Every month, I’ll give you one simple networking challenge that takes very little time but has the potential to change your career, your business or (swing big here) even your life. The idea is simple: networking isn’t something you read about. It’s something you do. Each month, you’ll get a challenge, you’ll do it and if you keep it up you’ll see just how powerful one small action can be.

In my first book, The Most Powerful Woman in the Room Is You, I tell the story of meeting Courtney Smith, the woman who had my exact job at Sotheby’s while I had it at Christie’s. Because our firms were fierce competitors, I assumed we were supposed to be rivals. Turns out, I was wrong. Really wrong. Years after she left Sotheby’s, we met at, of all things, an auction. We hit it off immediately and over a few glasses of wine one night decided to start a networking breakfast. The only rule was that each of us had to bring three people the other had never met. That first breakfast was supposed to last an hour. We finally ended it two and a half hours later. (If you want the rest of the story, you’ll have to buy my first book.)

But here’s what I learned through that breakfast and more than twenty years of building a network:

The fastest way to grow yours is to stop thinking about what it can do for you. I didn’t build my network by collecting business cards. I built it by connecting other people. Every single time I introduce two people who should know each other, something happens. Sometimes it’s nothing. Sometimes it’s a new job. Sometimes it’s a business partnership. Sometimes it’s even a marriage. You never know which introduction will change someone’s life, so you might as well make it.

Most people treat their network like it’s something they have to protect. They hold onto introductions as if there’s only so much opportunity to go around. It’s the opposite. The more generously you connect people, the more people think of you when opportunities come up. You become the person who makes things happen, and that’s a reputation that compounds.

So this month’s challenge isn’t about meeting someone new.

It’s about giving away something you already have.

This month’s challenge….drum roll please……

Think of two people in your life who don’t know each other but should.

Maybe one is looking for a job and the other is hiring. Maybe they’re in the same city. Maybe they’d simply become great friends. It doesn’t have to be strategic. It just needs to be two people who you genuinely think would enjoy knowing each other.

Send one text or email introducing them. Keep it simple. “You two need to know each other because I’ve never met two people who love restaurants more. Sarah, meet David. I’ll let you take it from here.” Then get out of the way and don’t manage the relationship. Most importantly, don’t expect anything in return.

If you’re feeling ambitious, don’t stop at one. Make five introductions this month and see what happens. Once people know you’re someone who connects others, your network starts growing in ways you could never have planned. Anyone can meet people. Far fewer people become known for connecting them. Be that person.

Your Move

Do this month’s challenge, then head over to Instagram, follow me, and tag two people you’d love to have in your network on my Network or Die Challenge post.

Each month, I’ll randomly choose one person to receive either a free 30-minute networking consultation or a personal branding workshop with me.

I also want to hear your stories. Tell me who you introduced, what happened, and what came from it. Some introductions won’t go anywhere. Others might change someone’s life. That’s the magic of networking, you never know until you make the connection.

Now...

Let’s Network or Die.

From the outside, it looked exactly as glamorous as it appeared online: a pink floral Markarian gown with a sweeping train, a spectacular pink-and-white diamond necklace from David Yurman, fireworks lighting up the palace, champagne flowing, and a dance floor that stayed full long after midnight. But that’s not actually what this story is about.

The real story began twenty-four hours earlier, when I landed in Paris knowing almost no one.

After an overnight flight, I changed into a white dress in the airport bathroom, wrestled a 68-pound suitcase packed with far too many outfit options (“you never know”), and headed straight to the first event of the weekend. As I walked toward a garden party with nearly 300 guests I’d never met, I felt the familiar butterflies that always come when I’m about to walk into a room alone.

I’ve felt that feeling hundreds of times: in boardrooms, ballrooms, conferences, and fundraising events around the world. It never completely disappears.

But I’ve also learned something else… the people who build the strongest networks aren’t the ones who never feel uncomfortable. They’re the ones who decide that the discomfort is worth pushing through.

Because almost every incredible opportunity in my life has started the exact same way, by walking into a room where I knew no one.

Over the years, I’ve developed two simple rules that make meeting people anywhere in the world feel not only manageable, but genuinely fun.

Hot Tip # 1

Whenever I’m traveling somewhere new, I spend a little time learning about the city. I save restaurant recommendations, museums, hidden bars, neighborhood walks, or experiences that someone else might enjoy. People are always looking for suggestions, and offering something helpful is one of the easiest ways to begin a conversation.

