but not really.

I can smell the sea,

but it is not here.

Really I smell the plants,

the water plants.

No longer residing in their home,

upholstered from where they once were.

They’re now on the bank.

They dry now

and will wilt.

That is the fate,

that has been decided.

birds sing their song

i soak it up

not like a sponge

more like a syringe

picking precisely

very specifically

this sensation

still a melancholy

strife in my body

can i cling on to contentness

or is it fleeting once more

it’s windy outside

relatively cold

it’s summer and i’m wearing a vest and thick sweatpants

the soft breeze makes me want to drift my thoughts on the wind

i’m not having many thoughts though

but today i feel

it’s going to be okay

work is me

almost no time to lounge

no more languishing around

i’ve got a duty to be found

filled with longer and longer days

working till the end

a little bit more money to spend

although i get it from the government

i am going on a bend

we are on a roll

this is a money brawl

between me and my purse

yes i want to drive a hearse

but alas my purse says there is none

all my money has gone

a tear runs down my cheek

why must i be a spending freak

He doesn’t care if I don’t practice a lot which is good because I do care. I get embarrassed if I haven’t practiced a lot, which I mostly don’t. I think on average I practice three times a week. At the start when I played bass I couldn’t enjoy it because I sucked ass. Now I’m still shit but at least my hands can reach the chords. Now I’m starting to enjoy it. Heck even this past week when I was feeling super anxious I calmed down when I started playing bass. It grounded me, helped me reconnect with my body. Until it didn’t and I started getting in my head because I couldn’t get the melody right. I usually practice until I start getting in my head which doesn’t take very long on bad days. But it can take about 15 minutes on good days.

Right now I’m thinking of doing my therapy exercises but then I’ll still have about an hour left until the bass guitar lessons. Maybe I can read a bit in the meantime. I hope today turns out to be a good day in the end. The tarot cards said I wasted my morning, probably because I planned to go to the gym and didn’t. I instead smoked a cigarette in the backyard and drank some coffee. Then I made breakfast and read. Then I went on a 40 min walk. I wanted to walk for longer but it said it was going to rain so I went inside. I didn’t see any rain besides after this morning when I didn’t want to do exercise because it rained even though in the gym you can be inside. I’ll go now. I hope your day isn’t too bad.

in my vanity it brought me great joy

i felt like a bad bitch

what do i do now all of that is gone

when there’s no longer a voice in my head telling me here’s the camera and flash

secretly there’s still an audience

the people at work who talk smack behind your back

your family or even your close friends

they still want to see you act

act like a decent citizen

act like you know the pact

so you tease your hair up high

legs clean shaven

put on some high heels and run this show

“this is my world and you’re just living in it”

you shout

and i believe you for just a second

Donate on Ko-Fi!

i guess you never stop performing

the only difference is how much you care

going to school, scrolling, studying

sometimes meeting with friends

I wasn’t yet lonely back then

days were filled with joy but also stress

stressing about school, the future

stressing about dating

and every little mishap felt like the end of the world

but I turned out sort of okay in the end

sure my isolation in my adolescence turned into mental instability

but my teenage years were allright

I had the whole world laid out ahead of me

as a kid I was joyous

I was selfish sure

a little bit of a diva even

but I was rarely sad

had very little worries

the more I get older the more I try to go back to my kid self

if i act a little bit like a diva it brings me lots of joy

but I can also slow down more these days

rather than my kid or teenage years I appreciate moments of rest, of stillness

the sun coming through the leaves

a bird chirping from the trees

a hot cup of tea

a cold glass of lemonade

well made coffee

a good book

a great song

this is what it is really about

sure work is important

but so is play

and I think I’ve found some peace little by little

it twists and turns

knot in ur stomach

or

im slipping

falling though the ground

tunnels im travelling through

cookies i eat alice in wonderland style

i shrink i grow

or ancient greece

i chisel off a piece of myself

there’s a gap in my shoulder

i offer it to you hard like a rock

shame makes you obey

behave like a dog

what if i want to be a woodpecker instead

drilling holes in people’s brains

flying high in the sky

white black and red

balance and passion

that’s what i want out of life!

fiery crimson red

i paint my lips

tonight we’re dancing shameless

may i steal a kiss?

