hi, friends!! happy end of summer…or should I say, happy Pivot Season?

because just about every ambitious and intuitive person I know right now is in the midst of a pivot. (or that itchy existential crisis season pre-pivot, which is uncomfortable but oh so necessary).

so if that’s you, you’re in exactly the right spot. and let me just start out by saying that OF COURSE you’re pivoting right now. because you’re not asleep at the wheel. you’re awake to how the world is collectively shifting, and you’re awake to your own personal calling.

so of course you’re adapting and reinventing yourself and listening to your intuition. of course you’re taking action and re-writing the rules and throwing out the playbook and dismantling old definitions of success.

you’re on a mission to explore and express your unique gifts from SO MANY ANGLES throughout your lifetime. how fricken cool.

so today’s newsletter is all about pivoting - my own story, and then some reflections + questions for you.

my own pivot story (or the short version, at least!)

when I left my Goldman Sachs job in 2022, just months after my VP promotion, people marveled over my “Big Pivot.”

because I guess it looked like that from the outside…that I was just making one singular leap. from the inside, it was a series of a thousand smaller pivots, a many-years-in-the-making zig-zag rather than a one-and-done type of thing.

I’d already pivoted from investing to marketing. I’d already pivoted from New York to London. I’d already pivoted in my writing and editing process more times than I could count.

but most people (understandably) didn’t see the nuance. they talked about me as the Ex Goldman Sachs VP-turned-Author.

she was That Fancy Corporate Title and now she’s This Impressive Creative Title.

maybe it was a little flattering to my ego, sure, but it felt constrictive to my soul.

I was taken out of one box (yay!!) and put straight into another (no thank you!!). in reality, of course, I was all of it, all at once.

because this hallowed “other side” — the author dream — was still not the finish line. of course not! my first book came out when I was twenty-eight. was I just going to be an author and an author only for the rest of my life? now I’m not shading anyone for whom that single identity works quite well, but it’s definitely not me.

I’m allergic to the status quo, I’m enthralled by continually growing and expanding, and it’s been clear to me from the time I was a tiny kid that I came to Earth to have a multi-dimensional experience (I wrote my college essay about wanting to be a Renaissance woman, pushing back on the pressure to specialize).

so for this week’s newsletter, I wanted to share some pivot-related learnings that you can walk with while you’re on vacation or hopefully having a bit of end-of-summer relaxation in some shape or form.

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6 things I’ve learned about pivoting as a multi-passionate person

(I’m sure I’ll have more to add to the list as the years go by, but I’ve found it’s generally most helpful to receive these types of messages from people who are just a few steps ahead, rather than light years ahead, and so that’s what I hope this can be.)

okay, let’s get into it!

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I know ~you know~ who I’m talking about here…

This veritable Prince Charming would do less than the bare minimum, keep us hanging, keep us guessing, and yet anytime they would text — usually some oh-so-poetic “heyyy how r u” sort of thing, lacking punctuation and actual spelling, sent at least two hours after the sun had set.

And when we received a text like this, we would ~know~ logically that we should ignore it and move on already, but of course we would text them back. Of course we would prance around our shoebox apartment conjuring up images of our future European getaways and potential names for our dogs (not kids yet — please, we had some restraint!!). Of course we would give them one more chance. Of course we would get our hopes up that maybe this time would be different.

Except it was not different. The same cycle repeated. And it would keep going until finally finally finally we would stop texting back or block their number or actually date them long enough to realize that our fantasy was 1000x better than the real thing.

And the thing is, we didn’t usually break the cycle and come to our senses because of something big and dramatic.

We did it because WE GOT BORED OF THEIR ANTICS. We finally stopped getting that adrenaline-and-cortisol response to their games. They became predictable, tiresome, and underwhelming. Eventually we no longer needed the rush of their give-it-and-take-it-away validation. We became more interested in something or someone else.

It was the boredom, not the angst, that set us free.

As I’ve been navigating my career pivot from Wall Street to being an author, speaker, and creative entrepreneur over the past four years, I’ve been thinking a lot about how this dynamic is an apt metaphor for our careers…and specifically for the fears that are holding us back.

I’ve come to the conclusion that most of the time we don’t actually have to “overcome” our fears with some heroic act. Sure, maybe that works on occasion, like when I delivered a TED talk in Ireland the week after leaving my corporate job, with only two weeks to prepare and zero public speaking experience. It was a dramatic dose of exposure therapy, and it worked.

