I am probably going to offend some people with this post, but that’s ok, I’ve been offending people ever since I was a baby. What I am trying to say with my title here is that I see a lot of ADHD content essentially teaching people productivity hacks.

And that content does well. Incredibly well, even. So well, that I’ve thought maybe I should just stop being an ADHD health trollop coach, and instead become an ADHD productivity hack trollop coach.

Of course there are important tools and strategies to improve things like task initiation and planning; I teach them to my clients all the time. Here’s the thing though. If you haven’t seen a vegetable in three years, drinking wine is your (only) form of exercise, and the last time you had a good sleep was in your mother’s womb, you are going to struggle to be productive. That is the case for ADHDers, and for neurotypicals too.

I read somewhere online (so you know it must be true!) that AI is mostly puzzled by the fact that we “forget” we have biological needs. As a coach, and someone who has treated my body the way most politicians treat their taxpayers, I agree. But you can’t grow a garden in a war zone.

That is why, after Labor Day, I am organizing my free ADHD exercise challenge (from September 14-18)… and will continue to be a health and wellness trollop coach.

This challenge will focus on action: how to get your ADHD brain to start doing workouts, and how to stick to them long term. You’ll receive a short video with exercise tips and tools every day, and we’ll hold each other accountable in the WhatsApp group. On the fifth day, there’s a live Q&A and you get a participation reward. No worries if you can’t make the Q&A, we’ll figure something out!

You can find the details and sign up for the challenge here. I always keep my challenge groups small and spots have gone quickly in the past, so make sure to sign up soon to reserve your spot. Signups close on September 12th (next Saturday).

Join us!

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Some new people subscribed to How To Get Your Sheet Together recently, so I figured I’d formally introduce myself to show you why I swear so fucking much have such a direct writing style.

It all started one night after my mom and dad got married… Too far back? Okay! Let me fast forward a little.

I was born in rainy Belgium. As the eldest child on my mom’s side of the family (the only side I really had a “relationship” with), I was assigned a role which included the following rules:

1. Look after everybody else, because if something happens to them, it’s YOUR FAULT

2. Don’t fuck up, because if you do, you’re an idiot (and that’s YOUR FAULT)

3. Don’t let anybody else fuck up, because if they do, it’s YOUR FAULT for not helping them

4. Don’t be ADHD hyperactive, loud, angry, sensitive and “lazy”, because no one will want to marry you and that would be YOUR FAULT

5. Don’t be a girl, because thanks to Eve, humans were expelled from Eden so every woman is evil. In other words: everything that goes wrong is YOUR FAULT

Ahh, that good old Catholic guilt, amirite? 😉

I thought I was adopted my entire childhood. I struggled with all the expectations, I was always too [insert whatever negative word] and I didn’t even look like my family.

But… I grew up, somehow got through my Bachelor’s in Social Work, and started my first “real” job. Which I failed, miserably. After a year of struggling, I took 2 weeks off because there was no drop of energy left (which is an interesting sensation for a hyperactive person) and cried my eyes out the entire time. Failure. My fault.

To be fair, this job included organizing a program and festival every school holiday, managing 16- to 21-year-old paid volunteers looking after 100 to 200 kids, and fighting nepotism-loving politicians who thought the equator ran through their asshole. Still, other people seemed to manage - or at least weren’t struggling with keeping their inbox clean. So why the fuck couldn’t I?

I ended up falling ass-first into a hyperfocus hole about ADHD and thought maybe that could explain something, but then eventually decided against getting a proper diagnosis: I didn’t want that stamp on me. Remember, ADHD wasn’t as “popular” back then. It was mostly reserved for little boys, and bat-shit crazy girls. Which maybe I was, but I just didn’t like the idea of broadcasting it back then. Too undignified for this sweary ass, dahling.

Instead, I looked for anything I could get my hands on to make it work. And then I used every strategy known to mankind. Urgency, checklists, novelty, accountability… Of course I didn’t know back then that these were typical ADHD tools, the ones I would be teaching to my own clients many years later.

Somehow, I got through the job. And once I got good, I got bored (I know, typical). So I did what any rational person would do: give it all up, and travel to Australia. The plan was to be there for six months. It ended up being four years. Oops!

I loved it there. My body was not made for the cold and the rain, and over there it was warm and sunny. Also, somehow people liked me… for who I was? I found so much love in the travelers’ community. A love I hadn’t felt in my family. A love that felt unconditional.

What I also found eventually though, was an alcoholic narcissist. And no, I don’t mean that word as used by people who think the entire world is mentally ill (except for themselves, of course). I mean someone who ticked all the boxes when I accidentally came across an article on narcissism.

But I loved him.

He had manipulated my self-esteem-deprived ass so that I would be completely dependent on him in every possible way. But with the help of people around me, I managed to leave. Broke, broken, but relieved. Never mind the fact I had to share one small room with three more girls for a year and eat instant noodles all the time. I was free.

And I retrained: I became a sports massage therapist. I fucking loved it. Finally, a job in which I could get rid of all my energy, use my analytical brain and work with people one-on-one.

But some things happened at home, so I decided I wanted to live closer to my family. And because I didn’t want to have to learn another language, I moved to England. I started up my own massage practice, which did really well over there. Then Brexit happened, along with its discourse against “Europeans”, and it was time for me to leave. I sold my business, and moved to Malta.

For six months, I was the sole provider for my family: me, my then-husband and two kittens who figured out we were suckers the second we moved into our new building. That, plus the fact that my wrists were showing signs of permanent damage, made me join the corporate world.

Wrong fucking move.

I hated it with every fiber of my being. The superficiality, the incompetence of upper management, the high school-level politics. I didn’t hate the paycheck, though. And as someone who was drilled to excel above all else, hitting those metrics and moving up felt good. That, plus I somehow ended up in lovely teams. It felt like we were soldiers, fighting the next ridiculous change together. It made me feel like I belonged.

But then my marriage broke down.

Apparently limerence is a thing for us ADHDers. To me it had always just felt like romantic love - a love that would usually push me out of a dying relationship. So this time too, limerence ended my relationship. I got my ass into therapy, and parked that ass there for three years. Eventually ADHD came up, which was the missing piece of the mental health clusterfuck puzzle for me.

As I was working through my own SHEET, the whole world went to shit during the pandemic. I cried every day at one point, but I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life.

Birthdays had always been my favorite thing in the world. But around my 35th birthday, that changed. I was raw from the therapy, raw from love-related nonsense, and hating corporate life. But then something clicked. What if I became a health coach? It made a whole lot of sense, considering my educational background and interest in psychology and biology.

So I studied. And right as I was nearing the end of my studies, some of my coworkers were fired because of “incompetence”. Of course, this wasn’t the actual problem. New management was just weeding out the people who dared to have an opinion, and the only reason I hadn’t been fired yet was because I was still training them.

So I quit, because fuck that.

It certainly wasn’t the best timing, because I was preparing to move to Uruguay. My initial idea was to build up my practice while keeping my corporate job as I got settled in Uruguay. Instead, I started coaching, and supplemented my income with transcription work. It was enough to pay the bills, so I made the move anyway.

Since being here, I’ve had to learn to accept help, actually work through trauma instead of rationalizing it, and pick myself up when success doesn’t show immediately. I also decided I only wanted to work with people who know what it is like to struggle, to reinvent yourself over and over and over again. My fellow ADHDers. So I studied again, and became the ADHD health coach you now know a little better.

I’ve worked with ADHDers from the second I started coaching, even when I wasn’t an ADHD coach yet. I’m guessing it might have something to do with the way I write 😉 Because I’ve done some shit and I’ve seen some shit, I don’t have the will or patience to mince my words. So fuck it, here’s to blunt & sweary.

That’s my story. What story has shaped your voice?

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This week’s article is a little shorter than usual, because I am working my posterior fatbags off to update my coaching packages and get my new free exercise challenge ready by September. So without further ado: here are the supplements I use every day that help me with my ADHD.

