and in some of my student’s cases…even buy them dinner)

• How to encourage a man to keep pursuing you (without playing games)

• The simple way to stay open on a date so that the right men lean in (and why a lot of people get the whole vulnerability thing wrong!)

• The three dating profile shifts that attract men you’re actually into

• How to tell if he’s just good on paper or worth giving another chance

• Plus: daily practices, personalized AI guidance, a Relational Map, and somatic exercises to help you actually practice what you’re learning.

  24 core teachings. 8 weeks. A new dating practice every day. Like are you in or are you in!?!?

And literally SO much more. I’m continuing to add new teachings and practices already!

Beyond that, the app is built with AI so it personalizes your experience. This is one of my favorite features, because dating is not a one-size fits all journey. And a lottt of women have blind spots that the app helps to illuminate.

In fact, one of the first exercises you do is a full Relationship Inventory which reveals your hidden relationship patterns and unconscious desires (my clients consistently say that this is one of their favorite practices). I did it myself last week, and the read on me was scarilyyyy accurate.

Subscriptions are 20% off through September 10th. You can’t see the pricing until you complete the Onboarding, but I personally value transparency, so here are the details:

• Quarterly subscription: $89 — early bird: $71

• Annual subscription: $249 — early bird: $199

If this is speaking to you, here’s how to join:

1. Head to the sales page here and click “Get Started.”

2. You’ll then complete a 5ish minute onboarding where the app creates a personalized dating plan for you that takes into account your desires & struggles

3. Subscribe & you’ll immediately have access to Day 1’s teachings!

I’m so so excited for you to experience these teachings yourself!!! Feel free to comment or message me if you have any questions.

x Liz

Perhaps unsurprisingly, other women had the same idea. About three weeks in, I met one of my best friends here off of Facebook (of all places!). She had also just moved from NYC with the same thought process - more stable, commitment-oriented men. Goodbye Manhattan bachelors who just want a line of models outside their door!

Well, for any of you who have dated in Denver, that was a bit of a pipe dream. There are plenty of “Peter Pans” here - and men that are dating their snowboards. (That said, I do strongly believe Denver is still one of the best dating markets for women in the US).

Yet last week, we were having a moment of celebration. Because we both did meet our partners here.

But it didn’t happen just because we were in the city of men.

It happened because of two concepts that I’m obsessed with right now, that I want every single woman to understand.

One: We finally learned the principles of attraction we were missing.

Frankly, this was hard…we both had “studied” dating excessively in the traditional sense. Poured through books like Why Men Marry Bitches, knew our attachment styles inside out, had read David Deida cover to cover. We knew a lot. It didn’t occur to me at least that I would need help.

And both of us also did attract men. They just appeared to be the wrong men. Or there was something weird happening a few months in, because promising connections seemed to fall apart as soon as they started.

We would take long roadtrips to the mountain towns in Colorado - Aspen, Telluride, Steamboat - all the best places. And we would literally talk about dating non-stop. We’d analyze a certain guy for legitimately two hours straight. We’d dissect every single dating strategy we’d come across.

And we’d dream of one day taking our men to Strawberry Springs together in Steamboat…yet we both remained single.

I’ll speak for myself here - but all the girl talk and analysis in the world didn’t help me attract and create the relationship I wanted.

Rather, it was finally starting to immerse myself in principles of attraction from teachers who studied male psychology and relating. I literally bought a course called The Art of Loving Men, that opened my eyes to what I was missing.

From there, I began to experiment with how all of this applied to dating. And because I am extremely observant (thank god I have at least that), I started noticing what actually worked that other dating books seemed to flatten.

Things like what vulnerability actually looks like in dating (and where people go wrong). Why eye contact isn’t enough to show interest (and why signaling and feedback are the answer). The difference between pursuing a man (or trying to make him like you) and inviting a man in (writing a post on this soon!)

The truth is, and I say this with love from someone who had a big ego in dating…most women think they know more about dating, attraction, and romantic relating than they really do.

If you’ve been single for a while, you are almost definitely missing some pieces here, and there is no shame in that. None of this means you are inherently unattractive or undesirable. These are mechanisms. That no one ever taught you.

And good news, they don’t require you healing your entire attachment style or spending years on rejection wounds. Anyone can learn this stuff.

TWO: We both actually practiced dating.

In other words, we didn’t just wait for Prince Charming to arrive on our doorsteps.

And let me tell you - after coaching women for the last 4 years in love…the women who find love the fastest are not the ones who know the most about dating - they are the ones who are consistently practicing becoming good daters. The ones that are showing up with intentionality - rather than going hard for two weeks and then taking a break for four months.

Now I have SO much to say about this, because somewhere along the way, putting effort into something you want has become uncool. And I think this especially has shown up in dating.

We’ve created this fantasy that if it’s right, love just happens. It’s effortless! The guy is obsessed with you, he pursues you endlessly, and begs to take you off the market. And you don’t have to lift a finger…never mind putting in effort swiping on Hinge and crafting a profile…that’s only for women who aren’t naturally *magnetic.*

And I get where all of this is coming from, because historically, women have worked too hard to get someone to love them. But I think this is where there is a vast misunderstanding of what “working” for something actually means.

Because there is a difference between forcing something to happen by over-efforting and trying to get a particular guy to fall in love with you.

And consistently putting energy into what matters for you. In other words, showing up - and practicing.

Before I met my partner, I was not just lying on my couch watching Netflix or drinking wine with the girls.

I was working with a Polarity Teacher. I was swiping on Hinge. I was using the open body language skill I teach. I was going to the right environments to meet men. I was working on my nervous system. I was checking in with my intuition regularly about my love life. I was practicing communication and expression in ways that felt edgy. I was asking the men in my life for help to move out of some of my long-standing self-sufficiency patterns. And yes, I was going on dates all of the time. My friend was doing the same btw - she told me recently she has been on over 1000 dates in her life!!

In other words, I was doing the thing. So was she.

Because for us, finding love was a priority.

This doesn’t mean you always need to be in a season of dating.

But your reality tends to reflect what you consistently give your attention, energy, and resources to.

There are seasons for everything - and it’s ok if they fluctuate. For example, although my partner and I know we have areas of our relationship that need more attention, we’re both in heavy career growth seasons right now - and that’s by design.

He recently started at a demanding startup, and I am hyperfocused on growing and pouring love into my Substack, designing and building a product that is going to help you with ALL of this dating stuff (live next week!!!), and getting back into shape (moving in with a guy is the fastest way to lose your abs hah).

But all of this is aligned with our current goals around making more money, feeling healthy, and growing our individual careers. It’s intentional.

And if you look at my credit card statement, calendar, and even the inside of my brain…it’s clear that I’m investing in what matters to me.

When I hear that women desperately want a partner, but they are not actually consistently doing the things that would create that result, I scratch my head a little bit.

If you’re wondering if that’s you, here’s a helpful exercise:

1. Name the top three things you want to create in your life right now.

2. Now look at your calendar, your attention, and even your credit card statements. Are they congruent with those desires?

There’s no shame in realizing that your time is not alignment with your goals. But if that’s the case, change it!!! If you want an extraordinary relationship, make it your focus. I have no doubt that any woman who desires love can have it. The only women I’m concerned about are the ones who make dating an afterthought.

Andddd this is the perfect segue to announce the secret project that I’ve been working on for months!!!

Because one thing I know for sure is that there is a difference between knowing, trying once, and practicing consistently.

And I wanted to create something that would give women three things:

• The principles of attraction and dating they need to know

• A way to consistently practice

• Personalized feedback to illuminate their blind spots

And I’m finally ready to share it!!!

Introducing…

The Dating Practice. A personalized app to give you a daily dose of dating and call in the relationship you desire.

EEEK!

Yes, the secret is officially out! I have been building an app for the last three months that encompasses my entire dating methodology and is designed to help you stay engaged with dating - by simply practicing it.

The reason I built an app instead of a course is because I don’t believe dating is one size fits all. I wanted something that would adapt to you - your unique patterns and experiences in dating.

The very cool thing about this app is that it’s built with AI, so it’s completely responsive and personalized to what you share.

I’ve personally put my own relationship history through the app, and the insights are scarily accurate…

Here’s what’s inside The Dating Practice app:

• An 8-week guided curriculum that teaches you the principles of attraction, discernment, and intimacy that you need to know. Things like…

  • The IRL strategy that inspires men to approach you on the street (and in some of my student’s cases…even buy them dinner)

  • How to encourage a man to keep pursuing you (without playing games)

  • The simple way to stay open on a date so that the right men lean in (and why a lot of people get the whole vulnerability thing wrong!)

  • The three dating profile shifts that attract men that you’re actually into

  • How to tell if he’s just good on paper or worth giving another chance

• Plus: daily practices, personalized AI guidance, a Relational Map, and somatic exercises to help you actually practice what you’re learning.

  24 core teachings. 8 weeks. A new dating practice every day. Like are you in or are you in!?!?

You can join the Founder’s Club by joining the Dating Practice for $89 for 3 months or $249 for a year.

And save 20% through September 10th!

I could not be more excited for you to experience this - I truly believe this is what many women are missing in dating. The attraction and dating principles you need to know. A way to consistently practice. And the personalized feedback that will illuminate your blind spots. I have poured my entire heart and soul into this, and I know it’s going to be life changing!!

Plus, it’s available for a fraction of the price of my private coaching!

So excited to see you inside.

x Liz

As much as I looove writing about dating and relationships (and that will continue to be the focus of this Substack), I’ve started to feel this urge to expand outside of the School of Love.

Because your love life doesn’t happen (or not happen) in a vacuum - it’s a microcosm of what’s happening in your greater life.

I remember about five years ago, I had a season where it was raining men. And this wasn’t always the case for me - I had droughts galore previously.

