Entry no.3.

I like the Moomin characters, but I’m not quite as obsessed with them as most people I know in Finland. However these tiny weeny versions of the ubiquitous Moomin Arabia mugs that are a staple in every Finnish household (my fiancé is Finnish by the way, in case you’re new here) have been on my radar for a while because they are incredibly cute. “What would I possibly use it for, though?”, I found myself asking, toying with the idea of buying one since my first time visiting Finland. Well, it turns out, they are actually quite practical indeed! I watched a TikTok the other week that blew my mind, where they showed that these mini mugs are actually a tablespoon measure. Who knew?! They are also the same capacity as the plastic scoop we use for our daily Moccamaster coffee. So naturally, I bought the pink one and have been using it everyday for my Finnish coffee ritual (coffee all day coffee all night, gallons of it). Scooping the coffee grounds in this teeny tiny Moomin vessel brings me such a hit of joy every single time I do it. I think this is what they call “whimsy”!

I’ve been feeling quite uninspired by my snacking lately - I have to admit I sometimes find the supermarkets in Finland to be a bit tricky for my tastes. I think the problem is that I’m so used to the incredible choice of foodie things in the UK, and Malta has so much variety too - a real mix of British favourites alongside Italian and other European brands. You can find a surprising amount for such a small island! Nordic supermarkets feel quite limited in comparison. The quality of the ingredients and produce is really good though, which I definitely appreciate! I took myself to the shop after having a scroll through socials for some inspo, and picked up a lovely variety of things to satisfy my cravings whilst adding some nutritional benefits too. It cost me a pretty penny, but it felt like money well spent once it came together later that evening for this gorgeous colourful snack plate, which hit all the right spots. In fact, I think I’ll recreate it this evening in front of the Love is Blind UK Reunion episode which drops in 15 minutes.

I’ve been romanticising my writing and this Substack by floating around the apartment in my beautiful lace robe and feeling very inspired. I feel I am brimming with ideas, and the cooler days and darker nights feel fitting for a new autumn ritual of typing, and lots of tea. Settling in season is upon us.

It’s starting to really feel like early autumn in Helsinki, and I am trying to make the most of the milder weather before it gets far too cold for me to stick around. I have really found a love for late afternoon walks recently, and embracing the lighter days before the dark nights draw in. The colours and light are really beautiful at the moment! As I have been recovering from surgery, I haven’t been able to do much exercise, so walking and trying to keep as active as possible has kept me feeling energised instead. I find myself feeling quite restless if I don’t get that walk in.

My sister and I call these types of dinners “English mummy” dinners. Why? Because they’re reminiscent of our childhood, when our very lovely English mummy would have a good rotation of meals like this. Classic, easy, comforting, slightly beige, and very nostalgic. Bonus points if you eat it on a tray or on your lap in front of the tv. Sometimes you just need your mummy. I miss mine a lot since she passed away in 2022, and this little easy supper made me feel a little closer to her, and gave the hit of cosiness that I was really craving. I ate 3 fish fingers before I took the pic!

What’s made life more pleasurable for you this week? Let me know, I’d love to hear from you.

I’ll see you next week,

Emily ✍🏼🌸💗

If you’ve caught up on my first issue of the recovery diaries, you’ll know I’ve just posted my incision photos from week 2 post-op. Consider this your little fast-track to where I am now.

I will continue to share my recovery diaries week by week with all the details and thoughts that come with them. But I wanted my paid subscribers to be able to skip ahead and have access to the most up-to-date, unfiltered photos.

Here are 27 photos, of weeks 3, 4 & 5 of my recovery from my extended arm lift, armpit lift & breast lift with Nordesthetics. They are clear photos showing the incisions and how they look from different angles.

Welcome to the inner circle. 💌

A little warning before we get into it: there are close-up photos of healing incisions and scars below, so please proceed with caution if that’s not your thing. ❤️‍🩹

Now that’s out of the way, let’s skip ahead…

Read more

I am currently recovering from my first round of plastic surgery to address the loose skin I was left with after losing 80 kg. I travelled to Lithuania for surgery with Nordesthetics, and had an extended arm lift, armpit lift, and breast lift.

A little word of caution before you scroll - incision photos ahead:

I wouldn’t describe the photos as particularly graphic or gruesome, but the incisions are still relatively fresh here, so they may be sensitive viewing for some readers.

One week after leaving Lithuania, where I’d had my first tape change with a surgeon and nurse at Nordesthetics, it was time. Time to fly solo and do my first tape change alone. I wouldn’t exactly say I was dreading it, but it was definitely bringing up some anxiety.

