Also- if you are ever looking for the archives of all the posts in “Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum” in one page- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

The link will always be the same for our virtual meeting room.

Zoom Meeting Link

One tap mobile

+16507247929,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US

+18336940906,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US Toll-free

The 2026 schedule can be found here

September

Wednesday, 9/2/2026 **VIRTUAL* 12:30-1:30pm

Wednesday, 9/9/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

Wednesday, 9/16/2026 **VIRTUAL* 12:30-1:30pm

Wednesday, 9/23/2026 No group LINDSAY OOO

Wednesday, 9/30/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

October

Wednesday, 10/7/2026 **VIRTUAL* 12:30-1:30pm

Wednesday, 10/14/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

Wednesday, 10/21/2026 **VIRTUAL* 12:30-1:30pm

Wednesday, 10/28/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

Also- if you are ever looking for the archives of all the posts in “Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum” in one page- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

For our IN-PERSON meetings:

Meeting location near Burgess Menlo Park Library (it is directly behind the library)

800 Alma St (park here)

Menlo Park, CA 94025

Here is our 2026 Calendar schedule. If rain is in the forecast or the weather is predicted to be higher than low 80s (or there is the dreaded smoke/bad air quality), we will shift to a virtual or indoor session for the safety and comfort of you/your little ones.

August

Wednesday, 8/26/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

September

Wednesday, 9/2/2026 **VIRTUAL* 12:30-1:30pm

Wednesday, 9/9/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

Wednesday, 9/16/2026 **VIRTUAL* 12:30-1:30pm

Wednesday, 9/23/2026 No group LINDSAY OOO

Wednesday, 9/30/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

October

Wednesday, 10/7/2026 **VIRTUAL* 12:30-1:30pm

Wednesday, 10/14/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

Wednesday, 10/21/2026 **VIRTUAL* 12:30-1:30pm

Wednesday, 10/28/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

Working on a real post soon, the end of summer/start of school has been crazy!

Also- if you are ever looking for the archives of all the posts in “Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum” in one page- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

The link will always be the same for our virtual meeting room.

Zoom Meeting Link

One tap mobile

+16507247929,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US

+18336940906,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US Toll-free

The 2026 schedule can be found here

August

Wednesday, 8/12/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 8/19/2026 NO GROUP, Lindsay OOO

Wednesday, 8/26/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

Also- if you are ever looking for the archives of all the posts in “Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum” in one page- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

For our IN-PERSON meetings:

Meeting location near Burgess Menlo Park Library (it is directly behind the library)

800 Alma St (park here)

Menlo Park, CA 94025

Here is our 2026 Calendar schedule. If rain is in the forecast or the weather is predicted to be higher than low 80s (or there is the dreaded smoke/bad air quality), we will shift to a virtual or indoor session for the safety and comfort of you/your little ones.

August

Wednesday, 8/5/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 8/12/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 8/19/2026 NO GROUP, Lindsay OOO

Wednesday, 8/26/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

It is again one of those fun weeks where I can only communicate in memes…

Also- if you are ever looking for the archives of all the posts in “Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum” in one page- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

The link will always be the same for our virtual meeting room.

Zoom Meeting Link

One tap mobile

+16507247929,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US

+18336940906,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US Toll-free

The 2026 schedule can be found here

July

Wednesday, 7/29/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

August

Wednesday, 8/5/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 8/12/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 8/19/2026 NO GROUP, Lindsay OOO

Wednesday, 8/26/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

And now a section from my postpartum workbook Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum

mom guilt=terrible life coach

Motherhood is the only job where you can simultaneously feel guilty for working...

...and guilty for staying home.

Guilty for breastfeeding. Guilty for stopping breastfeeding.

Guilty for sleep training. Guilty for not sleep training.

Guilty for wanting five minutes alone. Guilty because you actually enjoyed those five minutes.

“Of course I feel guilty. I’m a mom.”

Fun fact- guilt typically isn’t the actual emotion we tend to be experiencing, its discomfort.

True healthy guilt has a very specific job. It evolved to help us live in communities and have relationships with others. It taps us on the shoulder when we’ve acted outside of our values. It whispers, “Hey... that wasn’t your best moment.” It motivates us to repair the relationship, apologize if needed, and do things differently next time.

Then it’s supposed to tap out.

Somehow, though, motherhood turned guilt from a healthy, constructive messenger into something more like an overbearing great aunt who is overstaying their welcome..

“Should you really be working today?”

“Shouldn’t you be enjoying this more?”

“You probably should have handled bedtime differently.”

“Should you really be giving them the bottle instead of breastfeeding?”

Thanks for your input, guilt!

I am by no means immune to this guilt.

Case in point: our recent flight to Alaska.

Did my kids have approximately five hours of uninterrupted screen time so I could finally finish Yesteryear, the book for my book club?

Why yes. Yes, they did.

My brain, meanwhile, was having a full-on internal debate.

One side was saying:

“You should probably have packed one of those Pinterest-worthy, Montessori-inspired airplane activity bags with magnetic tiles, reusable sticker books, pipe cleaners, etc...you know, the ones they would enthusiastically play with for approximately 17 minutes before asking for my ipad/phone/sanity”

The other side was saying:

“Look at them with their matching ipads! They’re having the time of their lives. They get to choose their own movies and wow they’re not fighting about Paw Patrol vs Yes Day!?! Hooray! They’re embracing a little independence. Oh and look at them playing chess??!!”

Yes. Chess.

I don’t even know how to play chess. So perhaps the screen time wasn’t the educational disaster my guilt was trying to convince me it was.

That little internal tug-of-war is motherhood in a nutshell. My guilt immediately interpreted “this isn’t the idealized version of parenting” as “I’m doing something wrong.”

But those are not the same thing.

And this is the same as what I see over and over in clinic and in my postpartum group.

A mom will tell me, “I feel so guilty.”

If we go deeper about that guilt, usually what unfolds actually isn’t guilt at all.

She’s heartbroken because breastfeeding didn’t go as planned.

She’s overwhelmed because her baby cries every time someone else holds them.

She’s uncomfortable because her in-laws are devastated they’re not allowed to kiss their only grandchild on the face.

She’s grieving that motherhood doesn’t look like what she imagined.

Those are all very real emotions and none of them necessarily mean she has done something wrong.

Guilt says:

“I did something bad.”

Distress says:

“This is really hard and I am uncomfortable.”

Those are not the same thing. Labeling distress/discomfort as guilt feels almost hardwired, like motherhood has taught us all to assume every uncomfortable feeling must somehow be our fault.

Remember, the postpartum brain has evolved to become exquisitely sensitive to your baby’s distress- literally rewiring itself in real-time to notice every cry, every facial expression, every subtle cue that your baby needs you. Your brain is incredibly adaptive, and it is one of the reasons humans are such responsive caregivers. Just look up giraffe moms if you need more insight about this😊

The catch? That same alarm system can become overactive and start interpreting discomfort in itself as danger.

Baby cries? Alarm.

Someone disagrees with your parenting? Alarm.

You miss bedtime because of work? Alarm.

Your brain is activated to protect your child but it is not accurately grading your performance as a mother.