When I really considered why the change happened, I realized something. I wasn’t just practicing what I teach about how to relate - things like signal, responsiveness, pacing, and being witnessed. I was also basking in a state of aesthetic bliss. I had taken a trip to the gorgeous mountain town Telluride, I had been sifting through vintage stores on the weekend, and writing from wine cafes on Thursday nights. In other words, I had been feeding my soul her favorite foods, and that energy leaked into my dating life.

And more recently, I’ve noticed how inextricably connected my work and my relationship are. I mean oooof it’s painful. The same exact patterns in both places. I talk about this more on this podcast.

All of this to say, your love life doesn’t happen in isolation. And I want this Substack to reflect that.

So yes, this Substack is going to change a bit - in the sense that I’m going to broaden what I’m speaking about. It will still be 75-80% about dating and relationships, but I’m also going to start bringing in three other topics that are near and dear to my heart, and also are deeply connected to my philosophies around relationships.

Without further adieu, here are the three new pillars you can expect to start seeing pops of in this Substack:

ONE: Meaningful work, creativity, and money

For those of you who don’t know, a little over two years ago, I left my very lucrative, decade-long Corporate job to pursue my passions in relationships, coaching, writing, and creating. And ohhhh MY have I learned a thing or two about what it looks like to truly find your thing (more on that below), and actually make money doing it.

A lot of entrepreneurs talk about how they always sucked at school, could never hold a traditional job - but I personally can’t relate to that at all. And part of me is actually jealous. Entrepreneurship is weirdly hard when you’ve gotten very good at following rules your entire life, wearing the right mask, and appeasing authority. I never had to learn how to be scrappy, open money portals, follow my own instincts, not rely on accolades to feel legitimate, and treat my creativity like my greatest asset rather than an afterthought. Rather, I had a PDF resume chock full of accomplishments that helped me to keep getting promoted in my sleep.

In the last two years, I’ve made a lot of mistakes and have an entire scroll of failures. Yet at the same time, my own sense of self has never been more intact. Plus, money has been falling from the sky recently, and I have some theories on why that I want to share with you. More to come.

TWO: Beautiful living: garden, decorating, skincare, books, style.

Ok this is the pillar of my soul. My partner regularly makes fun of me for how much I love a good aesthetic. But to me, beautiful living isn’t just a nice to have, it’s nervous system regulation, it’s inspiration, it’s an expression of self, and it’s a connection to the tactile world, that so many of us digital natives desperately crave.

My latest obsession is…my garden. In fact, I have been caught staring with love at my tiny jalapeno peppers. Closely inspecting the baby bell peppers. And of course, taking in the potent scents of my home-grown basil (which I swear is sooo much better than anything supermarket bought). I cannot even begin to describe how much joy this little piece of art is giving me - and of course, it makes our backyard all the more beautiful.

I’ve always had a natural knack for curating beauty in my everyday life that really feels like me - mostly because I’m a highly sensitive person and naturally very attuned to what feels and looks nice - and what is quality. I’ve recently been reading the book Aesthetic Intelligence, and I’m obsessed with it because it puts language to everything I’ve intuitively sought out my entire life.

I’m not sure what this pillar will look like quite honestly. I’ll definitely be sharing more personal photography, and maybe some thoughts and insights about the aesthetics and beautiful rituals I deeply value.

THREE: Life Design - living in congruence:

Ok low key (or maybe high key), this is my favorite pillar. Because something I’ve discovered over the years is that the secret to getting everything you want in life is becoming precise. Precise in your values and energy - and the way they translate to how you want to express yourself in career, love, and life.

Without this precision, it’s like you’re almost hitting the thing - you’re almost finding the person, you’re almost in the right career, but it’s like you’re adjacent to it. You’re close - but it’s not quite it. It’s not fully congruent.

This has been a life-long lesson for me. There’s a part of me that has a strong inner compass and a very acute sense of my own values, yet at the same time, I have a humility that can be both a strength - and can also leave me questioning myself, outsourcing my knowing to authorities.

I love learning new perspectives, experimenting with things that feel edgy, and being challenged. But I’ve noticed that I can take it to the extreme where I neglect my own inner voice because I feel like I’m “supposed to do things” a certain way.

For me, this has shown up big time on social media. When I initially started my business, I LOVED Instagram. I went mega-viral quickly, grew my audience nearly overnight, and suddenly had the platform I had dreamed of. I loved loved sharing there.

And then at some point, my energy waned. As I explored relationships more deeply, Instagram could no longer capture my own depth, and I felt like a shallow, generic, recycled version of self on there. I wanted to get away from it, but every business coach told me, “Nope. You NEED to be consistent on there to grow your business.” I would force myself to pull up Canva and create a post, and it literally felt like my soul was wasting away on the page. And eventually, my growth stalled too.

Well the irony is, when I finally eased my way off of it (I still post sometimes, in bursts during launches like right now!), and fully devoted myself to my real love: SUBSTACK, I started making more money than I EVER had on Instagram…and I attribute that to inner congruence - not strategy. Because I finally expressed in the way that my energy and soul naturally wanted to.

This is life design. And you can apply this to every facet of your life: love, money, business, health, home, lifestyle, all of it.

While I’m not sure the exact cadence I’ll share these topics, expect to see these pieces sprinkled in during the coming weeks. Plus some deep dives in the Fall.

I’m superrr curious: which of these new pillars are you most excited about hearing about!?

PS. I would be remiss not to tell you: The Dating Practice is here! An app that gives you a daily dose of dating to call in the love you desire.

Here’s all the goodies you get when you join:

• An 8-week guided curriculum that teaches you the principles of attraction, discernment, and intimacy that you need to know. Things like…

  • The IRL strategy that inspires men to approach you on the street (and in some of my student’s cases…even buy them dinner)

  • How to encourage a man to keep pursuing you (without playing games)

  • The simple way to stay open on a date so that the right men lean in (and why a lot of people get the whole vulnerability thing wrong!)

  • The three dating profile shifts that attract men that you’re actually into

  • How to tell if he’s just good on paper or worth giving another chance

• Plus: daily practices, personalized AI guidance, a Relational Map, and somatic exercises to help you actually practice what you’re learning.
  24 core teachings. 8 weeks. A new dating practice every day. Like are you in or are you in!?!?

Some words from the women who have experienced my teachings inside The Dating Practice!

You can join here for $89 for 3 months or $249 for a year.

And save 20% through September 10th!

I cannot wait to see you inside.

x Liz

The kind that was mostly hidden from plain sight. I was painfully shy as a child, quietly playing by myself at recess while the other kids roughhoused and played tag, but I eventually adapted. In the fifth grade, one of the most popular girls in the grade took me under her wing, and it was essentially a real-life version of Clueless. I stocked up on Abercrombie and Hollister clothes, learned how to talk to boys (well, kind of…), joined a softball team in spite of my lack of coordination, and ultimately joined a posee of well-liked, smart girls who gave me some confidence by association.

But underneath that, the social anxiety remained.

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For most of my twenties, that nervousness around people would still bubble up. I’d mentally rehearse conversation topics in my head as I rode up the elevator to meet someone. And I’d berate myself as I’d replay conversations where I slipped, stumbled, or said something objectively awkward. .

It took me until my early thirties to really start untangling it. And over the last few years, I watched that anxiety start to dissipate.

But I didn’t notice just how much it had changed until a few weeks ago, when I went to a networking event by myself and had a moment of clarity…

My social anxiety was gone. Poof.

It had disappeared without a trace.

I was sitting with a bunch of women who knew each other, but I didn’t know, at ease, telling stories, taking up space in the conversation, cracking jokes, just being myself.

And damn, did it feel good.

And to be clear, I didn’t suddenly become a person who never feels socially anxious. I still get nervous before certain conversations. I still get overstimulated in large groups. I still occasionally say something awkward and immediately think, “Oh god.”

The difference is that I don’t make any of that mean anything about me.

So what changed exactly?

We’ll get to that. And I think you’ll want to hear it. Because reflecting back, my social anxiety undoubtedly played a big role in my decade long period of singledom.

Because at the root, social anxiety comes from our own self-perception and how we perceive ourselves when we're relating to others. In other words, it’s less about the relationship to other people, and more about our relationship with ourselves when we’re with another. And that affects everything in dating.

Yup. Let that sink in.

Because here’s the thing: dating requires a very high degree of being perceived. Like it or not, the other person is evaluating you and the connection. And that can make us naturally socially anxious people absolutely spin.

Amping up our self-monitoring to the utmost degree, while we silently question:

Does he like me?

Does he think I’m attractive?

Is he bored?

Was that a weird thing to say?

Am I talking too much? Too little?

And then there’s another layer of monitoring: his reaction to us — hyperfixating on facial expressions, body language, and mood changes. And the questions continue.

Did that land? Why did his energy just change? Did I do something?

Which means we’re not just monitoring ourselves; we’re also monitoring him to figure out how we’re doing.

Are you exhausted yet?? Because I am.

And here’s the thing - when you are busy managing someone else’s perception of you (which btw is impossible to do!!), you aren’t actually letting a man experience you. Which ironically is one of the key things that builds attraction.

Because attraction grows when we allow a man to witness us - in a more raw, unfiltered form than our constant self-monitoring can allow. And when we feel worthy enough to take up space. And when we give him the chance to move towards us versus moving towards him.

You can’t do those things if you are anxiously in your head, worried about how you’re coming across, judging yourself for tripping over a sentence.

For me, this looked like:

• Asking a man a million questions to prove I was socially capable and a good listener - and to take the spotlight off of me

• Rarely taking up space myself, fearing I would bore him

• Performing a more upbeat version of myself instead of just relaxing into whatever I was actually feeling in that moment

• Fearing that a moment of silence in the conversation was a reflection of me being awkward

• Hiding my introversion - since I had concluded that part of me was undesirable...woof

And then feeling absolutely exhausted from the amount of pressure I’d put on myself to come across as cool, composed, and sexy. Double woof.

