She had not been around for quite some time, and so I thought I should give her a good welcome.

And what better welcome is there than her meeting a well-made dish at home.

But what dish? What could I cook that could have her saying, “This is different and also nice”?

I didn’t want to do the normal stuff I could do. For example, I could cook a mean pot of beans, but she knows that.

I could fry a delicious sauce that would bang with either rice or yam (especially yam), but she’s not really a fan of yam.

So what do I do?

Well, I go to YouTube and search “Nice Delicacies you could do as a Nigerian.”

Of course, I had to put “Nigerian” there before the algorithm starts bringing dishes with impossible ingredients to get.

After some moments of scrolling, I saw something nice and also challenging: Creamy Pasta. Ooooohhh!!!

I had been seeing it for a while, but usually on pages based in Western culture, so I thought it couldn’t be easily done here.

Alas, it could be. I just need Pasta, Cooking Cream, maybe cheese, Butter, Sausage, chicken, and some other stuff.

Now, to be honest, I didn’t want to do it. When I watched the video on how to make it, it seemed really stressful. Of course, cooking is stressful, but this one had a lot of steps.

For one, Cooking Cream was expensive, so I had to make it myself.

Then I really couldn’t find cheese, but then I discovered I could make the dish without cheese. (Hmmm, the dish without cheese, that rhymes)

Someone should have said that earlier, before I had to wander the many shops in my streets looking for cheese. I had to deal with the eyes of Aunties and Mummies who were wondering, “Why is a man like this looking for cheese up and down?”

One I usually frequent asked me straight up why I was looking for cheese. I told her, “I wanted to try something out,” to which she replied that I should go and get a madam, so I would stop trying things out.

I laughed and told her, “Even madam dey, I would still try things out because I kind of like it.”

Now, this was a playful exchange, but as I am writing this, I noticed something.

Some of the older women in my area who know me have decided I should have “settled” by now, because a grown man with bear bear shouldn’t be in the market looking for cooking ingredients.

I don’t think they’re right or wrong to believe that; I just don’t care enough to let what they think organize my decisions. Their opinion is their opinion. It doesn’t owe me anything, and I don’t owe it anything (and this is how I think one should approach issues like this).

Now, after this, I got home and got to cooking.

The cooking cream came first, and I was quite innovative about it, I might say.

You see, Corn Flour is an integral ingredient in making the cooking cream, and like cheese, I couldn’t find it, but alas, my neighbour had corn flour. He just called it tuwo instead. And while I didn’t want to risk it, when ChatGPT and Claude told me the process for making industrial corn flour and my neighbour explained his own to me, I saw no big difference, and so I did it.

Cooking cream made, and it came out well. (I wish you guys reading this could have tasted it)

Next was to follow the rest of the YouTube video I saw, and my Creamy Pasta was made. Used Macaroni as my base instead of spaghetti, and it was still good.

Of course, it would have been me hyping myself up, but my neighbour said the same thing. They loved it. Same as the guest of the hour: My sister.

She came in when I was cooking and planned to eat the food she had gotten along the way, but decided against that. In her words: “I want to have space in my stomach to eat what you are concocting.”

And eat did she. Appreciating the effort and commending the taste. (Go Temi).

Now the point of this whole thing: It is to remind you to do the thing you want to do. Make the damn creamy pasta.

I know, I know. Temi, you’ve said this before, which is true.

I’ve told people to “just do the thing” before, and even when cooking this meal, I believed it. But that belief isn’t why I cooked the pasta.

In all honesty, I was also thinking it might flop or maybe turn out mediocre. I made sure to not spend way too much money on something I was trying for the first time because of this line of thought.

So it wasn’t executing a philosophy of “Just do it”. I was just trying something to make someone happy.

It was only after the first taste, after my neighbour’s reactions, after watching my sister nod her head in approval after the first bite that it dawned on me that this is what I would have missed if I didn’t try.

So make the creamy pasta. Whatever the creamy pasta may be to you. Make it. Do it.

It may seem challenging, stressful, and hard to do, but do it.

People may look at you weird and wonder what a grown or old or young or whatever person like you is doing; still do it. Not to prove them wrong (although you can too), but because their opinion is their opinion. It shouldn’t be a compass for your life to begin with.

Some people will tell you their own form of “go and marry,” which could be go and get a real job, settle for this, or just anything else. Still make the creamy pasta.

It will be stressful along the way, and what you need to make it happen may not be fully there, but innovate along the way.

I say this because you can have types and shadows, but there’s no experience that is fully unique to you alone. So if you are following a script, you are bound to meet some gaps or errors.

It is up to you to improvise, and if you are waiting for anyone to do that for you, it should be God, and the funny thing is that God has given us the wisdom to do that most of the time. We just have to tap into that wisdom.

So stop waiting for a perfect script. Do the thing. Take the step. Improvise if you have to, but let yourself cook.

Now, one last thing before I go.

There was a time I used to think that the answer to people’s judgment was to push back or prove them wrong. (Part of me still thinks that way sometimes).

But standing in front of that my usual customer store and laughing with a woman who’s known me for quite a long time now, I realized I didn’t feel defiant but indifferent.

Don’t get me wrong. I still respect her, will still greet her, and buy from her. I just understand that her verdict on my life doesn’t have to be favorable for me to keep living it.

And this is a freedom I am grateful to God for. A freedom that doesn’t fight and make it your business what others think of you. A freedom that hears other people’s opinions and says, “that’s fine”.

It is my prayer that you have that kind of Freedom this week. Amen.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my little talk this week on L.M.H.D.

Remember, you’ve got this.

Till next time,

Salud.

It’s been very enlightening and really awesome because it is shining a light on some things I thought I knew but didn’t.

For example, I am not in the Content Creation business; content creation is just one of the tools in my business. Never saw it that way.

Day 10 was about not creating for everyone. Salem King explained why it was not productive to create for everybody, and he included a workbook to help find your audience.

I decided to partake in the workbook that asked some simple but thoughtful questions.

And no, it wasn’t the topic of the article (stop jumping to conclusions)

It was this: “Who are the people I have the most in common with?”

Now it seemed like a straightforward question, but I had difficulty answering it. So what did I do?

No, I didn’t ask AI (Are you still jumping to conclusions)

I asked my friends. I posed the question to them: “Which kind of people do you think I have the most in common with?”

“When you see the way I behave, think, or take some actions, who do I remind you of?”

I got some good responses that did help in finding the kind of people I am supposed to be creating for.

However, one response got me thinking today, especially when I thought about the question in the headline, i.e., what had I mistaken for personality but is actually fear?

You see, a friend said that sometimes I behaved like Kagan Tech. Crazy right?

He said that I usually act like I don’t care, but in reality I do care. Interesting...

And so, when I thought long and hard about this question and also did some research on what people could be mistaking for personality when it's actually fear in disguise, it just so happens that my friend was kind of correct.

You see, one of the things I found in my research was something called “Detachment defense mechanism,” but I am going to be calling it the “I don’t care shield.”
(Because it is shorter, and it’s just easy to say.)

The ‘I don’t care shield’ is when you say or believe (in some instances) that you don’t care about something, but in reality, you actually do.

You care so much that it worries or scares you, so you tell yourself, “Nah, it’s nothing”, when it is something.

Now I don’t like to admit it, especially to the internet, but I do this sometimes.

I have told myself “Nah, it’s nothing” many times in my lifetime, when I know it’s something. Eg:

• When a client went quiet on a presentation I put real hours into. (Pained me gan)

• When a friendship cooled off, and after I reached out, I was given the cold shoulder.

• When a post doesn’t perform, even though I would still check the numbers sometimes (I don’t do this again, though).

To me, it was being “chill.” But to my friend, I was just whining to myself, and to research, it was just fear in disguise. What a turn of events.

And then I thought about another response from another person, and it was this:

You remind me of my boyfriend because he is so detail-oriented. Everything must be in order. It’s good oh, but it can be sooo annoying sometimes.

With this one, I saw the second personality trait that I was masking: Perfectionism.

(Now you are probably thinking “Temi, are you going to just skim through what your friend say, without giving some details”. Yes I am going to. FOCUS!!!)

Now, I have always considered myself orderly. I sincerely do not like unexpected changes, so I prepare for the ones I can think of.

It’s why I like Batman. He has a plan for his plan, and no one, absolutely no one, can beat Batman with prep time. It’s only God or the Writer that can beat him with prep time (argue with your keypad).

And so, like Batman, I make sure everything is detailed and polished. I like things done right.

If you want to think outside the box, no problem, but your solution must be able to either cover the box or fit inside the box. You can’t bring a star-pegged solution to a square-hole problem.

So I know I do this, and the crazy thing is that it has cost me many times.

A particular one I remember was during COVID when I sat on an application for days because my statement of purpose wasn’t “there yet.”

I rewrote it so many times that I actually didn’t submit.

Guess what I told myself?

That I was being thorough, and it was better to send something perfect than to send something I wasn’t satisfied with.

But Ladies and Gentlemen, we know the truth, don’t we?

I was actually afraid. I was scared that if I sent something imperfect, I’d get rejected, and if I got rejected, it would mean something about me, not just about the letter.

When I think back, it was also hubris. Because if I did send the one I thought was perfect and I got rejected, I would think they were the problem, not me. I would never improve.

And that’s the downside of being a perfectionist. You will think it is about quality, but it really is not.

It’s just about being in your comfort zone. If you think about it, needing everything to be flawless is like the perfect excuse not to be judged.

If it is not flawless, you can be judged, and if you can be judged, you can be rejected, and if you can be rejected, you can feel pain.

So you never quite finish, because finished means it can be seen, and seen means it can be picked apart.

(Crazy how, as I am writing this, I come to discover the type of attitude is also a form of detachment in a sense)

Now, this may be how I work or do things. It may be how I survive the disappointment that comes with trying and doing this.

It doesn’t mean it should be the way forward.

So here’s what I am doing about it and also what you can do about it if you are in the same ship.

Number one...Really detach yourself. Nah, I am just joking.

Ask yourself, “If I let myself care about this, what am I afraid will happen?”

I tried it on myself: If I let myself care about that friend who gave me the cold shoulder, how would I feel?

Well, the answer is that I’d have to sit with the disappointment instead of shrugging it off.

That caring and not getting the outcome would make me feel like something is wrong with me.

Same as if I’d sent that letter like that. If I was rejected, I would feel that I didn’t put in the work or my work was not good enough.

The crazy thing is that the fear was really about the friend or the letter, but about me.

Because something didn’t go the way I wanted it. (This is also hubris in a way).

So I hope you understand by now that the fear you feel when you are too detail-oriented or showing an “I don’t care” attitude won’t change the outcome.

You can’t fully control the outcome, and that’s okay.

In fact, there’s a healthy form of detachment, and that’s letting go of outcomes while staying connected to the process. You show concern for a person or a project but do not try to control or possess others. It brings peace.

So today, I’m not asking you to fix your whole personality the minute you read this. Scientifically, it is not possible. If you can do it, though, involve me, abeg.

Instead. I’m asking you to do one small thing: Pick one relationship, one project, one “I don’t care” you’ve said recently that wasn’t true.

Name what you’re actually afraid will happen if you let yourself care out loud.

Then tell one person. Not everyone. One.

That’s it.

I leave you with this, and it’s similar to something I said in a previous article:

You can’t have joy without risking the pain that comes with it.

It’s not a flaw. It’s just life. And if you shield yourself from joy because of pain, are you really enjoying life? (Serious moment, but see what I did there? Joy? Enjoy? aha)

Detaching yourself and being a perfectionist will just make you lose the joy while still paying for the fear.

Better to feel it and be wrong sometimes than protect a peace that was never really peace to begin with.

So, my dear friend, “What are you calling a personality that might actually be fear?”

Do have a nice day.

Remember, you’ve got this.

Till next time,

Salud.

Have you ever wondered: “What I want, do I really want it, or do I want it because others want it?”

Do I desire something because I have been programmed to, or because it is something I genuinely want?

I have asked myself this many times, and I still do. Let me tell you why.

When I was in secondary school, I told everyone that I wanted to study Microbiology at university. The reason was that I wanted to find the cure for HIV/AIDS. And it was true, but not totally.

You see, the General Overseer of the church I attended as a kid studied Microbiology and did exceedingly well in it. And growing up, I watched the kind of respect people gave him, and I wanted that. So, in following in his footsteps, I picked Microbiology.

However, what I didn’t do was sit down and ask myself if I loved research or if I’d enjoy spending years in a lab. I just picked the course that I thought would put me on course to get the same respect.

It didn’t take long before I realised that the course wasn’t for me.

First of all, finding a cure for any disease in this life is crazy hard work. It is slow, rigorous, and uncertain work, with you spending years working in a lab and hoping they don’t cut the funding for it. Not to mention the memorization of terminology and techniques that come with the course.

I lost interest, and it was years later that I realized that my desire to study this course was not about the cure but about being seen. I had borrowed someone else’s respect and called it my own dream.

Now, does this mean we can’t be inspired by others? No.

People pick up things because they admire them in another person, and somewhere along the way, it stops being that person’s thing and starts being their own. It happens, and it can happen to you.

The real test is whether it is still yours when nobody’s watching, and nothing’s easy.

So if you’ve wondered whether you are chasing after another person’s goals and you want to be sure that isn’t so, then this is for you.

By the end, you will have some real clarity on what you’re actually chasing and maybe even catch yourself the way I eventually caught myself.

However, you have to be involved. You need something to write or to note things on. Something with a lot of space.

And you probably need a quiet space for this one.

If you can’t find a quiet space, I’ve got you. Just get your earpiece or headset, plug it into this noise-cancelling audio, and you are good to go.

Step One: Write Down What You Want

So, with your writing material armed, what you want to do is answer this:

Note that this is different from needs, in the sense that desires are a combination of what you think you want and what you actually need.

So write down what comes to mind.

Nothing too complicated here. You want a phone? Write it down.

You want a house with its own compound, 24-hour light, and running water, in a quiet and well-to-do estate? Yes, you can be that specific.

And speaking of specificity, the idea is not to be vague here.

I’m sure most people want happiness, or wealth, or prosperity, or good relationships. That’s not bad, but the issue is that these things mean different things to different people.

What happiness means to me is creating impactful work and having my family and friends doing okay. It would be different for you.

So be specific about what you want. If it’s financial freedom, be specific about what that means to you.

Step Two: Find the People You Admire, Not the Ones You Envy

I assume you’re done listing your desires out. Now I want you to do something else: list the people you know you want to be like.

