I have ideas for more clothes-oriented posts in the works but I’ve been having a time getting one of those out this week. I’m busier than I’m used to between fashion show meetings, dating, seeing friends, and managing my food and health. When I’ve been dressed to go out I forget to take a photo, and when I’m home I don’t feel like getting dressed to shoot for my newsletter. So I thought I’d write today about something else that’s been on my mind (and it seems everyone’s) lately: weight.

To briefly go back in time I come from a family obsessed with weight and thinness. My mother was a former ballet dancer and from stories my grandmother told, worried a lot about her weight and was borderline anorexic at points. Without going into specifics, there was a general disgust around “fatness” that was constantly being exuded from my mother and maternal grandmother via comments about other women and their own bodies. They had a critical way of communicating and there was a lot of food shaming. My mother was fixated on men and being attractive to them and I think a lot of her food issues and worry about getting fat came from this impulse to be desired. I didn’t experience it when I was young, but watching my father in later years I saw how focused he was on beautiful women, always trying to get them to talk to him, choosing looks over character, and constantly rating women’s appearance. The general attitude in my childhood household was that you needed to be thin and pretty. Not surprisingly, I grew up insecure with an overwhelming feeling of self-disgust that made it hard to forge healthy connections.

It’s so long ago now I can barely remember, but I was obsessed with food and my weight for much of my teenage and young adult life. I remember my sister and I sitting in the backseat of the car when we went somewhere and a favorite pastime was to circle our wrists with the fingers of our other hand to prove how small they were, and whoever had the thinnest wrists would “win”. I used to constantly monitor my food consumption and I’d go through it in my head at the end of the day, deciding whether I’d overindulged by listing everything I’d eaten compared to the exercise I’d done, sometimes repeatedly. This was before apps and all the things we can use to track calories now.

Everything changed when I became ill with chronic fatigue syndrome in my mid-twenties. My life fell apart in so many ways that I won’t go into here, but one of the positive things that happened is I was eating a piece of cake one day, adding it up in my head against the fact I couldn’t exercise and becoming anxious, when I thought, “who cares if I get fat?” My family had basically abandoned me when I got sick, so their opinion didn’t matter anymore, and I had much worse things to worry about. After that moment of clarity I stopped monitoring what I ate. I didn’t gain weight but more importantly I stopped obsessing about what I ate in terms of getting fat. I wish all my compulsive behaviors fell away that quickly, but somehow I got lucky with that one.

Fast forward many many years where my weight would fluctuate a bit depending on whatever healing diet I was trying and digestive issues, but I weighed approximately the same. At 5’3” my weight was between 119 at the lowest to briefly 160 at the highest when I was on the GAPS diet and taking Chinese herbs which were causing weight gain.

Then came the fall of last year when I got sick with gallbladder issues and over the course of several months lost almost 35 pounds. I now weigh about the same as I did when I was sixteen: about 104. I did not want to get this thin although I’ve become so used to it that when I went from 102 to 105 I felt huge.

It’s been weird getting unintentionally thin when so many people are using peptides to lose weight. Especially because I wouldn’t take peptides unless my weight was a danger to my health, and so I don’t like representing thinness at a time when I feel it’s being abused. My reasons for being against peptides are more about my own body; having a sensitive system that gets reactive easily so I wouldn’t mess with my health for a cosmetic purpose. Other people seem to be hardier and can take that risk, although I do feel like peptides are just that: a risk. They slow down stomach motility and thicken bile, which affects the liver, gallbladder, and pancreas. After having problems with these organs I would not take the chance of messing with them unless the consequences of not taking peptides were worse than taking them, which I get that they are for many people.

I wanted to talk about the unexpected “benefits” of being thin. Other women make admiring comments about how small I am, although friends also express their concern. Men are way more into me. I didn’t even think I was heavy before but I had a harder time dating. Now that I’m slim guys hit on me all the time. I find this so weird as I think I looked more attractive from a f**kable sense before. My boobs and butt were bigger and my skin was more plump, but despite those things men prefer me so thin that I’m often below the lowest weight range for my height. (I know there’s a lot there but I don’t feel qualified to unpack it all)

Also, and here’s the one I wanted to focus on - clothes fit me so much better now. Before, being a short person who wasn’t skinny, I was usually wearing a small or medium and I rarely wore anything fitted. Partly it’s preference as I like baggy clothes but it’s also because fitted clothes didn’t fit me. If I bought something big enough to encompass my waist, the garment would be overall too big and the location of the waist and shoulders would hit wrong. Now I can wear an xsmall which is cut for an overall smaller person and the clothes fit really well. The message? If you’re short you should also be thin. Not just average but actually very skinny. I can clean up on resale sites where people are growing out of their xsmall clothes and selling them cheaply, and I’ll admit that’s fun but it’s also a little bit creepy.

