Lunch made, water bottle full and placed, backpack ready to go with a second bag full of his supplies for the year. He glances into the bag all excited to show off his new spider man indoor shoes that match his pencil case, lunch box and bookbag. Spider everything. Jimmy’s mother helps him to the bus stop and waits patiently as the yellow bus honks as it approaches. His mom crouches down to his level, setting the bag down and holding his shoulders. “Now Jimmy, I want you to have a good day and to behave. I cannot wait to hear all about it when you get home.” She brushes her nose against his and smiles then leans in for the biggest hug.

“You’ll be right here when I get home?” He asks as the bus stops beside them and opens the door.

“Of course, waiting to take your hand.” She stands tall again, handing him his second bag, as his bookbag is resting on his shoulders. He takes a deep breath and climbs the stairs onto the bus.

“Good morning Jimmy! Great to see you again this year.” The bus driver says enthusiastically.

“Good morning!” Jimmy returns and moves down the aisle to sit by the window and wave to his mother as they drive away.

~~~~~

The laughter in the classroom rolls as multiple students gush and joke as they become reacquainted. Jimmy focuses on finding his place and putting his supplies away. His nerves start to spike as he feels the energy around him vibrate with excitement. His muscles in his back tense as he places his pencil case into his cubby. “Jimmy!” Another kid runs over and goes to slap Jimmy’s shoulder. Jimmy flinches but never feels the hand makes contact. He relaxes as he looks at the kids’ face who drops his hand and continues to speak quickly, not even noting the lack of contact. The thought barely clicks as he becomes emersed into the conversation with a friend.

~~~~~

“I like you.” The 14-year-old girl says softly as she leans into Jimmy. His eyes widen slightly, surprised she feels the same. He thought he was about to be friend zoned and instead she states she likes him.

“I like you.” Jimmy states back a little to eagerly. The bell rings as several students run to class, but these two stay in place. Jimmy tilts his head, looking anywhere but her. His 14-year-old hormones go wild with this information as she moves closer and gently touches his arms, biting her lower lip. A girl actually likes him. His nerves spike more as he notices her lifting up onto her toes getting closer to his height. Jimmy takes the hint, puckering his lips. His first kiss, he couldn’t screw it up…wait. Why could he not kiss her. The thoughts rush through his head as his eyes snap open. He looks down at this girl as her lips approach. He leans in but he can’t, something is between them… but nothing is there. Jimmy panics, his nerves turning uncertain. She is going to think he rejected her… he can’t be there for that; he can’t explain to her that he has tried twice and cannot move any closer with his lips. His intentions. Quickly he turns and runs into the nearest classroom. Her only seeing the last bit of him hide away. The girl pouts and walks away feeling like a fool and Jimmy a jerk.

He jumps as the class erupts in laughter at him. He turns his head and sees several students looking and giggling at his red face full of embracement, since he walked into a class that was not his. It was the middle of the year he knew his classes by now. “Sorry Mrs. Anderson. Wrong class.” Jimmy says quickly and flees back into the hallway.

~~~~~

Jimmy lugs his mattress into his dorm, other students rushing by throughout the halls. Slowly getting himself settled. He’s excited to finally be at school, to finally be away from his family and be able to be himself. He enters his room, not having a hand to close his door, he concentrates the energy through his body and pushes the door closed never touching it physically. He had learned to use his talent for easy little tasks as such, versus it stopping him in his tracks or pushing things he wanted away. He had never mentioned it to anyone, and had only been questioned about it twice, but more of a weird situation than an accusatory. He had always acted like he had no idea what had happened and tried to play it off. Once he started to understand why and how, he was able to focus on his nervous energy and control it, to not to be pushed out into the world onto others or objects.

The world was an odd place for sure, and Jimmy just happened to be the oddest of them all. Never seen or heard of anything like such unless it was a superhero in a comic or movie. This wasn’t a movie; this wasn’t some fantasy… It was real life. How the hell did he get to be the one with this talent?

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3/3 The last 3 stories are more simple, but yet the theme continues of the creepiness, the unsure, especially the unusual. Brining suspicion, look a likes, and memory lapses. Just like the book says, Look again. Read slower, process and never trust the words on the page or the noises around you.

I honestly read this book in 2 days. I barely put it down. I don’t recommend doing so, but I do recommend this book completely if you are into something to keep you on your toes and make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

is a writer I will be looking for again, wanting to see what else she will write to share with the world. Follow her journey and read her books.