(ok disclaimer- there are certain terms I absolutely hate, and sadly I have to use it here)

“get curious” and ask yourself:

Did I actually violate one of my values?

If yes, wonderful! (haha ok that sounds wrong, but it is true)

It is not because mistakes are wonderful but if it did violate your values, now you know what to do.

Repair.

Reconnect.

Apologize if needed.

Learn.

That’s healthy guilt doing exactly what it’s designed to do.

But if the answer is no...then maybe what you’re feeling is simply discomfort.

And discomfort isn’t evidence that you’re failing.

Sometimes discomfort means your child/partner/friend is disappointed.

Sometimes it means you’re holding a healthy boundary.

Sometimes it means you’re choosing yourself for ten whole minutes.

Sometimes it means you’re making a decision that someone else wouldn’t make.

Next question:

Whose expectations am I trying to meet right now?

Mine? My mother’s? Instagram’s? That imaginary committee of “perfect” mothers who somehow work full time, manage to fold laundry, make homemade muffins, maintain emotional regulation 100% of the time, and whose children go to bed once you say goodnight…and actually stay in their bed…. or at the very least don’t kick you all night like little ninjas once they are in your bed…

Ok, last question:

What would I tell my best friend if they came to me with this exact situation?

We are remarkably compassionate toward other mothers and yet somehow, when it’s our own turn, we are kind of ruthless.

There is no way to eliminate guilt completely. Healthy guilt is adaptive and ** gulp** necessary…when we can learn from it. However, I would argue that true guilt, the one where you feel you have violated our own values is more of an exception than a rule.

Motherhood asks us to tolerate an incredible amount of distress if you think about it…

The crying. The uncertainty. The letting go. The boundaries. The messiness of loving tiny humans who have their own opinions/big feelings.

It is not possible to avoid all distress or every uncomfortable emotion; but we can learn and start practicing what it feels like to sit beside discomfort without immediately translating it into failure.

I would love to reframe “Mom Guilt.” It does not have to be something we just have to roll over and accept. Question it. You can even cringe-ily (sorry) “get curious” about it- learn what is the difference between guilt and discomfort for you.

And once you know, you have a pathway. Repair when repair is needed. And move forward when it’s not.

Because guilt is a terrible life coach.

Also if you are ever looking for the archives (the full workbook/postpartum guide)- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

For our IN-PERSON meetings:

Meeting location near Burgess Menlo Park Library (it is directly behind the library)

800 Alma St (park here)

Menlo Park, CA 94025

Here is our 2026 Calendar schedule. If rain is in the forecast or the weather is predicted to be higher than low 80s (or there is the dreaded smoke/bad air quality), we will shift to a virtual or indoor session for the safety and comfort of you/your little ones.

July

Wednesday, 7/15/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 7/22/2026 NO GROUP, Lindsay OOO

Wednesday, 7/29/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

August

Wednesday, 8/5/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 8/12/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 8/19/2026 NO GROUP, Lindsay OOO

Wednesday, 8/26/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

It is again one of those fun weeks where I can only communicate in memes..

Also if you are ever looking for the archives (the full workbook/postpartum guide)- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

The link will always be the same for our virtual meeting room.

Zoom Meeting Link

One tap mobile

+16507247929,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US

+18336940906,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US Toll-free

The 2026 schedule can be found here

July

Wednesday, 7/8/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 7/15/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 7/22/2026 NO GROUP, Lindsay OOO

Wednesday, 7/29/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

August

Wednesday, 8/5/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 8/12/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 8/19/2026 TBD

Wednesday, 8/26/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

And now a section from my postpartum workbook Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum

Permission slips…

Before we have children (and truthfully...long before that, when we are children ourselves), we’re subconsciously collecting rules about what it means to be a “good” mother.

Thank you, societal messaging, patriarchal expectations, and a few generations of lovingly inherited trauma. Appreciate you*

If you were to close your eyes right now and imagine the qualities of the “good” mother, what comes to mind?

For me, it’s a mother joyously holding her smiling baby in one arm while preparing a nutritious dinner that’s magically on the table at exactly 6:00 p.m. when her partner walks through the door. Somewhere a casserole is involved. Everyone is wearing freshly ironed clothes. No one has spit-up in their hair. It’s basically a 1950s sitcom with suspiciously good lighting.

Other images or sentiments that might pop up:

• Good moms breastfeed.

• Good moms do the bulk of baby care.

• Good moms put the needs of their family before their own.

• Good moms can function on very little sleep. (Ok…I’d genuinely like to *meet* whoever started this rumor…)

• Good moms don’t lose their patience.

• Good moms keep their homes clean despite the tiny tornadoes living inside them.

• Good moms cherish every moment. Even the ones where everyone scream cries at you for daring to feed them the very foods they requested.

• Good moms do the nights.

• Good moms are martyrs.

• Good moms don’t get postpartum anxiety or depression.

• Good moms don’t need help.

• Good moms can do everything, and do it well.

The list is exhausting.

And the wild part?

It’s all a myth.

A pervasive one that’s been quietly passed down through generations.

But why are these images so deeply ingrained as core beliefs about what makes a “good” mom?

I can still viscerally remember the women whose words quietly began shattering those myths for me.

Emily (mom of two):

“How are you doing? Man, having a newborn is so hard. I remember those early days...truly some of the darkest times I’ve ever experienced. And so lonely. I’m really glad you came today.”

Cindy (mom of one):

“I hate breastfeeding. Something about the constant touching and never feeling like my body is my own. I actually feel much better giving formula and pumping on my own schedule. And honestly? It’s really nice having someone else be responsible for a feeding.”

Erin (mom of one):

“My Type A brain has such a hard time accepting help. I had no idea how all-encompassing having a newborn would be and doing it on no sleep? Yesterday my partner made me sleep in the other room while he got up with the baby all night. I think I might need someone to tell me what to do so I actually take care of myself.”

I don’t think any of them had any idea what they were doing.

They weren’t giving keynote speeches called Ten Habits of Highly Effective Mothers. They weren’t trying to mentor me. They were just talking honestly over coffee while one or more of our babies was probably having a blowout.

None of those conversations felt monumental.

But to a vulnerable new mom who was silently measuring herself against those impossible “good mom” standards, they were revolutionary.

They gave permission.

Permission to order takeout.

Permission to let go of the dreamy (and wildly unrealistic) breastfeeding vision I had created for myself.

Permission to stop pumping.

Permission for my baby to wear pajamas all day because changing them into a “daytime outfit” only so they could immediately spit up on it felt like a poor use of everyone’s energy.

Permission to love my baby with every fiber of my being...and also fantasize about wandering Target alone for 45 uninterrupted minutes. Not because I needed anything. Just because no one there would be needing anything from me.

When we hear another mother say the thing we’ve been afraid to think out loud, something shifts.

And I mean that almost literally.

Our brains are prediction machines. We build expectations based on the examples we’ve collected. If all we’ve ever absorbed is that “good moms sacrifice themselves,” then that’s the measuring stick we unconsciously use.

Then another mother casually says, “We ordered pizza three nights this week.”

Or, “I stopped pumping.”

Or, “Bluey really has been doing some heavy lifting around our house today.”

Suddenly your brain has new data points.

Oh. That’s allowed?