People you admire, not people you envy. People you want to be like, not people you want to replace.

I’m clarifying this because some of us think we admire a person when, really, all we want is to replace them, and that, in truth, is envy.

The two can feel identical in the moment, so here’s the quickest way I’ve found to tell them apart: Envy wants the seat, while admiration wants the discipline that got them the seat. You get?

If your first instinct is to imagine yourself in their position, that’s envy talking. If your first instinct is to imagine yourself doing what they did, that’s admiration.

For example, I admire Sahil Bloom and Mark Manson a lot, and I want to be like them. I want to have the clarity of mind they have, so I read a lot to achieve that because I know they do too.

So list the people you admire.

Then take time to find the reasons why you like them. What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think, ‘Why do I admire this person?’

Write it down and then find the answers that are uniform across each answer. By now, you should be seeing some of the things you like. Then cross-check them with the list you have, and voila, you have some desires that are true to you.

When I did this exercise, my cross-check kept showing two things: clarity of thought and doing meaningful work that impacts people. This makes sense to me because, at my core, these two things are why I write, design, or even create.

Step Three: When You’re Drawing a Blank

Now, if you are drawing a blank, I’ve got you.

Ask yourself this question:

“If I could do anything, whether it’s been done before or never been done before, what would it be?”

Don’t restrict what comes to mind; instead, let the answers flow through. Some may be weird or seem unachievable. Don’t worry, the goal is not to be logical, but to get things off your mind.

There’s a reason why this matters.

While I chose Microbiology, what I really loved as a kid was fine arts class.

I used to think about doing something with it for life. But I talked myself out of it because who survives as a painter or an artist in this country?
It was either law, engineering, medicine, or some science course. Also, my folks wouldn’t agree without a fight, and I wasn’t willing to fight, so I let that desire go.

Years later, I’m a designer and a writer. Psych!!!

The thing I let go of because it seemed illogical turned out to be one of the truest things about me.

So in this step, when an answer comes to mind and your first instinct is “that doesn’t make sense,” write it down anyway. Logic can wait. Right now, you’re just trying to find out what’s actually yours.

Then ask yourself: why do I want this thing? Is it for recognition from others, or something deeply personal? Pick the ones that are deeply personal to you.

There you have it: Desires that are truly yours.

What’s the point of this?

Simple: when people know what they truly want and have thought through it in all ways possible, the actions that need to be taken to achieve that desire come more easily than usual.

When you know why you want that phone and the reasons behind it, it either becomes easier to pursue, or you let go of it entirely.

Knowing won’t just tell you what to chase, but also what to stop carrying.

Also, knowing that some desires are yours keeps you in check.

Some of them are indicators that you may need to reevaluate yourself, especially when they’re pointed in a direction that would cause others harm physically, emotionally, or mentally.

Sometime this year, someone offended me, and my first instinct or desire was to confront them and give them a piece of my mind.

But when I really looked at it, I saw that I didn’t actually want to solve the misunderstanding. I wanted to put the person in their place. My desire was about being right and making sure they felt it.

What helped was bringing in someone else to mediate, and the issue actually got resolved. Now, if I had followed my initial desire, I would have made things worse and called it standing up for myself.

Of course, confrontation is needed sometimes, and mediation isn’t always available or even appropriate. In my case, though, I needed to check the desire behind it.

That’s why not all desires are good, even the ones that feel justified in the moment. A good way to check them is something from the bible called the Philippians 4:8 test.

In Paul of Tarsus’s letter to the Philippians, he writes the following:

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.”

And “think” is such a perfect word because it encapsulates where our desires come from.

So whatever desires you have, pass them through this test:

• Are they true or false?

• Are they noble or corrupt?

• Are they right or wrong?

• Are they pure or unclean?

• Are they lovely or unpleasant?

• Are they admirable or shameful?

• Are they excellent or lackluster?

• Are they praiseworthy or detestable?

If a desire passes this test. Good.

If it fails this test, that doesn’t mean you throw the whole thing away and move on like nothing happened, especially if it came from somewhere personal.

My desire to confront that person came from actual hurt. The desire failed the test, but the hurt was still true, and it still needed somewhere to go. So the fuller version of this practice is: discard the desire if it fails, but don’t discard what caused it. Take that to God, to a mediator, to a journal, to someone who can hold it with you.

This will help you draw boundaries around your desires and even discard some, the way I had to discard mine that day. But it should send you toward healing what’s underneath, not just away from acting on it.

Moving On

I want you to turn all that you’ve learnt into something actionable.

Sure, this whole piece is able to give you clarity, but if you don’t take action on it, you are still stuck. All the reflection you’ve done up until now is what makes the next step worth taking.

You know what’s actually yours, and it’s passed the test; don’t just write it down. Don’t wait until it feels safe, or until you feel ready, or until it makes complete sense to everyone watching. Take action on it.

I buried the thing I loved for years because it didn’t seem logical. The only reason I’m doing it now is that at some point I had no choice but to do it, which is fortunate for me in a way.

You are lucky too. You have the clarity that tells you what to chase and do. It’s still on you to get up and do it.

So that’s it. I hope this helped. Do take action and let me know about it.

See you later.

As always, remember, you’ve got this.

Till next time,

Salud.

Dear Temi,

So I saw this August essay-writing challenge, and I thought, “Well, this is something you would like.”

Not at your current point, though. You never liked writing at this point.

It required you to sit down, think, and be calm, but that’s not you yet.

You like to move. Your mind and body moving in tandem to always catch up with things.

Everything must be known. Everything must be gotten.

I understand. I have been there…literally.

That’s why this letter is for you. Although it is the week 1 writing challenge, I think it will help you as it asks a question that, if I had asked myself at your age, I would be better off.

And it is this:

Think about it, Temi. What would remain if you lost everything external?

When I was ruminating on this question, I had to first start with defining one thing: What is external?

I think about it now, and what comes to mind are things that I have no absolute control over.

That means the money, status, physical possessions I have, other people’s opinions of me, and even the people themselves, whether they be friends, family, or strangers.

These are things I have no monopoly over in my life, and they are what I would consider external things. I think you agree with that.

So what is left if we lose all these things?

Well, first of all, it will be painful.

If you disagree, I think by now you've also lost your first phone, and we can agree it was painful. Really painful.

Over the years, I have come to lose some other things too, and I didn't like it.

• There's a journal I liked that I came to lose (I would have told you how to not lose it, but I believe that might affect the future LOL.)

• A watch that was a gift

• People that I consider dear to me.

And I think why it is painful to lose anything is because of our connection with them. The level of affection we've built with these things.

The phone we lost is painful because it is our first phone, and we had just collected new music we were dying to listen to.

Same as other things one loses.

It is mostly painful because of the level of affection or expectation attached to it, and it would be naive of me to tell you to remove your expectations from things or not get attached to things because that wouldn't be life.

You can't enjoy life without the risk of losing the things that make it enjoyable.

What I can tell you to do, though, is how to handle some losses and what remains even after they've gone.

Money and Career/Business:

These are two things that feed into each other, and that's why I am putting them together.

When your source of income is threatened, so is your income. This is why it is a painful blow when you lose your career or business.

However, what remains are your mindset and skills.

For example, you may lose your job as a designer or as a writer, but you have your ability to design, and you have your voice and mind as a writer.

Your creative intuition is there, and this goes for almost every other career or business or anything that has to do with money.

You have the knowledge that got you the money, career, or business. You have the knowledge that got you to the stage before you lost everything. And that's a good thing.

Physical Possessions and Titles:

This also ties into point one because it is with money you can buy some physical possessions. Although others might be gifted to you too.

Also, our business or careers usually get us our titles. Because we are designers or writers or poets or artists or filmmakers or anything that has to do with art, we call ourselves Creatives.

But what if you lose it all? What remains?

Well, what you are left with are your values.

Because when all those things are stripped away, you start to realise whether you were basing your values on the things you own.

Whether you valued your laptop because it made you a laptop owner or for the fact that it provided an avenue to write and impact people.

When it is the latter, and the laptop goes, you grieve it, but you move on to writing on paper or on a phone.

So what remains after losing physical possessions will show you whether you built your worth on these things and what they can do for you or others around you.

People's opinions about you:

So dear Temi, I think losing the opinions people have about you can be one of the best things that can happen to anyone.

I mean, you might argue that this is good for people with a bad reputation, but I think not.

I’d ask instead, when the general opinion about you is good, and then it is removed completely, what do you think about that yourself?

And this is what remains when you've lost people's opinions about you: Your identity.

Who do you think you are? Are you a good person or a bad person, and why do you think so?

Because people will say what they have to say, but at the end of the day, you have the final say.

Now, this doesn't mean to excuse bad behaviour and avoid taking corrections because it is other people's opinions.

It is also to point out healthy self-introspection:

When people can't correct you, can you correct yourself? Think about that.

People and Time

So I am putting these two together because I believe what remains after both are lost is usually the same thing: yourself.

In this world, we will lose people close to us, either through disagreement or death.

What remains after they are gone is just us. Our presence. Our soul. Our thoughts.

We are also left with grief, and how well we know ourselves will be helpful or not in how we process the grief.

Same with time.

Yes. We do lose time, dear friend, and on some stupid things, I daresay. Such is life.

There's something you will come to hear from our sister, and it is this:

Time is all we have and all we don't.

Crazy right? We find time to do things and also lose time doing things, and in both cases, what remains is still us.

So when time is lost, what decisions do you make? What actions do you take? What are your thought lines?

Saying this, because time will be lost eventually, either through a mistake, tragedy, or implications, but at the end of the day, what you've got is still you.

A constant through it all

But there's a final thing you've got that remains that covers all losses, and that is your faith.

Trust me on this, Temi, because the things you believe and who you believe in matter in this life.

So far, I have come to know that people may leave me, money may be lost, and opportunities may be stripped away, but God can never leave me.

He keeps chasing after me. He said in His Word that nothing can separate me from his love, and you should see all he listed that can try but will fail in Romans 8:38-39.

Even the concept of life or death can't take away his love for me, and believing that has been a game changer.

Yes, I know God is like an external factor because I have no control over him. But he is also internal. His spirit lives in us.

We may lose our Bible, but his word is hidden in our hearts, and remembering it brings comfort to us at any time.

Also, he is the maker of time and people. He has both in his hands, and when a loss of either occurs, he will comfort you, and he is capable of restoring the time lost.

Why all of this matters:

So we've established the following will remain when you lose everything external:

• Your mindset and skills

• Your personal values

• Your identity and character

• Your presence and soul

• Your belief in and relationship with God

And all this matters because it is what will help you live a life of happiness filled with less disappointment. Building on these five pillars helps you master yourself.

It helps you stay consistent, because if anything external changes, you are still intact.

It also assures you that if everything crumbles, you are capable of starting again.

I want you to think about that for a minute.

The possibilities in you when you aren't scared of starting again.

The miles you can cover when you are confident that even with just yourself, you are capable of starting again.

You know it will help you greatly.

So this is me telling you, Temi: to focus on these things.

• Build your mindset and skills; you will be a person of value and money will always be attracted to you.

• Have great personal values such as honesty and contentment, and you won't be vain or attached to physical things

• Build your character and be sure of who you are, and it'll help you filter out the noise of what the masses are saying about you from the people that actually matter.

• Know yourself. Enjoy your company. Know your thoughts. Understand why you make decisions, and it will help you when you are alone or when you feel you've lost time.

• Build your relationship with God, and it will help you with absolutely anything. To me, this is the most important. It will help with any loss. If you understand what he says about you and his heart towards you, there's faith and hope even in the loss of money/career/business to start again. His spirit will bear fruit in you to help you have contentment, which is great gain. There's assurance of who he says you are despite what people say. And he restores time and people.

This is where I leave you, Dear Temi.

I hope I have been able to show you what matters.

I hope you can start working on this as soon as possible. If you are not sure where to start, do say so. I can write about that in my next letter.

Remember, you’ve got this.

Till next time,

Salud.

In the year 2020, some news will hit you.

Some will make you fear. Others will make you happy.

Then some will make you sad.

One of them will be that Chadwick Boseman has passed away.

And I know why it will pain you.

Because we are comic character fans and, beyond that, we admire this man. This man who took a role we first saw on screen in the Fantastic Four cartoon on Silverbird TV.

This man who played it so well and turned the character into a pop culture icon.

You respect him for that, so the news of his death will shock you, and so will the circumstances surrounding it.

You will later learn that he kept his diagnosis private the whole time he was filming, showing up and still giving his best work inspite of the pain.

Part of you will wish he didn't do this, because maybe he could have been better but you will get over it and come to respect him more when you understand why. Hold onto that.

You will also worry about the character he played. You know how hard it is to replace an actor who turned a role into an icon.

Good news is, they found a way.

Two actors, actually, and neither of them plays T'Challa. I won't spoil how, but you will like the progression.

You will even come to like the new Black Panther, David Jonnson, because you will see him in a film that means something to you first.

You know that habit we have of keeping certain films as gems we can rewatch endlessly?

You will do that with a film you watch in 2023. It is called Rye Lane.

You will love the dynamic between the two leads, Jonnson being one of them and you will come to like his other works because he is a good actor.

Then you will find out he plays Black Panther at ComicCon.

At his unveiling, he said something that stayed with me, and I know it will stay with you too.

"Thank you to this amazing family that I have the honor and the privilege and the blessing to join. I actually don't want to say too much because I want to let the screen do the talking. But believe me, the honor is entirely mine. Thank you."

I want to let the screen do the talking.

That's the part I keep circling back to, and why I am writing this letter to you.

I understand, Dear Temi, that you might think from the heading, that this letter is about staying silent. But it is not. Or should I say not mainly about that.

It's about knowing who you're speaking to.

I know we have a habit of announcing our plans to everyone. Every acquaintance, every group chat, every person who asks what we're working on.

We think saying it out loud makes it more real, makes us more accountable.

But telling everyone flattens the goal.

I know, because I have lived it.

Telling everyone about our goal makes it become a performance before it become a result.

You get the small hit of feeling like you've already done something, just from saying it. And then you carry the weight of everyone's expectations, which are never the same as your own, and trying to meet all of them at once is a fight you cannot win.

So don't announce your goals to everyone. That's the first thing.

The second thing is who you do tell matters more than whether you tell anyone at all.

In 2024, I told a large group of people, I was going to write every week for the year.

And I did it.

Fifty two articles by the end. That part was great.

