ShortStacks by Mark Magiera

Everyday People

Mark Magiera — Fri, 28 Aug 2026 16:07:55 GMT

There are such good people in the world, said a friend today talking about Dolly. It’s so heartening to see how beloved she was. It’s certainly an important reminder about things and people that really matter—the good deed-doers, the genuine care about others people, the bring us together, love thy neighbor people who truly try to make the world a better place for everyone. Not the bad guys who destroy things, hate the others, erect statues to themselves, and hijack our happiness, or at least make us occasionally lose sight of it with their non-stop daily assaults led by the guy probably throwing a tantrum since this moment is not about him and when will she stop stealing the headline. It’s a sad one, not a bad one, but a genuine loss so many feel— those of us who never sang with her and those who did, including Kermit the Frog. There is a blue one who can’t accept the green one, For being such a rich one that will not help the poor one. Different strokes for different folks, and so on and so on and scooby dooby dooby.

So, You Want to Be Canadian

Mark Magiera — Tue, 25 Aug 2026 21:18:45 GMT

Remember that, Mark, the next time you make your statements. That’s what the guy who wants to break us so…he…can own us, who has a very different idea of what neighbor, negotiation, and relationship mean, said to the Canadian Mark (aka, PM) who’s been making plenty of reasonable statements, resisting, and raising the stakes without raising his voice. As another Canadian noted, We can’t control the storm that blows in from Washington. He’s got two more years left in office. We should be prepared to duke it out for two years, and then hopefully, sanity will return. Meanwhile, my Canadian wife has booked us another visit to our northern relatives, who’ll likely be as welcoming as always and realize that the bonds between Canadians and Americans are long and remain strong, and none of this is our fault. Certainly not mine. I read the book—All About the Most Fascinating People in the World and the Magical Place They Call Home—and I married one. We’re family. Looking forward to seeing everyone again, to be at the table and not on the menu, and drink Canadian gin. Or, maybe, as a very different Canadian said, I’m not going to take the bait. This guy’s a loser. He can kiss my ass.

Man on a Leash

Mark Magiera — Sat, 22 Aug 2026 17:47:16 GMT

The wonderful woman, mom, wife and warrior who loves her country and ours, wearing a matching, tone-deaf This is War t-shirt, surrounded by sailors on a ship, and sweating alongside her current husband, Pete—Stomach in! Chest out!—is holding his hand wherever he is to make sure he doesn’t reach for the bottle that’s reaching out for him, keeping him on the straight and narrow and on a very short leash when she isn’t standing right next to him. She’s one of the two J’s who changed me and saved my life, he said. Which is why she’s sitting somewhere behind him in a room full of sensitive information and uneasy officials—keeping close watch on the man who has an abnormal obsession with how he looks in photographs and a fixation on striking a manly pose, and making sure he does so while she’s brainstorming ideas for the Defense Department videos he’ll soon be appearing in. And now that he’s playing the part of the boss, and she’s the de-facto producer, influential advisor, and force multiplier, it’s Bring Your Spouse to Work Day, everyday, and Ride or Die! That’s an order.

Love Letters

Mark Magiera — Thu, 20 Aug 2026 15:46:12 GMT

Your faith in me is truly humbling…and I’d like to speak with you personally. Someone, or something, sent this to me, personally. Actually used my name. And there was a link attached to the text that, if I believed the note was legit and wanted to express my sincere gratitude for their genuine appreciation, or just feed the troll, it might be worth trying. I could channel The Lazlo Letters, by Don Novello. Dear Mr. President, like my WHLWF does, and then go on about what a great job he’s doing with everything—especially the ballroom and the non-lap pool—and how much I absolutely love him, even more than the platinum blonde geyser of positivity who follows him around does. But, since he doesn’t read anything, what’s the point? Although maybe I could do a video and post it on social media so that someone surrounding him might notice a guy wearing a blue hat that says, You Can’t Comb Over the Truth and 86 45 & 47, who may actually be making fun of him, doesn’t really love him or believe the election was stolen, knows he’s a terrible golfer, and says he’s made a hero out of Richard Nixon. Something must be done. Better call Todd, they’d say.

