Gabayga Wild Geese ee ay qortay Mary Oliver waxa uu ka mid yahay gabayada casriga ah ee sida Qotoda dheer uga hadla jiritaanka aadamaha iyo xiriirka ka dhexeeya qofka iyo dunida uu ku nool yahay.

Si ka duwan gabayo badan oo akhristaha ku boorriya inuu naftiisa beddelo ama gaaro heer Kaamilnimo, gabaygani waxa uu ka bilaabmaa su’aal ka duwan taas: ma khasab baa in qofku marka hore caddeeyo inuu mudan yahay jacayl iyo naxariis, si uu dunidan qayb uga noqdo?

Oliver jawaabteedu waa maya. Waxay ku doodaysaa in qiimaha qofku aanu ku iman guulihiisa, kaamilnimadiisa ama toobad-keen joogto ah, balse uu jiritaanka laftiisu uu qiime u yeelayo qofka. Dabeecadda ayay u soo qaadanaysaa tusaale; sida ay shimbiruhu u duulaan, roobku u da’o, buuruhu u taagan yihiin, qofkuna waxa uu xaq dabiici ah u leeyahay inuu dunidan qayb ka noqdo.

Haddaba, gabaygani waa dood falsafadeed oo ku saabsan aqbalaadda nafta, murugada, kelinimada iyo dareenka qofku ka qabo inuu meel ku leeyahay koonkan.

Subscribe

Falsafadda Gabayga

Dulucda ugu weyn ee gabaygu waa in bani’aadamku aanu u baahnayn inuu “kasbado” xaqa uu u leeyahay jiritaanka. Bulshooyin badan ayaa qofka ku barbaariya in jacaylka, qaddarinta iyo aqbalaaddu ku xiran yihiin heerka uu gaarsiisanyahay ‘’wanaagga’’ ama ‘’kaamilnimada’ qofka. Gabaygani se waxa uu jebinayaa fikirkaas.

Mary Oliver waxay soo jeedinaysaa in bani’aadamku ka mid yahay dabeecadda inteeda kale. Sida geedku aanu fasax uga dalban inuu baxo, ama webigu aanu sabab u raadin inuu qulqulo, qofkuna uma baahna inuu caddeeyo inuu mudan yahay inuu noolaado ama la jeclaado.

Aragtidan waxa saldhig u ah laba fikradood oo waaweyn. Midda koowaad waa in murugadu tahay waayo-aragnimo ay wadaagaan dhammaan dadku, oo aanay astaan u ahayn guuldarro shakhsiyeed.

Midda labaadna waa in dareenka kelinimadu uu yahay dareen bani’aadamnimo, ee aanu marnaba ka dhignayn in qofku ka go’ay dunida ama aanu qayb ka ahayn jiritaanka guud.

Dabeecadda oo ay Oliver kusoo qaadanayso gabaygan dhexdiisa, kuma aha qurxin suugaaneed oo keliya; waa macallinka ugu weyn ee ay soo xiganayso. Socodka qorraxda, roobka, buuraha, webiyada iyo guuritaanka shinbiraha duurjoogta ahi waxay muujinayaan nidaamka jiraal ee dabiiciga ah oo qofkuna qayb ka yahay.

Falanqaynta Sadarrada

“You do not have to be good.”

Gabaygu waxa uu ku furmayaa weedh si toos ah uga hor imanaysa caqiidada ah in qiimaha qofku ku xiran yahay kaamilnimo anshaxeed. Oliver ma diidayso wanaagga laftiisa, balse waxa ay diidaysaa in qofku ku noolaado dareen joogto ah oo ah inuusan weligiis dareemin ‘’filnaansho’’. Weedhani waxay jebinaysaa dhaqanka isku xiraya jacaylka iyo mudnaanta.

“You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.”

Socodka jilbaha lagu maro saxaraha waa sarbeeb ay ku muujinayso ciqaab, is-cambaareyn iyo toobad aan dhammaad lahayn. Oliver waxay meeriskan u adeegsanaysaa inay dhaliisho fikirka sheegaya in qofku marka hore naftiisa silic mariyo si uu u mutaysto cafis ama aqbalid.

“You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.”

Intani waa xudunta gabayga. Erayga “soft animal” ma tilmaamayo bahalnimo, sida ereygaba ka muuqata, ee taa lidkeeda waxa uu astaan u yahay dabeecadda nugul ee bani’aadamka. Qofku waa makhluuq dareema jacayl, murugo, cabsi iyo rejo. Oliver waxay ku boorinaysaa akhristaha inuusan la dagaallamin bini’aadantinimadiisa, balse uu aqbalo.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.”

Meeriskani wuxuu tilmaamayaa sida murugada iyo is-hiifku aanu u ahayn wax adiga un kugu

kooban, ee uu yahay wax ummadda oo dhammi ay kula wadagaan. Waxay sidookale meesha ka saaraysaa kala sarraynta u dhaxaysa iyada iyo akhristaha: labaduba waa dad la kulma quus, murugo iyo xanuun.

Meanwhile, the world goes on.”

Erayga “Meanwhile” oo dhowr jeer soo laalaabanaya waxaa loogu talo galay in afka lugu adkeeyo si kasta oo qofka murugo usoo wajahdo, dunidu in aanay istaagayn. Weedhani ma yaraynayso xanuunka qofka, balse waxay xusuusinaysaa in noloshu ka ballaaran tahay waxa uu qofku markaa dareemayo.

“Meanwhile, the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes…”

Meeriskani wuxuu dhisayaa sawir-maskaxeed ballaaran oo muujinaya joogtaynta dabeecadda. Isbeddellada dabiiciga ahi waxay sii socdaan, iyaga oo aan ku xirnayn xaaladda nafsiga ah ee qofka.

“Meanwhile, the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.”

Shimbiraha duurjoogta ahi waa astaanta ugu muhiimsan ee gabayga. Waxay si dabiici ah ugu laabanayaan halkii ay ka tirsanaayeen, iyaga oo aan isweydiin inay mudan yihiin iyo in kale. Ereyga “Home” waxa uu muujinayaa dareenka qofku leeyahay inuu leeyahay meel uu dunida kaga jiro.

“Whoever you are, no matter how lonely…”

Oliver markan waxa ay si toos ah ula hadlaysaa akhristaha. Kelinimada lama inkirayo, lamana fududaynayo. Taas beddelkeeda, waxa la qirayaa inay tahay waayo-aragnimo bani’aadamnimo oo qof walba soo marta.

‘’The world offers itself to your imagination.”

Dunidu waa meel qofka si joogto ah ugu yeeraysa. Ma aha meel xiran ama qofka diidaysa; waa meel weli u bannaan fikirkiisa, mala-awaalkiisa iyo khibraddiisa.

“Calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting…”

Codka shimbirtani ma aha cod jilicsan; waa cod xooggan oo mararka qaar qallafsan. Sidaas oo kale, noloshu mar walba ma timaaddo iyadoo deggan ama raaxo leh. Haddana waxay si joogto ah ugu yeeraysaa qofka inuu ka qayb noqdo.

“Announcing your place in the family of things.”

Tani waa gunaanadka falsafadeed ee gabayga. Weedha “the family of things” waxa ay

tilmaamaysaa dhammaan waxa jira—dadka, xayawaanka, geedaha, buuraha iyo dunida inteeda kale. Oliver waxay ku soo gunaanadaysaa in qofku aanu u baahnayn shahaado ama oggolaansho si uu uga mid noqdo “qoyska” jiritaanka. Meesha uu ku leeyahay dunida waa mid uu la dhashay, ee ma

aha mid uu kasbado.

Gunaanad

Wild Geese waa gabay ka hadlaya ka xoraynta qofka ee culayska kaamilnimada iyo is-cambaareynta.

Mary Oliver waxay soo jeedinaysaa in bani’aadamku aanu ku noolayn dunidan isagoo marti ku ah, balse uu yahay qayb dabiici ah oo ka mid ah nidaamka jiritaanka. Sida shimbiraha duurjoogta ahi u helaan jidkooda iyaga oo aan cidna fasax ka sugin, ayay iyaduna ku doodaysaa in qof kastaa leeyahay meel uu dunida kaga jiro, xataa marka uu dareemayo kelinimo ama quus. Waa taas falsafadda qotada dheer ee uu gabaygani xambaarsan yahay.

Anigu se, marna si buuxda uguma qancin dooddaas. Hal-abuur kastaa wuxuu xambaarsan yahay raadadka fikirka, waayo-aragnimada iyo hab-aragga nololeed ee qofka curiyay. Sidaa darteed, way adagtahay in shaqada iyo curiyaheeda loo arko laba arrimood oo gebi ahaanba kala madax bannaan.

Hase ahaatee, dooddu kuma koobna oo keliya su’aasha ah in hal-abuurka laga sooci karo qofka curiyay. Waxa ka sii mudan in la isweydiiyo in qaddarinta aynu u hayno hal-abuurkaas ay ku egtahay shaqada lafteeda, ama inay si dadban u gaarayso qofka curiyay. Haddii aynu sii wadno faafinta magaciisa, iibsashada shaqooyinkiisa, iyo u dabbaaldegga waxqabadkiisa, ma waxa aynu qaddarinaynaa hal-abuurkiisa oo keliya, mise waxa aynu sidoo kale sii xoojinaynaa maqaamka iyo saamaynta qofkaas? Halkaas ayay dooddu uga gudubtaa dhinaca suugaanta iyo halabuurka una gashaa dhinaca anshaxa.

Subscribe

Woody Allen tusaale: filim sameeyihii weynaa, la'aantiina aynaan daawan lahayn farshaxankii heerka sarreeyay ee Manhattan (ama Annie Hall, hadba kii kuu farshaxan sarreeya), haddana ku eedaysnaa kufsiga gabadhii uu soo korsaday ee toddobo jirka ahayd. Ama Roman Polanski, sidookale filim sameeyihii cajiibka ahaa, ee qirtay inuu xiriir galmo la sameeyay ilmo yar.

Ammuurtan yaabka lihi kuma eka Hollywoodka kaliya, ee ila xasuuso Ngugi wa Thiong'O, mid kamid ah codadka ugu saamaynta badan suugaanta iyo siyaasadda Afrika, loona tix geliyo halgamaa door weyn ku lahaa gumeysi la dirirka, hase ahaatee eedamyo ku saabsan tacaddiga qoysku ay mugdiga geliyeen sawirka dad badani ka haysteen shakhsiyaddiisa.

Miyaan iska illownaa waxqabadyadooda gabi ahaan, maka saarnaa taariikhda doorkii uu Ngugi kaga qaatay gumeysi la dirirka, mase u aqoonsannaa Manhattan "waxsoo saar qof xuni leeyahay" sidaana ma isaga daynaa dhammaan waxqabadyadiisii? Mise waxaynu raacnaa aragtidii "the death of the author" ee akhristuhu isagaa micnaha abuurta, xiriirna lama leh qoraaga? Mise meel dhexe ayaynu is taagnaa — aqoonsannaa farshaxanka heerka sarreeya, u qirnaa hibada farshaxan-yaqaanka, sidookalena kula xisaabtannaa xumaatada uu geystay isla sida aynu ula xisaabtami lahayn cid walboo kale?

Intaas kahor, waxaa mudan inaynu isla fahanno horta waxaynu uga jeedno "waynu qaddarinaynaa hal-abuurka", waayo qaddarintu ma aha fal dhexdhexaad ah sida ka muuqata.

in la majeerto filim-sameeye, in la xigto qoraa, ama la ammaano aragtiyaha mufakirka kuma eka la falgalka shaqadooda iyo wax soo saarkooda oo kaliya, ee waxay sidookale si dadban ama si toos ah ka qayb qaadataa dhisidda, sii xoojinta iyo waarinta dhaxalkiisa. Taasaa waxay saamayn ku yeelataa sida loo xasuusto, sida looga hadlo, iyo marar badan sida uu u helo qiimayn bulsho iyo taageere dhaqaale.

Halkaas ayay ka bilaabantaa su'aasha maangadka ah. waa mid inaynu aqbalno in filim uu aad noo cajabiyay, ama buug uu waxbadan ka beddelay wacyigeenna iyo hab-araggeenna nololeed. Sidookalena waa mid kale inaynu taageerno qofka curiyay.

Ma sii wadnaa daawashada filimadiisa, akhriska buugaagtiisa, iyo faafinta magaciisa, innagoo og in falalka lagu eedeeyay ay yihiin kuwo aynu cid kasta oo kale ku canbaarayn lahayn? Mise waxa habboon in la kala saaro aqoonsiga hal-abuurka iyo taageeridda hal-abuuraha?

Waxaan qabaa in labadaas arrimood aan la isku khaldin. Aqoonsiga hal-abuurku waa qiridda farshaxan aan la iska indhotiri karin; taageeridda hal-abuurahana waa doorasho anshaxeed.

Ma jiro wax innagu khasbaya inaynu dafirno kaalintii Ngũgĩ uu ku lahaa dib-u-habaynta suugaanta Afrika, ama inaynu iska indho-tirno farshaxanka heerka sarreeya ee Manhattan ama Annie Hall. Sidaas oo kale, ma jiro wax innagu khasbaya inaynu sii wadno u dabbaaldegga, u ololaynta, ama taageeridda bulsho iyo dhaqaale, dad lagu eedeeyay ama lagu helay falal aynu cid kasta oo kale kula xisaabtami lahayn.