What wasnt great was showing up felt like torture because I treated it like a cage instead of a companion. I showed up because I said I would, not because I still wanted to, and by the later months I resented the very thing I used to love.

I was proud of the number 56. I wasn't proud of all the writing.

If I'd chosen that circle more carefully, people who could tell me to rest without guilt, or push me without pressure, the year would have felt different.

So I hope you understand that you can people about your goals. That isn't the problem. Broadcasting it to people who only ever see the outcome, never the process, is.

And this is where David Jonsson and Chadwick Boseman split into two different lessons for me, so let me make them more clearer man.

Jonsson chose silence in front of an audience that already had expectations of him. He is going to let the work answer for itself. That's a lesson in restraint, in not needing to narrate your own arrival. Let the work do the talking.

Boseman did something harder. He wasn't managing an audience. He was living with something almost no one around him knew about, and he still gave everything to the work in front of him.

Anyone has got to respect that because you carrying weight quietly because some things are not for everyone, and still choosing to show up fully anyway.

You won't face what he faced. At least up unto this period (and hopefully never).

But you will face smaller versions of it.

Days you would be asked about your goals. Seasons where explaining yourself costs more than it gives back.

Let some of it stay yours. Not because you're hiding, but because not everything needs an audience to be true. I can assure of you this.

So as I conclude this letter, I like for you to remember: Don't announce your goals to everyone.

And for the few you do tell, choose them like it matters, because it does.

Let your pen do the talking. If you ever have to talk, don't say too much.

I know it won't be easy.

You will feel you want to die, but Yakubu manage.

(And yes, this is a joke you will come to understand in 2026😂)

But you will be fine.

Remember, you've got this.

Till next time,

Salud.

So the Olodo Uprising is here.

According to some people, it has been around a while.

I mean, there was a post I saw here on Substack that said, “School na scam” walked so that “olodo uprising” could run.

Funny statement with some level of truth to it.

But I am not here to shine the light on the uprising or the components of it or whether the progenitor of the term was correct or not. I mean, there’s a mass agreement that this is correct.

What I am here to point out is a trait I noticed when the term started moving around.

And it is Classism around intelligence.

In other words, thinking I am not the Olodo; these set of people are.

I do believe that a lot of people exhibit these traits, and I see it everywhere:

• People who listen to J.Cole think they are smarter than others because his rap is not for everybody, and so if you are not smart, you will not enjoy it

• People who find Trevor Noah funny believe it is because they are smart, and so they attack everyone who says they don’t enjoy his jokes with the “You are not just intelligent” remark.

• People who read a particular book think they are more intellectual than those who read other genres. They go on and on about how deep the book is and that if you are not deep, you won’t understand it.

• Same as some people who watch some shows. I mean, there was a time anime watchers like me found people who look down on anime incredibly dumb.

The list goes on and on. It’s like everyone is looking for a way to show they are smarter than the next person, but why is it a problem?

The Problem

Well, Classism around intelligence isn't a sign of how smart you are. It's the ceiling on how smart you'll ever get to be.

Now, you might be wondering. Isn’t this a far stretch? How is it possible? How does identifying yourself as smart render you incapable of growth?

For one, the issue here isn’t about considering yourself smart. It is doing it in comparison to others.

Because by looking down on others, you miss out on what they can teach you. You also cut yourself off from different perspectives and ideas. You start operating as if you've already reached the peak of understanding

I mean, think about it: if you think someone is dumb, why would you ever listen to them? If you don't listen to them, how do you learn from them?

Meanwhile, people who don't obsess over their own intelligence, or who assume everyone around them is just as smart, or smarter, approach people with genuine curiosity because they want to learn. And because they're interested in people, people are interested in them.

In fact, some of this tracks with a real pattern in positive psychology.

High-IQ individuals, or people with a strong "intellectual self-identity," tend to ruminate and overanalyze more.

They constantly benchmark themselves against a self-imposed standard of "smartness" such that anything less than dominance starts to feel like failure.

These are the people who see the 99/100 score as a loss instead of a win to build on. (I'm sure a few specific people are coming to mind right now.)

They’re so caught up in proving their intellectual superiority that they forget to actually live.

In contrast, the ‘Olodo’ or those who don’t subscribe to this classist hierarchy often enjoy a ‘Growth Mindset’ by default.

They aren’t afraid of looking stupid, so they try more things, fail more often, and ultimately stumble into success while the ‘smart’ person is still overthinking the first step.

This pattern is part of why Peller, someone many would call an Olodo, comes across as considerably successful. Of course, he is not a role model, but who can say that he is not considerably happy with his life?

You and I know that he isn't spending his time proving intellectual dominance. I think he actually basks in it, which is annoying and impressive also. Man is just living his life. And I don't think his case is the only case out there. (I just don't have a stack of studies to hand you, so take it as an observation, not a verdict.)

Bringing a Balance

Now, before you come for me: I'm not saying judgment itself is the enemy.

Correcting mistakes, having standards, and giving honest feedback are good judgment practices, which must never go away, especially in the times we are in.

The problem is judgment used as a weapon to place yourself above someone rather than a tool to help them (or you) grow.

I am also aware that this "Olodo Uprising" energy can also become a shield. Some people use "you're just being judgmental" to wave off feedback that was actually fair and useful.

To that, I say that’s actually dumb. Because you don’t want to grow and learn.

Above it all, I also want to state that I am not oblivious to the fact that Olodo Uprising isn't just about mindset alone. It is also a reaction to a school system and an economy that failed a lot of people long before they ever got the chance to decide how they'd relate to their own intelligence.

I would like you, reading this, to hold that alongside everything I've said. Not everyone who identifies with "Olodo" is choosing a mindset; some are naming a system that didn't choose them.

Still,

the danger of this classist mindset is real. One of them is how it makes everyone overly critical of the other person, rather than encouraging.

I mean, as we can see, there have been more posts criticizing some perceived Olodos and fewer posts looking at how we can reduce it.

Most people are just pointing fingers at each other, calling the other side dumb, even the "educated" ones.

And it hands the Olodo Uprising its strongest ammunition because if you are using your perceived intelligence and education for oppression rather than a bridge for connection, isn’t school a scam?

I mean, really ask yourself: Did you really go to school just to come out the other side and judge people inferior to you?

The funniest part is that by using education for oppression, we aren’t just being mean or unkind; we are being intellectually stagnant.

You build walls that keep you "safe" in your superiority, but those same walls cut you off from the raw, messy learning that happens in markets, in the streets, in the lives of people like Peller, people thriving simply because they never let someone else's definition of "smart" become their cage.

I am very sure the idea of it is distasteful to some people, but there's something worth learning from Peller and his peers, even if you'd never call him a role model.

The Endgame

As a society, we need to do better.

Everyone is so focused on labeling others as ‘dumb’; as a result, we are failing to recognize the unique strengths and perspectives that everyone brings.

In the end, we are just limiting our collective potential as a group and society, and I ask: if your intelligence doesn’t let you see that, “Are you really intelligent?”

Whether you like its true meaning or not, I believe the Olodo Uprising should be a call to open our minds, not to close them off with a superiority complex.

While it calls attention to the societal decline of intelligence and rise of dumbing things down, it should remind everyone of the ignorance gaps in our own lives.

It’s about, I daresay, being open to being an “Olodo” yourself sometimes, because that’s when you truly start to learn.

So, next time you catch yourself mentally categorizing someone as an ‘olodo’ or looking down on them for their lack of ‘refinement’ or ‘intellect,’ Remember your classism isn’t a sign of your intelligence; it’s the ceiling of your potential.

And remember that true intelligence isn’t about knowing everything, but about knowing how much you still don’t know.

Till next time,

You’ve got this.

Salud.

Before this, I had seen Men of God (MOGs) hug each other, especially as guest ministers in each other’s churches. I had seen them talk and laugh sometimes. But this was different.

Pastor Nathaniel had prepared pictures of AJS looking all kinds of funny: mouth ajar, face too serious, and turned them into memes that had the whole congregation laughing before going on to show what a great teacher and minister AJS is. It was wholesome, and AJS himself was laughing, smiling ear to ear. You can find the full moment here.

It was rare to see that kind of public humor between two men in such positions. Usually, the modus operandi is not to show that side. And for a long time, not showing that side was what I was exposed to.

As a kid, I never saw joviality between Pastors. There was always a sense of seniority, as either my Pastor was bowing to another Pastor, or the other way around. I never heard the Setman of the church I attended call another Senior Pastor a friend, not even in passing.

This shaped how I saw church leadership growing up, as I felt it was lonely. I felt that as a Pastor, you had to be emotionally detached but still a people person. You had to be capable of carrying everyone’s burdens but alone. It never crossed my mind that it could be carried with others until campus fellowship.

If you’re a student and you ever ask me which church to attend, I’ll always point you to a campus fellowship first. Nothing against churches with Adult Pastors, but there’s something about being led by fellow students that reshapes how you see leadership.

I remember being in 100 level, weirded out watching our Gen. Sec playfully tease our President, like he was stepping out of bounds, and the President wasn’t being respected enough because I’d never seen anyone tease my Pastor at home.

Looking back, I see that discomfort wasn’t really about respect but conditioning that five years in that fellowship model slowly stripped off me. Especially once my close friend became President and was jovial and free with everybody, myself included, and it changed nothing about how the fellowship ran.
If anything, he led better for it.

That ease became my new normal, so much that my service year tested it. I found the leadership style in the Christian Youth body I attended needlessly stiff, as it was mostly “yes sir, yes ma,” reverence demanded.
It showed me that leadership style is built by whoever’s at the top, and you either inherit it or push against it.

I have opened myself up to the ministries of other Pastors, and it’s been exciting watching how they interacted with each other publicly. For example:

• Apostle Femi Lazarus, Apostle Mike Orokpo, and Pastor Daniel Olawande stood as groomsmen at Lawrence Oyor’s wedding. I remember thinking how mind-blowing it was.

  

• Paul Washer talking openly about wonderful Bible study sessions with another popular clergyman was refreshing because I never imagined they studied or prayed together.

• Last year, Ebele Light got married to her husband, Pastor Ola. Their mutual friend was Pastor Dolapo Lawal.

• Apostle Femi Lazarus and Apostle Emmanuel Iren, at a ministers’ conference, talked about how they advise each other and how much Iren’s counsel helped aspects of Femi Lazarus’s ministry.

• And most recently, Pastor Nathaniel Bassey surprised AJS during Koinonia in his birthday week. If you saw Selman’s face, you’d understand how wholesome that moment was.

So what’s the point? Why do these moments hit differently for me? A few reasons.

1. Men of God are still men.

   These moments remind us that people in positions of spiritual authority are still human. They love, they feel joy, they enjoy being surprised. They study and pray with other people too. They’re not some emotionless oracle dispensing perfect answers on command. They have a football club they support and one they can’t stand. They want some shut-eye on the plane and need support.

   They appreciate encouragement, and whether they admit it or not, negative criticism gets to them too. I mean, the fact that they brush off criticism is proof they are men because no one wants to admit the negative thing you are saying gets to them.

   It’s because they are men; they say something that isn’t theologically airtight, maybe out of pure excitement, or even ignorance. While we can assume they should have known better, it doesn’t mean we should be highly critical and mean towards them.

2. So treat your own Man of God like one.
   And because your Pastors are still men, it should change how you relate to them. Don’t avoid your Pastor at a workers’ meeting as he’s walking your way because you assume he’s too busy or too important for you. It is a workers’ meeting for God’s sake, and chances are high that he also wants to meet you.
   It also means you don’t send that flat, generic birthday text because you assume he won’t read it, as he’s busy and would get other texts from people. Be genuine and bet on the chance that he will read and see that his work is registering with somebody. It might be the exact thing that reminds him why he’s still doing this.

3. Leadership shouldn’t mean isolation.
   Before campus fellowship, ministry looked lonely to me by design. I don’t think it has to be. Now, I’m not naive enough to think that there aren’t seasons a Pastor will have to walk alone. But I do believe there can still be a community behind him. The burden doesn’t have to be carried solo.

   If I’m ever called to pastor (God please, this is a “what if”), I know the weight will be real, but I take comfort that God backs it up with the gift of people. So to leaders reading this: don’t isolate yourself. You don’t need an AJS-and-Nathaniel-level bond, but find someone you can be unguarded with about the work, someone you share wins and losses with. It helps.

4. Iron sharpens Iron
   This is really just the reason behind reason three. Fire makes fire burn hotter.
   Paul Washer doing Bible study with fellow clergymen assures me there’s linearity in the doctrine being taught, and that any gaps one minister has get covered by another.
   It’s part of why I rate conferences like WOFBEC: faith, righteousness, obedience, holiness, revival, power, all covered because different men bring different callings to the same table.

   I’ll say clearly: I’m not here to smooth over the doctrinal disagreements some of these men actually have. That’s a different conversation entirely. I’m only pointing at the beauty of them still finding common ground, sharing platforms, and letting the body of Christ benefit from both, disagreements and all. I’m sure you get what I am saying.

   If you nodded while reading, someone else will too.

   Share

Now, I think I should point out that I am not implying that our fathers of faith didn’t relate to each other. I am positive they did.

They just came up in a time where being vulnerable or outspoken about it was abnormal, and there wasn’t as much interconnectedness. They never actively supported it, but a lot of their members carried the “my church is superior” mindset.

It’s different now. I can attend CCI and still be fed by Femi Lazarus or Apostle Selman’s teaching. I can belong to Covenant Nation and still be blessed by Apostle Gideon Odoma.

Compared to our parents’ time, there isn’t a superiority complex that my church is better or your church is worse, at least in churches where Gen Z and younger millennials consist of the majority of the members or workers.

There’s a form of unity in the body of Christ that wasn’t there before, and I think the friendships between these men played a real part in opening us up to it.

I appreciate it. I really do.

I hope you do too.

Till next time.

Salud.

There’s something about an evening jog that does something to you. It unburdens you if you have a stressful day. It gives a sense of control if your day has been chaotic.

This is how I feel as I jog along a road that runs along a lake for miles. As the sun reflects on the water, giving it a beautiful silvery shine as it sets, I also reflect on my day.

My mind goes to a short conversation I had with Rachel, a close friend from my NYSC days, whom I ran into in a cab on the way to work.

In catching up, I ask about her husband, and she replies that he is fine. Then she asks after my relationship status, to which I say I am single, like all the letters in single. We laugh about it, and then she asks why, and I say I haven’t found the right person yet.

“Are you searching, though?” she asks, to which I say, "I am actually," I say. "I do enter talking stages once in a blue moon." Rachel laughs about this, and while telling me she understands, she prays that God will help me.