Community doesn’t just exchange stories.It updates our operating systems.

Instead of asking,

“Am I doing this right?”

We start asking,

“Wait...is everyone else just making this up too?”

(Spoiler: yes. We are all just adjusting, making this !@#$ up and hoping for the best.)

I think that’s one of the reasons I care so deeply about creating spaces where mothers can gather.

Because in sharing your own experience, you become a source of permission.

You become someone else’s evidence that there isn’t one right way to be a good mother.

Every honest conversation helps rewrite those deeply held beliefs we’ve carried for years. Every vulnerable story helps break cycles that no longer serve us. Maybe, just maybe, our own children will grow up with a more expansive definition of what it means to be a “good” mom.

One that includes asking for help.

One that includes rest.

One that includes joy.

One that leaves room for being fully human.

Every laugh.

Every confession.

Every “Same.”

Every “Oh...I thought I was the only one.”

We think we’re showing up because we need support.

But every time we’re honest, we’re quietly becoming someone else’s permission.

You never know when saying, “We’re getting takeout again tonight,” or “I quit pumping,” or “I doom scrolled for 20 minutes while the baby played next to me on the mat” becomes the sentence another mother remembers years later.

I still remember Emily. And Cindy. And Erin.

Not because they taught me how to be a perfect mother (there is no perfect), but because their words and their presence quietly showed me I never had to be one.

Also if you are ever looking for the archives (the full workbook/postpartum guide)- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

For our IN-PERSON meetings:

Meeting location near Burgess Menlo Park Library (it is directly behind the library)

800 Alma St (park here)

Menlo Park, CA 94025

Here is our 2026 Calendar schedule. If rain is in the forecast or the weather is predicted to be higher than low 80s (or there is the dreaded smoke/bad air quality), we will shift to a virtual or indoor session for the safety and comfort of you/your little ones.

July

Wednesday, 7/1/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 7/8/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 7/15/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 7/22/2026 NO GROUP, Lindsay OOO

Wednesday, 7/29/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

August

Wednesday, 8/5/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 8/12/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 8/19/2026 TBD

Wednesday, 8/26/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

It is one of those fun weeks where I can only communicate in memes..

Also if you are ever looking for the archives (the full workbook/postpartum guide)- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

The link will always be the same for our virtual meeting room.

Zoom Meeting Link

One tap mobile

+16507247929,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US

+18336940906,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US Toll-free

The 2026 schedule can be found here

June

Wednesday, 6/24/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

July

Wednesday, 7/1/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 7/8/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 7/15/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 7/22/2026 NO GROUP, Lindsay OOO

Wednesday, 7/29/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

August

Wednesday, 8/5/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 8/12/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 8/19/2026 TBD

Wednesday, 8/26/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library*

And now a section from my postpartum workbook Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum

What motherhood gave me (besides a crushing dependence on coffee)

We spend a lot of time talking about what motherhood takes.

Sleep. Free time. Disposable income. The ability to use the bathroom without an audience…

Honestly, motherhood is its own master class in sacrifice. If you’ve ever eaten lukewarm dinner over the sink while bouncing a baby and answering a question about “which drawer are the baby’s pants in again” (grr)… you know exactly what I’m talking about.

But what about the things that motherhood gives us?

Of course we expect the snuggles, the smell of your baby’s head, the way they fit so perfectly on your shoulder as you rock them to sleep, and my personal favorite…the privilege of hearing someone yell “Mom!” with their unhinged demands from another room approximately 4,000 times a day.

But for me, what I actually mean is the unexpected stuff- the fierceness, the confidence, and the surprising ability to separate myself from the “noise” of other’s commentary about me/my parenting/my life choices/etc. Did it happen overnight? No, it came with time. It evolved and strengthened as I found my footing in my new role as mom. Before I had kids, I spent too much mental and emotional energy considering how I came across to other people. --Did I offend them? Was that email too direct? Should I have added another exclamation point? Was I being difficult?- -

Then I became a mom and with that, I found myself surprisingly comfortable asking questions.

Advocating.

Speaking up.

Finding my voice.

You know that inner (and outer) voice that emerges when someone “suggests” your newborn “should” be sleeping through the night by now…

That voice.

At first, I found it on behalf of my children. Then one day I realized I had started using it for myself. Somewhere along the way, motherhood recalibrated my “tolerance for nonsense.” Each day finding myself in a high-stakes hostage negotiation with a toddler who was furious that their banana had been peeled “wrong” or that the water was “too wet,” really helped me realize and reconcile that I don’t really have the time or energy for adults who throw similar tantrums and um, should just know better?!

After that, the opinions from the Karens of the world just didn’t hit quite the same.

“No, that doesn’t work for me.”

“No, I can’t volunteer for that.”

“No, I’m not available.”

“No.” (no need to explain further, “no” is a complete sentence)

A true postpartum miracle!

I am not unshakable, but there is a particular confidence that comes from keeping tiny humans alive day after day. Motherhood humbles you on a near-daily basis. I know I am not perfect (there is no perfect), I know I am going to mess up. But I also realize:

• I can handle more than I thought.

• I can make decisions with imperfect information.

• I can recover from mistakes and learn from them

Maybe the true gift of motherhood is eventually internalizing that

“One day you’ll become surprisingly difficult to intimidate.”

Or:

“Your tolerance for people-pleasing may decrease dramatically.”

Or:

“You may discover that advocating for your child teaches you how to advocate for yourself.”

I know you’re tired, overstimulated, and one unanswered text away from losing it, but also might you be a bit stronger?

Clearer.

More confident.

More willing to take up space.

More willing to trust yourself.

More willing to use your voice.

Turns out motherhood took a lot from me (as I write this yawning), but it also gave me a fierceness I didn’t know I had. Let’s bring out mama bear!

Also if you are ever looking for the archives (the full workbook/postpartum guide)- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

For our IN-PERSON meetings:

Meeting location near Burgess Menlo Park Library (it is directly behind the library)

800 Alma St (park here)

Menlo Park, CA 94025

Here is our 2026 Calendar schedule. If rain is in the forecast or the weather is predicted to be higher than low 80s (or there is the dreaded smoke/bad air quality), we will shift to a virtual or indoor session for the safety and comfort of you/your little ones.

The 2026 schedule can be found here

June

Wednesday, 6/17/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 6/24/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

July

Wednesday, 7/1/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 7/8/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 7/15/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 7/22/2026 NO GROUP, Lindsay OOO

Wednesday, 7/29/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

August

Wednesday, 8/5/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 8/12/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 8/19/2026 TBD

Wednesday, 8/26/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

And now a section from my postpartum workbook Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum

Motherhood as a Millennial+

If you spend enough time around other millennial parents, new moms, or pregnant people, you’ll hear a familiar question emerge again and again:

“Am I doing this right?”

Of course, the question comes in many different forms.

“Am I feeding the baby the right way?”

“Am I responding correctly to every cry?”

“Am I creating secure attachment?”

“Am I offering enough independence? Too much independence?”

“Am I damaging my child’s sleep/nervous system/emotional regulation/confidence/microbiome/relationship with food/future academic success?”