Hats Off

Mark Magiera — Tue, 18 Aug 2026 01:25:41 GMT

I got out of the warm Pacific Ocean this morning on a quiet Southern California beach after my last dip before heading to the airport and flying home. But, there to greet me as I walked out of the water, defiantly perched in a chair on the sand, was a man in a black MAGA hat. I paused for a moment, then did a double-take, since I hadn’t seen one in person in a long time—the hat or a guy wearing one. And I was tempted to say something—Seriously? or, Love that guy! I’m voting for him next time!—and was processing through ways to do so with some clever sarcasm, because I really wanted to say something and probably needed to. But I kept walking and didn’t say a word, determined not to let him or it ruin my day. Then I got in the car and drove away. Now I’m wondering, did I do the right thing by not doing anything? Or will it end up being a nagging What I should have said moment? Hopefully writing this is doing something, and not letting him really get to me is a victory. Although now I hear my Canadian wife saying, Where did you get that stupid hat, you fucking fuckball?

Whole People

Mark Magiera — Sat, 15 Aug 2026 04:57:40 GMT

In his inaugural address to the Justice Department workforce on his first official day at the office with his new title, Todd said something about Making People Whole which is something his boss—the man he loves—insists on. So it’s on the top of his to-do-whatever-he-asks list and he’s saying it, with lawyerly sincerity, and planning to do it even though a lot of people are still wondering why these criminals deserve it, how much it’s costing us, and what it actually means—To restore a person back to their original state of health, completeness, or financial safety before a loss, injury, or a heartbreak occurred. Who knows what they were like before they committed these serious crimes, got caught, went to trial, were found guilty and then pardoned. But apparently the ordeal made them less than whole and they need restitution. And they’re singing the same song. Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be, there’s a shadow hanging over me. Well, Todd has just the thing to get rid of that pesky shadow. Submit your request and get in line for unity and harmony within yourself and on the path to becoming whole again. Rewards include, but are certainly not limited to, inner peace, a job in the current administration, and a big fat check.

Hoop Dreams

Mark Magiera — Sat, 08 Aug 2026 20:00:12 GMT

When I was a kid, regardless of whatever teenage endeavor I’d embarked on that weekend, I’d find my way home and park in front of the TV at 11:00PM to watch the replay of the UCLA Bruins college basketball game—a team, led by Lew Alcindor (aka, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar), that lost only two games over three seasons and won three consecutive national championships (67-69). I was a serious fan and continued to follow his career as a professional until he retired in 1989. And, although it’s been many decades, I still feel a connection—like we’re old friends who’ve never actually met. Lately he’s been writing articles here, too—thoughts and ruminations about the intersection of sports, politics, and popular culture—which gives us another connection. In this week’s take (see attached) he talks about his connection to Star Trek and the show’s creator, Gene Roddenberry, whose father—like his and mine—was a Los Angeles police officer. As my friend, who read his Substack for the first time, said, Kareem applying dispassionate, Spock-like logic to take apart the Republican party’s mindless DEI stance is right on.

Kareem Takes on the News

RFK Jr.’s Medical Malpractice, & Trump’s Pay-to-Play Presidency

What I’m Discussing Today…

25 days ago · 310 likes · 36 comments · Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Fear Less

Mark Magiera — Thu, 06 Aug 2026 19:15:52 GMT

What did they get for giving it all up? That’s what my White House Letter Writing Friend, who hasn’t written a letter in a long time, recently asked me about any one of the complicit Republicans in a hearing for the least qualified and ethically compromised nominee for Attorney General to ever come before the US Senate for confirmation. What do they get for giving a serious look, asking a serious-sounding question, and then giving a predictable thumbs up at the end? I didn’t have an answer. Maybe they don’t really get anything and it’s fear, not the fear of fear itself, but FOT that makes them do the wrong thing. I haven’t asked her what put an end to, or a pause of, her letter-writing campaign. Although who could blame her for throwing in the towel? What good did they do anyway other than make her feel better in a I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore moment? If he, or any of his loyal minions, was reading them, and taking them to heart, things might be different now. Or ICE might have paid her a visit. Whatever. She deserves a break. We all do. And some good luck, so we can finally stop throwing up our hands and saying WTF.