I ask after another of our mutual friends, Ayomikun, with whom she works, and she tells me she is fine. She then asks me if I would be around tomorrow at an annual work event, so that the three of us can meet there, as their supervisor has made it necessary for them to be there. We part ways, agreeing to meet there.

Thinking about this, I am also wondering why she still asked me whether I was searching for someone even though I told her I am single, because I haven’t found the right person. I mean that already meant I was searching, so why did she ask? Was it because they were people who said they hadn’t found the right person but never took the time to search?

Did I give off the vibe of people who said they hadn’t met Mr or Ms Right but hadn’t met people at all, not to mention Mr Wrong? If I did, what were the tells?

And I noticed she had this look on her face when I said I was searching. Even more so when she said God will help me, she had this intercessory look on her face.

Now, as I think on this conversation with Rachel and coupled with the fact that I would be meeting her and another friend tomorrow at a work event, my brain did what it always does: It starts creating stories when it has enough time and questions. Stories with characters, dialogues, and twists I didn’t envision.

So this is your warning and your invitation:
What you are about to read did not happen.

But in my head, it felt real enough to write down, and honestly, too good to keep in my head.

And here’s where it begins.

It’s the yearly Sports Fest in my place of work, and today is the opening ceremony.

This year, I am arriving late because of work, but as I enter the sports centre, I am greeted not only by the greenery of our sports field but also by the energy that has always been the attraction of this ceremony.

People in their different-coloured jerseys are scattered across the field, dancing, laughing, buzzing with anticipation for the opening football match.
Even if a supervisor forced you to be there, the energy is the kind that makes you let it go and just enjoy the moment.

At the edge of the field, not too far from the entrance, I spot exactly who I came to find: Ayomikun and Rachel, friends since my NYSC days.

As I move closer to them, Ayomikun looks up and shouts ‘Sudanese!’ waving her hands. I could see people around her looking at me and wondering why she called me that, and so I fire back, ‘East African,’ and she laughs loudly. This has been Ayomikun’s and my form of banter since our service days, and whenever we start, Rachel just smiles and shakes her head at both of us like she does today.

Without further ado, we fall into conversation easily, the way you do with people who knew you before you had a job title.

Reminiscing about our NYSC year and the colleagues who used to disappear when field work was in view. We also spoke about what was going on in our respective offices. It was the kind of gist that makes thirty minutes feel like five, and also captured the community spirit of the SportsFest.

Then, mid-conversation, I notice Ayomikun’s eyes shift to someone behind me, and her face lights up. I turn around, wondering “What is this girl smiling at?” and that is when I see her.

A lady with a wonderful face card, a most magnificent smile carved across her dimpled face as she comes towards us, and a lovely diastema to balance it all out. ‘Rachel! Ayomikun! How are you both doing?’ she says, pulling them both into a hug. Ayomikun, hugging her tighter, says, “Baby girl, I have missed you”.

The three of them fall into that immediate girl energy of complimenting each other’s outfits and catching up like they haven’t seen each other in weeks.

I, on the other hand, suddenly become very interested in what is happening on the far end of the football field. I mean, I am interested in who this beautiful lady is, but there are important Sports Fest activities that require my full attention.

Rachel, not fooled at all, turns to me and says ‘Temi, meet Joy. Joy, meet Temi.”

Oh boy. Her name is Joy. Her name is Joy????.

You see, I have met many Joys from my time in secondary school to University to NYSC, and they are never easygoing. There’s always a perk to them that is quite problematic, and they don’t give joy (pun intended).
(My most sincere apologies if you are named Joy, but I get anxious whenever your name is mentioned, or I meet your namesake. People will mention Cynthia, but you see Joy, run!!!.)

But I am in a situation where I can’t run, so I summon the courage to stretch my hand out for a handshake and ask, “Hello Joy, how are you doing?”

“I am fine, thank you,” her hand meeting mine.

“I know the ladies already complimented your outfit, but I have to say it’s nice.”

And she replies, “Thank you, Temi”.

“You are welcome.”

“So you were listening to us but also watching the Sports Fest the whole time?” Joy asks, her smile turning mischievous.

"Well, I didn't want to seem like I was being a busybody and insert myself into your conversation. And I also didn't want to come off as a snub or inattentive," I say, laughing slightly.

"So you were listening but pretending not to," Joy replies.

‘‘Well, I wouldn’t say pretending. I just didn’t make it obvious I was listening to you guys.”

“Hmmm, is that so?” Rachel chimes in.

“Yes na. You see, I am good at minding my business, but sometimes other people’s business can creep into my ear. Nothing I can do about it.” I reply.

Ayomikun, at this point, shouts, “Men!!! They will never agree.” To which the two ladies agree.

Na una sabi, I reply.

At that point, a goal is scored in the football match that is going on, and the noise of celebration is enough to draw our attention to it. Teammates are crowding the goalscorer, who seems to be a supervisor in one of the units. Ayomikun and Rachel seem to know him, and so they get into talking about him.

Above the noise, Joy turns to me ‘So I have never seen you before. Are you new here?’

“No. Been here for quite a while. I just rarely come out. I just came out today to play with you, lowly humans.”

I think Ayomikun heard that and asked, “So we are the lowly humans?’

“Yes na. I am just gracing you with my presence. Who knows when next you will see me again?”

Joy clearly amused asks, ‘As per se, you be what?’

“A higher being.”

Not minding me, Joy asks Rachel, “Is he new? Did he just start working here?”

Rachel replies, “No, oh. He’s been here as long as us.”

“Really, how come I have never seen him?”

“He is in the Communications Unit.” Ayomikun adds, “You know, the Outskirt people” (this was a company joke used for my unit because of how far we were from the other units).

“Wow, na una dey run things for this compound,” Joy remarks. I shake my head and then act like an African mother disappointed in her child and ask, “Joy. I just met you, and you are already whining me. Really?”

Nothing prepared me for her reply, “So, how many business days do you take before you start whining someone?” (Nah, this was a good comeback. I like this brand of sarcasm.)

Moving on, she asks, “So, what do you do at Comms?”

“I work as a designer,” I reply, keeping it vague.

“Oh, nice!” she says, genuinely seeming intrigued. “So you are the one who designs the banners and all that we see”.

“Ah. No oh. Not all of them, oh. We divide the work. I mostly do the ones focused on the youth group.”

”Nice. But you are a higher being na. You should be able to do all of it.”

“Even so, but God rests. So, I too have to rest. Abi, you want me to be doing pass God.”

She looks at me with suspicion while smiling and says, “You sha don’t want to be caught in this conversation.”
Yes oh. Never to be caught unguarded.

Relaxing her eyes, she asks, “So, do you like it? Your job, I mean. Do you like designing?”

Okay, maybe this Joy is different. She’s actually engaging in conversation and being thoughtful about it. I’m starting to feel cautiously optimistic.

Rachel and Ayomikun had drifted back into their own conversation about the colleague who scored the goal, leaving Joy and me to ours.

“It has its moments,” I say, “but it’s rewarding.”

“Okay, in what way?” Joy asks, leaning in slightly.

“Well, it is rewarding when I see that the work I am doing actually makes an impact. You know when a brochure or a campaign material that’s meant to do something actually does it. When it is meant to change a mindset, educate someone, or even inform. When it does that, it makes me proud of my work. It makes me glad I do this.”

Her eyes are still focused on me as if she is expecting a “but” after my statement.

“But on some days, it can be frustrating, especially when the demands from the Ogas at the top aren’t realistic or when they put their personal preference into what is being created. Like when they turn a design down due to a colour they don’t like because of their bias.“

“Oh, that happens to you, too,” she retorts.

She goes on to tell me about how that happens to her in her unit.

“Data is data,” she says, shaking her head. “It doesn’t care about your feelings. If it can come out using AI tools, why stress yourself? Why should I still stick with the conventional ways when we can do it faster and easier?”

“I get you. Maybe they are avoiding AI because of the fear that it can take their job,” I reply.

“Well, with the way they are doing, the fear is sure to come to pass,” Joy remarks.

Now, this statement got me more interested in talking with Joy. I had this belief, and she was literally the 3rd or 4th person at my place of work who agreed with me.

“You really think that will happen?” I ask, wanting to know the reasoning behind her statement. “Most people think that with the subpar work AI is producing design-wise, and the numerous issues that occur with coding, it is impossible to remove the human element.”

“Well, it is impossible to remove the human element,” Joy says, “but Temi, AI is only going to get better. The worst it will do is what it is doing now. So if you don’t place yourself in a position where you are a master at it or useful with it, you will be left behind.”

“There’s a point to that, but most people just say this, Joy,” I push back. “How can it be done practically? You are a data analyst. How would you place yourself in a position where you are useful with it?”

“For me, it is by using it to create more time and space to learn other aspects of my role that will make me multiskilled,” she explains. “If I can use AI to analyse something quickly and then use the remaining time to learn how to visualize, I become multiskilled.”

“True,” I say, nodding. “You become like an agency capable of doing so many things perfectly. That gives you an edge.”

“Exactly!” Joy says. “I can also learn and master spaces where AI isn’t fully trusted, like Project Writing and Project Management. So yes, AI would take people’s jobs, but I just have to make sure it won’t take mine.”

I am not going to lie. I find Joy really, really interesting. We talked for a while more about work, then the Sports Fest. I make efforts to learn more about her, and I learned she watches anime and is into poetry, which I find cool.

Over the course of our conversation, I came to see Joy as very witty, warm, intelligent, and surprisingly down-to-earth. She made me laugh with some remarks and had me blown away with her takes on some subjects.

Then, of course, it happens. Rachel, bless her heart, can’t resist.

“So, Joy,” she says, with a mischievous glint in her eye, “Temi here is single and ready to mingle.”

I shoot Rachel the “wetin dey work you” look. Why is she casting me in public? And then it hits me. Her question from the day before: Are you making efforts to change your status?

Oh chim. I have gone and given the right answer to the wrong person.

Now it is too late. The cat is out of the bag.

Joy turns to me, her smile softening. “Oh, really?” she says, her eyes twinkling. “And what are you looking for in a relationship, Temi?”

Omo. Here we go. Dem don catch me.

Do I tell her the truth or wave her off with the fact that I’m terrified of Joys because of experience? Do I lie and say I’m looking for someone “easy-going and drama-free” (the irony!)? Or do I try to deflect with a joke?

“Well, I am actually a wicked person,” I say. “So I am looking for people who can handle my wickedness, but they are rare.”

Joy smiles and plays along. “So you are wicked.”

“Yes. I am very wicked.”

“So what’s the most wicked thing you’ve done?” she asks.

“Ah. A lot oh. It’s plenty,” I say, trying to think of what to actually say because I genuinely do not know what wicked people say in this situation.

Rachel chimes in before I can dig myself deeper. “Don’t mind Temi, oh. He’s just acting like he’s wicked, but he’s actually nice. He’s a good person.”

I was about to hit them with the “Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God” when Joy nods and says, “I know their type. The ones that act like they are wicked so they won’t be seen as soft.”

“Yes, oh,” Rachel agrees. “He was the one who helped me settle in here when I came as a Corper. He helped basically everyone acclimate in the unit. So don’t mind him and his hard guy persona.”

Me? Hard guy persona. Dem reduce my aura to persona.

Ayomikun cuts in. “Guy, be serious jare. Even I want to know what kind of lady you like”.

I take a deep breath and prepare for the fallout. “Well,” I say, “let’s just say that I tend to avoid ladies named Joy.”

I brace myself for offense, disappointment, or maybe even a well-deserved push on the shoulder. But instead, Joy is laughing. She is laughing.

“You’re not serious!” she says, covering her mouth (She’s really pretty when she smiles). “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard!. What did we do to you?”

“A lot oh. Like a lot. But let’s just say they don’t usually give joy.”

“Really?” She asks. “Yes,” I reply.

“So, since I have been talking with you, is it sorrow you have been feeling?” She asks, arms akimbo, to which I reply, “Ehn, but we’ve just met. Who knows whether my wickedness go dey learn work for your hand.”

She giggles again for a good minute, and then she looks at me with amusement. “Well, Temi,” she says, “it looks like I’m going to have to work extra hard to prove you wrong.”

Wait! Hold up!!! Prove who wrong? What’s going on here?

Before I can think of anything, Joy turns to Rachel and Ayomikun. “I have to get back to the office. I have some stuff I want to complete before Monday. See you later, guys.”

She then turns to me, “I look forward to seeing you again. It was nice meeting you, Temi.”

“As do I, Joy. It was a pleasure meeting you, too,” I reply, with a smile that’s still making me question whether this Joy could actually be better.

As we watch Joy leave, Ayomikun turns to me, “So, are you enjoying the Sports Fest? because usually by now, you would have gone back to work.”

“Yeah, it’s alright,” I say. “I have sorted out my deliverables. And it’s also good to see everyone having fun.”

“Which deliverables? Abi, you were enjoying talk with a woman,” Rachel says with a knowing look. On God, this woman is the weapon fashioned against me today.

“Must you talk?” I ask Rachel.

“Abeg, abeg,” she says, waving me off.

A few seconds of silence pass. Then Rachel turns to me with a smile she is clearly trying to hide. “But seriously, did you enjoy your talk with Joy?”

My eyes narrow slightly. “Why are you asking, though?”

Ayomikun’s smile widens. “Why you dey answer our question with question. Shey you enjoy talking with her or not?”

Now I am really suspicious. “Why are both of you asking?”

They both smile. Ayomikun speaks first. “See this guy that we are trying to help. No wahala na.”

Rachel adds, “She’s sha a good person. I have interacted with her a few times. And she’s also single. So strike while the iron is hot, okay?”

“Wait, hold up. How did we get here?” I ask, laughing.

Ayomikun feigns an ignorant look. “Na you know oh. Anyway, I have to go. I have a husband I have to meet at home.”

“Me too, oh. Make I go meet my gist partner,” Rachel adds.

I know a dig when I hear one.

And with that, we conclude our short meeting. I wave the ladies goodbye.

As they walk away and leave me standing there alone, my brain does what it does best and starts overthinking everything.

The way Joy walked towards us made it seem like she knew exactly where we were. Rachel also introduced her to me almost immediately.
Then outing my relationship status at what seems to be the perfect moment, with Joy asking about it as if she expected it.
Not to mention the way Ayomikun brought her up after she left, and imploring me to strike while the iron is hot.