As far as writing my newsletter I feel awkward. I don’t want to be advertising thin-ness. I feel uncomfortable recommending styles or items that might not look good on women my age who aren’t as thin as me. And let’s face it, a woman who is 55 and over 5’ on average should not weigh 104 pounds. We thicken over the years, hormones change and our metabolism slows down. It’s okay for us to pad out a little bit and if clothes don’t look good it’s the fault of the manufacturers who are missing a huge market of women with disposable income who don’t look like fashion models. So here I am representing something I don’t believe in, dressing for a body that I am caring for but doesn’t look the way I’d like, trying to enjoy the perks of being thin such as fitting my clothes better while not agreeing with an industry that doesn’t provide well-fitting clothes for women of all sizes. I don’t believe we should have to shrink to fit into the clothes we love.

I was going to write a post about my current style uniforms and I probably still will, but I also want to acknowledge that 135 pound me might not look as good in that uniform. It’s so easy to get dressed when you’re thinner. Clothes skim the body and don’t catch on any lumps. My waist has always been my biggest “issue” as that’s where I hold weight, and it took me getting down to the low hundreds to have a flat stomach. After not having a waist for so many years it’s a revelation and I don’t know if the fact that I enjoy it so much means I’m still very messed up around my body image. When you have a flat stomach getting dressed is undeniably easier because most clothes are made for young women with flat stomachs. You can wear tank tops tucked into pants and they lie flat. This has basically become the core of what I wear lately. Even when I gained a few pounds and it went straight to my stomach I noticed a difference. I feel like I’m towing both sides of the line, I love fashion so it’s fun to be a small enough size to wear more fitted clothes, and I’m repulsed by what that means.

The point of this post is to acknowledge this, to apologize if it’s annoying to see another thin woman talking about personal style. I would rather be my last year self, where I complained a bit about my weight but felt strong and my skin looked great. But also I dread having to hide my stomach all the time and dress strategically around it like I have for years. I plan to get fatter and I wish it would be as easy to find well-fitting clothes. I guess I just wanted to say I’m skinny but not advocating thinness, and if you ever feel triggered or annoyed by my current body and the culture that celebrates it this is a safe space to vent about it. ❤️❤️❤️

Okay, the week.

Thursday:

I mentioned last week I’m helping to style a runway show for Oakland Style Week. Maybe someday it will be as fancy as NYFW but for now it’s pretty low-key and local, which is totally fine by me. We had a meeting on Thursday and this is what I wore:

I became the impromptu fit model because I was closest to the models’ sizes (although not their heights!) and I ended up trying on a ton of clothes in the store room beside the clothing racks. Of course that morning I had grabbed an old, ripped pair of underwear because I needed to do laundry and they were the only comfortable ones left. I hesitated for a moment and then thought, “no one’s going to be looking at my underwear today.” Remember what your mother said, that you never know when someone will be seeing your underwear (did my mom really say that?) I need new underwear!!

Friday:

Another meeting and I was prepared with cuter undergarments. I forgot to take a photo of my outfit but it was basically another pair of Winslows with a t-shirt and sweater. So instead here’s one of the things I tried on - a crazy disco jumpsuit that I could barely zip up. It’s so small the other women were telling me I’m going to have to walk the runway, which both terrified and enthralled me. They were joking though. I think.

Saturday:

My friend Tara (you met her here) and I went to the mall at Corde Madera to try on clothes for her. What a different world it is over there!! Where I live in Berkeley it’s mostly families and middle aged to older people so I’m not used to seeing so many youngsters. And the way people dress is way more conventional/normcore. Many young girls mostly in tight fitting cotton camisoles and oversized jeans. I find it fascinating that you can drive twenty minutes and be in such a different culture. I love people watching so I thoroughly enjoyed it. This is what I wore:

We hit up Aritzia and LuluLemon to try to find Tara a fall jacket but they didn’t have the right sizes/styles. Then we went to Nordstrom and had better luck with shoes. I fell in love with these, they were so comfortable and cute in person, but I already spent my clothing budget for August so they didn’t come home with me.

After Corte Madera Andie and I stopped by my friends’ housewarming party, but I didn’t change my outfit. I made this drawing for her and she said “it’s going on the fridge” which made me feel like a proud fifth grader.

