Welcome back to Ask Liz, the weekly column where I answer your most pressing life questions—the ones you’d ask your most knowledgeable friend if she happened to have done a deep dive on literally everything.

Every week, I go deep on one real question submitted by YOU and provide science-backed and expert-informed solutions. These posts are free for everyone, but paid subscribers get access to our full archive plus the option to submit a question directly to me. Not a paid subscriber yet?

Upgrade me!

If you’re already part of the fam, you can scroll down to the bottom of this post and submit your question there. Now, let’s get into today’s question.

Dear Liz,

My job tends to be lighter in the summer. A few of my coworkers are on PTO every week, and this year, I took full advantage: I went on some amazing weekend trips, rolled in and out of the office whenever I felt like it, took long lunch breaks, and worked outside a lot. It was glorious!

But as soon as September 1 hit, the energy completely changed. The emails hitting my inbox have doubled, and everyone is putting meetings on my calendar. The immediate busyness is happening outside of work, too—friends I didn’t hear from all summer are checking to see when we can meet up for dinner, and my mom is already reaching out about the holidays. I’m so overwhelmed by this sudden shift and want to go back to summer. Help!

—Missing August

Hey MA,

The end of summer is so rough, huh? I’m a Leo, and I love my birthday (it’s in August, if you’re not an astrology enthusiast), so when summer ends, it feels like the end of this whole festive season. Suddenly it’s all work, no play, and it feels like a huge bummer.

So, I totally get why you’re feeling anxious and overwhelmed with all the back-to-school fresh start energy that’s happening right now. After taking it easy all summer, suddenly everyone is taking out their to-do list and trying to check items off as quickly as possible. Maybe I’m aging myself, but remember that Green Day song “Wake Me Up When September Ends?” It wasn’t actually written about what you’re describing, but it might as well have been!

Now, enough commiserating—let’s talk about what you can do to feel better about this month, which can actually be quite fun.

Consider that structure is NOT the enemy

As a naturally anxious person, I used to think that the best way to mitigate my anxiety was to leave my days as open as possible. Surely if I committed to too many things, it could only lead to a panic attack.

It’s only recently that I’ve realized the opposite is true. My willy-nilly days are actually the times when I’m most anxious, because I end up ruminating, or trying to relax by watching a show and end up scrolling instead.

And there’s a reason I feel like this: Research actually shows that having structure and predictable daily routines lower cognitive load and signal safety to the brain. This frees up space for you to be a better problem-solver, more creative, and of course, calmer. Your summer was great, and I get it—but maybe part of what made it great was knowing it wouldn’t last forever. As human beings, we’re meant to have structure! Knowing that getting back into a routine is actually benefiting your brain and mental health is a nice reframe.

You probably have more time than you think

You didn’t directly say it, but after such an easy summer, I’m going to guess that right now you don’t feel like you have enough time for everything you want to do.

I had time researcher Laura Vanderkam on the podcast a while back (you can listen here, if you’d like), and she told me that most of us tell ourselves a story about time scarcity when we actually have way more of it than we think.

Here are the actual numbers that convinced me: there are 168 hours in a week. Even if you're working 50 of those hours and sleeping 8 hours a night (as you should be), you're still left with 62 hours for everything else. That’s a lot of hours for you to relax, if that’s what you want to do!

To find those pockets of time, she suggests tracking how you’re spending every hour of your day, just for three days. You might find you’re spending a lot more time scrolling during the workday than you think, and you could spend that time taking a long lunch. See what I mean?

Lean into fall a little

I think Starbucks releasing their Pumpkin Spice Latte in August is wrong and very depressing, but once September 1st hits, I’m all about embracing fall as a way to beat the end-of-summer blues.

There’s so much to love about the “ber” months. The pretty colors on the trees, the cinnamon brooms in the grocery store that smell amazing, sweater weather, Halloween (yes, I still dress up for Halloween as a 40-year-old woman), pumpkins, yummy fall desserts, and the list goes on.

If you’ve been around for a while, you know I swear by The Novelty Rule, or the idea that life feels richer, longer, and more joyful when you’re doing new things that break up the monotony of day-to-day life. So, consider making a list of fall-themed Novelty Rule ideas and checking them off one by one! Here are some good ones to get you started:

• Go apple picking

• Visit a pumpkin patch (obviously)

• Get a fall-themed drink at your favorite coffee shop

• Go foliage peeping

• Invite people over for a scary movie night

• Throw a fall-themed dinner party

Good luck with this! I know it’s a tough one. I’d love to know: Is anyone else feeling overwhelmed right now?

Leave a comment

Xo,
Liz

Looking for your next podcast listen? On Monday, I reshared a favorite vulnerable episode about my own health journey, which involved me losing 30 pounds and improving my heart health after some scary blood test results. And in today’s episode, I talked with the incredible , who has one of the most insane resumes I’ve ever encountered: She’s been the #1 female poker player in the world, a Supreme Court attorney, and the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company. In the episode, she shares why agency is the key to success—and how to cultivate it.

🎧 How I Lost 30+ Lbs & Improved My Heart Health: The Action Steps That Actually Worked For Me

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

🎧 The ONE Trait The Happiest, Richest Women Have In Common (Anyone Can Have It)

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Just like the person who wrote in for today’s column, I’m for sure dealing with some end-of-summer blues. So in the spirit of leaning into fall, I’ve gotta recommend this pretty candle warmer, which has almost 2,000 five-star reviews on Amazon, and is a great option for anyone who wants their candles to last longer and eliminate some gross candle byproducts like soot and smoke.

Got a question for me that you want answered here in this column?

Follow the link below!

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Welcome back to Ask Liz, the weekly column where I answer your most pressing life questions—the ones you’d ask your most knowledgeable friend if she happened to have done a deep dive on literally everything.

Every week, I go deep on one real question submitted by YOU and provide science-backed and expert-informed solutions. These posts are free for everyone, but paid subscribers get access to our full archive plus the option to submit a question directly to me. Not a paid subscriber yet?

Upgrade me!

If you’re already part of the fam, you can scroll down to the bottom of this post and submit your question there. Before we get into it…

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Now, let’s get into today’s quesiton!

Dear Liz,

My best friend had a baby three months ago, and I swear I’ve talked to her like three times since her son was born. For context, before the baby, we FaceTimed regularly, sent texts throughout the day, and saw each other a couple of times a week. I went to visit her in the hospital right after the baby was born, and it really felt like all my fears around our friendship changing once she had a kid were unfounded—she seemed completely like herself. But since then, she’s been almost completely unreachable.

I’m not sure how to approach the situation, because I think there’s a real possibility that she’s dealing with some postpartum mental health issues. On the other hand, I could be reading the situation completely wrong. Mostly, I just miss her. What should I do?

— Missing My BFF

Hey MMB,

As a freshly minted 40-year-old, I gotta tell you: I understand where you’re coming from. Many of my friends my age have had babies, and I’m child-free. The transition is always a little jarring (and I imagine even more jarring for the person who had the baby), and I can see how it would be especially hard to go from talking to someone several times a day to barely hearing from them at all. Especially if you’re concerned about their mental health. So let’s talk through what you can do about it.

Understand that the newborn phase is very much that—a phase

Look, you and I have never had babies, so we don’t really know. But from what I’ve heard from friends, those first three months are really hard. The baby eats a lot, poops a lot, barely sleeps. Most likely, your friend is in a fog as she tries to figure out her new normal, and also completely exhausted.

The phrase “this, too, shall pass” wasn’t coined for the newborn stage, but it may as well have been, because in another three months this baby will probably be sitting up and eating solid foods. He’ll be a completely different baby! And your friend might also feel completely different. If there’s any time to try to ride things out, it’s right now. Because I hate to say it, but her friendship with you probably isn’t top of mind right now.

You’re right to be concerned about her mental health

I’m so, so glad we’ve started talking more about postpartum mental health in recent years. Following the Lindsay Clancy trial over the past few weeks has been heartbreaking, but also such an important reminder of how not taking postpartum mental health issues seriously can lead to dire consequences.

While yes, her behavior can be partially attributed to her transition into motherhood, it might not be the whole picture—especially given how much you two were communicating and how little you are now.

And on that note, have you tried communicating with her? It can be scary to send an honest text (something I talked about on Monday’s episode of the pod), but ripping the Band-Aid off tends to yield big rewards. Sending a text like:

“Hey, just checking in with you, because I haven’t heard from you much. I miss talking to you (and also totally understand that I’m not your top priority at the moment!). How are you doing, really? Can I come over and make you dinner next week?”

Chances are, this text will give you insight into what’s really going on, and also make you feel better about your friendship. If you don’t get a response, or her response feels off to you—does she have a partner you feel comfortable communicating with, who might have a better understanding of her mental health? If not, are you in touch with any of your family members—maybe a sibling or parent?

Remember, having friends in the same life stage as you is so important.

I have a whole episode about the five types of friendships (you can listen to it here), and one thing I talk about in the episode is the concept of eras friends—or the idea that you should always have friends who are in the same stage of life as you. Obviously, this person is your best friend, and I can tell how much you value her. But do you have friends without kids, too?

If you do and you’ve let those relationships go a little dormant, consider reaching out to them. Go to the movies together (and then grab coffee or dinner after to talk about your favorite parts), go for a hike, make a new recipe together on a random Tuesday night. Not only are your friends without kids more aligned with your current life stage, but they’re also more available since they don’t have to arrange childcare.

And I can’t promise you this, but I’m pretty sure that eventually, your friend will come back to you. Remember, she’s going through what is arguably the biggest change a person can go through! And once she’s back in your life more, life will look a little different—and you’ll also have a cute baby to play with.

Now I’d love to hear from this community: Have you ever felt like you “lost” a friend after they had a baby? Did your friendship eventually recover?

Leave a comment

Xo,
Liz

Looking for your next podcast listen? On Monday, my IRL friend was back on the podcast talking about navigating friendships in different life stages (it’s extremely aligned with this person’s question!), and on Wednesday…

🎧 My Best Friend Is A Mom. I’m Not. Here’s How We Navigate Our Friendship

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

🎧 What You THINK You Want In A Partner Is Ruining Your Love Life

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

I just finished So Old, So Young by Grant Ginder and it feels so aligned with this week’s question and podcast episode that it would be wrong not to tell you about it! Ginder’s exquisite, funny novel follows a group of NYC-based friends through their early 20s and into their early 40s as they navigate different life stages—parenthood, thriving careers, addiction issues, surrogacy, moves to different cities and the suburbs, death; the list goes on—and how their relationships survive (and don’t survive) these ebbs and flows. It’s SO good, you guys. If you’re looking for a book you can devour in a weekend, this is it.

Got a question for me that you want answered here in this column?

Follow the link below!

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Welcome back to What I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago, the series where I ask people who seem to have it all figured out to tell us what their lives actually looked like a decade ago. Spoiler alert: It’s just a tad messier than what you see on Instagram.

Today’s conversation is with , LMSW, a licensed therapist, author of the book Owning Our Struggles, and creator of The Siblinghood Theory. As part of a blended family, Minaa has 13 (!) siblings and specializes in sibling and peer relationships.

In today’s conversation, we talk about everything from struggling with childhood depression to what it’s really like to live with siblings who are 15 or even 30 years older than you, and how sometimes, not asking for help is exactly what’s holding you back.

Before we get into it…

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And now, let’s hear from Minna!

What belief about yourself did you hold 10 years ago that you’ve since completely outgrown?

The belief that I wasn’t good enough. I struggled with low self-esteem as a child, and it always made me think I had to be special in some way to succeed. I constantly compared myself to others, and only after I started building my confidence did I notice a shift in how I approached what mattered to me. I learned that I am special in my own unique way. Reframing my thoughts and trying new things helped me see what I was good at and helped me hone in on my purpose.

You’re the youngest of 13 siblings, but you’ve said you often felt more like an only child. What did that contradiction feel like to actually live inside of, day to day?

I come from a blended family, and although I was raised with all of my siblings, we are about fifteen to thirty years apart in age. The large age gaps significantly shaped what closeness and bonding looked like.

Day-to-day, this meant my siblings had different interests from mine as we grew up. I have a childhood memory, for example, of always wanting to watch The Rugrats or Pepper Ann on the living room TV while my siblings huffed and puffed because they wanted to watch the Yankees game or a wrestling match.

So, fighting over the remote was typical in my household. I didn’t grow up doing many things alongside my siblings. Instead, it was like having multiple parents who had permission to tell me what I could and couldn’t do. The lack of a peer-like experience shaped us, but luckily there was a lot of love and fun, and Christmas gifts, to say the least.