And while I was carefully watching myself to ensure I didn’t “mess up,” I wasn’t actually in the connection. I was outside of it, as if I was watching from afar, silently grading myself. And you can’t create real connection when you’re not really there.

That said, I don’t think the goal is to get rid of social anxiety.

In fact, sometimes, that tightness in your chest is not a sign that you’re too in your head on a date.

Sometimes it’s a signal that’s pointing to something else entirely.

Sometimes, social anxiety can actually be your system saying, “Hello! I’m uncomfortable here.”

Or “Hello! I’m done interacting. I need a break.”

When you sense your own anxiety coming up with another person, sometimes it simply means that the rhythm is off. That the two of you aren’t compatible conversationally, culturally, or energetically, and that’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with you.

And then sometimes, when you feel anxiety, or see yourself getting quiet, it’s a sign that you need to rest. That you’re craving space, alone time, peace.

Recently, I was at a Bachelorette party where I was on for 3.5 days straight. And then I gave out. I couldn’t do it anymore. Sitting with people was fueling anxiety - and rather than judging it, I just let myself lay in bed for the rest of the night. That’s body wisdom, not something that needs to be fixed.

So the question isn't “How do I make myself stop feeling this?” It's “What do I do when I feel it?”

Because being nervous for a date isn’t actually a problem. Being awkward doesn’t make you unattractive. Being quiet doesn’t make you hopeless in connecting with someone.

Being socially confident isn’t about eliminating every awkward moment.

Rather, it’s being okay with the awkward moments.

Something I often tell my clients to experiment with is sharing how a man is impacting them.

They’ll try it and report back, “Omg that felt so awkward. I feel like it just didn’t come out smoothly.”

I remind them that the point is not to be super smooth. The point is to be real. A bit of awkwardness is natural, relatable, and in many cases - adorable. Because it’s human.

We’ve been painted a picture of the ideal woman as effortlessly charming, composed, cool, and graceful. Always articulate, always pulled together, oozing sex appeal.

But I’ll be honest - that doesn’t exist. At least not without a tremendous amount of self monitoring and exhaustion.

Dating is inherently a bit awkward, and that’s what creates authentic connections.

Meeting a stranger from the internet, shyly telling someone you like them, breaking the physical barrier for the first time - none of this typically happens without some awkwardness.

And the person who is okay with that, the person who can giggle at those moments - is the most free - and ironically, the most attractive.

Okay, so if the goal isn't to eliminate awkwardness or nervousness, how do you become more socially confident in dating — and life?

Because let me tell you, this is the key to creating more opportunities for yourself, expanding your dating pool, getting pursued with more ease, and most importantly - feeling more free in yourself.

For me, this didn’t just happen. I did four intentional and powerful things to become more socially confident - and I still practice many of these things today.

And good news. You can practice these things too.

Let’s get into them.

Read more

His words felt like a pang in my heart - but also a sword of truth.

It was August 2021, and I was sitting on an outdoor patio, sipping (ok downing) margaritas with a man who would be my last ever situationship. An all too familiar and profoundly painful pattern I had experienced for nearly a decade.

After said margaritas, and a long conversation with my then therapist, I had finally worked up the courage to tell him the truth - I wanted more. The casual, on and off, confusing dynamic just wasn’t enough. I wanted to be all in - with him.

And he rejected me without hesitation.

The rejection stung - don’t get me wrong. But it was his words that followed that left me dead in my tracks.

“It actually makes me mad. When you say things like you’re going to be alone forever. Because it’s not true. I can guarantee you that if I called you five years from now, you’ll be sitting at home with a man who truly loves you. Maybe kids on the way. I have no doubt about that. You’re empathetic, you’re fun, you’re smart. Why are you so adamant that won’t happen for you?”

No one had ever called me out like that before.

And honestly - his words changed everything for me.

Today is August 5th 2026 - 5 years later.

I am currently writing this Substack from my at home office in Denver, Colorado while my partner is drinking a cup of coffee in our backyard. No human babies, but my sweet cockapoo fur baby is sleeping in the living room.

Turns out, my situationship was right.

The truth is - I don’t know if I would be here without his words. Because his words ignited something in me. If you read my last post, you’ll learn a bit about what happened immediately after that fateful day, and how I began to draw up some dating principles for myself that brought me through my subsequent three years of dating that followed.

But that was just the beginning. Because what followed in those three years - and still remains a work of progress today - was shedding much of what I had learned and believed about love during my 30 years on the planet.

It was trading things like…

• Social anxiety

• Fear of being alone

• Biting my tongue instead of saying how I felt

• Texting scripts

• Eye-roll books like Why Men Marry Bitches

• Trying to be universally likable

• Negotiating red flags because the connection was “worth it.”

• Believing connection created attraction

• And a life long story that no one chose me

For a tremendous amount of courage, social confidence, authenticity, self-trust, optimism, intimacy and attraction skills, and a near delusional belief that every day was a chance to meet my person. And today might be the day.

To be clear, none of this changed overnight. Some of these took months, some years, and some I’m still practicing today. But they started to pay dividends.

Because spoiler alert - I did meet my partner on a random Sunday afternoon walking my dog.

He asked me out on the spot.

One question I get all of the time is…how did you become an expert on dating?

Here’s the truth, and it’s not glamorous.

I spent 10 years dating. An entire decade of my life. Without any real, serious relationships.

At the time, it felt deeply shameful and embarrassing. Now, I have a tremendous amount of gratitude, because it allowed me to become a true researcher in dating.

Here’s what this looked like. Take something like consistent texting. There’s a lot of advice on how to “get” a guy to text you consistently and what to do if he doesn’t. I tried it all. Speaking up and telling men that I needed consistent texting to feel safe. Delaying text responses myself, responding shortly, or just ditching them altogether if I felt like they weren’t putting in effort. None of it worked.

At some point, I just went rogue and started following my own instincts.

And finally, things clicked.

I had gone on an incredible first date, the margaritas (yes again), were flowing, conversation was fascinating, we were both grinning ear to ear by the end. I was sure there’d be a date two.

And then I didn’t hear from him.

Not the next day, not the day after that, or the day after that. I felt a sinking pit in my stomach - did I misread things?

Finally, on the fourth day he texted me and asked to get together.

I remember feeling annoyed - you’re just going to come back around!? I agreed to go, but I also promised myself: I’m going to be honest with him.

We met at a local bar, and conversation felt easy, similar to date one. After an hour or so, there was a pause in the conversation, and I saw my opportunity.

“Hey, can I share something that feels vulnerable?”

He shook his head yes, and I started talking, with a bit of a tremble:

“I felt a bit nervous when I didn’t hear from you until today. Honestly, I just assumed you weren’t into me. And I was bummed because I really enjoyed our first date. I will say that I run more Anxiously Attached, so I do get in my head with texting sometimes.”

He looked at me with surprise. “Gosh, I’m sorry. You’re right, I should have checked in earlier, but I just lost track of things. I’m glad you told me.”

And yes, that man texted me immediately after that date. And without fail, he texted me after every single date going forward.

I remember being incredibly confused.

Because according to most dating experts, I was doing it wrong. Way too emotional. I shouldn’t have shared my Anxious Attachment Style so early on. I wasn’t playing it cool nor being mysterious.

And somehow, it worked better than anything else I had tried.

That moment turned into an obsession - why did that work?

I didn’t learn any of what I teach from a book nor a therapist.

Rather, I’m extremely observant, I’m good at making connections and seeing hidden patterns. And it was a hundred moments like that date that helped me discover truths about love and dating that I hadn’t seen articulated.

The specific mechanisms - the subtle language choices, the structure of the communication itself, the tiny energetic shifts - that created connection and inspiration in a man - versus the opposite. The tools and practices that led to choosing better men. The set of principles that changed how I moved through dating - that kept my frequency high, even when I got rejected.

Once I practiced all of this consistently, it changed everything.

And after testing these theories with 100+ women over the last three years, I discovered the real blocks that hold emotionally intelligent women back in love - and a clear path to help them find long lasting partnership.

So yes…I’ll accept the expert title, while knowing that dating and relating is a life long journey (which we’ll get to).

Emotionally intelligent women are an under-represented group of people in the dating market.

And a lot of the conventional dating advice simply doesn’t apply to them.

They are too smart and dedicated to their authenticity for dating rules and scripts, too socially adept for basic conversation tips, and too grounded to just “be in their feminine energy.” And they’ve already maxed out on therapy. Which is why they often remain chronically confused and disillusioned by modern dating.

If you can relate, know that most dating advice was never meant for you.

Rather, there are subtle patterns that no one is talking about that will give you the unlocks you need. (PS. Check out this post on how to get approached more which people have told me over and over, “I’ve never heard anything like this, and this is so me it’s scary.”)

This is why I started my Substack. Because while I had been posting on Instagram for years, and sometimes even going mega viral, I kept feeling like my insights were getting flattened by the limited word count and short form styles.

Dating isn’t simple. It’s one of the most psychologically complex landscapes around. And it’s impossible to explain concepts in a 7 slide carousel or 5 second reel…. or at least not in a way that helps people to make real change versus just continuing to collect information.

Ultimately, I was pulled to create this Substack in a similar way that I met my partner - following an intuitive hit that didn’t make sense at the time.

Now, Substack is my main content platform…and 90% of my clients are Substackers :)

They say that everyone is in one primary school.

There are three schools: The School of Health, The School of Money, and the School of Love.

I have always been in The School of Love. And in many ways - I still am. I’m not ashamed to say it, even as an expert in this space! (One thing I’ve realized since being in a partnership is that long term relationships are much more complicated than short term ones, hah).