Either this was the most elaborate coincidence, or these women have been planning something I walked straight into without knowing.

And the worst part? I am not even sure I am mad about it.

I am rocked back to reality by a car that moves past me, as the lake catches the last of the evening light. The story has run its course in my head, and I am left with a smile I cannot fully explain, along with a strange new openness to the idea that being matchmade might not be the worst thing in the world.

But then, I shake my head at myself and laugh quietly. “Nah, I’m good”.

Imagination wan kee me.

Well, till next time,

Salud.

You might not like Anime. It is probably childish or weird to you

In fact, you may have clicked on this post because of something else, and that’s entirely okay.

However, this piece asks for a few minutes of your time.

Not to sell anything to you, but to show why stories people dismiss might be a treasure or a gem.

It will contain some jokes that you will not understand, and you might feel confused or left out. I assure you that is not my intention. Not in any way.

I would like to show you that every once in a while, some stories show up in unexpected places and stay with you longer than you planned or imagined.

This is one of those stories.

My first encounter with “anime” was in 2010.

I didn’t know what it was at the time, but all I knew was that it was… different.

The language was Japanese, which I found really interesting and amusing. It had this specific look to it that no cartoon I’d seen before had.

(P.S: I always loved cartoons. Justice League Unlimited and Biker Mice on Silverbird TV were my favorites.)

In anime, you would find bigger eyes, wilder hair, and these crazy action sequences that were way more intense.

Naruto was my first. Pretty basic, I know. But that’s where it all started. My friends were talking about it and were always saying “Rasengan” and “Chidori” (if you know, you know), and I just wanted to get in on the action.

That action has taken me into a form of entertainment spanning more than 10 years now.

But today isn’t about my love for anime as an art or a topic, but about one anime that has quite struck a chord with me. A gem I got to know about in 2016.

I had just gotten a laptop, and I was looking for anime to watch.

Around this time, anime wasn’t popular the way it is now.

You were kinda weird for watching it, as most people, especially girls you liked and had a crush on (not me, though, I don’t crush on people), classified you as childish for watching “cartoons,” and you had a knee-jerk reaction to fire back and explain that it wasn’t a cartoon.

Then I would defend the holy name of anime. I would explain that anime had mature themes, complex stories, and content you wouldn’t want children watching.

For the most part, I was correct in my defence (you definitely don’t want your kids watching some anime), but once I realised the fruitlessness of always defending, I stopped.

If people saw me watching anime and accused me of being a child, I would just nod. Other times, I would roast you if I knew what you were into, and God save you if it wasn’t Indian movies or Korean films. But back to my story of how I was looking for an anime to watch.

It was in my search that someone put me on My Hero Academia. I saw other anime on his system, but in previewing My Hero Academia, I just knew I was going to like it.

A world of Superheroes and Supervillains with abilities called Quirks? I am game.

Beyond this, I was drawn to it because of its similarity to Western Comics and my love of Sci-Fi. One of the heroes in the anime gave Superman vibes, and at that age, I liked Superman…so much. (Not anymore, though. I’ve grown. I’m a Batman person now.)

The first season was actually good. Really good, and I loved every part of it. It also had a good underdog story and a compelling villain. (I sincerely believe a movie is only as good as a compelling villain, and the one for the series was just pure evil, and his presence cast a long shadow over the entire series.)

The second season was where it went up a notch. The Sports Festival arc? Sheesh! That was when I knew My Hero Academia was going to be one of my favorites. The stakes, the fights, the character development, it was all top-tier.

I’ve kept up with the series since then, and this week, 10 years later, I completed the final season.

The end of an era

It was an emotional rollercoaster. Sure, there were no tears in my eyes as I am a hard guy, but the ending got me. It was W ending.

You see, what this anime did exceptionally well was creating a world that felt both fantastical and relatable.

The characters in the show were dealing with superhero training, but also with everyday problems: friendships, rivalries, self-doubt, and figuring out who they wanted to be.

There was this scene where the main hero (Midoriya) was fighting the main villain, and one of his classmates was saying to another classmate:

This scene got to me because it reminded me of the way I had been sometimes.

Of how I had been worried about my friends when they were taking on really big things, and felt bad because I felt being worried meant I wasn’t confident in their abilities. It also reminded me of how I have steeled myself to just believe in them and stick with them no matter the outcome.

That’s one of the things that made this show so good. That feeling that even with all the superpowers, these people were still just people. Trying to figure out their place in the world, just like the rest of us.

But beyond this act of figuring things out, the anime also touched on some important subjects such as teamwork, the responsibility that comes with power, and the struggle to overcome adversity. One of my favorite quotes from the series was this:

When the superhero needs protecting, who does that for them?

A pointer to how people often neglect the emotional burden that comes with great responsibility and power. It was a superhero story, but it was also one with layers.

It’s also one I’ll always cherish and will probably give my future kids as assignments to watch. And if they don’t appreciate Deku’s journey to becoming the world’s greatest hero, then I hope by then Nigeria has not outlawed the use of physical force in parenting.
(P.S: My future wife, na joke I dey joke oh).

To the main point:

Now, I know what some of you might be thinking. “Okay, okay, we get it. You like anime. You like My Hero Academia. What’s the point of all this?”

Well, the point is this: sometimes, the things that we dismiss as “just entertainment” can actually have a profound impact on our lives.

They can teach us valuable lessons, inspire us to be better people, and even help us to understand ourselves a little bit better.

I mean, from the scene I mentioned earlier, I have come to understand that in the face of something overwhelming, you can lose confidence in someone or yourself, and it is okay. You can always find that confidence back by reminding yourself of what they are capable of, and sticking with them regardless.

I have seen this in life and also in anime.

And that’s why I’ll never be ashamed to admit that I love anime.

It’s a world of storytelling possibilities. And My Hero Academia is one of the best examples of what that world has to offer.

So, if you’ve never given anime a chance, I encourage you to do so. You might be surprised at what you find. Some offer some of the best soundtracks or scores that Art has to offer.

(P.S: My Hero Academia’s own is a good gym or focus playlist. Trust me on this.)

And if you’re already a fan, then I hope this has reminded you of why you love it too.

This article is also for the person who always knocks things over before trying them. Maybe you should try it first if it’s not damaging to your health in any form.

You might just find your new favorite show, book, movie, or video game. You might just find something that changes your life. Or, at the very least, you might find something that makes you think.

And that’s never a bad thing.

Now, some of you might be wondering if I have any other anime recommendations. The answer is a resounding YES! I have plenty. But maybe that’s a story for another day. For now, I’ll leave you with this: go watch My Hero Academia. You won’t regret it.

Unless you hate anime, in which case, I can’t help you. But if you’re even remotely curious, give it a shot. You might just find yourself saying some Japanese before you know it (which I consider a good extra benefit).

You’ll have something to talk about with that anime-loving guy at work you consider weird. You know, the one who’s always trying to get you to watch “Attack on Titan or Vinland Saga.”

Speaking of which, that’s another good one. But again, that’s a story for another day.

For now, I’m out. Peace!

And remember, plus ultra! (If you know, you know.)

Till next time,

Salud.

I checked out the app called Playbook, and it turned out to be a smart idea.

It lets you curate your own course, then follow it at your own pace. Basically, you control how you learn and when you learn. If you want to get a feel for it, you can check it out here: https://myplaybook.lovable.app/

After going through it, I made sure I shared my thoughts and told them I found it useful. They replied with thanks.

But this is not about the app. This is about the conversation that my comment started.

You see, while this was a group for creatives, and it was active, we had cases where interactions came and went between two people. So you could go weeks, sometimes months, without hearing from someone you had spoken to before.

That was the case here when Idayat, whom I had not spoken to in a long time, reached out.

I will assume it was my comment on the group about the Playbook app that signalled my proof of life.

She entered my DM with some greetings and then the question: “Hope you are good. It’s been a while since I heard from Letting My Hair Down.”

She greeted me, then asked a simple question:

Now, I could have gotten defensive and pointed out that I dropped an article on March 6. But the gap between then and now was long enough for someone who likes to think he is a writer.

But I didn’t get defensive. Instead, I told her the truth:

I mean, this was true. Maybe weird, but still true. I have articles or write-ups in my drafts, but somehow I never post them. (Anyone can relate?)

Now, this could have stopped there because who wants to understand why someone does anything weird? But Idayat, whom I have known to be direct and inquisitive from her work and her presence in the group, did not let it sit there. She asked why.

And I knew the answer, which I told her:

So there you have it. I was waiting for perfection. I mean, there was always something that was the problem, and it had to do with perfection:
The perfect opening
The perfect ending
The perfect words
The perfect time to post (so that I can get engagement)
The perfect moment
The perfect this or the perfect that.

Now, this long rambling wasn’t what I did to Idayat, but she understood it perfectly (pun intended).

She replied:

I almost scrolled past it because one, it sounded like something you would read on a motivational page and forget by the next morning (no offense, Idayat).

And two, I felt my work deserved care. Of course, I should not post something half-baked. It must bang!!!

But the more I thought about it and sat with her statement, the clearer it became. I started peeling back the layers that covered what she said and realised:

Because there is a side to me that creates every day.

Ideas, opinions, reactive and active takes on things. But because I feel they are not ready, I push them aside.

The side that will come up with a fascinating opinion or take on a subject, but then I will turn it into a WhatsApp status because I think it is not perfect for the Substack audience (my WhatsApp audience, e ma binu).

The side that gives me angles and takes in conversation that are also worth sharing online, but I leave it in a draft folder called “Ideas“, where nobody sees it.

I tell myself I will work on it when the timing is right, or when the words flow, or when the idea is cleaner.

What I was doing was telling the child in me to only speak up when things are perfect (which rarely happens)

It was unfair because the more I told my creative side to hold on, the quieter it got. And if my creative side got quiet, can I really call myself a creative person? Can I get better at my craft?

As I ruminate on this and go down the rabbit hole, Idayat’s comment has sent me into, I understand that if I keep waiting for perfect, I will keep producing nothing.

And nothing improves. Nothing grows. Nothing reaches anyone.

But it’s different when a product of your craft leaves you.

It most likely gets better because it meets people.
It gets tested, and that teaches you what to do next.

So this is me choosing a different approach.

This is me writing about this little incident and making sure the world sees more of what I can create, whether it is imperfect or not.

This is me writing this and posting it instead of waiting for the perfect time.
Instead of working to get the perfect ending or opening.

This is me taking a step to completion, even when I still want to work on the article to be fresher or more refined. (If this article has errors, na Idayat cause am oh😆)

This is me writing, and hopefully a reminder to you, too. To share your work despite your fears of imperfection. Because perfection is the enemy of finishing.

Perfection is the enemy of done, and done is what moves you forward.

Maybe that is what Idayat saw clearly (Thank you, Idayat 😁).

Creativity needs motion.

So this is me moving.

Till next time,

Salud.

That’s the gap between my last Substack post and this one.

This was also the same way I opened my last year’s birthday article.

The opening was more dramatic, explaining how long I had stayed away from writing and comparing writing 300 words to giving birth.

I still stand by the drama because writing asks for honesty, and honesty sometimes needs time.

But this piece is here for a different reason.

It is my birthday again, and while preparing to write this and even writing it, I realized something.

Last year’s article was about the last day before my birthday.

I wanted to see whether the final day of the year had something to teach me before stepping into a new age.

Because, you see, at this stage of my life, I didn’t quite take birthdays seriously and often wondered why people made a big deal about them.

So I treated the day like a small experiment.

This year, the experiment expanded.

Instead of reflecting on the last day, I spent the entire week before my birthday thinking about my life (Yeah, I know. I can be too intense).

Because, somehow (maybe it’s the age I am clocking), birthdays don’t feel like “just another day.”

They feel more like markers now.

I now understand that time keeps moving forward, whether we like it or not, and birthdays are like a checkpoint on the road.

So for the past week, I found myself asking and thinking about these questions:

• What did the last year teach me?

• What changed?

• What stayed the same?

• Where did I grow?

• Where did I fall short?

Part of the reflection came from a strange realization that I am still quite young, yet younger people now call me Sir, Uncle, or Daddy (Daddy is crazy fr) in public.

I don’t know when that transition happened, but it did.

And once you hear it enough times, you start asking yourself whether your life reflects the maturity people assume you have.

Am I really that mature?

So the thinking began, and here are the end products of this thoughtlines.

Be more audacious socially

One of the first things I noticed was how quiet my social life had been last year.

At the start of last year, I promised myself I would go out more. Meet people. Attend events. Engage with spaces outside my usual routine.

I failed that promise because, looking back, I think I attended two events the entire year.

Two. Oh, should I say deux

That realization bothered me slightly because I am fully aware from the things I expose myself to that growth happens not only through solitary work, but also through people and environments.

So this year I am trying to correct that.

Last Saturday, I forced myself out of the house to attend a program called Starting Out. In Lagos.

Yes. I left Ibadan for a program in Lagos. (I wish I could give myself a pat on the back)

The event was organized by whom I met here on Substack.

The program focused on career growth and early professional development. People shared lessons from the first few years of their careers.

People who have been three years in. Five years in. Seven years in.

The type of advice you get from people still inside the struggle rather than from people who have already reached the finish line.

And to be honest, it was a good idea as the conversations were practical and useful. (Thumbs up, Abiodun)

But the most important message I carried home from the event was something I have heard many times before.

Put yourself out there.

The message did not come from one of the speakers alone.

A friend of mine who frequents LinkedIn also told me something similar some weeks ago when we spoke. She told me I needed to show more of my work and personality publicly.

Not in an attention-seeking or performative way (because this is literally my bane). But in a way that allows opportunities to find you.

At the time, I nodded and moved on.

But hearing the same advice again in a room full of strangers made the message louder and clearer.

So this year I plan to do something slightly uncomfortable. (Like not editing this article beyond the second draft, because perfection is the enemy of consistency)

I plan to put myself out there more.

Not only online. In rooms. In conversations. In ideas.

Standing behind your work quietly sometimes feels safe, but safety rarely introduces you to new possibilities.

This past year, I have seen the brave ones take the bull by the horns, so I will do just that (I am starting with Rams first, though. Ain’t no way I am going after bulls on the first try)

At the same time, I know there is a line between confidence and foolishness. So my goal is simple: Speak out but also clearly. Stand by your ideas. Stay grounded in honesty.

So in the act of putting myself out there.

Hello there, my name is Temiloluwa Adedeji. I am a graphic designer and writer. I design mostly for humanitarian and development organizations. I am also on the media team in my church. Here’s a link to my portfolio.

