One of the places that actually wasn’t on my list of “most excited to visit while in Amsterdam” was the Museum of Sex. TBH (to be honest for those who don’t do acronyms) I didn’t even know it existed — I know, shocker!

It felt incredibly serendipitous and very on brand to casually stroll by it — thank you universe!

As someone whose work sits at the intersection of psychology, relationships, intimacy and sexuality, visiting a museum dedicated entirely to the history of sex felt like checking off an obvious “when in Amsterdam” attraction and also like stepping into a living archive of one of humanity’s oldest — albeit controversial — conversations.

The ironic thing, from the outside, you could almost miss it.

Nestled along the Damrak, one of Amsterdam’s original canals turned busiest avenues, the entrance is surprisingly modest — and easily hidden if you’re not paying attention. For €10 euro, I expected a quick, gimmicky walkthrough littered with plastic anatomy, exaggerated displays, and enough crude humor to make tourists whisper and giggle before moving on to a “real” museum like the Rijksmuseum, Van Gogh Museum, or Anne Frank House — all incredible, by the way.

Instead, I found myself wandering through three or four stories of art, history, artifacts, film, photography, erotica, and cultural storytelling that was far richer than I had anticipated.

And if we want to talk about real, here’s some real history of The Museum of Sex!

It opened it’s doors in 1985, originally called the ‘Venustempel’ (Temple of Venus) after the Roman goddess of love and beauty, as the world’s first and oldest museum dedicated entirely to the history of sexuality. What began as a small collection of 19th-century erotic objects, displayed in a handful of cases, was something of an experiment — no one knew whether people would actually come.

They did — duh.

The response was so enthusiastic that the Venustempel continued expanding the collection, eventually transforming it into one of Amsterdam’s most visited museums. Today, around 500,000 visitors annually, wander through the exhibits that flow through a beautifully preserved 17th-century canal house, spilling across rooms and corridors with a custom-built staircase that creates what the museum describes as a labyrinth of discovery.

One detail in the museum’s history gave me goosebumps — in a good way.

During an early renovation, workers uncovered two erotic artifacts hidden within the building’s foundations — if that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is! One of the objects was a fragment of a Delft blue tile depicting an aroused man playing cards — to be clear he was rockin’ a boner — and a small bronze statue of Hermes with an exaggerated phallus. These artifacts believed to have been brought to the Netherlands centuries earlier by a Dutch merchant. Whether coincidence or poetic symbolism, the museum’s own history suggests that sexuality had quite literally been hiding within its walls all along.

This wasn’t simply a collection of provocative objects. It was an attempt to preserve something museums had largely ignored.

Before the Venustempel opened, there were museums dedicated to many aspects of human history — war, religion, science, art, industry, fashion — but virtually none that seriously explored the historical and artistic dimensions of sexuality itself. As the museum so aptly suggests, what is often called “the most natural thing in the world” may also be one of the most historical. Every culture has wrestled with it. Every generation has redefined it.

Reading about the museum after wandering through the exhibits reframed the experience for me. It’s not that “sex is just a thing we do,” it’s not momentary and fleeting, but rather, it has always been something we define and archive. Through paintings. Through rings. Through propaganda. Through religion. Through laws. Through photographs. Through stories. Every civilization has left behind traces of how it understood love, pleasure, intimacy, beauty, power, and desire.

To be an honest reviewer, the museum could use quality updates, especially in the content and visual departments.

There were moments where I wished the historical information went deeper, and visually there are sections that feel frozen in another era. The animatronics alone are worth experiencing because they feel like stepping into a time capsule of museum design — could we get better visuals, yeah, but does it also create an atmosphere, also yeah.

Yet even within those older exhibits, I noticed signs that the museum continues evolving. There appeared to be a newer section of the LGBTQIA+ exhibit that felt more contemporary and inclusive than some of the surrounding collections. I appreciated seeing evidence that the museum recognizes sexuality isn’t a finished story. Our understanding of identity, desire, and expression continues to evolve, and museums should evolve alongside us while also preserving our history.

What surprised me most wasn’t the explicit imagery — although, me being the little voyeur that I am, I obviously loved looking at all of it — it was how much humanity was packed into every corner. I honestly felt like I could have spent an entire day there — maybe two! And it wasn’t because there was “a bunch of sex happening,” but because there was so much to wonder about.

Every wall held another story. Every cabinet displaying an older, more intricate artifact. Every corridor offered another glimpse into how different cultures and generations have understood intimacy, pleasure, beauty, power, and desire. Even the stairwells felt intentional. Like the one adorned with sculpted half-figures emerging from the walls as though they had become part of the architecture itself.

One of my favorite spaces recreated the atmosphere of a Folies Bergère performance. Rather than simply displaying information, the museum invited you into it. Rows of old theatre seating faced a small stage dressed with rich red velvet curtains. Behind the animatronic showgirl, musicians and leopard, archival footage projected onto the wall, allowing history and performance to overlap in a way that felt surprisingly immersive.

Throughout the museum, there were experiences: An interactive chair that quite literally caught me off guard. Life-sized penis sculptures. Vintage films. Virtual Pin-up collages spanning generations. A dedicated Marilyn Monroe exhibit. A 3D ‘History of Sex’ presentation. Displays exploring drag culture (where I learned that the commonly repeated origin of the term “drag” is “dressed as a girl” — whether or not that’s the full historical story, it was the first time I’d encountered that explanation).

Some exhibits were cheeky. Some were intentionally provocative. Others simply invited curiosity and somehow, all of it worked.

One exhibit I spent the longest amount of time in traced the evolution of pornography from roughly the 1860s through the 1960s. I expected old erotic photographs. Instead, I found a visual history of culture itself. The earliest images often resembled fine art as much as erotica. Bodies were composed with extraordinary attention to beauty, light and form. As the decades unfolded, the emphasis shifted. Some collections highlighted specific fetishes, others centered power dynamics and others became fascinated with the body itself. Then the imagery gradually grew more explicit, becoming increasingly focused on nudity, genitalia, and eventually the act of sex itself. Watching that progression made me wonder: Does our desire actually change? Or do the ways we express and document desire just evolve alongside art, technology, and culture?

Perhaps pornography doesn’t solely reflect sexuality. Maybe it quietly reflects society itself.

Fun fact: the ‘Peep Show’ derived from the term “peeping tom” which derived from the expression “peeping” which derived from the peeker mentality photographed around the 1920s.

Another thing that captivated me was the sheer number of everyday objects decorated with erotic imagery — cups, plates, books, miniature statues, jewelry, ivory carvings, rings — These objects weren’t hidden away in some drawer so no one could “see the depravity of such things!” — major eye roll — they were gifted between lovers, shared between couples and created with remarkable craftsmanship — very clearly meant to be seen. One of these objects stuck out to me: A “love-forfeit” ring. According to the exhibit these rings were gifted to someone with whom one had shared a sexual encounter without entering into a romantic relationship. I found myself smiling because the concept reminded me that humans have always searched for rituals that help us make meaning of our relationships — even the ones that don’t fit neatly into conventional boxes.

Our History — and us humans — are often far more nuanced than we imagine.

One of the museum’s most memorable installations recreated Amsterdam’s historic pleasure district. You entered beneath a glowing neon archway reading: Red Light District and suddenly, the museum disappeared. The lighting changed. The sounds changed. Brick walls surrounded you — I swear it even smelled different — Animatronics performed behind glass. A madam watched over clients. Music drifted through the alley. A police officer stood nearby. Lingerie displays, archival images, and recreated storefronts all combined to create something that felt like briefly inhabiting it. Was it historically exhaustive? Most likely no. It felt more like a carefully curated highlight reel. But it succeeded in transporting me.

What fascinated me most was how the atmosphere made me feel. The alley somehow carried an unusual combination of danger, curiosity, excitement, and comfort all at once. I found myself wondering what it must have felt like to walk these streets decades ago, long before they became one of Amsterdam’s most recognizable tourist destinations. And if you’re wondering now too, I got you, that’s in the next article!

Subscribe now

Throughout my time walking through Amsterdam, the museum and even through the RDL on more than one occasion, one thought kept resurfacing — the city doesn’t seem afraid that sexuality exists and even more, they seem to embrace it. That doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It doesn’t mean there aren’t difficult ethical questions surrounding commercialization, labor, exploitation, tourism and sexual wellness. There absolutely are. But there also seems to be an underlying cultural willingness to acknowledge that sexuality is part of being human rather than something that must constantly be hidden, sanitized, or shamed into silence. I found that fascinating. So much of the world spends enormous energy trying to distance itself from sexuality, as though ignoring it somehow makes it disappear.

And yet, across every floor of The Museum of Sex, across centuries of artifacts, paintings, photographs, propaganda, gifts, performances, and stories, one truth quietly emerged: Human beings have always been trying to understand desire.

Sometimes through art, sometimes through religion, sometimes through censorship, sometimes through humor, sometimes through science, sometimes through love, and sometimes through rebellion. What changes are the stories we tell about sexuality. What remains is our longing to understand ourselves and our aliveness.

I walked into The Museum of Sex expecting cheap novelty, a laugh, and a fun risqué photo or two. I walked out thinking about humanity, my mission, my work, and some novelty, lots of laughs and more than a few risqué photos — maybe that’s why I loved it so much.

It wasn’t simply showing us sex. It was documenting us.

The museum reminded me of something I’ve been feeling more and more in my own work — that sexuality isn’t an isolated corner of the human experience, it’s woven through all of it. It influences the art we create, the relationships we build, the stories we tell, the ways we seek connection, the ways we experience beauty, the ways we understand power, the ways we discover ourselves…

Maybe that’s why I’ve become so fascinated by it. Yes, sex is endlessly interesting — at least to me, and maybe you too since you’re here reading an article about a Museum dedicated to it. But maybe you’re also fascinated because of what it says about the human experience.

And if sexuality is one of the many languages through which we express our humanity, then perhaps becoming more curious about it is aptly just another way of becoming more curious about ourselves.

So if you ever get a chance to wander through the oldest Museum of Sex, don’t miss it. Take your time. Stay Curious. It’ll be the best €10 Euro you spend.

Next up, I’ll take you into Amsterdam’s Red Light District and share my experience attending the Moulin Rouge live sex show. That conversation deserves an article of its own — it’s gonna be juicy.

