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I panicked, and I was about to edit my work to appear more human - or dare I say more legit - but no, fuck it. Why should I? Unfortunately, there was a flaw in my plan: people like you reading my work will run the tool and think, “Oh, she’s a fake.” It goes without saying that I absolutely hate the idea that readers will think I tell my friendly neighbourhood chatbot to write a ranty post about vaginal dryness and pass it off as my own! Instead of posting my work, I slammed my laptop shut and had a mini tantrum.

Like many people, I have a love-hate relationship with AI; on the one hand, it has enhanced my efficiency at my ‘day job’ with KBMO Diagnistics (especially on those days when, as a post menopausal woman, brain fog takes over), but on the other, it has literally left me cold. Curiously cold. I love writing. The meandering thoughts on this fine platform, and also my academic work. Even social media can be fun. Now, however, writing anything is lost in a sea of ‘sameness.’ That’s probably not the right word - I’m not even sure it is a word - but you get the sentiment.

As readers, we are now faced with an outpouring of laziness with words void of any genuine personality or humanity. People who could barely string a sentence together or regularly got your and you’re wrong are now able to wax lyrical about everything from neuroscience to the philosophy of space and time. I’m pleased for them. However, for those of us who genuinely like to take the time to honestly reflect on the world around them, it feels like a kick in the teeth. The reality is that I shouldn’t care because progress is progress, but I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m not that grown up. It pisses me right off. I am not a perfect writer by any stretch of the imagination, and any purist will see that my words are littered with grammatical crimes, but they’re my words, and I stand by them.

My other thought is that as we read more and more AI-generated content, our own language patterns and natural cadence are being influenced. Human writing can be a bit wonky. We repeat ourselves, wander off topic, use the wrong word occasionally and start sentences with things our English teachers told us not to. We have favourite phrases, and peculiar punctuation. AI tends to tidy all that up because it likes balance, neat little conclusions and structured sentences. Everything flows beautifully, which is precisely the problem because humans don’t. I can usually spot AI writing now because nobody actually talks like that. Nobody says something is “quietly transforming the landscape” over a cup of tea, and real people don’t wrap up every passing thought with a profound life lesson. Good, or even fun, writing has humans’ grubby fingerprints all over it. I’d much rather read something slightly disjointed that sounds like an actual person than six immaculate paragraphs that could have been written by fucking anyone.

I don’t often mention the current Mr Hunter, but he’s an uber geek. He has a brain the size of a planet, which is one of the things I love about him. Over the last couple of years, he’s generated an AI model as an exercise in understanding how AI works and its commercial potential. As you do in your spare time. If you’re interested, you can find it at www.puntmonkey.co.uk. Other than shameless promotion, I’m sharing this because something I’ve learnt from him that I think we all forget is that AI is simply a mahoosive mathematical engine. It does not think, and it has no emotions or reasoning. Yet. However, in the words of Doc Brown in Back to the Future (1985), “If my calculations are correct, you’re gonna see some serious shit.” What comes next is inspiring and terrifying in equal measure.

So, will I continue to use AI in my work? Abso-fucking-lutely. Will I bow to the pressure of the Substack community to prove I’m a human? No. End of.

Charlotte x

In science (and midlife), results may vary.

P.S. Apparently this post is 6% AI…I give up!

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Before I unleash my ramblings, I want to get something out of the way.

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On the one hand, they’re mostly shit. Earnest, overambitious and built on the assumption that you’ll wake up on January 1st as a brand-ne…

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I’m purposefully avoiding the ‘A word’ and choosing my words very carefully because we live in a world where you can’t even state the bleeding obvious without someone flexing their legal muscle and screaming defamation!

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If you can’t beat them, join them

I’ve seen exactly what booze does when it’s more than just a bit of fun. I’ve watched it wreck relationships and quietly dismantle someone’s health from the inside out with premature ageing, weight gain, high blood pressure and blood sugars doing whatever the hell they liked.

For years, I drank with them, thinking it might somehow keep things under control. I misguidedly thought that if I didn’t make a fuss and joined in, maybe it wouldn’t get so bad. Then I swung the other way, and I stopped drinking altogether.

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We were discussing why women should consider eating more sprouts at Christmas. I was in excellent company with Anita Rani, Andi Oliver, Miquita Oliver, Sue Bailey, Rosalind Rathouse, Dr Lauren Chapell, Dr Rachel Wells and Clare Matterson. A line-up of exceptional women talking brassicas. Honestly? Bliss.

Of course, the Big Question came up…why do sprouts make you fart?

