Watercolor by Ida Stiler-Gordon(Age 7)

You worked and worked

and worked some more

the hardest work you had ever done-

(even though you never lifted a finger).

Until one day,

while walking through a field,

or watching TV,

or driving to the store,

something invisible happened-

or didn’t happen…

whatever it was,

there was nothing left to do;

nothing in front and nothing behind.

And even though there is still plenty of work to do

now it is different work.

Now, it is the work of love.

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Watercolor by Ida Stiler-Gordon(Age 7)

You worked and worked

and worked some more

the hardest work you had ever done-

(even though you never lifted a finger).

Until one day,

while walking through a field,

or watching TV,

or driving to the store,

something invisible happened-

or didn’t happen…

whatever it was,

there was nothing left to do;

nothing in front and nothing behind.

And even though there is still plenty of work to do

now it is different work.

Now, it is the work of love.

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When the Buddha was asked about his enlightenment, he replied, ‘Through complete and unexcelled enlightenment, I truly attained nothing.’

Wow. He’s saying right there, stop trying so hard to obtain this imagined state of who knows what? Peace, love, freedom, happiness? The Buddha was saying, forget about it, you are already what you seek.

‘Buddha’, literally means, ‘awakened one’, but in a broader sense it refers to you or me or anyone who has ever yearned for freedom, who has ever longed for an easier way to live than the way most of us live every day of our lives, bearing the burden of memory or trauma or afraid of what’s next, bearing the burden of an imagined me, separate from life.

Living that way, it’s like swimming upstream 24 hours a day. Even in our dreams, we are afraid, ashamed, inadequate, craving approval, our behavior completely conditioned around control of situations, of people. It’s just too much damn work.

So, it’s a beautiful thing to take some time to be quiet, turn inward, and wonder, ‘ who am I, really?’

That’s the whole nut of meditative work right there, that question. It is a beautiful question, the deepest human question. We can start off with that question but, eventually, the words drop away, and it becomes a question without words. Just pure wonder without expecting results.

That’s true Meditation. That’s where you meet yourself, your real self, the self that has no boundaries. The fact is, this discovery has nothing to do with you. Waking up happens on its own when you stop trying so hard to wake up. Awareness of awareness is life knowing itself through you.

Even if you feel like shit some days, try to remember that unpleasant feeling is awareness in the form of feeling like shit. That’s a very different way of living than being carried away by the story of a someone who feels like shit.

When awareness interrupts the story of oneself, that’s the revolution. That’s the doorway to freedom. When that happens, even a little bit, in that moment of awareness, you are a Buddha. No matter what happens afterward, you can forget about it because there is no turning back from that moment.

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When the Buddha was asked about his enlightenment, he replied, ‘Through complete and unexcelled enlightenment, I truly attained nothing.’

Wow. He’s saying right there, stop trying so hard to obtain this imagined state of who knows what? Peace, love, freedom, happiness? The Buddha was saying, forget about it, you are already what you seek.

‘Buddha’, literally means, ‘awakened one’, but in a broader sense it refers to you or me or anyone who has ever yearned for freedom, who has ever longed for an easier way to live than the way most of us live every day of our lives, bearing the burden of memory or trauma or afraid of what’s next, bearing the burden of an imagined me, separate from life.

Living that way, it’s like swimming upstream 24 hours a day. Even in our dreams, we are afraid, ashamed, inadequate, craving approval, our behavior completely conditioned around control of situations, of people. It’s just too much damn work.

So, it’s a beautiful thing to take some time to be quiet, turn inward, and wonder, ‘ who am I, really?’

That’s the whole nut of meditative work right there, that question. It is a beautiful question, the deepest human question. We can start off with that question but, eventually, the words drop away, and it becomes a question without words. Just pure wonder without expecting results.

That’s true Meditation. That’s where you meet yourself, your real self, the self that has no boundaries. The fact is, this discovery has nothing to do with you. Waking up happens on its own when you stop trying so hard to wake up. Awareness of awareness is life knowing itself through you.

Even if you feel like shit some days, try to remember that unpleasant feeling is awareness in the form of feeling like shit. That’s a very different way of living than being carried away by the story of a someone who feels like shit.

When awareness interrupts the story of oneself, that’s the revolution. That’s the doorway to freedom. When that happens, even a little bit, in that moment of awareness, you are a Buddha. No matter what happens afterward, you can forget about it because there is no turning back from that moment.

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Collage by Dyan Berk

How about we take a break from the idea of self-improvement, religious salvation, or believing that meditation and spiritual enlightenment will make everything wonderful in our lives? Wouldn’t that be a big relief? To drop all of those expectations, like dropping our bags after a long journey? How about we drop the subtle and maybe not-so-subtle thought that there’s some better state available if only. If only what? If only our prayers were answered or we had enough hope?