First I searched for fashion inspiration on Pinterest. I suggest collecting things in multiple styles, especially if you’re going to thrift. Important to note though, pinterest is just inspiration for buying outfits, not putting outfits together. When the time comes where you have the items you want, try mixing and matching the items you own. Maybe pick out a day where you put together outfits and pick out your favourite ones. Take pictures. Then most of the time, when it’s morning, you’ll know what kind of items go well together and which don’t. Of course it’s also just a matter of trial and error. As I’m sure most outfits you put together aren’t pre picked, but you’ll rock them regardless.

I have recently made two boards on pinterest.

One for vintage fashion and one for modern fashion. Then I’ll go to the thrift or vinted to find pieces that match this vibe. I experiment. So far I’ve got this grungy/whimsical vibe and this modern cool girl vibe. Sometimes I mix pieces from all those styles. And honestly there are times that you just flop. I don’t think you have paparazzi following you everywhere, so that’s okay.

All in all it will probably take you a couple of years to find your style. I started at 16 and only now at 24 have I collected items that truly match eachother. It takes time to collect new pieces and donate the ones that either don’t fit or don’t fit your style anymore. That’s okay, you don’t need to walk the runway. The only people you should want to impress are your friends and acquaintances (and yourself of course).

If you’ve found your clothing style it’s time to find your makeup style. I like a natural or grungy look. Usually I do some brown mascara and the clinique black honey lipstick. Most days I don’t wear makeup at all. I save it for special occasions. I wear makeup when I feel good. I’ve got this big morphe palette with all kinds of different shades that I like to use (although it doesn’t have blue, for that colour I have a small palette from Catrice). On good days I look for inspiration on Pinterest, and if you want to get creative I’d say look for inspiration in nature, art or a digital aesthetic.

All in all it’s okay to have multiple styles, and I encourage you to experiment with different items. But do make sure you’re consistent in those styles. Check your outfits by taking pictures of them and looking in the mirror a lot and match your makeup to match your clothing style.

i am becoming disenchanted
countless days i feel so dull
and no one lifts my spirits
no one meets me where i’m at
and then there’s you
you who sparked my interest
you who seems upfront
no wishy washing
dilly dallying
i ache to feel your warmth
dare i say it
dare i speak it out loud
no more useless texting 
i offer my hand 
and offer my heart
serve it on a platter
here here i am here look at me
i like you
will you please please please
return the favour?
please pretty please
like me back?
i feel so so bare
so utterly stripped naked

i am so tired
my skin aches
longing for a warm embrace
i am so tired

i can count the days
days i’ve truly felt alive
countless days without much jive

yet i do have a drive
a lust for better days
a hope to celebrate
share joy amongst my friends
to lead to better lands

soft as a breeze
oh to be at ease
to not feel so alone
and a bonus if to bone

days being animated
not so agitated
to be amongst my peers
and have us all say cheers!

I’m currently trying to navigate life without a smartphone. Whilst it isn’t much like a 2006 drama. It’s more like the time when I was too young to use Instagram or when I used it to connect with friends, if you want to romanticise it. My phone now only has besides calling and sms only WhatsApp and the weather. No YouTube. No Instagram. No TikTok… not even Google Maps. Hardly any games. I carry a retro gaming device and a DS with me for when I’m bored (and an e-reader). If I want to be online I go on my laptop. So far it’s much less inviting to scroll. I mostly go on Pinterest and Substack. I can curate the life I want to live again, rather than letting my algorithm curate me. I do admit though, when I’m alone I’m utterly bored with no doomscrolling.

Most people aren’t completely ditching their smartphones. No, they want to use them in an authentic way. Make smartphones smart again. Let’s all ditch phone addiction. Download apps like ScreenZen, it’s time to create more than we consume. It’s time to pick up a real hobby again. If you’re broke like me, preferably something that can be cheap and worthwhile. For alone hobbies I like knitting, embroidery and sewing (thrift your fabrics! reuse old sweaters for yarn!). But I also love making music, which you can do together but isn’t the cheapest, unless you’re self taught (thank you parents for paying for my bass guitar lessons). Of course I still love to consume. I love reading books, going to the cinema and to the museum. This all still feels like a worthwhile way to spend money. But the cheapest would be to be more in nature. Of course, if you’re a dopamine junkie like me, you need to be entertained. My tips: look for edible plants (bring a guidebook), little critters (same goes here) or cool rocks. You can also go and clean up the neighbourhood by picking trash.