Ten years ago, before The Siblinghood Theory had a name, how were you trying to make sense of the friendships that felt more like real family than your own?

I met my best friend in first grade when we were six, and now we are celebrating thirty years of friendship. Our connection always felt natural and effortless. What made our bond feel truly like family was that my parents treated her as their own child. I grew up in a community-oriented culture, so it was never hard to understand that you can feel deeply connected to people who aren’t your family, yet treat them as such.

In my household, we called people who weren’t related to us aunty and uncle, brother and sister. My village was filled with people I didn’t share blood with, and it has deeply influenced why I created the Siblinghood Theory. It’s a relational framework that helps us understand how our sibling and peer relationships shape our sense of belonging, conflict, and connection throughout life. It is a way for people to understand the value of social cohesion, social capital, and community care.

What’s one uncomfortable truth you avoided for years, and what finally made you face it?

The most uncomfortable truth I avoided was that I was contributing to my own suffering by not being willing to ask for help. I had to mature at a young age, which led me to become an overachiever and a highly independent person.

It wasn’t until I started going to therapy around twenty-two years old that I realized I had a problem letting people in, and that it was leaving me burned out from all that I was carrying. It took me some time to learn to trust people, but I did so by inviting people into my life to support me in low-stakes scenarios where I knew that even if someone didn’t come through, I wouldn’t be that disappointed. I started to let people help me when they offered, and I also gave myself permission to be open and vulnerable about needing support. I’m grateful I made this decision because it has lightened my load tremendously.

What did your career look like a decade ago, and did any part of you suspect it was building toward the work you do now—or did it feel like a completely different life?

The career I have now is the one I always wanted, specifically, being an author. It was my childhood dream, along with being in a profession where I would help people heal and manage their emotional pain. I am exactly where I’ve always wanted to be, and I am grateful for being very intentional in taking the steps to get here.

Was there a specific low point back then that you can now point to as the thing that cracked you open enough to start healing?

My experience with depression as a child is what led me here. Even at the age of sixteen, I knew there was more to life than the pain I was experiencing, so I decided to keep moving forward and be intentional about giving myself the life I believe I deserve. While there are many things I cannot control, I have always done my best to focus on what I can.

If your younger self were panicking right now, what would you tell her?

You are smart, resilient, and audacious. You have never let anything or anyone get in the way of you getting what you want out of life. It’s okay to panic and be afraid. It’s part of being human, and you also know that there is another story on the other side of fear. Go see what that story is and where it will lead you. No matter what, you will be okay.

Thanks so much, Minaa, for sharing your incredible insights!

Xo,
Liz

Welcome back to Ask Liz, the weekly column where I answer your most pressing life questions—the ones you’d ask your most knowledgeable friend if she happened to have done a deep dive on literally everything.

Every week, I go deep on one real question submitted by YOU and provide science-backed and expert-informed solutions. These posts are free for everyone, but paid subscribers get access to our full archive plus the option to submit a question directly to me. Not a paid subscriber yet?

Upgrade me!

If you’re already part of the fam, you can scroll down to the bottom of this post and submit your question there. Now, let’s get into today’s question.

Dear Liz,

I’m 32 and have been with my boyfriend for four years. We live together and have started talking about marriage (a position my single friends would kill to be in), but I find myself obsessively thinking that maybe he isn’t the right person for me.

We want all the same things—marriage, kids, and to live near our families—and I think he’s a great person. But I don’t feel like he’s the one. I often feel bored when we’re together, and our sex life is pretty meh. We had more of a spark at the beginning, but I feel like it’s completely gone out. The thing is, starting over at 32 absolutely terrifies me, especially because I do want kids. What should I do?

— Scared to Start Over

Hey STSO,

Ugh! What a tough position to be in. For what it’s worth, I’ve had a handful of friends go through this exact same thing. They’re of “the marrying age” (just to channel my inner Jane Austen here) and want kids, but they’re worried about marrying the wrong person.

First, I want to tell you that there’s no way I can make this decision for you—no one can. Ultimately, you’re the one inside this relationship, and only you know what’s best for your life. But let’s talk about a few specific things that can help guide your decision.

First, a question: Have you talked to your partner about this?

It seems like the two of you talk about a lot: You know you both want to get married, have kids, and live near your families. I know talking about a “dead spark” is a little trickier, but before you skip town, it might be worth it to see if your partner is feeling the same way.

Chances are, if you feel like your sex life is meh, he doesn’t think he’s having the hottest sex in the world either. If there are long silences all the time because you’re bored, I highly doubt he thinks you’re constantly having engaging, electric conversations. These things are rarely one-sided.

Once you get it out in the open, you can open up a conversation about whether this is something you want to try to work through. If you do, I highly recommend getting a couples therapist involved. It sounds cliché, but there are tons of well-studied ways to “get the spark back,” and couples therapists are trained in helping people get there.

One thing they’ll likely suggest (and something I swear by to keep my own relationship spicy) is giving The Novelty Rule a shot. This is where you shake up your usual routine with your partner by doing new, novel things together. Go to an escape room and try to bust out of it together, or go for a strenuous hike up a mountain and take in a new, sweeping view at the top.

I’m not saying this will solve it, but it can be worth a try considering the amount of time and energy you’ve already invested in this relationship—especially because you both clearly want the same things.

Try the 51/49 test

I had marriage therapist on my podcast a couple of months ago (the full episode is here, if you’d like to listen), and he gave me a framework that I think will be helpful for you. He calls it the 51/49 test: Is the high side of the relationship higher than the low side is low?

If the split was a 90/10, the answer would be obvious. But this test acknowledges those situations where the answer is less clear, and it sounds like that’s where you’re at right now. If you take a piece of paper and write out a literal “good things about the relationship” versus “bad things about the relationship” list, inevitably one column will be longer than the other.

Obviously pros/cons lists are fallible, and this test should in no way completely inform your decision. But really sitting down and asking yourself “is the good outweighing the bad”? Which in your case might mean: Is it more important to me to get married now and have kids, or feel excited by the person I’m with? If the excitement, “spark” side feels bigger for you, that’s good information. I still recommend trying to work on that spark before ending the relationship, but it’s helpful to know about yourself.

Consider freezing your eggs

I decided to freeze embryos at the beginning of last year because of the whole biological clock thing—I was getting close to 40 and undecided about whether I wanted kids and knew that the window was closing for me. Was it expensive? Yes, and I feel enormously privileged that I could afford it. It was also difficult from a physical and emotional perspective, so I’ll be the first to tell you that I know what a big decision it is.

I turned 40 last week, and I’m now so, so glad I have those embryos and that they don’t “expire.” It’s a huge weight off my chest, and allows me to make decisions because I want to make them, not because my biology is dictating them. I did a whole episode on this process, if you’d like to listen.

I know you’re feeling the time crunch, but in my many conversations with fertility doctors, both in my own freezing process and on the podcast, I can tell you that 32 is still relatively young to freeze eggs. If you do it within the next couple of years, chances are a solid handful of them will go on to become genetically normal embryos. It’s also worth checking with your employer about this—many companies offer some sort of fertility benefit these days.

Good luck with this decision! I know it’s a big one, and I’m rooting for you.

Now I want to hear from this community: Have you left a relationship that just didn’t feel right, despite being perfect on paper?

Leave a comment

Xo,
Liz

Looking for your next podcast listen? On Monday, in honor of my 40th (!!!) birthday, I shared the 40 BEST, most impactful health and happiness hacks I’ve learned in 40 years. I do this episode every year around my birthday, and this one covers everything from sticking to healthy habits to finding actual joy in your life. In today’s episode, I’m joined by , where we get really honest about toxins like microplastics, PFAS, EMFs, and more to understand how they truly impact our health.

🎧 The 40 BEST Health & Happiness Hacks I’ve Learned In 40 Years (My Annual Bday Episode!)

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

🎧 Debunking Wellness Myths: Which “Toxins” Are Real & Which Are BS

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

I recently started watching Not Suitable for Work on Hulu, and I’ve been describing it to people as a cross between Sex Lives of College Girls and The Bold Type. It’s a Mindy Kaling show (Mindy Kaling’s shows are always so fun), and it’s SO bingeable and full of hot funny people. If you need a show for the end of summer that doesn’t require a lot of mental energy but brings you joy, this is it! Has anyone here watched it?

Leave a comment

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Welcome back to Ask Liz, the weekly column where I answer your most pressing life questions—the ones you’d ask your most knowledgeable friend if she happened to have done a deep dive on literally everything.

Every week, I go deep on one real question submitted by YOU and provide science-backed and expert-informed solutions. These posts are free for everyone, but paid subscribers get access to our full archive plus the option to submit a question directly to me. Not a paid subscriber yet?

Upgrade me!

If you’re already part of the fam, you can scroll down to the bottom of this post and submit your question there. Now, let’s get into today’s question.

Dear Liz,

I keep job-hopping every year or year-and-a-half. When I leave one job for a new one, it always sounds new, different, and exciting, and like something I’d want to stay in for a while. But then I always find an issue that makes me unhappy. Sometimes it’s my boss, or the work is too boring, or the commute is too long. It just feels like I’m always unhappy having a corporate job! Ideally, I’d like a remote job that pays well and doesn’t suck the life out of me, but maybe I’m romanticizing that.

Now, when I interview, potential employers have started flagging that I never stay very long at a job…so it’s definitely becoming a problem. How do I figure out what will actually make me happy?

— A Relentlessly Miserable Employee

Hey ARME,

First, congratulations: It sounds to me like you are highly employable! Truly, the fact that you even can job hop that frequently means you give a great interview and bring valuable skills to the table. That’s a great starting point!

Now, let’s talk about your satisfaction issue. I can relate to you on that topic, too: In my 20s, my husband Zack was basically Angelica Schuyler to me about my lack of satisfaction, like I was Alexander Hamilton (if you know, you know; if you don’t, you can listen here). Every job felt like it had something wrong with it, and then I eventually left corporate America to try to write a novel, which led to daily panic attacks and agoraphobia (my full anxiety story is here, if you’d like to learn more).

Fast forward 10 years, and I’m happy to report that I’m now very satisfied in my career—but it took a lot of hard thinking, strategizing, and some wrong turns (obviously). But enough about me. What can you do to get there?

First, you’re probably dealing with a mismatch problem

When I had career coach Amina AlTai on my podcast, she flagged that most of us aren’t in “the wrong job” nor are we “the wrong person for the job.” The real issue is a misalignment, or round peg, square hole-type situation.

According to Amina’s framework, you need five specific things lined up to feel satisfied at work:

• Your zone of genius: Are you doing stuff you’re innately good at for at least some of your job?

• Your values: Does the work you do reflect your values?

• The impact you want: Are you making an impact in the way you want to? (Your community, the world, your family—whatever that means to you?

• Your needs: Are you making enough money to support the lifestyle you want to live? Do you have adequate PTO and work/life balance?

• Contentment: Are you white-knuckling it most of the time, or do you feel mostly happy?

Her rule of thumb is that you want to be hitting at least 60% in each category. If you dip much below that (into 50/50 or 40/60), it starts eroding your wellbeing.

Here’s how I think this applies to your situation in particular: Each time you’ve left a job, it seems like it’s been for a different reason. A bad boss, a long commute, “boring” work. What I think this means is that you haven’t yet identified exactly what you do and don’t want from a job.

Spending some time journaling using Amina’s framework—or even talking to a career coach about it—can help you get a better picture of exactly what to look for in a job, and at what point your expectations are unrealistic. For example, there’s always going to be some boring work in a job—that’s life!

Before your next interview, get clear on paper

If you want to stop job-hopping, sit down and get as clear as possible before your next interview. When I talked to career expert and NYU professor Suzy Welch on my podcast, she told me that once you actually identify your values and look at the real data, “the decision makes itself.” Most of us skip the data-gathering and simply react to the bad boss or the tedious task. The data-gathering is crucial!

Her suggestion is a decision-making tool called 10-10-10: before you take a new job or leave your current one, ask what the consequences will be. How will this impact the next 10 minutes, 10 months, and 10 years? It’s a simple mindset shift, but it forces you to separate “this will feel good tomorrow” from “this will actually serve the life I’m trying to build.”

She also talks about ranking your values and noticing where they conflict. So if flexibility is your #1 value but ambition and traditional career climbing are also high on your list, there’s a bit of a contradiction there. So the remote job you’re fantasizing about might not be 100% realistic if you also want to climb to the tippy top of the corporate ladder. Try to decide what you are willing and aren’t willing to compromise on before switching jobs.