How about if we just give hope a break for a while?

How about, instead of projecting into some imagined future state, we replace it with the present-moment, non-theoretical question: ‘Who am I?’ Or maybe, ‘Who is thinking this right now?’ Or who sees? Or who hears the bird singing outside your window this morning? That’s very different, isn’t it? A question is an invitation. It’s like a living thing that invites you inwards, compared to the thought that we need, or hope for, or desire some better version of ourselves or others.

Something in us craves completion. We want, we want. We want success, happiness, money, food, love, sex, power, admiration, a better car, a better house, a better tennis game. It is a mental/emotional program that runs 24-7, in most of the human species. But the catch is that for most of us, it operates beneath the radar of consciousness. Pretty much everyone on the planet is living in some imagined future or remembered past. Our relationship with one another and with the world at large is, for the most part, determined and lived out in images of self and other, past and future, good and bad, which is like living in a fictionalized, Instagram version of reality. In a way, we go through life unconsciously thinking this is normal because everyone else is doing the same thing. Is it any wonder we have made such a mess of things?

So, is it really possible to just drop our baggage and live free of our nagging desires, hopes, obsessions, doubts, and fears? If so, how? We have tried to mentally drop stuff, only to find that with the right stimulus- an argument with a partner, a disappointment, or a criticism- there it is again, same old, same old.

No, to be free takes a radical shift in consciousness, and that shift begins and ends with simple attention to the present moment. It takes courage, patience, and I would suggest a sense of humor to face our demons head-on…not conceptually, but empirically, directly, without trying to get rid of or manipulate anything. This is known as ‘seeing without knowing’. If fear is there, meet it, see it directly. Do not be afraid. See that your fears are fueled by pictures of an imagined self and what might happen to that self. Stay with the seeing without touching the story of yourself, and you may discover that what sees the pictures is not a personal ‘you’, but a vast, empty, indestructible you that contains the world and yet is untouched by the world. This is the end of seeking, the end of fear, and the discovery that the promise of a bright future is in the present moment and only in the present moment.

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Collage by Dyan Berk

How about we take a break from the idea of self-improvement, religious salvation, or believing that meditation and spiritual enlightenment will make everything wonderful in our lives? Wouldn’t that be a big relief? To drop all of those expectations, like dropping our bags after a long journey? How about we drop the subtle and maybe not-so-subtle thought that there’s some better state available if only. If only what? If only our prayers were answered or we had enough hope?

How about if we just give hope a break for a while?

How about, instead of projecting into some imagined future state, we replace it with the present-moment, non-theoretical question: ‘Who am I?’ Or maybe, ‘Who is thinking this right now?’ Or who sees? Or who hears the bird singing outside your window this morning? That’s very different, isn’t it? A question is an invitation. It’s like a living thing that invites you inwards, compared to the thought that we need, or hope for, or desire some better version of ourselves or others.

Something in us craves completion. We want, we want. We want success, happiness, money, food, love, sex, power, admiration, a better car, a better house, a better tennis game. It is a mental/emotional program that runs 24-7, in most of the human species. But the catch is that for most of us, it operates beneath the radar of consciousness. Pretty much everyone on the planet is living in some imagined future or remembered past. Our relationship with one another and with the world at large is, for the most part, determined and lived out in images of self and other, past and future, good and bad, which is like living in a fictionalized, Instagram version of reality. In a way, we go through life unconsciously thinking this is normal because everyone else is doing the same thing. Is it any wonder we have made such a mess of things?

So, is it really possible to just drop our baggage and live free of our nagging desires, hopes, obsessions, doubts, and fears? If so, how? We have tried to mentally drop stuff, only to find that with the right stimulus- an argument with a partner, a disappointment, or a criticism- there it is again, same old, same old.

No, to be free takes a radical shift in consciousness, and that shift begins and ends with simple attention to the present moment. It takes courage, patience, and I would suggest a sense of humor to face our demons head-on…not conceptually, but empirically, directly, without trying to get rid of or manipulate anything. This is known as ‘seeing without knowing’. If fear is there, meet it, see it directly. Do not be afraid. See that your fears are fueled by pictures of an imagined self and what might happen to that self. Stay with the seeing without touching the story of yourself, and you may discover that what sees the pictures is not a personal ‘you’, but a vast, empty, indestructible you that contains the world and yet is untouched by the world. This is the end of seeking, the end of fear, and the discovery that the promise of a bright future is in the present moment and only in the present moment.

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It’s a good day to be alone.

Rain and wind all day

And Grey

You have to love the Grey

That permeates the world this morning…

Perfect for going inside yourself,

resting in not knowing,

and watching the big Oaks dance to the wind’s song.

It’s beautiful to be alone.

Although I suppose many have too much of it.

But if you really know how to be alone

A lot of things can get worked out

Without having to think about them.