1. Schisandra

I actually started taking Schisandra when my digestion went tits up, thanks to being thrown into the Devil’s pit of despair hormonal changes. I started working with a dietician and she suggested this supplement because it can reduce other perimenopausal symptoms like fatigue and mood issues.

My permanently exhausted pigeonness (night owl? EARLY BIRD?!) and general desire to set the world on fire did reduce, but I noticed something else: it was much easier to focus!

Now I know what you’re thinking: Why don’t you just drink The Nectar of the Heavens, a.k.a. coffee? I would, but because of said digestive issues I haven’t been able to drink coffee without being in severe pain, for fucking years.

I know. Please Buy Me A Coffee Tea so I can continue my miserable coffee-less life with at least one dopamine hit today.

Going back to schisandra, after taking it for a few days I noticed that it was easier to get started and focus on tasks my ADHD brain didn’t like doing. I did some research and it does appear to be a concentration booster, plus some studies show it might have an antidepressant-like effect, and even potentially promising results for damaged cells in Alzheimer’s disease. Good enough for me!

2. Magnesium Glycinate

Magnesium glycinate is again something my dietician recommended because it can potentially reduce anxiety symptoms and improve sleep, among other things. And for me, it worked.

Sadly only after a whole week of running to the bathroom though 😅

I’ve had problems sleeping my entire life, and ever since taking this supplement I can sleep through the night. Coinky-dinky? I think not!

3. Vitamin D

The last one of my Holy Supplemenity is vitamin D. I have noticed that if I don’t start taking it before winter rolls around, I’m an emotional, disorganized mess with zero libido.

And yes, a healthy sex life is important to me thankyoukindly. So is my mental health and executive functioning. Without vitamin D, I would have written that last sentence as follows: “And my feels and canning for think and doing too”. If that isn’t proof, I don’t know what is.

Vitamin D can help regulate the mood and decrease the risk of depression. In winter we tend to get less vitamin D from sunshine, so people who are sensitive as fuck like myself could do with supplementation. Keep in mind, it can take days to weeks to see the effects.

Important side note: don’t take a supplement without getting a specialist involved because you can overdose on them and they can interact with certain medications. Let’s not accidentally turn into Hulk.

Let me know in the comments what supplement is helping you!

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Let me start off by answering the question running around your brain right now, which is “What in the flying Farquaad is a Fuckweasel?”.

The Fuckweasel is a peculiar beast. It only lives inside the human brain, and somehow seems to be extra active in the neurodivergent variety. It was named Fuckweasel by the ADHD health coach who discovered it, because the host typically screams “Fuck!” as a reaction to its activity, plus it is shockingly good at weaseling.

So good at weaseling in fact, that it can kill some of us.

The Fuckweasel’s behavior

Now what does a Fuckweasel actually do? There have been many behaviors observed so far, but it looks like these wholly depend on the host’s personal background AND chosen activity.

Fascinating, isn’t it?

Allow me to explain by taking a mundane activity, in this case exercise, as an example. Any of the following Fuckweasel behaviors are possible when navigating such a situation:

1. Host plans to start a workout routine. The Fuckweasel’s response includes playing the following over the internal PA system:

   “IT IS OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE THAT YOU NOW GO TO THE GYM EVERY DAY FOR 2 HOURS IMMEDIATELY. ANYTHING LESS IS NOT WORTH IT AND MAKES YOU A FAILURE.”

2. Host needs rest after two days because everything from nails to nether flaps/tea bags hurts. Our Fuckweasel friend fires up the PA system again, now with the following message: “YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THIS. MISSING A DAY IS FAILURE. NEEDING REST IS FAILURE. THEREFORE, YOU ARE A FAILURE.”

3. Host forces themself to go to the gym but decides to try out a new dance class to take the pressure off a little, and notices someone looking at them. The Fuckweasel knows what to do. It travels down to the eardrum and whispers the following: _{”Of course this person is staring at you, you are breathing too much. Also, look at your rolls. They are embarrassed FOR you.”}

4. Host is having trouble following the dance moves of this particular routine, even though they have danced their entire life and have won dance awards. The Fuckweasel loves this particular situation. It slides down to the stomach and grabs it with both hands, while broadcasting the following announcement to the brain: “YOU ARE SHIT AT DANCING. WHY DO YOU EVEN TRY?”.

5. Host feels horrible after the aforementioned physical and mental abuse, but has miraculously stuck to working out three times per week for the past month, and decides to go on a one-week holiday. When they return, it takes them a week to get back to the gym. The Fuckweasel, while voodoo dolling the heart, whispers: _{”You always do this. You haven’t even reached your goal of going to the gym 5 times per week, and now you have missed 14 days! You might as well just give up.”}

6. Host goes back to being a couch potato.

How to silence the Fuckweasel

Once you have caught a Fuckweasel (usually when you’re little), it takes time to silence it. But after having done intensive CBT, I can say that most of the time it doesn’t win any more. Except for that time of the month, because I am only human, amirite ladies?

I now challenge, laugh at, and most of the time sometimes even flip off my Fuckweasel. I also named him Buck, but that’s neither here nor there.

I figured it might be interesting to you guys to see what I’d say to the Fuckweasel above (let’s call it Frank).

1. Frank, I need to find something that works for my body, and my schedule. I am not trying to become an athlete, I just want to get fitter. According to the WHO, my 2 gym workouts per week and some walking are enough. So that’s what I am going to do.

2. Missing a workout day isn’t great, but it’s not like the equator runs through my asshole and the world will end because I am resting. Right now, my body is telling me to stop. I always feel incredible after I’ve gone to the gym and I really want to get stronger, so that’s what I’ll do next time.

3. Hmm, you’re right, that person is looking at me! I wonder why? Could be anything really, maybe I remind them of a celebrity? 😉 Let’s make eye contact and see what happens.

4. Wow wow, hold the phone there, buddy. This is just one day in which I don’t immediately “get” a dance routine. I also joined the class mid-season, so it would be kind of miraculous if I did.

5. Let’s reframe that: I don’t “always” do that, I literally just did 3 workouts per week for an entire month. Also, even my gym-loving partner has trouble getting his (sexy) butt over to the gym after a holiday. It takes time to get back into the flow of things. That doesn’t mean I am now going to stop making an effort, it just means that I need some time to prepare.

6. I continue with my beautifully imperfect workout routine, the workout routine that works for ME.

Always keep in mind that whatever a Fuckweasel does isn’t real. It’s just a bunch of noise happening inside your system. But it IS important to keep your Frank under control, otherwise it will start to control you.

P.S.: in a few weeks I’ll be doing a free exercise challenge again, and this time it will mostly be about what stops us from doing exercise long-term. Comment “interested” if you’d like to be added to the wait list!

🎥 My latest YouTube video: 3 ADHD exercise mistakes that keep you from working out

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Coming back to Uruguay has sucked balls been challenging for multiple reasons. I have to say though that nothing makes you feel more alive than getting robbed of your phone, getting a cold straight after, and having to deal with a malfunctioning system.

All that to say this email won’t be a typical email, instead it will be a lovely-jubbly ADHD rant about shit we shouldn’t have to deal with… in the hope that some inventor here will do something about it.

1. Chores of any kind

Not everybody has thousands of dollars or space to waste, so if we can send a god damn pop star up to space, we can invent cheap (!) robots or machines to do our chores for us. I think it’s sidewaysfuckingly ridiculous that I still have to spend my limited executive function on stupid things like:

• Throwing out garbage (gross)

• Cleaning (pointless, everything takes exactly 2 days to get dirty again)

• Making my bed (don’t even get me started on how pointless this one is, let’s just say I must love my partner very much)

• Doing my dishes (gross AND pointless)

• Doing my laundry (3 million steps to finish one chore? YES PLEASE!)