A checklist to make this all more digestible

Whew, that was a lot! Here’s a little checklist to get you started:

• Write down your top 5 values and rank them (not what you think they should be, what they actually are)

• Separate needs (salary minimum, remote work) from zone of genius (the thing you’re amazing at), from passion (the thing that sounds exciting right now).

• In interviews, ask questions about your specific dealbreakers. For example, will you be expected to answer emails after hours? If the answer is yes, and that’s a dealbreaker, then this isn’t the job for you.

• Run a real 10-10-10 before accepting anything.

As I said before, I’m impressed by just how employable you are. Everyone wants to hire you! I think all you need now is a stronger understanding of exactly what you do and don’t want. With these tips, you’re well on your way. Good luck!

Now I want to hear from the rest of you: Have you ever taken a job that sounded great on paper but turned out to be totally wrong for you?

Leave a comment

Xo,
Liz

Looking for your next podcast listen? The end of summer can be hectic—especially when you’re trying to cram tons of fun things in before fall—so on Monday’s episode, I got into five tiny, actually doable habits that will make you feel 10x better when life is hectic and you’re exhausted. Today, I spoke with top neuroscientist Anne-Laure Le Cunff about how to build the life of your dreams. You’ll learn a 24-hour task that can help you figure out what’s actually standing in your way, the three types of cognitive scripts subconsciously running your decisions, and SO much more.

🎧 Busy? Tired? 5 Tiny Habits That Will Make You Feel 10x Better

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

🎧 Top Neuroscientist: The New Formula For Building YOUR Dream Life

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Since it’s still “beach read” season for a few more weeks (any book can be read on the beach, my friends!), I want to tell you about one of my favorite books ever, The Measure by Nikki Erlick. Erlick’s novel, which follows 8 different people’s stories who receive a box telling them exactly how long they have left to live, is some of the most page-turner-y literary fiction I’ve ever encountered. I literally stayed up all night after finishing this book because I could not stop thinking about it (and I’m still thinking about it years later).

Got a question for me that you want answered here in this column?

Follow the link below!

Read more

Welcome back to What I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago, the series where we ask people who seem to have it all figured out and tell us what their lives actually looked like a decade ago. And it’s—spoiler alert—a little messier than what you see on Instagram.

This week’s guest is , a board-certified, Harvard-trained OB/GYN who left traditional medicine to build a functional medicine practice that would give her patients the personalization and experience she felt they deserved. She was also on a recent episode of my podcast, if you’d like to listen!

In this episode with Sara, we get into the leap of faith that was leaving traditional medicine, how she learned to trust her body over her mind, and how she truly knew her marriage was over and what gave her the courage to finally leave.

It’s so easy to look at someone thriving and assume they’ve always had it together, that success came easily or in a straight line. It rarely does. These interviews are a reminder that everyone you admire has a “before” that looked nothing like their “after”—usually a lot more chaotic and a lot less filtered.

Without further ado, let’s get into it with Sara.

What belief about yourself did you hold 10 years ago that you’ve since completely outgrown?

Ten years ago, I believed that if I tried hard enough (worked longer hours, disciplined my body harder, read more studies, held the marriage together with sheer will), I could control the outcome. I’ve outgrown this concept of control. Now I believe control is an illusion. I understand that vigilance does not create safety. The body, marriage, and medical practice—none of them improved by gripping harder. They got better by loosening the grip and letting go. It feels like self-stewardship.

Ten years ago you’d already left the traditional medical system to build your own functional medicine practice—what was the scariest part of walking away from that path, and what made it worth it?

The scariest part wasn’t the money, though that was real when I stepped away from a secure salary and no guarantee that a patient would come to see me. It was my first time as an entrepreneur creating a new vision.

The scariest part was envisioning and implementing my own system for caring for women. I didn’t have an institution to blame if I failed. Inside the system, if a patient didn’t get better, it was a systemic problem that I could blame on 7-minute appointments and insurance. Outside the system, it was just me. My judgment, my protocols, my name on it all.

What made it worth it was the first five or ten times a patient got better. Her lipids improved, way more than the scientific literature led me to believe. Her Hashimoto’s thyroiditis went into remission. Her perimenopausal symptoms resolved. Her muscle mass increased, and her bones got stronger. That was thrilling—for the woman and for me. It felt like we were onto something big. Still feels that way. When you perform n-of-1 experiments and deeply attune to the wisdom of the body, I’ve seen big changes that continue to surprise and delight me to this day. That’s the entire case for walking away.

You were deep in the research for your book Younger around this time. What’s something you believed about aging or hormones back then that the science has since completely upended for you?

Back then, I believed something external could fix you, like a supplement, or the right dose or hormones, or a cognitive reframe that someone gives you. I researched Younger inside of that frame: find the lever, pull it, correct the deficiency, restore the number. It’s a comforting belief because it puts you in charge. But it’s also false, even violent. The premise itself is the problem. There is no fixing. Fixing assumes something is broken and separate from you, waiting for the right unlock.

What I know now is that we are self-organizing systems with an innate capacity to heal, and that capacity doesn’t switch on because you took the right pill or borrowed someone else’s idea. We heal bottom-up, not top-down, and we’re interconnected parts of something larger. I realize that sounds woo, but the body shows me daily that our health is linked to environment, relationship, and systems well beyond our own cells.

The main point is that I stopped looking for what could fix me and started asking what I was still organizing my life around that blocked healing.

10 years ago you were years into a marriage that would eventually end in divorce. Looking back at that version of yourself, what’s something about that relationship you understand now that you couldn’t see then?

10 years ago, I was still trying to make a marriage work while my own biology was quietly telling me the truth. I stayed for my kids and called it commitment but meanwhile, I was self-abandoning. You could see it in my cortisol levels, sleep, and a frayed nervous system with chronically low heart rate variability.

I met you around that time, and I admired your marriage—I realized I wanted something similar for myself. What I understand now is that I was teaching my daughters a lesson that I never wanted to teach: that you disappear yourself and give up aliveness with this type of bargain. Staying for the kids while abandoning myself in front of them was modeling the exact pattern I’d spend the next decade helping other women learn.

What’s one uncomfortable truth you avoided for years, and what finally made you face it?

So many. That functional medicine, practiced without inner work, can become just as mechanistic as the system I left. Another set of levers instead of another set of pills. That my ambition was sometimes a very sophisticated form of running from pain and grief—and that the real work wasn’t killing the ambition, it was right-sizing it. Doing the inner work to transmute it into service instead of escape. That I couldn’t out-supplement a nervous system that didn’t feel safe.

What forced it, in every case: my body stopped cooperating with the story I was telling myself. I trust my body much more than my mind!

You’d spent years inside a system that gave you seven minutes per patient. Looking back, what did that version of you not yet understand about what patients actually needed?

Trauma and unprocessed grief can show up as “unexplained” symptoms on a lab report, and no amount of testing replaces asking the right question and waiting for the answer. Belief and safety aren’t soft extras; they’re important clinical variables. A patient who felt disbelieved stayed sick longer than one who didn’t. And community and belonging are dosed like medicine. Seven minutes could never hold any of that.

If your younger self were panicking right now, what would you tell her?

I would give her a big hug and tell her I’m her future self and I’m here for her always. Trust the wisdom of the body more than the mind. Let go of the performance. Follow aliveness.

Thanks so much for chatting with me today, Sara! Now I want to hear from you: Is there anything your mind believes, but your body is telling you something else?

Leave a comment

Xo,
Liz

Welcome back to Ask Liz, the weekly column where I answer your most pressing life questions—the ones you’d ask your most knowledgeable friend if she happened to have done a deep dive on literally everything.

Every week, I go deep on one real question submitted by YOU and provide science-backed and expert-informed solutions. These posts are free for everyone, but paid subscribers get access to our full archive plus the option to submit a question directly to me. Not a paid subscriber yet?

Upgrade me!

If you’re already part of the fam, you can scroll down to the bottom of this post and submit your question there. Now, let’s get into today’s question.

Dear Liz,

It’s already August, and I feel like I haven’t had a real summer AT ALL. Work hasn’t slowed down—I still have tons of it—and by the time I get home, I’m scrambling to get my kids dinner, in the bathtub, and to bed. Then all I have left for, energy-wise, is scrolling.

I feel terrible that this summer has been so chaotic and unrelaxing, and I feel like when the school year starts, I’m going to be extra burned out, which makes me sad. What can I do to better take advantage of the final month of summer?

— Exhausted In August

Dear EIA,

To quote one of the wisest women of our time, Taylor Swift, it’s very easy to let August slip away like a moment in time—so I’m glad you’re asking about this now. To be honest, I myself was feeling this hard (all work, zero relaxation), until I made the intentional choice to take a vacation that has put me somewhat off the grid.

But it sounds like taking a week-long vacation isn’t in the cards for you right now. That’s totally fine! There’s still a ton you can do to make this final month of summer truly restorative instead of more of the same.

Instead of trying to get a “real summer,” pick a few markers

When I spoke with productivity expert, best-selling author, and Georgetown University professor Cal Newport on my podcast, he told me that human beings were never supposed to be working all day, every day with minimal breaks. Our brains naturally have big swings in intensity and creativity, and then slower seasons. But in modern times, where we have 24/7 access to laptops and phones, that’s become the norm—which is a recipe for burnout.

So, yes, ideally you would have had a “real summer” when things slowed down a bit. But since that’s not super realistic for you right now, can you find any small markers to differentiate this month from the others and make it feel more festive? Here are some ideas to try:

• Eat dinner outside a few times a week

• Take your kids to the farmers’ market to sample all the sweet August fruit

• Take a Saturday or Sunday day trip to a nearby town, city, beach, or lake

• Turn the kids’ bedtime routine into something that feels more “summery” once a week. I don’t have kids, so I’m not the expert but…could you choose one night to have bathtime in the sprinklers?

Consider that you might have more control over work than you think

It seems like work has been really demanding this summer, and that completely sucks. But is there a way to pull back a bit over these next few weeks? One thing Cal Newport mentioned is that people don’t necessarily notice if you pull back at work once in a while and don’t work quite as hard. As long as in general you’re a great employee (and it sounds like you are), it’s very unlikely that anyone will notice you “slacking off” for one month.

Other things you can try could include taking more advantage of work-from-home policies, or canceling any meetings for the remainder of the summer that feel unnecessary. Better yet, is there any way you can squeeze in a day of PTO on a Friday?

If none of those things are an option, the main pocket of time I’d encourage you to do everything in your power ot take back is your evenings. The scrolling is so, so tempting, but Cal Newport explains that those fast dopamine hits really deplete you. Our devices are completely addictive, so the best thing to do is create literal physical barriers between you and your phone—like, lock it in a drawer. I have a whole episode on how I reduced my screentime, if it’s helpful to listen.

Deal with any September dread now

It seems like you already know that September is going to be really intense. So what can you do now to make it easier? If you can find an hour to write down all the little things you need to do that you know will contribute to a sense of overwhelm, maybe you can check some of those things off now, or at least feel like you have a better grasp on when and how they’ll get done once fall rolls around.

One thing Cal Newport said in the episode that I think about all the time: “You can't slow down when you don't actually see the track ahead of you, or you don't have your hands on the wheel.”

It’s so, so important to zoom out so you can better understand where this overwhelm, burnout, and feeling of “not having enough time” is actually coming from. Speaking from what I’ve heard from experts and experienced myself, those little tasks that hang over us—school forms, making doctor’s appointments, the list goes on—can contribute to overwhelm when so many of those tasks can be knocked off your list in a few hours.

Here’s hoping you get some time back this month so you head into September feeling refreshed.

Question for all of you: What’s one summer ritual that makes the season feel more “festive” for you, and different from the other seasons—even if it isn’t a big vacation or extended time off from work?

Leave a comment

Xo,
Liz

Looking for your next podcast listen? On Monday, I sat down with my real-life long-distance friend , and we talked about how to stay close to friends that don’t live near you. She shared some really amazing hacks (long live the five-minute phone call) that there are so many creative friendship ideas in here. Today, keeping with our friendship theme, I re-ran one of our most popular episodes on why it’s so hard to make friends as an adult, and actionable tips to make it easier.

