is all thee carrying

dead is thy lip, yet

not thee complaining

harder have thee lived

slower thee are dying

allow thyself to live

cage is burnt down

now find a new hive

there is another town

joy is joy there, where

grief hath got no care

ادھورے سے الفاظ لے کر

میں لوٹ آیا میں لوٹ آیا

"سب جیسے ہو" یہ سُن کر

ہاں سب جیسا ہی بن کر

میں لوٹ آیا میں لوٹ آیا

اُنکی خوشی کو جان کر

خدا کو محافظ مان کر

میں لوٹ آیا میں لوٹ آیا

Everyone running here and there – quite a chaotic moment.

Lyla: Come on guys we don’t have the whole fucking day. Where’s Aarid? I told him to find some victims.

Dyoudra: Aarid is on the way, but he can’t find any victims.

Lyla: What? What do you mean he can’t? Tell him that we don’t pay him to hear fucking ‘no.’ I know nothing! If he’s unable to find a resilient one, then fabricate some. And what the hell are you still doing here? Go and check the camera.

Dyoudra: Relax, girly. I am rolling it. Don’t worry, I know you’re gonna kill it!

Lyla: You have no idea, Dyoudii, how stressed I am about this podcast…

Aarid: Here I am.

Lyla: Oh great, another one of nature’s mistakes is here. May I ask you the cause of this inconvenience, Sir?

Aarid: Sorry na, baddie… don’t be so sarcastic. Otherwise I am leaving.

Lyla: Oh, Dyoudrii, can you hear the cracking sound? You know what it is? It’s the poor, fragile male ego breaking… Aww, innochentt Aalid ij anglyy… sholliii

Dyoudra: Lyla, my bossy bitch! Don’t waste your energy on him. You have to beat and bolt the ass of Mario Mois, the fucking misogynist.

Aarid: By the way, I couldn’t find any victims, but I have convinced my cousin and a neighbour aunty. They’ll do it.

Lyla: By God! Today, you’ve actually washed some stains of stinky patriarchy. I just got his message; he’ll be here in 10 minutes.

Falkus: Mois has arrived.

Lyla: He’s here? Okay, everyone take your positions. Falkus, I’m coming, you take him to the makeup room.

Falkus: Alright.

Dyoudra: I’m rolling.

Aarid: Sound checking.

The makeup room—filled with all exorbitant cosmetics and covered in a powdery and lipsticky aroma.

Lyla: Welcome, Mr. Mario Mois. How’s the ride?

Mois: Thank you for inviting me, Dear Lyla. The ride was bad enough to take me here... (haha)

Lyla: Oh man, you’re always so funny. A... the room is about to be set up for the podcast, till then, let’s walk around.

Mois: If you insist so...

Walking around the studio garden — sunflowers and dandelions are there, a couple of doves and a single pigeon flying.

Lyla: So, how is it going?

Mois: Life!?

Lyla: You haven’t changed a bit...

Mois: Oh really...!?

Lyla: I’m leaving the town soon...

Mois: Yeah, I mean... there’s nothing for you and your career. Yes, you should.

Lyla: How fast time passes...

Mois: It passes!?

Lyla: See, I bought new boots...

Mois: Nice as always.

Aarid: Lylaaaa, we are alll set...(shouting)

Lyla: Coming. A... Mois the podcast is live.

Mois: Yes, I know.

Inside the studio: Lyla, Mois, Jaseen, and Rabbaat sitting on a roundtable. Dyoudra standing behind the camera. Aarid operating the computer.

Lyla: Good morning, my viewers. Today’s podcast is not just about gender roles, but it is about how men have tortured feminine nature. We are joined by the two survivors of the unruly patriarchal society – Jaseen and Rabbaat, we also have with us Mr. Mario Mois. We assure Jaseen and Rabbaat that their voices and cries will be heard by millions of people out there and justice would be the primary part of their resilient life.

Jaseen: I don’t know how to begin...

Lyla: Just say it out loud. We are with you. Tell the world what toxic men have done to you. No need to be afraid of these sick minded sons!

Jaseen: Thanks Lyla for supporting me. It was really hard to live with a toxic man. I was just 17 when my parents forced me to marry against my choice. I wanted to pursue higher education, yet no one was there to listen to me. He was my cousin on my mother’s side. But nature had its own plans; my father fell ill and a week later–it was God’s call...

Lyla: Sorry to hear that... But see, how God helped you. That event must have delayed the forced marriage.

Jaseen: Yes, it did. Somehow time passed. Mom did let me pursue my career. I opted for Information Technology, and everything was running smoothly—neither marriage burden nor any other tensions. There, I met a guy, who was just like the one from my dream... He was just perfect until I came closer to him. He was toxic as hell. He always wanted me to wear fully covered dresses, he used to think that my dress shouldn’t be revealing...

Lyla: Yeah, I can relate to this classic toxic mentality of every second man. They fucking want us to cover our bodies as they want. Sick men.

Jaseen: Not just dressing, he even tried to control my routes. Like he forbade me to travel alone. And... And he even forced me to remove my pictures and videos from social media. Once I loved him, later became afraid of him. Our relationship was reduced to duty alone, where I had to obey him.

Lyla: Queen, you’ve fought devil. You are a real hero. Then, what happened...

Jaseen: Then... Then came the worst and painful phase of my life. He said, “It is not working anymore, we should break up.” His words not only depressed me, but also showed me how cruel this world is... I mean I did whatever he wanted; I deleted my pictures, videos, social apps, I avoided travelling alone, I wore modest dresses–and yet I got to hear that...

Lyla: Come here... give me a hug...

Jaseen: I tried everything to make him stay, yet he was so stubborn. So, I decided that if he was leaving me, I would get engaged with that cousin. During that time, I texted my cousin... you know what he replied?

Lyla: A hurtful note...

Jaseen: Yes... He said, “my standards are high now, go and die with your ex. Years ago you rejected me, it’s my turn now.”

Lyla: I knew it... dirty man dying for revenge.

Jaseen: These are few of the events from my life... my only question is: Why don’t men think about our choices? Why didn’t my father ask me my choice? Why my boyfriend didn’t ask me if I like restrictions? Why couldn’t my cousin understand me?

Lyla: Your questions are really valid girl. My strong girl. You should ask these questions loudly, brave knight. Since any of those are not here who did wrong to you, we are asking these questions from Mr. Mario Mois. For he’s also part of the patriarchy and is male-ego-driven. Mr. Mois, will you answer us, please?

Mois: A... Thank you, Lyla, for giving me a chance to speak... First of all, Jaseen, I heard your deep cry and all my sympathies are with you.

Jaseen: Thanks...

Mois: If you don’t mind, may I ask you a simple question!?

Jaseen: Sure.

Mois: Your main aim was your education. Am I right!?

Jaseen: Yes.

Mois: And it was the only reason to say no to the marriage...

Jaseen: No no... Mr. Mois, it wasn’t the only reason...

Lyla: You must have had forgotten, it was the only reason my innocent fairy...

Jaseen: No Lyla, I won’t lie. I didn’t like him then. That’s why I said no.

Mois: Alright, another question from my side is: If you felt that your boyfriend was wrong about restrictions, did you ask him the reason!?

Jaseen: He said that all he wanted was my protection.

Mois: Okay, now my last question, why you think he broke up and why you returned back to your cousin?

