You’re wonderful.

Not because you’ve done everything right. Not because you’ve figured it all out. Not because you’re always strong, productive, positive, or confident.

You’re wonderful because you’re, well… you.

You’re loved, even on the days when you don’t feel especially l…

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I didn’t want to come across as arrogant. I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I didn’t want someone else to feel somehow smaller because I was proud of something I had done or because I believed in what I was capable of.

So I held back. WAY back.

I brushed off compliments. I downplayed accomplishments. I kept some of my ideas to myself. I made excuses for why something I had done “wasn’t really a big deal.”

For a long time, I called that humility.

I don’t anymore.

Some of it was humility, sure. But some of it was shame. Some of it was fear. And some of it was simply not believing I had the right to take up much space in the world.

That’s a hard thing to admit.

I’m starting to understand that being proud of myself doesn’t mean I think I’m better than anyone else. Believing in myself doesn’t take anything away from another person. And letting myself shine doesn’t require anyone else to dim.

There’s room for all of us.

I’m also becoming much less afraid to speak my mind.

That doesn’t mean I need to be cruel, disrespectful, or convinced that I’m always right. It simply means I’m allowed to have opinions. I’m allowed to say what I believe. I’m allowed to disagree. And I’m allowed to change my mind when I learn something new.

I know that speaking more freely will probably upset some folks from time to time.

I’m becoming very okay with that, too.

I’ve worked hard to become the person I am today. I’ve stumbled plenty. I’ve doubted myself more times than I can count. I’ve learned, grown, screwed things up, started over, and kept going.

I’m allowed to be proud of that person.

So I’m not going to keep trimming pieces off myself just to fit comfortably into someone else’s expectations.

I’ll be kind. I’ll try to stay humble. I’ll listen. I’ll keep learning.

But I’ll also speak.

I’ll have opinions.

I’ll take up my share of space.

And I’ll let myself shine.

Not because I need to outshine anyone else.

Because after all these years, I’ve finally realized I don’t need permission to be fully myself.

Love you!

But I think that might be one of my best qualities.

For a long time, I thought fitting in was something I was supposed to figure out. Say the right things. Want the same things. Follow the same path. Be a little less intense, a little less sensitive, a little less… well… me.

But every time I tried too hard to belong, I usually ended up feeling further and further away from myself.

So these days, I’m a lot less interested in fitting in.

I’d rather be unapologetically myself than conventional.

I’d rather take the strange path, ask the uncomfortable question, chase the idea that doesn’t make sense to everyone else, and live a life that actually feels exactly like mine.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want connection. I absolutely do. We all need people.

But there’s a big difference between belonging and blending in.

Belonging lets you show up as who you are.

Fitting in usually asks you to tone down the parts of yourself that make other people uncomfortable.

I’ve done enough of that over the years.

Maybe you’ve spent years feeling like you were a little different, too. Maybe you’ve wondered why certain places or people never quite felt like home, or why you couldn’t make yourself care about the weird things everyone else seemed obsessed with.

AND… maybe there’s nothing wrong with that.

Maybe you weren’t meant to fit neatly into somebody else’s idea of how a person should live, act, or behave.

The older I get, the more I appreciate the parts of me that don’t quite fit everyone’s mold.

They’re usually the same parts that make me creative, compassionate, independent, thoughtful, stubborn enough to keep going, and willing to see the world a little differently.

So no, I probably won’t ever completely fit in.

Good.

I’d much rather belong to myself.

Love you!

It may go unnoticed, or sometimes unappreciated.

You may never get a thank you, a pat on the back, or even the satisfaction of knowing that what you did mattered. Sometimes that sucks.

But… do good anyway.

Not because you’re trying to collect brownie points or because you want people to notice what a wonderful person …

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So I did.

I fell in love with myself.

And, as strange as that might sound, it’s become one of the best relationships I’ve ever had…

I’m not talking about becoming selfish or deciding I don’t need anyone (although, I have gone through periods of that before as well). I love having goo…

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That’s true.

Experience can be a powerful teacher, and some lessons simply have to be lived before they really sink in.

But wisdom is a little different.

Wise people pay attention to what’s around them. They watch what works. More importantly, they take notice what doesn’t. They learn…

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I may make you happy just telling you that we’re not…

Think about nature for a moment. Sunshine every single day doesn’t create a lush and full forest…

It creates a desert.

The balance of sunshine, darkness, and rain that allows thin…

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Let me word that another way.

You’re doing the world a disservice if you’re not taking care of yourself.