Mararka qaarkood waxaa la soo qaataa aragtidii Roland Barthes ee The Death of the Author, taas oo ku doodaysa in macnaha qoraalku aanu ku xirnayn qoraaga, balse uu ka dhasho habka uu akhristuhu u fasirto.

Inkasta oo aragtidani wax badan ka beddeshay habkii loo akhrin jiray suugaanta, haddana waxay inta badan ka jawaabaysaa su’aal ku saabsan fasiraadda qoraalka, ee kama jawaabayso su’aasha anshaxa. Xitaa haddii aynu aqbalno in qoraalku yeesho nolol ka madax-bannaan qoraaga, taasi kama dhigna in qoraagu ka madax-bannaanaado isla xisaabtan.

Dhinaca kale, ma aaminsani in xalku uu yahay in shaqooyinkooda laga tirtiro maktabadaha, manhajyada ama taariikhda. Dadka dunida wax ka beddelay marar badan waxay ahaayeen dad ay hibadooda la socotay gefaf waaweyn.

Haddii aynu dooranno in aynu xusuusanno wanaaggooda oo keliya, waxaynu dulminaynaa dhibbanayaashii ay waxyeelleeyeen. Haddii aynu dooranno in aynu xusuusanno xumaantooda oo keliyana, waxaynu luminaynaa fahamka taariikhda iyo saamayntii ay ku yeesheen dunida.

Sidaas darteed, waxa aynu u baahannahay ma aha illowsho, ee waa run-sheegid. Run-sheegid innagu kallifaysa inaynu isku mar qirno hibada iyo gefka, guusha iyo guul-darrada, hal-abuurka iyo masuuliyadda. Sababtoo ah hibadu ma aha gaashaan qofka ka xoraysa xisaabtan, sida gefkuna aanu u baabi’in karin xaqiiqada ah in uu dunida ku soo kordhiyay wax qiimo leh.

Waxay ahaataba, dooddu kama taagna in dadka xuni ay abuuri karaan hal-abuur heer sare ah iyo in kale; taas taariikhdu marar badan bay caddaysay. Dooddu waxay ka taagantahay, waxa innaga waajib nagu ah marka aynu ogaanno in hibadaasi ay ka timid qof ku tuntay qiyamkii aynu bulshada ku wada noolayn.

Aniga aragtidayda, jawaabtu waa caddahay. Aynu qirno hal-abuurka, aynu baranno taariikhda, laakiin yaanay qaddarinteennu isu beddelin cudurdaar, aamusiin ama taageero. Farshaxanka waa la xusuusan karaa; farshaxan-sameeyahana waa lala xisaabtami karaa. Labaduna isma burinayaan.

Because for me, I miss a man I don’t remember. I miss the thought of him, the possibility of him. I miss the point in life where we both existed at the same time, that short, never-lasting point where I barely even begun to exist myself.

I have no clear recollection of him holding me, speaking to me, smiling at me. Nothing I can confidently say is mine. But I miss him with so much weight.

Sometimes I get jealous when people use the word “Aabbe” around me, because I don’t think I have ever truly used that word in my whole life. I did say it out loud a few times, though, by myself, because I wanted to know what it felt like when other people used it. Well… It felt hollow and vacuous, since there was no one there to answer “hee Aabbo” back to me.

It has been so long since he left this world. So much has happened since then. I started Dugsi and finished it. I started school too. University. Graduation. My first job. The first time I quit a job. The days I was stressed, the nights I was sad, the moments I thought of giving up completely. The times I loved life, and the times I hated living and wished I had never been born.

The first paycheck I ever received.

The first time I gave my mother half of my salary.

The proud feeling i felt while I did it…

I wonder what it would have been like to tell you everything. To hear your voice respond to mine. To know what your warmth feels like for the very first time. Your hug, your kiss, your presence.  you and everything that is you.

I wait for the day I can finally tell you all about it.

One would think the grief would fade, since it has been “too long” since it happened, and that I must have learned how to live without having him around. But how can something fade when it never fully formed? My grief grows as I grow. Every new stage of life introduces a new way to miss him. As a child, I missed having a father. As I got older, I started missing having my father.

Subscribe

Love is a very strange thing. It survives through absence. Through secondhand memories. Through blood. Through longing. It survives through longing.

Sometimes I imagine him seeing the person I became. I wonder if he would recognize himself in me. I wonder what parts of me came from him without me even noticing.

…

People say I resemble you. Do I actually? If you saw me walking down the street, would something in me remind you of yourself? Would you notice your eyes in mine? Would you notice your habits hidden inside the way I speak, the way I react, the way I love people too deeply and pretend I do not?

I envy Maryam Aabbo. She got to meet you before me. You probably talked a lot. Hugged a lot. You probably asked her about me. Of course you would. You must be wondering what kind of person I turned out to be.

Did you actually ask about me?

I wonder what my girl had to say about me.

I miss you guys so much. I think of you guys a lot. But luckily, not in a sad “why did you have to leave” way, but in a way that makes me happy you were in my life at some point.

But to you, Aabbo, I think a part of me will always be waiting to meet you once again.

Until we meet again, Aabbo…

Jaranjarada ayaan hoos ugu soo degay, waxaanan sidii caadada ahayd samaystay shaahii madoobaa ee aan cabbi jiray, laakiin xaafaddu quraac iima ay reebin subaxaas.

Maalinkaan nafta is dhaafiyay subaxdii ka dambaysay, hooyaday sariirteeda way kasoo kici wayday. Waxay ku dul akhrinaysay buuggaygii xasuusqorka iyadoo ka shallaynaysa sida ay u ogolaatay in arrinku halkan soo gaaro. Aabbahay wuxuu dib u bilaabay cabbidda sigaarka, wuxuuna isku dayay inuu xasuusto markii u danbaysay ee aniga iyo isaga wada hadal na dhex maro. Walaalkay ayaa isna ka baaqday iskoolkii, laakiin markan sababtu may ahayn inay gacantu jabnayd.

Hablihii walaalahay, sariirtayda ayay isku uruuriyeen iyagoo wada daawanaya muuqaalladii aan uga tagay.

Maalinkaan nafta is dhaafiyay subaxdii ka dambaysay, saaxiibbaday waxay ii qoreen waraaqo, waxay akhriyeen gabayadaydii waxayna ku canaanteen naftooda inaanay iiga soo jawaabin xilli hore. Waxay ka sameeyeen waraaqihii diyaarado yaryar, waxayna u tuureen dhanka cirka bal inay isoo gaaraan farriimahoodu.

Bisaddii xaafadeenna gadaasheeda joogtay, waxay sugaysay marka xigta ee aan u keeni doono lafaha kalluunka iyo digaagga ay iiga baratay. Xaafaddaa iga furatay maanta, iyagaa u geeyay, isla tabtii un bayna u cuntay.