🎧 “I Hate Catch Up Calls!” “I Feel Abandoned!”: Your Biggest Long Distance Friendship Problems, Solved

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

🎧 The Secret To Making Best Friends As An Adult (Even If Everyone Is Busy AF)

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Keeping with the summer theme, I’m basically living in this Free People Seea Sila UV Protection Surf Rashguard. I’m on a hiking vacation right now, and I love that I don’t have to reapply sunscreen and it keeps me super protected while ALSO being really cute. Because honestly, rash guards are not always cute. If you’re spending more time outside this month (I hope you are), I 10/10 recommend. You’ll save money on sunscreen, too!

Got a question for me that you want answered here in this column?

Follow the link below!

Read more

Welcome back to Ask Liz, the weekly column where I answer your most pressing life questions—the ones you’d ask your most knowledgeable friend if she happened to have done a deep dive on literally everything.

Every week, I go deep on one real question submitted by YOU and provide science-backed and expert-informed solutions. These posts are free for everyone, but paid subscribers get access to our full archive plus the option to submit a question directly to me. Not a paid subscriber yet?

Upgrade me!

If you’re already part of the fam, you can scroll down to the bottom of this post and submit your question there. Before we get into today’s question…

Did you know most probiotics don’t even survive your stomach acid? They die before ever reaching your gut, which means you’re basically flushing your money down the drain.

That’s why I only take Seed’s DS-01. It’s actually engineered and tested to survive digestion and reach your colon, where it can do its job. It also has prebiotics, which most probiotics skip, to actually feed the good bacteria so they thrive instead of dying off. The 24 strains are clinically shown to reduce bloating, improve regularity, and alleviate gas, plus support skin, heart, and immune health.

I’ve taken it for 5 years, my husband Zack just started and is obsessed, and over 2 million people have tried it, with 92% recommending it to a friend. Get 25% off your first month at seed.com/lizmoody with code LIZMOODY.

Dear Liz,

I’m in my 40s and single with no kids. Before anyone feels sorry for me, I’m actually fine with this! I’ve never had a strong urge for kids or even wanted to get married. The issue is that I’ve always been someone with really long-term friendships, but my friends are now deep in the weeds of parenting little kids and our hangouts are few and far between. When we do see each other, they’re distracted by their kids. I don’t fault them for this, but I’m just so lonely. I know I can join a club or a group, but sometimes that doesn’t form the friendships I’m looking for. Can you help?

—No Kids and Happy (but Lonely)

Hey NAKHL,

As a fellow child-free 40-something (okay fine, not quite 40, but in a few weeks), I HEAR you on this. I’m lucky to have friends who are younger than me and don’t have kids yet, or older than me with kids who are more independent and don’t need them as much. But when it comes to my exact peer group, I’m right there with you. Keeping up those friendships is tough, and you’re right. It can get very lonely.

First, try communicating with your friends in a direct way

I actually agree that you do need to make new friends (more on that in a bit), but first let’s talk about what you can do to maintain the friendship you do have. Based on personal experience, I do think these people will come back to you once their kids are older and there are fewer diapers and meltdowns and playdates and expensive babysitters to hire. But if there isn’t a friendship left at the end of this time when they have little kids, that won’t happen.

For now, here are two things to try:

• Tell them you want to see them even if their kid is there. Trust me, I know it can be frustrating to hang out with your friend when their attention is divided. But it’s better than nothing. And it can also be really fun to get to know their kids, even if you don’t consider yourself a “kid person.” (Hi). To get more opportunities for conversation, you can ask to go to the playground with them and their child—when they’re busy playing on structures and swings, it creates a little more adult conversation time. You can also suggest accompanying them on a stroller walk (kids get sleepy and pensive), or showing up during naptime on a Saturday.

• Openly ask if there are any opportunities for one-on-one time. As long as you ask this nicely, this question will not end your friendship. And if it does, maybe that wasn’t a worthwhile friendship anyway. Try saying something like, “I absolutely love hanging out with you and [insert kid’s name here]. But I’ve been feeling a little lonely lately, and I’m really craving some one-on-one time with you. I get that your life is crazy busy right now, so when and how do you think we could make this happen? I’d be open to coming over after the kids go to bed to have a drink or just sit with you, but I’m really open to anything.”

Yes, you also need new friends

I’m really glad you brought this up, because you are so right about this. As I wrote in a previous post, an uncomfortable truth about friendship is that most of us need at least some friends who are living in circumstances that feel relatively similar to our own.

But you’re right, making friends as an adult can feel really hard, especially without a natural friend-making engine like school or even an office job where everyone has aligned interests and is in the same life phase.

You’re on the right track with wanting to join a club or group to make new friends (I’m personally team book club, but obviously this is dependent on your interests!), and you’re also right that these friendships can feel really superficial if you don’t make an effort to move past the surface.

To make this work, you need three components:

1. Time. Most of us have had the experience of meeting someone we immediately click with, and it feels like we’ve known this person forever. But unfortunately, that experience is the exception, not the rule. Most friendships need time, and a lot of it! A study I cite quite often found that it takes between 40 and 60 hours to form a casual friendship, 80-100 hours to form a concrete friendship, and 200 hours together to become close friends. That’s a time commitment, but that’s not all there is to it.

2. An “about.” This is something I learned from friendship expert Anna Goldfarb when I had her on the podcast: A shared activity really helps when you’re trying to form close bonds. Those “how are you,” “good, how are you?” drinks and dinners are fine, but it’s hard to get close when you’re reporting on your life instead of living it with someone (I talk about this a lot in my episode about why friendship feels so hard these days, if you’d like to listen). So, clubs and groups are a great starting point! You can also invite an acquaintance to try a cooking class with you or go to an exhibit at your local art museum—this is a fast and easy way to deepen the friendship.

3. Vulnerability. This might be the hardest one, because most of us think showing our weak spots will make people like us less—but research shows that signs of vulnerability encourage social bonding! You don’t have to dump all your deepest, darkest fears and trauma on someone in your second coffee meeting (in fact, I would not encourage that at all), but it can be helpful to do something that feels a little scary with someone and gets your heart rate up. Try going to an Escape Room or even a scary movie together! This gets the vulnerability going and will encourage faster social bonding.

Now I’d love to hear from you: Do you have friends in different life phases? What are your tips for navigating them?

And as a reminder, if you have a question you want answered, that’s a paid subscriber perk—so come join us! If you’re already a paid subscriber, you can scroll to the bottom to submit your question.

Xo,
Liz

Looking for your next podcast listen? On Monday, I got to sit down with to rank relationship advice from social media. There’s a lot of it out there, friends, and it’s not all good (something I’ll let Zach tell you about). In today’s episode, I asked Harvard gynecologist ALL the health questions you’re too embarrassed to ask. You guys, this woman is a genius, and I think you will LOVE this episode!

🎧 Ranking Viral Relationship Advice (with Couples Therapist Zach Brittle)

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

🎧 I Asked a Harvard Gynecologist Every Q Women Are Too Embarrassed to Ask

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

I’m obsessed with these glass meal prep containers! I basically live out of them—we're talking breakfast, lunch, and dinner, all from the same stack in my fridge, which should tell you everything about how much I trust them! They're microwave-, oven-, freezer-, and dishwasher-safe, and the snap-lock lids are airtight, so there are no gross leaks in my bag when I have to take my meal prep on the go. Even better: I don’t have to worry about microplastics seeping into my food!

Got a question for me that you want answered here in this column?

Follow the link below!

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Welcome back to What I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago, the series where we ask people who seem to have it all figured out and tell us what their lives actually looked like a decade ago. And it’s—spoiler alert—a little messier than what you see on Instagram.

This week’s guest is , the relationship expert, New York Times bestselling author of It Begins with You, and host of the podcast Jillian on Love. And her highly-anticipated second book, Rewrite Your Story, will be released in January 2027! She’s spent the last 20 years helping millions of people transform their relationship with themselves and their romantic partners—but rewind the clock 10+ years, and she was in the middle of a devastating personal collapse that most of her followers today have no idea about.

In this interview, Jillian opens up about waking up to a miscarriage and a text from her husband saying he wasn’t coming home, all in the same year she lost her mother. She talks about the unglamorous, un-Instagrammable years of building her following one free yoga studio talk at a time, and what it actually took to rebuild a life (and a business) from the ground up.

It’s so easy to look at someone thriving and assume they’ve always had it together, that success came easily or in a straight line. It rarely does. These interviews are a reminder that everyone you admire has a “before” that looked nothing like their “after”—usually a lot more chaotic and a lot less filtered.

Without further ado, let’s get into it with Jillian.

What belief about yourself did you hold 10 years ago that you’ve since completely outgrown?

That I don’t have what it takes to run a business and be financially independent.

You woke up to a miscarriage in 2014, and got a text from your husband that same day saying he wasn’t coming home. Can you share a little about the aftermath?

There’s much more to this—my mother had also just been given a few months to live, and she died soon after. It was devastating and shocking; the very surreal feeling of understanding what it means when your life falls apart. I entered a dark, deep night of the soul. But I survived! A lot of pain that led to a lot of rebuilding, reorganizing, and rebirthing. I cannot romanticize that growth. It was messy, intense, and definitely not linear. But with help and determination, I got to the other side of that hell.

In 2016, you’d just started posting on Instagram and built a small following—but it was nothing like what you have today. What kept you posting during those quieter times?

I built a sweet following of 10k, which I know seems tiny compared to today’s standards, but back then, it was great. So, I was seeing growth. That said, what kept me posting was nothing other than a sheer desire to help people. I felt compelled.

Ten years ago, you were running small workshops and a newsletter built off your yoga students, years before “relationship coach” was something people recognized you for. Tell me about that time.

Yes, I started those almost 12 years ago! It’s wild to think about that. It feels like another lifetime. During that time in my life, teaching others what I was learning, studying, and being trained in was the actual thing that prevented me from spiraling into a deep depression. It gave my life meaning and purpose.

All I cared about was giving value. So, I was resourceful. I had this big and loyal yoga student following. Everything I was teaching about relationships was tied to everything I already taught in yoga—the relationship with self. So the unglamorous part was just me giving free talks, running workshops from the yoga studio, and starting to write, all because I just felt compelled. I truly believe, and still do today, that I’m driven by something larger than myself.

If your younger self were panicking right now, what would you tell her?

Relax honey. All is well. You are safe.

What’s one uncomfortable truth you avoided for years, and what finally made you face it?

That all change begins with me. If I want to see a change in my life, I either have to change the way I think or make actual changes to my habits, lifestyle, and choices. And changing the way I think is a daily challenge.

The second one is: if I want to heal, I have to learn to let go of the past through seeing it differently. I think both of these uncomfortable truths are the hardest to face for all people. What made me finally face it? Kind of having no choice if I didn’t want to suffer so much.

Thanks so much for chatting with me today, Jillian! Now I want to hear from you: Is there a piece of your own past you're still waiting to "let go of," or have you found a way to make peace with it?

Leave a comment

Xo,
Liz

Welcome back to Ask Liz, the weekly column where I answer your MOST pressing life questions—the ones you’d ask your most knowledgeable friend if she happened to have done a deep dive on literally everything.

Every week, I go deep on one real question submitted by YOU and provide science-backed and expert-informed solutions. These posts are free for everyone, but paid subscribers get access to our full archive plus the option to submit a question directly to me. Not a paid subscriber yet?

Upgrade me!

If you’re already part of the inside crew, you can scroll down to the bottom of this post and submit your question there.

Before we get into today’s topic…

Did you know that nearly every tea bag—even organic ones—contains glues and microplastics? When you steep them in boiling water, those plastics end up in your cup, and when you sip it, those end up in your body. Which makes this healthful drink actually harmful. Blech.

That’s why I only drink loose-leaf tea or Pique tea crystals, which are AMAZING for on the go. They’re powdered tea with no bags, no plastics—just mix into hot or cold water. You also get more benefits because you’re drinking the whole leaf.

Pique has amazing green, black, white, and herbal teas, and their Sun Goddess Matcha is my absolute favorite. You can get 20% off all Pique products at piquelife.com/lizmoody.

Dear Liz,

I’ve always had a tight-knit group of friends—I’m talking people I’ve known since I was four years old. A couple of years ago, I moved to a city three hours away from where we grew up, and they all stayed local. Now I constantly see photos of them on Instagram hanging out, and I know they’re on a group text without me. I don’t think they’re purposely trying to exclude me; it just doesn’t make sense for me to be on a thread where they’re talking about where they’re meeting up for dinner that night. I have so much FOMO and anxiety about these friendships fizzling, even though they haven’t given me any reason to feel like this. How can I maintain these friendships and feel less excluded?