The Unhuman Condition

Mark Magiera — Fri, 31 Jul 2026 19:16:51 GMT

In case you haven’t been paying attention, the country is under siege by a large group of people (aka, left wing terrorists) who are opposed to humanity itself and place themselves outside of the category completely—motivated by envy, hatred, and jealousy to wreck what is beautiful and right—in an entirely new misery-driven subdivision…and they’re not talking about tract houses. The White House even created a new genre to identify them and added another word to their confusing dictionary: Unhuman. But, according to those in the messaging department, we’re living in a Zombie Horror Film and, in case you’re not sure how to identify them, here’s a snapshot: Not one of them looks like a normal person. These Unhumans are all deformed in some way, in their appearance, in their dress, in their mannerisms…every one of them has scarred their body and their appearance. Not sure how afraid we should be or what we should do, but Stephen Miller, the head Messager, has plenty of ideas and is going all Hitler. As does the shadow president of Venezuela. We must stay the course and be completely unflinching in the pursuit of justice against these enemies of civilization. So, now you know. They’re here! And you know what to do.

Whitewash

Mark Magiera — Wed, 29 Jul 2026 19:15:51 GMT

The Department of Rewriting History has stepped out from behind the curtain after crafting a more favorable narrative about what really happened and how our national inheritance should to be taught or celebrated—Restoring Truth and Sanity to American History, not a political instrument to divide, dispirit, and discourage our citizens. They’re planning to add the new narrative and welcoming signage outside the Smithsonian to notify visitors that the museum exhibits should be renovated consistent with (insert fraudulent report here) and direct visitors to locations and resources for accurate information regarding America’s history. None of this national self-loathing business. The United States was founded as a white nation whose citizens are defined by their European heritage and the land they inhabited. Once inside, who knows what disturbing thing one might discover? Meanwhile, outside, No president, no administration has been more committed to the preservation of history, beautification and just making our cities more cleaner, nicer, more beautiful. And soon they’ll be applying layers of shiny white paint to beautify the granite facade of yet another culturally significant, historic building. It was always considered an ugly building, he said. Gray is for funerals. White is beautiful.

The Insult Dog

Mark Magiera — Mon, 27 Jul 2026 21:51:35 GMT

Whoever would do this to a fine reporter/person…is a true piece of shit. But the President of the United States does it, and the country yawns? And an entire hall of media nerds courtesy-applauded him at the end of his hour long belly-flop, rather than walking out in disgust, someone wrote. I’m wondering why anyone was there, particularly anyone who’d won something. Wouldn’t it have been easier to get the award in the mail and do something else they wouldn’t be ashamed of, embarrassed by, or had to answer questions about? Something enjoyable and fun—an actual celebration—and not be in the same room or even think about the guy and any of his minions. And no booing. Another something to think about when they’re having that moment of reflection—What I should have done or shouldn’t have done, but went anyway because…you’ll be asking yourself that question until…Bad idea, which you’ll eventually say, and quote Eleanor Roosevelt to make it go away. It was just a few insults and some unfunny jokes anyway. It wasn’t that bad. I drank a lot, had some fun, and didn’t have to cower under the table this time.

A Small Part in the Big Picture

Mark Magiera — Sat, 25 Jul 2026 00:45:05 GMT

Remember the random attention seeker running wild on a baseball diamond before he was apprehended (aka, tackled), escorted off the field (aka, dragged), and the game resumed? The broadcast networks eventually wised up, denying plenty of someones their 15-minutes of fame or encouraging other desperate characters to do the same, as the cameras went elsewhere and took us with them. And the crazed fan disappeared or found some other less public way to express themselves and get some attention. Although there was a rather high profile incident recently where someone stormed the pitch and inserted himself on a different type of sports field and on stage, and the cameras dutifully followed as he tried to spoil an otherwise feel-good moment for the team and an entire brown nation—insisting that this was his moment and he belonged there and in the picture. And the posing commenced. But he was escorted off (aka, awkwardly pulled from the stage)—from the pitch, the picture, and without a medal—because he isn’t on the team, didn’t win anything, and won’t even be, as Ezra Pound wrote, an apparition of (any of) these faces in a crowd. It is an absence that we’ll someday forget is missing or was ever really here.