Maalinkaan nafta is dhaafiyay subaxdii ka dambaysay, waxaan arkay adeerkay oo markii ugu horraysay ooyaya, sidookalena dadkii dariska oo ka sheekeynaya qof aanay aqoonba u lahayn. Iibiyihii dukaanka aan wax ka iibsan jiray joogay, ayaa iigu reebay qayb kamid ah jallaatadaan jeclaa tallaagadda, isagoo filanaya bal inaan mar un usoo doonto.

Wiilkii iga diiday xiriirka ayaa arkay warka geeridayda, wuxuuna ka xumaaday inaanu helin jaanis uu igu macsalaameeyo.

Maalinkaan nafta is dhaafiyay subaxdii ka dambaysay, riyooyinkaygii iyo liisaskaygii wax-iibsigu waxay isu beddeleen xabaalo, gabadhii aan doonayay inaan noqdo na waxay la baaba’day ilmadii ugu dambaysay ee indhaheeda ka qubatay.

Maalinkaan nafta is dhaafiyay subaxdii ka dambaysay, waxaan dib ugu laabtay mayd qaboojiyaha, waxaanan agteeda joogay muddo kooban. Waxaan uga mahadceliyay adkaysigeedii illaa ay sii wadi kari weyday, waxaanse dareensanaa inay ka qoomamaynayso inay noolaan weyday si ay u aragto nafteeda oo gaadhay halkii ay ku riyoon jirtay.

WQ: Hams

WT: Maimun

Dabayaaqadii qarnigii siddeed iyo tobnaad, jasiiradda Saint-Domingue, oo maanta loo yaqaan Haiti waxay ahayd gumaysigii ugu dhaqaalaha badnaa ee Faransiiska.

Wax soo saarka sonkorta iyo bunka ee jasiiraddu waxa uu qayb weyn ka ahaa dhaqaalaha Yurub, faa’iidadaas badanna waxa ay ku dhisnayd shaqada khasabka ah ee boqollaalka kun ee addoommada Afrikaanka ah. Nidaamka dhaqaale ee halkaas ka jiray wuxuu ahaa nidaam ku dhisnaa ka faa’iidaysiga iyo burburinta nolosha dadka la addoonsaday.

Xaaladaha nololeed ee addoomuhu waxay ahaayeen kuwo aad u adag. Shaqada beeraha waxa lagu qaban jiray xaalado culus, ciqaabtuna aad bay u badnayd. Heerka dhimashada ayaa isaguna aad u sarreeyay, taas oo sababtay in si joogto ah addoomo cusub looga soo daabulo Afrika.

Bulshooyinkii ku noolaa Saint-Domingue waxay u kala qaybsanaayeen dabaqado kala duwan. Dabaqadahaas ay bulshadu u kala qaybsanayd waxaa ka dhaxeeyay is nacayb iyo loollan adag. Dusha sare waxaa joogay beeralayda iyo ganacsatada caddaanka ah ee hantida badan lahaa. Waxaa ku xigay caddaan sabool ah oo inkastoo aanay lahayn awood dhaqaale oo la mid ah tan dabaqadda sare, haddana si weyn uga faa’iidaysanayay kala sarreynta jinsiyadeed ee nidaamku dhisay.

Waxa sidoo kale jiray dad madow ama isku-dhaf ah(mixed) oo xorriyad helay, kuwaas oo qaarkood hanti iyo addoomo lahaa. Ugu dambayn, dabaqadda hoose oo markaa ahayd bulshada tirada ugu badani waxay ahayd addoomaha Afrikaanka ah ee aan lahayn wax xuquuq ah.

Kala sarreyntaasi waxay dhalisay bulsho ay si joogto ah uga dhex muuqdaan xiisado iyo kala fogaansho bulsheed. Inkastoo dabaqadaha kala duwan dhammaantood ay lahaayeen tabashooyin ka dhan ah maamulka Faransiiska, haddana addoomaha Afrikaanka ah ayaa ahaa kooxda sida ugu daran nidaamkaasi u saamaynayay. Noloshooda maalinlaha ahi waxay ku dhisnayd shaqo khasab ah, ciqaab joogto ah, iyo ka maqnaanshaha xuquuq kasta oo aasaasi ah.

Markii uu Yurub ka curtay Kacaankii Faransiiska sannadkii 1789, fikradaha ku saabsan xorriyadda, sinnaanta, iyo xuquuqda bani’aadamka ayaa waxay gaadheen Saint-Domingue. Hase yeeshee, fikradahaasi waxay si gaar ah u muujiyeen isburinta ka dhex jirtay nidaamka gumaysiga. Dad sheeganaya xorriyad iyo sinnaan ayaa isla waqtigaas haystay boqollaal kun oo addoomo ah. Sidaas darteed, fikradihii kacaanku ma aysan noqon kuwo ku kooban Yurub oo keliya; waxay si toos ah u taabteen dadka addoonsiga ku jiray ee jasiiradda.

Sannadkii 1791, kacdoon ballaaran ayaa wuxuu ka qarxay waqooyiga Saint-Domingue. Addoomo badan ayaa is abaabulay kaddibna weeraray beerihii waaweynaa, waxayna bilaabeen inay burburiyaan nidaamkii ku hayay addoonsiga. Muddo kooban gudaheed, kacdoonku waxa uu isu beddelay dagaal baaxad weyn leh oo ay ku lug yeesheen quwado kala duwan, oo ay ku jiraan Faransiiska, Spain, iyo Britain.

Xilligaas waxa soo baxay hoggaamiyeyaal door muhiim ah ku yeeshay jihada kacaanku u socday. Hoggaamiyihii ugu magaca weynaa waxa uu ahaa Toussaint Louverture. Inkastoo uu hore addoon u ahaa, haddana waxa uu noqday hoggaamiye ciidan iyo siyaasi leh karti.

Louverture waxa uu si fiican u fahmay in kacdoonku aanu sii jiri karin haddii uusan yeelan nidaam iyo hoggaan adag. Sidaas darteed, waxa uu dhisay ciidan nidaamsan oo awood u yeeshay inuu la dagaallamo quwadihii gumaysiga.

Louverture waxa uu sidoo kale caan ku ahaa xeeladdiisa siyaasadeed, isagoo si xeeladaysan ula macaamilay quwadihii kala duwanaa ee ku lug lahaa dagaalka, sidookalena samaynaya inuu mararka qaar beddelo isbahaysiyada si uu u ilaaliyo danaha kacaanka. Markii ugu horraysay ee Faransiisku si rasmi ah u mamnuucay addoonsiga sannadkii 1794, Louverture waxa uu taageero siiyay dowladda Faransiiska, isaga oo u arkayay in arrintaasi fursad u tahay ilaalinta xorriyadda dadka madow.