Jaseen: I... I don’t know...

Mois: Really!? Really you don’t know!?

Lyla: Mr. Mois, don’t do your tricks here. Don’t force her to answer you. It’s her choice whether to answer or not!

Mois: Am I forcing!?

Lyla: Yes!

Jaseen: Nooo, what are you doing to me, Mario? Are you trying to make me realize? (Dropping a tear)

Mois: ...

Lyla: See, as I said you are part of patriarchy. You made her cry!!

Jaseen: He broke up because he said I was not seemingly happy. He said, “Jaseen, your smile feels pretentious, I think my influence on your life has marked deep sadness. I cannot see you this dead. I want you to live your life the way you want. Our choices are a bit different that’s why it’s disappointing both of us.”

Lyla: Queen, you don’t have to answer against your choice...

Jaseen: And you asked me why I returned to my cousin. I returned because he was the only option left then. He was well-established by then. Do you think it is wrong to think about comfort and promising future?

Mois: No. It is really good...

Rabbaat: How can you love any man? You are my daughter’s age, but I pray, “May my daughter never ever get in contact with men.”

Jaseen: Sorry? What…

Lyla: Yes, Ms. Rabbaat, please… We all wanna know what barbarians have done to you!

Rabbaat: He was my teacher – religious teacher. He had a son of my age; we used to take lessons from him together. He was like a brother to me, but I was not a sister to him.

Lyla: I think you are trying to say they forced your engagement with someone you considered a brother?

Rabbaat: Listen, daughter, you don’t play your media games while I am speaking!

Lyla: No, I just… just am trying to tell your story more clearly to the audience.

Rabbaat: I am telling them. What was I saying?

Jaseen: You were telling us: a religious teacher, his son of your age, and you.

Rabbaat: A… Yes, I was merely a teen, when he touched me for the first time. I was reading my lesson when he came closer to me and… And rested his hand on my shoulder. I got frightened, my entire body began to tremble with fear, and I was sweating a lot. I remember how my dignity was being violated.

Jaseen: Didn’t you try to stop him?

Lyla: Are these maniac men stoppable, Jaseen?

Rabbaat: I remained silent that evening. As soon as I reached home, I told my mother about him. She stood and slapped me.

Lyla: What?

Rabbaat: She believed that I was making excuses in order not to go for lessons. She also warned me that if I keep telling that story, my father would kill me…

Mois: And it is where humanity dies…

Rabbaat: That continued for three years until one day, I told everything to Ayam. I used to trust him more than anyone; he was more than a brother to me. But… no doubt he was his son. After hearing my cries, he said nothing, held my hand, and dragged me into a room and… Laughed. I cried, I shouted, I banged my head against the door, yet no one heard me. I fainted there… moments later, as soon as I regained consciousness, I found my scarf on the ground and beside it was my shalwar. The door was open, but I had no courage to step out. Because I-I… was no more. The Rabbaat was no more by then…

Jaseen: How are you still alive…

Mois: I can feel…

Rabbaat: Oh no, you cannot feel…

Lyla: Alright, guys! The room is getting cold and dark; we are taking a short break.

Inside the Studio – off the camera: everyone looks serious. Aarid and Dyoudra have left their positions.

Lyla: Rabbaat. Jaseen, get yourself some fresh air.

Mois: Am I free to go, now!?

Lyla: I’m not in the mood, Mois! Please give me a moment!

Mois: As you wish. I’ll be near the garden, call me when you start your… whatever it is.

Aarid: Baddie! Baddie! Oh Bossy Lyla, you are rocking! 2 million people are watching this podcast live! It’s a big achievement for us guys!!!

Dyoudra: Hey queen, see! I told yah! You really killing it!

Lyla: Shut the fuck up! Aarid, put those 2 million in your…

Dyoudra: Babe?? What happened?

Aarid: What have I done now?

Lyla: What have you done! Seriously? How dumb a person would be to call you for work!

Aarid: Enough is enough, Lyla. Either tell me directly or I am leaving…

Lyla: Enough? Haven’t you told your neighbour not to raise their voice when I’m speaking! And what the hell are they doing? I mean yes, their stories seem quite true and sad, but tell them not to stretch too much! And tell them not to disapprove me at all!

Dyoudra: Yes, Aarid. Here I am with Lyla.

Aarid: When aren’t you, Dyoudra? And listen Lyla, those are not their stories. They are sharing their true past experiences with us.

Lyla: ...

Dyoudra: Aarid, behave!

Lyla: I need a break, don’t follow me.

Mois resting on the grass. Lyla has just arrived and sits beside him.

Mois: You look upset...

Lyla: ...

Mois: Everything okay!?

Lyla: Nothing, it’s just... just leave it.

Mois: Leave it...

Lyla: By the way, did you pay a visit to their new house?

Mois: Don’t you know that I only go to places where I’m invited or sent for!

Lyla: But they are your parents... It’s your father’s house...

Mois: So, when are you leaving the town...!?

Lyla: When will you return to me?

Mois: Once gone is gone forever.

Lyla: I’m tired of all this... Please hear my inner voice, my silent cry...

Mois: Tired of all this!? But you wanted it all!

Lyla: Not anymore. I want everything back that I’ve lost... I was happy! We were happy together creating art.

Mois: We!? Are you sure!? We!?

Lyla: Mois, it was a mistake!

Mois: You said, “I don’t want to be like you.” You count it as mistake!?

Lyla: Okay, it was a sin... Can’t you forgive me?

Mois: I’ve forgiven and forgotten...

Aarid: Lylaaaa, Lylaaaa (shouting from the studio)

Mois: He’s calling you...

Lyla: I know.

Aarid: Lylaaaa...

Lyla: I can’t hear you. Come over here!!

Aarid: She has left!

Lyla: Who?

Aarid: Rabbaat has left the podcast!

Lyla: What? How the fuck can she leave halfway!

Aarid: Her daughter is in the hospital... But you have to answer the viewers! They are waiting.

Mois: Is podcast more important than someone’s daughter!?

Aarid: You please keep your...

Lyla: Aarid! He’s our guest.

Aarid: Lyla, will you please come and handle the situation?

Lyla: Mois, I need you here... the viewers trust your voice... Can you help me tell them that we’ll be coming live next week?

Mois: ...

Inside the studio: Lyla and Mois facing camera. Dyoudra standing behind camera. Aarid operating computer.

Lyla: Guys, take a deep breath. We have bad news... And I-I... I am not in a state to tell you. So, I am requesting Mr. Mois to tell you... (dropping a tear)

Mois: We don’t know what has happened. All we know is that Mrs. Rabbaat’s daughter is in the hospital, please pray for her. We’ll be back live next week. Untill then, we ask you to pray for her. Thank you.

Outside the studio.

Lyla: Thank you for saving me today.

Mois: ... (smiles)

Aarid: Sorry man for the tone, but you know I was really worried! I’ve spent and invested a lot of time in this podcast... But you just saved us in the very last moment! You know; once trust is broken, it never comes with the same certainty! Now, our viewers have more trust...

Mois: Good to hear that. A... Aarid, can you make a phone call to Rabbaat and ask her...!?

Aarid: Not gonna call, I’m leaving for the hospital right now, but before that, I’m inviting you to our engagement.

Mois: Our!?