Leave it to Beaver

Mark Magiera — Wed, 22 Jul 2026 18:44:45 GMT

Remember the Eddie Haskell character from the 60s sitcom? He was a smart aleck and the archetype of the two-faced wise guy, a braggart among his peers and an obsequious yes man. His fake, sycophantic politeness became so legendary in American culture that the term “Eddie Haskell” was coined to describe someone who is overly and insincerely flattering to authority figures that he mocks behind their backs. As Beaver’s mom, Mrs. Cleaver once said, I just don’t trust a 13-year-old boy who is that polite. Well, the much less polite, adult-aged, testosterone-fueled version of that character made an unflattering appearance in front of Congress this week to sell his failed war story, demand more money for it, praise his boss repeatedly and condemn anyone in the room who wasn’t doing the same thing. (He) deserves the kind of praise he should get, he said, which made at least one viewer happy. But, his usual tough guy swagger and strategy of obsequious behavior didn’t work in this episode. The self-appointed Secretary of War wasn’t winning this one, whatever he labeled it—Operation Epic Fury, Operation Midnight Hammer—and the Operation Epic Disaster grilling continued. As one Senator pointedly noted, It’s not a question of money, it’s a question of leadership…and the lack of a winning strategy. You sir, are the failure. Worth watching the re-run.

KA$H Out

Mark Magiera — Mon, 13 Jul 2026 23:38:50 GMT

He’s been maintaining a lower profile, avoiding unflattering photo ops, and flying around on the company jet less often. At least he was until he tried to slip out of town last week to see his country singing girlfriend in concert somewhere. But someone put the brakes on that boondoggle after top…administration officials, who were disturbed by a range of actions, summoned him to the White House for a serious spanking and then to find out who spilled the beans. Reminded me of another angry short guy who wondered the same thing after someone had thrown his prized palm tree overboard. All right! Who did it? He shouted through the loudspeaker. Who did it? I'm going to find out who did it if it takes all night! You can imagine a similar scene taking place in the White House, but without the loudspeaker. KA$H channeling James Cagney and storming through the halls, yelling at his cell phone, waving his arms, berating his minions, and sweating like a hockey player. All right! Who did it? But, after an entire day of acting out, Mr. Roberts didn’t fess up so they’re gonna threaten the newspaper guys and hopefully find out who’s responsible. Forget the private jet business for now, this ship has sprung a leak and it’s up to the guy who isn’t the captain to find out who did it and help keep the ship from sinking and save himself from getting thrown overboard.

The World's Most Expensive Bunker

Mark Magiera — Sun, 12 Jul 2026 20:56:23 GMT

I’m trying to remain positive, as advised by my Canadian wife, despite the many opportunities to take a tour down Noir Alley, as they’re doing every Saturday in Summer of Darkness on TCM and as is happening nearly every waking moment in DC where the City has been captured by the world’s most famous mugshot and the fortress adorned by an unfortunate interior color scheme (aka, Gold)—surrounded by bad people with tragic ideas, a demolished building, a green pool, an imaginary arch, and criminal design that no sane person thinks is worthy of an award or absolute permanence. It’s as if someone has claimed ownership of stolen property, thinks he’s going to live forever, and is planning not to leave when the official request is submitted and required. And, as Jules Shear sang, Until it ends there is no end. But, there are encouraging signs that this will end and he’ll be walked or wheeled out because, when it comes to death, it seems, no one can hide from it. And the People’s House, and the City where it lives, will be returned to its rightful owners, as it almost was and, as Robert Frost wrote about our temporal world,

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower,
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Weekend at Bernie's

Mark Magiera — Fri, 10 Jul 2026 17:13:55 GMT

A Senator has gone missing. Apparently his whereabouts are known, but his state of being is not, which has a lot of people wondering what to do and demanding proof that he’s still with us. The man who had a chance to put an end to this nightmare years ago, and change the course of history in a good way, ticked the wrong box and, now that his time is running out or has already run out, missed his chance at redemption. I didn’t realize, or I thought that, or I didn’t think. Maybe that’s all that happened? He didn’t think…but this is why it’s happening. Now he’ll go quietly away, or is already gone, perhaps wishing that he’d done more than saying a few things—despicable human being, stupid as well as being ill-tempered, someone who has every characteristic you would not want a president to have, and practically and morally responsible for provoking the events of that day—but doing something else. And now time has caught up to him, or maybe the karmic bullet hit him as it will so many others somewhere between now and whenever then turns out to be, leaving him and the others with a briefcase full of regrets about What I could have done when it’s far too late to matter.