Be more invested in people than before

Another thing I noticed during my reflection week was how much of my life runs on people, or rather, the gift of men.

Last year, I mentioned gratitude briefly toward the end of the article. I wrote about listing things I was thankful for during prayer.

This year, the gratitude showed up earlier.

Because when I thought about the biggest opportunities I received last year, most of them came through relationships.

A senior colleague's recommendation led to a well-paying job.

That job led to other introductions.

Those introductions led to new opportunities.

You can see why I mentioned that I am fully aware that growth happens not only through solitary work, but also through people and environments.

The one job I got reminded me that life rarely moves through isolated effort. Most of the doors we walk through exist because someone opened them first.

Friends. Family. Community.

These things matter more than we sometimes admit.

Also, while reflecting on my relationships, a difficult thought surfaced.

Specifically, one relationship from my past.

For a long time, I told myself a simple story about why the relationship ended. We were not compatible. We had different values because of the way we saw things.

But reflection has a way of forcing honesty.

Looking back now, I see that I also gave up too quickly.

In many parts of life, I push through obstacles. I try again. I keep moving forward.

In that relationship, it now dawned on me that I walked away. I gave up, and while I have felt like a jerk anytime I remember, I feel more like a jerk than ever before.

Some issues existed, yes.

But the whole situation deserved more patience and communication than I gave.

So if that person ever reads this, I want to say something clearly.

I am sorry. I know I have said this before, but I will say it again: I am sorry.

Growth requires truth. And truth requires admitting where we fell short.

This past year helped me see some of those places.

I think I might also be avoiding relationships because I am scared I would be the jerk again. So right now, I am not trying to rush toward anything new.

I am learning to move step by step and trust God to guide where those steps lead.

Be focused on one win rather than the chaos

Another area where I noticed growth is church.

Last year, I wrote about joining a prayer program before entering my new age. At the time, it felt unusual for me, as I do not always follow structured spiritual programs.

But the habit has stayed.

Over the past year, I became more involved in church spaces, both in my church and in other spaces.

I found myself helping coordinate certain activities. I enjoy organization and structure, so naturally I try to bring order into messy environments.

My church gave me room to practice that.

Ironically, it also taught me something else.

Life does not always follow structure.

Sometimes you need to work with chaos rather than fight it.

That lesson showed up again this week when I had a terrible day.

You know those days when everything feels heavy for no clear reason.

While listening to something online, I heard a simple idea.

Look for one win.

When your day feels like it is collapsing, do one small thing right.

One task. One action. One decision.

That win changes your mood slightly.

Then you go for another win.

I decided to test the idea immediately.

There was a small work task I had been avoiding on a design project. I told myself I would finish the rough structure. Nothing perfect. Just the skeleton.

That became my first win.

Then something interesting happened.

The win lifted my mood slightly. I suddenly had enough energy to do one more thing, which was going to church, even though I had been considering skipping it because of my mood.

Going to church became another win.

After church, I read a little. Another win.

Suddenly, the day that began badly started feeling productive.

Today I followed the same approach.

Wake up. Devotion. Duolingo. Work tasks. Jogging.

Writing this article.

These small wins stacked together create momentum for me, and i can carry it into my next day.

And momentum changes how a day feels.

A final note

I recently watched a YouTube video called The Fear of Being Average.

It is literally one of the best videos I have watched this year, as I found it to be a balm to my soul.

You see, the video argues that being average is not about having a stable job, a partner, or a house, but about settling into comfort and avoiding risks.

Using author Anthony Bourdain’s life as an example, it shows how he faced repeated failures, confronted his ego, and chose uncertainty over safety, which allowed him to achieve fulfillment and success.

The message emphasizes embracing small risks and challenging yourself within stability or a quiet life, so as not have regrets at the end of your life.

As I step into another year of life today, that is who I want to be, and I hope I can be.

You see, I have never been comfortable with popularity, but I also have this fear of being average.

Being widely known feels intimidating, because there are more eyes on you and, therefore, your flaws and weaknesses.

So I prefer quiet spaces. Yet I still hold many ambitions.

I want to design more meaningful work.

I want to play the guitar and write and sing songs.

I want to write more essays like this one.

I want to train people and help them grow.

I want to speak in rooms where ideas matter.

One day, I would love to stand on a stage and give a talk about lessons from this strange journey called life.

Those dreams sound large when written down. But I have learned something important this week.

Big dreams rarely begin with big actions. They begin with small wins.

One win today. Another tomorrow.

Stack them long enough, and suddenly a year passes.

So here I am again.

Another birthday. Another checkpoint.

Last year, I questioned whether birthdays meant anything.

This year, I think I understand their value.

They give you a moment to pause, look backward, and choose how you want to walk forward.

And if the year ahead follows the rule I am carrying with me, then the plan is simple.

One more win. Every day.

Happy birthday to me.

I will end the same way I ended last year’s article, which is with something I usually say to others at the end of my articles, but I believe it’s a good time to say to myself:

You’ve got this.

Till next time,

Salud.

We have retail brands and online shops that market early sales on gifts for him or her, cards, flowers, jewelry, and food.

We have hotels, restaurants, and travel services promoting couples packages so that relationship people can have a getaway.

We also have the Kabusa Oriental Choir who never fail to remind us in January that “Valentine is coming”, followed by the question “Where is your boyfriend” and the stark reality (their stark reality though, I am not lonely in Jesus name), that you are lonely.

Crazy right?

I think (and this is a controversial take BTW), that Valentine's has more preparation PR than other days (Christmas included).

But why would you think that, Temi?

Well, one, the obvious PR, and two, it is based on love. It is based on romance.

And that’s one thing that has changed the heart of men.

Love has humbled the gods in myths and legends.
Made someone sink into the ocean when he could have shared a raft with his beloved.
Romance has sold novels and built imaginary worlds that people throw themselves into.

It also has lined pockets. It will continue to line pockets

So it is not surprising to see a lot of vendors, both online and offline, advertising their products or services.

But what was surprising was a statement I heard from a particular vendor:

“If you want to buy five different Valentine gifts for your five babes, I can get the five different gifts for you.”

Now, I thought it was just one vendor, but then I began to see this sort of marketing from other retailers.

Sellers were promising confidentiality to people who were in more than one relationship and wanted to get valentine gifts for their main and sides without letting the parties know.

Now, I did entrepreneurship management in school, and I passed (by the absolute mercy and grace of God). So I understand a good marketing technique or a good business move.

I mean, if my name were Femi, and I were dating 3 ladies and wanted to get Valentine's gifts for them, and you could afford me the headache of being sneaky and also being confidential, I would patronise you. (But thank God I am not).

So what’s the surprise here

While I appreciate a good business tactic, what I find surprising here is that some vendors posting this kind of marketing ad are Christians.

Yes. C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N-S.

And the problem is not that Christians are celebrating or utilising Valentine’s Day.

It isn’t even about Christians selling products or services on the day

It’s about what we normalize with our words, especially when we claim to represent Christ.

I mean, this sort of marketing clearly assumes or promotes having multiple romantic/sexual partners at the same time, and you, as a Christian, are using it; do you want to receive a letter from Apostle Paul, dear brother/sister in Christ?

Why is this even a problem

This is a problem because what we say, what we promote are representative of our values. Even Scripture attests to this and reminds us that our words carry values.

“For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45b NKJV)

The marketing ad that casually assumes or jokes about having multiple romantic partners shows a view or mindset that treats relationships as disposable or something to be toyed with.

This is a culture that the Bible consistently calls believers to resist.

From the beginning, God’s design for romantic love is covenantal and exclusive:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24b)

But Temi, that’s the Old Testament, we are new covenant creatures.

Hold on, bro/sis. The New Testament supports this clearly, too:

“Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:2 NKJV)

Please read that again. Let each man have his own wife. Not wives. You should have one. Not two or three. You are not King Solomon.

So it is obvious the Bible does not celebrate promiscuity, or “side partners”.

It doesn’t support the idea of collecting people as romantic options.

If you are dating both Chiamaka, Zainab, and Bola to see which is the best for you, I rate you for not being a tribalist in the first place, but it is not right.

No sir. It is not right at all.

But it is not that deep

I mean, the people saying they could deliver Valentine's gifts to multiple romantic partners might be joking.

This could be true, and I understand also.

But Scripture cautions us here, too:

“Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes, these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God.” (Ephesians 5:4 NLT)

So even if it is a joke, it is not one for you. It is a foolish joke. There’s no way even King Solomon would see that joke as one borne out of Godly wisdom. No way.

Beyond this, if we as Christians start to use the same lingo the world uses to trivialize intimacy, aren’t we blurring the line between being relevant and being conformed?

Why am I focusing on my Christian brethren

Let me be clear: Anyone can market however they choose.

But when someone publicly identifies as a Christian, what they say or do carries extra weight.

It goes beyond the pulpit or the church and extends to their captions, adverts, jokes, and business decisions.

And to be honest, it is a lot of pressure. Like a lot.

But we shouldn’t be deterred by this because we have the Holy Spirit to help us, and also, we are not living our lives to please anyone but God.

Sure, we are to be at peace with all men, but if peace with any man means enmity with God, please go to war. God will fight for you.

However, on the subject of being at peace with all men, I hope you don’t read this article, and your first instinct is to cancel, insult, or question some people’s or anyone’s salvation.

I have been reading the first half of Romans, and I know that it is self-condemning to question or judge people’s righteousness. Scripture warns against doing as much as it warns against sin.

But it does call us to discernment:

“Test all things; hold fast what is good.” (1 Thessalonians 5:21 NKJV)

We can say discern and say “This message doesn’t align with Christian values,” without being condemning and saying, “This person is not a true Christian.”

A Better Way Forward

So, Temi, you have criticized and critiqued your fellow Christian brethren who are vendors and doing something wrong. Criticizing is easy, so what is the way forward?

First things first, I am not criticizing anyone oh (maybe I am… unintentionally)

The intention is just to call our attention to something that may seem so trivial but might be hurting our walk with God.

Secondly, we have to understand that as a Christian creative or business person, we can be bold, joyful, and engaging without normalizing what Scripture calls us to flee from.

The world already has plenty of voices trivializing commitment and relationships. The Church doesn’t need to be one of the voices echoing the world’s sentiment, and in case you don’t know, you are the church.

If anything, we are called to model something better, which is: Loving your neighbour over objectifying them

But on a General Note

You have to understand that being a Christian in public spaces is not about being boring or moralistic. I sincerely hope I don’t come off as that, but if I do, my luck.

Being a Christian is about being faithful and true to the representation of Christ, even when it costs us easy laughs or trendy engagement.

Most of the harmful, trivial things that we do for clicks can be avoided if we just ask ourselves:

“Does this reflect the Christ I claim to follow?”

And to the Non-Christian reading this or the person judging me as a moral police (see what I did there? Judge and Police?…laughs in mischief)

The ones saying, “Temi, it is just business. They are just trying to make money.”

I get it. I really do.

To that I ask, “Where do we draw the line?”

How far are we willing to go for the sake of profit? For the sake of compromising our values?

In fact, if you are a business person, ask yourself what values you are projecting with your business.

What message are you sending out into the world? What are you normalising?

Because if we are being honest with ourselves, we are casually promoting infidelity when we make light of cheating or having multiple partners.

The endgame is a culture that doesn’t rate relationships and treats people as disposable, as if love is one squid game.

That is definitely not the kind of culture I want my kids or their kids be a part of.

So, as Valentine’s Day approaches, let us think about the messages we are sending out and the values we are promoting.

Let us choose to be intentional about what we normalise with our words and our actions.

Let us remember that our words carry weight.

And let us strive to be people of integrity, in our relationships, in our businesses, and in everything we do.

Because at the end of the day, Love is not a joke. It is not a game. It is not something to be taken lightly.

I know I spoke about it earlier, as if it was capitalist thing. That is demeaning to what love is because it is so much more than that.

It is a sacred covenant. A beautiful gift that shouldn’t be divided into main or sides.

It is a powerful force that has changed the world and hopefully will continue to do so.

So let us treat it with the respect and reverence it deserves.

Let us choose to do better. Let us choose to be better.

With that said, Happy Valentine’s in advance or whenever you see this.

And may your partner show you love such as Christ's love to the church.

If you have one that is. (laughs mischievously again).

If you don’t have one (like me), there is God.

Remember, you’ve got this.

Till next time.

Salud.

If you had reply with that being a friend sometimes means showing up when it matters the least and feeling like it matters the most, I would most likely leave you alone to go and do whatever primary school kids do.

Now that I am older, I think I understand what you mean.

On a particular day in 2023, my friend from abroad, came back to Nigeria and surprised me at my workplace.

She entered my office, phone in hand, and caught me with my mouth ajar, as I was heavily surprised at who I was looking at.

It was not my biggest moment, but I didn’t care. I was seeing my wonderful friend after 3 years. I still remember the smile on her face as she caught me in such a position.

We talked and caught up and some days later, she travelled back.

16 months later, she surprises me again. Phone in hand, ready to capture my surprise.

But this time, it was different.

I was taken aback, but this time, there was no opening of the mouth. Rather, the words that came out of my mouth were, “See this girl, is this how you want to be surprising someone?”

In hindsight, I kinda feel bad for not being surprised. Because in my conversation with her about why she never posted the first video of me being surprised, this was her reply:

Yeah. I definitely should have at least acted surprised. I should have given her more memories to keep. (So my friend, if you are seeing this, ma binu si mi)

Nonetheless, I was happy to see her. Very happy to see her.

This time, she comes with two other friends that we normally see in my work environment, but never have the time to talk.

Today, we created time.

We reminisced about how we met. Where we met. The mutual people we knew. Just surface gist because we planned to hangout the next day, which we did.

It was at the hangout that I got to really see how friendship grows through time.

The hangout was like a feeling of warmth that was enough sometimes, and then it was gone.

Sometimes I felt like I was with my friends, and then it felt like I was with people I knew but weren’t close to. (Now I understand why some people call others acquaintances)

I really can’t explain the feeling, but it was bittersweet.

For some parts of the conversation, I felt like a bad friend because all 3 of them had significant changes in their lives and I didn’t know about it.

Of course, you could say that we get busy with life, but the 3 of them knew about some things going on in their lives, and I was just the guy who had taken minding his business to an extreme level.

In a fortunate way for me: They didn’t make me feel bad.

While we had grown in our spaces, we still had common ground. A shared history, a common language, a mutual understanding of who we are, deep down.