Don't look away

Keep my eyes within your soul

As we need each other

Need to breath and know and love

But here I stand for you to see

And understand the world that is exchanging the interface

I exhale for you to know

That you are not alone

Not facing what is happening

Without another presence in this world

This world is full of unsures

Unknowns

That don’t belong but have no other place to go

So just stare into my eyes and let me heal you

While the dangers pass us by

Moving through the universe that cannot be surpassed

Ignored

But we can arrive together

As long as you focus on me

And I focus on you

Our energies will combine and make us survive

Together

Within this world

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Within me

Feeling the vibration move within me

Trembling from within

Until the my bones splitter

Break

Collapsing me from within

I gasp and cry out

As the pain radiates through me

Escaping me

As my flesh becomes a sleeve for bones

My blood seeping from the puncture wounds

Caused from those shattered bones

As I crumple to the floor

I am not me

I am not you

I am part of the energy

That surrounds this earth

The nature proclaiming my being

Myself

The parts of me I never knew

And always leaned towards for comfort

But now I am neither

I am all and nothing as my energy is captured

And swallowed by this earth

By with life

That was never meant for me

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⅔ the middle 3 stories of this book are realistic, scary and odd. These stories have a different vibe than the first. More heart retching and unknown.

Lines like: “I stare at the player. I don’t remember this conversation. Not even the outline of it. The tape keeps running. And I don’t press stop.”

“You don’t get comfort. You get out”

“If I don’t do it,” I say, keeping my voice low and steady, “someone worse will.”

These 3 sections really stay with the reader and make them sit back and think of the intentions; the reality and the possibility of the relatability around us.

The slow realization that this is not normal or is this really happening sets in and makes you want to go back and read them again to make sure you didn’t miss anything. Wanting to understand what truly is behind that moment.

Let's keep reading….

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BY

⅓ update:

The first 3 stories of this book are creepy and unnerving. The little thought of is that normal, am I hearing things, was this here before? Goes through your mind and keeps your mind turning even hours after you've set the book down.

I am hooked and already further than I'm supposed to be.

Each story covers a different theme and gives off its own feeling of chills. You honestly have to take an hour or two between the chapters, or otherwise the chapters blur and you dive a little too deep, then shadows in the halls are not just random stationary objects anymore.

This is a true psychological horror. Not just just a jump scare or a too good to be true. All possibilities are real so far… keep your wits about you.

More to come….

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I swallow hard for a moment. As our eyes meet once you're a yard from me. But I can't speak or move to introduce myself or even to gesture that I am more than just a human. Your eyes meet mine but then flicker away as if I am just another fly sticking to the paper to your ceiling. Nothing more, nothing less. How has this happened, how had we gone from everything to nothing….

My eyes open seeing the room around me. White. Cold. Solid. I breathe slowly as I get my bearings back. Not a dream, not reality, a moment the beings in my head create to confuse my reality. To make me believe what is reality is not correct, not believable. But who am I to decide which is right or wrong?

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“No…. Why would you-” start but she interrupts me

“Because you never give me your feelings.” Her voice softens as her chin tilts down. Her shoulder softens and suddenly she is small again.

“I… I don’t know how too. I’ve tried.. God I’ve tried to share and give you something but every time I step into it, my legs give out and my words are taken away.” I try to explain, being truthful, versus trying to be fancy as always.

“I need more, I can't handle the silence, the lack of expression. If you can't tell me… I don’t think this can continue…” Her eyes meet mind again, seeing my face drop, my jaw slacken. Her expression is hurt, pained, but no tears. She must be holding them back, she red, I knew she cared. So why is there no tears.

“I can try to be better… I have tried, but this time I can-” I try to convince her.

“No more chances. I am done. You are done here. Please just go.” The room got darker, as if she controlled the sun going behind the clouds. That was filtering through the kitchen window. I didn’t feel like I could even try, that I could even say anything to change her mind in this moment. So I didn’ t, I turned and walked out the door, keys in hand that were by the door and off I left. Hoping I can change her mind at a different time… but she could be right.

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I can't stop the walls from collapsing

The world around me continues to turn

And I just stand here

Clenching at my heart and ears

Trying to grasp something that is real

The world is not real

The world cannot be this cruel

This cruel to take you from me

Even if there was signs

There was notice

And care

But my world has not slowed down

Had not taken a full breathe

As my chest tightens and my fists shake

This isn't fair

Life never is

But I need a moment to breathe

To comprehend your loss

Your lack there of

A moment in time

To exhale the pain and trauma

That this loss has left

Because it doesn’t feel real

Nothing has changed other than your silence

So why do my lungs not expand

Why does my mind not stop searching for you

Listening for you

Checking for you

When will the earth let me take a full breath

To finally accept the loss of you?

