Here’s 4 places that aren’t getting my precious and relatively easy-earned money. (and one event that will be getting my money)

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1: HAUS

if you have the word HAUS anywhere in the name of your establishment or brand’s name you will not be getting my business. Spritzenhaus. Doner Haus. Anything HAUS. I will not be swiping…

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Please don’t kill yourself while reading this!

I personally use AI to make my friends fatter than they are, simple editing tasks that would take 15 minutes in photoshop, to create websites and help me research and organize things for clients.

A lot of the distrust and skepticism comes from what happened with social media.

In pre-algo social media the trojan horse was that you could easily connect with friends and family.

“wow! that sounds awesome… I love connecting with people in my life and sharing special moments with them!”

Now, after 13 years on Instagram, it feels more like I’m a plump digital cow being brutally milked for every single second of unstructured downtime.

The trojan horse with AI seems similar.

“Oh! Don’t worry guys. Let the machines do the boring stuff so you can spend time doing what you love! More Art! More connection!"

Thank you Sam Altman! That’s so nice of you! I’m sure you have humanity’s best interests in mind you little FREAK.

I get people being against it with zero exceptions because I’m scared of whatever the crystalized AI version of being a plump digital cow being harvested is. Kind of a fool me once shame on you, fool me twice and I’m going to have zero brain function and a chip in my head for the rest of my life. Type shit.

I am anything but an AI evangelist but watching the digital peanut gallery decide the ethics is entertaining and infuriating. Many of the virtue signaling anti-AI posters are giving 2020 black square (which is following consensus for personal image sake without truly caring about bettering the world)

I can’t figure out the comment sections on posts using AI. It feels like everyone HATES AI until it makes something funny, cute and harmless like these little guys.

Is this fine because it’s not taking anyone’s jobs and is cute? Can the VFX artist who makes the Coca-Cola polar bears use AI since it’s always looked like AI? Is Kanye’s 808s and heartbreak and I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas AI slop because it used autotune? I truly don’t know.

Here’s where I feel like the AI morality spectrum currently lies:

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Anytime I see the G-word my thumb auto swipes to the next thing. I purposefully never use the word “gentrified” on nolita because …

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The weather is disgusting in NYC today but at least it’s a perfect day to do these two things in the group chat.

1: act like you’re a seasoned and studied tariff expert

2: see a tweet that points out an interesting easter egg in the white lotus season finale and pretend you noticed it on your own

anyway…

UNI TARIFF

I go to Aqua Be…

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For this week I’m talking about two internet presences. One of which I actively dislike and one I actively do like.

Pop Up Bagel Keeps Getting More Stupid

95% of the things I ever make fun of I enjoy to a certain degree, this is not the case with Pop Up Bagels.

Taking a step back — I’m so t…

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Bear with me on this one at the beginning. Little bit of an annoying one.

Countless reposts with millions of views of Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zero’s Tiny Desk got me thinking…

Has enough time pass…

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Welcome back to Medium Rare. Sorry for the hiatus. I was too busy performatively writing in my moleskin journal at Cafe Gitane for the last few months but I’m ready to get going again.

Over here at NDB HQ we’re committed to providing everyone with some local news, a “hot take” or two and simply having you blow a little air through your nose ea…

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I love a good fun fact.

My favorite one is that M. Night Shyamalan was writing The Sixth Sense and Stuart Little at the same time. Creating arguably the most successful psychological thriller ever while helping modify a story about a talking mouse for an equally famous PG-rated movie scratches my brain in a way other pieces of information don’t.

These sp…

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Apologies for the hiatus. I was in LA for work but we are BACK. I wanted to kick things off with something a little more in depth than a news roundup.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how brands go about launching so I wanted to consolidate a little playbook for a successful launch.

A successful launch means people in New York talk about your brand for approximately 10 days until our collective squirrel brain moves on to the next thing.

I’ll talk about this imaginary brand’s social media, seeding strategy, launch event, store location, and PR.

Before I start —if you’re just looking to get merch / small batches made of a funny little shirt or hat —here are the places where you should do it.

LQQK STUDIO is a print shop that’s also a brand/creative consultancy based by the Morgan L. Make sure to stop by a this historic sight if you head over there.

