a heavy hollow body trapping the heat and holding the soul in the dark

even from thousands of miles away they know exactly how to pull the strings reveling in the mind game of it all as they play my entire being from a distance

God you know what you do to me

the tension between two dark screens and our sleepy voices could literally have drowned the world that night it happened so fast

our souls were already dancing together in a way that made all of this possible in the first place we checked every single mental and spiritual box until our energies just collided

making this alignment feel so natural and so easy the memory of their soft aggression is driving me crazy right now

their heavy voice completely taking over the speaker sweet and guiding all at once and making it so easy for me to just submit to them

our alignment is so heavy that i can practically feel their fingers on my skin but my hand has to do the physical work tonight

finding the wet rhythm slipping and sliding until the friction starts to ache

you sound so pretty right now baby

my throat gets tight i am completely embodying them right now living inside their tone commanding the room my hand drags because they told me to forcing my fingers to move in slow motion letting them pluck the strings of my body from afar

trying so hard to hold the line for them until i can't take it anymore and i am whining into the speaker

i can't... i can't keep moving this slow

Go faster ... you're doing so good Marry

the air in this room is too heavy to move reliving the glow of the phone and their voice on the other end

miles and miles between us but theyre right here in my ear

while theyre telling me how good I'm doing my entire body feels like it's exploding and I'm channeling that massive feeling directly into my heavy breathing so that I dont literally scream and lose my shit from how crazy they're driving me

im so turned on right now losing my grip on the room and only focusing on the sound of their breath matching mine

the silence between their words is where the heat is the way they say my name from a thousand miles away

I cant think straight

we're just two people in the dark caught in tension that refuses to break our spirits are entirely tangled up they keep pulling the strings until the vibration gets too loud to handle and i don't want it to end until they say so

I will die on this hill.

Because man the evil we completely miss

In your community, I'm sure you've heard sayings like damn This is so good. You put your foot in this, you put your back into this, you put your heart body and soul into this shit and I'm sure they fucking did.

If you grew up around people who practice kitchen witchery, you already know the kitchen is not always just a kitchen.

Sometimes it is where people cook.

Sometimes it is where people love you.

Sometimes it is where people feed you when you are too tired to feed yourself.

And sometimes it is where you start realizing that somebody can hand you a plate with a smile on their face while carrying an entirely different feeling in their heart.

I am not talking about somebody accidentally putting too much salt in the potatoes.

I am talking about intention.

I grew up around a woman who could make an entire four course meal after being pissed off at you.

And not just pissed off.

I mean the kind of pissed off where accountability has apparently left the building and somehow you are now the villain for having feelings about what she did.

Suddenly she is in the kitchen.

Baking.

Cooking.

Offering everybody food.

Being suspiciously generous.

And I am supposed to stand there like, "Oh, thank you."

Girl.

I have questions.

Because I have watched this same person talk about other people with genuine bitterness and then turn around and cook for them like nothing happened.

I have watched the way she speaks about people she supposedly loves.

The way she hopes certain people fail.

The way she seems almost relieved when somebody is struggling.

The way someone's independence can feel like an insult to her.

The way another person's success can become something she needs to compete with.

The way being needed seems to feed something in her.

And that is the part that scares me more than the word witch ever could.

Because I don't think everybody who knows how to manipulate herbs, food, oils, candles, spices, or spiritual practices is automatically evil.

I think some people simply have terrible intentions.

And unfortunately, some of those people can cook their asses off.

My mother is a Cancer, by the way.

I am not saying that because I think every Cancer is secretly standing over a pot plotting somebody's downfall.

Please relax.

I am saying it because in my personal life, the irony is almost too fucking perfect.

The woman who can make comfort food feel like an emotional hostage situation is also a Cancer.

The universe has jokes.

But there is something I have learned from living in that environment.

I pay attention to how I feel around food.

Not because I think every plate is secretly cursed.

Not because I believe every stomach ache means somebody spiritually attacked me.

Sometimes food is just food.

Sometimes your stomach hurts because you ate something that did not agree with you.

Sometimes acne is hormones.

Sometimes you gain weight because you ate differently.

Sometimes life is simply life.

But there have also been moments where my body has told me something before my mind was ready to admit it.

And I listen to that.

There have been plates I looked at and immediately felt uncomfortable eating.

There have been moments when I knew I needed to pray before accepting something.

There have been times when I have sat there thinking, "I don't know what the fuck is going on here, but I do not feel right."

So I pray.

I acknowledge my spirit team.

I ask for protection.

I bless what I am about to consume.

And then I use common sense too.

Because spirituality without discernment can turn into paranoia very quickly, and I am not interested in becoming suspicious of every casserole in America.

If I know someone has repeatedly shown me that they do not have good intentions toward me, I am going to be careful about what I accept from them.

That does not mean I have to accuse them of poisoning me.

It means I am allowed to notice patterns.

It means I am allowed to have boundaries.

It means I am allowed to say no.

And if I genuinely believe something is unsafe, I do not eat it.