For more info about visiting the museum, its history, and even a short virtual tour check out the Sex Museum Amsterdam website! If you want to see more photos of my visit, head over to my IG @briannaendrina

If you’ve been, I'd love to know about your experience! Let me know your favorite exhibit in the comments.

The brain is our biggest sex organ, with areas like the anterior cingulate cortex and genital sensory cortex activating during both physical stimulation and erotic thoughts. Understanding how to seduce the mind creates a foundation for profound physical pleasure experiences.

• Pleasure begins between the ears, not between the thighs
• The brain crotch (genital sensory cortex) activates during both physical stimulation and imagination
• Mental blocks to pleasure are like being stuck in traffic—anxiety and overthinking stall desire
• Dr. Emily Nagoski's dual control model explains desire as having accelerators and brakes
• Releasing the brakes (stress, shame, distractions) is more important than pressing the accelerator
• Effective mental seduction techniques include anticipation, suggestion, dirty talk, and sensory deprivation
• Fantasy play, erotic intelligence, and forbidden thrills create powerful mental arousal
• Taking time with mental stimulation before physical touch transforms intimate experiences

Send me a DM or comment on the podcast to let me know which technique you tried and how it went. If you enjoyed this episode, share it, subscribe to the podcast, and check out my correlating article on Substack called "The Good Kind of Mind Fuck."

Thanks for spending time with me! New Episodes drop every Wednesday. Hit the follow button to get notified!

If you prefer video or want closed captions, you can watch all episodes on Youtube → https://www.youtube.com/@briannaendrina

Let's Be Friends!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briannaendrina/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@briannaendrina

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/briannaendrina

More Resources For You: https://briannaendrina.com/

Become an Intimacy Insider: https://intimacyinsider.substack.com/ and get your weekly dose of deliciousness sent right to your inbox. Think your personal playground + library for erotic and relational wellness.

Join My Email List: https://briannaendrina.myflodesk.com/joinemaillist I'll send you monthly newsletters filled with updates, smut, relatables & other goodies to keep you sated.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your voice matters -- and it's super sexy to show love and support!

Stay sexy, Stay curious,

Love, Bri

Audio erotica offers a revolutionary approach to pleasure by harnessing the power of imagination and creating safe, consent-driven spaces for exploring desires and fantasies without judgment or performance pressure.

• Audio engages our brains—our largest erogenous zones—in ways visual porn cannot
• Research shows 90% of women's sexual fantasies are driven by imagination rather than physical stimulation
• Platforms like Quinn, Dipsea, and Femtasy collectively have hundreds of millions of listeners
• 85% of listeners report feeling more emotionally connected to themselves afterward
• 70% of users experience increased sexual confidence after listening
• Audio erotica helps 65% of listeners better communicate their desires to partners
• Content typically centers consent, diverse identities, and varied desires
• Most platforms are created by women, for women, with the female gaze in mind
• Popular genres include dominance/submission, slow sensual storytelling, praise kink, and role play
• Can be used solo or as a couple's tool for exploration and communication
• Provides a discreet, shame-free way to explore sexuality and pleasure

If you enjoyed this episode, give it a like, subscribe to the podcast, and share it. Tag me @Brianna on social media and leave a comment with your favorite audio erotica platforms or episodes—I'm always looking to add to my playlist.

Thanks for spending time with me! New Episodes drop every Wednesday. Hit the follow button to get notified!

If you prefer video or want closed captions, you can watch all episodes on Youtube → https://www.youtube.com/@briannaendrina

Let's Be Friends!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briannaendrina/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@briannaendrina

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/briannaendrina

More Resources For You: https://briannaendrina.com/

Become an Intimacy Insider: https://intimacyinsider.substack.com/ and get your weekly dose of deliciousness sent right to your inbox. Think your personal playground + library for erotic and relational wellness.

Join My Email List: https://briannaendrina.myflodesk.com/joinemaillist I'll send you monthly newsletters filled with updates, smut, relatables & other goodies to keep you sated.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your voice matters -- and it's super sexy to show love and support!

Stay sexy, Stay curious,

Love, Bri

We explore the transformative power of goalless pleasure and how removing performance pressure can deepen intimacy with ourselves and our partners. By reframing sex as "a place we go" rather than something we do, we open ourselves to greater presence, curiosity, and authentic connection.

• Questioning when we last experienced pleasure without seeking orgasm
• Examining how performance-based sexual scripts limit our erotic experiences
• Understanding sex as a playground for curiosity and shared discovery
• Releasing the pressure to perform and slowing down to feel sensations fully
• Approaching our partners with fresh curiosity and adventurous mindsets
• Prioritizing connection over achievement for deeper intimacy
• Surrendering to the moment without losing ourselves
• Honoring our body's wisdom and innate desires
• Making pleasure a consistent habit rather than a special occasion
• Noticing how goalless pleasure ripples into other areas of life

Home play invitation: Set aside one hour this week for intentional pleasure with no goal in mind, either solo or with a partner. Notice what thoughts arise when you remove performance pressure, and pay attention to how your relationship with pleasure shifts. Feel free to DM me, comment on this episode, or share your experience on social media tagging @BriannaAndrina.

Substack Episode: I Want It Consensually, Conscientiously & Slowly

Thanks for spending time with me! New Episodes drop every Wednesday. Hit the follow button to get notified!

If you prefer video or want closed captions, you can watch all episodes on Youtube → https://www.youtube.com/@briannaendrina

Let's Be Friends!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briannaendrina/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@briannaendrina

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/briannaendrina

More Resources For You: https://briannaendrina.com/

Become an Intimacy Insider: https://intimacyinsider.substack.com/ and get your weekly dose of deliciousness sent right to your inbox. Think your personal playground + library for erotic and relational wellness.

Join My Email List: https://briannaendrina.myflodesk.com/joinemaillist I'll send you monthly newsletters filled with updates, smut, relatables & other goodies to keep you sated.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your voice matters -- and it's super sexy to show love and support!

Stay sexy, Stay curious,

Love, Bri

{Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor (yet 😉 ) this article and all my content — past and present — are not a replacement for therapy or counseling and should be consumed for entertainment and self-educational purposes, only. My Substack contains adult language and content unsuitable for minors without parental consent. Please read and participate at your discretion.}

I’ve been holding onto this piece (in my brain-space) for a while. Not because I’m afraid of sharing a perspective but because I know how tender this territory is. I’m not one to pretend how loud the shame gets or how fast the finger-pointing starts and even how quickly we (so much of society) reduce people to their worst moment. I won’t even pretend to act holier-than-thou like I’ve never made mistakes, placed unforgivable blame, and felt the sting of someone’s disloyalty or hurtful behavior.

BUT/AND…B-AND — haha get it? Anyways — with what I like to call “the relational epidemic” making viral traction in the public sphere (we all know what I’m referring to) headlines of infidelity, cheating, betrayal, “how can we ever love and trust love with villains like these”…it feels like the right time to say what’s been simmering between my ears.

Infidelity is not the problem. It’s the symptom.
The byproduct. The flashing red light on the dashboard of a relationship that’s already drifting, cracking, or aching for something unspoken. To be even more clear, something choking on the fear of possibility, repercussion, and consequence.

And while it absolutely hurts, devastates, and breaks trust, it’s rarely as one-dimensional as we make it out to be. I pride myself on witnessing people in their human-ness and I choose to believe that love is not fragile, people are complex (at best), and there needs to be an upgrade in our relational hardwiring to accommodate the nuance of how we mate and relate.

“Infidelity isn’t a betrayal of love — it’s often a betrayal of the system we never questioned.”

Also, if because of personal experience you simply conclude that there are just people out there who do shitty things and hurt people for their own pleasure and have no space for redemption — it’s not my place to judge (i’ve not walked in your shoes) — I lovingly ask that you remain curious and keep on reading before concluding anything about me, just yet.

Subscribe now

What Is Considered Cheating?

Sorry (not really) if this is news to you but infidelity isn’t just “sex with someone when you’re with someone else”. It’s about broken boundaries. It’s about the choice to disregard established relational parameters. Here’s what counts — and yes, it varies by relationship

Sexual cheating: intercourse, oral sex, kissing — physical contact outside your agreement

Emotional cheating: secret emotional intimacy, late-night convos with hidden intentions

Digital infidelity: sexting, DM flirting, swiping on apps, or hiding online relationships and with the rise of AI apps this could also be considered cheating

Micro-cheating: the sticky zone — following exes and social models, hiding messages, flirting under the guise of “harmless fun”

Financial infidelity: secret spending, lying about money, hidden accounts

This is why it’s so important to have conversations about what infidelity means to you and to set parameters for that within your dynamic. It’s no longer (and should never have been) a one-size-fits-all for how we express cheating within relationships. We are complex and relational structure is meant to be designed with one thing in mind — Does this work for everyone within the relationship?

We Fixate on Infidelity because We Fixate on Love being “All We Need”

“Love conquers all” and Infidelity gives us a villain. As if the story of love and commitment is as simple and predictable as a fairytale. Making it a plot of good guy vs bad buy. Case closed. But love doesn’t vilify and commitment is not a courtroom and relationships — the real, raw, long-term, messy, evolving ones — rarely have just one protagonist.

When we hyper-fixate on cheating being a betrayal of love, we are actually accentuating where it digs at some of our deepest fears:
“Am I not enough to be chosen by love?”
“Can I ever trust love again?”
“Did they ever really love me?”

This confirmed through a recent conversation between me and a friend who has been wading these tainted waters. After I posted on social media about this topic, they reached out to me asking to have a convo about it — intrigued and nervous we dove right in.

Their words were potent and heartbreaking. Out of respect for their autonomy I won’t share their exact confession. I will summarize the parts that spoke to our collective wounds and fears around what it means to love and be betrayed by the person we give ours to.

That often times we equate investment with love. We equate commitment with love. We equate loyalty with love. And when loyalty is broken, we assume love was never there. We assume we are faulty, somehow made-up wrong, and undeserving. We future-trip, fuel our unworthiness and trample all over our ability to put faith in being loved — Love is not so fragile. People, yes. Relationships, yes. Love is the most naturally powerful thing we’ve got.

The most ironic thing — it’s only part of the partnership pie.