What I’ve come to realize is that dating - and relating - isn’t just something you’re naturally good at. Because most of us were never taught. Rather, it’s a practice - one you never graduate from, especially if you want an extraordinary, long lasting relationship. Whether you're single, dating, or twenty years into a marriage, the work is the same: becoming more authentic, courageous, self-trusting, and skilled at creating intimacy and attraction.

It’s the way you make a Hinge prompt a tiny bit more edgy - and authentic.

It’s the way you let the barista know how much you needed that latte.

It’s the way you struck up a conversation with the stranger at the dog park.

It’s the way you told your date that you got nervous you didn’t hear from him.

It’s the tiny shifts, day in and day out, that compound overtime and change your external reality.

I feel so lucky that I found my partner. Yet at the same time, I have no doubt that if I had to be single again, I would be able to navigate dating with ease and find another relationship. Simply because I’m good at dating.

That's also why I'm becoming increasingly convinced that dating isn't something we should study every few months. It's something we should practice every day.

Which is exactly why I created The Dating Practice. An app to give you a daily dose of dating and call in the love you desire.

Inside, you’ll receive:

• An 8-week guided curriculum that teaches you the principles of attraction, discernment, and intimacy that you need to know. Things like…

  • The IRL strategy that inspires men to approach you on the street (and in some of my student’s cases…even buy them dinner)

  • How to encourage a man to keep pursuing you (without playing games)

  • The simple way to stay open on a date so that the right men lean in (and why a lot of people get the whole vulnerability thing wrong!)

  • The three dating profile shifts that attract men that you’re actually into

  • How to tell if he’s just good on paper or worth giving another chance

• Plus: daily practices, personalized AI guidance, a Relational Map, and somatic exercises to help you actually practice what you’re learning.

  24 core teachings. 8 weeks. A new dating practice every day. Like are you in or are you in!?!?

You can join here for $89 for 3 months or $249 for a year.

And save 20% through September 10th!

Five years ago I didn’t think this life existed.

Now I’m living it.

Not because I got better at following dating rules, healed my entire Anxious Attachment style, or nailed the flirty text.

It’s because I discovered what actually works - in relating, choosing, and navigating the world as a woman who deeply wanted to find love.

And I believe that EVERY woman (but especially the emotionally intelligent ones!) can have this.

Subscribing to this Substack is just the beginning :)

In my little corner of the internet, you can expect weekly posts (almost always on Thursday!) about modern dating, attraction dynamics, feminine energetics, and male psychology. Plus, a dash of entrepreneurship, design, and manifestation (my other passions that share so many parallels to dating & relationships!)

If you haven’t subscribed yet, this is your chance to!

Subscribe now

If I can leave you with something in the meantime, it’s to take stock of some of the beliefs that you are holding about dating and finding your person. You don’t even need to release them yet, but just become aware of what words you are repeating to yourself that aren’t even true - just like I did for many years.

To get you started…

You aren’t destined to be alone.

Not being good enough is an illusion, not truth.

And just because you haven’t felt chosen yet doesn’t mean that won’t change tomorrow.

All my love,

Liz

Every year, I’ll stroll through the tree-lined streets and feel like I’m seeing ghosts.

The oyster happy hour bar where he asked me to finally be exclusive.

The coffee shop just a few blocks away where he told me he couldn’t see a future with me.

The park bench I sat on wondering if this is how love would always be.

NYC was the peak of my dating loneliness. It was partially age. But also the nature of the city itself - a place where you can be surrounded by people yet feel invisible at the same time.

Friends were getting more serious with their partners, leaving me twiddling my thumbs on a Friday night. I found myself longingly looking at happy couples drinking dirty martinis in tiny Italian cafes, holding hands in Domino Park, and sitting knee to knee on the subway.

And I remember months of feeling hopeless - truly believing that I would be alone forever - and nearly succumbing to it.

Until finally having a moment of clarity when my last situationship crumbled around August of 2021.

I didn’t want to live like this anymore.

It was an awakening of sort or maybe a gentle slap in the face.

No more ambiguous relationships, even if the chemistry was through the roof. No more feeding my own narrative that I was destined to be a lonely spinster - or that I was too complicated to be in partnership. Or that my taste in men was too unique. Or that the type of man I wanted simply didn’t exist.

No more.

Sitting on the dock, staring out into the Hudson River, I started to write some new dating principles for myself. I carried these principles into my next chapter in Denver, and throughout my early 30s as I continued to search for the right person.

Looking back though, I don’t think this afternoon just changed my dating life.

It changed the way I moved throughout the world.

Because if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that your dating reality is just a microcosm of your life.

The way you approach career, community, family, finances, and day to day adulthood is a reflection of how you’re approaching dating.

And perhaps unsurprisingly, as I shifted my approach to life itself, my dating reality changed along with it.

And it was these seven principles that I practiced on a daily basis that gave me the motivation, confidence, and belief to keep dating through the ghosting, rejection, and heartbreaks until I met my partner.

I’m not dating anymore, but I still return to them regularly.

Because these principles didn’t just become my compass in dating - they became my compass in how to live an expansive, aligned life.

Now I’m sharing them with you too. Let’s get into it.

PS. Want to go deeper? Learn how to build attraction that lasts in my 4-day self-paced course, Deeper Attraction. Join here for $33.

Read more

I am fully unplugging for the week and soaking in all of the city goodness, so rather than a new article, I wanted to share a recent podcast episode where I was interviewed by my wonderful business coach.

In the conversation, we discuss:

• Why healing your attachment style doesn’t always translate to finding love

• The real reasons emotionally intelligent women struggle in dating

• The subtle ways you might be interrupting attraction and intimacy (plus some never before shared tips on how to instantly build connection)

• Three tips for staying in your own energy in early dating

• How social media & client work helped to heal my relationship patterns (plus hear some BTS around my own entrepreneurial journey)

So take a break from reading this week, and have a listen! Let me know what you think :)

And if you want to go deeper with me, come join my 4 day self-paced challenge Deeper Attraction where I teach you how to build attraction that lasts.

It includes:

• Four transformative teachings that teach you how to build attraction that actually lasts (75+ minutes of content)

• Four potent practices to instantly create attraction

• Lifetime access so you can keep going back to practice

You can access it for $33 here.

See you next week!

x Liz

Yet I left the conversation thinking one thing:

That was fine, but it felt a little off.

Which got me curious. Cue dissecting the conversation for the next twenty minutes trying to understand - what exactly was it that stopped this connection from fully landing?

Nothing “went wrong” persay. There wasn’t an obvious red flag or awkward moment. But something about the interaction just fell a bit flat.

And it made me realize something - this is exactly what happens in dating.

A lot of dates are just that - fine. Both people walk away thinking, “Yeah they were nice.” Without really caring if they see each other again.

And what I see time and time again is that many people make dating so much harder than it needs to be by trying to solve for the big things - their attachment style, their attraction to unavailable men, their confidence.

When the reality is - connection rarely breaks down because of one big mistake.

Because connection forms - or falls apart - in the micro-moments. In the subtle ways we relate to one another. Some that invite closeness, some that accidentally create distance, and some that move faster than the relationship can actually sustain.

And if you look closely, there are in fact clues within the dates that are just “fine.” The ones that are “good,” but you never hear from him again. And yes, also the ones that feel so real, but never turn into anything real.

So with that, let’s talk about the four signs that you are getting in your own way in dating. These are the subtle ways you might be influencing your connections - just not quite the way you want to.

And I’ll explain exactly how to shift each one so that you can inspire more interest, pursuit, and investment from the men you date.

Read more

I silently grinned - this was my secret power. I often got feedback like this from men and would end up in deep, fascinating conversations on first dates.

Marathon dates weren’t an anomaly for me - they were my norm. If a first date was under three hours, it must not have been going well.

This man and I had only been dating for a few weeks - but we had been friends first. Which made the floodgates open up even sooner.

That night, we sat at my tiny kitchen table in my Brooklyn apartment drinking red wine, as I told him about what I had recently discovered around Carl Jung’s shadow, divulging my own shadow parts in the process. (PS. If you don’t know about shadow, trust me…this is not date 4 material).

Which was followed by showing him my 40 item partner manifestation list in my journal that yes…he was a perfect match for.

I remember him laughing and leaning in with curiosity and surprise. Not giving me any signal that any of this was too much, weird, or freaking him out in any way.

Yet this connection panned out the same way as several others had before.

It wasn’t sudden, rather, it was a slow pulling away over the next few weeks that left me confused…what happened? Because he seemed to be enjoying the depth, the intimacy, the realness just as much as I did.

And that was the confusion about these types of connections.

They felt so real - yet they never turned into anything real.

And for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why.

Until years later, when I realized the truth about these dynamics.

Even though it felt like intimacy, it wasn’t. It was something else entirely.

And that was the real crux of why these relationships that felt soul deep kept quickly peaking only to fizzle out.

Let me explain.

Read more

Something I knew I was going to deeply regret.

I set up back to back dates.

This might sound like an intelligent, efficient way to date, but I knew myself. An introvert at heart, talking to strangers for 4+ hours in a single day was most likely going to leave me absolutely depleted.

In spite of knowing that, I had scheduled Date 1 for 10AM with an entrepreneur with a supplement business. We shared the same values, and he had even called to set up the date rather than the usual, “You wanna meet up sometime?” Hinge message.

I already had high hopes, but when he walked through the door, my mouth dropped.

He was a beautiful specimen of a human being.

6’2 with sandy reddish blond hair, a gleaming smile of pearly white teeth. Not at all the catfish type experiences I had in the past.

With a slight southern drawl, he said “Hey there,” and I thought to myself “Oooff. Yes.”

So what happened in the next two hours surprised me.