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When the sky is clear

Like being free and open

For the first time in years

Like fresh air in my lungs

After smoke had been consumed

I cannot get enough of you

Everyday is something new

My heart beats faster

Harder

As my adoration grows

I need to be with you

Need to feel you in my soul

Need to understand you

In every way possible

I cannot move without you

Without knowing you are with me

Supporting me

Feeding me

Because my soul

Has finally witnessed

What it means

To no longer be thirsty

To be hungry

To be depraved in this world

I have become addicted

From what you have provided

In the most simplest form

Covering my skin in water

When I needed it the most

Giving me the sun

When I've been cold for so long

You have witnessed my bad

My faults

And flaws

The flags that fly red

As I try to heal my own soul

But instead of running

Or turning your back

You provide the support

I need to heal better

Heal easier

Soothing the cracks of time

That have never found a way

To fully close

From the pain of my past

You fill those cracks

So instead of mending them

I can build a support on top of them

Making a path over them

Showing me I cannot go back

To who I was

Who I was never meant to stay as

But who I can become

Because you've provided

All my soul ever needed

You provided you.

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I am hiding from you

From the world

And from the dangers

The dangers that lurk at night

But also in the light

The ones who seek

With no care

No empathy

To just gain whatever they can

So I am hiding

Losing some friends along the way

Being too cautious

Too scared

But I rather be safe

Than be known

Make other happy

Without showing my face

Or giving my soul away

I still stay here

Behind my wall

The wall I'vebuilt for years

And learned to make it stronger

Wiser

Known I am not to mess with

Because I will protect myself and others

As I continue to move down this journey

Slowly but securely

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“When they can. It isn't forever, just for now. Wait my dear.” I feel you relax more into me, knowing I am right but not able to make the feelings of lost go away fully. I stare out into the horizon as the tide rises along the cliff below our feet as we gaze out to sea. The sun not quite ready to dip yet. Time almost slows down if it wasn't for the constant breath of the sea and the movement of the clouds on their journey, never to find a destination. Until I feel you turn in my arms. I look deep into your eyes, sad and soft. You lean up and peck my cheek, hand on my jaw, then walk away leaving me on the cliff side.

I don't turn to watch, or follow knowing you want your peace, you want to be alone with the thoughts of the ones who haven't come back. I hope they will, but there is no way of knowing. No way to tell or communicate our worry. It is not our choice and it is not our lives, they must decide for themselves…it was time.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes just feeling the sun's rays wrap around me like a warm hug for a moment and the breeze tickles my hair that dances along my neck. “I am here, I will always be here waiting.” I whisper to the universe. Hoping my words are carried away to the ears who need to know they are never alone, no matter how far away they are.

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1 second

Is what it takes to understand a thought. A moment in time that wraps around you to help you see the world or yourself. A thought so simple, so beautiful or harmful you’ll struggle to put it down. But it is there and it is seen, just like you are. Surrounded by the time that we have conjured and concurred to be more.

2 minutes

Is the time to sit with a thought as it confuses. Just starting to be something, as it slowly seeps into our skin, into our knowledge as we comprehend what those words mean and what our lives could be, or what is. It doesn't seem long, but it is long enough to start something, start a link, a stream to what is meant to come or meant to leave behind.

3 hours

Is how long we sit there and decide if all these thoughts are needed or toxic. Real or intrusive. As we check the clock and realize that it is late and sleep deserted us long before this moment, that we cannot dig away from now. We must continue to find what is our next move, our next moment in time, curious if these thoughts need to be followed or demolished.

4 days

Later and those thoughts are still hindering our days and our minds. This must be a harmful thought not a good thought, why would it still be running through my mind if it was good, if it was needed… I need to breathe and see what is right in front of me versus these thoughts that run through our minds… but we all have them.. what is coming… what is behind us… behind me…I take the step forward to move away, but the thoughts of time are clinging to my skin, and my breath as I cannot move forward. They are keeping me in place, stuck like tar on a hot day. The sun keeps moving but I am rooted.