Aarid: Yes, Lyla and I are getting...

Mois: Oh yeah, Lyla told me about that.

Aarid: Yes. I’m going to the hospital. Bye love, bye Mr. Mois.

Mois: Congrats Lyla...

Lyla: ...

Mois: I think I should go now. Bye.

Lyla: Can I ask you one last question...?

Mois: Won’t you ask it anyway if I say no!?

Lyla: How can you move on so fast?

Mois: Look at me, still in the same pair of shoes... and you got new expensive boots...

Lyla: ...

Mois: Bye.

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                                                                You loved me
                                                                   I love you
                                                               You forgot me
                                                                I forgive you

May be he is a teacher… Okay finally, I am in his pocket — it is a proud moment for a pen like me to be in the front pocket than displayed in a shop. The old guy is wearing nice perfume. He has started walking. I think we are approaching his vehicle.

Oh… so the old man has also purchased a collection of books. Thanks God, it is chilled in here; otherwise I would have melted outside. Earthquake! Earthquake! It is gone now… But what is that!? Why my head get twitched!? I see. The old man has got a phone call, he is talking to someone, and he is asking that if they need anything else from market. The call has ended.

Wait, he is making a call to someone. Let me see the name. I cannot see, he is holding it near to his chin — Oh… he just lowered it, I can read it now. It is “lovely2”. What that even means!? It is a new kind of name I guess. The one from other side is not picking up his phone call; he is putting it back with me.

We have reached, I think, his home. He has keys, we are entering… Why is he walking back to the vehicle!? Oh yes, he has forgotten books, we are entering again. Someone is shouting — no someone is calling — No-no, asking. Yes, someone is asking him if he has bought the books? It sounds like a feminine voice, I can see her only if he turns my head.

She wanted a pen too, but he says that he has forgotten it. I am in your pocket old man; give me to her, hey old man. She is asking him why he does not just give her this pen, she means–me. He has agreed, now I see, she is his daughter. She is taking me somewhere, holding me tighter with this book collection.

I dislike this smell of glued books; finally she has separated me. I am in a pen jar now — I think it is on a table. I can see her room clearly. She is leaving the room. When will she come back and help me fulfill my destiny!? She is coming I think, no, that is a boy. He is coming here, his hand is approaching me, and he has taken me.

His hand is wet, must be in a hurry. Oh he is uncapping me, I am going to meet it finally — Finally, I am going to meet my destiny. He has a piece of paper, he must be here to note down some information. I cannot wait to see the colour that my creator has filled me with. The girl is shouting at him to put her pen down. She is grabbing me from his hand. Again, I am in the jar.

Hours have passed since I am in here. She is asleep now and the room is shining dim golden lights around the wall and her bed. The pictures and pieces of art around the room give the vibes of a young lively and enthusiastic girl.

I am getting a tantrum from this tik-tik of clock. She is turning her sides, she is awake. What is she doing — why has she picked up her phone!? She is typing I guess. She is making a call, she feels angry the way she has thrown her phone. She has left the bed and she is coming here. Oh, why is she picking me up at this time of quiet night!? She must have some ideas to note down. I am in her hand, she is turning on the table lamp, she has a diary, and she is uncapping me.

No way, it is happening — let’s see what would be my colour, my first word. MY NIB IS ON THE PAPER. I can feel it. So, the first word is… Wait a minute, my ink is not coming out, hey girl, try a bit harder — I have not been used for a long time. I am not useless, do not say that please. No, please do not cap me again, I want to write, girl… please. Try again, please. Give me another chance. She has capped me and has put me in her bag. She has left the zip opened, behind me there is–a lipstick!? Who keeps lipstick with books!

Earthquake again, someone must have taken the bag. A hand is approaching, what I am here, the pen is here, what you are looking for. The hand is taking out the lipstick. Haha, the hand has thrown it back. Once more, the bag is being displaced. The same hand is here, it must be looking for lipstick… It is taking me, it is taking me.

By God, now I am going to do my best. I am out of the bag, she is the same girl, but the location is different, this looks like a classroom. She is talking to a guy who is asking her about some psychology. She is saying that she would help him and for now she is making a short list for him. Okay… So my first word would start with that list. I am in her hand, uncapped, tightly held, ready to embrace my purpose.

She has started writing, my ink is black. My nib is on the paper — once again, she drags me straight downward, now she turns me and pulls me to the right. The first letter is “L”. She continues to write and… Oh, great! My first word is “Love”. My first sentence from the list is, “Love will find Sabat again.” Destiny Fulfilled.

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When your one hand holds my head

And the other scratches my back

I will to die I want to die

When your forehead meets my lips

When no more space between our ribs

And I draw all of your hair clips

I will to die I want to die

When I feel your skin on mine

When you sneak here so fine

And ask not–for–hug but six-nine

I will to die I want to die

When your feet rest on my feet

When your heart syncs my heartbeat

And the room gets filled with our heat

I will to die I want to die

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Where I was you–

You were me

Where is the beach!?

Where you came–

And did reach

When is the year!?

You promised me–

A ring without fear

When is the month!?

You said you would–

Come, hold my hand

When is the day!?

You said you might–

Spend with me a night

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Have a sip. Have a sip

Before bird flies

Go catch it. Go catch it

Alone chair is there

Come fill it. Come fill it.

Make my tea a bit sweet

Have a sip. Have a sip.

Bird holds my soul

Go Catch it. Go Catch it.

Wall needs paintings

Come fill it. Come fill it.

Cause I've caused you pain pain pain

Can't we be strangers again!?

You can cry, but I am a man

You know no evil, any in me

But am bringing up evil insane

You are the art that gives birth to artist

But am the art of demolished man

Can't we be strangers again!?

I hate your eyes having pain pain pain

With the fall of summer, with the change in leaves’ colour, with the fall of temperature, with the skin changing into pale colour, Mother Nature was blowing the wind that sang,

“It is autumn coming, it is autumn coming…

The autumn that changes everything

The autumn that makes trees leave down their leaves

It is autumn coming, it is autumn coming…

The autumn that boils up confused motions

The autumn that cools down complex emotions

It is autumn coming, it is autumn coming…”

Just like every Monday, the world was busy working hard to earn its meal. Everyone was in a rush and in a hurry — everyone but Simi. Simi, with her buckled leather bag on her shoulder, was walking along the path; her not-so-fancy shoes were drawing an image of a muddy struggle, and her messy plaits were telling the story of an unbathed girl. She was already late for her classes, but no one cared… Though the university was near her residence, she had never been there on time. As she reached the class, she asked for permission, “May I…”

“Come in, Simi,” said the teacher.

The classroom was full, yet she managed to find herself some space. A girl who was already sitting left the bench as she saw Simi coming. Nothing was new to her — she was ‘used to’ it, and she had no complex about it anymore. After two continuous lectures, every pupil left to have some rest, but Simi remained in the class — just like every day. She did not even go to eat some snacks. Somehow, the day passed. She followed the same path back home. Simi reached the door, grabbed the keys, opened the door, entered, and heard her mother.

How was your day, daughter?

…

Simi, what happened?

…

Can’t you hear me, Simi?

I don’t want to.

Why…? Just tell me what’s wrong now?

What is right, Ma!?