Read more

In spite of how objectively attractive he was, I felt myself grimace.

That can’t be true, I thought. He’s been talking about himself for the last two hours straight. We’ve been on three dates and he’s barely asked me a single question.

He doesn’t even know me.

“Do you want to go to one more bar?” He said looking at me up and down.

I wanted to do anything besides go to one more bar with this guy. I felt gross.

“I actually have an early morning,” I said, picking up my bag and giving him a quick hug and thanks goodbye.

As I walked to the front of the restaurant to order an Uber, I realized something.

My phone was completely dead.

I was at least three miles from my apartment in Hayes Valley, and I’m infamously navigationally-challenged.

I had a momentary thought of returning. At least to use his phone. But I didn’t want to spend a second more with this guy. I took a deep breath, and walked the nearly two hours home.

This happened to me a lot. Men would call me their dream girl, in spite of not knowing anything remotely personal about me.

On the surface, maybe this sounds like a dream itself…being lusted after. But the reality was, it was a unique kind of lonely.

To be wanted, obsessed over, for nothing more than my exterior.

Not to mention that these relationships never turned into anything real. As early as the fourth date or as long as three months down the line, they’d drop off, pull back, lose interest.

And I had to wonder…was it because they finally saw the real me?

It was a terrifying question.

I see this pattern in many of my clients -and some of my closest friends. And now, I understand what’s actually going on.

The irony is - he doesn’t pull back because he saw the real you.

He does so because you never gave him a chance to see you in the first place.

In other words, many of the men who lost interest weren’t rejecting me after getting to know me.

They were losing interest before they ever really met me.

Because you can't truly fall for someone you've only seen the surface of.

Let me explain.

Most of us approach dating like this:

Read more

It was 2017. We had known each other for a few years, and we were on our first official date.

We had just opened up the second bottle. Well, whatever walls that had been there before were definitely crumbling, I thought.

I was telling him more about my history, inner thoughts and philosophies than any man I had ever been with.

“Really?” I said. “I mean I’m basically telling you my entire life story!”

“I don’t know,” he said. “There’s just something I can’t quite reach.”

I wasn’t sure what he meant at the time, but interestingly, I had heard this from people all my life.

In fact, at my performance review at work that year, my manager said to me, “You’re doing great, but the team just feels like they don’t really know you. Can you work on sharing more of who you are?”

I bristled a bit, “What would that look like? Share more about what I like to do outside of work?” I said back.

“I don’t know. That’s not quite it. You just feel distant. People aren’t sure what you’re thinking.”

I remember feeling a bit annoyed. Why is this on a performance review at a corporate sales job?

And I was confused - because I was sharing a lot. I asked questions, I smiled, I shared about my obsession with the show Survivor.

Well, spoiler alert - I had the whole thing flipped on its head.

And now I know exactly what my manager and date meant.

And it explains something nearly invisible that held me back in dating - and that I see holds back otherwise warm, engaged, brilliant women from attracting and creating the types of relationships they want to.

The problem wasn't that I wasn't open.

It was that I wasn't responsive.

Which made me incredibly hard to read.

Let me explain.

Responsiveness looks like this:

“Do you want to get dessert?”

“Sure, let’s do it!”

Versus

“Do you want to get dessert?”

You laugh quietly and pause, “I was hoping you might tempt me. I’m feeling guilty because I’ve eaten ice cream the last three nights, but I’m having too much fun with you to say no.”

See the difference?

In the first example, he has no idea what you are internally experiencing.

He walks away thinking, “She seemed nice.”

In the second, you’re allowing yourself to be visible in response to his offer.

And he walks away thinking, “I like being around her. She seemed like she enjoyed tonight as much as I did.”

And that’s what makes responsiveness different from openness.

When people have a hard time reading you, they don’t get a clear signal around your interest in them.

And when an emotionally intelligent man is on a date, he isn’t just listening to you talk, he’s scanning for clues that he is reaching you.

And meanwhile, he’s silently asking himself:

Did what I say land?

Does that make sense to her?

Is she with me?

Is she enjoying herself?

Does she like me?

And ironically, while many of the emotionally intelligent women I work with are furiously looking for those exact signals in those around them and certainly the men they date…

They don’t realize that they are giving nearly zero of those signals back.

There’s a few reasons for this…

One is that emotionally intelligent women tend to be big internal processors - and especially if you are on the introverted side, you might be taking in what someone says without reacting visibly to it.

Another is that you may be so busy observing him, having a secondary conversation in your head around how the date is going, if he likes you, if you like him, that you forget to let him experience what’s happening inside of you.

Thirdly, a lot of us received messaging around playing it cool, being mysterious, and not showing too much interest. While a little mystery can be fun, most emotionally intelligent women are unintentionally taking this way too far.

Much of this is also temperament based and is simply a habitual way of relating. It’s not a flaw and you aren’t doing anything wrong.

But the problem is…

When you aren’t giving men visible feedback that they are landing with you, they often wonder:

“Can I be successful with this woman?”

This happens before he even chooses to approach you and certainly on dates.

Which is why men will often tell me, “I think she’s really cool, fun, and beautiful, and she keeps saying yes when I ask her out, but I can’t really get a good read on her. I’m not sure if I will reach out again.”

Meanwhile, you’re over there thinking, “Oh my God, did I say too much? I hope I didn’t scare him away!”

Here’s the thing: men tend to invest their energy where they think they'll get the highest return.

Alison Armstrong calls men the Great Calorie Conservers, and I love this phrase because it’s entirely accurate to what I’ve observed.

Now to be clear, this isn’t about giving him full access to you before he’s earned it - it’s about giving him clear indicators that he can be successful with you.

When this feedback loop is intact, it looks like this:

He validates something you’re doing.

You say, “Ooh. That was so helpful to hear.”

He looks for more ways he can support you.

And so on and so forth.

This is exactly how you can evoke more investment in a man quite easily.

Now interestingly, a lot of women think they are doing this. Like I said, many emotionally intelligent women have no idea they are giving almost zero feedback. But I’ve noticed even when they consciously try to convey interest, it isn’t always received.

A common one I hear is around making eye contact to get a man to approach you at somewhere like the gym.

You see a cute guy on the treadmill, you’re on the bike, and you consciously turn to him and lock eyes for a second.

You think that was bold. Meanwhile, he’s thinking…

• Was that an accident?

• Did she think I was someone else?

• Is she hoping to use my machine?

• Oh…maybe she finds me cute?

A moment of brief eye contact is ambiguous. Plus, it’s initiation. But it’s not a response. It’s not feedback.

Neither is:

How much you smile as you talk.

How open you are about your personal history, life philosophies, passions, interests, and goals.

How inquisitive you are about him - how many questions you ask.

Feedback is about letting the other person experience the effect they are having on you.

And that is how you convey your interest.

This might sound like a tiny shift.

But over the last year I’ve become increasingly fascinated by how these almost invisible interactional patterns completely change the way attraction unfolds.

Earlier this year, I taught a challenge called Deeper Attraction, where we practiced several of these patterns - not pickup techniques or flirting tricks, but the subtle ways attraction gets co-created between two people.

The responses after just the first two days actually surprised me.

Women weren’t dressing differently or sending flirtatious glances to men on the street. They were learning how to evoke more attraction naturally.

About six years after my performance review with my manager, I went on a date and told him how years ago, I had gotten feedback that I was hard to read. That I was distant and cold.

He laughed, and said, “You!? Your facial expressions give it all away. I mean, I saw that grin when the waiter brought over the champagne.”

The irony is that the easier I became to read - the more I allowed my interior to show - the more I got approached, asked out, and the more I get out of my partnership today.

And this is part of why I’m obsessed with helping women discover how they can express more feedback, more interest, more responsiveness - physically and verbally so that they can naturally create more interest, pursuit, and investment for men.

The women I coach don’t become more attractive because they become more mysterious.

They become more attractive because they become more responsive.

Men canf feel that they are reaching them.

Because attraction doesn’t grow simply because two people are having fun. It grows because each person gets to witness the effect they’re having on the other.

That’s what your responsiveness makes possible.

If this resonates, this is an example of of the micro-relational pattern that I help clients shift to inspire more interest, pursuit, and investment.

Most people are focused on trying to heal big patterns like

Heal my Anxious Attachment

Stop attracting unavailable men

Be less needy

Be more feminine

But in my experience, relationships are often built - or lost - in the hundreds of tiny moments that almost nobody is paying attention to.

This is exactly why I created The Dating Practice - an app that gives you a daily dose of dating to call in the love you desire.

Here’s all the goodies you get when you join:

• An 8-week guided curriculum that teaches you the principles of attraction, discernment, and intimacy that you need to know. Things like…

  • The IRL strategy that inspires men to approach you on the street (and in some of my student’s cases…even buy them dinner)

  • How to encourage a man to keep pursuing you (without playing games)

  • The simple way to stay open on a date so that the right men lean in (and why a lot of people get the whole vulnerability thing wrong!)

  • The three dating profile shifts that attract men that you’re actually into

  • How to tell if he’s just good on paper or worth giving another chance

• Plus: daily practices, personalized AI guidance, a Relational Map, and somatic exercises to help you actually practice what you’re learning.
  24 core teachings. 8 weeks. A new dating practice every day. Like are you in or are you in!?!?

Some words from the women who have experienced my teachings inside The Dating Practice!

You can join here for $89 for 3 months or $249 for a year.

And save 20% through September 10th!

I cannot wait to see you inside.

x Liz

And today, I want to share something I’ve never fully articulated before.

Why two women can have access to similar men, similar opportunities, and similar dating pools - yet create completely different dating realities.

Because after years of studying dating dynamics, I’ve noticed this truth:

Most women are very focused on who they’re attracting - but rarely on how they’re relating.

And while both matter, the second often remains unseen.