5 weeks

And I have finally started to break and see what these thoughts are meant to be, meant to take hold of, not be pushed, not be broken, but to be part of. There is a reason they filter through my mind not to destroy me like I thought but to help, to make me realize what was around me. The thoughts are not toxic, no it is the world around me, it is the world I have been trained to be a part of. Looking at the clock that sits on my wrist, in my phone, on the dash of my car, on my nightstand and on my computer. The world around me functions off of four possible numbers that mean nothing.

6 years

Nothing has changed after those thoughts, because in the end how do you live a life that the world around you functions on. How do you know to live on the edge of a world that needs structure, needs a society that moves together. Any building block can move away but too many make it crumble and fall. The difference of that life does not compute with the world I have tried to look into and see and feel. The nature that is around me is beautiful and meaningful, as time does not matter to a plant, to a bug, to the wild but it matters to our humanity.

Time is nothing but a concept where we have made it matter. That we have made it run and live. We think we are lucky to be living another day, breathing for another moment, but aren’t we also counting our days, counting our moments with the ones we love until there is no more for us. For our lives that end. One day, one moment, one time. It is not forever, but I don’t want to be counting, I don’t want to be living, thinking this could be the last, even if it is the first…

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Your success is yours.

But who ever said we couldn’t both we happy, we both couldn’t stand on the side lines and cheer the other on? No matter where we are on our own path, know that I would never doubt you or be against you. The same goes for me I hope…

Most look at each other as competition, no matter the topic. You could be a bird and I could be a fish and we would still look at each other and judge the other for not being able to do the same as us. Why do we all believe that we need to be the same and life needs to be fair? That isn't how the world works and it isn't how we should live. I can swim and you can fly. We are both covering miles just in different directions. We are both still advancing within our lives and within ourselves. It just looks different. So why are we so compared? Taught to care that we cannot do what others can.

Look at me and see me for me. Not the you, you want me to to express and display. I am not you. I am me. Someone completely different, no matter the DNA, no matter the circumstances, no matter the circles we have gone in to follow similar paths.

We are not the same.

Thank goodness. Because the world would be so much less, so little, so boring and dull if all of us were the same. Just know you're not alone in this journey we call life. There is always someone who understands and sees you for you.

Even if we aren't the same.

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With recognition

That I am human too

Not a child

Not a creature from the forest

Who has been out of society

Away from education

And no way to think for myself

I know who I am

And I know who you are

Have for years

But you still approach as if a hi is not deserved

Not physically or emotionally

I'm not for society norms

But I do have morals

And judgements on who deserves to not be judged

From the moment I hear your voice

From the moment my eyes flick across your skin

Or the moment I feel your finger tips

Or even your presence

I know you deserve more

So why don't I

Why do you see me completely different

Than you see the rest of the world

I am nothing in your life

Not related

Barely knowing each other

Even with the try

I am here

And I will always have a hand out stretched

But don't bite me as if I am some feral beast

Waiting to be unleashed at the smallest glance

I am here and I am me

How dare you not see me as anything less.

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“Do you have too? I was up late reading.” I grumbled as I tuck the covers over my head, hearing his foot steps move through our room and the curtains pulled aside.

“I do and it was your choice to stay up and read. I offered twice to carry you to bed.”

“I do have legs, I can get places on my own.” I felt the covers being snatched from me, leaving my body exposed to the small chill in the room and the bright sun. “Ahhh it burns!” I cry out like a child. I can hear his chuckle right before I feel his strong arms side under my body and lift me up like a small child. I open my eyes and look into his.

“Yes, but you know I enjoy having you in my arms and taking care of you. Especially on such an important day.” He nuzzles his nose against mine, with a quiet, gentle growl. I giggle and lean into his embrace.

“I'll still only want to be surrounded by my books. You're the only one who thinks it's an important day-”

“Ah- and I aways will.” He cuts me off and starts to move into the hallway. “No matter if I have to convince you every year. Just by spending time with you and letting you enjoy your day the way you want.” He plops us down on our cozy couch, my favorite blanket and 2 cups of hot coffee near by, plus my current read open. “Read to me love.” I smile and snuggle in and begin where I left from the night before. The perfect start to a day I usually regret.