Muddo yar gudaheed, Louverture waxa uu noqday shakhsiga ugu awoodda badan Saint-Domingue. Waxa uu isku dayay inuu dib u habeeyo dhaqaalaha iyo maamulka jasiiradda, isaga oo doonayay in gumaysigii hore loo beddelo bulsho leh nidaam shaqaynaya. Hase yeeshee, isku daygiisaasi waxa uu la kulmay caqabado badan, gaar ahaan markii Napoleon Bonaparte uu go’aansaday inuu dib u soo celiyo awooddii Faransiiska ee jasiiradda.

Sannadkii 1802, Napoleon waxa uu Saint-Domingue u diray ciidan aad u badan. Ujeeddada ugu weyn ee hawlgalku waxay ahayd in la soo afjaro madaxbannaanida sii kordhaysa ee jasiiradda, isla markaana dib loo soo nooleeyo nidaamkii addoonsiga. Inkastoo ciidamadii Faransiisku markii hore guulo gaareen, haddana iska caabbinta xooggan ee dadka deegaanka iyo cudurro (sida yellow fever) ayaa si weyn u wiiqay awooddoodii.

Louverture waa la qabtay waxaana loo qaaday Faransiiska, halkaas oo uu ku dhintay xabsi. Si kastaba ha ahaatee, qabashadiisu ma aysan joojin kacaanka. Hoggaamiyeyaal kale sida Jean-Jacques Dessalines ayaa sii waday dagaalka, iyaga oo si cad u diiday suurtagalnimada in addoonsi mar kale lagu soo celiyo jasiiradda.

Sannadkii 1804, Haiti waxa ay ku dhawaaqday madax-bannaani rasmi ah. Taasi waxay Haiti ka dhigtay dalkii ugu horreeyay ee uu ka dhasho kacdoon addoonsi oo guulaystay, iyo jamhuuriyaddii ugu horreysay ee ay hoggaamiyaan dad madow. Dhacdadan waxay ahayd mid si weyn u beddeshay taariikhda Atlantic-ka iyo guud ahaan dunida gumaysiga.

Saamaynta kacaanka Haiti kuma koobnayn jasiiradda oo keliya, ee wuxuu cabsi badan geliyay quwadihii gumaysiga ee ku tiirsanaa addoonsiga, gaar ahaan kuwa dhaqaalahoodu sida weyn ugu tiirsanaa shaqada addoomaha. Dalal badan baa u arkayay Haiti tusaale khatar ah oo dhiirrigelin kara kacdoonno kale. Sidaas darteed, Haiti waxa ay la kulantay go’doomin diblomaasiyadeed iyo cadaadis dhaqaale oo muddo dheer socday.

Dhanka kale, kacaanku waxa uu dhiirrigelin u noqday dhaqdhaqaaqyo badan oo ka dhan ahaa addoonsiga iyo gumaysiga. Waxa uu muujiyay in nidaamyada ku dhisan dulmiga iyo kala sarreyntu aysan ahayn kuwo weligood sii jiri kara. Waxa kale oo uu si toos ah u su’aal geliyay fikraddii ahayd in xorriyadda iyo xuquuqda bani’aadamka lagu koobo koox gaar ah oo dadka ka mid ah.

Subscribe

Inkasta oo Kacaankii Haiti uu lahaa saamayn caalami ah, haddana inta badan lama siiyo muhiimadda uu leeyahay marka laga hadlayo taariikhda kacaannada waaweyn ee dunida.

Kacaannada Maraykanka iyo Faransiiska ayaa si weyn loogu xusaa buugaagta iyo doodaha taariikhiga ah, halka Kacaankii Haiti oo ahaa kacdoonkii ugu horreeyay ee addoomo ku guulaystaan inay meesha ka saaraan nidaam gumaysi iyo addoonsi, marar badan lama weyneeyo oo waxaa loo xusaa si kooban ama dusha sare ah.

Arrintaasi waxay ka tarjumaysaa habka ay taariikh qorista dunidu marar badan u buunbuuniso guulaha reer Galbeedka, halka ay yarayso ama dhinac iska dhigto kaalinta bulshooyinka aan caddaanka ama Yurubta ahayn ku lahaayeen beddelidda taariikhda iyo horumarinta fikradaha siyaasadeed.

“Black” started being a thing when Europe needed a way to organize the world into hierarchies, to justify slavery, and conquest. Skin color became an easier way to decide who could be enslaved, who could be ruled and who could be human. So black was a ranking system and never just a description.

In essence, the modern sociopolitical meaning of “black” is a product of colonial history, designed to create racial divisions that served the economic and political interests of European empires.

With that being said, many Somalis who live in the western world refuse to identify themselves with the term. A lot of them call themselves Somalis and not black.

In theory, rejecting the term could be radical. It could be a refusal of colonial taxonomy. It could be saying: I am not a color invented to justify your dominance. I am a people, a history, a lineage.

But that’s not the reason most Somalis reject it.

Somalis don’t reject the word Black because they are doing a deep decolonial critique. They reject it because Blackness has been made to feel inferior, and everyone wants to be associated with what is seen as superior.

There is a common belief that Somali identity is somehow closer to Arabs, or at least less contaminated by the stigma attached to Blackness. this is why we praise light skin and romanticize the “Arab ancestor”. We treat the African identity as an insult, not a geography. The word “Black” feels like a downgrade, because it has been socially engineered to feel degrading.

Sociologically, race is not biology. “Black” is not a scientific category. It is a political one. It was invented to make slavery seem natural. But once invented, it became real in its consequences.

So when Somalis reject the word Black, but do so because they hate what Blackness represents in a racist world, they are not rejecting colonial logic, they are fueling it.

It’s a tragic loop:

White supremacy defines Blackness as inferior → Somalis internalize that message → Somalis distance themselves from Blackness → White supremacy wins twice.

Subscribe now

I personally dislike the term Black as an identity label because it is lazy and colonial. It erases specificity. It collapses Somali, Yoruba, Zulu, Amhara, and African American into a single shadow category defined by Europe. I would rather be identified by lineage, religion, culture, language or history.

However, If we are serious about rejecting racism, we need to be honest about why the word Black makes us uncomfortable. Rejecting colonial racial categories can be very valid, but rejecting Blackness because it has been socially constructed as inferior only repeats the same hierarchy.

The problem is the global system that taught us to fear it, not the word itself. Until we confront that, our rejection of Blackness will remain less a decolonial stance and more an internalization of the very system we claim to oppose.

Angela Yvonne Davis waxay ku dhalatay sannaddii 1944 magaalada Birmingham ee gobolka Alabama, meel caan ku ahayd takoorka jinsiga iyo rabshadaha ka dhanka ah madoowga. Waxay ku kortay xaafadda loo yaqaanay “Dynamite Hill,” oo si joogto ah loogu weerari jiray qaraxyo ay fuliyeen cunsuriyiin caddaan ah.

Xaaladdan adag ayaa ku dhalisay rabitaanka u ololaynta caddaaladda iyo xuquuqda bani’aadamka. Dabayaaqadii 1960-meeyadii waxay ku biirtay Dhaqdhaqaaqii Xuquuqda Madaniga, ururka Black Panther, iyo Xisbiga Shuuciga ee Mareykanka.