But most of the time, for the lasting changes, for the huge internal shifts and the massive breakthroughs, we actually just have to allow ourselves to keep repeating old cycles, old patterns, until the rush wears off.

Basically, we have to keep texting back the guy who so clearly isn’t right for us way too many times until we just get sick of our own B.S. It’s the same story circling around, and we finally say, “ENOUGH, I’m ready for something different.”

(And even then, it sometimes takes a few more times to ACTUALLY REALLY TRULY BE DONE).

The point is, we don’t stop texting the guy because our friend tells us too. We do it when our bodies finally release him. It’s the same thing for fear. Someone can tell us that there’s no reason to be scared of XYZ, but as long as our body gets the hormonal response and feels activated, we’re still going to be blocked by the fear.

The only actual cure is boredom!! Playing small so many times that you just get so bored by the repetition and predictability. Worrying about judgment or money so often that the fear just becomes totally uninteresting.

That’s when we embody the IDGAF energy that is truly the most magnetic thing in the world.

So today I want to get real with you about a fear that’s been flaring up for me and how I’m working with this in real-time to GET BORED OF MY OWN B.S. and step more fully into my visibility and my power (yes, this is related to the reality show I filmed in Beverly Hills, plus my whole social media “strategy” in this next era of my life and business).

I’ll also walk you through through six ways that you can ~hurry up the process~ of getting bored of your own fears so that you can show up more magnetically + have those huge quantum leaps you know you’re meant for.

Because I’ve learned that success doesn’t always come from pushing through the ceiling. It more often happens when we finally stop clinging so hard to the floor.

And that’s what you’re being called to do. Release your grip on the things that are dragging you down and let go of those old pattern so you can soar to your limitless potential.

So if you ~just know~ that you are being called into a season of greater visibility, especially with your personal brand and/or social media, today’s newsletter is for you. I’ve been in the trenches with this, and I’m so so excited to share and talk about it today.

Okay, let’s get into it!

One big fear that’s been resurfacing for me recently is my fear of being judged/misunderstood…especially on social media.

It’s interesting because I don’t really have the classic fear of being seen in the way we typically talk about it.

I’ve published five books, gone on national book tours, spoken live to audiences of many thousands of people, and been on some of the biggest podcasts without that fear being super present. Sure, I’ve been nervous, but not to the extent where I don’t do the thing, which is what happens to me online, where I let my fear stop me, shrink me, dilute me, confuse me.

And as I’ve been getting curious about this, I’ve excavated a related fear around visibility. I have this fear/belief that in growing my own personal brand, I’ll be closing doors and cutting off income sources. This one comes from how I grew up (parents in the corporate world who definitely encouraged my creativity, but always with subliminal messaging of “don’t quit your day job” “that’s a great side hobby” and “you need to have the stability of a big company.”) It never felt safe to rely on myself and my own brand. This fear was reinforced when I worked on Wall Street and had to keep my poetry Instagram private and keep secret the books I was writing while at Goldman Sachs because I wasn’t allowed to have anything outside of work. A couple years later, this same fear was “proven right” when I did an interview with a big online publication, and they totally twisted my words and made it into some Wall Street expose that burned bridges and destroyed my back-up plan of “well if things work out, I can always go back to my old job.”

Basically I kept seeing evidence that my personal brand, my writing, my stories and creativity were simply was not robust enough for me to rely on to support myself. And also that being TOO LOUD or TOO VISIBLE would get me fired or make me un-hirable.

Today’s newsletter is not about debating how “true” these fears were. They felt true to me, and that’s all that really matters. Your fears feel true to you, and so they are true for you.

For months after I began posting consistently on LinkedIn, every single time after I hit “post” I wanted to throw up. Yes, every. single. time.

LinkedIn felt like the most corporate social media platform, so like there was the most risk there with my professional identity and income opportunities. But while I did have to muscle through those first few months of posting in that “ugh, just do it!!” grippy sort of energy, the biggest up-levels came when I finally just got bored of the things that were holding me back.

I got bored of wondering who would see it and judge me for it. I got bored of tweaking my language so it wouldn’t be as controversial. I got bored of editing my stories so I wouldn’t offend anyone who worked in the entire finance industry. I got bored of worrying about if I could make money from just being me.

And over time, I’ve allowed my actual voice, my actual personality, to come out on a platform that can feel quite robotic and clogged with corporate speak.

And BECAUSE I’m myself, BECAUSE I have a totally different story and approach to other people who post there, I’ve stood out so much more and magnetized all kinds of opportunities on LinkedIn…from a new literary agent to high-ticket speaking events to selling out my retreats and coaching cohorts to meeting new IRL friends. And most recently, I was cast in a reality TV show in Beverly Hills in large part because of my LinkedIn presence.