ARENA EMBROIDERY located in Williamsburg is a go to spot for many. This is where I got my slightly nuanced camo yankee hat made last year and at some point Siegelman Stable had their hats produced there. (Don’t let that deter you)

FUNHOUSE PRINTING used to be located in Soho but recently moved off the Morgan L and are very helpful and hands on with helping your vision come to life.

CLASSY SCREENS in Ridgewood is where I had my most recent batch of merch made. They also did the merch for *annoying TikTok Foodie Voice* “NOHO’S HOTTEST NEW BOWL PLACE, FISHBOWL”

Now for the playbook…

This has nothing to do with actual clothes being made or sold and EVERYTHING to do with “clout aggregation” and manufactured hype on launch.

If you’re bootstrapping a brand and building something close to your heart with little to no budget you don’t need a meme page admin telling you how to do that. That’s #intuition and #passion.

So.

Let’s imagine you have the perfect capsule collection ready to go and a bag of money magically appears (totally not from your parents)… here is how to launch.

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INSTAGRAM

First, you need an esoteric photo that somehow ties into your brand and isn’t too on the nose. Something that intrigues and tickles but doesn’t tell you everything. This is paramount in having “tastemakers and trendsetters” feel like they are getting in on something early and extraordinarily chill.

These days, your brand doesn’t need some tired backstory so I would advise against going full Ronnie Fieg mode and putting a personal memoir in the captions. Keep it simple.

Something like this should work fine with the caption being the day you’re launching. (I just googled “film photos fleeting iceland black sand beach”).

Don’t be afraid to slap your logo on that too. You either have to pay a design agency an egregious amount of money or find a a senior at Parson’s to make your logo for free as a “portfolio building” exercise — there’s no in between.

Here’s mine that I’m going to slowly start using.

You could also use your IG as a moodboard before launch to start your wOrLd BuiLdiNg. For the love of god do NOT do a 9 photo collage that forms your logo, hopefully that’s obvious by now.

I wouldn’t start a TikTok account off the bat. Your goal here is to create scarcity and a group of loyal soldiers —not mass appeal and reach. People want to grow with the brand and trying to go viral by doing some man on the street type content is not a recipe for long term success.

I like the way that Thistles does their instagram.

Would you look at that — your social media is set up.

PR / COMMS ETC

Next, you’re going to hire Gia Kuan Consulting. You need her team’s mailing list and connections if this is going to work. She seems to always be able to get the right people in the room. Another big perk of working with them is you’ll be able to go to the WSA building and take a photo of the Toe Bed with your Rocky’s Matcha to let everyone know you were there.

Partners & Associates is also a good one. Their founder, Steph Gotch, knows how to get buzzy events/launches covered.

People pride themselves on not hiring PR firms… that’s great if you’re already “plugged in” but it’s helpful to “play the game” a little if you have a few grand a month to play with.

If you opt out of getting a PR/Comms team, the very least you can do is annoy Gerald Ortiz of GQ to get on one of their recommends list.

Amazing! PR/Comms is covered.

PHYSICAL STOREFRONT / POP UP

Is this necessary? No.

Does it feel good to have a physical space to unironically build “community” in? Yes

You’re going to want to get a spot within these 5 circles.

#1 — Tompkins graduates territory — most notably Starteam East Village is located here. If you’re going after the sub 25 year year old capri length jort platoon — consider this circle.

#2 — Underutilized space for brands. Everyone wants to be on Canal these days but you can capture multiple audiences within this circle — NYU students, GRWM TikTok people, rich NoHo weekend warriors and everyone in between. You could do a nice launch event with Tom’s Juice.

#3 — Can’t not mention Nolita here — double knee white socks with the loafer dirtbag territory with a sprinkle of G-Wagon schmucks. If you’re selling a knit polo or are Greg Yuna — you’ve come to the right place.

#4 — The GDQ (Greater D*mes Square Area) - the place that every brand wants a piece of. Bode, Awake, Fugazi, Happy99, Le Pere, Colbo, Susan Alexandra… the list goes on. If you’re a little rocks throw away from the big rocks outside Dimes Deli.. you’ve arrived.

#5— The Little Opening Ceremony District is another area that’s very expensive but will show people you’ve got BACKING and are a LEGIT brand. You will not be beating the trust fund allegations if you can get a spot here. When you listen closely you can still hear Yung Lean’s performance at V-Files softly echoing off the buildings.