Networking becomes much easier when you stop thinking, Who can help me? and start asking, What can I offer first?

Tip #2 Hottest Tip of all Tips: Say yes

Within reason, of course. Some of the best friendships, biggest career opportunities, and most unforgettable memories of my life have started with someone asking, “What are you doing after this?” Almost every time, my answer is an enthusiastic yes.

Those two rules completely changed the way I travel. Instead of hoping someone introduces themselves, I assume it’s my job to make the first move.

So that’s exactly what I did. I made one slightly awkward lap around the garden party before spotting a group of women around my age sitting together on a couch. I grabbed a small plate of food, walked over, asked if I could join them, and started asking questions.

Within minutes, I learned they were Americans living in London. A few minutes later, I was introducing them on WhatsApp to another friend I knew they would love. Remember that networking doesn’t require everyone to be in the same room. Networks are meant to be shared, not hoarded. By the end of lunch, I had a feeling we’d see each other again. Less than twenty-four hours later, we were dancing together at Versailles.

On the bus back into Paris, I had another choice. I could have put on my headphones and taken the nap I desperately wanted after an overnight flight, or I could keep following the thread.

I started talking to the people sitting in front of me, then the people behind me. By the end of the ride, they had become “my bus friends.” The next evening, those same bus friends were some of the first people raising their paddles during the auction. I would think it was ironic how often that happens, but I know that bidders tend to feel invested if they know the auctioneer. That small amount of effort on my part usually yields extra bids, if not a winning bidder.

Later that night, after a cocktail party hosted by David Yurman, I ran into my friend David Nash, who was covering the festivities for Town & Country. As the evening wound down, I asked the question that has led to countless adventures, friendships, and opportunities over the years:

“What are you doing after this?”

But the truth is, the stories behind those introductions are often far more entertaining than the answer itself. Over the years, I’ve unintentionally built a web of fascinating, hilarious, unexpected connections and I realized: these stories deserve their own place. So welcome to How We Met, part of my Network or Die! Substack devoted to the people, places, chance encounters and moments that somehow turn into lifelong friendships with a side of business and travel. This fall, I’ll be bringing these conversations to life both here and in-person at fabulous locations around the city, and eventually, everywhere I travel. But first things first.

When I was in my twenties working at Christie’s, our paychecks were laughable, but the perks were elite: front-row access to the kind of parties where everyone was young, ambitious, slightly overdressed, and pretending not to network while absolutely networking. I went to everything: gallery openings, auction house dinners, fashion events, charity parties, because in New York, your social life was basically an extension of your résumé.

Most of those nights and people blurred together. But every once in a while, you met someone who didn’t.

I met Ashley Baker at a Fashion Week event, where she somehow managed to look impossibly chic while giving off the energy of someone who might also convince you to sneak out for tequila shots at midnight. She was working for Fashion Week Daily. We started talking and realized we had the same sense of humor and a shared love of travel. But that was just the beginning. Over the next few years, we would see each other at parties in New York and, over time, a line or two from our conversation would make its way into the “Parties” section of her piece the next day. We also seemed to have the same inability to leave a party early. Our conversations were always pretty surface level until we shared a ride home from a black-tie event one night (thank you for the fashion expense accounts of the aughts!) and moved from surface level conversation to a friendship that has lasted almost two decades.

That’s the funny thing about meeting people when you’re young: the best connections rarely feel like networking at all. The people you meet standing in crowded kitchens, squeezed into banquettes or yelling over bad DJ sets sometimes become the people who shape your entire life. But you have to put yourself in the rooms to make it happen. I used to walk into the fashion week parties without knowing a soul, but twenty years later New York feels like a small town because I put myself out there.

Since that car ride years ago, Ashley has become a close friend and confidant. We have been there as we both got married, had babies, raised families, pivoted careers, and the list goes on. It’s somehow hard to believe that a random Fashion Week conversation turned into a lifelong friendship. A few weeks ago, Ashley, who continues to kill it in her career and is now writing for The Times in London, called to tell me she included me in a piece about Amandaland, a show about a relentlessly positive over achiever that is all the rage in the UK. I guess I could have been nervous that the mention wouldn’t have been positive, but when I opened The Times to read it was, in true Ashley form, hilarious and very tongue in cheek. Honestly, I was flattered to be mentioned by someone I respect so much. To me, that kind of trust is what friendship is really about.