Read that again.

If you’re constantly running on empty, you’re not giving people your best. If you’re unhealthy, you’re spending your energy surviving instead of serving. If you’re miserable, it’s hard to inspire hope. If you’re overwhelmed by financial stress, it’s difficult to focus on making the impact you’re capable of making.

For some reason, we’ve been taught that taking care of ourselves is selfish.

That’s bullshit. I don’t buy it.

Taking care of yourself is one of the most selfless things you can do.

The healthier you are, the more people you can help.

The happier you are, the more inspiration and encouragement you bring into the lives of others.

The more financially stable you are, the more freedom you have to be generous with your time, your talents, and your money.

You don’t improve your life just for you.

You do it for your family. Your friends. Your coworkers. Your community. Every person whose life will be touched by yours.

So don’t feel guilty for exercising. Don’t apologize for protecting your peace by laying out boundaries. Don’t be ashamed of building wealth, learning new skills, chasing persoannlymeaningful goals, or becoming the person you’re capable of becoming.

The world doesn’t need more exhausted people trying to save everyone else.

It needs more people who are healthy, whole, and fully alive.

Take care of yourself.

The rest of us need you at your best.

Love you!

Sometimes healing is like that. Beautiful.

Usually, it’s ugly as hell. And it’s supposed to be.

It’s crying over something you thought you were already over. It’s admitting to shit like you were angry, jealous, afraid, ashamed, or still carrying some heavy baggage somewhere.

When it comes down to it, it’s really looking honestly at the parts of yourself you’ve avoided for so long. The shitty parts you’ve escaped all these years from. I often refer to this phase as “cleaning out the fridge”

You know, the stuff that’s tucked in the back that’s beginning to stink… Your head is no different.

Real growth isn’t always inspiring. Usually it’s a messy, uncomfortable, dark, and exhausting task that you need to do very much on purpose. The part where you stop with the band aid and heal the wound instead.

You don’t get to experience deep peace by constantly avoiding those deep wounds. Hell, I’m beginning to realize that these are some of the best parts of life. I wouldn’t be who I am today without them.

You have to Honor the ugly in you. And trust me, I have enough ugly for all of us…

Listen to what it came to teach you. Sit with it. Put your arm around it. Learn from it. Heal it. Or at least give it a chance to heal itself by giving it a little space to breathe and reveal itself.

Your darkness doesn’t make you any less of a person.

Quite the opposite.

It makes you human.

And sometimes the most beautiful version of you is built in the places where nobody else could see.

Love you!

We move through life carrying things like strength, and growth that others can obviously see in us, but we often remain focused on mistakes, our scars, and all the ways we still feel “unfinished” and incredibly imperfect.

We seem to keep dredging up our cocoon phase. We remember the crappy parts.

Growth rarely happens in one dramatic “AHA!!" moment. Usually, it happens kind of behind the scenes… Quietly. It’s found in the boundary you finally set, the situation you respond to differently, the old habit you begin to release, or the moment you choose peace over proving a point. It happens when you start trusting and loving the person you’re becoming.

Sometimes you need to look back to see it.

Think about who you were a few years ago. Hell, a few months ago. Think about what (and who) you tolerated, what scared the hell out of you, and what you once thought you’d never survive. You may not be exactly where you want to be, but you’re no longer where you were. There, I said it.

You learned, and softened in some places and grown stronger in others. You may still doubt yourself, struggle, and notice the shitty parts first, but that doesn’t discount the transformation already taking place.

A butterfly doesn’t become less beautiful because it can’t see its own wings.

Neither do you.

Read that again.

Your lack of being able to recognize your own strength doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Your struggle to sometimes see your beauty doesn’t make you any less beautiful.

Sometimes the people around you can see your growth more clearly because they aren’t standing quite so close to the story. Does that make sense?

So take a moment to look back with some self-kindness. Give yourself credit for what you’ve survived, what you’ve learned, and who you’ve become along the way.

You may not be able to see your own wings clearly yet.

But they’re there.

I promise you.

And they’re beautiful.

Love you!

First, no one can take what’s truly meant for me. Nobody…

Second, I don’t want what was meant for someone else…

That doesn’t mean I’m not going to work hard. It also doesn’t mean I won’t challenge myself, improve, or go after big, crazy things.

It simply means I’m done measuring my life against somebo…

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I’ve learned that’s impossible.

I’m human. I’m going to have bad days. I’m going to feel anxious, angry, lonely, discouraged, jealous, afraid, or overwhelmed from time to time.