Sunday

I was so glad I had nothing to do on Sunday except go to red light therapy and the grocery store as three days of interaction (even though it was all super fun) made me not want to speak for the whole day. I’ve been trying to do red light a few days a week to reduce inflammation and heal the scarring on my stomach. I was running late and threw this outfit on in about three minutes. Too many disjointed colors but whatever!

The massive panini red light machine at Reboot. The top comes down so you’re sandwiched between the two sides.

Monday:

Ugh I look tired. I wore this to go to Pilates. I’m not in general a private class kind of person I like taking classes with other people, but I would never make it through a regular Pilates class right now so I’m taking private classes to try to slowly build back some stamina and deal with injuries, some from ballet and some from being immobile for several months. I go to CorpoKinetic in Oakland which specializes in rehab Pilates.

Tuesday:

My friend is visiting from DC and we spent the morning in the neighborhood walking around and visiting local spots.

Wednesday:

Another meeting for the fashion show and once again I was late because it took me so long to prepare my food, so I threw on what is fast becoming a uniform. I’m discovering I have two uniforms that make getting dressed really easy and I wore them all week. I need to write a post about that soon.

Do you guys like it better with the baseball cap or this hat?

Thursday

I went to a dating event in San Rafael and I wore this. It was at a bar and the night started off with a drunk guy hitting on me when I was returning from the bathroom, slurring his words while trying to sound important. One of the men there was married, and overall it was kind of pointless. I called Andie and said I don’t want to be here all the guys are ugly, and a woman at the table next to me overheard and was nodding her head laughing. But I did talk to a guy who was a life coach and while I’m usually not into the kind of airy positivity coaches seem to promote, he was saying that it’s good to just do things and the outcome doesn’t matter. That stuck with me as I drove home and kept me from feeling hopeless about the evening. I got dressed up and went out!

That’s it for me this week. I hope you all have a great weekend xo

I’ve used affiliate links throughout this newsletter. That means that if you buy something through one of the links I might earn a small commission. It does not mean a company sponsored any part of this newsletter, and all opinions are my own.

- John Prine

I’m the opposite of a type A personality but not in the appealing type B way, who are apparently laid back and easy going people. I’m both high strung and disorganized. I don’t always fulfill my goals as I lose interest in them long before they’re completed, so I’m proud that I wrote several weeks ago how my Substack was going to look through June and July and I actually stuck to it! And I wrote a newsletter every week!!

However, I’d said that I was going to read and discuss David Kibbe’s Power of Style in August and I’ll be flaking on that commitment. I still want to read it but I’m not in the right headspace so I’m letting August be a free for all.

August is a weird time in the Bay Area because there’s the feeling in the air of school starting, summer ending, and yet our warm season is just beginning. It’s disorienting to be looking forward to hot days but also longer nights and winter around the corner. I hate winter, even here where there’s no snow!

This summer’s end feeling has me thinking about the last few months and the things that have been sparking fashion joy.

Orange bags. Ever since I saw this Prada pouch in the best ochre-ey burnt orange color I’ve been obsessed (it’s sold out now and no I didn’t buy one). I’ve long been aware of the great accent a red bag or shoe can achieve but I never thought of its subtler, yellow-added cousin - Orange. Now I can’t stop looking at orange purses which led me to discover these Hermes bags from the twenty teens. Aren’t they delightful? I’m not suggesting anyone buy one as they’re very pricey even on resale, but they’re so fun to look at.

In direct contrast to those vibrant offerings, these are the purses I’ve been using all summer.

The Row Annie has been the summer winner as that non-color goes with everything. It’s crazy. I have yet to put on an outfit that she doesn’t work well with. The other bag is by the Japanese brand Kazumi Takigawa and I’ve had it for years. It’s so beat up I keep telling myself I should buy a proper tote but it’s the perfect size, shape, and stiffness to carry my constant supply of food around with me. Plus it weighs basically nothing.

Oversized Bermuda shorts. You all already know I’m into this look, I’ve been going on about Bermuda shorts for the last few weeks. They just go so well with everything! And I feel covered enough to stay warm even in the cool weather. They look good with a skimpy top but also with a wool sweater for fall. What’s not to love? Here’s my latest Bermuda shorts acquisition; a silk pair form Pucci I found on Poshmark:

And since summer isn’t over:

Speaking of Bermuda shorts I mentioned that I’d ordered these from Mango a couple weeks ago, and I decided to return them. The color is perfect and the fabric is nice, but they’re fitted at the waist and have a pleat in the front which makes them look more blousy and feminine, compared to my Toteme pair which are cut in a more straight masculine-inspired way and which I much prefer as I want my Bermudas to hang off my hips. I’m waiting for the other Toteme ones I want to go on sale (although sizes are disappearing kind of quickly).