There’s something special about sprouts

There’s nothing quite like a hot, steaming bowl of Brussels sprouts to divide a dinner table. For some people, the sight of those tiny cabbagey gems is pure joy. Others would genuinely rather eat their own vomit. There is no middle ground. Love them or hate them, those mini green cannonballs are packed with nutrition and flavour, and they’re far more versatile than most people realise. I could happily wax lyrical about their wonders until Christmas has come… and gone… and come again, but let’s get to the festive elephant in the room.
Why, oh why, do they make you fart like a menopausal goose?!?

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I was there in my role as Head of KBMO Diagnostics UK. It was our last event of the year (thank Christ). I love events, I genuinely do, but they leave me absolutely wrung out like a manky old teabag. The team was brilliant, the clinicians were fab, and the networking was buzzing, but this particular conference had a pretty high number of civilians, as I call them. Not clinicians or practitioners, but consumers who have watched two documentaries on plant-based eating, listened to the Zoe podcast, and now think they’re experts in everything from peptides to glutathione. Safe to say a little knowledge is a dangerous, bloody thing, and nowhere is that clearer than in longevity-land.

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It may come as a monumental surprise, but guess what? Women are not idiots. We don’t blindly gulp down anything labelled menopause-friendly like hormone-fogged zombies. We read, we compare, we chat to friends, we check reviews, and then, shock horror, we make up our own minds.

The most infuriating thing is that some of the loudest voices complaining about the commercialisation of menopause are the same ones who lit the bloody match in the first place. Seriously, you can’t start the fire and then act all surprised when it gets warm!

What is “menowashing”?

In case you’re wondering, menowashing is the latest buzzword that’s got everyone frothing at the mouth. It’s used to describe brands slapping the word menopause on products purely to make a profit. A perfect example is a bog-standard multivitamin suddenly rebranded, packaged in a pink box and labelled up as a ‘menopause support complex.’ So many companies are guilty of lazy formulations, hollow claims and flaky science, but could this also be a good thing?
Why shouldn’t women have more dedicated products?
Why shouldn’t there be whole shelves for (peri)menopause?

Women’s health has been pushed to the bottom of the pile for decades, so if brands are finally showing up with products that actually say menopause on the label, I call that a win. Is it perfect? Of course not. Some are clearly cashing in, but women aren’t mugs, and we can tell if something’s useful or shit a mile off. We’ve been multitasking since birth (hormones, families, jobs), so I think we can handle the odd marketing campaign.

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It’s an art form.
The rhythm, the structure, and the insult. 
In fact, it’s utterly glorious.

Maybe it’s because I’m a Northerner

It could be the Northerner in me. We do swearing differently, and by that, we launch those words with proper emphasis, so they actually land and mean something. I’m sure you’d agree that a well-placed ‘bastard’ from a Northerner has timing, flow and impact. It’s punctuation, rather than aggression or simply filler words.

I have a confession to make.
I’m a sweary mummy and I own it.
You’ll never catch me mumbling ‘sugar,’ ‘gosh, ’ or ‘bother’ when a situation calls for something stronger. Sometimes the only honest response to life’s nonsense or my kids’ shenanigans is, “Fuck this shit.” The kids are used to it, though they know the rules. “Repeat my language and you’ll regret it.” Simple.
It’s a case of do as I say and not as I do.

Hypocritical? Of course.
Bad parenting? Perhaps.
Do I care? Absolutely not.
Will they survive? Yes.

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AG1’s been knocking around for about 15 years. It’s vegan, keto-friendly, gluten-free, dairy-free and GMO-free. One scoop contains the usual line-up you’d expect from a decent multivitamin, like B vitamins, folate, vitamin A, vitamin E, zinc, magnesium, plus some dehydrated fruits, vegetables, herbs, probiotics and adaptogens. Sounds impressive, right? Yeah, well, hold that thought, because here’s where the shiny sales pitch starts to lose its sparkle.

The reality of AG1

So, let’s stop pretending.

AG1 tastes like shit, smells absolutely minging and costs a small fortune. Also, when you take a moment to strip away the influencer BS, it’s basically a glorified multivitamin with a few “superfood” sprinkles to make it green.

I hate to say it, but you could get the same nutritional value, and more, from a decent diet and a solid multi for a fraction of the price. Although, credit where it’s due, their marketing is annoyingly good. I even forked out for it, but purely for research, not because I was a gullible twat. Let’s have a look at what makes it so special.

Seventy-plus ingredients
Antioxidants
“Whole-food sourced” nutrients
Mushrooms
Probiotics
Sir Lewis Hamilton uses it!
Certified safe for elite athletes
They even run clinical trials
Rock-solid research team
Presentations at big fancy conferences
What’s not to love?

Well, I’ll tell you exactly what’s not to love. AG1’s website is undoubtedly slick and persuasive, and they love boasting about their published research and “gold-standard clinical trials”, but when you actually read the studies, their nutritional house of cards starts to wobble.
Hard to believe, I know.
Can I let you into a little secret? I want to love it, I really do.

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