Because it’s easier to see the men who aren’t calling, committing, planning dates, or showing up and assume you just need to attract better men. And sometimes that’s true.

It’s much harder to see the subtle ways you might be interrupting attraction, pursuit, intimacy, or investment without realizing it. And that’s usually the bigger story.

This is the exact work I do. And today, I’m going to break down exactly how it works - and how to actually transform these patterns so that you can become the type of woman who creates the dynamics she desires.

The hidden reason emotionally intelligent women are successful everywhere in life besides dating

What I’ve noticed about emotionally intelligent woman is that they are exceptional at creating connection. Friendships come easy, co-workers like them, they can banter with the barista.

They’re curious, thoughtful, self aware, warm.

Yet what doesn’t come so naturally to them is one of the core things that creates attraction:

Allowing themselves to be seen.

Here are a few examples…

They make others comfortable because they are genuinely curious about people. But they’re also often keeping the attention off of themselves. Because being truly looked at, being someone’s object of fascination rather than the one facilitating connection can feel exposing. Suddenly, you’re not the one in control.

They curate themselves: They genuinely do want to be thoughtful in how they present themselves - they know first impressions are important. But much of the time - dating becomes an act. Their messy, goofy, awkward, emotional sides stay in the shadow, because being seen in that light might be unattractive. Yet this creates connections where men find you lovely, but can’t actually connect to you.

They are overly thoughtful with their communication: They know what you say and how you say it matters, but editing a text for 30 minutes in your Notes App means that he never really gets to know the real, the unfiltered you - which prevents him from truly attaching to you.

These behaviors tend to be so habitual that you may not even fully realize you’re doing them. Or you might even think they “work” with men.

But if they worked, would you be here?

And underneath, I often find the same fear:

What happens if someone really sees me?

I know these patterns intimately because I lived them.

I was personally overfunctioning, self abandoning, strategizing, idealizing, evaluating, curating my image for years…and no one ever told me. I couldn’t see it from reading Attached again, binging Relationship coaches on social media, or by daily journaling.

And at the root, there were fears of…would anyone really like me if they saw who I truly was?

And I’m willing to bet that you might recognize that story within you too.

Yet all of this was invisible to me - and is only obvious in retrospect after studying these patterns for years.

The ways you relate to others and yourself are often your biggest blindspots. Yet they are the root of everything that is manifesting in your dating reality.

What I actually do to shift these patterns & help women inspire more investment, interest, pursuit naturally.

Most women think their dating life is shaped by the big decisions.

Should I give him a chance?

Should I go on another date?

Should I walk away?

But I’ve found that dating realities begin to take shape much earlier in the interaction - in hundreds of tiny moments that feel insignificant at the time. That you’re probably not even questioning.

That’s why I work at the level of micro-decisions. These are the small habitual moves that you make throughout dating that you aren’t even aware of.

Think:

He asks you a really deep question on the first date. How much do you share?

He asks “How was your day?” and it was terrible. What do you say?

He said he was going to call, but then he didn’t. What do you do?

These moments seem insignificant - but they are the exact moments where attraction, connection, pursuit, investment are created or interrupted.

Because each moment is a chance to allow yourself to be seen - in your feelings, desires, truth, boundaries, standards.

Yet the question of how you respond is very unique to you. Because the woman who tends to go deep on a first date, accelerates intimacy, and falls into some oversharing would have a very different growth edge with that “How’s your day?” question than a woman who tends to keep her feelings and experiences locked away.

So what I do is threefold -

1. We identify your unique, hidden relational patterns. For example, maybe you realize that you're asking questions throughout the entire date - because having the attention on you actually feels uncomfortable.

2. I give you targeted, experiential exercises to experiment with new ways of relating. Maybe your homework is to ask 50% fewer questions on your next date and simply notice what happens in you and within the connection - if it feels awkward, if he initiates, if you worry you’re appearing uninterested or cold.

3. Then we process what actually happens. Because changing a pattern sounds simple until you actually try it. And try it again. This is where most people stop - they understand the pattern intellectually, but the moment they try something new and discomfort appears - they go back to their old ways. Together, we unpack that response so the new way of relating can actually become natural- not something you're forcing yourself to do.

This is not deep excavation of your childhood wounds, it’s very precise and direct - and frankly, it can be really fun.

It’s experimental, it’s playful, it can be squirmy, surprising - and yes…women tend to see shifts extremely quickly.

Here’s a graphic I made that shows how everything connects.

Here’s how this looks in practice - and how you can instantly change who you attract.

My new client came to me because she thought she was being too picky with men.

Within two sessions, we discovered that wasn’t quite the case.

Turns out, she actually has very good instincts. In reality, she’s been attracting immature men - her icks are real.

But why is she attracting these men in the first place?

Because her dating profile was concealing the actual things that make her interesting, unique, and deeper than meets the eye.

Why?

Because she was afraid of being seen.

She was attracting men who responded to the version of her she was willing to show - rather than the woman she actually was. The way she was relating was showing up in something as simple as a profile.

As we worked through the real pattern, she redesigned her profile to reflect her truer self, and while initially it felt exposing - the results were almost instant.

All of a sudden she started attracting higher quality, mature men who have quirky hobbies and actually plan real dates.

Plus, she said she’s enjoying the apps more because conversations are richer and more authentic.

And yes, this all happened in our first two sessions.

That speed isn't unusual. When you pull the right lever, things move quickly. What keeps women stuck for years is usually that they've been working on the wrong lever.

The real cost of your patterns is not what you think.

You might think the cost of continuing to repeat the same patterns in your dating life is staying single. But actually, I see costs that are much more significant than that.

You spend years trying to create connection, yet no one really knows you. Because you’ve become so skilled at managing perception and curating yourself, that people connect to that - and never know your interior.

You attract people who only desire you for the surface. And so even when they choose you, it doesn’t feel satisfying. And over time, you feel oddly more and more alone.

The more you hide, curate, manage, overfunction, or accelerate intimacy, the more you create experiences that seem to confirm your fears.

Which only makes you double down on those patterns tenfold.

Because if they don’t even choose the curated you - who would choose the real you?

These are costs no one talks about out loud. Rather, they invisibly live them.

And they don’t have to be yours anymore.

This is what we transform in my private coaching immersion: The Art of Magnetic Dating.

I’ve been developing this body of work for over three years now, and here’s who tends to get the best results:

• Women who are self-aware and has done the work - therapy, books, inner child healing - and you’re still stuck in the same patterns

• Women who are great at relationships in general…but something just isn’t translating to dating.

• Women who already attract men, but rarely feel something for them, except for the few you’re obsessed with (that never work)

• Women who are ready to actually date - to go out there, experiment, and work with what comes up in real life

And women who are ready to attract the type of partnership to match the woman they actually are.

Here’s how it actually works:

Over 4 months, you have deep, intimate access to me in my private coaching immersion: The Art of Magnetic Dating.

• 8 potent private sessions bi-weekly

• Customized teachings and homework that transform your exact patterns

• Real time coaching via audio messaging in between

• A library of trainings, frameworks, and concepts unlike anything else you’ve seen

If you’ve been reading my writing for a while now and you’re still here…this is for you.

In fact, my Substack readers have been some of my best clients ;)

The way to find out is by booking a Dating Clarity Call with me. It’s a 30 minute call where we look at what’s actually running your dating reality - the invisible patterns you still don’t see. You’ll leave with clarity regardless of whether we decide to work together. People have told me that this alone has unlocked a tremendous amount for them.

You can explore the Art of Magnetic Dating here.

PS. I have very limited slots for this work. I have a client graduating in mid-July, so I have 1-2 spots open right now. My prices are going up in the Fall, so if this is calling to you, let’s talk x

PPS. Resonate deeply but not quite ready to invest in private coaching?

You can start the journey to call in the type of partnership you desire with my best selling challenge, Deeper Attraction.

This is a 4 day self-paced challenge to teach you how to build long lasting attraction. It includes four transformative teachings and practices that teach you how to inspire more interest, pursuit, and connection. On sale right now for $33!

Join here for $33!

This is what my co-worker and close friend said to me as we walked down 33rd and 5th, on the way to our swanky Manhattan office.

“If that’s the case, we’re screwed,” I said laughing.

But privately, I wondered…what if she’s right?

I was 28 at the time, and had been navigating the NYC dating market with minimal luck. Sure, I got asked out, but most of the time, it was a hard no…on my end.

Well, except for the few men I fell absolutely head over heels for.

Fast forward five years later, guiding hundreds of women in love, I’ve noticed something about women who rarely like anyone.

It’s rarely about the dating pool in her city or bad Hinge matches.

Rather, they sort men into two categories.

They pedestalize men. Or dismiss men. And they often swing between the two.

Both of these are distortions - and they’re actually rooted in the same thing, which we’ll get to.

Pedestalization is intense admiration. You’re in complete awe of him and see him as possessing qualities that you believe you lack within yourself. You’ve decided he is rare and extraordinary, so much so, that you place him above you.

But pedestalization isn’t rooted in reality. You’ve locked onto a few qualities you admire and begin filling in the blanks - the Halo Effect takes over. You stop seeing who he actually is and start seeing who you imagine him to be.

And the reality is that this isn’t really about him - it’s about you.

What would it mean about you to date someone like that? What would it change about your own perception of self?

I remember a man at work I fell head over heels for. He was the highest achieving rep on our team, and he was charismatic and smooth with clients. At the time, I was shy and still developing social confidence.

When we started secretly dating, I felt like I was in a dream. But looking back, I see it wasn’t about him - it was how I felt about myself.

I held myself differently because being worthy of his attention meant something about my own value.

(Well spoiler alert, he was also hooking up with half the office).

Know that he, no matter how great he seems, is just a symbol. A symbol of status, validation, approval, and future happiness.