It took me years, but I finally reached that IDGAF energy.

I know now that I will always be hirable, if I want to be. But I also know that I’m happily unemployable right now because my own brand, my own stories, are working. They are ENOUGH. I couldn’t reach that state while I was still sitting in the emotions of “what will people say? what will they think? what if this goes wrong??”

But just like how I couldn’t have my friends talk me out of texting the Wrong Guy back way too many times, I’ve had to learn this lesson myself.

We can’t rush our own process. Our bodies need to acclimate. Our nervous systems need to recalibrate. That’s the only way that we have sustainable success and lasting change.

So I’ve liberated myself on LinkedIn (and on Substack too because I don’t have any historical anchoring about what I should be or do here), but I’ve still been feeling the stickiness on Instagram.

Instagram is where I was ~secretly~ expressing my creativity while I had a day job. But then it became kind of tainted when I had to bring it into the open and promote my books and make it part of my work. (Remind me to do another newsletter about why keeping your art private and NOT building everything in public is the most exquisite thing in the world, but I digress.)

The point here is that Instagram has felt like it has all these old energies. Versions of my prior self. People from high school and college and Wall Street. My colleagues, my old classmates, my publishers. It’s such a jumbled weird mix, and I feel like I’ve outgrown the container ten times over. So how do I just show up as THIS VERSION of me?? Why is it so hard for me??

I’ve shamed myself a bit on this because it seems easy for other people to be growing on Instagram. And it’s been relatively easy for me to do objectively MUCH HARDER things so why am I holding myself back here?? What is wrong with me??

Every time I went to post, it felt like performance rather than play, which is how I know that this is not my most fully expressed, magnetic essence.

I was also doing the whole “is it even ethical for me to be on Instagram when it’s clearly bad for our mental health?” dance, which is valid for sure and a convo for another time, but it was also an excuse I was using to keep me small. (I was thinking in the “all or nothing” mentality, which is rarely the answer — what is the sacred third path??).

So basically I’ve been feeling totally uninspired, disengaged, and down on myself with Instagram.

But something about the first mini episodes for the reality show (Kitty Party - basically Shark Tank meets Real Housewives) going live has CURED ME OF MY OVERTHINKING!!!!

I expected my body to feel scared and constricted when the episodes dropped. I expected my mind to wonder who would see the episodes, what they would think, and how this might impact my future, my money, my reputation.

But instead, I’ve honestly just been giggling and having so much fun with the whole thing. I feel zero need for people to “get it” or like me. I am not activated by people who don’t like it or think it’s cringe.

I’m happy to report that I’M OFFICIALLY BORED OF MY OWN BULLSHIT.

And that’s how I know that I’m ready to actually start showing up on Instagram in a way that is the Actual Me, not some curated people-pleaser, walking-on-eggshells hologram.

For the first time in many years, I actually feel excited about sharing on there again — my poetry, my pivots, my spirituality, my thoughts about 30s life, my unhinged side quests.

I get to do this in the new paradigm way, not obsessing about a having a hook or going viral or sticking to a niche or getting canceled…but just having a playground for my art + my energy. Sure it will never be as deep as my books, but I can still offer up a dash of my essence, and that finally feels fun again.

I’ve had so many friends and smart people give me tips and advice and strategy related to my social media over the years. It was logically very sound, very good advice.

But just like with all those loser guys I had to text back one too many times, I had to repeat this cycle of staying stuck and small on social media until I finally broke it myself. No one else could do that for me.

And it wasn’t force, in the end, that broke it. It was just boredom. Just sitting in my own fears for so long that I found them totally uninteresting.

My hope for you is that a similar freedom can find you. And that if you’re still in that loop of doing the destructive thing, yes you can accelerate it a bit, but you don’t have to do it overnight. That middle phase is part of the process.

But here are six ways to speed up your own growth process, so you reach the IDGAF energy a bit faster:

1. Have your “safe person” (or three!) who will love + cheerlead you no matter what

We all need that person where even if everything in our life or career goes terribly wrong, they are there to love, support, and cheerlead us. As you start allowing yourself to be more visible, you NEED THAT PERSON. Don’t try to do it alone. Turn off your phone, have an IRL evening with this wonderful human or chat with them on the phone, and allow yourself to detach any parts of your identity that feel like they’re craving or fearing the rewards or repercussions of being seen. Ideally you have 2+ of these “forever cheerleaders” is having an off day or doesn’t have capacity to hold your experiences, you don’t feel dysregulated and fall into co-dependency.