And my own personal favorite- “what is my child’s origin story for therapy?” :-)

Just typing out that list gives me a little surge of anxiety. And if I’m being completely honest, these aren’t hypothetical examples. At various points in motherhood, I have:

1. -Googled whether using the wrong bottle nipple could affect speech development.

2. -Fallen down a 45-minute internet rabbit hole evaluating sunscreen for infants. (Definitely don’t do this).

3. -Wondered if buying dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets was somehow setting my children up for a lifetime of poor nutritional choices. And chuckling to myself as I threw said nuggets on a salad for an “upscale chicken salad” for myself as dinner.

None of these concerns lasted very long. At least not until the next concern arrived.

We millennials are often described as “the anxious generation.” While that label is probably too simplistic, there may be some truth hidden inside it.

Many of us entered adulthood during economic uncertainty, think dotcom boom/bust and the housing market collapse. We came of age alongside the internet and social media. We learned to research, compare, optimize, and question everything. Our lives unfolded online, thank you Facebook, Instagram, TikTok (sorry MySpace hahahah).

Then we became parents. And along with the arrival of our adorable babies came an uncomfortable realization- you cannot optimize your way through uncertainty.

As much as many of us try, we will invariably learn that uncertainty is the very foundation of parenting.

We Know Too Much

Every generation has faced parenting challenges. Our grandmothers raised children through economic hardships like the great depression, wars, and limited medical knowledge.

Our mothers navigated changing gender roles, rising workforce participation, and evolving family structures. Their burdens were real. Ours are too.

But the challenge facing millennial parents feels fundamentally different. For perhaps the first time in history, parents have near-infinite access to information.

We know about attachment theory, trauma, adverse childhood experiences, emotional regulation, sensory processing, responsive feeding, sleep science, screen-time research, and the importance of validating emotions. Of course some of that expert information even about the same topic will have two completely contradictory views! Oh the mind !@##$$!

We know so much! Knowledge is power. Knowledge is agency.

But knowledge can also come with a cost, because every new piece of information creates another opportunity to wonder if we’re getting it wrong.

Sometimes I imagine trying to explain modern parenting to my grandmother.

“Well Grandma, today I spent twenty minutes reading conflicting opinions about whether my child needs shoes with a wider toe box for optimal foot development…..”

I suspect she would stare at me for a moment and then ask:

“Does the child have shoes?”

“Yes.”

“Then I think she’ll be okay.”

It’s funny because it’s absurd. It’s also funny because it’s true.

When Awareness Becomes Hypervigilance

As a healthcare provider, I work with mothers every day who are thoughtful, conscientious, and deeply invested in their children’s wellbeing.

These qualities are strengths. Beautiful strengths.

But pregnancy and postpartum have a way of transforming even our strengths into something else. Somewhere along the way, awareness can quietly become hypervigilance.

We begin to believe that if we pay enough attention, gather enough information, or prepare thoroughly enough, we can prevent something bad from happening.

But babies are unpredictable.

Birth is unpredictable.

Parenthood is unpredictable.

I learned this lesson approximately 4000 times per day with my first child.

I had plans.

Birth plans.

Feeding plans.

Sleep plans.

My daughter responded to these plans with the confidence of someone who had never read them. Which, to be fair, she hadn’t 😊

No amount of research can fully protect us from uncertainty. And for a generation that has been taught to seek control through information, that reality can be particularly difficult for us to swallow.

Are We Actually Seeing More Perinatal Anxiety and Depression?

The short answer appears to be yes.

Researchers have documented increasing rates of postpartum depression and anxiety across the United States.

However, interpreting those numbers isn’t entirely straightforward. Part of the increase likely reflects greater awareness, better screening, and reduced stigma around seeking help (thank goodness!)

And part likely reflects a true increase in distress.

Modern mothers are carrying burdens previous generations never experienced. We are expected to be emotionally available, professionally successful, physically healthy, socially connected, informed consumers, attentive partners, and present parents. Often all at the same time.

That’s a lot for one nervous system to hold.

Reparenting Yourself

Perhaps one of the most unique features of millennial motherhood is the amount of self-reflection involved. Many of us entered parenthood asking questions previous generations weren’t encouraged to ask.

What patterns do I want to continue?

What patterns do I want to change?

How did my childhood shape me?

How do I break cycles and generational trauma?

How do I raise emotionally healthy children?

These are important questions of course, but they require tremendous mental and emotional energy.

We’re not simply raising children; we’re often trying to understand ourselves at the same time. We’re listening to parenting podcasts while unpacking our own childhood experiences.

We’re helping our children navigate big feelings while learning to name our own emotions. I have mentioned how schools now teach social emotional learning (which is incredible), and incredibly humbling. There have been moments when one (or both) of my children calmly informed me:

“Mom, it seems like you’re feeling frustrated right now.”

Ackkkk they were absolutely correct!

Nothing prepares you for the experience of being emotionally checked by someone who still needs help opening a cheese stick.

The Disappearance of “Good Enough”

One of the greatest losses for modern mothers may be the concept of the “good enough” mother.

Every parenting decision now feels measurable and visible. Every choice feels open to critique, commentary, and comparison. Thank you social media. With enough effort, enough research, enough expert opinions, it can start to feel as though every challenge should be solvable. If we just find the right book, the right parenting course, the right podcast/Instagram account. Children do not need perfect mothers, they need the mother who stays curious, shows up, models what it looks like to be a human. A real human who makes mistakes, learns, adapts, and tries again.

The irony is that many of the things millennial mothers worry about most are actually evidence of how deeply they care. The endless research and questioning comes from love. Unfortunately, we just live in a culture that constantly suggests that with enough caring, enough effort, and enough information, we can eliminate uncertainty.

It won’t and we can’t.

We are raising children in a world that is changing faster than any generation before us has experienced. We are navigating unprecedented amounts of information. We are trying to preserve what was good from our own childhoods while improving what wasn’t. we are normalizing conversations about mental health AND we are seeking support! Parenting isn’t a pass-or-fail test, it’s a relationship with our children, as much as it is, a relationship with ourselves.

Messy.

Beautiful.

Imperfect.

Constantly evolving.

The other day I found myself explaining to my children that mistakes are how we learn and grow. Then, about fifteen minutes later, I spent an embarrassing amount of time replaying in my head something mildly awkward I had said earlier that day…

And apparently we’re all still practicing! Love when my own mom-isms have to be internalized:-)

Maybe that’s the point- we just need the willingness to keep growing right alongside the tiny humans we’re raising.

What are some statements/isms from childhood that give you cringey feelings now? (i.e. “you’re fine” “walk it off” “stop crying”). Please feel free to share below in the comments.

“Maycember” continues and until it’s over, I can only communicate through memes

Also if you are ever looking for the archives (the full workbook/postpartum guide)- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

The link will always be the same for our virtual meeting room.

Zoom Meeting Link

One tap mobile

+16507247929,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US

+18336940906,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US Toll-free

The 2026 schedule can be found here

June

Wednesday, 6/10/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 6/17/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 6/24/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Also if you are ever looking for the archives (the full workbook/postpartum guide)- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

The link will always be the same for our virtual meeting room.