— Major Friend FOMO

Hey MFF,

The first thing I need to tell you is that I’ve been in your shoes and deeply empathize with your experience. As someone who moved more times than I can count in my 20s and 30s, I’ve absolutely been that person tapping through my friends’ Instagram stories and feeling jealous of all the fun things they’re doing without me…even though I was the one who decided to move.

So, here’s my first question for you:

Can you distance yourself from your phone?

At no other point in history have we had access to exactly what other people are doing at any given moment. Our parents’ friends may have been hanging out without them, but there was a solid chance they would never find out about it. Now, thanks to social media, you know about every karaoke night, new wine bar they’re trying, or cozy dinner at so-and-so’s house because it’s in your face 24/7.

So, question for you: How do you feel about deleting social media from your phone, even if just for a little bit? If you’re not into that, can you mute your friends and check up on their accounts when you’re in the right mental space for it? (Instagram will not alert them that they’re muted, so don’t worry about that!).

Better yet, I’d suggest creating physical distance from your phone in general, not only for this specific FOMO problem, but for your dopamine levels and attention span. I have a whole podcast on the exact tools I use to reduce my screentime that actually work, if you’d like to listen. I think it will be helpful!

My favorite hacks for long-distance friendships

Now, let’s talk about what you can do to maintain these relationships that are obviously so important to you.

If I can be blunt for a moment, long-distance friendships are really hard. I know this because I have a lot of them (did I mention I’ve moved a hundred times?), and they definitely take more intentional work than my local friendships.

With that in mind, it’s never been easier to stay in touch with people who don’t live near you. We have texting, FaceTime, WhatsApp, Marco Polo…literally endless options for contacting our friends whenever we want. Not to age myself too much here, but the first time I went to Europe I literally had to pay what was a lot of money to me at the time to spend 20 minutes in an internet cafe.

Here are my top tips for staying in touch with long-distance friends that actually work:

• Find a shared “about.” My very favorite thing that friendship expert Anna Goldfarb told me when she was on my podcast is that the easiest way to deepen relationships is to have something you do together, so you’re not just having these scheduled phone dates where you’re telling them everything going on in your life, and they’re telling you everything going on in yours, and then you awkwardly hang up. Creating this shared “about” is obviously harder when you don’t live near someone, so my favorite thing to do is read the same book or watch the same TV show. That way, you’ll have something to talk about when you hop on the phone or text throughout the week.

• Share photos of your life. I have a friend who sends me five photos of her life every week, and I do the same. These don’t have to be anything fancy; you can literally just send a photo of your morning cup of coffee.

• Send voicenotes. I like texting a lot, but voice notes feel so much more personal. I love, love, hearing my friends’ voices, and listening to their voice notes is like listening to a really good podcast. If you don’t want to listen to a 10-minute voice note, you can always speed it up and listen to it on 2x speed.

• Carve out one weekend every month or every few months to visit them (and invite them to visit you). You’re only three hours away from them—that’s an easy weekend trip!

Remember to make friends in your new city, too

I love that you’re so invested in maintaining a relationship with your core friend group. But making friends in your new city is going to be crucial to your happiness, so do what you can to form new bonds.

Check out local events, take advantage of digital friend-making platforms, and if you have any connections in your new city, leverage those and have them introduce you to more people.

I know how hard it is to move away from your friends, and I know your friends are just as bummed out that you’re not there anymore. But with enough effort, I’m sure you can maintain these friendships. And don’t forget to put down that phone!

Has anyone here struggled with moving away from a group of friends? If you were able to maintain those friendships, what helped the most?

Leave a comment

And as a reminder, if you have a question you want answered, that’s a paid subscriber perk—so come join us! If you’re already a paid subscriber, you can scroll to the bottom to submit your question.

Xo,

Liz

Looking for your next podcast episode? On Monday, my husband answered ALL your burning relationship questions—I’m talking the ones you’re way too scared to ask but have always wanted answers to. There’s some juicy stuff in there! Today, I re-ran one of my most popular episodes ever with best-selling author and professor at Georgetown University, Cal Newport. In the episode, he shares exactly how to work less and get way more done (while also feeling happier and calmer). It’s the perfect episode for anyone who wants a summer full of less work and more play. And don’t we all?

🎧 Asking My Husband Questions Women Are Too Scared to Ask

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

🎧 How To Work Less This Summer (And Still Get MORE Done)

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Now that summer is in full swing, I feel like everyone is asking me for beach reads. As someone who reads four to five books a week, I feel like I have decent authority to weigh in on this—and I’d have to say This Time Tomorrow by is one of my favorites. This sci-fi-adjacent novel that can absolutely be read on a beach follows a woman who, on the eve of her 40th birthday, wakes up in her 16-year-old body. In this body from the past, she’s able to explore her relationship with her father in a completely different way. It’s definitely a tear-jerker, but in a feel-good way.

Got a question for me that you want answered here in this column?

Follow the link below!

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Welcome back to Ask Liz, the weekly column where I answer your most pressing life questions. These are the questions you’d ask your most knowledgeable friend if she happened to have done a deep dive on literally everything (including digging into ALL the newest science and interviewing top experts in her field).

Every week, I go deep on one real question submitted by YOU and provide science-backed and expert-informed solutions. These posts are free for everyone, but paid subscribers get access to our full archive plus the option to submit a question directly to me. Not a paid subscriber yet?

Upgrade me! 💜

If you’re already part of the fam, you can scroll down to the bottom of this post and submit your question there.

Now, let’s get into it!

Dear Liz,

I want to start by saying that I feel so lucky to be in a relationship with an actually wonderful guy. He never leaves my texts on read, always says the right thing when I’m upset, and makes me laugh SO HARD. We’ve been together for nine months now, and I really do think this could be the person for me—but I’m seriously struggling with letting go of baggage from previous relationships. My last boyfriend cheated on me, and the one before that was verbally abusive. Unbeknownst to my new BF, I’ve gone through his phone before (I didn’t find anything and am in no way proud of this), and I feel like I always think he’s going to yell at me when I screw anything up even slightly. How can I separate this great new relationship from my terrible past ones?

— Weighed Down by Baggage

Hey WDB,

Wait, this guy seems amazing!! Like the actual unicorn all my single girlfriends are dying to meet. I love that he makes you laugh, because I honestly think (and have heard from experts) that a shared sense of humor, and the ability to laugh when things get hard, is one of THE most important components of lasting relationships.

First, I want you to know that I’ve been in your shoes, or something like them. I dated this one guy who lied to me about small, dumb things constantly, and another who made me feel like I had to brace myself before every conversation. So when I finally landed in a truly good relationship with my now-husband, my body DID NOT get the memo. I found myself waiting for the other shoe to drop, scanning for red flags that weren’t there, basically running old software on new hardware.

So, let’s get into what’s really happening and what you can do about it.

First, let’s talk about the phone thing

You already know that secret dig through your boyfriend’s phone wasn’t your finest moment, so I’m not here to pile on. What is interesting to me—and I hope is interesting to you, too—is why it happened.

I talked to sex and relationship therapist Dr. Tammy Nelson about this exact pattern when she was on my podcast (you can listen here, if it’s helpful), and she told me trust isn’t really something a partner hands you; it’s more of an inside job.

When you’ve been burned before, the thing that actually breaks isn’t your trust in other people—it’s your trust in your own intuition. You stop believing your gut can accurately read a situation, so you go looking for hard evidence instead, even when part of you already knows the answer.

So that phone scroll wasn’t actually about suspicion of him; it’s basically just a symptom of not trusting yourself anymore.

Your nervous system is reacting to the past, not the present

That flinch you feel when you mess up—the bracing for him to yell—is a completely understandable response to what an old partner actually did. The problem is your nervous system doesn’t automatically know the difference between this amazing person you’re with now and the one who hurt you. It’s just pattern-matching, and you're reacting to a threat that's no longer actually there.

A good partner should help regulate your nervous system over time, not keep it on high alert. So if you’re consistently anxious around someone who has, by your own account, given you no reason to be, that’s worth discussing with him.

Which brings me to my next point…

I know you don’t want to, but instead of building a case in your head, I’m going to have to suggest you talk to him about it. If he’s really as amazing as you say (and it seems like he is!), he’ll be open to it. You can try borrowing a trick from couples therapist Zach Brittle, whom I had on the podcast. He makes a distinction I think about a lot: “I feel like you’re upset with me” isn’t actually a feeling—it’s a judgment wearing a feeling’s clothes. A real feeling stays about you: “I feel anxious.”

So instead of monitoring for signs he’s mad, try just telling him what’s happening inside your head and body. You can say, “I’m feeling anxious about this, and I know it’s left over from stuff that happened before you—can you just tell me you’re not upset?”

Zach’s other move for this is separating the behavior from the verdict: you can say, “I don’t think you did anything wrong, but I noticed myself getting anxious when X happened—could you tell me you’re not upset?” That’s a completely different move than surveillance, because you’re being vulnerable instead of trying to outsource the reassurance your own gut used to give you.

This is also a great use case for a therapist, if you’re open to that. Untangling “what my intuition is telling me” from “what my old trauma is telling me” is very hard to do alone, and therapists are literally trained to do exactly that.

For now, I hope you can find a way to enjoy this guy—because he really does seem wonderful.

Now I want to hear from you: have you ever caught yourself bringing baggage from a past relationship into a good one? What helped you finally set it down? Let me know in the comments.

Leave a comment

Love you,
Liz

Looking for your next podcast episode? On Monday, I asked an important question: Is being in a relationship with a man even worth it?? Women are dating less than ever, and whether you are happily or unhappily single, or happily or unhappily married, this is a really interesting episode to explore a societal moment that is happening right now. On today’s episode, I talked to Dr. Nicholas Epley, one of the most respected behavioral scientists in the world, about the one habit that will instantly make you more likable and how to have better (and more!) social interactions.

🎧 Is Being In A Relationship With A Man… Worth It?

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

🎧 The One Habit That Will Instantly Make You More Likeable

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

You guys HAVE to see The Invite, the Seth Rogen/Olivia Wilde/Penelope Cruz/Ed Norton movie that I did not expect to hit this hard!

Go see it with girlfriends, on a date, or (even better, honestly) on a double date, because it gives you SO much conversational fodder afterward. Esther Perel was actually a consultant on this movie, so it’s a fascinating showcase of totally different relationship dynamics playing out on screen.

I saw an early screening on a double date, and we went to dinner right after—and the conversation was genuinely one of the best we’ve had. From the trailers, I thought it’d be kind of a bummer (relationship movies can go there), but it’s actually laugh-out-loud funny and so much smarter than I expected. 10 out of 10, and be sure to watch it with people you’ll want to talk to after.

Got a question for me that you want answered here in this column?

Follow the link below!

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Welcome back to What I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago, the series where we sit down with someone you probably know from their work and ask them to time-travel back to who they were a decade ago.

Today’s guest is a therapist, writer, and the founder of Brown Girl Therapy, the first and largest mental health community for children of immigrants. She a…

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Welcome back to Ask Liz, the weekly column where I answer your most pressing life questions—the ones you’d ask your most knowledgeable friend if she happened to have done a deep dive on literally everything.

Every week, I go deep on one real question submitted by YOU and provide science-backed and expert-informed solutions. These posts are free for everyone, but paid subscribers get access to our full archive plus the option to submit a question directly to me. Not a paid subscriber yet?

Upgrade me!

If you’re already part of the fam, you can scroll down to the bottom of this post and submit your question there.

And now, let’s get into it.

Dear Liz,

I’m getting married this year and feeling the “glow-up” industrial complex hard. From Botox to lasers, the pressure to transform into a different person is overwhelming (and expensive). How do I invest in myself without the process constantly reinforcing the idea that I’m not good enough as-is?

—Resisting, but tempted by, the glow-up

Dear RBTBTGU,

First of all, congratulations! Weddings are so much fun (I’m still mildly devastated that I wasn’t invited to Taylor Swift’s), and being a bride is incredibly special. But I also hear exactly what you’re saying: There’s so much pressure to look like the MOST beautiful version of yourself on the day you get married, both so people ooh and aah when they see you, and for the photos, which you’re probably paying a lot for and plan to have forever.

Of course you want to invest in your look, and the options for doing that are hitting you from every angle. You have to find the perfect dress, shoes, jewelry, nail color, hairstyle…and yes, your skin needs to be absolutely glowing. Right? Well, here’s what I want you to know…

The pressure is real, but it’s not really about you

Here’s the thing nobody tells you when you get engaged: an entire industry is now built around convincing you that your face, at this exact moment, needs fixing before it can be photographed forever, and that’s not an accident. It’s a business model!