And yes, ultimately you can work towards being entirely self-resourced and not needing anyone else’s validation at any point ever, but tbh as humans we are social creatures meant for intimacy, so I don’t think there’s anything wrong w/ needing your little tribe, so long as you can still self-regulate when those around you aren’t fully available.

2. Micro-dose your visibility

Don’t go from zero to a thousand overnight. If you don’t regularly show up online, it’s going to be super destabilizing to all of a sudden post every day. Or if you do it, it’ll be coming from the very masculine, linear, clench-your-teeth-and-push place, which can only get you so far (to actually quantum leap, the feminine + flow HAS to be there too).

So trust your intuition on this one. Maybe choose one platform and post 1-2 times a week. Build up to 3-4 times. It’s okay if your voice sounds less like “you” in the early posts. You will find your stride. You will realize that you do not in fact die when you post, or when something flops.

As part of micro-dosing, DO NOT LOOK at metrics at all for your first 3 months (views, engagements, numbers, etc). Doing this will make you lose your momentum and your confidence, and it basically means that your trust muscle will never form properly, and you’ll stay in that “uck this is awful and not working so I’m gonna stop showing up and therefore it will work even less” cycle.

3. Set boundaries for digital wellness + clean energy

I use an app called BePresent that allows me to block my social, and I’m curious about trying Brick too (they are not sponsoring this lol). I also don’t have LinkedIn on my phone, and I usually delete Instagram on the weekends. This helps me avoid getting sucked in. Don’t rely just on willpower. It’s human nature to be pulled into the apps (they’re literally made to be addictive) so help yourself out by making the boundaries cleaner. Then if something goes viral or if something flops, I’m not too swayed by it either way. I’m living my actual IRL life, tending to my creativity and my relationships, and it helps me not care so much about how my posts are doing. Ironically, this not caring allows me to show up more + treat it all as play and experimentation rather than performance.

4. Find expanders + alchemize your envy into inspiration

I’m a big fan of the To Be Magnetic meditations, and one of the steps they use to manifestation is Expansion — meaning, you find Expanders (people who are showing you what’s possible and who are already living your dream, at least in one part of life). Rather than being envious of them, thank them for lifting the ceiling on what you believe is possible. Notice how they show up, how they don’t shrink themselves, and allow yourself to feel inspired by them. If they can do it, you can!! Sometimes I write my expanders thank you notes in my journal, or I’ll even DM them and just express my gratitude for how they are sharing their journey + showing me what’s possible. A rising tide lifts all ships!!

5. Journal about what happens when people have a negative reaction to your content

   Because people WILL have negative reactions if you’re actually letting your true self come through. I have plenty of people who think I’m cringe for posting on LinkedIn or that I’m not professional enough. People Remember that social media is a mirror. If someone is playing small and not going for their big dreams, then seeing you launch that book or speak on stage or post that video will be ~very triggering~ for them. That’s their journey, not yours. But of course it might still feel uncomfy. Write down the reactions people have and how it makes you feel. Just getting it out of your body and onto the page will help release so much.

5. Block people!!!

   We do not use the block button enough. If you’re worried about what your high school friends or your partner’s family or your aunt is going to think about your content, block them!!! It’s not mean. It’s just helping clean up the energy until your nervous system truly embodies the IDGAF energy. Allow yourself to have baby steps getting there, and blocking people is one of those super easy ways to clear people from your orbit as you’re micro-dosing your visibility.

   And similarly, curate your own feed. So many people say their LinkedIn is full of AI slop and corporate jargon and insufferable self-promotion. My feed isn’t like that at all. It’s full of inspirational entrepreneurs and artists who are doing what they love and sharing their light. I block AI content. I block people who are making fun of influencers (more on this another time b/c I’ve. had SUCH an aversion to being an influencer, and it’s held me back). I block people who have vibes that just feel ~off.~ It’s not personal when I do it to people, and it’s not personal when people do it to me. It’s YOUR PAGE + YOUR FEED; take ownership of that + feed yourself the content that helps you feel alive and excited. Your media intake is part of your diet, and you should treat it as seriously as your organic food. Stop outsourcing your power to an algorithm.

Okay friends, I hope this was helpful and I’m sending you all the wildly free, IDGAF vibes this week!!! The world needs your magic, now more than ever.

Please remember that no one is judging you or thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are (I say this with love - yes, it kind of seems depressing but is actually so very liberating).