If I had to do this nonsense once every year, I could live with it. Sure, I would still procrastinate on it for about a month, but it would get done… eventually. But this ridiculousness has to be done every. single. day. So after working hard on my business by fighting my brain over non-coaching-related tasks, I need to somehow trick my brain into doing all this shit?

No, I guess it’s better to invent AI and let it write entire books for us instead. Fucking hell.

2. Paperwork of any kind

Want to see me panic and/or procrastinate my tweety tits ass off? No worries! Just select one of the following tasks for me to do:

• Tax returns. I have an accountant now, but unfortunately I still have to gather all the documents myself first. WHYYY

• Anything government-related. Especially because in Uruguay online services don’t work, or the service cannot be done online at all and so you need to hit about five different places until you have finally found the person who… sends you back to the first place you visited, but now with the Special Information™️.

• Anything bills-related. My family struggled with money for a long time, so even just the word throws me into half a panic attack. That, and if the bills aren’t automatable, they can be difficult to keep track of. Case in point: I just found an expired bill, took it to get paid at some office, forgot I had to bring cash (because it’s not like we’re in 2026) and so had to come back home. I did cough my lungs up while waiting in the queue though, so at least I got my Daily Dopamine I guess.

3. Hair and other body care of any kind

I am lucky I actually love having a shower, but things like brushing my teeth, making myself look (somewhat) presentable, and offering my hair my last fucking drop of dopamine special products are a chore. Where are my birds and mice to help me with that? I guess I better start those singing lessons.

By the way, I know I sound grumpy right now. But I am happy to announce that I am not, in fact, grumpy. I’m just really good at ranting.

So. What’s your pet hate? 😉

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Let’s talk about all the good things

And the bad things that may be

Let’s talk abooouuuut

Sleep 😏

What do you mean, false advertising? Seriously though, let’s talk about sleep. I know it is the least sexy topic I usually talk about (much more sexyless than getting older and sucking at life, ahem), but it is incredibly important for us ADHDers. And that is because our executive functions, the cognitive processes that essentially help us do the opposite of procrastination, enjoy throwing tantrums as much as a tired three-year-old.

Executive functions are essentially the canary in the coal mine: they fuck off yield the second you are:

• Sleep deprived

• Physically unfit

• Stressed

• Sad

• Lonely

So that’s obviously a Shit Soirée for us, seeing as ADHDers often sleep like shrews, have trouble sticking to a workout routine, and experience higher levels of stress, depression and loneliness.

Here’s the weird part for me - if the vast majority of us have “hyperactive traits”… why isn’t our body demanding we do something with it physically? Exercise is an excellent stress soother, plus it improves sleep and even tackles depressive symptoms. I mean, wouldn’t that be nice?

Let’s move on from Observations In An Unjust World, and have a look at…

My 3 strategies to get better sleep

There are loads of them around, but seeing as I am preparing for a trip to celebrate my 40th birthday this week, I simply don’t have the time to go over many of them. So I figured I’d stick to the ones that helped me the most.

1. ^exercise exercise _exercise exercise ^exercise.

   I am of the “body can be used as a crowbar” stressed garden variety of ADHDer, so to say it has done wonders for my general stress levels and, by extension, my sleep is the understatement of the century. Things I have tried and would recommend:

   • Muay Thai and other martial arts: there is nothing like kicking the shit out of a punching bag or trainer to make you feel Zen. Possibly because when you have zero energy left 10 minutes into the session, everything else nopes the fuck out (including your brain).

   • A mix of weight training and cardio at the gym: when I’m at the gym I bounce from machine to machine, which both keeps it interesting and helps me to get rid of all the aforementioned crowbar energy.

2. Sleep hygiene.

   Up until a few years ago I would scrollety-scroll all the way through horrible news, toxic people and dumb but exciting stuff to 1 AM, decide I need to go to bed “for real this time”, and then lie awake because of said news, toxic people and dumb but exciting stuff. Get up - feel exhausted - evening scroll - rinse - repeat. I finally installed an app blocker on my phone, created a soothing evening routine for myself that didn’t involve scrolling my way into anxiety, and hey presto! I became the proud owner of a normalish sleep schedule.

3. Magnesium glycinate.

   This is something a dietitian I worked with for my perimenopause symptoms recommended, based on my blood tests. I take it every evening, because it helps my body and brain to relax. If you are interested in trying magnesium glycinate, two things:

   • Always check with a dietitian or medical specialist before taking supplements, because they can be unsafe for people with certain conditions or medications and you can overdose on them.

   • Be aware that magnesium can be a literal party pooper thanks to its Cyclospora-like effects. To put it more eloquently: it gave me the shits for a week. After that I was fine, but every body responds differently.

It took me 35+ years of horrendous sleep to come up with these three things, so I hope this helps to speed things up for you.

Which one would you like to try out first?

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I asked you last week if you’d be interested in an article about “high-functioning” ADHD and perfectionism, and a cool 5398 people showed interest, so here it is. It actually was three people, but for me that means at least those three folks will enjoy the article, which is always a win 😉

I have written about my own experiences as a “high-functioning” ADHDer here so I won’t repeat all that, but instead focus on what exactly comes along for the ride. By the way, there’s a reason I’ve put that word within quotation marks two times now (ha! made you count). You’ll see why soon enough.

Putting the “high-functioning” into the ADHDer

I promise I didn’t mean that title to sound as gross as it does.

*cough*

Let’s start off with a definition for this post's topic. High-functioning ADHDers are ADHDers who perform well professionally, academically or socially. We look successful from the outside, but only manage to pull that off by relying on unhealthy strategies and suppressing or hiding behavior in order to fit in (“masking”).

A typical example of a high-functioning ADHDer would be someone who manages to build a successful business from the ground up, but hides the fact that they can’t get their dirty dishes or laundry done, even though it’s technically “easier” to do.

We are essentially ducks in a pond; it looks like we’re gliding effortlessly across the water, but in reality we are paddling like a motherfucker. This can obviously have a negative impact on our mental health: chronic stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, shame, self-blame, chronic fatigue, emotional exhaustion ... Some people even feel that they are leading parallel lives: one at work or school, and one at home.

What is extra shittilicious here is that ADHDers who perform well often don’t get diagnosed or receive support in any way. Then when we find ourselves flattened under the pressure, peel ourselves off the pavement and finally get a diagnosis, people don’t believe us because we “do so well at work”. And that is when the exhausting process starts of grieving the life we’ve had up to now, and grieving the fact that people are essentially treating us like a fraud.

“Well, fuck a duck” amirite? Or should we say “the duck is fucked”?

The explanation above is based on a recent Frontiers in Psychiatry article, in which the authors are politely bitching about making a case for a change in ADHD’s diagnostic criteria in the DSM-5. Right now these criteria mostly rely on obvious behavioral signs and traits that negatively impact everyday life, which is a child-, male-, sign- and impairment-centric approach.

But ADHD often looks different in adults, especially women. On top of that, these diagnostic criteria mostly ignore how people internally experience ADHD. They also imply that if there are no obvious performance problems, there is nothing wrong, which we all know by now makes total nonsense. Speaking of which…

How exactly do “high-functioning” ADHDers get shit done?

I’m so glad I you asked. High-functioning ADHDers usually rely on destructive strategies like:

• “Brute-forcing” a task by spending too much time and effort on it

• Suppressing their emotions

• Constantly checking their work for mistakes

• Monitoring everything they do in great detail

• Forcing themselves into a state of anxiety

• Overpreparing

• Perfectionism

We often end up reaching out for help not because of the ADHD symptoms, but because of the strategies themselves.

One example is using anxiety as a form of self-medication. This was probably the main strategy of your favorite ADHD health coach (yes I’m talking about me, rude). Waiting until the deadline is tickling your nose hairs = norepinephrine and dopamine = performance. But also = chronic strain on the body, emotional suffering, and a higher risk of developing an anxiety disorder.