Listen, Simi! I really wanted to talk but the client is on the way. So, I have to get myself ready. Last thing — the lunch is ready. Just serve yourself. Bye…

…

Simi remained silent and still for quite a long time. Holding her numb attitude, she looked at her room, walked in, sat down, undressed her diary, uncapped the pen, and let herself sweat onto the paper. She kept writing until her stomach cried for a piece of bread. Simi left her diary half-closed. She found that the lunch had become stale, but the hungry mind had no other choice at the moment, so she ate it anyway. Suddenly, after eating, Simi felt the need for sleep — without wasting a minute, she jumped into her bed. The hands of the clock had passed four hours, and the day had ended three hours ago. Simi got up and went to the washroom, after a few minutes, the door was knocked hard. Simi came out of the washroom and angrily shouted, “Who the hell is drilling in the door!” then she reached out and opened the it.

Oh Ma it’s you! You just have promised to never let me have some peace in life!! Why didn’t you just bring your keys!?

Simi, what the filthy thing took you fifteen minutes to open the door?

Why don’t you understand that a person can be in the middle of poop!?

Simi, Behave!!

Oh… so, now a whore will teach me!?

…

After hearing Simi, Rabbaat suppressed her words and went into her room and locked the door. Simi left home and started walking all the way long to nowhere… The night was silent yet devastating — one side, Rabbaat was avoiding eye contact with Simi, on the other side, Simi was running from her reality. In the unending night, Simi whispered,

This dead quiet night

Makes the breath heavy

Dying eyes, dying soul

Makes the breath heavy

Hungry stomach, pale lips

Makes the breath heavy

What not a broken heart

Makes the breath heavy

After walking the whole night, her steps stopped at the doorway. Simi — without drawing any melodrama, knocked at the door. Rabbaat opened it, looked at Simi, and let her step in without uttering a single word. Neither she asked anything, nor did Simi ask for apology. Again, the same routine started.

I cannot say them wrong – because I am aware about their reasons.

I cannot judge their cruelty – for I know their emotional instability.

I cannot label them lair – for I consciously see them trying hard to protect relationship.

I cannot call them manipulative – because I can smell their traumatic past.

I cannot fight them back – because I know how little they are inside.

I cannot tell them truth either – for their are too weak to digest it.

Only. I can bear them…

So,

Consciousness is Curse.

May her prayers come true

May I die a thirsty death

May she find her peace

May I die a current through

May that happen so soon

May I cry for a little boon

May God help My bird

May my bird learn to fly soon

May she break the cage

May I die at a young age

May she get all she wants

Freedom. Freedom and a stage

May I ruin my rune

May you find me dead above a dune

May she win. May she win.

I May cry less, but soon.

Now, you must be wondering what I am pointing at and what I am trying to say. Let me make it crystal clear that I’m pointing at your Life & Peace. You don’t have noticed and may never notice that you are your demon – no one else. YOU.

After reading this, you should ask me why and how am I claiming such a big allegation. Ok so, I am answering the unquestioned question – read me carefully. To understand this deeply we must understand something important:

What is life!?

Life, if we analyse biologically, is a self-sustaining, complex chemical system that utilizes energy to maintain internal order (homeostasis), grow, reproduce, and evolve. And philosophically, life is either meaningless or meaningful. But for me, life is time, a moment, and life is how you treat it. Life is life no matter what. It is not meaningless – meaning is lifeless. Life is what we care for the most, and sometimes, it is what we do not give a fu*k about. Life’s value, care, and carelessness keep changing depending on circumstances and our surroundings. That’s a bit about life.

Second thing that we have to understand is:

What Do We Want in Life!?

Simple answer: Peace. Yes, all we want in life is peace. No matter if you are sad, no matter if you are angry, happy, tired, stopped, or whatever – all you want is peace, even if you say, “I want nothing”. Peace is the core meaning of life. Now, I am quite sure that some would come with an argument that not everyone wants peace. My answer to them is that we are not talking about ordinary peace – that silent, no-movement, resting, soothing, or comforting peace. We are talking about the peace that comes after satisfaction. The peace that comes when there’s no more conflict within us. The peace that does not ask for any more struggle or fight.

Ok, next thing is:

What Is Peace Actually!?

Peace is not just a moment of silence, but it is the fulfillment of satisfaction. Every curiosity, every war, every conflict, every argument, every religion, every philosophy, and also you are after peace. Interestingly, peace has been given certain names in accordance with context. Some of them are:

• Knowledge

• Success

• Power

• Love

1. Knowledge: Every human being is curious, it is our universal trait. To satisfy our curiosity, we all run after data, seek information, and dive into depths of knowledge. Why do we do that? We do, because we want to satisfy ourselves, our curiosity, and to maintain inner peace.

2. Success: An absolute wish of every cognitive mind is to be successful and achieve success. Every kind of success that comes with materialistic rewards (money, gifts, trophies, academic achievements), or intrinsic rewards (internal satisfaction, growth, pride, sense of purpose) – actually serves for peace. For everyone, success has a different definition, but for everyone, success serves peace.

3. Power: Achieving or gaining power is a form of success. Power can be both internal and external. Power is basically control – control over oneself or others. The purpose behind controlling is to gain psychological, physical, social, or behavioral peace. Power can be destructive but in the end, it is also a way of seeking and getting peace.

4. Love: It is a bit harder to define, yet we’ll define it anyway. Whenever we are asked, “What is Love?” We all have different answers. However, one thing that remains common is: we all define love as relieving, calm, and peaceful. Even though some call it hurtful, painful, devastating, and vanishing, yet at the end we find even that ‘pain’ peaceful. Even after knowing the fact that love is a destroyer and it asks for sacrifice, we step into it – just for the sake of satisfaction. That satisfaction is peace.

Before going further, did you notice something!? All the above four are endless chases. Humans’ hunger for knowledge, perseverance for success, greed for power, and seeking of love are never-ending loops. Now, we do know three things very apparently:

1. Life is life no matter what.

2. All we want in life is peace.

3. Peace is the fulfillment of satisfaction. We all pursue that satisfaction through KSPL (knowledge, success, power, and love).

Who Is Your Demon!?

You are your demon. What is the point of this all and what demon am I talking about!? By “demon,” I mean the one who vanishes your peace and does not let you sleep at night. You are the destroyer of your peace and tranquility. When you, after a long, busy, and working day, try to sleep – suddenly a thought, an old guilt, a memory, an unfulfilled duty, a goal, or a revengeful feeling pops up in your head keeping you awake the whole night. You think that your peace is gone because someone, some sort of situation, or some unwanted events happened. And you count all of those mishaps as consequences of others’ actions. But the truth is that your peace is dead because of your reactions. No one has the power to turn you unhinged. You let everyone, every second dog & bitch hunt your peace down. You give importance to those who really don’t deserve that from your side. When you begin to devalue your worth and value what others say about you, how they think about you, you attempt to harm your peace.

Even the KSPL turns into psychological war, social conflict, internal collapse, and spiritual loss. You begin to run for knowledge as competition when you look at others. Your success feels less when you compare yourself to others. Lastly, when you sacrifice your self-respect in the name of love – You’re your demon.

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In the dark-blue transitional sky, two ravens flew back toward their roost. One carried prey to eat and the other had a dark story. Zarub the Raven asked Tazub the Raven what story she had brought. Tazub replied, “A spicy story is flying all over the sky.” Tazub asked Zarub what she had caught. Zarub answered proudly, “Three mice and a snake.” Both began to eat and speak. Zarub could not wait any longer, so she asked Tazub to tell her the story.