When it’s cold out I like to stay inside. What were we doing when we were younger when it’s cold outside? If you’re gen Z like me you were probably playing videogames. You can do so together by playing laptop games and sharing on discord. This is a highly effective bonding ritual. Or if you want you can even watch a movie together. If you want to make it like the 2010s, go to your friends house to play on their PlayStation, Xbox or Wii. This is better in my opinion, since you’re seeing your friends in real life rather than via a screen. Bring your old DS and do multiplayer games. Or for the 2026 version, you can also play together on the Nintendo Switch.

What I miss the most personally, and I think most people miss of the late 2000s/early 2010s is how people were more social. I think if we all put in the effort to gather more together by doing the above mentioned activities we’d all be much happier, less lonely, and not feel like we’ve wasted countless hours scrolling. And if we’re talking about the analog bag… I carried my DS with me everywhere as a kid. If you’re bored out of your mind like me take your old devices to your friends or go and make new friends at local events (knitting, gaming). Let’s counter this hyperdigital, and fake-social doomscrolling one by one.

Hoe doe je dat offline je vriendenkring vergroten als je niet meer studeert? Moet ik aan een nieuwe studie of cursus beginnen om mensen te vinden? Ik heb het idee dat de meeste mensen op de plek waar ik werk niet echt op zoek zijn naar vrienden. Daarom zoek ik nieuwe plekjes waar jongeren verzamelen. Wat ik tot nu toe gevonden heb: het COC, het jongerencentrum en een buurtcafe/gemeenschapstuin. Maar dan… alleen daar naartoe gaan is niet genoeg. Eerst moet je de leuke mensen lokaliseren. En dan de moed verzamelen om op ze op te stappen. En nog komt daar bij dat je een stromend gesprek moet kunnen voeren. Waar praat je dan over?

Even wat context. De afgelopen paar jaar zijn zwaar voor mij geweest. Ik zat niet lekker in mijn vel en heb periodes gehad waarin ik moest stoppen met werken/studeren omdat het zodanig slecht ging. Geen van mijn studies heb ik afgerond. Ik zat heel veel thuis, niks te doen of natuurfilmpjes te kijken om mijn tijd door te brengen. Ik kon me niet concentreren op boeken of hele films en kon ook weinig aan mijn ontwikkeling doen omdat ik vooral bezig was met overleven. En mijn pijn? Daar praat ik niet graag over. Wat heb je dan nog aan gespreksstof?

Pas nu heb ik het idee dat ik weer interessant kan doen en dingen heb om over te praten. Nu, nu ik me weer een uur of zelfs langer op een boek kan concentreren. Nu, nu ik weer aan het werk ben. En nu, nu ik weer films kijk (mits het innemend genoeg is of als ik tussendoor kan breien). Mijn aandachtsspanne is nog steeds naar de knoppen, maar het is al iets beter.

Goed, nu moet ik dus gesprekken aanknopen. Als ik dat doe, merk ik dat mijn sociale skills niet de beste zijn. Ik heb geen gespreksstof om over te praten (of het moet over de stof van de opleiding of het werk gaan) tenzij ik over iets nerdy begin. Dus mijn strategie is altijd: testen wat iemands nerdy interesses zijn. Dit gaat als volgt.

Één je begint een regulier gesprek en stuurt het in het bespreken van roleplay of cosplay als de mogelijkheid komt. Bijvoorbeeld je vraagt wat voor evenementen mensen leuk vinden of wat hun hobbies zijn. Soms kun je ook uit iemands studiekeuze opmaken dat ze een nerd zijn (denk aan geschiedenis, archeologie, politiek of iets met wetenschap) .

Twee je vertelt over je eigen nerdy hobbies. Vertel dat je graag anime kijkt of over de boeken die je graag leest vaak is dit een uitnodiging voor de ander om of hierover mee te praten of over hun eigen interesses te vertellen.