What We Should Be Talking About Instead

Infidelity is rarely about a lack of love. It’s often about a lack of aliveness, of honesty, of feeling wanted, chosen, seen, or erotically expressed. Most affairs don’t begin between the sheets, they begin in the corners of unmet needs. The ones we didn’t know how to name. The ones we were too scared or ashamed to ask for. The ones we thought we had to suppress to be “good” partners — because that’s what was modeled for us, after all.

So what if instead of asking “Why did they cheat?”or “how could they do that to someone they loved?” we asked:

-What wasn’t being said?

-What parts of me and/or my partner were quietly disappearing?

-What needs were buried under fear, resentment, or routine?

-What was contributing to the lack of safety to express desires and concern?

-What truth was not being said and were we not willing to hear?

Because sometimes cheating isn’t about wanting someone else.
It’s about wanting more of yourself back. And if there is choice in rupture, then there is choice in repair. So can you choose to create a container conscious and strong enough to survive truth?

But Wait — Bri, Should I Tell My Partner I Cheated, If It Didn’t Mean Anything?

I got this question during one of my weekly Talk Sex With Bri Q&A’s and here’s what I had to say —

First, everything has meaning, even the most trivial and impulsive decisions have meaning. I encourage you to look more deeply into why you feel it didn’t “mean anything”. It might give you some insights to what was happening within you and within your partnership. That will most likely reveal what it did mean and why that matters more.

Second, “Should I tell my partner I cheated?” — this is the question that breaks people open. As conscious beings, our conscience is our moral meter. We often desire to “tell the truth” when we need to clear our conscience of guilt and/or shame. We seek permission when we don’t feel available to give it to ourselves. When we seek approval of our actions and permission to absolve ourselves we bypass accountability and the choice to stand in our integrity — whatever that looks like.

This question deserves more than a yes or no. It deserves honesty without self-destruction, truth without martyrdom and integrity without ego. So before you disclose this information I invite you to slow down. Not to hide. Not to escape accountability. But to ask:

-Is the decision to disclose the infidelity for me, my partner or my relationship?

-Am I prepared to accept all outcomes?

-Will I be aligning with my integrity?

-What would I want if the roles were reversed?

-Am I telling them to clear my own guilt?

-Am I prepared to take radical responsibility. Not just for the act, but for the unmet needs beneath it?

-Is this truth being offered as a weapon or a bridge?

Because telling the truth is not the same as being honest.
And honesty without compassion is just a performance of morality.

Before You Tell, Decide What You Are Willing To Accept

So If you’re in the thick of it right now—wondering whether to share what happened, these are a few more questions to get really clear on where you stand with this rupture and what you are willing to accept, moving forward.

-What do I hope will happen if I tell them?

-What am I afraid will happen if I don’t?

-What kind of relationship do I want to build from here—regardless of whether they stay or go?

-Have I done my own inner work around what led me here?

-Am I willing to stay in the discomfort of their pain without demanding instant forgiveness?

Please have compassion for yourself and understanding for the complexity of your actions. This isn’t about making the “right” choice. It’s about making a conscious one.

Is Repair Really Possible?

In short, yes. And you know I love a good expansion so — yes, repair is possible when it is conscious enough to know that the relationship will no longer be what it used to be and that it’s a choice to begin again, with lessons learned, accountability taken, parameters upheld, and hopefully therapy locked into the calendar.

The truth…not all relationships survive infidelity. Sometimes the rupture is too great. Sometimes the tears over time coupled with the infidelity have shredded the fabric of the relationship to bits and pieces undesirable for anyone to choose to repair it.

But some do survive — many do — And not just survive, they transform. They become something else entirely. Something more honest. More intentional. More awake.

Repair after betrayal isn’t about forgetting. It’s about revealing. Who you’ve become, what you want now, and whether the two of you are willing to re-meet each other. It takes radical tenderness. It takes emotional fluency and erotic honesty. A new relational contract that actually serves who you both are today.

The Bigger Conversation

Maybe the real conversation isn’t focused on the cheating at all. Maybe it’s about how we create relationships that are honest enough, erotic enough, flexible enough, curious enough and safe enough that we don’t betray ourselves or each other to get our needs met.

Maybe the message is not that infidelity is a betrayal of love but betrayal of the system of mating and relating we never questioned.

Maybe the questions are not “who do we blame?” and “how do we exploit this pain?” But rather “what conversations have we not yet had that could prevent it, evolve it, or liberate us from it’s limited frame altogether?”

Maybe we need to take a look at the relationships we build without ever questioning the blueprint. The ways we avoid our own desires to preserve an image of “good love.” The silence we mistake for stability and the needs we punish instead of explore.

We don’t need more shame. We need more space to ask better questions and have more conscious conversations. To unravel this epidemic fiercely, lovingly and compassionately.

We are not condoning. We are not vilifying. We are leaning into systematic rewiring. We are leaning into conscious relationship containers. We are leaning into self-championing, liberation and refinement of a conversation that headlines the symptom when what we need is to address the underlying problem.

If You’re Here…

Maybe you’ve been betrayed. Maybe you’ve been the one who stepped outside of the parameters of your commitment. Maybe you're both or neither. Maybe you’re just someone who wants to understand this more deeply — Cheers to that!

Wherever you are your feelings are valid. Your experience is real. And you’re not alone.

Let’s rewrite the conversation about infidelity by getting more curious about how we mate and relate. I invite you to take some time to reflect on these 3 questions:

“How do we create love that can hold the truth?”
“How do we make space for desire without destroying trust?”
“How do we stop betraying ourselves long before we ever betray someone else?”

Share

I'd Love To Hear From You!

Have you experienced infidelity in your relationship (on either side of it?)
What questions do you wish people would ask about cheating, repair, or unmet needs?

Drop them in the comments. Or, if you're not ready to share publicly, send me a DM.

Vasavi Kumar, personal coach and business mentor, opens up for the first time about her desire to be married again after divorce and navigating the cultural stigma that surrounds it.

• Giving voice to desires we've been downplaying 
• How cultural stigmas can affect our willingness to express what we want
• Reframing resentment as "misdirected reclamation" of our deepest desires
• The way grief can clarify what truly matters in life
• Finding the courage to say what we want even when our voice shakes
• Visualization as a practice to get comfortable with receiving what we want
• The importance of taking concrete steps toward our desires
• How living according to our own values frees us from others' opinions
• Recognizing that strong, independent women can also desire partnership
• The difference between failed relationships and valuable learning experiences

If you enjoyed this episode, please feel free to share it, like it, review it, comment on it, subscribe to the podcast. 

Go follow Vasavi on all of the things! ( Links below) 

IG & TikTok @MyNameIsVasavi

LinkedIn @ Vasavi Kumar

Work With Vasavi

vasavikumar.com/sayitoutloud - link to SAY IT OUT LOUD group

Get Her Book!

vasavikumar.com/orderthebook - link to my book launch

Thanks for spending time with me! New Episodes drop every Wednesday. Hit the follow button to get notified!

If you prefer video or want closed captions, you can watch all episodes on Youtube → https://www.youtube.com/@briannaendrina

Let's Be Friends!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briannaendrina/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@briannaendrina

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/briannaendrina

More Resources For You: https://briannaendrina.com/

Become an Intimacy Insider: https://intimacyinsider.substack.com/ and get your weekly dose of deliciousness sent right to your inbox. Think your personal playground + library for erotic and relational wellness.

Join My Email List: https://briannaendrina.myflodesk.com/joinemaillist I'll send you monthly newsletters filled with updates, smut, relatables & other goodies to keep you sated.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your voice matters -- and it's super sexy to show love and support!

Stay sexy, Stay curious,

Love, Bri

The Four Horsemen of relationship doom—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—can predict relationship failure when they become dominant patterns between partners. We explore these destructive behaviors and why contempt may be the most dangerous, creating a filter where everything your partner does becomes irritating.

• Contempt is particularly destructive as it creates a negative lens through which you view your partner
• Experiencing the Four Horsemen occasionally doesn't doom a relationship—living in these patterns does
• The "cat syndrome" describes wanting attention then rejecting it when received
• Bids for affection are small requests for connection that need proper responses
• Rejection of affection bids can feel deeply personal when not communicated properly
• The foundation of healthy relationships is always clear, direct communication
• Partners can't read minds—articulating needs prevents misunderstandings and hurt feelings

Thanks for spending time with me! New Episodes drop every Wednesday. Hit the follow button to get notified!

If you prefer video or want closed captions, you can watch all episodes on Youtube → https://www.youtube.com/@briannaendrina

Let's Be Friends!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briannaendrina/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@briannaendrina

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/briannaendrina

More Resources For You: https://briannaendrina.com/

Become an Intimacy Insider: https://intimacyinsider.substack.com/ and get your weekly dose of deliciousness sent right to your inbox. Think your personal playground + library for erotic and relational wellness.

Join My Email List: https://briannaendrina.myflodesk.com/joinemaillist I'll send you monthly newsletters filled with updates, smut, relatables & other goodies to keep you sated.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your voice matters -- and it's super sexy to show love and support!

Stay sexy, Stay curious,

Love, Bri

The Freedom of No Endgame

What if sex wasn’t about achieving a particular goal with your partner? No finish line, no pressure — just pure connection and pleasure. Imagine having sex where the only agenda is to feel each other, to be present with your bodies and desires, without any expectations. This is the beauty of sex for pleasure’s sake. No need to “finish” or achieve anything other than the raw, electric experience of mutual pleasure and intimacy.

For so many of us we have been indoctrinated into a world where sex must have a goal, sex must be space where we perform, sex must be for the benefit of the other, sex must be something that is always a shared experience, sex is when the penis is erected and finished once he’s finished and flaccid. Sex equates to solely intercourse. What a shame.

Now I know I’m speaking from a heteronormative lens and that there is so much nuance within the scale of relational structures when it comes to sexual exploration and expectation. So if this does not apply to your specific situation, that is totally ok AND I’d love to also recognize that although there are so many paths in life, we can all agree that we collectively feel the impact of this lens of what sex “is.”

We can all relate to feeling like sex is something that we do and in the words of the great Esther Perel, sex is a place we go. It’s an experience of intimacy that transcends our day-to-day and invites us into a play space of self and shared discovery. It’s the experience of curiosity where the rules of intimacy don’t abide by the “status quo” but rather flow with the inherent desire to be recognized, fully expressed and accepted.