And if you want to be in the inner circle and get even more of my life updates, deep dives, and unhinged holding-nothing-back reflections about creativity + career expansion, make sure you are a paid subscriber (just $55 for the full year). You’ll be receiving tons of extra content as the paywall allows me to go WAY DEEPER. Free subscribers will receive ~1 newsletter per month, and paid subscribers get things from me at least once a week.

upgrade to paid to go deeper w/ me <3

I’m recording a voice note for all my paid subscribers this week which will basically be a love note/life update more into the BTS of this summer, from the highs of hitting the USA Today to the lows of grieving a friend, feeling isolated, and outgrowing parts of my business that were “working” just fine but no longer feels aligned.

Can’t wait to share it with you!!!

In the meantime, do comment below + lmk what comes up for you. (I don’t always see emails, but if you reply in the comments here, I will absolutely get back to you.) <3

xx

Lindsay

P.S. Join the waitlist for my next retreat for this fall. There will only be ~8 spots and there are already 30+ people on the waitlist. Everyone on the waitlist will receive early access + special pricing.

Well, that’s a sentence I never thought I’d write.

Yes, I’ve been working to adapt my novels for the screen (more on that another time). But starring in a reality show myself was definitely not on my 2026 bingo card.

Yet here we are. The Year of the Fire Horse isn’t slowing down, and it has that“Well, f*ck it, why not?!” energy.

And let me tell you how freeing that feels!!!

The show (which is produced by people who’ve done The Bachelor and other big names) is very much Shark Tank meets Real Housewives vibes. It’s called Kitty Party, named after a South Asian tradition of women coming together to pool resources to help each other out. So this show is a modern, entrepreneurial twist on that old tradition. With my Wall Street background, I was one of the investors listening to the pitches and deciding who we would invest in (I got to be the “cold hard facts/bad cop” judge who grilled the entrepreneurs on their numbers — loved it!!).

Okay backing up for a quick second, I filmed the show back in June, at the end of launch week for my fourth novel, The Anti-Marriage Pact.

A quick snapshot of the BTS of that crazy week.

• 11pm: back to my NYC hotel after my book tour event

• 3am the next morning: Uber to JFK

• 6-hour flight to LA

• 2-hour Uber (ty, LA traffic…I was supposed to freshen up at my hotel but had to skip that part since it took 30 mins to go half a mile)

• Straight to a Beverly Hills mansion without showering

When I showed up, everyone was already in hair and makeup wearing designer outfits. And there I was, yanking my broken suitcase up the mansion driveway with greasy hair, leggings, a tank top, and probably some kind of airplane stench. (Tbh that could’ve been the opening scene of its own movie, as it was quite comical in hindsight).

“WTF am I doing here?” was my initial, sleep-deprived thought.

That feeling is familiar. I’ve always had a bit of an outsider/loner complex (cue the sob story about sitting in the bathroom stall alone in high school b/c I didn’t have a table to sit at), and new rooms still trigger that voice sometimes…especially when this was SO FAR OUTSIDE my comfort zone.

(^^after hair + makeup and an outfit change from the plane!)

But what happened over the next 3 days of filming surprised me in the best of ways.

Filming the Kitty Party reality show ended up becoming one of the most expansive experiences of my life thus far…not just because it was the first time I was on a TV set or because the other superstar women I met, but because of what it taught me about visibility, saying yes to opportunities that are ~way~ outside your comfort zone, and why Hollywood is changing in exactly the same way publishing is.

If you’re building something—a TV show, a book, a business, a podcast, a personal brand—these shifts are ESSENTIAL to take note of so you can get ahead of the curve and magnetize insanely cool opportunities in the new paradigm energy.

So in today’s newsletter, we’ll explore 3 major shifts that are reshaping publishing, Hollywood, and creative careers, and why there’s never been a better time to create your own opportunities.

I’m LOVING all the feedback from you on my deep dive about why traditional publishing is broken, and today’s newsletter goes deeper into the Hollywood/creator economy side of things. This is for all of you who know you’re being called to step into a bigger version of yourself…but you don’t want to do it in that old, grind your way up the ladder, do great work, wait to be picked way.

Good news: that old playbook is dying anyway. In fact, I’d say it’s already dead. RIP. And the people who are still grasping and following those old rules are in for a rude awakening.

So what did filming this reality show teach me about what actually IS WORKING in this new era? Let’s dive in:

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TREND #1: The power has shifted from gatekeepers to creators

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okay now for today’s newsletter - a fun + super personal one about something I’ve never really talked about before…

I’ve always liked to think that I’m the main character in my own life. but recently I’m not so sure.

let’s start with the “evidence” that I am in fact serving main character energy.