Drie sluit je aan bij een nerdy groep. Ga samen kpop dansjes doen of ga naar een gaming of bordspellen avond. Het liefst fysiek. Mits dat niet mogelijk is doe het op discord of maak een whatsapp groep aan. Of ga naar de queer avond waar het de ene keer bordspellen is de andere keer een film en dan weer een drag show. Dan heb je al een gemeenschappelijk onderwerp om te bespreken.

Vier ga naar een jongerencentrum of buurthuis om koffie te drinken. Dit is de geavanceerde vorm van vrienden maken. Hier moet je echt je best doen om uit je comfortzone te stappen. Je moet aandachtig luisteren en de juiste vragen stellen en af en toe samen een spelletje doen om de tijd door te brengen. Gebruik alle dingen die je geleerd hebt van de vorige fases om contact te maken met mensen en je komt er wel.

Naast dat het goed is naar buiten te gaan om contacten op te doen, moet jezelf dus open durven opstellen. Probeer vooral in je eigen stad dingen op te bouwen of een stad te vinden waar je met z’n allen elkaar kunt ontmoeten. En ja, internetvrienden kunnen werken. Als je samen een Discord groep hebt waar je samen gamet of vrienden maakt via TikTok en met z’n allen in Utrecht afspreekt, heb je toch wat aan de contacten die je opdoet. Maar als het zoals bij mij een enkele losse vriendin is of zelfs losse vrienden buiten Nederland, lukt het niet om consistent met elkaar af te spreken en ben je beter af als je mijn tips opvolgt en mensen in je eigen stad opzoekt. Al met al denk ik dat je zo een heel eind komt. En als je dan ook nog jezelf pusht om te gaan wanneer je eigenlijk geen zin hebt, dan zit je helemaal in de juiste flow.

2026 INS

In 2026 the trend will be being more mindful about our consumerism. Whilst consumerism and digital media certainly isn’t out, it will involve practices aimed at self development and community building.

• Community gardens

• Reading & prose

• Magazines

• Crossword puzzles & sudoku

• Meditation

• Hiking and walking

• Being unhinged… but also

• Going to therapy

• Lesbianism

• Tumblr

• The newspaper

Recently I came across the phenomenon of the analog bag. The analog bag is a trend on TikTok that started after one user posted her tote bag full of essentials that keep her busy in ways that do not involve looking at her phone. From crossword puzzles to watercolour paint the user stuffed her bag with anything beneficial to keep her entertained. Whilst I think this is an incredible idea (I try to do the same in my bag, loading it with old style videogames, books, a camera and sudoku) we saw the TikTokkers flock to buying entire new tote bags along with items to stuff it with in order to go digitalless. For something as rooted in anti consumerism as going analog, this feels counterintuitive.

This year is also the year I really lock in and start doing the work. Letting go of being afraid to get my hands dirty both literally (in the garden) and figuratively (get a schedule for my household chores).

And I want to talk about community gardens. Because as the name tells you, what’s so great about them is they encourage social connection next to reconnecting with nature. At my local one they also have a café and workshop. The cafe opens every Thursday and they organise events (inside the café and in the garden) and if you have a cabinet that needs to be fixed they have a workshop with all the wood and saws you can wish for. Although I don’t know if they also have things to fix metal items.

Then my trend prediction is that many people will be pinteresting their “vibes” for the upcoming year and Tumblr (or some other new trendy aesthetic creating app) will come back in style.

OUTS

• Bedrotting

• Not going to therapy

• Gossiping and tabloids

• Toxic masculinity

• Microtrends

• Staying inside too much

• Underdressing

• Smoking

• Lululemon

• Doomscrolling

For me personally 2026 is not the year I partake in gossip but the year I create some gossip. As we’re moving offline this creates space for community scapegoats, rather than gossiping about other people, I’d take it upon myself to be the scapegoat. I want to serve cunt.

It’s also the year we say no to doomscrolling. Whilst social media isn’t going to be completely gone, we are increasingly having to deal with images and videos that we aren’t able to verify if they are real due to new advancements in AI. This in combination with the influencer fatigue we’re seeing will drive people to go more offline.

I think the main reason people are distancing themselves for influencers is that they’re not relatable anymore. Influencer has become a job that gives people access to luxury brand lifestyles, fashion shows and luxury restaurants. “‘I will never find myself in that position… so why should I make myself feel bad by seeing what I can’t have when I can just unfollow.”