So below we are going to dive into the widely underestimated form of pleasure that most people so often push past but would absolutely thrive within — I’d argue that everyone would thrive, but that’s just my professional opinion.

1. Release the Pressure: Pleasure is Not a Performance

Forget about performance — whether it’s about “going for that orgasm” or trying to meet a partner’s expectations. What if, instead of trying to get somewhere, you and your partner simply enjoyed the ride together? The goal is not to complete a task but to experience and enjoy every touch, every sensation, and every moment in each other's presence.

It’s so important to let go of the mental scoreboard because, I promise you, there’s no ‘winner’ in this game. The only thing that matters is enjoying the experience together.

2. Explore the Sensory Experience: Pleasure in Every Moment

Sex is a sensory feast. Take a moment to really feel your partner’s skin against yours, hear their breath, and notice the heat building between you. Instead of rushing toward a goal, take your time to savor every single touch and every movement. Whether you're the one touching or being touched, the goal is simply to connect through each sensory experience and make it last as long as possible.

When you press pause on your mind and press PLAY on your senses the rhythm of your bodies create the magic. It’s about being present in the moment, not racing to the next.

3. Go on a Pleasure Adventure: Curiosity Over Climax

What if you and your partner got lost in the exploration of each other without the pressure to reach a specific destination or even sensation? Curiosity in the bedroom is incredibly hot — I’d argue it’s the hottest thing there is — so lean into what feels good in the moment and commit to exploring curiously. Every kiss, every caress, every whimper and moan can be a chance to discover something new about your partner and deepen your connection. No rush, just connection.

Learn the landscape of your partner’s body. Let curiosity guide you rather than rushing to a “finish line.” When you remove the end goal, the entire experience transforms into a journey worth savoring.

4. Focus on Connection, Not Achievement

True intimacy comes from the connection you build with your partner, not the “end result.” Think of sex as a chance to get even closer — emotionally, physically and spiritually. Instead of focusing on achieving orgasm or meeting a performance standard, just focus on how you both feel in each moment together. Sex is about being with each other, not performing for each other.

When you drop the goal of achievement, you open up a playground for expression and deeper connection. Sex is not a job to be done, it’s a shared experience to enjoy.

5. Surrender to the Moment: Let Pleasure Lead the Way

In the realm of partnership, surrendering to the pleasure you and your partner share can unlock an intimacy that transforms you from the inside. Instead of forcing outcomes, let go and let pleasure unfold organically. When you and your partner both release control and simply let the connection flow, you create space for a richer, more meaningful experience. You get to push the boundaries of your erotic exploration and forge paths that lead you to ecstasy.

Surrendering doesn’t mean losing yourself, it means trusting the moment and the connection. It means giving over to the experience and releasing into your partner. Allowing your pleasure to take the lead will deepen the bond and create an erotic moment that lasts beyond a quick release of dopamine and oxytocin.

6. Celebrate Your Body’s Wisdom: Pleasure Doesn’t Need Permission

When you feel pleasure, honor it — and so should your partner. Your body knows what it wants, and sometimes all it wants is to feel pleasure with the person you love. No permission necessary, no shame involved. By prioritizing pleasure together, you’re also nurturing your relationship, deepening the trust and safety between you. We can only thrive in love when we feel safe in its container. Safe to surrender, safe to be uninhibited, safe to fully express your carnal nature, your most vulnerable and transparent behaviors — Our bodies have wisdom our minds can’t fully grasp. So lead with the knowledge of your body.

Your body’s desires are an invitation to connection. Don’t second-guess them, embrace them, and encourage your partner to do the same.

7. Practice Pleasure as a Habit: Make It Part of Your Daily Routine

Pleasure shouldn’t be an afterthought or a special occasion — it can be part of your relationship every day. Small moments of intimacy, playfulness, and connection make the bigger moments feel even more meaningful. Whether it's a lingering kiss, a sensual touch, or simply enjoying each other’s company, make pleasure a habit that lives in your partnership, every day.

Start with the small things — longer eye contact, spontaneous touches, public displays of easy affection — and watch how these moments build to something deeper. Pleasure is a constant state, not a fleeting moment.

Embracing Pleasure for Pleasure’s Sake

When I first started embracing pleasure for its own sake in my relationship, I realized how much pressure I had been placing on myself and on John, my partner. We were so focused on reaching for the "finish line”— that rush of erotic overwhelm where we lost ourselves for a few seconds, that we missed out on the pure joy of deeply connecting and savoring the bliss our bodies were inside of. Sex became a place to simply be with each other, and in that space, I found deeper intimacy not only with John, but with myself. Attuning to each other in ways that felt like music. It changed the way I viewed my body, my desires, and my relationship. The beauty was in the journey, not the destination. As is so much of connection and pleasure.

We learn pleasure the same way we learn how to do anything else, by practice. When we give ourselves the opportunity to learn from a place of curiosity, leaning in where we have yet to go and following our natural rhythm and the rhythm of our yearning without the pressure of completing some sort of sexual task, we expand our capacity for pleasure but also our willingess to remain courageous with the route we take on the journey.

When we embrace our pleasure for the sake of pleasure itself, there’s literally no way to get it “wrong”. There’s no time frame, no pressure, no “finish-line.” There is simply pleasure for the sake of it. How exciting does that sound?

Pleasure Should Be A Priority, Not A Performance

Take a moment to reflect on these questions:

- What would sex look like for me if there were no goal?

Remind yourself: Sex doesn’t need a goal.

- How would my relationship feel if we didn’t perform for each other?

Remind yourself: My relationship doesn’t need a “performance.” The truth is that connection, pleasure, and mutual joy happen when you focus on simply being present with each other.

It’s ok for pleasure to be the north star. Some would say that is a limited resource, others might say pleasure for pleasure’s sake is selfish and short sighted, and even more people have no idea what pleasure even means for them. They’ve been told that pleasure is to be given out of obligation and rarely received consensually, conscientiously and slowly.

The deeper I dive into this work and what it means for me to be a pleasure-filled being, I’ve grown to have immense respect for pleasure. I’ve been witness to and have personally experienced the incredibly positive impact of leading a life with pleasure in mind. I have felt the change in my body and my desire when I allow myself to lean into pleasure above all else. I’ve followed the flow of my pleasure as it nourished my marriage and our sexual relationship. I’ve been able to connect more confidently to my body — which is a huge as a woman — and I’ve grown to listen to the voice of my pleasure.

The beautiful thing about your pleasure, is that it is abundant. It lives in the moment. It never rushes, and is not selfish. It wants to give and give and give. It is multifaceted and nuanced. It craves your attention and offers you more, the more you allow it in. No pressure, no performance, no goal, no expectation, no judgment or criticism.

HomePlay

Take some time to be with your pleasure ( solo or partnered ) How slowly can you go? How much attention can you give the moment and nothing else? Can you be with your pleasure for the sake of pleasure — no goal, no pressure, no performance?

Give yourself an hour to be curious about your pleasure and notice what comes up for you. Let the thought come, acknowledge it, and then let it go. Keep doing that as you connect to yourself or your partner.

Let me know how it goes! I’d love to hear from you!

I'm Brianna Endrina, mentor for women and lovers in coupledom. A sort of mating n' relating connoisseur, if you will. I'm here to guide you — and your boo, towards confident eroticism & nourishing partnership!

It’s not just about sex, it’s about sex worth having! It’s about sustainability andpassion. It’s about deeply connected, honest intimacy. It’s about learning be fully expressed, safely loved and well-f*cked for yourself and with each other.

It’s time to ditch the old narrative and step into a life of turn on! Get pleasure, encouragement, accountability and all the sexy empowerment at your fingertips! Get on-demand coaching with me through Pocket Pleasure! No more settling, you deserve EPIC!

We’re better together, so come say “Hi” on the socials @BriannaEndrina and if you’re feeling inspired, leave me a comment, send me a message, restack, repost and/or share this article!

Brittany Smith shares her journey from religious sexual repression to self-acceptance and healthy relationships, offering powerful insights on reclaiming pleasure after trauma.

• Growing up in a Texas church where sexuality was only discussed within marriage context
• Writing love letters to future spouses at age 12 with no actual sex education 
• Experiencing sexual trauma from a church authority figure with nowhere to turn
• Feeling shame and confusion from mixed messages about sexuality
• Living with bipolar disorder and its impact on sexual expression
• Discovering self-pleasure for the first time in her thirties
• Finding healing through a supportive marriage that prioritizes mutual pleasure
• Learning to trust herself and her desires after years of conditioning
• Building confidence to initiate and communicate sexual needs
• Embracing sexuality as an integrated part of identity rather than something compartmentalized

If you're struggling with any of the topics discussed in today's episode, there are resources below to help you get support. Sometimes the first step is simply saying things out loud in a safe container.

RESOURCES

The National Domestic Violence Hotline
https://www.thehotline.org/

The National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline

https://rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline

National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC)

https://www.nsvrc.org/sarts/toolkit/6-4

____

Get In Touch With Brittney! 

IG @BrittneyBenavidezSmith

Website: OneInAMelody.com

____

Thanks for spending time with me! New Episodes drop every Wednesday. Hit the follow button to get notified!

If you prefer video or want closed captions, you can watch all episodes on Youtube → https://www.youtube.com/@briannaendrina

Let's Be Friends!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briannaendrina/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@briannaendrina

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/briannaendrina

More Resources For You: https://briannaendrina.com/

Become an Intimacy Insider: https://intimacyinsider.substack.com/ and get your weekly dose of deliciousness sent right to your inbox. Think your personal playground + library for erotic and relational wellness.

Join My Email List: https://briannaendrina.myflodesk.com/joinemaillist I'll send you monthly newsletters filled with updates, smut, relatables & other goodies to keep you sated.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your voice matters -- and it's super sexy to show love and support!

Stay sexy, Stay curious,

Love, Bri

We explore the delicate balance of discussing relationship issues with friends versus keeping conflicts within the partnership. Our conversation unpacks when seeking outside perspective is helpful and when it undermines the relationship.