Another example is constantly checking your work, monitoring everything you do, or perfectionism in the form of controlling your behavior to prevent mistakes. All of these can look an awful lot like obsessive-compulsive disorder, even if they are actually part of a survival strategy. And this is why, as a teenager wanting to figure out what the fuck in the world was wrong with me, I was convinced I suffered from OCD. So…

Let’s talk about perfectionism for 51 seconds

Perfectionism is quite popular amongst ADHDers: it’s in the top 3 of most common cognitive distortions. Unfortunately it can also cause procrastination, which is the one thing we all give at least two fucks care about.

Perfectionism consists of two components:

• Strivings: trying to be perfect and setting exceedingly high standards for yourself.

• Concerns: worrying about making mistakes or being criticized by others, and the feeling that there’s a gap between your expectations and performance.

In other words: you twist yourself into a pretzel as you try to reach increasingly unreachable standards and judge your behavior with the fire of a thousand nuns.

Now, there’s healthy and unhealthy perfectionism. Healthy perfectionists are people with high levels of strivings and low levels of concerns. Unhealthy perfectionists score high on both: high levels of strivings and high levels of concerns.

Unhealthy perfectionism is called that because it’s linked to unsavory things like procrastination, depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Which makes sense, since it combines setting high standards for yourself with harsh self-criticism.

Unfortunately, high-functioning ADHDers often are perfectionists, and specifically the unhealthy kind. But luckily…

There are things we can do to become healthier high-functioning ADHDers

First of all, you can work with a coach or therapist to learn healthy strategies to make your brain do things a bit more doingly. In my experience, the most effective strategies are:

• Anything related to people. I call it the ABC: accountability buddies, body doubling and collaboration or competition.

• Breaking tasks down to their smallest possible step and then giving yourself permission to stop, to reduce overwhelm or boredom.

• Working with immediate rewards or a reward system.

And if you accidentally caught a salty perfectionism salami as a child, here are the three main tools that helped me chop it into little pieces:

• Tell yourself you are learning or experimenting with something, especially when doing something new. There is no way you are going to excel at something new. You are basically a toddler at this point, and you wouldn’t expect a toddler to excel at anything, right?

• Stop zooming in on the negative while ignoring the positive: celebrate your accomplishments. I practically never did that, but I sure as fucksticks zoomed in on everything that could still be “better”. It made for an incredibly miserable life.

• Disconnect your actions from you as a person. It is not because you DID something wrong that you ARE “wrong”. Making a mistake just makes you human, not a bad, stupid or lazy person. Everyone makes mistakes, and you are allowed to make mistakes too.

If you know people who need a reminder that there are other ducks paddling motherfuckeringly out there, please share this article. It might help them.

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She propped her eyes open with a super-sized mug of espresso. It wouldn’t do much but remind her of the times she didn’t “slinky” out of bed, which actually made her feel worse, but at least she felt something that way. And sometimes, something is everything.

She prepared some oats. Ate half of it. Left the bowl on the kitchen counter, because thanks to her weeks-old dirty dishes, the sink smelled like a landfill and the smell made her nauseous. She stared at the sink.

Another thing I can’t do. What’s the point anyway?

An image made its way into her brain. She accidentally followed the thought thread connected to it to remember a time when she did things she enjoyed. Like cooking. Cooking for loved ones, to be exact.

All of that is gone now. Nobody really gives a fuck about me. Why am I still here?

Her eyes half-heartedly zoomed in on her laptop screen as it flashed on. An incoming video call… now?

Deep breath.

“Hey there superstar! How are you doing this morning? How was your weekend? I’m so glad you’re here, we got another glitch to deal with.”

“Oh I am great! Ready to rock and roll as always 😉”

This was me at my lowest point. It is meant to describe high-functioning depression, a.k.a. “performing” while being depressed to bits. It also accidentally made me cry, which is not exactly what I was going for today.

Last week I talked about Energy Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and asked if you guys were interested in how this new theory could partially explain depression and anxiety. Lots of peeps commented “uhm, fuck to the yes” (I might be paraphrasing), so here it is!

If you haven’t read the article, or like myself have a memory that is as unreliable as a squirrel doing math, this is the gist of it:

• Our executive function is limited by the amount of energy it costs, and how well we recover after a long stretch of using our executive function centers.

• ADHDers seem to have a higher risk of experiencing problems with both energy supply and recovery.

• This could explain why we generally are able to do a task for a little while, but lose focus or go into meltdown mode over a longer period of time.

• It is possible that we compensate for this manure sandwich situation by moving around, switching tasks etc. That’s because it boosts dopamine and norepinephrine levels inside the brain, which forces our executive systems to focus on the task whether they are tired or not.

So…

What does that have to do with anxiety and depression?

I am so glad you asked, my dear What?son. Let’s start with anxiety. Or as this paper said: anxiety-related phenomena which are not (only) related to mood disorders or trauma.

The EDHD theory suggests that when our executive systems are dealing with an unstable energy supply, it is possible that our brain tries to force executive function by creating a state of bow chicka wow wow-ness hyperarousal.

Practically that means that it opens the flood gates to the neurotransmitters norepinephrine (the brain’s version of adrenaline) and dopamine. This does help the brain to carry out executive function somewhat, but because it is getting too much of these neurotransmitters in one go, it causes anxiety-like symptoms like being more sensitive to the information you receive through your senses, and repetitive thinking.

Well, that’s a bit of a shitpickle, innit?

Moving on to depression. The EDHD theory proposes that a sleep schedule that is all over the place, long-term stress and chronic overload, combined with long-term energy deficiency inside the brain could make you more vulnerable to depression.

The energy deficiency we’re talking about here is the result of a lack of fuel, less efficient “brain energy factories”, less resilience against cellular wear-and-tear, and reduced neurotransmitter levels. And in a situation like that, the systems inside the brain that are responsible for motivation and focus are less responsive, which contributes to a flat mood and motivation problems.

As mentioned in my previous article, this is not a proven theory and I’m just trying to translate it for you guys, so please don’t shoot the messenger. Even if that messenger has found yet another way to tell you that sleep, stress management and strategies to prevent overwhelm are worth the investment. I’ll throw in exercise too, because I’m a bit of a tit it can actually reduce the symptoms of anxiety (especially mind-body exercises like yoga) and depression (particularly resistance exercise like weight training).

P.S.: While doing the research for the video below, I came across some really interesting stuff about “high-functioning” ADHD and perfectionism. If you’d like me to write about that next week, let me know in the comments 🙏

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This week I was planning to write about depression, but I instead became obsessed with intrigued by hyperfocus fatigue and stumbled upon a VERY interesting, very new hypothesis about ADHD. Nerd boner: activated!

The central idea is “What if energy deficit is involved in ADHD?”. As you know by now, I usually research the fucknuggets out of things, which is what I did here. But, the paper is incredibly dense (I-made-multiple-jokes-on-notes-about-it-dense) and so it took me days to read and, more importantly, understand it. I may have also gone on side quests, because who wouldn’t want to know what “oscillatory coordination” means? I mean, hello?

All of that to say that I “translated” it the best way I could, but I could have made mistakes. I am but a humble ADHD health coach after all.

Let’s get into it.

EDHD: the energy theory

There are a few theories floating around about ADHD, and some important ones talk about dopamine (we’ve all heard about this one), or defective network switching (default mode network/task positive network).

But the problem with those theories is that they don’t properly explain why ADHD looks so different in every person, or why our performance depends so much on how tired we are, what life stage we’re in, and our context - like the task itself and the environment.

Enter: Energy Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or EDHD for lazy efficient people like me.

This theory explains that it’s not fixed deficits or traits that cause problems with executive function, which results in us struggling to plan, manage time or filter out distractions. Instead, it suggests that our executive function is limited by two things: the amount of energy it costs to use the executive function areas inside our brain, and how well we recover after a long stretch of using them.