The tape change at the clinic was arguably one of the worst parts of the whole experience for me. It wasn’t painful, but it caused this strange, visceral reaction where I suddenly felt hot, flushed and slightly nauseous.

I’d experienced exactly the same thing when my compression leggings and bandages were removed for the first time after my lipedema surgery earlier this year. (More on that in posts to come.) Maybe it was something to do with the strangeness of seeing your body as something completely different and separate to yourself, a weird Frankenstein’s Monster kind of feeling - you know it’s your body, but the brain doesn’t somehow compute that it really is. Very strange and not something I was expecting until I was experiencing the moment first hand.

Anyway, doctor’s orders were that the tapes had to come off. I had to take everything off, clean, and re-tape all of my incisions. This was also only the second time I’d even properly seen my incisions, so I was definitely nervous about what I was going to find underneath. Would there have been any issues, infections, problem areas I was blissfully unaware of, secretly lurking underneath those tapes?

Since leaving Lithuania, I decided to really document this process properly. So every week, I film the tape change, a proper chatty update on how I’m feeling from week-to-week, and take a detailed photo log of my incisions so I can see exactly how they’re changing as they heal.

So, here is Week 1.

For full transparency, this also feels incredibly vulnerable for me to share to be honest - so rather than just putting it out there for just anyone to see, I’m going to keep this very intimate look at my progress just for my dedicated inner circle of subscribers, but it’s currently free to subscribe and access all of the detailed images below.

Overall, I felt pretty pleased with this week’s progress. There was obviously still a lot of swelling, and puckering - particularly along

I’ll keep adding to this diary every week so we can see how the scars, swelling and shape change. I’d like this Substack to be the place you can find a realistic, week-by-week understanding of what healing after surgery actually looks like. If you’d like to skip ahead, my paid subscribers currently have access to a full photo gallery of weeks 3,4, and 5 post-op, which you can access here. I’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this, if there’s anything you weren’t expecting, or if you have any questions or comments, please do leave them below.

See you for Week 2. 💌

Emily ✍🏼💗

Want to skip ahead?

I’ve just uploaded a Fast Track through weeks 3, 4 & 5 of my recovery for my paid subscribers - 27 photos showing how the incisions, scars and swelling have changed week by week 👇🏼

continue the recovery diary here

There is a very specific kind of madness that takes over when you’re packing for surgery. All of a sudden, very normal, everyday objects seem like they could hold some special medical necessity that you shouldn’t be without, and late-night trawling through patient groups on Facebook has you Googling “stick to help put socks on” at 2am.

Having now travelled to a few different places abroad for surgery, I feel I have a good understanding of exactly which things I was grateful to have with me, and what was actually completely unnecessary. Because take it from me - the one thing you really don’t want to do when travelling for surgery, is overpack. So, here’s what I would actually pack.

For context, this year alone I have had lower leg surgery for lipedema in Madrid, Spain, back in March, and I am currently recovering from an extended arm lift, armpit lift & breast lift which I had 5 weeks ago in Lithuania. I also had bariatric surgery in Malta back in 2024… but as I am Maltese and have lived there for most of my life, I don’t really consider that to be surgery “abroad”. For the purpose of this article, I’ll be focusing on my most recent upper body surgery, but a lot of the items will be relevant for different procedures too. Of course, your list will vary depending on what procedure you are having, as well as your clinic and surgeon’s instructions (Nordesthetics, where I had my recent surgery, for example, have great online resources to help you with preparation and packing), but hopefully this will be a good starting point.

The Essentials - the things I genuinely couldn’t have done without

A long phone charging cable

A “small” thing which has a huge impact. You won’t know where charging points are, or plug sockets, both at the clinic and your accommodation, and once you’ve got yourself settled into a position that doesn’t hurt, the last thing you want is to discover that your phone is dead and the short charging cable is holding you hostage. Get a ridiculously long one, and don’t forget to look up the sockets at your destination before travel, in case you need an adapter too. A bonus tip: pack a multi-socket extension lead which you can plug into one travel adapter for multiple devices at once.

A large water bottle with a straw

Drinking and staying hydrated is an important part of recovery, and one that can easily fall to the wayside when you’re feeling sore. Take along a nice bottle with a straw so you don’t have to lift or tip a bottle towards you when you need a drink - it sounds basic but you’d be surprised what a difference it makes when you’re sore and parched.