• Coffee in the morning starts our discussion about relationship boundaries
• Analyzing a viral clip about whether to discuss marriage problems with friends
• Questioning the "queen and chambermaid" analogy that positions marriage above friendships
• Examining how the language we use about our partners affects perception
• The importance of resolving conflicts directly rather than just venting to friends
• Why trusted advisors who know both partners make better confidants
• Maintaining respect for your partnership even during disagreements
• How unresolved issues can be reignited through friend conversations
• The value of choosing friends who encourage resolution rather than drama
• Finding healthy outlets for frustration without undermining your relationship
• Setting standards for all relationships in your life, not just romantic ones

If you're struggling with relationship communication, try journaling your feelings before sharing them with others. Make sure the conversations you have with friends are matched by even deeper conversations with your partner.

Thanks for spending time with me! New Episodes drop every Wednesday. Hit the follow button to get notified!

If you prefer video or want closed captions, you can watch all episodes on Youtube → https://www.youtube.com/@briannaendrina

Let's Be Friends!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briannaendrina/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@briannaendrina

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/briannaendrina

More Resources For You: https://briannaendrina.com/

Become an Intimacy Insider: https://intimacyinsider.substack.com/ and get your weekly dose of deliciousness sent right to your inbox. Think your personal playground + library for erotic and relational wellness.

Join My Email List: https://briannaendrina.myflodesk.com/joinemaillist I'll send you monthly newsletters filled with updates, smut, relatables & other goodies to keep you sated.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your voice matters -- and it's super sexy to show love and support!

Stay sexy, Stay curious,

Love, Bri

Hand up if you've ever felt awkward, sketched out, confused, or just totally lost walking into an erotica shop? Yeah… you’re definitely not alone. Pinky promise.

Fun Fact: I used to work in one! I’d always wanted to be an employee at an erotica shop and after diving into this genre of profession, I decided “there’s no time like the present to teach and sell sex to people.”

I’m thrilled you’re spending some time with me to learn more about you and your sexual appetite. So get curious because we’re diving into sex toys (aka sexual wellness products, pleasure assistants, sex tools and your next best lover), pleasure, and empowerment — right here in this juicy little pocket of sex ed. you definitely didn’t get in school.

A Very Brief History of Sex Toys (Because You Deserve to Know)

Contrary to the belief that sex products are a modern invention, they’ve been around since roughly 29,000 BC. In an article by Dr. Amie Dawson at TheToy, she outlines the evolution of sex products across time and culture — it’s a fascinating read.

Here’s a sexy little timeline:

• 29,000 BC: A phallic stone dildo makes its debut

• 500 BC: What we now call Ben Wa Balls begin circulating

• 1200s: The first recorded double-ended dildo appears

• 1734: The Tremoussoir (vibrator) emerges as a medical tool

• 1844: Rubber is discovered. Hello, condoms and cock rings!

• 1917: KY Jelly hits the scene

• 1977: Good Vibrations, the first sex-positive vibe shop, opens

• 1998: Sex and the City popularizes the Rabbit vibrator, making sex toys part of mainstream convo.

• 2004: LELO launches, introducing luxury, body-safe toys that are sleek, silent, and waterproof.

• 2007: OhMiBod drops the first iPod-compatible vibrator. How hot is it when music becomes orgasmic foreplay.

• 2011: Dame Products is founded, created by women to revolutionize sex toy design and sexual wellness access.

• 2014: Lioness releases a smart vibrator that tracks orgasmic patterns via biofeedback sensors.

• 2015: Sex tech makes its controversial debut at CES (Consumer Electronics Show) demanding space in the tech world.

• 2017: The rise of #SexPositive and #SelfPleasure across Instagram and podcasts fuels a new pleasure liberation era.

• 2019: Satisfyer and Womanizer bring air pulse tech to the mainstream. Let’s cue the “touchless orgasm” revolution.

• 2020: Pandemic lockdowns cause a global spike in sex toy sales and demand for remote-controlled intimacy tools.

• 2021: Teledildonics (app-controlled, Bluetooth toys) explode! Remote partners can now control your toy from anywhere. So hot!

• 2023: AI intimacy tools emerge: erotic chatbots, audio porn generators, and custom companions shift how we relate to desire.

• 2024: The sex tech industry hits $40 billion, with a rise in inclusive, trauma-informed, and queer-focused design.

• Today: The adult toy industry is booming…projected to hit $62 billion by 2030 (Grand View Research)

  

So… Why Sex Toys?

It’s simple: Sexual wellness is a necessity.
People want to feel good. People want to understand their bodies and their pleasure. Most folks need a little (or a lot of) support in accessing their erotic potential. And honestly? Most of us got the bare minimum when it came to SexEd. — Looking at you, 45-minute study hall slideshow.

It’s no wonder I meet people who still think “vagina” refers to the whole vulva, or who don’t know the clitoris is actually a powerful internal network (with its own “lady balls” aka vestibular bulbs). Fun fact? The male prostate can be stimulated without even entering the butthole. Also… Yes, you really can lose it if you don’t use it. Pelvic muscles are muscles.

There is a desperate need for real, comprehensive (yes, that includes pleasure) sexual education. If I started a petition… would you sign it?

We can not expect to normalize the conversations, change the narrative, refine the stigmas and even correct the ignorances, if we don't create systems or curriculums to educate our society in the realm of sex and reproductive health, in its entirety.

An ignorant society is a harmful one. Let’s do better.

The Stigma Still Sucks

Sexual wellness products are still taboo, underregulated, and (in some states) restricted. Georgia’s obscenity laws still classify many products as “obscene” unless used for medical purposes and with a doctors sign-off. And in Texas? It’s illegal to own more than six sex toys per household. These laws are not new but they might be news since most people don’t pay attention to them until major events in our society happen to affect them.

Read that again.

This is why the work I do and the education I offer is essential. Sex doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care who you are, what you look like, or how much you know. It wants to know you and for you to know it. And your pleasure? It’s worthy. Always.

So no shame if your knowledge so far comes from what you’ve seen on Pornhub or OnlyFans. I’m not knocking on these platforms AND that’s what happens when access to sexual entertainment outweighs access to sexual education.

Pleasure is the Point

True sex education includes pleasure. That’s the part most traditional systems leave out…right alongside autonomy, consent, and curiosity.

In true Bri fashion, we’re centering all of the above. Let’s talk about what really happens when you incorporate toys aka “pleasure assistants” into your erotic world.

First, Your Brain Is Your Biggest Erogenous Zone

Pleasure starts in the mind. Creating enough safety and desire for the brain-crotch to turn on, is the pathway for the body to follow. We create the kind of circumstances that aid in both the mind and body coming online to be available and receptive to pleasure.

So… what comes up when you think about sex toys?

• Do you feel shy? Excited? Ashamed? Curious?

• Do you hide them? Use them solo? Share them with a partner?

• Do you crave more but don’t know where to start?

Your relationship with toys (and the stories you carry about them) will directly impact your pleasure. We have to acknowledge our current story around these products before we can refine and rewrite it.

There are many reasons for why we may not be “in the mood” for sex or why our “sex drive feels nonexistent” or why we “don’t actually enjoy the sex we’re having.” All of them are valid and all of them have routes we can take toward our desired destination. I’m not saying that sex products will fix every single sexual issue, concern, desire etc. I’m saying that recognizing that utilizing these products can assist in you discovering more about your pleasure and learning what sensations create different routes to your sexual satisfaction which can help alleviate certain pain points for you and even your relationship when it comes to sex.

Finding Your Way: Beginner to Advanced

When it comes to figuring out what products are going to work best for your desired pleasure, you have to get curious about your WHY.

Do you want to create new and unexplored sensations?

Do you want to create a new experience between you and your lover?

Do you want to discover more about your pleasure?

Is there something about your current solo or partnered sex that is feeling off — painful, uncomfortable, not fully satisfying etc.

Are you simply wanting to try toys for the sake of understanding how they can assist you?

Getting clear is one major factor before diving in. Once you’ve got your “why” let’s break it down even further. There are three primary categories I see often in my work:

• Beginners: New to toys, unsure where to start, easily overwhelmed by options

• Intermediates: You’ve got some staple pieces and are ready to deepen your play

• Advanced Players: You’re exploring your edges, collecting with intention, and looking for new, kinkier terrain

No matter where you fall, this guide’s got you mostly covered (If you want to dive further we can always hop on a call and chat it out).

Quick Checklist Before You Buy:

Material / Texture / Shape
Do you like it smooth? Ribbed? Veined? Glass or steel for temp play? Want something realistic or fantasy-based — hello tentacles! Or, for all my smut lovers, maybe you want to cosplay as Zade and pleasure her with a pew-pew dildo.

Function
What do you want the toy to do for you? Clit stimulation? P-spot massage? Confidence boost? Partner play? Kink exploration? Health benefit — yes sex wellness products don’t just aid in pleasure but also our ability to strengthen and stretch our capacity for the pleasure that we want. This is where dilators, rings, yoni eggs, weights, kegels, pumps etc. come into play.

Power Source
Rechargeable = eco-friendly but don’t lose the charger. Battery = convenient but less longevity. Non-motorized = underrated power.

Lube Compatibility
Rule of thumb: never use silicone lube on silicone products. (We’ll get into lube in another article.)

Size
Start small with anything new. Especially with penetration or anal play. Dilator kits are your bestie. Think about discretion, storage, and travel, too.

Waterproof, Water-Resistant, or Submersible?
There’s a difference. Water-resistant? Not great for squirting. Submersible? Great for bathtubs. Know before you go. (We’ll get deeper into this in a another article)

My Top Recommendations

Beginner Sex Toys
Simple, affordable, and perfect for learning what lights you up

Vulva: Bullet, Rabbit Vibe, Dildo
Penis: Manual Stroker, Sleeve, Fleshlight
Anal: Small Plug, Anal Beads
Partnered: Vibrating C-Rings, Tongue Vibes, Edible Lube, Wedges
Kink: Beginner Cuffs, Blindfold, Tickler

Intermediate Sex Toys
Stepping it up with multi-stimulation, upgraded materials, and longer play

Vulva: Suction Toys, Rideable Vibes, Advanced Rabbits
Penis: Vibrating Fleshlights, Pumps, Weighted C-Rings
Anal: P-Spot Plugs, Beaded Plugs, Vibrating Toys
Partnered: Wands, Straps, Bluetooth Vibes, Double-Ended Dildos
Kink: Nipple Clamps, Floggers, Collars, Gags

Advanced Sex Toys
You kinky little star, let’s go wild

Vulva: Pussy Pumps, Threesome Shafted Toys, Auto-Dildos
Penis: Metal Rings, Half-Bodies, Balldo, Auto-Fleshlights
Anal: Thrusting Plugs, Hooks, Gapers
Partnered: Sex Machines, Riders, VR Toys, Silicone Bodies
Kink: Electro Play, Shibari, Sounding Rods, Wax, Chastity Cages

Who’s Making What?