I speak on stages, I publish books, I go on national book tours. I filmed a reality TV show in Beverly Hills (lol more soon, I promise).

I pitch, I post, I allow myself to be seen on a big scale.

I’ve left relationships where I had to play small and shrink my dreams.

I take myself on dates and solo trips to the south of Spain.

heck, I moved to London by myself, without knowing a single person, and had the absolute time of my life.

surely a side character wouldn’t do these things, would she?? surely this shows that I am indeed the main character - case closed, no need for deeper reflection, thank goodness we cleared that up!

except…not quite.

while I do feel like the main character in a lot of ways, I also think I’ve accidentally (or maybe intentionally) been hiding more than I want to admit.

ugh, I just got a little teary-eyed as I wrote that, which tells me that yes, unfortunately I’ve struck a long-buried truth.

writing fiction allows me to hide, you see. enables it, one might say.

in my novels, I get to create a main character. sure, she has bits of “the real me” but she’s her own person altogether. I am her and I’m not her - it’s a dynamic that I adore while writing fiction. the ability to live a million lives and embody personalities that are inside of me, yet outside of me too.

I’m ~obsessed~ with the imagination and world building of fiction. the fact that I literally talk to voices in my head and then it becomes a whole book and then someone from North Dakota or Poland or New Zealand sends me a heartfelt message about how my book impacted them - is that not the coolest thing?!

yes, I love the extreme creativity of writing fiction.

and I also love the privacy it gives me. even if something is inspired by my real life, I can always point to the fact that it’s a work of fiction.

fiction is a built-in protective barrier.

on the one hand, this allows me to go deeper and be even more vulnerable and fully expressed because I’m not impeded by the sense that I’m over-sharing my own story. in so many ways, fiction has liberated me to explore my greatest truths, my greatest fears, without self-editing.

this veil of fiction helps me avoid feeling like I’m completely laying bare my soul for public consumption (and even with fiction, I’m already laying bare my soul. I’m already spilling out the deepest parts of me and serving them up on a paperback platter — how could I give even more of myself?? what would be left?? would THAT not be the greater self-abandonment?)

there are so, so many positives of how writing fiction helps me grow and become even more of myself.

on the other hand, I’m also centering fictional characters and de-centering myself in the process, which comes with its own shadows.

even as it is, readers have a hard time understanding the differentiation between character and author. even as it is, people assume my novels are memoirs.

at book events or in my DMs, people ask me about “that chapter in the book where you…” or “I loved it when you XYZ…”.

I was so confused at first, but I’ve come to realize that people often think that I’m the main character, as well as the author.

it seems that many readers find it hard to conceptualize the admittedly ~unusual~ act of conjuring up an entire world inside your brain and making it into a 300-page book. or perhaps they want to believe that the main character and I are one in the same, so the character can be “real” to them beyond the page.

I usually find a way to nicely correct these readers. some version of: “oh, this is fiction. the character is separate from me. sure, parts are inspired by seasons of my own life, but I’m the author, not the character.”

however, I’ve been wondering if I’m telling the truth when I say this. because as much as I want to insist on clear lines, there never are when it comes to art.

and sometimes I become so immersed with the characters I’m creating, the characters I’m channeling, that I do in fact become them. (I’ve long talked about how many of the things I write about end up becoming true in real life, and how writing fiction is the wildest manifestation tool, and this is a corollary of that convo.)

while it’s a spectacular thing, a truly magical sensation, to embody a character that I’m writing, it also means I’m being transported out of my own body, out of my own consciousness and into someone else’s.

and so along with the self-expression comes an equal and opposite self-erasure.

sometimes this self erasure is accidental, a byproduct of being so utterly wrapped up into the fictional world I’m building, into the idiosyncrasies and awakenings of this character I’m creating.

other times, the self erasure is intentional, and I deliberately “become” the character. I think of it as method acting.

as I’m getting ready to launch a book, I take on the energy and personality of my characters. not only is this SO MUCH FUN, but it’s super effective too.

for this past launch for The Anti-Marriage Pact, I basically became EJ, the rebellious, bold, won’t-take-no-for-an-answer main character.