Easy shoes

A pair of “easy shoes” is so useful. My pair of choice were a pair of butter-yellow Crocs to which I added some cute, colourful, surgery-related Jibbitz which gave me a little smile every time I looked down. You don’t need to buy a new pair, but any shoes you can slip on without bending down to deal with laces etc will be very helpful. I would also recommend them being a little loose/not too restrictive, as you will probably experience some post-op swelling that might be in your legs and feet too, even if your surgery is unrelated to that area. Comfort is absolutely key. And that note leads me to the next point:

Loose clothes in a dark palette

Take the comfiest, loosest clothes you can. You will most likely be dealing with swelling, sutures, compression garments and the like, and the last thing you will want is anything adding to your post-op discomfort. I would recommend taking darker clothes too, since there may be some leaking of various bodily fluids from different places (sorry - the reality of surgery is actually not as glam as the results) and you won’t want your favourite white tee to get ruined. Soft, loose and oversized - especially for the travel day home. If your surgery involves your upper body then front-opening clothes are a great option so you can avoid raising your arms unnecessarily by pulling things over your head. I’d recommend keeping your wardrobe light with just a few items you can mix and match, and take a couple of pairs of pyjamas so you have something to wear whilst the other pair is being washed. Soft, oversized button-down pjs would be great for this.

Ipad/Iphone stand

Hopefully you will be enjoying some proper guilt-free Netflix time as you recover (hey, doctor’s orders, right?!) so you may need a stand to prop up your phone or ipad. The TVs at the hospital/clinic might not always have your favourite streaming service, so it’s always nice to have some guaranteed entertainment downloaded onto your own device too, just in case. You don’t want to be waking up uncomfortable at 3am, unable to fall back asleep, only to realise you don’t even have your favourite show to keep you company until morning painfully rolls around. You may want to video call friends and family back home too, so the stand will help give your weary arms some respite after surgery.

Hygiene bits - you’re going to feel grotty, so these things might help

Basic skincare

As a skincare fiend, I found it hard to narrow my routine down to just the essentials - but in hindsight I was very glad that I did. There were some days when simply washing my face felt like a marathon task, let alone toning and exfoliating after. So here are some bits I couldn’t have managed without, that made me feel a little more human in the thick of recovery:

• Micellar water & cotton pads when that was all I could manage for a cleanse. Being able to quickly clean my face from bed made me feel a lot better

• Hypochlorous acid face spray - game changer. It disinfects and keeps things bacteria-free. As someone who is prone to a breakout here and there, a spritz of this alone when I felt I needed it, kept breakouts at bay, and my mind at ease. There are tonnes of different brands selling this, it needn’t be the most expensive on the market, any will do

• Toner or hydrating toner mist - I used one of these when I didn’t have the capacity to use my hands much to rub in layers of toners or serums. I just gave everything a good spritz and it kept me hydrated and happy with a light layer of moisture on my skin

• Dry shampoo - I personally am not one who needs to wash their hair much, but if you do, then a dry shampoo will be super useful. I would also highly recommend trying to scope out a local salon for a quick wash and blow-dry - absolutely the best treat to help you feel less grotty post-op when showering and self-care are so difficult

• Lip balm - extra points for a minty one, something about that just makes me feel so much fresher. Your lips will be dry post-anaesthesia and post-op, so a little lick of moisture will make you feel really good

Forgo any complicated skin care devices or extra steps in your routine, masks or treatments - it’s pretty unlikely you will have the energy or the wherewithal to actually use any of these.

Hygiene essentials

I have found a flannel (or washcloth for my US readers) is always helpful to have, for multiple uses, you really never know when you might need it for a quick cleanup. I would also take a big pack of antibacterial wipes - these gave me some peace of mind when I couldn’t keep getting up to wash and dry my hands properly. With travel too, you want to keep everything nice and disinfected wherever possible. It’s nice to be able to give your phone and laptop/tablet a quick wipe down as well, after travelling, and being in a hospital environment.

Period supplies & puppy pads

Unfortunately there is something about surgery which seems to trigger my monthly visitor - for both of my surgeries this year I started my period earlier than expected and I was caught a bit off-guard. We all know we have our own preferences for period products, what works for us and what doesn’t, and I have found that it can be surprisingly difficult to get the brands I like when travelling. It depends where you are of course, but there is something comforting about knowing you’re covered with your old favourite brands of tampons or sanitary towels that don’t irritate your system and you know you can rely on. It might also be worth packing a couple of incontinence pads (or “puppy pads” as they are sometimes referred to) to line your bedding and/or the sofa at your accommodation. This is so you feel a bit more secure when bathroom trips might feel difficult and you can’t get there as quickly as you might need to, or get stuck in an unexpected medication-induced daytime nap and forget to change your tampon/pad. They’re helpful if you’re worried about any surgery incision leaks too. It just gives an extra layer of security.