Period.

Because people get very uncomfortable when you stop allowing their version of care to become your obligation.

There is a particular kind of person who wants you dependent on them.

They want you sick enough to need them.

Struggling enough to need them.

Confused enough to ask them what to do.

Financially desperate enough to come back.

Emotionally depleted enough to accept whatever version of love they are willing to offer.

And sometimes food becomes part of that dynamic.

"I made this for you."

"I cooked all day."

"You don't appreciate anything I do."

"After everything I do for you."

Suddenly the meal is not a meal anymore.

It is evidence.

It is leverage.

It is a receipt for a debt you never agreed to owe.

That is what I mean when I talk about kitchen witchery in my own life.

The kitchen has taught me that nourishment and control can look disturbingly similar from the outside.

Somebody can feed you because they love you.

Somebody can feed you because they want you to owe them.

Somebody can feed you because feeding people is how they express affection.

Somebody can feed you because they want access to you.

And sometimes you do not know which one it is until you have lived around them long enough to recognize the pattern.

That is why I pray over my food.

For me, it is not just about protection from some mysterious force hiding inside a plate.

It is about becoming conscious of what I allow into my body.

It is about pausing.

It is about asking myself how I actually feel.

It is about remembering that my body belongs to me.

My energy belongs to me.

My discernment belongs to me.

And I do not have to override my intuition just because somebody cooked something for me.

I can be grateful and still be cautious.

I can love someone and still have boundaries.

I can understand somebody's wounds without volunteering to be wounded by them.

That last one took me a long fucking time to understand.

Because when you grow up around manipulation, you can become so accustomed to questioning yourself that your intuition starts feeling like an inconvenience.

You think you are being dramatic.

You think you are paranoid.

You think you should just eat the damn food because refusing it might hurt someone's feelings.

And eventually you realize that constantly betraying your own instincts to keep someone else comfortable is its own form of self abandonment.

So yes.

Pray over your plate if that is part of your practice.

Cleanse your space.

Protect your energy.

Thank whatever you believe watches over you.

But also wash your hands.

Check the expiration date.

Notice whether the food smells strange.

Pay attention to your body.

And stop forcing yourself to consume things that make you uncomfortable just because somebody else thinks you should.

Spirituality is not supposed to make you terrified of your own kitchen.

It is supposed to make you more discerning.

That is the difference.

Because not everybody who smiles at you is safe.

Not everybody who feeds you loves you.

Not everybody who says they care knows how to care without controlling.

And sometimes the most powerful protection is not an elaborate ritual.

Sometimes it is simply being willing to say,

"No, thank you."

And eating something else.

I used to believe that distance was the place where love went to die. I thought connection was measured entirely by physical access, by skin on skin, and the reassuring weight of someone occupying the immediate space around you. Because the truth is, I am a naturally clingy person. I crave the presence of the people I cherish. I love those heavy, quiet moments where there is absolutely nothing left to say, but you are just tangled up together on the couch.I used to think that if you took that proximity away, the feelings would just starve.But lately I am learning that connection has absolutely nothing to do with zip codes. You can be miles apart from someone and still feel their breath closer to your neck than the person sitting right next to you. Space doesn't make love smaller. It just makes you quieter. More mature. More patient.And honestly, it is because I am experiencing a completely new kind of gentleness.For the longest time, my romantic pursuits were defined by an underlying anxiety. I was so used to anger, tension, and a constant pressure to fight for survival. When you are used to that chaotic rhythm, meeting someone who matches your moral compass, your humor, and your thoughtfulness feels like a shock to the nervous system. It is so soft. The tone is so gentle that it makes me want to cry just thinking about how rare it feels to be handled with care.In the past, my brain would have already ruined this. I would be spiraling into the "what ifs" and trying to analyze how it might end. But those thoughts have never served me. They only brought fear, disappointment, and absolute stagnancy into my life.This time, I am consciously choosing not to overthink.I am refusing to let the fear of a hypothetical ending hold me back from living in the present. I am choosing pleasure. My own pleasure. The kind of pleasure that comes from simply existing, experiencing, and feeling a connection for the sole purpose of feeling it. I don’t need to validate it. I don’t need to fix it or explain it to anyone. I am just riding the wave.We live in a world that tells us if someone isn't actively in our lives in a permanent, labeled way, we have to erase them. We act like moving forward means forgetting.But i feel true growth is so much softer. It is the ability to hold a beautiful connection without letting it consume you while letting it consume you and more. It is realizing that love was never meant to be measured by ownership. People change, paths split, and sometimes you are left holding the complicated truth that you can love someone intensely while continuing to build your own wild, unconventional life.I am writing this because I know there is a collective out there that needs to hear it. People who need to know they aren't alone in navigating these quiet, heavy spaces.I used to think my deep feelings and my clinginess were flaws and the reason people ran away. I thought if things fell apart, I would crumble under the weight of my own feelings and never recover. I know the dramaaa and of course I was wrong time and time again. My body, my mind, and my soul have healed themselves more than I ever gave them credit for. I trust myself to handle whatever is thrown at me now.I am done waiting. I am not overanalyzing the future anymore because I finally know what I am worth. I am worth the effort. I am worth the praise, the abundance, the devotion, and the absolute worship. I am love itself, and I love myself today more than I ever have before.Whether a connection lasts forever or just for a beautiful season, I got to experience it, and that is all that matters. I am ready to shine completely unapologetically.