I talk about this a lot on my podcast—the way capitalism identifies a real feeling (wanting to look and feel good on your wedding day is completely legitimate) and then manufactures a hundred expensive solutions to a problem that didn’t need solving in the first place. It’s the same pattern we see with perimenopause: the symptoms are real, but the second companies realized there was money in convincing women they needed twelve different supplements to survive it, the messaging shifted from “here’s support if you want it” to “you NEED this or you won’t get through it.”

Weddings get the exact same treatment. One generation ago, you got your hair and makeup done the morning of. Now there’s a 12-month “bridal glow up” timeline circulating on social media, and if you’re not doing lasers by month six, you’re already behind.

It’s not just marketing, it’s math

Influencers and brands need new things to sell you constantly, because attention is the currency now. Someone gets views for trying a new pre-wedding facial, so the next person has to find something even more extreme, and suddenly there’s a “bridal Botox timeline” that didn’t exist five years ago. So, feeling the glow-up pressure literally just means the entire system is doing exactly what it was built to do.

So before you book any Botox or lasers ahead of your big day, ask yourself: am I doing this because it feels like an act of joy and self-expression, or because I feel like I’m falling behind in a race that was invented to have no finish line?

A useful gut check: does the treatment feel exciting when you imagine it, or like relief from dread? Excitement is a great reason to do something. Relief from a manufactured fear is a much shakier one.

It also helps to remember that the bar here is designed to keep moving. The more available a treatment becomes, the more people need it to feel like they’re keeping up, and the more extreme the next thing has to be to feel special. And guess what? You will never “arrive” by chasing it.

What to actually do with this energy

You asked how to invest in yourself without reinforcing the idea that you’re not enough as-is, and I think the answer is to get specific about which parts of “investing in yourself” are really for you.

• Keep what feels like joy. If a facial genuinely makes you feel calm and glowy, keep it. I get hair extensions and I don’t feel one ounce of guilt about it, because they make me feel pretty and like ME.

• Cut what feels like fear. If something’s on your list purely because an influencer implied you’d regret your photos without it, that’s worth questioning. Fear is a terrible reason to spend $500.

• Let your “flaws” stay in the photos. Some of my favorite things about old movies and old wedding photos are that people’s faces still moved, their skin still had texture, their smile was a little crooked. I’ve thought about getting veneers more than once, and then I remember I actually love my snaggle tooth—it’s mine! Whatever your version of that is, it’s allowed to show up on your wedding day, too.

• Remember your body is for living, not looking. Your wedding day is not a photoshoot with a reception attached. It’s the day you get to feel your face move as you laugh with the people you love most. That feeling won’t come from smoother skin; it’ll come from being present enough actually to feel it.

Here’s my honest take: in twenty years, you’re not going to look back at your wedding photos and wish your forehead had moved less. You’re going to wish you remembered more of it. Spend your energy on that instead.

I’d love to know: has anyone else felt this “glow-up” pressure before a big life event? What did you decide to do, and what did you decide to skip? Tell me in the comments.

Leave a comment

Xo,
Liz

Looking for your next podcast episode? On Monday, I resurfaced a popular episode with the lovely where we share 21 summer novelty ideas and activities to help you savor summer (and most of them are free!). In today’s episode, I spoke with Dr. David Furman, the Director of Stanford Medicine's 1000 Immunomes Project, to talk about how common inflammation really is, and whether it’s pseudoscience or a legit issue. We also go over the best anti-inflammatory tools you have in your toolbox.

🎧 The Secret To Making This Summer Your Best Ever (Without Spending $$$)

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

🎧 Is Inflammation Pseudoscience? Top Stanford Doc Shares The REAL Research + What You Should Do Today

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

This is the first makeup bag I've seen that unzips and lays completely flat, so you can actually see everything inside instead of digging around, and even better, The Sun Goddess print is gorgeous on its own, and all proceeds go to animal conservation!! It's $68 at Elizabeth Scarlett, and I also use their toiletry case for travel, stocked with duplicates of all my products, so I can easily grab it and go. Truly my favorite makeup bag of all time!

Got a question for me that you want answered here in this column?

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Welcome back to Ask Liz, the weekly column where I answer your most pressing life questions—the ones you’d ask your most knowledgeable friend if she happened to have done a deep dive on literally everything.

Every week, I go deep on one real question submitted by you and provide science-backed, expert-informed solutions. These posts are free for everyone, but paid subscribers get access to our full archive plus the option to submit a question directly to me. Not a paid subscriber yet?

Upgrade me!

If you’re already part of the fam, scroll down to the bottom of this post and submit your question there. And now, let’s get into today’s topic!

Dear Liz,

I know how important sleep is for literally everything, from functioning well to warding off big health issues. But I can also FEEL how important it is in my body, because I’ve been sleeping horribly lately, and I’m a zombie. I always have a slight headache, crave sugary foods, and end up scrolling for a lot of the workday instead of doing my actual work. It’s no way to live! But when nighttime rolls around, I either can’t fall asleep or wake up at 3 a.m. with my heart racing, and don’t fall back asleep until 6. What can I do to start sleeping better?

—Sleepless in Sacramento

Hey SiS,

I cannot tell you how deeply I feel this. And I’m so sorry, because it is truly one of the most miserable ways to feel. There is something especially cruel about bad sleep, because you feel awful, but the thing that would make you feel better is the exact thing that’s eluding you.

I’ve had my fair share of stretches where I genuinely believed I would never sleep normally again, and so, as I always do, I went and gathered literally every piece of information I possibly could. None of these are magic fixes, but they will move the needle in the right direction.

First, stop scaring yourself about it

Before we get into the tactics, I want to say something that I think is actually the most important piece of all of this: the anxiety you build up around sleep can become just as disruptive as the sleep problem itself.

When you lie awake convinced that tomorrow is going to be a disaster, you create a stress response that makes falling back asleep essentially impossible, and then you wake up dreading the night ahead, and the whole cycle repeats.

Something that has really helped me is actively collecting proof points that I can survive a bad night. One of my favorites: I once didn’t sleep at all the night before a Today Show appearance. And I went on live national television and I was fine. MORE than fine, actually, I totally crushed it if I do say so myself.

I’ve had amazing days, great workouts, and really fun times with friends, on nights where I got almost no sleep. Your body is more resilient than the fear tells you it is, and reminding yourself of that—with actual specific evidence from your own life—is one of the most underrated tools for breaking the cycle.

Go outside first thing in the morning

This is the single most powerful thing I do for my sleep, and it happens not at night but first thing in the morning. I do what I call circ walks (circadian rhythm walks), and I take one every single day. Sometimes it’s a circ stand in my yard, or a circ hot tub, or cuddling my cat outside. The form doesn’t really matter. What matters is getting outside and exposing your eyes to natural light within the first hour of waking up.

Here’s why it works:

• When you get outside in the morning, you set your body’s internal clock to the rhythm of the actual day.

• Your brain registers that it’s daytime now, and that triggers a countdown.

• Melatonin starts rising about 14 hours later, right when you want it to.

As Dr. Darshan Shah, a physician and longevity expert, explained to me on my podcast, when you do this consistently, your melatonin arrives at the right time, you feel sleepy at the right time, and the whole system works. Every day he skips it, he feels it that evening.

Your breakfast might be sabotaging your sleep

I know this sounds like it has nothing to do with sleep, but stay with me! Dr. Stacy Sims, a researcher who specializes in women’s physiology, shared something that blew my mind: delaying breakfast can actually phase-shift your body’s internal clock, so that by the time you’re ready for bed, you’ve already missed your natural melatonin peak. And that 3 a.m. wake-up with a racing heart can be your blood sugar crashing overnight because you didn’t get enough fuel during the day.

When we skip breakfast or push it to noon, we dysregulate our appetite hormones for the entire day, leading to the mid-afternoon energy crash, the intense sugar cravings, the ravenous feeling before dinner, and the heavy late-night eating that then interferes with sleep. It’s one long chain reaction that starts the moment we skip that morning meal.

Know your sleep windows, and try to catch one

Most of us think of sleep as something we can shift around whenever it’s convenient, but Dr. Sims’s research shows it’s more like catching a train: you either catch it or you miss it.

For women, melatonin rises in two distinct windows: around 9 p.m. and again around 11 p.m. If you catch that first wave and get into bed by 9 or 9:30, you’re set up perfectly. If you miss it, you get a second shot around 11. But if you’re still up past 11, you’ve missed both peaks, and you’re likely to have fragmented, restless sleep with wake-ups around 3 or 4 a.m. when melatonin bottoms out and cortisol begins to rise.

I’ll be honest: 9 p.m. is hard. I aim for 10 and try to catch that second window. The key is starting your wind-down much earlier than feels necessary. Also hard! But it works.

One more thing: rule out sleep apnea

This one often flies under the radar, especially for women. Dr. Shah told me that many people have sleep apnea and genuinely have no idea, and it can be the hidden culprit behind exactly the symptoms you’re describing.

Sleep apnea is when the tissue in your throat closes in on your airway while you sleep, briefly cutting off oxygen to your brain multiple times throughout the night. Your body wakes you up to breathe, often without you fully registering it, and the result is that you technically “slept” but wake up exhausted and foggy all day.

Signs to watch for include waking up tired no matter how long you slept, a racing heart in the middle of the night, loud or heavy snoring, or waking up gasping. If any of that feels familiar, it’s worth getting checked. And Dr. Shah was quick to point out that a CPAP machine isn’t your only option, so don’t let fear of the treatment stop you from getting a diagnosis.

Tell me in the comments: do you have a sleep tip or ritual that has actually made a difference for you? I want to hear what’s working!

Leave a comment

Xo,
Liz

Looking for your next podcast listen? On this week’s Monday episode, I got into the dark side of optimization culture, including my own personal experience with it and why it hits women harder than anyone. And speaking of dark sides, today’s episode with Dr. Maytal Eyal, Ph.D., is all about where we’ve gone wrong with therapy culture—and how to know when therapy IS actually working for you.

🎧 Optimization Culture Is Killing Us—THIS Is The Real Secret To Health & Happiness

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

🎧 Why Therapy Isn’t Working + What We Need To Do Instead

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

I am obsessed with the book The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green, and I’ve been carrying it around everywhere to read in little moments instead of reaching for my phone, which honestly feels like a gift. I need you to have it! It's a collection of really short essays—each one takes about 10 minutes to read—on the most random topics (diet Dr Pepper, Kentucky bluegrass, the plague…to name a few), and John Green somehow makes every single one of them deeply moving and interesting and worth discussing. Don’t sleep on it!

Got a question for me that you want answered here in this column?

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Welcome back to Ask Liz, the weekly column where I answer your most pressing life questions—the ones you’d ask your most knowledgeable friend if she happened to have done a deep dive on literally everything.

Every week, I go deep on one real question submitted by YOU and provide science-backed and expert-informed solutions. These posts are free for everyone, but paid subscribers get access to our full archive plus the option to submit a question directly to me. Not a paid subscriber yet?

Upgrade me!

If you’re already part of the fam, you can scroll down to the bottom of this post and submit your question there.

Now, before we get into today’s topic…

We all talk a lot about self-care—the facials, the massages, the elaborate morning routines. But my hot take is that the best self-care is upgrading your daily essentials.

Like socks. I know that sounds so small, but think about it—you put them on first thing in the morning, you wear them all day, and most of us are just grabbing whatever’s cheapest without a second thought. My socks didn’t match for years. They often had holes in the toes. That’s not self-care.

Last year, I got rid of all my old socks and bought myself Bombas. They’re SO cute, so comfy, and make me happy every time I put them on my toes. And for every pair you purchase, Bombas donates an item to someone experiencing homelessness—because socks are actually the #1 most requested clothing item in shelters and almost never available. They’ve donated over 200 million pairs so far!

These compression socks are a must for flights and long road trips and every time I wear these polka dot socks I smile ear to ear. Use code LIZMOODY21 for 21 percent off your first purchase!

Dear Liz,

I am so genuinely happy for my friends who are hitting these huge milestones right now—getting married, having babies, all of that. I think it’s incredible, and I love the newborn snuggles! But the financial and emotional toll of all these celebrations is draining me dry in more ways than one.

I recently looked at my bank statement and nearly fell off my chair: I’ve spent $5,000 this year between bachelorette parties, bridal shower gifts, baby gifts, bridesmaid expenses, and wedding presents. On top of that, I’ve had to burn through a lot of my vacation days just to show up for these events, which means I’m sacrificing the rest and travel time I desperately need.