The industry of sex is bigger than you might think! Here’s a quick rundown of the big names in sex.

Major Conglomerates aka Parent Companies

These are the powerhouses behind multiple major brands. These companies own vast portfolios and dominate the market on a global scale.

• Lovehoney Group / WOW Tech Group Brands: Womanizer, We-Vibe, Fifty Shades of Grey, Arcwave, Happy Rabbit

• Lifestyles Healthcare Brands: LifeStyles Condoms, SKYN, Blowtex, Manix

• Doc Johnson Enterprises: Known as the “Nike of Sex Toys” and has an ever-growing catalog from dildos to kink gear, all made in the USA

• CalExotics: One of the largest and most diverse product lines in the industry, from beginner to pro-level toys

• Pipedream Products: Market leader in novelties, dolls, and kink. Owns brands like Anal Fantasy and King Cock

Luxury Sex Toy Brands

Beautifully designed, high quality, often tech-integrated and body safe. These brands are redefining elegance in erotic wellness.

• LELO: Swedish-designed, luxury vibes and accessories. Iconic for style, innovation, and discretion

• Dame Products: Women-led, science-backed, inclusive designs for real bodies. This company is a legal advocate for sex equality

• Je Joue: London based, known for sleek aesthetics and deep rumbly motors

• Crave: “Jewelry-meets-pleasure” and famous for the Vesper vibrator necklace and daily wearable cuffs (I have some of these and they are a fun staple piece!)

Inclusive, Queer, and Community-Led Brands

These brands center diverse pleasure, gender inclusivity, and ethical manufacturing.

• b-Vibe: Anal focused brand with educational content and inclusive design

• Wildflower Sex: Queer-owned shop and brand known for non-gendered toys like the Enby

• Unbound: Bold branding, playful designs, and a feminist take on everyday pleasure

• Aneros: Market leader in prostate play…also known for intentional, gender expansive offerings

Share The Intimacy Insider

Sex Tech & Smart Toys

These innovators blend AI, data, and interactivity with pleasure.

• We-Vibe: Bluetooth enabled couples toys with app control. The pioneers in remote intimacy

• Lovense: Interactive, camera compatible toys with strong teledildonics integration

• Lioness: Smart vibrator with biofeedback sensors for tracking orgasmic patterns

• Kiiroo: Known for interactive male masturbators and device syncing with partner toys

• OhMiBod: Music reactive and app-controlled toys. These are the OG in combining media + vibes

Kink, Fetish, & BDSM Brands

For the power players and sensation seekers.

• Stockroom: Longtime leader in kink gear and leather goods. We love the professional grade equipment

• Tantus: High quality silicone dildos, plugs, and strap-ons. These products are great for pegging and anal

• Sinnovator: Hand-poured fantasy dildos which are famous for tentacle and “alien themed” designs

• Fetish Fantasy Series by Pipedream: Intro-level BDSM gear, accessible pricing and wide availability

Retailers / Marketplaces

These platforms carry multiple brands and curate across categories.

• Lovehoney: One of the world’s largest online adult retailers, UK based but global

• PinkCherry: Popular North American retailer with a massive range of brands

• Good Vibrations: Historic, sex-positive storefront and online shop with educational focus

• Babeland: Feminist friendly, NYC born retailer now owned by Good Vibrations

From buying my first rabbit vibe from a Spencers in South Carolina to working at an erotica shop (Tokyo Valentino) in Atlanta, I know a few things about sex toys. I’m a proponent for this industry and I’d love to see us all refine the way we view and utilize these wellness products.

The industry of sex is a large scale, ever growing, innovating and important aspect of our society. It’s impact is only going to become more paramount as tech expands. Don’t get me started on AI and how that will influence the way we connect with ourselves and each other. (Okay maybe do get me started — more to come on this one!) We are already beginning to see the evolution of AI + human interaction with chat GPT, love-bot apps and other forms of teledildonics.

One of my favorite reminders for people who would come into the erotica shop looking for their tried and true or their brand new experience is “The product is not a replacement for connection or partnered interaction, it is simply a collaboration tool. It’s meant to enhance not compete.”

Sexual wellness is a part of our overall wellbeing. Don’t discount or discredit any opportunity for bettering yourself, remaining curious about yourself and utilizing products that will help you connect more deeply to yourself and your lover(s).

I’m curious. What else would you like to know about the sexual wellness industry? Any topics within this article that peaked your interest? Let me know in the comments and if I should do a series!

Drawing from my Human Design as a 1-3 mental projector, I share six powerful relationship lessons that have transformed how I show up in partnership and for myself in ways that feel most nourishing and authentic.

• The autonomy of your relationship is only as strong as the security of it—we feel liberated by our relationships when we feel safe within them
• Fall for the potential—the route to knowing if someone is for you is through choosing to chase the idea of what they could be
• Practice does not make perfect, it makes partnership—relationships require daily practice of showing up
• Couples who prioritize acceptance have far more stamina than couples who prioritize compatibility—understanding and loving our differences creates stronger bonds
• At the root of self-abandoning or self-loving behavior, worthiness is either going to be the poison or the nourishment
• Make your cake and eat it off your partner too—let yourself want what you want and create the kind of life and partnership that turns you on

If you enjoy this episode, share it, review it, subscribe to the podcast on all the platforms, and if you post on social tag me @BriannaEndrina. I will love on you right back. Stay sexy, stay curious.

Thanks for spending time with me! New Episodes drop every Wednesday. Hit the follow button to get notified!

If you prefer video or want closed captions, you can watch all episodes on Youtube → https://www.youtube.com/@briannaendrina

Let's Be Friends!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briannaendrina/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@briannaendrina

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/briannaendrina

More Resources For You: https://briannaendrina.com/

Become an Intimacy Insider: https://intimacyinsider.substack.com/ and get your weekly dose of deliciousness sent right to your inbox. Think your personal playground + library for erotic and relational wellness.

Join My Email List: https://briannaendrina.myflodesk.com/joinemaillist I'll send you monthly newsletters filled with updates, smut, relatables & other goodies to keep you sated.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your voice matters -- and it's super sexy to show love and support!

Stay sexy, Stay curious,

Love, Bri

Maybe the scariest part about falling in love isn’t the risk of hitting the ground or landing safely home, but all the moments in between. It’s the fear of nurturing a connection to longevity because what if the decision of forever is emotionally retracted. It’s the crumbs of hope for more while sitting in the shallow waters of routine. It’s the desire to be consumed by the fire of ruin and craving while being held in safety and acceptance. It’s the towel of “unconditional” that is wrapped around our wet wounds hoping to soak up every last drop all the while waiting to be rung out with the tight grip that caused it. It’s our conditioned categories, the indoctrinated ideologies, the pretty prisons we have the keys to, because we decorated it to keep us comfortable hostages. I’m not one to shit on romanticism, or point the finger at self-indulgence. I’m here to humanize our souls.

Questions To Ponder In The Comments For The Brave & Willing:

• What part of you believes that being fully loved would cost you something essential, like your freedom, your ambition, or your mystery?
  Go Deeper: And where did you first learn that love demanded sacrifice?

• If someone saw the real way you need to be loved (your mess, your ache, your hunger) do you believe they would stay… or run?
  Be honest: How much of yourself are you actually willing to reveal?

  Thank you for being here, let’s stay in touch.

• What version of love do you secretly crave but feel too ashamed to admit out loud? (Ownership? Worship? Destruction? Safety?)
  Further Truth: And what would it mean about you if you said yes to it?

• Are you more afraid of losing yourself in love, or never being fully found?
  Go Deeper: And which fear has shaped how you show up in relationships?

• Who did you become to be lovable?
  Be Honest: And is that version of you still running the show?

• What unspoken contracts have you made in love that are still controlling your behavior?
  Sound Familiar: I’ll stay quiet if you stay. I’ll shrink if you don’t leave. I’ll never ask for more… if you don’t walk away.

• If your love life was an altar, what would be bleeding on it right now?
  Further Truth: What part of you is being sacrificed to keep something “working” that might not be serving you?

• What’s your most seductive pattern in love, the one that gets you what you think you want, but never what you actually need?
  Be Honest: And are you ready to break up with it?

• If love was safe, would you still want it? Or do you secretly thrive off the danger, the volatility, the yearning?
  Be Honest: Does peace feel boring to you?

• What do you withhold in love to stay in control? (Your full presence? Your desire? Your softness?)
  Further Truth: And who taught you that love required leverage?

You’re safe here. You’re allowed. You’re worthy. You’re accepted. You’re validated. You’re heard. You’re witnessed. You’re enough. You’re loved.

-Bri

We explore the modern expectation for our romantic partners to fulfill multiple roles – from lover and confidant to therapist and best friend – and how this pressure affects relationships in detrimental ways.

• Examining how we now rely on one person for needs that communities traditionally fulfilled
• The phenomenon of giving our "best selves" to work while bringing our "leftovers" home to partners
• Why using your partner as an emotional "punching bag" damages relationship dynamics
• The importance of maintaining individuality while building intimacy in partnerships
• How bringing conflict to relationships actually strengthens connection when done respectfully
• The false dichotomy of "winning" versus "losing" in relationship disagreements
• Building healthy interdependence rather than codependence through outside friendships and interests
• Learning to communicate about issues directly with partners instead of just venting to friends
• Viewing your relationship as a team rather than seeing your partner as an opponent

The real loss isn't apologizing when you're wrong – it's letting your relationship crumble because you refused to be vulnerable enough to admit mistakes.

Let's learn to individuate and cultivate interdependence over merging so fully that we submit to codependency. We don't have to be everything for and to our partner's. 

Thanks for spending time with me! New Episodes drop every Wednesday. Hit the follow button to get notified!