Which is why I always tell people to go to the party. Say yes to the dinner. Talk to the stranger. You genuinely never know who’s about to walk into your life. And if you’re lucky, it will turn out to be an amazing person who is a killer cook, incredible writer, up-for-anything travel partner and all around A+ human being.

Q&A with Ashley

Lydia: Ashley, how would you describe our first meeting or the first time we had a real conversation?

Ashley: We had encountered one another by osmosis—attending a lot of the same parties around town when I was a junior editor and you were working in events at Christie’s. At one point we shared a taxi together either to or from a New Yorkers for Children event; we were both ridiculously dressed in black-tie even though it was something like 6pm and most of our contemporaries were still at the office. We were natural-born networkers, even back then! Perhaps this is revisionist history but I remember that we both found our lives somewhat ridiculous and we bonded over our outsider backgrounds—I’m from Wichita, you’re from Lake Charles—and sense of humor.

Lydia: Did you ever have any sense that our careers would continue to grow alongside each other and that we’d remain friends to this day?

Ashley: It’s a great question because I still don’t tend to forecast 20 years into the future—although you have taught me that I probably should. Immediately, I knew we had a connection—both ambitious and outgoing, we’ve always been serious about our work and values without taking ourselves too seriously. You have unfailingly been so consistent and reliable, which are keys to longevity in anything, especially friendship. We became mothers within eight months of one another, and we grew closer largely because we have raised our children in similar ways. Now, I love your family as much as I love you!

Lydia: How did you used to navigate rooms where you didn’t know many people? Has anything changed from how you do it now? How has your confidence elevated over the years?

Ashley: You’ve helped me with this stuff so much without even realizing it. Primarily because you are relentlessly optimistic. You have an allergy to doubt; it’s such a powerful thing. It would never even occur to you that I wouldn’t be successful at something I wanted to achieve. So whenever I question myself and my abilities, I tend to summon you in my head. “I want to write a book. I can’t write a book. I don’t even have any ideas! But Lydia knows it will be a bestseller...” Over the years, I’ve had a bunch of failures, and as a former perfectionist, I used to look back on them with shame. But you’ve helped me see that failure is key to growth. Especially now, when I’m a free agent for the first time in my career, I am seeing the compounded effects of that—just writing when the mood strikes and assuming that there will always be a home for my work somewhere.

Lydia: What piece of advice would you give to someone who wants to network? How have you used this advice in your career?

Ashley: Perhaps because I’ve been an editor for so long and received hundreds of emails each week from PRs that I struggle to read in their entirety, much less reply to thoughtfully, but—simple and direct is always the most effective form of communication. We all struggle with the digital onslaught; only communicate when it really matters. I aspire to achieve this with everything I write, especially my new Substack—every article should be worthy of my reader’s limited time. Before you approach someone on a networking mission, imagine how they might respond, and if it’s not what you’re after, perhaps don’t send it. Only hit someone up with an idea they can’t refuse. And there’s no need to couch your comms in overly intimate language. My world of media is often very transactional, and most of us have come to live with that.

Lydia: If you could give advice to your younger self, what would it be?

Ashley: Cultivate and protect your ambition. I began my career in fashion almost by happenstance; my first few jobs were in that realm of media, even though I wasn’t particularly good at it, especially compared to all of the other ridiculously talented editors in that space. In hindsight, I wish I would have pivoted to stories that were better-suited to my interests long ago. But it’s never too late!

For many, that sounds like a nightmare. But the people who grow their lives and careers are usually the ones willing to walk into that room anyway.

I spend eighty to ninety nights a year onstage as an auctioneer raising money for non profits, but the real work often starts long before I pick up the microphone. Before every auction, there’s the cocktail hour: hundreds of strangers, endless small talk, and years ago, absolute dread.

When I started my career more than twenty years ago, I hated walking into a room where I knew no one. There was no iPhone to hide behind, no easy escape. I’d scan the crowd searching for a familiar face and spend the next hour trying to disappear until it was time to go onstage.

Then I made one small shift: I turned it into a game. How many people could I meet? How many introductions could I make? How many relationships could I build? The moment I stopped focusing on how uncomfortable I felt and started focusing on connection, it felt a lot easier. It became even less daunting when I identified three types of people who made networking effortless once I met them.