Zoom Meeting Link

One tap mobile

+16507247929,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US

+18336940906,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US Toll-free

The 2026 schedule can be found here

June

Wednesday, 6/3/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 6/10/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 6/17/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 6/24/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

July

Wednesday, 7/1/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 7/8/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 7/15/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 7/22/2026 NO GROUP, Lindsay OOO

Wednesday, 7/29/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Memes are my love language! Enjoy:-)

Also if you are ever looking for the archives (the full workbook/postpartum guide)- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

For our IN-PERSON meetings:

Meeting location near Burgess Menlo Park Library (it is directly behind the library)

800 Alma St (park here)

Menlo Park, CA 94025

Here is our 2026 Calendar schedule. If rain is in the forecast or the weather is predicted to be higher than low 80s (or there is the dreaded smoke/bad air quality), we will shift to a virtual or indoor session for the safety and comfort of you/your little ones.

May

Wednesday, 5/27/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

June

Wednesday, 6/3/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 6/10/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 6/17/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 6/24/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

July

Wednesday, 7/1/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 7/8/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 7/15/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 7/22/2026 NO GROUP, Lindsay OOO

Wednesday, 7/29/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

And now a section from my postpartum workbook Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum

Humor as a Postpartum Survival Skill

One of the strangest things about postpartum is that some of the hardest moments eventually become the funniest stories.

Postpartum has a way of stripping people down to raw humanity. It’s bodily fluids, exhaustion, irrational 2am thoughts, tenderness, survival… and honestly, a surprising amount of absurdity.

Usually you can’t see the humor right away of course. Sometimes you need distance. Sleep. A little less hormonal ups and downs.

But eventually many parents find themselves laughing at things that, in the moment, felt completely unbearable.

• Like crying because “someone” (*cough* husband) ate the leftovers you had been thinking about all day.

• Or trying to breastfeed a hungry infant while urgently needing to pee, all at the same time your toddler is yelling “WATCH THIS!” as they jump from the couch.

• Or spending 45 minutes getting everyone ready to leave the house only to realize you’re still wearing slippers, haven’t brushed your teeth, and now the baby has a blowout.

Or the absolutely feral things people say during the newborn phase:

• “Did the baby poop today?”

• “When did I last eat?”

• “Why is everything sticky?”

• “Where is that smell coming from? Omg it’s in my hair!”

• “Did I just step in pee or spit up?”

Postpartum can be deeply tender and deeply absurd at the same time.

And I think humor matters, especially during the hard seasons. Not because it minimizes the struggle, but because it helps people survive it.

Humor can become a gateway to healing.

It doesn’t erase what’s hard, but it can soften shame, help create connection, and nurture people carrying difficult experiences in a new way.

Sometimes laughing with another parent becomes its own kind of catharsis, the kind where you laugh so hard you both end up crying a little too.

It’s texting another mom:
“Please tell me you’ve also hidden in the pantry to eat chocolate.”

And her replying:
“Sent from pantry….”

This is not perfect motherhood.
Not Instagram motherhood. Just human motherhood.

And there is something deeply healing about realizing:
“Oh good. It’s not just me.”

Because sometimes the funniest stories come from the moments we felt the least put together. The things that once felt like evidence you were failing, can later become proof you survived it.

• The blowout diaper and/or leaking boobs during a serious conversation.
• Running to the grocery store for formula and cold brew without a bra, only to run into your boss asking how your “vacation” is going grr ;-(
• Searching everywhere for your phone while using your phone flashlight to look for it.
• Eating shredded cheese over the sink at 2am like a raccoon because feral postpartum hunger is absolutely real.

This season asks so much of you- physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Humor doesn’t erase that.

But laughter, especially shared laughter, can help people feel less alone during a time when connection matters enormously.

Sometimes feeling less alone is where healing begins. Collect these stories, write them down, text them to a mom friend in real time. Sometimes when I am having a rough go with my kids (i.e. both of them on ground sobbing/screaming at me because the ritz crackers are broken and my Apple watch warns me that at 100db I may sustain permanent hearing loss)… I am clocking that yes, this will definitely be funny later, even when I am feeling slightly unhinged on the inside. It is a good reminder for me to stay humble through this time and laugh at myself/the situation/the state of being a mom.

So in honor of Maternal Mental Health Month:

What postpartum moment was objectively terrible at the time… but funny now? Please considering sharing your “funny” story in the comments below!

Also if you are ever looking for the archives (the full workbook/postpartum guide)- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

The link will always be the same for our virtual meeting room.

Zoom Meeting Link

One tap mobile

+16507247929,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US

+18336940906,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US Toll-free

The 2026 schedule can be found here

May

Wednesday, 5/20/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 5/27/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

June

Wednesday, 6/3/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 6/10/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 6/17/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 6/24/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

July

Wednesday, 7/1/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 7/8/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 7/15/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 7/22/2026 NO GROUP, Lindsay OOO

Wednesday, 7/29/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

And now a section from my postpartum workbook Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum

Tales of “Lactastrophe”

**Please note this post is about my own lactation/feeding experience and reflects only my personal feelings and experience- not medical advice or recommendations from any professional organizations or societies*

I really believed breastfeeding was going to go well for me. How could it not? Come on evolution, supposed to be easy right?

I’m a nurse-midwife. I believe women can do hard things, especially with the right support and providers empowering them along the way. I naively assumed my daughter would emerge from the womb, latch perfectly, and we’d both bask in a golden beam of sunlight pouring through the hospital window.

Instead, she looked at my chest and was either deeply offended or so overwhelmed she just fell asleep.

She would not latch. Not with the football hold, cross cradle, laid back, side lying, nipple shield, or even some witchy lactation chants under a full moon. This child loves/loved performing in front of an audience, because the ONLY times she latched were in front of the lactation consultant. The second we got home and Marcy was no longer observing? Absolutely not.

She was losing weight. And because she had only been 5 pounds at birth, we were worried.

Postpartum is such a vulnerable time and the emotions surrounding feeding run deep. Somewhere along the way, breastfeeding can often feel like one of the most tangible measures of whether you are a “good mom.”

And I, well… I felt like a failure. A fraud.

So you can imagine the spiraling that followed.

I pumped constantly. I tracked ounces like I was day trading on Wall Street. I cried over spilled milk, literally and metaphorically. I barely made enough to keep up with her feeds day-to-day, so on the rare occasion I had a few extra ounces in the fridge for the 6 a.m. bottle, you can imagine the panic I felt when my incredibly loving mother-in-law innocently gave my daughter an “extra” bottle that evening.

When you’re living ounce-to-ounce, knowing you don’t have enough for the morning can send you into a fugue state. Then came my brief descent into the breast milk underworld of the internet.

If you’ve never searched online for donor milk, congratulations on preserving your innocence. I imagined a wholesome little community of mothers passing mason jars of milk between one another. What I found instead was an absolutely disturbing corner of the internet that included men who appeared far too interested in breast milk for reasons entirely unrelated to infant nutrition.

At the time, I thought I was failing because I simply wasn’t trying hard enough. That if I wanted it badly enough, I could make breastfeeding work. Because if your baby cannot breastfeed, well… maybe your body failed some fundamental motherhood test. Some women leave the hospital feeling empowered. Others leave feeling like they failed an exam they didn’t even know they were taking. And somewhere along the way, formula became framed as “giving up” instead of what it actually is: nutrition for your baby.