Tazub began with a cunning laugh, “It is a story of Murru the Great Horned Owl. The winter has formed a small colony of owls, which they call a ‘winter gathering’. But this time an owl from higher skies has come among them. Everyone has only heard of his dives and hunts; until today, no one had ever seen him.” Zarub replied angrily, “From any flight, this does not sound like a spicy story.” Tazub felt disappointed.

Tazub uttered no word and she flew away. Zarub did not even attempt to stop her. It was fatally risky for a raven to fly at night, for many apex raptors used to hunt down ravens, and Great Horned Owls were one of them. The broken wanderer Tazub, did not know that she had entered the territory of owls. She saw there was an owl teaching younger owls how to hunt, how to rise high into the sky, and how to glide in silent flight. It was Murru the Great Horned Owl.

Tazub remained quiet, perfectly still, hidden behind a tree, and kept watching them. Suddenly a leaf fell onto her feather. She had a jump scare; she jerked her wings making branches rustle loudly. Every owl heard that and all their eyes were on the tree, waiting for prey to come out. But a raven being a raven – awfully intelligent. She made no movement. After a few cold winds, the owls turned their wings back to their roosts. Tazub saw an opportunity, spread her wings, and flew back to Zarub.

When she arrived, she found Zarub was gossiping about her with another raven. Tazub got furious and shouted, “Zarub! What are you doing?” Zarub gave her no answer and ignored her just like she never existed. Tazub waited impatiently for her. Showing no care, Zarub continued talking to another raven. Finally, the third raven left their roost. Only then did Zarub come to Tazub. She tried to make her understand that she was discussing a new hunting location. Though Tazub knew that Zarub had never truly been hers, the poor Tazub forgot her self-respect and smiled. Zarub did not even ask where she had been all that time.

The two, once again, began to gossip. Zarub then requested Tazub to tell her the story, because she heard about that story from the third raven as well. Both ravens had no clue that they were being watched by Murru. When every owl returned to roost, Murru did not. He followed Tazub, for his silent flight, she could not hear him. Tazub gathered that same energy to deliver the story.

Tazub: When I left our roost, you know where I entered?

Zarub: Where?

Tazub: I was in owls’ territory!

Zarub: No way…

Tazub: Yes. I was there, and I saw him.

Zarub: Who?

Tazub: The Great Horned Owl – Murru.

Zarub: That means, he is not merely a myth.

Tazub: No. He is not.

Zarub: Is that all that you saw?

Tazub: No, there’s a lot that I saw. You know he was directing young owls.

Zarub: Oh really? He must be a tough man. I also heard that he requested his elders to send guide-leaves to younger owls, so that they can act upon them.

Tazub: Yes, they were reading some leaves and he was directing them. I never knew that they perform their ancestral plays and rituals.

Zarub: I have heard legends only, because they rarely form colonies and live together. They are solitary birds.

Tazub: haha

Zarub: Why are you laughing?

Tazub: Nothing, I just remembered how he was telling a story to young birds and acting that way. He was no less than a joker. HAHA

Murru was listening to them calmly. He was looking at Tazub and noticing that how much effort she was putting in just to make Zarub happy, whereas Zarub was looking at her like a joke talking about a joker. Murru felt sympathetic for her. If he wanted, he could have preyed on both ravens, but he chose dignity. As he spread his wings for flight, he heard Tazub talking about owls’ ritual.

Tazub: Zarub, they are predators for a reason. And he! He is the barbarian! He was so mad about his play and ritual that he wanted a female owl to cut her feathers and get bald.

Zarub: Bald? Why?

Tazub: Yes, bald! He believed that ritual should be performed the way it is meant to be performed. Believe me Zarub, when I heard him saying this, my cheeks and wings were burning as hell. It was the moment, my devilish heart said, ‘don’t wait, and punch him in the face’. How cruel and harsh a predator can be!”

Murru lost his patience and revealed himself. Both ravens got frightened and tried to fly, but he shouted calmly, “don’t even try.” Zarub tried to fool him with her intelligence and asked, “We’ve heard so much about your morality, and your rule of not hunting females down.” But she remembered her intelligence only and forgot about Murru’s wisdom and wit – common in Great Horned Owls. Murru did not even give her a glance. His deadly living eyes were staring at Tazub and Tazub only. Tazub, out of dying fear, asked him, “What else do you want, if you are not here for food?” Murru stood still, not breaking his posture, staring in her eyes. Zarub sensed that he had nothing to do with her, she quietly flew away. Murru knew that she went off, then he spoke his first word, “why!?”

Tazub: Wh-what? What why?

Murru: Did I hurt you!?

Tazub: What are you talking about?

Murru: Didn’t I let you go from my territory!?

Tazub: Na-No. You didn’t. My intelligence saved me.

Murru: I could have hunted you down and you cannot deny this fact that I am faster than you.

Tazub: What do you want?

Murru: Answer.

Tazub: What answer? What’s the question?

Murru: Why!? Why you demeaned my art, my ritual, my ancestral play!? Just WHY!?

Tazub: …

Murru: I don’t need your silence, neither do I want your answer anymore. Because, what answer can I expect from a raven lying to herself!? A raven who keeps running for a connection that she knows is devaluing her self-respect. Where is your friend now!? Where is she for whom you mocked me just to see her laugh… I am feeling sorry for you. You know what!? I don’t need to prey on you, for you are already prey to your own crisis. I can only pray for you.

Tazub: … Am I… Am I that bad?

The dawn threw the first ray of sunlight. Murru smiled sadly, gave her no answer, and flew to higher skies.

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May she die on a thorn-bed

’tis better than to be betrayed.

She loves lies – her promises,

her words may not be mistrusted.

May she keep forming situations,

may no one catch her red-handed.

I pray for her peace! And her deceptive pleas

may she never FALL ASLEEP with a heavy head.

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Art: It’s easy to say, "You are mine" but hard is to say, "I am all yours". Why can’t you move on…?

Artist: I am confessing to be all yours. Please, do not leave me midway. I will change myself.

Art: It’s not about change anymore, we just can’t be together. We can never be one.

Artist: But why!?

Art: You are poet. I’m your poetry. You created me, you are creator and I’m your creation.

Artist: So what!? Cannot a creator love his creation!?

Art: I’m not even real. I exist in your mind only.

Artist: Nope-no! You do not exist in my head! You dwell inside my heart… I am nothing without you.

Art: You are in love with an illusion, an imagination, and delusion all at once.

Artist: I am aware of this all but I want to be unaware. So, do not draw any veil between reality and ideality.

Art: You are my creator. We are two different aspects but interconnected, we can't be together, but also can't leave each other.

Artist: If you understand my pain, why are you leaving me then!?

Art: You are fire. I'm smoke. You keep burning yourself to make me, but I'll always fly away. I can’t see you burning.

Artist: I love doing this. If I stop burning, I would explode.

Art: Yet, we can’t be one.

Artist: We are one! Why are you saying that we cannot be!?

Art: You’d never say, “I belong to this poem.” You’d always be stating, “This poem is mine.”

Artist: You are my identity. I am yours. Please, do not leave me.