Sheer and semi sheer tops. I feel like maybe these have been in style for the last few years, but I’ve really been embracing them this summer. I love how they provide a third piece to keep off the elements, but the sheer quality keeps them from being heavy and you still get to show off your cute top underneath. A sheer shirt also covers your arms if you’re self-conscious, but highlights their shape. They just seem like the perfect summer cover up - a little bit sexy, but in a careless way. Here I am carelessly sitting on a table in my favorite semi-sheer top.

The above is one of the outfits that Allison Bornstein styled for me. Here’s the flatlay since you can’t see all the details in the photo. I’m finding it so helpful to have these flatlays to refer to, especially when I’m in a hurry and don’t have time to plan an outfit - I just scroll through the photos and pick one and I’m dressed in minutes.

The sensuality of clothes. I got this skirt from Rachel Comey and found myself wanting to wear it every day, not only due to the fact it’s cute but because it’s silk and has a built in silk slip that’s so soft against my skin. I love walking in it and feeling the fabric swish against my legs. We often focus so much on how things look, but if we feel delicious in our clothes, if the way they fall and swoop is sensual and we love moving in them, isn’t that going to come across in how we hold ourselves, or the way we don’t hold on and let our body ease into the touch of fabric? My advice as summer ends is to find a piece of clothing that makes your feet ground and spirits soar and wear the heck out of that until winter swaddling is inevitable.

Silver pedicure. Not much to say about this except I had the idea to get a silver pedicure last time I was at Sol Mates and I love the way it looks. I think it’s going to be my signature color for the next few months, although I have to rest my toenails between manicures or the polish starts to mess up my nails. They need to breathe! I use this non toxic polish remover and it works really well.

In other good news I gained a pound! It took me eating like it was my job for two weeks but there we go, I’m no longer looming quite as close to a hundred. I was in FedEx the other day and the man who was helping me had swagger and he was giving me the looks, told me I had a pretty smile and I could tell he was twisting his head around to check the rear view as I walked out the door. I almost told him not to bother kinking his neck because there’s nothing back there except bones, but maybe someday handsome man, maybe someday…

Some of you asked to see Andie in their new Tibi from last week and they struck a pose for me yesterday. Looking good, Andie!!

Unsponsored Reviews. I haven’t done a review in awhile so today I’m featuring this facial spray from Tatcha. As I mention below I don’t use many face/beauty products but I have a few that I swear by. This skin mist is subtle - it gives my face a little glow without making it shiny at all and it feels light on my skin. I don’t use it every day but if I’m going on a date or to an event I’ll spritz my face before heading out the door.

And since I’m on the subject of reviews I wanted to update on a couple products I mentioned here and have since tried:

The black AFLALO shirt that I wanted because I love my green one so much was a disappointment. The fabric wasn’t soft like my green one, maybe because it’s all cotton while the green is a cotton/silk blend. I sent it back and my search for a sheer black button up continues.

I also tried the Toteme sandals that I mentioned in this newsletter and they’re cute but they ran a full size too large, so I returned those as well and didn’t try the smaller size because I decided to just stick with the old Reformation ones I have for now.

Looking ahead to fall there are some fun things coming up here at The Art of Dressing:

• I’m participating as a stylist in a runway show for Oakland Style Week, which is happening in October. Okay, that sentence sounded very calm but I am literally squealing with excitement inside. We’re designing eighteen looks and we had our first photo shoot on Tuesday to promote the event and it was soooo fun. That’s why I was sitting on a table in the picture above. I had climbed up there to move some vases so the models could pose on it and my friend started snapping pictures of me. I can’t post shoot photos yet but I will share what I can in the coming weeks. In the meantime here’s a stunning view of Oakland from the huge windows at the top of the building we were using.

• Brands have started sending me free swag! Since I barely use beauty products except for my tried and true Vintners Daughter, my friend Jess who you met here is going to be our beauty liaison, testing out new products and give us her feedback. Jess is no nonsense so I know we’re going to get straight talk about what’s good.

• Wardrobe-wise I’m currently obsessed with this look from the Gaultier fall 2026 show and decided I needed to try wearing matching shoes and tights for Autumn.

I only have red shoes and sheer socks so I went with that. The effect is a bit jarring especially paired with black but I also might love it. Maybe with grey pants instead of black, or burgundy tights and shoes? I think there’s something there I just need to get the colors/proportions right…

And with THE jacket. I think this looks better because the green is toning down the contrast a bit and balancing out the red.