Feeding a baby is hard regardless of what you’re feeding them. There is no “easy way out” and there can be feelings of isolation when you are going against the grain. Even as an exclusive pumper, I was “othered.”

Healthcare Provider (HP): “well let me just stop you right there- why is your 3 month old daughter not breastfeeding?”

Me: “oh well she kind of is, she’s exclusively on my breastmilk”

HP: “Yes but why is she not breastfeeding directly?!”

Years later, we discovered that my daughter had enlarged adenoids and an extremely narrow airway. She literally could not eat and breathe at the same time, and definitely not well enough to create suction at the breast.

As messed up as this will sound, there was something validating in finding a reason. Though for many who struggle, there often is no closure with the grief that can come with these “lactastrophes.”

Postpartum, we blame ourselves for everything. Most of the time, the blame is entirely self-imposed.

For years, I quietly carried the idea that maybe something was wrong with me. In many ways, that experience is what eventually led me to become certified in lactation. I wanted to help other parents navigate the complicated, emotional, often isolating reality of infant feeding. Because I think we need far more honesty around infant feeding.

Breastfeeding can absolutely be beautiful and bonding and magical for some people. It can also be physically painful, emotionally consuming, logistically impossible, identity-crushing, isolating, and wrapped in an astonishing amount of martyrdom.

And when it is not going well, it can become a major contributor to postpartum anxiety, depression, and feelings of failure.

You do not have to suffer to prove you love your child. You are not a better mother because you ignored your own limits longer. Your worth was never measured in ounces.

And the daughter who never latched? She’s thriving. I know I’m biased but she is so funny. Brilliant. Healthy. Strong-willed. Entirely herself.

Turns out breastfeeding was never the defining factor in who she would become…who knew!?

Article about Lactastrophe from "The Cut"

1. The San Mateo County Library system has many free story times, music jams, and play groups running several times throughout the week and on the weekends.

Events | San Mateo County Libraries | BiblioCommons

At the Atherton Library- every Thursday 10:30am-11:30am

Menlo Park Library Storytimes (no fee)

• Thursday, May 14, 2026 | 10:15 AM - 10:45 AM

• Thursday, May 21, 2026 | 10:15 AM - 10:45 AM

• Thursday, May 28, 2026 | 10:15 AM - 10:45 AM

• Drop in baby play group daily 9am-3pm M-F (no fee)

Menlo Park/Burgess Arrillaga Family Recreation Center (Willow Room)

700 Alma Street (same parking lot as library lot)

Menlo Park, 94025

Baby and Me Open Play (Spring 2026)

2. La Petite Balleen- free swim classes for babies until 6 months old! Baby Swimming Lessons in San Francisco, CA (La Petite Baleen)

Low Key/Baby Friendly Places

• Filoli- I have heard you can share a membership? Idk!

Visit | Filoli

• The Reading Bug (San Carlos)

  Storytime at The Reading Bug | The Reading Bug

• The Alpine Inn in Portola Valley (outdoors, food/beer)

• Barebottle Brewing in Menlo Park (beer/non-alcoholic beverages, can order/bring food in)

Other cool baby/kid things to consider

• The Dolly Parton Imagination Library (baby can receive an age-appropriate,free book in the mail every month!)

Check Availability - Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library

Subscribe now

Where do you like to go with your baby? Share in comments below

Leave a comment

Also if you are ever looking for the archives (the full workbook/postpartum guide)- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

For our IN-PERSON meetings:

Meeting location near Burgess Menlo Park Library (it is directly behind the library)

800 Alma St (park here)

Menlo Park, CA 94025

Here is our 2026 Calendar schedule. If rain is in the forecast or the weather is predicted to be higher than low 80s (or there is the dreaded smoke/bad air quality), we will shift to a virtual or indoor session for the safety and comfort of you/your little ones.

May

Wednesday, 5/13/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 5/20/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 5/27/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

June

Wednesday, 6/3/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 6/10/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 6/17/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 6/24/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

July

Wednesday, 7/1/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 7/8/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 7/15/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 7/22/2026 NO GROUP, Lindsay OOO

And now a section from my postpartum workbook Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum

Craving Routines While Nurturing Mental Flexibility

So many of us approach parenthood in the same way we approach a job- you know I love me a checklist, I love productivity, I like knowing that I truly earned that gold star for a job well done, that I excelled at optimization!

And then, well, I went ahead and had a baby- the quickest most surefire way to throw all that out the window, AKA the ultimate humbling experience

I remember craving structure, desperate for predictability and sometimes finding the fight for these things much more physically exhausting and mentally draining than just accepting what is- there is no schedule. There is no predictability. The word of the day every day was and is mental flexibility.

For the last few weeks in our group, we have talked around the difference between “a routine” and “a schedule.”

A routine says: “we usually eat, nap, and play around these times”

A schedule says: “it is 9:42am and everything is unraveling because the baby fell asleep in the car for 11 minutes on the way home and now the day is royally effed! We. Can. Never. Recover. From. This!” (trigger full on freak out spiral)

One brings some gentle (and flexible) structure to our view of the day, while the other can often just bring panic. Babies, well, they just do not care about a color-coded schedule or the time you had planned to put them down for that nap that invariably will only last 20 minutes.

And honestly? Sometimes your own nervous system doesn’t care either. Have you ever fought so hard for your baby to go down for a nap that at the end of it you felt even more spent and emotionally unhinged? Sometimes it can feel better to throw out the “shoulds” and the schedule and just let the chips fall where they fall.

Maybe they won’t nap during this specific window of time, but it doesn’t mean you have to throw out the nervous system reset for yourself. So many of us quietly carry this guilt postpartum that if we’re not constantly engaging, narrating, singing, interacting with our babies when they’re awake that they will be forever stunted, won’t go to college and will live at home forever! However, babies also benefit from space. Independent play is a learned skill, letting them be bored and having them surprise you with their creativity, what they find interesting, what they turn to, is absolutely a skill worth having. It is ok zone out. It is okay to put your baby on the play mat next to you and drink your coffee while it’s still warm.

A regulated parent matters more than a perfectly curated day.

We can hold rhythms and routines while still allowing room for real life.

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s progress.

And maybe even more importantly: resilience and mental flexibility.

“We had a hard morning and we adjusted.”

“The nap didn’t happen and everyone survived.”

“I needed ten quiet minutes to zone out on my phone while my baby played beside me.”

If you are craving permission to loosen your grip a little, to stop measuring yourself against impossible standards, to trust that loving your baby doesn’t require constant interaction and optimization- here it is. I am giving you permission to release yourself of the guilt. Sometimes that mental flexibility is the thing that actually protects joy.

A little structure helps. Rigidity usually doesn’t. No perfection. Just progress.

Sometimes the healthiest thing for both parent and baby is a little space to simply just be.

Also if you are ever looking for the archives (the full workbook/postpartum guide)- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

The link will always be the same for our virtual meeting room.