Honestly the same goes for lululemon. Spending so much on overpriced clothes is out… except for when they’re thrifted. But personally I’d rather have Nike or Adidas.

Then some personal additions. For me personally 2026 is the year I quit smoking and stop staying inside so much. I’m gonna get a job at the post office and start studying ecology. This means for at least 2-3 days a week I will be outside for a couple of hours.

In the winter I’m not looking forward to biking outside but I’m sure in the spring it will be different. Besides, I really enjoy that I’m able to listen to music or even a podcast when I’m working.

Overall the trend will be that people are returning to normal and healthier ways of living after all going a bit crazy in the pandemic. Whether that looks like dancing yourself fit (with some additional alcohol perhaps) or gardening on the weekends depends on you. But I know which direction I’m heading. Now is the calm after the storm.

I think this can go several ways. A socialist revolution. Punk anarchy. Capitalism reinvents itself. Or we get world war 3.

Personally I’m placing my bets on capitalism reinventing itself as im hoping like all of us there’s not another world war 3.

But sometimes the old ways have to be destroyed before something new can arise.

Which brings me to the next part: can you prepare for a possible war?

I think at most I can make sure I have a solar powered radio, lots of candles, enough food and toilet paper stocked and try to train my mental resilience by resting reading and hobbying enough.

But the real test only starts if a war starts. Will the ultimate survival of the fittest be started once more and then hopefully never again? I wish I don’t have to experience it… I’d rather have a life with no sex if it means war is over (like Janelle Monae said: war is dead so is sex let’s play god you go next) than experience another tumultuous period.

But if there’s any takeaway from my period between panic attacks and spiritual psychosis: After life comes destruction and then comes life again. So plant enough seeds for something new to grow. And you’ll be able to withstand anything. And ganbaru. (do your best/tough it out). Whatever happens.

she grabbed the pitchforks and ordered everyone to burn down olympus 

down with the establishment!

we want anarchy!

she exclaimed

in this whirlwind she found her brother

raised in the wild without a mother

raised by a lone wolf

nuzzled on the wolves milk

he was adapted to this swirling and twirling

and she quite liked the rhythm of it 

let’s do a dance

down on the ashes of the temples

i will follow your lead

later she found her own rhythm 

they drank wine given by dionysus

and together they danced until the morning sun

where apollo said i liked your jam session!

together they laughed 

and ate peanut butter and jello

they both want to be the mother

but history’s been written she sprung from persephones chest

aphrodite will take care of her

raise her up

to be wild like the wolves

and powerful like a dragon

free like a bird

love her like a mother loves her daughter

even though she’s not her own

this is persephones legacy

she made a beautiful child

and now she will be crowned queen of the dead

aphrodite and persephone might need the court to settle things

but in reality they love each other

like they are sisters

not by blood but by heart

you can do with me as you please the pamphlet said

kind of kinky when i think back on it

but i’ve wanted a powerful woman to dictate my life for a while

to solidify this ritual we need a song

the albums that come to mind are by the internet, sung by syd and fka twigs

feel good

eusexua

a jew and a muslim were sitting in a tree

k.i.s.s.i.n.g.

until the christians came to claim everything

shoo christians they said

we make our own rules

do our own thing

but i love you nonetheless 

doesn’t respect thy neighbour also extend to other religions? let’s all share this love

shake our bodies buzzing

dance in trance

fight the rich not their wars

she sways hackers and eats/defeats viruses

hekate is in her ear babbling about what she should do

though the mycelium she can stay in contact with the underworld when she plugs her laptop in she can always communicate

but when she’s underground is when she really feels this effort come at handy

when she’s with her mother demeter she trusts that the mushrooms will eat the leaves and compost and doesn’t need to speak to them much

but when she’s the goddess of the underworld this is how she does her communication

recently i heard that she contacted The Dagda and Bóann of the Irish folklore and exchanged things about the modernisation and technology of the world

as irish folklore spreads further in the world and becomes mingled with greek and other new age type of spiritualities

the greek and irish gods also need to modernise

the irish with speedboats and the greek with computers and cellphones (car phones or nokia style)

persephone discovers video games which she plays online with other gods and other people

she loves the sims and stardew valley

it’s a symbiotic cooperation