You look like you've been starving

I want to be the kind of hunger that finally satisfies you

The kind that isn't rushed

The kind you savor

I want your mouth to learn me slowly

To memorize every sigh

Every tremble

Every place my body softens beneath your attention

There is something holy about wanting someone this much

About letting desire bloom without apologizing for it

You touch me like you've waited lifetimes

Like my skin is the answer to a question you forgot you were asking

Every kiss feels deeper than the last

Like we're sinking into each other instead of simply touching

I lose track of where I end

You become the rhythm inside my chest

The warmth beneath my ribs

The reason my breath keeps catching

I want you to look at me

Really look at me

Not because I'm beautiful

But because I'm opening every hidden room inside myself for you

And somehow you know exactly how to walk through each one

Take your time with me

There is no finish line

Only another reason to stay

Another excuse to pull me closer

Another excuse to let me melt into your hands

By the time my voice begins to break

I don't even recognize it anymore

It sounds like devotion

It sounds like relief

Like every part of me has finally found somewhere it doesn't have to pretend

So stay

Keep kissing me like you're trying to remember me forever

If this is what it feels like to be consumed

Then let me disappear inside your love a little longer

Like every part of me has finally found somewhere it doesn't have to pretend

So stay

Keep kissing me like you're trying to remember me forever

If this is what it feels like to be consumed

Then let me disappear inside your love a little longer

And I have to say I think that take is fundamentally wrong, deeply judgmental, and rooted in a toxic brand of hustle culture that has quietly infected how we view human emotions.There is an exhausting narrative in modern society that demands absolute individualism. We are constantly bombarded with self help jargon telling us that we must be 100% healed, financially independent, spiritually optimized, and completely content in total isolation before we are ever "allowed" to look for a relationship. For the love of God who the fuck are you? If you dare to openly admit that your deepest, most consuming desire in this life is simply to find your person, you are immediately diagnosed as insecure. You are told you have no internal purpose. You are treated like an addict chasing a fix instead of a human being seeking a fundamental truth.

But what this argument entirely misses is that human connection is a purpose. In fact, for many, it is the highest purpose.To assume that wanting love above all else equals a lack of personal maturity is an incredibly elitist, sheltered perspective. I see people every single day who have the exact template of success society glorifies. They have the high paying jobs. They have the money, the cars, the pristine houses, and the unquestionable stability. They have ticked every single box of "individual purpose" that the self help gurus (and the self help narcs) recommend. Yet, at the end of the day, they still crave that one missing piece. They crave the intimacy of a partner who truly sees them. Why? Because material success and solo achievements are fundamentally incapable of filling the human heart.

On the flip side of that coin, look at how society views those who don't have their material lives together. If someone is broke, unemployed, couch surfing, or living without a car, and they express a deep craving for a healthy relationship, they are looked down upon instantly. The culture sneers at them. People assume, "Well, if you just did something with your life and got your finances together, you’d be happy with yourself and you wouldn't be so obsessed with finding someone."But why is material stability the ultimate metric of human worth? Who decided that a bank account is a prerequisite for deserving love?

If a person decides that they don't care about scaling a corporate ladder or accumulating massive wealth ,if they are perfectly content to live a simple, humble life with a partner and a dog on a street corner,that is a profoundly valid individual experience. It is incredibly arrogant to project our own hyper capitalist, material standards onto someone else's existence and declare them "unhealthy" or "immature" just because they prioritize love over money. We glorify "stability" as if it is a moral virtue, completely ignoring that we are all living on a floating rock in the middle of an infinite universe.

Let's look at the existential reality of it all. We are all going to die. Every single one of us. When the curtain falls, none of the material shit matters anyway. I could be a literal billionaire with an empire laid out before me, and it would mean absolutely nothing if I didn't have my person to share it with. If individual achievement is just going to fade into dust anyway, why is chasing a corporate title considered a "noble purpose," while chasing a deep, life altering human connection is dismissed as a "flaw"?

When we reduce the search for love to a mere "need for external validation," we completely erase the true power of human connection. Love isn't just a compliment that fades; it is a mirror that forces us to grow. It is a container for vulnerability, a catalyst for self discovery, and a safe harbor in a deeply unstable world. True partnership doesn't distract from your personal growth it fuels it.We need to stop looking at people who want love and suspiciously asking, "What is broken underneath that?" There is nothing broken about wanting to be content. There is nothing insecure about craving the very thing we were biologically and emotionally wired to experience. Choosing to center your life around love, romance, and connection isn't a sign that you lack a personal purpose. It means you have found the most human purpose of all.