Sannadkii 1981, waxay qortay Women, Race & Class si ay u muujiso sida dhaqdhaqaaqa xuquuqda haweenka (Feminism) ee Mareykanka taariikh ahaan u dayacay ama uga reebay haweenka midabka leh iyo kuwa ka soo jeeda dabaqadda shaqeysa, iyada oo soo bandhigaysa sida jinsiga, jinsiyadda, iyo dabaqadaha bulshadu  isugu xiran yihiin.

Angelina Davis waxay cutubka koowaad ee buugga Women, Race & Class kaga hadlaysaa xilligii addoonsiga dadka modowga ah, gaar ahaan dumarka, sida dumarka modowga ah ay uga duwanaayeen dumarka lamidka ah ee caddaanka ah.

Sida Davis ay xusayso, dumarka caddaanka ah waxaa lala xiriirin jiray astaamo "dheddigeed" sida; addeecidda ninkeeda, guri joognimo, hooyonimo Iyo weliba dabacsanaan.

dhinaca kale dumarka modowga taa lidkeeda looma aqoonsanayn inay yihiin jinsi ka duwan kan ragga awood ahaan marka loo eego qaabka labada jinsiba loogu shaqaysanayay.

Subscribe

Dumarka Modowgu waxay ka shaqayn jireen beeraha, waxay qodi jireen, beeri jireen oo guri jireen suufka, tubaakada, Sonkorta Iyo dalagyo kale oo badan. haweenayda addoonta ah waxay ugu horreyn u ahayd shaqaale wakhti buuxa mudanaheeda, kaddib ayay gurigeeda u ahayd Hooyo, Xaas Iyo Guri sameeye.

Bartamihii qarnigii 19aad, celcelis ahaan, toddobo kamid ah siddeedda addoon — rag Iyo dumarba — waxay ka shaqayn jireen beeraha. isla tabta wiilasha loogu diri jiray shaqada beeraha marka ay gaaraan da'dii loo qoondeeyay, ayaa gabdhahana loogu diri jiray inay qodaan ciidda, guraan suufka, jar-jaraan qasabka sidoo kalena beeraan tubaakada.

Haweeney da' ah mar lawaraystay 1930-meeyadii iyada oo ka sheekeynaysa qaabka ay yaraanteeda ugu soo hana-qaadday shaqada beeraha oo ay ka shaqaynaysay beer ku taalla Alabama ayaa waxay tiri;

"Waxaan lahayn guryo duug ah oo dil-dillaacsan oo laga sameeyay ulal, qaarna dildilaacyada waxaa lagu buuxiyay dhoobo iyo caws, qaar kalena sidooda ayay u dillaacsanaayeen. Maanaan haysan gogol wanaagsan, ee waxaanu haysanay kaliya meel laga dul dhisay gidaarka oo laga sameeyay ulal, oo gogol duug ah lagu tuuray dusheeda. Hurdo adag bay ahayd, laakiin xitaa taas waxay u roonayd lafaheenna daallan ka dib maalmaha dhaadheer ee shaqada adag ee beeraha.

Markaan gabar yar ahaa ayaan carruurta daryeeli jiray, gurigana isku dayi jiray inaan nadiifiyo sida ay marwada weyn ii sheegi jirtay. Markii aan toban jir noqday ayuu mudanaha weyn yiri:

“Gee addoontan haka shaqayso beeraha cudbiga ah.”’’

Sidoo kale Davis waxay xusaysaa in haweenka modowga ah loo aqoonsanaa "tarmayaal" halkii laga odhan lahaa "hooyooyin", wax xuquuq sharci ahna kumay lahayn ilmaha ay dhalaan oo xilli kasta ayaa laga gadi karay ilmahooda. intaas waxaa u dheeraa, maadama ay dumar yihiin inay u nuglaayeen dhammaan noocyada kala duwan ee tacaddiga jinsiga.

Haddii ciqaabta ugu xun ee loo geysan jiray nimanka modowga ah ay ahayd garaacid Iyo jir-dil, dumarku intaas way la qabeen waxaase u dheeraa kufsi.

Mulkiilayaasha addoomadu waxay markasta ku dedaali jireen in "tarmaayashu" ay dhalaan carruur illaa inta ay dhalmo deynayaan. laakiin marna ma aysan dhici jirin in ay shaqada ka daayaan haweenka uurka leh Iyo hooyooyinka ummusha ah.

Inkasta oo hooyooyinka lugu khasbi jiray inay ilmahooda dhigaan dhulka meel u dhow goobta ay ka shaqaynayaan, haddana tiro yar oo kamid ahi way diidi jireen iyagoo ku giijisan jiray dhabarka oo sidaa ku shaqayn jiray.

Subscribe

Davis waxay sidookale xusaysaa in dhaqdhaqaaqa hore ee xuquuqda dumarka ee Maraykanka(Feminism) uusan kasoo bixin meel cidlo ah, balse uu lasoo kacaamay ololihii cidhibtirka addoonsiga.

Dumar badan oo caddaan ah ayaa qayb ka ahaa ololihii cidhibtirka addoonsiga iyagoo u arkay arrin dhaqan ahaan Iyo anshax ahaan muhiim ah. si kastaba ha ahaatee Davis waxay tilmaamaysaa in inkastoo ololaha cidhibtirka addoonsigu siiyay dumarka boos ay kasoo geli karaan siyaasadda, haddana dhaq-dhaqaaqa xuquuqda dumarka(Feminism) waxaa inta badan mudnaanta lasiin jiray dumarka caddaanka ah dhibaatooyinkooda, iyada oo aan aad loo tix-gelin jiray dhibaatooyinka dumarka modow.

Fiministayaashii caddaanka ahaa waxay marmarka qaar iskaashi la samayn jireen kooxaha u ololeeya cidhibtirka addoonsiga, laakiin waxay sidaa samayn jireen iyagoo weli ilaalinaya nidaamka takoorka midabka, taasoo ka dhigtay codka haweenka madow mid ay iska indho tiraan. Faquuqaas ma ahayn khalad kaliya, ee waxay ka turjumaysay cunsurinimo Iyo caado bulsho taasoo muujinaysay in haweenka modowga ah aysan u qalmin wax le'eg intay u qalmaan haweenka caddaanka ah.

Intaas ka dib, Davis waxay buugga si qoto dheer ugu falanqaynaysaa doorka dabaqadda shaqeysa (class) iyo sida ay dumarka saboolka ah, gaar ahaan kuwa modowga ah, ula kulmeen cadaadis laba-laab ah: mid dhaqaale iyo mid jinsi.