The Medicine of Laughter

Mark Magiera — Mon, 06 Jul 2026 21:49:59 GMT

I stumbled upon a 15-minute segment of a PBS episode last weekend—the Julia Louis-Dreyfus acceptance speech for the 21st Annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor from 2018. Not sure how I found it or what I was looking for, but it was a happy accident and a welcome diversion given what was happening in DC—which is where this happened, in the building where it happened before the current coverup, and a stark reminder of what won’t be happening there again for a while. And that’s what she was reminding us, of things that matter and what love and gratitude look like, as if speaking in the present day—The fact that I’ve had the opportunity to make people laugh for a living is one of the many blessings I’ve had in my life—and making us laugh a lot and cry a little, but for the right reason. Then I watched it again and appreciated it more, and I was closer to beautiful Washington DC than I’d wanted to be in a very long time.

A Declaration of Independence

Mark Magiera — Sat, 04 Jul 2026 17:51:55 GMT

I’m reposting a missive from this time last year because I’m planning to quietly enjoy the day and celebrate a few of the good things happening—not the occupation of DC this weekend that no one who matters is attending, wishing they were, or even thinking about. After the weekend has come and gone, maybe I’ll start thinking again about things that truly matter—Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness…and the midterms…and what Thomas Paine wrote, that We have it in our power to begin the world over again—and start believing again. too.

A Haitian Divorce

Mark Magiera — Sat, 27 Jun 2026 15:38:03 GMT

The Simpsons’ home town is back in the news and Stephen Miller, the villainous Mr. Burns character—with an orblike forehead, funneling into a long, pale face, mistrusting, soulless eyes, and a petulant lower lip, one of the most powerful and meanest citizens, who uses his relentless and ruthless tactics to get whatever he wants—is leading the charge. America’s doors are closed, he said. Very civil, very elegant…a complete solution. Unless, of course, you’re a white South African and we’ll roll out the famous red carpet along with a White Nationalist goodie bag. As for the brown people, thanks to SCOTUS, it’s a victory 10 years in the making, he told reporters. We can finally remove these Haitian illegal migrants from the United States. And his wife is happy, too. Great news for the dogs and cats of Springfield. She just can’t let that one go. But why focus on the couple that found love in a hateful place and happily reside there? Cue the music instead. And if you know the song, sing along. It’ll put you in a much happier place. Now we dolly back/Now we fade to black. No tears and no hearts breakin’/No remorse/Oh, congratulations/This is your Haitian divorce.

Strangers on a Plane

Mark Magiera — Wed, 24 Jun 2026 19:51:33 GMT

I had a conversation with a stranger on a plane last week, which is unusual for me. I’m one of those people who sits down in a window seat, puts on my noise-canceling headphones and listens to a podcast, reads a news article, or takes a nap. I rarely do more than smile, nod, or say a polite hello to the person who ends up sitting next to me. The longer the flight, the less likely I am to engage. But our flight was delayed as we were waiting to push back, so I took off my headphones to hear what the pilot was saying. My seat mate, who turned out to be a K-12 educator, was reading a book: Utopia for Realists. I asked about it, and away we went until the plane finally took off—through the entire hour-long flight—and we were back on the ground. We had a wide-ranging conversation that was far more interesting than the podcast I’d been listening to which was about the usual suspects, the lies they are telling, and a pool that isn’t painted David Hockney blue. We ended up talking about AI—a subject we’re both very concerned about. And that’s where we left it when we said goodbye. But I sent her a link to something I wrote about it last month (The Constitution, May 27th), which lead her to Neal Katyal’s recent Ted Talk. She replied, Serendipity - our chat on the plane. This Ted Talk - an inspiration to move forward with my journey. I realize I get to do things that are meaningful and purpose-driven. As Dave Eggers said, about the bland unthinking machine that is AI, The human chorus is incomplete without your voice.