That’s it for me. I can not believe I got this out by Thursday! Have a great rest of the week everyone xo

I’ve used affiliate links throughout this newsletter. That means that if you buy something through one of the links I might earn a small commission. It does not mean a company sponsored any part of this newsletter, and all opinions are my own.

If you remember from last week I decided to give my styling session to my friend Andie. It was a good decision because I wasn’t feeling great and spent too much time in the morning lying on the couch watching Love Island and then I had to rush to get all my food together since I can’t eat out, so I only had about ten minutes to get dressed. Luckily I knew what I wanted to wear but I didn’t have time to mess with my hair and it was super frizzy which I felt self-conscious about the whole time I was at McMullen. I’m sure no one cared and everyone looked frazzled after awhile from trying on clothes. My other faux pas was when Amy came over to say hi with a big smile on her face I blurted out that I’d been sick and lost a lot of weight (whyyyy?). She’s so nice but also so cool she makes me nervous.

Okay that’s all my insecurities out of the way so now we can move onto the good stuff. The clothes!

When we got there we kind of milled around awkwardly while a very nice sales associate got Andie a hot drink from the kiosk out front (it was a special kiosk just for us with McMullen + Tibi written on it). She was wearing a beautiful necklace, but did I take a photo of it? I did not. We were sort of afraid to enter the Tibi fray at the back of the store and puttered around while I looked at extremely expensive items from Gabriela Hearst (this sweater in person - wow) and Andie pulled out a bunch of things that could only be worn to a disco, while claiming they were looking for work clothes. I tried on this jacket and I must have looked good because Sherri started snapping photos of me in it.

At $2400 I decided I didn’t need the jacket and we started to push our way into the Tibi crowd, me poking Andie and telling them if they’re not aggressive they won’t get any attention.

I sat myself down on the couch and watched the comings and goings. This one woman caught my eye, she was wearing that full white and pinstripe crinkle fabric suit from the spring/summer which looked so good in person.

I was outside the dressing room later while the same lady was trying on clothes and she literally looked good in everything. I actually said that to her at one point, “how do you look good in everything?” and asked to take her photo. She had the innate style that Amy has; you can’t really put your finger on it but they just know how to wear clothes. I don’t know who you are, beautiful lady, but I hope you don’t mind me sharing a picture of you.

Then finally Andie got in the dressing room and I don’t have a single photo from that because it was a madness. I know the dressing rooms are at a premium so we wanted to be fast but while the sales people were trying to hurry us up, Keturah kept bringing more things for Andie to try on. So towards the end they would be telling us they really needed the room, and then Keturah would stick her arm in and say try this and Andie would rip off what he was wearing and pile it in my arms. I was basically the hangar/button up lady. Keturah is so nice, she was mostly the one to help us and I feel like she really got Andie’s body shape and they were a great match.

During part of the time I was waiting for Andie to try things on I wandered over to the racks and picked out this jacket I had seen on style class. They had an xsmall and it fit me so well. It’s so good you guys, I took a picture but photos don’t do it justice. I kept taking it on and off and every time I walked out of the dressing room in it someone would oooh ahh and tell me I looked great. I’ll take more pictures but it’s so cool and has such shape and movement.

So I got the jacket and that’s it but right at the end I tried on this dress in black which I never would have looked twice at online, and I fell in love with it. It’s soooo cool and elegant. It has a twenties/thirties vibe with the drop waist and the neckline is beautiful on, and the open back is such a great contrast to the demure front.

I decided not to buy it because I have a feeling it won’t be super popular and I’ll be able to get it on sale. Did I take a photo? No! But I feel like even if I had it wouldn’t do it justice because the details are subtle like the pleated neckline. The other thing I might not have noticed online but looked great on everyone was this sheer top. The same beautiful lady tried it on in the light blue and looked amazing. Also all the Tibi ladies were wearing different versions of these sandals and they looked great.

So I got the jacket and Andie got these three items:

We decided they also needed the culottes but they didn’t have them in the right size. They looked really good in person!!

Here’s a couple more random photos I took:

Andie and Amy talking. Amy’s wearing this top and it looked amazing on her of course.

Picture with Keturah she was awesome and was working hard.

That’s all I’ve got. It was super fun and extra fun to be there with a friend. Plus this was Andie’s first experience with Tibi and I have a feeling it won’t be their last.