I dressed like her, I strategized like her, I handled conflict like her.

stepping into her shoes helped me overcome my innate shyness, my rule-abiding nature, my self-doubt. I channeled EJ’s firebrand energy. AND IT WORKED. I was catapulted to the highest levels of my career thus far — because of her, I told myself. because I became EJ, and EJ was enough in the ways that I wasn’t.

ahh.

there it is.

the not enough-ness of the real me. turning to something or someone else to fill the gaps that I perfective in myself. to fix the deficiencies of Actual Lindsay.

yes it’s an incredible tool to be able to pluck any personality trait from the characters in any of the books I’ve written (or traits from characters in books I’ve read, because I’ve done that too). there are positives of it, for sure. in many ways, it’s like parts work and is literally a type of therapy to help us become more integrated, more whole, more healed.

how incredible!!

but there are some negatives parts too.

it’s been easy to avoid these less-than-ideal parts since I’ve published five books in four years.

I’ve been in a whirlwind, a constantly shifting mood ring from one character to the next. the moment one book launch ends, I’m gearing up for the next. teal sundresses and wholesome hometown girl vibes for this book; black leather jacket and brooklyn rebel energy for the next!

(and what is my style again? oops I forget.)

^^a small snapshot of my different eras while publishing 5 books in the past 4 years

and so in the comedown of this past book launch and the high of hitting the USA Today bestseller list, there’s been that uncomfortable quiet that follows the buzz of a dream fulfilled

I’ve been forced to look inward and ask: who is the real Lindsay?

why am I so good at publishing fiction book after fiction book and allowing my work to be seen on a big scale, but even sharing a personal poem has become a task that is Too Big, making me want to curl up in a ball and vomit?

am I avoiding writing memoir and personal essays and poems that I admit to be about “real life” because I’ve been told there’s not a market for it? because I’ve been conditioned to believe that people only want fictional versions of me, not the real thing?

is it actually a very healthy, very noble pursuit of privacy so I don’t splinter myself and over-share with people who have not earned the right to my truest stories?

or is it because I myself find fictional characters, fictional versions, superior to myself — more worthy of being seen than I am?

and here’s the core question that hits my oldest, deepest wounds right in the bullseye…

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Jordan has a massive platform, and I found myself thinking: wow, even with her size of audience, she’s facing all the same BS. she’s still feeling the same friction.

and I realized it was finallyyyy time for me to share my unfiltered thoughts on the state of traditional publishing.

because it’s a BROKEN industry, and it’s only getting more dysfunctional every day.

I’ve been holding my tongue for a while, since I’ve been under contract with multiple big 5 publishers.

but now that my fifth book just came out and my my contract is up, I’m FREEEE to speak, and speak I will.

about how the industry is inherently disempowering to writers.

about how the publishing world hasn’t adapted and is recycling the same dead playbook.

and the ugly personal stuff too.

like when my first publisher tried to bully me into signing another book deal with them and told me that my author career would be “over” if I didn’t acquiesce.

or like when my second publisher made a ridiculously offense request, and I said no and nearly walked from the deal…

so…cozy up for this one because the tea is piping hot.

I share the numbers, the highs, the lows, and the behind the scene details I’ve never talked about publicly before. I also talk about how I’m thinking about what comes next — both individually and collectively — as we retire this old paradigm model and move into the fully expressed, fully empowering new paradigm.

if you’ve ever felt the call to write a book, or if you’re just curious to get the inside scoop, this is for you.

I’m putting most of this article behind a paywall. I’ve been hesitant to turn on paid subscriptions, but it feels so good because I can ACTUALLY SPEAK MY FULL TRUTH. all the vulnerable + unhinged stuff feels way safer behind the paywall, so thank you for supporting. it means we get to go deep together. <3

okay, let’s back up for a minute.

from the time I was five years old, I talked about how I wanted to be an author when I grew up (my mom still has the poster from first grade where I wrote it down as my dream career…along with professional soccer player, of course!)

and I always knew I wanted to traditionally publish — meaning that I wanted to get a book deal and an advance and all that.

as Jordan articulated quite bluntly in her newsletter, she (and I) grew up in a high-brow literary world where self-publishing was for losers. it meant you weren’t good enough to get a real book deal.

so self-publishing really never crossed my mind when I began pitching agents at 19 years old. and through the years of rejections that followed, I still knew I’d rather not publish at all than self-publish. obviously there was a lot of ego wrapped up in that, but I’m just being radically honest about how I felt.

I was an Ivy League, Goldman Sachs girl. I loved the challenge of breaking into impossible worlds. I relished the prestige that came with it.

so I focused on improving my writing - both the craft and the business side of it. I wrote five books that never got published, and then I finally signed with an agent for what became my debut novel.

when we got an offer from an imprint of Penguin Random House, I was over the moon. no matter that the advance was tiny - only about $10k for my first book (before giving 15% of that to my agent). no matter that they wanted to put my book in the “romance” category when clearly it was not romance. no matter that the terms in the contract were quite abysmal.