Art: Am I leaving you or have you stopped burning with that intensity?

Artist: …

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1. What is time!?

2. Is there any free will!?

3. Is there anything original or just imitation!?

Above are the fundamental questions, queries, and curiosities that every intellectual carries. And I believe that their answers are deeply interconnected. Let’s jump into the discussion without wasting words.

What is time?

We have many definitions about time, some say, “time is the measured or measurable period.” And some say, “An ongoing and continuous sequence of events that occur in succession.” And some say, “Time is the progression of events from the past to the present into the future.” We have many aspects about time, but we all have missed one, that is, time affects everyone equally.

According to Physics and Einstein’s Theory of General Relativity, time is not constant. It also talks about various factors such as:

1. Objects moving at the speed closer to the speed of light would age slower.

2. Gravitational force’s effect on time. They describe and measure THE TIME with a human made clock (how funny!). They say in space clocks run slower. Clock, GPS or Equations which are made of metals, signals, and human minds that can be affected by the nature of the environment and surroundings.

3. Psychological factors. It is something not directly connected with physics yet it holds its significance since time is a kind of phenomenon. So, time also varies depending on feelings, moods, emotions, and mental states of an individual.

Now, it’s my turn. According to me, time is constant. I say, “We all are stuck in one direction – it is time that comes in our opposite direction.” Time is constant, but the objects, gravitational forces, and psychological factors are not constant.

1. It is an object or person that moves faster and experiences time slower. Suppose Mir travels from location A to B in ten-minutes and Haami travels the same distance in twenty-minutes. It is not time affecting them or behaving differently for both, it is their strength that varies.

2. For the gravitational force thing, I really don’t have an answer because they are measuring something immeasurable with tools that can be affected by surroundings. And how they are even able to measure time without knowing its beginning and it end. Time has no limits.

3. Finally, psychological factors. I think it is the most easily understandable factor here that the effect of time varies because of human perceptions and emotion. See, it differs because moods, feelings, and emotions differ.

Now let me wear my armor because the battle is going to be harder now. Time is not relative, it is absolute. Understand this with analogy of seasons and weather. If it is winter, it is winter for all yet for some it is bearable and for some it is deadly. It depends on their strength, lifestyle, and health. If one is wearing heavy fur and leather jackets, while the other is standing shirtless – winter is the same for both but experience is different because of their own factors and capabilities. Similarly, time remains the same; it is an object that moves faster, it is a person who is emotional. Time is absolute for all, for every tree, every flower, every river, every human, and every force, it is constant.

Is there any Free Will?

Before beginning the topic, I have a question: do we really need to discuss this!? So, the very simple answer is: YES. From birth to death, we are forced to take and make decisions, choices, and actions. Now, the debate is whether those actions and choices are ours or predetermined.

The answer that I came up with is, “There is Half Free Will. No complete freedom of choice but partial freedom of decisions.” As I told you before that we all are stuck in one direction – it is time that comes in our opposite direction. That time brings us multiple choices, multiple ideas, and various paths, and then it is up to us what we decide to choose and what choice we take. The decision to take any choice, idea, or path is totally ours, but those choices are predetermined. The interesting thing here is that you cannot go without making any decision – if anyone argues that they stop doing anything and choosing anything, it is actually their choice of not doing anything.

This is not that simple bro… Every choice has thousands of choices after it. Let me simplify it:

Is Everything/Art Imitation?

Now the final question is here. Whether there is anything original or everything is just imitation. To find the answer, we have to look at both of the above conclusions.

1. We all are stuck in one direction – It is time that comes in our opposite direction.

2. Time brings us multiple choices, ideas, and paths, and then it is up to us what we decide to choose and what choice we take.

So, time brings multiple ideas and choices but we cannot take all, we take some while the rest are gone (not vanished). Those ideas and choices keep floating in time and travel to other individuals. And we have seen throughout history, many people claiming that this or that idea first came to their mind but they couldn’t work with it or apply it due to lack of efficiency or opportunities. This is a kind of “simultaneous invention” or “multiple discovery” phenomenon.

• Multiple Discovery: is the phenomenon where two or more scientists/inventors independently create the same thing (technology or theory) nearly at the same time or era, without knowledge of each other’s work.

Example of Multiple Discovery:

1. Theory of Evolution: Both Charles Darwin and Alfred Russel Wallace independently developed the idea of evolution by natural selection in the 19th century. When Wallace sent his paper to Darwin in 1858, Darwin realized that Wallace had arrived at a theory very similar to his own.

2. Calculus: The mathematical field of calculus was independently developed by Isaac Newton and Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz in the late 17th century.

3. Oxygen Discovery: Oxygen was discovered independently by Joseph Priestley and Carl Wilhelm Scheele around the same period.

Now, one thing is clear that all those ideas coming towards us are sent by nature through time (or time itself is beyond nature). And nature is the finest imitator. So, originality is not just a myth for humans, it is a myth for Biology as well. Nature is not inventing a new wheel for every creature – it is using the same (blueprints) and just adjusting the scale. All creatures have almost the same functioning organs, and imitated traits.

If we talk about ART, it is well defined now; ART comes (gets birth) from thought, instinct, impulse, or raw expressions. Those ideas or thoughts come with time. Just like Half Free Will, the originality is just myth. I tried hard to think of something exceptionally new and different that no one has ever thought. I tried hard, harder, and the hardest, but I could not come up with something original. Either everything is already expressed/discovered or it exists but in a different form.

After trying so hard, I got one new idea (at least for me) that is: Just like a light bulb that brings light at night or dark places, why is there no “Dark Bulb” that brings darkness in day or bright places. Like we have a thing that can bring light, why there is no anything that can bring darkness within limited premises. Well, let this thought be alone, because I am awkwardly sure that there must be something that would resemble my idea.

Okay! So, the moment is here, connect all the conclusions:

Time brings ideas, we decide what to choose, what to leave. The left ideas travel and roam to others, they work on it, sometimes more than two individuals, that is how imitation takes place. If not like that, nature itself is imitating continuously.

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You are told, if not told – subconsciously taught, shown, and projected that sharp Jawline, facial symmetry, smooth skin, height, and many more things will decide if you are beautiful. Otherwise, you have no right to live peacefully until you work on these.

So, think again – do you need others validation, attention, or acceptance for your looks!?

Emotional Manipulators (Psychological Players)

So! Previously, we talked about Instrumental Manipulators after-Money and after-Sex. We skipped the Instrumental Manipulators after-power, after-status, after-control, and after-resource on purpose. Why I skipped that!? — Short answer: I skipped because I wanted to! My Writing, My Choice…

If you haven’t read part one go and check here

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Who & What are Emotional Manipulators?

As you were told before, these are the most dangerous, indirect, and sometimes unconscious manipulators. (I may be wrong; this is just my personal approach and observation). Their primary goal is internal regulation. They do not manipulate you for material rewards, but for their own emotional balance. Their tools are: guilt, fear, love, and sympathy. One thing I should clarify again, they are not always AWARE of their manipulation.

What do they want from you?