We could still talk about the experiences we shared at the place we all first met. The people who annoyed us collectively. The people we missed dearly.

We also talked about how we were pushing through and the balance between surviving and thriving, and while I might feel like a bad friend, I also felt proud of my guys. They were doing well.

But what I think that got me the most from this meeting, and what I think I’ll always cherish, is the unspoken understanding.

The quiet acknowledgement that life pulls you in different directions, that you can’t always be present for every milestone, but that the foundation of friendship remains.

It’s like a tree with roots that run deep, even when the branches are reaching for different skies. (Okay, I am getting too philosophical here but you know what I mean)

And for me, there’s a slight comfort in that. A reassurance that even if I’m not always the most clued-in friend, I’m still their friend. And they’re still my people.

We might need a little jog down memory lane to reconnect the dots, to fill in the gaps of the past year or two, but the connection is always there, waiting to be rekindled.

As I am writing this, I think the bittersweet feeling I felt (which I have to add I have felt when I have met friends after a long time) comes from the realization that things have changed.

We’re not the same people we were when we first met. We’ve all got more baggage, more responsibilities, more experiences tucked under our belts. And that’s okay. Its growth. It’s life. But it also means that the dynamic shifts, the conversations evolve, and the inside jokes might need a little explaining to catch everyone up.

Even though it was kinda sad when the hangout was ending, as I write this, I have hope for the next time we meet, whether it’s months or years away.

I have hope that even if there might be some attributes that might be strange to us, we won’t be strangers.

Our next encounter will just reveal familiar people with new, perhaps unexpected, growth.

Yes, I can definitely look forward to that.

Beyond this, though, I’m gonna make a conscious effort to be a better friend.

To be more present, more engaged, more aware of what’s going on in my friends’ lives.

However, with the understanding that friendship isn’t about keeping score. It is about showing up, in whatever way you can, and appreciating the people who show up for you.

And yeah, maybe next time I’ll try to act a little more surprised.

Just for the memories.

And if you are a friend like me. The type that takes minding their business to a crazy level. Maybe it's time to dial it down a bit and increase the volume on being a present friend.

Like the beginning of this article says:

Friendship isn’t about being present every day. Sometimes it’s about showing up when it matters the least and feeling like it matters the most.

Remember, you've got this.

Till next time, Salud.

Something terribly wrong.

It was an action I was taking that I believe was not healthy for me. The scary part was that I didn't know or I knew and chose to ignore it.

And what was this harmful thing?

I had not read a book all year. Not one book.

No nonfiction. No novels. Probably just one webtoon.

Now, this probably doesn't sound all that bad to the average person because the average person can go a year without reading any book.

But for me it was different because this habit of not reading any book seeped into other aspects of my life.

In some months, I barely read two articles, and, I felt the difference in my daily living.

Because why was I less collected in discussions about matters I was passionate about?

Why did I feel less informed than people around me who read often?

Why was I creating less than I had in previous years?

IIt was because I wasn’t feeding my mind.

I had not be consuming anything insightful so I had a small reservoir to draw from to create anything insightful.

My mailbox was mostly full of unread articles and newsletters I subscribed to that kept me informed, motivated and educated.

No wonder some discussions felt lacklustre on my side.

So that September, I decided to start reading again, and what better book to help me kickstart my reading culture than No Excuses: The Power of Self Discipline by Brian Tracy, followed by Atomic Habits by James Clear.

I finished the first in two weeks and moved to Atomic Habits by James Clear. I had read it before and I felt it would be a good follow up to the information I got from my first book, and I was right.

You see Atomic Habits contains my gems but on reading it a second time, one idea stood out clearly.

An insight I believe will be a game changer for people looking to have a great 2026 and it is this:

Our actions either reinforce or break our identity.

Now it probably sounds like something very inspirational but let me explain.

Remember how I said that I didn't read since the beginning of 2025.

Well, for months, this daily action of not reading had been breaking an identity I already carried.

I was known as a guy who loved learning. Someone insightful and curious.

I remember a colleague telling me that loved having a conversations with me because it seemed I drew from a wealth of knowledge. They liked working with me because I was always making effort to learn and inform myself.

Yet my present actions no longer matched that description.

Reading supported a learner identity. Not reading weakened that identity.

There was a gap between who I was and who I acted like. If not for the realization on that evening in September, the gap would have been wider.

So, how is this important to me, Temiloluwa ?

It is important because in 2026, the actions you take will determine the kind of person you become at the end of the year.

If you take bad actions, it reinforces a bad identity and breaks a good one. If you do otherwise, it reinforces a good identity and breaks a bad one.

Want 2026 to be fulfilling for you, ask yourself this:

"Who do I want to be by the end of the year?”

For real, stop reading and ask yourself this. Especially if you haven't thought about it. If possible get a pen and paper or somewhere to jot for the next part.

Maybe you want be a better professional in your field or,

A thoughtful creator, a curious learner or a reliable partner.

See yourself as that person, then list actions linked to that identity, with the intention of taking those daily actions so as to reinforce that identity.

Want to be a smarter person? Learn/Read daily.

Want to grow spiritually? Act in ways that draw you closer to God.

Want to be a creator? Publish weekly

Want to be better partner? Let your daily actions be steered toward making your partner happy

Over time, that identity will be yours.

I am not a guru or anything, but I am sure that this will be game changer for you.

The great part about this is that you don't have to do too much.

Actually, it is advised to not do too much in Atomic Habits.

The big results are in the small changes. So focus on doing something daily however tiny, that reflects the kind of person you want to recognize in the mirror by December.

And hey, if being a reader is part of who you want to be, you already know what to do next.

Subscribe now

And before I forget:

Happy New Year

I really hope this is the year you remember for achieving most of the things that have eluded you.

I hope it is the year you get clarity, achieve your goal or even move a bit closer to it.

Remember, you've got this.

Till next time.

Salud.

Every week would leave me with a lesson.

The honest ones I don't have to come up with but ones that I lived through.

Some weeks taught me gently. While some weeks had other ideas that were not so gentle, lol.

But at the end of the year, I had fifty two reminders of how growth actually works when life is allowed to do its thing. So here they are:

52 lessons from 2025

1. Whether it’s the new year or halfway through the year, starting when you say you are going to start does wonders for you. You trust yourself more and are more confident.

2. Respect is given, Disrespect is earned. I know people say respect is earned. I like to think that it should be given, no matter the person or age. What they can do is earn the other side of it based on their actions.

3. Consistency is what makes the best stand out from the good. Obsession is what makes the great stand out from the best.

4. Wallowing in shame is a useless expression of pain that only serves to weigh you down. Instead of getting lost in it, it’s far more valuable to recognize your feelings, pick yourself up, and then take action.

5. Nothing we’ve had, have, or are going to have was gotten without the permission of the maker. Absolutely nothing.

6. If I can focus on the things that are in my control, I can always control my motivation

7. The act of curiosity will lead you to ask the right questions, and asking the right questions will lead you to the right answer. Be curious

8. When you are angry, a physical exercise like jogging is a good way to cool off

9. The fastest way to do something new is to do it slowly. Usually, the first and most paramount step is taking the time to understand a thing before you do it.

10. I can always turn to God for help. I don’t have to always know the way.

11. I should not be ashamed to admit when I’m wrong. Rather, I should be ashamed to not correct myself when I am wrong.

12. Self-awareness + Self-Criticism is a great combination for long-term success.

13. God has my best interests at heart when he instructs me. He has everyone’s best interest at heart when he instructs them.

14. If you leave an argument, having learnt nothing from the other person or yourself, you have wasted your time.

15. It is foolishness to believe you can earn the forgiveness of someone you have hurt by willingly going through pain. Rather. Apologize instead and take responsibility.

16. If you don’t find happiness anytime you are far from God, count it a blessing. For it is a good thing.

17. A great opportunity that doesn’t align with the vision you are carrying or a purpose you strongly believe you are supposed to be following is most likely a distraction

18. Nothing is easier than avoiding your full potential. It’s also what makes it scary.

19. You really don’t need an audience to know you are doing well. Just you, yours, and yourself are enough. Achievements can be quiet too

20. Screenshot everything you like or feel useful. You never know when they come in handy.

21. Freedom is letting go of the need to win. You will win some and lose some, but joy is in you trying.

22. Let your circle be balanced with optimists and realists. Mostly optimists, though. They inspire you to reach for the sky.

23. It’s good to go through your old pictures. They remind you of how far you have come or fallen. Either way, they cause introspection, and that is a good thing.

24. The ability to change your mind is a sign of intelligence and growth. It’s stupid to stand on business if it makes no sense.

25. Seeing the people you help nurture bloom is one of the best feelings ever. Learn to nurture others. Learn to help them grow.

26. Contrary to popular opinion, you are not unlucky if, at any time, you do something bad and get caught. It’s a sign that God is on your side.

27. In Nigeria, if you can afford anything you really need twice (i.e., buy it and you still have the exact amount in your savings), go for it. Trust me.

28. I saw a tomato shaped like an egg. People truly believed me when they saw the picture I took of it. You can’t show the world the unbelievable with just words. You have to prove it.

29. As a leader, learn to give wins to the team and take sole responsibility for the loss. Don't hog the spotlight when things are good, and don't pass the buck when they're bad.

30. Despite their wrong rep in Nigeria, Feminists can actually be one of the best friends to have.

31. Learn to name your layers as a graphic designer. If you are not a graphic designer, the key takeaway is to organize your files effectively. It isn't very pleasant in the short term, but beneficial in the long term.

32. It’s a great risk to while away time with the wrong one while you are waiting for the right one.

33. If you are a parent or elder sibling and the location isn’t out of the country, it’s wise to surprise your kids or younger ones at the university from time to time.

34. You most likely have forgotten a responsibility if you feel unease when relaxing

35. Growth and happiness go hand in hand when you can be happy with what you have while working for what you want.

36. Operas are such beautiful things to be at live. If you have the chance to be at one, take it.

37. Never assume people don’t need your help.

38. The internet is often the worst place to find reliable advice. It is also the best place to get one.

39. Awards may be vain things, but they sure inspire you to do more.

40. More than any medal or award, it's the pride of the people you love and admire that truly fills you up.

41. Be stupid with your friends once in a while. Like texting them in old Victorian English. It will most likely make the relationship fonder.

42. It’s important to trust your gut and take the jump even if you are scared of the landing. I did it, and I can’t be more grateful.

43. It’s stupid to want people to change before they enter a church. The church is where the change is supposed to happen.

44. If God led you to a situation, he will surely lead you through it. For sure.

45. What you are can mean different things to different people. I was called stubborn and principled by two different people.

46. As a creative, it’s never a bad thing to be a stickler for the details. It’s, however, bad if it makes you miss the bigger picture. Don’t get so caught up in kerning that one word on a poster that you forget the poster has to be good.

47. Documenting your creative process increases the chances of a client approving your work.

48. It is better to be wrong and apologize than to be silent and pretend to be right. (IMO, it isn't wise to do the latter)

49. It’s okay to take a break from chasing your dreams to simply rest. The dreams will still be there when you get back.

50. Never change yourself trying to impress a girl you like. In fact, never change yourself trying to impress anybody. You can impress them, but never change. Most stressful thing I did this year.

51. Don’t underestimate the power of a handwritten note. I got one this week, and in a digital world, it sure helps stand out.

52. If you appreciate what you have, you can never be sad over what you don't or didn’t have.

It's funny how some of this lessons arrived in order, like week 39 (where my team at work won at award) and week 40 (where my family's comment on something felt more rewarding) and some didn't.

Some of the lessons came through joy. Some through discomfort. Some through faith. Some through people.

But most all, all of them shaped how I think, work, believe, and show up.

The main lesson:

However, if I had pick an overarching lesson 2025 taught me anything, it is this.

So here’s to carrying these lessons forward.

Not as rules. But as anchors.

Here’s to a wonderful 2026.

Remember, you've got this

Till next time,

Salud.

Before you log off

Which lesson did you relate with, or what is one thing 2025 taught you the easy or hard way.

Drop it in the comments or share this with your own lesson attached.

Let’s compare notes.

Hey there,

How are you doing?

Been a while.

Let me start by saying something that might sound a little too forward:

2025 has been an annoying year.

Now, I know the year isn’t over, so I know things can still turn around.

But even saying it out loud gives me some relief. And no, I’m not going to censor myself because “the power of the tongue” might ruin the rest of the year.

I honestly don’t think it works that way.

If you’ve ever had one of those seasons where life just refuses to cooperate, then I think you’ll understand what I mean.

In fact, permit me to be a little razz:

“2025 wan choke me. The guy wan krape me, commot slippers for my legs.” 

I had plans. Goals. A vision of where I thought I’d be by now, not just mentally, but professionally, spiritually, even emotionally.
I had put in the work. I had dotted the I’s, crossed the T’s. But somehow, the math wasn’t mathing.

And because these kind of moments messes your confidence and clouds your judgement, I’ve found myself asking:

Am I making any real impact?
Why does everything feel stuck?
Am I even doing enough?

Maybe you’ve asked those questions too.
And that’s why this quote has been sitting with me lately:

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

When I first heard it, I thought it meant to settle or give up.
However it means: even in a year that feels like it’s falling apart… you’re not powerless.

You still have something.
A voice. A skill. A message. A connection. A step to take.

Now this quote doesn’t erase how I feel about 2025. It is still annoying. LOL.

But it reminds me that while I’m not where I thought I’d be, I’m not stuck either.
I still have a role to play in my corner of the world.
I can design. I can write. I can encourage. I can pray. I can show up.
Even now. Especially now.

Maybe you’re in a space like that too, where the big win hasn’t come, and you are doing your possible best.
So here’s my quiet challenge to you this week:

• Do what you can.
  Stop waiting for the perfect conditions (You will grow old doing this).
  Start with the imperfect tools.
  Take the next step, or try again

• With what you have.
  Not what you’re still praying for.
  Not what you think would impress others.
  Just what’s already in your hand: That voice. That notebook. That contact. That one person who still believes in you.

• Right where you are.
  That quiet season. That unimpressive role. That imperfect faith. That messy room (try to tidy it up though).
  In as much as it isn’t where you want to be, it is where you are and you can’t make use of where you are going if you can’t make use of where you are.

  You read so far. Why not subscribe? This email is cheaper than therapy.

Now that last sentence is how I cheer myself up.
I also do well to remember that progress isn’t always loud.
Sometimes, it’s quiet. Consistent. Not Applauded.

Maybe it is like that for you too

And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough.