1) The Network Hub.

You know this person instantly. They know everyone, love introductions and thrive on connecting people (I would know: this is me). Find them near the bar, strike up a conversation, and let them do what they do best. Once you’re in their orbit, you’ll meet half the room.

2) The Lone Wolf.

There’s almost always someone standing alone, checking their phone, hoping someone talks to them first. Walk over. Introduce yourself. Admit you don’t know anyone either. Two uncomfortable people instantly become a force.

3) Finally, the Queen or King Bee.

This person is holding court, surrounded by listeners hanging on every word. You don’t need to dominate the conversation when this person is in the room. Just step into the circle, listen, engage, and suddenly you’ve found a new group of friends.

The next time you see me scanning a party, know this: I’m not looking for someone I already know. I’m looking for the opportunity to meet someone new because I know my career and life will grow bigger and better through relationships.

Network or die.

And always remember: no matter what you believe you can do, I believe you can do it too.

You were curious, right? That’s why you opened a Substack titled Network or Die. Now that you are here, here is something I hope you never forget: networking is the most important skill in business and in life. If you commit to it and get good at it, doors will open that you did not know existed, your network will grow beyond your wildest dreams and opportunities will find YOU. But, you have to take the first step and be willing to learn how to do it well. So let’s begin.

You might be wondering why I am the authority on networking, or how I came to use the phrase Network or Die. Well, I had two of the greatest networkers as my role models. My father has never met a person who didn’t need his business card. A doorman can’t open a door without holding my dad’s business card in his hand as he closes the door. My father is unafraid, unabashed and as a child it was completely mortifying. But his battle cry has always been Network or Die. You will not die if you do not network (obviously), but your business just might…and more importantly you are wasting a life filled with opportunities you might not even know exist. My mother has a completely different relationship with networking. She is curious, open to meeting everyone and makes everyone feel seen no matter how short a time they spend with her. She invests time in getting to know people’s story and is always happy to share her wisdom with them. Watching the two of them move through the world showed me the importance of building and nurturing a network of people all around you in both business and life. As I grew up I started to understand how crucial it is to be a good networker. I have seen talented people stall because they were not intentional about building relationships. I have spent more than twenty years growing my network and reap the benefits of that commitment daily. I do not pass up the chance to meet people, introduce myself or follow up. Because of that, I have built friendships around the world, traveled to places through those connections, and been offered jobs because of who I know.

My story began in my early twenties at Christie’s Auction House in New York City, where I started as an intern. I worked my way up to become a Global Managing Director and the lead charity auctioneer for the company. Three years ago I left to start a talent agency for auctioneers that started with, you guessed it, auctioneers from my network. Most nights, I stand on stage in front of people who are raising money to change the world. Over time, I have become an author, speaker, podcast host, and founder. I have shared stages with leaders across industries and helped raise more than $1.2 billion for nonprofits. I have had more moments than I can count where I stopped and thought, how did I get here? I love this work and never take it for granted.

The truth is, none of it would have happened without networking.

When I thought about what I wanted this space to be, the answer was clear. I want to show you how to network in a way that feels natural and effective. I want you to grow your network with intention and see what happens when it starts to work for you.

Here is what people get wrong. This is not the kind of networking that makes you roll your eyes. It is not forced small talk in a ballroom with a name tag. It is real. It happens when you are in line at the airport or ordering coffee. It is the kind that opens doors before you even knock. It builds relationships and changes the course of your career and your life.

On this Substack, I am bringing you with me. You will see networking in real time as I travel, work, and move through rooms where opportunities are created. I will give you challenges that push you beyond your comfort zone. I will share what works and what does not, and show you how small shifts make a difference. I also want to highlight you, your wins and your missteps, because, let’s be honest, nothing great has ever happened without some failure along the way (and you don’t die from that either)

You do not build a business or a life in isolation. You build it through people.

So, in the spirit of pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone, I challenge you to your first networking opportunity: reach out to one person who intimidates you, but someone you really really want to meet, and ask if you can get on a zoom or, better yet, meet for coffee. If they say no, who cares. WHAT IF THEY SAY YES? Either way, feel free to DM me on Instagram. I can’t wait to hear your stories! The more you share the more you inspire others.

Just know, wherever you are in your life, whatever you want, I believe you can do it. Now. Let’s Network or Die!