Nothing… They want nothing from you — all they want is peace and emotional balance FROM THEMSELVES through you. You are just a way, a path, and a bearer for their attachment needs, validation, love needs, and admiration. The ill-mentalizing part is when the manipulation becomes their feed — they would literally die, if not praised once a day…

The most recognized patterns of Emotional Manipulators:

1. The Innocent Play: Even if they are not, they begin to act innocently in front of you if they feel (even unconsciously) that YOUR closeness, admiration, or attachment can make them feel special and validate them. They depict themselves as naïve, unaware of the world, and don’t know what can harm them. They wait and watch what kind of innocent act you like the most, so they can just continue that and gain your attention first.

2. The “I am all alone” Play: Once they successfully get your attention, they MAKE you see a world made by them where they are alone — no one is there for them — they want friends but no one is willing to be their friend — they are weak and so onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
Obviously! Just like YOU! Any human with a softer heart would try to befriend that kind, and innocent person (who is actually an Emotional Manipulator).

3. The “Cussing the Fate” Play: When you finally become their friend, they start what they have been waiting for — Emotional outburst! They were holding lava inside them and they were waiting to pour it on someone who does not to leave theme. They cuss their fate and simultaneously manipulate you to stay by saying, “I know my cursed fate, you will leave me too just like others, no one stays with me, it is written, it is my destiny, it is pre-decided…” And this goes on until you feel it as your duty to prove their fate wrong. You foolishly begin to fight with their fate that isn’t even real!!! That’s how you are trapped in their “not to leave” game.

4. The Victim Play: Succeeding the “Cussing the Fate” play, manipulators move their chess-Queen!!! THE VICTIM CARD. Now, they want your empathy, your total attention, your mood, your laughter, your grief, and overall control over your emotions!!! Once they had no friends, they were alone, later, out of nowhere their friends summoned — they hurt them — but you are different from them — others make them cry — you make them feel happy… this is what you get to hear in this pattern!!! And the fu*king hell is when you start to realize that something is wrong and you should step back — and suddenly at that time the effect of (The “Cussing the Fate” Play) works; YOU WOULD FEEL GUILT!!! CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE TRAPPED.

5. The Continuous Cycle of Play: When they have fully read and understood you & your moods, they have a complete NOTEBOOK about How to control YOU! They do not have to put much anymore effort to control you — they have mastered to make you attached. However, after a certain period you would feel discomfort and distorted — you would feel that something is wrong and you are unable to understand WHAT & WHY is something wrong! You may try to run from that relation, and as soon as they realize this, they would jump to the next PLAY.

6. The Cry Play: They start to beg, cry, and question, “Why are you leaving me? What have I done? Why you leaving me?” Unfortunately, even you won’t have answers to these questions because you are dying and don’t know the disease — so the cure (detachment) feels unnecessary at this point. But they have accepted that you are gone, and now they start to find another target side-by-side holding your hand too. They fight, they cry, they retain, and stop you — almost sit on knees and beg until they find elsewhere to outburst.

7. The “Deserving” Play: Alright, so we are here — if you are until here, this means that you are recognizing these patterns… If yes! I AM QUITE SURE that you would not just recognize this pattern but also relate. The deserving play, basically, is all about two aspects:

I. “You deserve better. I know, I have made mistakes but you held my hand so tightly and neither left me nor made me leave you. You really deserve better…”

The question is why they are stating this? Answer: because they have found other target. They have absorbed all of your moods, emotions, and have chewed all of your innocence, leaving you numb. You now have no idea what to express, how to grow, where to fit… Because when you were busy fulfilling THEIR emotional needs, the world continued to grow, unlike you ‘STOPPED’.

II. The second pattern comes, when you give them a scar instead of falling in their “you deserve better” trap. It hurts their ego, and they feel defeat. In order to win, they turn the table and say, “You know what? You don’t deserve me. My friends were always right about you, you are mean — You were always a cheater — I was blind even everything was before my eyes — You were never able to afford me… YOU ARE NOT LEAVING ME, I AM LEAVING YOU.”

It is what kills you and shakes your world that the person, who was crying a moment ago for you, is now demeaning you!!!

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How not to get manipulated:

I know you would feel that it is very difficult to not get manipulated by Emotional Manipulators, and you are right it is almost impossible, but there are certain ways to not get manipulated.

1. Do not fall for innocence too quickly, it can be a pretense. If you feel someone is too kind — try to find if they are kind to everyone every time or just in front of you. (Not all kind people are manipulative.)

2. If anyone, ANYONE states that they are all alone… Dear readers, IT IS A COMPLETE LIE. Yeah there must be their opposing parties (humans) or those who deny or oppose them every time which makes them feel all alone.

3. If you face a person cussing the fate, do look at their talk unbiased (try to figure that who is the one to leave everyone — the manipulator or friends). If you look closely at their stories that why everyone left them, at one point you’ll understand who is actually the problematic. You would find after a scar that THEY ARE THE ONE WHO CREATES THE SITUATION TO BE LEFT ALONE.

4. Never, I said never ever get trapped in the victim card. When they play this victim card, you just give them reality check, and tell them that at what point they are wrong — they will quickly start to cry if you do give them facts. And also don’t get down by those tears.

5. Lastly, if you feel too trapped and unable to find the way — just mirror them… I know it feels like tricking the trick master but it is what they have left…

The page is too narrow and the topic is ocean wide… There are thousands of manipulations and hundred ways to not get manipulated — I just covered simple ones.

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The “How Not to Get Manipulated!!! Part#02” was originally published on Medium.

What is Manipulation?

In today’s world — full of digital connections, interactions, and fractions, almost everything has been changed and constantly changing. However, one thing has never changed — the Psychology of gains. Every day, every hour, every minute everyman is after something OR someone. No matter if they claim to be ascetics (they are after peace and discipline), devotees (after a blessed hand), and common men (after mundane world) — they are all after SOMETHING. In order to achieve that THING, their methods, tricks, and strategies do vary — and one of those strategies is MANIPULATION.

I know it is the most basic knowledge that every mature individual has either learned or acquired. So, now we have enough knowledge about manipulation, yet we don’t have any idea how dangerous they (manipulators) can be. I am not here to call out what’s manipulation, of course, we have been hearing the term for decades, but there are very few to tell us HOW NOT TO GET MANIPULATED.
(I am not a psychology student, but I also believe that it is not necessarily important to be a psychology student to understand the BEHAVIOURS that I have been experiencing since birth).

Who are Manipulators?

There are two most common types of manipulators:

1. Instrumental (Goal-oriented) Manipulators: These are very direct and their manipulation is sometimes visible. They are after money, sex, power, status, control, and resources. They are very conscious of what they are doing, and have no guilt inside, but they show it externally .

2. Emotional (Psychological-Need) Manipulators: These are the most dangerous, indirect, and sometimes unconsciously manipulative. They are after attachment, admiration, emotional control, and validation. To be honest, I — personally do have sympathy for them, because they sometimes manipulate themselves without even noticing. They have fragile emotional balance, even a slightly harsh tone can shake them. However, their retaliation is also much harsher!!!

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How Not to Get Manipulated:

A. Instrumental: When they are after money, they usually befriend you suddenly (if by any chance you are beneficial to them). So, whenever someone comes closer to you out of nowhere, ask yourself, “AM I beneficial for them?” They use two methods.

1- They show that they are well-settled, they are not in need of money — they have successfully drawn their image in your mind as well-settled. One day they suddenly fall and still they don’t ask you for money — they wait until you by yourself help them and if you do not! They finally ask you for it, and somehow you are unable to say (NO), just because they have successfully manipulated your idea of them. And at some point they act as your (NO) is affecting the friendship — remember! It was never a friendship, it was just a primary-gain achieving method. (Sometimes, before the fall, they do give you gifts or other things, so as later you feel guilt while saying (NO).