Before You Go...
I’d love to hear from you:
What’s something you can do this week, with what you already have, where you currently are?

Reply and let me know. Let’s hold each other accountable.

Remember, you’ve got this.

Till next time,
Salud.

No fanfare. No rush of insight.

Just me, remembering that I haven’t written anything this month.

Since the day before yesterday, I have stared at the empty screen for a bit, hoping a thought would land.

Nothing except one came, and it was this:

"Wow… the birthday high really wore off."

And I say that because the last time I wrote, it was my birthday week.

The air felt dense with meaning.

I was reflecting, praying, and listing things I was grateful for. I wrote with clarity and, dare I say, joy. I even told myself I’d write more often. Monthly, at least.

But then the moment passed. Work resumed. Life resumed.

The version of me lit up with purpose on March 6 quietly blended into the version of me that just needed to get things done.

Nothing dramatic happened.

The craziest part of all this is that I didn’t choose not to write.

I just… didn’t.

And now here I am. At the end of April. With nothing grand to say.

But.

Maybe that’s something in itself. Maybe the real practice isn’t writing when you’re high on perspective and purpose, but writing when you’re flat.

You know, writing even when the glow has dimmed.

When all you have is the commitment to show up, even if you don’t know what for.

Because creativity isn’t always a flame. Maybe sometimes, it’s just an ember that is faint but alive.

And maybe I need to stop waiting for perfect timing, or deep insight, or the next birthday to make sense of things.

Maybe this type of writing and quiet check-in is enough.

So, here’s my small act of keeping a promise to myself: writing something, even when I didn’t feel like a writer today.

And here’s to May, whatever shape it takes.

Here’s to you, who is trying to keep showing up.

Not just in writing, but in whatever it is you’ve promised yourself you’d stay consistent with

The gym, the journaling, the prayer, the side project, the healing, the hope.

Even when the spark fades. Even when there’s no applause. Even when the reasons feel fuzzy.

Maybe the act of showing up is the reason.

Maybe that’s what builds the life you’re trying to grow.

And maybe that’s enough.

You’ve got this.

Till next time,

Salud.

That’s how long it has been since I last wrote and posted on Substack.

Not exactly an eternity, but long enough for thoughts to pile up, waiting for the right moment to be written.

Long enough to feel like I needed to justify the gap.

But when you think about it, it isn’t that long sef.

I mean, it takes a mother nine months to give birth to a baby.

And if you think I am being dramatic by comparing writing a 300-word article to giving birth to a lifeform—

You are correct. I know I am. But I’ll do anything to justify taking such a long moment to write.

Anyway, I am here, and it feels good.

Since last week, my sister, mum, and close friends have been reminding me that this week is my birthday week.

Now, I wonder why they do it because, to me, birthdays are just another day.

It’s nothing special.

You just keep adding another year to your pursuit of greatness, legacy, purpose, or survival. And you keep going until God says you’ve done your bit, or until life takes an unexpected turn, sometimes in an instant, sometimes over time.

So what’s special about that?

In a bid to answer this question, I am writing about my last day before stepping into a new age.

If stepping into a new year of life is supposed to be a big deal, then surely the last day of the previous one should have something to teach me.

I started my day rushing to work because I slept late.

I got to work and completed half of my itinerary while adhering to a program I was doing—a prayer program for entering my new age.

I don't usually do stuff like this, but here I am, praying for direction in my new year.

Was I scared because of the age I was clocking, as kids in my area were already calling me Uncle and Daddy? Maybe.

But I think it was during this moment of thinking (see what I did there?), that it hit me that I was, in fact, taking this new year of life seriously.

I didn’t want to enter it the same way I had entered the last one—indifferent, unexcited.

This time, I wanted something to look forward to.

And then, life decided to remind me that my last day wasn’t exempt from its usual unpredictability.

There was an event, and I thought I would be able to get something from it, maybe a nice takeaway, maybe a small win to wrap up this chapter neatly.

But no.

Life doesn’t care about your poetic endings or meaningful transitions.

It just keeps moving, indifferent to the weight you place on certain moments. It carried on as usual, ignoring the significance I had placed on the day.

And then there was work.

I was racking my head over a design, fighting with alignment, typography, and layout decisions because bills don’t care that it’s your last day before a birthday.

Also, clients don’t send birthday cards; they send revisions. And so, I worked.

Frustrated but moving forward, as always.

My sister mentioned earlier in the week that she hoped I would take time to read the messages and status updates people would post for me. She wanted me to see how much I had grown.

I didn’t quite understand what she meant until I started praying, reflecting, and listing the things I was grateful for in the latter hours of the day.

It turns out, there were many.

There were multiple instances of me developing intellectually and spiritually.

And it made me glad. Made me happy.

Made me… excited?

I think this is the first time I have felt this way about a birthday. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.

Maybe it’s because, in the past, I’ve disrespected my own birthdays, brushing them off like they meant nothing. And maybe that’s why my birth years haven’t been showing much progress.

Superstitious much?

Probably. Because there’s something to be said for the energy we give to things.

If I’ve spent years treating birthdays like they don’t matter, could it be that life has taken the hint? Could it be that honoring this one is a way of opening the door for something different?

I don’t know. But I do know that this time, something feels different.

And I’m looking forward to it. Looking forward to what’s coming.

So, here’s to something different: Happy birthday to me.

Happy Birthday to the writer of this article who is looking to grow more in spirit and mind, in this new age while inspiring and causing more people to do the same.

I usually say this to others at the end of my articles, but I believe it’s a good time to say this to myself:

You’ve got this.

Salud.

If you've been following my articles this month, you might recall a few breadcrumbs I left behind in my second and fourth pieces.

I teased a reflection, something deeper, something personal.

Well, today’s the day. Today, I let you in on the full story.

But first, a word from our sponsor.

…Oh wait, we don’t have one yet.

Consider this me practicing for when sponsorship deals roll in!

But hey, if you’d like to bring this little rehearsal to life and become an actual sponsor of this newsletter, feel free to reach out to me on Substack or email me at temmydave001@gmail.com.

Let’s make it happen!

And now, back to the story...

I am giggling as I write this.

It’s been years since I’ve written like this. Three years, to be exact.

And when I say “writing like this,” I mean writing with no obvious goal in mind but trusting that the lesson or the point will reveal itself.

I’m giggling because I’m excited. Excited to see if I still got it. If I’ve evolved beyond that point or maybe devolved below it.

You see, I made a goal to post an article every week of this year starting from January 13.

51 weeks, 51 articles about personal improvement and simple living.

Today, I have achieved it. I've got 51 articles.

But I am never setting such a goal again.

Never.

Now, it has been good, don’t misunderstand me.

I find it very beautiful living up to a challenge and showing myself that if I set my mind to something, I can achieve it.

I have also learned a lot from writing consistently

But I am not doing it again. At least under the conditions, I did it this year.

Because I’ve dreaded and hated writing this year. (God that feels so freeing to say)

Every part of it has been exhausting.

Coming up with topics? A hassle.

Researching them? Even worse.

Outlining, drafting, refining? Pure hell.

And it was all because I let it turn into a chore, something I had to do, not something I enjoyed.

To top it off, I have felt largely discouraged by the people I thought I was writing for.

Now, this might be my vain side talking, but let’s be real:

You don’t want to write for the same group of people for several weeks running only for most of them to say, “Oh, I saw your articles piling up. I’ll read them soon.”

Do you know how painful that is?

Or when a lot of people say, “Your last article was nice,” but can’t even recall the topic or what it was about when I need feedback as if to patronize me.

But beyond this, I realized I didn’t love what I was writing about.

I felt too formal, too uptight.

That’s why I’m writing this piece differently.

I mean, why did I turn Letting My Hair Down into something so formal when the title screams “therapy session”? Who’s formal in therapy?

This is one of the reasons I am writing this article, especially to advise anyone planning to be creative next year: Love something about what you’re doing.

This year, I listened to motivational speakers who said, “Write for a reason, write with purpose, even if it’s not fun.”

And honestly? That advice sucked.

It felt terrible.

In their defense, maybe it felt terrible because it didn’t yield any tangible results.

If I’d gained a bigger subscriber base or built an audience that vainly engaged with my work, maybe my stance would be different.

But I’m thankful that didn’t happen. I’d hate to be the person who shows up for something they dislike just because they have no other choice.

So let my case serve as a cautionary tale and reminder to create for fun. Really.

Learn to do something for reasons you love

Mind you, those reasons need to show up consistently.

For me, they didn’t and that was tough.

The only thing I truly enjoyed this year was engaging with the people who replied to my comments or discussed my topics with me.

To these people: I sincerely love and appreciate you.

You made me remember from time to time that I wasn't a mad scientist writing about something people didn't care about.

Thank you so much.

Conclusively, I like to make this clear:

So if you plan to be consistent at something, make sure there’s a part of it you genuinely enjoy.

It’ll save you from burnout and keep you motivated when the results aren’t what you hoped for.

As for me, starting next year, I’ll be doing my thing for Letting My Hair Down. Going back to my roots.

Writing as I see fit when I see fit.

You might get something on a Sunday, Saturday, or a Monday.

Twice a week, or twice a month. Or maybe never.

If I feel I have something to say, you’ll hear it. If not, silence.

Anyway, you’ve got this. And if you don’t, that’s okay too.

We’re all figuring it out.

From the deepest part of the organ that pumps blood in my chest, I sincerely wish you a great year ahead.

Till next time,

Salud.

In Case You Missed It.

In my last article, I share lessons for the year 2024. Here are the bits:

• Ask questions, even the hard ones.

• Don’t wait for closure, create it.

• Advice is great, but action is greater.

• Overthinking is overrated; the future will sort itself out.

• Build a community. Find allies. Be an ally.

  Read More

  Thanks for reading Letting my Hair Down! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

2024 has been a wild ride.

From Global weather throwing tantrums to billionaires playing PR stunts, to our continued awe and worry about AI and the evolution of the T-Pain meme, it is safe to say, that it’s been an interesting year.

But beneath all the noise, the memes, and the crises, I’ve been learning some lessons that—dare I say—might be useful to you too.

If there’s one thing we can agree on, 2024 has been a wild ride.

Global weather threw tantrums; billionaires played PR stunts, from donating money to fighting online beefs; and AI continued to both wow and worry us all.

Let’s not even get started on the memes—it’s been meme heaven from January to this moment.

Also, Nigerians have always been creative but this year we took it to another level by nicknaming our President Bola Ahmed Tinubu “T-Pain.”

Not for his autotuned vocals or chart-topping hits, but for the economic pain the country is going through and the letter T in his name.

Funny enough, the real T-Pain has been riding this wave to the bank, reportedly seeing a surge in streams and online engagements thanks to this quirky turn of events.

Safe to say, it’s been an interesting year.

But what about the personal side of things? Beneath all the noise, the memes, and the crises, I’ve been learning some lessons that, dare I say, might be useful to you too.

Here are my top takeaways for 2024, spiced with a bit of humor, honesty, and occasional melodrama.

1. Everybody Has Advice, But Not All Advice is Useful

As a certified advice-seeker, I’ve learned that everyone will have an opinion on your problems. But here’s the catch: their advice is based on their perspective, their experience, and their quirks.

This doesn’t mean advice is useless, it just means you shouldn’t swallow it whole.

The solution? Take the advice, but then do the thing. Action beats analysis every time and you figure out what works from action.

Some of my best moments this year came from winging it and figuring things out as I went.

Advice is the blueprint; action is the building.

2. Understanding Your Place = Less Stress

There’s this quote I love to throw around, usually to the annoyance of anyone within earshot:

Yes, it sounds harsh. Almost medieval. But hear me out.

Knowing your place is all about being honest with yourself and about where you stand in any sphere of life. It’s being self-aware of your own capabilities.

This year, I added a twist:

Because actually knowing your position and not assuming it dictates the way you would behave in any relationship. For example, knowing how God sees me this year has helped me in my spiritual walk and relationship with him.

So, don’t let the gods of assumption steer your ship. Get to know.

This works both ways. I’ve also learned to tell people where they stand in my life—whether they mean a lot or, frankly, not much.

In either case, it has deepened the relationship or increased the mutual respect. Try it. It might just save you some head and heartache.

3. You Won’t Find Closure in a Vacuum

People carry way too much baggage. And I don’t mean physical luggage (though some of you really should pack lighter) but emotional and mental burdens.

We assume time will heal everything and believe we will find closure while binge-watching Netflix or waiting for some cosmic sign.

Spoiler alert (see what I did there?): It doesn’t work that way. Closure doesn’t just materialize out of thin air

What helps? Talking about the issue.

This year, I found time to have those awkward, heavy conversations. Was it uncomfortable? Sure. But the peace I felt afterward? Priceless.

Don’t bottle things up; find the time, sit down, and talk things out. Trust me, closure doesn’t come on its own.

4. Tomorrow Will Take Care of Itself

I helped organize two hangouts this year. They were fun. But before they happened, I spiraled into an overthinking abyss.

Would the food be enough? What if the guests don’t vibe together? What if someone misbehaves?

None of that happened. People came, laughed, and had a great time. All my overthinking was for nothing.

The same thing happened when I gave away a sum of money because God nudged me to. I freaked out, of course. “What now?” “How will I survive?” But guess what? Things sorted themselves out.

Tomorrow has a funny way of taking care of itself. Stop borrowing worry from the future.

5. It’s Good to Have Allies

This year wasn’t great-great, but it was good. And that goodness? It came from people.

My allies, teammates, and community carried me through. They showed up when I couldn’t do it alone, and they let me show up for them too.

I learned to delegate, to lean on others, and let others shine. It’s humbling, but also freeing.

Relying on people doesn’t just lighten the load; it makes the journey worth taking.

A Gentle Push for You

As the year wraps up, here’s what I’d suggest:

• Ask questions, even the hard ones.

• Don’t wait for closure, create it.

• Advice is great, but action is greater.

• Overthinking is overrated; the future will sort itself out.

• Build a community. Find allies. Be an ally.

Life isn’t perfect, and neither are we. But with a little self-awareness, a lot of humor, and the right people around us, we’ll get through just fine.

That’s it for my penultimate article of the year. Next week, I’m letting my hair down (literally and figuratively), so stay tuned for the finale.

Till then, stay curious and kind.

Remember, you’ve got this

Salud!

In Case You Missed It:

Ever feel like your life is a sitcom? Not the glamorous parts, but the moments of questionable choices that somehow lead to wisdom in 22 minutes? My last article shows you how you can see and utilize the benefits of this.