PS in case you were wondering I did go out on a date with the young guy but then he “ended” it (dramatically) two days later when I wouldn’t let him come over and sleep with me. So I guess he was just trying to get me in bed but playing the “long game” of one date (where I bought my own drink - which was peppermint tea). This teatotaler is no one’s hook up!

I hope you all have a great week xoxo

I’ve used affiliate links throughout this newsletter. That means that if you buy something through one of the links I might earn a small commission. It does not mean a company sponsored any part of this newsletter, and all opinions are my own.

Second, my biggest fail: I didn’t record the session! I hadn’t researched how to do it beforehand and didn’t want to waste precious moments figuring out how to record a FaceTime call as it wasn’t immediately obvious. So I have to depend on my crappy memory and the photos I took.

This is what I do remember:

We started the call with me listing my style challenges:

• Needing layers due to the constantly changing weather and because of that not always being able to wear as much structure as I’d like.

• That I hate hard pants and never wear them and I have a difficult time with things around my waist, especially post-abdominal surgery.

• That I love clothes and have nowhere to go because I’m a homebody/dealing with health stuff.

Allison asked me to show her a recent outfit that I liked and I told her about my Florida Grandpa vibe and this outfit that I’d worn a couple weeks ago:

She was excited about the green shirt from Aflalo because the client before me had just bought it as well. I love this shirt. I have to say it’s way better than the sheer shirt I got from Tibi just because it flows so well while there’s a stiffness to the Tibi one. I really want this shirt in black too but I’m trying not to be greedy. I’m also obsessed with this matching set from AFLALO’s new arrivals, I love the unusual greens they’re creating as I’m a sucker for a powdery prasine (that’s a word for the color of a leek, I looked it up). And note the shoes in that link, we will come back to them later!

Allison loved the Florida Grandpa archetype and was like let’s play with that some more. And as you’ll see later she embraced Florida Grandma as well. We went way boho. I told her as someone who grew up in Woodstock during the seventies I don’t need much encouragement go full boho. And I guess I do…maybe…kinda…own a lot of boho-type clothing.

I thought we immediately jumped into styling my Bermuda shorts but I was wrong because the first photo I have is this:

I’d been meaning to ask Allison about ways to wear this jacket that I bought on poshmark awhile ago and was waiting to get back from the tailor. So I must have asked her at that point and she put together this outfit. I told her I had a lunch date the next day and her eyes lit up. Who doesn’t like dressing people for a date? Or talking about dating? Except when you’re in a toxic relationship and you can’t stop processing about it and your friends are all rolling their eyes and thinking please just leave. Not that this was me for the last two plus years. Anyway, I actually wore this to the date! I don’t think I’m into the guy but he did tell me I looked fashionable.

I had pulled out a purple skirt from Rachel Comey and Allison suggested I pair it with grey or tan, one of the “-ish” colors. I felt like wearing the skirt the next day but it was hot so I put on a grey t-shirt instead of the outfit we made, which I’ll show you all later. So this outfit is not Bornstein-approved but it’s maybe Bornstein-adjacent?

I felt so comfortable in this I wore it the next day as well, to go to a friend’s art show and then out to a singles event. It must have hit because all these men were chatting me up, but I was having a Goldilocks moment and they were too old/too young. There was a forty-two year old guy who was very handsome and told me he liked older women, and I was thinking maybe I’d go out with him until he suggested coming to my house that night. I guess it’s a rumor that us older women are easy to get into bed, but not this one. (update: he started texting and asked me out on a proper date so…should I?)

Bad photo and my hair was very messy by this point from taking things on and off, but here is the original purple skirt outfit that Allison designed.

And I thought that tank and track/cardigan situation could look good with many other things so I wore this (below) the next day. That’s one thing that was cool about working with Allison, we did kind of a mini capsule with a few different pieces I frequently wear and then it’s like I can keep playing with those ideas, adding other things in. It made me feel that I have many more options to create outfits from my closet. It’s so good getting fresh eyes on your clothes, you guys, I highly recommend it.

The conditions were finally right, and I tried the Bermuda shorts outfit. My “flatlay” below where I was just throwing things on the bed to not waste time. The Cordera knit vest was supposed to be a stand-in as I was wearing my black tank.

But I didn’t love this in action. I think because the shorts are so oversized right now I’m needing a belt with them but when I tried a belt it clashed with the necklace. Thoughts?

So I went back to the Cordera vest in the photo and I like this more!

Here’s another outfit we made when I asked her about styling a jacket from Etro. I’m going to put this quote in from Allison’s latest newsletter because it applied to the outfit I’m wearing below and later my Florida Grandma look:

“…it is worth looking at your HOWS, aka the things you have in your wardrobe that you love but don’t know how to style. The reason being, these are the things that you want to be wearing. These are the things that you are buying but maybe don’t yet have the confidence to wear.”