If you prefer video or want closed captions, you can watch all episodes on Youtube → https://www.youtube.com/@briannaendrina

Let's Be Friends!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briannaendrina/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@briannaendrina

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/briannaendrina

More Resources For You: https://briannaendrina.com/

Become an Intimacy Insider: https://intimacyinsider.substack.com/ and get your weekly dose of deliciousness sent right to your inbox. Think your personal playground + library for erotic and relational wellness.

Join My Email List: https://briannaendrina.myflodesk.com/joinemaillist I'll send you monthly newsletters filled with updates, smut, relatables & other goodies to keep you sated.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your voice matters -- and it's super sexy to show love and support!

Stay sexy, Stay curious,

Love, Bri

Ending up on the WLW (women loving women) side of the clock app was the moment I knew for certain that all the times I felt the pull towards other women throughout my life was not just some phase or fleeting attraction. It was my personhood showing me that the landscape of my desire was not a straight edge.

I fell into an internet pool of bisexual women who were in the genre of queerness that I’d been trying to understand my entire marriage. I felt like I’d found answers and a community of people who genuinely “get it”.

Subscribe now

I posted a video in 2022 that went a bit viral — 5.4 million views kinda of viral. What followed was 70k people hitting the plus sign and a whole gang of straight passing cis-women, married to men, who were also finally accepting, exploring and eagerly sharing their journeys of queerness. Among the crowd were also the gold-star lesbians, the gays and theys who were in full support offering love, care and a whole lot of compliments as I stepped into my #babygay era. It was a feeling I’m still not fully able to explain.

I met mutuals that became IRL (in real life) friends, went to my first GIW (Girls In Wonderland) event, celebrated my first PRIDE, attended queer dinners & parties, and started feeling a lot more at home in my sexuality.

What no one talks about is the contraction and the imposter syndrome that comes with this kind of self-acceptance— as a “late bloomer”.

Read more

A candid revelation over sushi sparked this exploration into what makes relationships thrive beyond the superficial. When a friend struggling with dating in his thirties called my marriage "perfect," I couldn't help but laugh—what he saw as perfection was actually years of messy, beautiful work.

The dating landscape has drastically changed with swipe culture hijacking our natural connection abilities. We've lost patience for authenticity, constantly chasing the next best option rather than seeing the humanity in potential partners. Dating apps have us judging compatibility based on photos and bios rather than using our intuition and senses to gauge attraction. Meanwhile, those seeking lasting connections feel increasingly hopeless about finding partnership.

Drawing from over a decade of marriage and professional experience, I'm sharing the framework that's helped sustain our relationship—the five C's of love. Curiosity keeps us actively interested in our evolving partners. Communication transforms conflicts into growth opportunities. Consideration honors your partner's agency in decision-making. Co-regulation creates emotional safety during difficult times. Co-creation builds a relationship structure that works uniquely for you both. These principles aren't about achieving perfection but about creating a partnership where both people feel seen, accepted, challenged, and celebrated.

There's no perfect manual for love, only the handbook you write together through commitment to growth and connection. Don't be fooled by relationship highlight reels or the myth of the perfect match. Instead, stay patient, remain present, and remember that practice—not perfection—makes partnership.

Thanks for spending time with me! New Episodes drop every Wednesday. Hit the follow button to get notified!

If you prefer video or want closed captions, you can watch all episodes on Youtube → https://www.youtube.com/@briannaendrina

Let's Be Friends!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briannaendrina/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@briannaendrina

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/briannaendrina

More Resources For You: https://briannaendrina.com/

Become an Intimacy Insider: https://intimacyinsider.substack.com/ and get your weekly dose of deliciousness sent right to your inbox. Think your personal playground + library for erotic and relational wellness.

Join My Email List: https://briannaendrina.myflodesk.com/joinemaillist I'll send you monthly newsletters filled with updates, smut, relatables & other goodies to keep you sated.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your voice matters -- and it's super sexy to show love and support!

Stay sexy, Stay curious,

Love, Bri

I think it can feel really easy to lose our autonomy and our individuality when we get married. Especially if you, like me, had chosen to marry young. There is a pressure to be unified in a way that separates you from yourself, your desires and your evolution as a soverign being. It can be a slippery slope for many people, to learn interdependence while also maintaining fulfilling matrimony.

I’ve recently reached 11 years as a wife and I celebrate the milestone. I’m so proud of my relationship and who I’ve chosen as my husband. He makes me a better person because of the way he loves me. The patience he shows, the devotion to our connection, the ability to sit with me in my awful and difficult and questionable moments. It’s partnership. It’s marriage.

That doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. With all this love also comes a hefty dose of heartache and tough conversations and trying to understand while leaving room for misunderstanding. It’s a dance of curiosity and capacity. It’s loving messy and championing our individuality. It’s honoring that we are our own people, choosing to do life together. It’s learning how to mend emotional fractures and build bridges for connection instead of walls of protection.

I am my own before I am a wife. I am a woman before I am a wife. I am a sovereign and autonomous human before I am a wife. This goes for my husband as well. What I expect of myself, I hold him to. What I desire for myself seems only fair to encourage in him. I will not create parameters for “what is allowed” without considering that there are three in the relationship — Me, Him and Us.

To the woman who fears her expansion, her evolution, her desires and her truth, I beg you to lean in with love and curiosity. I ask that you consider the reasons you abandon yourself in the name of proving to someone else that they are worthy of love. I encourage you to consider the cost of living a life that only survives on a dishonest version of you. These are not easy self-reflections. They are quite fucking hard. And guess what? We can do hard things — Thank you Glennon Doyle.

Some Of The Hardest Growth Edges That I’ve Had To Face Inside Of My Marriage

Growing at different speeds:

I remember the first time I felt the strain of the rubber band in my marriage. Never heard of that? Well, picture this — your relationship is an invisible rubber band that wraps around you and your partner — a healthy amount of tension keeps the band secure, but an unhealthy amount of tension can cause the band to go limp and fall to the floor or strain to its snapping point. The healthy tension is mutual desire, interdependence, secure individuation, purpose, etc. The unhealthy tension is the mismatched desire, unwillingness, withdrawing, codependency, animosity, lack of communication or consideration, etc. Some couples cling and become codependent, losing themselves in each other, only to end up so toxic and trauma bonded with the other while their relationship falls. Some couples create distance and become so separate, each reaching for places the other is too convinced they can’t go, that the relationship strains and stretches to its breaking point.

Growing at different speeds felt like a strain that I didn’t know how to soothe. I felt like I was reaching for a life that was reaching for me, but being held back by the person I love the most; who loves me the most. What I desired seemed unreasonable. What I imagined seemed incomprehensible. What I wanted, seemed like it didn’t matter…enough. I was halted and he felt rushed. It didn’t seem fair to force him or coerce him into compliance or uncomfortability to become the person he didn’t agree to marry, initially. But I didn’t want to stay the woman he married, I wanted to grow and evolve and step into a new version — and I wanted to be chosen as her, too. He didn’t want to lose me just as much as he didn’t want to be forced into a version of himself and of us that he didn’t feel ready for.

Growth felt hard, for the both of us, in our individual ways. It was scary to stay still and to step forward.

Desiring more or different, sexually and relationally:

How do you tell your partner that you want more, and different, without feeling like an asshole? Like an ungrateful, selfish, greedy little fucker who wants her cake and wants to eat it too?

The only way I know how is by accepting that feeling like a greedy asshole and being honest, is going to get you an answer one way or another.

I thought that keeping quiet about what I wanted sexually and intimately inside of my marriage was the only way to keep the peace. — and baby was I wrong about that. The chaos I felt inside was ruining my connection with my husband. I was making love to him while my mind drifted elsewhere just to not physically repel. I was following every IG hottie and imagining what they’d be like. I was seeking connection in ways that felt almost morally wrong because I didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted. Because I felt like asking was worse than feeling dissatisfied.

I spiraled into guilt, frustration, anger and sadness all because I wanted variety.

It’s like having Spaghetti Bolognese every day for the rest of your life. After a while, it isn’t going to sound so appealing. But give yourself the entire Italian menu to choose from and maybe the rotation of the Bolognese will be a welcomed dish. (Also this is not about polyamory or opening the marriage, this is simply a metaphor for monotony or predictability within relationships.)

Monotony aka “The Slow Death”:

“Till’ death do us part,” “As long as we both shall live,” these are not idle statements. I said them, you may have also, or some variation of the two. So, what does that mean exactly? It means that you’re going to be down bad for this human for a long fucking time.

Do y’all know how bored I get watching these movie length tv show episodes? Do y’all understand that my ADHDon’t mind me leaves a tab open in my brain palace for every random thought I have throughout the day… indefinitely? I change my hair at least twice a year, chop that bitch right off every time it thinks about reaching my lower back. I’ve done every MLM boss-babe season, changed the name of my podcast three times, go shopping for hours just to put back everything in my cart— for funsies, traveling is in my DNA and pretty sure I'd lose my shit if I didn’t have a crush on at least one person other than my husband.

I call this the “slow death” because that is exactly what it can feel like; being alive, but not living. Watching yourself through some omnipresent lens and seeing the paths ahead of you withering away. Day-in-and-day-out, this unconscious cycle of routine that gradually chips away at your spirit, your curiosity, your desire. It’s sameness, it’s tedious it’s void of change or growth — It’s Groundhog Day for your relationship.

It’s space couples go to diiiieeeee *laughs devilishly* — not really, but the relationship might if it gets stuck there.

I’m not saying that it’s healthy to bypass the growth that can come from seasons of monotony. Because how can you really say your marriage can endure, if you don’t stretch it a little? If you don’t sit in the trenches of dullness and boredom a time or few? — I’ve definitely learned a shit ton about myself in these moments and I’m grateful for it!

All of this to say, when we take the vow to love and honor and care for our person from this day forward, we’re vowing to love them through the inevitable monotony and boredom that comes with the security of a steady and life-long relationship.

And no one…I repeat, no one talks about how fucking hard that’s going to be.

Communicating before Combustion:

Ha! The blowouts we used to have are actually wild to me now. I remember the first time I lost my shit on my husband — we ran a photography business together; with him being the photographer and me being the studio manager. We were doing some back-end at a coffee house and he made some inconsiderate comment about my position and it set me off. I walked out on him, called an Uber to pick me up, and we proceeded to have a whole blow out on the side walk — not our finest moment.