Things like remembering who you are,

Before you had a name.

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It’s a good day to be alone.

Rain and wind all day

And Grey

You have to love the Grey

That permeates the world this morning…

Perfect for going inside yourself,

resting in not knowing,

and watching the big Oaks dance to the wind’s song.

It’s beautiful to be alone.

Although I suppose many have too much of it.

But if you really know how to be alone

A lot of things can get worked out

Without having to think about them.

Things like remembering who you are,

Before you had a name.

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Drawing by Ida Stiler-Gordon (Age 7)

We hear from meditation teachers, from down through the ages to the present day, that bliss, love, happiness, and peace are all waiting for us through the experience of meditation and awakening. Of course, something in us yearns for that experience, especially when we look at our own daily lives, replete with an abiding dissatisfaction and disharmony within ourselves…in our relationships, in our livelihood, and, with the world in general. We look back on so many regrets and mistakes, hurtful things said and done. It doesn’t take too much meditative experience to begin to see all of that stored away in memory, like old photo books up in the attic. That stuff may have happened years ago (or maybe yesterday), but it’s amazing how alive the thought/feelings from even the long past can seem. We think we are those memories. They appear to form our identity and our character. This is true of all human beings, and it has been true throughout human history. I would submit that the power of thought to promote an illusion of a separate self is the root cause of human conflict and suffering.

This morning in meditation, the mind was quiet and open, and one could observe the threads of thought as they arose, like spirits wanting life. What was most compelling was how, if the thoughts were not touched, they became transparent and simply vanished in thin air. This observation reveals that thoughts aren’t real. What are they? I don’t know. Electrical impulses stored in the 84 billion neurons that light up in the brain? But to actually see, directly, empirically, not conceptually, that thoughts are images is the beginning of a shift in consciousness. It is the doorway to freedom from the burden of an imagined self.

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Drawing by Ida Stiler-Gordon (Age 7)

We hear from meditation teachers, from down through the ages to the present day, that bliss, love, happiness, and peace are all waiting for us through the experience of meditation and awakening. Of course, something in us yearns for that experience, especially when we look at our own daily lives, replete with an abiding dissatisfaction and disharmony within ourselves…in our relationships, in our livelihood, and, with the world in general. We look back on so many regrets and mistakes, hurtful things said and done. It doesn’t take too much meditative experience to begin to see all of that stored away in memory, like old photo books up in the attic. That stuff may have happened years ago (or maybe yesterday), but it’s amazing how alive the thought/feelings from even the long past can seem. We think we are those memories. They appear to form our identity and our character. This is true of all human beings, and it has been true throughout human history. I would submit that the power of thought to promote an illusion of a separate self is the root cause of human conflict and suffering.

This morning in meditation, the mind was quiet and open, and one could observe the threads of thought as they arose, like spirits wanting life. What was most compelling was how, if the thoughts were not touched, they became transparent and simply vanished in thin air. This observation reveals that thoughts aren’t real. What are they? I don’t know. Electrical impulses stored in the 84 billion neurons that light up in the brain? But to actually see, directly, empirically, not conceptually, that thoughts are images is the beginning of a shift in consciousness. It is the doorway to freedom from the burden of an imagined self.

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Maybe this has happened to you. You sit down in the morning to meditate, tuning inward, and trading the news on your phone for the news of your inner self, your silent self. And as the flower of aware presence blossoms within and without, and the mind becomes spacious and still, there is a concurrent small voice saying, ‘wait a minute, you can’t do that – you have things to do, places to go’.

It is a fascinating aspect of the art of aware presence that the mind will do anything in its power to maintain its imagined providence in consciousness. There is a lot to be learned from observing the mechanism of thought, and its reluctance to give ground to simple presence.

One invaluable realization is that thought, in and of itself, is not a problem until it is identified with. In the light of awareness, it can be seen that thought is essentially made of air. That is, thought is empty until we identify with it and personalize it.

That’s where the problems begin because thought is a wanting machine. It never stops wanting, and it drags us along with it, body and soul. Why? Is it because thought, which is image-based, is an incomplete picture of reality? But something in us yearns for completion, right? Are we not all familiar, to some degree or another, with an ever-present, subtle (or not-so-subtle) feeling of lack? Even if we get what we think we want, isn’t there always, to some degree, wanting more? Some of us, of course, are never satisfied. We are addicted to one thing or another- relationship, drugs, sex, even addicted to thinking,- in an endless quest for satisfaction and a reinforcement of the image of a personal self.

The truth is, there’s only one thing that really, truly, deeply satisfies; that is the recognition of who and what we are beyond thought. It is so ultimately simple. There is literally nothing to it. And because there is nothing to it, thought wants nothing to do with it. But, little by little, or maybe all at once, as we begin to wake up, thought begins to lose its grip on our sense of identity; the beauty and freedom of our natural state of no-self becomes more and more available and informs our life, our relationships, and actions with a naturally occurring intelligence and compassion. It is a supreme irony to discover, in a lifetime of wanting, that the end of wanting is the gateway to a love for all and everything.