You can read more of her wise words here (unless it’s paywalled and then you should get a subscription because it’s all style gold):

The Allison Bornstein Newsletter

BREAKING NEWS

I have a confession to make. I have never actually done the THREE WORD METHOD…

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a month ago · 179 likes · 26 comments · Allison Bornstein

Remember last week I said that Allison gave me a great tip for shoes? You can see it in the outfit with the blue silk jacket and the one above. Can you guess what it is?

She suggested that when wearing longer pants in the summer it can work well to wear a black barely-there shoe, as in something even lighter than a flip flop. The black grounds the outfit while seeing nearly the whole foot opens and lightens the heaviness of the fabric from the pants. I put together a collection of thong style sandals which illustrate her point.

I had paid for a shopping list along with my session and at the end Allison said I’m going to give your money back for that because you literally don’t need anything. Which makes me laugh when I think about it because it might cough cough be true. I do love to shop though, what’s a need got to do with it?

Anyway my key takeaways from the session were:

• I can keep wearing nearly the same thing for days just making small tweaks and it actually makes me feel more creative. Like with the grey cardigan/tank/skirt outfit I kept thinking of ways I could play with that - swap the cardigan for a grey silk button down on a warmer day, change out the skirt for pants like I did above, play with different colors.

• Keep things simple in my outfits. I have a tendency to want to add too much when I get dressed but the outfits Allison created were very simple yet stylish and I liked embracing that subtlety.

• This is kind of like the first point but it can be good to make a mini capsule from your wardrobe and just experiment with those clothes for awhile. Especially if you have a lot of clothes - it makes it easier to get dressed and then you’re not trying to wear everything you own but just focusing on a few things that are working in that moment. I have a lot of clothes that maybe aren’t working right now, and a few things that I feel like wearing on repeat, but I have a habit of trying to make myself wear the things I don’t want to just to prove I didn’t waste money buying them. Allison helped me to enjoy wearing the few things I love.

• This is maybe the opposite of the last point, but if you have some pieces in your closet that you don’t wear but really want to, because maybe they’re a version of yourself you haven’t fully embraced yet, a stylist can really help you to hone in on those pieces and figure out how to integrate them into your daily wardrobe.

But wait, I haven’t shown you all the Florida Grandma outfit we made. I pulled out this silk Versace wrap skirt I got a few years ago on Vestiaire Collective before they started charging crazy duties. I wasn’t sure if I should keep it but she loved it and was like what if we…

Then my friend came by later that evening and when I showed her the photo of this outfit was like “no, girl, you can’t wear that”. And I watched a substack live of Allison this week talking about how she looked like a grandma by just putting on a long flowy necklace! And I was gawking at my phone screen all, “but look what you’ve done to me, Allison!!”

Just kidding I kind of love it and Allison if you’re reading this I love you. But…do I look like Mrs. Roper?

Next week I’m going to McMullen to see Amy and the Tibi people, but - plot twist - I decided to give my styling session to my trans friend who needs some new clothes while I need nothing (Apparently!) I wasn’t looking forward to going and being the center of attention, a thing I hate in general and especially lately when I’m not feeling great and can’t stop losing weight, so this way I can watch and learn and look at all the things while being in my comfort zone - under the radar. We’ll be there on Wednesday at noon if anyone wants to stalk us come meet us, and for those who are not nearby I’ll try to get photos and jot down some notes of what unfolds.

Thank you guys for reading. I haven’t been feeling my best and so this seems a bit ramble-y but I got it done and that’s what counts. Love to all of you ❤️❤️❤️

I’ve used affiliate links throughout this newsletter. That means that if you buy something through one of the links I might earn a small commission. It does not mean a company sponsored any part of this newsletter, and all opinions are my own.

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Tara

Tara is a doctor of political science living in the East Bay. In her spare time she explores her passion for ballet.

I have lived in a lot of different climates - I grew up in South Florida, so am very used to the heat and humidity, but I went to college in Chicago, so that was quite a big change. Between school and work, I’ve lived in quite a few places, and have been in California for the past several years.

I would say that layering is kind of necessary everywhere, even if it’s to a slightly lesser degree. For example, in places that have really hot summers but you still have to dress professionally (and where the air conditioning can be so intense that you’ll get cold inside immediately), you have to layer appropriately. And in the winter in a place like Chicago, it’s kind of the opposite - in college, a lot of the classrooms had really old heaters, and it would be eighty degrees inside, but minus ten degrees outside, so you definitely had to be able to layer and un-layer throughout the day.