The way to not get trapped in this: Tell them that you are also out of money — you were about to ask them for it — make them wait, wait, and wait, finally they’ll accept their failure. Lastly, DO NOT CARE FOR THEIR FRIENDSHIP.

2- The second, and most common method used by these Instrumental Manipulators is, they come with a financially-challenged image. They, whether true or not, portray themselves in front of you as — although they need money, but they have dignified independence. They make your mind feel, “I should help them without even letting them know. They are hardworking and blah blah blah.” The real game starts when you do not help them, their silence finally breaks — they start to talk shit about you in the circle. And when you ask them, they would just deny even in front of that same circle. After a few days, they even attempt to threaten you indirectly, your fear gets birth, and you become unable to understand where this fear is coming from!

The way to dodge them: Never let them come too closer — if by any mistake they are closer, do never show them your financial stability. Since they are very clingy, they can harm you — the best way is to give them a very little amount and run away from that friendship. NOTE: The term FRIENdSHIP here is interchangeable with (PARTNERS/GF/BF)

B. Instrumental: OKAY!!! So, this gets interesting when they are lustful and after sex. No matter what gender, both can be highly desperate when manipulation comes to this. The first thing they use is their charm, personality, and skillful communication. They often mark you as a target, get in touch with you, get to know about your favorite colors, fragrances, and other everyday things. Later, they dress the way you like, wear scents that you admire, and make you feel special. After that, they analyze your style, type, and behavior. If by any chance you expressed yourself before them, then they would have complete information about your desires. With that information, they play Behavioral-play. What is it!? — It is the most tactful way of changing behavior according to your desires, if you like playful and jolly — they act playful, if you like nerd type — they pretend to be nerd, and if you love bad boy/girl or baddie type — they change their behavior that way. Finally, after getting really closer to you — first they would make you feel that YOU NEED PHYSICAL ATTACHMENT — YOU!!! And unfortunately, you get trapped… They slowly start with soft touches, accessible body, hands, arms, soft hugs, then finally shoulders, neck, behind ears, and back…

NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY!!! You are not weak anytime. If EVER you feel heavy/sad/down, do never go for physical support of someone who you think was always waiting for this. If you feel they are coming close and retaining it simultaneously just to play UNLUSTFUL role, they are actually making you hug them and get fu*ked. (SHE can also fu*ck HE!)

Wait a while for part#02 (Emotional Manipulators)

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The “How not to get manipulated, Listen up Ladies!” was originally published on Medium.

Bang bang! “Op-op-open the door. Azmar, open the door!” panted Sprinsa, dragging herself to the doorstep, bearing harshly wounded senses. Her hands were death-cold after shivering for so long; the heavy rain had drenched her so hard. The flickering light, at the mid night, was drawing an eerie and tensed up atmosphere. Then the door creaked open — dim yellow light spilling out as someone looked out…

He was Azmar, he found no one was standing at the door. So, he stepped out to see if someone was there but stumbled into something, when he looked down he saw a lady — almost dead and quiet. He leaned down to check the lady. The lady was Sprinsa, she was all wet, fainted, cold, and helpless. Azmar looked at her and silently cradled her in his arms, showing no sign of perplexed emotions, and it was feeling like it used to happen so often — nothing’s new vibes were there…

Azmar, holding her in his arms, took her to the bedroom and gently dismounted her to the bed. Looking into Sprinsa’s half opened eyes; he took off her glasses, swiped away her tresses touching her wet cheeks, and walked out of the room steadily.

Azmar called his maid, “Raani, please change her dress and check if she needs something.”

Rani replied, “Master, but we don’t have any ladies’ dress in this home other than mine…”

“Give her yours” said Azmar and went upstairs, he sat on a wicker chair looking for the moon in the sky, but the moon was behind veils — veils by stormy clouds which were never going to give a chance for the glimpse! But Azmar did wait as always…

Night passed — day came, clouds left but sun showed. Azmar was sitting at the backyard, having a cup of smokey tea, listening to Mozart, feeling the breeze, hiding some past time pains, and bearing pretentious smile.

“Sorry! I have become a problem for you, a traumatic present for you, an unwanted event for you, I am so tired of all this…” cried Sprinsa, raining down a tear.

As Azmar witnessed her tear, he stood up and swept away her tear with softer touch and replied, “Sprinsa, I know you are having stiffened hours of your life and you are combating so hard, living with a dead hope, but please — Please don’t consider yourself a problem for me. I am always here for you. But who was after you this time?”

Sprinsa — with lower tone, said, “Jane… Again she was after me asking the same question.”

“What question?” asked Azmar.

Sprinsa answered, “Jane asks me every time — Why me…!?”

“But why is Jane after you every time with same question?” inquired Azmar. However, analyzing Sprinsa’s facial expressions he changed his words, “Sprinsa you had been student of psychology — you have good knowledge of it, you can cope up with schizophrenia, I am with you.”

Sprinsa looked down and said, “Azmar, I cannot bear this anymore… I am unable to retain this a moment more, I-I-I have to tell you something…”

“What… What you have to say?” asked Azmar.

Sprinsa moved her hand forward and hold Azmar’s hand, he looked at her and surprisingly asked, “you still have this ring.” Sprinsa ignoring his question and said, “hold my hand and listen to me looking into my eyes, help me face myself…”

“Alright! I’m listening to you” said Azmar with curious expressions.

“I mum-mu-murdered her…”

“What? Sprinsa, What are you talking about?”

“I murdered her murdered her murdered her!!!” shouted Sprinsa, confronting the fact that Azmar was too naive to understand what she said.

“What murder? Whose murder? What are you talking about? I think you need some rest Sprinsa!” fumbled Azmar, he was all blank.

Sprinsa fiercely shouted, “no-no-no! Not this time Azmar, I’m not going to stop myself from expressing and you have to listen to me anyway, don’t do give me excuses this time don’t! just listen to me! I murdered Jane and that’s the final fact and my confession.”

Speechless Azmar just uttered a word, “but Jane did attempt suicide…”

“Yes! Yes she attempted suicide, but it was I who manipulated her and I instilled those thoughts of suicide into her” confessed Sprinsa.

“Why… Why her?” asked Azmar.

“Because I… I never liked her presence around you Azmar — never! You were all mine and just mine, why she jumped between us, why?” cried Sprinsa holding no guilt in her eyes.

“It is easy to say ‘you are mine’, hard is to say ‘I am all yours’ — You always knew that our love was unconditional and Jane was just a friend…,” reminded Azmar.

Sprinsa denied and said, “No it’s not that true Azmar — not that true. Jane was always after you, she liked you and you did give her so much pace which pinched me in heart.”

“So you just killed an innocent…? Just to get what you yearned for. Now it’s too absolute and obvious that you are dealing with Karma, you tortured her mentally and now nature is torturing you…” said Azmar and left her hand, “don’t follow me and never knock at my door again.”

That was the last time Sprinsa was ever seen there. After that no one knows where she is… Whether she is dead or living like a dead.

The story “Cursed Rain - An unsolved mystery” was originally published on Medium.