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The time has come

And I am tired

I am tired

In so many ways

For finally releasing a part of me

A part of myself very few ever see

Ever knew

Or believed in

But this is the place

The place the side of me grew

And defined

Polished and eventually finished

Looking into my own eyes

I don’t recognize the person in the mirror

The person who've I've been dreaming of

Except they are different

They are healed

And ruined

Broken

And mended

Who is this person

Ive been striving to be

Who is this person I have spent years on

It's time to find out

Time to dig deep

And take notes

As I settle into this new self

The self I have wanted to publish to the world

Hopefully I can live up to my own mind

My own hopes and dreams

As this new journey begins

And what if I don'tlike her

Like myself

Can I change so easily

Or will it take years again

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My feelings grow

My understanding guide me

As I slide down this hill

The hill of tall grass

That covers my soul

As it is torn apart in such a beautiful way

I want to climb back up

Want to be who I was before

That won't change the past

Just make me relive it again

Versus

Continuing to climb the next hill instead

People always picture climbing the same hill

Over and over

Nut what if that hill is not the one your meant to climb

It's hard to climb because your forcing your journey

Change is inevitable

With ourselves

With each other

And the world around

So watch me change as I find my path

As I climb and slide down those hills

Because eventually I will find me

Just as you will find you

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“When will I be able to help you?” I ask as I watch your fingers continue to stir the mixing bowl.

“Dont worry I have it handled.” You say gently then turn your head back to focus your attention on the recipe. I drop my eyes, and sigh but then see a whisk full of batter. I smile and take it from your hand and lick it happily, while sitting at the table watching you, cook for us like always.

I sigh as I hear the banging in the other room. I run in my sock feet along the hard wood floor. I slide into the room to see you with a hammer in one hand and a nail in the other. Slowly positioning it properly before swinging. I wait patiently until the nail is in before speaking, knowing if I don’t you'll hit your thumb like last time. “Ah… can I help?” I ask softly.

You flinch slightly and turn to look over, a smile on your face. “I've got it sweetie, go back to your books.” You blow me a kiss by just puckering your lips. I sigh and go back to my corner of the kitchen and read silently.

Your hand in mine, warmth and love spreading through me as we stroll the park. “Do you want to get coffee?” You ask softly.

“Why can't I ever do anything or help you?” I finally ask. Thinking I'm more of a nuisance to you than a partner.

You chuckle softly. “You can help, but wouldn't you rather enjoy your free time? I know how much you like your book time and fantasy worlds. The amount of books you collect is getting so large.”

“Maybe I just want to spend time with you…” I say softly looking away.

“Oh… I didn't realize you felt I was pushing you away when I said that I was fine. I'm sorry. It was never my intention. I just like taking care of you and our home. Making it so you never have to think or worry about anything…” You say as you stop and look down into my eyes, taking my other hand in yours too. You thumbs caressing the back of my knuckles. “You basically grew up fighting and surviving on your own. I figured you deserved better and could finally relax and do what you enjoy and love.” You sigh heavily.

“I didn't realize that was why you did this, did our routine, and did everything for me. I thought you thought I was in the way or useless…” My voice softens at the end.

“Never useless, too useful. If I don't provide, you won't need me, beautiful. You're too smart and capable on your own. I need you to have a reason to keep me around.” You say as you lift my chin with one of your hands together, making me look up into your eyes.

“I will always need you and I have enjoyed not thinking or worrying about anything. It's odd getting used to…being able to rely on another person for once.”

“Well I've always got you and happy to know I can always ask for your company.”

“Of course. Thank you for loving me.”

“Loving you has never been the hard part.” You kiss the back of the hand you had brought up to my chin and I smile all goofy, happier than ever.

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Will be available to all on June 21 AM Cant wait for this ? Become a paid subscriber, more amazing content will be coming soon, as my time frees up

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Little one,

Try to move with the wind when you can, letting it move you and shape you in ways others don’t understand. It’s important to go with the world sometimes, even if you do know what the motive is behind it all. Often motive is taken as bad intentions. However, that isn’t always the case. You can be motivated to do the right thing by others, by nature or by the world. Not all motives and intentions are meant to harm someone else mentally, physically or spiritually. Always think of why you are doing something, who it is for and who is affected.

Because in the end do what makes you happy, obviously, but be aware of how to get there and who might be part of your journey. Little one, I’ve mentioned before that people will be constantly coming and going in your life as you walk your path. Some for good and some have hidden motives that might make you stray from your own path. But never be afraid to understand why they do what they do, just as you do the same. Be aware of how you affect others, but also don’t get stuck. You cannot control others, or how they feel about your path.

So move with the wind that comes from the horizon, that shakes the leaves and directs the current. Because you are a part of this world as much as anyone else. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and take help when needed. Just know that your life is not meant to please others and be part of everyone else’s journey. You can move for yourself and guide your own destiny. Motivate your own goals, without always hurting others, like society will tell you.

Sincerely

_________________

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