Unfortunately these areas (a.k.a. the prefrontal and frontoparietal systems) are greedy motherfuckers when it comes to energy, in that they use a lot of glucose. So to carry out executive function, they are very much dependent on how much brain food fuel is produced from that glucose, how healthy the brain’s cellular “power plants” are, how well it is managing cellular wear-and-tear, and how stable its dopamine and norepinephrine levels are. ADHDers likely have a higher risk of experiencing problems with all of these, which would obviously impact our energy supply.

Also, if these systems have been used continuously over a longer time, the brain needs time, sleep and a fuel reset to restore their capacity. If they have not been able to fully recover, we lose focus and get stressed more easily, and we aren’t able to work as long. Sounds familiar?

TL;DR: what determines if our executive function fluctuates, stays stable, or collapses completely = the amount of energy it costs to use the executive function areas + how well we recover from it afterwards. And seeing as ADHDers are more likely to experience issues with both, this could explain why we generally are able to do a task for a little while (when there’s a low energy cost), but lose focus or go into full-on ADHD Meltdown Mode™ when our brain has to use energy over a longer period of time without a chance to recover.

Now of course there is one important question. If our Energy Everything is a mess…

How in the holy fuckballs can we focus long term?

This is where it gets even more interesting. According to this theory, things like fidgeting and moving around (hyperactivity), looking anywhere but at your task (environmental scanning), and finding something else to do (task switching) are NOT symptoms or dysfunctions.

Instead, they are things we do to compensate for the (in)strain in the membrane. By moving around, task switching etc. we generate a state of “arousal” (not like that) and boost dopamine and norepinephrine levels inside the brain. Dopamine and norepinephrine are our “focus neurotransmitters”, and they also get released when a task is novel or stimulating (still not like that).

When low on energy, normally your executive function areas would just scream “Fuck you and your task!” and bow out. But these neurotransmitters work like a toxic manager: they force your executive systems to focus on the task, tired or not.

So in short: by fidgeting etc. your body is actually trying to help you to focus on the task. Here’s why that can be shitty though: while it does help to stay engaged, it also speeds up fatigue and emotional dysregulation because now even more energy is being spent.

Well, fuck me us sideways. It does explain why we feel so tired and grumpy all the time, doesn’t it? 😉

Now what?

Well first of all, this hypothesis hasn’t been proven yet. Though it does make a lot of sense to me, and explains why some days I can knock tasks out of the park and most other days it feels like pulling teeth.

So say that our executive functioning depends on recovery, and that without these regeneration phases, even simple tasks become overwhelming. If that’s the case, sleep, strategic breaks, a healthy diet and keeping your metabolism in good shape become even more important than what I’ve been going on (and on… and on) about. I was extra right, baby!

Now if you’ll excuse me, my executive function systems need rest.

Oh by the way, this theory also partly explains depression and anxiety. Let me know in the comments if you’re interested, and I can do another post on that!

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By popular request, and by that I mean that more than one person voted for it (!), I am bringing you the counterpart to an article I wrote a year ago. That one was about PMS and peri/menopause. This one is about andropause, also widely (and incorrectly) known as “male menopause”.

So why did I say this one’s for the girls? Because I have this sneaking suspicion that while lots of men don’t know dick penis about peri/menopause, lots of women also don’t know vagina about andropause. And considering the gender war I see every time I misclick on social media, I thought maybe it would be nice to look at how we are all screwed impacted by hormonal changes as we age.

Now, as much as my moustache begs to differ, I can’t speak from personal experience about this particular topic. That means I had a lot more research to do, and also that I can’t offer a more “lived article”, but I shall try to make up for it by giving you some juicy swear words. Like turnip hole.

An-other pause

Andropause is essentially the decrease in a man’s testosterone levels during mid-life or later as a result of aging, which can result in symptoms like lower energy levels, mood changes, a reduced sex drive etc.

It is sometimes called “male menopause”, which is actually a misnomer because andropause is a very different beast. For women, the level of estrogen falls dramatically and over a fairly short period of time. For men, testosterone levels decrease gradually and over many years.

To make it more concrete: starting in a man’s mid-thirties, testosterone levels drop about 1.6% per year. But seeing as only about 10% to 25% of older men have low levels of testosterone, most still land within the normal range. Also, not everyone with low testosterone has to deal with symptoms.

What in the fuckweasel?

Like I said… a very different beast. When symptoms do pop up though, they aren’t very kind. These are a few of them:

• breast tenderness or swelling (!)

• low energy

• depression or sadness

• less self-confidence

• decreased motivation

• difficulty concentrating

• hot flashes or sweats (!)

• insomnia or difficulty sleeping

• increased body fat

• reduced muscle mass and feelings of physical weakness

• reduced libido and erectile dysfunction

Sounds familiar? I guess when we look at the symptoms, it does look one hell of a lot like menopause. Or ADHD. Or both. Which brings me to…

ADHD vs. andropause

Is there a connection between ADHD and andropause? Honestly, I couldn’t find much research on this at all, which is fucking crazy.

What I can say is that ADDitude did a survey in which almost three-quarters of the respondents aged 40 and older said they have experienced andropause, and that it made the following worse:

• Procrastination and time management: 79%

• Feelings of sadness and/or depression: 70%

• Work performance issues: 68%

• Working memory problems: 67%

And looking at the risk factors, I do think it’s reasonable to say that male ADHDers might have an increased risk of lower testosterone levels, and therefore be more at risk of developing the symptoms I mentioned earlier. But not all is lost.

Risky business

The risk of developing testosterone deficiency very much depends on things like weight gain and lifestyle factors. These are common causes:

• diabetes

• obesity

• stress

• obstructive sleep apnea

• alcohol use disorder

• opioid medication use

• anabolic steroid use

ADHDers have a higher risk of developing the first six. Well, fuckadoodledoo! I know, but give me a few minutes to explain why all this is not a shit sandwich just yet.

Don’t spill the T

It is possible to lower the risk of testosterone deficiency by making lifestyle changes. Things like maintaining a healthy weight, eating healthy food, being physically active, sleeping at least seven hours a night, and avoiding addictive substances can go a long way.

And even if someone is already suffering from lower levels of testosterone, the following could help boost the T: weight loss, regular exercise (specifically a combination of high-intensity interval training and weight lifting), better sleep and less stress.

Being an ADHD health coach, this probably sounds like the world’s crappiest pitch for my own services. But I promise it’s just a happy coincidence 😉

What surprised you most?

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I promise this is the last time I push a video because it makes me feel about as dirty as a public toilet, but seeing as I’ve just started my channel I need to show YouTube that people tolerate like my vids. Specifically this one: "3 things to do as an ADHDer if you want to feel like shit”.

Anyways…

This week’s topic is a little different, because a subscriber asked me to write about ADHD in the elderly and its connection to dementia. If I’m totally honest, that is not something I knew a whole lot about, but I’m always happy to learn. Also, I found out some deliciously important things for my fellow ADHD Millennials and Gen Xers or older who are watching their parents (and themselves) age.

Aging, ADHD-style

As we get older quite a few things change, and all of these milestones bring different responsibilities, expectations and realities with them. This can put more pressure on our executive functioning or take away what helps our ADHD brain to brain.

Here’s one possible path of those milestones:

Birth → elementary student → teenager → college or university student → expectations-and-pressure-induced angst vortex young professional → sleep-deprived-and-overstimulated angst vortex new parent → midlifer → retiree.

Let’s take retirement as an example, which especially fucks with the “S” word of my SHEET framework (not that S word, calm your crotch please). When ADHDers lose the structure and surrounding routines of employment, their less productive ADHD traits can get worse.