Waxay tilmaamaysaa in dumarka modowga ah aanay waligood helin fursadda ay ku noqdaan “haween guri-joog ah” sida dumarka caddaanka ah ee dabaqadda dhexe, maadaama xaaladda dhaqaale ay mar walba ku khasbaysay inay shaqeeyaan, ha ahaato xilligii addoonsiga ama ka dib xorriyaddii. Sidaas darteed, fikradda ah in dumarka laga “xoreeyo shaqada” ma ahayn mid ka tarjumaysa nolosha dhabta ah ee dumarka modowga ah.

Sidoo kale, Davis waxay si adag u dhaliilaysaa dhaqdhaqaaqii codbixinta haweenka (women’s suffrage movement), gaar ahaan dabayaaqadii qarnigii 19aad iyo bilowgii qarnigii 20aad. Waxay muujinaysaa in hoggaamiyeyaal badan oo ka tirsanaa dhaqdhaqaaqaasi ay doorteen inay iska fogeeyaan haweenka modowga ah si ay u helaan taageerada ragga caddaanka ah ee awoodda hayay.

Davis waxay kaloo ka hadashay arrimaha taranka iyo xakamaynta dhalmada, iyadoo muujinaysa laba waji oo kala duwan. Hal dhinac, xakamaynta dhalmadu waxay dumarka siin kartay xorriyad ay ku maamulaan jirkooda; dhinaca kale, dumarka modowga ah iyo kuwa saboolka ah waxaa marar badan lagu khasbi jiray ama lagu khiyaami jiray in laga joojiyo taranka, iyaga oo lagu samaynayo dhalmo-joojin (Sterilization) khasab ah.

Intaa waxaa dheer, Davis waxay falanqaysay rabshadaha jinsiga iyo kufsiga, iyadoo sharxaysa sida taariikh ahaan kufsiga dumarka modowga ah aan loogu aqoon dambi culus, halka dhinaca kale eedeymo been ah oo kufsi loo adeegsan jiray in lagu ciqaabo ama lagu dilo rag modow ah. Si guud intani waxay ina tusaysaa sida nidaamka caddaaladdu uusan u ahayn mid dhexdhexaad ah, balse uu dhabarka ku hayo dheer sinjiyadda(race) iyo awoodda(power).

Gebogebadii, Women, Race & Class waa buug tooshka ku ifinaya sida xorriyadda dumarka aysan suuragal u noqon karin haddii aan la tixgelin dhammaan dumarka, gaar ahaan kuwa ay saameeyeen cunsuriyadda iyo saboolnimadu. Davis waxay ku adkaysanaysaa in feminism-ka dhabta ahi uu yahay mid mideeya halganka ka dhanka ah takoorka jinsiga, midabka, iyo cadaadiska dhaqaale, halkii uu ka ahaan lahaa dhaqdhaqaaq u adeegaya hal koox oo keliya.

Do you ever think too much? Does thoughts come to your head uninvited. Too many thoughts, until your head feels like a crowded room where everyone is talking at once? each voice has something different to say. They don’t wait for their turns to speak. They overlap, they interrupt each other until there is nothing left but noise.

You feel overstimulated. You don’t know the solution you’re looking for. Or are you looking for a solution? Because nothing, not a single one of your thoughts is about solving. Each and every one of them is a regret, a what if, a worry about the future, or a voice of your past conversations.

You get to a point that the only audible word inside the crowded mind of yours is ‘Hate’. Your mind keeps saying ‘i hate’ out loud. Because it starts to hate. Doesn’t matter what specifically.

So you distract yourself.

You open your phone. You scroll. Tiktok doesn’t help, it doesn’t distract you enough.

You watch a movie, to live a different world, and get out of your head, for once. Or You listen to music, to someone else’s words, to anything that fills the air.

Sometimes you play the Qur’an softly in the background, and for a few minutes, you let the verses wash over you. Not only because it’s a soft sound that keeps you from hearing your own mind, but also to remind yourself that there is another world outside of this dunya. A world that might be more peaceful than this.

But even then, with all the noise you gather to silence the noise inside you, the mind doesn’t quiet down for long. It only hides for a moment.

So you sit there and start bargaining with yourself. Maybe I’m just bored. Maybe if i sleep early, and i wake up even earlier tomorrow. Maybe if i read a book and pretend everything is fine, it will eventually come true.

You breathe slowly. You convince yourself that it’s a momentary thing. And you try to remember a moment where everything went well for you. You wonder if such a moment ever really existed, or if you just forgot how it felt.

But somewhere in all that chaos, there is a voice, a tiny and quiet voice that came to give you some hope. Because deep down, even in that suffocation, your mind knows how capable you are. The voice soothes you:

It’s alright. it won’t last forever, it says.

So you close your eyes. for a second. Or Maybe for a minute. And you allow yourself, to hope that tomorrow might be a little quieter than today.

Sida caadiga ah, qofka marka qofi ka dhinto, dadka u dhow oo dhan waxay usoo kala degdegaan u tacsiyaynta qofkii laga dhintay. Hase ahaatee u tacsiyaynta qofku waxay igu tahay aniga buur.

Qofka laga dhintay marka uu noqdo qof aan aqoon isu leennahay, aad baan u dhibsadaa. Iskaba daaye waxaan jeclaystaa qofkan inaan waligay aqoonin si aanan ugu khasbanaan u tacsiyayntiisa.

Igama aha xumaan heerkaa fog gaarsiisan, se waddada usheegidda qofka inaad ka xuntahay, kadibna aad usoo taagnaanaysid falcelinta qofkii geeriyaysnaa ayaa ah mid aad raf u ah. ‘Waan ka xumahay walaal, samir iyo iiman Alle ha kaa siiyo’ iyo ‘aamiin walaal’ oo xigta qofkii oo ilmadu ka qubanayso ma aha wada sheekeysi qof waliba jeclaysanayo.

Guriga guri ahaan noo xiga, ayaa odaygii reerku ka dhintay. Anigoo markaa safar kasoo galay ayay hooyo i tiri ‘kaalay ila soo eeg reerka, oo aynu usoo tacsiyeyno’. albaabkii reerka haddaanu ka galnay, anigu gabadhii iga furtay ayaan salaamay kaddibna toos baan u gudbay.

Dayrkaan dhex istaagay, geesahaan eeg-eegay oo waxaa isugu kay yimid dareemmo aad u kala duwan oo aanan reerka geeriyaysan kahor muujin karin.

Hooyaday way soo gudubtay, maamadii reerka oo markaa aan dul taagnaa, se aanan dareensanayn anigu ayay salaantay. Gabadh ay reerku dhaleen oo iyaduna i dhinac taagnayd oo aanan u jeedin ayay salaantay. Hooyaa i gujisay. ‘’salaan habaryar’’ baan ku war helay. Hoos baan fiiriyay mise cabbaar baan dul-taagnaa aanan juuq u oran. Waan isku xishooday, labadii qofna markii baan salaamay. Hadal kale igama soo yeerin illaa aan ka baxaynay xaafadda reerka.