I signed the contract, knowing it wasn’t the best deal but also knowing that my foot was finally in the door. this was the break I’d been waiting for!

^^a solo hiking trip I took myself on to the Lake District in England (William Wordsworth’s hometown) to celebrate my first-ever book deal. ugh still makes me emotional looking back on this!

I’d been waiting years for this moment! all that blood, sweat, and tears had paid off - I’d finally made it!

and yet the cost was greater than I could have imagined.

all this time I’d been putting getting a big 5 book deal on a pedestal, treating it like my knight in shining armor.

but it wasn’t long until the cracks started appearing.

this was not, it turned out, the happily ever after of my dreams.

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since returning from my book tour, I’ve been in that weird, uncomfy comedown.

not to be dramatic, but I had one of the best weeks of my life in early June - a national book tour full of glitzy events, a novel that hit the USA Today bestseller list, a reality show on entrepreneurship that I…

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the conversation went something like this:

“when will we know if we hit the USA Today or New York Tim…

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After a beautiful hometown book launch in Kalamazoo last night (thank you to all who came out!!!), I’m en route to NYC for the next leg of the book tour.

I’m re-sharing the voice note I included in yesterday’s newsletter as some of you said you had a hard time opening it.

Happy listening + THANK YOU for all the launch week support.

You guys SOLD OUT on Amazon and other retailers Day 1 but we should be back in stock today, so let’s keep the momentum going through the end of the week!!! Every copy truly helps so so much.

We are doing this!!!

xx

Lindsay

How to support the launch:

1. Snag your copy anywhere books are sold (order by Friday June 5th to count for week 1 sales).

2. Text the link to 2 friends and ask them to text it to 2 friends - grassroots, creative rebel vibes to get this baby on the bestseller lists!!!

3. Leave a review on Amazon

It’s a dance I’ve been doing since my first novel came out.

I wanted it SO BADLY and didn’t get it.

It was so ego-driven back then. Needing to be chosen and have the fancy accolade prove my worth.

Then I was so let down by that experience (selling enough copies but still not being “picked” by the New Yo…

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She read an advanced copy of my new novel, The Anti-Marriage Pact, and wants to turn into a TV show.

Specifically, she connected with the book’s spiritual awakening themes.

She loves that it’s not just a light-hearted dramedy; there’s depth and faith there too, which the world is craving a…

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I’m writing this newsletter from a Dallas tea shop, where I’m back home for a mid-book tour break.

The last few weeks have been quite the whirlwind.

I delivered the eulogy at my dear friend’s funeral and then jumped right into pre-launch events for The Anti-Marriage Pact. I’ve done 11 events in 5 states over the past two and a half weeks, and …

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The aesthetically obsessed Instagram culture is ruining your creativity.

Because contrary to what we see online, there is no “perfect setting” in which to write your book or make your art.

In fact, I’d argue that the more imperfect the setting, the more you learn how to self-resourc…

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It was the most difficult talk I’ve ever given and the most important one too.

Colin and I met in fourth grade. We were senior prom dates, co-speakers at high school graduation, and creative souls who were making our mark on this world.

He bravely battled muscular dystrophy nearly his whole…

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Instead, I cleared my schedule and gave myself the day off. (As someone who works for myself, it’s an incredible blessing to be able to take the day off…and it also feels uncomfortable, like I …

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There were just a few itty bitty, very small details that could have stood in my way here.

For starters, I had zero public speaking experience! (Unless you count my high school graduation speech…or my 5th grade D.A.R.E. speech for a Millennial throwback…iykyk)

Anoth…

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but i knew that i was being called to a different life.

being an author was part of that, sure. after years of rejections, i’d finally landed an agent and my first two book deals with a t…

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I feel it and if you’re one of the beautiful old souls reading this newsletter, you probably do too.

As AI accelerates, doom-scrolling amplifies, and people isolate more and more behind screens that are making us sick, we’re craving a return to our deeply human roots.

We’re burned out from all the conten…

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Quick backstory: The “starving artist” narrative has been blaring in my subconscious…

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In response, I received messages like, “Another book?! You’re a writing machine.” Or “How do you write your books so quickly??”

Maybe that’s how it looks from the outside. That I’m churning out books left and right. I’ll admit, publishing five books in four years has been a pr…

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