After months of holding in that I felt like I was disregarding my own projects, becoming a background player in my own life and career, biting off more than I could chew and feeling required to do so, feeling unappreciated, and then feeling dismissed — I blew tf up. I remained quietly boiling for months and all it took was one comment, in the heat of a stressful day, to send me into full combustion. It was messy, hurtful and ultimately led to us no longer working with each other in that capacity.

One of the key proponents to a thriving partnership is the desire and ability of conscious communication.

Listening to understand, not glossing over to respond. Hearing with the intention of offering support and taking accountability. Speaking with compassion, kindness, integrity and vulnerability.

We don’t communicate by trying to prove that we are “right.” We communicate to build a bridge rather than a wall.

The lesson I’ve had to learn the hard way, is that building that bridge takes much more time initially, but once it’s built it’s easier to meet each other on either side and even in the middle. The wall will always get in the way.

Embracing my eroticism:

I have been familiar and connected to my eroticism my entire life. I said I wanted to be one of two things “when I grew up” — An entertainer; a singer and an actress or a sex therapist — like Barbara Streisand in Meet the Fockers.

When I decided to become a sex, love and relationship coach, I remember feeling like it was going to fundamentally change me all while bringing me closer to who I truly am. I knew it would expand who I’d been conditioned to be and I was excited about that. What I was nervous for was how the new version of me would maneuver inside of the container of my partnership.

I was worried about how it would affect my marriage and ultimately my connection with my husband. At this point we’d been married for 4 years and our life together felt secure, loving and supportive. Our sex felt — enjoyable. It was constant, had depth, it was mostly predictable and often started and ended based off of my husband’s penis.

After diving into this genre of profession; multiple certifications + a pretty intense retreat in the jungle of Costa Rica, I was cracked open. I no longer wanted the kind of sex I was having, I wanted transcendence. I wanted to explore more deeply, fuck more wildly, play with power and dive into the carnal. — That’s a lot to ask of someone when they haven’t experienced the kind of awakening you have.

The amount of tears, frustration, yearning, confusion, aching, craving, anger and uncertainty that comes with this kind of wanting is often a space of rupture inside of marriages.

How do you hold space and lean into something one person knows to be available, while the other is clueless of its existence?

Permission and curiosity.

Individuating and finding interdependence:

Relationships are human mirrors for our individual growth. I often tell my clients that much of couple’s work, is individual work. We are at our best when we learn to create the type of self-awareness, accountability and love for ourselves, that fosters our ability to show up in partnership with presence, compassion and care.

The journey to this point in my marriage was not an easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy one, by any means. We did not always make lemonade with the lemons life gave us — sometimes we sliced them open and squeezed them into each other’s eyes.

We love someone for who they are, not for what we want them to be for us. Not for how they can fulfill a projection of our relational wounding. We love someone by remaining curious about who they BE. Now and always. We create a container for expression and expansion and find the beauty in their musings. The compliments in the way they choose to see life.

I believe that the bravest thing we can do as partner’s is learn to love the way your partner see’s the world. When we can make their individuation a green flag, or when we can learn to mutually rely on each other along side the security within ourselves, we make a home that keeps the light on.

Wife to Wife You’re Not Failing — You’re Becoming:

And I see you. I see the woman who refuses to settle for a life half-lived, who craves, who wants to be seen, felt, and loved as the full, wild, ever-evolving woman she is.

I witness you navigating the messy, the mundane, the magnificent — growing into your own skin, claiming your desires, and making space for your pleasure.

And I know it’s not always easy. It’s a dance, a tug-of-war, a constant renegotiation of who you are, who they are, and what you two together are becoming.

Wife to wife — you’re doing amazing. You know it. You feel it in your bones. And your marriage? Your partnership? It can hold all of you. What they don’t know how to always say is that they love the woman you were, the woman you are, and the woman you’re becoming.

You can be the permission slip. Let them witness the you that’s unfolding. Let them meet you where you are, again and again, in all your becoming. Let them grow with you, side by side, not as an obligation, but as an invitation.

Because this is what love looks like: not perfection, but presence. Not agreement on everything, but a willingness to keep showing up, even when it’s messy.

You’re not failing, babygirl. You’re desiring. You’re expanding. You’re alive.

And you’re doing so damn good.

💚Bri

I'm Brianna Endrina, mentor for women and lovers in coupledom. A sort of mating n' relating connoisseur, if you will. I'm here to guide you — and your boo, towards confident eroticism & nourishing partnership!

It’s not just about sex, it’s about sex worth having! It’s about sustainability andpassion. It’s about deeply connected, honest intimacy. It’s about learning be fully expressed, safely loved and well-f*cked for yourself and with each other.

It’s time to ditch the old narrative and step into a life of turn on! Get pleasure, encouragement, accountability and all the sexy empowerment at your fingertips! Get on-demand coaching with me through Pocket Pleasure! No more settling, you deserve EPIC!

We’re better together, so come say “Hi” on the socials @BriannaEndrina and if you’re feeling inspired, leave me a comment, send me a message, restack, repost and/or share this article!

We're creating a curious, cozy corner of the internet where we can explore the beautiful complexities of intimacy, love, and erotic connection together. Each week, we normalize conversations around pleasure, deconstruct stigmas surrounding sex, and help you step more fully into your relationships and erotic power.

• Educational deep dives with leading experts in intimacy and sexuality
• Soul-bearing personal stories that will resonate with your own experiences
• Raw, real conversations about the many ways we relate to one another
• A judgment-free space where your desires are validated as normal and natural
• Celebration of authentic expression and eroticism in all its forms

Join the conversation that so many people are begging to have more of—invite your friends, family members, and lovers to listen along.

Thanks for spending time with me! New Episodes drop every Wednesday. Hit the follow button to get notified!

If you prefer video or want closed captions, you can watch all episodes on Youtube → https://www.youtube.com/@briannaendrina

Let's Be Friends!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briannaendrina/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@briannaendrina

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/briannaendrina

More Resources For You: https://briannaendrina.com/

Become an Intimacy Insider: https://intimacyinsider.substack.com/ and get your weekly dose of deliciousness sent right to your inbox. Think your personal playground + library for erotic and relational wellness.

Join My Email List: https://briannaendrina.myflodesk.com/joinemaillist I'll send you monthly newsletters filled with updates, smut, relatables & other goodies to keep you sated.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your voice matters -- and it's super sexy to show love and support!

Stay sexy, Stay curious,

Love, Bri

Have you ever wondered if your solo pleasure practice is normal, healthy, or even allowed? You're not alone. The stigma surrounding masturbation has created generations of adults who harbor unnecessary guilt about this completely natural human behavior. But what if self-pleasure isn't just okay—what if it's actually beneficial for your health, relationships, and emotional wellbeing?

Dive into the science-backed benefits of masturbation that extend far beyond momentary pleasure. From stress reduction and improved sleep to boosted immunity and heart health, regular self-touch offers remarkable physical advantages. For vulva owners, it can ease menstrual cramps through endorphin release. For penis owners, regular ejaculation has been linked to lower prostate cancer risk. Everyone benefits from the strengthened pelvic floor muscles, improved body confidence, and enhanced sexual function that comes through understanding your own pleasure.

Contrary to common concern, masturbation within relationships isn't competition—it's collaboration. Discover how mutual masturbation creates a uniquely vulnerable experience that serves as a "live-action user manual" for partnered sex. Learn why fantasy is a healthy component of sexual function, with approximately 90% of women requiring mental sexual framing to fully engage desire. Challenge the notion that self-pleasure takes away from partnership, and instead see how it gives something valuable to yourself while creating the blueprint for deeper connection with others. Whether you're exploring solo or with a partner, remember this simple truth: your pleasure is yours, and masturbation is your private practice of becoming who you truly are. Ready to transform your relationship with self-pleasure? Join me in celebrating not just Masturbation May, but a lifetime of confident, empowered sexual wellness.

Thanks for spending time with me! New Episodes drop every Wednesday. Hit the follow button to get notified!

If you prefer video or want closed captions, you can watch all episodes on Youtube → https://www.youtube.com/@briannaendrina

Let's Be Friends!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briannaendrina/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@briannaendrina

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/briannaendrina

More Resources For You: https://briannaendrina.com/

Become an Intimacy Insider: https://intimacyinsider.substack.com/ and get your weekly dose of deliciousness sent right to your inbox. Think your personal playground + library for erotic and relational wellness.

Join My Email List: https://briannaendrina.myflodesk.com/joinemaillist I'll send you monthly newsletters filled with updates, smut, relatables & other goodies to keep you sated.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your voice matters -- and it's super sexy to show love and support!

Stay sexy, Stay curious,

Love, Bri

Talking about sex can be intimidating, but it's essential for creating a fulfilling sexual relationship. We unpack how to communicate about sex effectively while navigating the complex interplay between desire, pleasure, and intimacy.

• Asking for consent before discussing sex creates a safer space for vulnerability
• The way we define sex shapes our expectations and desires in relationships
• Rating sexual satisfaction across frequency, intimacy, and satisfaction helps identify specific areas for growth
• Sexual tension often stems from context rather than rejection
• Honoring your partner's sexual boundaries while expressing your desires leads to greater intimacy
• Quality of sexual encounters matters more than frequency in cultivating desire
• Non-sexual intimacy (cuddling, back rubs, emotional availability) creates foundation for sexual connection
• Communication about specific desires (more foreplay, full-body attention) leads to more satisfying experiences

If you're struggling with sexual communication in your relationship, start by asking your partner: "Are you open to having an intentional conversation about our sex life?" Remember, communication is lubrication.

Thanks for spending time with me! New Episodes drop every Wednesday. Hit the follow button to get notified!

If you prefer video or want closed captions, you can watch all episodes on Youtube → https://www.youtube.com/@briannaendrina

Let's Be Friends!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briannaendrina/

Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@briannaendrina

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/briannaendrina

More Resources For You: https://briannaendrina.com/

Become an Intimacy Insider: https://intimacyinsider.substack.com/ and get your weekly dose of deliciousness sent right to your inbox. Think your personal playground + library for erotic and relational wellness.

Join My Email List: https://briannaendrina.myflodesk.com/joinemaillist I'll send you monthly newsletters filled with updates, smut, relatables & other goodies to keep you sated.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review! Your voice matters -- and it's super sexy to show love and support!

Stay sexy, Stay curious,

Love, Bri