There are some fairly well-established symptom patterns for ADHDers over 60, which may not have been present when they were younger. Let’s have a looksee:

• Having a memory that’s as unreliable as a Latin American politician (just kidding, this is obviously a global phenomenon 😉)

• Being easily thrown off course in the middle of a task

• “Blanking out”, forgetting words or names and misplacing things

• Talking too much and interrupting others (a.k.a. verbal diarrhea)

• Finding it hard to follow conversations

• Having issues with keeping in touch and maintaining relationships

• Struggling to keep up with boredom inducers chores in their home

• Having difficulties with learning new things

And when 60+ ADHDers were asked about their most important challenges, this is what they said:

1. Productivity: not being able to get shit done because of procrastination and self-discipline issues

2. Emotions: feeling cranky more often, having to deal with anxiety or mood disorders

3. Time-management: struggling with time blindness, getting and sticking to a daily routine

4. Hyperactivity: feeling restless, talking too much, dealing with random “thought hurricanes”

5. Relationships: speaking impulsively, feeling misunderstood or judged, missing social cues

Now of course, the only logical conclusion after reading this list is that your parents lied about your age and you are actually 60+ (just me?). Which would mean I am over this shit heap called peri/menopause… Oh, if only!

To ADHD or not to ADHD…

Sadly we now have a bit of a problem on our hands because people didn’t get diagnosed with ADHD before the 80s, and if they were, they were rowdy school-aged boys. Which means that there’s a fuck ton of people out there who have no clue they have ADHD.

On top of that, our brain does this funny thing called “aging”, which starts in our mid-thirties. As we age, many executive functions start to fade, like selective attention (to focus on one thing), working memory (to recall a recent thought or idea after being distracted) and response inhibition (to think before we act). All things which are already challenging for ADHDers.

… fuck.

And then there’s mild cognitive impairment. MCI is the stage between normal aging and dementia, and 10 to 15 percent of cases progress to full-blown dementia. It can look like executive functioning issues, memory loss, and acting impulsively. So unfortunately, when a senior brings up any of their ADHD symptoms to their doctor, it is often assumed that the problem is MCI or even dementia instead of ADHD.

… fuck sandwich.

This is the question

Now here’s the problem: how in the Willy Wonka would a doctor know if someone over 60 simply has an aging ADHD brain, or if they are suffering from mild cognitive impairment?

Well, they can look at the timing of the symptoms and the family history. If the symptoms span the patient’s lifetime, it could rule out MCI. Then, to be diagnosed with ADHD specifically, typical ADHD symptoms should have been present in childhood. Also, ADHD is one of the most heritable “disorders” in medicine, so if there are any family members with this diagnosis, that could give the doctor a clue.

There’s a third option. Someone can have ADHD and mild cognitive impairment. And seeing as we ADHDers have an increased risk of developing dementia, there’s a fair chance some of us will end up in that situation. There are a few theories to explain this, one of which has to do with lifestyle patterns. Which brings me to my last point (thanks for sticking with me, you beauty!).

Keeping your brain sexy

The lifestyle patterns which could explain why ADHDers specifically have more risk to develop dementia are the bad sleeping habits, physical inactivity, poor diet, smoking and chronic stress that are so often a part of our lives. I also know from previous research that social isolation and loneliness, which are more common for ADHDers than neurotypicals, are linked to a higher risk for dementia.

Now here’s the really amazing news: while you can’t change your genetics, you can abso-freaking-lutely change your sleeping habits, activity levels, diet, smoking habits, overall stress levels, and relationships. I help my clients with it all the time. Is it easy? Of course not, nothing worth a damn in life is “easy”. But it is so fucking worth it.

PS: if you could use some help building brain-protecting habits right now, check out my ADHD unpretzel sessions. After you fill out a click-through form, I walk you through your most important life blockers and a priority roadmap with clear, practical next steps to tackle each blocker in a 30-minute session. Find more details and a testimonial by clicking the link!

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First of all, please check out my new YouTube video explaining why ADHDers like sugar so much. A “like” would be very much appreciated too. A “subscribe” too 😉

Now that I’m done with my shameless plug, let’s focus… on hyperfocus!

ADHD hyperfocus is the state of intense, sustained fixation on an activity, which can last for hours. Other terms are often incorrectly used for it. Hyperfixation. The neurotypical “Flow”. Brain Zoomies. Actually, that last one should probably replace the official term.

When ADHDers are in hyperfocus, they often:

• feel completely absorbed in the activity

• fixate on small details

• lose their sense of time

• block out the world around them

• find it difficult to stop doing the activity

• don’t take care of their basic needs (hands up if you too do the “ADHD Toilet Run”!)

In real life this looks like your actual child not responding even though you are hollering their name into their ear hole, or your inner child staying up until 5 AM to research the shit out of matelotage.

… which is why ADHD is a dumb term.

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder? I have attention for DAYS. Especially when I need to create a theory framework for my motivator tool, and end up creating my own “notes globe” to organize my thoughts (this may or may not have happened this week).

ADHDers usually go into hyperfocus when they are doing activities that “have high motivational salience”, which is study-speak for “strongly grab a person’s attention”.

In reality this could mean any of the following activities:

• activities that are enjoyable or interesting, like creative activities

• activities in extreme, life-or-death circumstances

• work-related tasks

• gaming

So you know. It can kick in when you’re drawing a flower, but also when your spouse just got bitten by a snake. Kind of neat, n’est-ce pas?

Now, unlike in the neurotypical “flow” state, it is difficult to break from a hyperfocus episode. So here are a few strategies to help you remember to go to the loo. Because holy fuckaroni, those seconds where you think you aren’t going to make it…

• Body double and ask your partner to stop you in order to take (bathroom) breaks.

• Get someone to unplug your device, like your TV or gaming console, at the time you’ve agreed upon. Also tell them to duck for cover immediately after.

• Ask someone to call or email you at certain times.

• Set alarms at set times to snap you out of it. Ideally with (loud) sounds and vibration. You can even buy an alarm that runs away from you, like Clocky.

• Use app or device blockers that kick in after a certain amount of time. I often hop straight into the scroll suck, but my app blocker lovingly kicks my ass locks me out of whatever app I’m using.

Let me know in the comments what usually gets you into hyperfocus!

PS: if you could use some help to unpretzel your life right now, check out my ADHD unpretzel sessions. After you fill out a click-through form, I walk you through your most important life blockers and a priority roadmap with clear, practical next steps to tackle each blocker in a 30-minute session. Find more details and a testimonial by clicking the link!

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This post might be more interesting for people who haven’t been diagnosed yet or were freshly diagnosed. Then again I’m pretty sure at least one of the three things below will tickle your fancy (not to be confused with fanny).

Before I go into it, I wanted to let you know that I paused my TikTok because the platform sucks donkey balls. So instead, I built a YouTube channel and I just posted my very first video! It would mean the world to me if you could subscribe to my channel and like my video. That way YouTube’s algorithm understands that my swear words appeal to people 😉

Now without further ado, here are the three things that blew my mind after I did some hyperfocus-fueled research following my diagnosis.

I’m not “hysterical”, I just caught an RSD

Growing up certain fuckmuppets people would tell me that I was “too sensitive”, “too intense”, or downright “hysterical”. So obviously I grew up thinking I was bibbety boppety batshit crazy for feeling so fucking deeply.

Imagine my surprise when I learnt this was something called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and that it was typical for ADHDers.

RSD is the severe emotional (and sometimes physical) pain triggered by:

• Rejection, in the form of withdrawal of love, approval, or respect

• Criticism, no matter how constructive (!)

• Persistent negative self-talk after a failure

• Teasing

Of course nobody likes to feel criticized or rejected. But for ADHDers it causes mood shifts so extreme that they can come with uncontrollable rage at the person who hurt them (that would be child version of me), intense sadness (adult version of me), or even suicidal thoughts.

So yes. When I said “extreme”, I meant “extreme”.

I am battling a creative demon

We all know that us ADHDers have trouble focusing, filtering out distractions, yadda yadda yadda. But did you know that we are also battling a Demon?

And by Demon I obviously mean the artist formerly known as Default Mode Network. This network consists of the areas of the brain which are active when the brain is not engaged in a task or activity that requires focus. In other words, it switches on when the brain is idle, and that’s when we daydream, reminisce, ruminate, or self-reflect.

I know, but wait. There is another network called the TPN or Task Positive Network. This network lights up when the brain is tappin’ away at a task for which it needs to pay attention.