You’ve stopped asking: “Do I truly like this man? Can he give me what I truly need?”

And are only asking: “How can I be chosen by someone like him?”

Cue the “proving” energy.

Now, if you have this pattern, you also have the flip of this pattern. It’s how all patterns work.

And the flip is dismissal.

Dismissal feels more shadowy than pedestalizing which is why we don’t always see it for what it is.

But dismissal is simply pedestalization’s opposite pair. It’s looking down on someone, and it’s rooted in judgment or even disgust.

Similar to pedestalizing, dismissal is also not fully based in reality. You’ve locked into some negative things that you would never want to be associated with. That you’d never want to carry or embody yourself, and you distance yourself from it by judging it. And dismissing him. It’s a form of ego protection.

Yet the truth is that just like pedestalizing, you aren’t seeing the whole person. You are seeing a slice of them.

And the better question is, why are you having such a reaction to this person?

Usually your negative reactions are rooted in your own self judgement.

Let me give you an example:

A few years ago I went on a date with a guy on Hinge I was pretty excited about. He showed up to the date wearing a… sweater vest. I immediately was like ew. No. Who wears that? So dorky I thought. I noticed he was fidgeting a bit too. And honestly at that point, the date was already over for me.

Later, I texted my bestie who I often traded date stories with. “Ugh he showed up wearing…a sweater vest! I mean nooooo.”

My friend surprisingly said, “Liz that’s actually kind of mean. Give the guy a break.”

I felt embarrassed. And I did some much needed reflection. Why was the sweater vest giving me such an ick? Why was I reacting like that?

Because under the sweater vest, I saw someone dorky. Uncool. Awkward. Socially weird. And all night, my mind furiously scanned for the other pieces of evidence to complete this story. And have the grounds to dismiss him.

Because the truth was - for a long this was my fear - being an uncool, awkward dork.

And this is why I had developed such high standards of social etiquette and self composure - for myself and anyone I dated.

Most of what you are judging in men are things you would never allow yourself to be.

At first glance, pedestalization and dismissal look like opposites.

One looks like admiration, and the other looks like judgment.

But underneath, they’re rooted in the same thing: not enoughness.

When you pedestalize someone, you’re saying, “They have qualities I wish I had.”

When you dismiss someone, you’re saying, “They have qualities I need to make sure I never have.”

In both cases, you’re relating to your own insecurities more than the person standing in front of you.

You’re not seeing them clearly. In fact, it’s not about them at all. You’re simply seeing them through the lens of your own self-judgment.

Now when this is the way you relate to men you meet, it’s no wonder you rarely like anyone - you only have two categories: you’re better than me or you’re worse than me.

And part of the reason why we do this is because we crave certainty in dating. Pedestalization is an instant yes, dismissal is an instant no.

Both are clear. And clarity feels safer than curiosity.

Yet real, lasting attraction develops when you’re willing to tolerate not knowing yet. When you see a person’s humanity - their strengths and their weaknesses, and can stay in the phase of “I’m not sure if you’re right for me yet.” And then choosing to get to know them as a whole person, good and bad. Instead of a fantasy.

This is the point where most dating advice tells you to be more open-minded, give more people a chance, and stop having such high standards.

But I don’t actually think that’s the solution. Because you can’t force yourself to like someone you don’t or shame yourself into being cool with his sweater vest.

Rather, the solution is a healthy dose of self compassion.

When we are compassionate towards ourselves, we are compassionate towards others. We see the beauty in ourselves and others. We see the flaws in ourselves and others, and we hold them with love and curiosity rather than judgment.

And compassion is about giving yourself permission to be the things you judge - for me, the dorky, awkward, uncool version - and loving yourself anyway.

It’s not holding yourself to impossibly high standards - allowing your own humanity and imperfection to come forward.

It’s seeing that the traits you pedastalize already exist in yourself. That’s why you recognize them in the first place.

The women who struggle most in dating are often not seeing men clearly.

They are seeing mirrors.

Mirrors of what they desperately want to be.

Mirrors of what they’re terrified of being.

And until they make peace with both, they’ll continue believing there are only a handful of men worth getting to know.

Because the goal in dating is not certainty, it’s seeing someone accurately. And when you’re looking through a lens of judgment, even the best men will be invisible.

This is one of the many hidden patterns I help women uncover inside private coaching.

Because the goal isn’t just finding a partner - it’s actually about seeing yourself and the men you date more clearly.

It’s one thing to read an article like this - and another thing to actually start shifting these patterns to start seeing men more clearly.

This is exactly why I created The Dating Practice - an app that gives you a daily dose of dating to call in the love you desire.

Here’s all the goodies you get when you join:

• An 8-week guided curriculum that teaches you the principles of attraction, discernment, and intimacy that you need to know. Things like…

  • The IRL strategy that inspires men to approach you on the street (and in some of my student’s cases…even buy them dinner)

  • How to encourage a man to keep pursuing you (without playing games)

  • The simple way to stay open on a date so that the right men lean in (and why a lot of people get the whole vulnerability thing wrong!)

  • The three dating profile shifts that attract men that you’re actually into

  • How to tell if he’s just good on paper or worth giving another chance

• Plus: daily practices, personalized AI guidance, a Relational Map, and somatic exercises to help you actually practice what you’re learning.
  24 core teachings. 8 weeks. A new dating practice every day. Like are you in or are you in!?!?

Some words from the women who have experienced my teachings inside The Dating Practice!

You can join here for $89 for 3 months or $249 for a year.

And save 20% through September 10th!

I cannot wait to see you inside.

Yet when it comes to dating, it’s like things don’t translate.

Hello, that was me.

I’ve always been surrounded by friends, been a part of community, I even had a near decade long career in sales. Needless to say, I didn’t have a problem connecting to people.

But when it came to romantic relationships, committed partnerships, and dating past the three month mark…that always eluded me. And I never knew why.

Until now - after studying these patterns the last three years, and ultimately finding a committed relationship of my own, I finally understand why the most self aware, emotionally intelligent, relationally-oriented women struggle with dating.

Because the truth is…the exact things that make you a great friend, a great colleague, a great human…are often the EXACT things that block you in dating.

YUP. Let that sink in. Let’s break it down.

Read more

“Or maybe I’m just a terrible flirt. Like, really bad.”

These are the things the self aware, emotionally intelligent women I work with tell me is blocking them from partnership.

But in my experience…it’s something completely different. In many cases - these five things.

Read more

This was the first truly adventurous man I ever dated…and it woke up something inside of me.

We were friends first, both living in Brooklyn, and our first outing together was a hike two hours outside of the city. What followed was moped rides through Queens to tiny Asian supermarkets, a spontaneous cross country trip to a cabin in rural Idaho, and cooking marathons where we’d spend hours slaving over elaborate, rich meals with organic wine in hand.

It was adventure at its finest. My friends told me that they’d never seen this side of me before. And when things ended, I remember feeling like a part of me had died.

And I didn't know it then, but I was about to learn something about myself that took years to untangle.

Read more

As in, he had to be smart, emotionally intelligent, and sociable. He had to have depth - we needed to be able to have deep, philosophical conversations. And I needed to feel emotionally met - he had to make me feel seen, had to get me, understand me, and make me feel alive.

Yeah my bar was high.

And when I’d get on a first date - I would immediately be scanning for these things. Not as much his looks - but more so - the vibe. Not just his, but between us.

I was really looking for a flow. Was there a natural rhythm to this conversation? Does our connection have ease or is there force? Does he seem to “get it?”

And if that wasn’t there, immediately, he was out. And I’ll say for 95% of men I went on dates with - it was a no. A quick no, a hard no. Just a no.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, my clients say the exact same thing.

When I ask them what they are looking for on a first date, they talk less about his looks and career, and more about that inexplicable feeling of being connected. Eye contact. A steady gaze. That comes up every time.

Ultimately, what they’re referring to is chemistry - but not necessarily physical. It’s an emotional, intellectual and energetic resonance. It’s a felt sense that he is actually with them in the conversation, responding, engaging, present and attuned. It’s a form of emotional intelligence that matches perfectly with their own.

And I know exactly what they are talking about - because this is what I was looking for too. For YEARS. And honestly I believe this was a huge reason that I stayed single for so long.

Yet, here’s where it gets interesting.

I've written about how I first met my partner, but I've never actually told this part of the story before.

To set the stage - prior to meeting my partner, I had an eight month dry spell. Which wasn’t entirely new to me as a self proclaimed “picky woman.” But this time, it was really a drought. I’m saying ZERO second dates.

And it wasn’t for a lack of trying. I was swiping away on Hinge, out in the wild, wearing dresses in Denver (a place where nearly everyone is wearing Birkenstocks and anything but that immediately stands out to men).

But nothing clicked. I was more than a little fed up by early March 2023, when I was walking my dog on an uncharacteristically warm Sunday afternoon.

Out of nowhere, a tall man who definitely looked too old for me came up to me and asked to pet my dog. To my surprise, he then asked if I wanted to grab a beer on the spot.

I honestly was so impressed by his initiation and leadership that I didn’t think twice before saying yes.

As we walked from there to the brewery down the street, conversation was…awkward. I remember trying to keep things going… “So where do you live?” “Do you walk around here often?” “Is this your usual Sunday routine?”

Desperately trying to make this guy comfortable, open up a bit. But he kept walking fairly stiffly ahead, making very little eye contact with me.

I was like, oh boy. Ok it’s one drink. Whatever. I’ll just enjoy it.

Once we sat down and we both had beers in front of us, the small talk continued. And then at some point in the conversation, the energy shifted.

There was more ease, an opening. He seemed more grounded, confident. I felt myself talking about myself way more than I usually do (I was almost always the one asking questions on dates).