Zoom Meeting Link

One tap mobile

+16507247929,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US

+18336940906,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US Toll-free

The 2026 schedule can be found here

May

Wednesday, 5/6/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 5/13/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 5/20/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 5/27/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

And now a section from my postpartum workbook Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum

The Year I Booked a Hotel for Mother’s Day ;-)

For many of you, this will be your 1^st Mother’s Day! The honor to have unapologetically earned that one day where you get to be the center of the celebration. Mother’s Day is supposed to be “relaxing.” This is what the commercials suggest. This is what slightly burnt pancakes and 11 (omg) scrambled eggs are trying to communicate.

However, a few years ago, when my kids were 2 and 5, I made a bold and slightly controversial decision- I checked myself into a hotel. Alone. For 18 hours. People thought I was joking. I was not.

I read a book. I took the longest shower of my life. I watched whatever I wanted. I ate food while it was still hot. I slept diagonally like a starfish uninterrupted for an entire night. It is incredibly healing to the nervous system having a real sleep, like the type of pre-kid sleep of years past.

It was objectively glorious and also slightly confusing? I felt a little guilty? Did I miss the chaos? Probably not actually, but also maybe a little?

Man it is complicated! And encompasses some of the truest tenets of motherhood- that two seemingly opposite sentiments can be true at the same time. Motherhood is all about both/and. You want to be celebrated, you want to feel appreciated, you want the hugs and the love and the slightly unhinged homemade gifts. And you also might want a small, quiet spot to land where no one touches you or needs anything from you for just a few hours.

So maybe the real goal of Mother’s Day is just finding a version of the day that actually feels good to you.

Maybe that’s a big family brunch celebrating generations of moms.
Maybe it’s coffee and breakfast in bed with children climbing on you.
Maybe it’s a solo Target run that mysteriously takes two hours.

Or maybe, just maybe it’s a hotel room, a fluffy robe, and a quiet breakfast in bed while watching trashy television.

Wanting to soak in the love doesn’t make you too much.
Wanting a little space doesn’t make you ungrateful.

It just makes you… a mom.

And if you can find a way to hold both, the celebration and the space-
that might be the real gift.

If you were going to unapologetically design your Mother’s Day, what would it look like? (Please share in the comments :-)

Our next meeting will take place IN-PERSON on Wednesday 4/29/2026 from 12:15-1:15pm at Burgess park behind the Menlo Park library!

Also if you are ever looking for the archives (the full workbook/postpartum guide)- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

For our IN-PERSON meetings:

Meeting location near Burgess Menlo Park Library (it is directly behind the library)

800 Alma St (park here)

Menlo Park, CA 94025

Here is our 2026 Calendar schedule. If rain is in the forecast or the weather is predicted to be higher than low 80s (or there is the dreaded smoke/bad air quality), we will shift to a virtual or indoor session for the safety and comfort of you/your little ones.

April

Wednesday, 4/29/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

May

Wednesday, 5/6/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 5/13/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 5/20/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 5/27/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

From “A-list Celebrity” to Invisible

Ooh I love plot twists! Yes in books and movies they are fire; however much less so is the plot twist that happens after you have a baby.

During pregnancy, especially at the end of pregnancy, you are kind of a celebrity! You have a standing weekly appointment with your OB group. All the staff know your name. People ask how you’re sleeping, how you’re feeling. Someone is always checking in on you. Monitoring you. Measuring you. You have a whole team dedicated to you.

Even random people generally care how YOU are doing. Strangers smile at you (sure they want to touch your stomach but that’s neither here nor there). People exude excitement- for you. You matter. A lot.

And then…well…you give birth.

And suddenly, it’s like you’ve been gently but firmly downgraded from “leading lady” to a supporting character, “unnamed relative #1.”

Now the question is: “How’s the baby?”

Which of course comes from a place of love. We love the baby! The baby is cute! The baby is doing baby things!

But it’s a little wild how quickly the focus shifts from:
“How are you feeling today?”
to
“Is the baby sleeping?”

(And if you’re not sleeping…well…circle back to the baby.)

Even the medical system reflects it. At the end of pregnancy, you’re seen constantly. And then postpartum? One visit at 6 weeks, maybe two visits if you had a cesarean (also a MAJOR SURGERY). A quick “you good?” and “ok great, you are ‘cleared’ to have sex. See you in a year at your annual exam!” (I would like to hope that this was NOT how you felt at your 6 week visit with our group.)

Six weeks postpartum for many is likely the least “good” you’ve ever been. In your 9 months of pregnancy, we likely saw you around 14-16 times. Postpartum, which is arguably A LOT longer- well you get one “covered with insurance” postpartum checkup at 6 weeks (which I might add is a completely arbitrary time point not based on any specific medical reason).

And while your body is healing and your hormones are doing something between a free fall and a science experiment, your entire identity is being rearranged. You know, just casually.

You are everything to this tiny human… and somehow a little invisible to everyone else.

It’s such a strange contradiction.

Moms don’t just need support during pregnancy. If anything, they need more after. More checking in. More space to talk. More people asking the question and genuinely wanting to know the answer to: “How are you?”

Not the polite version. The real one. Bringing curiosity about you as the mom and not just the baby.

Of course when we level up to mom, we don’t just disappear. We are still right there, just a little quieter under the weight of everything we’re carrying. It is so interesting that at a time that we kind of become invisible to others, our own identity is also thrown into the wind to be rearranged. This can be the ultimate mind f!@#$!

You’re introduced as “this is so-and-so’s mom,” and of course it’s true and meaningful, and something you love deeply, but there’s a tiny flicker of “Wait…don’t I matter too?” And when the world continues to mirror back mostly “the baby” and less “you,” that feeling of invisibility can deepen.

You though are not invisible. You are becoming someone new while still trying to hold onto who you’ve always been. And that’s not a small thing. It deserves more space. More acknowledgment. More people asking:

“Who are you these days? How does this version of you feel?”

Not just “How’s the baby?”

Also if you are ever looking for the archives (the full workbook/postpartum guide)- check it out here! Trying to update it weekly!

The link will always be the same for our virtual meeting room.

Zoom Meeting Link

One tap mobile

+16507247929,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US

+18336940906,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US Toll-free

The 2026 schedule can be found here

April

Wednesday, 4/29/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

May

Wednesday, 5/6/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 5/13/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 5/20/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 5/27/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

And now a section from my postpartum workbook Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum

Why Am I So Tired When I Didn’t “Do Anything” ?

On paper, this weekend didn’t look like much. No big outings other grocery shopping (half of which I outsourced)! No major milestones achieved. No long to-do list getting enthusiastically checked off unless you count taking a stab at the never-ending laundry and/or bathing my feral children (my Apple Watch registered the decibels during that bath as potentially causing lifelong hearing damage).

All to say, I ended the day/weekend completely drained. The “I fell asleep while reading to my child” kind of tired. The kind of tired that sits behind your eyes and makes even small decisions feel oddly heavy. It’s the kind of exhaustion that makes you wonder, wait… what did I even do today?

As your kids get a bit older, as mine are, that day-to-day exhaustion does change. I won’t say it gets better; it just gets different and slightly more manageable (but remember it has been compounding since the beginning)!