In people who don’t have ADHD, these two networks are on a seesaw: if one goes up in activity, the other goes down. But in people with ADHD, the seesaw is a little fucked (for lack of a better word), and so the DMN stays active when the TPN has switched on. Which could explain how we come up with brilliantly creative solutions to complicated problems 😉

I love sugar because it helps my brain

Apparently there’s a reason why I love my sugar. And no, not because I’m originally from Belgium and diabetes should be our national disease with all the delicious sweets we’ve got over there. It’s because sugar does a few things for our brain.

First of all, ADHD brains don’t metabolize glucose as efficiently as non-ADHD brains, so there is less energy available for the attention center in the prefrontal cortex. This then leads to the brain sending out distress messages asking for more glucose, which in turn makes us crave sugar.

Secondly, glucose increases dopamine and serotonin levels inside the brain, which results in a feeling of pleasure (dopamine) and a calming of restlessness (serotonin). Or to say it more eloquently: it makes us feel good, and calms our tits.

Does that mean that we should be having sugar in everything? Of course not. But it does explain why so many of us crave sugar so often.

Let me know in the comments which of these were most interesting to you 👀

PS: if you could use some help to unpretzel your life right now, check out my ADHD unpretzel sessions. After you fill out a click-through form, I walk you through your most important life blockers and a priority roadmap with clear, practical next steps to tackle each blocker in a 30-minute session. Find more details and a testimonial by clicking the link!

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I am a bad health coach.

At least, that is what my brain told me a few weeks ago. And that is because after I came back from my three-week holiday, I struggled as much as a T-rex trying to smear butter on a crumpet to get my derrière back to the gym.

It took me weeks. WEEKS to get back into a proper workout routine! And I’m an ADHD health coach who is hyper-aware of how important exercise is for us. So obviously my brain turned that piece of information into fuel for the inner asshole we all know so well, and told me that maybe that means that I am a shit health coach.

Now here’s the thing.

I do believe that importance, while not an inherent motivator, makes a difference for the ADHD brain. Meaning, this kind of brain doesn’t just do something because it is “important”. But when something is important enough, we do our best to find strategies to get that brain into gear.

I’ve always known that looking after my body and brain health is important, so a few weeks ago I used some of my SHEET strategies to finally get my bootay over to the gym. But let’s talk first about what exactly was stopping me.

The Anti Gym Demons

• Overwhelm & executive dysfunction: this trip to visit the family and friends I hadn’t seen for 3 years came with an emotional whiplash, which left my body tired and my brain as fried as our national dish.

  → unproductive thought 1: “I’m too tired for it.”

  → unproductive thought 2: “I just can’t do all that.”

• Perfectionism & catastrophizing: I knew that lifting my usual weights would be harder and more uncomfortable than before I left because sadly it takes months to get in shape and what feels like two days to get out of it.

  → unproductive thought: “I will struggle massively to lift my weights, which will make me feel like a loser and fuck with my confidence.”

• Catastrophizing bis: right before I left I had to deal with a Rudy McRudeface who thought that stealing fans from people was the way forward in life, and so I was dreading having to face that bee again.

  → unproductive thought: “I’m going to get into an argument with this person over a fan and it will be a whole thing.”

The SHEET strategies I used

Weekly structure

Creating a weekly structure is incredibly important for our ADHD brain. It gives us a lot of benefits, but in this particular situation, two stand out:

• Reduced overwhelm: having a solid structure in place makes your week more predictable. It also gives you a sense of control, which boosts your confidence.

• External memory: having a task as part of a weekly structure helps our brain to remember to do it. It might not remember at what time exactly, but at least it will remember that today is workout day, which makes preparing for it easier.

Having that solid(ish) structure in place before attempting to go to the gym, helped my brain to calm the fuck down, and made it easier to actually go.

Task breakdown & environmental cues

This was one of my most important strategies to reduce overwhelm and make it easier to start. I broke this thing that somehow felt like a humongous task down into smaller steps and reduced friction where I could.

• Step 1: I paid the monthly gym fee the week before going. Unfortunately they didn’t make it easy for me because something went wrong twice. Gatver, life be testing me.

• Step 2: I laid out my workout clothes the day before. That’s because it is much easier to take the first step when it is still somewhat removed from the action your brain is giving the middle finger to. And on the day of the workout it helps to have a cue in your environment to get your brain into “workout mode”, plus it lowers friction because you already have your clothes ready.

• Step 3: I went to the gym. But, I reduced the pressure I put on myself by only doing one 30-minute session with half my usual weights, and then I built up from there. The next week I did one session of 60 minutes with half my usual weights, the week after that my usual two sessions.

Emotion-based strategies

Remember Rudy McRudeface? My brain was getting so stuck on the potential negative feelings IF this person showed up to the gym, that it completely forgot about the way I usually feel when I come back. Which is… like a badass. A happy and relaxed badass, with a sexy bum. So on the day of, I imagined feeling this way. And I don’t mean “thinking of feeling this way.” I imagined going to the gym, and pulled up the memory of that amazing feeling. It’s incredible how much the ADHD brain responds to self-hype.

Thought-based strategies

Us ADHDers excel at beating ourselves up. And as I mentioned earlier, my brain was trying to go there. Usually this is what happens: “I am a bad health coach” or “I am an idiot” → I feel shitty and even more incapable of doing the thing → brain now connects the gym to me feeling like shit → brain protests more when I want to go to the gym → rinse and repeat a few more times → I will never ever touch anything related to the gym ever again.

So, instead of doing that, I reminded myself of the following:

• I went through a lot over the past few years. I started my coaching business right before coming to Uruguay, and before this trip I hadn’t had a holiday longer than a week in five years.

• The trip itself brought up a lot of emotions, and when I left I felt my heart break into a million pieces - which hadn’t happened in previous goodbyes. Talking about some exquisite Mindfuckery.

• Immediately after coming back from my trip, I launched my Unpretzel sessions, which came with extra long hours and stress to get it all ready.

No wonder my brain was struggling to shift gears. So, it is not because I miss a few weeks of workouts that I am a shit health coach. It just makes me human. And hopefully, I won’t be the only person who feels this way 😉

PS: if you could use some help to unpretzel your life right now, check out my ADHD unpretzel sessions. After you fill out a click-through form, I walk you through your most important life blockers and a priority roadmap with clear, practical next steps to tackle each blocker in a 30-minute session. Find more details and a testimonial by clicking the link!

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So, let’s talk about Ted, baby. And about the connection between this show and one-on-one coaching.

For those of you who haven’t watched my new favorite show yet: Ted Lasso is about an American middle-aged man who moves to England to coach an underperforming soccer football team… while knowing nothing about soccer. I mean football.

BUT.

It is about so much more than the “inspiring coach gets results” trope. The show explores themes like power dynamics, healthy male and female leadership, healthy male and female friendships, therapy as a real tool for mental health, and how a toxic parent-child relationship leads to twattish behavior.

Also, as rightly pointed out to me, the show is literally about coaching, so that gives me a nice excuse to talk about my flavor of coaching. The one-on-one kind.

Now generally, soccer coaching is very fucking different from ADHD or even health coaching. Mostly because a soccer coach essentially tells you what to do (training and tactics), to reach a very well-defined goal (winning the match).

An ADHD coach asks you annoying questions gives you the space and knowledge to figure out what your goal is - and believe it or not, it’s not always “to win”. Sometimes your goal is to lose. Then, an ADHD coach gives you tips and strategies to reach those goals.

But here’s where the coaching as portrayed in the show mimics real-life one-on-one coaching (though I suspect most other coaches are a little less heavy on the Roy).

Let’s start with Ted’s. Ted is your biggest fan, even if you don’t yet understand why. He won’t ever let you forget your accomplishments. He dances like a crazy person when you win and he’s there for you when you don’t. He is the master of positive reframes and does everything he can to make you feel safe.

Also, he never, ever swears.