By the end of our first date, I thought to myself - Ok that was really good. I really like him. But also, I think he might be a little too normal for me. Like he seems like a regular Denver, all American guy who likes beer and sports. Meanwhile, I was practicing hypnosis, building a business around attachment styles on Instagram, and running my Astrology transit chart on the regular. Not every guy was going to be a match for that.

And then he gave me his Instagram.

Boy was I surprised. It was artistic, deep, thoughtful, and smart. Funny. Goofy. Quotes, personal thoughts, candid photos of his friends. I was like…where was this guy? I didn’t see this side of him.

I get a laugh from his friends and family when I say I knew he was right for me the second I saw his Instagram. They think I’m kidding. Hah.

The truth is - there was so much more to my partner than met my eye.

And if I had trusted my “instincts,” and “standards” (One being that I’d never date anyone 7+ years older than me. He’s 10! And yes, he had already gone gray. Never saw that in my ideal partner visualizations…), I probably would never have actually given things a chance to develop.

As those of you who are familiar with our story know, our connection did feel right in the dates to come, and there was a lot of resonance and natural chemistry (so much so that things went a little too fast). But not immediately.

It was actually only in those weeks to come (and now the months and years), that I realized what I actually desired from a partner (and felt with him) was ease. That was what was behind the desire for that natural rhythm, shared depth, and emotional intelligence.

And the truth is - ease is not always immediate.

This is why I encourage clients to reconsider the way they are “assessing men.” Go a layer deeper than just “I want conversation to feel natural” - what are you really after? Question some of your instincts that are often protective rather than in service to you - think, the snap judgments on Hinge, the assumptions about who he is and who he’s not.

And to recognize - you are co-creating your dynamics. We can’t expect someone we are just getting to know to make us feel alive, seen, heard, and known right away. And when we put those expectations on someone, it often creates an energetic barrier - which shuts down a connection before we even get a chance to tell if there is any potential.

What if rather, you just let yourself actually experience a man? Without expectation? Because that openness, that ease within yourself might be the very thing that creates ease in him - and ultimately, between the two of you.

My partner has now told me that in those first minutes of meeting me and talking to me, he was essentially having an out of body experience. Disconnected from himself, nervous, not really him. He said he hadn’t seen a woman who he was that attracted to in a while, and he was having a…moment.

I suspect a LOT of men experience some version of this on a first date or with a woman they really like.

So this is my invitation to you. Not to give up all your standards or settle for a man that doesn’t make your heart skip a beat. I don’t want that for you. But rather, to stay for a beat longer. Or maybe multiple beats.

Say yes even though he’s a little too old for you. Go on a second date even if he didn’t make great eye contact. Let go of the expectation that someone is going to make you feel seen on a third date. See if someone can see you over time instead.

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The women inside were doing dating very “well.”

Their approach was mature, intentional, thoughtful - not at all chaotic, unhealthy, or naive.

Yet…they were still blocked. Still struggling to find the partner they knew they are meant to connect with.

And through the week, five very sneaky, attraction-interrupting behaviors emerged.

These are behavioral patterns, archetypes really, that I’ve been working to articulate ever since I started coaching women in relationships back in 2022.

And these are patterns specific to emotionally intelligent, smart, thoughtful women, that very subtly block them in love.

The reason why these behaviors are so sneaky is that from the outside, they actually look like maturity. Dating “smartly.” Or as many people call it “Conscious Dating.”

Yet the truth is that these behaviors are often the exact thing that blocks emotionally intelligent women from finding love.

And I’m going to share them with you today…I have a feeling you might recognize yourself.

Because most women don’t just have one of these - they rotate between 2–3 depending on the man and the moment.

Read more

And I can’t stop thinking about it.

Because it illustrates exactly where we’ve gone so wrong in modern dating. And what it actually looks like to build attraction that can last for decades.

My parents met back in the summer of 1983. They were both Cornell University grads, living in my hometown, Boston, Mass. My mom was a baby - barely 23. She didn’t own a car, and she needed a ride back to Cornell that coming weekend to meet some friends.

A friend of hers knew my dad was driving up and put them in touch. When my dad called to confirm plans, they began chatting. At one point, my mom goofily messed up the year she graduated (I think she was already getting butterflies!), and my dad started cracking up. Not in a mean way - but playfully…which was so him. The flirtation had already begun.

That weekend, my mom showed up in her favorite outfit - a pink, off the shoulder top with a bow on the side. My dad, who worked at Dollar Rental at the time, picked her up in a big, fancy car (I’m guessing it wasn’t a Subaru like I have!). My mom was immediately impressed, her eyes lighting up when she saw where she’d be spending the next five hours.

She hopped in - it was a little steamy inside, so my dad started blasting the AC and rolled down the windows.

“This is awesome!” my mom exclaimed with pure joy. She had never been allowed to run the AC while the windows were open.

My mom soaked it in, reveling in the warm summer breeze and the icy cool air coming out of the vents, taking in the luxury of the soft leather seats, the freedom of “breaking the rules,” and the handsome, kind man chauffeuring her to Ithaca, New York.

By the time they arrived at Cornell, my dad had asked her out.

They were married three years later.

What strikes me about their story isn’t just how they met (although I’m a sucker for a synchronistic, meet-cute!)

It was how easy it was for BOTH of them to feel attraction in that moment.

My mom wasn’t analyzing my dad - or her own feelings.

She didn’t make sure to clarify, “But what are you looking for?”

She wasn’t using a mental checklist to assess whether he had the qualities she was looking for in a husband. She wasn’t asking “Is he the one?”

And I’m glad she didn’t. Because on paper, my dad might not have been a match that “made sense.”

My mom was from a wealthy, upper class Jewish family who valued education and prestige. She was studious, taking extra classes at Boston University at the time, planning to get her masters at Brown (she did!)

Meanwhile, my dad was from a huge Irish Catholic family with seven siblings - six boys, one girl. Half of the time, there wasn’t enough food to go around at breakfast. All the kids would be fighting over the box of cereal, so much so that it would go flying all over the cracked linoleum floors. My dad spent the summers painting and working as a valet to pay off his student loans. He had little money. But a big heart.

And my mom could feel that.

Because on that first car ride, she was in the moment. Experiencing my dad, the environment, and the joy and freedom of it all. She allowed herself to be moved, impressed, in a state of awe.

As a result, attraction had somewhere to land.

And here’s the part most people don’t realize.

Attraction doesn’t just happen when you meet the right person…nor is it guaranteed to last.

It’s co-created moment by moment, from the very first interaction.

And it requires space, openness, and presence to flow.

(PS. This is something I’m going to be teaching much more deeply inside my Deeper Attraction challenge next week! Join us for $11.)

Once you see attraction in this way, you’ll see how easily it gets interrupted, especially in 2026.

Because when I think about how modern women date today…well, it’s not doing any of us any favors.

Today, our reality is that we swipe through men, deciding in seconds whether or not to give them a chance…and if their profile doesn’t make our heart skip a beat…it’s NEXT.

We try to figure out where things are going early on because we can’t deal with uncertainty. We ask for immediate clarity: “What are you looking for?” We state our needs from the beginning, telling him how much texting we need to feel safe. And unintentionally, we collapse the intrigue and mystery that early relationships need to thrive.

Or we go in the other direction, holding back what we feel to avoid seeming like too much. He asks us how we’re doing, and we say fine, even if we’re not. We think this makes us independent, not a burden…yet this prevents men from feeling like they could have a meaningful place in our lives.

And ultimately - we are in our heads. Constantly. Not feeling, but evaluating and analyzing. EVERYTHING.

And because of this…attraction simply doesn’t have anywhere to land.

Most smart, emotionally intelligent women think they just haven’t met the right person yet. They need to learn how to meet better men. And sometimes that’s true.

But before that, they need to learn how to create the conditions where attraction can even happen.

I know this all too well myself. Before I met my now partner, I was single for a decade.

Not because I never got asked out…I literally went on hundreds of dates. I just rarely liked anyone, except for a few men that I was crazy obsessed with and was convinced were soul connections. And those were the men that were “not ready,” of course.

It wasn’t until I changed my approach to dating that things changed. And no, I didn’t do more healing work or memorize feminine energy rules.

I learned how to show up in a way that was more open, more present, and more available.

And almost overnight, I started meeting LOTS of men I liked. For the first time, I felt like I had options.

Ultimately, I re-connected with my partner in 2024. And I do not think that our reunion was coincidental. I was in a space where our relationship could work - where our attraction could grow into something real.

Know that none of this is your fault. In our modern world, it’s very easy for attraction to get shut down. Life is much more complex today than it was for my parents. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn to embody some of the principles that they knew deep in their bones to better allow attraction to build - and last.

Because it’s not about becoming more attractive.

It’s learning how to stop interrupting the attraction that’s already trying to happen.

This is exactly what I’m going to show you next week inside the Deeper Attraction 5 Day Challenge.

Not just what to do, but how to see in real time where attraction is building… and where you might be stopping it from getting off the ground.

In Deeper Attraction, you will:

• Notice the exact moments you’re interrupting attraction

• Express yourself in a way that makes him naturally want to lean in

• Learn how to create intrigue without playing games or manipulating

• Activate a new energy that allows for more connection on both sides

• Build attraction that actually lasts - rather than fades

Join us here for $11. We start on Monday 4/20 (pre-party starts Friday 4/17!)

I cannot wait to see you inside!

PS. A few of you live outside of the US and have asked me if this is time-zone friendly: YES! Deeper Attraction includes five audio trainings and five powerful practices that you can listen to in your own time. We will also have a community group of insanely cool women from all over the world (I’m talking doctors, scientists, lawyers, and writers) to share insights in real time.

PPS. If you’ve already joined, don’t forget to join our Telegram Group ASAP. This is where all of the trainings will be posted! (You received the link in your email after signing up)