Medication pouch

Well I do love a pouch - and found it super helpful having one to put all my medications in. Typically the clinics give you a sheet or a few blister-packs of tablets, and I found it great keeping them in a little dedicated pouch together, rather than scattered all around my room. Again it needn’t be fancy, even a reusable plastic ziploc baggie will do if it’s what you have to hand. Bonus tip - keep a running note on your phone as to what you have taken and when - this is super helpful when you’re feeling tired and sore, and the post-op days and nights roll into one another in a brain fog haze.

Home comforts - the random things that felt nice to have

Heat pad

I personally do not really like to go anywhere for long without my heat pad - it’s truly become an essential for me, particularly as someone who feels cold all the time (bariatric life, am I right?!). I think hospitals and recovery can sometimes feel really cold and clinical too, and having a little lovely patch of warmth to snuggle up to is just so soothing. It’s also great for aches and pains (just don’t put it directly on any recently operated areas). My heat pad is really light and easy to pack, so for a small item that doesn’t take up much luggage real estate, it really packs a valuable punch.

Neck pillow

You will often find that with recovery, you have to sleep in all kinds of awkward positions you may not be used to. For my most recent upper body surgery, I have to sleep propped-up and on my back - as a lifelong side-sleeper this has been quite the challenge! A basic neck-pillow like the ones used for air travel has been really helpful for a little extra support. It can also be helpful for when you’re chilling on the sofa too and feel you need a little bit more comfort in the neck area.

Teabags and treats

There is something about brewing a proper cuppa and having a “safe” snack to hand that inspires confidence when you’re feeling a little bit poorly. It’s hard to find a lot of your home comforts whilst out of the country, so be prepared for the unknown and take along a few staples. I’ve found that English breakfast teabags are often tricky, with most other European countries not stocking the tea brands we know and love like Tetley, PG Tips or Yorkshire Tea (apart from my little home island of Malta, who, as an ex-British colony, do English breakfast tea exceptionally well). You may also want to pack some basic snacks too - think digestive biscuits, cereal bars, cream crackers, instant porridge, rich tea biscuits and the like. Whatever your version of beige comfort food happens to be.

Tiger Balm or Vicks

I am Tiger Balm obsessed, and I rarely go anywhere without some form of it to hand, or a menthol Vicks-type inhaler - mostly ones I bought from Thailand, where they get the hype and have loads of different brands. These really help me with nausea and if I’m feeling at all “icky”, I just give them a sniff and almost immediately feel a major sense of relief. Tiger Balm is great for the same purpose, or to rub onto your forehead and/or neck if you’re feeling a bit headachy. Give it a try if you haven’t before, and see how it makes you feel.

One last thing…

Don’t forget… you don’t actually need to pack or prepare for every conceivable scenario. There is something reassuring about packing for surgery because it gives you some sense of control when the journey ahead brings up so much uncertainty. I can understand and relate to the temptation to pack and prep for absolutely everything, but looking back, the most important things really were the basics. Things that made the first few days easier, softer, and more comfortable, most of which were surprisingly ordinary. And remember - you can probably find most things once you get to your surgery destination. It’s nice to feel prepared, but rest and recovery are really the most important things you need post-op. Everything else is just kind of… nice to have.

If you have had surgery yourself and you think there’s something I’ve missed, leave it in the comments! I’d love to make this a really useful resource for anyone packing for the unknown and wondering where to start.

Happy packing, and best of luck for your journey ahead,

Emily 🧳 💌

Entry no.2.

As a self-proclaimed water bottle fanatic who’s recently been on a big mission to “clear out” in the name of minimalism (simply not in my nature, though, I have come to accept), I’ve really had to restrain myself from purchasing any water bottles or flasks or the like. However, the water bottle from The Ordinary has been living on my Instagram explore page since they launched it as a gift with purchase a while ago, so when it became available to buy as a standalone product recently, I practically launched it in my metaphorical basket without much torturous deliberation. It arrived in the post this week, and enjoying a crisp sip of iced water from its satisfying, matte-finish, heavy glass, was worth finding space for it on my overloaded kitchen shelf. The fact that it looks like a giant bottle of quenching, hydrating skincare just adds to the appeal - perhaps the only thing I like more than water bottles, is skincare.