Life is going to disappoint me. People will hurt me. Plans will fall apart. Circumstances will change without asking for my permission.

Basically, shit happens.

But I’ve learned none of that means I’m failing.

Quite the opposite. I view it now as a growth opportunity.

For a long time, many of us believed healing meant reaching some imaginary place where nothing bothered us anymore. We thought peace meant never feeling anxious. Strength meant never feeling afraid. Growth meant always being positive.

What a boring life that would be…

But that isn’t how being human works (or human being).

I can be healing and still have horrible days I can still feel very afraid, or be grateful for my life and still feel tired of carrying the shitty parts of it.

I can love myself and still struggle with my own thoughts (easier said than done).

Actual growth doesn’t mean the negative thoughts disappear. It means I begin to recognize them for what they are. That’s the lessons part…

Thoughts.

A thought can enter your mind without deserving a permanent home there. Thoughts are just that. Just ideas ruminating… Most of them are made up scenarios. They aren’t real.

Your mind may tell you that you’re not good enough, that you’re too far behind, that everyone else has life figured out, or that nothing will ever improve. That you suck. Those thoughts can feel convincing, especially when you’re tired, hurt, or overwhelmed.

But a thought that feels true doesn’t make it true.

(Read that again)

That’s when we need to pause.

Instead of immediately reacting, you begin to notice what’s happening inside you.

You might say, and recognize, “I’m having the thought that I’m failing.”

That’s different from saying, “I’m a failure.”

One statement creates space. The other creates an identity.

That space matters. Holy crap, it matters.

It’s the happy, personal, safe space where you get to choose what happens next.

You can feel angry, afraid, rejected, overwhelmed, or sadness without believing you’ll feel any of those things forever.

Your emotions are real, but they don’t always tell the whole story.

They’re visitors. Some are gentle. Some kick the door open, throw their belongings everywhere, and act like they own the place.

But visitors eventually leave. Especially if you pay attention to them a little and give them some space to play out.

You don’t have to throw them out immediately. You don’t have to pretend they aren’t there. You can acknowledge them, listen to what they may be trying to tell you, and still decide that they aren’t running the household.

That’s where the powerful healing starts.

You can’t control everything that happens to you. I wish you could. I wish I could. I wish good people were always treated fairly, hard work always paid off, relationships always lasted, bodies never became sick, and dreams unfolded exactly as planned.

But life doesn’t make those promises.

What life does give us, even in the most difficult moments, is some choice in how we respond.

Sometimes the strongest response will be asking for help.

And sometimes the wisest thing you can do is take a breath, go for a walk, drink some water, get some sleep, and refuse to make a permanent decision during a temporary emotional storm.

Not every feeling needs an immediate reaction.

You simply need to remember that you’re more than the thought you’re having, more than the feeling you’re experiencing, and more than the situation you’re currently facing.

You’re still the person observing the thought.

You’re still the person feeling the emotion.

You’re still the person standing inside the difficult situation and deciding what your next step will be.

That’s where your power is.

Not in controlling the whole world.

Not in eliminating every uncomfortable emotion.

Not in never struggling again.

Your power is in your response.

Love you!

Believe it or not, usually, it doesn’t.

Sometimes it just begins with one small, easy decision.

The decision to finally leave what’s burdening you. To actually start what you’ve been putting off. To ask for help. To forgive yourself. To forgive others. To stop waiting for…

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Joy is what happens when we allow ourselves to recognize just how good things really are.

I don’t mean perfect, easy, or free from stress, disappointment, uncertainty, or the occasional bullshit we’d rather not deal with.

Just good.

Sometimes, good is sitting quietly in the background while we’re busy staring at everything that’s missing, delayed, busted, or not going according to plan.

We get so used to looking for the next problem that we forget to notice the life that’s already happening around us.

The warm cup of coffee.

The person who checks in.

The familiar voice on the phone.

The sunlight coming through the window.

The body that carried us through another day.

The fact that we’ve survived every hard day we once thought might break us.

Joy doesn’t always arrive with fireworks, perfect timing, and dramatic background music. Most of the time, it shows up wearing ordinary clothes.

That’s why it’s so easy to miss.

We keep waiting for something bigger.

We tell ourselves we’ll be happy when the money rolls in, when the weight comes off, when the right relationship arrives, when the job changes, or when life finally calms down.

But life doesn’t stay calm for very long.

There’ll always be another responsibility, another worry, or another reason to postpone enjoying what’s right in front of us.