Random pockets on Canal are desirable if you can grab a space that’s right between Drake’s and Happier Grocery. Same with some spots on Bowery like Vowels. I would maybe even target all the way down on Mulberry past Bayard street.

FOR BROOKLYN —

1,2,3 are obvious hot spots for well payed creative adjacent email job people and cute old polish people. If they’ve spent hundreds of dollars on squiggly candles, they’ll also spend money on your clothes. Unfortunately, by that logic, you won’t be getting any business from polish grandmas.

#4 is a good one too - Graham L stop attracts an ideal 25 year old customer with patchwork tats along with 37 year old former Vice freelancers with americana tattoos. Just follow wherever there’s a Variety Coffee and you should be good if that’s your vibe.

#5 makes sense if you’re a bespoke knitwear/jewelry company and want your store to be a studio “by appointment only” vibe.

Please refer to this meme I made last month if you’re thinking BRO wtf NYC is bigger than those two areas.

SEEDING YOUR PRODUCT

This obviously depends on the clothes and who it’s for but here are a few tips.

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Friday (tonight)

• Start the weekend with Club Chess at Le Bain with DJ Thank You, DJ Dim, and A.L. Bahta.

• Tense Mag and Beckett Rosset are hosting a Sultry Summer Soirée at The Locker Room with readings, theater, and perform…

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Happy Thursday Evening everyone. Bad week to be a heather gray shirt. (It’s a sweat stain joke)

Anyway…. before we jump into the Prix Fixe news

Let’s start off with a brief DM interview I had with Pete Wells.

The veteran restaurant critic for the NYT announced that after 12 years he’ll be stepping down as their renowned reviewer. Pete will still be …

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Anyway… no Amuse Bouche thought this week, I want to start off with highlighting this flyer.

My friend Leia Jospe found the worst flyer from the scariest person in all of New York City. It’s fitting she stumbled upon it as s…

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I am in Amsterdam right now. I have so many thoughts on this city and will hopefully do a proper round up. It’s my first time here and I found the only Our Legacy rack in the city like a FREAK. I took this photo yesterday after having my way with about 9 Marlboro Gold’s and half a pack of truffles by 2pm. Really amazing stuff. *Bourdain Chant slowly starts in the background*

They like to drink and smoke in tiny little red chairs just as much as we do. I guess we both stole it from the french though

Anywho… I wanted to send out some quick responses to questions people asked on my story last week. We cover Ella Funt, Cringe of Newsletters, Sports Bars, This Bowl and more. This one will be paid only from here on… sorry brokies.

Let’s start off with these little fucks.

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Today, Medium Rare is announcing the smallest merger in micro media history.

Brighton Beach native, Nikole Naloy, and her newsletter appropriately named “Nikole’s Substack” will now be housed under Medium Rare in a column called “Hot Piss”

If you’re not familiar — Nikole compiles an amazing nightlife calendar and subsequ…

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I passed by Brooklyn Paramount on my way home last night and the line for the Charli XCX show with support from The Dare was about 8 times longer than that dumb croissant line on Lafayette. Must be because Anthony Fantano rated Brat a 10.

Anyway…. speaking of TikTok food lines…

AMUSE-BOUCHE THOUGHT OF THE DAY.

Will the TikTok hid…

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I hope you had a wonderful and fulfilling day. Here’s a little AMUSE BOUCHE before we get into the PRIX FIXE.

Are we going to get a new medium brow comedy drama that accurately exports this specific moment in NYC?

I’m talking a High Maintenance, Broad City and Girls level. By that I mean a show that runs 4ish seasons and will…

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Here’s a single brain cell Amuse Bouche thought before the Prix Fixe — most pizza (Lucia, Scarrs, L’Industrie, Upside level etc) and Smashburgers in NYC are all above a certain threshold of good which is why It’s such an a…

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Yesterday I overheard someone — who was simply riding a Citibike on Allen Street yell to his friend “Bro this is real pandemic vibes right now.” Not exactly sure what he meant by that but I felt it.

It’s going to continue being a beautiful week in NYC. I’m excited to see how many more little red tables we can squeeze into the streets thi…

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