And here’s the other thing: I’m single. No one is throwing me parties or buying me gifts or celebrating me the way I’m celebrating everyone else. I love my friends, and I don’t begrudge them any of it—but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the imbalance.

What do I do?

—Drained in Every Way

Dear Drained,

I got married youngish, at least by the standards of my friend group, which meant that when my wedding happened, most people were still figuring out what a bachelorette party even was. There were no multi-day Nashville trips, no coordinated matching sets, or Venmo requests for the bride’s portion of the villa. It was honestly kind of lovely.

Then I watched the culture shift in real time, and suddenly every celebration came with a spreadsheet and a flight. And since I’m not a parent, I’ve been on the receiving end of a lot of these events without ever really being on the giving end in the same way—so I really, truly, understand the imbalance you’re describing.

Here’s what I’ve learned about navigating it without torching your savings or your friendships.

First, this is a real problem, not a you problem

Let’s talk numbers: According to research, the average bridesmaid spends around $1,900 per wedding—and that’s just one. Add bachelorette parties (where the average cost per attendee has hit $1,300), shower gifts, and wedding presents, and it’s actually easy to see how you’ve already spent $5,000 on this stuff in 2026.

And: a recent survey found that 3 in 5 Gen Z and millennials say social spending impacts their financial goals, and 44% have skipped major events because of cost. You are in very good company, and the fact that you haven’t skipped them shows how much you care!

Then there’s the emotional tax.

The money is one thing. But the imbalance you’re feeling also completely sucks. You’re pouring out love, time, and money for people in their big life moments, and it can feel like no one is doing the same for you. There’s no way around it: That’s not fun AT ALL.

Here’s what I want to say about that: the fact that you’re single right now doesn’t mean your life is less celebratable (is that a word?). The truth is, our culture has a very narrow definition of which milestones “count.” We throw parties for engagements, pregnancies, and weddings, but we don’t throw parties for someone who finally left a job that was crushing them, or moved to a new city alone, or made it through a really hard year. That’s not fair, so…

Let’s talk about what you can do

First, give yourself permission to say no, or at least a modified “yes.” I’m not going to lie, this is really hard, especially when you’re genuinely so happy for your friends and want to celebrate them. But setting limits is important for creating stronger, more authentic relationships while protecting your mental wellbeing. And trust me when I say this: A friend who loves you DOES NOT want you drowning in debt on their behalf.

A few ways to do this gracefully:

• Skip the bachelorette, attend the wedding. These are two separate events, and attending one is not a requirement for the other. If flights plus a long weekend adds up to $1,500, it is okay to say “I can’t make the trip, but I’ll be there on the big day.”

• Do the shower, skip the destination bach. Or vice versa. Pick the event that matters most to you and your friendship, and let the other one go.

• Send a gift instead of attending. Presence is lovely, but a thoughtful gift from someone who loves you is also lovely. It’s not a lesser gesture.

You don’t owe anyone an elaborate explanation. “I can’t make it work financially right now, but I love you, and I’m so happy for you” is a complete sentence.

Have the honest money conversation

I know this feels terrifying (as someone who has a lot of anxiety around money, I completely get it), but hear me out: More than a third of people admit to spending money on experiences with friends due to social pressure, meaning a huge chunk of us are doing this and keeping our MASSIVE stress to ourselves. Someone has to go first!

It doesn’t have to be a big declaration. It can be as simple as texting the group chat: “Hey, I’m working with a tighter budget this year — can we look at some lower-cost options for the bach?” You’ll probably find out you’re not the only one who felt that way.

Set a “friendship fund” and treat it like a bill

Once you decide what you can spend, make it automatic. Decide on a monthly number, even $100 or $150, that goes into a dedicated savings bucket for social events. Knowing exactly what you’ve budgeted takes the guilt and the panic out of every invitation that lands in your inbox. You go in clear-eyed and spend what you planned, no longer catastrophizing every time another engagement photo hits your feed.

Start celebrating each other differently

Here’s my hot take, and I’ll own it: wedding/bachelorette/shower culture has gotten out of hand, and it puts enormous pressure on everyone, including the people getting married and having babies. The expectation that friends will fund multiple multi-day trips now just feels like the thing you do.

But what if we started celebrating each other for more things? A dinner for a friend who got a promotion, a little gathering for someone who finally ended a relationship that wasn’t working, a card for a friend who made it through a really hard year. You might be single right now, but your life is full of moments that deserve to be marked. You can start that culture in your own friend group!

Now I want to hear from all of you: What’s one milestone in your life, big or small, that you wish someone had celebrated? Tell me in the comments.

Leave a comment

Xo,
Liz

Looking for your next podcast episode? For Monday’s episode, I sat down with therapist and ADHD expert Jenna Free to rank the top ADHD advice on social media, and her thoughts on some of the most popular tips (like gamification) were truly very surprising to me. Today, we have a replay of my convo with Suzy Welch—NYT bestselling author, entrepreneur, and professor of one of the most popular courses at NYU—all about how to figure out your dream career and actually get it. If you missed it the first time, trust me when I say: this one is a must-listen.

🎧 Ranking ADHD Advice For Women From Social Media (with Therapist Jenna Free)

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

🎧 NYU Professor: The Career Happiness Formula (Get A Job You Love That Actually Pays $$$)

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

I’ve been on a mission to reduce my microplastic load wherever I can, and swapping out my cutting board was one of the easiest wins. This Mama Mangia one came onto my radar when mentioned it on the podcast, and I’ve been using it ever since. Because it’s cut from a single solid piece of wood, there’s no glue, no seams, and none of the microplastics that can leach from traditional boards into your food every time you chop. The dimensions are 10.5” by 18,” which means it’s actually big enough to use for everything: vegetables, protein, sourdough. It’s pricey, but one of those swaps that feels worth it!

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Welcome back to What I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago, my twice-monthly series where I sit down with women who are doing really incredible things and ask them what they wish they’d known a decade earlier.

Today’s guest is , New York Times bestselling author and creator of the Substack Get It Write, where she pulls back the curtain on the publishing i…

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Welcome back to Ask Liz, the weekly column where I answer your most pressing life questions—the ones you'd ask your most knowledgeable friend if she happened to have done a deep dive on literally everything.

Every week, I go deep on one real question submitted by YOU and provide science-backed and expert-informed solutions. These posts are free for everyone, but paid subscribers get access to our full archive plus the option to submit a question directly to me. Not a paid subscriber yet?

Upgrade me!

If you’re already part of the fam, you can scroll down to the bottom of this post and submit your question there.

Now, before we get into today’s topic…

Did you know that nearly every tea bag—even organic ones—contains glues and microplastics? When you steep them in boiling water, those plastics end up in your cup, and when you sip it, those end up in your body. Which makes this healthful drink actually harmful. Blech.

That’s why I only drink loose-leaf tea or Pique tea crystals, which are AMAZING for on the go. They’re powdered tea with no bags, no plastics—just mix into hot or cold water. You also get more benefits because you’re drinking the whole leaf.

Pique has amazing green, black, white, and herbal teas, and their Sun Goddess Matcha is my absolute favorite. You can get 20% off all Pique products at piquelife.com/lizmoody.

Dear Liz,

My grandfather passed away last year, and I’m having a hard time moving past it. On the one hand, he was very old and lived a full life, so nothing about it was unexpected, but I was also very close to him and just miss him so much. It’s been nine months, and I still find myself feeling really down most days, and on the better days, I’m just numb. What suggestions do you have for starting to feel better, or at least more like myself again?

—Missing My Grandpa

Hey MMG,

Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. First, I want to tell you that you are absolutely entitled to your grief: It doesn’t matter how old your grandpa was, or that he lived a full life, or that it’s been nine months. You lost someone close to you, and this is so hard.

I lost my cat Bella at the end of 2024, and even though I knew other people might look at that and think, it’s a cat, the grief was real and it floored me. I mention this not to compare losses, but to emphasize that grief has a way of arriving on its own timeline, inconveniently, non-linearly, and without any regard for how much time has “officially” passed.

Nine months is not too long to still be grieving. There is no “too long.” But I know you want to get to a better place, so let’s talk about how to do that.

The thing we get wrong about grief

I had psychiatrist Dr. Ellen Vora on the podcast last year (here’s the full episode, if you’d like to listen), and she talked about something called “unmetabolized grief.” Most of us are carrying this around because we live in a culture that treats grief like a problem to be solved, processed, and moved on from as quickly as possible.

Her suggestion, which I am also 100% behind, is to let yourself cry literally as much as your body wants to. There’s a stress hormone called ACTH that is released specifically through emotional tears, which essentially cuts the stress response off at the root. So when we tamp it down, apologize for it, try to make it “brief and small,” we’re actually blocking the very thing that’s supposed to help us move through it.

Ellen also talked about how crying has a “false peak,” that moment where you think you’re done, you can catch your breath. Her suggestion is to push through that moment, because the cry on the other side of the false peak is where the real processing happens.

Let yourself actually feel it

I know that sounds obvious, but so many of us are accidentally working against ourselves here—keeping busy, staying productive, telling ourselves we should be “over it” by now because the loss was expected or because he lived a full life.

Here’s the thing: an anticipated loss or a “good death” doesn’t make grief smaller; it just means you had a different kind of time to prepare. The love and the missing don’t get discounted.

Here are a few things that have helped me and the people I know through grief:

• A dedicated cry. Sad music, a Pixar movie, a letter you write to him and never send. Give yourself permission to go there on purpose, rather than waiting until you’re ambushed by it in the grocery store.

• Talk to him. I know this can sound a little woo, but Ellen Vora does this with her late mother, and I’ve heard versions of this from so many grief researchers and practitioners. Journaling to him, asking for a sign, telling him what you wish you could still say—many people find this extraordinarily comforting. If it doesn’t feel right, skip it. But if there’s even a little part of you that’s curious, try it.

• Let other people witness it. Is there someone in your life you could let into this? Research shows that social support during grief actively suppresses cortisol, your body's primary stress hormone, which grief chronically elevates. You don’t need them to say the exact right thing, you just need them to be there—and feel free to tell them that.

Don’t forget your body

The basics matter more than ever when you’re moving through something hard. Sleep, eating real food, getting outside and moving, limiting alcohol (which can feel like relief in the short term but tends to deepen the emotional heaviness over time)—none of this will cure grief, but neglecting these things makes it significantly harder to carry. Think of it as keeping your nervous system resourced enough to actually do the emotional work to process your loss.

Remember there’s no timeline

I’ll say it again because I think you need to hear it: nine months is not too long. You are not behind. You are not doing grief wrong. The numbness you’re describing on the “better” days is also incredibly common—it’s often the nervous system’s way of creating a break between waves.

What I’d watch for is whether the grief is getting in the way of your ability to function over time—if it’s becoming harder rather than easier, if you’re having trouble taking care of yourself, or if the numbness is deepening rather than lifting. In that case, a grief-informed therapist can be an incredible resource. This is what they’re trained for, and there’s no shame in bringing in support.

Missing your grandfather nine months after losing him is incredibly normal and shows how much you love him. Give yourself grace.

Love you,
Liz

I want to hear from you: Have you experienced a loss that hit you differently than you expected, whether it took longer than you thought, or showed up in a form you didn’t anticipate? Let me know in the comments.

Looking for your next podcast episode? In Monday’s episode, we talked about how we are officially entering The Ugly Girl Era—and hallelujah for that! The episode gets into 3 factors that led us to this tipping point, what we're going to consider beautiful next as a society, and what YOU can do with all of this information. In today’s episode, I talked with 15-time award-winning documentary filmmaker Sara Hirsh Bordo about the shocking link between being a “good girl” and autoimmune disease. My mind was, quite literally, blown. 🤯

🎧 The Ugly Girl Era Has Begun (Thank God)

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

🎧 New Research: Being A “Good Girl” Is Making You Sick (Really). Here’s How + What To Do

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

I am loving season 2 of The Four Seasons on Netflix! The show follows a group of college friends in their fifties navigating life after their kids have grown up or left for college, a phase of life that feels so underrepresented on TV. It’s hilarious and heartwarming, Tina Fey stars in it and co-created it with her longtime 30 Rock collaborators Lang Fisher and Tracey Wigfield, so obviously, it’s brilliant.

One of my favorite things about it is that we basically know nothing about these characters outside of their vacations together—no idea what their apartments look like, what they do for work, any of it. It’s purely them as a friend group, and somehow that makes it feel even more intimate. The only thing I wish (SPOILER ALERT!) is that they didn’t kill off Steve Carell’s character.