In the early days though, man what a mind f*!@#! My partner would get home from work and without realizing the undertones of such a loaded (and seemingly innocuous) question ask “what did you do all day?” and with equal parts rage and confusion, I would stare blankly and nothing would come out of my mouth. How do you describe the visible “nothing” and the invisible “everything” that goes into taking care of a kid/baby/alien/feral animal. There are often no words that can capture it, because to the onlooker, we didn’t “do” anything reportable. Nothing noteworthy to add to the baby book. Did not even take a stab at solving world peace or global warming, and no grand achievements other than maybe not being peed on, etc.

If you pause for a second though and write it all down, all of it, the “nothing,” it is A LOT!

You fed and burped a baby (maybe multiple times, maybe while also trying to feed yourself with one hand).
You tracked naps, or worried about naps, or ChatGPTd “what is normal for naps at x age?”
You anticipated needs before they became cries and if they did become cries, you knew which cry meant what. Or didn’t, but then you responded/adjusted otherwise.
You held, rocked, soothed, cleaned (on repeat)
You made a hundred tiny decisions no one else saw.

You managed the logistics, timing, the mental mom math of the household and often times, the emotional climate too.

You noticed when something felt off.
You wondered if x was normal for the zillionth time.
You debated whether to do something about it or wait it out.
You carried that question around in the background of your mind, quite literally every moment of the entire day.

It’s not just caring for a baby. It’s like running a startup (or what I imagine it is like)- no onboarding, constantly changing expectations, and very loud feedback from a tiny human. So much of this work is invisible.

There’s no finish line. No “great job!” No ribbon or medal for keeping your baby and yourself alive, fed, and moderately sane.

Just a quiet accumulation of effort and energy that somehow leaves you completely spent.

This is also why “rest” can feel just…confusing. Because even when you sit down “to relax”, your brain doesn’t. It just shifts locations. This is why scrolling Instagram, TikTok, and watching trashy television can be just as necessary as a nap. Remember this is the importance of cognitive unloading!

You’re still tracking, anticipating, remembering, planning. The space in between this constant mental and emotional load is a lot. And it’s a big part of why postpartum can feel so intense, even when everything is technically “going well.”

Nothing is wrong with you. You are carrying a lot. And most of it doesn’t get seen unless you say it out loud and someone across from you validates you- “yes… exactly that.”

That’s why THIS community matters. Because the moment you name it, it becomes just a little bit lighter. “Name it to tame it” says my wise 2^nd grader. Social emotional learning FTW!

So if you’re ending your day feeling exhausted, even if you “didn’t do anything”-
you did. In fact, it was more than enough. And it counts. Your little baby Yelp reviewer gives you 5 stars :-)

The link will always be the same for our virtual meeting room.

Zoom Meeting Link

One tap mobile

+16507247929,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US

+18336940906,,9425734007#,,,,*255126# US Toll-free

The 2026 schedule can be found here.

April

Wednesday, 4/15/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 4/22/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 4/29/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

May

Wednesday, 5/6/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 5/13/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

Wednesday, 5/20/2026 IN-PERSON 12:15-1:15pm **Burgess near library**

Wednesday, 5/27/2026 VIRTUAL 12:30-1:30pm Zoom

And now a section from my postpartum workbook Expecting the Unexpected: A practical (and a bit cheeky) guide to navigating the postpartum

When Romance Becomes a Group Project

Somewhere between the midnight feeds and the ol’ “who packed the diaper bag” arguments, love starts speaking a different language.

No one really warns you that postpartum changes nearly every relationship in your life.

Of course we expect the big things- less sleep, less freedom, less time that belongs only to us. (I honestly cannot remember what I used to do with all the free time I had on the weekend?!?! Do you?)

We know a baby will change our schedules and routines. But what can feel more surprising is how profoundly it changes the way we relate to the people we love. Is it because we are different? Remember that landslide identity evolution?

The partnership that once ran on spontaneity can suddenly sound like one of those logic problems involving two trains traveling at different speeds.

Deciding who is taking what shift? Did anyone wash the bottles?

Why are there somehow no clean burp cloths in the entire house? And why are there no diapers in the diaper bag?!?

It can feel jarring when the person you used to flirt with over dinner is now the one you are negotiating whose turn it is to do xyz for the bazillionth time.

Postpartum in every way asks us to discover new forms of intimacy.

Sometimes intimacy looks like someone refilling your water before you ask. Taking the baby so you can sleep another hour. Remembering which side you last nursed on. Bringing you a snack with one hand while catching spit-up with the other. Seeing the invisible labor and stepping into it without needing a full project-management briefing.

Love, in this season, can start to sound less like romance and more like relief.

And honestly, relief can be wildly romantic.

The same shifts happen in the wider family too. A new baby has a way of rearranging every relationship around them. Parents become grandparents. Siblings become aunts and uncles.

Friends either show up in ways that fill you (rather than drain you) or vanish until the baby turns one and suddenly text, “We should catch up!” as if the last twelve months were just a minor scheduling conflict.

In-laws can become your greatest support or the source of your sharpest boundaries.

Sometimes old wounds resurface in surprising ways. The way your own mother cared for you suddenly feels more relevant. Receiving advice feels drastically different, almost like being on trial. Opinions sting more. Support that once felt comforting can suddenly feel intrusive. Nothing like one offhand comment about baby’s naps to make you revisit unresolved family dynamics from the early 2000s.

And then there is the quieter grief- the relationships you imagined people would have with you in this season. The people you thought would show up. The version of your partnership that felt easier. The effortless way connection once happened before everyone was tired, touched out, and communicating primarily through whispered hallway negotiations or passive aggressive texts after bedtime.

There can be grief for what was, even while there is gratitude for what is.

And yet, this is often where relationships can strengthen. I wish I could say I came up with the “parenting as a group project” analogy but being new parents in a relationship is truly like being paired up to do a VERY intense and important group project. No rubric, lots of intense feelings about equality, all while a tiny human scream cries at you.

This is the paradox of postpartum relationships. Love is still there, but it often asks to be spoken in a new dialect. This is maybe the best piece of advice I received from my own mom when I was about to become a mom. I remember worrying about the toddler years and my mom gently said that “you grow with your children.” In fact, she said this to me again today 😉, as well as several times throughout my short tenure as a parent so far. This same sentiment applies to your relationship, you grow together both as partners and as parents.

And sometimes the tools/tactics that help the most are also the most basic (however basic doesn’t mean less hard unfortunately):

· Less assumptions.

· More asking

· Less scorekeeping.

· More repair- fight fast and fair.

· Less longing for “how it used to be.”

· More curiosity about what this relationship wants to become now and how you can grow together

The relationships that survive and thrive after a baby are rarely the ones untouched by the strain and struggle of this monumental life change. They are the ones willing to navigate the strain and learn from the struggles.

• To say to each other, this feels hard.

• To admit, I miss us.

• To laugh when date night becomes folding laundry, paying bills, and splitting a brownie in the kitchen.

• To ask, what would help you feel loved right now? To confess what would help you feel more loved right now.

• To stay soft enough to let what it means to love, change, evolve and grow.

Relationships after baby are not meant to go backward, they are meant to grow into something more intentional that might take more effort, more compassion, and more of a sense of humor and humility. Being a parent is the hardest and most rewarding job if we let it teach us how to love better. And maybe that is the hidden invitation of postpartum- not to return to the old ways of loving, but to build new ones that can expand and grow with us.