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Maybe this has happened to you. You sit down in the morning to meditate, tuning inward, and trading the news on your phone for the news of your inner self, your silent self. And as the flower of aware presence blossoms within and without, and the mind becomes spacious and still, there is a concurrent small voice saying, ‘wait a minute, you can’t do that – you have things to do, places to go’.

It is a fascinating aspect of the art of aware presence that the mind will do anything in its power to maintain its imagined providence in consciousness. There is a lot to be learned from observing the mechanism of thought, and its reluctance to give ground to simple presence.

One invaluable realization is that thought, in and of itself, is not a problem until it is identified with. In the light of awareness, it can be seen that thought is essentially made of air. That is, thought is empty until we identify with it and personalize it.

That’s where the problems begin because thought is a wanting machine. It never stops wanting, and it drags us along with it, body and soul. Why? Is it because thought, which is image-based, is an incomplete picture of reality? But something in us yearns for completion, right? Are we not all familiar, to some degree or another, with an ever-present, subtle (or not-so-subtle) feeling of lack? Even if we get what we think we want, isn’t there always, to some degree, wanting more? Some of us, of course, are never satisfied. We are addicted to one thing or another- relationship, drugs, sex, even addicted to thinking,- in an endless quest for satisfaction and a reinforcement of the image of a personal self.

The truth is, there’s only one thing that really, truly, deeply satisfies; that is the recognition of who and what we are beyond thought. It is so ultimately simple. There is literally nothing to it. And because there is nothing to it, thought wants nothing to do with it. But, little by little, or maybe all at once, as we begin to wake up, thought begins to lose its grip on our sense of identity; the beauty and freedom of our natural state of no-self becomes more and more available and informs our life, our relationships, and actions with a naturally occurring intelligence and compassion. It is a supreme irony to discover, in a lifetime of wanting, that the end of wanting is the gateway to a love for all and everything.

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Your friends, the crows,

Are, as usual,

Punctuating the early morning silence

With their conversation of croaks and caws-

Some close by

And others deeper in the woods,

Echoing.

At first there is a gaggle of a half dozen,

But one by one

They move on until there is one lone cackle

And eventually that one departs,

Leaving the woods are quiet

Until the Robin steps in

…

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Your friends, the crows,

Are, as usual,

Punctuating the early morning silence

With their conversation of croaks and caws-

Some close by

And others deeper in the woods,

Echoing.

At first there is a gaggle of a half dozen,

But one by one

They move on until there is one lone cackle

And eventually that one departs,

Leaving the woods quiet

Until the Robin steps in

threading the dawn

With its happy song

And from the no self

that holds the world

Arises a thank you

For this new day.

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When I die and crossover to the other side, I will find myself driving my 1986 Ford Ranger, 235 V-6, on the back roads of Maine with the windows down on a July afternoon with the sun and shadows stretching across new-mown meadows and cows standing in groups and I will inhale deeply the perfume of manure and hay. Pink and white cumulus clouds will be towering like giants over the fields and hills, and daylilies and Queen Anne’s Lace will line both sides of the road up and down and around every corner. There will be old, falling-down barns and trim, well-kept farmhouses, and I will wonder about the lives lived there for generations; the parents and grandparents grown old and passed on to the other side long ago. I will be constantly amazed at the beauty of life, the beauty of death, and the beauty of the world. And I will be happy. And the road will go on forever.

-Lincolnville, ME 7/21/26

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When I die and crossover to the other side, I will find myself driving my 1986 Ford Ranger, 235 V-6, on the back roads of Maine with the windows down on a July afternoon with the sun and shadows stretching across new-mown meadows and cows standing in groups and I will inhale deeply the perfume of manure and hay. Pink and white cumulus clouds will be towering like giants over the fields and hills, and daylilies and Queen Anne’s Lace will line both sides of the road up and down and around every corner. There will be old, falling-down barns and trim, well-kept farmhouses, and I will wonder about the lives lived there for generations; the parents and grandparents grown old and passed on to the other side long ago. I will be constantly amazed at the beauty of life, the beauty of death, and the beauty of the world. And I will be happy. And the road will go on forever.

-Lincolnville, ME 7/21/26

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Zero,

Nothing,

Empty me.

As big as the sky

As small as a flea.

Kissing happiness as it flies

Resting in eternal sunrise.

-with a tip of the hat to old William Blake.

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Zero,,

Nothing,

Empty me.

As big as the sky

As small as a flea.

Kissing happiness as it flies

Resting in eternal sunrise.

-with a tip of the hat to old William Blake.

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Leave a comment