Got a question for me that you want answered here in this column?

Follow the link below!

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Welcome to this week’s edition of Ask Liz, my weekly advice column where I answer the questions you’re thinking about but maybe not saying out loud. Every question comes straight from a real reader, and every answer is informed by the hundreds of expert conversations I’ve had on my podcast, the latest research, and my broader network of specialists.

If you’re a free subscriber, hi, so happy you’re here! You’ll get this column every week, plus a Saturday issue every other week where remarkable women share what they wish they’d known a decade ago.

Want to submit a question of your own? That’s a paid subscriber perk, and you can upgrade at the bottom of this post.

Dear Liz,

I really, truly have the best of intentions when it comes to building healthy habits. I know I’d be a happier, more energized person if I exercised every day, ate better, and went to bed earlier… But I can’t make these habits stick. I always fall off the wagon within a few weeks! I don’t think I’m lazy, but clearly I’m doing something wrong here because I end up defaulting to lying in bed scrolling and ordering takeout instead of sleeping, exercising, and eating vegetables. Help!

—Not Lazy but Not Healthy Either

Hey NLBNHE,

Okay. I have so much to tell you, and the main thing is that you are running up against some very real, very well-documented quirks of the human brain. There’s actually research published in Health Psychology that looked specifically at why people who genuinely want to change their behavior still don’t—they call it the “intention-behavior gap”—and it turns out there are four distinct reasons this happens. You’re probably dealing with at least one of them. Let’s go through each one.

You don’t see people like you doing it

We are wired, at a primal level, to conform to what the people around us do and approve of. If your friend group orders takeout every night and no one around you seems to think twice about skipping the gym, your brain clocks that as what people like me do. This ends up working against all those healthy intentions in a BIG way.

I do NOT recommend ditching your friends. Instead, flood your life with examples of people who have the habits you want. Follow people who make the habits you’re trying to build feel normal and even appealing. The goal is to make your desired behavior feel like the default, because once it feels like the norm, it’s so much easier to make it your norm.

You haven’t done it enough yet for it to feel automatic

A quick tip: Past behavior predicts future behavior more than intention does. There’s research showing that people who had worked out more in the past were far more likely to go to the gym, even when other people had just as strong an intention to exercise.

Your brain is always trying to be efficient, and new behaviors require more effort until they become automatic. Researchers call this “habit strength”—basically a measure of how automatic something has become for you. The more you repeat a behavior in the same context, the more your brain wires it in. You’re literally carving a groove in your neural pathways every time you do it, and eventually it becomes the path of least resistance.

A few things that actually help here:

• Reduce friction. Make the habits you want easier and the habits you don’t want harder. Don’t sign up for a gym across town if a home workout in your pajamas would also get the job done.

• Create consistency with cues. Habits form faster when you pair them with the same trigger every time. Link the new habit to something you already do: make your morning coffee and do five minutes of stretching while it brews, for example.

• Track reps, not outcomes. Your brain doesn’t care about results at first, it cares about reps. Whether you meditated for 20 minutes or two minutes, your brain got a rep in. Celebrate showing up, not the end goal.

You don’t fully believe you can do it

Even if you want to build a new habit, if a part of you doesn’t actually believe you can—because of time, energy, circumstances, or that little voice that says I never stick to anything—it will hold you back. This is called self-efficacy, and research shows it’s one of the strongest predictors of whether people follow through.

The best way to build self-efficacy is through tiny wins. Set the bar lower than feels meaningful. Meditate for five minutes, not thirty. Add one vegetable to one meal. Do five squats after every meeting. It sounds almost too small to matter, but your brain logs every single one of those as a proof point that you can do this—and it builds from there.

The habit just doesn’t feel good to do

Sometimes, you just really hate something. That’s okay! You’re allowed to hate healthy habits. Two things help here.

First, actively notice the upsides. When I mostly stopped drinking, I spent so long focusing on what I was giving up that I almost couldn’t see it clearly. The moment I shifted my focus to what I was gaining—the energy, the sleep, the money, the real conversation—it completely changed how easy it was to stick to.

Second, if the upsides are far down the road (like living to be 100), try temptation bundling. This is a concept from Wharton professor and researcher Dr. Katy Milkman. You take the habit you want and bundle it with something you genuinely love, and you only get to do the fun thing while you do the hard thing. Only watch your favorite show while folding laundry. Only listen to that podcast while you’re on a walk. It makes the unfun genuinely fun!

One more thing

Before you go off and try to implement all of this at once, don’t! Pick one habit. Trying to overhaul everything at the same time (the healthy eating, the earlier bedtime, the daily workouts) is exactly how you end up back where you started. Pick one habit and lower the bar so it’s easy.

Then run through this like a checklist: Are the people around you making this harder? Can you reduce friction or link it to something you already do? Are you celebrating the reps, or just waiting for results that feel far away? Have you made a plan for the obstacles you know are coming? And does the habit actually feel good, or do you need to bundle it with something fun to get there?

You’re not someone who can’t build habits; you just haven’t had the right framework yet. Now you do!

What’s one healthy habit you think you could start with? Tell me in the comments. I love hearing this stuff, and honestly, putting it in writing is already a rep.

Looking for your next podcast listen? On this week’s solo episode, I broke down 25 brutal truths I wish someone had told me 15 years ago—hindsight is 20/20, of course, but I think this will really help you. And today, I had Stanford Neuroscientist Dr. Ben Rein on the podcast, and he has some truly fascinating insights about how to live longer that no one’s talking about.

🎧 20 Brutal Truths I Wish Someone Told Me At 25

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

🎧 Stanford Neuroscientist: THIS Is The Secret To Living Longer (It’s Not Diet Or Exercise)

Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Someone on Instagram recently asked me for a good go-to meal when you’re feeling down and need some comfort, to which I had just one answer: Goodles Mac and Cheese. Mac and cheese is my ultimate comfort food, and Goodles is the version I feel good about having in my kitchen! They pack a genuinely impressive amount of nutrition into the noodle itself (we're talking protein, fiber, and vitamins from real plants like kale, spinach, and sweet potato) without it tasting like a weird health food. It just tastes like really good mac and cheese, which is the whole point!

Got a question for me that you want answered here in this column?

Follow the link below!

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Welcome back to What I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago, my twice-monthly series where I sit down with women who are doing really incredible things and ask them what they wish they’d known a decade earlier.

Today’s guest is , intuitive, tarot reader, certified healer, y…

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Hi friend!

Welcome to this week’s edition of Ask Liz, my weekly advice column where I answer the questions you’re thinking about but maybe not saying out loud. Every question comes straight from a real reader, and every answer is informed by the hundreds of expert conversations I’ve had on my podcast, the latest research, and my broader network of specialists.

If you’re a free subscriber, hi, so happy you’re here! You’ll get this column every week, plus a Saturday issue every other week where remarkable women share what they wish they’d known a decade ago.

Want to submit a question of your own? That’s a paid subscriber perk, and you can upgrade at the bottom of this post.

Dear Liz,

To put it plainly, I’m drowning. I feel kind of silly saying that, because I’m a single woman without kids, but I literally feel like I don’t have enough time to do anything. I work at a big tech company, and my calendar is constantly packed with meetings. Then I have to do my actual work, so I end up working late every night. The weekends feel like pure catch-up time, but my apartment still feels like a mess, and somehow I never get to meal prep on Sundays and end up spending a ton of money on unhealthy takeout throughout the week. What can I do to stop feeling like I’m drowning all the time?

—Drowning and Exhausted

Hi DaE,

First and foremost, do not feel silly. I hear from SO many women who are convinced their overwhelm only “counts” if they have kids or a partner or some other externally legible reason to be tired and low on time. That’s not how exhaustion works. You’re stretched thin, and something isn’t quite working here, so let’s talk about how to fix it.

Have you ever actually tracked your time?

I recently had time researcher Laura Vanderkam on the podcast (here’s the link to that episode, if you’d like to listen), and she said something that reframed the drudgery of time tracking for me. The problem usually isn’t that we don’t have enough time, it’s that we’re telling ourselves a story about not having enough time—which means we never actually look at where it’s going.

Her fix is to track your time for just three days, one of which should be a weekend day. You don’t need some huge elaborate spreadsheet; you just want to check in a few times a day and jot down what you did.

Here’s what she consistently finds in her research:

• We overestimate how much time we spend working

• We overestimate how long chores take (nobody likes emptying the dishwasher, so it feels like it takes three hours…it doesn’t).

• There’s almost always more discretionary time than we think

So that’s encouraging, right? But before you start doing that…

Your meetings are a big problem

A calendar packed with meetings is actively destroying your ability to do actual work. UC Irvine researcher Gloria Mark (whom I also had on the podcast!) told me that every time you get pulled away from a task, it takes an average of 23 minutes to fully refocus.

So if you’re in back-to-back meetings all day and trying to squeeze in real work in between, you’re not actually working; you’re spending most of those gaps just trying to get your brain back on track.

It’s worth asking yourself honestly whether all those meetings are actually necessary, whether there are recurring ones you could get off of, and whether you could block two or three mornings a week as focus time and decline anything that tries to fill them. If you don’t have control over your meeting schedule, it’s worth bringing this up with your boss—after all, they want you to do good and efficient work, too! Even protecting two mornings a week would give you back hours you don’t currently have. I can pretty much guarantee you won’t be fired if you ask for that.

How much time are you spending on your phone?

I know you didn’t mention it, but I’d put money on it being a factor. And not just for you, for all of us!. Laura Vanderkam admitted she wastes “gobs of time” online even after eleven years of tracking her time, so you’re in very good company. And it’s 100% not your fault—our phones are literally designed to be addictive.

But every time you pick up your phone mid-task, you reset that 23-minute refocus clock. You end up working late not because you have too much work, but because you spent the day working in fractured little pieces.

That could be a problem with your weekends, too: How often are you collapsing on the couch and falling into 45-minute scroll holes when you were supposed to be meal prepping? That’s worth paying attention to. If you really struggle with this, as most of us do, I highly recommend getting a Brick, a physical device that blocks you out of certain apps, to keep you focused. It’s changed my life, honestly!

And speaking of weekends…

The scrolling issue, if you do have it, is probably part of why your weekends feel like they disappear, too. You sit down to meal prep or clean and end up on your phone for 45 minutes instead—and suddenly it’s Sunday night and nothing got done.

The fix here is going into the weekend with an actual plan. Laura suggests doing a short planning session on Friday afternoon, when most of us are already coasting, where you map out the week ahead. Just three questions:

• What’s one work priority?

• What’s one thing I want to do for a relationship?

• What’s one thing just for me?

When you know what’s coming, the weekend stops feeling like frantic prep for a week you haven’t thought about yet. And when you’ve already decided “I’m meal prepping at 11 a.m. Saturday,” you’re a lot less likely to end up losing that time to something you don’t actually care about.

And you’ll have time to do things that actually fill your cup, like exercise and seeing friends. Sounds pretty great, right??

Quick for you: What’s the one thing on your calendar that, if you’re honest, you could probably cut? Tell me in the comments—I read every single one!

Leave a comment

Xo,
Liz

Looking for your next podcast listen? On Monday’s solo, I broke down the five types of friends we actually have, according to science, and I’ve gotten so many DMs from people saying it’s completely reframed how they think about friendship. On today’s episode, I had an incredible conversation with Zach Brittle, one of the only couples therapists in the entire world certified in both the Gottman method and Terry Real's Relational Life therapy. In other words: He knows his stuff. We get into topics like how to stop settling for less than you deserve, have better sex, and get men to take on more of the mental load. It’s pretty fascinating, if I do say so myself.

🎧 The 5 Friend Theory: Uncover The Type You’re Missing & Unlock Your Dream Friendship

Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

🎧 Top Couples Therapist: How To Stop Settling For Less Than You Deserve (Even When He Thinks Everything’s Fine)

Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

Lately, I’ve been talking about Yesteryear by to literally anyone who will listen. This extremely culturally relevant novel follows a tradwife influencer—think Ballerina Farm with the raw milk, farm-fresh eggs and millions of followers—who wakes up one day in the actual brutal reality of 1855. It’s a dark, unputdownable satire that communicates sharp and important messages about womanhood, social media, and the performance of the “perfect life.” It’s one of the best books I’ve read in a long time, and Burke completely sticks the landing. Go get it!

Got a question for me that you want answered here in this column?

Follow the link below!

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