Then there’s Roy’s coaching. He’s as blunt as a sword someone battered over a rock to create a fire in the woods very honest. He holds you accountable and calls you out on your bullshit - but it’s always coming from a place of love. He tells you when something is fucked and doesn’t immediately try to make it better.

Also, he swears as much as his eyebrows are expressive.

So, you know, maybe one-on-one coaching isn’t as horrible as people on social media make it out to be. It might not even be poopeh.

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However.

If right now your life looks like:

• A never ending task list without a way to prioritize them,

• A never ending guilt shower because you can’t get started doing said tasks, and

• A never ending energy drain because you are trying to fix everything at once…

Then your main problem is not that you need more self-compassion. It’s that you need a system to unpretzel your life.

That’s why I built the ADHD Unpretzel Session. I look at your life, identify your biggest life blockers, and build you a Priority Roadmap with practical next steps so you can stop trying to unfuck every part of your life every Monday.

One client left this testimonial after our session:

“Within 30 minutes I had an actionable list of things I can try, tweak and explore to accommodate my ADHD brain, both at work and at home. It gave me comfort to have someone understand exactly what I was going through. It also gave me hope – that Maggie has survived and thrived in the same situation – and that now I have the tools to do the same.”

And another client said the following:

“For anyone who has an issue organizing their thoughts and prioritizing tasks, Maggie is a great place to start. She is attentive, knowledgeable, and will map out a plan specifically for you. I was afraid to take the first step, but I’m glad I did!”

How it works:

1. You quickly fill out a click-through form.

2. I look at what’s going on in your life, find your 3 main Life Blockers and build you a Priority Roadmap.

3. We meet for 30 minutes in which I tell you exactly what to focus on first (and give you permission to ignore the rest).

The price:

I’ve been running these at the intro price of $67 while refining the process. I have 3 spots left for next week, so I’ll keep the intro pricing open through Sunday night for my fellow weekend procrastinators 😉 After that, the price goes up to the standard $97.

Grab one of the 3 spots

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And yep, I’ve been that person too.

The problem is that habits don’t stick when you try to build them all at once. When everything feels like a priority, your ADHD brain freezes and ends up doing nothing. And this is exactly why I built the ADHD Unpretzel Session.

It’s for you if you:

• Feel like you have 100 “to-dos” and spend hours deciding where to start.

• Are tired of your life looking like a pretzel but get stuck when you try to change.

• Want a professional to look at your life and tell you where to untie the knots.

It’s NOT for you if you:

• Are looking for a 6-month deep-dive therapy journey.

• Want someone to tell you “you’re doing great” without giving you a plan.

For the unpretzeling, I act as your “prioritizer”. My job is to figure out what matters first so you can stop trying to fix everything at once.

Here’s what we do:

1. You fill out a click-through form.

2. I look at what’s going on in your life, find your 3 main Life Blockers and build you a Priority Roadmap.

3. During our 30-minute session I tell you exactly what to focus on first (and give you permission to ignore the rest).

I have 3 spots left at the intro price of $67. After these go, the price goes up to $97.

Grab one of the 3 spots

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The problem is that when we ADHDers feel like we are stuck and need a change, we try to do everything all at the same time and rely on that initial adrenaline boost until we burn out three days later. That is, if we even get started, because everything always feels so fucking important that our brain gets overwhelmed by the options.

And that is why I’m officially opening the doors to my brand new ADHD Unpretzel Session. This is not a typical coaching session, but a 30-minute session to cut through the noise, figure out what life blockers are keeping you stuck, and identify the next steps to tackle them.

Here’s how it works:

1. You fill out a click-through form so I can get a 360° view of your life and create your ADHD Health Report.

2. I analyze your report to identify your 3 biggest Life Blockers.

3. I build you a Priority Roadmap with practical next steps on what to fix first.

4. We meet for a 30-minute session so I can walk you through the plan.

I already did one session this week, and this is my client’s testimonial (I added this so you know I’m not talking out of my derrière 😉):

“As soon as we started our session, Maggie immediately seemed like an old friend; funny, relatable and probably more understanding of me than I am! Within 30 minutes I had an actionable list of things I can try, tweak and explore to accommodate my ADHD brain, both at work and at home. It gave me comfort to have someone understand exactly what I was going through. It also gave me hope - that Maggie has survived and thrived in the same situation - and that now I have the tools to help myself do the same. If anyone else is looking to un-pretzel their life, I cannot recommend Maggie highly enough!”

The deal:

I’m offering an intro price of $67 for the first 5 spots (use code unpretzel5 at checkout). After that, it goes up to $97. You get the report, the 3 life blockers, the roadmap, and the 30-minute walkthrough.

There are still a few spots left for the discounted sessions. So if you were on the fence, you might as well grab a spot now for a better price 😊

Click to commence the unpretzeling!

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Anywho, I am happy to report that for once things actually “worked” with my family. I had an unexpected apologetic moment with my parents, one that was long overdue, and it was great catching up with my bestie. What didn’t work so well though?

My ADHD brain.

I knew from personal experience and of course coaching my clients, how much structure, a healthy diet and workouts matter when it comes to the wild beast that is our brain type. But fuck me sideways silly me, I was not prepared for the impact of it all falling away at the same time and for weeks on end. And I was in familiar environments too!

It was brutal.

I’m an ADHD health coach, meaning I have loads of strategies to pull from, so luckily nobody got hurt except for the little Tinker Bell that lives inside my brain. But I was not prepared for my complete inability to concentrate, UTTER LACK OF MEMORY, general confusion, shit-losing, feeling of overwhelm, and the urge to high-five people in the face for making noise in public (the audacity).

And friends, I’ve travelled loads by now; it had nothing to do with stress. It was just me not having that scaffolding that usually keeps my brain working.

So if you ever thought that changing your lifestyle doesn’t make a difference, think again. I can promise you it does.

Getting back into my healthy routine and seeing the impact, reminded me that there are easy tweaks we can make to unpretzel our brain. But I know that loads of fellow ADHDers don’t even know where to start. This is why I’ve spent the last few days refining something I’m calling the ADHD Unpretzel Session.

The idea is that I build you a Priority Roadmap with practical next steps for what to unpretzel first based on my new diagnostic tool, and then walk you through it in a 30-minute session so you can hit the ground running.

I’m not opening the link to the public until next Friday, but if you want to be the first to grab an early spot and get your brain back, comment or hit reply to this email and say “Unpretzel.” I’ll make sure you get the link before it goes public.

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Shitting myself.

It’s been three years. Lots of things happened within the family while I was gone (two major losses, just to give you an idea).

It’s been an interesting ride for me too. Keeping my business afloat with a unmedicated ADHD brain (ups and downs, baby), finding friends (not Facebook friends), and learning a language that has been invented by demon Crowley himself (subjuntivo can kiss my toe hairs). Oh and figuring out what the crap was happening to my body while going through a foreign healthcare system (perimenopause).

The funny thing is that I had no real issues with any of that. But this?

Since booking my tickets I’ve been getting nightmares. Flashbacks about my childhood. Memories that I swear to fudgebunnies didn’t ever pop up during my three years of therapy. Wouldn’t that have been so much more fucking convenient back then? ADHD brains… always too late 😉

But somehow, getting all those memories back while being removed from the source, sparked a kind of light that I haven’t been able to access before.

It feels like the beginning of forgiveness. Not cognitive forgiveness… the forgiveness that you can feel.

But I am worried that reality might push me backwards. That witnessing dysfunctional family dynamics will push me straight back into my Iron Man suit, or worse, the Gladiator’s arena.

So here we are.

I guess I just have to remind myself that courage does not mean that you are unafraid. It means moving forward while shitting yourself.

You just have to remember to bring your pampers.

PS: You can become a paid subscriber/member via Buy Me A Coffee. Paid subscribers can be added to my health community, where you can ask me questions. If you appreciate what I do but a subscription doesn’t fit your budget, you can always buy me a coffee instead!

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