Waxaa noo sheekeeyay oday aannu safar soo wada ahayn. Heesta Khaalid Kaamil ee ‘waraaq ku qor oohintaada’ oo markaa noo baxaysay ayuu damiyay, kadibna wuxuu bilaabay inuu noo turjumo heesta cilmi nafsi ahaan.

Sharraxaaddii siduu u waday, ayuu na su’aalay,‘’qof haddii laga dhinto ma u tacsiyaysaan?’’. Dhammaantayo ‘dabcan, why not?’ baan ku jawaabnay. Se aniga daacad igamay ahayn. Haddii aanan ka baqayn xukun degdeg ah in la igu rido markiiba, waxaan ku jawaabi lahaa ‘’may, way igu adagtahay runtii’’.

Odaygii wuxuu bilaabay inuu noo sheego sida u tacsiyaynta qofka geeriyaysan ay dadka qaybi uga warwareegaan iyagoo aaminsan in qofkan boogi danqanayso marwalba oo la xasuusiyo geerida qofkii ay jeclaayeen.

Wuxuu yiri ‘’ma aha sidaas. Qofku wuxuu u baahanyahay inuu familiar la noqdo xaqiiqada qaraar ee ah geerida ku timid. Waayo haddii aan lala soo hadal qaadin inta uu qoyanyahay nabarku, waxay noqonaysaa boog ku xumaata oo muddo kadib haddii qofi xasuusiyo, markaas ayuu ku khasbanaanaya inuu mar labaad noolaado maalinkii u xisaabsanayd ‘maalin mugdi’ noloshiisa. Wuxuuna bilaabaya inuu ooyo mar walba oo uu xasuusto iyadoo ay kasoo wareegtay wakhti badan.’’

Aniga xog igu cusub bay ahayd, wax badanna way ka badashay qaabka aan uga fekeri jiray tacsiyaynta.

Safarka aannu odaygaas soo wada galnay wuxuu ahaa mid kamid ah safarradii ugu quruxda badnaa abid, ee aan galo. Waayo ma dhacdo maalin walba inaad qaadatid xiisad cilmi nafsi ah, wakhtigana isku dhaafisid adigoo waayay anteenada moobilka, haysanna internet aad ku mashquuliso naftaada.

In every war, women carry scars that no history book fully names. Because history remembers the ‘martyrs’ but never the women who carried the cost of their glory.

Globally, women are always the first victims of war. they are seen as weapons of war. they get raped, Others are caught up in sexual slavery or displaced forcibly.

Sexual violence against women, young girls and even children is used as a political weapon. ironically, these victims are never the ones who start wars, they simply get punished for existing, for being women on a battlefield.

Subscribe now

Today, rape during war is considered a war crime and a crime against humanity. However, justice is never served and it is largely unpunished.

In most conflicts, it’s rare for victims to ever get care, justice, or even recognition, while the ones who caused the harm often walk away rewarded in the name of peace. Rape survivors, on the other hand, frequently face rejection from their own communities and families.

The numbers alone are horrifying: between 250,000 and 500,000 women and girls were raped during the 1994 genocide in Rwanda; more than 60,000 during the civil war in Sierra Leone; between 20,000 and 50,000 in Bosnia and Herzegovina; and at least 200,000 in the Democratic Republic of the Congo since 1996.

A handwritten note by Eritrean soldiers, extracted from the uterus of a rape survivor. Translation: ‘Sons of Eritrea, we are brave. We have committed ourselves to this, and we will continue doing it. We will make Tigrayan females infertile. We are still determined to retaliate for 1998’. Photograph: Ximena Borrazas.

There was once a deeply disturbing term for women forced into sexual slavery: Comfort women.

They were women enslaved by the Japanese army before and during World War II, between 1932 and 1945. Many were raped repeatedly, tortured, and died from brutal mistreatment

During the Somali civil war in 1991, people were murdered for being from the “wrong” qabiil. Many fled back to their regions. But for women, qabiil didn’t matter, being a woman was enough.

They were gang-raped, enslaved, and treated as sexual objects. This part of our history isn’t written in our history books. You can guess why.

And now, from Tigray to Congo to Sudan, women are still living the same horror.

Many survivors never speak about what happened to them because in many cultures, women who get raped are treated like they brought ‘shame’ to the family.

They are seen as sinners instead of victims. and as you can guess, their families hide them, communities avoid them, justice systems ignore them and is never served.

They choose to stay silent because for them to speak, they’ll have to sacrifice everything: their families, their place in society, their honor and the possibility of getting married.

The worst part about all this is how much we normalized such a horror.

Nations in the world differ; different countries, religions, and even cultures, but somehow, the world shares one thing: the normalization of violence against women.

Women are cursed from birth, punished for the crime of being born female.

It's not the eyes or the reaction that scare me, it's the opinion, the perception, the knowing about me. the thought that someone could hold an image of me in their mind, one I can't control, one I can't rewrite.

I try to shrink, I try to hide my opinions, perspective on matters. i try to hide myself so much so one would think i know nothing.

you could probably conclude just from this that i am a perfectionist. you would be right.

I tend to care too much about the perfectness of the things i do, about whether anybody could find any flow in my work, about whether i would be seen as anything less than perfect.

Ironically, no one is perfect and i know that. it's a blessing and a curse at the same time, though if we're honest, it is more of a curse.

Subscribe

In real life, people might think I carry myself like someone flawless, someone with a certain aura. that could be a good thing in a way, but it's not.

Because with that comes expectations. scripts they've written for me. and disappointment follows when i don't act out the version of me in their head. Then i wonder if it's them i've failed or myself.

I did try to perfect myself this year. i started reading, started forming opinions about the stuff i never could before.

i started going out more, dressing slightly better than i used to. but none of these feel enough. especially the reading part.

The more i read, the more I realize how little i know. the more i meet new people, the more insecure i become about me, about everything that's me.

everybody else seems more knowledgeable, more intelligent. everybody somehow knows everything, everybody somehow read every philosophy book known to man.

I am personally an opinionated person. i comment on everything, i form thoughts about every matter, but only in my mind.

I can't do that publicly, because what if? what if i say something wrong, what if i propose a solution so bad, everybody gets shocked by the imperfection i am as a whole?

So, i choose to shut my mouth, i choose to stay silent and i choose to post nothing on social media. mind you, i have too much to say but it's an unfortunate that i can't.

I wish i were normal. i wish i could be carefree in a world full of judgmental people. i wish i could say whatever is on my mind without imagining the reaction that might follow after i utter the words that came to my mind.

maybe one day i'll stop fearing the weight of perception. maybe one day i will live without other people being on my mind. maybe one day i'll speak without rehearsing, exist without editing myself for the world. until then, I'm stuck in this in-between, wanting to be seen, and terrified of being known.