I have touched on this briefly on my Substack - much more fully on my Instagram page and TikTok - but after having losing over 80kg over the last couple of years, I recently had an arm lift & breast lift. 4 weeks ago to be precise. More on this later - I have a lot to say but also don’t want this surgery to be my only defining factor here on Substack as I find my place on the platform. However, my Dopamine Diary wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the unimaginable JOY this process has brought me. I think you can see it quite clearly in this still from a video I filmed this week. Whilst the changes have been external, the peace and happiness this change has brought about feels like it’s seeping out from my soul through my pores. If you’ve ever followed me on any of my other platforms, you’ll know I have lived fully and joyfully in every expression of my physical, when I was bigger but also throughout my loose skin journey - but I’d be being disingenuous if I didn’t admit how simply magical this feels.

It was my fiancé’s birthday this week. He celebrated a big one last year so this year was a little more lowkey. One of the highlights for me was enjoying this delicious carrot cake at my favourite cafe on the Helsinki esplanade - one cake, two forks, and sitting in comfortable bliss with my lover. One year closer to 91.

I told you last week that I was very into my clean and bare nails. I was. This week I decided to try a basic gel polish manicure which took me right back to the early 2010s when Shellac manis had just started infiltrating the NW London high street salons I frequented regularly. Whilst a glossy red talon is still very much on my radar, this week I just didn’t feel up to sitting in the salon chair for the couple of hours it would take to get my nails to that. So, a simple, short, clean-girl soap-nail mani it was. I’ve been loving how chic this feels to me - although I think based on what I have seen online lately, the C-word has fatigued us all, and will be retired very shortly. So for this week let’s actually call them refined, effortless, and elegant.

The last fig on the shelf at the slightly bougie grocery I like to frequent for some speciality bits and bobs (usually, on a Sunday - but not necessarily). I just love the way it came nestled in a little white paper case, like nature’s petit four. Somehow it made it feel extra decadent and luxurious, and in case you haven’t figured it out by now… those moments are what I LIVE for.

On my fiancé’s birthday, the weather gods blessed us with a beautifully sunny day, quite uncharacteristic of this time of year in Finland (well, truth be told you just never know what you’re going to get at this time of year where it can go from boiling to Baltic in a matter of moments). So we enjoyed a special birthday brunch in the sunshine, with his favourite Finnish pastries which are served with egg butter (similar to egg mayo I suppose, but with butter instead). The dopamine hit for me though, comes from using all of my special things that I’ve acquired over the years. The tortoiseshell butter knife I picked up on a trip to Paris, Fabbri coupes from a pitstop in Bologna, Hotel Kämp plates I thrifted in Helsinki, napkin holders from my late Mum’s kitchen cupboard. Seeing all of these little bits and pieces altogether make me feel I am living life the right way - collecting precious daily items alongside beautiful rich memories, and sewing them into the tapestry of my own life. It really is that deep.

What’s made life more pleasurable for you this week? Let me know, I’d love to hear from you.

I’ll see you next week,

Emily ✍🏼🌸💗

No ranking. Just things I enjoyed.

I used my “viral” Space NK mini pouch for the first time. I filled it with some necessities, and some simply aesthetic things that made me smile to look at. My Thai inhaler, or yadom as it’s called, is never far from reach wherever I go. Nail & cuticle balm, Dior lip glow, and a packet of vintage matches fashioned to look like a mini pack of Silk Cut cigs. “Girls who cluster” - core.

Crisp, delicate, ice cold and opened fresh for my glass. Relatively low in sugar, and perfect for a chic afternoon aperitif. Served with some plump dark green olives which I have trained myself to savour, and honey-toasted almonds.

Evening fruit plates when I felt I needed a little vitamin boost. Extra vibes when it followed a hot shower, drenched in a nighttime spa oil blend, and wearing a black lace robe.

Walks, always walks, the fresh air feels amazing and sets off whatever excess indulgences my cravings may have led me to. I enjoy stumbling across cute things I’ve never seen before like this gorgeous little strawberry cafe that caught my heart and eye.

I bought an adorable buttercream coffee cup set when I was in Kaunas Old Town last month and have been using it all last week. The cups are absolutely tiny and completely impractical. However, the dopamine hit from this itsy-bitsy cup and saucer filled with hot, fresh filter coffee is enough to keep me going for a while. There’s something about completely bare nails at the moment that makes me feel unexpectedly chic and sensual. Clean, natural, totally effortless. I’ll be back to long tapered almond next week I think, but this has been a fun personality swap.

I saw a TikTok of 2 Swifties listening to The Fate of Ophelia for the first time and reacting to it, and it lit something up inside of me. It felt like it was the first time I’d ever heard the song, I was listening through their ears. I’ve been listening to it on repeat all week since, and it’s bringing me a hit of joy with each play.

What’s been your dopamine hit this week? I’d love to know.

I’ll see you next week,

Emily ✍🏼🌸💗