So I wouldn’t say I had to completely re-learn how to layer, but I would say that the Bay Area is the place I’ve lived where there’s generally the most drastic swing between daytime and evening temperature, so you do have to be prepared to face a lot of things in any given day. I’ve kind of retained my east coast style - I prefer structured, tailored clothing, and I think I tend to be slightly overdressed a lot of the time.

My preference is to start with thinner layers - for example, my go-to professional outfit is a bodysuit paired with a blazer or full suit, but even in more casual settings, I like to start with a cotton tank top and then layer a sweater on top of that. It’s taken me some time to find my Bay Area style, in part because the climate here requires so much layering, but I’ve been enjoying growing my collection of lighter jackets as opposed to the winter coats I used to have to wear in Chicago and on the east coast.

Being an adult ballet dancer has made me think about layering, because ballet dancers wear so many layers. I often wear a couple layers over my leotard - either shorts and sweatpants along with a sweater, or if I’m feeling more balletic, I might go with tights, a skirt, and multiple layers of legwarmers (especially if I’m nursing an injury or something feels a little sensitive).

I do get warm while dancing (ballet looks effortless when done correctly but it’s immensely demanding) so I definitely end up peeling off the layers by the end of class!

For these photos, I didn’t style an outfit from scratch - I styled it as studio to post-ballet activity. Maybe it’s my elder millennial take on day to evening - if anyone else remembers that being a huge sell when buying clothes in the 2010s: that it could transition from day to night.

A ballet leotard looks a lot like a bodysuit, so I just paired it with a cropped sweater I’ve had since college (maybe my style already veered towards ballet before I even set foot in a studio!), skinny jeans (you can pry my skinny jeans from my cold dead millennial hands) and a comfortable sneaker that wouldn’t feel too hard on my feet after two hours of ballet class.

To make sure I’d be prepared for a cooler evening, I threw on this really incredible Zara jacket - it looks like a vest with long sleeves made out of a kind of scuba material, and I love the shape it gives me while also keeping warm. Another great addition to my jacket collection!

I also love a good trench coat, or a jacket or light coat that can be its own statement piece (I do this with winter coats too - one of my favorite winter jackets is raspberry pink). That way if you have to wear the jacket, you don’t feel like you’re covering up your perfectly coordinated outfit.

Tara wanted me to let you all know that she’s aware that writing with a lot of em dashes can look suspiciously like AI, but she still loves an em dash and all her writing is original.

Jess

Jess is a Korean surfer and musician from the Bay Area. You can check her Soundcloud out here.

In the bay area, you learn quickly to keep a pair of sweats and an extra hoodie in your trunk. You stuff a rolled pair of leggings into the bottom of your bag, or maybe a thick scarf. One of my favorite layered looks ever is a long sleeve under a t-shirt: easy Elissa Steamer cosplay and a quick ticket to tomboy euphoria.

But I would say the ultimate layering piece is the humble pareo (aka sarong). If it’s hot, lay her on the ground and take a sun nap, or throw her over your shoulders after a swim. When it inevitably cools, wrap her round you as a skirt, or even tie her into a pair of pants (iykyk). If you’re having a foggy city day in your jeans and sweater, she will become the warmth cherry-on-top as a scarf or head covering.

My typical strategy as an easily-cold person is to choose warm voluminous bottoms, like a pair of Dickies work pants, baggy jeans or a long skirt with leggings underneath, and then a sluttier top option plus all the layers. This vintage aloha shirt is Hilo Hattie’s, and the light fabric rippling open a la Fabio gives me the Slut Factor I’m looking for. I like how the breeziness contrasts with the structure of the overalls, and the lad-ishness of the shoes. Do I look like an artisan fish dealer?

I would love to just wear my pareo and bare feet all day, but layers out here are a necessity. I only own one cap and proper scarf but they work well together to add warmth while femme-ing up my fish-dealer fits. The hat is Roxy and I made the scarf, resplendent with flecks of weed and dog hair. I love this thrifted sweater because she has that 90s fuzzy halo, Clueless rich brat vibes.

Mashing up all these different elements just feels right, like I’m creating something. The best accessory, always, is fucked-up hair. If you don’t have hair, just have fucked-up energy and it should carry through.

(Jess didn’t use AI to write her prose either. AI could never.)

That’s it for today. Thank you Jess and Tara for being such wonderful, stylish guests.

Bye Bye.

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