At some point, we have to stop waiting for permission to enjoy our own lives.

That doesn’t mean faking like everything is wonderful. It doesn’t mean ignoring pain, forcing gratitude, or slapping a happy face over something that genuinely hurts.

It just means we’re not going to let what’s difficult hide from us to what’s still beautiful.

Take a look around today.

There’s probably more goodness in your life than your worried mind has been willing to admit.

Notice it.

Name it.

Let yourself feel it.

Joy may not be something you need to find.

It may already be here, quietly waiting for you to recognize how good things really are.

Love you!

That may sound harsh, but sometimes the truth needs to be a little uncomfortable.

You can complain about your health, but if you refuse to move your body, change your habits, or ask for help, the complaint eventually becomes a choice.

You can complain about your job, but if you never update the résumé, learn a new skill, speak up, or start looking elsewhere, you’re also choosing to stay.

You can complain about the people who keep crossing your boundaries, but if you never enforce those boundaries, you’re teaching them that nothing will happen when they do.

I get it. Change isn’t easy. Some situations are complicated. Some changes take time, money, courage, support, and a plan.

But difficult is not the same as impossible.

Being afraid to change something doesn’t mean you’re powerless. It means you’re afraid. There is a difference.

Read that again.

Complaining can feel productive because it gives us somewhere to put our frustration. But frustration without action just becomes a loop… and loops can last for years if we let them.

So complain for a minute. Be angry. Be disappointed. Admit that the situation is unfair or is sucks.

Then ask yourself the question that matters:

What am I willing to do about it?

You don’t need to fix everything today. You do need to take responsibility for the next step, though.

Make the call. Have the conversation. Set the boundary. Take the walk. Fill out the application. Ask for help. Do one small thing that moves you out of helplessness and back into your own power.

You may not control everything that happens to you.

But when you do have the power to change something, use it.

Otherwise, stop calling it a problem you can’t solve and start admitting that it’s a decision you have not been willing to make.

That realization may sting.

Good.

Sometimes that sting is exactly what finally gets us moving.

Love you!

****************
No words on the “Proudly Human” book this week (yet). My time on Washington has been amazing, but incredibly time consuming. I’ll have some words for you next Sunday!

Have you been enjoying the content of the new book so far? I’d love your feedback!

Matt

What a stupid premise…

We need a career. A title. A paycheck. A purpose. A list of accomplishments that proves we did something worthwhile with our time here…

It’s unnatural. Think about it. Nature doesn’t live or act that way.

A mountain doesn’t apologize for simply standing there. A river doesn’t question whether it’s productive or “busy” enough. A tree doesn’t compare its growth to the tree beside it. A wildflower doesn’t need to turn a profit to be worthy of sunlight.

Some Indigenous cultures hold a much different understanding of life. We’re alive because we’re part of nature. We’re here to experience, connect, wonder, laugh, grieve, love, and to be beautifully, imperfectly human.

That doesn’t mean goals are wrong or bad. Work can be very meaningful. Purpose can give our lives direction.

But your purpose should never become the price of your worth.

You don’t have to build an empire, change the world, or constantly prove your value. You don’t need to achieve something extraordinary to earn the right to exist.

Sometimes your only responsibility is to just be here.

To breathe.

To notice the sky.

To be kind.

To be curious.

To be beautiful and strange in your own completely human way.

You’re not a machine designed only to produce.

You’re part of nature.

And nature never asks permission to belong.

Love you!

Can I ask you an honest question?

How are those New Year's goals coming along?

I'm not asking to make you feel guilty. New Year's Day is actually one of my favorite days of the year. I love fresh starts. I love dreaming big, setting ambitious goals, and imagining what life could look like twelve months from now.

But here's what I've learned over the years.

The halfway point may be even more important than January 1st.

January is where the excitement lives.

But July? Well, July is where the truth lives.

This is the perfect time to pause and take inventory.

What's working?

What isn't?

Do you need more consistency? A better plan? A different strategy to reach the same destination?

Or have you grown enough over the past six months to realize that your destination has changed?

All are totally allowed.

Goals aren't carved in stone. They're roadmaps. And sometimes the smartest thing you can do is pull over for a few minutes, unfold the map, and make sure you're still heading toward the life you actually want.

Don't let the fact that you're behind convince you to give up.

You've still got nearly half a year left to create momentum, change direction if necessary, recommit, and surprise yourself.

So today, don't judge yourself.

Assess yourself.

Then adjust... and keep moving forward.